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#kate's bad takes
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favorite explanations for archie's unnamed california wife:
he's married to jughead and betty's just homophobic
he married his terrible fiance from to riverdale and back again (1990)
he did actually marry some random woman but he and reggie (also married to some rando) are brokeback mountain-ing their entire lives
his "wife" is a trans man but betty never met him after he transitioned
he's lavender married to cheryl
varchie divorce arc
tabitha came back and he got angel married to her
he's "married" to his poetry but every time he talked to betty he personified it as a woman and she got confused
it's ethel
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starthelostboys · 7 months
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the thing about the lost boys is they will be standing around doing jack shit and everyone nearby is like “jesus christ what is wrong with you. get the hell out of here.”
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so, for once in my life, let me get what i want
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trobed + "please, please, please let me get what i want" by the smiths
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if moose had stayed at stonewall prep longer then eventually he and jughead would've fucked and jughead would accidentally call him archie during sex
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they never got out of riverdale!! they can't leave riverdale!! no matter how much the characters fight against the story they're in they will ALWAYS be teenagers at pops sipping milkshakes. even in death they cannot escape this.
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cheryl and veronica are both misandrists but the difference between the two of them is that cheryl's trying to single-handedly turn society into a matriarchy with her weird little cults, while veronica would love to be the only feminist on planet earth just so she can feel superior to everyone else
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starthelostboys · 8 months
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i love those anti twilight tlb memes that 50 year old straight dads love that are like “real vampires don’t sparkle” or “edward isn’t a real vampire he’s just a little bitch” with that group shot of the lost boys attached. like dude those are a bunch of gay men.
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starthelostboys · 7 months
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there's something kind of poetic about how the lost boys having a lot of fun with being vampires is a very human response, but max's attempt at recreating the nuclear family dynamic and creating this facsimile of being human lacks humanity in how cruel and uncompassionate it is
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in the tabronica endgame reality veronica calls tabitha "angel" both as one of her many gross petnames but also so that she can flex on everyone because she thinks dating an angel makes her the world's best catholic
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psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?
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the cooper family + psycho killer by talking heads
a christmas gift for @americanphysco
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starthelostboys · 8 months
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star really missed her true calling of her running a super scammy psychic hotlines. she loves to lie and say vague mysterious things it would be the perfect job for her.
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starthelostboys · 11 months
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starthelostboys · 10 months
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rip david thelostboys you would’ve loved telling people to kill themselves online
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starthelostboys · 1 year
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i couldn’t decide which of these was funnier so you’re getting both
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starthelostboys · 1 year
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ignore the censoring on michael’s they won’t let you curse on the barbie template 🙄. you guys know what the quote is anyways
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