lance: i'm a bit dumb
keith: yeah
keith: but ur hot
keith: and you talk good
keith: so it balances out
lance: ...i don't know whether to be insulted or not
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*sighs* I should sleep
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keith, to lance: did you know that shiro has an instagram page dedicated to his bad parking
keith: like someone actually went out every day, looking for his car just to post it on their social media
shiro: PLEASE BE QUIET
shiro: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE QUIET
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Keith: I fell—
Lance: From heaven?
Keith: No, I literally fell—
Lance: In love with me the moment you saw me?
Keith: MY ARM IS BROKEN!
Lance: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.
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Lance: *walks into a door*
Keith: he’s so stupid. I can’t believe I’m gonna kiss him
Pidge: well you don’t have to
Keith: no I’m gonna
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Transcript quotes from a VLD ghost hunting au (in the style of The Office)
(Interviews)
Hunk: Keith and Lance decided to go ghost hunting last year. Keith wanted to find ghosts, but Lance just thought Keith was hot and was willing to follow him to shady places.
Lance: any place is a makeout spot if you have enough determination.
(show)
Keith: I’m taking out the EMF reader.
Lance: HA, an Emo Mother Fucker reader.
Keith: ….
(interviews)
Keith: Sometimes I feel like Lance doesn’t take this seriously.
(show)
Lance: Do you think if I start banging these pans together a ghost will yell at me to stop? loudly hits pans together
(Interviews)
Keith: I’m starting to think he doesn’t believe.
(interviews)
Lance: Oh, yeah. I never believed in ghosts. The things you do for hot men… unspeakable.
(show)
Keith: Ms. Petunia, if you can hear me, turn the flashlight on and off.
Lance: I could turn YOU on!
Keith: Sorry, what?
Lance: Uh, I was talking to the light
(interviews)
Lance: I was not talking to the light.
(show)
Keith: it looks like the ghosts aren’t active tonight.
Lance: DARN, guess we’ll have to go for dinner and a movie! What a shame.
Keith: I guess we can. Do you want to see the new horror film that we watched the trailer for?
Lance: …sure.
(interviews)
Lance: I hate horror.
(interviews)
Keith:
He hates horror, but if he wants to get in my pants that badly, he’ll have to endure “Blood on Shore 3” first.
*Someone speaks off camera*
Keith: Yeah, I know it’s a date. I just like fucking with Lance. I’ll kiss him at the end, he’s earned it.
(Later interviews)
Lance: my subtle plan worked!
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Lance: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!
Keith: How can you still say that?
Lance: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.
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*Keith and Shiro are splitting off from the team*
*Lance catches Keith's arm*
Lance: Hey, uh, be safe
Keith:... We will
*Shiro and Keith head off*
Pidge cradling Hunk's face: Be safe...
Hunk dramatically: I'll be so safe
Lance: Will you guys stop?-
Hunk: I'll be safe... for you
Lance:.... I'm gonna kill you
Pidge, still dramatically: But how would that keep us safe?
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klance: *laying next to each other on keith's bed, making out*
kosmo: *walks in and sits on keith's legs*
klance: *stop kissing and look at him*
lance: *starts laughing*
keith: you really know how to ruin a mood, kosmo
lance: *scratches kosmo's ears* hey puppy
keith: don't give him attention, now he will never leave
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*keith & lance bickering as always*
Lance: YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID
Keith: AND SO WHAT IF I DO???
Klance: *confused homosexual yelling*
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lance: is your mouth cold?
keith: no?
lance: i could warm it up for you
keith: i said no
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Pidge and Lance reading Reddit stories:
Pidge: Wait, look at this one
Lance: Ok, ok— “My friend keeps trying to imitate the “I’m feeling romantical” meme when we meet up, and I feel very uncomfortable. What should I do?”
Pidge: Wait wait wait what’s the first reply?
*Lance scrolls to the first reply*
Hang up on your computer call, and come and kiss him on his hot mouth
OP: Noted.
*they burst into laughter*
Lance: What if it’s Keith?
Pidge: What?
Lance: Y’know, because you dared me to say that to him for a month?
Pidge: Good point. But that was half a year ago, and this post was just a week ago. So unless…
Lance: …
Pidge: Oh my fucking quiznak, how long have you been doing this?
Lance: I…haven’t stopped.
Pidge: LANCE?!
Lance: You still haven’t figured out if it’s Keith or not!
Pidge: It says here that…cryptids, other stuff, knife— ok, yeah, it’s definitely Keith.
Lance: Shit. I’m screwed.
Pidge: I thought you’d like that?
Lance: Go to hell.
*the sound of a key turning in a lock can be heard from where they are sitting, promptly scaring the shit out of them*
Pidge: I guess we have to find out. *pushes Lance to the door*
Lance: WAITWAIT NO—
*the door opens, revealing none other than Keith.*
Keith: Huh?
Lance: I’m feeling romantical—
Keith: Shit. *kisses him straight on the lips*
Lance: *pulls away* So it was you!
Keith: What?
Lance: The askReddit??? Red_The—
Keith: Oh. OH! You saw that!?
Lance: YEAH I DID?? WHY DID YOU EVEN LISTEN TO THAT PERSON’S ADVICE??
Keith: MAYBE BECAUSE I WANTED TO KISS YOU??
Pidge: What?
Lance: What??
Keith: What???
*the two stare into each other’s eyes longingly, before they crash together and make increasingly more graphic sounds as Pidge just watches in a state of pure horror*
Pidge: Why the fuck did we even get chosen to be Voltron Paladins?
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