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you-cant-spell-subtext-without · 3 years

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I know we are all discussing the latest episode of Season 16, but I need to wrap up 11 for my own sanity (because there is a LOT to discuss in my Season 12 rewatch already), so without further ado - more rambling for you.

I’m not going to include 11x20: Don’t Call Me Shurley because I think I’d like to do an entire Chuck - arc - series. Rob Benedict is a gift; that dad mug kills; and I love that the fan theories about Chuck spinning around this fandom for years turned out to be correct after all (WEIRD HOW THAT HAPPENS WITH CHARACTERS EH). Moving on.

As you will recall, two recaps and many many many crackhead other posts from my corner of super hell ago, I ended the 11x18 recap with this image of Amara realizing...”something” after Dean said Cas’s name (just before she took Casifer with her), Dean/Amara unbreakable connection be damned. Speaking of unbreakable connection this post is partially the AMARA DISSERTATION. Buckle up.

FF to 11x21: All in the Family; the boys are shooting the shit with Chuck and in the meantime, Amara is torturing Casifer. Important to note that just recently the actual Cas was enlightened that Dean wants him to cast Lucifer out, so I presume he is a little more active at this point, and that strengthens the following hypothesis. Look how Amara is looking at Casifer here:

And here, right before she touches him on the chest.

It’s the same look she gave Dean. She’s trying to decipher something; trying to figure something out.

She appears to Dean in the VERY next scene, to show him how she is torturing Casifer. But the real point is, of course, to show him how its affecting the physical form of Cas, reminding him its not just Lucifer who is suffering. It works.

DEAN

Amara is – she's in my head. [Sam looks at him sharply] Hey, I didn't ask for it, okay? She just showed up. But she's showing me visions of – of Lucifer. By Lucifer, I mean Cas, and he looks like crap – like she's really doing a number on him.

***Note, yet again, despite the *connection* Amara/Dean supposedly share, all he can think about and talk about is Cas.

And Amara knows it. That’s the realization she has in 11x18. Dean loves Cas. Then, in 11x21 she realizes Cas loves Dean. So, she uses it to her own ends. Smart girl.

Enter Donatello (I love him), prophet of (not) the Lord. He, Metatron, and Sam set out to rescue Casifer while Dean distracts Amara. If we start with the presumption she now has the prior additional insight, the following snippets of dialogue hit a little different.

AMARA

This place, this world hasn't been especially easy for you. Why not at least consider my offer?

*********

DEAN

You're right. I am drawn to you. And it bothers the hell out of me, 'cause I can't control it.

AMARA

Then why fight it? What you're feeling is that I am the end of your struggle.

***AHEM, this was not the FACE CUPPING I requested.

What keeps Dean from having it all? What is his struggle? It’s not the monsters or the hunting. Dean’s repeatedly shown he loves this life; he doesn't want anything else (and the one time he did try it in Season 6, it was half-ass at best, and he left the minute Sam returned to go back to hunting). Dean’s KEY struggle in the show is internal. He represses his feelings, pushes his pain aside, resulting in a cycle of self-loathing and anger. That cycle keeps him from having it all - accepting he can be loved, allowing himself to give his heart to someone else. And at this point, Amara not only knows that someone else is Cas, she knows that Cas feels the same way. Girl, welcome to super hell. Take a damn seat by Sam.

11x22: We Happy Few

I’ll skim through this one so this post doesn’t completely make your eyes bleed due to the sheer length.

The splicing with the scenes of everyone assembling different factions to form the new “line-up” needed to trap Amara is excellent. I’ve already done a short post on the brilliance of Dean heading to get Crowley and the ex-boyfriend mood of it all (Dean, of all people, telling Crowley to sober up gives me an ENTIRE head canon of the Crowley/demon!Dean unseen dynamic in Season 10). And of COURSE Dean knows exactly what to say to convince Crowley to get on board. I also enjoy our future Sam-witch as the emissary to Rowena (”three’s a coven” would be a great tattoo, TBH).

BONUS:

I love her.

Big fight scene with Amara ensues, but this isn’t the finale so she cannot be beaten. However, right before she mortally wounds Chuck, she does this:

[Yelling, LUCIFER charges her from behind again, but AMARA flings him hard against a support pillar across the room.]

AMARA

Goodbye, nephew.

[She banishes LUCIFER. CASTIEL slumps unconscious to the floor.]

DEAN: Cas!

(He rushes AMARA, but she flings him away without effort.)

***She banishes Lucifer. She could have just killed him. Ended him entirely, and Cas along with him. But she BANISHES LUCIFER. Because of what she learned in the prior episode. Because of the pain she saw in both of those idiots.

She does this for Dean.

Anyway, thank you Casifer FOR YOUR SERVICE. I miss you already.

11x23: Alpha and Omega

There is nothing more precious than Dean sending his brother to check on GOD while he goes to check on his boyfriend:

DEAN: [Grunting]

Check on him.

SAM: [kneels next to Chuck]

Hey. Chuck?

[Dean kneels down next to Cas and puts a hand on his shoulder. Cas stirs and looks up at Dean]

CAS:

Dean.

DEAN:

Cas? Hey, is that you?

***All the heart eyes for the reunion!!

*********ALSO SHOULDERRRRRRRR

Chuck is dying, Rowena bonds with him. Crowley is gold in this finale. I MISS YOU MARK. This line is NOT in the transcript/script I used, and it potentially being ad libbed makes it even better.

Dean decides to deal with the end of the world by drinking ONE beer, then deciding there is “not enough” beer and grabbing Cas for a beer (and....*feelings*) run.

DEAN:

You know what? This isn't gonna be enough. I better make a run.

[Sighs]

No reason to die sober, huh?

[to Sam]

You want to?

SAM: [frustrated]

No!

*********************

DEAN:

Be right back.

SAM:

I'll stay here, find our Plan B.

DEAN:

Okay. Cas, come on.

Nothing makes me more pleased than the assumption that of COURSE Cas is coming with him. I mean, he just got him back. Also, Sam is frustrated because he is back in super hell, obvi ;)

***Now we have the little “you’re our brother” bit in the Impala beer run dialogue, but to me it’s because Dean doesn’t know how else to express what he’s feeling. Repression, people.

The look of literal PAIN on Cas’s face at the “brother” line makes me cackle. Misha Collins DESERVES AN EMMY; he is doing the Lord’s work with his Acting Choices here.

This little part before is what really gets me though, especially with all of the WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:

[Dean and Cas are driving in the Impala]

DEAN:

How you doing? You good?

I mean, you know, the whole Lucifer thing.

CAS:

I was just... so stupid.

DEAN:

No, no, no. It wasn't stupid.

You were right. You were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun.

Me and Sam wouldn't have done that.

CAS:

Well, it didn't work.

DEAN:

No, but it was our best shot, and you stepped up.

CAS:

I was just trying to help.

DEAN:

Well, and you do help, Cas.

***ITS JUST SO LOVELY. Dean asking Cas how he is doing (what Cas always asks Dean); telling Cas he wasn’t stupid (throwback to Cas telling Dean he was stupid “for the right reasons”); acknowledging that Cas does HELP. That he is important and appreciated. THIS IS SUCH GROWTH. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Speak his love language, King.

Anyway, then Dean turns into a human bomb because martyr!dean gonna martyr and be “daddy’s (Chuck filling that role here) blunt little weapon” and we get -

THE DESTIEL GOODBYE. Tell me they didn’t actually go canon for the FIRST time here. I will fight you.

LOOK at Cas watching him in the background.

These fucking desolate eyes. I’m crying.

THEY JUST GOT EACH OTHER BACK -

(I recognize this .gif is meh quality but I love that he turns and walks to him and Cas just GRABS him in this crushing hug)

DEAN [accepts the hug good-naturedly but then looks sad]

Okay, okay.

***”good naturedly??? ok Jensen “Acting Choices” Ackles. That is not “good nature” that is BLISS.

AND THEN THIS -

SOBS IN ENOCHIAN.

***I literally had to remind myself that the reunion hug is coming; it’s just an episode away. I’ll make y’all feel better too; here it is - A PERFECT PARALLEL. Curse this show.

MORE OF THIS “GOOD NATURED” HUGGING PLEASE.

Anyways, back to depressing subtext.

DEAN:

Okay, look. I want a big funeral.

All right? I'm talking epic.

Okay? Open bar, choir, Sabbath cover band, and Gary Busey reading the eulogy.

*****This scene lives in my mind rent-free as PROOF 15x20 doesn’t exist.

I can’t skip over further growth in Dean’s goodbye to Sammy.

***He’s being serious. Seasons 1-3 Dean would never have admitted this. I was a blubbering mess at this point.

So, Dean heads to Amara, and the rest of the gang heads to the bar.

CROWLEY:

Your round, Moose.

***I would love an entire bottle episode of Crowley, Sam, Rowena, and Chuck at that bar TBH.

And then, Dean saves the day. BUT NOT by dying and sacrificing himself, letting himself be used as a weapon of mass destruction. No, he fixes the DAMN WORLD by connecting to Amara emotionally, and bringing her and Chuck back together, because he understands that not to be alone is what she really needs; that her own struggle is the same as his - letting in love instead of raging against it and fighting her own need for companionship. Because that’s where ELDEST SIBLING AMARA AND Dean Winchester CONNECT. Amara isn’t in love with Dean. She identifies with Dean. She sees her own feelings in him, her own pain, and that’s why she exorcises Lucifer and saves Cas - FOR Dean. Amara’s just a Dean girl, everyone. And we know Dean girls protect Cas at all costs.

Yup. Amara Dean Girl Darkness Heller.

That’s it. That’s the dissertation.

See you in Season 12, where I will attempt to figure out the reason behind the British Men of Letters, killing Hitler, the brain melt that is Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox, the comedy of errors that is Cas playing Dean hot and cold, and the Mary Winchester of it all.

#destiel #spn analysis #spn meta #supernatural #spn family #spn fandom #spn season 11 #amara #spn recap #dean winchester

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watery-lane · 5 years

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The Night You Cared: Epilogue.

Pairing: Modern!Ivar Lothbrok x Reader

Summary: She is back. For how long?

Warnings: Angst

Words: 5340

A/N: End of my first Ivar fict! Hope you guys enjoyed it xx.

Part I / Part II

Listen to: Stubborn Love - The Lumineers.

“He couldn’t even look at his parents faces after that. I swear to the gods, master students are just undergraduates on crack.” You rambled lightheartedly, phone on one of your hands and the heavy luggage rolling right next to you. “Oop, sorry.” You apologised to the old, white bearded man attempting to leave the building at the same time you tried to get in. “Thank you.” You mouthed with a smile and a scrunched nose, trying to look past the dark sunglasses of the man holding the door for you.

Ubbe released a short and breathy laugh. You could not see him, but you knew him well enough to notice he sounded way too distracted to formulate a proper answer to your anecdote. You knew he had things to tell you, bubbling under the surface like water about to boil, waiting patiently for you to finish with what you had to say as he always did.

Part of you already knew what he wanted to ask. As much as you loved Ubbe, his drive was wired the same way as all Lothbroks: business, business, business. Sure, he was located in the HR department and understood the way you saw things. But, as a Ragnarsson, he could not see your desire of avoiding a life between cubicles and constant phonecalls.

“Well,” you exhaled, “I’m officially back home.”

“In which hotel are you staying? I can pay you a visit as soon as I finish with these papers.” You could picture him letting go the papers on the table like white pigeons as he casually leaned back against his chair. You waited for the lift, eyes focused on the flicking numbers above your head.

Ubbe knew about your never recovered relationship with your parents. They never called you back, not even after the success of your new business was announced through local and regional media. Although for them, the news of you working for another sector other than theirs after the humiliation they had to endure at your graduation party may have felt like a slap in their faces. No one assisted to your masters graduation other than your remaining English friends. You did receive heartwarming messages from Aslaug and her sons, who apologised for not being there with you. It was a lonely ending for such an important stage of your life, but you swiftly got through it. Soon enough you got into a graduate scheme at the British council and a big part of you was relieved that you got to spend another year without facing the problems awaiting for you in Kattegat.

Now you had consumed all your borrowed time, leaving you drowning in the sterile sand clock you got yourself into, unable to put down roots in your hometown after your parents decided to pull them all out.

“Hotel Boneless and Co.” You mumbled through a dramatic sigh, stretching your arms up and puffing your chest as you heard the ding of the machine and the pop of your bones. You were carefully rolling your suitcase into the mirror covered lift when you heard the wheels of a chair rolling loudly on the other line. “I can send you my location if you don’t know where it is.” You joked as you pressed a button and stepped out of the lift.

Ivar lived in one of the top floors of the building and you perfectly knew it was a suicide attempt to try and climb the stairs. But the thing was, you spent your whole day sitting on your ass and the last thing you wanted to do was to use your legs even less. ‘I’ll just call the lift once I feel tired’ you thought. ‘Nobody is going to steal my suitcase anyway.’ You brushed your concerns off, feeling the cosiness of class privilege surrounding you.

“Does Ivar know you’re staying at his place?” Although his voice sounded carefree, cautiousness and apprehension vibrated through his cherry picked words.

Your breath got caught up right in your throat, unsure if it was due to the fourth set of stairs you just rushed through or because you had no explanation for your mad reasoning. You shut your eyes briefly, licking your lips as you prepared to speak.

“It’s not like the first time I left, I promise.” You mumbled, your pulse thumping in your ears as you tried to not exhale heavily through the phone. “We actually talked during the past year.”

Technically, you were not lying. You two did spend time talking, sharing your everyday anecdotes through video calls or short text messages. He told you with pride about how the company stock was rising slowly but steadily, or how he was considering therapy. For his legs. On the other hand, you showed him your improving cooking skills and tenderly warned him about not stressing over things he could not control.

Although, truth be told, that was nine months ago.

You were not to confess this, specially not to Ubbe, but although you tried, your conversations and overall relationship did not seem to endure the distance very well. Slowly withering like flowers deep into autumn, the last message you sent him was a picture of a smashed avocado toast you had for breakfast with the caption ‘The only thing I’m smashing these days smh’. A little grey bubble with the word ‘Yummy!’ seemed to be the full stop to your year long conversation.

It wasn’t until you stopped on the sixth floor, sore legs burning and short huffs escaping from your lips when you noticed the silence on the other line.

“That doesn’t answer my question, (Y/n).” Ubbe finally sighed, voice sounding tired all of the sudden.

“Well,” you strolled past the long corridor of the sixth floor, searching for the lift calmly. “we can consider myself as the best promotion gift he’s going to receive.” You smirked as you remembered the news.

A few months after your graduation you were informed by Bjorn about the death of Aslaug. You were told she died in a car crash, that the brothers were mourning, hence the lack of communication during those months. The oldest Ragnarsson did not seem phased about the news, which was understandable due to the lack of relationship he had with the woman. However, he was soon pulled into a legal battle between the Aslaugssons and Lagertha, with Ivar investing most of his time and resources in lawyers and private investigators, convinced that the death of his mother was planned. Because of that, he thought that the best idea was to leave Kattegat for awhile, investigating the markets of different nations to see if he could expand the legacy his father left.

You heard later on that Ivar won the legal battle after investing at least half of his wealth in lawyers and legal counsellors. In two days he was going to celebrate his rise, ��just like a coronation’, Ubbe mocked, a bittersweet tone tinting his voice.

“(Y/n)...” Ubbe licked his lips as he leaned forward and rested his weight on his elbows.

“I know, I know, I should have called and said something,” you started to ramble, arms moving up and down as you got yourself in the lift, eyes locked on the lone suitcase left in the middle of the tiny space as you mindlessly pressed the last floor button. “but to be honest, would it really have been really necessary?”

“(Y/n). I can’t hear you.” Ubbe frowned as he started to hear your voice being cut repeatedly.

“I mean, it’s only been one year, what could have changed? What could he have done?”

“(Y/n).”

“Sell the loft his dear mother bought him? Developed a God complex? Join a cult? Get married?” You blew a raspberry, rolling your eyes as you heard the ding and saw the doors slide wide open.

At the other end of the line, Ubbe shifted his weight as he tapped his index and middle finger on the shiny table. Its a small gesture, but it helps relieving the pressure he started to feel on himself. At that time you reached the silver door, your virgin nails pressing down the doorbell as your ears processed the sweet ring that came with it.

“Ivar has... changed a little bit.” Ubbe mentions, not sure where to restart the conversation. He acknowledged he could have been a better brother to his little one, maybe they would have never reached this situation. “You will be surprised.” You kept yourself quiet for a moment, a discreet side smirk making your eyes squint.

“I’m sure I’ll figure him out.” You praised yourself, lowering your voice to a mere whisper as you talked to yourself. “I’m pretty sure we were built together by the gods anyway.”

“Huh?” Ubbe squinted, tilting his head as he could hear you talking under your breath.

“Uh nothing,” you fidgeted while you looked around, weirded out by the fact that Ivar did not seem to be at home on a weekend afternoon. Your free hand rested on your hip as you looked around, foot tapping rhythmically at the melody on your head as you pressed the button again. “Oh.”

“What?” Ubbe straightened his back.

For a mere second, your furtive eyes captured a swift move of lights and shadows slipping under the door frame, your eyes blinking rapidly at the sudden vision as you shook your head confused.

“I uh... I think I just saw someone... walking past the door?” You frowned, brushing it off as tiredness while you picked your stuff on the floor. “Never mind, I think he’s not at home. I’ll call Warwick and book a room.” You started to walk away from the door, suitcase rolling behind you as you strolled back into the lift.

“Oh wow, the little rich girl can only afford four star hotels right now?” Ubbe mocked, knowing perfectly you would be pissed at his comment, snickering as you told him to fuck off. “(Y/n)...” He called your name after your giggles died down, the sudden cold tone making you shiver with anticipation. “Have you thought about the offer?” He asked cautiously, not wishing to rush you into making any decisions. You already had a lot on your plate and something told him your stay here would end up breaking you.

“Ubbe... I—“ You hesitated. “I’m not going to lie, Haiti sounds nice and the job position sounds tempting.” Your inner cheek felt the bite of your teeth, your hips rocking forward and backwards as you stretched down. “but I’ve got things I wish to take care of in Kattegat now.” You smiled at your last sentence, the thought of your little local at the heart of your hometown and its co-owner crossing your mind. “I no longer need to run away anymore.”

At the other side of the door, a distracted Ivar calmly read the financial reports of the last months as he sipped whiskey neat, never raising his head while he put the glass down on the counter.

“Who was it?”

“I don’t know... a seller, maybe?” A sugary and melodic voice spoke behind him, bare feet squeaking on the wooden floor as she moved back to the sofa, carefree. “It’s okay, I don’t think she knows we were at home.”

“That’s not possible, sellers are not allowed into the building.” Ivar considers, eyes looking up as he processed who could have been. Since your departure and the death of his mom, with Floki and Helga away, nobody ever visited him much. His brothers would see him every weekday at the offices and Erik was only there when he needed a ride. Only Freydis was around now and that was completely fine by him. She knew what he needed. She knew how special he really was.

“It was this woman talking on the phone with huge suitcases, she must be selling kitchenware or insurances or something.” She responded vaguely as she stood up at the sight of her fiancé perking his head up after hours focused on his job.

“Wait...” He stood still, his sudden hunch making his stomach churn. He felt the bare arms of his loved one caress and hug his chest and shoulders from behind, the hypnotising and honey like scent invading his senses like an anaesthetic. Notwithstanding, that little annoying feeling in his gut never left. “Darling, where is my phone?” He asked, his fiancée leaving his side as she looked for the device.

SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK - Joji

You pursed your lips as you idly passed your hands over your gown, the sound of your heels clicking on the ground drowned by the numerous voices echoing in the tall, french style ceilings. You were pretty surprised your name was actually on the guest list. You had previously joked with Bjorn about being his plus one and how he was 88% sure he’d end up gods know were like Sigurd if Ivar ever saw you entering the gala joined by the hip, pretty certain Ivar did not know about your arrival. Guess you couldn’t surprise him anymore, cursing his brothers for telling him you were back in Kattegat.

The spot was not exactly like the one where your downfall took place, yet it filled your heart with the same sadness and anxiety, as if you were about to live another disappointment all over again. As you reached the main room, your walked more cautiously, as if the marble tiles were the ones marked and in charge of causing you pain if you took the wrong step.

“Nice dress.” You heard a feminine yet deep voice speaking to you, making you raise your head and brows.

The woman in front of you looked like a goddess. Like an actual goddess.

She could even be Freya, dark locks running free and caressing her shoulders, an aura of mystery covering her tall frame as she walked past an speechless you. Damn the wealthy and the powerful. Damn Ivar and his godlike contacts.

You couldn’t even say thank you, the woman long gone as she approached an oddly familiar old man at the other end of the room.

You shook your head in confusion, looking around trying to find any known faces to hold yourself onto.

“Well well well, look who we have here?” Your heart fluttered with joy as you saw the blond, long haired Ragnarsson approach you with the cheekiest grin in Kattegat.

“Hvitty!” You beamed, a shiny smile parting your lips as you reached for a hug. “Look at you, who’s the lucky one taking you home tonight?” You winked, hands grabbing the lapels of his suit tenderly.

“Well the night is still young, but I can put you first on the waiting list if you want to.” You released a careless laugh, throwing back your head as you cheerfully shook your head.

“I’m afraid my mind is already taken, baby.” You rolled your eyes, finally feeling the happiness that had been gradually dripping away from you coming back. “And this,” you pointed at your body as you twirled, “is a package deal.”

You noticed his blue eyes seemed way too out of focus for a brief moment, contrasting deeply with the airy laugh he released at your joke. You wondered what had he seen, body slowly turning back until you hear him talking to you again.

“C’mon, are you telling me you didn’t fool around in York?” Hvitserk raised his brow. Your lips parted, the ghost of a smile adorning your face as you shook your head.

“I love your brother, Hvitserk.” You confessed with a weak voice, not willing to let the rest of the party hear such open secret coming from your mouth. “I always have. I mean,” you huffed, shaking your head, “he’s a hell of a person to love, let’s just say I had to learn to love him.” You swore to the gods you had never seen Hvitserk, the most careless family member of the Lothbroks, look so concerned as he listened to you, his spark dying down as words left your mouth. “I— I know we’ve clashed for so long, and I’ve figured out that the truth is, we got to make sacrifices for the people we love. I resented him for so long because I thought he was selfish and he hated me at the same time because he thought I was selfish.” You took a deep breath as you reached your conclusion, ignoring how the young Ragnarsson kept looking behind you nervously. “And all of this was because... We were way too obsessed with the desire of having everything going your way. The night I let the past go was the best night of my life.” Hvitserk swallowed before looking at you.

“Is this why you decided to keep your share of the bar and reject Ubbe’s offer?”

“(Y/n?)” You felt every part of your body tingle at the sound of your name, blood rushing in your ears as you turned around. Your eyes were wide open, making their way up the suited up person that was now standing right in front of you.

“Ivar.” You whispered, eyes heavy and blurry sight as you hugged him tightly.

He hugged you back, the tip of his nose pressed against your head as he inhaled your scent, heart at ease and mind in peace at last.

“Ivar, look at you,” You cupped his face as you separated, lips travelling straight towards his. To your surprise he pushed away your hips slightly with his free hand, making you miss your target as you kept your hands where they were. “You can walk?” He nodded, eyes full of you and pupils so dilated to take you in better. Yet his face seemed expressionless, the force of his emotions hidden and tucked away.

Maybe that should have served you as a sign that things had truly changed.

“Yes, princess, I can walk.” He repeated, voice as soft as the touch that indicated you to stay a few steps away from him. You frowned slightly this time, your heart clenching painfully.

“Hey, you must be (y/n)!” A cheerful woman came by with Ubbe, who stayed behind her with a defeated look. Her little frame got close enough to pull you into her embrace, letting you know how glad she was of meeting you at last.

The two oldest brother exchanged a hardened glance, lips pursed as they observed how everything slowly started to crumble.

“So you’re the girl who made this guy human?” She stands by Ivar, puppy eyes looking up as if she devoted everything she had to him.

“I... guess?” You hesitated. “And you are?”

The petite blonde woman raises her left hand, showing a hard yet so fragile stone reflect every single beam of light in the room.

So bright were the reflections, they actually burned you down.

You could hear a lot of people talk and see her lips moving as if someone slowed down time, as if you died went to Hel with Hela and the doomed ones.

Then you looked at Ivar, his eyes never looking at you. That is when you noticed: you couldn’t read him anymore.

He didn’t seem to have only started a new chapter.

He started a whole new book.

You were pretty much out of the conversation at that point. You heard her name was Freydis, that she applied for a position as his assistant in the past. That she never thought she’d become the wife of the CEO.

“The nurse got really pissed when she heard he had been walking around without crutches before he started treatment.” Freydis said sweetly, hand on his chest as she caressed it with care. The statement snapped you out of your trance, eyes immediately finding Ivar, who shook his head slightly to the sides in an attempt to calm you down. He knew you were going to blame yourself for that. You were not at fault, in fact, you were the main reason why he tried to become better in every single way possible. Because that was what you deserved, because that was what you were. “He could have hurt himself with whatever he was attempting to do.”

Apparently, she also convinced him to get therapy for his strong mood swings and past traumas.

Little did she know, the decision came from Ivar after the last time he was with you. But you didn’t know that either and your heart broke a little bit more with every anecdote she told, every single story where she miraculously came and fixed the mistakes you made.

You could see how she was making him a better person.

“... But Ivar doesn’t really like to dance... yet.” It felt like a rambling at that point, a certain tint of fanaticism dyeing the conversation and turning it sour. You were tired at that point, eyes almost permanently stuck on the ground if it wasn’t from the tears you had to get rid of my looking up. You shot your eyes at him the moment you processed her last words, wondering expression etched on your face while he cleared his throat and looked away. It didn’t seem like him. You remember he used to insist on you to dance, like an ‘ordinary folk’.

The truth was, you never got to dance together. Too many things changed through the years, and there was this one thing he didn’t want to change too, which was how you were his first in everything worth remembering. Memories were simply sweeter with you in it. Because, as Freydis said, you made him human.

The thing was, he needed to be a God now.

He knew that you would be happier doing what you do, being free and helping people in ways he couldn’t even phantom.

Letting you go like this was the biggest sacrifice he will ever make.

To have you as a business partner would suffice, he always loved to watch you be you, working your ass off, to care so deeply about everybody like nobody else in his circle ever does.

“Ivar, Harald and Astrid are here.” Hvitserk finally intervened, the sight of your weakened state too much for your partner in crime to bear. Ivar nodded, sorry eyes staying a little bit longer on your hardened features before following his fiancée and brother.

“How was I not invited to the engagement party?” You asked to Ubbe, eyes still locked on your now ex’s back. Just like you couldn’t put a finger on when it started, you couldn’t really think of when your relationship ended.

“Cause it was nine months ago.” Ubbe mumbled, helping you put the little pieces together. You nodded.

“How?” You swallowed, not sure if you wanted to know. “How did they meet?” Ubbe pursed his lips, tilting his head tiredly as he sighed.

“She was a call girl Ivar used to hire regularly.” He tried to brush it off by shrugging. “I am not sure what happened, but Ivar started to get back to his old habits after you left. The only thing that remained the same was the local you guys own, he regularly checked everything was alright. One day Hvitty and I saw her leaving our offices, all suited up and everything.” You nodded, encouraging to keep going. “And boom, all of the sudden, after Lagertha’s trial, they were engaged.” He exhaled. You remained silent, feeling how a sneaky tear streamed down your face. “(Y/n)?”

“I think I need some air.” You whispered, stepping away from the oldest Aslaugsson and the rest of the crowd.

At least here out in the starless night you could blame your runny nose and teary eyes on the cold.

“Remember when we used to laugh at those sappy ass couples?” You asked out loud after standing by yourself for a while, heart more serene now that you took your time to accept that maybe you were not as good for him as you thought. You wait for Ivar to get closer, the sound of his crutches marking his distance rhythmically. You turn around and you can see concern itched on his features, lips parted as he looked down, checking the damage he had done. You force a smile instead, your fist hitting his shoulder playfully as you spoke. “Seems like you are one now.”

Ivar looked at Freydis slowly, who remained inside with Ubbe and Torvi, letting a sigh relief his chest.

“Yes. Yes I am.”

It was such a change of dynamics what Ivar experienced. With you, love and intimacy was never rom-com worthy. Love was roasting each other every other day, picking up on each others scars while making sure they never open again. Love was natural, fluid.

Now with Freydis, he seemed to need to prove her where she remained in his circle in a daily basis, lovey dovey words making sure she knew where she stood in his life. Truth be told, it was easier this way to love someone. He just needed to make sure to shower her with nice things, just like she did when she saw him doubting himself.

“How does it feel to be permanently tall now?” You asked, trying to change the subject as you felt the tenderness of his voice as he spoke about his future wife.”Don’t you feel like you’re going to fall at anytime?” Ivar smirks, resting himself in the railing you were pointing at.

“Nah.”

“What if I pushed you though.” You joked lightly, hand on his back as if you were truly going to do so. Ivar shrugs calmly before looking at you.

“I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time you make me fall.” You roll your eyes, remembering the conversation you had the first night where everything seemed to be in the right place.

“Oh, c’mon, I already apologised and I don’t even remember it.” You refer to that time you supposedly made him stand up for the first time.

Ivar smiled nostalgically. He didn’t mean that.

“You know I’ll be around if you need me.” Ivar promised sincerely after staring at you for what it seemed like an eternity, getting closer to you as you nodded weakly. “I have to go and give a speech now, please wait for me until I finish it, alright? Be there for me.” He placed a finger under your chin as he inspected your face, puffy eyes, blood flushed cheeks and pouted lips revealing the damage he had done.

He just wanted to ask for a dance, discreetly, before his wedding day takes away the chance of feeling you twirling around him on his last first dance.

His hand held your fingers tightly.

Rough skin never felt so soft, the warmth of his touch contrasting with the cold blue eyes staring at you. His brows were slightly furrowed, solely noticeable for the ones that dared to stand closer to him. Marks appeared on his forehead, horizontal lines crossing out the words his parted lips refused to let out of his mind. Ivar was holding himself back, letting the fire of his fears and yearnings consume him from within. Only his eyes exposed his introspection, your heart clenching as you saw him process his thoughts. It did feel like he was holding to you for dear life, not wanting to let go like a kid who caught his first butterfly.

Until he did.

He took a step back, glancing briefly towards your direction before parting, heavy steps ringing in your ears louder than the classical music playing in the room.

He was not going to leave.

But you knew, deep down, that he was gone already.

You followed suit and collected all your strength left to move yourself into the room. Your legs seemed to burn, unwilling to take you closer to the golden stage for someone to end your remaining emotional and mental health left with a few words.

You see from afar how he gets onstage with Freydis, who hugged his broad frame with care before he grabbed the mic. He started talking about his father, how everything started with him and how Aslaug maintained the business when he was gone. He talked about taking risks, success and investing in things that had value and fight for them.

"Enough about business, tell us about that piece of cake next to you!” A family friend shouted, his huge round tummy serving as a place to rest his hand, his braided beard caressing his exposed skin as he laughed.

Ivar, standing right above the crowd, seemed to throw daggers with his stare, unhappy that a drunk man interrupted his ceremonial speech. But next to him the woman he was going to spend his life with giggled carelessly, getting closer to him with the wish of her fiancé to sing her praises to everybody in the room.

“How did that woman you love ‘successfully invested’ in you!” He speaks again and at this point, Ivar is fuming.

You looked around concerned, knowing that your childhood friend was short fused and may do something that could trouble him sooner or later. It didn’t help that the rest of the crowd was laughing too, insisting on him to talk about his fiancée, asking for him to be vulnerable in front of everybody.

You saw Freydis calmly poking him with his elbow and how his eyes were about to pop out of his head. But then he leaned down and let her whisper in his ear and gradually, slowly, his mood seemed to change as the crowd quieted down at the sight of him clearing his throat and picking the mic to speak again.

You frowned, not sure of what poison did she give him for Ivar to suddenly change that way.

“See, you just need to show her something, something she’s never done before. Something that captures your attention, that is good enough to capture her soul. And — and she will take her time to learn” Ivar starts, eyes seemingly fixed somewhere far away from the stage. Somewhere like the very last lines of people standing in front of him, listening to him. “She simply makes something better out of it. Something brighter, even though you didn’t even think it could be possible. Even though you couldn’t even phantom you’d need so much light in your life, she proves you wrong, just like she does in every fight.” Ivar paused to chuckle, remembering the time he tried to convince you to hire strippers for the club.

Everybody laughed after a deep collective ‘aww’ and he can feel the person standing next to him shift her weight and getting closer to him with affection. But he already was way too deep into his memories, pulling out good moments and unsaid words for the public to see how consolidated his relationship was. His tone shifted at the same time he noticed from afar how you start to break down, eyes not being able to look at him as your chest trembled. He was not aware of the harm those words would do to you without applying his own context, yet he begged for you to figure out that everything he said, he said it about you.

“And...” Ivar swallowed, vulnerability starting to drip from every word he said. “And the thing is, she doesn’t even do it because of you. She doesn’t search for nobody’s approval. She just loves to make things better. That’s her gift, that’s her growth.”

Ivar finished and, for a brief moment, everybody remained silent. It took a minute, but then everyone seemed to burst into applause, everybody but three dumbfounded brothers looking at their youngest sibling as if he had lost his damn mind.

By the time he got closer to Freydis for a kiss you were choking in your own tears, your throat too tightly closed it seemed too difficult for you to breathe. Was this the reason why he wanted you to stay? To hear what he had to say about his fiancée?

You shook your head, searching for the oldest Aslaugsson in the crowd.

You had enough.

"Ubbe, do you have a minute?” You asked weakly, doe eyes looking at the ground for a brief moment before gaining your composure again.

“Yeah,” he apologised to the guests he was with “what’s wrong?” He moved closer to you, the glass of champagne in his hand and the conversation he was participating in long forgotten.

“You were right.” You admitted your defeat, your head high and your chest puffed out. “I accept the offer.” You managed to let out as you took a few steps back, ignoring the way Ubbe said your name, with pity and sadness tearing through you as if you were a poor broken toy. “Tell Hvitty he can keep my share of the bar.”

Part I / Part II / Sequel (Words Into Smoke)

About tags:

I have recently lost all tags and at this point idk what to do to keep all tags in place. Please send me an ask if you know any ideas!

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@aesstheticallypleasing @captstefanbrandt @unicornbaby741 @fuckthatfeeling @huffelpuffers @yannii04 @collecting-stories

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sparkles-rainbows-severed-heads · 4 years

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Nazi-Hating, Bisexual King, and German actor, Conrad Veidt (1893-1943) whose performances inspired the creation of Edward Scissorhands, Jafar from Aladdin, and The Joker, was a gem in real life. Be like Connie. Do it for him.

Here’s some information on how great he was:

https://aikainkauna.tumblr.com/post/41163268378/ten-reasons-why-you-should-love-conrad-veidt

“In honour of Conrad Veidt’s 120th birthday, let us present you with a list of reasons why you should love him. Because, let’s face it, he kicked more arse than you ever will. While wearing your great-grandmother’s dress.

1. He was an awesome actor who could hypnotise the screen in both the silents and the sounds. He could do amazing things with his body language, his eyes and his voice and move like an actual cat. Oh, and he was Method before it became popular. To the point where his friends and colleagues would get worried because his entire body language and way of speaking would change. He genuinely believed he was possessed by some greater spirit when he was acting. And it shows. 2. He was an amazing human being—everybody loved working with him because he was incredibly polite and jovial and charming, but he was even more amazing off the screen. Let us tell you why.

3. This guy starred in the first gay rights movie ever and played the first explicitly-referred-to-as-gay character on screen, and the first sympathetic gay character on screen. In a movie that said it was okay to be gay and that some people were just born that way. In 1919. The makers of the film and Connie himself were flooded with death threats from the far right. They would arrange riots in theatres and release gas and rabid rodents into the aisles. But the makers of the film stood their ground. Later, the Nazis tried to burn all copies of the film but over half of it still survives and a reconstruction can be seen here.

4. Oh yeah, and this guy also starred in an early pro-choice film, had a high opinion on women (with some progressive views for his time, when the right to vote and to wear trousers were still seen as new and scandalous things) and was a fierce campaigner for human rights and a vehement anti-Nazi for his entire life. Speaking of which…

5. In the Thirties, he starred in two British movies sympathetic to the plight of the Jews. While still a German citizen. Hitler sent him personal hate mail, Goebbels tried to persuade him into doing propaganda films for the Nazis instead and he told them to go stuff themselves. This was after some of his Jewish and gay friends had already been killed by the Nazis, too, so he knew exactly the sort of danger he was in. Oh, and they imprisoned him and tortured him with sleep deprivation and put him on the Gestapo hitlist. Guess what? He didn’t budge. He never raised his hand in the Heil Hitler salute, once. And when, finally, the British authorities helped him escape to England, he never went back to Germany again. Also? Despite being Protestant, he identified himself as Jewish on official forms as a form of protest. In. Nazi. Germany. I’m sorry, but Conrad Veidt’s balls»»»>yours.

6. He spent a huge amount of money supporting the British war effort and personally smuggled people out of the hands of the Nazis. Including driving his third wife’s Jewish parents out to Switzerland in his car under the cover of night after much bribery and passport shenanigans. In the Forties, he participated in a fund helping fellow Europeans escape Nazis and settle in the UK and the US. One of the people he helped was his Casablanca co-star, Paul Henreid. By the time Henreid had reached the UK, the war was in full swing and he was treated as an enemy alien. Connie (who had managed to acquire British citizenship just before war broke out) personally rang the British authorities and vouched for him until Henreid could finally cross the Atlantic to safety (with some monetary assistance from Connie himself). So, kids, when you watch Major Strasser menacing Laszlo in Casablanca, remember this guy actually helped him escape the Nazis in real life.

7. While living in London in the late Thirties, he and his wife would regularly shelter war children at their house. When the air raid sirens came on, he’d rather run back home to be with the kids rather than stay safe at the studio’s bomb shelter. No, really. And even when he’d left for Hollywood in the 40s, he would do stuff like this for the poor kids of London huddled in bomb shelters. You might need tissues.

8. He was made of actual sex on and off the screen. He possessed an amazing, androgynous sexual aura that would take no prisoners. He could be feminine without being effeminate, seductive and possessing and powerful without being gruff or macho, incredibly catlike and soft without being weak. Despite being skinny as hell and 6’3” tall, he was as graceful as a dancer, gliding around so smoothly it was uncanny, slightly unnatural (when Disney were making Aladdin, they deliberately based the cartoon Jafar on his performance in The Thief of Bagdad and told the animators to make him glide like Connie did. Yeah, that’s right, Disney villains were based on him. No wonder. No, really, look at that). From the Thirties onwards, he was repeatedly described as pantherlike. He had a sensuous, cruel mouth (always a little more red and open and wet than it should have been in order to be decent), large, pale blue piercing eyes (oh yeah, he was well-read in hypnotism and occultism, so he is actually hypnotising and possessing you for real), finely manicured fingernails (sometimes filed into sharp points) and a voice to melt knickers off anyone within a five-mile radius. When he smoked, it looked like he was giving oral sex to a woman and a man at the same time. Watch A Woman’s Face, The Thief of Bagdad and Dark Journey for good examples of this amazing man’s slinking, slithering, purring charm.

9. Oh yeah, speaking of the off-screen sex… Merle Oberon said “he would have sex with a butterfly”, Anita Loos quipped “the prettiest girl on the [Berlin] street was Conrad Veidt” and he was a major gay icon in 1920s Germany thanks to the aforementioned gay rights movie and his androgynous looks and style. Let us remember this guy spent his youth in Weimar Berlin and its cabarets, a modern Babylon where “anything goes” was an understatement. Drugs, wild parties and sexual diversions of every sort imaginable were the done thing in those days. You were considered unfashionable if you didn’t dress in drag and experiment with bisexuality. In that, he was hardly different from his peers (like, for example, his good friend Marlene Dietrich). But then again… there were people who experimented and there were people for whom it was all a phase, but according to numerous sources, he was a natural, voracious bisexual and so in love with everything feminine he genuinely loved to dress as a lady. And apparently he would fall in love all the time, so the Twenties were… busy years for him, especially when his second marriage had started to fall apart. Just don’t ask what he did to Olivier. And according to a couple of sources, Gary Cooper. Oh, and his first wife left him after she found him wearing her dress (her loss). Most of the time, his friends would describe him as a ladies’ man during the day, and going after the men as well after he’d had a few drinks in the evening. He seems to have calmed down a lot in the Thirties after he found genuine happiness with his third wife and escaped the Nazis to the UK, but apparently he was still an incorrigible flirt with both sexes until the end of his life. If you think he looks seductive and deliciously perverse on screen, that’s all real and then some. So, yep, this was a guy who was a genuine saint and an amazing human being and a naughty, naughty man at the same time. How often do you hear of both sides coexisting in the same person?

10. He was, basically, the last lingering sigh of Romanticism as a genuine cultural movement. On screen, he played the Gothic, Byronic hero to the hilt (The Student of Prague being one of the greatest examples of the type). In the silents, he played degenerate dandies, tortured painters and pianists and violinists, cruel yet seductive tyrants, men haunted by their doppelgängers, possessed creatures wanting to crawl out of their own bodies, sleepwalking and twitching and writhing on the screen, turning everything into a dark, exquisite ballet. In the sound films, he turned that demonic energy outwards and would pin people down with his gaze as he cursed them, would undress women with a flick of his pitch-black lashes, would curl his long fingers around their arms in a sadomasochistic, erotic stranglehold. He never completely lost his accent, but he compensated for it with pitch-perfect softness and tone, speaking very slowly and quietly when everybody else would speak loud and fast. His voice in The Thief of Bagdad was compared to poisoned honey. The MGM bosses were surprised at the mountains of fanmail he received from women in the Forties, even if they had never given him a starring role, only supporting, villainous ones. And the ladies wanted this villain, oh yes. A woman moviegoer (presumably after seeing his performance in A Woman’s Face) described him thus: “Conrad Veidt has wicked eyes, a sinister mouth, strange hands and a half-man/half- woman quality about him. His walk is frightening. There is something not quite normal about him. And yet, he was totally fascinating, charming and appealing to me at the same time!”

So, there you have it. There are many more reasons to love him, but it would take forever to try and list all of them. I suggest you watch his movies and read up on him yourself, because he deserves to live forever.”

#conrad veidt #do it for him #do it for her #the cabinet of doctor caligari #the cabinet of dr. caligari #the man who laughs #gwynplaine #casablanca #the hands of orlac

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bondsmagii · 4 years

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ashintheairlikesnow replied to your post “other opinions I am going to put here: I agree with you that Lila was...”

1. You know how I feel about Lila I have CAPITAL F FEELINGS about how she literally is the least developed character and deliberately stays flat and stale and I really, really dislike Schwab's handling of female characters in the books and how few of them survive, and how our main female survivor has the character depth of a scone. but like an American scone, not a British one 2. Kell’s chemistry sparks most with Holland - who understands him but still challenges him to be a better person primarily by putting him in a position of having to acknowledge his own helplessness/choice to sit around ignoring Holland’s suffering because Holland once chose to be a shit to him. You can say “oh, how could Kell help?” but… you know what, Kell never tries to find out if he could at all 3. Kell is deeply complacent from pre-canon to the start of the first book. He struggles with identity and feeling sort of unwanted as a person and only wanted as a magician, but most of what he does to try and find himself is smuggling and petty rebellions. it’s 100% realistic. His interactions with Holland directly call out how stagnant Kell is, when faced with someone who is literally being FORCED to be stagnant against his will 4. He and Holland spark, with every interaction, where he and Lila just struck me as two people who really shouldn’t be left alone because they’ll just be snits to each other and I don’t give a fuck. They had no chemistry whatsoever. 5. Lila drives me fucking crazy. The end.

you’re right and you should say it. literally the only person Kell had any chemistry with (not to mention the only relationship that would have been in any way interesting) was Holland. there was so much there that could have been further explored, and absolutely all of it was just. pushed to the side so Kell could run after this character who was literally the worst embodiment of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope. Lila represented freedom to him -- something that Kell has been said to want badly -- but like. my god. it would have been so much more interesting to pair that want for freedom alongside the person who is literally enslaved. like. oh you live in London and you’re poor and you wish you had the means to go on an adventure? how tragic for you but like Holland is out there being literally enslaved so maybe just keep things in perspective? Lila’s life wasn’t easy, but it sure as fuck wasn’t even in the realm of what Holland went through. the fact that Holland died without ever really getting to experience freedom breaks my heart. he went from being in the Danes’ servitude to playing host for Osaron, and not once did he have a moment where he could enjoy living freely. and then Lila insulted him for that after he saved her life? holy fucking shit. my hatred for her knows no bounds and I cannot believe she ended up with Kell. she is going to treat him like shit and he does not deserve that!

with regards to Kell’s reactions and lack of response to Holland’s suffering, I was always under the impression that Maxim probably had something to do with that. Kell is a fairly empathetic person and he clearly cares about Holland (both in terms of “nobody should go through what you’re going through” and also “you’re like me”), but he deeply misunderstands the magic involved (see that scene where he tries to tell Holland to use the stone to destroy the symbol Holland wears on his uniform, and Holland shows him the actual binding mark and has to explain to Kell what it is -- Kell only found out then how deep the curse went). I think he might have had ideas about how to help based on his understanding of the magic involved (which would not have been enough), but Maxim probably didn’t want Kell interfering with the Danes at all. Maxim is very much by the book about appearances, and I’m sure one world’s Antari interfering with another world’s in such a way would be seen as a slight and would cause problems. the fact that the Danes wouldn’t really be able to do shit nor fuck to Arnes over it would likely not be of importance to Maxim, because he just wants his Antari to behave and be done with it. so I don’t think it was a case of Kell choosing to sit around, but more a case of him not understanding what’s going on (something that Holland calls him out for repeatedly -- there’s a lot that Kell doesn’t know about magic that Holland does) but also probably being explicitly forbidden from trying, and if he steps out of line he’s worried Maxim will stop him from going anywhere, which is something he fears.

but anyway the conclusion of all of this is that Lila sucks and should not have ended up with Kell, and Kell and Holland going grocery shopping would have more intrigue and chemistry than literally anything Kell and Lila did in any of the three books.

#shades of magic #ashintheairlikesnow

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coolmarriagerecords · 4 years

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Johan Kugelberg's Top 100 DIY Singles

From Ugly Things via http://www.hyped2death.com/Kugelberg100.html

1. The Desperate Bicycles -The Medium Was Tedium (Refill Records, 1977 UK) The Desperate Bicycles are the yardstick for this obscurist sub genre. No one did it as easy or as cheap as them. Of the slew of unfathomable brilliant pop 45's, The Medium Was Tedium is the apex: The enthusiasm, anger and joy de vivre that oozes from the tracks contained within has me reaching for Village Green-Kinks and first album Cramps to describe the passion. For drunken, leftist dorm-room intellectuals to describe the faith and for Dez/Chavo-era Black Flag to describe the power ? notwithstanding that the recordings themselves are of 4-track bedroom shut-in lo-fi jangle. Too bad the band don't want the material re-released but a good thing indeed that the records barely rate at all in the collector scum price guide pantheon.

2. Beyond The Implode -Last Thoughts EP (Diverse Records UK 1979) Barrett/early-Floyd psych as good (or better) than any Soft Boys, obscurist strum & drang way more passionate than any Flying Nun band I've heard and Inflammable vocals of the purest Oxbridge confusion. The Spacemen 3 never did anything to match this record. [Messthetics #6]

3. V/A -Weird Noise EP (Fuck Off Records UK 1980) The legend doesn't start here, but at least this isn't a cassette-only release in an edition of 50 copies or so like the majority of the Fuck Off Records oeuvre. This lines up the finest advocates of tuneless bashing within the UK late 70's underground: The 012, Danny and the Dressmakers, the Instant Automatons, The Door and the Window and finally the Sell Outs who seem to be Danny and the Dressmakers under a different moniker. The cut "Please Don't Make Another Bass Guitar Mr. Rickenbacker" showcases one of the odder qualities popular music can have: The ability to disorientate the listener. "Simply the very best in bad music" indeed! [Danny...Messthetics Greatest Hits]

4. Desperate Bicycles ? New Cross, New Cross (Refill Records, UK 1978) The godlike power of "I Make The Product" or "Advice On Arrest" (two of the songs on this six song EP) deliver a little salvation of sorts ? the Desperate Bicycles make you believe, make you feel a sense of belonging. Music does that when it is this good. 5.Slugfuckers ? Three Feet Behind Glass EP (No label Australia 1979) Invoke the god Nyarlathotep they do, cover Manson-songs w/o ever having heard him they do, shmear on the middle class art school elitism thick they do. This is an extreme record; noisier and more abrasive than most first generation industrial stuff, a hell of a lot more punk than, say, the Lewd and intelligent in a scary, vicious bullying kind of way. A blazing, hard record at the same time as everything is slightly out of tune, kind of inept and sorta shoddy sounding.

6. Popes -Knup In Your Eye (Vatican Records. UK 1980) This appeared on the worldwide punk list a few issues ago, and educated guesses can be made for this appearing on any other lists I might do in the future. Not only is the record the cats pajamas as far as relentless art school mirth goes (Derek & Clive go through puberty, again!) but the throb and spark of the band makes for repeated play. And then we have to tag on the swollen nostalgia of my friend buying the only copy at the Rough trade shop in 1980 leaving me with none until Bill Forsyth digs one up for me in his back room, oh yeah, and one for Geoffrey too.

7. The Flak -EP (Northern Records UK 1980 (?)) Starts with a depressed "why am I here" poem and moves straight along into "Knocking on Heaven's Door" done dorm-angst-diy-style. This is followed by what sounds like the band attempting a Joy Division-style song the first time they pick up musical instruments. Completely inept, utterly charming and brilliant indeed. Top shelf genre defining DIY.

8. Fatal Microbes -Beautiful Pictures (Small Wonder, UK 1979) Certainly the best record with Honey Bane on it. Charming, relentless punk-crazed homemade guitar crunch. The window of opportunity of the UK underground musicscene in the late 70's is clearly demonstrated here: I doubt the Fatal Microbes stupendous teen energy could have been nurtured in the world of merchandising deals and first-look demo A&R we live in today.

9. The Silver -Do You Wanna Dance (Black Label Finland 1980) The Silver -No More Grease (Black Label Finland 1979) A riddle wrapped inside an enigma etc. The band appears to be around 12 ? 13 years old. They hail from Finland where the trail grew cold a long long time ago. Maybe upon the release of the record. Pussy Galore without post-modern baggage. "Love Theme from the Snails" as performed by SPK. 12 year olds virtually destroying a recording studio captured on tape, not once but four times.

10. Instant Automatons -Peter Paints His Fence EP (Deleted Records UK 1980) More Fuck Off/Street Level-related sublime nonsense. The battle call is the track "People Laugh At Me Cuz I Like Weird Music" which states: "I was at a pub the other night, when a bunch of mods came in, they eyed me up, then they asked me: Hey man what's your scene? Are you a hippie a mod or a punk? Got a scooter or a motorbike? I can't understand why they burst out laughing when I told them the music I like, because: People Laugh At Me Cuz I Like Weird Music People just don't understand Why pay six pounds for an album when you can, listen to a weird noise band for free I had a girlfriend named Josephine, she liked Abba and the Bee Gees. She thought music was about lawyers and accountants, percentages and legal fees. Just the other night we stayed up late, playing records til half past ten, then I played the Danny and the Dressmakers tape and I never saw Josephine again, because: People Laugh At Me Cuz I Like Weird Music People just don't understand Why pay six pounds for an album when you can, listen to a weird noise band for free" The gospel, folks. From God's mouth to your ear via the Instant Automatons. [Instant Automatons 'Another Wasted Sunday Afternon' CD]

11. Sir Alick and the Phraser -In Search of the Perfect Baby (Black Noise UK 1980) As Chuck Warner put it: They wrote beautiful pop songs then destroyed them. More Homosexuals pseudonymous mystique. The intelligent reader who followed our previous musings on this band and their universe know how much we love them and how much they perpetually pull our collective leg. No straight-ahead answers in this lifetime which is fine ? fine as far as record collecting is concerned, fine as far as lifemanship is concerned.[The Homosexuals -Astral Glamour 3CD]

12. The Four Plugs -Biking Girl (Disposable Records UK 1979) The subtle charm of marginal culture: Truly marginal culture where 1000 singles were pressed more than 22 years ago. How many got lost? How many are never being played? How many are stored in a box in the attic? How many are being played repeatedly on turntables that cost ten times as much as the recording and pressing of this given 45? "She used to be my biking partner ? she used to be my biking girl. We used to go for rides in the country side". A true punk rock/diy statement issued by the Damaged Goods people, who knew their Chesterton and Thomas Browne.

13. The Evening Outs -Channel (Refill Records UK 1980) Super-fierce skronk from a pissed-off pseudonymous Desperate Bicycles. Puts that no wave stuff to shame, really.

14. Puritan Guitars -100 Pounds in 15 Minutes (Riverside Records UK 1980) How much it cost to make the record and how long it took. Genius sturm und sturm und sturm und drang clank from a seriously inspired one chord wonder.[Messthetics Greatest Hits and Messthetics #104]

15. The Flying Brix -EP (Modello Records UK 1980) So subtle it can barely be heard: A band consisting of Wally's and Erberts, with the odd dead-end yob or two. This record could've been released by Illegal, Fuck Off or fit in on Carry On Oi. It could also have been performed on an episode of Noddy or by Flanagan & Allen. Ur-English music, this.[Messthetics #104]

16. Shrinking Men/Beevers -Hazards in the Home EP (Pop Records UK 1981) The Beevers present a Guthrie-esque talking blues here, except that it isn't a blues, but a charming DIY-shuffle, and that Woody Guthrie as far as I know never sang about the plight and blight of the office boy. The Shrinking Men in turn showcase an angry, loutish anti-army rant that Phil Ochs would've been pretty proud of I think. And there you have it: The folk music connection rears its uncombed head. [Beevers -Messthetics #6]

17. Handgrenades -Demo To London (Phonographics (?) USA 1980 (?)) Coulda fooled me ? Excellent primitive punk/chug/diy from Noo Yak City! Who woulda thunk? Somewhere between "Pink Flag" and Fuck Off Records.

18. Homosexuals -You Are Not Moving The Way You Are Supposed To (Black Noise UK 1980 (?)) An untouchable band, and the lack of a retrospective isn't much of a crime in this house (I have lots of their records snicker snicker snicker) but in other people's houses it sure is. As if Gang of Four would've been any good, as if Wire would've immersed themselves in dub, as if indeed. Parallel universe chart toppers indeed. We all know that there is at least one world out there in the ultra-cosmos where the proverbial kids are kicking these jams daily. A truly inspired and inspiring record..[The Homosexuals -Astral Glamour 3CD]

19. Cindy and the Barbi Dolls -Press The Shutter EP (A Not Major Production UK 1980) Dorm angst at its very best. Dark, brooding overtly romantic without gothing it up, these jams have the same lurking power as the pre-Joy Division Warsaw EP or the spookier first line up Soft Boys tracks. A possible sister band to Beyond the Implode in the sense that they play a curiously British form of psychedelic music in the midst of the DIY lack of musical chops. This Cornwall band were seemingly very hip to musical peers, thanking the Desperate Bicycles, the Mekons and Ralph and the Ponytails on the sleeve. There are musical (and one lyrical) nod to the Kinks "Village Green Preservation Society" as well. A very good thing. [Messthetics #7]

20. Versatile Newts -Newtrition (Shanghai Records UK 1980) If this record hadn't existed we would've had to invent it: The marriage/blend of the Swell Maps, This Heat and the TV Personalities. In equal chunks with no lumps. Gadzooks! [Messthetics #103]

21. Pink Dirt -Hey Sir (No label Norway 1979) As far as inept, crazed joi de vivre goes ? Here's the acme. I've written this one up before and will do it again. While this is obviously a straight-ahead angry punk rock band, the abandon and enthusiasm of this record could raise the dead. An angry rant against organized religion ("I have this to say tonight ? never, never get involved with christianity!") howled in a barely English Johnny Rotten-imitation by some Norwegian genius backed by shitrock more primitive than the first Endless Boogie rehearsal. There is no sleeve, no labels, just the legend "Pink Dirt Hey Sir/Hooker" scrawled in magic marker. Who were these gods and why did they walk among us? Please email me if you know anything about the people behind this stunning art experience.

22. Scrotum Poles -Revelation EP (One Tone Records Scotland 1980) Helicopter Honeymoon is going to be played at least three record collector funerals I know of, not including mine. The mighty, mighty Scrotum Poles, proudly proclaiming "DIY! We love the TV Personalities" on the shoddy, xeroxed sleeve. Their website (http://home.switchboard.com/hornstreet) is highly recommended, though we're hesitant to vouch for its complete veracity. Here's how they tell it: "'Pick the Cats Eyes Out' featured lyrics found on the back of a set list by one of the first Dundee punk bands, Bread Poultice and the Running Sores..." [Somebody please send us a demo tape!] "Helicopter Honeymoon," meanwhile, came from a headline "in the Sunday Post." What we should add for American fans is that "cats eyes" are what Brits (and Scots) call those little orange reflectors embedded in highway pavement: "Cats Eyes Out Ahead" used to be a common roadside sign. [Messthetics Greatest Hits and Messthetics #105]

23. File Under Pop -Corrugate (Rough Trade UK 1979 (?)) Godlike DIY power. Primitive grunting, out of tune skeletal instrumentation and noises recorded at Heathrow. I know a guy with an extra copy who'll swap it for Butchy Butch and the Butch Butchers.

24. Nancy Sesay and the Melodaires -C'est Fab (It's War Boys UK 1981 (?)) Un-musical, un-punk and possibly unpleasant music hall-esque skronk/DIY by the godlike Homosexuals using one of their myriad of pseudonyms. And whence you can't imagine the doofus art wank getting any more unlistenable, they spin on a dime and throw in a beautiful chorus sitting on top of a backwardsy funky drummer beat. I am, as per usual, in awe. Shall I hook some enterprising young bootlegger up with a CDR of all their stuff?

25. Performing Ferret Band -Brow-Beaten (Dead Hippy Records UK 1981) Deeply moving primitive musical fumble from this rare 45 by the masters behind the in my mind most seminal LP to come out of DIY. The eponymous Performing Ferret Band LP, which features jaw-droppers such as "Plastic Macho Man", "Fizzly Drinks" or "Great Duos Of Our Time". Fantastic over-enthusiastic juvenilia of an almost supernatural beauty. The Performing Ferrets - no one told us CD (Messthetics #216)

26. Different Eyes/Royston - Shish EP (Tuzmadoner Records UK 1979) One of the two masterpieces released on the Tuzmadoner label (the other being a 12" comp entitled, uh, "folk music" bringing up more parallels to skiffle that we should probably choose to ignore). Royston are like Flanagan & Allen fronting the world's greatest shit rock band. Different Eyes sound more lethargic than anyone else I've heard I think, and I used to work for Pavement's label. Simon Gilham from either Royston or the 'Eyes later played in Colin Newman's solo band. [Royston -Messthetics Greatest Hits and #1; Different I's -Messthetics #101 (plus their even better track from Folk Music)]

27. Homosexuals -Hearts In Exile (Black Noise UK 1978) Words fail me. As far as beauty goes, this is like Mozart or Shirley Collins. Probably their greatest moment. Somewhere along the lines of Brill Building and traditional UK folk and the Upsetters and ESP Records all at once in perfect harmony. A milestone, I think, and a record that I'd place in a timecapsule of 20th century folk art.[The Homosexuals -Astral Glamour 3CD]

28. Andrew Klimek -Felt Hammer (Mustard Records USA 1979) The guitar break alone sends this one soaring over the sky scrapers. Has that patented and most beautiful basement 4-track sound down pat even though I get more and more convinced that all those legendary Cleveland bands all were record collector rock of the umpteenth degree. Extraordinarily self-aware, sly and with meticulously thought out records, this one being no exception. The pompous liner notes on the sleeve of the 45 proves me right. You got to be some kind of Apples in Stereo-type shmuck to brag on a record sleeve that you put the bass guitar through a ring modulator.

29. Mekons -Never Been In A Riot (Fast Records UK 1978) Way before they became icky hippy-punk icons for aging counter culture types across the world they released a couple of singles of gorgeous nihilist slop. This is the first, and the funniest and the noisiest.

30. Jelly Babies -De Nada EP (No label name UK 1981) Simply heaven. A clumsy speed-chug with lyrics about a day of roller-skating and lovely pre-pubescent boozy backing vocals. Genius. Extra-tinny sound, extra passionate execution. I've quoted this portion of the notes on the (shoddy xerox, natch) sleeve: "Recorded at Dirt Cheap Studios, the best studios in the whole wide world by Grant Showbiz, the most silly person in the whole wide world, who steals your food and has a nice red guitar with a super tremelo arm which somebody gave him." Like Blake, the words transcend space, time and mortality. You need this record. Crunchy granola collectors should also note that I have personally seen at least five different (shoddy xerox) picture sleeves for this record where the priority can be determined with relative accuracy using the carbon 14 method. [one from the EP is coming on London v.III: another song from the EP demos appears on Messthetics Greatest HISS (Messthetics #110)

31. Thin Yoghurts -Girl On the Bus (Lowther Street Runner Records UK 1980) More sing-a-longa-slop-charm. You can take the limey out of the music hall but you can't Cute, touching and romantic lyrics about lusting over some tasty lassie on the bus to the kippers factory. They did this record as well as a cassette, which is a hundred bucks in your sweaty palm, if you send it to me. [Messthetics Greatest Hits]

32. Lucky Pierre -This Could Be The Night (No label USA 1984 (?)) Scuzzy, phenomenal art-rant by some Ohio Bowie-boy who'd re-record these musical chairs of Chain Gang, Klaus Nomi and cocaine freebase ten years later for Trent Reznor's label adding a "industrial dance beat" to the mess and changing the band name to Prick. Supposedly (some record-log-pincher told me) there were only 50 copies pressed for Lucky Pierre to use as record deal bait (also the reason that the lyrics are etched on the flip together with a ten second excerpt of the song). Well, I guess it worked. I seem to recall seeing a video for the re-recorded version on MTV during ol' Pierre's 15 seconds in the spotlight. The awe-inspiring power of this record remains tho'.

33. Skabb -78 EP (Mistlur Sweden 1978) Track 2 side one is jaw-dropping Opus-style DIY-crunch punk with Kriminella Gitarrer-guitar breaks. I can't believe this isn't a hotly pursued record by herd-following punk rock turd-swallowers round the globe. Fantastic slop-o-rama-lama-fa-fa-fa production too.

34. V/A -Angst In My Pants double EP (Street Level UK 1979) Imagine how good the previous 33 records on this list are, as I guarantee by risk of punishment of rock writer hyperbole, that this is doubtlessly one of the finest records I've ever heard, and the second greatest compilation in the history of rock! How can I say this wonders Rutger the Punk from his bedroom in Krakow ? Well the proof is in the pudding: Not only does the record include some of the finest recorded moments by the legendary Instant Automatons (who unknowingly channel the Monks!), 012 and the Door and the Window, but furthermore a rare vinyl appearance by the Digital Dinosaurs, heralded by me, Mario and Geoffrey in that most smug sort of way as unheralded gods of music! If that ain't enough you get some fine TVP-related spurts from the Missing Persons and extremely do it yourself DIY frenzy from the Midnight Circus. Who in "Silicone Baby" and "Hedonist Jive" have out-poignanted a tow-truck full of Aimee Mann's and Michelle Shocked's edgy humanity and funny as shit to boot. [Digital Dinsaurs and Instant Automatons are on Messthetics Greatest Hits: Midnight Circus have their own CD...And there's more on Deleted/Street Level at the Instant Automatons website]

35. Pleemobielz -Dagenlang Balen (Kamikaze Records Holland 1981) More sociological sloganeering a la Midnight Circus here: Dagenlang Balen which needlessly translates as "fuck all day" roars through the speakers with all the might of a bunch of over-testosteroned 16 year old virgins singing about what they think it'll be like to have sex some day. Tinniest sound in history. When a copy finally showed up on my doorstep after the fucking (literally!) record had spent a solid 10 years on my want list my expectations were quite low since anyone I had talked to who had heard the record all stated that it was weak/a waste of time etc. Well: It being a want list staple has more to do with the scarcity of the disc than it being a desirable punk rock record. However: It is an extremely desirable record if frenzied DIY bliss is your chosen poison.

36. Just Urbain -Guns & Guitars (No label Australia 1979) Another amazing DIY record from Australia, this one definitely sports a spiritual kinship with SPK, the Slugfuckers, the first Thought Criminals record, and those Systematics and Tactics records I need to find. Very dark, scuzzy art-damaged DIY that (a la Cabaret Voltaire or early SPK) is well aware of the fine krautrock musics coming out of Germany on Ohr or Sky a few years previously. The proto punk of say Neu or Cosmic Jokers is here handled with poisonous skronky passion.

37. The Gags -Sex Ist Schau (Leg Auf Records Germany 1981) And then one has to simply wonder if the belly laughs generated by this piece of vinyl have racist connotations: How much are we allowed to laugh at the Germans? This might be the stiffest record I've heard. The vocals lyrical bark manages to reanimate Basil Fawlty's classic performance in the "Germans" episode as well as the Sprockets. The jams are crazed. Stiff, yes, but crazed.

38. Desperate Bicycles -Smokescreen (Refill Records UK 1977) Their debut, more aggressive than a lot of the other classics and maybe it was the year. This is the 45 that launched hundreds of others: Two songs on one side to save mastering costs, the cheapest packaging, music that had to be documented, and it didn't matter if it was done in the cheapest and easiest way imaginable. [Messthetics #8]

39. Butter Utter -Jävlarnas Jul (Leonid Breznjev Records Swe 1977) Took me ages to find this one. Extremely inept, Shaggs-like fumble with a certain Je Ne Sais Qui of punk rock aggression. A lot of Killed by Death-types paid a lot of moola for this one, that some guy hyped to the moon in a Boston straight-edge fanzine back in the 80's. Only truly "punk" in the musical disaster sense of the word.

40. Cut-Outs -DIY (EMI UK 1979) Great novelty pop monster complete with carpentry noises. Possibly not a DIY record at all, but since the genre is made up by people like me this is a DIY record cuz I sez so. [NOT on Messthetics #7]

41. Massmedia ? EP (Massproduktion Swe 1979) Debut sloppiness from future KBD mainstays. There is no discernable musical ability to be found on this record and yet they play and play and play. The energy level is however awe-inspiring.

42. Dagens Ungdom -EP (Mistlur Swe 1980) Having an art school wank with Dagens Ungdom. Brilliant faux-DIY released on one of the major noo wave era indie labels of Sweden, home of Ebba Gron. All songs have titles nabbed from Kafka books, lyrics are more adjective heavy than a tub full o' Morrisey and the music is flawless DIY stumble n' fumble.

43. The Discounts -Selling Records (Original Records UK 1980) Blank 1000-yard stare DIY novelty straight out of High Fidelity. The lyric is a monologue as by a bored-to-tears record store clerk. The jams are sub-sub-sub-Blockheads DIY stumble. Extremely amusing.

44. Grinder Wickford's So Boring -EP (Wax Records UK 1979) Forget punk rock, bring in hick-rock! The aliases of the band read: "Dav-Id, Si-Kic, Terry-Ball, Stu-Pid and Holy-Grail"!. Three band members have moustaches! The singer is wearing a Rocky Horror t-shirt! The a-side is a "humorous" ditty about the acne problem of Spiderman, reflecting the sleeve front depicting some fool in a Spiderman costume driving a tractor, The b-side is an anti-fuzzy dice song. Genius. It is obvious to me that Wickford wasn't boring at all as long as you hung out with the bold gents of Grinder. The songs range from primitive clunky riff-rock to DIY jangle of the highest order. Messthetics #101

45. Psykik Volts -Totally Useless (Ellie Jay Records UK 1979) More Music Hall-punk DIY genius. The spirit of Vivian Stanshall is looming large; as is the empty pint glasses littering the room as this 45 is stuck on repeat. All together now: "It's to-tal-ly useless"!! The sleeve bears the legend: "Side A: recorded in a sock, Side B: recorded in a morgue. May god bless vocalist and songwriter Victor Vendetta. Now pardon me while I go to the corner and cry.

46. Raisinets -More Fun To Play Than To Listen To (Fun-Ethic Records USA 1979) Fantastic record-collector hippie-punk a la Gizmos/Afrika Korps/Half Japanese. Primitive guitar duets complete with questionable production values and mucho muchacho helpings of pure static. Great post-arrest pre-OD lyrics making fun of Sid too.

47. Dag Vag -Dimma (Ball Records Swe 1978) Two years after this record was released, Dag Vag were playing new wave-scented white-boy reggae to sell-out crowds all over Sweden. This, however, is a one-man band bedroom project by a Träd Gräs & Stenar roadie who had discovered punk rock and the DIY scene. Beautiful dark/sinister home studio atmospherics, killer fuzz guitar and demented lyrics about psychiatric care and drug experiences. A great record. And by all means: Don't buy any other Dag Vag records after you've obtained this one.

48. I Jog & the Tracksuits - Redbox (Tyger Label UK 1978) More lost artform unique stumble-rumble from the UK. Sounds like it was recorded under water this one. A petty miracle of a pop tune with a sublime lyric about waiting for the bus. Gotta bless em for the stamina it takes to get a record out: Recording, Mixing, Mastering, Designing, Printing, Approving, Distributing, Balancing. All to get a little song about missing the bus heard by me 22 years later.

49. Injections -Prison Walls (Radioactive Records USA 1980) This has always been an extremely desired and expensive record in KBD/Japanese Tasty/Moustache circles, and it doubtlessly deserves its inflated price tag even though we aren't talking chainsaw-buzz punk rock per se here.

50. Devils Hole Gang -Free The People (Slow Burning Fuse Records UK 1979) Huge moustaches, huge choruses, and a record that sounds like it was recorded inside one of those Moroccan hotel showers that basically consist of a huge tube of aluminum siding. My pretentious nature is such that I feel forced to unleash the folk art metaphor for this again. If your friendly neighborhood rare record dealer charges you a couple of C-notes for this and you feel like your being had for big G's by the sleaze, then remember that you are investing in art, not buying a record!!

51. Funboy Five -Life After Death (Cool-Cat Daddy-O Records UK 1980) A pure pop record indeed, but where pricey production values would've turned this into a memorable Stiff Records 45, the band's lack of bucks and resulting throwaway/enthusiasm production and energy has created a masterpiece. Both sides are stalwarts for a neighborhood sing-song or a rousing music hall chorus. Punk rock music hall: A genre waiting to happen again! [Messthetics #101]

52. How To Get Rich In Rotterdam - Dapper Dan (Vormgeving Rotterdam Records Netherlands 1981) Brilliant, plodding art-slop that reeks of inside jokedom. This record is a reason unto itself to pay ebay prices for vintage drum machines.

53. Come -Come Sunday (Come Organization UK 1979) Before William Bennett became the Benny Hill of industrial noise, his band Whitehouse were called Come and released a single and an album which both are quite lovely homemade art-dirge crankiness, a friendly psychedelic kind of crankiness indeed.

54. The Riotous Brothers -Vicki's Dancing (Riotous Records 1980) How all these disparate bands came up with a sound this cohesive is a mystery to me. Any of the hints handed to us through fanzines and interviews only mess things up further: Yes, anyone could form a band, make a record, start a record label indeed. Where it gets weird is why so many of them harbor a similar tinny guitar sound, cardboard-y drums, messy synths, inept recording techniques, smart-assed lefty lyrics and nasal singing tone. This was not a movement. It was just a bunch of stuff that happened. That's all. This record has the beautiful simplicity of a Shaker chair or a Maine seafood soup. The swanky speedpunk of "Operation Zero" or the plink-a plunk-a guitar solo on "Emotional Cripple" will some day have their own wing at the Victoria and Albert museum. Make my art primitive!

55. Partizans -Goods (A-Noyz Records UK 1980) Chain Gang's retarded English cousins. Ace!!

56. Amor Fati -Economics 100 (Yuck/Flesh Records USA 1984 (?) Very angry anti-r&r/anti-big-business slightly tongue in cheek rant that shows spiritual kinship to "Rat City" by the Art Attacks. Vertical Slit/V-3. The odd blend of wanting in, wanting to play the game and wanting to stay the fuck away that is symptomatic for a lot of Ohio underground musicians (Shepard, Hummel, House etc.)

57. Desperate Bicycles -Skill (Refill Records UK 1978) Blazing DIY-shuffle and unmistakenly Bicycles. More pro production which has this one slip further down the list. Still godlike though.

58. Sarah Coffman -Titta Jag Ar Död (Konkurrenz Rekårdz Sweden 1980) Excellent primitive shit-rock by band from my hometown!

59. Hornsey At War -Deadbeat Revival EP (War Product UK 1979) Extremely amusing ultra-sloppy DIY. No discernable production values, sound-as-filtered-through-ground-beef, emotionally charged out-of-tune vocals, crackly guitar (broken cable?) and a true aura of dead end yobs (and jobs) instead of the more common middle class art school vibe as prevailing on most DIY records. Hornsey At War are complaining about English radio too: "They won't play this record on the radio because it poses a threat!" Here tis again: That charming blend of hubris and defeatist that seems to penetrate the psyches of most people involved in underground music and/or collectors of it.

60. Take It -How It Is (Fresh Hold UK 1979) Stunning out of control DIY/noise not unlike a more frenzied Soft Boys, a more good Gang of Four or a less psychotic SPK. Igor and Simon seem like a couple of gents with some hardcore political and intellectual pursuits, and like the Desperate Bicycles before them I sense that the choice of releasing a noisy cheaply recorded 45 with a xerox cover was an act of some sort of political defiance, back in the day where such an act was not co-opted from the ground up by extreme sports and Wall Mart hair dye. [Messthetics Greatest Hits and Messthetics #2]

61. Rough Cuts EP (Z-Block Records UK 1980) Inspired sampler of four bands (The Boywonders, The Ghoulies, The Czechs and the Decadent Few) two of which tell us their age on the cover (The Boywonders are all 16, The Czechs are all 17). Humbling thought that such musical spirit could be mustered at such a tender age. Great variety of flavors too: The Boywonders great inept, spooky DIY strut where the band might think that a reggae influence is prevailing, us knowing that the stumbleblock shuffle bears more resemblance to ancient Celtic airs, the unbearable beauty of the Czechs utter disregard of tone, meter and signatures or the Ghoulies oddly Booker T-esque chug n' scrape. The business, all and all. [Boywonders and Czechs on Messthetics #104: The Z-Block Story is here]

62. The Petticoats -Normal (Bla-Bla-Bla Records UK 1980) Ripping good-kind-feminist anti-normalcy rant. Spiritually uplifting in a way not dissimilar to first-hand experience of medieval church architecture, I shit you not. Recorded at Street Level which means that this record is Fuck Off Records related.

63. Reducers -We Are Normal (Vibes Product UK 1978) The sub genre Geoff Weiss-punk is hereby coined to describe this record. High-energy ineptitude. There is a strange kinship to the Pink Fairies/Deviants axis on this record ? A similarity in energy and attack, notwithstanding that the Reducers really don't know how to play their instruments very well. [Messthetics #1]

64. Il Ya Volkswagens - Kill Myself (Mechanical Reproductions UK 1981) One more year in the rehearsal space for these guys and I wouldn't be writing this. Discernable elements of gothrock and Bauhaus influence can be noticed as a faint vapor in this aural air to speak it in goth-speak, the crunch of the slightly sour guitar, the plodd of the (genius) bass line and the all-in slouch of the lethargic vocalist and the cracked-everyday electronics elevates this dirge into an 18 carat DIY-cruncher.

65. Quite Ridiculous Nonsense -Identity Crisis (No Label USA 1984) Most ace industrial wank of that rare late 70's variety. Wildly entertaining experiments in four track flatulence and transistor radio static.

66. Pervers/Deutscher Abschaum split 7" (Suff Productions Germany 1984) The Godhead. Reminds me of Teddy and the Fratgirls or the Foams in the sense that one gets the notion that these must have been fun gals to hang out with or date. The timeless splendor of the arty urban misfit girl: Her goofy charm and no-holds-barred enthusiasm for all that she found weird, interesting or sexually appetizing. A toast to the art school weirdo outcast girls of the world: May they forever paint their room black or read Hermann Hesse to you in bed! The music is wild, out of control amateuristic slop goes from Electric Eels fuzzed out haterock to drumkits thrown down the stairs to minimal teen-angst and then back. Beautiful stuff. Got this in trade from Thurston Snore for some boring free jazz records back in the day. What a chump!

67. The Prats -Disco Pope (Rough Trade UK 1979) 15-year old Scottish schoolboy punks seething with rage over the demon disco. Early Downliners Sect-style one chord R&B shuffle complete with the drum breaks that made God decide not to spare humanity. Don't miss it!

68. Plast -EP (Stranded Rekords Swe 1979) Four song EP of the finest in teenage punks attempting to embrace the confusion in their head from listening to TG, Cabaret Voltaire and Pere Ubu. An ungodly racket where the hostility of the chosen sounds meets the cozy ineptitude of the random noises. Plenty of short-wave noises and the crappiest of synths. Utterly charming.

9. Raincoats -Fairytale in the Supermarket (Rough Trade UK 1979) All enthusiasm/zero chops Ubu-esque DIY-charm from these stunning ladies. This is the best of their many records. Some kinda CD anthology that I can't find right now was released in the USA on the basis of Kurt Cobain being a big fan.

70. Tone Deaf and the Idiots -Why Does Politics Turn Men Into Toads? (Blue Angel UK 1979) Tone Deaf and the Idiots how do I love thee. This flexi is taken from their debut album Catastrophe Rock which still stands alongside the Damian & the Criterions "Avant Garde", Alvaro's Drinking My Own Sperm and Kräldjursanstalten's Voodoo Boogie as peerless monuments of original thought as far as late 70's underground albums are concerned. Catastrophe rock indeed. This is what "Music from the Big Pink" would've sounded like if it had been performed by the Portsmouth Sinfonia.

71. Desperate Bicycles -Grief Is Very Private (Refill UK 1980) One of the mighty Bicycles more introspective and subtle moments. Their entire recorded output is well worth hearing, and the range of emotions they paint from their palate quite astounding.

72. Door and the Window -I Like the Sound (NB Records UK 1979) One of many brilliant anti-music art school rants by the grand old daddies of the very genre. They like sound, they don't like the Pop Group, they like noise (um yeah!), they don't like butter The list goes on and I can't say that I reached any enlightenment as such by the end of this demented scratchy noise-fumble. But the journey sure was great.

73. Slugfuckers -Instant Classic (PRS Australia 1979) Homosexuals-y whiteguy funk/noise fracture that Liquid Liquid would've been pretty stoked about. Screeching scrape and dumb jokey asides. Who could ask for anything more?

74. Happy Cadavers -Nothing New (Undefined Records UK 1982) Punk/wave slop from the Midwest ? kind of aims for the Stranglers but hits Small Wonder Records. Charming stuff. Give me a fake English accent any day.

75. The Reflections - 4 Countries (Cherry Red UK 1981) Coulda been by the Desperate Bicycles this: stop/start gurgling plodding slop with most excellent Mark P. whining on top. Patented Karl Blake crumble-o-rific drumming not to mention the ambience added by the illustrious Nag of Door and the Window celebrity status. The Reflections album is well worthy of your grease as well as it is more of the same DIY-gunk but with a more contempo Recommended Records-type sound. [Messthetics #1]

76. Reacta -Stop the World (Battery Operated Records UK 1979) Another one that demands the Desperate Bicycles as cultural cookie cutter ? A beautiful ramble with the edgy guitars of Hilton Bomber-Thought Criminals.[Messthetics Greatest Hits]

77. Crash Action Winners - Hurricane Fighter Plane (Sonic International UK 1979) Somewhere in this mess of static and filtered mud are the chord-change(s) of "Hurricane Fighter Plane". The sleeve hints at the band being American, the sounds point straight in the direction of an English middle class art school, and the record cover furthermore defines them as a bunch of record collectors to boot. Not only is a Roky Erickson tune given the same crap-o-riffic sonic treatment, but the shoddy crumb-bum picture sleeve showcases record covers by the Seeds, the 13th Floor Elevators, Russ Meyer and Question Mark and the Mysterians displayed in tasteful collage form. Messthetics #104

78. The Plastic Mechanical Pig -Book Brains (IX Recording Company Japan 1981) Tricky one here, Ricky and Paul, the two guys on the cover of the PMP 45, look like a couple of student teachers and the record sounds like a couple of student teachers recorded a Raisinets/Half Japanese hybrid on a primitive 4 track. Charming record this, with two folky DIY-punk cuts, but why on earth was it released in Japan?

79. V/A - Mell Square Musick EP (Yaw Records UK 1979) I've listened to this record a good dozen times or so, and my jaw still drops. Frenzied homemade punk where the energy could light up a medium-size town. Similar to the Tandstickorshocks, Seems Twice or Red Cross "Born Innocent" LP in its instinctive disregard for notes, chords and melody, the Accused or the 021 are more than deserving of particularly exquisite golden wings in the halls of the Valhalla of Amateurism. I bow my head. [Cracked Actor Messthetics #7; Accused and 021 - Messthetics #103]

80. Tandstickorshocks - Allan Vogalan (King Kong Records Holland 1980) The Dutch Puritan Guitars right here, it is almost spooky how similar the sound of the two bands is. Spinning these 45's makes me wonder if this music somehow managed to sidestep rock & roll and the black music tradition as a core influence. There is something about the Tandstickorshocks which at the same time manages to remind me of Schoenberg, microtonal composers and Irish tin-whistle folk music. This is, needless to say, evidence that I should get out more often, but also that these slices of true-life counterculture juvenilia are not isolated from a cultural context, but embracers of it. Even if it did take a couple of decades for these records to be collected in some kind of organized manner. The kids in Tandstickorshocls must have been aware of Wire and the Young Marble Giants, but the minimal primitive music they create is original in the same manner as the artists on Pat Conte's "Secret Museum of Mankind" compilations.

81. Foams - Paint Me (Pet Me Quick Records USA 1981) A classic of sorts. Frenzied, inept live recordings by this all-girl Austin Texas punk band. The only way that I can explain the similarities to the Slits or the Raincoats are that gals sure have a different way of looking at things, or at least playing drums. Great smutty lyrics and barky art-school vox too.

82. SST -Clutch On the Ward (Tidal Wave Records USA 1977) Super-inept hippie punk/DIY from California with lotsa early punk scenesters name-checked on the sleeve. Ted Falconi pre-Flipper on guitar.

83. The Simple Approach to Newtown Products EP (NTP Records UK 1980) My approach was to pay the inflated price the dealer was asking and happily walk home with this great record. 4 songs, four bands: Crimedesk are toilet-recorded DIY-slop, Basic Unit must be the most amateuristic goth band I've ever heard, Beat Necessity showcase only the finest in tuneless death-dirge with off-key howling and Story So Far is an awesome Joy Division/Factory Records attempt, but with no discernable musical talent. Needless to say, the whole EP is as charming as the day is long.

84. Hörförståelse -Förläst Jävel (CTR Sweden 1980) Demented art skronk of drums, bass and crap keyboards featuring out of tune vocals regurgitating about someone being an over-educated bastard. Perfect, really. A must for fans of primitive shit music.

85. What To Wear - Casual But Smart EP (Basic and Typical Records UK 1980 (?)) Inspired stumble as an attempt to play dub, The Homosexuals can do it ? These guys can't. I don't know if this given failure brought about something new, but this record is a very listenable stab at atmosphere by a DIY band with limited budget and equipment. The flip also contains a couple of amazing speed-pop DIY-rambles. [ Messthetics #104]

86. Contact -Future (Object Music UK 1979) An avantfied klutz by a band who probably wanted to be Tubeway Army one thinks as one gazes upon the sleeve. They move from sloppy pro-rock attempts to full-on art-noise to excellent DIY jingle and jangle. One of many excellent items on the Object label. [ Messthetics #106 and Messthetics #7]

87. Good Missionaries -Deranged in Hastings (Unnormality Records UK 1979) A great stop/start hiccup with the patented GM/ATV tinny guitars and peripheral production. What makes this stand out is that barely concealed aggression, like a slow fuse or something.

88. The Potent Human EP (L'Aventure Records UK 1980) I maintain, and not only because of my middle class lifestyle, that the Bathroom Renovations is the greatest band name in the history of rock. This EP is a four out of four winner. Brilliant DIY fumble from The Mekon (no relation), The Liggers , The Spurtz and the ultra-wah-wah power of the Bathroom Renovations. Let me type that again: Bathroom Renovations. [Liggers: Messthetics #106]

89. Disco Zombies -Here Comes the Buts (Dining Out Records UK 1980) This is my favorite of their three spectacular singles. Thw thuick brogue of an accent blends in a most interesting way with the crappy guitar and dull throb of the melody line or the voluptous Steve Severin-style bass line.

90. Record Players -Double C Side EP (Wreckord Records UK 1978) The Record Players came from Kent, which mustered a bit of a mod scene a couple years later, but otherwise wasn't much of a factor in the punk (or DIY) world. Here they've mustered up an anti-MOR rant with a chorus that comes off kind of, eh, MOR-sounding. Imagine the classic DIY trashing, bashing and gnashing, but with one big ol' chorus, and the most obvious bridge you'll ever hear. "Ignore Us" on the flip is self-defeatist art that'll piss all over any Magnetic Fields as far as smug self-hatred goes. "It's just one thing you gotta do if you want to move along, ignore the music and ignore this song ? Ignore us and we might go away". How about that. [Messthetics #1]

91. Boys and Girls Come Out and Play EP (Boys and Girls Records UK 1980) Might be a grade school project this one, and not an art school project. Bands like the Human Cabbages, The Profile and The Famous Five are very young sounding. The fragile beauty of these tunes remind me of the UK Voice of the People anthologies of field recordings of folk songs. The purity, private nature of the songs and homemade-ness makes for a truly intimate, moving listening experience. The people on this record should be proud of this slice of juvenalia 20-odd years later.[Profile -Messthetics #103 -also a Human Cabbages song]

92. False Idols -Ego Wino (Old Knew Wave Records UK 1980) Paul Morotta's unknown English nephews. This could be a Poli Styrene Jass Band outtake. Great, spazzy DIY with jazzy chording and great, supressed aggression.

93. Bandage -Republik (Bandage Records Sweden 1978) Seems as if the average age of the band members is 16 or so, and that the mere existence of this record points to the purest and most blissfully unaware state of do it yourself: Some kids in a suburb of Stockholm getting turned on by punk rock and the notion of releasing their own record. The four songs are all fuzzed out riff rock, not unlike say, the Crucified EP, but the poor quality of recording, sound separation, levels and what have you is why the record is mentioned on this list. Not that any of that was done on purpose, mind you, for any DIY-ethic of sorts. Necessity and gratification and all that good stuff.

94. 49 Americans -Big Value (NB Records UK 1979) Another hidden Fuck Off Records release? The 49 Americans certainly moved in the same circles, and furthermore share plenty of aesthetic choices with Danny and the Dressmakers or the Instant Automatons. This record consists of 14 short blasts of fuzz punk meets art wank and is absolutely brilliant.

95. Gods Gift -925 (New Market Records UK 1979) Three tuneless tunes of the finest in fuzzed-out death-dirge DIY-slop. Kilslug jamming with the Door and the Window.[Messthetics #106]

96. Mud Hutters -Declaration EP (Defensive Records UK 1979) Mud Hutters ? Information EP (Dead Good Records UK 1979) Truly original band this. Somewhere in a Heartwork Records/Rock In Opposition neighborhood, but with a real Safe As Milk-crunch. There are psych elements on both these records, moments of blistering punk rock, and a generous infusion of the Desperate Bicycles (or Thought Criminals) ethics and esthetics. Fantastic records, and mandatory listening for any fan of the underground music of the late 70's era. Unfortunately, their subsequent album isn't great. By that time the band got Gang of Four damage.[ Messthetics #106: a track from their first EP is on Messthetics Greatest Hits]

97. Horrible Nurds -Consuming Passion (Half Wombat Records UK 1980) Oddly enough, this record sounds a hell of a lot like early Problem (Sweden) on the a-side, with the b-side being Tim Rose backed by ATV in a fantastic art-rock/DIY howler In that lost art form kind of way.

98. Reptile Ranch -Animal Noises EP (Z Block Records UK 1980) Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 (one of the most under-rated bands of the last 15 years says I and ponder an upcoming UT article) are here channeled way before they even were formed by some UK art school kids. Fantastic Beefheart-y R.I.O-hybrid DIY. Passionate, crude and obnoxious, sending this record to the top shelf of any record room! [Messthetics Greatest Hits]

99. Freiwillige Selbstkontrolle - EP (Zick Zack Records Germany 1980) Ace generic DIY/punk that could've been at home on an early Rough Trade 45.

100. The Rutto - Ei Paluuta (Ikbals Records Finland 1983) Figured I'd seal the circle with this one: A record as stupendous as "Medium Was Tedium" and as prominently throwing all the weight of the DIY-aesthetic on us, the listeners. The Rutto seem to be your 1983 run-of-the-mill small town punk rockers, and this 45 is generic, frantic buzzsaw guitar 2-chord punk. The magic with this one, however, is that in between the choca-blocks of teen nihilism is a noticeable sense of wonder and joi de vivre oozing thru' the grooves, or maybe I am just getting old and sentimental. Thanks for reading.

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novelwritingtrash · 4 years

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When Harry Styles played the O2 Arena in 2018, his fans illuminated the cavernous venue in the colours of the LGBTQ Pride flag. Coordinated by a social media account called The Rainbow Project, each seating block was allocated a different colour, so that when Styles played the song Sweet Creature, an enormous rainbow emerged from the crowd. I was there, and it was pretty magical. But it was also emblematic of how Styles’s fanbase views their idol: as a queer icon.

There’s arguably never been a better time to be an LGBTQ pop star. Acts such as Sam Smith, who came out as non-binary earlier this year, Lil Nas X, the first gay man to have a certified diamond song in America, Halsey, queer boyband Brockhampton, pansexual singer Miley Cyrus and Kim Petras, who is transgender, have all enjoyed an incredible year, bagging the biggest hits of 2019.

Still, when Styles shared Lights Up, the lead single from his forthcoming second solo album Fine Line, there was a collective intake of breath. The song and video - in which he appears shirtless in what looks like a sweaty orgy as both men and women grab at him - was heralded as a “bisexual anthem” by the media and fans on Twitter, despite not really making any explicit or obvious statements about sexuality or the LGBTQ community. Instead, Lights Up was just another example of the queer mythologising that occurs around Harry Styles.

As a member of One Direction, Styles was – aside from Zayn Malik – the group’s most charismatic and enticing member. From his first audition on The X Factor to the band’s disbandment in 2015, the teenager from Cheshire managed to elevate himself and his celebrity swiftly rose to the A list. Helping him along was speculation about his private life: during his tenure in the band he was romantically linked to everyone from Taylor Swift to Kendall Jenner.

But there were two other rumoured relationships that dogged Styles more than the others. The first was his close friendship with radio DJ Nick Grimshaw. Styles and Grimshaw were often photographed together, and there were anodyne showbiz reports about how they even shared a wardrobe.

Inevitably, rumours suggested they were romantically linked. In fact, so prolific was speculation that during an interview with British GQ, Styles was asked point blank if he was in a relationship with Grimshaw (he denied any romantic relationship) and, in a move that upset many One Direction fans, if he was bisexual. “Bisexual? Me?” he responded. “I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I'm not.”

The second, and perhaps most complicated of rumours, was that he and fellow bandmate Louis Tomlinson were in a relationship. Larry Stylinson, as their shipname is known, began life as fan-fiction but mutated into a wild conspiracy theory as certain fans – dubbed Larries – documented glances, gestures, touches, interviews, performances and outfits in an attempt to confirm the romance. Even now, four years after the band went on “hiatus”, videos are still being posted on YouTube in an attempt to confirm that their relationship was real.

For Tomlinson, Larry was fandom gone too far. He has repeatedly rejected the conspiracy. Styles, meanwhile, has never publicly discussed it. In fact, unlike Tomlinson, whose post-1D career trajectory has seen him adopt a loutish form of masculinity indebted to the Gallagher brothers, Styles has largely leant into the speculation surrounding his sexuality. Aside from the GQ interview, Styles has told interviewers that gender is not that important to him when it comes to dating. In 2017 he said that he had never felt the need to label his sexuality, adding: “I don’t feel like it’s something I’ve ever felt like I have to explain about myself.”

Likewise, during his time touring with One Direction, and during his own solo tours, the image of Styles draped with a rainbow flag became ubiquitous. He has also donated money from merchandise sales to LGBTQ charities. His fashion sense, too, subverts gender norms: Styles has long sported womenswear, floral prints, dangly earrings and painted nails.

Nevertheless, Styles’s hesitance to be candid has met with criticism. He has been accused of queer-baiting - or enjoying the benefits of appealing to an LGBTQ fanbase without having any of the difficulties. I’ve written before about how queer artists, who now enjoy greater visibility and are finding mainstream success, have struggled commercially owing to their sexuality or gender identity.

Styles, who is assumed to be a cisgender, heterosexual male, doesn’t carry any of the commercial risk laden upon Troye Sivan, Years and Years or MNEK, who all use same-gender pronouns in their music and are explicitly gay in their videos. His music – with its nods to rock’n’roll, Americana and folk – doesn’t feel very queer, either. Looking at it this way, the queer idolisation of Harry Styles doesn’t feel deserved.

“The thing with Harry Styles is that he often does the bare minimum and gets an out-sized load of credit for it,” says songwriter and record label manager Grace Medford. For Medford, who has worked at Syco and is now part of the team at Xenomania records, Styles’s queer narrative has been projected on him by the media and his fans. “I don't think that he queer-baits, but I don't think he does anywhere near enough to get the response that he does.”

Of course, Styles does not need to explain or be specific about his sexuality. As Medford puts it: “he's well within his rights to live his life how he chooses.” However, he has also created a space for himself in pop that allows him that ambiguity.

It’s a privilege few pop stars have. Last year, Rita Ora was hit with criticism after her song Girls, a collaboration with Charli XCX, Cardi B and Bebe Rexha, was dubbed problematic and accused of performative bisexuality. Even though Ora explicitly sang the lyric “I'm 50-50 and I'm never gonna hide it”, she was lambasted by social media critics, media commentary and even her fellow artists until she was forced to publicly confirm her bisexuality.

But the same was not done to Styles when he performed unreleased song “Medicine” during his world tour. The lyrics have never been confirmed, but the song is said to contain the line: “The boys and the girls are in/ I mess around with him/ And I'm okay with it.” Instead of probing him for clarity or accusing him of performativity, the song was labelled a “bisexual anthem” and praised as “a breakthrough for bisexual music fans”.

Of course, there’s misogyny inherent to such reactions. But there’s also something more layered and complex at play, too. “There's such a dearth of queer people to look up to, especially people at Harry’s level,” posits Medford. “With somebody who is seen as cool and credible and attractive as Harry, part of it is wishful thinking, I think.

“The fact is, he was put together into a boyband on a television show by a Pussycat Doll. And he has rebranded as Mick Jagger’s spiritual successor and sings with Stevie Nicks; he's really done the work there. Part of him doing that work is him stepping back and letting other people create a story for him.”

One only has to look at how Styles’ celebrity manifests itself (cool, fashionable, artistic) in comparison to that of his former bandmates. Liam Payne (this week dubbed by the tabloids as a chart failure) has been a tabloid fixture since his public relationship with Cheryl Cole and relies on countless interviews, photoshoots and even an advertising campaign for Hugo Boss to maintain his fame.

Styles, meanwhile, doesn’t really engage with social media. He also rarely appears in public and carefully chooses what kind of press he does, actively limiting the number of interviews he gives. Styles’s reticence to engage with the media and general public – perhaps a form of self-preservation – has awarded him a rare mystique that few people in the public eye possess.

This enigmatic personal, along with his sexual ambiguity, his support of LGBTQ charities and his gender-fluid approach to fashion, creates the perfect incubation for queer fandom. It also provides a shield against serious accusations of queer-baiting. As Medford argues: “Harry's queer mythology has been presented to and bestowed upon him by queer people whereas other acts feel like they have to actively seek that out.”

Ultimately, the way that Styles navigates his queer fandom doesn’t feel calculated or contrived. For Eli, an 18-year-old from Orlando who grew up with One Direction, seeing Styles “grow into himself” has been important. He suggests that Styles’ queer accessibility has helped to create a safe space for fans. “Watching him on tour dance on stage every night in his frilly outfits, singing about liking boys and girls, waving around pride flags, and even helping a fan come out to her mom, really helped me come to terms with my own sexuality,” he explains.

Vicky, who is 25 and from London, agrees: “To be able to attend his show with my pansexual flag and wave it around and feel so much love and respect - it's an amazing feeling. I'm aware so many queer people can't experience it so I'm very grateful Harry creates these safe spaces through his music and concerts.”

There’s appeal in Styles’s ambiguity, too. Summer Shaud, from Boston, says that Styles’ “giving no f----” approach to sexuality and gender is “inspiring and affirming” for those people who are coming to terms with their own identities or those who live in the middle of sexuality or gender spectrums. “There’s enormous pressure from certain gatekeeping voices within the queer community to perform queerness in an approved, unambiguous way, often coming from people with no substantive understanding of bisexuality or genderfluidity who are still looking to put everyone into a box,” she argues. “Harry’s gender presentation, queer-coding, and refusal to label himself are a defiant rebuke of that “You’re Not Doing It Right” attitude, and that resonates so strongly with queers who aren’t exclusively homosexual or exclusively binary.”

Shaud says that the queer community that has congregated around Styles is another reason she’s so drawn to him. “Seeing how his last tour was such an incredible site of affirmation and belonging for queers is deeply moving to me, and as older queer [Shaud is 41] I’m so grateful that all the young people growing up together with Harry have someone like him to provide that.”

In fact, she argues that there’s a symbiotic relationship between Styles and his queer fans. She cites an interview he gave to Rolling Stone this year in which he said how transformative the tour was for him. “For me the tour was the biggest thing in terms of being more accepting of myself, I think,” Styles shared. “I kept thinking, 'Oh wow, they really want me to be myself. And be out and do it.’”

All of the queer Harry Styles fans I spoke to agreed that it really didn’t matter whether their idol was explicit about his sexuality or not. “It’s weird that people scrutinise people who don’t label [their sexuality] when they have no idea what that person feels like inside or, in Harry’s case, what it’s like to be under the public eye,” argues Valerie, who is 18. “It's an individual choice, not ours,” agrees Vicky.

Ollie, 22 and from Brighton, takes a more rounded view, however: “On one hand, I think that quite simply it isn’t any of anyone else’s business. On the other, if you place yourself in the public eye to the level of fame that he has then you should be prepared to be probed about every minute detail of your personal life, whether you like it or not – you should at least be prepared to be questioned about it.” Still, he says that the good that Styles does is what’s important: “He brings fantastic support and attention to the community, whether he is actively a part of it or not.”

Arguably, the ambiguity and mystery that surrounds Styles only allows more space for queer people to find safety in him and in the fandom.

Still, if fans are expecting a queer coming of age with new album Fine Line, they will be disappointed. Lyrically, he doesn’t venture into new territory, although there are some new musical flares. He also seems like he’s started to distance himself a little from the ambiguity, too. “I’m aware that as a white male, I don’t go through the same things as a lot of the people that come to the shows,” he told Rolling Stone. “I can’t claim that I know what it’s like, because I don’t. So I’m not trying to say, ‘I understand what it’s like.’ I’m just trying to make people feel included and seen.” Having said that, within weeks Styles appeared on Saturday Night Live playing a gay social media manager, using queer slang and even wearing an S&M harness.

And so the cycle of queer mythologising continues, and is likely to continue for the rest of Styles’s career. And maybe things will change and maybe they won’t.

“If you are black, if you are white, if you are gay, if you are straight, if you are transgender — whoever you are, whoever you want to be, I support you,” he said earlier this year. “I love every single one of you.” In a world where LGBTQ rights are threatened and there’s socio-political insecurity, perhaps, for now at least, that’s enough.

#is it enough?#that the privileged cis white man gets to cosplay the gay saviour?

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accidentalharrie · 4 years

Note

maybe you or one of you followers has access to the telegraph article about Harry "Why does the world want Harry Styles to be gay" I don't know what to think about this headline and I really want to read it but its online only for subscribers

Here you go, Nons. (I hesitate to post this but…)

“The thing with Harry Styles is that he often does the bare minimum and gets an out-sized load of credit for it,” says songwriter and record label manager Grace Medford. For Medford, who has worked at Syco and is now part of the team at Xenomania records, Styles’s queer narrative has been projected on him by the media and his fans. “I don’t think that he queer-baits, but I don’t think he does anywhere near enough to get the response that he does.”

Of course, Styles does not need to explain or be specific about his sexuality. As Medford puts it: “he’s well within his rights to live his life how he chooses.” However, he has also created a space for himself in pop that allows him that ambiguity.

It’s a privilege few pop stars have. Last year, Rita Ora was hit with criticism after her song Girls, a collaboration with Charli XCX, Cardi B and Bebe Rexha, was dubbed problematic and accused of performative bisexuality. Even though Ora explicitly sang the lyric “I’m 50-50 and I’m never gonna hide it”, she was lambasted by social media critics, media commentary and even her fellow artists until she was forced to publicly confirm her bisexuality.

But the same was not done to Styles when he performed unreleased song “Medicine” during his world tour. The lyrics have never been confirmed, but the song is said to contain the line: “The boys and the girls are in/ I mess around with him/ And I’m okay with it.” Instead of probing him for clarity or accusing him of performativity, the song was labelled a “bisexual anthem” and praised as “a breakthrough for bisexual music fans”.

Of course, there’s misogyny inherent to such reactions. But there’s also something more layered and complex at play, too. “There’s such a dearth of queer people to look up to, especially people at Harry’s level,” posits Medford. “With somebody who is seen as cool and credible and attractive as Harry, part of it is wishful thinking, I think.

“The fact is, he was put together into a boyband on a television show by a Pussycat Doll. And he has rebranded as Mick Jagger’s spiritual successor and sings with Stevie Nicks; he’s really done the work there. Part of him doing that work is him stepping back and letting other people create a story for him.”

This enigmatic personal, along with his sexual ambiguity, his support of LGBTQ charities and his gender-fluid approach to fashion, creates the perfect incubation for queer fandom. It also provides a shield against serious accusations of queer-baiting. As Medford argues: “Harry’s queer mythology has been presented to and bestowed upon him by queer people whereas other acts feel like they have to actively seek that out.”

Vicky, who is 25 and from London, agrees: “To be able to attend his show with my pansexual flag and wave it around and feel so much love and respect - it’s an amazing feeling. I’m aware so many queer people can’t experience it so I’m very grateful Harry creates these safe spaces through his music and concerts.”

There’s appeal in Styles’s ambiguity, too. Summer Shaud, from Boston, says that Styles’ “giving no f—-” approach to sexuality and gender is “inspiring and affirming” for those people who are coming to terms with their own identities or those who live in the middle of sexuality or gender spectrums. “There’s enormous pressure from certain gatekeeping voices within the queer community to perform queerness in an approved, unambiguous way, often coming from people with no substantive understanding of bisexuality or genderfluidity who are still looking to put everyone into a box,” she argues. “Harry’s gender presentation, queer-coding, and refusal to label himself are a defiant rebuke of that “You’re Not Doing It Right” attitude, and that resonates so strongly with queers who aren’t exclusively homosexual or exclusively binary.”

In fact, she argues that there’s a symbiotic relationship between Styles and his queer fans. She cites an interview he gave to Rolling Stone this year in which he said how transformative the tour was for him. “For me the tour was the biggest thing in terms of being more accepting of myself, I think,” Styles shared. “I kept thinking, ‘Oh wow, they really want me to be myself. And be out and do it.’”

All of the queer Harry Styles fans I spoke to agreed that it really didn’t matter whether their idol was explicit about his sexuality or not. “It’s weird that people scrutinise people who don’t label [their sexuality] when they have no idea what that person feels like inside or, in Harry’s case, what it’s like to be under the public eye,” argues Valerie, who is 18. “It’s an individual choice, not ours,” agrees Vicky.

Arguably, the ambiguity and mystery that surrounds Styles only allows more space for queer people to find safety in him and in the fandom.

And so the cycle of queer mythologising continues, and is likely to continue for the rest of Styles’s career. And maybe things will change and maybe they won’t.

#I hope it goes without saying that I disagree with a LOT in this article #telegraph #not sure how else to tag this #asks #Anonymous

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harrietvane · 5 years

Note

do you mind talking about why you dislike Love Actually and Richard Curtis's romcoms? I've seen you mention it in some of your tags and I'd love to hear your thoughts :)

Long post, so scroll now, ye who care not.

OK, so like better voices than mine have articulated Why Love Actually Sucks Balls, but you were kind enough to ask for my view, so strap in I’m gonna talk about Jane Eyre, and the 1990’s Fran Drescher sitcom The Nanny also. It’s coming up on western civilisations’ holiday season, so why not, it’s a good time to tell this movie to choke, because it’s about to be repeatedly thrust upon us once again. (Disclaimer: I acknowledge Richard Curtis is responsible for Blackadder and Vicar of Dibley, so whatever else, we’re still cool on that basis. But I have spite and to spare, so there’s plenty to go around).

My main beef is actually the context. Technically, if all of the below bullshit was in an offbeat movie from any other movie market (I’m thinking maybe a French, or Spanish movie from the 90′s boom, Almodovar style?), the focus would probably be a black humour take on ‘Lord What Fools These Mortals Be!’, sort of look at the inherent ridiculousness of mankind, and how we get in our own way, blah blah, might have been cute. I’d buy that. This movie? A british movie for the american market? It’s sold with a big holiday sticker on it saying ‘ROMANCE’, and specifically ‘ADORABLE ASPIRATIONAL ROMANCE THAT YOU SHOULD ADORE AND ASPIRE TO’. Also the context *inside* the movie itself (through a narration voiceover no less) is that all of these narratives is somehow proof that ‘Love, Actually is all around’, and specifically in a good, wholesome, happy way, overall at least. These stories are redeeming, even if they’re not all happy, they’re Good™ or whatever. The context outside the movie is the same: british TV advertising, hard copy packaging, holiday specials, outdoor gala screenings: they all say over and over: THIS IS SQUISHY HOT PINK NEON LOVE, wholesome, healing, and healthy. You should want this, aspire to this, think this is the cat’s pyjamas! It’s a wide and varied look at the beautiful power of love from all angles, comic, tragic, the lot.

Is it fuck. The ‘positive’ romance stories range from Stage-5 Creeper to Crotch Puppet Afterthought, the ‘melancholy’, thwarted romance stories seem to say ‘if you’re a woman who’s not readily/immediately bangable to your allocated straight dude, romance is over for you I’m afraid’. Let’s recap, shall we:

Much has already been said about Andrew Lincoln’s character BLANTANTLY SHARKING ON HIS BEST MATE’S WIFE being uhhh, less than fresh. I don’t even feel like I need to justify this one, it’s so over-the-top. The main point is that movie itself maintains this as a tragic, swoony, thwarted, heart-string-tugging missed connection, rather than The Worst Friend Ever (meaning: it assumes we’ll be 100% onboard with Keira Knightley skipping secretly away from Chiwetel Eijiofor to grant his best mate one treasured kiss, as opposed to saying ‘what the FUCK Mark, why are you telling me this, this is super inappropriate?? and my only wedding video is just you zooming in on my face? Pls get help’.

We all love National Treasure Colin Firth and all, but like is Love, Actually fixating on a woman who literally can’t speak to you? Has said nothing understandable to you? About whose own life you’ve never yet, and could never have asked about? Whose main interactions with you have been to wordlessly clean your room, bring you food, and tidy it away after? Your ideal woman, who you meet immediately following a break up, is one who silently meets all your domestic needs, while making zero emotional or intellectual demands on you whatsoever? WOW, SHOCKER. (Oh but it’s cute or whatever, they have him propose, and there’s a mix up when her sister appears, but she’s Ugly™, so it’s funny that the sister is not getting romance. I mean, how could she, an uggo?? Classic joke. Good times.)

The Prime Minster and his tea lady: more on Curtis’ Domestic Servitude Kink below, whoo boy.

Laura Linney would really really like to sleep with Rodrigo Santoro, and god bless her who wouldn’t, but she is tragically unable to, because she has family commitments as being the sister – not even fulltime carer, just RELATED TO - a brother living with disability. Sorry folks, romance is OFF THE CARDS, FOREVER for Laura here. How can she??? That’s the nature of love, actually. Can you have sex right now this moment? No? Whelp, sorry, thanks for playing, back to the Tragic Assisted Living facility for you. Gosh it’s unfortunate that’s a truth universally acknowledged that any whiff of disability = no romance for you ever. (Don’t start me on 4 Weddings* [edit: *it’s totally Notting Hill, not 4 Weddings, thank] and how that husband is like The Best because he continues to love his wife even though her legs don’t work. What a champ, honestly, do they have an award for that?) I have to stop now before I get sarcasm poisoning, but my eyes will continue to roll.

How could I say anything bad about the Liam Neeson widower and his adorable lovestruck son storyine? Lol, I’m gonna. Have you seen the Buffy episode The Zeppo? Xander is convinced the only way girls (as a concept, not in the specific) will like him enough to sleep with him is if he has A Thing. The Thing is posited as ‘being cool’ by having an object or skill that alone will be the magic bullet to romance. Musical instrument prowess is considered, and he ends up just getting a car to be his Thing. This just seems like a redux of that logic. This kid could get some genuine direction from the movie to get to know this girl, learn her interests and share his, see if she likes him as a person by being A PERSON, but the narrative just backs away from that and eventually DOES just say ‘play the drums in the show, she’ll like you’ and that’s …it. But it’s cool, teenagers don’t learn key interpersonal dynamics at this age or anything, she kisses him for some reason, whatever. (Bonus points for gifting his dad with a literal supermodel as a punchline, after making that an actual joke earlier about the shallow nature of attraction, and love is about filling a one-sided need.)

I could go on, but I have very little to say about Freeman falling for a girl whose tits he’s been holding for a week, the no-homo pop star Nighy plot, or the guy that goes and has sex in Wisconsin with Bond Girls, and can’t be bothered, which leads me to…

Richard Curtis’ Domestic Servitude Kink. Must I kinkshame Richard Curtis in his own home?? Nope, I’m kinkshaming him AT WORK in his narratives, surrounded by his nubile, pliant, adorable female employee characters. Oh Mr Curtis, I seem to have dropped a pencil!

OK, so like a M/F Domestic Servitude romance is an extremely old trope, and extremely common, and I’m not here to tear that up, because done well it’s amazing, lot of petrol in that King Cophetua narrative tank. I’m a fan. The most famous in-context historical example being Jane Eyre, for instance: he’s her boss, she’s his paid subordinate, they’re both 100% aware of that. It’s a great way to explore the real-life class and power dynamics of these 2 train wrecks of human beings, and they vomit their ridiculous drama llama feelings all over a 600 page novel. Super fun, they’re both awful humans, I love them. Mid-century you might have The Sound of Music, and in more modern times you get 1990s sitcom The Nanny, both extremely well-developed romances involving paid employees, and part of their value is that the shows KNOW THIS. They’re aware it’s the basis for their dynamic, that they have to directly play with that, and develop beyond to go anywhere. Watching Fran Fine in her runway-fresh Moschino minidresses jump on Maxwell Sheffield’s desk for the 800th time making him super uncomfortable (and not a little turned on) is always such a treat. It’s right out there on the label. The problem with Love, Actually, is Curtis doesn’t want to admit that naughty secretary seems to be a cornerstone of what gets him going, romantic-stylez.

One (1) time in the movie would be ‘sure, why not’. Literally the highest political office in the land, making overtures to the woman who brings him tea, i guess might be a bit off, but let’s say it’s done well, and maybe Hugh Grant and Martine McCutcheon’s charisma gets us over the line (his behaviour is cute because her last man didn’t like her body, but the prime minister DOES like her body! so it’s cute!). Whatever, seen worse. Two (2) times however is making a point, and Colin Firth is driving his silent portuguese maid home - not a french maid but so close! - and deciding he’d like her to bring him tea and clean his toilet for as long as they both shall live, and that also seems to be her greatest joy. Ah, l’amour. OK, I guess you like the thing, everyone has a thing, but at least you’re done now. Wait, you mean there’s a third (3rd) one? Everyone’s Fave Alan Rickman drives the plot of his own marriage’s tragic romance because he’s having stiffening feelings about his own Naughty Secretary halloween costume, after all. All the beautiful speeches about Joni Mitchell give Thompson some nice things to do, but it still assumes the Nature of Romance is to want to plough the help. A man can’t help it! It’s how romantic attraction works! Once would be whatever. Three times and there’s a tag on Ao3 for that, so please just scratch that itch and stop selling it to me in a heartwarming christmas movie as the Universal Nature Of Romance, so varied, so vast, the full spectrum! Just 2 hours to tell a story: but 3 whole narratives and 7 actors devoted to the variants on the naughty maid story. My point is be upfront about it and I’d be all for it - pretend it’s not A Thing You’re Doing and my creep-meter goes ping. Steven Shainberg’s ‘Secretary’ has a scene where the boss literally puts a saddle on his employee, and I find it to be one of the most genuinely moving romances I’ve ever seen. Love Actually makes me feel like Curtis is sending me a ‘u up?’ late night text about his secretary fantasy.

Anyway, I fucking hate this film, and not necessarily because of the content, but because of the context. The movie tells me to love it as aspirational romance. My culture tells me to love it as aspirational romance. Everyone tells me to love it as a varied and full exploration of reasons to get up in the morning, because it’s an aspirational romance. It makes me want to claw my own face off.

#replies #long post #ishipallthings #that kid in the octopus costume can't save it #look no judgement if you like it - whatever floats your stoat - but it's uhhhhh not for me

401 notes · View notes

fortheheavenssake · 5 years

Text

PG MM Anon Interpretation Collection- 10

65: Sept. 20

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG INTERPRETATION OF MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON HAVE AN AWESOME WEEKEND 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

MM Anon

MM ANON … it’s a bird’ it’s a private plane ‘ it’s an Archificial!!!!!…… Canada why?…… three weddings and a numeral …… an unnecessary company …… not buying the lying ……” Rome , Bloody Rome!!”…………” one makes ones bed Philip”…… tabloids ‘ mud sticks, it’s official!!…… hated ‘ not rated …… This spotty leopard is def!! …… “ To boldly go……… “

it’s a bird’ it’s a private plane ‘ it’s an Archificial!!!!!

It’s Superman!!! Was the original third part. The ever elusive doll baby with magic powers to change size, hair colour, eyes, eyelashes etc etc all while wearing a Christening gown🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 Again MM ANON are you confirming this? Private planes have been used because as we all know, there is no baby in her care, it’s always been a doll, and/or actors getting on/off private planes and or going to their local. For some reason EJ and ED are lying! Allegedly.

Canada why?

Canada Dry🤣🤣🤣😂😂MM ANON are you teasing me because l didn’t know that rare song🤣🤣😂😂? Seriously, l wonder if this is about Cameron Ortis and enquiring why Canada’s issue occurred and who was given what information.

three weddings and a numeral

Movie Three Weddings and a Funeral. Interestingly the write Richard Curtis is working with Catherine DOC , a new mental health initiative. It was in the paper the other day, if l recall there was a suicide he experienced, sibling? I cannot recall exactly. So Three weddings and a numeral. Let’s review what a numeral is, its a figure, symbol, or group of these denoting a number. MM ANON are you affirming something for us? Oh pretty please!!

Madam alleged annulled 1st marriage, divorced second and PH was the golden door number three, let’s make a deal, who remembers that game show? Does numeral represent a part of the law which denotes annulment and was it done legally? We know the divorce was legal because TE has remarried or is engaged. Oh my stars, are we getting affirmation?l have said awhile now why did PH hold the book when he was ‘signing’ the register after the wedding ceremony, he held the book so the camera couldn’t see it. Oh this clue has me buzzing! I know it’s can’t be III. Roman numeral three for three weddings they have attended as a married couple, the horrible blue and white dress, Princess Eugenie and Jack B and now MN?

an unnecessary company

Is this the Sussex Foundation? They could have worked as a team with the Cambridges but her jealousy and craving of $$$$$££££££££€€€€€ far supersedes any philanthropic or truly real humanitarianism.

not buying the lying

No one is believing anything she says or does except sugars and celebrities who share management or SS PR.

” Rome , Bloody Rome!!”

Again PP, disgust continues to rile his anger. Raging at yet another trip, how many flights is this now in six weeks or so? If they are all true it must be close to ten. He is a strong man, served his country for decade upon decade, to see this madam, l cannot imagine his blood pressure!

” one makes ones bed Philip”

HMTQ and PP , or maybe LG, the phrase you made your bed, now lie on it. This means your life choices have consequences and you have to deal with them The speaking if first person here, in a manner, leads me to believe this is HMTQ talking to her husband and the incredible burden of a booty call turning into this horrendous mess and PH playing his role, in his due to HMTQ, his grandmother is him having to deal with his poor choice. We still love and pray for him, as do his family. It must be desperately hard to watch him , but it will all be worth it, once justice is served, and make no mistake, it may not be tomorrow or next week, it will come! My word for madam, she will not understand this but Ask not for whom the bell tolls, for it tolls for the.

tabloids ‘ mud sticks, it’s official!!

Monster Meghan nanny tells all, TMZ shows fake photos of pub visit days and days after it allegedly happened, the pub owners denied they were there, the meta data on the photo said it was taken September 17,2019. More and more in the tabloids both paper and online tabloids, the truth is coming out and people are believing it more and more thus the term the mud sticks. MM ANON, the other riddle you used ‘ stick and stones’may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. I added the rest, after the part she mentioned. So in this case, the ‘names’ which in fact is truth are most definitely hurting her already bad reputation. Way to go SS!! You’re really earning your $$$$£££££€€€€! NOT !😂😂😂😂🤣

hated ‘ not rated

If one goes by social media et al, she doesn’t rate as a royal, but oh my the level of absolute disgust, anger, has built into hatred. Rightfully so, she blew in, rather flew in on her 🧹, paid backers. Manipulated a marriage, a ‘fauxmegnancy’, wastage of money on an epic scale, disrespecting the British and Commonwealth every step of the way. Trying to Americanize the Royal family and the biggest of all is the complete vile disrespect to HMTQ. To me, all the misdeeds, ? maybe illegal, those are all left for LG to manage. The thing of HMTQ at this stage of her Reign and her life, to be so utterly disrespected, repeatedly is utter gall. Yet another major reason she is hated so much by so many!

This spotty leopard is def!!

Def Leopard…awesome band and takes me back to hockey games music and after parties. She is def, not physically def,but tone def in an abstract meaning. She doesn’t accept any opinion except her own. Any questions she immediately cries troll, racist, hater, a plethora of descriptors. I still cannot believe all the time twitter was going last night either in Italy or as leaving to go there. Who cares if l or others misread the riddle. I am not embarrassed to acknowledge l misread something! Hey this is for fun, if it angers or irritates someone, perhaps reset this or take a break. In saying that, l work very hard in processing what the options are that a clue may mean and then writing it, in a manner that is as clear and concise as l can do.

“ To boldly go……… “.

To boldly go where no man, since changed to no one , has gone before, from the opening of Star Trek episodes. So madam has boldly gone to Rome sans archficial, and the Africa trip is pending shortly. Wonder why the journalists flight to Capetown has been cancelled?? She sees herself as the worlds answer to anything and l am sure she will display her narcissistic brilliantly while there. Oh this is going to be fun to watch!

As an aside, the HMS PRINCE OF WALES was taken out of drydock in Forsyth, Scotland. Some interiors are still being constructed. This is a massive beast of a sea faring ship. Check it out!

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Wow! How do you do this dear PG! You take so little and turn out a masterpiece! So impressive, thank you so much! As always, greatly appreciated! Thank you!😃💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

Sep 20th, 2019

————————

66: sept. 21

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

MM Anon

skippyv20

MM ANON …The wedding r/deception … the bigger picture …… easy does it! but do it…… weasel words …… not an option …… a collection of miss-fits…… heads or tails?……… home alone 7…… A sensible emptiness …… “don’t forget to wind the clock”……… no public appearances …… a good WHO-done

The wedding r/deception

So, this variety of people gather for big wedding number two in less than five years for the same bride,,different groom. It looked like a political conference with the level of security and who was there. Why did they attend, as far as l know the paper said they weren’t part of the evening prepared, l didn’t see them there in the photos from that evening. They were at the wedding, why? If you’re all close friends why not go to the fun bit and socialize, have a few drinks and a dance. I’ll tell you why BECAUSE THEYRE NOT A COUPLE THATS TOGETHER, it’s a charade. There must have been some reason they went, especially l enjoyed the cheeky photo of Harry where he SOUGHT out the camera and grinned. That told this girl all l need to know. Something was up, and we may never know what the agenda was but something was up!

the bigger picture

When one says look at the bigger picture here, it means take a step back from your situation, look at pros, cons, what you have invested into the issue and make the best decision that way. Here l think it’s literal, look at the whole picture, who was at that we’d and why. I have no answers but l think that’s one option.

I also think this is PH, going to the wedding was one small part of his time with mm, MM ANON is telling us don’t yippity yap about who was wrong or right about them going to the wedding or not. I admit it freely, l completely misread the clue about the wedding. Am l still lived?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂💜💜💜💜💜 l hope so😊. Seriously now, look at the big picture who set him up, what’s happened since then and so forth. I feel we need to continue to brain storm and put forth opinions here, this is fascinating and sometimes what we have talked about is in the paper the next day and l think wow! So let’s keep our eye on the prize and on the bigger picture!

easy does it! but do it

Slow progress in extraction from this sordid tale. Many many things have changed and been revealed l he is back to being called PH in the media no more DUKE🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂. There is so much negative PR it’s incredible and SS has only made things worse. So easy do it with the extraction but DO IT ! HMTQ and LG have this. The thing l fear presently is that speech she is going to give shortly after landing.

weasel words

Weasel words are words or statements that are intentionally ambiguous or misleading AKA word salad. That’s how she speaks, gobble de gook , just all kind awesome kind, yet kind but also awesomely kind, but kind of awesome, yet kindly kind. You get it, you know it. As l said , my massive fear is that first speech with the domestic murder rate off the charts, she goes in there yammering like that, there is serious damage that she could do. This is no joke, l worry about this. She on the other hand thinks she’s so awesomely kind that her speeches save the world and just her presence there will make things all better especially if she uses a darker bronzer!

not an option

Giving up is not an option. There were years invested into planning this and years have been invested into investigations. This must be allowed to play on as long as it needs to. They cannot afford to not pull out and follow every piece of yarn they unravel, this is too internationally important to just give up now. The general public is angry both at home and the a Commonwealth, its an incredible game being played but we have God , HMTQ and LG and PW and PH on ours! Let’s remember to keep them in prayer 🙏🏻💜🙏🏻.

a collection of miss-fits

Well l could say the stolen name SmartSets was a collection of things that fit a very select few and a bag, that cost more than the clothes that the fit on was terrible. The trousers she woke had a big bit of extra fabric right in the front lower area yikes! I do think, the almost inbred crew that was at that Italian wedding was a bunch of misfits. I am not judging but my reading tells me, her first marriage took place in Venice and was a massive affair, that marriage didn’t last three yearsish. Here we have a massive affair in Rome, l don’t get this flaunting of wealth. I just do not get it. The guest list, why are the Kushners, be it Jared or Josh always at any event? The connections in that guest list that was posted in the paper again reminded me of a genealogical family tree. This all so bizarre. Has she grafted her way into money as well? They keep saying she’s a fashion designer, l keep myself pretty in the know of stuff like that because it interesting to me. Before mm, l had NEVER heard of mn and her stupid white shirt. That’s her big contribution to fashion a white shirt? Okay then…..moving swiftly along…….

heads or tails?

Flip a coin, choose a side, you win or lose the bet.

home alone 7

Home Alone aaaaahhhhh Kevin!!! Love it, the sequels not the same. Is this now, the trio to Italy, the 7th time archficial has left left alone by his ‘parents’. Well yes l sure Nannyficial has things all in hand, in fact maybe they will Nannyficial to take care of Archficial in SA??

A sensible emptiness

Emptiness can mean a human condition is a sense of generalized boredom, social alienation and apathy, which means a

lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

Sensible can be a statement or course of action chosen bearing in mind wisdom and prudence, and is likely to be of benefit. It can also be something that is practical and functional rather than decorative. Well we know mm is not the latter definition of sensible. So sensible emptiness, PH has made a life changing, mane lives actually, decision that night at soho, and here we are today. I truly believe this description of sensible emptiness could apply to him, HMTQ, those who live both, their families and all of us who are loyal to the Crown and love our royals. We know justice has to be brought to bare or is it bear, you know what l mean. So these feelings we talk about with our 💜🐼💜 and we share here are normal. We need to pray for justice seekers and truth seekers in all forms, they are doing Gods work.

“don’t forget to wind the clock”

Old clocks need winding to keep them running. To wind somebody up means to get them excited in a good or bad way. I think this means quite literal don’t forget to take care of yourself, PH, sleep, exercise, eat well, check your emotions with those you love, do what you need to do to stay fit (and oh is he fit,😁) so as the clock needs to be wound to function well, these things are essential to him being able to function well.

no public appearances

Amw will stay MIA, this is stupid ridiculous, but the lie has to continue. There has to be a reason and we must pray for PH , HMTQ and LG. Especially PH, he will have to maintain his composure. How they are going to keep this lie going l don’t know but l read they are taking 12 staff, that is NOT counting RPOS!!

a good WHO-done it.

This clue has a double meaning. It can mean a really good storyline in a book or film or tv really, that doesn’t tell us straight away who the criminal is but lays clues to figure it out….kinda like your riddles MM ANON. WHO is the World Health Organization. I don’t know if anybody noted the article l put on my blog last night or read it in the paper/saw or heard it on the news, this is a run on sentence for the ages, my goodness! There has been a spate of relationship homicide in SA, with 30 women being murdered in the last month alone. There has been a dramatic rise in statistics of violence. The WHO commenting means this is a severe issue needing addressing! With great dread do l await madams first speech shortly after they land, where she will speak on the topic of violence against women. This is a very dangerous decision with a lot of potential blowback!

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Wow! Amazing….so appreciate this dear PG! Things are getting interesting now! Thank you so much!😃💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

———————

67: Sept. 22

💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

I have had a massive increase in my sciatic pain, that’s been building since flu last week, today was brutal. But better now so l thought l would give the riddle a go. Please continue praying for me, l really am in need of it. Lots of love and gratitude 💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻PG🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜

MM Anon

MM ANON … Azurelee Drive…… “ we are interested” … … between 6 and 10……🎼 California scheming 🎼……((wedding gems…… “ SA ‘just a fuc#@g nuisance”…… “£uck the press, we can do anything I want”…… “ I don’t lie, I embellish”))……” is on our watch list “……… “HEADS ‘ I win”…… a draconian solution … “when The devil drives”. 🎼 “over and over and over again my friend”🎼………(🤫🤫🤭💎💎💎💎👩🏽‍💻👷🏿‍♂️👷🏿‍♂️👷🏿‍♂️👷🏿‍♂️ when in Rome!!!!)

Azurelee Drive

Azure is the bluest of blues it is a gorgeous colour. As l suspected, Azurelee Drive is in Malibu, another clue to reenforce her long term plan is Malibu. Are there any prisons with an ocean view in Malibu? Maybe someone could let me know if there are, l am serious!

“ we are interested”

Again with the first person royal”we”. HMTQ is very interested in what’s going on. I think we are nearing some sort of climax with this trip. I have said this before, l trustmyngut, l have a very strong feeling something is going to happen. Perhaps the reason they flew to the wedding for such a short time, hardly worth it, was for her to use someone else’s computer to engage in a blood diamond deal? Again does she not get she is being monitored? Obviously not!

between 6 and 10

7, 8, 9, are between 6 and 10 literally. But l think this is the amount of time they spent at the wedding. They weren’t part of the party the night before, the next day wedding breakfast or the second night party the night after the wedding. Wow besties eh? Isn’t it awesome to have such great best friends?🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

🎼 California scheming 🎼

This is a play on the song California dreaming, MM ANON has used this before, so it’s reenforcing for her plan to live there after all this is over. Yes perhaps in a dark cement building! Her plan, get all the $$$$€€€££££££ she can, set up her blog again and divorce rebuilding her life in Malibu was the last place l read was the mansion search. She is scheming her way into the marriage, during the ,arriage, out of the marriage and after the marriage

((wedding gems…… “ SA ‘just a fuc#@g nuisance”…… “£uck the press, we can do anything I want”…… “ I don’t lie, I embellish”))

Gems has an obvious meaning, which is also involved in this riddle.Gems can also be snippets like best song on an album etc. These are the gems of conversration/comments she made the night of the wedding. She really is stupid, has no filter and no judgement whatsoever!

” is on our watch list “

Of course, with the international security issues at , her past involvement with many, many individuals of dubious character during her yachting decades, and the current work LG has been doing l am certain she is on a watch list. Here l assume everyone knows what a watch list is, a person, or persons, group, or items requiring close surveillance, most usually for legal or political reasons.

“HEADS ‘ I win”

We had heads or tails yesterday. HEADS all caps, what’s the meaning? Who has HEADS and is the winner? I found one definition but nothing in all caps, heads a shouted warning that something is falling from above one’s head.

a draconian solution

We had a case, few years ago where l live, they wanted to build a casino in part of a local pub. Our city had a by-law preventing gambling and alcohol on sale in the same establishment. I can still see AND hear the owner when he was interviewed on the news about how Draconian our laws were. The definition of draconian is of laws or their application) excessively harsh and severe. I might add old law not updated. Many many places have old laws in the books that are never used anymore but still would be enforceable because they still exist as binding law. So LG and his team may have found just such a law or set of laws that they believe fit this situation and can be utilized to the benefit of the Crown. Oh please, please pretty please, let this be so!!

“when The devil drives”.

There is a novel by Scottish write Chris Brookmyre, with this same title. A dual plot, one a Shakespearean play being performed outdoors and a sniper kills someone, second plot a terminally ill woman wants to find her missing sister. The first is obvious, we don’t want that but security will be very tight on the tour l am certain. The second plot, are we being told there is a sister that is missing and still being searched out? Or is this nothing to do with the novel and the obvious meaning, once you’re riding with the devil nothing good and only reviled happens. I am inclined to think maybe a bit of both.

🎼 “over and over and over again my friend”🎼

This song has been performed and covered by many. The endless ways one tried to do things to be loved and keep someone happy. This is PH over and over and over,he is publicly acting this out, the loving supportive husband and “anything Meghan wants Meghan gets”. He has done such a great job and this has resulted in him taking lots and lots of media heat!

(🤫🤫🤭💎💎💎💎👩🏽‍💻👷🏿‍♂️👷🏿‍♂️👷🏿‍♂️👷🏿‍♂️ when in Rome!!!!)

Blood diamonds! We have had this in a previous riddle. Shhh, diamond, laptop, four workers with hard hats of colour. Did she order, or pick up her diamonds??. Or sell some??? I suspected from an earlier riddle blood diamonds were on the table for her, here l have confirmation . I am thinking with the use of laptop she communicated the deal and will pick up in Africa. Oh kids, this is getting good. HANDCUFFS CLANG CLANG,

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Fantastic PG! Things are heating up it seems! Thank you, we so appreciate all the work you put into this….especially on your days! ThNk you🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️

Ask Skippy submission

12 notes

Sep 22nd, 2019

———————-

68: sept.28

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

IT IS SOOOOOO GOOD TO BE BACK!!

MM Anon

MM ANON …… a slippery halo… … AFRICANT …… 🎼” you must have been a beautiful …” 🎼……… faux mother… no British archificial …… a crowd of booooos await……” so’ she Hates the bloody Brits”…… PB will destroy her thunder …… “ Malibu-hoo welcome “…… a $6 million drive in …… an uninterested Africa … PR pays for local hysteria … a white black imposter … well paid unimpressed mothers feel used …… “beef it up for Pakistan”

a slippery halo

The Halo Trust, the anti landlmine charity that a Princess Diana was such a part of and still thrives today because of her work . I remember 1997 , the land mine on the news, her walking, seems like yesterday. This is a double entebdré by our dear MM ANON. Harry has been slaughtered by the media for being a spoilt petulant entitled man. The halo or crown of the Prince 🤴 is slippery now in public opinion. LET’S PRAY FOR OUR HARRY🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

AFRICANT

Can or can’t, the version of cannot. Nothing has been good, happy, meaningful about her presence on this holiday, it’s not a royal tour. Just wonder what other stunts she is going to pull, because we are going to get another video of amw with oh happy day in the background music. By the way, is she paying royalty rights for using that music , the performers? Catherine cannot and does not put a foot wrong. This one cannot even put a hair right!

… 🎼” you must have been a beautiful

You must have been a beautiful baby, you must have a beautiful child! Singing as l type, great old song. Drive all the girls wild, l think is one line. He sure is a cutie, that’s for sure!

faux mother

As below, she doesn’t possess an ounce of mothering instinct. She can’t because that takes away from attention on her. This is exactly why amw was not at the play date.

no British archificial

So is he born in SA? Not royal, less than that not even British. Good God this woman is moronically stupid! Makes sense that he was in SA, that’s why the dolls have been in use, Christening photo, photoshopped, first photo that was barred by the palace from being used after June, can’t recall exact date. She picked this child up while in SA so she could throw him up in the air, climb up steps in five inch heels to copy Catherine , show off a real baby, who didn’t respond to her at all except when she dug her hands into him and he involuntarily winced. THIS US MADNESS PEOPLE!! This poor child, now his face is forever plastered. In one photo, l thought l noticed a strong resemblance to papa TM!

a crowd of booooos await

Oh Kuwait, l am rubbing my hands together, wait until the return to the UK! NOW the gloves are off, she will be booed and booed, good luck to her on any engagement or public appearance. Boo boo boo are coming. People are beyond furious in the UK and Commonwealth!

” so’ she Hates the bloody Brits”

This is PP, piping in his comments l oh Sir, l feel so bad for you having this to deal with. HMTQ needs your love and sumore than ever! Steady on Sir, steady on!

PB will destroy her thunder

I am so happy for Princess Beatrice and Edo, their engagement photos both the colour ones that Eugenie took, and the black and white ones, l cannot recall the photographers name just now. I was soooooo happy to see the news and what a payback for her stealing the thunder meaning spoiling someone’s excitement, on Eugenie and Jack’s wedding day by wearing that huge coat to stir attention to possibility of her being pregnant. Who knew how that fauxmegnancy would turn into such a mess. As does everything with her!

“ Malibu-hoo welcome “

Will she be welcomed with hoos or boos in Malibu when she just leaves once she has her nest padded, or so she thinks. I don’t see her living the high life in a mansion. She might check into hotel California but she may never leave. Justice is coming! The IRS will want it share of the 250K as well as all she has purloined. The US , l believe is the only country in the world where no matter where you live you still pay taxes on EVERYTHING!!!

a $6 million drive in

Ha ha, reminds me of summertime, movies st the drive-in, l think the place she will eventually live will be mouth many tens of millions, have the best security and the best staff. It will also require wearing of an orange jumpsuit or its equivalent!!

an uninterested Africa …

As l have written below, NOBODY CARES ABOUT HER, People are struggling to get by. SA has had water problems for years! Droughts, poverty, the sky high murder rate and domestic abuse, she isn’t even in the radar of importance.

PR pays for local hysteria

The ‘crowds’ on the tree stump she stood🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂 the great Plato sharing infinite words of wisdom and insight. The video with DT was privately arranged, paid for. People have been bussed in as paid extras so it appears she has people who adore her. I saw an interview with three regular women walk-in down the street, he asked if they knew of a big event, they looked at each other , nothing. He said royal, then they came out with Harry but not a one of them knew her name. Ooooooo the sting!The burn! I hope she saw that!

a white black imposter

Blackface used to be a thing decades ago, Al Jolson, in the first talking picture/movie made it famous, well it already was actually. White people putting black on their faces and pretending to be black to perform or at parties etc. Here we have the screamer of racist, troll, racist troll, her two twitters that l follow are.CcccRrrrraaaazzzzyyyy. She talks to herself, to Sam, sometimes tweeting from both alternately. She of the racist card, has spent her life identifying as Caucasian, her immense use of bronzer gets worse day by day, except it seems to me on this ‘tour’ her makeup is less, her clothes are dishevelled, she looks a mess. She is trying to pass as black so it’s fits her narrative right Sister?!? Passing, years ago meant someone of colour who appeared Caucasian could appear or pass as being white and avoid the racism. She disgusts me 🐍.

well paid unimpressed mothers feel used

These women who allegedly paid 50K to have a half hour ‘lunch’ with her, made to sit on the floor, which culturally is soooooooo inappropriate given that is done when grieving or in mourning. God please bring the Justice and remove her from this family right into a nice colour of orange, she seems to like jumpers or whatever they are called in the UK, that one piece thing she wore, so orange to match her bronzer which she has amazingly used so much less of, in the photos l have seen.

“beef it up for Pakistan”

To beef something up, is to make it stronger, better more secure. The Cambridges are heading off for a Royal tour, let me say that again, A ROYAL TOUR😁 to Pakistan. Security issues have been in discussions and this trips itinerary will be not be as publicized due to those issues. Now it is sounding like, by this clue, that they have had to increase the already planned security measures. There is always the possibility the risk is too great and things would have to be cancelled. That would be a disaster in relationship building but safety first! Remember Harry is #1 on the Taliban hit list and that risk is by extension a factor.

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Fantastic! Thank you PG! You are right on your game! So appreciate this!🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

Sep 28th, 2019

————————-

69: Sept. 28

Is this a new thing MM ANON. Two riddles in one Day?🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU MM ANON, ITS SO AWESOME TBE BACK DOING THESE🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

MM Anon

skippyv20

MM ANON …… second son walks alone … bonfires of PR. …… a great rip off … another archificial field trip… a home run …… a lot of backlash back home …… sugar coated photos……… “is it time to go it alone “…… “THE TAPE HAS BEEN SOLD” …… “ for posterity old thing”…… burying it with the rest. ……… 🎼 “ riders on the storm” 🎼

second son walks alone

Our Harry, walks alone, many in the public have been so critical of him, they can’t see the truth or haven’t taken the time to inform themselves. He is our Harry, l don’t care what anyone says, he is a man literally physically fading away, he’s so thin, dishevelled, being with her, l cannot imagine. To me, he deserves a medal for serving to HMTQ ! He has been and will remain in my prayers. Literally speaking he was walking alone in that minefield, or former minefield. What a metaphor for his life eh? 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

bonfires of PR.

I remember being in Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 for Bonfire 🔥 night as we called it or Guy Fawkes day . Old history about Scottish rebellion and a bomb being placed in parliament etc etc look it up, its interesting. Anyhow it’s still great fun in Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 every November. So MM ANON is using bonfires to describe the PR , basically it’s all explosive!

a great rip off

The fee she is charging especially that lunch just using people for maximum cash value. I am positive she has other side deals going on. I recall that last riddle l dud days ago with the clue being diamonds, workers in safety coloured vests, men of colour, a woman at a laptop. You remember it, lead me to think she is sourcing blood diamonds for resale. Everything with her is a rip of, all a grift, capsule collection, using people even a baby for her personal gain!

another archificial field trip

Oh as l said in the other riddle, we are going to see another privately filmed, ore arranged appearance of amw, l bet she is being paid for these appearances. I just hope his socks fit this time and may a pair of shoes, a blanket, a toy/stuffier and a bib or rag for drool.

a home run

Baseball, America’s game. Home run, hit the ball out into the stands, run all the bases until the final base which is called home base and you’ve made a home run. But MM ANON you sly lady🤣🤣🤣, you are not talking baseball. She is going to do a runner and head home! Be gone, be gone, go face the IRS🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂🤣

a lot of backlash back home

Oh my oh my, showing him publicly live in the flesh for the first time in SA and not in the U.K. has lit a match under a huge pile of 🧨 dynamite. She is and has been playing with fire. People are FURIOUS and they already hate her! I cannot wait to hear the boos. I think the English politeness is gone, as MM ANON has said in other riddle, she has made her bed or beds🤣🤣🤣, she must lay in it. But the sad thing is she doesn’t give a whit of care or respect for HMTQ, the BRF nor the public of the U.K. or the Commonwealth!

sugar coated photos

Oh the sugars have literal gone crazier seeing archficial , like Pinocchio is now a real boy, not rubber anymore but flesh and blood. No seeing what’s so obvious, no relationship, the child doesn’t know her, climbing those steps in stilettos , holding him, unsafely, then roughly, tossing him in the air, the look of concern on DT daughter she even put her own arms up lest amw get dropped. Oh heavens how tacky were those cookies, sweets with words written on them, banana-gate2.0!

“is it time to go it alone “

Is the her or him going it alone? I doubt at this point, if Harry ended it, there would still be screams of racism. I think she is padding her nest in SA and planning her post-divorce life. Good luck with that project Rachel!

“THE TAPE HAS BEEN SOLD”

The infamous tossed salad tape sold at last. All uppercase. I am certain either the BRF has it, or a good friend of the BRF has secured it for them and they have it!! Who hoo !! Happy day! 😂😂😂😂😂just reminded me of her abuse of that beautiful song Oh Happy Day. I really wish she took those words to heart, the second line is when Jesus washed my sins away. I want no soul condemned but she has to choose.

“ for posterity old thing”

Again our PP, speaking, saving the video and dossier perhaps for posterity. When you save something for posterity, it means you hold onto it, keep it safe because you never know when you might need it!

burying it with the rest.

Wondering did the BRF buy the video, and just keeping that and all the other things in her dossier burying it in the secret files. I highly doubt they will reveal too much species publicly. The marriage will dissolve as a natural course, she can’t adjust etc etc. The BRF and PH. Publicly have done everything and then some to welcome her, they are spotless in this!

🎼 “ riders on the storm” 🎼

The Doors, classic album. He died in Paris and is buried there, it’s a place to visit for many fans.This is a classic song but dark in lyrics. Speaks of home one is born into poor ie dog no bone, don’t want lyric infringement so l adjusted that. Speaks of a killer , a family dying in a car crash. Speaking in the chorus that a woman needs to love and support her man. Put these all together at , pardon the pun, but they are a perfect storm for describing what’s Harrys life has been and is. Lost his mum is a car crash, his wife born into grifting family allegedly. Certainly getting no love and support from her. Today, well yesterday now, but seeing him sitting where she sat, with the now woman who was the girl she comforted, him all alone by the tree, didn’t you just want to take him in your arms and comfort him? Tears now……

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Thank you dear PG! I am in awe! You are brilliant! A very rough day for Harry I am sure….🙏🏻💜💜💜

Ask Skippy submission

Sep 28th, 2019

————————

70: Sept. 29

💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻THANK YOU SO MUCH DEAR MM ANON, I KNOW YOUR TISK IN DOING THIS FOR US, TO SEEK THE TRUTH AND GET IT OUT IN THE OORN🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜

Did l ever tell you all, l do the riddles from bottom to top? I don’t know why, l used to look at the Sears catalogue from the back too, l still look at magazines back to front. A fun wacky PG fact!🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂

MM Anon

skippyv20

MM ANON …… Cape Town closure ……bells and whistles farewell … on returning, a tour… an unpopular reluctance …… disinformation …… the fence that won’t mend…… club class flying isolation …… Heathrow paps…… no rest for the wicked …… “Hello Boys”…… “He needs a parade”…… “ not another bloody investigation” …… now D&G not H&M. …… cosmetic records!!!! O,no

… Cape Town closure

They officially closed the Cape atone part of the tour and flew out September 29,2019. I was going to say today but l know this is a worldwide blog so l thought l would put that in there. The itinerary has them leaving from Johannesburg, and returning to London. I am sure most of Cape Town citizens had no idea they were there, if they did, no one cared really.

bells and whistles farewell

This whole entire holiday has been just bizarre, her behaviour, a real live baby, was that baby really a boy or just presented as such. We all know the baby shower was for a girl baby, the BRF/LG so so so clever!!! Turned things around that it was a boy baby, that video of them showing amw to a few selected UK and US/CBS reporters was bizarre, at Windsor Castle. She looked so nervous, and PH said they grow so much in two weeks, the glare she gave him!! You know it, you all saw it! Will there be a whiz bang goodie doo? I think likely, paid, bussed in, waving goodbye. I have visions now of O showing up!

on returning, a tour

Oh my goodness, is SS already planning a return trip, as she has been showered with love and praise by thousands and thousands , the crowds have been massive and amazing , kind, amazingly kind, and kind of amazing! NOT!!! I hope you got my attempt at using her favourite words and l tried her amazing kind of word salad, so kind and amazing of me to be so amazingly kind!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂

an unpopular reluctance

Reluctance means unwillingness or disinclination to do something. She is unwilling in any way shape or form to put celebrity aside and take on her proper duchess role. But this makes sense because there was never supposed to be a wedding let alone a baby. Using the word unpopular putting it mildly.

I do think this may refer to PA and his reluctance or downright refusal to be part of the F.B.I. requests for an interview with him regarding his friendship with JE, GM. and other things like VRG allegations. I do not know how long his refusal can go on.

disinformation

PR PR PR PR constant disinformation. One might use the word lies!! It’s been sickening to see and read in the papers. It has Albee’s thus wth her and it will forever be. Oh l just had to let out a big sigh because it’s so sad, and the baby ring used, disinformation about his age, everything about him is one huge example. There is nothing worse than using a child. Scripture says “Suffer the children to come unto Me, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven “ the exact is

Matthew 19:14 King James Version (KJV)

14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven..

the fence that won’t mend…

Mending fences has an obvious meaning, fix a broken fence. However it can be used as a metaphor, fixing a brook relationship for example. I think this is what MM ANON is referring to. Madam, initially when she came on the scene was ‘a breath of fresh air’, marvellously inclusive and welcomed into the U.K. and Commonwealth, and into the ‘family she never had’. Many , including PW had grave concerns. It didn’t take very long for the bloom quickly began to fade. There is ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE IN A MILLENIA INFINITY! that her relationship with the British public, most members of the BRF, the Commonwealth and many around the world , can ever be mended. It has been irrevocably broken. Complete disregard and blatant disrespect for HMTQ! And a laundry list of grifting, disgusting behaviour, plus her complicated filthy past. No mending of this fence is even wanted, never mind attempted. GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

club class flying isolation

The return flight, again commercial l am sure, back to London should be interesting. She and her team, will again be prattling on about how successful and awesome the tour is, IF BY THE WAY, she and her smuggled alleged living diamond , amw, if she wants baby in London, or just leave is SA. and carry on with dollies. My sentence structure is horrendous but IF BY THE WAY, l meant IF she can get through customs. Do babies need passports, Royal Allegedly babies? Was he sleeping on arrival and she got archficial through that way. I don’t know how, strict customs are with royalty.

On the flight, Harry will be alone, not involved in anything because it’s all about a madam. I noted today how sloppy he looked catching that flight in t shirt and jeans, wrinkled, he has been wearing those ratty brown suede shoes the entire time. He suited up well though earlier and l an certain when he means the High Commissioner he will hopefully be dressed for it. I keep repeating myself, but his looks and behaviour are SCREAMING FOR HELP, HE HAS COMBAT FATIGUE! I am so worried, he’s wasting away, remember the interview when he was in uniform and something urgent was happening, he took off his mic and ran to see what needed doing? Remebhow fit and muscular he was? Look now, dishevelled clothes, those brown shoes😩, looks like he cannot sleep etc etc etc. I know l keep repeating myself but please LG, l know he is getting help behind the scenes, but our Harry is at such risk now, in his depression, l do worry greatly for him!!🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Heathrow paps

Oh my my my my my!!!! The media and paparazzi will be waiting at Heathrow, if that’s where they land, they might be cheeky and land at Gatwick or elsewhere. The media when they return and subsequently is going to be scathing!!!!! Again read her twitters, petal is in SA talk about the Sussexes non-stop but denies being her, petal calls her baby bubs has done for quite sometime. In SA, big reveal, amw nickname is Bubba ☺️☺️☺️🤣🤣🤣. We are not talking about Einstein here! It would be funny if it weren’t so dangerous!

no rest for the wicked

She had all her private things planned during this holiday. Yet she still manages centre stage by foisting herself via IMessage or Skype l think to be with the classroom where PH was in Malawi. All about CAMFED campaign for female education . She just cannot let him go, except when he could have really needed love and support, in Angola, the mine field, him sitting all alone by the tree named after his mum. Oh self seeking narcissistic behaviour, she lives a Master Class of it.

“Hello Boys”

I can’t remember the name of the film, it might be Hello Boys actually! It’s fantastic Bette Midler at her finest, set further war, WWII, she goes on tour to entertain the troops, she would appear on stage all gussied up looking gorgeous and sing for them, she is amazing. Great film! I wonder MM ANON are you relating madams behaviour to the character in the film?? Going on tour and putting on a show!!! I might be way off but that’s a great film!

“He needs a parade”

Support and love for Harry! Agree wholeheartedly! Yes he made a bad choice of bootycall that was his choice,who of us is without sin and can cast the first stone? This was all pre-planned, they would have kept at it, until it worked. I think he needs medals of the highest order for service to the Crown, HMTQ, his granny. He needs away time, months of privacy, therapy, perhaps medication, he ,Ishtar we’ll be on anti-depressants already! HE NEEDS PRAYER🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻. This is evil at work, it’s a nefarious web planned, he was shared in it.

“ not another bloody investigation”

What now? What’s the next thing? Well PA is in a spot of trouble, putting it mildly. He has hired a new PR guy, Jason Stein, former Amber Rudd’s bulldog, lost his job when she quit recently! The paper says he is a ‘master of the dark arts’! The same was said about SS. What are the ‘dark arts’ these PR people use??? Anyhow, there are more accusers , resulting further Epstein investigations in America. The F.B.I. are more insistent upon an interview. The palace statement and PA years ago when this first came up, were emphatic he had NO sexual contact or interaction with VRG. They are not commenting today, read the article in the Daily Mail, if you’re inclined. They are saying, royalty is not an issue, years ago it was swept away. Since the #metoo movement the world has changed. Many many famous men have been charged, Bill Cosby, many famous American media personalities, actors, Weinstein, . This week l was chuffed to hear Wexner been charged in connection with Epstein! If you don’t know Les Wexner, look him up. He’s an American billionaire, one of his many businesses is Victoria’s Secret! Buy from them, you give money to an alleged sexual predator! I am not recalling just now his other businesses, but very very wealthy men have been and are being brought to justice. PA is in serious trouble. The ,ore he refuses to cooperate and scream he’s royalty, he is dragging out the inevitable. Poor poor HMTQ, l just feel so bad for her!

now D&G not H&M

Baby Archie wore H&M to meet DT, which was subsequently marched and appeared officially on H&M advert and website l think website. Now baby Archie will appear wearing D&G. Dolce and Gabbana highend designer Italian clothes. This woman never fails to put a foot wrong. I don’t know if Archie was wearing it while she carried him to catch the plane to Johannesburg , the photos again captured through a clear glass walled corridor. Did anyone else think the ‘baby’ she was carrying looked a lot smaller than amw who met DT? Or was it just me? I would love a side by side photo. Maybe l am totally off.

cosmetic records!!!! O,no.

I am not sure if these two clues go together but this is how they appeared to moi. Are there records surfacing or in possession of the BRF and LG’s team of investigators that show the extent of work she has had done, especially since coming onto the scene with PH? We know something was up at U.S. Open, she had that invisible medical tape over her nose 👃🏻, yes l purposely use that colour of nose! We all have seen her nose appears to be collapsing, those darn hobbies can show up in real physical manifestations ie wide eyed , dilated pupils, agitation, hyperness, just read the twitters feeds that will show you bizarre behaviour, also noted the times tweets are sent!

As far as O, no…..PH is/ has reportedly been working with an O on mental health programs for a fruit tv channel. I have no idea where things are st with that. Is she going to come back on the scene in Africa. I know she has sponsored a school there, where there had to be some firings of l think the administrator , look it up!! I have visions now of her showing up for a surprise appearance with madam. Oh gracious, make it stop! PLEASE😩😩😩😩😫😖😖😖

GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦

Thank you so much dear PG! Seems much coming….Seeing your humour and wonderful personality shining through….is wonderful, you are BACK! Thank God for our Dear PG!🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜. Sept. 29, 2019

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bountyofbeads · 5 years

Text

‘She was shaking’: Court filings describe system Jeffrey Epstein allegedly used to procure girls

https://wapo.st/2OMuAji

People close to Epstein fear he was murdered...as Epstein told authorities someone tried to kill him in a previous incident weeks earlier. He was described as being in good spirits in recent days...

Jeffrey Epstein dies by apparent suicide in New York jail

By Matt Zapotosky and Renae Merle | Published August 10 at 10:48 AM ET | Washington Post | Posted August 10, 2019 11:46 AM ET |

Jeffrey Epstein, the politically connected financier and registered sex offender charged recently with sexually abusing dozens of young girls in the early 2000s, has apparently died by suicide in prison, according to two people familiar with the matter.

Epstein, 66, hanged himself in the Metropolitan Correctional Center in New York City, though the exact timing was unclear according to ABC News, which was first to report the development.

Epstein, a multimillionaire with ties to celebrities and politicians including President Trump and former president Bill Clinton, was arrested last month on federal sex trafficking charges that could have put in him prison for 45 years. Prosecutors alleged he abused dozens of young girls at his Manhattan and Palm Beach, Fla., homes and enlisted his victims to bring him others.

Epstein had pleaded not guilty in the case, and a federal judge had recently denied his request to be released to home confinement.

Last month, Epstein was found in his cell with marks around his neck, and authorities were trying to determine if he was attacked or attempted suicide. He showed no obvious signs of distress at a later court hearing.

A Justice Department spokeswoman and a spokesman for the U.S. attorney’s Office in New York, which brought the new case against Epstein, declined to comment. Spokespeople for the Bureau of Prisons, officials with the Metropolitan Correctional Center and Epstein’s lawyers did not immediately return messages seeking comment.

Epstein’s case had attracted widespread attention — in part because of his wealth and political connections, and in part because of a lenient plea deal he reached more than a decade ago to resolve similar allegations. That 2008 agreement allowed Epstein to plead guilty to just two state charges in Florida, avoiding federal exposure entirely, and spend just 13 months in jail, with work-release privileges.

The deal was approved by Alex Acosta, who was then the U.S. attorney in Miami and would go on to become Trump’s labor secretary — a post he resigned after Epstein was charged last month and the controversy over the previous case was reignited.

Epstein’s death is sure to draw intense scrutiny of the Bureau of Prisons and the Metropolitan Correctional Center. The high-rise federal detention center in downtown Manhattan has a fearsome reputation; one inmate who spent time there and in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, famously said Guantanamo Bay was “more pleasant” and “more relaxed.”

The facility is no stranger to high-profile inmates. It recently housed notorious drug lord Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman while he was on trial in Brooklyn, and former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort has spent time there around court proceedings in New York — though records show he has since been moved to a different facility in Pennsylvania.

The facility in New York also housed Ramzi Ahmed Yousef, who masterminded the 1993 World Trade Center Bombing, and Bernard Madoff, who ran the biggest Ponzi scheme in U.S. history.

‘She was shaking’: Court filings describe system Jeffrey Epstein allegedly used to procure girls

By Beth Reinhard, Marc Fisher, Tom Hamburger and Carol D. Leonnig | Published August 09 at 7:41 PM ET | Washington Post | Posted August 10, 2019 11:44 AM ET |

He demanded sex three times a day. A parade of powerful figures visited his private estates, which were adorned with pictures of naked girls and stocked with sex toys. And the schedules of teenagers on call to give him massages at his Palm Beach, Fla., mansion were documented in phone messages from his assistants.

Those and other claims about financier Jeffrey Epstein unsealed in court filings Friday lay out disturbing details both about his alleged activities and the number of people in his orbit who could have observed them, raising new questions about how the sex abuse charges against the multimillionaire were previously handled.

Epstein, who is now facing federal sex trafficking charges involving the alleged abuse of dozens of minors, previously pleaded guilty in Florida state court to two felony counts, serving about 13 months in jail. A federal judge ruled in February that the prosecution team led by then-U.S. Attorney Alexander Acosta, who recently resigned as President Trump’s labor secretary, violated the rights of alleged victims by failing to notify them of an agreement not to bring federal charges.

The newly unsealed documents — part of a now-settled defamation case brought by one alleged victim, Virginia Roberts Giuffre, against a woman she said recruited her — depict an organized system to regularly provide Epstein with girls.

In one 2005 message detailed in the documents, an Epstein assistant noted that one girl wanted to know if she could come to the house at a later time. “She is wondering if 2:30 is o.k. She needs to stay in school,” the message read.

Epstein has pleaded not guilty to the current charges against him. Martin Weinberg, an attorney for the financier, did not respond to a request for comment Friday about the documents.

The material was gathered as part of the defamation suit brought by Giuffre against Epstein associate Ghislaine Maxwell that was settled for an undisclosed sum in 2017.

A federal appeals court in New York last month ordered documents related to the case to be made public.

In a 2016 deposition included in the filings, Giuffre said she was a “teen sex slave” who traveled to his homes in New York, Palm Beach, New Mexico and the Caribbean and was directed to give massages and have sex with Epstein and his friends at will.

“I’m angry with anybody who has it in their mind that they can hurt and abuse a minor child and continue to lie about getting away with it and that what they’ve done is okay,” Giuffre said in the deposition. “Yes, I’m furious.”

Lawyers for Maxwell did not respond to requests for comment Friday. In a 2016 deposition, Maxwell said: “Virginia is an absolute liar and everything she has said is a lie. Therefore, based on those lies I cannot speculate on what anybody else did or didn’t do . . . everything she said is false.”

Giuffre has said she was recruited by Maxwell when she was 16 or 17 and working at Mar-a-Lago, Trump’s club in Palm Beach. According to the court filings, Mar-a-Lago produced 177 pages of records in response to a subpoena, including one chart showing that she had been a summer worker at age 17 and that she was terminated in 2000.

In a deposition, Giuffre said Epstein told her Trump was a “good friend,” but she said that she had never seen them together.

Giuffre said that she was told by Maxwell that she would be trained at Epstein’s residence as a masseuse, but that “on the very first meeting that I had with him . . . she instructed me to take off my clothes and to give oral sex to Jeffrey Epstein.”

Asked in a deposition about Maxwell’s role in procuring girls for him, Epstein refused to answer, citing his constitutional protection against self-incrimination.

Giuffre said that Epstein flew her around the world and introduced her to an array of political and entertainment figures. She also said that Epstein told her that he had his house wired with hidden video cameras that recorded her every move, even in the bathroom.

In the court documents, Giuffre named a number of prominent men she claimed she had sex with at Maxwell’s instructions, including Britain’s Prince Andrew, former New Mexico governor Bill Richardson (D) and former Senate majority leader George J. Mitchell (D-Maine).

“My whole life revolved around just pleasing these men and keeping Ghislaine and Jeffrey happy,” Giuffre said in the deposition. “Their whole entire lives revolved around sex.”

On Friday, representatives of both Richardson and Mitchell denied her allegations, saying the men never had any contact with Giuffre.

The British royal family and Prince Andrew have repeatedly denied her claims. “Any suggestion of impropriety with underage minors is categorically untrue,” a spokesperson for Buckingham Palace said Friday.

Attorney Alan Dershowitz, who represented Epstein at one point, has vigorously denied Giuffre's allegation that she had sex with him, calling her a “certified, complete, total liar.”

Those remarks prompted Giuffre to file a defamation suit against Dershowitz, which is ongoing.

Giuffre was part of a sprawling network of young women allegedly targeted by Maxwell to give massages that led to sexual relations with Epstein and his friends, according to the court documents.

Johanna Sjoberg, a student at Palm Beach Atlantic University, testified that Maxwell recruited her to be “a legitimate assistant” answering phones for Epstein and then “asked her to perform sexual massages for Epstein, and punished her when she didn’t cause Epstein to orgasm.”

Asked if she had ever tried to get Epstein to explain why he received so many massages from so many different girls, Sjoberg said in a deposition: “He explained to me that, in his opinion, he needed to have three orgasms a day. It was biological, like eating.”

A chef who worked for friends of Epstein recalled meeting a visibly upset young woman who said she had been hired as “Jeffrey’s executive personal assistant.” She was 15.

Rinaldo Rizzo said the girl told him, tearfully, that she had been taken to Epstein’s home in the Virgin Islands and asked for sex. She said she had no memory of how she had returned to New York.

“She was shaking,” Rizzo testified. “I mean literally quivering. . . . She says, ‘I’m not supposed to talk about this.’”

The documents also include images of telephone messages from Epstein assistants summarizing calls from people procuring girls. “Has girl for tonight,” one says. “Confirmed [redacted name] at 4 pm. Who is scheduled for morning? I believe [redacted name] wants to work.”

Several messages from 2005 say only, “I have a female for him.”

Massage tables were scattered around Epstein’s home in Palm Beach, said Juan Alessi, who worked for Epstein from 1991 to 2002. He said in a 2016 affidavit that a massage “was like a treat” that Epstein provided his guests. He said that as many as 100 masseuses visited the property in the time he worked for Epstein, mostly women.

Epstein only took his massages in his private suite, which adjoined Maxwell’s bedroom suite, but was off limits to guests, he said. Alessi said he would clean up Epstein’s suite up after these massages and would sometimes find vibrators and sex toys in Maxwell’s sink.

Rosalind S. Helderman, Manuel Roig-Franzia, Matt Zapotosky and Deanna Paul in Washington, and Lori Rozsa in West Palm Beach, Fla., contributed to this report.

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doodlelolly0910 · 5 years

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Love Don’t Cost a Thing

Summary: Emma thought she was living her happily ever after until she wasn't. Now Neal is living his with someone else and Emma has a plus one option to the wedding from hell but no one to fill the space. Enter Killian Jones, devastatingly handsome male escort and the answer to Emma's problems. She hires him for the wedding because he's the safe choice. The temporary choice. Falling in love wasn't on the invoice.

You can also find this on AO3 and FFN!

A/N: Hello! I come bearing new fic! So this was supposed to be a oneshot. I wrote it as a oneshot. The fic clearly had other ideas and it is now an MC lol. So here we are! Super huge ginormous thank you to @superchocovian who was just a the most fantastic beta and a wonderfully patient person. She thought she was signing up to beta a oneshot and she got me instead haha. And another super huge thank you to my wondertwin @artistic-writer who has made the most AMAZING picset for this fic that I could have ever wanted. It is seriously fantastic and I nearly squealed her ear off about it. I honestly love it so so so much. And she was an awesome second set of eyes on this project and frequent calmer of my anxieties and just an overall wonderful, lovely person. Thank you in advance for reading this fic! I hope you love it as much as I do. It's been my pet project for quite a while now and I'm so excited to share it with y'all. Watch for updates every Friday, and you can yell at me on here if you want. Away we go!

Chapter 1

Ten months.

Ten measly fucking months is all it took for Neal Cassidy to send out wedding invitations after he tossed Emma aside like yesterday's newspaper. Of course it wasn't too much of an asshole move to send an invitation to the mother of your child when you'd found a new love, especially if said child was going to be in the wedding. Was it? Her fury at the envelope grew as she decided yes it was an asshole move and she took another generous drink from the glass in front of her.

It still stung, even three months later, as she sat drowning herself in her sorrows at the bar on what would have been their ten year anniversary. To add insult to injury, the one he'd sent to her was addressed to Miss Emma Swan and Guest, written on the front in elegant gold script. She scoffed and tossed back her drink, fingering the edge of the envelope absent mindedly.

Miss Emma Swan and Guest.

Neal knew. He fucking knew she didn't have anybody. He knew how hard it was for her to let people in. He sent her the invitation just to rub it in her face. Just another message that she'd never find happiness. She conjured an image of his smug smile in her mind's eye and felt the sudden urge to find him and slap it off his face. She signalled to the bartender for another drink instead of doing something stupid, like driving to New York City from the Boston hotel bar she sat in and punching her ex. Repeatedly. She sipped slowly this time at the vodka cranberry in her hand, newly delivered by the petite blonde behind the counter. In reality, she wanted to be slamming back shots of whiskey, but self preservation told her that advertising her heartbreak in such a way would be ill advised. So she sipped and turned the envelope over in her unoccupied hand again and again, looking at its broken seal and debating whether or not to open it again for what felt like the millionth time since she'd gotten it those short few months ago. She couldn't believe this was happening. Couldn't believe he would have the solid fucking steel balls he must have upgraded to since he left her to send her this after all they'd been through. She had been with him for nine years, since she was seventeen and naïve, a runaway foster kid with no family, no friends, and no place to go, all the while planning their future together as she thought he had been. They'd met when she tried to steal a car that he'd already stolen, and they kept up the Bonnie and Clyde act to survive. It stung the first time she had asked why he hadn't proposed and he told her neither of them were ready for that. They'd only been together a year and they were still having fun. At least she wasn't alone. So Emma carried on, and didn't ask questions. They were happy. Not long after that, she'd gotten pregnant. Neal had wanted her to get an abortion, but Emma couldn't do it. She was eighteen, he was twenty four, and she followed his lead in most things, but she just couldn't bring herself to do that. They'd settled on adoption. They got real jobs, a real apartment, and everything was okay for awhile. But once Emma heard the strong cries as her son was freed from her womb and she laid eyes on him for the first time, she couldn't give him up either. She and Neal had fought about it. He'd even left for three whole weeks when she wouldn't relent. But he came back, saying he didn't want to be like his father and walk out on his son. Emma quashed the urge to remind him he'd already done that and welcomed him back with open arms. She knew what it was like to grow up without parents; she didn't want the same for her child. He still didn't want to marry her, citing the need to work on their relationship and being parents. She accepted that. At least she wasn't alone. The next few years seemed to fly by as Emma threw herself into her little family. Henry wanted for nothing, and Neal even ended up being a really good dad. But they fought a lot. Bills piled up and Emma worked two jobs while Neal struggled to hold down one most of the time. He would work whenever a job offer came to him, but he never really looked for one. And they never seemed to last long. Emma made enough as an office clerk for a private investigator by day and a waitress by night to keep them afloat. Around that time, Robert Gold, Neal’s estranged father, had come back into Neal's life and wanted a relationship with him and his grandson. Neal rejected his requests, and Emma always tried to support him, whichever way he wanted to go with it. Emma asked one night that had been mostly calm and normal if he wanted to get married. He dismissed the idea easily, telling her he wanted to be more stable in a career, that way they could afford the ring and wedding they deserved. Emma told him it didn't matter to her, but dropped the subject. They could wait to get married. At least she wasn't alone. In the end, one of Neal's biggest complaints was that she never had time for him (or Henry, as he had callously tossed in her face a time or two during some of their more heated spats) and he needed more from a relationship. Ironically, he started seeing his father regularly and looking for work more frequently around this time as well, stretching his own time at home thin. Nonetheless, she tried harder, losing contact with her friends and even her foster brother David, that she'd reconnected with when Henry was born, in favor of making more time for her boyfriend and son. It never seemed to be enough. Tamara Herr had time for Neal though. The caramel skinned beauty lived right across the street from their apartment building and was decidedly everything Emma was not. So, when Emma caught them together in their bed after coming home early one day to celebrate her promotion, all she could do was laugh as her heart simultaneously closed up tight and shattered into a thousand pieces. And now they were getting married. Neal got the girl of his dreams that it was clear Emma wasn't and a relationship with his father that came with his very own trust fund. And she was alone. "Bad night?" Emma jumped at the sound of a British baritone voice coming suddenly from behind her. Her face pinched in a scowl and she turned to make sure whoever this interloper was knew she wasn't in the mood for company. She looked up as a tall, well built frame placed itself in the seat next to her. Emma was almost shocked off her stool when her gaze meet his. She wasn't expecting someone so... well, gorgeous, if she was being honest. Dark chocolate hair fell just over his forehead, dusting his quirked brows. Bright ocean blue eyes watched her with mild amusement, studying her as she was him. His pink, plush lips were framed by dark, neatly trimmed facial hair that was interspersed with auburn whiskers here and there that she almost would have missed if the light hadn't caught it just right. There was a single onyx stone in his right ear that matched his cufflinks on the lighter gray dress shirt that he wore under a steel grey suit. The shirt had several buttons undone, exposing his chest and the thick smattering of umber hair across it. Realizing she'd probably been staring too long, she reset her mouth into a hard line and tilted her head back away from him. "It has been a pretty shitty night. That's usually how one finds themselves drinking at a bar near eleven o'clock alone," she replied stiffly, hoping her tone and words would prevent him from pursuing whatever this interaction was between them. It seemed, though, that the man only took it as an invitation. "I could tell. If you stared at that envelope any harder, it may burst into flames, love," he said with a chuckle. Emma's scowl deepened. "Not your love," she huffed. "Not anyone's love," she added before she could stop herself. Her cheeks flushed at the admission and she hid her face in her drink, letting her golden hair fall in front of it as she dipped her head down.Maybe she’d had enough to drink. To her surprise, the man reached out and tucked a good portion of her tresses behind her ear so he could look at her face. He continued to amaze her when she saw no pity in his expression, just a glimmer of understanding. "I can't imagine anyone not wanting to love someone as beautiful as you," he murmured. Emma wrinkled her nose at the over the top declaration and he cracked a grin in response. "Too much?" "That was epically cheesy. Does that line really work on anyone?" She took another sip from her glass and felt her eyebrows climb her forehead. "It wasn't a line at all, love. But I have plenty of those as well, if you'd like to hear." He nodded towards her, almost begging her to pick up the gauntlet he'd thrown. She remained silent, not wanting to further encourage this conversation, but feeling strangely uplifted by his presence. So he continued on. "Here, how much would you say a polar bear weighs?" Emma gave him a funny look, contemplating where he might be going with this. "I'm not sure, like a thousand, two thousand pounds?" she guessed. He looked positively gleeful that she'd played along. "So you might say then... enough to break the ice? Killian Jones, at your service." He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it. Emma rolled her eyes and groaned, drawing her hand back but still feeling the sear of his lips just below her knuckles. "I can't believe I just walked right into that one." She shook her head with a laugh.

“It's a gift of mine, leading women places they don't expect to go,” he said, his voice low and sultry, and oh, man, he was definitely flirting with her. “Would you like to go somewhere else unexpected?” He swiped his tongue over his lower lip, his darkened gaze holding hers.

"Sorry, pal. You just aren't my type," she lied, her breath catching in her chest as she flitted her eyes back to the bar and her drink. Truth was, she was far more attracted to him than she'd been to... well, anyone really. More attracted to him than she had been to Neal, that was for sure. "Darling, for the right price, I'm anyone's type," he replied, his words hanging heavily in the air between them. Emma's eyes widened at the implication, snapping back to his face, and Killian's own blue orbs smoldered into her gaze, waiting for her reaction. They stared at one another in silent challenge, willing the other to expand on the proverbial elephant that now sat quite noticeably in the room. Curiosity won out and Emma licked her lips before responding, flushing slightly when the handsome man tracked the movement with his eyes. "Are you telling me you're a hooker?" She hissed under her breath, darting her eyes around the room as if someone might be listening, and Killian grinned at her. "Please, love. 'Hooker' sounds so crass. Not to mention, illegal." His grin grew larger as she sighed in frustration. "Well isn't this just my damn luck. Sitting alone, wallowing over my ex-boyfriend's happiness wasn't enough, I suppose. Now the one guy who even talks to me is only here to make a quick buck." She scoffed and shoved the envelope violently into her clutch purse before digging out some cash to leave for her drinks. His careful eyes watched her flustered movements before he reached out to loosely grip her wrist. She froze, unsure of whether or not she should pull away. He stroked the pad of his thumb over the small flower tattoo nestled at the base of her palm, prompting her to look up at him again. She did, ignoring the electric sparks shooting up her arm at the contact. "For what it's worth, love, I would have approached you whether I was on the clock or not." He brought her hand up and placed a soft kiss to the place his thumb had just been smoothing, never breaking eye contact, causing her breath to hitch again involuntarily. She cursed herself mentally for acting like a hormonal mess. "How many girls has that bullshit worked on today? Bet your bank account is padded with the results of pick up lines like that," she spat, snatching her hand back from his gentle grip and standing abruptly. She was more embarrassed than she could recall feeling in recent memory and she hated it. Hated how he'd gotten under her skin so quickly. Killian seemed to accept her retreat gracefully and smiled softly at her. He stood as well and reached into the inner pocket of his suit jacket, pulling free a small black card. Boldly, he reached down and slipped it into the gap of her clutch, not even bothering to try to hand it to her, knowing she wouldn't take it. "Think what you'd like, Swan, but that was also not a line. That's the absolute truth. And should you change your mind about some company, well, you have my card." Emma stood in shock. She could feel her face reddening further. Then the bastard winked and smoothly turned, walking away to find his next companion. And that is when it hit her that he'd used her last name.

It had to be a coincidence, or she must have misheard him, because why the hell, how the hell, would he have known her name?

Emma's cheeks were still flaming as she stormed out to her car. She wasted little time in jamming her keys into the ignition, making the little yellow Volkswagen rumble to life and peel out of the parking lot in haste. How dare he. Men like Killian Jones were the absolute worst, preying on women who were vulnerable for their own gain. The thought that he'd recognized her as vulnerable made her stomach turn. She should have never let her guard down so low. She hadn't even been aware that she'd done it. How often did she have her weaknesses on display? she mused as she waited at a red stoplight. She slammed her open palm into the steering wheel. In the five minutes she spent in Jones's company, he'd managed to peel back her layers and reach her in a way that she hadn't been reached in years. If she didn't know any better, she may have even admitted that she felt a connection to Killian Jones. Damn him. It was all an act, she reminded herself. He was skilled in the art of flirtation, ready to seduce and take advantage of every sad sob story that would make him a few bucks. A loud honk from behind her jerked her from her thoughts and she realized the light was green. Putting her foot on the gas, all she was focused on was getting home. No more thoughts of handsome male hookers--or shitty exes, for that matter. Except that was all she could think about as she parked in her designated space and made her way into the apartment building. She kept a brisk pace as if she could physically outrun her train of thought. She was glad that Henry was staying with Neal this week, not expected back until the day after tomorrow. She loved her kid, but he was too damn smart for an eight year old. He would have picked up on her distressed state in no time. She didn't bother with picking up the house that night, only dropping her purse on the table in the entryway, stripping away her shoes and clothes as she made her way to the room and slipping into an oversized t-shirt and pajama pants for bed. As she slipped under the covers and settled on her pillow, the last thought that ran through her mind before sleep consumed her was of Killian Jones. The next morning was no better. She scowled at herself for waking up with Killian's blue eyes dancing through her head and decided she needed a distraction. Usually, she and Henry would spend their Saturdays in a park or a library, or the occasional museum, but he wasn't here and she didn't fancy doing any of that alone. She could call her sister-in-law, Mary Margaret, or her friends Elsa or Ruby, but all three of them knew her well enough to know when she was hiding something and she was still embarrassed just enough by her run in with a male escort and her subsequent escape to decide against putting herself through the ringer. Mary Margaret would be appalled and tell everyone (she was horrible at keeping secrets), Elsa would be sympathetic to the point of pity (which she was not ready for), and Ruby would either make fun of the whole situation or try to find him herself (based on how much of a description she could get out of Emma). No thank you to all of those scenarios. She padded barefoot into her kitchen, grabbing a mug and leaning against the counter to wait for her coffee pot to finish percolating, silently thanking the heavens that she remembered to set it before she went out last night. She looked around the apartment she shared with her son and sighed. It was a good sized apartment, much better than where she'd started with Henry. Her eventual licensing as a private investigator afforded her a much better lifestyle for her and her son. One that could have included Neal. She'd actually been on her way home to share her license confirmation when she'd caught him with her. And the rest was history. The coffee pot gurgled its last drops into the pot and Emma happily made herself a cup. Maybe she should've RSVP'd that she'd be coming alone. It would've been much easier, but she was so mad to see that plus one included on her card that she'd gotten out the Jack Daniels and the whiskey checked the box for her. It seemed like a good idea at the time. And it wasn't like she hadn't moved on from Neal; on the contrary, she had, she just hadn't moved on with someone else just yet. Sipping at her cup, her mind automatically went to her phone. She usually skimmed news headlines and went through her email with her morning coffee, but she didn't have it with her and she didn't remember seeing it on her nightstand. She let out a groan when she remembered that she'd left it in her purse. Grumbling, she pushed herself away from the counter and made her way to the entryway, picking up her purse with one hand and setting her mug down with the other. She shuffled through the contents and pulled her phone free, but as she did, a small, black square fluttered to the floor. She bent down to retrieve it, frowning and trying to remember where it came from or what it was. She flipped it over to read it and her face immediately flushed, though she wasn't sure if it was out of embarrassment or something else. KILLIAN JONES PERSONAL ENTERTAINMENT 617-555-9870 Emma snorted. 'Personal entertainment' indeed. She didn't even know why he slipped her his card. She'd never paid for sex and she wasn't about to start. She was lonely, not desperate. She tucked the card against her phone for the moment and went back to her clutch for her charger. Her fingers bumped against the thick envelope inside as she searched and she scowled at it. And then a lightbulb went off in her head. She thought of the little nest egg she'd put aside for a rainy day as her mind began to hatch a plan. Maybe she was a little desperate. "This is stupid, this is stupid, this is stupid..." she muttered, grabbing her phone and heading to the couch, flicking the edge of the business card with her finger. She plugged her phone in and sat down, letting a large sigh escape her, and punched in the numbers on the card. She fiddled with the ties on her sleep pants while the phone rang. Once. Twice. Three times. Just as she was about to hang up, a sultry English voice came on the line. "Hello?" Emma's throat closed up immediately and her mouth felt like she'd poured a shaker of salt into it. Her heart pounded in her chest and every word in the English language fled her frazzled mind. "Hello?" he said again and Emma jumped as she realized she should be saying something back. "Uh, hi." Smooth, Emma. "Hello, love. Can I help you?" He sounded amused and that incensed her. "Yes. No. Maybe. Dammit, this isn't how this was supposed to go," she rambled. "Look, you gave me your card last night, and I'm calling." "I gave quite a few women my card last night. Refresh my memory a bit, love." He didn't sound the least bit confused and Emma was positive he was messing with her now. She clenched her jaw. "Well, aren't you a regular Romeo." She was sure her scowl could be heard through the phone. He laughed out loud, warm and rich, the sound crackling through the phone and warming her to her toes. "Why don't we start with a name?" he prompted, mirth now flowing freely through his warm voice. She sighed. "It's Emma. Er, Swan. From the bar last night." She felt her grip tighten on her lap. He was silent for a beat and she began to rethink if he actually did know it was her before the reveal. "I was hoping it was you." His voice had dropped an octave and something twisted in her lower belly at the sound. "Yeah, well, it's me. It's kinda weird that you know my name, though. Or, y'know, that you remember me at all," she mumbled, tugging at her shirt nervously. "As if I could forget the most beautiful woman I've spoken to in recent memory," he purred and Emma wrinkled her nose at the flirtation, but he continued on. "And your name was easy enough to discern since you were waving it around on that envelope you had with you." "Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense," she said, embarrassed. An awkward silence fell over the line. "As much as I'm thrilled to hear your lovely voice, Swan, I'm assuming you didn't just call for a chat?" The amusement in his voice was back and Emma felt her blush deepen, thankful for the barrier the phone provided. "Uh, yeah. I was actually calling because, well, I'm looking to procure some of your, uh, services-" "Really, Swan?" The surprised delight in his tone made her frown. She wasn't a conquest. "Not like that. What I meant to say was I have sort of a proposition for you.” Her voice was all business and she found herself straightening her shoulders in resolve, though she knew he couldn't see her. "Color me intrigued, love. What sort of proposition?" he asked and Emma fidgeted nervously. "Can we meet to discuss it? Lunch, maybe? My treat of course, I know you're," she cleared her throat, "on the clock, or whatever." Killian chuckled low on the other end of the line. "Alright, darling, where and when?" he asked. "There's a diner near downtown, Granny's. Do you know it?" She grimaced at the thought of bringing him there. Ruby Lucas, her best friend, ran the place with her grandmother. She'd be ruthless with questions upon seeing her with a man, but she wanted to be somewhere that was familiar in case things went wrong. "I know it. Never been inside, but I've heard good things," he replied. "Can you meet me in an hour?" she asked, looking at the time. It was already approaching noon. "Aye, I'm free until this evening. I'll see you there, Swan," he confirmed and Emma hung up the phone as soon as he did, getting up and heading into her bedroom. What did one wear when they were potentially making the dumbest decision ever?

Tag list (if you would like to be added or removed from this list, please send me a message): @artistic-writer @snowbellewells @bmbbcs4evr @kmomof4 @xemmaloveskillianx @resident-of-storybrooke @hollyethecurious @courtorderedcake

#csff #cs ff au #cs ff #Captain Swan #escort!killian #love don't cost a thing #LDCAT #Chapter 1 #1/12 #friday update

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omdaily10 · 5 years

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TROUBLEMAKER

Guest Artist: Flo Rida

Writers: Olly Murs, Claude Kelly, Steve Robson, Tramar Dillard

Producers: Steve Robson

Album: Right Place Right Time

Release Date: 18/11/2012

B-Side: ‘Troublemaker (Cutmore Club Mix)’ (Credits as above)

Chart Positions: #1 (UK), #1 (Hungary), #1 (Scotland), #2 (Germany), #2 (Bulgaria), #2 (Luxembourg), #3 (Ireland), #3 (Austria), #4 (Australia), #4 (Japan), #5 (New Zealand), #5 (Slovakia), #5 (Belgium), #8 (Switzerland), #8 (Israel), #12 (Finland), #13 (Denmark), #14 (Italy), #15 (Canada), #16 (Brazil), #19 (Spain), #25 (USA), #31 (Sweden), #41 (France), #66 (Netherlands)

Sales: 765k+ (UK, Platinum), 1m (USA, Platinum), 160k (Canada, 2x Platinum), 280k (Australia, 4x Platinum), 150k (Germany, Gold), 15k (Austria/Italy/New Zealand, Gold/Platinum), 30k (Switzerland, Platinum), 140k (Sweden, 2x Platinum)

Nominations: 'Best British Single', BRIT Awards 2013 / ‘Most Performed Work’, Ivor Novello Awards 2014

As the autumn of 2012 dawned, six months had elapsed since Olly had last released a single in the UK – the longest such gap since his debut. Recording his third album was part of this, but the other reason was one we touched upon briefly before and will be exploring more in both this entry and in the ones to come. After a successful band or solo artist has achieved a substantial amount of success on home turf and in immediate surrounding territories as he had, it’s not usually unreasonable to try having a crack at what so many have attempted to become a success in, yet so few have achieved the elusive dream of - breaking the American market.

It’s not unfair to say that Olly had a struggle and then some to begin with. At his performance at the BRITs in February, some bigwig execs from Columbia, a subsidiary of Sony Music who Olly was signed to under Epic, were sat in the audience. They were impressed with what they saw, so much that his first Stateside deal was offered – but with a few caveats to address. Even though the US version of The X Factor had been on air for a year on Fox Network, his success as a result of the original UK series meant diddle squat there.

Fortunately, the timing was good. The early 2010s were something of a purple patch where British artists in America were concerned. Adele and Florence & The Machine had been resounding successes, Tinie Tempah was giving the US hip hop giants a run for their money. The Saturdays filmed a reality show for the E! network and had some success on dance charts. Hell, even the hopeless likes of The Wanted had a Billboard top 10 hit with their UK chart topper ‘Glad You Came’. But all of them were eclipsed by the gargantuan success of a boyband who shared something in common with Olly – chiefly, where they first came to attention.

Bronze finalists on the 2010 UK series of The X Factor, One Direction had already topped the charts with their debut ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ upon its September 2011 release in the UK, setting all manner of sales records in the process. Its success was quickly replicated across the pond, as a generation of Twitter trending uber fans who’d discovered them on the aforementioned social networking site and YouTube all started shrieking for mankind about a new British invasion. Columbia had signed One Direction in the US, and after seeing Olly perform at the BRITs, decided to put two and two together and have him support them on their first American tour that summer.

youtube

This initial attempt to make him known to a US audience was one met with nervous doubt by his audience back home, worried that Olly was on the verge of being made untouchable and inaccessible like they had become and lose the very British charm that had made him so appealing in the first place in order to make him more commercially palatable Stateside. The worries weren’t confounded any less when a radically different mix of ‘Heart Skips A Beat’ was chosen as his debut release in North America, ditching Rizzle Kicks from the original version in favour of obscure, buck toothed rapper Chiddy Bang. It was poorly received by fans on both sides of the pond, and also by an incensed Rizzle Kicks, who rightly called out Sony in the press for the botched A&R decision. The fact that the remixed single bombed out at #96 in the Billboard charts, even after two separate promo videos (one at a soccer match, the other on Venice Beach) and lacklustre radio play tells its own story.

When Olly returned home to continue recording and writing his third album in July that year, he was back working with Claude and Steve again, this time on a funk laden slice of pop about a wrong doing woman who proved irresistible. There was never any doubt that the driving disco funk pop of ‘Troublemaker’ had the potential to be a hit that would take him worldwide, but it needed an extra sparkle of magic to make it really take off. That sparkle came in the form of bechesticled US rapper Tramar Dillard, better known as Flo Rida. After all, he’d made more than his fair share of trips to the top of both the US and UK charts in recent years by the time he was approached, and had also guested on UK hit singles for The Saturdays and Alexandra Burke. Not for the first time in Olly’s career, however, the guest feature didn’t extend to the video for the song directed by Michael Baldwin, with Flo Rida’s part shot separately to his in Miami, bouncing car and all, whilst Olly hoofed it up pursuing and eventually hooking up with a hot girl around downtown Los Angeles who finds herself repeatedly fired from a series of jobs. At least it wasn’t the obvious choice of treatment for a song called ‘Troublemaker’. But again, showcasing an iconic look – the same long-sleeved granddad tee and braces he was rocking on the cover for the single’s parent album – cemented its imagery and his audience grew again.

Thankfully, those expecting more Chiddy Bang style buffoonery upon the single’s first radio play at the beginning of October – just as Olly began a national book signings tour in support of his illustrated autobiography ‘Happy Days’ – were breathing a sigh of relief when they heard the final version. Far from selling out, it was a stormer of a pop song up there with his best moments. A comfortable six weeks of solid airplay on TV and radio ahead of its mid-November release saw to it that, even with a chart battle against a returning Girls Aloud, who were marking their 10th anniversary with a new greatest hits album and that year’s BBC Children In Need single ‘Something New’, that Olly would achieve not only his biggest first week sales for a single – 125k are agreed to be the final number – on its way to sales of over three quarters of a million in the UK alone, but that he would also enjoy his first UK chart topper to spend more than a week at the top – his second week’s competition coming from Bruno Mars, whose ‘Locked Out Of Heaven’ had to settle for a #2 debut.

But crucially, ‘Troublemaker’ also did what the disastrous remix of ‘Heart Skips…’ had failed to do. It finally established him as the next UK success story in America, eventually reaching as high as the top 30 of the Billboard charts the following March, and shifting over one million copies in the process, as well as becoming a top 5 or top 10 hit in fourteen other countries. More nods at the following years BRITs and Ivor Novellos ceremonies confirmed just what a success the single had been for Olly. It had given him the freedom to becoming the international superstar he had dreamed of becoming on that audition stage all those years ago, whilst much like Take That before him, ensuring that he’d never forget where he was coming from.

OTHER THOUGHTS

The CD single came backed with a just about passable remix from dance DJs Cutmore, whilst the digital bundle boasted an additional reswizzle from UK garage gods Wideboys, famed for their 2001 top 20 hit ‘Sambuca’ with Dennis G. A rare version of ‘Troublemaker’ also exists in the ether with no feature from Flo Rida included – an additional verse from Olly appears in the place of his rap instead. This was done to cater for the audiences of national British stations like BBC Radio 2 and Heart, who were a little less inclined towards rap artists. The trick seemed to work, as it helped the single to top the UK radio airplay chart for several weeks at the end of 2012. Olly still performs this version live now in Flo Rida’s perpetual absence.

#Olly Murs #Olly Murs Daily #omdaily10 #OM Daily #10th Anniversary #reviews #2012 #Troublemaker #Flo Rida #Right Place Right Time

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yearsblog · 6 years

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How do you follow up a smash hit album that, in your native country alone, sold over a quarter of a million copies, spent two weeks at Number 1 (and didn’t budge from the Top 40 for over a year), spawned both a Number 1 (which itself sold just shy of a million copies) and a Number 2 single, and earned you four Brit Award nominations? With a bit of time and patience, it seems – or at least that’s how Years & Years have done it. The London-based, British-Australian trio’s second studio album ‘Palo Santo’, the follow up to 2015’s banger-filled, world-beating debut ‘Communion’, which put singer Olly Alexander and multi-instrumentalists Emre Türkmen and Mikey Goldsworthy on the proverbial map, has just been unleashed onto the world and currently boasts a handsome score of 82 on Metacritic, a 14-point increase on their previous offering. They may have, by their own admission, suffered from a little Difficult Second Album Syndrome, but the numbers don’t lie – their patience in crafting this record has absolutely paid off.

In reality, it’s not been an inordinately long wait for Years & Years fans, just three years, almost to the day – shorter than we were made to wait for recent sophomore offerings from Lorde, HAIM, Sam Smith and London Grammar. We meet for our interview on the third anniversary of the release of ‘Communion’,four days after ‘Palo Santo’ dropped, on the afternoon of the London instalment of the brief run of gigs across Europe and North America that are serving as the album’s launch parties. Despite being in the middle of a mad release week, packed with media appearances and album promotion, there’s little sign of fatigue from the band. The mayhem of the day hasn’t yet gotten to Emre, who has the clarity of mind to quickly fix an issue with our Polaroid camera, nor Olly, who is supposedly on vocal rest ahead of the performance, but voluntarily sings lines of ‘Sanctify’ as we snap our pictures. With his hair freshly re-dyed red, he’s in a chipper mood. “We can’t wait to be inside you,” he offers as his message to fans in New Zealand, before rethinking his contribution: “Bit weird.” Similarly cheeky humour comes from the stage late in that night's set: “I’m really wet,” he tells the adoring crowd, adding, “Sign of a good night, if you ask me.” There’s no shortage of banter on this promo circus.

If the magic took a little time to return during their writing and recording sessions in the British countryside last year, you wouldn’t notice from listening to ‘Palo Santo’, a record that manages to capture an unmistakeable Years & Years sound, while also pushing them into new territory. There’s particularly noticeable progress in the lyrics: whereas on ‘Communion’, the tracks often sounded as if Olly was writing them while looking directly into the eyes of their subjects, ignoring all surroundings and speaking purely from the heart, on ‘Palo Santo’, the lens is widened and we’re given more context, as well as a greater sense of space and time, to aid our understanding of each of these relationships and encounters. This advancement is particularly evident on ’Lucky Escape’ (in which a bitter scroll through an ex’s Instagram leads to a disparaging sense of relief at having ended things) and the title track (about the complicated experience of being the third party in an open relationship), each about different, yet fully-realised romantic partners.

This lyrical evolution is also apparent on first single ‘Sanctify’, the tale of a fling with a straight-identifying man, suggesting that a discrepancy in two partners’ confidence in their respective sexualities can lead to an interesting power-play in the bedroom. Despite the erotic thrill of the track, Olly’s writing manages to remain sympathetic to a man who “lately life’s been tearing […] apart." "I know how it can hurt / being cut in two and afraid,” he discloses, with surprising depth and warmth for a song so carnal. He’s a lyricist of great heart, trying to make sense of troubled men who are in turn trying to make sense of themselves, even if the romantic relationship he has with them doesn’t extend beyond the bedroom.

Olly’s background as an actor has gained new relevance with the release of ‘Palo Santo’, which sees him take a lead role in the accompanying short film and reteam with co-stars from his years on stage and screen. Before Years & Years properly got going, it was for supporting roles in films like ‘God Help The Girl’, ‘The Riot Club’ and (as Mikey teasingly reminds Olly during our interview) ‘Gulliver’s Travels’ that Olly became a recognisable face. He even featured opposite Greta Gerwig, the future Oscar-nominated director of ‘Lady Bird’, in the tiny 2011 indie ‘The Dish and The Spoon’, and could often be found on the London stage, turning in a string of critically-praised performances in plays between 2010 and 2013. The final play in which he appeared was John Logan’s ‘Peter & Alice’, which imagined the meeting between the two real life inspirations behind ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and ‘Peter Pan’, played by Dame Judi Dench and Ben Whishaw respectively. In cutaways to the fictional world created by J.M. Barrie, Olly played Peter Pan, fighting for his right to exist despite the wishes of his non-fictional counterpart, Peter Llewelyn Davies, that his life hadn’t been stolen from him by Barrie.

Jump forward five years and these three co-stars are reunited in another fantasy world in which Olly is a different kind of exceptional boy at the mercy of older powers, striving to assert his individuality. Dench is now the cryptic “mother of Palo Santo,” and Whishaw, who also appeared in one of the earliest Years & Years videos, for ‘Real’, makes a fleeting appearance as a hologram, giving an announcement to the city’s inhabitants. The film, shot in Thailand, is wild and ambitious in a way that, away from the output of the Beyoncés and Gagas of the A-list, pop often isn’t anymore. It also gives Olly the chance to sink his teeth into a role beyond just a dialogue-less, short-form music video. His character, also named Olly Alexander, is made to perform repeatedly for audiences, before growing tired and dismayed with being exploited and finding a way to explore his emotions away from the control of others.

Tonight, it’s on another London stage, a couple of miles north of the one they previously shared, that Olly and Dame Judi are reunited. Her voice is woven through the band’s live show at Camden’s Roundhouse, just as it is through the film. The iconic 83-year-old Oscar-winner’s narration has become an integral part of this project, but those hoping for an appearance from the Dame herself tonight are left disappointed, but probably not surprised, at her absence – she remains a formless, floating voice, just as in the world of Palo Santo.

But what does ‘Palo Santo’ actually mean? Despite its placement as the penultimate song on the album, the title track is the record’s centrepiece, a meditative and powerful cut more mature than anything found on their previous LP, on which Olly cries out, “You’re the darkness in me, Palo Santo.” In its most literal sense, the title comes from the name of the thick, wooden incense blocks that the party in the open relationship with whom Olly was involved was burning during their time together. The direct translation is, somewhat amusingly, ‘holy wood’, and their vapours are said to purify the air and cleanse it of evil and darkness.

But such is the expansive universe that the three-piece have built around this two-word term that it now carries several possible interpretations beyond the literal. Alternatively, ‘Palo Santo’ could be a moniker for this man himself, and the short-lived love triangle relationship, which perhaps represents a time of darkness for Olly.

Given the double use of ‘Palo Santo’ as the title of the record and of the futuristic, android world of the accompanying short film, a couple of further, more meta readings avail themselves to us. ‘Palo Santo’ the album could contain the darkness in Olly, with many songs, such as ‘Lucky Escape’, ‘All For You’ and ‘If You’re Over Me’, depicting him at challenging moments following a break-up, as he attempts to power through and come out on top of love rather than be defeated by it.

The world of Palo Santo seen in the film also has a strong connection to a possible darkness within Olly, as it explores the intersection of disconnect and emotionlessness with sensuality and performance. “The divine, amazing and incredible Olly Alexander”, as he is introduced by the Showman character, is one of very few non-androids in Palo Santo, and the androids, as we learn from the Star Wars-esque pre-scroll in Fred Rowson’s film, “desire nothing more than to experience real emotion,” which feels resonant with Olly’s outspoken discussion of his own mental health struggles. When taken alongside songs like ‘Hallelujah’and ‘Rendezvous’, which tell of rather non-committal sexual encounters, we see the same topics in ‘Palo Santo’ that Olly explored last year in his BBC documentary ‘Growing Up Gay’, of how struggles with mental health are sadly pervasive within the queer community.

In the live performance, it’s during ‘Palo Santo’ that Olly, donning a sparkly robe of almost ten metres in length, is raised up on a platform in front of a huge moon, a star ascending across a dark night. It’s a triumphant, almost unbelievable moment of spectacle meeting emotion. There may be “darkness” in this album, but it’s notably never in the form of sadness, and almost entirely hidden in joyous moments of pure pop. In their live show, Years & Years take the chance to show this overcoming of difficulty and adversity through a visual metaphor that literally grows before the audience’s eyes, and it’s an awesome sight to behold.

Despite being a Palo Santo Party, their setlist is equally balanced between their two albums. The newer cuts – such as the snappy ‘Karma’ and thumping ‘Hallelujah’, both just days old to fans – are received ecstatically, and the familiar hits bring some of the night’s most notable moments. Olly is briefly distracted by his front row devotees during ‘Take Shelter’ and stumbles to the end of a verse, before later bringing out an Italian fan who, thanks to the Make A Wish Foundation, gets to sit with him at the piano as he plays ‘Eyes Shut’, leading to one of the night’s biggest cheers. It’s when MNEK returns to the stage for the encore, following his spritely support set, for the debut of a new duet called ‘Valentino’, that the night hits peak gay, much to the fans’ delight. A Latin-flavoured bop telling of an infatuation with a boy “from the outskirts of East LA,” it owes a generous debt to Lady Gaga’s ‘Americano’ (a 2011 album track which opens “I met a girl in East LA…”), as well as the best of 90s girl-band R&B. Fingers crossed we get a studio version ASAP.

Earlier that day, we spoke to Years & Years about developing their songwriting for ‘Palo Santo’, avoiding sadness on a break-up record, when they expect they’ll finally be coming to New Zealand, and much more…

COUP DE MAIN: So it’s three years today since ‘Communion’ came out. EMRE TÜRKMEN: Is it? CDM: It is, happy birthday to it! How has release week been different this time around? OLLY ALEXANDER: It’s similar in the sense that I can’t remember much of it, because we’ve been so all over the place. I guess this time round, you’re… MIKEY GOLDSWORTHY: More of a veteran? OLLY: Yeah, I guess. First time around, I felt like I was hit by a truck. Not in a bad way, not in a negative way, just because it’s so overwhelming. But I think now I feel more grateful that fans have stuck around and that people like the new music. Because you can never take it for granted, can you? What about you guys? EMRE: The first time felt more intense, actually, I seem to remember. Because you know what to expect, in a certain way, it’s less mental. MIKEY: We’re doing similar things. We did [BBC Radio 2 show] Chris Evans last time. We did three countries in one day. CDM: Did you have a big launch show like this one? MIKEY: Not a big one, it was in a little club near Oxford Street. OLLY: We didn’t do anything in America though, did we? I think this time, we tried to do Palo Santo parties, like, East Coast and West Coast America, Berlin and here, so in that sense it’s been way more ambitious. Generally, I think we tried to be a bit more ambitious this time around.

CDM: There seems to be a real progression in your lyrics on this record. They’re more precise and specific than they were on ‘Communion’, and even involve some clever wordplay, particularly on ‘straight’ and ‘mask/masc’ on ‘Sanctify’. Did you approach writing lyrics differently this time around? OLLY: Yeah. Songwriting, especially lyrics – the more you do it, the more you uncover and the more you learn about your own process. The stuff that you write when you’re 20 is going to be different from the stuff you write when you’re 25, which is going to be different from the stuff you write when you’re 27. So I think, by its very nature, it develops and changes. But just as a human being, I feel more confident to write the shit that I actually have in my head. Not that it felt like I was stopping myself before, but I think it made a difference feeling more confident in myself this time around.

THE NEW SONG WE’RE MOST EXCITED TO PLAY LIVE IS…

CDM: I think my favourite song on the album is ‘Karma’, which grapples with whether what you’ve done in the past will lead to good or bad fortune in the future. (“No I can’t tell what’s right or wrong / Is there a consequence for all I’ve done?”) Was there something you were trying to answer about the role that guilt has in your life, and whether it’s worth holding onto? OLLY: I guess there’s some specifics that I relate to my own life. Some of those are to do with relationships, some of those are to do with my childhood, and generally about morality and, like, is karma real? And that song, the beginning of the session, I was writing with my friend Sarah Hudson who’s amazing and she’s very like witchy and into like occults and esoteric stuff, and she did a reading for us at the beginning and one of the cards was called ‘karma’ and we were like,“Oh, yes! Let’s write a song called ‘Karma’.”

CDM: How was the experience of writing with Julia Michaels and Justin Tranter on ‘Hallelujah’ and ‘Preacher’? OLLY: Oh, good! It was kind of intense because they’re songwriting royalty. I had the head of our label call me up before the session, because everyone was freaking out. They think if you put people in a room, you’re going to come out with a number one song, and there’s so much pressure on it to be good. So I was quite nervous to meet them, but they’re so warm and so inviting. Julia’s a legend too, but because Justin has had such a trailblazing, queer career and because he’s such a queer force in songwriting and in pop music, I was really humbled to be in his presence. And it was fun, you know, it was nice to work with them because you get to see into another writer’s process. I had no idea if my ideas or the stuff that I’ve been doing as a songwriter was any good, and then when I worked with them, I realised that they do similar things, and I was like,“Okay, this is nice, to be able to do this.” And we got a good song out of it!

MY FAVOURITE SONG WRITTEN BY JULIA MICHAELS AND JUSTIN TRANTER IS…

CDM: ‘Palo Santo’ seems to be very much a post-relationship record, with ‘If You’re Over Me’, ‘All For You’ and ‘Lucky Escape’ – as well as the Kele Okereke song that you featured on last year, Olly, ‘Grounds For Resentment’ – detailing how an ex can continue to occupy space in your mind and life once the relationship is over. It’s kind of lacking in heartbreak, unlike most break-up records we hear. Were there sadder songs you wrote for the record that didn’t make the cut? OLLY: I’m trying to think now. MIKEY: There were slower songs. I don’t know if they were sad. OLLY: We had a lot of songs, and then whittled them down. The ones we put on the album felt like the strongest ones. It wasn’t until I saw them together as a group like that where I realised the theme did feel like looking back on a relationship and trying to sort of dig through the shit that happened and feeling sort of angry and frustrated about that, but in a place of empowerment rather than feeling destroyed by it.

CDM: Olly, you’ve described ‘Lucky Escape’ as a petty song. Do you think that pettiness is a necessary, or helpful, part of the post-break-up experience? OLLY: Kind of! I think that I really, really bite my tongue in arguments with people, and I never say the thing I wish I’d said. But in a song, you have way more time! <laughs> MIKEY: It’s annoying when you have an argument and you go back and you’re like, “Ah, I should’ve said that! I would’ve sounded so smart!”

CDM: Olly, you gave Rihanna the first LP of ‘Palo Santo’ after you appeared with her on The Graham Norton Show. So say she’s scouting for new writers for her next album, and just one song from the record could be your calling card, which one would you want her to listen to and think, “I want him to write for me”? OLLY: I’m trying to imagine myself as Rihanna and think what she would like. Maybe ‘Palo Santo’. I’m just proud of the song and the songwriting on that. It’s quite unusual for a pop song. I guess you can argue, “What the fuck is a pop song?” But maybe that one. I feel like she might vibe with that.

CDM: ‘Palo Santo’ is so ambitious and high-concept, in a way that you don’t see many other British artists attempting or getting away with. It seems to come more naturally to American artists like Janelle Monáe and Halsey. Do you think there’s something about British culture that makes it easy to ridicule or be cynical about these sorts of ideas? OLLY: There’s some truth to that, I expect. MIKEY: David Bowie was British and did a lot of that kind of stuff. EMRE: I mean, I think the first concept album of all time was The Beatles. <laughs> Pink Floyd springs to mind… CDM: I guess I mean more in the present. OLLY: But you’re right, I agree. MIKEY: I know what you mean, Americans seem more confident with not caring what other people think. British people always seem to scrutinise other British people. Australians have inherited a little bit of that culture, as well. Especially in Melbourne. OLLY: Brits can be cynical, but I like that about being British. I guess you could say Americans definitely go for bells and whistles and big statements, and are generally considered more ambitious. CDM: Was there ever a concern about people not getting on board with it? OLLY: Yeah, I was worried all the time. But I realised that I was the best salesperson for the project, so I was telling everyone it was going to be so amazing. I went into the label and gave them a PowerPoint presentation about how everything was going to look and all the videos and the merchandise and the live show. I compensated feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing by being extra, extra, extra confident on the surface. <laughs>

HOW YOU GET TO PALO SANTO…

CDM: You’ve reteamed with your former co-star Judi Dench for the narration on ‘Palo Santo’, which is quite abstract – did she have much of an idea of what it was she was saying? OLLY: Yeah! Well, I said to her that she was the queen of androids. She’s sort of like the mother of Palo Santo, so she’s like this omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent – all three – character within Palo Santo, but she’s also kind of serving a poetic Beyoncé voiceover in ‘Lemonade’. So I told her all of that, and I think she was a bit like, “What the fuck?” But she loved it. She was like, “Are you telling me I’m old? Like an old android?” And I was like, “No!” So she was a bit upset about that. But she killed it!

CDM: Back when you were acting, Olly, you played quite a few innocent or corrupted boys dealing with something traumatic, however your character in ‘Palo Santo’ is more powerful and strong, even though he’s in a subordinate role. How much of an impact did being cast in those sorts of roles have on how you saw yourself, and are you trying to push back against that image of yourself now? OLLY: I mean, you put it in a really good way, actually. When you’re acting, you’re just taking the world that you’re given and you don’t really have much choice in the matter. In that sense, I found it quite creatively stifling, because you’re just doing someone else’s work and you’re playing [roles] other people are putting you into. But even when I look at the music videos we did for ‘Communion’, like ‘King’… I guess by the time we got to ‘Worship’ it had shifted, but in all our music videos, I’m getting thrown around, or beaten up, or in ‘Shine’a building collapses on me. I got more and more dissatisfied with being passive, and I think part of the reason I wanted to make a film of ‘Palo Santo’ was so that I could embody a character I would want to be.

CDM: The film has a pretty ambiguous ending, with your character onstage, unable to sing. Will we get to see more of this world, will it be expanded? OLLY: Yes, it will be. As soon as the label give us more money! <laughs> MIKEY: It’s expensive, Palo Santo.

CDM: When can we expect to FINALLY have you play in New Zealand? Because there was the whole situation in 2016 with the cancelled shows… OLLY: I know… It wasn’t our fault! MIKEY: Wait, what happened with that again? OLLY: It was the Ellie Goulding support slot. [The band had to pull out of the Australia and New Zealand leg of Ellie Goulding’s Delirium tour due to logistical difficulties.] MIKEY: Oh, sorry, yeah! My family bought tickets, so I owe them all, like, a hundred quid. There’s talk of next year. I mean, don’t quote me on this, which you will. <laughs>But there’s talk of Oceania/Asia vibes next year. That would make sense. I can pretty much 100% say we won’t be in New Zealand this year. OLLY: I really hope when we go that we get some actual time to spend there, and not just, like, one day. MIKEY: Yeah, it’s beautiful. One of the best-looking countries.

MY FAVOURITE THING ABOUT EMRE IS…

MY FAVOURITE THING ABOUT MIKEY IS…

MY FAVOURITE THING ABOUT OLLY IS…

‘Palo Santo’ is available now. You can watch the accompanying short film below:

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#years & years #article #interview #coup de main

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