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#le silly pun has arrived
beardedmrbean · 2 years
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wasabito · 3 years
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➽ corruption collab masterlist — hosted by @ultimate-astridwriting and @bummie ♥️
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➽ note: definitely gonna come back and edit this a bit more because threesomes are hard as fuck, no pun intended lmao happy v-day everyone!
➽ word count: 3.2k
➽ cw/tags: polyamory + body worship + threesome + praise kink + public sex + choking + handjobs/fingering + vaginal sex + squirting + established relationship
➽ pairing: akaashi x fem!reader x bokuto
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💿 1. nasty — ariana grande || 2. come on — jhene aiko
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With Valentine's Day fast approaching, it becomes rather apparent that love and romance are in the air. Storefronts are decorated in bubblegum pinks and reds. Flower shops promote their special bouquet arrangements at discounted prices. Even your favorite hole in the wall coffee shop has fallen prey to the spirit of cupid as they announce their new strawberry shortcake dessert and heart-shaped scones.
In lieu of staying home for the third night this week, your boyfriends escort you to dinner at an upscale restaurant in the city. They treat you to a five-course meal and a bottle of wine even pricier than the dinner itself. One would think, after three years of dating, you would no longer be caught unawares by their spontaneity. And yet, here they are, once again pulling the rug from underneath your four-inch heels.
Your gaze flickers from Akaashi's tranquil smile to Bokuto's wide grin.
Adjusting the napkin in your lap, you open your mouth to speak, then pause as the right words fail it come. Brain short-circuiting instead, you let out a confused, "Huh?!"
"We're taking you to Italy!" Bokuto repeats, about ready to hop out of his seat with excitement. He looks to Akaashi, "Three nights in Venice, right 'Kaashi?"
"Yes, we decided on Venice after you told us you'd always wanted to visit. Remember Koutarou's birthday last year?"
"But that was like months ago! Did you two honestly hold onto that drunk little confession this entire time?"
"Of course."
"Yup!!"
It's in moments like these when you are reminded of their history together, first as teammates playing volleyball, and eventually close friends. Not much longer after that, you'd met and fallen for Akaashi, then Bokuto, and thus began the relationship of today. While you find it a little ridiculous, it seems neither of them has any qualms about this trip.
After all, you are their lovely girlfriend. Why wouldn't they want to make your wishes come true?
Bokuto claps his hands, eyes sparkling. "Everything's already planned out, babe, so don't worry your pretty little head, okay?"
You can't argue with that. Reaching over, you take Bokuto's hand in your right and Akaashi's in your left. "Alright, since you two went to all this trouble for me, I guess I'll just sit back and enjoy it."
♥️
Venice is just as beautiful as you imagined.
It looks as if it's floating upon blue-green waters with lots of sunshine, beautiful architecture, and a vibrancy that makes it feel like the city has a life of its own. You are grateful you didn't come by yourself. There is no way you would've enjoyed it without Akaashi and Bokuto at your side.
"We're about a ten-minute walk from Piazza San Marco," Akaashi says as he taps his glasses. His sharp gaze is locked on the map in his hands, likely committing most landmarks and details to memory. "Would you like to check it out?"
"Yeah! Let's do it."
"Off we go, go, go!"
Thus, a majority of your first day in Venice is spent sightseeing.
The three of you take a gondola ride through Canale Grande, then have a peek into the Gallerie Dell'Accademia at Akaashi's insistence, though naturally, you wouldn't have come all the way to Italy and not visited at least one art museum. Afterward, the three of you go to the Le Mercerie shopping district and buy gifts for your friends before finally taking a pit stop for the most delicious gelato in the city.
The sunsets sooner than expected, casting the entire block in deep red hues. Bokuto's mood is greatly influenced by it, and the jetlag certainly doesn't help. He props himself against you, nuzzling you in a way that says he's itching for a kiss.
"Tired, Kou?"
Bokuto hums. "A little... More hungry than anything."
He leans in and pecks your lips with a sated smile. "Maybe I should eat you. I mean, how is it my girl's so damn cute? Not fair, I can't resist."
You snort at Bo's silliness but can't help shivering a little at the tiny implication of his words. He always did like to lay his head on your thighs, leaving a trail of kisses and love bites where he could.
So, the thought of him eating you out made you squeeze your thighs together.
Akaashi approaches with your frozen treats held between his long fingers; having overheard Bokuto earlier, he tucks his wallet back into his pocket.
"We'll get some dinner after we drop off these shopping bags. How does that sound?"
You eagerly take your gelato from him with a smile.
"Sounds like a plan."
Akaashi nods, standing at your other side, close enough to brush elbows though not as close as Bokuto, who was nearly hovering.
The three of you are in one of the narrow, maze-like streetways, basking in the warm, early evening glow. The sweet taste of fruit and cream on your tongue fills you with so much contentment, especially while being with your favorite people. You aren't sure if anything could top the way you currently felt, and the trip has just barely started.
Upon arriving at your temporary place of residence, a quaint little villa on the waterfront just along the shore of Punta Sabbioni Beach, Bokuto immediately kicks off his sandals, dumps the bags, and promptly falls asleep on the couch.
"It's so weird seeing Kou like this." You remark. "On any normal day, he's brimming with almost too much energy, but now he's all tired."
"Well, he did stay up an entire twelve hours on the plane. It was only a matter of time before fatigue caught up to him." Akaashi picks up Bokuto's shoes with practiced ease and places them by the others.
There is a fond smile running along the edges of his mouth as he tucks a throw around the man's larger frame. You help him adjust a spare pillow under Bo's head and then set off to explore the rest of the area.
It seemed like everything about Venice was taken straight out of a romance film, with its cobblestone paths, gothic cathedral architecture, crisp ocean waters, and authentic Italian cuisine. It is no wonder the city's known to draw hapless souls together in romance. Even you fell subject to it, and by each passing moment, you crave to be with your boyfriends.
You are standing at the balcony overlooking the beach, satisfied with your inspection of the villa when Akaashi comes to stand behind you. He holds onto the railings, caging you in his arms, and rests his chin on your shoulder.
"He was right, you know." He murmurs. "You do look good enough to eat."
Blunt as ever. Apparently, something's never change.
Though one might say that Akaashi is as he's always been after high school and college, there is no denying his boost in confidence. After all, he had landed not one but two rather attractive partners.
He kisses your cheek, then your jaw, before latching onto your neck.
The sun's scenic view on the horizon, reflecting upon the beach sands of gold and shimmering orange waves, makes for an excellent backdrop.
You turn to face Akaashi and pull him into a heated kiss. His lips convey a sense of devotion to you, and with each press of them against yours, you can feel just how bad he's yearning for more.
"Kei," you whisper. "Let's go inside."
In a moment, Akaashi whisks you off your feet quite similar to how Bokuto would, though you both don't even make it to the bedroom.
Your other partner had sat up on the sofa, hair flat on one side, scrubbing his eyelids.
"Guys, I'm freaking starving!" Bokuto groans. "Let's get some food or something."
He doesn't even notice how you and Akaashi are breathing heavy or how your clothes are sporting wrinkles that were not previously there. Regardless, Akaashi has food delivered while you went ahead to shower the day's journey away. There are still two days left. You'd get your chance with them at some point.
♥️
Sadly, the entirety of day two is spent indoors. Heavy sheets of rain continue to fall, muddying the shoreline. The three of you huddle on the sofa wrapped in blankets with subtitled movies playing in the background.
Even though you would've much rather been out exploring in the city, just sharing in your boyfriend's warmth would suffice for now. Akaashi hands you a steaming cup of something rich in both color and smell.
"What's this?"
"Just espresso." He takes the empty seat beside you.
You savor the taste while leaning against his shoulder. "Mm, nice."
Bokuto keeps his head on your lap, loving how you thread your fingers into his hair.
It is a tranquil kind of peace that soon lulls you to sleep.
Later, when you finally wake up, it's dark, and you're alone. A blanket had been tucked around your shoulders to shield you from the sudden chill. At some point, the television had been shut off along with every light in the room. You might've been a little scared if not for the voices coming from the second floor. Slowly, you creep up the winding staircase, dragging along the blanket around your shoulders.
"Hey, hey, hey!" Bokuto chuckles. "You're finally up!"
His hair is down, wet from his shower, and he holds a thin towel together around his waist. In his hand is a cellphone, and he doesn't hesitate to shove the screen into your face. "Say hi, Tetsu!"
"Hi Y/N, how's it going?"
You blink slowly, still trying to wake yourself up.
"Kuroo, hey… I'm well. How are you?"
"Great, just about to head out for a late lunch. I hear it's almost ten pm over there."
"Yeah, it's an eight-hour time difference."
You and Kuroo continue to chat while Bokuto towels off his hair and puts on clothes. Afterward, you let Bokuto resume his conversation and join Akaashi on the bed. The man had gone full editor-mode with his glasses propped up in his hair as he read through some work documents.
When you approach, he greets you with a kiss on the cheek. "You look well-rested."
"Is that your way of telling me I have drool on my cheek, Keiji?"
He cracks a tiny smile, eyes taking in your features, then he pokes your cheek with his index finger. "Perhaps."
You scrub the corners of your mouth with your sleeve and drape yourself over Akaashi, work be damned. This was supposed to be a special weekend for relaxing.
"I really wanted to go to the beach today." You pout.
Akaashi interlocks his fingers with yours. "Maybe we still can. It stopped raining a few hours ago."
"Really?!"
You hop off the bed and head for the window. He's right, the rain had long stopped, and the beach lay bare, lit by only the moonlight.
Maybe a short walk to the beach would do you some good.
♥️
The grains of sand feel cold against your feet without the sun to beat down on them, but you don't complain. The air is humid enough on its own that you forgo wearing actual clothes and instead wear a swimsuit along with Bokuto's old Fukurōdani windbreaker.
You walk along the shore, toes digging into the sand, letting the ocean waves lap at your feet to wash them clean again.
At first, it's so eerily quiet without a soul around except you, but even that doesn't last long. You hear Bokuto's voice bellow into the night as he jogs towards you in nothing but swim trunks. Behind him, Akaashi trails slowly after with a blanket in hand.
"We thought you might want some company." He says and spreads the cover on the sand several feet away from the water, content with just watching.
Bokuto grabs your hand and you go running to the water with him, but a second later, you both come sprinting back.
"It's freezing!"
"S-So co-co-cold!"
You collapse on top of him, fingers splayed across his bare chest. However, when you try to sit up, Bokuto has other plans. He keeps you pressed to his chest with both arms around your waist.
"Let me keep you warm, baby!"
You know he meant it in the most innocent way, but you can't help but think other thoughts. Your nerves fray at the image that blooms in your head and spreads like wildfire.
And as Akaashi strokes your back, you know he's probably read your mind.
It's the way your eyes seem to glitter with want that gives it away. Akaashi has always been rather observant, and so your silent cues are something he's always been privy to.
His nimble fingers curve around the nape of your neck, and he tilts his head to capture your lips in a kiss. This one is unlike the one from yesterday. There is no rush, no desire to quicken his haste; instead, he savors the taste of you like it's something to be thoroughly enjoyed.
Underneath you, Bokuto stirs, growing aroused at the sight of his two lovers' kiss. He can't decide whether he wants to join in or sit back and watch. But his large hand comes down to stroke your ass, resulting in a moan you breathe directly into Akaashi's mouth.
"You're not usually so forthcoming, Keiji," you whisper against his lips. "Eager, are we?"
Akaashi pulls away just enough to pepper your face in feathery kisses. "Can you blame me? When I have such a lovely girlfriend here."
As if confirming his words, he slips a hand under your jacket and cups your breast. The pads of his thumb brush along the seams of your bathing suit, caressing your nipple.
"Kou, let's show Y/N just how much we love her, yes?"
Bokuto didn't need to be told twice. He had been in entranced by you and Akaashi, completely taken by the way your lips danced upon one another. But now, he wanted more than anything to touch you, kiss you, hold you.
Bokuto cradles you in his lap, propping your legs open with his knees so Akaashi can kneel in front of you. It didn't take much for him to relieve you of your clothing, namely your swimming bottoms. But the second the air hits your bare cunt, you feel tense.
You aren't sure what it was, but the atmosphere is different. Both Akaashi and Bokuto are so focused on you, it feels like you're under a spotlight.
"You're so pretty, so beautiful," Bokuto says while squeezing your thighs. His warm breath tickles your ear as he presses his nose into your neck. Next, his lips follow suit. "Wanna fuck you, so bad baby. You'd like that, right?"
His words earn him a chuckle from Akaashi, who merely licks two of his fingers, wetting them and sliding into you. Your mouth parts, shaky breaths barely expelled from your lungs. You're hyper-aware of the fact that you're literally being fingered on a beach in the middle of the night, and you can't bring yourself to care. It feels good to be pampered by the two men you love.
For every moan, Akaashi gives you double for your efforts, thrusting his fingers just right, curving them in such a way that has your back arching off Bokuto, who has also taken to fondling your nipples. With every roll of his hips, you feel his cock against your ass, and it pushes you further into Akaashi's fingers.
Your impending orgasm sweeps by so close and yet so far away. All you can do is rock yourself faster.
"Please," you whimper. "W-Wanna come."
Akaashi crooks his fingers, pressing into the perfect spot that sends you hurtling over the edge. Your cunt spasms around his fingers, clenching in intervals you have no control over until his hand is coated with your wet, slick juices that keep coming the more you squirt all over him.
"She's so wet 'Kaashi. Look at our pretty girl."
Akaashi places a chaste kiss on your forehead with a smile.
"She's doing well, so far. Let's see if she can keep going."
Bokuto shimmies his shorts off enough to free his hard cock. He had been uncharacteristically patient until now, but that was soon to change as he lines himself up with your cunt, teasing you with just the tip.
Your whining is unintelligible, but both men understand you more or less.
"Give the pretty girl what she wants," Akaashi says. He strokes his own hard-on at the sight of Bokuto's pushing past your wet folds. "I know she can take more than that."
Bokuto has always been girthy, and it takes you more than a few seconds to adjust to his size, but when you finally do, it feels like heaven.
The position you're in gives Bokuto all the power to thrust into you like a ragdoll. But it's only when you make eye contact with Akaashi that you realize that it's, in fact, the other way around for him in particular. From where he sits, stroking his cock with flushed cheeks and choked moans, you see just how much control you have over him.
"Kiss me." You moan.
Akaashi doesn't let you repeat yourself. He kisses you long and hard even as you grip his throat with one hand and his hair with the other. He kisses you until his lips are red and bruised.
"Good boy. Both of y-you."
Bokuto groans loudly. "Say it again. Keep saying it!"
"Y-You're both so good. I-" your hips stutter against Akaashi's fingers that are rubbing circles into your clit. "Good, so good-"
That's all it takes to take Bokuto over the edge, blowing his load. "Perfect, so fucking perfect."
You can feel another orgasm swelling up inside your belly. You try to tell them but can't, too overcome by the feeling of your body tingling with desire. It's too much, overwhelmingly so; your vision blurs with unshed tears as Bokuto continues to pound into sopping pussy. Pleasure floods every fiber of your being until you're limp and every nerve in your body is set alight.
Bokuto slips out of you easily, a string of his semen following.
You can only look on in a drowsy haze as Bokuto leans over and kisses you and then Akaashi, working him over with a tight fist.
♥️
The following morning, you’re the first to wake, but only because there’s a limb jammed into your back and a heavy weight on your chest. It takes you a moment to realize, but it’s Bokuto’s elbow poking you and Akaashi’s head resting on you.
All three of you are a tangle of limbs in bed, but you aren’t sure how you’d gotten there.
“G’mornin’” Bokuto breathes. His lips caress the column of your neck.
“Morning.”
You shift into a more comfortable position. Though doing so presses Akaashi’s morning wood against your thigh.
“Keiji, you awake yet?”
“Mmm barely.” Akaashi looks up at you through his lashes, then smiles and nuzzles closer into your chest.
Bokuto, content with being your big spoon, reaches over to touch Akaashi, hands cupping his cheek. “It’s Valentine’s Day!”
“That’s true, should we do something special.”
Thinking about the previous night, you feel desire stirring in your gut. “Could we just... do it again?”
Both men look to each other then back at you, sporting matching smiles.
“Why not?”
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Chat Noir - MLQC Lucien x MC One Shot
MC was hard at work, despite the darkening sky outside her office window. Halloween was only a week away, but fun seemed to be the last thing on her mind. Her phone rang and she fished it out of her pocket, answering without seeing who it was, eyes still on her screen. "Hello?"
"Hello." She'd recognize that honeyed voice anywhere. "Hey, Lucien! What's up?"
"Do you have any plans for Halloween night, by chance?"
She blushed, glad he couldn't see her face. "I may have forgotten all about it..."
He chuckled, throaty and rich. "Lucky for me then. I wanted to invite you to an event at the university. How would you like to join in a murder mystery party?"
MC mulled it over for a solid two seconds. A record, when it came to his invitations. "Okay, but only if it's not too scary."
"Silly girl." She could hear the warmth and amusement in his voice. "I'll be right there with you. I'll pick you up at seven. Dress up nice, and don't forget."
One week later, a soft knock came on her door at seven exactly. Lucien was nothing if not punctual.
The door opened before him and the sight behind it took his breath away.
MC had put on a silky black dress, black high heels, and in the spirit of the holiday added kitty ears and a tail. She blushed. "Is this okay?"
His eyes sparkled as he took her arm in his. "Beautiful. Shall we?"
Soon enough, they were walking into a large entertainment room at Loveland University. Lucien glowed, delighted to have a beautiful woman- this beautiful woman, specifically - on his arm.
They mingled with his coworkers and their dates, Lucien sneaking glances at his little black cat, admiring the way the dress hugged her curves.
Soon, the game was starting. They each got a card with their role, hidden in a small envelope.
"MC." She smiled up at him. "Yes, Lucien?" He bent down and gently kissed her cheek, whispering in her ear, "For luck." Righting himself, he had to keep himself from purring with delight at the blush spreading across her cheeks.
"Are you ready?" The announcer cried from the stage into his microphone. The crowd cheered in response. "Alright. Open your envelopes!"
Lucien did so, paying no mind to the announcer's warning not to share their role and spoil the fun for others. That should go without saying.
Detective. Interesting.
He tried to peer at MC's card but she batted at his arm playfully. "No peeking!" He simply smiled at her, eyes twinkling.
"Has everyone got their cards?" The announcer's voice rang out again. The crowd murmured in assent. "Could the Detective come to the stage, please?"
Shooting MC a grin and a wink, he casually put his hands in his pockets and strolled up to the stage. He paid no mind to the whispers that followed him. He was long since used to them.
The MC introduced him as the Detective and stuck a deerstalker hat on his head, declaring into the microphone that Sherlock Holmes had arrived at the party. "Now," he added, reaching for the lights, "Let the games begin!"
He flipped the switch with a loud ku-chunk, plunging the room into darkness. "Would the person who got the Victim card please lie on the floor?" There was a rustle of cloth as someone did so. The flip was switched back on. Professor Zorn lied on the floor, unable to hide his annoyance. Lucien managed to hide his grin but only just.
"Now, Detective. It is your job to figure out who murdered the poor victim." The announcer gestured dramatically towards the crowd. "The game is afoot!"
Lucien's face slid into his normal smile as he stepped from the stage, taking note of the actions and possible tells of people throughout the ballroom as he gathered clues.
A pun played at the back of his mind as he moved towards MC, his little kitten. Le chat noir shall chat noir.
"So, miss," he said, playing the part of a detective interrogating a stranger with a playful twinkling in his eyes, "is there anything you can tell me about what happened here tonight?"
She nodded and moved closer, standing on tiptoe to whisper conspiratorially in his ear. He barely heard her over the beating of his heart. "I heard him and his wife got into a major fight yesterday. She accused him of having an affair!"
"Did she now?" He murmured thoughtfully. His thoughts were mostly focused on how much fun she seemed to be having, however. He loved seeing her eyes shining with happiness like that.
He bent down to whisper in her ear. "Thank you, miss. Feel free to come to my office later. Should you have... Anything more to say." She blushed bright red, looking down at her feet as he chuckled and walked away.
The game continued for several hours, but the time passed quickly. In the end, Lucien declared the poor Dr. Zorn had been murdered by his colleague who had attempted to frame his wife for the crime,  using their fight to make her look suspicious. He was, of course, correct.  He'd actually figured it out long ago, but hadn't wanted to spoil the game for everyone, especially his dear chat noir.
They said their goodbyes and he received his congratulations on solving the mystery before heading out into the cool October night, Lucien taking her small hand in his large one for the walk home.
"Did you have fun tonight, my little kitten?"
She beamed up at him. "I did! We should go again next year." He chuckled. "Happily. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."
They came up to their doors, but as Lucien unlocked his, she tugged at his sleeve, eyes sparkling with playfulness. "Oh, Detective Lucien..."
He quirked an eyebrow at her, a smirk forming on his face. "Yes, miss?"
"I have a mystery that needs solving," she batted her eyelashes up at him, "but I'm afraid I don't have any money..."
"Is that so?" He pushed open his door and took her hand, leading her inside.
"I'm sure I can set up a... special payment plan. Just for you."
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Episode 18 Review: Making Biscuits
{ YouTube: 1 | 2 }
{ Synopses/Recaps: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }
{ Screencaps }
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Early morning on Maljardin. Exhausted from a day of shock and disbelief at the arrivals of her mother and Reverend Dawson on the island paradise(?) of Maljardin, Holly sleeps on the couch in the château’s great hall. Quietly, a fully dressed Jean Paul descends the grand staircase and stops behind the couch to cover her with a blanket. “Hi, Dad,” she says. “I had a dream. I thought that-”
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I know that she’s probably a bit creeped out, but, honestly, I kind of envy Holly in this scene. There are days that I wish that I could wake up to see Jean Paul Desmond at my bedside. I know he has all kinds of issues and personality flaws, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find him cute and charming.
She tells him that she was dreaming about waiting for her father at home. “I know the feeling only too well,” he responds. “ Sometimes you know when memories haunt dreams, nightmares can follow.” I know that he is probably referring to nightmares about Erica’s death and/or to that freaky dream sequence with Raxl from the end of Episode 5, but still, I have to wonder if he, like Holly, lost his father at a young age. They reveal a little about Jean Paul’s father in the third and final arc of the show, but I don’t recall them discussing the specifics of his death beyond one thing that would be a spoiler to mention at this point. It would have been interesting to learn a bit about Jean Paul’s father in the Maljardin arc, but, unfortunately, we don’t.
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So gallant! <3
We cut to a scene of Dan waiting impatiently for Jean Paul at the French Leave Café while talking to Vangie. Mostly, this scene exists so that Vangie can elaborate on why Maljardin is so hard to get to. “That channel is a cross between a tide and a continual tornado,” she says. “It's full of rocks and shoals. Actually, it’s never even been properly charted.” (Except probably by one of the des Mondes.) This is the only new information we get in any of the scenes between Dan and Vangie in this episode; the rest is nearly all recap, so I’m going to skip over most of it.
We return to Maljardin, where Holly and Jean Paul are sipping coffee from some dainty little cups. Before leaving for the main island, he asks her to attend Erica’s funeral, but she is reluctant because her mother and Reverend Dawson will be there. He advises her essentially to suck it up and go--which, as she points out, sounds like something "the good padre” would say. And then this happens:
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I...don’t think that’s the generator.
Holly goes running upstairs and, just after, Jacques reveals that it was indeed he who tampered with the generator:
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Love Jacques’ sarcasm in talking about the importance of the Holly portrait and how Tim and Holly may be “finished” before it is. And yes, the good Jacques portrait is back!
Next, we get what has to be the single most painful line of dialogue that the usually witty Jacques gets on the entire show: “Dear me, it does pose a dilemma,” says he about the situation with the Holly portrait that Boring Artist Tim is painting. “Pose, portrait, dilemma. A little play on words.” He snickers, indicating that at least he thinks the line is funny. “But I assure you I'm not playing games.” As Paflad would say, “BADOOM, and indeed, TSHHH!“
After the bad pun storm is over, he tells Jean Paul to bring Dan back with him to Maljardin because “[Jacques wants] to be sure that he doesn’t work against [him].” Cut to the second Dan and Vangie scene, where they recap nearly all the most important events on the show so far. It’s not all recap, however, as we do hear Vangie’s interpretation of the King of Wands, one of the Tarot cards featured last episode:
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Vangie: “This way, a man of immense wealth and prestige and power in the world.”
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“Reverse him, and he becomes the traditional card of ill-omen, a devil himself. Jean Paul Desmond...or Jacques Eloi des Mondes.”
And now onto the scene featuring the Matt-Holly-Tim love triangle, which feels endless because I can’t stand this subplot. I’m planning on writing a post someday explaining everything that’s wrong with this subplot and exactly why it doesn’t work, but I want to wait until after I’ve reviewed at least three more episodes featuring it. Nothing important happens in this scene, but we do get these lines:
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Holly: "I wish my mother was on canvas instead of always on my back."
Be careful what you wish for, Holly. Someday you could have a portrait of Elizabeth Marshall that speaks to you constantly and manipulates you into doing things that make no sense to other characters. (Not a spoiler.)
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The best Tim line on the show, and it’s a line flub. Go figure.
After the seemingly endless Tim scene ends, we return to the main island, where Jacques possesses Jean Paul while he is meeting with Dan. (He takes Jacques’ suggestions an awful lot, and I’m not sure if it’s because he actually agrees or because Jacques is manipulating him and he finds it too hard to resist.) We start with this shot of Jacques with ever-so-mildly creepy lighting:
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Not scary, but it successfully conveys the message that Jacques has just taken control.
This scene makes up for the mediocrity of the rest of this episode. Jacques is his devilishly charming self, impersonating Jean Paul and making a fool of him by behaving far too cheerfully for a man in mourning. When Dan questions him, he insists that he’s only putting on a brave face and inwardly grieving, but Dan remains suspicious.
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I must admit that I found this Jacques line--cheesy as it is--pretty funny.
Jacques, of course, takes advantage of the opportunity to troll him. Why not? For the first eleven episodes, he stuck to aiding Jean Paul and mostly just did things that they both wanted to do, with just a few exceptions like killing Dr. Menkin and giving Alison romantic dreams about him. Since Episode 12, however, he has been regularly screwing with Jean Paul’s life, trying to undermine nearly everything he tries to do in some way unless it also benefits him. By now, Jacques is in control of Jean Paul even when he’s inside the painting and so he probably feels he can get away with anything.
Anyway, remember when Jacques fired Dan in Episode 15? Well, he’s re-hired now and invited to Maljardin. He’s also more confused than ever, particularly because Jacques (who he believes is Jean Paul) keeps making faces like this:
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BISSITS FACE!
For those of you who haven’t read my review of Episode 4 or who don’t remember it, Bissits Face™ is the name I gave to the cartoonish faux-innocent face that Jacques likes to make, where he opens his eyes extremely wide and purses his lips in a very cute way. The name comes from its resemblance to the face my cat makes when he makes biscuits, or “bissits” as I call them in baby-talk. I know the name is silly, but it is a silly face and probably not one you’d make in real life if you genuinely wanted to appear innocent--which is further evidence that Jacques thinks that he’s smarter than everyone else (and is probably right).
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If his wrists weren’t crossed, he’d look like he was getting ready to make biscuits on that table like a cat.
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Meow?
Of course, this isn’t his only bug-eyed expression, and he does keep those gorgeous blue peepers open quite a lot. I think that Colin Fox intended for Jacques to look “crazy,” which would explain all the wide-eyed expressions he has him make. Crazy eyes are, after all, pretty much standard acting technique for playing characters who are mentally disturbed to some degree. There’s an old French actor named Gérard Berner whom I’ve nicknamed “Crazy Eyes,” because, in the two miniseries I’ve seen him in (La dame de Monsoreau (1971) and Le roi qui vient du sud (1979)), he played characters with anger problems and, when said characters got enraged, he opened his eyes so wide that you would swear they were about to fall out of his head. This scene from Monsoreau is a good example, as is the one that follows it (Berner is the man with the longish hair and the silver doublet). Obviously, the intended meaning of Bissits Face™ is “I’m pretending to be innocent” and not “I’m angry,” but it’s still the same technique.
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Gérard Berner (right) as François d’Anjou in La dame de Monsoreau (1971), demonstrating the crazy eye technique in a very different context.
Anyway, after Dan leaves to get ready to sail to Maljardin, Jacques and Vangie exchange a few words. By this point, she knows for certain who he is and that he will bring death to the island.
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A rare instance of the subtitles getting Vangie’s name right.
I really like this exchange, so, as with many other exchanges that I really like, I’m going to post a full transcription:
Jacques: "Did you hear it all, Vangie?" Vangie: "Enough to make me wonder if I shouldn't contact the newspapers and let them find out the kind of man you really are."
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Jacques: "You wouldn't do that, because you're afraid of my...power."   Vangie: "In this world...or the next?" 
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Jacques: "Next world?" *laughs* "What are you talking about? You've been playing cards too much. It's dulling your senses."   Vangie: "My father is dead. I am now the Conjure Woman. My senses are greater than ever. There is evil roaming on Maljardin. It must be destroyed."
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Getting nervous, Jacques?
Jacques: "Vangie! You and your witchcraft. It will be the death of me yet.” Vangie: "I'm after the Devil."
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Yup, definitely nervous.
Jacques: "And he's after you!"
And then we have a marvelous little credits scene where Jacques sits down in the big wicker chair, looking enormously pleased with himself. He puts his feet up on the table in front of him, grins, polishes his ring, all while looking incredibly self-satisfied. I love this comment about it on YouTube: “I can imagine the director telling Colin at the end credits,'Ok Colin-Baby, now just sit there and look smug...that's it...more smug-more smug...annnnd got it!'”
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Smug.
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Smugger.
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Smuggest.
This episode is typical of Wednesday episodes on this show: light on plot and heavy on recap and character interaction that may or may not be filler. The only important things that happen in this one are (1) Jacques brings Dan with him to Maljardin and (2) Vangie reveals to Jacques that she has become the Conjure Woman and therefore a powerful opponent. But neither of these happen until the final scene, so, in all honesty, one could skip over most of this episode without missing much save for Tim’s hilarious line flub.
Coming up next: Reverend Dawson holds Erica’s funeral and Holly discusses an interesting nightmare she had about her mother.
{ <-- Previous: Episode 17   ||   Next: Episode 19 --> }
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Miraculous Mystery Skulls: Chapter Three
First Arc: a Spellcaster, a Ghost and a Mechanic walk into a bar Paris
Summary: On their honeymoon in Paris, the City of Lights, the trio of Vivi, Lewis and Arthur encounter more than sightseeing… in the form of monsters, supervillains and a pair of teen superheroes. Sometimes, miraculous things can happen, when you least expect it.
(A Mystery Skulls/Miraculous Ladybug crossover event)
A/N: This all started with this fic by @phantoms-lair and the silly idea of them running into Chat Noir and Ladybug while there. It grew…
It’s a tale of heroes, miraculous, found family and more (with a healthy dose of puns). Co-created and written with assistance from @phantoms-lair, so she deserves some of the credit and a lot of the blame! :P
Back to Chapter Two
Chapter Three. The Grand Master
This time Vivi woke Arthur early. The sun was just barely over the horizon and he groaned at her, pulling a pillow over his head. "It's too early. Wake me at a decent hour."
"Much as I'm enjoying the view," A fingertip trailed up the bare leg sticking out from under the rumpled sheets, eliciting a shiver that ran all the way up his back. "I want to get a move on. We're getting some breakfast at that lovely bakery—”
"And double checking my observations." Lewis chuckled.
"Shoosh you. And then we're doing a little more snooping before we go sightseeing. I plan on making short work of finding this butthead of a supervillain."
They were out on the waking streets about twenty minutes later, Arthur grumbling along beside them. They were nearly to the bakery when a girl handing out cologne samples attached to flyers accosted them, handing a flyer to Arthur and Lewis. "Try the newest fragrance from Le Parfum Agreste, 'Free Spirit'!"
Lewis smiled politely at her and tucked the sample flyer into his pocket. Arthur scowled at both the girl and the flyer impartially. Vivi was snickering at him when he paused, expression grim. "Hey, Vi? Still got that sharpie on you that you bought last night?"
She handed it over with a curious look and watched as he scribbled on the flyer. "I wasn't sure last night, when you said you knew who they were, but yeah..." He turned the flyer around for their inspection. "Now I am."  On the young blonde model he had drawn a black mask and a pair of pointed cat ears.
Vivi pursed her lips. "Mind you, I was bluffing a little, because that so-called 'master' was getting on my nerves, but I had a pretty good idea. You just confirmed it. How has anyone here not noticed?"
"People see what they expect to see, love. They don't see a teen model in a superhero. Or a baker's daughter." Lewis answered frankly.
Arthur frowned and stuffed the flyer in his pocket.
They arrived at the bakery shortly after. While Arthur and Vivi picked out pastries, Lewis scoped out everything else. When Sabine Cheng called up the stairs, "Marinette, you'll be late for your field trip!" and a flustered girl stumbled down the steps to give her mother a hasty hug, it was clear to see she was exactly who Lewis had said she was.
It was even more noticeable when she tripped over her own feet upon spotting them. Her blue eyes were wide and shocked.
Lewis picked up the sketchbook she had dropped and handed it back with a smile. "Don't forget this."
It took her two tries to get out a thank you, and she bolted for the door as soon as she'd managed to stutter it.
"That girl..." Sabine shook her head fondly after her daughter. "Sorry about that. Did you decide what you wanted?"
"It's fine," Lewis said with practiced ease. "Seven-four is not a height you see every day."
Sabine blinked, confused. Then her expression cleared. "Oh, you're American. Your French is so good I never would have guessed."
"Thank you. Um, how did you guess?" Lewis wondered.
"Metric system versus Imperial." Arthur answered him easily. "If you were from pretty much anywhere but America, you would have given your height as two hundred twenty-four centimeters, or two point two four meters."
Sabine smiled. "My— You both speak so fluently. If not for that, I never would have known you weren't from around here!"
Vivi chuckled. "We all speak it."
"Pretty fluidly, actually." Arthur grinned and elbowed her. She broke down in a fit of snickering while Lewis sighed.
"Ignore them, please." Lewis smiled pleasantly at Sabine. "I'll start the order and if they haven't stopped laughing by the time I'm done, they'll miss out on getting what they want."
"No fair," Vivi whined.
"Then settle down and decide what you want."
"I want to try everything!" Vivi flung her hands wide to encompass the whole bakery.
"I am not buying you some of everything, love. Get something we didn't have yesterday. We still have time to try different treats." Lewis folded his arms and tried to stare down Vivi.
“But, Lewis. One of everything—”
“Don’t make me have to tell my parents they’re no longer your favorite supplier of sweets.”
Vivi gasped, scandalized. “You wouldn’t—!”
“Try me—”
"While they argue it out, I'd love a half-dozen of your croissants and a box of the mixed macarons," Arthur smiled before turning his attention back to his squabbling spouses. "They can pay for their own. Oi, you two, there are other people who want to buy stuff!"
Vivi stuck her tongue out at Arthur. “You hush. You’re lucky I like you.”
Arthur held up his hand to display his golden wedding band. “No returns or exchanges.”
Sabine had a strange look on her face, glancing back and forth between the three of them. Rather than have her asking the question that could be seen burning in her eyes, Vivi and Lewis matched him, showing three matching wedding bands. “Yep, all of us.” Vivi chirped.
“Ahh,” Sabine flushed a little. “Forgive me. It’s not a common thing.”
“We’re used to it,” Lewis told her with a disarming grin.
After they had finally settled on the order, she began boxing up the pastries.
“Man, the posters of that kid are everywhere,” Arthur pointed out the window at a bus that prominently displayed the same young model from the flyer.
“Adrien Agreste. He’s a local celebrity,” Sabine said with a smile. “He’s in the same class as Marinette. She talks about him all the time. I honestly think she has a huge crush.”
Vivi’s grin was sly. “Oh, I think it’s possible he feels the same way.”
~~~~
Arthur wasn't sure what had driven Vivi to drag them all to a museum after breakfast, but he honestly wasn't complaining too much. Most of their research trips tended to be on the more— hazardous side, so a popular museum, crowded with tourists and school groups, was by far a less stressful choice.
Or it was up until the whole building shuddered. An alarm sounded, a polite voice declaring there was an Akuma alert underway and to please proceed calmly to the nearest exit.
"Another one?" Vivi scowled. "Does this guy seriously have nothing better to do?"
The wall next to her rumbled and collapsed. Lewis managed to scoop her aside before she was hurt. "There you are, interloper!" echoed a loud and very angry voice.
Standing on the level above them was a character that looked like he had escaped a Noh performance.. He wore a horned red and white oni mask, crowned with wild red hair and an elaborate costume. In his hands he held a long, double-bladed staff. He swung it toward them and a glow of crimson power shot out from the sweep of the blade. Lewis yanked Vivi out of the way, but another woman nearby wasn't so lucky. The scarlet power hit her and she transformed into a small, elaborate brooch, clattering to the floor.
"I am the Grand Master. I will turn you all into trinkets to keep the real treasure safe from your greedy, harmful kind!"
Glaring red eyes singled out Vivi and the Grand Master focused on her like a cat on a mouse. He swung his blade again. Three more people between Vivi and him were hit by the second sweep of scarlet and jewelry tinkled to the floor.
Vivi shook off Lewis's hand and leapt to her feet. "You got a beef with me, Grand Mal Puppet? Come and get some, just leave innocents out of it!"
Lewis dropped his human guise, towering flames licking around his skeletal form. He flung a fireball at the Grand Master, who batted it harmlessly aside."You shall not stop my wrath, specter!"
Lewis was unphased and summoned more balls of fire, lobbing them at the Grand Master, who dodged or swatted them aside. But he could not focus on Vivi, who was the obvious target of his ire. He swung the other end of his staff and this time the crimson force ripped through the wall above Lewis, showering him with bricks and debris.
There was still a school group nearby, and Arthur darted toward them, shouting back over his shoulder, "Keep the jewelry junkie busy while I get the innocents out of the way!"
"On it!" Vivi whistled at the Grand Master, still temporarily busy with Lewis. "Over here, you sad excuse for an Akuma! Hey, Lew, gimme something to work with!" Her frost-tinged bat was up and ready.
Lewis fired a fireball into the ceiling above the Grand Master. With a whoop of sirens, the sprinkler system activated. Lewis ducked under a staircase as water rained down.
"Hey, Grand Master, you need to chill out!" Vivi swung her bat and the water turned to ice in midair, a thousand deadly ice needles winging toward the masked Akuma.
Arthur ignored the tumult, herding the kids toward an exit. He had to grab a girl with a tumble of curls and shove her in front of him; she was too interested in filming the fight on her phone. "Record later! Run now!"
He grabbed a strangely familiar-looking blonde boy trying to take cover behind a display and crowded him and the girl toward the exit.
"None shall escape!" The Grand Master howled behind him.
"ARTIE!" Vivi shrieked.
Arthur gave the two another shove and braced for whatever was headed his way. He'd take the hit to shield the kids.
He saw red in the corner of his eye and Ladybug was there, swinging in to grab the one nearest her, the blonde.
Arthur leapt for the girl and wrapped himself around her just before a wave of force slammed into his back.
Whatever it was hit him like a ton of bricks and his breath escaped in a pained hiss as he curled himself tightly around the girl. They hit a glass display case that shattered around them. Wheezing, and pretty sure one of his ribs was broken, Arthur did his best to shield her from the falling glass and bits of jewelry from the case.
He vaguely hoped they hadn't been people once.
Ladybug touched down near him, her arm still around the boy she had pulled out of the way. Even through the haze of pain, Arthur recognized him as Adrien Agreste. He and Ladybug both had flushed cheeks and to judge by their expressions, it wasn’t exertion or fear. Adrien’s eyes were shining as he stared at his rescuer.
“Alya!” Ladybug reluctantly let go of Adrien and rushed over to where Arthur and the girl lay among the rubble of the display. “Are you guys okay?”
The girl, Alya, levered herself up off of Arthur. She had a cut on one cheek but was mostly unscathed. “I’m okay! This guy saved me!” She turned toward Arthur and gasped. From the look on her face, not to mention the thousand little pains he felt, Arthur could guess he didn’t look nearly as unharmed.
Ladybug gave Alya a gentle shove in the direction of Adrien. “Take Adrien and get out of the line of fire!”
Alya took off running, and Adrien followed after with one last worried glance back at Ladybug and Arthur.
With a wary look at where the Grand Master was trading blows with Lewis, staff versus fiery fists, Ladybug crouched next to Arthur. Her blush was gone and her cheeks were pale. “Thank you for saving her. Just stay still now. As soon as we defeat him, my miraculous cure should heal you.”
Grunting, Arthur pushed himself into a sitting position against the bottom of the display. “Be careful. One end of his staff turns people into jewelry and the other—” He barked a pained laugh. “Well, you can see what it does.”
She touched his metal hand. “I will, thanks. You stay still until we’ve taken care of him.”
Vivi had reached them by then and her worried gaze took in Arthur’s battered form. “Ladybug. can you get him out of here and to a hospital? Lewis and I can hold off the freak back there.”
Ladybug rose to her feet. “He’ll be okay, I promise. As soon as the Akuma is defeated, my miraculous cure will heal him and restore all the damage. We just have to stop the Akuma first.”
Vivi looked torn. Arthur waved his hand at her. “Go on, Vi. I’ll be fine. Help her take out the Grand Master guy, okay?”
Vivi crouched to drop a kiss on his temple. “Stay safe. I don’t need two ghost husbands.”
"Hey, don't you know it's bad form to cause a catastrophe in a museum?"
Ladybug looked up in relief. "There you are, kitty! Thought you weren't coming!"
"I'd never miss a chance to see you, Milady." Chat performed a neat bow where he was balanced on a railing above the fight.  "Is this a private cat-fight or can anyone join in?" So saying, he dropped off his perch to block a swing of Grand Master's bladed staff. "Ah-ah. Not a trick worthy of anyone calling themselves a master!"
Grand Master screeched in frustration and flung Chat Noir back with another vicious swing of his weapon. "Stay out of this, foolish cat. The interloper must be stopped!"
"Stop this!" Vivi rejoined the fight with a strike from her bat to the Grand Master's shoulder. Ice crystals formed on his elaborate sleeve where it struck.
Mad red eyes zeroed in on her and suddenly Chat Noir was ignored as Grand Master went after her. Vivi skipped back out of strike range.
Lewis risked the rain of the sprinklers to shield her from a second strike. The wave of force hit him and knocked him back several steps, leaving a ruin of his sleeve where the brunt of the blow had fallen. He grunted. "That actually hurt."
"Do you think I would have no skills against your ilk, spirit?" Grand Master mocked. "I am the protector of the miraculous. You cannot defeat me!"
Ladybug gasped, horrified. "M-master Fu?"
"I am Grand Master and I will protect the miraculous from you, unworthy of being near them," Grand Master hissed, turning his attention to her.
Ladybug gasped and staggered. It hurt worse than a physical blow. She'd feared it, but hearing it... Even from an Akumatized Master Fu—!
Suddenly Chat was beside her, gripping her arm nearly hard enough to hurt. "Don't listen to him, Milady. Your Kwami decided you were a worthy wielder of the Ladybug miraculous! Who would know best? Tikki or him?"
Her voice wavered. "I—” She looked up into Chat's eyes. "T-Tikki thinks I'm one of the best Ladybug's she's ever had."
"Then believe in her... And yourself, Milady. Like I believe in you."
Ladybug looked in Chat’s eyes and drew in a deep breath, holding it before exhaling. “Thanks, my kitty. I needed to hear that." Ladybug drew herself up. "Thank you for believing in me too."
"I—” Chat's voice wavered, and his smile was strangely soft. "I'll always believe in you, milady."
She smiled at him. “I know you will, kitty. Now, let’s take the Grand Master out of play.”
“At your service,” His grin was back to full wattage. “Your black knight is ready to checkmate this master.”
Vivi was back in the fight with a vengeance, whaling away at Grand Master with her frost-edged bat. Even with one arm damaged, Lewis was sticking close to her, throwing fire at Grand Master.
Ladybug swung into play, planting both her feet in Grand Master’s back, throwing him forward into a strike of the bat. “It’s got to be the staff,” she called back to Chat, vaulting backward to land on the railing above the akumatized man.
“Right!” Chat used his baton to vault to the top of a statue. “Looks like we don't rate in this fight, Milady!”
It was true. Grand Master's attention was firmly focused on Vivi and Lewis. Whatever had driven Master Fu into being Akumatized, it must have had to do with them. Ladybug was pretty certain it was because of the confrontation last night.
Ladybug went in for another attack, but the Grand Master saw her coming and hit her with a glancing blow from one end of his staff. It flung her back, and she landed in a panting crouch near where Arthur was slumped at the foot of the shattered display case.
“He's still not distracted enough for us to land a hit, Chat. Think you can help keeping him busy?”
“Always!” Chat gave her a smirk and a flippant salute, springing in to block a blow aimed at Vivi. “Don't you get it? She's way too cool for you!”
Grand Master growled and shoved him back several paces. Lewis steadied him and aimed a fireball at Grand Master's face. It blinded him but only for a moment and he lashed out with another wave of red-hued power. It forced them all to dodge.
There was a tinkle of broken glass, and Ladybug glanced over to see Arthur laboriously pushing himself more upright. “Hey, Master of nothing! Admit it. You're just a coward! Afraid to let the miraculous join the fight and too scared to own up to it! So you picked kids to cover your butt!”
Grand Master's attention snapped to Arthur.
Arthur deliberately winked at Ladybug and forced himself to his feet, shedding bits of glass and jewelry with every movement. “You know we're right, and that's how Hawkmoth got his claws into you!”
It worked too well. Grand Master howled with rage and swept Chat aside as if he weighed nothing. "You know nothing! You are unworthy! I shall protect them from you!"
He lunged toward Arthur.
Ladybug forced herself into motion and yanked Arthur away as gently as she dared. He groaned and nearly collapsed against her.
Vivi shrieked another battle cry and slammed her bat down on the back of the Akuma's head.
Arthur forced himself upright and shoved her away, leaning heavily on the wall. "Go. I can piss him off enough to give you the opening you need!" He barked a harsh, painful laugh. "Trust me. It's what I'm good at." He gave her another shove. "Hey, spineless! Man up and stop hiding behind kids!"
Grand Master howled and lunged again, though Lewis was quick to block him this time, but Arthur certainly had managed to fan his rage into a inferno.
Ladybug decided she'd best risk her "Lucky Charm!" Her miraculous dropped a round, red and black shield into her hands. “Really?”
She brought it up in time to deflect another blow of magic meant for Arthur. She wasn't sure what had done it, but now all of Grand Master's ire was focused squarely on him. It was more than enough distraction— if they could keep him from killing Arthur before they defeated him!
She glanced around, hoping for inspiration to strike. Water from the sprinklers pooled everywhere and ran down the stairs from the second level. Vivi's frost-rimed bat caught her eye and a plan started to form. Hoping Lewis could defend Arthur for a moment, she grabbed Vivi's sleeve and whispered her plan to her.
Brows creased in concern, Vivi nodded and turned her attention to the stairs. Ladybug caught Chat's eye and jerked her head toward the railing of the second floor. He caught on and vaulted up to it. She followed, shield tucked under her arm.
Vivi swung her bat and the water sheeting down the stairs turned to a solid layer of ice.
Ladybug dropped the shield at the top of the stairs, nodding at Vivi who went to help Lewis herd the Grand Master into position.
Chat had obviously deduced her plan, standing with one foot braced on the edge of the shield. “With my shield, or on it, Milady?”
“Little of both this time,” she smiled at him. He took position in the curve of the shield, and called on his Cataclysm. His clawed glove glowed with dark power.
Ladybug braced her foot on the back of the shield and pushed.
Chat surfed it down the stairs like he'd done it all his life, and used the forward momentum when it smacked into the floor to launch himself into an arc right over Grand Master's head. His hand landed on the stave of the double-bladed staff and the weapon began to disintegrate into black dust.
Grand Master staggered and went to his knees, his Akumatized form fading away and leaving a stunned Master Fu in his place.
Ladybug hurriedly caught the Akuma that fluttered away from the ruined weapon. She released it after it was purified with her usual words of farewell and hurried to scoop up the shield. Arthur looked horrible and she was desperate to help him.
“Miraculous Ladybug!” She flung the shield upwards, watching as it blossomed into the swarm of ladybugs that would fix everything. The shattered case was restored and the rest of the damage too. The ladybugs swirled around Arthur where he sagged heavily against Lewis and his wounds vanished. Lastly, Lewis's damaged arm was also healed.
Ladybug allowed herself a sigh of relief before hurrying to Master Fu's side and helping him sit up. “Master Fu!”
He looked up at her, his eyes haunted. “I could not keep him out. He knows I am the Guardian, but he could not command me to hand over the box, because I bade Wayyz to hide it before I was subsumed by his power.”
Ladybug sagged. “At least the miraculous are safe for now, but he knows where to find you now. We have to get you to a safe place.”
Master Fu struggled to his feet with her aid, accepting his restored cane from Chat and leaning heavily on it. “I feared this day might come. I have a second safe-house. It is not as comfortable as my current one, but everything can be moved there in short order.”
“We can help with that, if you're willing to let us.” Vivi stood in front of Master Fu, her bat gone, and her hand extended. She had a wary look on her face.
Master Fu regarded her, unblinking, for a long moment. Then he solemnly accepted her hand. “We have much to discuss, I believe.”
Ladybug's earrings chirped a warning. She groaned. “I have to go before I transform back. But as soon as I've fed Tikki, I'll be back. We need to get you and the box to safety, Master Fu.”
There was something old and sad in his face. “I think, perhaps you should call me Fu. I do not deserve the title of Master. Perhaps— I never did.”
((A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. I was sick as heck last weekend. Still trying to get over it, but it was a while before I had the energy to take formatting it.))
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Cold with a chance of...snow? SA left giggling after hilarious weather forecast
New Post has been published on https://funnythingshere.xyz/cold-with-a-chance-of-snow-sa-left-giggling-after-hilarious-weather-forecast/
Cold with a chance of...snow? SA left giggling after hilarious weather forecast
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South Africans have a wonderful way of finding reasons to laugh even when it seems their country is unstable and eroded by corruption. After a recent weather report predicted snow and the weather chart showed an “interesting” pattern for the expected snowfall, South Africans were left giggling like teenagers.
PAY ATTENTION: Click “See First” under the “Following” tab to see Briefly.co.za News on your News Feed!
On 23 August, the South African Weather Service announced that South Africa could expect snowfall and it led to many people blushing and giggling like kids. Wonder why a snow prediction would make people giggle?
Well, it’s more the interesting shape of the expected coverage that had people choking on their coffee.
The comments that followed were even more giggle-inducing as South Africans delivered their best puns.
The official warning was:
If you plan on travelling on Saturday night or Sunday morning in these areas, please be extremely cautious as icy roads are very dangerous. We expect that some of the mountain passes will be closed if the snow that we are expecting arrives as predicted.
There were many witty and funny responses and Briefly gathered some of the best ones, for your entertainment.
Ingrid Johnstone – Hope is growing.
Erik Aissing – Imagine how big if it wasn’t cold
Barry Luus – The storm is going to be hard to forget.
Gerhard Badenhorst – This must be the funniest snow report ever, the weather has a very cocky sense of humour… I bet we can expect an increase in female tourists this year…
READ ALSO: Juju asks Ramaphosa to not expropriate land before amending constitution
Jessica Antionette le Roux -That looks a bit willy…I mean…chilly.
Tariq September – Seems like a hard time ahead. Hope nothing bad comes out of it. Everythings gonna be wet when its over though. I hope this report is not jerking us around.
Andre Vermeulen – Ladies….if you have studied this before then you are a qualified Meatyorganologist….it cannot be disputed!
Karen Meyer van Tonder – Thankfully I’m not the only one who may be construed as having my mind in the GUTTER!
Here’s to South Africans – they seem able to always look on the bright and funny side!
Do you have a funny or silly tale to tell us? Message us on our Facebook page and we could be featuring your story.
To stay up to date with the latest news, download our news app on Google Play or iTunes today.
Watch the silly In My Feelings Drake Dance Challenge: When You Are Tired of It and head over to Briefly South Africa’s YouTube channel for more funny videos.
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Source: Briefly.co.za
Source: https://briefly.co.za/15795-cold-a-chance-snow-sa-left-giggling-hilarious-weather-forecast.html
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beardedmrbean · 2 years
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