Summary: You’re not entirely sure how you became involved with Wooyoung; you’re not mad about it, though. Pairing: Wooyoung x milf!reader Tropes: milf au, non-idol au Genre: smut Rating: R 18+ Warnings: age gap relationship, language, mentions of previous relationships (and divorce) Smut Warnings: mommy kink, protected sex, breeding/pregnancy kink Word Count: 594 Note: for the Tarot Card Drabble Event Requested by: @sanjoongie​

Ace of Cups ➾ USE CONTRACEPTION, fertile, age difference, intimacy, closeness, arousal, longing, one-sided love

“Fuck, right there, baby.” you moan.

“Am I fucking mommy good?” Wooyoung asks, a whine laced with his voice.

“So fucking good. Always such a good boy for mommy.”

How you ended up here, you couldn’t say. One day you were teasing the new pool boy with no intentions of acting on anything; next thing you know, you’re in a relationship with him. It started out as a one-sided love on his part. You’re a mother. First and foremost, you need to take care of your twins. Your ex-husband, of course, didn’t make anything easier regarding letting you move on with life. Somehow, you found yourself completely enthralled in the younger man, though. The name Mommy came about as a joke at first. You’re nearly ten years older than your partner, and what started as a joke became a very real kink for both of you.

“Maybe if you fuck me hard enough, you’ll get me pregnant. Wouldn’t it be so interesting to have my pretty baby become a dad?” you tease.

“D-don’t,” he whines, “don’t tease me like that.”

“Like what, angel?” you gasp, “We both know I’m rather fertile still, and you’re so young. You’d probably get me pregnant on the first try.”

“Mommy,” he whines again, giving a punctuated thrust for good measure.

“That’s why you have to wear a condom, though. We don’t want Mommy getting pregnant again just yet, do we?”

“I want you to be. Wanna pump you full- fuck, full of my babies. Wanna see you all pretty and round. You looked so pretty and glowy when you were pregnant last time.”

You chuckle at him and start jerking your hips up to meet his thrusts. His slightly grown-out blond hair keeps falling in his face as he thrusts. Eventually, he presses his chest fully against yours and buries his face in your neck. You know he’s likely to leave marks behind on the blank skin, but you couldn’t be bothered to care right now. You’re so wet, and his thrusts are almost erratic. Every time you have sex, it seems to get even better. The amount of arousal you cause in each other is something you could never describe. It makes you feel like you’re twenty and constantly horny again. You never had that with your ex, so to have it now, six years after your separation, feels like heaven and more.

“You seem like you’re about to cum, pretty boy.” you tease breathlessly, tugging at his hair as you do so.

“Please, can I take this condom off and cum inside you? Wanna breed you so bad.” he moans.

You gasp when he thrusts even harder despite you thinking it wasn’t physically possible. He’s so close. Your mental debate has to be quick. You want nothing more than to feel him fill you up, feel his cum leak out of you. You know it’s something you want. But, you’re also extremely fertile for no reason. You don’t know if you’re ready to risk getting pregnant again, especially with your twins being eight now. Deciding to throw caution to the wind, you give into what you want.

“Go on, angel. You can fill me up all you want. Breed me as much as you want.” you moan.

Wooyoung doesn’t waste time pulling out and practically tearing the condom off himself before reentering you. He lets out a high, squeaky moan as he feels your soaked pussy around him raw.

“Thank you, Mommy. You’re so fucking pretty. Want this so bad.”

“Anything for my pretty boy.”

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Networks: @cultofdionysusnet​ @kwritersworld​ @k-vanity​

Tag List: @jaehunnyy​ @sanjoongie​ @ericssmile​

Fic Masterpost

Since I just made it to 100 posted works on my ao3 since I created it in January 2014, I thought I’d make a masterpost on here of all of them to celebrate. Also, shameless self promo. I’ll also include some of my upcoming things, because they would make it 100 without counting the translations.

I’ll put them by fandom and in the order I started writing for each fandom. And I’ll put a  ⭐ next to my personal favourites. And 🌟 for my faves of faves.

Fandoms I’ve written for in alphabetical order: 911, 911 Lone Star, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Criminal Minds, Hannibal, Harry Potter, House md, Leverage, Limitless, Lucifer, New Amsterdam, Prodigal Son, Sherlock, Supergirl, Supernatural, White Collar

Total per rating: General (21), Teen and Up (72), Mature (7)

Total per warning: No Archive Warning Applies (85), Chose Not To Use Warnings (1), Major Character Death (10), Graphic Depictions of Violence (3), Rape/Non-Con (1)

Supernatural (10 works)

Let Me Go (series, 2 works, 1 354 words, Teen) Castiel/Dean Winchester: Dean Winchester struggles with suicidal thoughts.

A Crowley Valentine (one shot, 1 899 words, Gen) Castiel/Dean Winchester: It’s Valentine’s Day and Crowley is tired of Dean and Cas not admitting that they’re in love with each other so he decides to take action.

Never Stop Fighting (multi chapter, 9 chapters, 21 274 words, Teen, Graphic Depictions of Violence) Castiel/Dean Winchester, Lucifer/Original Female Character: The brothers go investigate a weird occurrence but they end up rescuing someone who might be able to help them fight Metatron and put heaven back in business. But could she have an agenda of her own?

Demon Love (one shot, 1 117 words, Teen) Castiel/Dean Winchester: Dean uses his demon powers not exactly in the deadly way Crowley had hoped.

There’ll Be Peace When You Are Done (one shot, 1 076 words, Gen, Major Character Death) Castiel/Dean Winchester: Dean dies and goes to heaven

A Different Kind Of Family (one shot, 1 455 words, Teen) Castiel/Dean Winchester: Sam and Dean go on a hunt for what turns out to be zombies.

A Good Combo (multi chapter, 5 chapters, 11 680 words, Teen, Pizza Place AU) Castiel/Dean Winchester and more: Castiel meets Dean at a weird time in his life. He just got out of a relationship and, with the death of one of his siblings, he isn’t sure if he is ready to jump into another one just yet.

Please Stay With Me (one shot, 906 words, Gen) Castiel/Dean Winchester: Set some time after 11X04 “Baby”, Castiel is still staying in the bunker, resting and getting better, but the brothers are barely ever there and Dean won’t even stay in the same room with him.

+ one crossover

Criminal Minds (3 works)

Prentiss’ Secret (one shot, 1 209 words, Teen) Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss: Prentiss left the BAU to work in London. Now she’s coming back to help them, but she has a secret.

Outside The Comfort Of Innocence (one shot, 1 354 words, Teen) Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss : As a kid, Emily Prentiss and her family move in next door to the Hotchners. Hotch and Prentiss grow up best friends, but a dark secret brings the real world into their childhood. ⭐

Everybody Loves Halloween (one shot, 991 words, Gen) Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss, Jennifer Jareau/Will LaMontagne: Emily comes for Halloween and the Hotchners go trick-or-treating with the LaMontagnes.

Sherlock (8 works)

Filling The Holes (series, 6 works, 8 960 words, Gen, Teen and Mature, Major Character Death) Sherlock Holmes/Jim Moriarty: This is a series that goes on in the spaces between what we see on the show. It takes place after Reichenbach Fall. ⭐

John Watson’s Missing Wednesday (one shot, 854 words, Teen) Sherlock Holmes/Jim Moriarty: At the wedding, Sherlock mentioned a time when John missed an entire wednesday without even noticing, what happened that day?

The Dead Are Busy Too (one shot, 618 words, Gen) Sherlock Holmes/Jim Moriarty: Nearly two years after the events of Reichenbach Fall, Moriarty’s network is close to being a thing of the past.

Harry Potter (20 works)

1998, or the year everything changed (series, 18 works, 77 224 words, Gen, Teen and Mature, Major Character Death) Various ships: A series taking place the months following the Battle of Hogwarts. Each story focuses on a different character, but they all interlock with one another. (aka I didn’t like the epilogue so I made my own.) ⭐

Light in the Darkest of Times (one shot, 742 words, Teen) Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley: Feeling his constant support of Harry Potter in his magazine might cause the Death Eaters to try something, Xenophilius has Luna stay in Hogwarts for the holidays, thinking she’d be safe there. But things aren’t the same in the castle since Dumbledore’s death.

The Potion Master’s Daughter (multi chapter, 14 chapters, 67 001 words, Teen, Major Character Death) Luna Lovegood/Original Female Character and more: Severus Snape had a daughter several years ago. A year behind the famous Harry Potter, she’ll navigate her years at Hogwarts, punctuated with all kinds of events, like the opening of the Chamber of Secrets, the Triwizard Tournament and Voldemort’s return. 🌟

Hannibal (1 work)

Love and Dogs (one shot, 137 words, Gen) Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter: Hannibal wakes up at Will’s place

Limitless (10 works)

Screw, Marry, No Kill (one shot, 1 317 words, Teen) Brian Finch/Ike, Brian Finch/Mike: Brian thought having a one night stand with a coworker wasn’t a big deal, but not everyone had the same opinion.

Distracting Thoughts (one shot, 1 508, Teen) Brian Finch/Ike: Brian takes too much NZT and suddenly gains the ability to hear thoughts.

Keep You Safe (one shot, 832 words, Teen) Brian Finch/Ike: Set during 1x22 Finale: Part Two!! With Brian under side effects from the NZT, Ike worries for the man’s life.

Undercover! Again! (one shot, 2 601 words, Teen) Brian Finch/Ike: Brian and Ike are sent on an undercover mission, but things don’t exactly go as planned.

Rebecca Harris’s One Sick (Valentine’s) Day (one shot, 1 137 words, Gen) Rebecca Harris/Lucy Church: Rebecca was about to head off to work, but when a surprise visitor shows up at her door, she has another idea.

The Influence A Person Can Have (multi chapter, 3 chapters, 10 340 words, Teen) Brian Finch/Eli Whitford, Brian Finch/Ike: Sometimes, you meet one person and it changes your whole life. Everything else after that would’ve been different. For Brian, it all comes back to that moment he met Eli. It seems some people are simply meant to enter your life at the right moment, to stir you in the right direction. From figuring out who he is to falling in love for the first time to getting his life together and even meeting the love of his life, Brian’s life wouldn’t have been the same. 🌟

A Little Bit of Ice and Rube Goldberg (one shot, 1 875 words, Teen) Brian Finch/Ike: When freezing rain takes over the city, everyone goes home while it’s still safe outside. Brian insists on finishing what he’s working on, forcing both he and Ike to stay alone in the office to weather the storm.

Fulfilled, Not Finished (one shot, 4 861 words, Teen, Major Character Death) Brian Finch/Ike: When the squad finds a potential witness for their case, Ike volunteers himself and Brian to go check it out. But things take a dark turn. ⭐

Curve Ball Field (one shot, 7 196 words, Teen) Brian Finch: When Brian gets kidnapped for ransom, the CJC isn’t clear on how to handle the situation, or how to reassure his family. 🌟

+ one crossover

House (2 works)

Lean On Me (one shot, 1 414 words, Teen, Major Character Death) Gregory House/James Wilson: A short evolution of House and Wilson’s relationship, from their first meeting to their last. ⭐

Don’t You Know I Care? (one shot, 1 364 words, Teen) Gregoy House/James Wilson: House ended up in a hospital bed, again, but this time the familiar face of Wilson is missing from his bedside.

Supergirl (4 works)

My Hero (one shot, 650 words, Gen) Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor: When Lena gets pushed off her balcony, Supergirl is there to rescue her once again.

When It Starts (one shot, 1 908 words, Gen) Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor: Lena loves being Kara’s friend, but she wouldn’t say no to being more than that.

Hero in Need of Saving (one shot, 2 180 words, Teen) Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor: When a gunman shows up at Catco, Kara gets hurt and ends up stuck in the elevator with Lena and some kryptonite. ⭐

If I Could Find The Way Up (multi chapters, 3 chapters, 4 959 words, Teen) Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor: Lena Luthor is depressed and she doesn’t understand what she calls an obsession for Kara Danvers. Kara who keeps cutting their time together short, maybe on purpose. Lena is struggling to deal with all that pain she feels inside and trying to figure out what she feels around Kara might mean.

Lucifer (1 work)

Grow On Me (one shot, 4 051 words, Mature, College AU) Lucifer Morningstar, Marcus Pierce: Lucifer and Marcus are college roommates. When Lucifer learns Marcus doesn’t have plans for the holidays, he convinces him to come to a cabin with him and pretend to be his boyfriend to get his siblings off his back. ⭐

Prodigal Son (7 works)

Bright Ideas (one shot, 3 560 words, Teen, Graphic Depictions of Violence) Malcolm Bright/JT Tarmel: Because Malcolm is Malcolm, he goes after a suspect on his own and gets taken. And then JT helps.

Unleashed (multi chapter, 8 chapters, 53 452 words, Mature, Graphic Depictions of Violence) Gil Arroyo & Malcolm Bright, Malcolm Bright & Martin Whitly, Gil Arroyo & Martin Whitly, Gil Arroyo/Jessica Whitly: Martin Whitly has escaped. He is finally free to get back at those who have hurt him. Everyone is anxious for him to be found and locked up again. And worried about what he might be planning to do. 🌟

On An Island (one shot, 1 704 words, Teen) Malcolm Bright: While on vacation, Malcolm finds he misses home and reflects on the past.

Shivers and Soup (one shot, 1 340 words, Gen) Malcolm Bright & Dani Powell, Malcolm Bright & Ainsley Whitly, Dani Powell/Ainsley Whitly: Malcolm has a cold and is sent home

Hold You Close (one shot, 2 077 words, Teen) Dani Powell/Ainsley Whitly: Ainsley gets injured while covering the team’s latest case and Dani decides to check on her.

Only One Safe (one shot, 2 609 words, Teen) Dani Powell/Ainsley Whitly, Malcolm Bright & Ainsley Whitly:  When blackouts spread across the city, Malcolm’s friends lock him up to make sure he won’t get himself into trouble. He worries about everyone else.

+ one crossover

911 Lone Star (12 works)

Stranded in Smoke (one shot, 2 339 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand: During a fire, the floor collapses under TK’s feet, his radio stops working and he finds himself completely separated from the rest of the crew.

There For You (one shot, 1 235 words, Gen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: When Carlos doesn’t show up to work and cancels their plans, TK wants to make sure he’s okay.

Not Your Choice (one shot, 3 236 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: A man holds up TK’s therapist office and Carlos is the officer sent in to deal with it.

My Only Sunshine (one shot, 2 553 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: Carlos gets hurt while pursuing a suspect and, despite Michelle’s advice, he insists he’s fine and doesn’t need to go to the hospital. He is wrong.⭐

Late Night Bruises (one shot, 2 385 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: TK gets himself into trouble, but Carlos is there to help.

Classic Happiness (one shot, 1 021 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: TK invites Carlos over to the house for their first actual date.

Don’t Leave Me (one shot, 2 384 words, Teen, Major Character Death) Owen Strand & TK Strand, Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: TK had been the one unconscious, on the edge of death before, and he knew it had to hurt for those around him, but he never fully understood what it felt like until he was the one standing over someone he cared deeply about, begging for them to wake up.

A Long Day (one shot, 4 245 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Marjan Marwani & Paul Strickland, Marjan Marwani & TK Strand: Some days, nothing truly bad happens, but without anything good either, small things pile up and drag you down.

Pain Leaves Traces (multi chapter, 3 chapters, 5 958 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand: TK is getting closer to Carlos, but there is still a part of himself he’d rather he didn’t know about.

Stay Behind, Make A Friend (one shot, 524 words, Gen) Carlos Reyes & Paul Strickland: Paul is alone at the firehouse when Carlos shows up, so they hang out.

Another Heart Robbery (one shot, 4 886 words, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand: When the building he’s robbing catches fire, Carlos thinks he’s the most unlucky man on Earth. Then comes a very handsome firefighter.  🌟

Off Balance (multi chapter, in progress, 8/10 chapters, 10 399 words and counting, Teen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Carlos Reyes & Michelle Blake: What Carlos thinks is a simple cut, turns out to be much worse. 🌟

Leverage (4 works)

The Past Job (one shot, 1 565 words, Mature, Rape/Non-Con) Damien Moreau/Eliot Spencer: Damien Moreau learns Eliot wants to leave his organisation. He decides to deal with it himself, and why not enjoy it while he’s at it. ⭐

The Protection Job (one shot, 1 785 words, Teen) Alec Hardison/Parker/Eliot Spencer: Eliot falls off a roof during a job, leaving Parker and Hardison unprotected. ⭐

+ two crossovers

911 (15 works)

In My Heart (one shot, 2 410 words, Teen) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: While on a call, Buck gets exposed to a toxic substance and it makes Eddie put things into perspective.

Worry, Worry, Worry (one shot, 3 238 words, Teen) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: No matter how many times Buck gets told that he will be safe, when Eddie accepts to be serial killer bait, Buck worries about him. ⭐

Who’s First? (one shot, 1 322 words, Gen) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Howie Han & Hen Wilson: Hen and Chimney bet on who, between Buck and Eddie, will be the one to make the first move.

A Gay Old Time at the Mini Golf (one shot, 2 004 words, Teen) Hen Wilson/Karen Wilson, Evan Buckley & Hen Wilson & Karen Wilson & Michael Grant: When Buck gets woken up by the sounds of people in his apartment, he doesn’t expect the day to turn out so fun.

When Things Are Bad, Better To Laugh It Off (one shot, 1 525 words, Teen) Howie Han & Tommy Kinard, Howie Han & Hen Wilson: The story of how Howie Han became Chimney.

His First Choice (one shot, 1 209 words, Teen) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: Buck feels lonely, like everyone around him has a family, someone who cares about them more than anything, but he doesn’t. Turns out he is wrong. ⭐ 

Always Come By (one shot, 1 196 words, Gen) Evan Buckley & Bobby Nash: Bobby’s afternoon alone is cut short when a sad Buck shows up at his doorstep. ⭐ 

Beautifully Cold (one shot, 1 463 words, Gen) Bobby Nash & Grant Family, Athena Grant/Bobby Nash: The Grant-Nash family goes on a trip to Minnesota in the middle of winter.

Give Her The Comfort She Needs (multi chapter, 2 chapters, 2 912 words, Teen) Evan Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: Eddie, Buck and Christopher are having a morning like many others when Maddie shows up to take her brother to a funeral he doesn’t seem keen on attending.

Let Me Take Care Of You (one shot, 596 words, Gen) Maddie Buckley/Howie Han: Maddie is sick and Chimney takes care of her.

Loving Exasperation (one shot, 571 words, Gen) Evan Buckley & Maddie Buckley: Maddie comes home for Thanksgiving during her first semester of college. ⭐

At Least We Have Each Other (one shot, 666 words, Teen, Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings) Howie Han & Karen Wilson: Something happened to Hen during a call and Chimney is the one to deliver the news to Karen.

Wait Happy (one shot, 650 words, Gen) Maddie Buckley/Howie Han: After they learn about it themselves, Chimney and Maddie have to wait to tell the others about the pregnancy.

Gratefully Together (one shot, 632 words, Gen) May Grant & Michael Grant: Michael helps May move into her dorm room.

Barbie Boy (one shot, 618 words, Mature) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: Buck’s karaoke performance has quite the effect on Eddie

Crossovers

Supernatural and Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

Nobody Picked The Family Business (multi chapter, 6 chapters, 14 796 words, Teen) Dawn Summers/Sam Winchester, Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg, Spike/Buffy Summers, Castiel/Dean Winchester: When Sam doesn’t get a scholarship to Stanford, John lets him go to UC Sunnydale, hoping all the stuff going on there will convince him to keep hunting.⭐

White Collar, Leverage and Limitless:

The Grey Area Job (multi chapter, 4 chapters, 15 992 words, Teen) Neal Caffrey/Eliot Spencer, Sophie Devereaux/Nate Ford, Alec Hardison/Parker, Brian Finch/Ike: When he and Peter encounter a particularly complicated case, Neal calls his friend, Sophie Devereaux, for help.

White Collar and Leverage:

The Informant Job (one shot, 2 675 words, Teen) Neal Caffrey/Eliot Spencer: While searching a warehouse, Eliot finds himself in a situation he wasn’t expecting.

Prodigal Son and New Amsterdam:

Stay Right Here (one shot, 5 129 words, Teen) Malcolm Bright, Iggy Frome: After being kidnapped, Malcolm ends up at New Amsterdam to get treated for his injuries.⭐

Traductions

Du Poison (vf de Poison, Supernatural)

Je Tiens à Toi (vf de Don’t You Know I Care?, House)

Quelqu’un Sur Qui Compter (vf de Lean On Me, House)

Une Vie que Personne ne Choisit (vf de Nobody Picked The Family Business, Supernatural, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Soon

Henren Week: Everything I Need (one shot, 534 words, Gen) Hen Wilson/Karen Wilson: Hen and Karen enjoy a quiet day off together. ⭐ 

Buddie Week: Good Things Don’t Come Easy (one shot, 1 272 words, Teen) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: Eddie couldn’t fall for someone like Evan Buckley, but the heart hardly ever listens to logic. ⭐

Buddie Week: How To Handle Friendship With Smart Idiots (one shot, 836 words, Teen) Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz: Carla is tired of watching Buck and Eddie being oblivious about their feelings for each other, so she decides to get involved.

Tarlos Week: The Best Farmer’s Market Find (one shot, 810 words, Gen) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Carlos Reyes & Owen Strand: TK wakes up to the sounds of his dad making breakfast, not alone. ⭐

Owen Strand Week: Snow Day in Austin (one shot, 1 060 words, Gen) Owen Strand & TK Strand: Owen has been feeling down and missing the New York winter, but he has an amazing son.

Evan Buckley Week: Under The Stars (one shot, 532 words, Gen) Evan Buckley & Christopher Diaz: Buck and Christopher go camping. 

Behind the Scenes

This is a story that developed from a small peek into my brain whenever I write the stories you read into a thinkpiece about writing and posting fanfiction. 

On AO3.

Ships: none (unless you wanna ship me with my keyboard lol)

Warnings: none, I suppose, but it does get a little down in the end, I was having a rough day when I wrote this, sorry.

~~~~~~~~~~

I sit on my chair before my laptop. I’m curled into myself as my fingers glide over the keyboard and my thoughts flow out of my fingertips onto the screen.

It isn’t all that late, just past midnight, but it’s already dark outside and in order to see the keys properly I have to turn on the lamp I have on my desk. With the light it’s kind of cozy here in my little nook of the world.

I look to the screen and try to make sense of my own words. I don’t have a fully fledged idea yet, but a vague idea that floated through my brain at some point during the day has inspired me enough to open a new document and start typing.

I now know how this story begins and I see where I am going and how it will end, but the question of how I get there sits heavily on my mind.

I stop typing for a moment and think. If I introduce this character now, it might set some other things in motion and that’ll be good for the plot, but I don’t know how to write that character at all and I’m afraid that if I do it wrong, people won’t like me or my story.

I sigh and realize I’ve started almost every new paragraph with the same word. I hate it when I do that. The story starts to feel repetitive and as a non native English speaker I want to prove that I have a bigger vocabulary than that.

How to proceed?

A synonym, maybe? But I’ll have to look that up and I don’t think there is a good synonym for I. Sighing again I scan the page and think. Maybe I could start with a verb to shake things up a bit or a question. No, not a question that would feel out of place here.

Now I’ve written a few paragraphs again, so I could use the word I used before, but since I used it so many times already I want a bit more space between now and the next time I use it. So a synonym it is, I guess, I think as I open my browser to look one up.

…

There is no synonym for I.

Goddammit, I think. Well, it’s no use now anyway. I’ve decided to write this story in the first person, despite knowing I’m horrible at it, and now I have to deal with the fact that I don’t have another word for I.

I start my next paragr- no that’s not right. Backspace, backspace. Moving on to the next- No, not that either. Backspace, backspace. I look at what I’ve written last and wonder why I’ve written something upon which I can’t, hmm, what’s a good word there?

I know I have a good word in Dutch ‘voortborduren’, but when I translate it, it gives me elaborate, which doesn’t fit in the sentence at all. Mentally groaning I recline in my chair as I try to think.

Maybe it’s the sentence itself? Lets see what did I write again? Oh yeah: I look at what I’ve written last and wonder why I’ve written something upon which I can’t- and then I need to find a word. Hm, funny, I don’t know how to go on by the sentence about not knowing how to go on.

‘I look at what I’ve written last and wonder why I’ve written something upon which I can’t’, I whisper it to myself in the hope the right word comes to mind.

First there is nothing, but then! Expand! Not perfect, but it fits, which is good enough for now, maybe when I proof read it a better word will come to me and I can use that.

So, expand. I wonder why I wrote something I can’t expand upon.

Fuck, I’ve spend so much time finding the right word that I have forgotten what I was talking, well writing, about in the first place. Softly swearing under my breath I scroll up and read what came before the sentence with the stupidly hard word to think off.

Ah yeah, it was about the other stupid thing, namely that I am writing this in the first person, which I still cannot do, no that skill has not come to me in the time it took to look up a word. What a pity.

But I have started the last few paragraphs with something other than I from time to time. That at least is something. Wait, should I add punctuation there? That, at least, is something. Looks better, but maybe that is just my love for commas talking. I mean, why write a boring sentence with a dot in the middle, which makes it short and doesn’t give you enough space to play with it, when you can also add unnecessary punctuation, so that you can play with the cadence of how something is read out loud or in someones mind?

Whoops, now that whole paragraph is long, if I want to make this story easy to read I’ll have to make this one shorter. Hmm, is this good? Yeah, probably. Enter.

Now, I’m suddenly wondering, if paragraph is even the right word. In Dutch the word is ‘alinea’ and the word ‘paragraaf’ also means chapter, but not really, only in a school book. It doesn’t really make sense, because you also have a chapter in a schoolbook and that’s divided in paragraphs and each paragraph has ‘alinea’s’

Aaand I’ve distracted myself by thinking about the differences between each language instead of looking up if paragraph is actually the right word and it means what I think it means.

I look it up on Google translate, not the most trustworthy source for sentences, but for lone words it’s alright.

It is the right word, along with indention, but I’m not really familiar with that word, although I can see where it comes from with the paragraphs creating indentions in the text. Still, I decide to stick with paragraphs, cause “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” and I live by that.

Looking back to the clock in the corner of my screen I realize that I’ve now been writing this for 40 minutes. It isn’t all that long, but I don’t know where I’m going with this anymore. I had a point when I began and now I’ve forgotten it.

I stretch my arms, by pushing away my chair, leaning forward until my shoulders are at the same height of my desk is. My right shoulder cracks, it has always done that, but the sound snaps me out of my musings and makes me pay more attention to my surroundings.

It is raining outside and I hear people screaming. They sound happy, probably celebrating something and drinking, but I still wondered what they’re doing up so late (ignoring the fact that I am still awake too.)

Right, my word document. I was trying to remember what my point was. No wait, not remember, recall sounds better. I double click remember and replace it with recall: I was trying to recall what my point was.

Although I have found a nice sentences with the best word to describe the action, I still don’t know what comes next. I suddenly begin to doubt myself. Maybe this was a dumb idea. Maybe I’ve read this somewhere before and I am unconsciously copying someone. Maybe I should just delete this and move on to something else.

I mean, come on, who wants to read this? No one. I’m just going to post it, knowing that no one cares and no one will read it. People don’t go to AO3 for original works, you don’t, so why would anyone care about it? It’s going to get five hits tops, with maybe two kudos, three if you’re lucky.

And now I have accidentally switched to a second person perspective, can’t even stay consistent. Maybe if I play it off as an introspection or and internal dialogue no one will notice or think it’s an artistic choice.

Pff, artistic choice. You can hardly call what I’m doing artistic. It’s just fanfiction, a hobby. Yeah, I know that is still good and can be great, even amazing and artfully written, but this isn’t. I have a too direct writing style for that. I’ve only been getting English education for six years and it’ll take so much more practice until I ever reach that level.

I’ve gotten off track completely now. I faintly remember that this started out as a mock internal dialogue of what happens when I write a fanfic, but now it turned into a self deprecating shit parade.

I blink long and hard, trying to get my head back on track and write something better, or at least more consistent.

Realizing that in order to do that I should probably scroll up and read (lets be honest scan) how I started. I don’t have the energy for it, but I force myself to do it with a sigh.

Scroll, scroll, scroll.

Ah, yeah, I began with where I was and then that discussion about language and looking things up. Oh, but I’ve also reflected on what I’ve written before, well, before. Then it was about re-finding what I was doing after I had to look up a word and now it is desperately trying to remember what the actual fuck I was doing in an attempt to make something cohesive, but still. I decide to not do that again.

I still don’t know what my point was when I started this, but I’m making a new one up right now. I think I’m going to call the work ‘behind the scenes’ or ‘the thoughts of a writer’, since I have now decided that this is a way to get readers a peek behind the curtains.

As a reader, I can respect people so much for all the work they put into a story. And of course I’m not saying you can’t do that if you don’t write, no, that would be pretentious, but I do have more respect for them than before I started writing all those years ago.

It is really easy to forget that something you read in a few minutes has taken hours to write. This is not even 2k words long right now. I know I can read that in a few minutes, not even blinking and mostly forgetting, before moving on to the next story, but I have been writing almost nonstop for over an hour now.

I am lucky that I can usually keep the words flowing long enough to make some bullshit up that I can reason into a coherent story in the end, but that has taken practice. A lot of practice.

In order to become a good in writing a story you have to do it so many times and you won’t even notice you’ve gotten better until much later. I know this, because I recently went through all my works and made them better. Got all the typos out there, I fixed vague sentences and I made the lay out better. I also cringed a lot.

Well, I think I have to go with a ‘behind the scenes’ now, because I don’t think I can claim this is my internal monologue when I’m writing. Instead this has turned into a think piece about writing and appreciating it or something.

I don’t even know anymore.

I recall I had a point when I started this, probably thought it out and then my brain decided to throw it away and throw up this garbage instead. It is interesting, I suppose, but not at all what I was going for in the beginning.

Oh well, maybe I can fix it when I proof read it, because I am tired and I think I’m going to bed. I have half the mind to just fuck it and throw it on AO3 without glancing over my own words even once. It’s very tempting to leave others to deal with these honest words and pretend they aren’t mine, but I don’t.

However, I don’t think I will edit this that much, because it was nice to get some frustrations on, well not paper, but on screen. Just order my thoughts, you know?

It is hard to stay motivated when it seems that everyone around you is doing so much better than you. It is disheartening and it makes you want to stop.

I don’t.

I can’t.

Writing is what I do, it helps, it’s nice. I love writing and I don’t think I will stop loving it. But one of the reasons I love writing is because it can get the constant thoughts and ideas to stop swirling around in my head.

Today I needed it to stop, so that I could just go to sleep properly and I feel like this helped. It was honest and I feel better now. Tomorrow can come at me and I will face it like I did today. Maybe my last few fics weren’t to everyones taste and that’s okay, they were my taste and I love them and I am proud of them. For me that’s enough.

I would apologize for ranting, I usually do, but since you could stop at any time and leave, I don’t think I’m going to do that, what I am going to do, is thank you.

Thank you for reading this, despite the fact that it is not a fanfic. Thank you for allowing me to just dump all these thoughts on you. And thank you for being here and clicking it, your support, even if it is only an extra number by “hits”, means so incredibly much to me and I cannot put in to words how grateful I am that you are here.

Since it is now 01:18 and if I recall correctly it was 00:02 when I started, I think I am really going to stop now. Goodnight, or good-whatever time a day you’re reading this!

Goodbye :)

[FIC] A Classical Night

Rating: Explicit Characters: Xu Mo/Reader Word Count: 4657

Tags: Sweet and soft. Emotional. PWF (F for Feels). Oral. Fingering. Multiple orgasms (Reader). Slow sex.

A/N: Denoted actual lines in the ASMR with 『』 brackets (my translations). Also, the song that plays in the ASMR is Chopin’s Nocturne Op.15 No.2. I did NOT use that as mood music for the spicy scene LOL.

Summary: An alternative take to Xu Mo’s ASMR “Nightmare’s End (噩梦终点)”. There’s a lot of ways to help someone fall asleep again... like tiring them out.

It’s the whimper that wakes you.

For a second, you think you’re still dreaming or that it’s a stray outside making that noise. But then it happens again, closer and clearer, and you recognize Xu Mo’s groans.

You turn around in bed to see that at some point Xu Mo has rolled away from you onto his back. He’s still asleep but his brows are furrowed in distress and there’s a faint sheen of sweat on his pale face.

Unable to help yourself, you reach out with concern but your fingertips only manage to graze his cheek before he inhales sharply and snaps his eyes open. His hand catches your wrist in a tight grip, holding it still. In his eyes terror and helplessness bleeds into a vicious, cold look.

But then he recognizes you and the surging emotions still.

『You…』 He breathes out.

“Are you OK?” You ask, not moving your hand despite the ache.

『… It’s nothing.』 He murmurs. His gaze slides to his hand and he releases you before flinging his forearm across his eyes, letting himself sink deeper into the bed. He exhales hard and you think you see a shudder run through him. 『It was only a nightmare. It’s nothing.』

You watch him quietly, trying to decide if you should ask him for details or if that will make it worse.

He seems to sense the weight of your stare though because he removes his arm to turn his head to you, and you see that his eyes have returned to their usual calm.

『I’m sorry. I woke you up. 』 He reaches for your hand and rubs lightly at the place he gripped. 『 You don’t have to worry so much. I’m not a child who would get scared by nightmares.』

You know he’s only keeping his tone light to reassure you, so you don’t fall for it and instead you slip your hand out of his to brush at the dark circles underneath his eyes. “Did you get any rest at all?”

He closes his eyes at the touch of your fingers and gives a low hum. 『Mm, I just feel… that my sleep was a bit exhausting.』

Xu Mo allows you to stroke him for a little longer before he catches your hand, presses a light kiss to your palm, and then sits up. You shiver at the cool air that sweeps into the opening of the blankets made from his movements while he checks the time at the small table on his side of the bed.

“What time is it?” You say this through a yawn.

『It’s still early. You can sleep some more.』

“What about you?” You frown, catching the fatigue that lingers in his shoulders.

『I’m not drowsy anymore.』 He gives a soft laugh at your concern and strokes your head once before he moves to get out of bed. 『It just so happens that I haven’t finished reading a section of that report from earlier yet—』

Before you know it, you’ve already acted and grabbed his hand.

His eyebrows jump up. 『Hm? You’re not letting me go?』

You mutely shake your head.

Xu Mo laughs again, the gentle sound carrying his affectionate resignation. 『Haha, I won’t go then and I’ll keep you company. Look, my hand’s being held this tightly by yours. Even if I wanted to go, I wouldn’t be able to.』

He settles back down into bed and his smile deepens, the corners of his eyes creasing, when you pull the hand you’re holding closer to yourself until you’re basically hugging it. If he tries to slip away after you fall asleep, you’ll be able to know immediately. He wriggles his trapped hand with an amused look but leaves it there.

『Now, can you be good and close your eyes to sleep? 』

You open your mouth to confirm, but then a thought occurs to you. “Actually…”

Xu Mo doesn’t have time to react before you drop his hand and then throw yourself over to wrap your arms around him and bury yourself into his chest. 『What—? It’s foul play if you suddenly come over and hug me like this.』

“Ehehe.” You shake with your laughter, knowing you caught him off guard. But then just as you register the second part of his sentence you find yourself tipped over onto your back with Xu Mo ending up above you. His forearms are beside your head, caging you, while supporting his weight.

『Originally, I really was going to let you sleep peacefully.』

He says this in a light, lilting voice and you nearly miss the helpless undertone that’s present, taken in by the rhythm of his words. Xu Mo has always had a way of speaking that intoxicates you and this time’s not an exception either. Even before his lips touch yours, you’re half-dazed.

The cool sensation of his mouth disappears into warmth as you two kiss. He tilts his head, opening your lips with his tongue, and tastes you with an intimate familiarity. He slips his tongue deeper inside, sweeping through the hot space, sliding against the roof of your mouth, and then sucking at your tongue. The wet sound of this kiss is drowned out by the pounding of your heart that grows louder and louder as the seconds pass. Pleasure blinds you in flashes beneath your closed eyes, like fireworks going off, every time he moves his head, changing the angle of the kiss.

By the time Xu Mo pulls back and looks down at you, your chest is already heaving with the need for air. But still, the kiss felt all too short. One of your hands has found its way to clutch at the shirt he’s wearing, wrinkling the thin fabric, and you burn with the desire to kiss him or be kissed by him again. However, you don’t move and instead you appreciate the sight in front of you.

Like he mentioned earlier, it’s still early and the slivers of sunlight, mixed with moonlight, peeks in past the curtains to highlight the angle of his cheeks, creating a contrast of light and shadow. The dim light catches at the glimmer of purple in his ink-black eyes, making it look like stars reflected on the still waters of an endless ocean.

Xu Mo sketches out the sight you make with your flushed cheeks, damp eyes, and parted lips with his gaze before the corners of his lips rise in a slow smile. “Not doing much, are you?”

He punctuates this rhetorical question with a quick kiss.

Just like you know him, he knows you, and normally at this point you would be kissing him enthusiastically. Instead though, you haven’t done anything apart from responding to his advances. You know he catches the mischief in your smile. “Exercise is supposed to help you sleep, so…”

Xu Mo stares at you, dumbfounded.

And then he tilts his head back, revealing the elegant line of his throat, and laughs without reserve. This isn’t anything like his quiet chuckles, it’s a full-bodied laugh that makes his shoulders shake, and you can’t help but break out into giggles yourself at his genuine delight.

“I’ll work hard then.” The smile he gives you is wide enough to show his teeth.

He dips his head down to kiss you again, languid yet consuming. He moves his mouth over yours, catching your bottom lip to nibble and suck and then stroke his tongue over before he moves on to caressing your lips with his. He welcomes your tongue into his mouth when you reach out and you feel firsthand the rising heat in him. Each time he pauses for air and turns his head to brush kisses across your chin and jaw, you feel his scorching breaths graze your skin. There’s a haze of warm air between the both of you, softening the sharp lines of his features.

But, even though you’re being swept away by these pleasurable sensations, you still feel it when he shifts his weight onto one arm and frees a hand to slide it down your body, palm flush against your skin through your pajama top.

He kisses you deeply as his thumb teases at the edge of your panties, brushing the strip of skin exposed between your top and underwear, and you reflexively squeeze your legs together in anticipation. But then he slips the rest of his fingers underneath your top instead and moves his hand up to your chest.

“Xu…” You break off the kiss to call out his name, wanting to direct him elsewhere, but you only get out the first syllable before the rest trails off in a pleasurable gasp when he starts to knead and fondle a breast, squeezing, pressing, and dragging the pad of his thumb across the hardening tip.

Xu Mo smiles, the curve of his lips a clear sensation against your jaw. “Mm, yes, dear?”

“Don’t just—mngh…”

Your words are cut off again when he lightly pinches your nipple and pulls at it. Your back rises slightly, arching, at the zing of pleasure that races from your chest down to the dip between your legs. Cracking open your eyes, which you don’t remember closing, you turn your head to give his lips a quick pinch with your teeth, expressing your frustration.

He kisses the underside of your chin in return, letting out a breath of inaudible laughter, before he sits back and says, “Up.”

After you raise your arms obediently he pulls the rest of your pajama top off. His own shirt follows in being dragged over his head and tossed to the side and you stare unabashedly at the reveal of his solid muscles. Your eyes curve together with your satisfied smile when you reach out to splay a hand on his chest, appreciating the fine tremor that runs through him before his muscles tense into steel beneath your touch.

“I’m jealous,” you say as you slide your hand down to poke at his abdomen, feeling how the skin there doesn’t give way at all.

Xu Mo tilts his head. “Oh? I quite like how soft you are.”

And then he brushes the back of his fingers down the swell of your breast. You jerk at his touch, making a smile bloom across his face at your reaction to him.

“Shameless,” you scold as you bring up a leg, intending to push him with your foot.

But he reaches down to catch your leg and pulls it over the dip of his Adonis belt, perfectly slotting his own leg between yours, and you shiver when his hot thigh presses against the ache of you. You can’t help but move your hips a little, creating a pleasurable friction. The surface of his eyes ripple and darkens.

“Only in front of you,” he demurs, “Be good and stay still now. I believe I’m supposed to be doing all the work.”

He settles a hand beside your head to bear his weight and, for a second, you feel like there’s a great, big panther looming over you, contemplating the best way to eat the delicious morsel beneath it.

Then he leans down to kiss you deeply before proceeding to trail his mouth down your jaw, neck, and collarbone, where he swirls his tongue in the hollow of your throat. You sigh at the warmth that floods through your body, spreading from every spot his lips land on, and a hand clutches at his hair while the other twists into the sheets below you.

He kisses his way to the breast that was neglected from his earlier touches and, even though you’re expecting it, a gasp still escapes you when he closes his lips around the nub and sucks. His free hand reaches over to play with your other breast, pressing and prodding the sensitive tip before he starts to roll it between his fingers. You clench the hand that’s in his hair, unconsciously tugging at him due to all the stimulation, and when he hums in response with his mouth still around your breast a moan is dragged out from you this time.

“Xu Mo… stop teasing…”

You squirm against him impatiently.

“I’m teasing you?” He releases your nipple with a wet pop and you feel a gush of slick heat at the way those dark eyes glance up from underneath long, black eyelashes. He rests his chin on your chest and smiles slowly. “How come I don’t think that? If I was really teasing you…”

He stops the actions of his hand and then drags his nail around the tip of your breast… unhurried… tantalizing… but maintaining a distance that builds up frustration rather than satisfaction.

“Xu Mo,” you growl, fisting the hand you have in the sheets and pulling at his hair with the other.

He follows the direction of the pull, laughing softly, and then replaces his finger with his tongue, tracing the same path he took earlier, before he finally closes his mouth over your nub. He flicks his tongue up and down, wetting it thoroughly, and then draws back to blow air.

You cry out at this combination of hot and cold pleasure and squeeze your legs around his thigh. But this just presses him against your core harder and you tremble from the sheer want that opens up within you.

When you look at him, eyes blurry with desire, he pauses and then, before you can say anything, he’s already rising up to brush aside your bangs and lay a kiss on your forehead.

“Mm, I know. Don’t worry, I always want to give you what you wish.” His voice comes down gentle, solemn, and he uncurls your leg from around his hip before he shifts back enough to drop a kiss on your stomach. He curls his hands under the edge of your panties and requests, “Raise your hips.”

You do so and he slides your underwear off. But just when you expect him to use his finger he lowers his body against the bed, positions his head near your entrance, and strokes you with his tongue. You let out a choked gasp, not expecting that scorching wet sensation, and you try to clamp your legs shut automatically, jerking your hips away from this electric shock of pleasure.

However, Xu Mo already has an arm holding your waist down and his other arm is curled around your leg, hand splayed against your inner thigh to keep your leg spread open.

He services you with his mouth; at times lapping at you like a giant feline, at times tracing your folds with the lightest of caresses like butterfly wings skimming across petals, and at times pressing the flat of his tongue flush against you and tasting you like he’s trying to catch every drop but it’s never enough.

It isn’t long before the surging heat of pleasure threatens to bring you over the edge. Both of your hands are fisted in the sheets below you and you moan out his name in warning, unable to do anything more than that.

Xu Mo doesn’t say anything but he concentrates his efforts on all your sensitive spots, and it’s right when he slides the tip of his tongue into you that you climax.

Your back arches off the bed as your mind goes blank, a white-hot rush of ecstasy flooding your body, and your legs tense hard around Xu Mo trapped between them before you settle back down, boneless and quivering from a tingling warmth.

It takes you a few seconds to come down from your high and for you to realize that he’s been running his hand up and down your side in a soothing motion, head propped against your leg and watching you with tender eyes.

“Once more?” he asks, and before you can say anything he reaches down with the hand that was caressing you to push a finger into you.

“Mmgh!”

You clench down on the intrusion, feeling the lingering embers of pleasure get fanned back into flames.

“… Don’t squeeze so hard or I won’t be able to move,” Xu Mo tells you in a suddenly hoarse voice.

You see him press his head harder against your leg, his jaw somewhat clenched, and there’s beads of sweat on his forehead. You push down with your other leg, digging your foot into the sheets, to raise and roll your hips against his finger. “That’s because of you.”

“Oh? You’re blaming me?” He slides another finger into you as he asks this.

“Mhm!” You moan out your answer, shuddering when he starts to move these fingers lightly.

“Then I suppose I should take responsibility.”

He puts his words into action immediately, lowering his head to cover your soaking entrance with his mouth. He licks around his fingers as they scissor within you and stretch you. But when his tongue moves up to gently play with the sensitive bundle of nerves there and he curls his fingers to rub against a spot at the top of your walls, you reflexively buck your hips and cry out sharply, feeling another rush of slick heat come out.

Xu Mo gives a low grunt at your actions and you feel him smile around your clitoris before he continues his torture of it, prodding and sucking. His fingers start to slide in and out and, even though your heartbeat is deafening loud in your ears, you can still hear the squelching, wet sounds down there.

But you don’t have the leisure to be embarrassed. You’re writhing under his ministrations, panting for air and moaning, and before long the familiar surging tide of pleasure comes to drag you under.

You climax with a shout of his name.

Sinking deeply into the bed, your chest heaves as you desperately try to catch your breath.

Xu Mo brushes the inside of your thigh with light kisses as he waits for you to calm down before asking, “Once more?”

You stiffen and then shake your head vehemently. “No more! If you keep going I’m going to pass out.”

He laughs, “Now that won’t do. After all, you have to accompany me until I fall asleep. Right?”

Xu Mo sits up and wipes at the wetness around his mouth with the back of his hand, and the contrast between that rough, careless action with his usual elegance makes you clench your inner muscles with a low, throbbing ache.

Before you think more on it, you’re already reaching for the prominent bulge in his sweatpants. But he grabs your hand and shakes his head, admitting, “Not this time. I’m afraid I wouldn’t last.”

He must have seen something in your smug smile because his eyes darken before he leans forward to give you a hungering kiss that leaves your toes curling for more. And then, while you’re still dazed, he makes quick work of his sweatpants and opens the drawer of the side table to grab a condom to prepare himself.

Xu Mo soon settles himself over you again, aligning his tip to your entrance, and then takes one of your hands in his and places it above your head, intertwining your fingers together there, before he asks, “Ready?” His other hand places itself on your hip.

You nod and, even though your eyes flutter with the urge to close at the filling sensation of him sinking into you, you keep your gaze fixed on his face. He stares back, just as intently, as he continues to enter you slowly, like he’s burning every single change of your expression into his mind.

A pleased sigh slips out of you when his entire length finally ends up inside you.

“Good?” His voice is low and hoarse.

His only warning is the gleam in your eyes before you reply with a double entendre, licking your lips, “Very good.”

Xu Mo stills and then swallows hard, the bob of his Adam’s apple clear to your eyes. “Little vixen.”

He emphasizes his words by withdrawing and then thrusting back in a bit hard, making your laughter catch in your throat and turn into a breathy moan. His next thrusts return to being gentle though, and he sets a slow pace that lets you feel exactly how his tip pushes you open and how his member drags pleasurably against your walls.

Because of how sensitive your body is from the consecutive climaxes you had, you appreciate this change of pace and the gradual build up of warmth.

There’s a damp sheen of perspiration on his body and the beads of sweat you had seen earlier on his forehead have now slipped down to his jaw, tracing the throbbing vein in his throat, and following the lines of his rising and falling chest to disappear into the happy trail on his abdomen. His hair is sodden and drooping down into his eyes and you find yourself reaching out with your free hand to brush the strands back before you cup his cheek.

Even in the dim lighting you can see his pupils dilate at your touch and his eyes shake. But then he leans into your palm and turns his head, still watching you, to brush his lips against the hollow of your wrist.

The burst of love you feel comes along with you squeezing down on him. He gives a guttural groan and then leans forward, dislodging your hand, to cover your body with his and, pressing his forehead against yours, your sight is filled by dark purple eyes that burn with an inner flame.

He pulls your hip up with the hand there, changing the angle of his measured thrusts, and you feel the warmth in your body ignite into a sea of hot pleasure. Moaning, you dig your toes into the sheets to push back and match his movements, and this time you grab onto his shoulder for purchase, feeling the shift of his muscles as he moves.

It only takes a few more thrusts before you reach completion. You shut your eyes with a soundless cry as an eruption of fireworks happens in your mind and it feels like every nerve in your body is buzzing with an electric heat. You clutch hard at the hand that’s holding yours and your legs shake with the aftershocks of pleasure.

Xu Mo follows soon after, his orgasm marked by the shuddering breath that’s drawn out of him, and you can feel his length inside you pulsing as he releases himself.

Both of you take a few minutes to compose yourselves but Xu Mo recovers first and pulls himself out of you. He rakes back his sweat-sodden hair and then caresses your cheek with his thumb before he cleans you and himself up, disposing of the condom and wiping you down. He also picks up your pajama top from where it was tossed to the side.

“Here, put this on before you catch a chill.” He helps you into it when he sees your sluggish movements, unable to hide his smile.

You puff up with mock anger, sensing how he’s the one with a smug smirk this time. But his smile just deepens.

Then Xu Mo gets up to pour a glass of water and drinks it all at once before he fills it up again and returns to sit at the edge of the bed. He takes a mouthful of the water and then leans over to press his lips to yours, passing the cool liquid through a kiss. You greedily suck at his lips.

“More?” he asks.

Your response is to open your mouth again in obvious demand. He laughs, giving your hair a stroke, before he answers your wish and gives you another drink of water with his mouth.

After you’ve had your fill of water Xu Mo sets the glass aside on the side table and then slips back into bed. You cuddle up against him, nuzzling your face into his solid chest.

“Do you think you can sleep now?” You ask through a yawn. Drowsiness lurks at the edge of your awareness now that all of your needs are met.

He hums, and the sound is a gentle vibration beneath you. “Hmm, I suppose I’m tired enough for that.”

Tilting your head up, you reach out to trace the corner of his eye with your fingertips. He watches you quietly as you do that, letting you touch him however you wish.

Xu Mo looks more relaxed than he did at the start, so it looks like some of the tension in his body was released, but he still carries the air of someone with chronic insomnia.

“When was the last time you got a good night’s sleep?” You ask suddenly.

He blinks at your question, the only sign of his slight surprise, before he takes on a thoughtful expression and turns a distant gaze towards the window. 『… Let me think.』

You wait patiently until he turns his attention back to you. He lifts his hand and plays with a lock of your hair as he starts to speak slowly, working through the memory.

『One time, when I was studying in England, I spent months finishing a particularly tricky piece of my dissertation. After I sent it through the mail, it was already nine in the morning. I was a bit tired and planned on sleeping. The weather in England is often rainy, so it was also raining that morning and it was dark. The sound of the rain striking the windowsill was clear and it sounded soothing too. Then, there was the sound of a piano from below. It was Chopin’s Nocturne, and played very well. Every note mixed in with the sound of the rain… unhurried drops, pitter-pattering. All was quiet, as if I was separated from the world. I stared at the curtains that were being lifted by the wind and, before I knew it, I fell asleep.』

You think about his story for a moment and then sit up to grab your phone from the side table. Unlocking it, you open a few websites and then before long the gentle notes of Chopin’s Nocturne Op. 15 No. 2 start to play in the room together with the sound of rain in the background. “Like this?”

Xu Mo’s eyes widen before he smiles and nods. 『Mm, it was just like this sound.』

You turn the volume on your phone up to the max and then set it down again before settling back into bed. But this time you pull Xu Mo over to you, much to his bemusement, until his head is pillowed on your chest.

The delicate sound of the piano surrounds both of you and Xu Mo is so silent that you start to think he’s fallen asleep until he speaks up again in a quiet voice.

『Although I don’t remember it at all anymore, I dimly feel that when I was small I also experienced a night like this. The sound of the rain, the sound of the piano.』

During his pause, you start to comb your fingers through his hair tenderly. He exhales heavily at this action and rests more of his weight onto you, as if the remaining tension in his frame was leeched out.

『… Outside the window, it’s very, very cold. I can hear the sound of the wind striking the window. And in my half-awake and half-asleep state, I’m put into a warm embrace…』

His breathing deepens.

『Closing my eyes like this… I’m able to sink into a deep, deep sleep… Just like… this right now…』

The rest of his breaths smooth out into the peaceful rhythm of sleep. You continue to run your fingers through his hair some more, wanting to make sure he was securely sleeping, before you carefully lean down to kiss the top of his head.

Good night and sweet dreams, Xu Mo.

VS Varia Part I DVD & Blu-ray Release Event Highlights

Here’s a translated compilation of JP fan reports for the event. In attendance were the actors of Reborn, Tsuna, Gokudera, Yamamoto, Xanxus, Squalo and Bel. Links to the original tweets are in the last punctuation marks.

During the second batch of this event, Yamamoto (who plays as Yamamato) introduces himself as Bel’s actor even though he was actually played by Oomi Shoichiro:

          80: I’m Yamamoto, and I’m Belphegor’s actor.           B: OI! Belphegor?! I’m the one who played as him!!           80: Oh yeah! Bel’s a lot smaller than I am.           B: Bel’s not small!! He’s got just the right height!

When the actors were asked what the best scene will be in Part II:

          59: The Tenth is just so cool!!! He goes whoosh and them BAM!           27, amused: We haven’t even started rehearsals yet...           S: Well our Boss is cool too! He goes whoosh and them BAM!             X: Thanks, Shungo (Squalo’s actor). 

Harashima Motohisa (Gokudera's actor) doesn’t smoke, and is actually not fond of the smell of cigarettes. To prepare for his role and learn how to hold it and how to let out the smoke, he practiced with Vitaful (an e-cigarette brand). OP doesn’t remember the flavor, but it may have been either muscat or grapefruit.

Once, while they were doing shows in Osaka, at first Neeko thought he spotted a thug lingering at the magazine area at a convenience store, but upon looking closer, it was actually Harashima. XD

They talked about how amazing Bel’s actor (Oomi Shoichiro) for being able do everything even though his bangs block him from seeing much. Yamamoto was grinning as said, “Well, he’s a genius, after all, so he can do it easily.” And Oomi just smiled winningly at that.

Once, Hayashida Kohei (Xanxus’ actor) was threw the fake Vongola Half Rings really hard, and Takasaki Shungo (Squalo’s actor) got so flustered that he almost forgot his lines. Ever since then, he was nervous every time they do that scene. If the rings landed too far away, they had decided on having Levi’s actor being the one to pick them up.

Harashima said the part where Yamamato went, “Damn it!” as he pounded his fist to the floor after the Rain Battle was great.

During the Rain Battle, the stage set would move and sometimes it would restrict Takasaki’s movements.

Takenaka said he really struggled in that one scene with the Sasagawa siblings because they were really going at it with the sumo jokes.

It’s dark at the stage wings, and once Luss, Bel, Mammon and Mosca get off the stage they keep on bumping on everything. Xanxus and Squalo’s were amused at how uncool they were at the stage wings when they were so cool on stage.

Everyone’s really nice to Gola Mosca backstage. Luss’ actor guides his way even though it’s dark and he’s wearing sunglasses.  He confirms he’s in the right position once he gets a hold of Takasaki.

When asked who they’d each like to have as their home tutor, Neeko, Oomi and Harashima chose Dino. Hayashida and Yamamoto chose Colonnello. If they can choose characters that don’t appear in Part I though, Oomi and Hayashida said they want Chrome as their tutor.

Takasaki and Oomi were amused that they both match because they accidentally wore flannel clothes. 

The MC suddenly asked a question to Oomi and he looked troubled as he touched Takasaki and seemed to be asking help from him. Meanwhile, Takasaki laughed as he said, “Don’t ask me for help!”

Oomi accidentally hit his mouth with his mic.

When the MC had a question for Hayashida and Takasaki, Oomi also directed the mic he was holding to Takasaki and ended up hitting him in the mouth. Hayashida raised his hand to Takasaki’s mouth, checking to see if he’s okay.

Takasaki accidentally said Part III instead of Part II.

Yamamoto says that greeting everyone while on the floor in a dogeza is part of Kimeru’s (Lambo’s actor) pre-show routine. Apparently he needs it to get fully into character.

More banter between Yamamoto and Bel’s actor:

          80: We’ll eat at Neeko-san’s place!           B: Why, thanks!           80: You’re not invited.           B: What?? What about the Varia?? We’re not invited??           80, laughing: No, everyone in Varia’s invited, except for you.           B: Oi! Don’t look so charming while saying that! You’d probably get an offer to be in a commercial for water!

They talked about what they’re like when they sleeping (in relation to Iemitsu’s crazy sleeping positions in the play I suppose) and Neeko talked about having sleep paralysis sometimes.

Yamamoto apparently had an experience with ghosts before? He has a sixth sense and once a ghost followed him home after he had a photoshoot at a graveyard. He experienced sleep paralysis as the ghost kept telling him to look at them, but he was just like, “You’re annoying” and fell sleep. XD

Oomi dreamt he was swimming and ended up hitting his head on his dresser. Apparently, he did a 180 on his bed and his feet was at the headboard.

Meanwhile Hayashida dreamt about fighting his brother and when he fought back he accidentally smacked his ex-girlfriend that was sleeping next to him irl instead. XDDDDDD Everyone went wild the moment he brought up his former girlfriend lol.

They talked about special skills they had, and Harashima talked passionately about lighting fires. (Camping is his hobby.) Hayashida talked about being good at catching beetles and how to raise a stag beetle. He then apologized for ending with a gross story.

Hayashida apparently kept on drawing himself up and talking without the mic and the others had to remind him to use it.

One of the games they played was a pedometer competition, and Harashima and Neeko were tied in first place. Before the two competed again, the rest were asked who they’d like to win, and they answered:

          27: I’m good with either.           X: The lead actor of this play...           S: I want it to be a tie again!

My 2 Cents on Translating

I was skimming through my computer and found this blog post that I never posted. I think I was hesitant because I saw varying opinions on the subject in the fandom, but idk, these are just my thoughts from my experience as a fan translator for the vocaloid/utaite fandom and what I have learned. I'm not sure if any of my thoughts are unpopular opinions or not, but I'm also not sure how much discussion there has been concerning fan translators. Also, this is really long, so if you want to skim or ignore it be my guest lol.

I guess the first thing I'll talk about is how I think writing a translation is just as much of an artform as writing original lyrics are. I know that translations aren't from scratch like an original story is, but with Japanese especially, there's sooooooo much leniency in how things can be translated into English. Here's an example of how different translations can be. This is a quote from Natsume Soseki's "Kokoro" and three published translations of it:

私は冷やかな頭で新しい事を口にするよりも、熱した舌で平凡な説を述べる方が生きていると信じています。血の力で体が動くからです。言葉が空気に波動を伝えるばかりでなく、もっと強い物にもっと強く働き掛ける事ができるからです。

"I believe that a common reply, stated with passion on one's tongue, is more impactful than novel words from a cool head. The flow of blood powers the body. Words are more than waves disturbing the air, they induce great action in greater things." - From the Soseki Project site

"I believe that commonplace ideas passionately expressed are more effective in real life than the original inventions of a detached intellect. Because it is the heat of the blood that impresses us, for in addition to the words which reverberate in the air, the emotion by its intensity pierces to the soul." - Ineko Kondo

"I believe that words uttered in passion contain a greater living truth than do those words which express thoughts rationally conceived. It is blood that moves the body. Words are not meant to stir the air only; they are capable of moving greater things." - Edwin McClellan

Anyways, you get the idea lol. As you can see from these translations, the grammar structures are completely different; sometimes words are added, sometimes words are left out, and sometimes there are grammar patterns used in Japanese that just don't work in English. All these decisions are up to the translator. I've read some translations of things where whole relevant plot details were cut out just because the translator got annoyed (I'm looking at your translation of the Tale of Genji, Seidensticker).

I should probably talk about how I translate stuff. When I first started translating, I thought my lyrics were more liberal, but as I poked around and looked at other translators, I found that mine stuck more closely to the original format of the song (such as, I would keep the same phrases on the same line in the stanza, use the same format for punctuation, etc.). Song translation is different from manga or books because sentences can be broken up over a whole stanza, so translators can play a lot with how they want to arrange phrases for lyrics. I kept mine very close to the original song because I liked being able to easily identify the Japanese line with the English. I'm not sure if that's a translating "sin" but eh, that's how I liked translating my stuff. Maybe in the future I'll try something different

However, just because I saw many different translations for songs, I wouldn't go out of my way to say that any of them were wrong or bad, per say. Translating songs is a huge pain because there's no punctuation which makes it hard to keep track of everything. I've had times where I've been able to translate a 10 page story faster than I could translate a single song, just because having context and punctuation makes everything sooooo much easier. However, even if a translation is wrong, I don't think that makes it meaningless. I'm personally of the opinion that having some sort of translation is better than nothing, but that's something you need to decide for yourself. When I was first learning Japanese and couldn't fully understand the songs I listened to, if there was even just one line that I understood, I would embrace it and really love whatever meaning I grasped from it. Even if a song is translated correctly, there are lines that will impact people differently, and even an awkward or incorrect translation can resonate with the reader. Similarly, there are many times when I translate that I look at a line and think "aaahhhhh I want to change the meaning a bit because I can make it sound cooler and give it more impact than a direct translation would".

The next thing I noticed is that I kind of feel like people value native Japanese speakers (who have English as their second language, non-native English speaker) over native English speakers more (Japanese second language, non-native Japanese speaker)? Tbh, that feels like a double standard to me. Like idk, I'm fine translating Japanese into English, but I don't think I would be able to translate English into Japanese. In fact, most professional translating jobs have you translate into your native language, so I thought it was strange when I noticed that it seemed like native Japanese speakers had more favored translations. Or another one I noticed is that if someone knew more languages, their translation would also be considered better because of the assumption that taking multiple language courses is the same as being gifted with languages. Anyways, my point is that both English native speakers and Japanese native speakers both put a lot of time into learning their languages so I don't think one side should be valued less than the other. Both have their strengths and weaknesses. Native English speakers may have a harder time understanding the initial Japanese, but shape it into English better, while native Japanese speakers understand the Japanese, but have a harder time putting it into English how a native speaker would understand.

No matter what the translator's native language is though, I've learned that having skills in a foreign language isn't the only requirement to be a good translator; you also need to have proper understanding of grammar and a large vocabulary in your native language. Also, proper reading of the translation requires the same amount of understanding for English grammar and vocabulary. I realized this after I took a lot of comparative literature classes and realized how much of a potato I am lol. I think it makes sense though, as a lot of the lyrics from utaite and vocaloid songs are usually extremely well thought out poetry. Multiple songwriters I've translated for have mentioned that as they tried to write better lyrics, they eventually had to immerse themselves in studying literature and their native language much more than the average person would. I often think that since literature and translating doesn't abide by scientific law that the humanities are actually more difficult to grasp than STEM subjects (and trust me, I've studied far on both sides of the spectrum).

The last thing I'll touch on is that… just appreciate your fan translators and don't give them a hard time please. Like nobody gets paid to do this stuff and usually they do it because they really like something, so just let people learn and try their best. Yes, they won't be perfect translations, but once again, fan translators aren't paid. They're translating out of the goodness of their heart. After all, translators don't need to translate a song to understand it, so in the end they don't really lose anything if they stop translating. As international fans, I feel like there are three options that we have to choose from eventually: 1. Rely on fan translations, even with their mistakes 2. Don't use translations and just enjoy the music or 3. Learn Japanese. I think all options are great, but they are personal decisions and shouldn't be used to knock other people down and make them feel bad. If there's a mistake in a translation, it is not intentional and the translator literally has no idea unless someone tells them (as translations are a combined reflection of both Japanese AND English ability). All I know is that Vocaloid was popularized from amateur musicians just doing what they wanted for fun, and so I think a really cool thing that the international fandom has that Japan doesn't is that we have awesome fan translators that are also amateurs and are doing translations for fun.

TRC Translation Notes Volume 16 (Chapters 117 - 124)

Even more fantastic translation notes from the even more fantastic @giniroangou. 

Highlights include: Kamui vampire antics, Fai being a sweetheart, clone explanations, real understanding of what the seal was, insight on Xing Huo, and oh my lord Fai is a sweetheart.

Chapter 117

p.5 - The word Kamui says aloud is “nakami” (the contents/substance) but it’s written with the kanji for “soul” (tamashii/魂).

p.16 - It’s ambiguous (especially at this point in the chapter) but I’m fairly certain Kamui is speaking to Subaru here. His last line is, “Or were you pulled in by this thing’s sleep?” He expected Subaru to wake up once the feather’s power vanished and is concerned that Sakura’s soul is keeping him asleep now.

p.21 - Kamui’s tone is less questioning in the original text - it’s more like, “You’re game, aren’t you?”

p.22 - Kamui’s clarification here is just a change from katakana to kanji - エ to 餌 - so the word is still spoken as “e.” I have to assume communicating through telepathy allows him to convey the meaning of his words through something other than pronunciation. The kanji 餌 means “esa,” which is bait or animal feed. I think the use of the word “game” is a clever way to preserve the ambiguity of the term in earlier scenes, but I believe most people in the fandom prefer the word “prey.” Both lean more towards the word “emono” (獲物) in meaning, but that could easily be something CLAMP was hoping to evoke here as well and given the context either word feels appropriate as a translation.

Chapter 118

p.36 - Just a subtle correction, but Kamui says that Subaru fell asleep immediately after they arrived in Tokyo.

p.42 - There is a difference between Syaoran’s line here, “I will give them all back to her,” and his similar earlier lines. The verb he used in the earlier scenes was “torikaesu” (取り返す), which as I explained before means to take something back. In this scene, he uses “torimodosu” (取り戻す), which means roughly the same thing, but with a stronger implication of returning the feathers to where they came from. He also adds “subete” (全て) or “all of them,” where before he didn’t clarify, which I would interpret as a hardening of his resolve rather than a true difference in meaning.

Chapter 119

p.53 - To elaborate a little on Kamui’s explanation, he’s saying that beings who live off of blood keep “game” (in the sense of keeping an animal) to serve as their food supply.

p.54 - After Kamui learns that Syoaran doesn’t belong to Fai, I interpreted his line as questioning whether Syaoran belonged to Seishirou instead. The wording is ambiguous enough that I suppose he could be asking whether Fai works for Seishirou, but that wouldn’t have been my first instinct.

p.55 - I feel like the translation takes some of the punch out of Fai’s words here. They feel a lot sweeter in the original text - I actually started tearing up, lol. It’s not a huge difference, but what he should be saying is, “You’re wrong. He’s a really good kid.” ...this is never going to sound as nice in English as it does in Japanese but at least this should be slightly better?

p.59 - Lava Lamp is described here as Clow Reed’s blood relative (no mention of being his heir) using the same word that was used earlier to establish Fei Wang as part of that lineage as well.

Syaoran is described in the translation as an “image,” but the original Japanese word was “utsushimi” (写身). I discussed this word a bit back in chapter 66, since Ashura uses the same word with different kanji for feather-Yasha. To repeat what I said back then, the original word “utsushimi” is a form of “utsusemi,” meaning one’s transient body/existence, but it’s not written with these characters. The verb “utsusu” when written as 写す means “to duplicate/imitate,” so when it’s paired with “mi” (身/body), it implies a replication of a previously existing body, as is the case here. The popular fandom word for this is “clone,” which I feel encompasses the concept much better than the official translation.

This may already be implied in the translation, but Fei Wang says that Syaoran was created in order to gather the feathers.

p.62 - In the Japanese text, the implant isn’t Lava Lamp’s soul but his heart/spirit (“kokoro”/心). I think it amounts to the same thing, but this word allows for a little more focus on the potential to feel emotion, particularly love.

p.64 - The translation on this page is kind of unclear. Basically, the magic Lava Lamp used to implant his soul also caused clone Syaoran to fall apart if his eye was removed (as you’d expect from one of Clow’s bloodline, Fei Wang says.) The main reason Fei Wang decided to send Syaoran out as is was because it would have been too difficult to create another copy that held the same power as the original.

p.65 - Fei Wang describes Sakura specifically as the key to the power of the ruins.

Chapter 120

p.68 - Lava Lamp wasn’t just growing older. Yuuko uses the word “seichou” (成長), which refers to both growth and development. It’s often used to describe someone becoming more mature or improving their abilities.

p.70 - A correction to the first line on this page: Lava Lamp awakening is equivalent to the seal on Syaoran’s eye breaking. The first event inevitably causes the second.

p.71 - A tiny bit of key information got lost in the translation here. After confirming that Xing Huo sent Lava Lamp to Yuuko, Fei Wang says, “Considering your origin, I suppose it can’t be helped. And besides, you’re another one of my failed creations after all.”

p.72 - This line should be, “I guess you can’t hear me anymore,” which makes a lot more sense all things considered.

Chapter 121

p.99 - I feel the need to mention that there are no exclamation points or question marks in Kurogane’s original dialogue on this page. It’s not like family members getting eaten is anything new for him, haha… ha.

p.100 - Syaoran’s line here is, “I’m taking his right eye too.”

p.110 - Kurogane isn’t talking about Fai being able to smile, but about the kids being able to smile. It’s a callback to the conversation Kurogane and Fai had in Piffle (conveniently featured in one of the flashback panels here). Fai changed in order to do whatever he could to preserve Syaoran and Sakura’s happiness.

Chapter 122

p.122 - Lava Lamp specifically says that Fai tried to return Syaoran’s soul ALONG WITH his left eye. I’m assuming Fai managed to implant the soul within his own eye before Syaoran took it, hoping that by eating the soul along with the eye Syaoran would be restored. If you ever wondered why Fai didn’t even try to fight back, here’s your answer.

p.124 - VERY IMPORTANT CHARACTER NOTE about Lava Lamp: I’m thrilled you noticed that he isn’t using Fai’s name. Lava Lamp’s speech style is totally different from Syaoran’s - it’s something that isn’t nearly as apparent in translation, but in the Japanese text it establishes them instantly and obviously as separate personalities. Lava Lamp, like Kurogane, rarely uses other characters’ names. There are exceptions, but after so many chapters of hearing Syaoran say “Kurogane-san” and “Fai-san” it’s quite striking to see that disappear altogether in Lava Lamp’s speech. He also uses more casual language overall, which again creates a strong contrast with Syaoran’s persistent politeness. Mostly it makes him feel more mature, and it puts him on a more equal standing with Kurogane and Fai. (I’ll mention here as well: autopilot Syaoran doesn’t use polite language either.)

p.127 - Lava Lamp doesn’t just say Sakura is precious to Syaoran, he says “That Sakura.” Also, the official translation finally starts using “heart” here instead of “soul” but it’s still the same word, as I discussed earlier.

p.132 - Kurogane doesn’t ask for his sword in this scene, but he’s not specifically asking for Syaoran’s either. He just wants a sword, lol.

Chapter 123

p.143 - The use of “I am betting” in the translation doesn’t have quite the right nuance, IMO. When Lava Lamp implanted his soul into Syaoran, he knew it would only be temporary. He was taking a gamble and placing his hopes on Syaoran being able to grow his own soul before he inevitably lost the one Lava Lamp gave him.

Chapter 124

Cover page - “The Value of Life” isn’t a mistranslation, but I would probably translate this title as, “The Price of Life.” The word in the title is “taika” (対価), the same word Yuuko uses when she makes deals with people.

p.169 - There are not supposed to be any exclamation points on this page. *sighs deeply*

p.170 - I believe this is less that Lava Lamp doesn’t know where Fei Wang went (I don’t think he went anywhere?) but that he doesn’t know where he was being kept in the first place.

p.171 - The translation isn’t as consistent, but the original text differentiates between Syaorans by putting quote marks around the original Syaoran’s name, so it always looks like 『小狼』. There’s technically no difference in what people are calling him, but as readers we can still differentiate, and I suppose it implies a different emotion/perception on the speaker’s part.

p.176 - Kurogane’s anger is a little quieter in the original text - his line starts with an ellipsis and doesn’t have any punctuation at the end, which I feel evokes the underlying grief a bit better. He also brings back the same phrase he used in his conversation with Fai in the previous volume - “hara wo kukuru.” If I reference back to my translation of the earlier line, this one would be, “...who told you to resign yourself like that.” In the Japanese version it’s obvious Kurogane is seeing his own hand in the decision Fai’s just made and now that it’s too late he’s basically saying THIS ISN’T WHAT I MEANT.

When did he start calling himself “The Doctor”?

Who pros Phillip Culley and @willbrooks1989​ were pondering old classic Who scripts which alternate between identifying the speaker as “DOCTOR” or “DOCTOR WHO.” During the discussion, Phillip asked an intriguing question:

Thinking about it, when does he first call himself The Doctor, rather than a companion introducing him as such?

Tracking down references is my version of solving crossword puzzles, but this was a toughie. Summary of results:

At first he only identifies himself as a scientist, evading specifics. Either companions introduce him, or others see them calling him “Doctor” and follow suit. (It originated with Ian, btw.)

Eventually— and the first time he does so is to Cameca in The Aztecs— he’ll cautiously say, “they call me the Doctor.” But he still doesn’t do it very often, and only in response to queries.

Just as rarely, he’ll refer to himself jokingly in third person “your old friend the Doctor” or something of that sort to Barbara (Reign of Terror) or Victoria (Enemy of the World). He’s quoting their nickname for him when reminding them of their friendship. 

Starting with The Dalek Invasion of Earth, the First Doctor begins correcting strangers if they call him Doc, Mister, Professor, or anything else. He tells them “I prefer Doctor” or simply cuts them off with “Doctor.” 

Starting with The Celestial Toymaker, he’ll say “This is the Doctor” (third person!) under very specific circumstances: when he’s using a long-distance communication device to identify himself to someone who knows him. He’s letting them know this is the person you call the Doctor when they can’t see him. 

Starting with The Gunfighters, he’ll occasionally invent an alias (”Doctor Caligari, Doctor Wer, Doctor John Smith”) on the spur of the moment when a stranger demands a name. 

Right after regenerating, the Second Doctor refers to the Doctor as if he’s somebody else, the first instance of post-regeneration amnesia (it wears off quickly).

In The Seeds of Doom and Enemy of the World, he calls himself the Doctor (to Victoria: “you wouldn’t hit your old friend the Doctor, would you?”) in order to correct someone’s misidentification of him (see #4). 

From Season 9 onwards (The Mutants, Carnival of Monsters, Invasion of the Dinosaurs) he FINALLY starts introducing himself to random strangers, unprompted: “I’m the Doctor.” It’s a subtle distinction: “I AM X” rather than “I am known as X.”

Leading to the newly-regenerated Fourth Doctor telling Harry, “You may be a doctor, but I am the Doctor. The definite article, you might say.” It’s no longer simply a label, alias or handle, but an expression of his core identity. It’s become how he thinks of himself as a person: THE DOCTOR. 

He owes Chatterton a great deal of thanks for coming up with the nickname. ;) 

Okay. Under the cut are relevant excerpts tracing the gradual evolution from “What’s that boy Chesterfield calling me?” to “Helllo, I’m the Doctor!” 

Method: I fed Chrissie’s Doctor Who Transcripts into Scrivener so I could search them using RegEx (a way of specifying complex searches). I came up with this mess:

^DOCTOR[A-Za-z0-9:;.,’\?\! ]+[Dd]octor.+

Translated into plain English: “Look for any line that begins with DOCTOR, followed by some stuff, then the word "Doctor” (upper or lower case), and then keep going until you hit a line break.”

The results looked like this:

And then I tabbed through them manually looking for clues.

Unearthly Child

IAN: Just open the doors, Doctor Foreman. DOCTOR: Eh? Doctor who? What's he talking about?

The first of many gratuitous “Doctor” “…who?” fourth wall jokes, which I won’t belabor.

BARBARA: Oh, look, I don't understand it any more than you do. The inside of the ship, suddenly finding ourselves here. Even some of the things Doctor Foreman says IAN: That's not his name. Who is he? Doctor who? Perhaps if we knew his name we might have a clue to all this.

It’s Ian who starts using “Doctor” to address him (“Doctor, will you lead?”) apparently because he doesn’t know what else to call him.

DOCTOR: One minute ago we were trying desperately to get away from these savages. IAN: All right, now we're helping them. You're a doctor, do something. DOCTOR: I'm not a doctor of medicine.

Right from the start, the Doctor starts having to correct the confusion his alias tends to create.

The Aztecs

CAMECA: You are a healer? DOCTOR: No, no, they call me the Doctor. I am a scientist, an engineer. I'm a builder of things.

Fittingly, Cameca is the first person to hear him call himself “Doctor,” even obliquely. But it doesn’t happen again for a long time.

Reign of Terror

BARBARA: Oh, Doctor, I thought we were never going to see you again. DOCTOR: You should know by now, young lady, that you can't get rid of the old Doctor as easily as that.

Right at the end of Season 1, he borrows the term from Barbara to refer to himself in third person. It’s an isolated case, however, and possibly a slip on the part of the writers.

The Dalek Invasion of Earth

TYLER: I'll say one thing, Doc. Life's never dull with you around. DOCTOR: Thank you, but don't call me Doc, I prefer Doctor. Do you mind?

He’s not saying that’s his name, but he’s got decided ideas about what NOT to call him. Right, Professor?

The Myth Makers

KATARINA: Yes, great god. DOCTOR: His name is Steven. And remember Katarina, you must call me Doctor. KATARINA: Oh, as you wish Doc. DOCTOR: I'm not a Doc. I am not a god.

NOT YOU TOO KATARINA. He’s settled on the alias by season 3. But he’s still not using it as an introduction, only as a correction. In fact, nearly all pre-Pertwee instances of the Doctor saying “Doctor” happen because he’s clarifying, correcting or heading off someone else’s misidentification of him. 

The Massacre of St. Bartholomew’s Eve

DODO: Wait a minute, if this isn't a police box, what is it? And who are you? DOCTOR: Well, my dear, I'm a doctor of science, and this machine is for travelling through time and relative dimensions in space. Now you DODO: Come again?

He’s still not introducing himself as the Doctor, although he now prefers to be called Doctor rather than something else when people address him.

The Celestial Toymaker

(Watching the monitor alone, the Doctor finds a communication switch.) DOCTOR: Dodo? Steven? This is the Doctor.

Starting near the end of Season 3, the Doctor will occasionally say “this is the Doctor” to somebody who already knows him when communicating long distance, especially when there’s some risk of mistaken identity.

The Gunfighters

DOCTOR: Allow me, sir, to introduce Miss Dodo Dupont, wizard of the ivory keys, and er Steven Regret, tenor. And lastly sir, your humble servant Doctor Caligari. MASTERSON: Doctor Who? DOCTOR: Yes, quite right.

More fourth wall breakage with a side helping of John Smith. First alias, I think!

STEVEN: Doctor! DOCTOR: No, not Doctor at the moment, dear boy. I am Deputy-Sheriff of Tombstone.

Still treating it as one of his aliases rather than as his core identity.

The Savages

DOCTOR:  In the meantime, young man, I wonder if you'd mind trying to find my young people for me. Steven and Dodo. Tell them the Doctor sent you.

Once again using the term for long-distance communication to identify himself to friends I.e. “this is from that guy you call the Doctor.”

Power of the Daleks

DOCTOR: Ah! The Crusades, from Saladin. The Doctor was a great collector, wasn't he? POLLY: But you're the Doctor. DOCTOR: Oh, I don't look like him.

[…]

BEN: Of course, the real Doctor was always going on about the Daleks. POLLY: Real Doctor? DOCTOR: Real Doctor?* Oh, you mean the real Doctor.

Right after regener— er, renewal, it takes a few minutes for the Doctor’s memory to clear. But then he’s a little scamp and won’t admit it once he remembers, baffling Ben (Polly is not fooled). To add to Ben’s confusion, the Doctor assumes the identity of a dead man in order to investigate his murder.

*The transcripts are incredibly meticulous, but sometimes (like any Doctor Who fan) they capitalise ‘Doctor’ when the line is really about some other doctor. So I think this punctuation should be: “Real doctor? Oh, you mean the real Doctor.” 

The Highlanders

DOCTOR: A gentleman at last. Doctor von Wer, at your service. SERGEANT: Doctor who? DOCTOR: (sotto) That's what I said.

Again with the fourth wall breakage, this time pretending he’s a German.

The Moonbase

DOCTOR: Won't you introduce us first? I am a Doctor. HOBSON: A Doctor? You're arrived just in time. We need your help.

Another place where I think the transcript’s capitalised out of habit, but he’s just saying “I am a doctor.” But I excerpt it in case you disagree and want to consider this the first bona-fide “I am [the] Doctor.”

The Faceless Ones

COMMANDANT [OC]: I said I wished to speak to the Doctor, otherwise the next will be Captain Blade. BLADE: Doctor, the microphone. DOCTOR: Are you quite all right, my dear. PINTO: Yes, I think so. DOCTOR: Good. Commandant, this is the Doctor speaking.

The Doctor might’ve said “Here I am,” but any ambiguity or doubt might’ve gotten Captain Blade killed, so he answers explicitly. Again, he does this over the radio, not face to face, since voices are harder to recognise.

Evil of the Daleks

OMEGA: Alpha. ALPHA: Beta. BETA: Omega. DOCTOR: Yes, yes, yes. Now, this is Jamie and I am Doctor. We are friends. OMEGA: Friends, friends. ALPHA: Jamie, Doctor.

He’s reprogramming Daleks, and finally comes right out and says it! Even so, he’s helping them with labels— “I am the person they call Doctor” — rather than using it to express who he is as a person, if that makes any sense?  Although Phillip Culley argues that this is from an early era of Who when the show’s creators were toying with the idea of Doctor as his first name and Who as his surname.

The Ice Warriors

VARGA [on monitor]: Identify yourself. DOCTOR: Me? I'm a scientist. I've come to talk with you.

He still identifies himself as a scientist, even though he answers to the alias “Doctor.”

Enemy of the World

DOCTOR: Oh, Victoria, don't hit me! You wouldn't hit your old friend the Doctor, would you? I wouldn't leave you in the tender mercy of Salamander.

He’ll say it to fend off Victoria when she’s about to thwack him! Third person, though.

The Invasion

DOCTOR: Right. We must stop them. Brigadier, Brigadier, this is the Doctor. Can you still hear me.

Once again, the Doctor identifies himself over radio to someone who already calls him “Doctor.”

The Seeds of Doom

ELDRED: You still haven't told me who you are and what you're doing here. DOCTOR: Well. ELDRED: That's the main-door alarm! What's going on? RADNOR: *enters* Professor Daniel Eldred. Well, well, well. ELDRED: Radnor. Come to see how your spies are getting on? RADNOR: I'm sorry? I don't think we've met. My name's Radnor. This is Miss Kelly. DOCTOR: Oh, how do you do. This is Zoe, and Jamie, and I'm the Doctor. ZOE: Hello. JAMIE: Hello. ELDRED: Oh, Radnor, don't pretend that you don't know them.

There. He finally just said it. Once again trying to correct a case of mistaken identity, and it was like pulling teeth (“Well…”) but there it is.  

The War Games

LÜCKE: For the last time, what is your name? DOCTOR: Why don't you just call me Doctor? LÜCKE: That is not a name. I want your full name. DOCTOR: Oh, very well. Doctor John Smith.

He still doesn’t go to “I am the Doctor” unless he absolutely must. (Is that the first instance of John Smith? *checks* No, Jamie originally came up with the name, reading it off the brand name of a gadget in Wheel in Space!)

Spearhead from Space

BRIGADIER: Not yet. I must arrange for a full set of papers first. By the way, I've just realised. I don't even know your name. DOCTOR: Smith. Doctor John Smith.

Inferno

DOCTOR: My name? You ask me my name after all the years that you and I… Well now, wait a minute. Yes, I think I'm beginning to see what's happened here. Might I suggest you just call me ‘Doctor’? BRIGADE LEADER: Doctor. Doctor what? DOCTOR: Smith. Doctor John Smith.

The alias has stuck. He uses it from time to time in a pinch.

Terror of the Autons

DOCTOR: Jo, wake up. Wake up, Jo. This is the Doctor. You're amongst friends.

Again, when people who know him can’t see him (or are too dazed to recognise him), he’ll identify himself, using the name they call him by.

The Mutants

DOCTOR: So, you must be Ky. How do you do? I'm the Doctor. That's the idea. Now then, where's Miss Grant?

It’s debatable, but I feel like this really is the first time he just casually introduces himself as the Doctor, not to correct somebody calling him something else, not to identify his voice to someone who can’t see him, not to resolve a case of mistaken identity, not in jocular third person with a friend— but simply and voluntarily introducing himself as the Doctor when he meets a stranger. All the way out in Season 9!

Carnival of Monsters

VORG: Allow me to introduce myself. I am the great Vorg! And this beautiful young lady is Shirna, my assistant. DOCTOR: Delighted, Miss Shirna. I am the Doctor.

This is the next time he does it. (Season 10)  Also in Invasion of the Dinosaurs. 

He still likes to be mysterious about himself, sometimes resorting to “John Smith” when he’s being sneaky, but he now thinks of himself as The Doctor. It’s become his core identity rather than just a label used when vagueness won’t suffice.

Robot

DOCTOR: Not fit? I'm the Doctor. HARRY: No, Doctor, I'm the doctor and I say that you're not fit. DOCTOR: You may be a doctor, but I'm the Doctor. The definite article, you might say.

P.S. While my memory’s fuzzy, I’m pretty sure that the Meddling Monk and a few other adversaries knew him as the Doctor — how? — before he started calling himself that routinely on TV. But that’s a whole other can of worms, and this post is already too long. 

Cockadoodledoo, (M//M)

Hey! I’m Jonesy! I’ve posted on here before a few months ago, and I spoke with a number of people about starting RPs, and then some shit happened where I was literally unable to get to the computer, thus vanished for a while. For… four months. Yeah. (Anyone want to know what it’s like to wake up from a coma and get in a fist fight with a nurse because you have no idea what’s going on? Just ask.) Anyhoo, if I had something started with you, or even if we were just talking about starting something, and you want to hit me up again, please do! For time’s sake, I’m just gonna copy/paste part of my last advert, because… coughlazycough.

 I’m in my late 20’s and am looking for M// literate (advanced) rp partners, ages 25+ please. I do not fade to black or avoid mature themes. My writing style has a casual feel to it, but I use proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation, and I prefer that you have a good grasp on this, as well. I write third person paragraph style, and am looking for someone who likes world building and writing three dimensional characters. You know what I mean. If our characters walk into a town, I want to know who else is there, how the buildings are painted, what the air smells like. Take me to it. Paint me a worrrrrrddd pictuuuuureeee. If your character has a Maserati, I want to know how he treats it, how he drives it, and if he has that kind of money, why on EARTH would a Maserati be his car of choice?

 Absolute No’s: ….Well crap, I can never think of these until someone asks.

 Things I don’t like so much:

-Winey characters

-Super young characters

-Unrealistically serious characters

-Too much drama

-Posts that don’t move the story along (sometimes this is ok but not EVERY post…)

-Short posts.

-Spanish dudes (HA just kidding I LOVE spanish dudes.)

 Things I like:

-Spanish dudes

-All dudes

-Size differences

-Humor (Didn’t see that coming, did you?)

-Realistic dialogue*

-Open communication

 Genres I like:

-Sci fi

-Urban

-Steampunk

-Apocalyptical

-Dystopian

-Adventure

-Space stuff (This is its own genre, don’t argue with me.)

-Mild horror

 What I’m really craving right now is to use my character Ashby, and to find him a partner. I do have some other plots I’d like to write, or if you got something completely different and you want to run it by me, let me know! Worse that can happen is I’d say no. And then hunt you down and put sugar in your gas tank. (But mostly just say no.)

 So, Ashby. He’s a very complex character, thus kind of hard to explain while keeping it brief. Ashby Thornton Foster is a real strange creature. Not just because he’s very proper and likes to keep a position as the head butler in a household even though he probably has enough resources to never have to work ever. He’s tall, painfully handsome, with round antique glasses, and auburn hair. Sharp tongue, but can be a little daffy if you catch him off guard. He collects frightening tea pots, has been learning how to cook for 9 billion years but his chicken stew will probably send you to the can for the rest of the night, is excellent with mechanics and spends a lot of his free time tinkering, and has read almost every book ever written but can’t remember what happened in the last chapter of the one he’s currently working on. I should mention that this character is not human. He is a specific species of being that I created myself. I’ll go into it if you’re interested, but the basics are that he has handsomely jagged teeth, large amber eyes, and claw like nails that often lead him to be mistaken as a vampire, however when he shifts out of his human form, he looks more like a sphynx cat and a lady got together. That sounds awful, but he’s actually quite exquisite. (NOT a furry. He just looks a tad strange and has interesting legs.) Ashby is very sweet natured but runs a strict household. He is well respected and well loved.

 Ashby has a dark side to him that’s very calculated, very… intentional, if you know what I mean. He has the ability to make you the happiest person alive, but can turn around and cause you a lot of pain and suffering if you give him reason to. Battling with his darker side is a constant struggle. As far as a romantic interest for him, I usually play him as a switch, however he likes pretty masculine men (or beasties) who have the ability to dominate HIM because he doesn’t often run across many who can do so. (And I don’t just mean with sex. He can physically f*ck you up.) I would love to find him someone who can both talk him out of those times when shit gets a little too dark, but can also overpower him if need be.

 Usually, I play Ashby in a steampunk setting, and he’s the head butler of a household he runs pretty tightly, but I can also play him in other settings. He translates well. So if you’d like to Rp him in another setting, let me know! This character comes with an identical twin (Molocai, who prob won’t appear) and a Soul Eater character, who sets up camp in whatever town he settles in due to being promised his soul whenever he shuffles off his mortal coil. They’re best friends. (It’s a long story.)

 Here were some of the other stories I had ideas for, but if none of them tickle your pickle and you think we’d be a good RP match, let me know, anyway and we can do something else!

Made for one another:

Could fall under sci fi, apocalyptical, dystopian, adventure, hell it could fall under all of them. I have a really loose idea for this one. Two characters are genetically made for one another. Not romantically, but as in two parts that make up a whole. Both are genetically engineered to do something different, but both of their abilities need to be combined for whatever final outcome to happen. (The outcome being what they were created for.) Reasoning behind this was that maybe one person having both abilities, or the one ability that the both of them make up, would overload their system and kill them. Or significantly harm them in some way. Thus, two genetically engineered people were created.

The loose plot I had for this was that maybe one character has escaped the facility that created them. (Escaped a long time ago, perhaps.) This facility has some major unethical and downright inhumane practices (like lab growing people.) Character A. we’ll call him, decides to destroy the place, maybe from the inside out. (Perhaps he’s some kind of mercenary or rogue whatnot, living his life in secrecy so no one from said facility finds him, blah blah.) Ever see Alien Resurrection? With that scene where Ripley goes into the lab and finds all the failed experiments?.... No? Just me? Okay. Anyway, so while Character A. is torching the place, he finds Character B, who is the only experiment alive. He can’t just leave him there to die, so he takes him with him. That’s how they meet, but I don’t have much else for a plot for this story, other than that I see Character A as being kind of an asshole so they struggle a lot and much later they discover they’re literally made for one another.

 Mad Max:

This would be sort of based on the Mad Max world (as in the 2015 movie, even though I do so love the originals) though not using any of the characters, places, or… you know, anything. The world is a wasteland, but it’s not oil/gasoline that’s the hot commodity, it’s water. The wasteland is filled with different tribes, none of them very nice unless you belong to one of them. This pairing would be a character that’s kind of like Max, a lone wolf who belongs to no tribe and wanders, and…. I dunno, I guess he would be a POW? He’s a warrior from another tribe that was captured. Character A stops (cautiously) in one of the territories to trade for water and supplies. Character B is pretty roughed up and knows he’ll eventually end up dying if he doesn’t get away somehow, so his main objective is to get Character A to trade for him. Obviously, this eventually happens. Character A discovers that Character B has something that would be useful to him (maybe it’s just knowledge of mechanics and whatnot) so he ends up trading for him. Plot twist! They end up HATING one another. And maybe Character A finds out that Character B was lying all along and can’t really do the thing Character A traded him for, however now they’re stuck together, because they’re crossing the wasteland.

 Space Pirates (Totally not nerdy AT ALL.)

I have a space captain. He’s an alien. He has a super cool space ship and a super cool crew. His species is rarely seen in this part of the galaxy, usually they are a very secretive race living in deep, deep space, that remain secluded, however Janka has been exiled, and now creates a lot of havoc and headaches for anyone he encounters. I have a real old descrip of him from… jesus, like 2010 that I haven’t updated, but I’ll send it if he sounds interesting! Anyway, he’s a sarcastic, lazy sh*tface, kinda pretty gross without meaning to be, but he’s a real loveable character. Likes blowing things up. Kind of clumsy, which isn’t the best thing for someone who’s built like he is. He’s well known in space ports all over, so he sticks to the real shady ones, where he’s somewhat popular. This character comes with an entire crew, and bonus interesting genitalia. He really needs someone to take care of him (emotionally.) Very hard headed when it comes to relationships (“What? No, I didn’t get you anything for your birthday. You said not to get you anything.”) but when he falls for someone, he falls hard.

 *Please note that all of my characters are usually in their late twenties or older with VERY few that are mid-twenties. I also do not play with younger characters, and prefer them to be around the same age category.

 *Let me explain about the realistic dialogue. Two OC’s walk into a bar. My OC walks up to the bartender and says “Ay, Sugartits, I’ll have the usual.” Your OC says “I will have a beer.” Unless your OC is either a.) An android or b.) Two 12 year olds in a big coat, or c.) Horribly constipated, he’d better say something an actual human being would say. “I’ll have a beer.” “Gimme a beer.” “Just whatever you got on tap.” “Uh… Beer’s fine.” Don’t make your character sound like they’re reading a bad script.

 If I haven’t scared you off, shoot me an email at [email protected]

My RP mediums are usually Skype, Email, and I can be persuaded into Discord.

 And just to clarify. Gay RP. Plot before Porn. Thank you

All the books I read in Korea, ‘Vita Nuova’ and ‘On Love.’  IDK why I became such a miniaturist later as well as pornographer.  I literally realized today people love pornography, love isn’t too weak a word.  It’s dear to them.  It really warms some people’s hearts.  I remember reading in a magazine from NY I don’t look at anymore how old men love it so much.

Sexual frankness was en vogue for a long time when I was a kid in the Bill Clinton era and everyone found it funny till they realized Clinton, Epstein, Dershowitz and pedophilia isn’t really funny.  Later K-wave put a different spin on it since it’s so raw as if to say ‘I’m above this all and can say anything’ but it’s still violent and it trample’s people’s valid dignities and decorum.  

I literally spent so long hung up on Houellebecq and regressed; ‘Elementary Particles’ is visionary if flawed but some part of me decided it was too sweeping so I concentrated on ‘Whatever / Extension of the Struggle’ and the figure of the lonely stranger girl in the nightclub, exemplar of a ‘sacrificed generation.’  I wrote so much impertinent fiction fascinated with these sacrificed girls without ever grasping that they have better options than to become object-lessons in the callousness of society.  Timothy Keller’s ‘The Meaning of Marriage’ is revelatory as it reminds, the nightclub sexual liberation culture can be escaped not through Romantic individualism or self-esteem / -regard but remembering husband and wife are one flesh - it’s secure, invulnerable.  I always thought about running away.  

My family are mad at me and my dad still appears to want to know something about my inner life which I’m afraid is a lingering ghost or recapitulation of the now-decades-old Boomer-v-Millennial college culture thing where all these dads were like ‘drmdrmdrm free oral sex on campus?! - I hate my son let’s execute him and steal his co-ed friends.’  Chad Kultgen stuff but even more psychopathic, homicidal-suicidal.  I didn’t even do that; I just heard about it in the magazine from NY I don’t read anymore because its whole message was, ‘I’m going to go on observing myself abusing myself and consuming myself and analyzing my consumption of experience forever as if nothing will ever change.’  People who never did the math on the pandemic and ‘water.’

I truly feel as if right now Saint Augustine of Hippo is watching over the whole world which, John Piper reminds us, was ‘cursed in hope.’  What is at the bottom of the pandemic, the sudden questioning of freedom, the openness to communism and totalitarianism, the ambivalence regarding all private life and private ownership and proprietary supply-chains and chains-of-care (such as ‘my child you leave him or her alone’ it does not take a village), if not the rediscovery of Original Sin, the tragic cursedness of sexuality or ‘woundedness’ of sexuality, that it was supposed to be great but it led to all this dejection and grief and actual permanent loss.

I remember many pieces of piano-music which I hoped to learn but in a way the most personal piece to me is Beethoven’s opus 109 / Sonata 31 final movement, ‘Gesangvoll mitt Innigster Empfindung.’  To me this is the ultimate statement on a couple’s tearing each other apart and ending where they began with the same beautiful yet vain regret.  How many times do you have to punctuate the same sentiment?  Just walk away; toward the new day.

‘After that I moved out of there.’  I really did give up on the details of man-woman love-relationships after 2011; I decided I would get a wife-in-a-box or just be single forever.  There was a Korean girl I liked in 2010 who made me change my mind about Shanghai-Beijing-and/or-Harbin v. Seoul and I was friends with her friend too but said something really terrible that in retrospect prefigured my teaching-career’s failure as well.  ‘She is a complicated woman 23.5 years of history.’  ‘I can simplify her.’  

I was like some communist social engineer.  I really flattened out my own character into an .XLS of sorts and believed I could do the same for others.  Years later I regarded how Lee Sooman had studied robotics in America, became hung up on more non-religious non-Christian ‘special electric sauce’ books like Scott Fitzgerald’s ‘The Love of the Last Tycoon.’  

I feel as if all of this is in some distant way, ‘mental North Koreanness.’  ‘Love is broken, people are fools, Dad hit Mom, Dad is a man-child, cannot face himself, doesn’t know his own intentions or motives, obsessed with being understood sans understanding, Mom was bricked in the head, the priest molested my sister, Ki Hyungdo, I will eliminate freedom with a colossal everlasting permeating Monolithic Ideology and give everyone precisely what is right for them.’

IDK whether I ought to say this but ‘Last Tycoon’ crystallizes and incipits(?) at Palm Springs International Airport which is a place where something happened to me.  But North Koreanness appears almost totally Faustian, samurai-like in the worst sense.  

IDK if I should say but someone I respect and admire and esteem immensely is the CEO of NKNews who supports food-sanctions (that at other times I think is a form of US state terrorism as well as diametrically anti-biblical) and I could almost understand in one way why America would choose to feed Soviets in the past but starve North Koreans b/c something truly went horribly wrong.  During my last (intellectually) intimate love-relationship we touched on the Pyongyang Revival & why did all of that get blown away?  It’s truly a testament to the power of Satan and the fragility of human purity and innocence.  

There’s a novel someone else I really love was translating for free about ‘pleasure squads’ and these women being daughters of someone and I took this scholar to task for his ‘Japaneseness,’ his oneiricity, his vagueness, begging the question when he could actually answer with guns blazing.  I get mad at Hwang Sokyong and want BR Myers to stomp Bruce Cumings for being a hippie as well as for constantly trying to correct American East Asia Studies when soon enough Western EAS won’t really matter because Asians are no longer yoked to traditional blinkered methods of scholarship or historiography.  Like just give up, Asians are figuring themselves out and Western EAS is also highly mercenary and in many cases naively enamored of Confucianism, Maoism, platonistic messianic communism.  Every scholar’s convinced he knows ‘the one thing other Westerners don’t know about China’ but a lot of it again comes down - I realize - to the same quality which makes me a mental North Korean; namely men being hung up on the little points that made them money, special, competitively edged.

Maybe it’s neither here or there.  I’m time-traveling.  The best book I saw recently before my life fell apart was ‘I Am Kim Jieun’ whose specificity astonished me.  It was a mystic experience to look at, searing, black and white; I felt something similar when translating Ku Sang.  I realize however that this ‘absolute specificity’ itself became an idol, to me - heart-idol, soul-idol - that exacerbated my intellectual belligerence and rendered me even more severely mentally North Korean than ever before.  ‘David Johnston Global Offensive.’

Everyone I care about in any case seems to be dreaming of Saint Augustine of Hippo, this man who wanted his little wife, his happy students, caring Mom, silly but avoided Dad, son Adeodatus (’God-given’), but ended up rebelling against liberal education and realizing that infants are evil and depraved in many ways.  Christianity today hesitating between a new engagement, a farewell to ‘cultural Christianity’ and ‘Christian nationalism,’ the question of freedom of religion or, as John MacArthur points out, acknowledging that religion and freedom are incompatible in the in the American secular understanding of the word ‘freedom.’  Freedom to die, freedom of death, perhaps a hundred million or more abortions.  But was St. Augustine a quietist who turned his back on the world?  Did he say go home?  He was advising the Roman general Beliarius and provided an immortal pastoral reflection on traumatic sociohistorical upheaval in ‘City of God.’

I still feel wrapped up and flattened out.  Today I remembered ‘The Teacher of Creative Writing’ which was my too-late apology to a former student for whom I wrote a good-but-not-great essay-letter and game good but not the best advice.  I wanted to tell her Cambridge UK has fewer anti-Korean rapists than Harvard but I wish that I had simply talked about God.  She turned up on FB a while back doing all these ‘luminous ampoule face-gel’ bed-pictures which Russian men commenting and stuff(?!).  ‘Tis part of why I turned my back on institutional Christianity - to my very abiding regret - and started thinking in ‘Baudelarian’ terms again with songs like f(x)’s ‘Butterfly.’  ‘I want to get inside your twisted logic / white-faced mysterious you.’

I sigh.  Thank God today kids maybe can get the specific wisdom they need from devices or something instead of wanting to believe in someone like me who as more of a image of a leader-teacher-priest than the real thing.  I really am in more trouble than these kids who simply allowed themselves to be vulnerable, I feel.  No less had I been more pertinacious and decisive and staid I might have had that room full of books in Itaewon with the spiral staircase instead of being so far away in a place where no one’s really interested or apt.  Another matter of which I have been tragically slow to take cognizance is the inferiority of creativity and conceptualization to redemption and Resurrection.  Today I guess AI can create almost anything but I keep trying to crack ‘Hope in Times of Fear’ and truly hold fast to the knowledge that I can weather what’s coming and give up whatever I will need to give up if I remember that I don’t have to keep inventing and scheming and imagining and surprising everyone.  I keep hearing the word ‘Sadducee’ in my head.  The methods of Christianity are available to all and everyone is talking about Thomas Jefferson doing vaccine-experiments and a guy whose slave’s name was ‘Onesimus’ though the NPR reporter didn’t know about St Paul and his spiritual family; but the lynchpin of Christianity is still the Resurrection and Yeonmi Park may have a point about America becoming mentally North Korean if the methods of Christianity are catholically and rigorously implemented without conviction in the mystery and miracle of Christ’s being ‘first born of the dead.’

I’m 100% certain at this point there are people who want to murder me but Yeonmi Park has a very big point to make and I’m concerned for her as well as her way of conveying the message. So many people think she’s a huge harlot and Kim Jong Il is a sympathetic anti-hero; they hate her for having a few million dollars.  My dad’s furious at John MacArthur for having a net-worth of like 15 million dollars and a nice watch; Bill Gates still has like 70 billion or something and is bragging about saving lives while 100 million kids are backsliding into poverty, starvation, possible trafficking due to   I used to be this way as well, always having good ideas then worsening them deliberately.  I remember reading on Wikipedia how love-shyness destroys careers; of all the things to be ashamed of, true love, holy love, an augury of Eternity and immortality, recognition of the Imago Dei (Image of God) in the other.  ‘Why hold your beloved friends and family fast when you can talk about spaceships to Venus?’

Covid and the people on the street 100% love Bill Gates.  Everyone’s afraid of Christianity; they’re love-shy; they’ll always take the second-best thing.. 

The world is really mentally ill and I wish I were living on an airplane writing speeches for JD Vance 20hrs a day but JD Vance is a brand too dueling people about Tucker Carlson and I can’t message him on Twitter (’100 million kids? - that’s something but first establish yourself and pay your dues in the profession by writing a 1,000 page dissertation about Tucker Carlson’).  I’m about 1.5 years too old to join the SJ (Society of Jesus / Jesuits) by my last investigation.  I just wish I had given my best over the last year and a half instead of ‘tracking’ matters for so long and gathering so much evidence without replying or responding.  

Some of my Favorite Bible Verses for Prayer

The following is a list of Bible verses that I have found very helpful in some of the most difficult moments of my life. A few years ago I decided to compile all of them into one list, but this remains a work in progress. 

I hope these Bible verses can be a blessing in your life. 

If you click on the Bible verse it will take you to a website where you can read the entire chapter and have a better grasp on the context of the verse(s) I mention below.

Luke 11:13 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!”

This verse has had a great impact on my prayer life. I now pray daily for the Holy Spirit and I believe this has brought about the greatest change in my personal life and ministry in recent years.

Luke 18:1,7,8  And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. [...] 7 And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? 8 I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?"

You should really read the entire parable but these verses highlight the message found in the parable.

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

When I don't know what to ask for I still come to God in prayer because I know enough to know I need God's help and according to the verse above I can come and He will translate my prayer into what it should be. This way there is no performance anxiety, I just have to show up for prayer and God helps with the rest!

Hebrews 4:16 Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

I could write a whole blog post on this verse. Paul describes God's throne as a throne of grace where I can come and receive mercy and grace all the time because I am always in time of need

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I love that the only condition, the only "if," is "if we confess" there are no "if's" regarding God's willingness and ability to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. The only that can keep me from being forgiven is myself when I refuse to confess my sin

Hebrews 7:25  English Standard Version Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.

Save to the uttermost. Enough said.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

This is another passage that has had a major impact on my prayer life. I find myself constantly praying for wisdom, and claiming this promise. I believe this also has had a significant impact on my personal life and ministry.

Mark 9:23,24 And Jesus said to him, "'If you can'! All things are possible for one who believes." 24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, "I believe; help my unbelief!"

I would recommend reading verse 23 one in several different translations because of the differences punctuation (which is not found in the original Greek) can make. But when I pray I tend to focus and repeat what the father says to Jesus, "I believe; help my unbelief." I find myself in that situation way too often. 

Mark 11:24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.

Faith is key. This complements nicely Mark 9.

Philippians 2:13; for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

I love this verse because it takes my focus off of myself and my repeated failures and places the focus on God who causes me to even want to change in the first place. This also causes me to ask God to place in my heart desires that match His plans for my life.

Philippians 4:19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

God is the one who supplies all my needs! It is so important to keep this in mind. It helps me keep from worrying and also helps me reflect on how much I truly "need" something I might want.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So many people struggle with anxiety, this verse encourages us to deal with it by giving it to God and thanking Him in advance for what He is about to do. It is difficult to be anxious while praising God. Not only that He also gives us a peace that doesn't make sense, a peace that non-believers can't understand.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 

I have this verse written on the inside cover of my Bible. This verse helps me remember that if I am facing it, its because God can give me victory over it. 

Matthew 6:9-13 9 Pray then like this: "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.

10 Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. 

11 Give us this day our daily bread, 

12 and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 

13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. 

I could write a whole post on this one. Don't just memorize this (you should if you haven't) but understand the principles that we can apply to our prayers today. God is our loving provider, our prayer should change how we behave, and we should ask God to deliver us from evil or temptation (pray this before you fall into temptation).

2 Chronicles 7:14 if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

Humility goes a long way, especially when coupled with seeking the LORD and turning from our wicked ways. God is the one who saves, we just need to humbly accept that.

Exodus 34:6-7 The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation."

This verse just paints a beautiful picture of the character of God. The context is also great, Moses had asked God to see His face, but instead, God proclaims His name, and proceed to describe His character.

Isaiah 40:28-31 Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. 

God never runs out of power, He is beyond all limitation and He is willing to strengthen us if we are willing to wait upon Him.

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,

I love how this verse reminds me that God can go far beyond whatever I can think or ask for. Even more amazing that power is already at work within us, causing us to come and read these verse, to begin with.

1 John 5:14-15 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.

This verse gives us confidence while highlighting the importance of being aware of God's will.

James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.

Once again the importance of humility and allowing God to do what He does best.

Isaiah 41:13 For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’ 

When I read the verse above I always picture in my head the most powerful being in the universe reaching down to hold my hand. 

Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. 

This verse reminds me that troubles will come, but I do not face them alone. God will not remove all trials but rather keep the trials from completely destroying me.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I especially like the last phrase but the context is important. When I am weak and suffer for the sake of Christ, I am strong, for He is the One who gives me strength.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile. 

Not only does God have plans for my welfare, He also will be found by me when I seek Him.

Luke 18:27 And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.

You might already know this, but it is so good to be reminded of it.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things arelovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

This is just a great reminder for me to be more intentional about the things I chose to think about.

Isaiah 50:4 “The Lord God has given Me The tongue of the learned, That I should know how to speak A word in season to him who is weary. He awakens Me morning by morning, He awakens My ear To hear as the learned.

I have begun to pray that God will teach me how to speak.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Click on the link above and read the full context. The entire chapter is amazing!

Zechariah 2:8 For thus says the Lord of hosts: “He sent Me after glory, to the nations which plunder you; for he who touches you touches the apple of His eye.

This might seem like an odd addition to this list but I love how God says that we, His children, are the apple of His eye!

Psalm 37:5-6 Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, And your justice as the noonday.

Commit and trust. Once again a reminder to let God do His thing and trust Him to do it.

Psalm 9:9-10 The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, A refuge in times of trouble. And those who know Your name will put their trust in You; For You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.

God has not forsaken those who seek Him, that includes me when I seek Him. When I am oppressed or in trouble, He is my refuge.

Psalm 66:18 "If I regard iniquity in my heart, The Lord will not hear." 

This serves as a warning for me to not cherish sin in my heart, for when I do it breaks down my communication with God. This is not to be confused with struggling with sin, I can come to God when I am struggling and need victory over sin. But I cannot come to God knowing I have sins in my life that I refuse to confess and have no intention to stop committing. 

Psalm 67:1-2 God be merciful to us and bless us... that your way may be known on earth, your salvation among all nations. 

I want God to bless me so that others may come to know Him.

Psalm 77 - (verse 7-9) Will the Lord cast off forever? And will He be favorable no more? Has His mercy ceased forever? Has His promise failed forevermore? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has He in anger shut up His tender mercies? Selah

Has God forgotten to be merciful? It is worth reading the whole Psalm. This is a reminder that in dark times it might feel like God has abandoned me, but looking at the past I know better. Trials and tribulations are always temporary, God always saves those who love Him.

Psalm 69:5-6 - Let not those who wait for You, O Lord God of hosts, be ashamed because of me; Let not those who seek You be confounded because of me, O God of Israel.

This passage really resonated with me. I added this to my prayer life as well.

Finally here is a quote that is not a Bible verse but I really like.

"Prayer is the opening of the heart to God as to a friend. Not in order to make known to God what we are, but in order to receive Him. Prayer does not bring God down to us, it brings us up to Him." Steps to Christ. p94

I was thinking about how the dérive was an invitation to wander mentally, as much as it was to wander physically. I thought about other strange psychological states we occupy which facilitate the kind of unconstrained, free association that the dérive seems to encourage, in particular hypnagogia - the state immediately bordering sleep.

I thought about works which I feel are particularly good at expressing this state. Perhaps Virginia Woolf’s The Waves. Famously, James Joyce’s Ulysses. So many of Samuel Beckett’s works. I thought about how words were used as signposts to a runaway thought process, and how in texts like these meaning often exists between the words more than in them.

I decided logorrhoea was an interesting way to dérive, and so I recorded a monologue, a conversation with myself (sometimes addressed to an imagined listener) as I wandered for an hour.

I then transcribed the monologue. I omitted all punctuation to remove major signposts to structure between the words. I set the entire text in upper case as a stylistic choice; it makes the language less human, it feels relentless, and I think it’s vaguely comedic (maybe pessimistically so).

The result was a five thousand eight hundred and twenty word tirade which I will place, mercifully, at the end of this post beneath a “read more” (if you dare).

I discarded the original audio -  I prefer the looseness of the prepared text.

I wanted the map to be a visual work, ultimately, so I set the text onto a poster, thusly:

Set in a monospaced font and compacted to accentuate the grid (and again remove some humanity). The text is represented twice on the poster. First, as the directly transcribed monologue, and then again with the words rearranged in alphabetical order. The first is narrative to some extent, the second gives an index of the ideas, subjects and topics to which I returned over the hour.

I had the poster printed, and then while reading the text back I free-handed a red line as a kind of mud map, tracing out my memory of the path I took as I reread my thoughts.

The overwhelming nature of the text encourages a fragmented and disorganised reading, which is a nice parallel to the dérive. The red line provides one possible path through the words, although entirely arbitrary.

Below the fold: the whole monologue transcript.

OKAY SO DÉRIVE JUST ABOUT TWO O’CLOCK LOOKING AT FANS CIRCLES BELTS GRIDS LINES GOING ACROSS PLANTS LOCKED INSIDE STARTING TO RAIN WHICH I DON’T FIND PARTICULARLY PROMISING I DON’T MIND TELLING YOU IF YOU’RE LISTENING THROUGH GLASS PLANTS LABELS PAPER WHEAT MAYBE DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT WHEAT LOOKS LIKE WHEN IT’S NOT BREAD AN HOUR ISH SPEAKING TO MYSELF WALKING NOT PARTICULARLY GOOD FOR IMPRESSIONS OF SANITY BUT I SUPPOSE MAYBE I’VE NEVER CULTIVATED AN EXCEPTIONAL ONE ANYWAY RECENTLY MAYBE THERE’S BEEN IMPROVEMENT KINDA LOOKS LIKE THE INSIDE OF CARDBOARD AND FEELS LIKE I SHOULD NOT TOUCH IT MM I DO LIKE THIS STRANGE COMBINATION OF TECHNOLOGY AND NATURE IT’S A LITTLE BIT OMINOUS YOU KNOW THEY’RE UP TO SOMETHING IN THERE BUT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT LOTS OF WHIRRING WHICH I ENJOY IMPLIES ER MACHINERY WHICH IS NICE LITTLE ROBOT FANS PERIODIC MACHINERY USUALLY IMPLIES SOME SORT OF WEIRD CIRCULAR STRUCTURE WHICH IS NICE MATHEMATICALLY LIGHT THROUGH THE GLASS OH NO STRANGERS STRANGERS AND SELF TALK SELF CONSCIOUS I WONDER WHY THIS IS PROBABLY NOT OF GREAT CONSEQUENCE I DON’T KNOW THE NAMES OF AS MANY PLANTS AS PERHAPS I WOULD LIKE TO BUT THEN WHO DOES BOTANISTS PROBABLY KNOW MORE PLANT NAMES THAN THEY CARE TO DAMNED IF YOU DO DAMNED IF YOU DON’T THERE’S A LITTLE SEAM HERE SOMEONE GOT IN OR OUT DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT ONE TALKS TO ONESELF ABOUT NOT PARTICULARLY IN FAVOUR OF LANGUAGE IN GENERAL VERY SPECIFIC AND YET ST THE SAME TIME COMPLETELY USELESS AT ACTUALLY REFERRING TO ANYTHING OH LOOK IT’S A ROSE IT IS HIDEOUSLY COLOURED BRIGHT RED AGGRESSIVELY BRIGHT RED NOT REALLY PINK JUST DISTASTEFULLY RED THE LAST HIGHLIGHTER ON THE SHELF COLOUR WONDER WHAT THE PLANTS INSIDE FEEL LIKE PRISONERS MAYBE BIRDS STRANGE LITTLE ROBOTS AGAIN NOISY ONES NOISY ROBOTS THERE IS A LARGE AMOUNT OF CONCRETE HERE AND I LIKE IT QUITE A LOT BORE WATER STAINING WHICH I ALSO FIND VERY APPEALING I SUPPOSE IT’S AN ACQUIRED TASTE YOU FIND IT SO MANY PLACE THIS WOULD MAKE A GOOD PHOTOGRAPH IF I HAD A CAMERA I DON’T I HAVE MY PHONE PHONE CAMERAS DON’T DO IT MY PHONE CAMERA CERTAINLY DOESN’T DO IT AT ALL I WONDER WHAT’S IN HERE GOOD I’LL TALK TO MYSELF AND PEER THROUGH A WINDOW WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG PLEASE KEEP THIS DOOR CLOSED IMPORTANT MM I WONDER WHY I WONDER WHAT THIS BUILDING IS RIGHT YES TALKING TO MYSELF I DON’T HAVE ANY PROBLEM REALLLLLLY TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE ANIMAL BIOLOGY DON’T SUPPOSE MY CARD GETS ME IN HERE FRESHWATER AND MARINE AQUARIUM RESEARCH FACILITY RICK ROBERTS HMM I DEFINITELY AM UNAUTHORISED ACCESS AUTHORITY THIS IS A POOL A TUB YES IT’S A TUB WITH A WINDOW IT’S A WINDOWED TUB IT’S UPSIDE DOWN YOU CAN’T SEE IT YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S MASSIVE IT’S BIGGER THAN ME BESOW OH KEEP CLOSED FOR YOUR FLY PROTECTION TO KEEP MY FLY SAFE I WONDER WHICH ONE SILO AAND GRASS UNPOPULATED GRASS LOVELY SAFE LARGE MACHINE INSIDE A CAGE I DON’T KNOW WHY THEY FELT LIKE THEY HAD TO LOCK IT UP KEEP PEOPLE OUT RATHER THAN KEEP IT IN I SUPPOSE IT’S VERY ER SHAUN TAN LOOKS LIKE A PIG BIG PIG WHICH ARE TWO WORDS WHICH ARE FUN TO PUT TOGETHER OH AND LOOK THERE’S THE RIVER WHICH IS DEFINITELY NOT WHERE I ANTICIPATED IT BEING NOT PARTICULARLY PROMISING FOR MY SENSE OF DIRECTION ALTHOUGH I SUPPOSE IN SOME SENSE WE’RE ALL LOST I SUPPOSE THAT I’LL BE TRANSCRIBING THIS SO I’LL HAVE TO INVENT SOME KIND OF MARK THAT INDICATES MY ER AFFECTATIONS WHEN I EMPLOY THEM ALTHOUGH EVEN NOW MY GUARD IS UP BECAUSE YOU’RE LISTENING AREN’T YOU WELL YOU’RE NOT LISTENING YOU’RE READING MAYBE YOU’RE READING MAYBE YOU’VE GIVEN UP HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN WHO KNOWS I PROBABLY WOULD LIKE TO LOOK BUT ONE ASSUMES THAT’S CONTRARY TO THE WHOLE EXERCISE REALLY I WONDER IF I’M STILL RECORDING OH YES OH DEAR IT ALSO TOLD ME HOW LONG I’VE BEEN RECORDING FOR BUT DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT MM DO HOPE THE WIND DOESN’T INTERFERE TOO SEVERELY ALTHOUGH MAYBE IT WILL I WONDER IF THIS HAS JUST BEEN CLIPPING THE WHOLE TIME NO SEEMS TO BE FIIIIIIINE MM MAYBE I WON’T BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND MYSELF WOULD BE A NICE EXERCISE RIGHT CARS YES CARS CARS CARS CARS CARS WHERE DO THEY COME FROM AND WHAT DO THEY DO THERE IS A STRANGE LITTLE KNOBBLY THING ON THIS TREE WHICH I KNOW MUST BE SOME KIND OF DISEASE I JUST WONDER IF IT HAS A TINY INSECT INSIDE IT PROBABLY DISGUSTING DISGUSTING DISGUSTING NATURE WE’RE ALL A PART OF IT AND YOU CAN NEVER ESCAPE OH HELLO BIRD I’M APPROACHING THE BIRD FOR INTERVIEW IT’S LEAVING IT DOESN’T WANT TO BE INTERVIEWED WHERE DID YOU GO OH YOU’RE JUST THERE JUST ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TREE OH NO HE’S LEAVING NOW HE’S LORDING IT OVER ME FROM A GREAT HEIGHT AND I AM CONTINUING ONWARDS OVER LEAVES TALKING KIND OF DRAWS THE MIND AWAY REALLY FROM WHAT’S ACTUALLY GOING ON MAYBE NOT I MEAN REALLY WHAT IS GOING ON OUTSIDE OR INSIDE MAYBE BOTH AFFECTATION ER INDICATORS PLACED THERE PLEASE MAYBE A TILDE WHICH RECENTLY HAS COME TO MEAN A STRIKETHROUGH IN SOME MESSAGING PLATFORMS QUITE IRRITATING WE DO LIKE THE TILDE WE ALSO LIKE THE TILDA LOVELY TILDA SWINTON IT’S ALSO A BRAND OF RICE THERE IS NO RICE WHERE I AM ALTHOUGH I SUPPOSE IT’S QUITE ACCESSIBLE THIS IS DEFINITELY I COULD BRING RICE HERE BUT THERE IS NO RICE HERE NOT RIGHT NOW CULTIVATED NATURE HMM OLD TREE DRY DOESN’T QUITE LOOK DEAD BUT DEFINITELY A BIT HAGGED PLEASINGLY HAGGED PLEASANTLY SO YELLOW FLOWERS VERY NATIVE I FEEL PATRIOTIC MAYBE THIS WON’T WORK IN WRITING WELL MAYBE IT WILL MAYBE IT WILL BE IMPROVED SO MUCH TOO CLOSE TO OTHER PEOPLE HAD BETTER GO AWAY TRYING NOT TO KEEP THE PACE UP DOESN’T FEEL GOOD I CAN’T REALLY BE BOTHERED TO DESCRIBE IT MORE DEEPLY THAN THAT THERE’S A FLY ON ME GO AWAY BE GONE TALKING TO ANIMALS IT’S A FUNNY ONE I WONDER HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT IT WELL GOOD I SEEM TO BE LOST WELL NO I MEAN WHO’S EVER REALLY LOST CROSS REFERENCE MY EARLIER COMMENTS HMM TOO MANY CYCLISTS HERE WELL TWO CYCLISTS HERE WHICH IS AT LEAST ONE TOO MANY OH LOOK GUMNUTS I’VE NEVER SEEN THEM GROW IN SUCH CONCENTRATION I ALWAYS JUST FIND THEM ON THE GROUND IT’S LIKE A GRAPE VINE EXCEPT IT’S NOT A VINE IT’S A TREE AND THERE ARE NO GRAPES SO IS IT LIKE A GRAPE VINE YOU BE THE JUDGE WELL I MEAN YOU CAN’T SEE IT AND EVEN IF YOU WERE BEING THE JUDGE I WOULDN’T REALLY CARE TO HEAR YOUR OPINION HE’S GOING MUCH TOO FAST BUT THEN NOW HE’S GONE THE FASTER THEY GO THE FASTER THEY’RE GONE HMM I WONDER IF THAT MEANS TWO DIFFERENT THINGS OR IF I JUST SAID THE SAME THING TWICE OR IF I JUST SAID THE SAME THING TWICE OR IF I JUST SAID THE SAME THING THRICE WELL THIS IS DEFINITELY A BACK AREA AND PEOPLE TEND TO BE SUSPICIOUS OF PEOPLE IN BACK AREAS PARTICULARLY WHEN THEY’RE CARRYING MICROPHONES AND SPEAKING TO THEMSELVES WELL ACTUALLY I DON’T KNOW I HAVEN’T HAVEN’T REALLY EVER SPOKEN TO ANYBODY ABOUT THAT BUT I SUSPECT THAT THEY WOULD BE SMELLS LIKE CHLORINE OH LOOK YES IT’S AN AQUATIC CENTRE WEST ENTRANCE DANGER THERE’S DEEP WATER HERE WELL THERE’S CERTAINLY A POOL AND SOME SPIDER WEBS NOT IN THE SAME PLACE MAYBE IN THE SAME PLACE NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE IF I HAVE ANY OF THAT PLENTY OF TREES IT’S NICE YOU DON’T KNOW HOW MANY TREES YOU DON’T HAVE UNTIL THEY’RE NOT THERE WAIT NO HMM THAT’S NOT QUITE RIGHT OH IT’S A TICKET MACHINE LET’S INTERVIEW IT *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP* NOT PARTICULARLY TALKATIVE IT’S TELLING ME TO REFER TO THE SIGNS THEY SAY NO PARKING STRANGE PLACE TO PUT A TICKET MACHINE OR AT LEAST ONE WHO TELLS ME TO REFER TO THE SIGNS OH LOOK HERE’S SOMEONE TALKING TO HIMSELF AS WELL HE’S TALKING TO A A TELEPHONE AND BY EXTENSION TO SOMEBODY ELSE I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TRANSLATE TRAGICALLY I DON’T THINK ER HMM HERE’S A CAR PARK IT DOES LOOK NICE AND I AM TEMPTED TO SIT AND STAY BUT I’M NOT GOING TO BECAUSE I AM NOT SUFFICIENTLY TEMPTED AHH I AM LOOKING AT FLOWERS I DON’T KNOW HOW CLEAR Y MEMORY OF THESE FLOWERS WILL BE WHEN I LISTEN TO THIS BACK WRITE THE WORDS DOWN I WONDER WHAT KIND OF FLOWERS YOU THINK I’M LOOKING AT I BET YOU’RE WRONG FOR THE RECORD BECAUSE THESE FLOWERS GROW ON TREES YOU WERE THINKING A BUSH WEREN’T YOU SOMETHING LOW TO THE GROUND MAYBE THEY WERE AT EYE HEIGHT DESCENDING FLOWERS OH LOOK THIS TREE HAS A NUMBER AH ZERO TWO SIX ONE ONE LOVELY IT’S BEEN BLEEDING AS WELL IT’S A BLEEDING TREE MM EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATION WHAT IS EDUCATION INDOCTRINATION MAYBE WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU TEACHERS ARE YOU LISTENING ARE YOU READING I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING AH NONE OF US KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING MAYBE YOU DO MAYBE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DO PAPOOSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS I READ IT I READ IT ON A TOTEM POLE I WALKED PAST A TOTEM POLE THAT HAD THE WORD PAPOOSE ON IT SO I SAID THE WORD PAPOOSE IT’S A GOOD WORD REMINDS ME OF VAMOOSE VAMOOSE VAAMOOSE VUH SCHWA WUH MOOSE VUUUHHHMOOSE HMM OH THE RAINE STUDY THAT’S INTERESTING IT’S THAT UH LIKE SEVEN UP FOR SCIENTISTS ISN’T IT I IMAGINE YES THAT’S RIGHT GIRL CROSS THE ROAD FEAR THE MUMBLER CENTRE FOR SLEEP SCIENCE SHOULD SIGN UP OH LOOK THERE’S A NOTICE BOARD NO IT’S A SWITCH BOARD DOES IT HAVE A WALKIE TALKIE IN IT MAYBE FOR SPEAKING TO PEOPLE IN THEIR SLEEP IN THEIR DREAMS AH NO IT’S AN EVACUATION CONTROL POINT THIS IS EXCITING HMM NO IT’S NOT EXCITING AT ALL OH BUT THE FIRE WELL I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS WHAT IS THAT LITTLE BOX HOW CRAZY IS THE ASIAN LANGUAGE WHEN IT’S WRITTEN SO COMPLICATED OR AT LEAST SO INACCESSIBLE TO ME WHICH CLEARLY MEANS THAT IT’S FAR TOO COMPLICATED I AM THE EVERYMAN OH I SEEM TO HAVE DONE SOMETHING OF A LOOP IT’S A DRAIN IT IS DEEPER THAN I AM TALL OH HERE’S ANOTHER BIRD LET’S SEE IF HE’LL BE INTERVIEWED HE’S LOOKING ANXIOUS AS I APPROACH ALTHOUGH NOT AS ANXIOUS AS I WOULD LIKE WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IS IT A A FRUIT IS IT A NUT HE’S HE’S HOLDING SOMETHING LARGE IN HIS BEAK HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE SPOKEN TO I CAN SEE OH THERE ARE TWO OF THEM OH THEY BOTH HAVE NUTS WHERE ARE THE NUTS COMING FROM WHAT IS THIS I FOUND A FRUIT I DON’T KNOW WHAT KIND OF FRUIT THIS IS IT IS GREEN AND IT IS HMM THE LENGTH OF MY PINKY FINGER THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE MY GOOD FRIENDS WILL KNOW EXACTLY HOW LONG THE FRUIT IS IT IS RELATIVELY SOFT KINDA TURNS BLACK WHEN I APPLY PRESSURE TO IT AND I’M PUTTING IT ON THE GROUND AND THEN I STOOD ON IT HMM YES IT IS A FRUIT BUT WHAT KIND OF FRUIT I CANNOT AY I SHOULD PROBABLY JUST LOOK UP I DON’T THINK IT’S THE FRUIT OF THIS TREE NO IT’S NOT I’M QUITE CERTAIN IT’S NOT AH NO LOOK IT’S THE FRUIT OF OF THIS TREE YES THERE ARE MANY OF THEM AH THIS BIRD IS CONTRIBUTING TO THE INTERVIEW HE’S STILL HOLDING THE SEED IN HIS MOUTH HE’S WALKING AWAY THAT’S ALL WE’RE GETTING FROM HIM QUIET FELLOW SOMEBODY’S RUNNING TOWARDS ME RELATIVE DISTANCE NOT A CONFIDENT RUNNER WHY’S HE RUNNING IT’S SUNDAY UH OH SHOULDN’T HAVE SAID THAT LEAVING MY DÉRIVE TO THE LAST DAY TOO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT HE’S GONE NOW MORE PEOPLE DEFINITELY WALKING IN THE DIRECTION OF MORE PEOPLE WHICH IS INTERESTING I DON’T WANT TO BE AROUND PEOPLE BETTER TAKE THIS PATH HERE WHICH WOULD SEEM TO PROMISE TO LEAD AWAY FROM PEOPLE AH I CAN SEE MY REFLECTION IN A MIRROR WELL IT’S NOT A MIRROR IT’S A WINDOW BUT SUCH ARE THE CONDITIONS THAT I CAN SEE THAT BIRD JUST FLEW INTO A WALL WHY DID YOU DO THAT SIR WHY DID YOU DO THAT NOT REALLY AS AFRAID OF PEOPLE AS I’D LIKE HIM TO BE WHY DID YOU DO THAT SIR HE’S WALKING AWAY IF I WAS A CURRENT AFFAIR REPORTER I WOULD CHASE HIM TRACEY GRIMSHAW WAS SHE EVER A REPORTER OR DID SHE JUST HOST IT INTEGRITY INTEGRITY INTEGRITY GOD DAMN IT PEOPLE EVERYWHERE THIS BIT THAT PROMISES TO BE SILENT IS NOT SILENT I AM NOT SILENT THERE WILL BE NO SILENCE OR THERE CANNOT BE OH THIS IS A NICE BIT NICE BIT SHOULD HAVE CAPTIALS IF IT DOESN’T GO BACK AND DO IT AGAIN OR JUST WRITE THE NEXT TIME I SAY IT I’LL SAY IT AGAIN SO YOU KNOW IT NEEDS CAPITALS NICE BIT THIS IS A NICE BIT OH GOD I MEAN WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ALPACAS LLAMAS PEOPLE TEND TO HAVE A PREFERENCE FOR LLAMAS ALTHOUGH ALPACAS ARE FAR CUTER THE LLAMA WAS JUST POPULARISED SO WELL BY DISNEY’S THE EMPEROR’S NEW GROOVE THERE’S A VERY NICE UM SITUATION GOING ON HERE WITH SOME PALE POURED CONCRETE AND PALE GREEN LEAVES IT LOOKS VERY GOOD I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT IT’S OVERCAST SO THE LIGHT ISN’T PARTICULARLY HARSH IT’S VERY GENTLE THIS IS A GENTLE SPACE OH GOOD IT’S JUST OUTSIDE A TOILET MM YES AS ALL THE NICE SPACES ARE I HAVE THIS SUSPICION WHICH I SHOULD TELL YOU ABOUT AND IT’S THAT I’M BEING FOLLOWED FOR I HEARD A NOISE BEHIND ME THAT SOUNDED LIKE A FOOTSTEP BUT OF COURSE IT’S RUDE TO TALK ABOUT BEING FOLLOWED IN CASE YOU ARE BEING FOLLOWED YOU DON’T WANT YOUR FOLLOWER TO BE SELF CONSCIOUS DO YOU HERE’S A STRANGE FRUIT OH THAT’S A REFERENCE TO LYNCHINGS STRANGE FRUIT BILLLIE HOLIDAY I THINK IT’S ACTUALLY NOT A PARTICULARLY STRANGE FRUIT I DON’T WANT TO EAT IT BECAUSE IT SMELLS VERY BAD IT’S VERY SMALL KINDA LOOKS LIKE A BEAN THERE’S A FUN WORD BEAN BEAN UH OH CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF SAYING BEAN I HOPE THAT YOU’RE ENTERTAINED BECAUSE I REALLY AM SUFFERING FOR THIS OH KANGAROO PAW THERE IS A FLOWER THAT IT TOOK ME HMM OH I WOULD SAY FIFTEEN YEARS TO COME AROUND TO BUT NOW THAT I’VE COME AROUND TO IT I DO LIKE IT A LOT SO MANY DIFFERENT COLOURS APPARENTLY THEY COME IN PURPLE ALTHOUGH I’M YET TO SEE IT OH I NEED SOME PLANTS MORE PLANTS IN ONE’S LIFE THIS CAMPUS IS NICE FOR THE BENEFIT OF PLANTS LOVELY PLANTS OH HERE’S ANOTHER NICE BIT THAT IS VERY DIFFERENT TO THE LAST NICE BIT THIS BIT’S MUCH MORE OPEN CROWS REALLY ARE OBNOXIOUS I THINK VERY RUDE BIRDS I’M GOING TO WALK THROUGH THE NICE BIT YOU KNOW I DON’T KNOW IF YOU CAN HEAR THE CROWS BUT I CAN ALWAYS UNENDING HMM I WONDER HOW MUCH OF A DERIVE IT IS IF YOU KIND OF KNOW WHERE YOU HAVE TO END UP OH LOOK LOOK HERE THIS IS NICE HERE’S A COAT HANGER IN A BUSH IT’S FOR TROUSERS OR A SKIRT IT’S A BOTTOM COAT HANGER WHEN I WORKED IN FASHION RETAIL SHOCKING TO LEARN I AM SURE WHEN I WORKED IN FASHION RETAIL THEY WERE CALLED CLIPPY HANGERS YOU WOULD KNOW WHAT I MEANT IF I SAID CLIPPY HANGER WOULDN’T YOU WELL HERE’S ONE IN A BUSH IT’S RUSTY IT’S QUITE A AUSTERE HANGER I’M PULLING IT OUT NOW HMM THE COAT HANGER POTENT SYMBOL THAT IT IS THIS ISN’T’ THE RIGHT KIND OF COAT HANGER FOR THE WHOLE MUMMY DEAREST SITUATION OH DEAR LISTEN TO THAT MM HOW DO YOU LIKE THE SOUND OF RUST ON RUST ‘CAUSE I DISLIKE IT IMMENSELY OH GOOD THEY’RE ADJUSTABLE SO I BET THAT I CAN MOVE THEM ONE OF THE WORST EXPERIENCES OF MY DAY SO FAR BUT IT HAS BEEN QUITE A NICE DAY REALLY HERE’S A WEED WEED YOU SHOULDN’T BE HERE YOU’LL BE KILLED SOON YOU’RE ALREADY TOO LARGE THEY DON’T LIKE YOU WEED YOU DON’T BELONG HERE YOU’RE AN IMMIGRANT IMMIGRANT WEED YOU MUST BE ELIMINATED OH LOOK LOOK AT THESE VERY BLUE BERRIES I BET YOU’RE POISONOUS I’M GONG TO SQUISH ONE BETWEEN MY FINGERS OOH OH MY GOOD THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST VIBRANTLY PURPLE BERRIES I’VE EVER SEEN IT DOESN’T SMELL VERY GOOD BUT IT COULD BE ANY OF THE PLANT BITS I’VE TOUCHED OR THE RUSTY HANGER I’M STILL HOLDING BEST TO PUT IT BACK IN A BUSH THERE WE ARE SIT IN THIS ER IT’S NOT REALLY A BOTTLE BRUSH IS IT OH GOD THERE ARE BEES HAVE A HANGER BEES DISAPPEARING BEES MIKE’S MEANT TO KNOW ABOUT BEES BEE MAN BEE MOVIE JERRY SEINFELD NEW YORK CITY MONK’S DINER COFFEE SAUCE BOTTLES MUSTARD BOTTLES YELLOW BOTTLE YELLOW PLASTIC BOTTLE MUST HAVE MUSTARD MUSTER POINT STRANGELY PLACED HIBISCUS VERY HAWAIIAN AREN’T THEY BY ASSOCIATION I ASSUME I’VE NEVER BEEN TO HAWAII MY DEAR MOTHER SPENT A NEW YEAR’S EVE ON HAWAII LUCKY HER I WAS NOT THERE WHERE WAS I I WONDER PERTH AT LEAST NOT MANY NOTABLE NEW YEARS ONE WATCHING THE PRODIGY PERFORM AT THE O2 ARENA CAN’T REMEMBER WHY THAT HAPPENED MUST HAVE GOT FREE TICKETS NOT SO INTO THE PRODIGY AS I MIGHT BE MORE BORE WATER STAINS THOSE LITTLE RAINBOWS KIND OF FORMING THROUGH THEM MORE BERRIES YELLOW THIS TIME I WILL PULL IT DOWN HERE IT IS AND I’LL SQUASH IT BETWEEN MY FINGERS OH IT CAN’T BE SQUASHED IT’S NOT REALLY A BERRY IT’S MORE OF A WELL ANOTHER FRUIT IT PROBABLY THINKS THE SAME ABOUT ME REALLY MM OH AND LOOK HERE’S A HOMUNCULUS ON A UNICYCLE DON’T REALLY NEED TO EXPLAIN THAT ONE TO YOU ANY MORE DO I SO AWARE THAT YOU’RE THERE I HOPE YOU’RE THERE IT MAKES ME FEEL A BIT LESS OH GOD THAT’S ENOUGH OF THAT OH LOOK IT’S ART IT’S ART BEHIND GLASS THE BEST KIND OF ART IT’S PEOPLE’S FACES AND SOME KIND OF PYRE A PYRE FOR FIRE THIS IS ALSO A NICE BIT I FIND MANY NICE BITS OR I HAVE FOUND MANY NICE BITS OH DEAR THIS SIN’T A WALKING DIRECTION OH NO IT’S FINE YES IT IS PEOPLE LOADING UP THEIR FOUR WHEEL DRIVE TWO SEEMS PLENTY FOR ME MAYBE I’LL GET A MOTORBIKE LICENSE OH INSIDE THIS MOST RECENT FRUIT A TINY BLACK SEED WELL DARK SEED BLACK NO BUT THEN WHAT IS I’M ON A RAMP I AM DESCENDING YES I AM DESCENDING BACK NEAR THE RIVER IT IS WINDY THERE WHAT FUNNY COLOURED BOATS HOW WOULD I FEEL ABOUT A BOAT WOULD I LIKE A BOAT I DON’T’ REALLY WANT TO OWN A BOAT BUT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE ACCESS TO A BOAT COMMUNAL BOATS BOAT COMMUNITY COMMUNITY OF BOATS BOAT SOCIETY MM THE RIGHT TO BOAT SOMEBODY’S P PLATE ON THE GROUND OH LOOK AT THAT BOAT IT’S LIKE A JUNGLE GYM PROBABLY TWO STORIES I’M BECOMING QUITE USED TO THIS YOU KNOW I COULD CULTIVATE A ER PUBLIC IMAGE THE GUY WHO TALKS TO HIMSELF OR TALKS TO THE THE TINY RECORDING ROBOT MICROPHONE MIKE R PHONE I’LL WORK ON THAT ONE MY GOD WE HAVE A SUBWAY I WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT MY FINGERS HAVE BECOME VERY STICKY FORM THE LAST FRUIT IT’S VERY UNPLEASANT THE RAIN IS PICKING UP ALTHOUGH IT’S VERY LIGHT SPITTING LIKE ANGELS SPITTING ON ME FROM THE CLOUDS WHERE THEY LIVE THEY LIVE IN THE CLOUDS IT WOULD BE AN ANNOYING PLACE TO LIVE I IMAGINE BECAUSE YOU DON’T EVER REALLY GET A SENSE OF DIRECTION DO YOU JUST EVERYTHING’S CHANGING ALL THE TIME YOU HAVE TO BE THAT KIND OF PERSON I GUESS TO ENJOY LIVING IN THE CLOUDS HMM YES I SHOULD DO SOMETHING TO SORT OUT THE STICKY FINGER SITUATION I COULD SUBMERGE THEM IN THE RIVER MM LOOKS LIKE I’M GOING TO I SEEM TO BE WALKING TOWARDS THE RIVER OH THERE’S A DITCH NOT REALLY SO MUCH A DITCH AS A SMALL EMBANKMENT HMM I HAD ORIGINALLY RECORDED I’VE HU PLANNED RATHER HMM I HAD ORIGINALLY PLANNED TO RECORD VAGUE KIND OF PHYSICAL INSTRUCTIONS ON WHICH WAY I WAS TURNING AT EACH POINT SO I COULD KIND OF RECONSTRUCT IT BUT I GUESS I’LL JUST HAVE TO KIND OF REMEMBER PROBABLY CLOSER TO THE POINT ALTHOUGH I THINK THAT CONSIDERING THE POINT MIGHT ALSO BE COUNTER-POINT-FUL AH YES HERE WE ARE MAKING MY WAY ACROSS THE ROAD LOOK AT ALL THESE ATHLETES BEING ATHLETIC REALLY GOING PLACES IT IS WINDY HERE I HOPE YOU CAN HEAR ME CAN I JUST GO STRAIGHT TO THE WATER OH LOOK THERE’S A BIRD IT’S DRYING ITSELF WILL IT BE INTERVIEWED LET’S SEE IT HAS A LONG NECK OH IT DOESN’T LIKE ME COMING TOO CLOSE OH IT’S RUNNING AWAY GOODBYE BIRD HMM I DON’T REALLY WANT TO PUT MY FINGERS IN THIS WATER I CAN’T REALLY SEE HOW I’M GOING TO DO IT CLEANLY OH THERE WE GO THAT’S NOT SO BAD YES GET THIS STICKY FRUIT FROM ME WELL YOU’LL BE HAPPY TO LEARN THAT MY FINGERS ARE LESS STICKY ALTHOUGH NOW THEY ARE WET I LOOK FORWARD TO DISCOVERING THAT THEY’RE STILL STICKY WHEN THEY DRY GOODBYE RIVER GOODBYE BIRD CHRISTOPHER WALKEN GOODNIGHT MOON MAYBE MORE CARS TOYOTA ECHO ECHO HMM TIME ENOUGH TO CROSS BUT I’M NOT CROSSING HERE I GO THIS IS FINE OOH KEEP ON TRUCKIN’ CROSSIN’ DON’T KNOW HOW TO TRUCK GOTTA KNOW HOW TO DRIVE TO TRUCK DON’T YOU CAN’T DO THAT BOTTLE IN TREE HOLE IN EARTH YOU THINK ABOUT THAT IT’S QUITE AN UNAPPEALING PLACE TO BE I’M KEEN TO BE OUT OF OUT OF THIS BIT THIS IS NOT A NICE BIT FOR YOUR INFORMATION IF IT’S INFORMATION YOU WANT OH GOOD MY FINGERS ARE GETTING STICKIER NICE NARRATIVE ARC GET ENGAGED IN THE SUBPLOT NICHOLAS DÉRIVES MEANWHILE A FRUIT MAKES HIS FINGERS STICKY I WONDER WHAT’S BEEN ON YOUR MIND RECENTLY WHOEVER YOU ARE I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT MAYBE HOW LITTLE I’VE BEEN THINKING RECENTLY WHICH IS A SHAME I’M LOOKING AT SOMETHING ON THE GROUND IS IT A WORM IF IT IS IT’S VERY DEAD AND VERY DRY I PICKED IT UP WHICH IS KINDA GROSS YES HOW LITTLE I’VE BEEN THINKING HMM OR JUST NOT BEING AWARE ENOUGH THIS IS PROBABLY AN EXTREMELY CLICHÉD THING FOR PEOPLE TO TALK ABOUT BUT I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN LESS AWARE RECENTLY THAN I PREFER TO BE USUALLY VERY STRESSED I HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF TO BECOME TOO STRESSED GOD HOW PEDESTRIAN HOW BOURGEOIS I’VE PICKED A STICK OFF A TREE IT’S ALRIGHT IT WAS PRETTY DEAD AND NOW I’M PICKING LITTLE NUTS OFF THE STICK IT’S KIND OF A WELL ACTUALLY NO IT’S NOT REALLY A FUN PASTIME BUT IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE IT’S STILL GOING NOW IT’S OVER FALLEN FROM MY FINGERS MMMMMMMM LAW BUILDING NO THIS IS VERY BORING DON’T REALLY KNOW WHICH DIRECTION OH THIS ONE LOOKS FINE A BIT BACK THE WAY I CAME BUT SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA GO BACK TO GO FORWARDS YOU KNOW THEY TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT OPTIMISATION MATHEMATICS AND COMPUTER SCIENCE THINGS DON’T WANT TO GO BACKWARDS BUT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO AN ANALOGY IMAGINE THERE’S A A BONE ON ONE SIDE OF A FENCE THERE’S A DOG ON THE OTHER AND THE DOG WANTS TO GET TO THE BONE THERE’S ALSO A GATE MAYBE FIFTY METRES DOWN THE FENCE IT’S AN OPEN SPACE THAT THE DOG COULD GO THROUGH BUT HE DOESN’T WANT TO MOVE AWAY FROM THE BONE BUT OF COURSE IF HE DID HE’D BE ABLE TO GET MUCH CLOSER TO THE BONE IN FACT HE’D BE ABLE TO GET TO THE BONE RIGHT DOWN TO THE BONE LOTS OF CABLE TIES AROUND HERE OMINOUS THINGS PEOPLE’S NAMES PLACED IN THE EARTH SO THEY ARE NEVER FORGOTTEN GOD FORBID AH YES SUPERVISING ME FROM INSIDE THE WINDOW BUT COULD YOU HEAR ME OH THAT’S A SHAME I LIKE THOSE STAIRS NOT ALLOWED UP THOSE STAIRS ANYMORE I GET A SENSE THAT I’M NOT REALLY ALLOWED IN HERE OH WELL WELL THERE’S A NOISE FOR YOU NO COMMENT ON THAT ONE YOU CAN’T SEE IT SO IT DOESN’T MATTER BUT SUFFICE TO SAY THAT I AM VERY SKEPTICAL BUT WHATEVER HELPS YOU TO BE A BETTER PERSON WHATEVER THAT MEANS HERE’S A NICE PIECE OF COLONIALISM CRICKET PAVILION I’M NOT THERE BUT I AM LOOKING AT IT LITTLE ARCHES I WOULD LIKE TO EAT A CUCUMBER SANDWICH ON THAT PAVILION MUCH TO THE INTEREST OF THIS PASSERBY I’M SURE SO HERE WE GO TOWARDS MY FUTURE SANDWICH ALWAYS TOWARDS MY FUTURE SANDWICH THOUGH REALLY ISN’T IT CAN’T REALLY GO IN ANY OTHER DIRECTION IF THERE IS A SANDWICH IN THE FUTURE MAYBE THERE’S NOT I’M TRYING TO REMEMBER MY MOST RECENT SANDWICH SO MANY WRAPS THESE DAYS TOO MANY WRAPS WHAT’S THIS IDEA THAT WE HAVE ARE WRAPS HEALTHIER THAN SANDWICHES OR THAN BREAD SO MUCH AIR IN BREAD NOT MUCH AIR IN WRAPS MAYBE IN CREPES PANCAKES THAT’S WHAT WE NEED MORE PANCAKES GOT MY VOTE PLEASE KEEP OFF THE GROUND IS UNDER REPAIR THAT IS AN ALARMING PROSPECT GROUND UNDER REPAIR FLAWED FOUNDATIONS A CONSTANT PROBLEM AM I BE SURVEYED SURVEILLED SURVEILLED I MEAN THE FRENCH AREN’T REALLY BIG INTO PRONOUNCING THEIR DOUBLE ELS ARE THEY SUR-VEYYED I’M SORRY THAT’S EMBARRASSING I WISH TO REDACT THAT LAST BUT I WON’T BECAUSE I’M HERE TO BE OPEN FOR YOU AND WITH YOU ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF YOU’RE NOT EVEN THERE YOU’RE LIKE MY SANDWICH OH LOOK HERE’S A CLOCK GOODNESS ME IT’S TEN TO THREE OH AS I FINISHED SAYING THAT INDEED THE MINUTE HAND POPPED OVER TO TEN TO THREE BECAUSE I WAS LYING TO YOU ACTUALLY IT WAS ELEVEN TO THREE YOU CAN’T WEAR SPIKED BOOTS BEYOND THIS POINT IRWIN STREET HMM HMM GENERAL SIR JOHN HACKETT GOD HE’S GOT A LOT OF LETTERS HERE THEY ARE GEE CEE BEE CEE BEE EE DEE ESS OH AND BAR EM CEE BEE LIT EM AE OXEN HON EM DEE EL EL ESS BELF DOUBLEYEW AUS AND EXETER THAT’S TOO MANY LETTERS REALLY NEVER CATCH ME WITH THAT MANY LETTERS BUT THEN I’M A MINIMALIST LET’S HAVE A LOOK INSIDE HERE PENNANTS THERE’S A THING SOFT TRIANGLES ISOSCELES NAMES OF COURSE HAVE TO HAVE NAMES HAVE TO BE SOMEBODY CHANGE ROOM SHOULDN’T REALLY LOOK THROUGH THOSE WINDOWS SHOULD I THERE’S NOBODY THERE IT’S FINE OH AND HERE’S A QUIET BIT MAGPIE HE’S RUNNING AWAY HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE INTERVIEWED THEY’RE A TOUGH LOT TO INTERVIEW THE BIRDS NICE LITTLE BLUE MACHINE HERE SOME KIND OF EXTRACTOR MAYBE AN AIR CONDITIONER SURELY NOT AN AIR CONDITIONER TERRIFYING AIR CONDITION FROM LIKE SOVIET HMMMM GEORGIA IS GEORGIA A SOVIET THING BIG ORANGE PIPES CERTAINLY VERY EFFECTIVE I DEFINITELY LIKE THE WAY IT LOOKS BUT THEY ARE TERRIFYING THEY ARE DYSTOPIAN DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT BUILDING IS WHAT IS THAT THAT’S DEFINITELY A ROBOT HMM MORE ARE COMING OH NOW I’M FOLLOWING THEM HMM BETTER NOT SAY SO TOO LOUDLY HERE I’LL STOP AND LOOK AT THIS FLOWER THE PERFECT ALIBI WILL I TOUCH IT YES I WILL IN FACT I’M DOING IT RIGHT NOW HOPE IT DOESN’T BRING ME OUT IN A RASH WHY WOULD I SAY THAT IS THERE EVEN ANY WOOD AROUND TO TOUCH OH LOOK GOD I WANT TO TOUCH THAT ONE OH IT’S VERY DIFFICULT TO ACCESS I HAVE TO STICK MY HEAD INTO THIS BUSH OH GOD I’M DOING IT HERE I GO I’M TOUCHING IT OH IT’S NOWHERE NEAR AS SOFT AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE VERY DISAPPOINTING I’LL TOUCH THE FIRST ONE JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE YES HMM ONCE AGAIN CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF TOUCHING A FLOWER AND TALKING ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE INTO A MICROPHONE IF I HAD ANY DIGNITY TO LOSE I SURE WOULD HAVE LOST SOME JUST THEN BUT REALLY WHAT IS DIGNITY I ASK YOU I’M WONDERING WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD CONFESS TO YOU THAT I ASKED YOU THAT QUESTION WHILE I WAS FISHING EARWAX FROM MY EAR SUPPOSE I DID TELL YOU I KNEW I WAS TELLING YOU I CAN TRUST YOU CAN’T I I AM THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK OF ME SELFISH THING TO THINK ABOUT BUT WE ALL THINK ABOUT IT SO WHATEVER NEED A BIN THAT’S THE NAME OF THIS BIN SEEMS A STRANGE THING FOR A BIN TO NEED AND YET IT DOES INSIST NEED A BIN THIS BIN IS FILLED WITH COMPUTER EQUIPMENT WELL NO IT’S NOT IT’S FILLED WITH BOXES WHICH ONCE CONTAINED COMPUTING EQUIPMENT OOH LOOK WHAT’S THAT IS THAT A BOOK YES IT IS WHAT’S THE SITUATION AROUND FISHING THINGS OUT OF DUMPSTERS THESE DAYS OH LOOK IT’S SOMEBODY’S WORK BOOK THE UNIVERSITY OF WESTERN AUSTRALIA DEPARTMENT OF ELECTRICAL AND ELECTRONIC ENGINEERING CIRCUITS AND SIGNALS TWO OH SIX THERE ARE CHARMING HAND WRITTEN EQUATIONS ON THE COVER I’M LOOKING IN ANOTHER BIN NOW I DON’T KNOW IF THIS ONE’S CALLED NEED A BIN MAYBE NOT IT’S A DIFFERENT COLOUR TO NEED A BIN OLD MONITOR CEE ARE TEE SO MUCH STUFF JUST GETS PUT OUT OF SIGHT AND OUT OF MIND I’M OUT OF MY MIND OH LOOK THIS PERSON SEEMS TO HAVE READ THIS QUITE THOROUGHLY THERE’S LOTS OF HIGHLIGHTING NOTES GOOD FOR THEM JASMINE HENRY WELL SHOWS HOW SEXIST I AM BECAUSE I HAD ASSUMED IT BELONGED TO A MAN WHAT ARE YOU UP TO JASMINE HENRY THIS PAGE SHE HAS NOTED IS NOT IN THE EXAM DON’T NEED TO TAKE NOTES INDEED SHE HAS NOT TAKEN NOTES I DO LIKE ELECTRONICS KINDA LIKE MATHS I LIKE MATHS A LOT VERY IMPORTANT THING I THINK AND HERE YOU ARE BEING SUBJECTED TO MY THOUGHTS FOR GOOD GOD FIFTY FIVE MINUTES BETTER GET MYSELF TO A LIBRARY MM I WONDER HOW BADLY IT IS GOING TO RAIN I REALLY SHOULDN’T LET MYSELF BE CAUGHT IN THE RAIN CARRYING AS I AM ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT OH GOD TINY HUMANS CHILDREN REALLY ARE LIKE SMALL DRUNK ADULTS I THINK DEFINITELY NOT COORDINATED MENTALLY OR PHYSICALLY INSOLENT NEEDY EMOTIONAL I’M WALKING PAST A PLAYGROUND AND I’M TRYING TO FIND A WORD TO DESCRIBE IT IT IS IN A STATE OF DISREPAIR IS IT WOEFUL OH I CAN GO IN I MEAN THIS IS DEFINITELY CREEPY OF ALL THE CREEPY THINGS SO FAR BUT YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO TO AVOID PEOPLE HMM I’LL PAS THROUGH THIS NARROW GAT OH RIGHT THE PLAYGROUND I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT UMM TRAGIC DOESN’T’ QUITE SUM UP ITS DISAPPOINTMENT IT’S LIKE WHATS’ THE WORD FOR THE REALISATION THAT YOU HAVE AS YOU GET OLDER IT’S LIKE FINDING OUT THAT SANTA ISN’T REAL YOU KNOW EXCEPT THE WAY THAT LIFE KINDA CONTINUALLY DOES THAT TO YOU AS YOU GET OLDER YOU REALISE THAT NOTHING IS WHAT IT WAS PROMISED TO BE THAT PLAYGROUND IS DEFINITELY NOT WHAT IT WAS PROMISED TO BE WHAT IT ONCE WAS DON’T LIKE THIS SPACE BUT I AM ENJOYING YOUR COMPANY THANKYOU FOR BEING HERE DANGEROUSLY POPULATED TERRITORY THIS AH HERE WE ARE ANNA’S EXPERIMENT I DO KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THIS BUILDING AND WHAT I KNOW IS THAT THERE’S A POSSUM IN HERE LIVING INSIDE A HOLLOW ASBESTOS WALL YOU CAN SEE THE POSSUM YOU CAN’T SEE THE WHOLE POSSUM YOU CAN JUST SEE PART OF ITS FURRY BODY SOMETIMES IF YOU’RE LUCKY I BELIEVE THAT THEY HAVE PATCHED UP THE HOLE SO NOW THE POSSUM IS NO LONGER INVISIBLE ALTHOUGH NO RATHER NO LONGER VISIBLE ONE SUPPOSES HE CAN STILL GET OUT I DON’T THINK HE COULD EVER GET OUT OF HIS HOLE OW DOES HE GET FOOD IN THERE I HAVEN’T TODL YOU THIS BUT I PICKED A EUCALYPTUS LEAF AND I’VE BEEN CRUSHING IT BETWEEN MY FINGERS WHICH HAS RESULTED WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT IN MY FINGERS BECOMING STICKY BUT HERE I AM AT THIS LOVELY REVOLVING ROCK SCULPTURE AND IT’S WET AND NOW I CAN CLEAN MY FINGERS STOP STOP REVOLVING YOU ROCK STOP IT STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP I INSIST THAT YOU STOP STOP I DIDN’T STOP IT BUT I MADE IT MOVE A DIFFERENT WAY AND NOW I CAN SEE IN THE REFLECTION OF THE BALL THAT A FAMILY IS APPROACHING BEHIND ME LISTENING TO ME SPEAK TO MYSELF AND TOUCH THE BALL AHH WHAT A MESS MY LIFE IS I STOPPED TOUCHING THE BALL SO MY FINGERS ARE NOT THROUGHLY UNSTUCK STUCKENED STICKIED UNSTICKIED STICKILESSENED COMPUTER SCIENCE AND SOFTWARE ENGINEERING A UTE TWO BIRDS WELL MORE THAN TWO BUT OH GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE UNDER THE RAFTERS WHAT A PLACE TO LIVE NO DIGNITY FAMILIAR PATH NOW WHAT ARE YOU OLD OLD HONKY NUT OLD OLD HONKYNUT LIKE ME I’M AN OLD HONKYNUT NO I’M NOT DON’T BE SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN AN OLD HONKYNUT BUT AM I WHAT HAPPENS TO US THAT WE START ASKING THESE QUESTIONS OF OURSELVES AM I AN OLD HONKEYNUT OR SOME SUCH VARIATION ON A SIMILAR THEME OH LOOK AND HERE IN THIS TREE IS A PACIFIER A DUMMY IF I AM TO BE LESS AMERICAN IT’S TIED ON VERY WELL I SHOULD EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT I’M ON A SECOND LEVEL SORT OF AT EYE HEIGHT WITH THE TOP OF A TREE AND AND HERE IS A DUMMY AT ROUGHLY CHEST HEIGHT WHO PUT YOU THERE THE KIND OF RUBBER NIPPLE SEEMS TO BE MISSING ALTHOUGH IT’S FACING AWAY FROM ME DIFFICULT TO TELL RUBBER NIPPLE WHAT A PROSPECT WHAT A THING FOR US TO MANUFACTURE THE RUBBER NIPPLE NICE CERAMICS UH OH PEOPLE JUST DOING A BIT OF A YEW TURN GOODBYE BEEN TALKING TO MYSELF FAR TOO LONG IGNORANT OF YOUR PRESENCE TO ENGAGE UNASHAMEDLY NOW MUTANT FRUIT I’VE LEARNT MY LESSON FROM TOUCHING PLANTS MAKE YOUR FINGERS STICKY DON’T DO IT DÉRIVE DÉRIVE YOU WERE MEANT TO TAKE ME TO A LIBRARY BUT HERE I AM AT AN ART GALLERY AND I WANT TO GO INSIDE SO I’M GOING TO DO SO END TRANSMISSION

translation: a love so beautiful || 致我们单纯的小美好 (the novel) → chapter 2

Here you can see how the drama deviated quite a bit from the book narrative :) Hope you enjoy!

edit: realised that dolly at https://teaquilashot.wordpress.com is also translating, so now we will be collaborating to translate the novel together at her blog :)

original text by: 赵乾乾 (zhao gan gan)

translated by: yt st / youtiaoshutiao @ tumblr

disclaimer: translation here is purely for non-commercial purposes, and I don’t own the original work. please credit this tumblr if borrowing any translation from here. :)

notes: translator’s notes are bolded and bracketed, terms translated literally are italicised. sometimes i take liberties with punctuation and certain phrasing when translating too. :P

After summer, we stepped into the busy year of Junior 3. I have always prioritised important matters above everything else, hence things like immersing myself in romantic love were promptly kicked to a side. Plus, Meteor Garden was airing fervently back then, so I changed to being crazy about Dao Ming Si instead.

The event that caused me to confirm my resolution to have being infatuated/fangirling over Jiang Chen as my life goal happened half a year later. The night before the mock exams, amidst my mum’s beatings and scoldings of “How did I raise up such a forgetful pig-headed daughter like you?!”, I hurriedly rushed to the Xue You (NOTE: direct translation of Xue You – study friend) Bookshop to buy the 2B pencils I needed to shade the OAS for my mock exams the next day.

Even though Xue You Bookstore claims to be a bookstore, but it sells a variety of things – from books and stationery to stickers and toys, basically, whatever was trending among students, it would sell. Later on after muddling through life in the outside world, I discovered that the two words “Xue You” was a name that all non-franchise stationery shops and book shops in the country liked to use. I didn’t know if this was because this name would cause numerous students to feel a sense of familiarity akin to seeing a friend, or if it was because everyone was lazy to come up with names. But if there was a day where I decide to give back to society, I would also want to open a Xue You shop, on the surface it would sell books and stationery, but it would actually be a centre of students to pay a fee and make friends, especially female students, though if there were special requests, we could also sell male students at a high price.

I entered Xue You and grabbed a bunch of 2B pencils. At that point in time, using computers to mark papers had just come into vogue. I thought that the 2B pencil would appreciate in price in the near future, and I had to stock up. But the truth proved otherwise. While the price of pencils did rise by ten cents, there were many pencils specially made for shading the OAS that were produced. While everyone else was using mechanical pencils to shade their OAS, I still had to pitifully use a knife to shave my pencils. Prophets are all lonely people.

As I clutched a bunch of pencils, about to pay, Jiang Chen entered through the door. Perhaps out of a strange adolescent voyeuristic mentality, I subconsciously grabbed a book off the shelf, using it to block my face as I secretly watched him.

Jiang Chen upon entering made an immediate beeline for the counter. The lady boss saw him, and smilingly carried up a pile of books from under the counter. “The embroidered collector’s edition of the Four Classic Novels of Chinese Literature (NOTE: namely Romance of Three Kingdoms, Journey to the West, Water Margin and Dream of Red Mansions) you wanted, I specially went into the city to obtain its stock.”

Jiang Chen smiled and said, “Thank you Lady Boss, how much is it?”

“853 RMB, I’ll take 850 from you.” The lady boss took his money. “I’m not even counting in the transport fees.”

Jiang Chen smilingly nodded his head. “Thank you Lady Boss.”

At that point in time our school fees were 200 RMB per semester, Jiang Chen was using money worth two school years/four semesters to buy a few rotten books, if he had so much spare money, he might as well… Actually I also didn’t know what he might as well have done, I’ve never had so much money, so I was really didn’t understand. Previously, someone told me this joke – a news reporter asked an old woman who lived deep in the mountains, “What would you do if I gave you 100000 RMB?” She replied, “Eat vegetable steamed buns everyday.” He asked again, “What if I gave you 200000 RMB?” She replied, “Eat meat steamed buns everyday.” Lastly he asked, “What if I gave you 1000000 RMB?” She replied, “I would have a vegetable steamed bun in one hand and a meat steamed bun in the other everyday.” I actually really empathised with the old woman’s plight.

“Ge ge (NOTE: meaning older brother), ge ge.” A child who had come out of nowhere was calling as he tugged on Jiang Chen’s trousers.

Jiang Chen squatted down and caressed his head. Blinking, he asked him, “Little friend, are you a boy or a girl?”

The little child sucked on his tiny thumb, and very seriously replied, “Boy.”

Jiang Chen was dissatisfied. “I don’t like boys.”

He was preparing to get up as he said that, the little child hurriedly tugged on his clothes. “I’m a girl.”

Jiang Chen laughed. “So you’re actually a girl. Okay then, what did you call me for?”

The little child fished out a box of colour pencils and two crumpled ten-cent notes from the large pocket of his overalls, lifting them high up to demonstrate how he couldn’t reach the counter. “I’m buying this.”

Jiang Chen took the box and stood up to pass it to the lady boss. “Boss, how much is this?”

“Ten RMB.”

Jiang Chen fished out ten RMB. After paying the money, he then squatted back down to pass the box to the little child. He patted his head and said, “Here, your colour pencils.”

The little child chortled as he took the box. “Thank you Ge ge.”

After saying “you’re welcome”, Jiang Chen prepared to stand up straight. The little child once again pulled at his trouser bottoms, so he could only squat back down again. The little child clumsily opened the box of colour pencils, and picking out a pink coloured one, said, “Drawing is very pretty.”

“I don’t know how to draw.” Jiang Chen said as he smiled. “You keep it for yourself to draw.”

The little child shook his head, and pointing at the books in his hand, said, “No, I draw.”

Jiang Chen stared blankly for a moment, then his face broke into a smile. He took out “Romance of the Three Kingdoms” and handed it over to the little child.

The little child held up the book and sat on the floor, lowering his head to draw something on it very seriously, while muttering something to himself. At last he clapped his hands and said, “Done.”

I tiptoed and stuck out my head to peep at it, that design looked like a rabbit at first glance, then looked like a dog when you looked more closely, yet its poise and charm also somewhat resembled a tiger.

Jiang Chen, taking back the book, looked at it very seriously, then said seriously, “The dog you drew is very beautiful, thank you.”

The little child, fluttering his round eyes, said, “It’s a cat.”

Jiang Chen did a double take, then laughed. “So it’s actually a cat.”

I stared at his dimple, it seemed to have deepened somewhat, I really wanted to go up to him and poke it.

What is known as “being stunned by beauty”, what is known as “being killed in a second”. Li Bi Hua (NOTE: a famous Chinese author/scriptwriter – she wrote Farewell My Concubine) once said – being stunned by beauty back at that time, was wholly because one had seen little of the world. But this wasn’t the case for me, in the times to come, I would repeatedly embellish these two scenes in my mind, just like the post-production editing for movies and television. I would adjust the angle of the scene, add light and shadow variation, layer on sound effects……

“How long are you going to squat at the hospital entrance for?”

“Ah?” With my great post-production editing project being interrupted, I was momentarily a little lost. Gazing into Jiang Chen’s somewhat impatient-looking face, I again sounded, “Ah?”

“Get up.” He stretched out his hand and with one grab pulled me up from the floor, dragging me towards the ambulance. In fact, I really wanted to ask him if he had forgotten to let go of my hand, and also if he was in poor health lately, his hand was so sweaty…

When we got onto the ambulance, the driver and my mum simultaneously showed facial expressions looking like they had just caught us in bed together. I helplessly rolled my eyes, and peeped at Jiang Chen a little apprehensively. He on the other hand seemed to be totally unaffected and sat by my side. “Small Li, start driving.”

After that, he turned his head around to tell my mum, “Auntie, I’ve already spoken to my colleague in orthopaedics, when we reach the hospital, we’ll take another X-ray, if there is no issue, we’ll do the operation this afternoon. Please do not worry, my colleague is one of the very best orthopaedic surgeons in the industry.”

My mum hurriedly nodded her head incessantly, and gave a really motherly smile. “We’re really troubling you.”

“It’s no trouble, it’s what I should do.” Jiang Chen was also really smiling like a filial son.

“So noisy!” My dad suddenly spoke up loudly.

Ever since my dad was informed that we were going to transfer hospitals with the help of Jiang Chen, he had been throwing a tantrum. Later on, the moment my mum walked away, he gave me a tongue-lashing, its contents being nothing else but one word – backbone! He felt that after how Jiang Chen’s mother treated me back in the day, I should stay far, far away from him. It was best that I spit him in the face with saliva when I saw him to express my disdain, but now I had gone as far as to accept his favour!

Three years ago, I graduated from X University’s art design faculty. Jiang Chen was studying both his bachelor’s and master’s degree consecutively in medical school and had to study for seven years, but due to his excellent performance, he had already begun to intern at the various major departments at X University’s subsidiary hospital by his fourth year.

Back then, Jiang Chen was really good to me, the moment he saw me receive my graduation certificate, he said that he wanted to marry me. Of course, this was mainly because I was always making baseless fabrications about a bunch of the so-called elite in society to scare him. For example, the manager who helped me open the door every day (whose original form was the security guard of our company, for I always forgot to bring my entrance card to tap in and out); the director who was always giving me flowers (whose original form was the person who sold flowers downstairs – when I was working overtime late into the night, I would always run into him throwing away the spoilt flowers that couldn’t be sold while on my way home, with my fervent hints, he would give the flowers to me); the client who treated me to watch a movie (whose original form was indeed a client, and I did indeed watch a movie, it was just that I had to write a publicity proposal report for them after watching it)…… An artistic creation requires an original form.

Once Jiang Chen heard that I was so popular, he became anxious, he said that the four years’ worth of breakfasts he delivered in university must not be delivered in vain, we had better get married.

I agreed with no sense of shame whatsoever. My thoughts were very simple, the faculty of medicine in X University was ranked no. 1 in the entire country, and Jiang Chen was getting the top-tier scholarship every year, there was basically no suspense that he was a stock with great potential. I had to capture him as soon as possible, such that when he became a blue chip stock (NOTE: aka stocks of financially stable and well-known companies that have good returns), I would be the grain-husk wife (NOTE: meaning a wife who has suffered hardship together with you) who had suffered trials and tribulations together with him, if he dared to divorce me, I would dare to ask for a half of his assets……

Of course, actually the simplest thought was that I loved him very much, and I was afraid he would be snatched away by someone else. One time, I went to the hospital he was interning at to look for him, and within one hour I saw three patients giving him their business cards, with one of even being a guy. This society was too terrifying, and Jiang Chen’s charisma seemed to slay both men and women.

It was just that back in the day, I was almost completely poisoned by television dramas and novels, and I thought that my love was invincible. But Jiang Chen’s mother made me realise, once my love experienced disturbances, it changed as it pleased.

One fine afternoon, Jiang Chen’s mother paid a visit to my mum. My mum’s status in my household, being a professional housewife, was akin to that of Wu Ze Tian (NOTE: the only female emperor in the history of China), but for the first time, I saw that plucky mother of mine being at such a complete loss of what to do, becoming meek without herself even noticing. To be fair, Jiang Chen’s mother didn’t say any undue remark, and she hadn’t fished out a cheque and said, “Leave my son, tell me how much money you want.” She was calmly discussing with my mum some wedding customs, but it was just the condescending attitude, like she was lowering herself to talk to my mum, that she exuded that caused my mum to be filled with trepidation. Watching my mum from the side as she rubbed her hands, saying, “We’ll cooperate, we’ll cooperate”, my heart was tart and painful, like it had been soaked in old vinegar.

Jiang Chen’s mother then sought me out one-to-one for a chat. She gave me a few pieces of paper and told me to take a good look, and if I agreed, to give my signature. It was a pre-marital contract, with its contents roughly being something along the lines of how I was not marrying Jiang Chen for his family’s money, and if we divorced, I wouldn’t be able to get any assets, etcetera.

At that point in time, I was really bewildered. His dad was just the mayor of a small town, how much money could he possibly have? Was there really a need to act like we were in a television drama?

I’ve already forgotten what I was thinking at that time, perhaps it was some noble matters like love and self-respect, but later I simply could not make up my mind, so I went to ask my dad. All I can say is that, that was a historic mistake.

Jiang Chen’s dad was my dad’s indirect supervisor. My dad felt that he was already such a wimp, being bullied and pushed around by these supervisors on a day-to-day basis, but for the family of his supervisor to bully his own family members, this was a matter that he simply couldn’t stand. Therefore he told me that if I dared sign, he would disown me as his daughter.

Thus, I again did yet another stupid thing, which was to give Jiang Chen the pre-marital contract for him to return it to his mother. Jiang Chen was really agitated and furious, and went home to quarrel with his mother. Later on, his mother gave me a phone call, with the main idea being, if I dared get married to Jiang Chen, she would dare to die at our wedding. Back then, I had little experience in society, so I was immediately psyched out by her. I totally didn’t think of any other ways to resolve the issue, for example to not hold a wedding ceremony, so that she wouldn’t have a place to die……

The matter of marriage was hence left unsettled just like that, after that, I didn’t know why, but perhaps work started to get busy, I was busy getting scolded by my manager, while Jiang Chen was busy attending classes and interning. Plus, most likely I started bearing grudges in my heart, I would incessantly nit-pick and needle him, and would provoke him over the most trivial and inconsequential matters. I tested our love by testing his tolerance.

When I said, “Jiangchen, let’s break up.”

He was silent for a long time before saying, “Don’t you regret it.” Then he slammed the door with a bang and left.

I thought that for two people who loved each other to break up, there should at least be some large-scale major event, for example, a third party; for example, suddenly discovering that I was his father’s illegitimate daughter; for example, either him or I contracting a terminal illness…… But in fact, there was no need for that. Uneasiness, busyness and weariness were enough.

We split up just like that. It was quite amazing, two people who had originally agreed to be together for a whole lifetime, now had absolutely nothing to do with each other in just a flash. For a long period of time, I even suspected that perhaps someone had pressed the fast-forward button for us, causing me to omit some plot circumstances that made the break-up an inevitability.

My dad was the happiest about my breakup with Jiang Chen. He most likely felt that this was one victory he had in his confrontation with those of a supervisor social class. But towards a later stage, my constant inability to find a boyfriend caused him to feel that the fruits of victory were sometimes bitter as well.

So I guess my dad’s feelings towards Jiang Chen were complicated. On one hand, he hoped that there would be someone who would take over the slow-moving product (NOTE: meaning a product that sells poorly) that I was, yet on the other hand, he also felt that he would much rather I be a slow-moving product than to sell me to Jiang Chen. He was probably experiencing internal turmoil akin to that of the capitalists existing during the Great Depression mentioned in our high school politics textbook who would rather pour milk into the river than give it to the poor.

What I didn’t tell my dad was that actually, that person wasn’t even intending to buy from you.

TRC Translation notes Volume 18 (Chapters 133 - 140)

Even more incredible translation notes from the wonderful @giniroangou? I got you covered!

Highlights include: acid punk chapter cover mysteries finally solved, soul/body separation foreshadowing, oaths!, Lantis and co. actually becoming competent, character motivations making sense, intentional ambiguities, fun chess vibes, and Sakura’s heart breaking in slow motion.

Chapter 133

Cover page - Per the art book commentary, the panels in this picture were intended to be things the characters either threw away or decided they no longer want.

p.8 - The word “kokoro” comes back here, this time translated as “mind.” The description of Sakura’s body as a “vessel” is from the original text. There’s definitely been a theme of the mind/heart/soul being a separate (though not necessarily unconnected) entity from the body running through both the plotline and the language the characters use.

p.10 - As in previous scenes, the original text preserves the distinction between the two Syaorans by only placing Lava Lamp’s name in quotation marks.

p.14-15 - There were no exclamation points in these lines originally, which I feel implies more of a defeated tone.

p.19 - Yuuko’s line here isn’t necessarily about creation, though it could be interpreted that way. In the original text it’s, “For the sake of two futures.”

p.20 - Yuuko says that it is both the price Lava Lamp and the others paid, as well as their hearts (“kokoro” again) that will ensure Watanuki doesn’t vanish.

p.24 - The wording in the translation was a little confusing, but I think the concept got across. Just in case, Yuuko explains here that worlds are able to endure precisely because everything maintains a balance. If a world loses that balance, it will fall apart.

Chapter 134

p.35 - Sakura’s lines have been mistranslated here. She’s asking if Fai is hiding what he really wants to do because she said she was going to go. Essentially she’s worried that Fai is prioritizing her desires over his own, that he would have made a different choice without her influence.

p.36 - The original nuance is a little different in a couple of Fai’s lines. He says to Sakura, “I’m a wizard who can’t even heal your wounds, but will you allow me to stay with you?” As a side note: the English “wizard” is the actual word Fai uses to refer to himself - it’s written in katakana as the reading above the kanji for “majutsushi”/“mage.” (I feel like this has come up before, but… it’s been a while.)

p.37 - Just to clarify how this line appears in Japanese, “My only Princess” is written in kanji in a much more formal manner than Fai would normally use (我が唯一の姫君) with the reading above in katakana as “Vi la princia” (ヴイ・ラ・プリンシア). Additionally, the entire phrase is in quotation marks, enhancing the impression that it is an established oath of some sort.

p.38 - Kurogane could be referring to one thing or to multiple things that have changed - the word in Japanese is non-specific.

p.39 - I’m not sure why there’s a “But” in front of Kurogane’s line in this translation, since this follows directly off of his line from the previous page. It should be more along the lines of, “I guess it’s okay to make more than one promise.”

Chapter 135

p.51 - Sakura’s thank you feels super extreme in the official translation, but originally all she said here was, “Thank you.”

p.53 - The promise Fuuma mentions is presented in contrast/in addition to the jobs he does for Yuuko - after describing his payment process to her he says, “Well, I made another promise too, though.”

I interpreted Fuuma’s last line here not as a reference to the needs of the group, but to the fact that they’re probably going to have a hard time getting Sakura’s feather back from Seishirou.

p.62 - Yuuko says she’s going to purify the egg before she passes it on.

p.65 - Yuuko isn’t talking about a single unchanging feeling here, but saying that people’s true feelings cannot be changed.

Chapter 136

p.74-76 - Fun fact: The “READY…. GO!!” on these pages was originally written in English.

p.79 - Eagle remarks that BOTH Sakura and her pieces are incredible. The word for piece is written with the kanji used for shougi and chess pieces and the like (駒) but the reading is given in katakana as the English word “piece” (ピース).

p.81 - The point Geo’s making here should be that all three “pieces” DON’T seem to be amateurs.

p.82 - After pointing out Fai’s defensive technique, I’m fairly certain Lantis is saying that it seems unlikely Fai has always fought in that style.

P.84 - Lantis doesn’t describe them as “useful,” but as “masters” (of fighting).

Chapter 137

p.97 - The translation covers this up a bit, but Fai’s first line here is expositional - he’s just saying that they know there’s a feather in this world, not really asking about it. He is also still referring to Syaoran as “Syaoran-kun,” they just missed the honorific in the English version.

p.110 - I just want to drop another quick reminder here about Lava Lamp’s speech style, because the translation doesn’t do it justice at all. What’s been translated as “You too. Please get some sleep yourself,” was not actually a polite request. Lava Lamp refers to Kurogane directly as “you” (“anata”) and ends his sentence in a casual imperative (“yasundekure”). Despite the father/son vibe in the preceding scene, he speaks to Kurogane as an equal.

p.111 - Once again, there are quotation marks around Kurogane’s name when Fai says it, so it’s even more in-your-face in the Japanese version than the italics of the official translation.

Chapter 138

p.115 - Fai’s line is a bit less clear-cut in the original text. This is another case where there are no pronouns used, so from the line itself you can’t tell whether he’s speaking for himself alone or not and you also can’t tell whether he’s vowing to keep the whole group from getting hurt vs, say, just Sakura. However you choose to take this line is up to the context of the scene and how you view Fai as a character in this moment.

p.116 - Clow doesn’t ask if Sakura is looking at the ruins - she offers that information herself.

p.117 - Sakura’s description of the ruins is a little different in her original line - she says that there may be precious items from the country’s past buried there. (The word she uses for what might be buried is “mono,” which could be either singular or plural, but plural seems the most logical in this situation.)

p.118 - The word that’s been translated as “that special someone” is “daisuki na hito” in Japanese, which can mean, “The person you love,” but also alternatively, “Someone you love.” It doesn’t necessarily imply a romantic partner.

p.121 - A couple little tweaks here: The word “eye” has quotation marks around it in the original text. It could potentially be plural or singular, but given the context and the quotes singular seems more appropriate. Clow doesn’t specifically say anything about a message, just an inability to reach (so this could refer to a message, but also to feelings, to someone reaching out for something, etc.) He speaks only of a desire to protect, rather than a need or the actual act occurring: “But even so, you want to protect (insert missing pronoun here).” Basically, Japanese is the ideal language for a scene like this, because its ambiguity gives many of these lines a versatility they don’t have in English and allows them to apply to multiple situations at once, as you discussed in your liveblog.

p.123 - Again, the implication that protection is an obligation wasn’t in the original text. Lava Lamp is stating what it is he’d decided: To protect no matter what.

p.124 - Another punctuation tonal shift here: instead of “Sakura!” this was originally “.... Sakura.”

p.127 - Fai’s original line is a bit less flippant than the translated version, just, “Those look like they’d be painful if you hit them.”

Chapter 139

p.141 - “Becoming lost” is one way to translate this line, but it might be more natural to say that Sakura is hesitating or wavering.

Chapter 140

p.161 - Just for fun: the original text on this page is kind of wild aesthetically. “Checkmate” is written in katakana, what’s been translated as “black team” is just the word “black” written in kanji with katakana above it giving the reading as “black” in English, and then “WIN!” entirely in English.

p.162 - Fai’s lines on this page are spoken with more certainty - he’s not supposing, just stating facts. He describes Lava Lamp’s experiences as, “He’s lived through the same days as Syaoran-kun.”

p.169 - Significantly (maybe?) there shouldn’t be any quotation marks when Mokona says “Syaoran” here. It feels less alienating this way.

p.170 - Kurogane actually asks if Mokona is planning to drink the whole thing, bottle and all. I-is she trying to send it to Yuuko?

p.171 - Sakura’s line here isn’t, “I know!” but “.... I know.” (Once again, I’m not mentioning nearly all of these punctuation differences, but when they seem to drastically change the tone I can’t help pointing them out.)

p.172 - A couple of Sakura’s lines were changed in the translation. She originally says that even if Lava Lamp served as Syaoran’s basis, she knows that “just like those we’ve met in various worlds up until now, his appearance is the same but he’s a different person.”

p.173-174 - Since this was apparently confusing (and partially mistranslated) Sakura says here that each time she sees similarities between Lava Lamp and Syaoran (and there are many) she can’t handle it. Each time she notices these things she can’t help lamenting that the person in front of her isn’t her Syaoran.

The Offworld Guide to Self-Publishing - Part 2 - The Learning Curve

Welcome to Part 2 of The Offworld Author's Guide to Self Publishing.

We will be tackling all the things you'll need to take care of in your Self-Publishing journey including Ghostwriting, Editing, Proofreading, Book Funding, Book Design, Book Production, Book Rights, Book Reviews, Book Publishing, Book Publicity, Book Promotion and Social Media, Literary Agent Pitch, Promo Videos, Audiobooks, Translation, Author Websites, Search Engine Optimisation, Screenplay Adaptation, Film Makers, Film Producers and Original Music.

All of these elements are key to giving you everything you need to make your book a success.

Don't want to wait for the next thrilling installment?

You can get your FREE Author's Guide here.

Have a look at our video as well...

People write books for all sorts of reasons.

To put a flag in the sand. You can say “I did that”

Record something of yourself for posterity, so your descendants can say, "Great Grandad did that."

Maybe you need to Market a Business or get folks to come to your Seminars. Maybe you want to Educate. Or maybe you just want to be famous or make money.

Whatever your reason, you’ve written one! Front to back, inside out.

It’s taken you ages and it’s been rewritten and rewritten again and checked and read and re-read and re-written again.

It’s done. It’s the story you wanted to tell. And you really enjoyed reading it yourself. It made you laugh and made you sad.

And that ending.

They’ll never see that coming and holy smoke, you can write. You’ve read lots of other books and it turns out, you can write too.

Your mind turns to shiny hardbacks on the shelves of the big book store on the corner, next to the jewelry shop.

You need to get this published. You look at a few of the books you’ve bought from that store. What would it be like to have your book on one of those shelves? What do you need to publish a book?

Well, a publisher of course.

So you call a few, email a few more.

Ah, right so they don’t accept manuscripts from little old you. They only accept manuscripts from agents.

Right, fine, so get an agent. And there they all are. And they’ve mostly all got that SUBMIT button. That’s where you go.

And you go through a big form and then attach your manuscript, oh hang on, no, just the first chapter and a synopsis. Fine. And then the next one needs the first 3 chapters and the next one, just the first 5 chapters.

You get the picture.

So slowly and surely you develop your collateral and slowly and surely you wade through the websites and emails.

And many many hours later, it’s been a pretty full working day.

But it’s worth it, right?

Then a few weeks go by And a couple more. Then finally you get a reply. You don’t look at it right away. You’re nervous. For the first time, professionals are going to tell you what they think of your book.

Reading that email might mean you’re going to get published!

A little later, in a quiet part of the house, you take a glass of something in with you and shut the door. It’s a brief email.

“Thanks so much for sending it to me. I’m afraid it doesn’t quite suit my list…”

“What List?” you ask it.

“Please know that my assessment was entirely subjective. I’m sure it will suit another agent’s list. I wish you the very best for the future”

What a nice lady. Thanks.

OK, you’re realistic. Whatever a list is, not every story is going to suit it.

And you did contact 20 or 30 more agents It’ll be fine.

And then a few more replies come in.

And each one carries with it the same expectation. One of them will have the luscious list that suits your fabulous story.

But each one says pretty much the same as the first one

"It’s a little too genre for my list"

"... My list is full”

You begin to wonder how you find an agent with one of these cursed lists. And you also wonder if anyone’s ever going to tell you what they thought of your book.

No-one has thus far and you’re most of the way through your own list.

You’re dying to know what people think of it. And by the way, hang on a minute.

What’s going on?

In the movies, people just go out and GET an agent, don’t they? You know, the agent is always bothering them to write more pages, stop drinking, philander less.

Agents were simply engaged like plumbers, surely. What’s all this qualification nonsense? If you cant even get an agent, how in the name of all that’s holy will you ever get your book published?

You finally confide in friends and family and tell them what you’ve created. You also tell them about the agents’ replies.

Someone suggests “they don’t even read it.”

Well, at least four of the agents only asked for the synopsis so you know at least they didn’t. Did any of them? Another friend, who knows a thing or two about marketing things, tells you the industry has changed. It’s way tougher than it used to be.

These agentish folk haven’t got time for newbies like you. It’s a lot easier to get authors who are already published to publish more. I mean, people already know them. It’s a head start for them. Why bother with unknowns?

The same answer time and time again and no feedback on your story does kinda underline that.

“Not fair” you say.

“How long have you reckoned life was fair,” says your marketing buddy. “Of course it’s not fair but that doesn’t mean you can’t get your story out there.”

He then tells you something that will change your life

forever.

He tells you about Self Publishing.

Self-publishing is the act of independently publishing your book on a platform like Amazon without the need of a traditional publishing house.

You go home and look into self publishing.

Wow, there’s a fair bit about it. And yes, you can do it yourself for not that much

The same tingles that awaited agents’ replies creeps back into you. You sit up in your chair. You learn how traditional publishers follow a meticulous path to make your book creatively perfect, technically perfect and just about the best it can be.

The cover is a genre-specific design and the fonts, typesetting and all the rest create a product they know will make them money.

Make THEM money ! Note it well.

Traditional publishers certainly don’t give you big advances to head up to the mountain cabin and create anymore. And try announcing that idea to the wife anyway.

Nope, you need to keep the day job and the wife and write as well.

So how about it?

Self Publish? Why not?

You look at the numbers How much will it cost? How many of these steps?

Not that much money but quite a few steps. Gosh, it’s like learning a whole new profession.

But you know how publishers do it. And now you know how you can do it yourself

Its the same process but you have to glue the pieces together. And the numbers make sense. They make really good sense. Publishers take on all the donkey work but boy do they take their cut. It’s no surprise publishers make all the money.

If you did it yourself, you’d make a lot more from book sales than you’d spend on getting the book to publish-ready stage and advertise it a bit. You’d only need to sell a few thousand books and you’re even. Then it’s all profit. Maybe that bestseller list. Hey, another list.

With a traditional publisher, you’d need to sell tens of thousands and then they own all the rights and basically they own the book, just throw a bit of commission your way from time to time.

Sure, there’s not the risk of spending on various things in the first place. But you believe in what you’ve written Its really good. Even if the agents didn’t bother with a critique. And you know why that was now. And right there, the decision is made.

You will self publish. Speculate to accumulate, right? That’s the world today. No-one’s going to GIVE you anything Not anymore.

If a thing’s worth doing and all…

Your glass is refilled and you get stuck into the whole idea.

The idea is split into 4 basic camps:

The Story

You have to make sure your story makes sense. Not to you, that’s easy. You wrote it. To readers. People who’ve never heard of Sandra     Snider, the Junior High Ninja Detective. They don’t know why she gets up in the morning and eats a mango in the garden shed. And your Manuscript has to be airtight on grammar, punctuation and spelling.

The Product

Your book. You must have a professional finished product that not only looks fantastic but appeals to the genre you’re targeting.

The Donkey Work

Registrations, typesetting, rights and so much more. Gosh, there’s an awful lot. It’s not rocket surgery but who’s got the time?

Selling

Well, there’s an area that could go on forever.

Publicity, Social Media, Price Promotions,     Google Ads, Amazon Ads…

Do you really have the time to do all of this?

The tingles ebb away as you find yourself faced with learning a new industry overnight.

And then you realise you’d need to take quite a few sick days and a small holiday to do it all yourself.

Surely there’s someone to manage it all, do what publishers do.

That’s when you find people like us lot at Offworld, people who have some of the best professionals in the business, ready and waiting to pull it all together for you.

People who can coordinate the entire process from beginning to end. Hell, they can even write the thing for you in the first place!

Learning who to navigate the self-publishing world with will save you countless wasted hours.

Whether you want to do it yourself or work with one of the many self-publishing companies out there, you're doing it.

You decide to keep your job and keep your wife and keep your sanity (such as it is).

Next up, we'll cover all the nitty-gritty bits you'll need to get done during your journey. Some you've probably already done or don't need. Others are vital to every book's journey.

Next, we'll reveal key guides to Ghostwriting, Editing, Proofreading, Book Funding, Book Design, Book Production, Book Rights, Book Reviews, Book Publishing, Book Publicity, Book Promotion and Social Media, Literary Agent Pitch, Promo Videos, Audiobooks, Translation, Author Websites, Search Engine Optimisation, Screenplay Adaptation, Film Makers, Film Producers and Original Music.

And that's it for Part 2 of our series.

Get stuck into Part 3 and read about "The Nitty Gritty"

Take care, big hugs and adios.

Episode 3

The Nitty Gritty

TRANSLATION V. 3.0 UPDATE #3: The unpleasant Dedan PART 1

Hello! RecDra here with another monthly translation update.

This is an updated version of the same update post on my Patreon. It includes changes my patrons have proposed. If you would like to get updates early, have first say on certain changes, benefit from other perks and goodies, or just plain support your local OFF translator, you can pledge to me there!

Also, Tumblr resized the images in this post, so to see them in full, make sure to view the image, and then replace “500″ with “1280″ in the URL.

If there are any changes you don’t agree with, or any suggestions, just head over to my ask box and drop them in there!

Dedan is a beloved character in the fandom; people really latched onto his frequent swearing and disregard for his employees. I want to be proud of portraying him as a villain you love to hate, however, when I first prepared myself to commence work on version 3.0 and read through zone 1 again, I had to recognise that, perhaps, my original translation of his dialogue created a character that was not true to the original text.

He doesn't swear as much, and he really is a lot more eloquent than I initially gave him credit for. The aim now is to make him into an impolite aristocrat, who becomes progressively more angry and foul-mouthed.

Let’s take a look:

Please note that some of the Elsen’s dialogue has been cut out due to there being no changes to it.

Dedan shows his lack of confidence in his employees.

First row: First thing of note: Dedan impolitely refers to his employees with the informal "you", "tu". "tais-toi" basically means "shut up", but it can also be translated as "be quiet".

As for "pauvre connard" - my old translation was wrong. “connard” is most accurately translated as “bastard”, and “poor” has been changed to “pitiful” to better convey Dedan’s contempt. (this change was proposed by a Patron)

Second row: Version 2.0 was not necessarily mistranslated here; after all, both versions basically convey the original text's meaning. However, I reworked the line to correspond exactly to what's being said.

Third row: Here, I wanted to give the sense that Dedan was talking fast and furious, interrupting his employee; that being the reason I removed the period and replaced it with a comma. I'm still unsure on the way the text flows in the new version, however, so feedback on punctuation changes would be very welcome.

Dedan doubts the Batter's abilities.

First row: Again, version 2.0 wasn't necessarily false; the new version is just slightly more accurate to the original meaning.

Second row: "détruire" translates to "eliminate" or "destroy"; it was changed to the latter so Dedan picks up on the employee’s word afterwards. (this change was proposed by a patron)

Third row: "en quoi" can translate to "what" or "how", depending on the question it is used in; as such, the new translation is more accurate to the original text. I also decided on using the more complex "think himself", to convey the sense that Dedan is an impolite aristocrat. An alternate translation would read "And what makes him think he's capable of destroying those stupid phantoms?"

First row: Again, a period has been replaced with a comma here to give the sense that a single string of words if coming out of Dedan's mouth. "he thinks himself better than you" is also a more elegant, albeit equally sound, translation of the original "il se croit meilleur que vous".

Second row: No changes.

Third row: This one is a more liberal translation of the original text; version 2.0 was actually more accurate in this case, but “I didn’t ask for your opinion” sounds more fitting to an angry supervisor snapping at his employees.

Dedan vents about the stupidity of his employees.

First row: This is a more accurate translation of the original text, and is in keeping with Dedan's new personality.

Second row: In version 3.0, Dedan alternates between using apostrophes depending on the urgency of what he is saying, and his level of annoyance. He does not use them if he is making his point precisely and directly.

Third row: "at any case" is simply bad English, so I changed it to the proper construct. "ca" can be translated as either "this" or "that".

First row: The word "prig" in the original translation has been the bane of my existence for years; that word is so antiquated that barely any of the players of this game knew what it was supposed to convey. This has now been rectified, in keeping with Dedan's new personality.

Second row: The addition of the word "succeed" in the original build was my proofreader Isaiah's idea; it has been cut off in the new build to stay true to the original text, in which, as always, this Elsen was cut off by his supervisor.

Third row: No big changes here; "apart from" basically conveys the same meaning as "other than", but sounds more like the words used in the french text.

First row: Version 2.0 was a very, VERY liberal translation of what was being said in French. It also used unnecessary swearing that simply wasn't present in the original text.

The word "conneries" basically means "stupidities"; "faire des conneries" means "to do something stupid" or to "screw up". An alternate translation reads: “If only you listened to me more often, you wouldn’t keep acting stupid.”

Second row: No changes.

Third row: Again, no apostrophe here anymore; Dedan wants to make his point very clear.

No changes in these three lines; they were just included for completion's sake. 

First row: "I’ll be” has been changed to “I’m” to better convey immediacy.

Second row: Same change as above. Additionally, Dedan's American accent has been removed for now, and along with it his use of words like "ain't". I am still thinking on that.

Third row: No changes.

First row: "au revoir" = "goodbye". It's that easy.

Second row: "piss off" is one of the fandom's favourite Dedan lines, but it wasn't a good translation: "hors de ma vue" translates literally to "out of my sight", and as such, the new wording is the more accurate one.

Third row: No changes.

Again, here I changed the tone of Dedan's dialogue quite heavily. "je te prie" means "please"; "I command you" would be something more along the lines of "je te commande". There is no use of the word "fuck" in the original text, however, "foutre le camp" is one of the most impolite ways in French to tell someone to go away. "out of my way" isn't a completely accurate translation, however it reflects that the Elsen is standing in Dedan's way, and moves out of it after he was told to. "job" has been changed to "position", being a more accurate translation of the french word "place" in this context.

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And that was that! I realise Dedan is very near and dear to everyone’s heart; however, before you jump on me for these changes, I ask you that you wait a few days for the next bit of Dedan’s dialogue to be posted to this blog. Trust me, the Dedan you know and love is not gone; he simply periodically loses his cool, rather than being born without any, as it was in the original text.

See you all soon!