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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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Other long little scenes for y'all. This time related to the boys' different attachment problems.

Attachment with the Moon Boys (+ Steven centric parts of a fic)

The Essay Part

Steven is insecure and emotionally dependent.

He's never had a partner before, so from the start he doesn't really know how to relationship. Soon the system realizes that Steven isn't the 'good one' with 'no issues' if it wasn't obvious enough already.

Both Marc and Steven are *very* insecure about other people's attachment and love for them. Marc keeps it in, while Steven can't keep it in. He's an open book, which means he's a ball of anxiety in a relationship.

Both Marc and Steven are unable to believe someone when they say they love them, and while Marc is mostly fatalistic about it (and self-destructive) Steven constantly needs reassurance that the person really loves him. So Steven is as self-destructive as Marc is, but in a totally different way.

And Jake? Jake can't even understand it, can't understand that someone loves him. Nobody ever said those words to him until now. So it's better to keep going without even acknowledging other people's feelings for him. That's why he's overwhelmed when someone says 'I love you' to him. When that happens, he switches to Steven or Marc - whoever is available. He just can't warp his head around it, doesn't know how to react to it.

Back to Steven.

So Steven is the kind of insecure that can get annoying fast. His emotional dependence shows its head pretty quickly after he starts dating Layla too. Layla liked Steven a lot, so she put up with it, even finding it adorable at the start of their relationship.

After some time though, the novelty was gone. And having someone who follows you like a shadow, doesn't want to do anything without you being involved, always search for your approval. Someone who has their entire world literally revolving around you, where they're at your beck and call, doing everything you want, running to help you, doing way too much for you and not thinking about themselves. Someone who always asks you hundreds of questions every time you go out (not in an accusatory way but in a 'I wanna know about everything of your life away from me' way) and thinks you're going to leave them everytime you're talking to someone else (again not in a possessive way but in a 'everyone is better than me' way). It gets pretty exhausting after awhile.

And Layla, who was used to Marc who didn't and doesn't do any of that, gets pretty tired of not having any independence when Steven is around.

Fic Part(s)

Layla still liked Steven a lot, and romantic feelings towards Steven were budding within her, but that kind of behavior was now putting a pretty heavy break on those emotions from growing any further.

She started to tell him obliquely that she needed more space, needed to breathe more. Steven being neuroatypical didn't always pick up on clues like these.

Layla usually had no difficulty being direct, she was however worried that telling Steven directly what the problems were would make him even more insecure and anxious.

If she still wanted to like him and keep their relationship however, she had no choice but to sit him down and tell him directly. She only needed to use velvet gloves to do so.

Layla : 'Steven, do you have a minute? I have a few things to tell you.'

Steven, sweating : 'hm yes'

Layla : 'Don't worry it's nothing big - well it is important but it's nothing bad or anything'

Steven nodded, his nervousness not abating.

They sat somewhere in their apartment, Layla facing him, close to him.

Layla : 'You're an amazing boyfriend. You're so dedicated and sweet and fun, I really like spending time with you.'

Steven : '...but ?'

Layla : 'I'm getting there. I only want you to really get what I'm feeling about you first, do you get that ?'

Steven : 'I...that's not...you find me annoying though, right ?'

Layla : 'This is not what I said, focus on what I said. What did I say ? No buts.'

Steven: 'That you like me ?'

Layla : 'Yes. A lot. Do you get that ?'

Steven : 'I get it but-'

Layla : 'good', she interrupted, 'I think our relationship is going well, there's ways it could go even better. Do you want know them ?'

Steven : 'I....'

Layla : 'They're things you can do, maybe some will be hard for you but I'll help you with them. It's not about who you are.'

Steven : '...Okay yes I want to know what I can do'

Layla : 'Good. Great', she squeezed his hands reassuringly, 'I'm used to...sometimes I like to do things on my own, you know? We don't have to do everything together when you're here. It's good to have some time to ourselves so the times we spend together feel even better.'

Steven : 'Of course, yes. I get that. You've told me, you've told me before you needed more space and that's what I'm doing.'

Layla : 'You're doing it ?' She tried not to sound too surprised.

Steven : 'Yes! I'm working hard on giving you more space.'

Layla : 'Oh'

Steven : 'You didn't see it ?'

Layla : 'No, no! I have!' She lied, 'It's just... maybe I could give you some tips so it'd be easier for you ?'

Steven : 'Okay'

Layla : '- like we don't always need to touch or talk, we can be in each other's company without interacting all the time. It's still good. And I don't always need help, if I do I'll ask okay ? Hey, it doesn't hurt to be selfish sometimes. I don't need to always be your priority. I won't get mad or dislike you for it.'

Steven : 'But you are my priority! I don't want it any different, and even if I wanted - your happiness is everything to me.'

Layla : 'If anyone should be your priority number 1 besides yourself- shouldn't it be Marc ?'

Steven : 'Uh, yeah he should. I mean he is, but...it's not the same, our relationship.'

Layla : 'Maybe you should treat me the same then ? You know, my happiness...I'd be happier knowing that you have other things in your life, that you put your own happiness first. Maybe it'd even help you being less anxious. You had things you loved, things you prioritized before we met right? I know you did.'

Steven : 'I did, I still do, but we have the same interests, I don't see why we couldn't do them together.'

Layla : 'We can still share our interests and do some of it together! But not all of it. Like reading, that's a pretty individual activity.'

Steven: 'Yeah....I've been interrupting your work a lot didn't I ? I'm so sorry.'

Layla gave him an half smile : 'Don't apologize, just try to not do it as much, can you do that ?'

Steven nodded : 'I can.'

Layla: 'And hey why don't you find another job in egyptology or archeology, you loved your last job didn't you ?'

Steven: 'I...I did. That's all I could get, really. I don't have any formal training in those fields, so I can't get any of the jobs I'd really love.'

Layla: 'You're passionate and you're very well read, you don't need formal training in those fields, you only need to show what you can do! I have connections remember? I'll help you find something!'

Steven : 'Really ?'

Layla : 'Yes! Of course! Let me do things for you too!'

Steven : 'Thank you!' He said emphatically. If she could find him a job in egyptology- if he could go back out there and be able to learn more, or teach, he'd be forever grateful.

Layla : 'I understand how difficult it can be to just trust what people say, what I say -'

Steven : 'I trust you !' He protested.

Layla : 'You do, but do you trust what I say about you ? What I tell you when I say how much I care about you ?'

Steven : 'I- no, I don't.' He said, eyes rounding in surprise at his own words. He'd never contemplated that idea long enough to know, and now he was facing it. She was right. He didn't believe her. 'It's not that I don't want to, it's -'

Layla: 'It's difficult to do, I know.' she said, her voice soft.

Steven : 'I don't even know why I don't !'

Why didn't he believe her, why was he so insecure? Was it only because he was inexperienced with love ? Or did their traumas not skip him as completely as they thought?

Layla : 'I don't think Marc believes me either'

Steven : 'he doesn't', he admitted. Maybe he shouldn't have said that, but it felt - appropriate, at that moment.

Layla : 'He never said it, but it's not hard to guess. Even with him, it shows. You're not as dissimilar as you think. As much as I wish I could change both your minds, as much as I am honest when I say it, I can't do much more to show you my love.'

Steven : 'I don't want you to believe that I don't appreciate everything you do for me, for us. I truly do! And I'm convinced he does too. It's just - those thoughts are hard to keep out for very long.'

Layla gave a reassuring smile : 'maybe you could help each other there ?' She paused, then said, 'Whenever I tell you a compliment or my feelings toward you, you'll have to trust me on it. You'll have to trust that if anything is wrong I'm gonna tell you, like I did today. And it's not because something needs to be fixed that I don't like or want you anymore okay ? You know I'm good at speaking my mind, it's no different here.'

Steven : 'I understand that, my feelings are another story. I didn't see it as not trusting you, it sounds like I'm - I'm not trying to disrespect you, I'm just -'

Layla: 'I know', she said softly, trying again to sound reassuring, 'that's not your intentions. I don't feel hurt by it, but I do feel - like I have to carry your feelings, if you get what I mean ?'

Steven : 'I think I do. I want to do everything you asked, I want to change. It's obvious that I - that how I've been behaving isn't making you happy...but I don't know if I'll be able to, I don't know if I can.'

Layla : 'It hasn't made me unhappy, not yet. That's why we're having this conversation, better safe than sorry right?'

Steven nodded

Layla: 'And I'm not asking you to change all that overnight, I only want you to give it your best try okay ? And I'll help. And you know, we've talked about a therapist before and...'

Steven : 'Yeah I'll, I'll get one. At least for me. I don't care what the others think about it at this point. We need a therapist. And if it's only me who uses the services, then so be it.'

Layla : 'It's gonna be beneficial I'm sure. You'll have someone to share your fears with.'

Steven : 'Even if I get help though, I'm not sure I'll be able to do everything you asked.'

Layla : 'Let's just take it one day at a time.'

**Later that day in their innerspace**

Steven told Marc about his conversation with Layla. Marc had some good advices to give, and some not-so-good ones, like :

Marc 'Do like me.'

Steven 'Repress my feelings ? I'm not able to do that !'

Marc 'No, not repress but... just don't- bring those things up with her. I got around the idea, well, I know she's gonna leave me. That's for sure. So, I try not to do anything to accelerate the process - well usually ...'

Steven : 'And talking about it would?'

Marc : 'Yeah, and...I have to - she wants me to open up more. Why I didn't before...it's not just that I'm not able to do it, it's that...that'd be something that would accelerate the process. If she...if she knew, everything that I've done, everything that I am, she'd see me for the monster I am.'

Steven : 'You're not a monster !'

Marc : 'Steven, you said it yourself'

Steven : 'I never said you were a monster !'

Marc : 'You didn't need to say the word, but you thought it didn't you? When you learned that I've...killed -'

Steven : 'I didn't know you back then, we've talked about this. And yes, you killed people, but you didn't kill any innocent, and you didn't take any pleasure in it. Is it still bad that you did those things ? Yes. But does it make you a monster ? No.'

Marc : '...'

Steven : 'She doesn't see you as a monster and she never will. Will she leave us? That I don't know, but I'm sure of one thing: she doesn't see you as a monster and neither do I.'

Marc : 'I really thought that would be it, after she learned what I did, that I let her father die, that I was responsible for -'

Steven : 'You couldn't have known he'd change his mind about killing those hostages'

Marc : 'Steven, it's Bushman, if you knew him...I knew what I was getting myself into I was just so damn stupid'

Steven : 'Marc...'

Steven closed the small distance between them and took him into his arms.

Steven, his head next to Marc's, said slowly : 'I'm going to get us a therapist'

Marc moved, as if he wanted to protest. Steven didn't give him the chance.

Steven : 'If you don't want to talk to them then don't. I don't care what you and Jake decide to do. I need it. I know you do too, but it's your choice.'

Marc : 'Okay '

**A few days later.**

It's Steven's turn to front again. He wanted to show Layla he could do it, be chill, not too clingy, not too insecure. Yes, he could do it.

Layla was still sleeping. He should keep himself busy, away from their bedroom. Yes. Why not finish one of the books he's started ?

An hour and 15 minutes later, Layla came down to the kitchen.

Layla : 'hi!'

Steven : 'Hello...Good - Good Morning!' Yes that's it, just a 'Good morning' nothing more.

He was seating in an armchair. He saw her move in the kitchen but the chair wasn't facing where she was. It's okay, he thought. He didn't have to fully see her, she was only getting breakfast. He should keep going on his reading and let her do her morning routine, yes.

For the next three hours, he felt her comings and goings in the apartment. He managed to not have more than a fifteen minute conversation with her. He would have congratulated himself if he'd been able to concentrate. He hadn't progressed in his reading at all, listening to the sounds she made in the apartment, resisting the urge to go see what she was doing, or talk to her or - she was busy. He was too. Or should be.

He felt her getting close to him.

Layla : 'How's it going ?'

Steven : 'Good, good, yes, good.' He replied, not able to hide his nervousness.

She rested her head against his.

Layla : 'What are you reading?'

Steven : 'oh it's hum Search for the Tomb of Osiris'

Layla : 'How is it ?'

Steven : 'oh it's, it's good ! Interesting yes! I - I haven't read much further than hum', he looked down at the book. The bookmark of the previous day had barely moved.

Layla took a few steps to stand in front of him, then crouched down to look at him, her brow furrowed.

Layla : 'You're sure you're OK?'

Steven : 'I- I am!'

Layla : 'So you haven't been staring at that page for an hour ?'

Steven : 'I- maybe. I promise I'm good- I'll be good, as you said it's a work in progress and I'm working on it !'

Layla : 'Okay I believe you'

She stood up and kissed his temple.

Layla : 'You're doing great.'

A small flutter of joy calmed his anxiety for a few seconds.

Layla came back in the living room half an hour later, putting a coat on.

Layla : 'I'm going out, I'll be back early evening. Will you still be there ?'

Steven jumped up. No no sit back down, sit back down.

Steven: 'Oh uh...you're going ?'

Don't say can I come with you, it's fine.

Layla : 'Yes, it's for work.'

Steven : '...cool'

She smiled fondly at him. He'd never said 'cool' before.

She asked if you'll be there when she'll be back, his thoughts reminded him. That meant 'will you still be fronting'.

Steven : 'oh and hum yes, I'll still be here tonight!'

Layla : 'Good, we could maybe watch something together when I'm back ?'

Steven : 'Yes! I mean...sure...why not?'

Her smile widened.

Layla : 'You're doing great', she said again, 'I won't be long.'

She kissed him on the cheek.

And with that, she walked to the door and left the apartment. Leaving him alone. With his thoughts.

** Around 5 PM the same day**

Layla : 'hi I'm back'

She heard a British voice respond : 'hey Layla !'

His speech was still hesitant, like he was measuring his words. He was really making a lot of efforts. She hoped it'd get easier for him with time.

She took her coat off. There was a delicious smell coming out of the kitchen. And a lingering smell of...cigarette. She swore she heard Steven's voice in the kitchen, maybe Jake had come by too while she was gone ?

Layla : 'Did Jake front today ?'

Steven : 'Oh, yes, only for a couple hours.'

So he did. She didn't know why he would have, it was Steven's day. Maybe it wasn't too important and she didn't need to ask.

She walked towards the kitchen.

Layla : 'How was your da - oh'

Steven was standing at the counter. The table was set, with what looked like a three course meal already ready to be eaten.

Steven, gesturing vaguely at what was on the table : 'I didn't do this for you, hum, I've finished my research on Osiris' tomb and I felt like cooking, for myself. Of course.'

Layla: 'And it just happened that your dinner was ready right when I came back ? And that you had enough for two ?', she said playfully.

Steven : 'Yes, a happy coincidence isn't it?' He responded with a similar tone.

Layla : 'Lucky me.'

She made her way to the refrigerator and opened it. The refrigerator was filled with Tupperware, freshly cooked food in each.

Layla : 'Wow, and what about all this ?'

Steven : 'oh, they're all for me too! It's for next week.'

Layla : 'You really felt like cooking today didn't you.'

Steven : 'I had nothing else to do so why not?' He tried for a nonchalant tone but didn't quite manage it.

Layla took one of the food containers out of the refrigerator.

Layla : 'Even this ?' She said, showing the plastic box with her favorite meal in it.

Steven : 'Of course it's for me. I've grown to like it. So don't touch.'

Layla: 'Hu-uh. So I can only take the leftovers if there's any left ?'

Steven : 'Exactly'

Layla : 'And if I were to - steal some of it ?'

Steven : 'You can try !' He said in fake defiance.

**A few weeks later**

Layla was reading quietly on the couch, legs against her chest.

Steven : 'Can I sit with you? Only for reading, of course.'

Layla looked up and gave him a beaming smile, patting the spot next to her on the couch : 'Come !'

Steven made sure to sit at the opposite end, mirroring her position, to leave a wide space between them.

They read in silence for a moment. He moved while they were both reading. His hand laid beside him on the couch without him realizing he'd put it there. He felt her hand squeeze his. He looked up in her direction. She just smiled in response. Her hand was still holding his. He could keep it there. They could hold hands while reading. He only had to get back to his book. She had. But he couldn't take his eyes away. She was so beautiful. The dim evening light coming from the nearest window made the side of her face shine, illuminating her freckles, her hair cascading on her shoulder.

Steven opened his mouth, he wanted to tell her again how much he loved her, how she was everything he could've ever asked for in a partner, how he'd do anything for her.

She turned her head towards him.

Layla : 'Yes ?'

Steven : 'I - uh - nothing.'

Layla : 'Nothing ?'

Steven : 'I've already told you this morning so I won't say it again today.'

She gave him her typical small but warm smile. Her finger caressing the top of his hand.

He needed to go back to reading.

He finally managed to turn his head back to his book.

Layla : 'I love you.'

Steven's head jerked back up.

Layla : 'I didn't say it today.' She had teasing sparkles in her eyes.

Steven : 'You are totally right.' He gave an exaggerated nod, smiling back at her.

This was a perfect evening.

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