13|12|2023

Today was a day of simple joys. In the morning when I was in class I realized how good it feels to sit in that room. It's the polar opposite of what I was feeling last semester in my protohistory class. In February I felt out of place, I was uncomfortable and I felt frozen in place unable to talk to people. In this class everyone is just so casually nice. People smile at you and say hi simply because they have seen you there before, even if you haven't really talked. It's such a calm and relaxing vibe to be in for someone like me. And again I don't really know anyone here so it's the people there making a difference. After class I met up with two uni friends and we had sushi for lunch and walked around the city and after we said goodbye we continued texting each other for hours. I realized how comfortable I feel with them, and it's absurd. I was already friends with one of them but this new friend joining us somehow makes me feel like our friendship got deeper. I am truly comfortable and relaxed when I am with them. I don't feel the pressures I normally feel when I am out meeting and talking people, I am just old silly me and it feels great. I feel like I am healing from a lot of things thanks to them, and one year ago I could have never imagined to form such a strong bond with someone I met just a couple of months ago. I feel really grateful about this, which is also why I wanted to record this joy in this digital journal of mine.

Im done contorting my body to fill and fit the mold of what you want me to be. Ive never been good enough. Ive been to out spoken, too skinny, too thick, too sad. The constant bending and forming myself into ungodly proportions. Trying to measure myself to make sure the pieces all fit perfectly snug. Im done . Take me for the whole complete puzzle that i am. Be the person who wants to add to that puzzle and extend it. Not pick away at its pieces leaving them weathered and cracked.

L.L

Here’s another blank spread! My next life as a villainess is one of my favorite anime so I was so excited to know they also made it into an actual otome game hehe I’ve never played an otome game before so this’ll be a learning process. I’m having a great time so far!

The goal is to try to do every route but also thinking about doing all the Keith routes horrifies me so we’ll see T-T

Bit of a WIP, a TES alchemist journal I’m making for a friend for a friend.

cute puppy pet dog sticker

why don't you humble yourself and drink the slop of kings (in the pig)?

Hello!

Hello and welcome to my portfolio! Here will contain my artwork, writing and occasionally photography.

A little about me: I'm a neurodivergent English with Creative writing graduate based in Somerset, UK, and my goal is to one day work in a field I love. What field am I talking about? Well, I don't exactly know, but I honestly will give anything a go. I was sitting one day trying to figure out my future (as I'm in my third year) and I realised if there's any time to shoot my shot with a dream career it's now. My specialty is horror art and short stories, and my dissertation is a Lovecraftian horror based on the internet legend 'The Backrooms' and I can't wait to share that here when it's done. I'm not strictly tied to that genre/style though, as I often write and draw whatever comes into my head. I'm also handy with photoshop and video editing, and will post that from time to time. If you see anything you like, or maybe on the off chance want to hire me to create for you, please contact me via my email: [email protected] and we can have a chat.

That all being said- make a cuppa, sit down, put on some good music and enjoy what I have to show!

I want to get into writing, I'm just not sure there space for my thoughts

The Misadventures of a Theatre Major

Installment 1 -

6/20/2022

My therapist once told me that it was a good idea to keep a journal that would document the emotions I felt on any given day. The idea, I’m sure, was for me to become aware of the chronic numbness and perpetual state of apathy I seem to exist in. Unfortunately for her, I am already aware that I exist in a void of my own emotions and have already tried keeping a journal. It didn’t work as intended and only increased my anxiety.

But, it’s been a year since that first meeting and since then I have undergone tremendous growth. I now feel freely (though I will admit my emotions are pretty muted and underutilized still) and am aware of oncoming dissociative episodes and can take the proper steps to halt them. I still struggle with depression and am sure I will till the day I die but I am more comfortable with its presence in my life. It no longer whispers that I should end it all, now it hums a faint tune about the absurdity of it all. But I am comfortable with it. It’s more like an annoying roommate than an ill-tempered master.

And that is why I am typing right now. I find that I am comfortable enough with both myself and my problems to share them here, not to receive pity, but to merely reveal to others like me that it is possible to live and thrive in spite of one’s self.

Is this an ill-fated, self-fulfilling prophecy? Perhaps. But at least it’ll provide entertainment.

I’ll cut my ramblings short and tell you more about me, the author, the enigmatic, well-known fool that writes to you now.

My name is Irrelevant but you can call me MJ. I am 19 and I am agender though you will see and hear me proudly proclaim to be non-binary. I find that more people are familiar with the latter term and I only care about the distinction enough to put a name to it but not enforce it. I am a sophomore in college currently pursuing my B.F.A. in Theatre which I intend to pursue to a Master’s. Although secretly I wish to be an actor, I’ll admit I am fearful of the stage and am much more comfortable working backstage in the catwalk or booth. I am currently hoping to become a well-known, professional lighting designer and later a technical director for some big-name theatre.

It is June the 20th today, I finished my freshman year a month ago and my sophomore year starts in two months and a week.

Goodbye for now,

Two quick questions: 1. Do you have, by any chance, a link to your Brad Bakshi fanfiction? 2. Sei italian*? (Are you italian?)

yes!!! here it is: (yes the title is a Marco Mengoni reference)

non sono italiano ma ci posso parlare e adoro il paese e la sua cultura tantissimo! il mio "special interest" é (devo dire "é" o "sono"?) i paesi romani (italia, spagna e francia) e per questo ho imparato l'italiano (me stesso! ci sono fiero). come puoi giá vedere mi piace molto mengoni e le sue canzoni mi hanno aiutato incredibilmente ad imparare italiano. sto studiando lo spagnolo in scuola e quindi l'italiano mi viene facilmente. magari é l'autismo+ADHD che ho (é chiarissimo che é per l'autismo e ADHD) ma mi piace pensare in italiano e quando faccio il jouranling mi piace scrivre in italiano. insomma adoro la lingua italiana e italia é il mio paese preferito del mondo (comunque la sua politica). grazie per le domande! spero che ci parliamo piú <3

I do this to myself time in and out. I fall hard and fast. I build up a mental image of what things should be like. Those pictures in my head haunt me. It happens all the time. Then that image begins to crumble. And I try again, and again, and again. Telling myself every single time it'll be different this time around. It will fucking work this time. I fall for hopeless lies I convince myself of. And wonder why when reality strikes I'm left alone with the crumbled remains of what was probably never even meant to be in the first place.

L.L

itch.io winter sale!

everything I've ever made for $10 – that's Robins – a weird urban fantasy OSR game, crisis – solo jouranlling about being a side character in a constantly retcon'ing canon, and Sword Poem RPG – a one page game about being a cursed sword that ruins lives over generations.

I would also appreciate money while I am recovering from my RSI and am unable to do commissions. Thank you!

From Youtube: "This theme is the 90iest thing that ever 90'ed."

Speaking of....

Side hot take: the 90s were far from the joke the era is made into by some jaded old timers, they were only really crappy on the whole for the comic book industry, legality and justice systems, and for some worldly and national politics. For everything else in human civilization and the arts (Hollywood, music, television, animation, video games, board games, toy lines, fictional literature, jouranlism and magazines, sports, radio, food service, fashion and trends, education, economy, etc.), we had it pretty damn golden, in a few areas even better than we do now (though seeds for darker times were regrettably sown).

Additionally, just as the Ronald Reagan administration had some shit that was inexcusably awful yet is still widely regarded as this great, strong presidency of the 80s in America, I think we can be allowed a similar stance on Bill Clinton and his administration in the 90s: very efficient governing and leadership in that presidency that left the country well off in ways unmatched by the four presidencies that've followed, but helmed by a horrid, obscenely crooked and sinful man who personally deserves to eat shit and rot for his frequent misconduct (which was even worse than what we'd known before!)

14|05|2022

Thesis Diary #20

Pretty small update on my thesis work today. I simply contined reading Ucciderò Vittorio Emanuel II curated by Massimo Centini. This discontinued book is focused on the first trial that started the witch hunt which I am writing about in my thesis. The book is basically devided in a first small essay, which is what I have finished reading and annotating this morning, and then there should be a full transcription of the archival sources, which is a blessing for me, because it will save me a lot of time. So as I was mentioning today I finished the essay part, which was divided in different sections, some more specific on the trial, others more on the subject of witch hunts and magic from a sociological and anthropological point of view. It was really interesting and I cannot wait to have a full reading of the transcripted sources.

Aside from this I did read first thing in the morning, I jouranled, and I practiced Irish on duolingo. I also finished the second season of Derry Girls, and this show has become one of my favourites series. The other big thing about today was packing, because this evening I am popping on a plane, and taking a small trip of a couple of days with a friend. I am a bit nervous about it, it's mostly my anxiety that has gotten worse ever since the pandemic started. I have my meds with me and I am trying to approach this with the most positive spirit I can. I hope that I will manage to turn off my brain for a couple of days and relax, I really do hope that.

📖: Pet Sematary by Stephen King

🎵: Are You Ten Years Ago covered by PVRIS

"now this is jouranlism yee-hawwwwwww"

Mr. Guy please.