Twitterpocalypse -- The Final Countdown(?)
*cracks knuckles*
All right. I had thought we were done. I had thought about retiring these, as the last one got a bit out of hand. I had planned on doing other things tonight, but it appears, my people need me.
And this genuinely might be the last one (at least from me). So let's see if I can sum up what's happened since our last episode, and see how many screenshots I can artfully arrange together before Tumblr breaks.
On Tuesday, things were already starting to break.
Wednesday:
Twitter 1.0 is dead. Long live Twitter 2.0!
It's just like the nineties, because it's EXTREMEly HARDCORE
Then somehow. After that was when things started getting weird.
Not content to be the technoking who is responsible for the engineering of rockets and for the technology in the exploding cars that make them successful, he decided to become a lawyer too.
He's really good at it.
And then this is what lured me into a false sense of security at *checks timestamp* almost 5pm last night.
That's right. Less than three weeks at the job, looking at the flames spreading all around him, Muskhead decided "I did good", or you know. He got bored. Things were quiet this morning, I thought maybe they'd found the tranq gun again. Nope. I shouldn't have looked away.
Because suddenly on Discord everyone's asking me about my next Twitterpocalypse update. And I'm like "??? I looked away for like A SECOND". And open up the app and...
Reactions have been mixed.
I don't know what you guys are talking about. This is HARDCORE EXTREME. Like a Rob Liefeld drawing. Which is absolutely the way to run one of the most important communication platforms in the entire world.
UMMM
RIP TWITTER 2.0
🫡
Farewell big bird. You were hilarious. You were horrible. You connected so many people, you literally ruined so many lives. Just waiting for the official return of the Fail Whale, as we all know it's coming.
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I think Deku has a bit of a mean streak, actually. he’s no Bakugou—that’s for sure—but he’s not this innocent, sweet angel baby that the media has painted him out to be. but you only catch it when you least expect it, when you’re pushing his nerves, when the stakes to everything around him are high, when he’s tired of endless sleepless nights and just—snaps.
“Oh?” you go, grin unfurling like some grinch, chin resting on your hands as you leer at him from across his expansive desk. “You’re mean.” your words are teasing, a snarl that curls your mouth up. Deku stutters, eyes going wide, jaw snapping shut in surprise as he tries to think back on how rude he just sounded.
“No, I’m not—I mean, you wouldn’t stop and I just—there’s a lot on my plate right now—and you just—you keep on—I’m not—I’m not mean.” He’s sputtering, hands all over the place, the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose falling even lower with how he jabbers on and on. it’s endearing really, to see how he tries to upkeep his image of being so kind and understanding, even though his nostrils just flared at you. and his eyebrows turned down and he gritted at you, his hands were balled into fists, his words were so nasty, so ugly, so unbecoming for Deku.
you liked it. loved it even—vowed to get him like this every single fucking second that you could.
you pick and poke at him whenever you see him, teasing him and pulling at him. pushing him around even though the hero is so much stronger than you, so much bigger. and he lets you, tries to defend himself but—that’s not what you want. you want the ugliness, the snark, the mean.
he snaps, eventually, when you least expect it. grabs you up in black whip when you go to push him against the wall for the third time in only a minute, his eyes suddenly dark, the aura of the room suddenly charged.
“That’s what I was looking for.” you whisper to him, the grin spreading your face quickly dissipating in only seconds when you become the prey. when you become the one pushed up against the wall with teeth at your neck, a hand in your underwear, bullying your hole with too thick fingers.
“Why do you want me to act like this? Be so mean to you, huh?” he sounds so frustrated with himself, with you, growling and nipping and licking when you don’t answer quick enough. but your breath is caught in your lungs because finally—finally, did you get what you wanted. it just took a little bit of pushing, you suppose.
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I don't think that zosan would ever really be the type to be easily jealous. Like sure Sanji can get 'jealous' over Zoro's swords but that's like the only time Sanji is ever worried about the attention his marimo is giving to something else. And Zoro knows how the love cook can be and that the way he treats women is just how he's always going to be. They're both very secure in their relationship and have never had a time where they felt like they had to protect it from another person.
However, I do think that Sanji tries to get Zoro to be jealous sometimes. It's just nice to be desired and what better way for Zoro to show that than public displays of jealousy? It never works though, as previously mentioned, Zoro knows Sanji. He trusts him and knows whatever attraction he shows to someone is usually all for show.
There is only one time where Zoro has ever gotten close to real possessiveness and it was like, the one time Sanji wasn't trying. He and Usopp made a stupid bet on some island and the loser was supposed to wear a dress to some little party the straw hats were invited to. When Sanji loses, he figures he might as well go all out and really dress up for it. It's been a long time since he's had to wear a dress and he does find it fun if he's in the right mood. So he has Nami and Robin help him pick something out and do his make up. When they show up everyone is kind of in shock because wow Sanji looks really good.
No one is used to him looking like that and it's not like Sanji really told them how he spent those two years apart from them. But the night goes well, he basks in all the compliments he gets and dances around and shows off. He doesn't really pay attention to what Zoro is doing until they get a few hours into the night and suddenly he's looming over Sanji where ever he goes. He keeps a hand on Sanji at all times, either on his back or his hand and he pulls Sanji in to sit with him constantly. At first he thinks that maybe Zoro is just tipsy and in the mood to cuddle, but then he starts to notice the way he'll interrupt someone if they've been talking to Sanji for too long, or he'll drag Sanji back to the crew and try to get him to stay at their table.
It makes Sanji want to see how long he can drag it out, see if Zoro can get jealous over the amount of eyes on him. Zoro puts up with it like a champ. Because at the end of the night, he knows who Sanji is going home with. But when the night does end and they get in bed Zoro is very clingy. Sanji wakes up late the next morning and everyone politely ignores the fact that he's wearing a turtle neck despite the heat.
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yandere zoro headcanons
male reader of course <3 also this is actually a very soft yandere zoro, nothing super duper hardcore...i think
yandere ! zoro . . . just expects you to know that he likes you. it's so annoying. he does the bare minimum and genuinely thinks that's enough for you to know. he's held the door open for you one time and equated that to a love confession. because he's not gonna ever blatantly confess to you, so he does these other minuscule things to get your attention and make it "known" that he likes you.
yandere ! zoro . . . will be at your beck and call. he will do whatever you ask of him. he'll act like its annoying, but he is more than happy to do whatever you ask him. it's undeniably a really sweet gesture that he does, but sometimes he gets really pushy and aggressive with it. the reason why is because he wants you to completely rely on him, even for your own basic needs. he wants to be doing everything for you for the power-trip and control it gives him.
"give it to me," zoro gruffly said, taking the bags from your arms. you were more than capable in carrying the groceries, but zoro took them off your hands. he knew you could handle them, but he felt the need to aid you.
"i am more than capabl-"
"shut up, i'm doing you a favor," zoro rejected your want to carry the bags, shaking his head.
"fine, thanks, zoro." a flash of your gentle smile was enough to send him into a flustered, crimson red blushing state.
yandere ! zoro . . . kind of going hand in hand with ^ that one, zoro would easily kill for you. the amount of dead bodies you'd be responsible for would be uncountable. every single man or woman thats hit on you has - unknowing to you - have been murdered by zoro. he doesn't take people trying to take you away from him lightly. to him its serious enough he needs to take their life. and he has and he will continue to.
yandere ! zoro . . . is very pushy on affections. it may sound out of character, but zoro never thought he'd get lucky enough to find someone like you. so now he's found you, he's gonna be selfish about, as far as he can go.
zoro had a nasty habit of physically taking you away from conversations. it would be out of nowhere - when you're just playing games with chopper and then you're suddenly being thrown over zoro's shoulder. you could try fighting against him all you want, but he easily overpowers you.
and when you're finally dropped onto the crow's nests floor, you berate him, "what's your issue?! chopper and i were talking you know!"
"i know," zoro says, not bothered one bit by your shouting.
"so?" you say expectingly, not enjoying how nonchalant he was being about the whole situation.
"if you're my boyfriend, don't i have the right to spend time with you?"
"i can still have friends though,"
zoro yawned, taking you into his lap and trapping you in hie arms, "come on, let's just sleep. we don't have to keep talking about stupid shit like this,"
"you can't just-"
a hand on the back of your head made you crash into his chest and effectively shut you up, his chest silencing you as you were smothered (suffocated) in it.
yandere ! zoro . . . has two sides of his personality - one he uses with you, and only with you, and then the side he shows everyone else. he never speaks as softly as he does with you as he does with other people. he's hyper aware that he looks intimidating to others, but he goes out of his way to be softer with you. it's sweet, honestly, but it's terrifying to see it happen in real time.
zoro had an arm drapped around your shoulder, simply following in whatever direction you took him to. whenever he saw something that he'd think you'd like, he pointed it out to you with a hidden smile.
"wait, look, do you like it?" zoro gently asked, picking up the ring and examining it in the natural light, "i can get it for you, if you want?"
"but it's pretty expensive-"
"don't worry about it, i can afford it," zoro shrugged, enjoying the way your eyes brightened. if only he could keep that for himself completely, hide you away from the rest of the world.
the two of them walked up to the vendor. zoro's soft smile was wiped away in an instant, looking gruff and annoyed at the man, "this one."
"what a lovely ring, you two are-"
"could you just hurry up? our crew might leave without us," zoro lied, already so annoyed with the innocent man who was just doing his job. you slapped him on the chest, shooting him a look.
seeing the disappointed expression on your face, he faltered in his glare a little bit. and an embarassed blush came onto his face, looking to the side and forcing himself to not glare at the vendor.
the man looked grateful for your intervention, quickly taking the exchange of beri and handing you the ring. a quick thank you left your lips before you walked out of there, zoro in tow.
"you're such an asshole," you murmured in annoyance, shrugging off his arm from your shoulder.
"babe, c'mon, don't-" but he shut up immediately when he saw the look you shot him, a warning look. it worked and he kept quiet the rest of the walk to sunny.
he practically grovelled for forgiveness the rest of the night, only gaining it back when he gently put the ring around your finger and peppered kisses on your face.
yandere ! zoro . . . is really only nice and doting to you - he doesn't give a shit about anyone else but you and makes it known. it earns him a scolding but he needs you to know that everyone that isn't you doesn't even cross his mind. you're the only person he thinks about and will continue to think about - everyone else isn't even worthy of being as important as you are in his head. you are the only thing he cares about, he devotes his entire strength in making it known he is at your disposal.
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🐝 * ― 𝑪𝑶𝑪𝑲𝑻𝑨𝑰𝑳 𝑸𝑼𝑰𝒁. ( send one or multiple of these to learn a little more about my muse(s). )
[ mai tai ] if they could have any superpower in the world, what would they choose?
[ white russian ] what would they do if they won the lottery?
[ grasshopper ] what / who would they dress up as for halloween?
[ tequila sunrise ] how would they spend their perfect day?
[ californication ] what do they think is their greatest achievement in life?
[ caipirinha ] if they could change one thing about themself, what would it be?
[ painkiller ] what is their greatest regret?
[ moscow mule ] if they could travel through time, where would they go?
[ dry martini ] what is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to them?
[ tom collins ] which living person would they most want to meet?
[ greyhound ] if they could have a dinner with just one person ( dead or alive ) who would they choose?
[ planter's punch ] how long does it take to befriend them?
[ sangria ] do they have any special routines they follow every single day? if yes, which?
[ whiskey sour ] what is the biggest lie they ever told someone?
[ zombie ] do they believe in life after death?
[ margarita ] what are their biggest pet peeves?
[ mojito ] what is one goal they are working towards?
[ appletini ] who do they consider the most important person in their life? why?
[ cosmopolitan ] what is their happiest memory ever?
[ gin tonic ] who influenced them the most?
[ bloody mary ] what would they do if they only had one week left to live?
[ manhattan ] where would they like to travel the most?
[ old fashioned ] what would their adult self tell their kid self if they could go back in time?
[ blue lagoon ] how do they typically react when faced with something they fear?
[ sidecar ] what type of person are they most likely drawn to?
[ negroni ] what is one piece of advice they would give others?
[ hurricane ] which song describes them the most? why?
[ sex on the beach ] what do they consider red flags in a relationship?
[ mimosa ] which incident shaped them the most?
[ long island iced tea ] if they had the chance to redo their life, what would they do differently the second time around?
[ mint julep ] which was their dream job as a kid?
[ singapore sling ] how do they react to disappointments?
[ alexander ] what would they do with one million dollars / euros / pounds / whatever currency they use?
[ screwdriver ] which habit do they wish they could get rid of?
[ gin fizz ] do they consider a glass half-full or half-empty?
[ aperol spritz ] which is one thing they still think about a lot?
[ piña colada ] how do they show affection?
[ swimming pool ] what is the most important lesson they've learned in recent years?
[ b52 ] how would they describe themselves in as few words as possible?
[ daiquiri ] do they believe in true love? why or why not?
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