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#just for funzies teehee
primaryblogsblog · 1 year
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I love Sleuth Jesters Eclipse with all my heart but I don’t think he’d appreciate me as much 😭 If only me and the vigilante could trade places, then we’d both be happy 😩
Sleuth jesters eclipse belongs to @naffeclipse
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holy-puckslibrary · 5 months
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━ 𝐅*𝐂𝐊 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑.
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-ˏˋ. 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ˊˎ-
𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 — FWB!matthew tkachuk x f!reader 𝐰𝐜 — 1.7k 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 — "old habits die hard..." — or, your boyfriend won’t fuck you right, so you run to the one person who always does.
𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 — patrons know the chokehold this toxic sin-fest has on me and probably always will... in all seriousness, this is one of my favorite things i've ever published and i am so insanely proud of it. i hope you love it as much as i do <3
(spoiler — not possible teehee)
18+ MDNI — content warnings under the cut.
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𝐜𝐰 — profanity, innuendo, matthew’s filthy mouth and lack of morals, cheating (not on matty or the reader), outdated/incorrect information about having sex for the first time, borderline too much degradation, some objectification to add a little spice, unprotected sex w a cheeky creampie (what did you expect from two morally bankrupt individuals written by me, a retired whore?), matthew being a noncommittal, possessive piece of shit joking about knocking people up for funzies
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“D’you think you’re so addicted to my cock because you know I don’t give a fuck what you think about me? Or care if you think I’m a Nice Guy?”
Even buried to the hilt—bare with nothing between you and far too fucking close for comfort—Matthew Tkachuk runs his mouth like he’s got nothing to lose and even less to prove. He’s insufferable, his only redeeming quality being the pulsing appendage threatening to split you in half as you buck in his lap.
With your hands braced against his hard chest for leverage, you drown out his grating voice, chasing the white-hot surges, bolts of lightning leading you to the brink of collapse with renewed vigor.
The sooner you come, the sooner he’s gone.
“All I care about, sweetheart, is fucking you good and hard. Giving it to you like the hungry, cockdrunk whore that you are.”
Debonair attitude. Sly confidence. Vulgar demeanor.
Filthy fucking mouth.
You were warned about Matthew Tkachuck. Repeatedly. Warned about him and his complete lack of a filter, about his total disregard for anyone’s feelings but his own. His aversion to commitment, to monogamy, to propriety.
All the things that repulse you about the man lounging on expensive hotel sheets beneath you—as you do all the work—lure you back to him in equal measure. He shouldn’t turn you on, but that’s exactly why he does. He’s all wrong, wrong, wrong.
Which makes him just right.
“I bet if your fiancé walked in right now, you’d just keep riding me. You wouldn’t even notice, would you? After all, you haven’t cum yet. And that’s all you care about, right? Using my cock to get your rocks off because Billy Boyfriend’s too scared to give you what you really need. Lucky for you, I’m not a fuckin’ pussy. I don’t treat you like a fragile doll because I know you’ll take anything I give you—and beg for more. I treat you like what you are, not some chaste little princess.”
You’ve been with Bill for nearly a decade, engaged for more than a year. It’ll be a spring wedding, probably. If the venue pans out, and the caterer finally calls you back with a final quote.
Perfect on paper.
He doesn’t pay attention to you the way he used to. Just throws money at the problem until he can bury himself in work again, undisturbed by you or nagging obligation.
Flowers for being three hours late, a necklace for missing dinner entirely. A trip overseas when he had to go into the office on your anniversary.
But he’s nice, so fucking nice it hurts, and more loyal than the Golden Retriever he wants to adopt after the honeymoon. After you’re settled into a custom-build nestled comfortably in the suburbs and far away from the city. White picket fence, manicured lawn, barely-there speed limits.
It's all so nauseatingly idyllic. So perfectly attuned with what you thought you wanted, what you spent your childhood coveting.
All your single friends are jealous; your committed friends are resentful. Your family loves him, and even though you’ve got a fucked up way of showing it, so do you.
And he loves you too. He’s just busy. It’ll be different once we’re settled, he says. You try to believe him, though not as hard as you should. You tell yourself it's because he doesn’t either.
Bill’s gotten lazy. You’ve gotten bored.
You’re no angel, and never claimed to be. You just want to feel good.
Matthew barks out a dry laugh, almost like he can read your mind.
“You haven’t been since I first got you on your knees at his birthday party. And definitely not after I popped that sweet cherry you were so adamant about saving for him."
Bill doesn’t fuck you. He never has.
He makes love to you. It’s that romance-novel tenderness that got you here in the first place. Slow, sweet, and nearly devoid of passion. It’s so gentle you have to think of him just to come.
How he fucks you.
How tightly he yanks your hair, craning your neck until it aches. How hard he kneads and smacks your ass, bullying the skin until you sob. How deep his cock reaches. And how he takes, takes, takes without forethought. How could you accept a lifetime of only tame rutting in the face of Pavlovian depravity?
It’s awful, and it's so profoundly selfish, but his everything has you in a bind.
Matthew’s everything is ruining your life.
An uncharacteristic wave of guilt and sadness washes over you, and before you can catch yourself, you’re staring down at the engagement ring. The band constricts, digging into your finger like it's out for blood when you glimpse the indentation it left behind on Matthew’s peck. You wince, then choke down the shame lodged in your throat, screwing your eyes shut to will it away.
“If it's bothering you that much, take it off. I’ll keep it safe for you.” —wink— “I can’t imagine the weight of a rock like that, especially one you don’t even deserve. But, if you actually felt as guilty as you claim to, you wouldn’t be this wet on another man’s cock. Don’t play saint now. You’ll ruin the fun.”
You can’t do this right now; you can’t have this worn-out fight. So, you say what you always say even though you’ve long since stopped trying to mean it.
“You keep saying that, sweetheart. We should stop. This is the last time. But no matter what you say, you always come crawling back to me sooner or later because I have what you need. Because I’m not him. Because I fuck you better.”
His words light you on fire. You hate it, but how deeply your body enjoys them is undeniable. How tightly you squeeze and flutter with every degrading line, choking his cock as you use him to satisfy your own perverted needs. How his brutal honesty, his refusal to let you forget your zealous participation in the affair for even a second, arches your back and hardens your nipples.
Even without all that evidence stacked against you, the blitzed-out look on your face says it all. One look at you and everyone would know just how right Matthew is.
“Shut the fuck up,” you growl.
You say it for the sake of saying it. To know, when you curl into Bill's side tonight, that you said something to deny his assessment of you.
But the last thing you want is for him to shut his mouth.
Not right now, not when you’re right there—
“You can’t hide from me, sweetheart, and you can’t lie to me. You can’t fool me, either. I see right fucking through you. It terrifies you—and you love it.”
His raspy voice swims freely through your hollowed-out mind. It unwittingly thumbs through every unforgivable memory, like some sort of pornographic Rolodex.
Matthew’s hips grinding against yours in darkened corners and dive-bar bathroom stalls and poker tables.
His hands fighting against hard-earned sweat in the foggy backseat of his car, battling to find purchase anywhere he can so he can keep rutting with reckless abandon before you’re expected home.
His fingertips burrowing into the sides of your throat, hard enough to bruise, hard enough to silence, hard enough to hurt.
Him spilling inside of you, ropes painting the sacred place white with no remorse or expectation of responsibility.
Matty’s hand over your mouth, urging you to be fucking quiet as he pistons in and out, in and out, keeping you pinned against the bathroom door, against the only thing standing between Bill and the worst discovery of his apple-pie life—
Old habits die hard.
Especially when it’s one that always feels that fucking good. No matter how lecherous or immoral.
Or how badly the betrayal would hurt someone underserving and innocent.
“Even if you walk down that aisle and take his last name, you’ll still belong to me. Wedding or not, this pathetic, weeping cunt belongs to me. But it’s all gonna be okay, though. Don’t you worry that pretty, empty head. I don’t mind sharing my toys. Especially with someone who could never compete.”
You can't compete where you don't compare.
He doesn’t want to be your boyfriend. He doesn’t want to be anyone’s boyfriend. He isn’t the Relationship Type. He doesn’t even want to be exclusive. That’s part of his appeal, no matter how fervently you deny it. He doesn’t want more than pleasure—primal, deviant pleasure—and that’s all you're looking for.
That's all you need.
“Where do you want my load, dirty girl?”
“Inside. I-Inside me, please, Matty.”
“Right answer.”
The burst of warmth is like getting a perfect grade you didn’t earn. Or feeling the cash your sibling gave you in exchange for not ratting them out sitting in your back pocket. It's hard to feel bad about the wrong you’ve done when the payoff is so deliciously worthwhile.
Matthew twitches, still hugged by your sensitive walls, and you shudder.
This is the high you chase every time you bend your morals until they splinter. The still nothingness that lays beyond the denouement, where everything is glowy and the pit inside you appears not-so-bottomless for once. The lack of expectations and obligations. The sheer freedom that stringless pleasure, that sensual self-indulgence provides.
Matthew doesn’t owe you anything, you don’t owe him anything either, and neither of you pretends otherwise.
And you sure as fuck don’t trip on his dirty laundry every time you walk into the bedroom.
“If that doesn’t take,” Matthew flicks his hips in emphasis, “…let me know when and where you want your wedding present, sweetheart.”
You don’t answer. You push his hands away and roll off of him unceremoniously. But he keeps talking.
Matthew is always talking.
“Oh, and before I forget, would you be a dear and let Billy know I won’t be able to make it for his bachelor party? I don’t know why, but I have the oddest feeling that something desperately needing my attention will come up.”
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©2023 holy-pucks, all rights reserved. I do not give consent for any of my work to be copied, re-posted or translated here, on Tumblr, or on any other platform. Reproduction of any content from this blog is considered plagiarism.
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storytellering · 4 months
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It's the time of year to post silly recap memes, so here's that art vs artist thing just for funzies teehee
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baylardian-1 · 5 months
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hmmmm i was kinda waffling on posting this but i will with the disclaimer that likeeeeeeeeeeee idk if im gonna go this route hahaha its just kinda been an indulgent hole ive been exploring for funzies with tardi. but it all feels really inorganic to me still lol
just wanted to design a lil cringe naenae next next gen baby teehee
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pitxroxas · 1 year
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ive been writing for visionstars for funzies so heres some hcs
Tsukasa Suou: His hydro horse thingy is a mare and her name is Iris. Tsukasa could be a reverse childe, uses sword in normal combat and then mounted on Iris he switches to hydro bow bc why the hell not. (also bc he’s canonically good at mounted archery and theres a really cursed [!] era card for that + story) He’s from Fontaine and his family works under the Archon. They’re the head of the Archon’s defense for her and the region and Tsukasa is going to be the next general. Tsukasa is very fond of Inazuman treats (loovess dango milk). Also Tsukasa sleeps on Iris when they camp out
Arashi: Arashi is from Liyue and is a model in Liyue. Arashi may as well be related to Zhongli and may as well be an Adepti, but that isn’t confirmed :) (In Enstars Canon she has a big bro, maybe Xiao could be hers??) Arashi’s burst is similar in form with Zhongli’s (big object be hurled + stun) but instead of it being a big boom boom rock its a bunch of star-shaped shards of geo that skewer said enemy and explodes, giving stun. oh. and killing them. Arashi is also the mom of the group, completely against her will and its not certain to say she likes it or not.
Leo: Leo is a flaming piss weasel and that’s literally it (/j) he cannot control his powers whatsoever, so whenever he gets an emotional spurt of energy expect everything to be on fire. Fires comes out from him EVERYWHERE. It’s usually his hands within his control, his nose and maybe his mouth outside of control. Leo has totally made a claymore out of pyro and showed it to Ruka. Ruka was not pleased when half the kitchen was burned to shreds. He also is very good at woodworking (mostly the burning thingy) and sets wood on fire specifically to compose.. yippee!! Leo is also from Mondstat btw. Also, Leo’s burst is much like Yanfei’s, a birthday of music!! Boom boom!!
Izumi: Traveling model from Snezhnaya who would rather be home. He freezes everything because he hates everybody (actually just his insecurities talking) he’s like Elsa but if Elsa skipped therapy at any given moment. Izumi actually knew Leo when he went to Mond for a modeling gig and they became friends there and then never met again. Until now. Izumi is also hella good at ice skating and thats his entire fighting style. Skid skid boom deaded. Like op said, he works like yelan. I think his burst should just be a wall of ice. Defense!!! ahahah!!!!
Ritsu: Personally nobody knows where he’s from and no one is allowed to touch his vision (bc he said so) but everyone speculates Sumeru. Ritsu is not from Sumeru but I’ll keep you wondering. Ritsu sleeps on everything and everybody. One time he slept on Iris and Tsukasa has been angry since. (“How many times have I told you, Ritsu-Senpai!! Iris is not a pillow!!! You can’t sleep on her!!!”) (“But.. you do…”) (“Thats not the point!!!”) Ritsu has honestly found a great attraction to Arashi (in a platonic way) he sees her as a big sister and Arashi is sooooo validated by that. Ritsu’s burst may as well be something like Mona’s or Layla’s, a debuffer / debuffing field for the boss and a buff for the knights.
Unit: They do actually go around and sing and dance and they also go around and cause problems…. on accident?? Tsukasa and Arashi are usually damage control
They’ve actually set some important landmarks on fire.
Izumi has froze some people before and got away with it.
Despite their crimes, Knights is pretty popular for their music and choreography!! Also how they add elemental powers within their performances!! Except for Leo he isnt allowed.
and thats it for my visionstars hcs!!! Thank you so so SOO much @flcarius and your gf for the ideas that sparked the au!!! I love it so much that i. write. teehee :3
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isa-ghost · 2 years
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3 Scary Games Notes (6/26/22)
NOTE: I’m late to this because of irl oblogations AND the thumbnail / title changed. While this can often be for algorithmic reasons because YouTube is an impossible fuckwad, the start of the video supports the idea that this change actually means something.
I decided to look closer at the thumbnail and point out anything I found odd. As well as outline the supposed eyeball. Which... Like fucking always, is on the left fucking side.
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So here’s what I found compared to an undrawn-on thumbnail. You can see the eye, the very square corner I personally found weird, and I pointed out the light flares with a 1 and 2 because those have been VERY indicative of something big and fire-related in the past, especially during Mayhem.
Case in point: Subnautica Full Release, February 2018. Aka the videos which initially started my suspicion that something big was coming throughout March 2018, which eventually proved me right in May 2018.
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In the first two videos, he’s on a leviathan killing spree, because why not? But I vividly remember the nervousness we had seeing the knives in the thumbnail, pointing out the flares, and the distinct red/blue theming. If I’m not mistaken, I took notes on suspicious activity in one of the first two videos, if not both of them.
What I’m saying is, two classic Mayhem Style thumbnail traits are back in this Scary Games thumbnail, and the start of the video really ties to the whole IRIS thing we’ve had going on on here lately. Leading me to believe that Sean is starting to throw gasoline on us too, not just Soph. In other words, we are VERY dead soon.
Here’s the start of the video:
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Surveillance footage of the office. Where videos are recorded. AKA where canonically speaking, Chase has been posing as Jack for the last 4 years (oh god jesus christ that’s a horrific realization i’m gonna cry). Chase. Who we know is being watched by IRIS.
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On top of that, this spooky intro for a horror game video goes on WAY longer than any of his harmless just-fun-creative-teehee-spoopy intro clips usually do. It’s literally the entire first minute of the video, when usually these are usually only a handful of seconds long.
And then the clip glitches red, blue and green, to the Actual start of the video.
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(Bonus funny frame I got, for funzies)
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At 3:52 in the video, the surveillance returns, and its glitchy. Which is a bit strange in my opinion because while the game has the player recording stuff and taking pictures, the surveillance just.. doesn’t fit the same vibe of footage as the camera in the game.
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5:12 - The surveillance returns again.
13:08 - The facecam disappears. While a majority of the time this is done for silly immersion, its been used against us too.
20:28 - Screen glitches to surveillance again as we transition to the next game
29:14 - Facecam disappears again, surveillance returns once more. It still doesn’t mesh with the game being played, still sticks out.
36:59 - We glitch to the next game
39:46 - Screen glitches back to surveillance again. He excuses the glitches with his “cable messing up” possibly?
50:40 - Sean does his outro and the surveillance returns. After a moment it glitches out, and the video fully ends.
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kkatie-eitakk · 4 years
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here’s some art I’ve done in the past 2 weeks 🥺 the jackalope was a commission, but the rest was just for funzies 🥺
and that man in the paper sack is my loving boyfriend teehee
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