So, Elon Musk wants to change the verification checkmark process to be much easier and now people are impersonating him on Twitter

This is giving so much John Green Cock Monologue energy, I cannot describe my amusement with words.

🐸boss ✅✅ Follow

As I near 200,000 followers here at boss, I just wanted to to say Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick..... that’s when I’m satisfied.

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As I near 210 followers here at theofficialsheogorath, I just wanted to to say Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. that’s when I’m satisfied.

I need Tumblr to know that John Green is now using y'all's relentless bullying to sell coffee for charity. Talk about reclaiming your narrative.

As I near 120M followers on Twitter, I just wanted to say Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied.

i think we should have a word that means "this is objectively funny but i can't really call it funny because it was objectively fucked up", i.e. the john green cock post edit and how he ended up being essentially bullied off of tumblr by a teenage internet mob. i think most of us inherently want to giggle at it at least a little because the situation is so absurd that it borders on satire and yet calling it "funny" minimizes the damage done by the act.

i want an adjective that means something along the lines of "i'm laughing about this but I desperately wish it was an episode of curb your enthusiasm and not something that happened to a real person".

As I near six marks of delight here at these rooms behind a bookshop, I just wanted to say that Neville is one of my favourite tastes. Not only that, but his vital pigment smells amazing. It makes me get a little restless to be honest. Like, I cannot get him deep enough in my fistulae to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I hear those intense, desperate, weeping pounds of his fists from my cupboard. When I lean back on my heels, look up at you with phrygian pouring from my lips and the vigilant storm burst forth from my remains, smooth without and red within and ask you “what are the words that make the sacrifice sweet?” and you cannot even speak because I’ve set your blood (and dick) afire with the rite of the crucible soul..... that’s when I’m satisfied.

Rodion shows Don a little something

they call me the john green cock monologue because im vaguely funny and nobody actually likes me that much anymore

Staff won't let us edit polls because they saw what we did to John Green and now live in fear of their own creation

glad to see john green is finally breaking his silence about cock

Ok no actually:

Thoughts on sex-related interactions (asks, anon or otherwise, @mentions, comments and reblogs on posts) with celebrities, only within the context of their blogs on tumblr, only when motivated by an attitude of trolling (not legitimate horniness) This is specifically about real celebrities, not tumblr micro celebrities, with real blogs not just devoted to publicity. Neil Gaiman, Lynda Carter, mayhaps you all remember John Green being on here once...

*keeping celebs off tumblr

**about their characters, generic sex copypastas, etc

REKO HAS INFORMED OF SOMETHING CALLED THE “JOHN GREEN COCK MONOLOGUE”

THIS MAN MUST REALLY LOVE CHICKENS