#ive been thinking a lot about polyamory? which sounds strange ig but. i don't know.
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sexuality is so dumb. relationships are dumb. romance is dumb and sex is dumb and it's all too fucking complicated and weird
#sorry. im just having a lot of thoughts and it's making me frustrated.#ive been thinking a lot about polyamory? which sounds strange ig but. i don't know.#it sounds very appealing at this point in my life#i don't always feel romantic attraction like other folks do and it feels like i wouldn't be understood in a monogamous relationship bc of it#i don't think people could handle the fact that sometimes my romantic attraction just Disappears for a day or two before it comes back#or the fact that my ideal romantic relationship is just. we're best friends but with all the extra relationship shit added on.#i want someone to be my best friend that i also kiss and take out on dates and bang sometimes. or something.#part of me feels like id be better understood in a polycule bc it's already a slightly unconventional relationship situation#also because i have a lot of love in my heart and im scared ill have to cut that part of myself off from others if i have a partner that -#- gets possessive over me in a weird way. maybe i just have poor experiences but idk.#there's sexy possessiveness (fun when done right) and then there's just. Gross possessiveness. which is what im worried about.#i don't fucking know!!! it's weird and complicated and the longer i type the more i realize i don't wanna think about it#im cutting this post off now. that whole rant probably made no sense but whatever
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