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sixthwater · 5 months

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Back with another yearly review! This time it's just seeing how the beginning of your year went vs where you are now. This is mainly for those who aren't sure if they've made any progress, or to see what lessons you've learned. Maybe to check what the theme of this year was? Either way, it's difficult to see where your tracks begin and end when you're the one walking the path, right?

Left → Right / Pile 1 → Pile 4)

Decks Used: Archetype Cards, Animal Spirits, Rider Waite, Sacred Creators Oracle, Fairies Oracle Deck

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Pile One

Beginning of Year

Cards: Virgin, Zebra, IV of Swords Rx, Shift, Sacred Treasure

Very straight-forward! In the beginning of the year there was a lot of external energy present; you had a new beginning or you were very open to a lot of new experiences. I’m not getting a change in mindset because this feels more action oriented, but it’s like being very excited and rejuvenated to try new things and get back into a groove after a period of rest. Before this you might have been questioning a path or why you were doing certain things, because some cards are asking you to keep reminders of your goals or your inner child with you if you start to doubt yourself again. Also Virgin speaks to someone who keeps their innocence with them regardless of what happens, as well as a new beginning. Overall, I see you being very excited and somewhat giddy about the new opportunities around you and I keep hearing ‘getting back into it’, so a return to the external world basically! For some it could’ve been an external block but I also sense just trying out new activities and experiences (food, cultures, friends, etc).

End of Year

Cards: Queen Rx, Fox, VIII of Cups Rx, Spark of Hustle, Divine Hustle

I figured something like this would happen. I wanted to pull up a playlist of a group I can’t fully listen to on spotify, and their discography is going backwards in this video. This is what your energy feels like somewhat. I also want to note that your first pile was very earthy and there were a lot of blue-greens, meanwhile this pile is red-yellow, but feels stiff and cold. Right now it feels like that energetic and passionate energy has turned into a survivalist one. It reminds me of an earth mindset where money and finances are the driving point — which in these times I’m not too surprised. Instead of passion being a driving force, it’s about what can keep you stable and what gets people interested instead of what you enjoy doing. There’s still external activity, but it’s like clocking in/out of a job. This can also extend a bit to relationships. For some, molding parts of your personality so they enjoy your company. The other group needs to reach out and spend time with loved ones and also listen to their advice/opinion if you vent to them about your stress regarding the first portion of this reading. A piece of you is testing out things, understanding they don’t work, and trying something else out but you’re not actually processing the lesson. It’s just go go go. You need to take care of yourself as much as you can and get back in touch with things like spa days. There’s a difference between reaching deadlines and pumping out content; so which one are you doing? Come to that understanding and make sure you rest your body appropriately. Also someone needs to hear this because it keeps popping up: you are not using all the skills that you have, but are still holding onto the possibility that it’ll work out. If you work at it, there’s a higher chance it’ll work out, but simply dabbling in it won’t give you the results you’re seeking. Don’t obsess over the results if it is a hobby (they should make you happy), but if you want it to work out, you have to try harder.

Pile Two

Beginning of Year

Cards: Priest Rx (Light Attributes), Unicorn, VIII of Pentacles, Divine Masculine, Joke’s on You

You are new here or you discovered a new system. I also Never take the empty cards from the Archetype deck but it wanted to come out, so I don’t believe you did anything I’m about to explain with ill intent. It could lean to just friendships for some but it’s definitely spiritual for most of you.

There’s a feeling of superiority here. Equating it to material goods, let’s say someone got into an AP class or has a higher degree. A few percentage of them will subconsciously have a tendency to exhibit some classism (ex; this person didn’t go to college therefore they aren’t as smart as me). So specifically, it can feel like the usual case of finding this new world and realizing that some people just ‘don’t get it’. So there can be some cases of trying to explain/share this newly found knowledge but being a bit intense, or distancing from old connections in favor of those who are closer to these subjects. I see someone taking in a lot of these topics and wanting to find out as much as they can immediately which is why it feels like something is new here, because that’s usually what happens. However there’s a misleading energy so it’s like...so I wanted to have TMG on in the background for whatever reason before I pulled cards and I understand why now. Some songs are poking fun at people; usually from the pov of someone who’s a disaster talking shit about other people (ex; deadbeat, no flex, clout, etc) and that’s immediately what clicked in my mind. So it generally feels like the energy of someone at a podium shouting about the good word but they barely know it themselves? That’s the general energy I have here. As I said, for some it could be about relationships and a betrayal of some sort, possibly regarding that, but that was a flicker of a message — it’s not that strong.

End of Year

Cards: Angel, Hummingbird, Ace of Pentacles Rx, Living Poetry, Gold at the end of the rainbow

Oh this is cute! I knew it’d go this way but this is more adorable than I expected haha.There is some control on the previous energy from before. You’re still expressing yourself and communicating with others, but it’s more organized? It’s when people come to you instead of you going to them, or you post stuff online. Perhaps you have a separate account to help mitigate those urges to express all the ideas in your head! So you can still share how you feel, but it’s not gaining the previous reaction mentioned before. As I said, there was never ill intent and you do want to legitimately help people. It feels like you found solace in whatever practice it was and you just want others to be able to feel the same, thus you’re trying to find the best way to do so. The Gold card mentions that you should stay focused, as you will soon reach your goal. I don’t believe it’s monetary. I’d be shocked if you weren’t new because you have the same progress that most of us have haha. When you start off, you want to express these feelings to people, you make a lot of connections and you just say them, and sometimes people just find it annoying if it’s the wrong crowd. Eventually you will find a good balance, and usually you want to start off doing it for free and to help people because it makes you happy! That’s what I’m seeing here. There’s a sweet energy coming from this section and I can see you trying to reject people’s offers to pay you for something. I’d be a bit surprised if you weren’t active in the community somewhere (whether that’s in a discord server or actively posting).

Pile Three

Beginning of Year

Cards: Victim, Beaver, King of Cups Rx, Fearless Expression, Time to tinker

Shadow work. Definitely going through negative traits you have, and confronting any past demons that have been holding you back. Enforcing boundaries, standing up for yourself, and doing your best to try and put yourself first. I don’t see you closing yourself off or becoming more cold, but it’s more like wanting a better life. You have a future that you want, and you know the steps you need to take in order to achieve it. It’s like the order of the cards; The Star comes after The Tower — that’s what I feel like happened to you but more like internally/emotionally before you started enforcing it. There’s a possibility that a few of you might be going to therapy considering some sort of expression is here, but for a majority of you it’s just placing boundaries down for what you will and will not accept into your lives.

End of Year

Cards: Hermit, Beaver, Knight of Pentacles Rx, Bliss, Sacred Treasure

Special Note: Hermit wanted to come out from the tarot but it flipped back in

Veerrryy slowed down. Focusing on yourself, your loved ones, and what’s important to you. Self-care is super prominent here. There’s a pinch of health issues for someone (you being the care-taker?) but that’s a very specific message. The point however is that you’ve basically gone into the woods to do some rebuilding from the ground up. To find your inner child, see what’s upset them and make them happy again. You want to feel peace purely from within, and you’re trying to create healthier habits around your spiritual practice or your mindset. I can see meditation, however there is also a big piece of re-framing how you see yourself and talk to yourself. Instead of negative talk it’s being more patient and reaffirming your positive qualities. I feel very calm and it’s a beautiful energy here, so if you feel like you’re not making progress don’t be fooled, you are. There’s a lot of realigning with yourself until you can head back into the over-stimulation of what society can bring. I think it’s important to note that I wanted to watch a supernatural ghost hunting youtube channel while doing this, and they have a halloween special which is heavily edited and has clips of ‘high activity’ — I can see this connected to doing shadow work when you think about it. If the caretaker message resonated with you, I can see that this time to focus on others might make you rethink your path or what you want in life (usually seeing someone run into health issues can make you think about your own life). Ah...I think also with the current transits going on (Saturn), you might be wondering what you’re even doing here. That can explain why your energy feels so intense. Please be patient with yourself, things like this are a lifelong journey. There is a chance you could get things wrong, because it’s more rare to get things right the first time around. Take time to understand what you want to do, what gives you happiness, and go for it. Just recently Andre 3000 said that a friend had told him that it’d be over if he released ‘Hey Ya’, and that most of his friends don’t like his music. He makes things that he likes and you should follow that same mindset. Yes, outside feedback is helpful but not if it imprisons you.

Pile Four

Beginning of Year

Cards: Addict, Owl, The Moon, You are light, Showing up

Interesting...in the beginning of the year there was a lot of reflective energy going on. It’s a bit difficult to explain, but it’s similar to how sometimes we can attract those that show us what we need to work on within ourselves? You were that person for others for some time. It might have been that you were outgrowing a few people in your life as well and that’s how this is showing up. It isn’t coming off as doing work on yourself, it’s more like you’re telling others about things they need to work on for themselves. Maybe some of you are tarot readers/astrologers lol. I don’t think many remarkable things happened for the first quarter of this year for you (at least not for it to show up), but you showed up for others. As I said, people probably sought you out for advice, or you subconsciously were highlighting a lot of people’s insecurities. This can sometimes make people act out, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a little animosity during this time due to this.

End of Year

Cards: Destroyer, Panther, The Lovers Rx, Fierce Serenity, Wayward Paths

Ah, the relationships probably started gaining traction during the middle of the year? Your energy still seems peaceful? Usually with these cards it seems a bit thrown off or frustrated but I’m getting the image of someone dusting or cleaning. You’re just simply sorting out what should or should not be in your life. The main theme is relationships, but I think it causes you to sometimes think about jobs, hobbies — what your energy is going towards. Is it worth your attention and love. You give off fixed sign energy. You have an idea of what you don’t want in your life. I don’t think you’re set on what you allow in, but once people/things cross boundaries then they have to go. You have a set of standards and right now you’re doing a spring cleaning of sorts. As I said, I don’t see it as being aggressive — I don’t see any door slamming. It’s just like...distancing? Or prioritizing different people and things that give you more happiness. I think in the beginning there was a bit of confusion or you were giving some extra chances but you realized it was throwing you off kilter which you didn’t appreciate. You’ll be entering a ‘new’ stage of your life come next spring? At the latest.

Ahaaaa, looking back at both of these piles, there was a high chance you were pulling in a lot of relationships to teach you lessons. Let’s say you had 3 friends back to back and they had varying ways of abusing your kindness. That was happening until you realized something needed to change and that’s where you are now. That’s where the subtly and slight animosity was coming from.

#pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot reading #tarot readings #pac #pick a pile #tarotblr #mysticalcreations

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eirian · 1 month

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so me and eden talked about it and ive decided to take a sort of internet break with her, just for a week or so. i hate hate hate being so dependent on the internet (particularly social media) for both entertainment and socialization and i feel like being online so much and relying on it for SO LONG (since i was maybe 11?) has really been detrimental to my mental health. and since ive made rent for this month i feel like now is a good time to just step away for a bit.

i still unfortunately rely on the internet for my livelihood--i HAVE to take commissions in order to make rent, provide food, etc, so i wont stop posting art or taking commissions! i'll just be less social i guess. i wont make any posts or reblog anything, i'll just be posting art and contacting ppl abt commissions.

i want to spend more time with my wife. i want to go outside more. i want to hang out with irl people more (i literally have no irl friends). i want to go to meetups. i want to disconnect from the internet so bad i HATE relying on it as much as i do. i mean this so unironically i want to touch grass again

im ngl. i also talked w eden about possibly starting up an irl small business for my art--something along the lines of basically being a caricature artist again, but this time self employed. i'd have my own brand and go to parties and draw people, and volunteer at the local children's hospital sometimes too and draw the hospitalized kids. im honestly just trying to think of ANY job that would help me ease up on being so reliant on social media for income, if possible, that would still be fun for me and not absolutely kill my mental health like my previous irl jobs did. dont get me wrong i love drawing yalls ocs! but i cant charge as much as i should be b/c i dont have enough of a following/demand, so i have to take a lot of commissions before im able to make a decent living. it sucks.

if i could charge more to where i only had to take maybe 3 commissions a month in order to make rent, thatd be ideal. id still love to do commissions for a living! i love drawing your blorbos and i honestly dislike the idea of going back to caricature art--its not my passion by a longshot and its very stressful to do live art so quickly. but im just trying to think of anything to help at this point u_u i cant get on ssi b/c then we wouldnt be able to use my bank account for income and we'd basically have No Money To Do Anything Freely Anymore. so i gotta just. stick with what im doing. IDEALLY id be able to take commissions and post art while not being necessarily Active on social media anymore, but idk how to make that work just yet or if thats even a thing i could do..

anyway. TL;DR im going to take a semi-break from social media/the internet for about a week, but i'll still post art + take commissions + accept messages from close friends on discord. i want to HEAL, man

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moonlightviigil · 2 months

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SORRY IVE DIED

There has been SO MUCH happening back to back in my personal life and im just... so tired

i moved out of my mom's house last year to get away from a very stressful situation, and then immediately thrusted into yet ANOTHER stressful situation with my current roommate.

granted, i don't blame them for getting injured at work, but what i don't appreciate at all is that they pretty much stopped looking for work. its been about three months now that they don't have a job. leaving me to pay for full rent, my own car payments, food, gas, etc. all by myself. mind you, i work a shit minimum wage job, ALSO partially physically disabled myself... yet im still able to do what i need to do for the both of us.

they left me for two weeks without telling me, leaving me to take care of their cats, which is fine... if i was told anything. but nope. im not making money here at all since i have to spend it all on their rent and my own stuff.

it stresses me out because im the one doing the main cleaning of the place and working, while they have done nothing but play games, get high, and go over to their partners houses.

we have had a discussion about this, and it turned into me being the bad guy. they claim that (in their words, not mine) "no one wants to hire the adhd cripple."

them knowing fully well that this is the shit i wanted to get away from when i was living with my father, so i didnt have to take care of a grown ass adult who is fully capable of doing things, moved out, moved in with them to take care of their crumbling relationship with their ex, and now back to the 24/7 maid and wallet.

ive tried to talk to them about how this makes me feel, but i guess im in the wrong because they have a fucked up back and cant do anything... but they can. they feel good enough to go to their partners place... so whats stopping them from getting a job.

so just for my own sanity, im going to be making plans on moving back in with my mom so i can help her out since she got majorly fucked over by my father. i can at least have my own freedom back when i go back since my father moved out.

theres so much more on my plate that i havent mentioned. but its whatever. im just so tired of being everyones fucking maid

#cherry.txt #vent #im sorry im just so fucking tired of being taken advantage of lmaoooooo

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whitemonsterenjoyer · 1 month

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Stupid stupid rant about my friend

TLDR: Friends are disappointing! I should just isolate myself and focus on ⭐ving instead!!!

honestly kind of fucking hate my friend right now. he gets pissed off over the smallest fucking shif and he never fucking says anything. he like hates communication. its gotten to a point where i dont want to play games with him and our other friends because he just gets annoyed and yells at us. i always feel like im doing something wrong! im so uncomfortable all the time! and then they get confused and upset when i dont feel like playing again. buddy, how can i fucking enjoy anything when youre making me feel uncomfortable at best the whole time????

he reminds me of my ex so much its awful. i cant stand him sometimes. if you dont respond the right way or at all hes say some shit like "i should just die" or "you guys hate me" and i just! hate it! and he refuses to communicate ANYTHING. hed rather give you the silent treatment IN THE FUCKING VOICE CHAT. you ask him a question qnd youll have to keep repeating it for like ten minutes before hell answer because he got mildly upset. he got snippy with us because we didnt have the game open the moment he joined the call. he got fucking mad at us for mentioning school while were on break. like???? im fucking sorry that we briefly mentioned something thats been a part of our daily lives for the last like 12 years? and we barely even actually talked about school. i just got upset that ill have to sit with the annoying kids in my first period, and our other friend said that her voicemail was full of colleges doing college shit. not only that, its just really fucking dumb that hes upset over talking about school during break. its literally fucking ending, you cant not think about it. and does he think that hes the only one stressed over school?? one friend doesnt even have freetime during the week a majority of the time because shes doing so much school shit. i almost committed in freshman year! and even now, i need hours after school every day to decompress because im so fucking overstimulated and overwhelmed all day! and the third other person is taking FIVE AP CLASSES. their ass is swamped with work too!!! meanwhile, he can get home and have the time and energy to draw and play video games and record and edit videos all in the same day. if snything he doesn't get to say anything about not wanting to think about school while relaxing bc hes the most relaxed!

i asked him why he didnt tell us smtg would upsst him before we did it and he just responded with "i assumed you guys were cool." ok.

i mentioned that i had stolen sone of my parents alc while i was doing online school. yknow that period of time where i was struggling with dissociation and thoughts of committing? and nobody was fucking talking to me? he said that made me a bad person.

our friend has a girlfriend and naturally they spend a lot of time together. he gets upset seeing that theyre playing the same game or knowing that theyre hanging out without us. i dobt mind, i just wished shed let us know that she had plans rather than leaving out of nowhere. but he genuinely like despises her for spending time with her significant other.

ive stopped making plans with him because he kept flaking. he was always so indecisive and he would cancel plans the night before so often. sometimes even the MORNING OF. he would want to save money even if he wouldve spent a total of 10 dollars, or hed be too tired bc he refused to stop playing games the night before. i always go to bed earlier if im doing something the next day. i dont know why im not worth the same energy. honestly im not sure he actually likes hanging out with me, im just the only one willing to do the same things as him. the only plans that worked out were things he was absolutely going to do regardless of anyone going with him.

i dont wven know how to breach the subject with him because, again, hes so much like my ex. i know that if i make him feel bad, hell either get defensive or just freak out and cry about it. i listened to my ex say id be better off if he was gone in response to me venting way too many times to want to express my feelings about people ever again.

and it really sucks bc other times hes really nice and fun to be around. i just wonder if he dies actually like me at all. i feel like he sees me as less than sometimes.

idk i stopped being mad and got sad.

but i mean hes implied it before. he wants more friends to play cod and fortnite with and go to the park at night with. he never asks me to do thise things. im willing to play fortnite. i want to play cod. i want to do literally anything at night especially go to the park. he especially wanted more guy friends to do things with.

hed be happier being friends with the kids at school who hate me

idk. this is dumb. its 3am.

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a-hobit · 10 months

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Using my tumblr account as a vent space once again!

So for reasons unspecified I’m an adult still living with my parents and grandmother. I’m almost 21 and I’ve lived in a shoebox apartment with my mom (and now stepdad and old lady) for as long as I can remember. I used to live in a house but really I don’t remember it. The fact we were pretty tight with cash didn’t really bother me growing up but as a full adult now with my own money it feels so unfairly good to spend it on the things I want. I try to spoil my mother whenever I can but she’s pretty hard to buy for. She gave up literally everything for me and my sister. She gave up everything she loved to take us away from my biological dad. I have always known that the life she has is not the one she wanted for me, my sister, or herself. She wanted a home she was proud to go back to and that her children could grow up in. She wanted to host family gatherings and have me and my sister invite guests over. She wanted to grow a seed in the backyard and watch It grow into a tree like she watched her children grow.

It really has always killed me to know that while I may not mind where we are it hurts her deeply that I do not remember that house. That I do not remember a complete family or a simple life. And that as much as she gave up for us it still wasn’t enough. I wonder how many people can say that they understand my mother — she always had friends with simple easy lives that she couldn’t seem to cry to and so she held in that grief of a broken family and that lost life by herself for as long as we’ve lived here.

Now like a gift from the greatest tragedy my mother has that opportunity to buy that home. Not the original one, not that one but a different home. Something she’s proud of. I see how stressed it makes her to have this thing she’s wanted. How she’s having such a hard time choosing.

I am definitely making this harder on her. I know that. I do have my own opinions about where I’d like to live and I’ve always kind of dreamed what that first house might look like when we got the money. Upstairs or downstairs? Dibs on which room? Where would you like your bed? Can you please mow the lawn today sweetie? Have you unpacked everything yet? Will you park the cars in the garage — I think there’s hail coming. Will you take the trash? Will you tend the garden? Will you take the dog out? Can you come home soon? How late will you be?

Do you want to see how big you’ve grown? I can mark it on the wall.

I know some of that already happened. Not the exact same but it happened. I guess maybe ive been idolizing that life in my head so much it’s strange that I now get to watch it play out…but it isn’t really how I wanted it either right?

I’m not a child anymore.

Im not going to live in this house for more than a year — maybe some months in between out of college? This is not going to be my home like it is theirs. Im not part of this like I dreamed about.

And isn’t it true? Why would it ever matter what I thought when I didn’t have to look at it for more than a year or two? Why come along to house showings? Why be nervous about my mom loving a house I hate so deeply because I can’t see myself there with her? Why voice that complaint?

Why say anything at all?

Why worry? If she loves it? If it’s her dream and it just doesn’t include you for long? You should just keep your mouth shut because of how much you’re hurting her how much you know it’s painful to hear you be excited about a house that isn’t even going to be yours — she knows she knows it.

Now you know it.

But GOD it hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. It’s so hard to know now. The reality is so painful you’d rather just stay here. And isn’t that awful? Aren’t you just awful to wish for your loving mother to stay here and rot with you because you can’t handle her being happy without you?

But it feels like rotting already.

#ahobit rant

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kaleidoscopic-quiddity · 1 year

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TSATS thoughts

spoilers obviously, you have been warned

yeah wow i am glad i didnt spend money on this book

im not sure if it was the WORST rrverse novel but uhhh,, its definitely up there

ive read fanfictions that better captured the vibe of the rrverse and solangelo specifically than this book did

so many different things about tsats bothered me so im gonna list them off to make myself feel better

will felt ooc, not in the way annoying ppl who only like fanon solangelo say he was but in the i actually read TOA and enjoyed it way

i get that going through the underworld and tartarus was going to be rough on will but he was just SOOO whiney and judgey it was really annoying to read at parts

also the whole storyline of will being a hater about the underworld was so uneccesary like youre telling me will solace, bisexual 2000s/2010s texan boy, healer to a couple dozen diverse kids at chb, literal battlefield medic, would find death and darkness inherently bad and untolerable?? rather than something to reconcile and make piece with??? even though hes literally dating the son of hades????????

like, something very interesting COULDVE been done with will’s character and his feelings towards nico’s past/trauma

picture this:

will, who bases his self esteem on how ‘useful’ he can be to people feels that he has to care for and ‘fix’ nico for nico to love him, he feels inferior because he cant fight as well on his own but he CAN heal people but nico isn’t letting him do that so he feels rejected and insecure

whilst nico doesnt want to let his trauma consume or define him, he also feels like its an inescabaly horrible part of himself that he cant get rid of, and will’s urge to ‘fix’ him makes him feel both unaccepted and that he cant share the worst parts of himself with will

they argue because from nico’s perspective it feels like will is trying to be his therapist and not his boyfriend, and from will’s perspective it feels like nico is pushing him away and if will isnt able to be ‘useful’ to him he fears he wont be loved any more

reconciliation comes in the form of will learning that his self worth isnt determined by how much he can do for other people and that nico loves him for him, and nico learning that part of accepting his darkness is letting people see the worst parts of him and trusting them to still love him not in spite of, but because of who he is

boom, i just came up with a way better, more in character, relationship conflict storyline off the top of my head if i do say so myself

okay back to the other shit that bothered me

why did will not have a weapon?? like??? we literally have that scene of him and chiron stress packing for tartarus and neither of them thinks that will should be armed in some way???

yes obviously will is primarily a medic not a fighter but still, its just such a dumb choice narratively

related to will’s abilities or lack thereof, what was with all the singing will did? he literally said himself in BOO that his sonic whistle was one of his only ‘musical’ abilities and that his talent lied with healing, we’ve seen him heal people w/out siging numerous times, why was this a thing??

also, the fucking care bear stare light blast thing, WHAT

will giving nyx hay fever also bothered me but i’ll admit that has more to do with me just not vibing with plague!will as a concept rather than it being a bad writing choice

speaking of nyx she was so boring

boring villain, boring motives, boring fight, all just boring af to me

the pacing of the book was so weird too

like the jumping back and fort between the trip to/through tartarus and the flashbacks with gorgyra was grating but dealable

but the fact that it took like HALF THE FUCKING BOOK to even get to tartarus was excruciating

there was NO need for all the underworld shit to take that long im sorry

nico also felt ooc, like over the course of TOA he obviously gets a bit softier and dorkier and i really genuinely like that but in TSATS i swear he was laughing or crying every 3 paragraphs and traumadumping to anyone who was (or wasnt) willing to listen like it just didnt feel like nico

all the solangelo pet names, gags

like significant annoyance and glow in the dark boyfriend and will’s various ‘death boy’-esque nicknames worked because they were (affectionate) digs at each other and not used every other sentence, ‘my little ball of darkness’ had the same energy as pookiebear

hazel only getting mentioned like twice was a fucking violation and im genuinely mad that reyna was only kind of mentioned once

like,, i already think thanks to fanon the friendship between jason and nico was/is given way more relevance than it actually has, but reyna was the one who felt all of nico’s pain, who shared her own trauma with him, who watched him kill bryce lawrence, who joined the hunters just like bianca, youre trying to tell me she wouldnt be on nico’s mind literally just as much as jason???

nico and piper have literally never been friends any idk why this book tried to make it seem like they are

im not against a nico/piper friendship or anything but like,,, nico ‘will not share my pain with others unless its literally forced out of me’ di angelo calling up a girl hes barely friendly accquiantances with and crying in front of her as he tells her all about his latest traumas, as her gf who is quite literally a stranger is also there? wack

speaking of bad writing and ooc-ness from nico the story of how he asked out will was terrible

‘i wanted a private date but the dyrads misunderstood and set up a big extravagant public gesture’ feels like something id find in a wattpad fic circa 2015

also theres no way nico went from his levels of internalised homophobia and shame and self loathing in HOH/BOO to publically coming out in front of the entirety of chb and asking will out in literally less than 6 months tf

the real-but-not-real dream with bianca and maria felt so uneccesary and disingenuous to nico’s character like he’d already accepted bianca’s death and that his old life was behind him and to have hades somehow ‘break the rules’ to bring them back to talk to nico was just so fucking jarring

also HADES being the one to send nico the prophecy, putting the responsibility of rescuing bob on his shoulders and retraumatising him and putting him in a position where he could very much die??? the fuck happened to ‘i want you to be happy’???

yet another instance of bizzare ooc-ness in this book ig

bob reffering to nico and will as his sun and star is just,, never rlly explained lmao

also bob is just, kinda, there, despite being the driving force behind the quest in the first place

i thought we’d get some actual will backstory, get to know more about his relationship with lee and micheal and his time at chb or his experiences growing up queer but no

all we got was that will used to travel around the country with his mom and they were attacked by evil pidgeons in nyc once which is how will’s satyr found him in the first place, cool i guess

i didnt mind the story of will and nico’s first kiss as much as their getting together but it still felt really fanfiction-y and cliche ngl

percabeth were WAYYY too fucking chill about solangelo going to tartarus and shouldve tried much harder to disaude them from going

also ik obviously the book isnt about them but it wouldve been nice for their survior’s guill re: bob to be expanded on a bit more, or even just,, better than rick and mark did it

i fucking hate the cacodemons i hate them SO much its SUCH a dumb narrative choice like literally who tf convinced them this would be a good idea and how can i fight them

i refuse to call them cocoa puffs, the REAL nico di angelo would never, do you hear me

also for a hot second there i thought the implication was that nyx had sexually assualted nico and i was like WOAH thats a bit much for a book for 11yros

honestly it still kind of reads that way since taking nico’s trauma, a part of him, and making something else living out of it without his consent is certainly a violation

not necessarily saying an SA-esque storyline has no place in the rrverse or middle school fiction, i think those topics can be tackled in a way thats appropriate for kids, but it felt out of place in TSATS to me

tartarus want nearly as scary or despair evoking this time around, it was just a dredge to get through and only a bit less boring than all the underworld stuff

i do appreciate that rick and mark were obviously having fun with all the body horror elements

i find it weird that will was, like, THAT broken up about him and nico ‘murdering’ octavian when in BOO he literally spoke about how he’d shoot him if he was better at archery lmao

i get hes a healer obviously there was gonna be some complex emotions there but idk it felt uneccesarily melodramatic

why was chb empty?? no like genuinely why

it contributed nothing to the story and doesnt even make sense since surely some of the year rounders have dead or abusive guardians

like??????? im genuinely confused by this writing descision what purpose did it serve to have chb empty????

i genuinely laughed at the geryon reveal because it was so out of left field, gay rights i guess

the fact that will didnt tell nico abt his talk with persephone felt weird and the talk itself was weirder

yeah overall id give the book a generous 4/10, it if was a fanfic id probably rate it higher but this was a real published book written by rick so im pretty disapointed

heres to hoping chalice of the gods is better

#the sun and the star #pjo #og post //

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slavicprincess1966 · 7 months

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you ever just wonder, as far as you’ve gotten in life, and as much as there is to be proud of yourself for… you’ve just never seemed to be of a guy’s interest? like… not like you’ve ever yearned for ANY guy to want you, irl, but like, you just find it a little funny because you’re just a really beautiful girl and dk how a lad could resist ya? ive liked dudes but never been liked back. and dudes who r immature complain when no girl likes them, but when one does, they don’t care.

real life relationships in this day and age can seem hopeless, but ive learned how to completely disregard that!!!

that’s why i love to put forth all my energy into being mentally married to a famous man. i’m not @ any risk of sorts to get my heart broken because when you’re practically limited to daydreaming, you can pretty much have your daydreams consist of lovely beautiful fairytale things!! i can’t even see myself dating anyone irl for the time being bc having perfect stories unfold in my head without end is perfect. i don’t have to actually actively worry! no negative thought about love ever gets in the way of chores, school, or work, so it’s much less stressful. i’m just a silly teenage girl who hasn’t grown out of playing pretend just yet. :3

im gonna spend all my flippin energy dave-ing. im gonna spend all my money and time on depeche & dave related things when it comes to an actual love life. its just what makes me happy. <3

(p.s. and when you do actually get to know your celeb muse through all your hyperfixation driven research, it’s the littlest things you’ll study down about their life to the point where they describe 1 corinthians 13: 4-8 beautifully <3)

#ash posting #i feel like such a philosopher

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terraliensvent · 2 months

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good gpd im so frustrated with stuff in terras rn. idont care anymore if they know who i am im jyst. so so frustrayed. its so hard to get stuff u want without spending money and im really lucky i have 3 terras. but oh god its so frustrating seeing people ask for. what even was it. asking for 14 myos. for 1 terra. it makes me so unvelievably angry!!

not tomention the way terra staff picked all the people who werent that active in chats. but just because they knew eachother well and were friends. it makes me lose hope for ever being a syaff and helping make this cs a little better :(

also how terra gas are always peopel with super detailled "pop" styles. like yeah youre picking smaller artists but.. yhey all have very similar styles and. its discouraging to someone with a chibi style who just really likes designing terras. it makes me wanna leave so bad.

and i. i cannot handle some of the members sometimes. some members will talk about how they dony have much money, like someone said they didnt have money for something. then immediately after bought a terra??? i mean i get that it can be addicting n stuff but. its so so frustrating oh god.

especially when people like. are talking about stuff and someone mentions something cpmpletely off topic. i could understanf if!!! maybe !! they asked nicely for a topic change and left it at tht but. ive seen people spam their own topics in the middle of another convo.

also i dont even wanna mention the trading scene. its insane. man i. ive been condidering leaving for sonlong mostly from members and specific staff. but. aughhhgg i love terras so much i just. wish i could make it better. i genuinely cry over it bc . i love terras so so much but its all going to shit . :C

im mostly just frustrated with dtaff constantly taking customs because if the staff customs channel and their new godly role. it sucks. it makes people feel like their artvisnt worth it, seeinh bids surpass thr hundreds while some camnot sell a fullbody for $5 just bc bias.

if staff see this, im sorry. i wish i didnt have yo go on a vent blog to say this. but i know saying it in the server would just get me silenced. please try to help with these issues seen here. and im genuinely so sorry, i really want to help, but this is the only way i can help now: giving criticism. i hope things change and i can enjoy terras again. i also hope staff are okay, i do not eant this to be mean or stressing in any way. :C [sorry for the typos mod i am very shaky rn and in a bus and carsick so im trying to fix them as mucj as i can. and ty for dealing witg all the drama.]

im sorry youre having such a bad time anon, it can be difficult once you realize all the deep cracks within the foundation of something you like

youre right in saying the trading scene is absolutely insane rn, people have decided that myos arent as powerful of a trading chip anymore but theyre still just as difficult to get, what the FUCK would someone even need 14 myos for

the staff has always been cliquey, if youre not in their little friend group you might as well be dirt, and theyre so biased toward pop artists, thats why kiwi rot was allowed to make a feral terra custom even while the hammer was coming down hard on them.

members are so rude and im tired of people pretending theyre not. at some point you gotta wonder how many times someone will breach social contract again and again regardless of every single time theyre politely told to wait their turn, just say you want to butt in and be done with it. ive never seen so many people absolutely unable to actually pay attention to the conversation at hand and it really seems like they just want to hear themselves talk

staff as a role is just a pretty little modifier to say “im elite, now drop $100s on my customs so you can immediately trade it off and say ‘looking for staff swaps ONLY if you offer me anything else u r getting blocked xoxox’”, none of them actually really use the new role to bring new viewpoints to the species or to make systems move faster, if they were then youd think we would actually have implemented more site functionality than one single fucking forage button and people wouldnt have to wait upwards of 2 weeks to get a myo design approved

terras biggest downfall is that every single person in the server is too sensitive for criticism and take it way too personally, that way everything gets silenced and nothing gets better.

personally anon, i suggest distancing yourself a bit. when i started moving away from the species and focusing on irl self improvement, i felt so much better (and started saving a lot of money)

#closed species vent #terralien #closed species #terraliens #vent

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zhuhongs · 1 year

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hhhhh so im on a ridiculously long ride home and just my phone so tumblr diary entry time lol. if you have my instagram this will make more sense but yk. anyways. so yesterday was the last day of the semester and i was tbh pretty normal abt it. but leading up to it i was a mess and tbh i think my stomach issues actually came more from the stress of knowing im leaving but the alcohol seemed plausible enough an explanation so i ran with it. but nah i was just. hhhh overwhelmed. bc anytime i was out with ppl it disappeared and as soon i was alone and not busy i was like. oh theres the stomach pain. LOL. but yea. so i decided my going away present to everyone would be a drawing of them plus a message bc like. i always said i liked art but never rlly showed my classmates my art so i was like. welp lets go out with a bang. and it felt good bc i really wanted to do smth like this sooner. my initial plan to make a good impression was to print stickers of my art and put my IG on it and get close to ppl that way. but i was just far too stressed and thought itd be weird. so i just. Didnt. and i regret not putting in enough effort at the beginning. but i also feel like its okay, especially given my upbringing. i needed that time to myself to figure it out, and now i really know that i can just. talk to ppl. and not be afraid. bc the ppl i got closest to were the one i swore would judge me most bc of my own preconceived notions, but i told the the parts of me i hid the most and they accepted it. and could at least sympathize and actually relate and i just. why was i so silly. why was i so mean to myself to be convinced that i was so unacceptable that no one except for those who already knew me could accept me and enjoy my presence? i was so silly. i wont do that again, but if i do, it will still be easier than doing it this time bc I'll recognize the patterns and quickly snap out of it.

in a way, i really do feel like i needed all this time alone to process myself and rlly look myself in the eye and recognize the ways ive lived that i can just stop doing now that i have the freedom to be free of my past. and part of me feels like I'm saying that as copium bc i didnt connect sooner and i possibly could have also had a better time with others and still have come to realize the same things and more through the help and company of others. but i also know that i cant live life always thinking so much. so i just need to live and let the regrets be what they are, and move forwards. but the regrets do indeed linger. like i made the decision not to stay in taiwan. bc of well A. money and B. i felt like if i had more time I'd just fucking waste it like i wasted the first 4 months. i might as well force myself into a corner and see if that would make me do things i was too scared to do otherwise. and like, it worked! i did say fuck it and rlly just let loose bc i was gonna leave but now its worked too well. and like i wish soooo bad that i had those 3 months to fully enjoy every chance working out. Part of me says that its best to leave with that hope. rather than have taken that chance and it fizzled out. the thing keeping me from extending the most was honestly knowing I'd have my birthday there. and i could not take the possibility of spending my birthday alone... i legit couldnt stomach it. in the past i used to spend every bday alone but in recent years ive had a mazing friends that actually made my bday special and i just. I'm so used to having that day be nice that i really couldnt take the possibility of it being awkward. but now i realize that it wouldn't have been like that. it couldve been wonderful. but thats okay, in another life. or maybe a few years. who knows. im considering doing smth like this again in like 2 years after I've worked a bit. i have nothing but time. but man. sometimes i just wonder yk.

and last night i had a rlly good one on one talk with my classmate and that was amazing, but i got home and checked IG like a dumbass and say another group of classmates partying til 3am and i was like.... man i should've done that. but like, logically no. i had a great night regardless and i partied with those classmates last week. ive had my fill, and i had things to do today that i needed to be coherent for. but i couldn't help but thinking what if. and i know its not so easy to kill that voice inside my head. its always gonna be there. its not just me, thats the devil of SNS like instagram. bc you see the best parts of everyone's lives at all times and feel like you're missing out but you're not. you only see a sliver of what it really was..but yea. its okay. I'm still so very young. and i just need to treasure now and take whatever chances i get to nourish the connections i have right now and put yourself out there to make new ones when the chances arise. its okay, there is not life that can be lived without saying goodbye. but damn, yesterday at the school gates two of my classmates hit me with the さよなら and that. man i felt it in that moment. theres so much i wish i couldve said in all that time we had to spend together but i just held my tongue bc i was scared. but this was really playing social interaction on hard mode, like the cultural differences, the language barrier, the introversion, the fact it was my first time on my own fr, just, there were soooo many factors working against me specifically. and fuck man, i still did it. and i am still so young, i really can do whatever i want. it feels so weird. ive only been here 6 months but in a way it feels like this is how its always been. like the fact that im going home feels so strange. like i havent been there in years, i honestly cant fully grasp that im gonna be in a place where i speak the language fluently and am fully aware and familiar with my surroundings. like, why does that feel so odd. it does, i legit dont even know how to feel besides strange. i just have a strange pit in my stomach. but its okay. it will pass as everything does. but these days will always live on inside me as everything does. even if i can't fully recall it. so i just have to keep going as always. god. life is trippy man. but yea. Yea. thats it. i think

#🐌.txt #i just dropped off my shit at my friends moms place. now im going home to shower and clean my room.#then im going to get dinner and then go clubbing with my cousin #tomorrow I'll return my room and head down to taichung. and then just vibe. process everything. explore. im really nit expecting much.#i just know i have to keep seeing as much as i can til i leave. and then. fucking... 2 days at my friends moms place. and then. thats #fucking it folks!!! ship my ass back to the US!!

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orivu · 10 months

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i wish i had a simple uncomplicated wholesome relationship w my mom just like my friends

trying really hard not to feel like an entity of misery but i get an anxiety attack every single time i talk to my mom without fail

"what happens if i die? what will happen to u? did u ever think of that? what about ur future? im getting sick because of u!! im stressed out because of u!!!"

has she considered that i will just kms

she makes me want 2 apologize for existing. im sorry for being like this. im not the one who asked u to work so much abroad & im sorry i cant be the extension of ur unfulfilled dreams & im sorry for being a cringefail burnt out daughter & maybe if u spent just a small fraction of ur money in letting me get therapy i wouldve made progress instead of my brain actively rotting while she swings on a pendulum of denying im mentally ill & straight up calling me insane with so much vitriol

unironically i wish i was normal maybe then i wouldnt spend my life feeling like a broken child with the most scuffed coping mechanisms barely getting me through the day. how is it my fault that i turned out like this after so much trauma . i feel so alone i feel like the loneliest kid in the world

the bitterest thing abt getting saturated in a lot of self-help content is finally accepting that i deserve help & turning around to seek for said help & finding nobody at all

im probably a prime candidate for dementia btw i bet theres holes in my brain i bet i wouldnt live past age 30 but i hope i do . i hope i do

im in so much pain i just want to feel alive but i feel like ive been dying for the past 10 years & god just keeps reviving me

#vent

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kiilonova · 11 months

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i am so like. metaphysically exhausted i feel like im going thru so much rn i just need to vent with timestamps

like i have zero money so my card declined on my medical bill today and i have to make a bunch of phone calls to places that are only open on weekdays. and i have to prepare for a market but my heart is just not in it. plus ive been waiting to hear back about some other freelance stuff but it hasnt happened yet. so i just keep working on little bits and praying that it will work out. esp bc i have a tattoo appointment i made for my birthday to keep from totally spiraling but i obviously dont have the money for it right now.

and i have to go talk to bf's parents on monday and convince them that im telling the truth about anything w regards to moving. when they dont respect me and think im just some fairy trying to steal their daughter. and the thing is i am but its obviously for the best. and my parents are excited that im moving back but they cant really help me until july and mostly once we're already over there. and bc of how little money we have were gonna have to get rid of most of our stuff and either fly or drive a car across the country.

and all of this while i am getting sicker and sicker and ive just been getting sicker for years and usually it gets better in the summer but this year it isnt so im really worried about that. all i want is to sit outside in a pretty dress with a fun beverage and draw and write but the reality of my situation keeps creeping in. and its crazy bc the thing is pretty much everything aside from the medical bill is already sorted out and being dealt with and i just have to wait it out. i just cant get over how stressed out i feel and thats whats holding me back from fixing things, leading to them getting worse. they increased my ocd medication but the pharmacy hasnt called me yet even after two days when usually they have it same day.

what is going on. im exhausted. i havent slept properly in like two years. i survive off chocolate chips and microwavables and vitamin supplements. i spend most days alone in my apartment sitting by the window on the computer. this is not living. this is not living. i am supposed to be outside talking to strangers. i am supposed to be making the mistakes of a young adult. i turn 20 in 10 days. i have not been able to stay sober longer than 3 days in a row. i have near-constant short term memory loss. my vision is fading. i cant stand. once a week i go to the park and run until my ribs hurt, which is only about 3 minutes. i wear dresses over my hairy legs and combat boots. i get boba tea and coffee and ice cream when i have 10 dollars in my bank account. why isn't it worth it to live a beautiful life? why is responsibility the beginning and end of my life? when do i get to fuck up without being incessantly punished for the rest of my life?

when i was 17 i came to the startling realization that when something bad happens to me, that is the punishment. before that, and even still, i believed that i had to endure the bad thing and then be punished for the fact that the bad thing even happened. then one day i spilled olive oil all over the kitchen counter and my father helped me clean it up and asked if i was ok. to this day it sticks out as a dream, as if something so kind could ever happen to me. and yet i feel like if i had not been treated with so much hostility, i never would have been radicalized the way i am today. i cant prove either way, but i know that the hostility i am constantly faced with is unwarranted. yet it continues, so what am i doing wrong? the answer is obviously everything.

writing this has calmed me down. i am one of the few who benefits from journaling, even performative journaling, which is what this website is based on. one day when i die just a little bit before my time, my now-bf future-husband will compile my unpublished writing and art and notebooks and tumblr posts into a chronicle of my life, and then i will finally be beautiful.

#cro vent #i promise im fine except that i have no money

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idrawprettyboys · 1 year

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Ishtar’s Harem: 2nd draft

Chapter 1 (April 2023)

A young woman named Rose sat in a hospital bed. She just narrowly survived a heart attack. All the stress of modern life proved to be too much for her. In order to support herself and her two children, she worked long hours, staring at computer screens and taking calls from angry strangers. Even when at home, she found herself constantly on call, ready to answer her coworkers’ and customers’ questions, because she wanted to prove to herself and her higher-ups that she was a good worker. She put work above all else. In this fast-paced, electronically-driven society, where everyone is constantly busy and constantly staring at a screen, one can’t afford to take a moment to relax. Time is money. Money is necessary. She couldn’t allow herself to take any time off work… and this is what it did to her.

Rose sat there, feeling defeated, with IVs in her arm. She looked out the window, listlessly. Is this what it all comes to? She asked herself. All this time and effort put into making ends meet? What’s the point of it all? I’ve been working so hard to feed myself and my kids. With this economy, how is a woman supposed to survive on her own? Her shoulders felt heavy. Her whole body felt weak. Is this what life is about? Where’s the light at the end of the tunnel? It’s all so overwhelming. And for what? Just to survive? I want to live.

As she thought that, she heard a knock on the hospital room door. “Come in,” she said, as she turned curiously to the door.

A mysterious young man with blue hair in a ponytail walked into the room. He wore a brown suit and held a bouquet of lively red roses in his hand.

Rose had never seen this man before. “Who are you?” She asked, slightly confused.

“My name is Lazuli,” he said. His voice, which was so strong yet so gentle, seemed to echo through the room. “I was sent here to help you.”

“Do you,” she paused for a second as she observed the stranger, “work here?”

“No, no,” he chuckled. “I was simply informed of your problem, your overwhelming stress,” he walked confidently yet quietly to the other side of the bed, and stood in front of the window, so that the waning sunlight created a golden glow around his mysterious form, “and I want to help you. I have an offer. A vacation, if you will.”

She raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. “Try someone else,” she scoffed. “My bank account is already sucked dry from the ambulance and hospital bills. Try preying on another patient.”

“No, madam, you misunderstand me,” he said, with a smile. “It’s completely free.”

“A free vacation?” She raised both eyebrows this time.

“That’s right,” he said.

“Yeah, okay,” she replied, sarcastically, while reaching for the bell to call a nurse.

“No, wait!” The man lost his elegant stature and nearly dropped the bouquet. “Please, hear me out!”

“What’s in it for you?” Rose asked, without bothering to hide her distrust.

Lazuli’s chest heaved as he took a deep breath. He exhaled and explained. “The woman I love more than life itself saw you suffering,” he said. “She couldn’t bear to see your pain, and she wants to help you in any way she can. So she sent me here to make this offer to you… to spend some time at her resort, with hope of alleviating your pain. My selfish desire in this is to make my beloved happy, and to do that, I must make you happy. So please, consider my offer.” His sparkling amethyst eyes looked at her imploringly.

This seems to mean a lot to him, she thought. I’ve certainly never heard something like this from a scam artist before, so maybe he’s telling the truth, but… “Who is she?” Rose asked aloud. “This woman that you love? How does she know me? Why would she care?”

“She asked to remain anonymous,” he responded, “but it’s someone you work with. She saw you collapse.”

Oh, she put it together. It must have been Alice, she realized. She had been worrying about me for a while, and she was there at the office with the others when I had a heart attack. She must’ve paid for a vacation for me. She sighed a breath of relief. “Alice is too good to me,” she said aloud. “Alice told me there was a guy who was interested in her. You seem very devoted, so you have my approval.” She finally had a smile on her face.

“So, what do you say?” He asked. “Will you take up her offer?”

“Yeah, sure,” she said with a shrug. “I could use a break.”

“Wonderful,” he said, with a wide smile. Then he held out the roses. “She will be happy to hear that.”

Rose reached out to grab the bouquet. “Oh, are my kids included?” She tried to ask, but as she touched the flowers, they glowed with a blinding light that spread to the whole room. She dropped the bouquet, closed her eyes tightly, and covered her face, as she hunched over in her hospital bed.

After a split second that felt like an eternity, Rose opened her eyes. She saw blankets on her lap in front of her, but they were different, made of red silk, instead of the white cotton hospital sheets. She blinked, as her eyes were still weary from the light, and then looked around.

Huh? was all her brain could muster, as she tried processing the unfamiliar room around her. She was sitting on a gorgeous, king-sized bed with golden poles and a red canopy. The room had beige mud-brick walls and floors. On the floor was a large, ornate carpet of red and gold. Every corner of the room had potted plants with large, verdant leaves. In the top left corner was a fig plant. The bottom right corner had an iris. The other two had potted palm trees. Antique furniture lined the walls. One piece to the left of her bed looked like a vanity, with a tall mirror. Something by the door on the left looked like it may be a dresser. Then there was a desk and chair to the right of that. In the center of the room was a round table with a large bowl full of what she assumed was rosewater, going by the petals floating in it. To the right of where she sat was, not a window, but a doorway. It was an arch that led out onto a balcony. She could feel a warm, comfortable breeze through it.

She looked at her arms and realized that not only were the IVs not attached, but her arms looked different. They were tan and thin, yet strong. She flipped them around a few times to get a good look at them. What happened? She wondered. These didn’t look like her arms. She looked down and saw a heaving chest. Her breasts were never this large, her stomach never this flat. She quickly threw off her covers and jumped out of bed and straight to the vanity mirror.

She couldn’t believe it. That isn’t me! She thought, with absolute certainty. Yet there was no mistaking it… the person in the mirror moved as she moved. When she looked down and around and brought her hair to her face, everything was the same as the mysterious woman in the mirror! Her brown hair had turned black, and was ornately styled with numerous braids. Her face was different too. She now had a thin, small face, with a delicately pointed chin, big, beautiful emerald green eyes with long, luscious lashes, a medium sized nose, and delicate, petal-like lips. She played around with her facial expressions, moving her eyebrows up and down, puckering her lips, and so forth, to test out this mysterious face.

Her body was voluptuous and beautiful. She was wearing something like a toga. It was a simple, white piece of cloth, draped across her beautiful body. She used to be a B-cup, but her breasts now looked like Ds. They were so perfectly shaped. She couldn’t help but hold them in her hands for a moment to feel their weight and make sure they were real. Her hands slid down her surprisingly toned belly. She turned around in front of the tall mirror. It let her see her gorgeous, shapely butt. She didn’t know what kind of weird dream this was, but she wasn’t in any hurry to wake up. She beamed as she admired her new form.

“Glad to see you’re settling in well,” a familiar voice said from the other side of the room.

Rose jumped and looked over to the arch doorway, where Lazuli stood. This was definitely the man from the hospital, but something was different. His suit was replaced with a similar toga-like outfit. It was of a bright saffron that contrasted with his hair.

“How long have you been standing there?!” She asked, aggressively, alarmed that he saw her fondle herself. Then, she scrunched her face in confusion and held a hand to her throat. It wasn’t the fact that her voice was different. She expected that. What was weird was that she just spoke a language she had never heard before.

“That’s Akkadian,” Lazuli said with a chuckle. “You’ll get used to it.”

“What’s going on?!”

“This is your vacation,” he said, casually. “Allow me to explain. You were summoned here, not by your friend Alice, but by my goddess, Ishtar.”

“Ishtar?” She echoed, while she pulled her head back in surprise.

“Yes, Ishtar, the Mesopotamian goddess of love, sex, and beauty!”

“You’re pulling my leg!”

“Does it look like I am?” He raised an eyebrow and smirked, as he spread an arm out in the direction of her body. “My beloved goddess is letting you borrow her form. As I said, she hated to see you suffer, so she thought the best way for you to enjoy yourself would be to live her life… the carefree life of a beloved goddess.”

“W-wait, how am I her?” Rose asked, bewildered. “I mean, I see that I certainly look like a goddess. I can’t argue there. But how can I just borrow someone’s body?”

“Divine magic.”

“Yeah, but,” Rose paused and tried to catch her breath. Her heart was racing. “If I’m in her body, where is she? Don’t tell me she’s in my hospital bed?”

“Oh, no,” he shook his head and chuckled. “She’s still in there, with you. Her mind is just sitting back and watching you at the moment. Mind you, she’s a goddess. So she enjoys watching humans. If you need her, she’s right there with you. At times, you might feel unfamiliar thoughts or feelings. Those would be Ishtar’s. But don’t worry. She won’t take over. Not until you’re ready to go back to your world.”

“My world,” she repeated the term, bewildered. “So, where am I exactly?”

“I was waiting for you to ask.” His body turned, and he looked back at her. “Come with me,” he beckoned, with a jerk of his head, out to the balcony.

She followed him out to the balcony, and was blown away by the sight. She was many stories into the air, and below was a gorgeous city of sand-colored buildings, stretching out to the horizon. People and palm trees were scattered around. The city was bustling and happy. She could see an outdoor market with lots of vendors, and people relaxing on the flat brick rooftops. In the distance was a wall, and past that was a desert, with sand that contrasted with the bright blue sky. It was breathtaking.

He put a hand on her left shoulder and whispered into her right ear, “welcome to Babylon.”

She jumped back. “Who said you could touch me?” she assumed an offensive position, as though she was going to punch him. “Would you touch your goddess like that?!”

His golden cheeks lifted into a big grin and turned slightly rose gold as he laughed hard, as though that was the silliest thing he’d ever heard. “Milady,” he tried to calm down his laughter, “I’ll have you know that touching the goddess is my duty.”

“Excuse me?”

He wiped a laughter-induced tear away. “Please keep in mind that while you are here, you are the goddess,” he informed her. “A goddess’s devotees, worshippers, servants, whichever you wish to call us… Our life’s mission… our reason for living, is to please our goddess.” He gestured towards her body with both hands this time, but it didn’t seem like his message was sinking in. “You’re the goddess of sex, milady,” he said with a smile and with a tilt of his head. “Please be mindful of that.”

Rose just stood there and blinked.

“I’ll leave you alone for a moment to let things sink in,” he said, as he started walking back through the arch. His orange robe flowed behind him. “I’ll be in the hallway.”

“Wait!” She exclaimed, in a sudden panicked tone. “Where’s my phone?! I have to let everyone know where I am! I can’t take much more time off of work! I need to check on my kids! Everyone is going to be looking for me! I wasn’t expecting the vacation to be immediate, and I sure as hell wasn’t expecting it to be in another world! So you better give me my phone this instant! Because you totally tricked me!”

He sighed. “You can’t have your phone right now,” he said. “Modern electronics can’t exist in this world. You’re in ancient times, after all. I’m sorry to tell you that cell phones didn’t exist in 1700 BC.” He added, with a laugh. “Now, don’t fret.” He held a hand up towards her obviously fretful face, as though that would suddenly stop her from fretting. “Time is frozen in your world. Meaning you can spend as much time here as you’d like, and it will be like you never even left your world. From their perspective, you’re still in that hospital bed. And no one will move an inch while you’re gone. Check this out.” This time, he beckoned with his arm and his whole upper body, towards the table in the center of the bedroom.

Rose hesitantly followed Lazuli. He stood over the bowl of rosewater. He dipped the tip of his middle finger into the water and stirred. To Rose’s surprise, an image appeared, like a photograph. Lazuli took his hand away, and Rose could see the image clearly. It showed her daughters, Lily and Chrys, playing with their grandmother. They weren’t moving, but they were safe.

Rose breathed a sigh of relief.

Lazuli smiled, as though he had accomplished something good. But this was only the beginning. This girl still had a lot more relaxing to do before Ishtar would be happy.

He showed her images of her friends and coworkers as well. Anyone that she asked about, she could see. “And whenever you want to see any of them,” he added, “feel free to dip your gorgeous fingers in there and give it a whirl. Though I promise they’ll still be in the same position every time.”

“And they don’t get hurt from being still for so long?” Rose asked. She was having trouble fighting back her usual anxiety.

“No, no,” he assured her, “they aren’t literally stuck in that pose for a long time. It’s just that we’re in a different dimension. Whatever happens here doesn’t affect that dimension and happens separately from it. So time isn’t passing at all in that world. Not just for them, but for everyone. It’s not that everyone’s frozen. It’s just that when we go back, you’ll go back to the exact time and place when you left. You touched Ishtar’s roses at 6:42 pm on Monday, April 17th… I could go into the seconds and milliseconds and further, but I’ll spare you the extraneous stuff. But trust me, we’ll get you back to that exact moment. Nothing will have happened in your absence. And the best part is, you can spend as much time here as you want!”

“Oh,” she said, trying to let things sink in, “okay.”

Lazuli was about to exit the bedroom, but when he had his hand on the doorknob, he turned back around, and added “oh, right, I forgot to mention… The other servants don’t know about the situation. They all believe you are their goddess. Please go along with this belief. While you are here, you are her holiness. You aren’t lying or hurting anyone by assuming her position. It is her will, and her servants wish for nothing but to please her. So please, allow them to dote on you as they would Ishtar, because that would make Ishtar and her worshippers very happy.”

“They won’t be mad that I’m pretending to be their goddess?”

“Not at all,” he assured her.

“Then can’t I tell them?”

“You can,” he bit his lip and tilted his head from side to side, “but I don’t want it to hinder your enjoyment. Please allow yourself to feel like a goddess. Please don’t be afraid to let them pamper you as they would her. Remember, this is your vacation.”

#Ishtar’s harem #original novel #light novel #reverse harem #Ishtar #mesopotamia #Babylon

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littleviolence2016 · 1 year

Text

inspired by @b1mb1b00

1) i would rather not say

2) 7-10

3) i dont have one but would like one - i know when i get one despite me wanting one its gonna be really hard for me to open up because im not the best at being vulnerable and thats like the most vulnerable thing i can do - leave someone in charge of my inner child - i have 2 partners but i never like brought it up to them ya know like 1 is aware of what cgl is the other absolutely no idea & i dont wanna ruin our dynamic

4) build a bear workshop & mcdonalds - i love stuffies and wanna see how they’re made and be part of it itll be so sick & mcdonalds has the best chicken nuggets and fries fight me about it im right yeah they aren’t dino shaped but i can get over it they are the best AND i get a free toy and there’s no catch its great - another would be chuck-e-cheese i wanted to spend my birthday there again but haven’t had the money to i love games alot and maybe i can finally win something at the top of the prize wall even big me would want a chuck-e-cheese date okay i love games and pizza id always prefer chuck-e-cheese over dave and busters

5) i only have sippy cups & stuffed animals & toys - i would like more when i live in a bigger space i dont really need much because im a bigger boy but id like mostly food stuff like plates spoons i like the spoons with the plastic handles alot they have to be teaspoons cuz tablespoons are the devil they attack the senses in my mouth in a /neg way it’s awful who would do that to help regress maybe some of the handles spoons can be cute i dont want the bowl part plastic though thats also evil to me personally and i like the bath tablets that make the bath colors too and shower crayons i want those and blankets i love thoses and yeah i want more things when its safe

6) i dont know i dont think so i am into petplay tho does that count?

7) not that much different than big me i guess you can say even MORE childish than i already am (ik thats not the best word cuz they’re a child duh) i guess more baby like - like playful, bratty, causes problems on purpose im more quiet than big me but i also don’t have anyone i trust enough to talk to in that state so im mainly going based on my alters which i don’t say much

8) coloring because drawing frustrates me when it doesn’t go on the paper right

9) i don’t know that many 😿 i just met @adorableblindemo and they r real sweet

10) it depends - most times it’s voluntary but in really high stress situations i can regress usually then i tend to get mute like nonverbal i have select mutism and also other stuff its just scary

11) yeah thats what i would consider my voluntary is most of the time because i dont have a space that would allow me to even think about regressing fully

12) no

13) mac & cheese, cereal, chocolate milk/hot chocolate but if its hot chocolate it has to he more warm than hot because im a punk

14) love them adore then need to protect them

15) not really im usually rejected so i just don’t anymore i actively avoid it even

16) idk really i’ve never been called like pet names ive vibed with just nicknames

17) kids shows & having things in my mouth

18) no because i don’t really have a safe space so i always need to b on like high alert to switch back into big mode asap

19) its so hard to find like a side that i vibe with all i see is the stereotypical stuff (younger/baby regressers who r and super pastelly & like preferred not alternative baby things and have baby gear like diapers and pacis) i dont see that many middle regressiors or ones who like alternative pop culture things

20) i can’t find that many for fandoms im in but the ones i do i really do like i wanna make a masterpost one day mainly for myself cuz i wish i could find them easier its like i gotta dig for content

21) very - im real sensitive the air could blow the wrong way and im jumping

22) i mostly indulge in rpf so i don’t have anyone fictional per say just blorbos from bandom and select tv shows

23) no different than my room now really i wanna beanbag

24) ive never realky tried it before it looks fun but im kinda shy

25) i want my childhood/innocence back it was taken too soon i wanna nurture that side of me when things were simpler and protect it not have to think about how hard things are now and how i can’t really get help for it because i simply cant afford it

26) yes mainly my comfort artists (mainly mcr & waterparks atm)

27) no i don’t have a cg i tried making a chore chart that i printed from a blog on here but forgot about it a few weeks in

28) like i said in #7

29) ive been told i had the potential to be and i think so because when im big i do tend to be more protective, parental, nurturing and just overall alpha like

30) i dont know what to say rly but hey if you like the content i post lets be friends i’ll try not to bite

#age regression #age dreaming #30 days of agere #i ripped into queue with our black light ~ 🎆

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