Poll suggested by @octy-in-boots

marisha will see an experienced old dude guest character and ask is anybody going to get unfathomable amounts of character growth out of him and not wait for an answer

SO SOMEONE CALLED STYXE ( "@ The Styxe" on Twitter) TRANSLATED THE BOOK SCANLAN IS READING IN HIS DREAM SEQUENCE.

IT'S KERREK'S LETTER TO KEYLETH. The doodle at the bottom is her "Passed Through Fire" Ring!

also. i absolutely adored what lovm did with the pass through fire quote

but then it makes me emotional about the original context, so i have to share that too (minor plot spoilers ahead)

because it wasn't originally to do with the ashari at all. it was from patrick rothfuss' guest character, a blacksmith named kerrek, who helped vox machina fight against the dragon in westruun, and helped keyleth personally through some difficult stuff (he may yet appear on lovm, but given the context of the quote now i doubt we'll get all of it)

and a little after kerrek's episode, patrick rothfuss actually made a legit letter from kerrek to keyleth, with a present inside, and left it with matt until whatever point in the plot she was able to recieve it

which by coincidence was one of the hardest moments in the whole campaign for her

and this letter had marisha legit crying in the episode, because it's just. so beautiful, and so needed. and it goes:

Keyleth,

I write to let you and your companions know that the repair of Westruun is proceeding well. I will not bore you with the details. Suffice to say that our children are well-fed and safe, our elderly and infirm are cared for and comfortable. Without the help of you and yours, this would not be the case.

The folk in charge argue constantly, but that is to be expected, and it is no bad thing. They all want the same good things in different ways. I listen, mostly, and do what I can to make sure that they listen to each other. Without listening, nothing good can happen.

The town... when I say the repair is going well, it is a hard thing for me to talk about. I am not a particularly clever man, and much of this is new to me. When you make a mistake with metal, you can melt things down and start afresh. It is irritating, and it costs in time and soot and sweat, but it can be done. There is a comfort in iron, knowing that a fresh start is always possible. But a city is not a sword. It is a living thing, and living things defy simple fixing. Roots cannot be reforged. They scar, and broken branches must be cut and sealed with tar, and this makes me angry, as it always has, and my anger has no place to go.

It was easier when I was young. I could use my anger like a hammer against the world. I was so sure of myself and my friends and my rightness. I would hammer at the world, and breaking felt like making to me, and I was good at it. And while I was not wrong, neither was I entirely right. Nothing is simple.

I do not work in wood. I am not brave enough for that. There is a comfort in iron, a promise of safety, a second chance if mistakes are made. But a city is more a forest than a sword. No, it needs more tending than that.

Perhaps a city is like a garden, then. So these days, it seems I have become a gardener. I dig foundations in the earth. I sow rows of houses. I plan and plant. I watch the skies for rain and ruin. I cannot help but think that you would be better at this, but circumstance has put both of us in our own odd place. You are forced to be a hammer in the world, and my ungentle hands are learning how to tend a plot of land. We must do what we can do.

Did you know that there are some seeds that cannot sprout unless they are first burned? A friend once told me that. She was... she was a bookish sort. I think of gardening constantly these days. I wear your gift, and I think of you, and I think it is interesting that there are some living things that need to pass through fire before they flourish.

I ramble. You have the heart of a gardener, and because of this, you think of consequence, and your current path pains you. I am not wise, and I do not give advice, but I have come to know a few things: sometimes breaking is making. Even iron can start again. And there are many things that move through fire and find themselves much better for it afterward.

I have enclosed a gift. Once it was a sword, but it has changed. It is a small thing, and silly. Please forgive an old man for his foolishness. Still, I hope it brings you some small comfort.

Kindly, Kerr.

and the present inside the envelope? a ring, engraved with the phrase "I have passed through fire."

"I ramble. You have the heart of a gardener, and because of this you think of consequence, and your current path pains you. I am not wise, and I do not give advice, but I have come to know a few things. Sometimes breaking is making. Even iron can start again, and there are many things that move through fire and find themselves much better for it afterward. "

- Patrick Rothfuss, as Kerrek (Critical Role, Campaign 1)

turned my water into wine #16

read these first. this takes place before my fair lady. inspired by @romeoandjulietyouwish's medieval au.

Keyleth hasn't been able to sit still all day. She inhaled her breakfast, hardly hearing a word her father said, and has been bouncing from room to room ever since. She knows what she's looking for—something, anything to make sense of last night—but as vast and well-resourced as this castle is, such a magical solution is not stocked neatly among the cutlery or decorative vases.

Through it all, she knows she must be driving Kerrek crazy. It is his duty to follow her everywhere, but he cannot have imagined that that would have entailed going from the library to the empty ballroom to the observatory to her chambers and back again. A war hero turned dog yanked about by a leash—surely this is not the promotion he'd expected.

She wanders out to the gardens under the guise of checking on her petunias, but truly she just cannot bear to be within those castle walls for a moment longer. She trails along, letting her fingers dance across petals and leaves, before finally needing to say something. "I must apologize for my restlessness, Kerrek. I know it must be exhausting, chasing my aimlessness all day."

Kerrek's beard twitches as he fights a smile. "I...was wondering if you were going to say anything, Your Highness."

She sighs and drops down to sit on the grass, decency be damned. "Oh Kerrek...I rather think I've made a mess of things."

One hand on his sword, Kerrek looks around, and when he seems satisfied, he settles down on the ground beside her, moving a tad more slowly than she had. "Why don't you tell me about it?"

She chews on her lip. The issue is that she can't tell Kerrek about it, can't tell a soul about the way Vax came into her chambers last night, believing her to be under attack, and instead finding her wild-eyed and breathless. She cannot speak about how he held her, kept her head under his chin and whispered to her until her breathing had returned to normal and the terror of her nightmare had given way to a more curious, indefinable feeling. She cannot say, even to herself, the thoughts that consumed her once Vax had resumed his post, the quiet desires, the looping memories of his hand running up and down her back, the lingering scent of him in her hair.

No. She cannot speak any of it aloud. She plucks nervously at the grass. "I...hmm. Kerrek, have you ever..." Has he ever what? What possible analogue for this situation could he have experienced? He is waiting so patiently for her to collect her thoughts, and she rather wishes he could shake them out of her, make them tumble from her mind and sort through them on his own, so she does not have to. "There is...a person."

"Alright. A person."

"A person. This person...well. I knew him in one capacity, and now I find myself considering him in...a different...capacity." Her entire face is so warm she thinks she might start sweating. "That is to say...I am seeing this person in a new light, and that is...not ideal."

Kerrek nods slowly as she stumbles her way through these barely-intelligible sentences. "I see. And this is not ideal because..."

Oh gods. Oh gods, she never should have opened her mouth. "Well...I am me, of course. And being me—rather, being a princess—it poses...challenges. To all sorts of things, if I'm being honest. And in this particular case....Well then of course, I have no reason at all to think that this person considers me in any sort of capacity. It is presumptuous of me to be so..." She flutters her hands in the air. "...when I am surely having an entirely singular experience. I cannot be placing any kind of...I don't know, feeling on this person when they have done nothing to suggest..."

She trails off, because Vax has not done nothing to make her think that, perhaps, maybe, he harbors some small affection for her. When he held her, kept her close to his chest to ward off the lingering fright of her nightmare, she swears she remembers him pressing the briefest kiss to the crown of her head.

But who is to say such a gesture meant anything? Vax has a sister, whom she knows he loves dearly, and surely he has comforted her at some time or another. It would be foolish to ascribe any sort of significance, not when it is his job to take care of her.

(To take care of her physical safety. Not her emotions. Not her racing heart. It is nowhere among his duties to pull her in and whisper his assurance that she is safe, that he is there, that he has her and will not let any harm come to her.)

Kerrek waits for her to continue, and when she doesn't, says slowly, "Well, Your Highness..." He plucks a daisy from the flowerbed behind them and tucks it behind her ear. "You will only see a bloom when you tend to the soil. A flower requires sunlight and water and nutrients, and when it receives those things, you receive, in return, the beauty of its petals. Sometimes, it's true, you can sun and water and feed the flower, and the flower will wither anyway, and while sad, that is a risk we take when we attempt to sow beauty into the world. But I think you'll find that that beauty is worth the buds we lose along the way."

Keyleth's fingers come up to brush the daisy. She understands what she's saying, but that still doesn't stop the panicked aching in her chest. "And what if it is unwise," she whispers, "so plant this particular seed? What if the thing that grows is not beautiful, but...something else?"

Kerrek sighs. "I don't think it's ever unwise to grow things from a place of hope. None of us are fate-weavers, Your Highness. We can only make choices, and follow the paths where they lead. All I can say is that in all my years—and I have had quite a few more than you, if I may say—I have never come to regret the growing. Only the vines I allowed to die because doing so felt easier than tilling the soil."

She takes the flower from her ear and presses her nose to it. She wonders if Kerrek would be giving her this advice if he knew Vax were the one she was all aflutter over. She tips her head onto Kerrek's shoulder. "I don't want to hurt anyone." She doesn't even know to whom she's referring. Vax. Her father. Her people. Herself.

"I know you don't. It's what makes you an excellent leader. It'll be what makes you an excellent partner to someone very lucky someday."

Keyleth smiles at that. "Thank you, Kerrek. For everything."

"Of course, Your Highness. Now, not to change the subject, but might we stand now? These knees aren't what they used to be, you know."

Laughing, Keyleth lifts her head and helps Kerrek to his feet. She has not yet sorted through the tangled vines of her feelings about last night, but at the very least, the snarl in her chest feels less overwhelming, less terrifying. She and Kerrek walk back to the castle, and she thinks that maybe, after the unrest she's endured all morning, she's finally ready to take a nap.

Keyleth,

I write to let you and your companions know that the repair of Westruun is proceeding well. I will not bore you with the details. Suffice to say that our children are well-fed and safe, our elderly and infirm are cared-for and comfortable. Without the help of you and yours, this would not be the case.

The folk in charge argue constantly, but that is to be expected. And it is no bad thing; they all want the same good things in different ways. I listen mostly, and do what I can to make sure they listen to each other. Without listening, nothing good can happen.

The town… when I say the repair is going well… It is a hard thing for me to talk about. I am not a particularly clever man, and much of this is new to me. When you make a mistake with metal, you can melt things down and start fresh. It is irritating, and it costs in time and soot and sweat, but it can be done. There is a comfort in iron, knowing that a fresh start is always possible. But a city is not a sword. It is a living thing, and living things defy simple fixing. Roots cannot be reforged. They scar, and broken branches must be cut and sealed with tar. And this makes me angry, as it always has, and my anger has no place to go.

It was easier when I was young. I could use my anger like a hammer against the world. I was so sure of myself, and my friends, and my rightness. I would hammer at the world, and breaking felt like making to me, and I was good at it. And while I was not wrong, neither was I entirely right. Nothing is simple.

I do not work in wood. I am not brave enough for that. There is a comfort in iron. A promise of safety. A second chance if mistakes are made. But a city is more a forest than a sword. No… it needs more tending than that. Perhaps a city is like a garden, then.

So these days it seems that I have become a gardener. I dig foundations in the earth. I sow rows of houses. I plan and plant. I watch the skies for rain and ruin. I cannot help but think that you would be better at this. But circumstance has put both of us in our own odd place. You are forced to be a hammer in the world, and my ungentle hands are learning how to tend a plot of land. We must do what we can do.

Did you know that there are some seeds that cannot sprout unless they are first burned? A friend once told me that. She was… she was a bookish sort. I think of gardening constantly these days. I wear your gift, and I think of you. And I think it is interesting that there are some living things that need to pass through fire before they flourish.

I ramble. You have the heart of a gardener, and because of this you think of consequence, and your current path pains you. I am not wise, and I do not give advice, but I have come to know a few things. Sometimes breaking is making. Even iron can start again, and there are many things that move through fire and find themselves much better for it afterward.

I have enclosed a gift. Once it was a sword, but it has changed. It is a small thing and silly. Please forgive an old man for his foolishness. Still, I hope it brings you some small comfort.”

Kindly, Ker

keyleth is sooo. my god she is so. [lies down on a raft and drifts out to sea]. i love her so much. i love her sooooo much bro. The way she feels everything at like 500% all the time . keeping her heart and unwavering faith in others even as more and more piles onto her shoulders. the way her destiny is to become a leader of her people for her thousand years of life and she knows that she will outlive every single one of her friends but that doesn't stop her from being absolutely WRECKED when they get hurt like. god. GOD. i'll cry. percy wrote "don't let the world break you, we promise to do better" to her and she killed his mental illness demon for him . i'm so. [Screams]

not to turn this into an ask game, but I'm also curious about your sexiest/least sexy paladin subclasses (admittedly I know next to nothing outside what we've seen on cr/exu)

Oath of Devotion (the purest expression of paladin vibes) (CR examples: Kerrek; initial build for Kima but later moved to Vengeance)

Oath of Redemption (it's about patience in the face of everything but it's also about having stupid high bonuses to charisma checks and Rebuking The Violent) (CR example: Zerxus)

Oath of the Watchers and Oath of the Ancients are tied (personally I slightly prefer Watchers but that's because *Chetney werewolf voice* you guys ever do it on the different planes, but both are impeccable, it's really just planar vigilance vs. being a source of nature and light) (no CR examples but I believe you would know ancients from Beverly Toegold V)

Oath of Vengeance (bit edgy for my taste and I do not personally have a wing kink but like, it is pretty cool, ngl) (CR example: Vax, NADDPod example: Beverly for a bit)

Oathbreaker (frustrating that the DMG automatically goes to 'evil paladin obviously broke their oaths and now is super into zombies' when Teven Klask is out here kissing hands and does not seem to be weird about the undead. but also...I could fix them.) (CR example: Arkhan, which, again, seems weird, seems like he's actually keeping all oaths to Tiamat)

Oath of the Crown (ngl I am not searching through my files for my Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide digital copy of questionable legality right now, but iirc it was a decent support-heavy build; I don't particularly care for the monarchy but it did make you super good at healing and that's sexy)

Oath of Glory (I fucking hate this subclass but it would probably be a good lay it must be said)

Oath of Conquest (Douse the Flame of Hope douses a whole lot of other things...mechanics actually go hard but the flavor is really a turn off, like, politically)

oath of the open sea (CR example: Fjord) is not published by the WoTC and so is not officially ranked here but unofficially it's #3.

There were some unexpected changes to the story in episode 4-6, but on the whole I still loved the episodes. I was surprised to see Zahra so antagonistic. I expected some distance, but not putting them in mortal danger so soon after a resurrection. (Well, “resurrection” I suppose, since it was the Raven Queen who really brought Vex back.) Kashaw being the “good cop” was also a bit of a surprise, given his more abrasive personality. Which makes me think the switch of who was the friendliest was intentional. Since they gave Zahra’s the position of (official) leader of the Salyer’s Take that Vanessa Cyndrial had in the campaign, it seems they also made animation Zahra take that duty (or more correctly, the duty to Osysa) very seriously and without many scruples in enforcing her missions. With the risk of being over-analytic, I think animation Zahra doesn’t give apologies easily, and while we never really heard her give any verbal apologies and act pretty casual, the fact that she gave Vex’ahlia her moon-sickle necklace means more than I think looks like on a first impression. Zahra obviously had an intense rivalry with Vex before (maybe with some flirting too, I’m open to that interpretation), and she was *proud* of that necklace. When someone like her calls it “this old thing?” it means a lot to them. Ergo, while she acts casual, I think giving up that necklace to Vex’ahlia is Zahra’s real apology, and it’s a big one. I did not expect to see “I have passed through fire” depicted like that, but while it was completely different from the campaign, I loved it. Fire Elemental Keyleth was freakin’ awesome. Kerrek’s letter and ring in the campaign was less spectacular, but both were amazing moments. I can’t really choose which one I prefer between them, and with both the campaign and the animation existing side by side I don’t have to choose. Truly, I have been blessed. :) The changes to the encounter with Kamaljiori was pretty unexpected too, but I really liked it. Scanlan’s power ballad hit me harder than I expected it to, and I really liked how he made a connection with the sphinx, as well as the changes to Mythcarver. Made it all the harder to see Kamaljiori die to save Scanlan just moment later. I have a soft spot for the two sphinxes for a reason I can’t explain, and I hoped in the campaign that they could go visit each other after Vecna was defeated. That is out now I suppose. Very sad. Also, Grog’s horror at stabbing Pike. I love to hate how they included “You’ve made the Herd proud, Grog.” from Kevdak in his vision, and then part of it came true with the person he most fears to hurt. It took a little more adjusting than usual to remind myself that this is the animation AU of CR, but I still loved the episodes. :)

Thinking about this quote:

CR C1 E56 2:02:47 Kerrek: "You need to find a way to live with the fact that you do what you can, because that's what you can control. And sometimes bad things happen anyway, and so you just have to decide where you're going to pick your hill. You find your hill. Everybody gets one hill, and you plant your flag and you can die on that one. But you have to be careful, because you only get one. If you're really unlucky, you get more than one."

Keyleth: "And what if the ultimate problem is that I feel like I've had zero control from the start, since birth? I didn't want any of this. I didn't want my abilities. I didn't know I was special until now. And I so desperately just want to be normal. I want to go back to being ignorance and bliss."

And thinking about how Bell's Hells are the B-Sides. The NPCs who wandered into a story much much bigger than themselves and don't know what to do next. Some power fell in their lap. Chose them when they didn't want to be chosen. Radically altered their life.

And now suddenly the thing they were looking into, that crashed into them, has turned into one of the most important questions in Exandrian history: Do we need to save the gods from this threat?

We have Ludinus who's firmly in the "Fuck the gods" camp. We have the Loam and the Leaf who just don't want anything to do with the gods or their followers. We have Vassleheim who will protect the gods at all costs. And we have Bell's Hells who are mostly grappling with whether this should be their responsibility.

Team Wildmount have been contacted by gods demanding they save them. Orym isn't exactly pro-gods, but he's against Ludinus and his followers. Team Issylra is really grappling with whether the gods have done enough good for the world to be worth protecting. They're seeing the harm of the worshipers whose mortal actions give the gods their power.

The conclusion they're coming to is that this is simply beyond their power to defeat Ludinus and this is out of their control. Their new goal is to get their people out of this shit show and get out. Survive this. Not defeat it. Not heroically save the day. Survive. If the path to that goal means saving the gods, fine. But fuck them they don't have priority.

I think that's a really cool story. A conceit of D&D as a game is that you are strong enough to be the heroes. It's nice to see that challenged.

Couldn't fit everyone but for the Other option we have: Lillith Daturai (Kit Buss), Garthok (Jason Charles Miller), and Shale (Chris Perkins).

sam: can you turn invisible?

liam: i used to but i gave the ring away

laura: oh yeah to kerr bear. oh wait no to tova

sam: ok i'll give you blur

laura: don't you already have that?

liam: you mean the cloak i gave away?

laura: oh yeah that one :)

marisha: yeah that's the one kerr bear took

laura and liam: that's right :D

Don't be suspicious: Group Stealth Checks in Critical Role - Vox Machina edition!

Hello and welcome to the first of a four part series looking at group stealth checks in all three campaigns of Critical Role! This first post is looking at Vox Machina, the second will be the Mighty Nein, the third Bells Hells and the fourth will be a comparison between the three. I've split it in this fashion for easier consumption because there's a LOT of data here. All of them will be tagged under both #cr-stats and #don't-be-suspicious for your perusal.

Disclaimers first!

Most of the data on this post was compiled by @critrolestats, who I'm eternally grateful for, but some of it was done by myself, and all charts and graphs were made by myself. As such, everything is subject to human error.

Now, what is a group stealth check, and why am I looking at them specifically?

A group stealth check, for sake of this project, is any time 4 or more members of an adventuring party roll a stealth check at the same time. I chose 4 as the start point fairly arbitrarily, mainly to limit my data set. As for why I'm looking at it, I just think it'd be fun to see which party is statistically the sneakiest.

Let's begin under the cut!

Vox Machina made 88 group stealth checks over the main campaign and all of their specials. Their overall average is 24.48014

But before we get deeper into the nitty gritty, I first must acknowledge a certain spell that wildly skews averages. Pass Without Trace is a wonderful spell that adds a +10 to everyone's rolls, and so because it is so powerful, I'd charted every time the used it, and take it into consideration in each table.

So, first of all, let's look at each individual member of Vox Machina's averages.

Unsurprisingly, Vax is head and shoulders above everyone else, and Pike is dead last. A quick reminder that this is not their total for all stealth checks ever, but for every time they participated in a group stealth check.

As I mentioned Pass Without Trace, let's look at it specifically.

So, as we can see here, Vox Machina cast Pass Without Trace for well over half of their group stealth checks. About 64.77% in fact. In which case, why don't we compare how well they do with the spell up versus without.

Almost exactly 10 points better, nice!

Now, I mentioned that these checks start at 4 participants and go up, but how many people exactly are in these checks? How often is it just four people? I'm so glad you asked, have another chart!

Interestingly, despite being a group of 7, the highest frequency is groups of 6! This could be due to a combination of Vax scouting ahead instead of participating, and Pike's frequent absences.

If you're looking at this and wondering "how the fuck did they have 9 participants in some of these checks?" then this is the part where I inform you that they had guests partake in these checks!

Vox Machina had a total of 23 group stealth checks performed with at least one guest present, and 12 with 2 guests at once. Which guests? Let's see!

15 separate guests! Yes, we are including Scanlan 2 as a guest and not lumping him under Scanlan, simply for weird technical reasons. I am not going to do that math, but if you want to you can take Scanlan's average from above, and Scanlan 2's average from below and work it out from there.

Speaking of guest's averages!

Our sneakiest guest is Kerrek, with 26.5, and our least sneaky is Lyra with 11. But wait, this doesn't factor in Pass Without Trace! Lyra didn't have Pass Without Trace for her single check, and Kerrek did for both! Hell, Tova had it for both of hers, which means her ACTUAL average is 5. That'd be due to the disadvantage caused by her armour. As you can see, there are a lot of contributing factors here that I can't possibly account for, so this is what we've got.

One quick note to end on is that most of these numbers are rounded to two decimal places, simply because the full numbers looked really messy.

These stats are pretty interesting, but they don't really say a lot on their own, there's no point of comparison here for the other groups! Well, in that case please stay tuned for the next three posts in the series, where I'll be looking at everyone else. Once again, you can check those posts out under the #don't-be-suspicious tag on my blog.

For the ask meme: 14?

14) Describe the art you would most like to create or commission if talent/money were no object. This is difficult, because I am not so much a visual thinker.  I love looking at art, but I’m not much for coming up with it.  I have a whole wishlist of which artists I would commission to draw which pieces of art once I actually have money... but they’re all for my d&d characters!  So... this is an interesting one! My first thought is a very dunamancy-looking piece with fractured small scenes of the Nein around the edges, around lettering of Essek’s line from 141: “I accept my regrets, my faults now, and I'm here today with this knowledge, in this moment with you, because of those mistakes. And as much as they hurt me, I don't want to change a thing.”  I have a tendency to just live in a constant state of regret, even over things that don’t matter at all, and learning to let go of it is a really difficult process.  I think something like this would be beautiful and also an important reminder to me. That or a steel ring that is designed to look like wood, with the words “Even iron can start again” (from Kerrek’s letter in C1) carved on the inside.  For the same reason. Weirdly Specific CR Ask Meme

Awww the act of giving real character gifts continues!

Here's Laura gifting Liam a snake belt buckle. In character Vex gifted Vax "Simon" his magical belt that turns into a snake which he lost episodes ago:

(edited addition) Marisha as Keyleth gave Taliesin/Percy a bird’s skull, similar to his bird-like mask. To remind him that he is a better version of what he could have been and that she is glad to have him rid of evil influence from Orthax. Percy later made it into a broach

Here's Liam giving Laura a broom of flying like the one Vex stole (good for her). He told Laura he supports all her roleplay decisions. A great moment, especially considering the largely hateful response towards “broomgate” against Laura and Vex, from a part of the fandom at the time.

(edited addition) Patrick Rothfuss as Kerrek sent Marisha a heart warming letter to her character Keyleth that made her tear up. He also voice recorded the letter to be played as she read it and gave her a ring with the iconic "I have passed through fire" line that describes Keyleth's struggles and strength.

Liam giving Travis a belt of dwarven kind like the one Grog has. Also known as the "hug me through my wife!" moment:

And now Travis as Chetney giving Robbie as Dorian a wooden flying airship: