#jhkajksldas my brain's a mEsS im gonna tear my hair out at this rate
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(another-nonsensical-ramble-in-the-tags-time)
#gearing up for another poetry submission tomorrow and the end of next week and. good Lord. the fear of rejection is so daunting#I haven't been able to write anything remotely sensible this weekend bcs I just keep thinking about how anything I produce will be awful and#worthy solely of rejection lol#feels like a different ball game whenever money comes into the picture too#I feel like capitalism is so deeply drilled into me that I struggle to conceive of anything that comes from me as good#unless I win a prize or a prize money of some sort#see also: the perils of external validation#someone once told me I have to delink the approval from the art but it is so difficult bcs in some ways sharing my poetry#feels even more intimate than confessing to some straight insensitive male who will just spout callous rejection without second thought#** more intimate and terrifying#and yet it's all just a marvellous fallacy designed to beguile is it not?#for starters I'm paid to work and I still think I suck at my job LMAO#jhkajksldas my brain's a mEsS im gonna tear my hair out at this rate#anyways I just needed to get this off my system but I am off to scribble and scrawl and make sense of the murk#*hops off da soapbox* <3
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