#know fear
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Silent Hill 1-4 Content Warning Screens (1999-2004)
#silenthilledit#gamingedit#retro gaming#silent hill#silent hill 1#silent hill 3#silent hill 4#silent hill 4 the room#alessa gillespie#heather mason#walter sullivan#sh1#sh3#sh4#ps2#playstation 2#know fear
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#mindset#self love#quotes#self healing#love#know fear#i’m scared#inspiration#encouragement#words#positivity#healingjourney#recovery#healing#spilled words#spilled thoughts
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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*this isn't written in any specific order, it was just written in the order they occured to me
#polls#If you have met a newspaper editor then choose Print Journalist etc.#If you know a director choose the corresponding profession like YouTube/theatre etc#I tried to make this less gen-z oriented by putting youtube and tiktok in the same genre#YouTube and TikTok may have to include all influencers I fear
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Jan 1 2024 so is this where I can start blogging?
So. Is this where to start blogging?
I’m listening to this trying to contain my excitement for the new year. Mixture really isn’t it? I mean they say not to fear but there are certain elements on earth absolutely dead set in bringing about dread for the days ahead. Not just for yourself. For others too. But hey ho go on without fear for fear is the mind killer says Dune. Fear leads to hateful thoughts says Star Wars and further still the “dark side”. Now, is psychology taking the same acknowledgement? Don’t be afraid of the job interview. Don’t be afraid of the walk to wherever you may need to go. Fear not, or holistically you could be manifesting your own fate! Of all things! Like losing out on good artistic endeavour. As an artist I need to tackle my fears…How to deal with fear then?
Breath in. Breath out. Don’t suppress the fear. Feel the fear, exploit the fear and express the fear turn the fear into something you can see and feel something about. In doing that you can stand back and look at it and say, “I can deal with fear , with love!” Love of the work I can muster and love of the life I lead. Fear can be a concealed in the unconscious though and art can reveal the face of fear too. Then the process of love can be able to begin.
I’ve got a daughter in conflict with her mother over a son I’ve also got. Her brother is autistic and her love is being twisted out of her grasp as she deals with sibling rivalry on an unprecedented scale. Her mum does her best but she can’t help her mercurial ways, blaming my daughter for things my daughter has now power over. Her emotions. She’s an emotional human being too and the acceptance for her brother’s condition and the lack of understanding for my daughter’s condition (a growing, evolving, emotional human being) is massively hypocritical and biased in daughter’s eyes.
The fact that she is accused of premeditated and acts of a cynical nature already at nine, by her mum is one of the hardest things I’m having to comprehend at the moment and I’m sure it’s just as confusing and identity cracking for my daughter. I’m sure her mum loves her daughter but maintaining a status quo and being a single mother (we’re divorced) leads to her letting off steam at the nearest person she respects with any intelligence. And I find she’s often critical of our daughter and much stricter with her, in comparison to our son who gets all the understanding in the world. And he doesn’t have those emotions to deal with in the same way as our daughter he has much, much more to deal with.
I think our daughter is getting the brunt of criticism of neurotypical children being critical of our son. This is leading to our daughter’s own battle with fear. Fear of loss of a mother and fear of her own feelings and a suppression of those feelings. This is one of my fears for this year. That our daughter’s love, self love is contorted into fear and anger for herself. Thus suppression of the guilt that follows and the toxic shame coming from the adult in her vicinity not dealing with her own life problems and generally dumping the responsibility onto our daughter. Stunting her development rather than what mum wants so badly, for her to mature in QuickTime to help mum with all these burdens.
Our daughter’s responses are already apparent and a preemptive cynical side is already showing. Something I fear as having a domino effect on the rest of her life. And her brother will also be affected by her behaviour towards him. Don’t get me wrong , all the mum sends me is the bad news as she wishes me to have a skewed view of the children so that I bare a lot of the responsibility of the growing pains until you realise that mum is wanting to control all the love going to and coming from the children. And making sure she is getting the lion’s share everytime.
I know, I’m appearing to be moaning about my ex wife now but this is what my blog is for. For writing is the last bastion of dealing with my fears and in those fears are real life problems. Which I feel after discussing these with my Exwife, are being ignored by her as weaknesses and dismissed as she avoids facing her own fears. Of herself and her past. She talks a lot about her past but she never deals with her feelings about past trauma. No self reflection and no commitment to grow fully. We all have this about us and it depends on what level we’re willing to expand that notion of self reflection to encompass serious growth on not only ourselves but those of our loved ones.
My relationship with my parents is in a state traumatic dismissal of glaring truths about ourselves that we haven’t got the heart to face, reflect on nor deal with. You may be seeing “the father wound” phrase bandied around the latter end of 2023 and boy do we have that prevalent in our unit. Maybe just maybe I’m over analysing the problems with my own ex family unit to deflect from the problems going fast to the grave of my own childhood family?
These are my stationary fears. Never mind my further fears for the environment, the wars of the world the treatment of each other as a species and the treatment of other species as a more powerful species. All of which I hope to deal with , with love. Love you remember that feeling? Self reflection and a code of conduct can resolve issues within myself and embed a love of myself and a love for others, even my trauma makers, but not be too good and not be too bad, just be good enough, just be human… I will find equilibrium perhaps and within/surrounding that, love. And growth. As an artist as a human being and even find a way through for my children if I can.
#art blog#know fear#love#lifecoach#artlife#growth#deficiencyneeds#thefatherwound#self love#self care#SoundCloud
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The FNAF movie cupcake heard you Michael…
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#michael afton#mike schmidt#fnaf cupcake#fnaf handunit#fnaf#sister location#fnaf movie#fnaf fanart#five nights at freddy's#michael doesn’t knowww he doesn’t know#the cupcake was just a lil guy in his office#he doesn’t know the crimes movie cupcake has committed#Michael about to learn why mikes fear is justified lmao
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#cant wait to see where this goes#i hope they keep showing up in the most random places lol#need to know if anyone in the oiar has tattoos#new fear unlocked#tmagp#tmagp 11#tmagp spoilers#the magnus archives#the magnus protocol
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If a transgender person asks you to deadname and misgender them in front of certain people. Misgender them and deadname them in front of those people. It doesn't matter how icky or gross it may feel, it doesn't matter you'd rather be honest. It doesn't matter if there's more of you there. Certain people aren't safe, and honesty IS NOT the best policy when honesty could put them at serious risk. It doesn't matter if there's a crowd, because when there isn't shit goes down.
Be an ally, do what they ask. Understand that the trans person knows more about their situation than you do, and this includes who's safe and who's not. Some one can be "trans friendly" to other people, but not to people they know or specific people. Do as the trans person asks, yes it's uncomfortable, but it's 10 times worse if the person we don't trust finds out. 100 times worse if they have access to us when you're not around.
Respect trans peoples safety. Misgender and deadname when asked.
#trans#transgender#lgbt+#lgbtq+#2slgbtqia+#lgbt#transfem#transmasc#transneutral#there is a post about this on my blog but it reminded me of my own situation#my whole family knows I'm out and I didn't want them to#my entire extremely christian catholic and mormon extended family knows because I let my sister tell my parents because we weren't talking#now I live in constant damn fear I'm going to get a message forwarded from family to the point I blocked my own parents#these are dangerous people who will stop at nothing to ruin my life if they find me so I'm going to ask I get deadnamed and misgendered#in front of them#i'm going to lie that it's a joke so I can live my life in relative peace.
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Silent Hill 2 (2001)
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there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)
i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.
i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.
and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.
HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.
now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.
my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.
i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.
by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!
keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"
similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."
the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"
if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.
the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.
godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.
the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.
#this is objectively bad advice#don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this#but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries#.... it IS fun#i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him.#bc i used to get SO fucking upset#i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it#and now i just LITERALLY do not engage#instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation#i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection#they like the rush they get from arguing#but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me#so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru#NORMAL CONVERSATION#he doesn't get it yet#i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?''#'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''
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hmmm "stuck in the ghost zone" no one knows au thoughts :)
#danny phantom#everlasting trio#zilly art#danny <- looks murderous but is just panic screaming on the inside#i need more 'no one knows' aus where ghosts are inherently malevolent and danny does NOT contest that in fear someone will get hurt#PUT them in the PEAR WIGGLER
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pinned
#my art#fear and hunger fanart#fear and hunger#fear and hunger marina#fear and hunger levi#i know you cant see him but hes there#this is actually a marilevi piece. but no one knows#unless you figured it out then ☺️😘#f&h#fear and hunger termina#marilevi
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something about "your anger isn't scary to me" is making me so emotional. something about as above so below, cassandra as a mirror of kristen. something about "I've been dropping the ball a lot lately" and kristen's struggles with adhd. something about teenage girls and rage and fury and justice. something about adaine's vision of ruining fallinel and the sylvaire looking for revenge. something about sadness and doubt and anger and love. something about "I choose to understand" being the absolute core theme of d20 in general. something something.
#something about kristen's adhd making her fuck things up and being mad at herself and that manifesting#as her deity being overcome with rage#something about fear and anger and shame and the inability to do better even when you're trying so hard#and something about people loving you anyway#something about 'your anger isnt scary to me'#as someone who had undiagnosed pcos in early high school and got so fucking MAD#something about adhd and how you're always failing and you have no one to blame but yourself#and how heart breaking it is to watch your life fall apart around you KNOWING you could do something#but being unable to do it right. always forgetting always slipping up#and how mad that makes you. at yourself.#this fight is so much#fhjy#d20#dimension 20#fantasy high
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Begging swifties to understand that Taylor didn’t write reputation and Lover with the knowledge of how the relationship was going to end and that trying to “excavate” those albums for evidence to prove a specific theory as to why it ended is not how they should be viewed. Taylor wrote those songs feeling a very specific way because that’s what she was experiencing and she is now reflecting on them with hindsight and relates to them differently than when she first created them. These conflicting emotions can exist; how she views it now doesn’t diminish how she felt about it when she first released it.
#taylor swift#don’t know if I’m expressing myself as properly and as articulate as I’d like#but both of the emotions she’s feeling about the songs can coexist#like little lover can still be a love song that’s what it was for her for a while#but she can also look back and say ‘oh maybe this wasn’t the best’ but it doesn’t void what it was originally#like I keep seeing things like oh she wrote this lyric in lover about him not showing up and it’s like no that’s not right#like yes you can see her underlying anxieties and fears in those songs because she was open about them#it doesn’t mean she predicted how it would end#there was a point in time where she thought this man was the one and would write about feeling that way
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Enki S Ending: God Blocking Gambit
#fear and hunger#enki ankarian#rher#fear and hunger spoilers#He showed up in the ugliest outfit ever and still served cunt.#Everything about him is so indirectly funny to me.#He canceled his own crucifixion to make sure *he* was the blonde bitch of the non-specific prophecy!#The old gods are running a gambit of trapping humanity in a perpetual timeloop? Just say “Um. No <3”#“Humanity will always be tempted by power and will be tricked into false godhood.” Skill issue.#(Yes I know rher isn't there in the first game but I needed one of the old gods in this comic and...he is the easiest to draw.)#Part of me wants to keep going and sillify the other S endings. Much to think about.
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