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rigelmejo · 2 years

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Language Updates! May 25, 2022

My health is still being mean but hopefully it'll turn. As expected, I'm not studying much.

But I did get the urge to study again. So I did. And it went in an odd direction (for me) so I feel like documenting it.

First the Japanese stuff - I got into playing Final Fantasy 7 again, and video games always remind me how much I want to learn Japanese, so the urge to study kicked in gear lol. As of now I'm not doing anything big, I'm too tired lately for big goals. I am playing Yakuza 0 now and having fun picking up the words I do know. And learning some words, mainly though just refreshing my memory on things I already knew like 少し,あるんだ, zenbun matte etc. Some sentences I fully understand! Most I know a couple words, some I only hear omae lol. As one would expect.

I'm also listening to Glossika Japanese again (as review so the old files I've heard already). So not much listening, at the beginning again lol, but everything is coming back fast. So that's good.

I also bought Koisenu Futari today and started reading it on Kindle. It's like 249 pages and my reading speed says I'll finish in 8 hours, which honestly is amazing to me since usually I read too slow to Ever finish a novel ToT in a foreign language (unless it's french). I read 7 pages and it's clear to me on some level I remember the grammar i learned i jusr don't explicitly remember it if it makes sense. Like I know what's a noun or verb or how the verbs conjugation affects meaning but I'm not able to say exactly whats going on. Basically it's readable, thankfully, cause my brain still remembers how to interpret the grammar. I still credit forcing myself to do 600 Clozemaster Japanese sentences last summer for all the grammar comprehension improvements tbh, it really truly helped me get used to real world sentences and the variety in them (versus textbook sentences). Anyway so far its nice! It's to my happiness an easier read (difficulty wise) with a lot of Kanji I know so I also can kind of cheat and guess the meaning on a lot (I'm mainly looking up Kanji pronunciations/confirmations of definition and hiragana words). But I will say :c kindles Japanese to English dictionary sucks So I'm glad i recognize the Kanji a bit.

Basically, I'm back into Japanese a bit. I also found some audio dramas with eng subs I'd like to listen to that I was going to months ago, maybe yest Listening Reading Method with. But tbh my attention span is short and I don't think I can focus for 1.5 hours to get through them (though Nier Replicant Audio drama AND mdzs Japanese audio drama are on youtube which are both very cool and i do eventually wanna get to ToT)

Now for the out of character portion. So ive been watching kdramas. Live Up to Your Name, Mr Sunshine, Tomorrow, My Country the New Age, etc. As you do. And it turns out... when I listen to something long enough I really want to learn something. So I looked into learning Korean a bit.

I want to preface with!!! If YOU are brand new to learning Korean, like comprehensible input/nature method learning methods, I highly recommend going to Learn Korean in Korean YouTube channel and just Devouring all the videos made by that guy. THAT is a well made course where you can genuinely learn through comprehensible input for the basics and some surface conversational stuff (possibly more). I watched 1 of his videos once knowing zero Hangul and not caring if i learned and learned how to introduce myself. His videos are GOOD.

That said... mejo is a messy person who doesn't follow their own advice, and despite me KNOWING I love that specific learning material... I'm not using it. Why? Because watching YouTube videos requires consistent focus and i just cannot reliably focus on something for several minutes right now. I can't do long periods of focused study at the moment. Even though I know if I binged his channel I'd learn a lot.

So what is mejos plan to learn korean?

Well studying Hangul is step 1, which I've done before and have done the past few days again. Now I'm practicing just kind of seeing it in practice (like in textbooks etc) to get used to properly reading it and remembering. As my motivations for wanting to learn korean are Extremely Shallow right now - I'd just like to know some lines in kdramas when I watch, maybe absolute MOST I'd like to have a convo in korean like hi how are you do you draw (and in a world I'll never live in... enough to read Korean guardian translation but let's be real its not gonna happen.. probably). I have no intense need to learn to read Hangul. I'm gonna pick it up anyway, since it's everywhere and reading it is ultimately critical. But books with romanization are my friends right now so I can compare romanization to the Hangul to test my reading of the Hangul, and to learn words with an approximate pronunciation instead of absolutely no idea if i picked a moderately close pronunciation up (if theres only Hangul and I read a,syllable wrong I'm gonna learn words wrong lol).

So I found Teach Yourself Korean (or some equivalent type book) on archive.org for free. And am reading it. It covers Hangul, and then simple surface level conversations like your typical beginner textbook (hi, how are you, my name is, i work at, I study, I want to eat x etc). It works fine for some Hangul reading practice and getting a chance to look at sentence structure. Realistically I know korean is SOV and a really Great help would be a textbook that does literal word by word translations cause my brain likes seeing that but I'm not putting tons of time into this. (Also sadly? I KNOW there's a cool korean textbook out there whixh starts with english but in korean sentence structure then adds more korean words, like comprehensible input for korean but also intuitive grammar instruction. And i DONT know the name so I canr find it ;-; if you know the name of the textbook I'm mentioning please message me).

For words, i was going to just be brutal to myself and hop right into Clozemaster Korean. That was utterly impossible lol! With very poor Hangul reading skills you are screwed in clozemaster, there's no romanization to help you sound anything out. Also you don't hear audio until after you answer, also the diffetent grammar structure is not explained even minimally in Clozemaster. So I have realized. Yes, yes you really do need to be upper beginner or above to use Clozemaster reasonably comfortably. Unless you're learning a language with similar grammar and a similar alphabet like French or Spanish then maybe you could jump right in as a complete novice if you were up for the challenge (I can read some Spanish, I could probably push through clozemaster Spanish to study and learn more vocab even though it would be brutal). I realized clozemaster is just NOT helpful as a complete beginner in korean with zero grammar knowledge. Now normally, I'd dive right in and spend 1 week to 1 month reading a grammar guide summary of the language so I have a vague idea of what I'm looking at verb noun adjective subject object particle wise etc at all times. But as I mentioned, im exhausted lately, i cant do intensive focused reading for hours which a grammar guide would require of me. Also... to be honest, I find it an interesting experiment to go into a language totally unprepared. I was prepared for all the other languages I studied to some (minimal) degree since i studied literally all of them as a teen at least a little (japanese, Spanish, French, German, mandarin). While it's not much, it does mean if there were ever 6 months of struggling with sound or writing system or what the heck does a verb look like in z language, i got a little practice prior to diving in more as an adult.

So. What to do. Well I know for me, comparing sentence structure truly helps me grasp grammar the best. It's why clozemasrer Japanese helped me SO much with grammar, it's why one of my fave japanese textbooks is Japanese Sentence Patterns, it's why Spoonfed Chinese anki deck ans audio files help me so much. Seeing and hearing a sentence in both languages helps me figure out where words go in each, how they conjugate, what phrases are different completely etc. Unfortunately anki and memrise sentence decks in korean would make me exhausted, as i can't do the hours long intensive focus I need for flashcards personally at the moment. Clozemaster has a radio mode (to help make it easier on me) but clozemaster sentences start TOO hard compared to educational made sentences which tend to start artificially simple but help clarify the sentence structures before adding complexity gradually. Well i was like... glossika Korean might work. Turns out I'd downloaded the old glossika korean audio files a year ago so I put them in a place I could listen to. And that's going to be my primary setup for study probably. I doubt I'm going to pick up much, certainly not at the slow rate I've got to study right now. But if I DO learn anything then I'm putting in a good word for comparative 2 language audio flashcard type study materials. They worked EXCELLENTLY for me for chinese listening comprehension, increasing vocabulary, grammar patterns, but i used them as an upper beginner who could read some stuff already. Korean would be my first time trying to use glossika with a language I can't already read some things in (aka comprehend basic stuff to a decent level when reading already). We will see if i pick up much. But I can already tell it's easier for me to figure out new words than clozemaster korean, so glossika is easier for a beginner to use for sure. (Personally I do Not recommend modern glossikas subscription model I hate the flashcards but tbh i canr do flashcards often, I prefer the old glossika audio lessons they used to make so that's what I use whenever i say glossika).

So yeah, my plan for korean right now is: glossika korean audio files (dual language audio of sentences starting simple then progressing), and Teach Yourself Korean book read through. Maybe some other stuff, but this is easiest.

A side note: I am sad to report the FSI korean course audio files on archive.org are Only korean. I say thus because FsiS chinese course audios read the English aloud, then rhe chinese, then the drill directions then the drill answers. So you can basically do the entire course entirely through audio (which is great if visuals are an issue for you, or so it can be done without needing to look if say you're walking or working, and the book is mainly pinyin so it's not a huge loss to just use the audio files). So I was expecting the korean FSI course audio to also have all that - which would have made it serve the "simple sentences with dual audio to compare and pick up words and grammar" function. But there's no English in the audio, so i found the korean glossika audios instead. (In a pinch FSI courses are yes dry, but very good introductions to several languages. I like their tone drills a lot for chinese.)

Another side note: sad to report that unlike Japanese and Chinese I am not aware of the really cool niche textbooks yet. Like in Japanese, I have textbooks specifically suited to me - ones that focus on sentence patterns, 2 that teach through reading and progressive difficulty, Kanji mnemonic books. Same for chinese - I have an old grammar book that writes a way I understand, 3 comprehensible input massive graded readers that increase in difficulty, some more graded readers by difficulty, a 500 most common hanzi book with a bunch of words that use them underneath, parallel texts, a wonderful hanzi mnemonics book, a wonderful chinese intro book that covers 1000 words (which isn't ideal but i appreciate the author and irs better than one textbook I found which only teaches 200 words total yikes). I learn well with comprehensible input books like graded readers/stuff that makes you learn by trying to understand, and with comparisons of sentence structure with a LOT of common words so I pick them up. Like I mentioned above... I know a korean textbook exists that writes the English in korean word order then gradually adds in more korean words too, I am very interested in finding it if anyone knows the name or has heard of it before.

#rant #may #may progress #progress #may goals #goals #korean #korean study plan #study plan #WOW YEAH im learning a little korean #not much but i would like to recognize a bit more than i do now which is like nothing #except the greeting and thank you

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qualityempathshoebear · 10 months

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Heres to a brighter future!

Heyyyaa!

Lets get the boring stuff out of the way first, before I tell you about whats gotten myso excited. Ive graduated from the hellish school (yay for that!) and finished all my exams. I dont know how I did, but I honestly dont care. I studied for most of the tests, so if I dont do well, then at least iIl know ive given it a deasant amount of effort.

I had my taster day for a school in the city this week and it was honestly amazing. It was soooo much better than the school I went to (which isnt very hard to beat), and everyone was so talkative and nice. I even feel like I made a few friends, it was great! A girl that I met and talked to first (a round of applause for me) even added me on snapchat! Im hoping that my other taster day, which I have next week, for another school turns out to be just as good. Also I know this isnt very appropriate to say-but its you so its ok- but there were sooooo many hot guys. I know I cant date, but there is nothing wrong with a little eyecandy, and besides, if I secretly started dating someone at school, I could probably get away with it!

Onto a the issue regarding my sister that I told you about last time. I think its been fixed, at least thats what it seems like. Theres going to be a 45 day investigation, but after that they wont be bothering us anymore.

Heres the thing ive been dying to tell you. I dodn twant to go into too much detail because it hasnt been completly comfirmed and i really dont want to jinx this for my dad, but he has a very big chance of getting a job at his dream company, in a completly new country. Which im honestly very grateful for because I honestly hate this place. Im ready to be around an international comunity were people are welcoming and not fucking horrible. Im so ready. So if I move, I wont have to go to school anymore in this god forsaken country.

Also, youre going to be so proud of me for this, ive been drinking 2L of water (almost) everyday for the past week or so! Ive also been reading a lot! Ive read 3 books since the start of summer break and finished up 3 books that I started in the past but never finished. This week im planning on reading st least 4 books!

Im also going to Qatar this summer so im very excited about that. Im planning on reading "the nightingale" by Kristin Hannah on the plane since I have a physical copy of the book. And then ill just read on my kindle app on my phone for the rest of the flight.

Ill try to keep you updated in the summer if anyhting more happens, but for now....

Hugs and kisses!

Ps: This isnt something I really feel like talking about so ill just leave it here; my uncle was sent to the front lines of the war in my home country. I cant rememebr if I mentioned anything to you about it, but there you go.

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yeo-rims · 3 years

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so I just used the money my friend gave me to buy 1 month of korean classes and im actually happy it’s been years since the last time i tried learning it. let’s see if now i can actually take it seriously

#the first time i was like 16/17 i think #and i got bored #but i miss learning something for fun #and the whole reason i know english now is because of kdramas can you believe it #i studied when i was 13 and stopped because i dont like the language #and then when i was 16 i wanted to watch kdramas faster and i didn't know english well enough so i started to study again #i had a private teacher for like 2 years #but we mostly talked #because i learn better talking and we used to go to the mall together and have lunch it was so nice anyways what i mean is #it's been a hot minute since ive tried learning a new language #and as much as i like french i just dont care about it enough??? and yes i should learn spanish #because reasons i know i know but im scared of spanish #and im not smart enough to learn arabic by myself #also when i memorized the korean alphabet i never forgot about it??? so now i at least can read stuff lasklaksla #aNYWAYS #my friend did not give me her money she paid for the kindle i sold to her #but she did overpaid me tbh #i'll see if i can do it by myself this month #and then i'll think about if ill continue to pay for it in the future #also istg my english when im teaching is actually good please dont believe my online persona #i miss my kids :((( please pray for me i need a jOB #ok thats enough #tamara's adventures in life

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butterflyyoucomefromme · 2 years

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hi, i have three questions:

1) where did you learn about all the typo stuff? i am new to this hell and you seem reliable and honest;

2) how does visual typing works? how do you type someone even based on their blogs vibe? it's fascinating;

3) how old should one be to be typed?

that's all, thank you if you decide to answer 💫

1) i've been into typology for a good decade now, i don't even remember where i got all my knowledge from anymore. once you get the basics down, you observe the people around you more and read less theory anyway

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)

it was developed by Isabel Myers and her mother Katherine Briggs based on their work with Carl Jung's theory of personality types and tries to offer an explanation on how people of different types process information and make decisions differently. since i'm way too lazy to actually explain this theory in detail, i'm just gonna refer you to Em's crash course here. on that note, also check out her posts where she contrasts the different functions. i like her explanations because, unlike other sources, they aren't accidentally mixed with enneagram theory

Enneagram

it attempts to explain people's personality by identifying core fears/desires. Riso & Hudson are pretty solid and you can check out their website

the only thing i'm missing there is the distinction between phobic (p) and counterphobic (cp) 6. the theory goes that since 6's core fear is fear itself, 6 has come up with two different strategies to deal with it: either by running (phobic) or by "confronting" (counterphobic)

there exists also the tritype theory by Fauvre which i - more or less - subscribe to so i'm gonna link to her website too

don't bother with anything related to Chestnut or Naranjo. they don't offer anything of substantial worth to the discussion and their books are only good for kindling

Instinctual Variant (IV)

another tool to type people, the enneagram institute site i linked to also talks about the three instincts briefly. iv is usually the aspect of typology people grapple the most with because the descriptions are pretty vague because they try to sort people into only six categories. i still have an anon sitting in my inbox asking about my definitions so you can watch out for whenever i find the time to answer that ask. in the meantime you can go through my #iv tag. i also have tons of other good resources saved in my likes that i will try to reblog in the coming days (the pain of having to go thru 8.000+ likes tho, rip)

to wrap this up, all tests suck and anyone who calls themself a "typology expert" and demands money is trash. instead i'll recommend you some blogs who are actually reliable sources and know what they are talking about

@istj-hedonist Marri, an ISTJ with excellent use of dom Si. she offers good insights, nice aesthetics, as well as visual typing information

@ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is Em, another ISTJ. she offers to type people via a description. her dom Si does a solid job at identifying people's type

@mbtiguy-archive Sarah, an ESTP who is inactive, but her archive is still around. her dom Se offered some really good observations and she was also pro typing by ~vibes~

2) visual typing works on the assumption that people with the same personality type have the same physical features. while there have already been past attempts by other people to identify these traits, Marri is the one who actually offered a clear and comprehensive guide on what to look for. you can go through her #visual typing tag for more information

typing based on vibes operates on pretty much the same principle. people of the same personality type have the same kind of... vibe/air/feel/temperament/whatever you wanna call it, to them and you can tell that pretty well in person, but it also works on tumblr because of its nature. people of different types are drawn to different aesthetics, relate to different posts, and word themself in a specific way that you can pinpoint to a certain type

typing based on visual cues/vibes is pretty much just either Si recognising a pattern or Se excelling at reading people

3) if you're talking traditional typing à la self-typing based on understanding the theory, reading up on functions, identifying behavioural patterns, etc. i'd say it's best to type yourself once your brain has fully developed (~25) and you are recognised as an adult. it's infinitely more valuable that you actually experience life, work through your issues, improve your skills, and do some introspection in order to develop as a person outside of typology. the nerd stuff can definitely wait

however if you are talking about at which age you can reliably visual type, that's different. i think that one is born with their mbti type and first instinct, so you can already type toddlers if you want to. the second instinct probably develops somewhere around your pre-teens and is (mostly) dependent on your environment. as for the ennea core, i'd say it's a mix of nature and nurture. depending on your mbti/natural disposition and the sort of environment you grow up in. it probably develops roughly around the same time your second instinct forms. also, if you buy into tritype theory, you have to consider that certain fixes will be more prominent at certain stages. an easy and obvious example is the heart-fix. when you are a teenager, you will be mostly preoccupied with your image/issues involving shame. for that reason i wouldn't type anyone who is still in their teenage years because the heart-fix will be naturally more prominent and might be mistaken as the core when it's maybe not

#typo #mbti #ennea #iv #visual typing

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soupbirded · 2 years

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Do gay people deserve moss?

I deserve so much moss, have you ever held a clump of moss in ur hand? Wonderful

i used to tear pieces of moss from the forest floor, trees and rocks and stuff, when I was younger, the moss on the trees was usually very different from the floor or rock moss, longer and courser, while the other moss was more compact. Theres also Lichen, which i dont think is moss, but its very nice.

When I go camping the lichen is everywhere, almost neon green, as dry as if its dead(its might be, i dont know lichen well) super good for starting campfires, tho it gets smokey, just like with pine needles, abundant, good kindle, but best you only use it as a starter unless you want a face full of smoke for hours.

There also the moss and algae(not a moss) that grows at the grotto, different very much from the forest moss and the lake lichen(nice names ive given them, huh) always heathier, i can assume that's because the grotto keeps them nice and full on water year round, even in the dry seasons, ive never seen that grotto without at least a small pool of water, and lots of moss and algae.

I love moss, i grew up with it all the time :]. Saying i grew up around moss is silly, but its true!! I lived in a forest!! There was a lot of it!! It's just as true to say i grew up around dirt!! Why have i been typing so much i feel dumb

I saw this ask at midnight, i dont usually stay up much later than this. i just downloaded a lot of music(for some reason i never downloaded the full cosmicandy album, i have it now) but the website i like to use was taken down in the US >:[ so my options were: use shittier webbed sites, or get a vpn

I dont have the space for a vpn :penisve:

Anyways yes gay people and moss, whatever, I think im gonna read a book, i dont wanna sleep tbh tbh, love you!!

#asks #this is what you get for asking silly questions #silly answers #doesnt help that i havent been on tumbly much since my laptop broke #so i only see these whenever i open the app #which is usually late at night </3

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conspiracieys · 3 years

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the sweet and lovely @scullydubois tagged me to get to know 9 other people better!! thank you Kaylee!!!

fave color: pink, definitely. but like... i love a good minty green and i have been adoring orange lately. but ill die for pink.

currently reading: i cant read. jk but also not really. adhd says no reading books. ive been trying to read this like lesbian sort of political thriller series on my kindle and it's really fun. i do love political intrigue.

last song: good thing by barnes courtney, recommended to me and it SLAPS. not my fave barnes courtney song but it goes HARD

last movie: Space Jam: A New Legacy. watched it w/ my mom last Saturday. it was so cute actually like wtf. i enjoyed it a lot!!

last series: no listen. im literally just sitting here watching the love island tv show :/// and im enjoying it so much :////

sweet, spicy, or savory: savory, but lately... lately ive been enjoying sweet things a lot more...

craving: dude i JUST want some like. nice crunchy salty fries done so perfectly. thats all i want. please just some french fries...

coffee or tea: ok so usually i say tea only but like... ive been drinking a lot of coffee lately and its so good... so maybe coffee...

currently working on: uh i have this mass effect fic i'm working on that's sort of a big project and that's going well. i finally finished part one. it needs to be read through and fine tuned but im happy with it so far actually. that's the most notable thing i'd say.

tagging: @mistmarauder, @returnofdedsec, @hanajimasama, @fereldanwench, @certified-soft-boyo, and then my go to's for tag memes @prometheas, @jmiacolt, @reefs0, and @rieha! and if anyone else might like to do the thing!! and of course no pressure if you don't wanna do it!

#stardust.txt #tag meme #thank u kaylee wtf i had fun!#and i had fun reading your answers and getting to know you more!!!!

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galadrieljones · 4 years

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The Lily Farm - Chapter 46

AO3 | Masterpost

Pairing: Arthur x Mary Beth

Rating: M (Mature) - sexual content, violence, and adult themes

Summary: After Sean’s death, Mary Beth asks Arthur to take her on a hunting trip, somewhere far away. What takes place at first is a simple love story: full of trials and journeys that they must endure together, as a team. But over time, things complicate. The gang is in trouble, and as Arthur and Mary Beth aim to set out on their own one day, they must find a way to help those they love while eventually, finding escape. Their ultimate goal is to go north with the Marstons, to find the bucolic stretches of Wisconsin where, rumor has it, there are lily farms. Will they make it? How will they survive when all hope seems lost? This is their story.

Chapter 46: The Widow of Willard’s Rest, Pt. 1

***BEGINNING OF PART IV: AMERICAN PASTORAL***

Most days at Deer Cottage, Arthur would wake up early. He would go outside to chop firewood, and then he’d kindle the fire and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes outside. Most mornings, he would fish, but as the days were getting colder and shorter, sometimes he would just set up a trap line on the Kamassa to leave out all day instead, and then hike back up the ridge to the wooded hinterlands and hunt whitetail. He always rode home with enough to cook, smoke, and cure. He would then come back down to the river, empty out the fish trap and with any luck find a sturgeon or a largemouth bass. His new filly Leah, who he named for another character that he remembered from the Old Testament, which he had learned to read from many years before, was a fast girl and even in her temperament. She did not always take well to strange animals, and she had a wary look in her eye upon most passers-through. But she was wise to predators and upon Arthur’s constant and gentle reassurance, mostly a brave and kind girl.

Mary Beth seemed to need a lot of sleep, meanwhile. But she would stay up late knitting sweaters for everybody she knew, as winter was coming now, and she was anxious, and she needed something to keep her hands busy. Most days she did not wake up until Arthur was already busy with his routine, elsewhere, having left her a note or sometimes a little drawing with a pot of coffee on the stove. She wanted to be useful. She was used to having chores, hence the sweaters, and they were scarce on laundry so she made sure to keep things clean. She tidied the cottage in its every corner. There wasn’t much for berries this time of year, but Arthur had found an apple tree and with the dwindling autumn crop, she would bake. She read everything she could find, over and over again, and she wrote prose here and there, but her mind was occupied with a lot of worry and restlessness those days. The baby, the gang. Arthur would take her out shooting, and this seemed to help. He taught her to use every kind of gun. She tended the horses in the barn, which Arthur had built with help from Hamish over a period of one week. It was ramshackle business, but it would do.

Arthur and Mary Beth had been lying low in Roanoke Ridge now for three months. Together they rode into Annesburg at the end of every week, on Sunday, to check the post for word from Dutch, and to buy supplies and the newspaper. Annesburg was a mining community, and its little camps of gutter homes all lined up in a row made Mary Beth sad. As a boomtown, however, Arthur had said it reminded him of Virginia City, Nevada, a place to which he had traveled many years before right after he’d been more or less adopted by Dutch and Hosea. “They took me there,” he told her one Sunday, as they rode into town, down from the hills, “and we set up shop for many weeks. I pulled my weight in the gang at the blackjack tables for a long time, and I knew how to wrangle, and looking back, weren’t nobody better at keeping his head down than me.” He then sighed and grew stoic with concern. “Virginia City is where Susan taught me a thing or two about dancing,” he said, too, chewing on a reed or a piece of bark, smoking a cigarette, wearing an old cowboy hat given to him as a gift from Hamish. He was trying to make her feel better. The gunsmith in Annesburg was chatty and liked their company, too, so they would often make conversation with him. He thought they were implants from the western plains, looking to start a new life, and they supposed it was not altogether untrue.

There was still no word from Dutch. But the papers were quiet, which was a good sign. There had been a story on the “riverboat massacre” some weeks back—that’s what they’d called it down at the St. Denis Times—but no civilians had been killed, and authorities did not seem to know who or what had caused the blow-up. It had been reported that Angelo Bronte, foreign national and local philanthropist, had gone missing for a time, but he was back now, and safe, having claimed to be on vacation up the river, and though this was suspicious, there was not much to make of the feeling. Meanwhile the Mayor was in trouble with the state government for something or other. It looked like he might even get ousted from office. But Arthur did not keep up with politics. He didn’t care what happened to Lemieux nor Bronte, for he and Mary Beth were long gone, and they were never going back to Lemoyne.

There had been one letter in all those months—from Ranger Call. He kept coy and symbolic in his language, but in the letter, he hinted at a complicating factor involving John and the federal penitentiary. This worried them both gravely. Apparently, there was a hold-up on moving the gang to a more permanent relocation, and they’d had to take temporary shelter in Lakay until the problem was solved. But this had been weeks before. The letter also said they were going west, maybe. Or continuing north. That was what Dutch had claimed, but there was uncertainty.

Some members of the gang had gone, claimed Woodrow. Namely, Micah. The asshole feller with the handlebar mustache, he wrote. He went by the wayside when the Man attenuated their plans to rob a city bank. Some wonder if he is even still alive, as a couple days before his disappearance, he had gotten in a tussle with Mr. Matthews, who threatened his life. He said there would be more news when the gang found camp once more. Do not come to Lakay, Mr. Morgan, said the letter. For the Man has sent scouts high and low, from the Grizzlies East to the Big Valley. There will be salvation soon. In the meantime, Mr. Matthews thinks it would be safest, per Mrs. Morgan’s condition, and for how recognizable you have become down here in Lemoyne, for the two of you to remain where you are. The letter also contained information about the Wintersons. They are okay, it said. They are in Chicago and will return in a matter of months. This was a relief. Of course, they tried not to fret too much over John, as all they could do from here was, ironically enough, have faith that it was under control, counting on both Dutch and Hosea as so often they had done in the past.

In the end, there was very little else that Arthur and Mary Beth could do now but survive, not until they got word on where to go next. Hamish had traveled up to visit them on a few occasions. He was doing okay, and he and Arthur would hunt big game during the day and then at twilight they would all go fishing. Other than the constant worrying over John and the rest of the gang, and the occasional fears for the coming winter, and the baby, the way they were living up there in the Roanoke Valley, it wasn’t so bad. There was so much solitude, privacy, time to just be together. It was a privilege they had not been able to entertain in a very long time. Sometimes at night, Mary Beth would cook up a fine dinner, and they would play music on the gramophone, dance as they had that first night they had admitted their love to one another so long ago. Of course they laughed while they did it. It was silly, and they were rare to approach these sorts of sentimental affairs without sarcasm those days. But that was the point. Arthur would fashion a flower from behind her ear, little magic tricks that he had picked from Josiah, and they would talk and play cards and sip whiskey tea. Arthur had a way of letting it all roll right off of him, like raindrops on a tin roof, and that reassured Mary Beth and got her to focus on the day-to-day. She knew how he held the big picture in his mind like a story, navigating the plot, keeping calm. He had not always been so calm, he thought. This was such a positive development for him that had taken some time, and a lot of work. She was starting to show a little bit now, under her dress. They both saw it. Whenever he himself wanted soothing, he would place his head in her lap in the evenings while they listened to music and looked at the fire. She would tell him stories she made up out of the ether. Stories about escaped princesses with swords and poison arrows, and the country knights who loved and defended them. In Mary Beth’s stories, the knights needed protection, too. They were not immortal, or demigods. Just men, she would say. Arthur liked her stories very much.

One day, when the weather was nice, Arthur and Mary Beth rode north up the river with a mind to do some fishing near Brandywine Drop. They kept riding as the sun was warming their backs from its place in the sky, and it felt good. There had been snow already up in these hills, but it was melting off the trees that day and muddy, and Arthur shot a cougar from a distance with his rifle and then together they observed a moose nosing its way through the pines. They decided to camp after clearing the area for Murfree Brood. There were none about that day. Before the sun went down that day, they were just riding up the river, looking for a place to camp when they came upon a woman up the hillside, under a ridge, crying. When they found her, she was sitting on her knees in front of a wooden cross stuck in the dirt, a grave. She was not dressed warm enough for the weather, and she was very dirty. She had dark hair falling apart all around her face in pieces. Both Arthur and Mary Beth were concerned. They approached on horseback. When she saw them, she staggered to her feet and looked terrified. She clutched herself. Arthur stayed back, but Mary Beth got off her horse. She went toward the woman carefully, with her hands in front of her. She said, “It’s okay. We ain’t gonna hurt you.”

The woman looked around, like she was hopeless. She seemed to trust Mary Beth, as most did. “Who are you?” she said.

“I’m Mary Beth, and this is my husband Arthur," she said. "We’ve been living in a cottage just down the river. We’ve been there a few months. How long have you been up here?”

The woman looked back to Arthur, who removed his hat in chivalry. He still did not dismount his horse. He knew what he must have looked like out here to a woman all on her own. He didn’t want to scare her.

“Um,” said the woman, as if gathering her faculties. “We came here—a month ago? Maybe more. I don’t know.”

“Who’s we, ma’am?” said Arthur. “If you don’t mind my asking.”

“My husband and me,” she said. She seemed to brace herself, then looked back at the cross, the grave. She was crying, a little. “We came out here from back east, Philadelphia.”

Mary Beth got a little closer. She stood beside the woman. “What happened?”

The woman dried her eyes on her sleeve. She shook her head in a combination of sadness and shock. “A bear,” she said, staring at the grave. “It was horrifying. He survived, but only a couple of days."

“Oh my,” said Mary Beth, in near on disbelief. She placed her hand on the woman’s shoulder to comfort her. The woman did not protest.

“I buried him, maybe a week ago," she said.

Mary Beth glanced back to Arthur, who shook his head in sadness. This was worse than it seemed, they both thought together, and they were needed. He got off his horse and came over. When he did, the woman looked up at him. She was very small, smaller than Mary Beth even. But Arthur had a way of softening his demeanor when he wanted to. He took a deep breath. “We are very sorry for your loss, ma’am,” he said.

“Thank you.” She seemed confused, like she was getting lost in his eyes, or like somehow she had forgotten where she was.

“Is there a town, or a train station that we can take you to?" he said. "You shouldn’t be out here alone. I know you’re—I know you’re grieving, but it really ain’t safe.”

“What?” she said. She snapped out of it then, almost immediately. “No. No, I can’t leave.”

“All do respect, ma’am, but why not?”

"Because it was our dream.”

“Your dream?”

“Yes,” said the woman, almost defiant. “We came out here from the city in search of a different life. Something true. Something real. I hate to say that we found it, in the worst possible way, but we did. And I can’t leave now. I can’t leave him behind.” She looked back to the grave. She closed her eyes. "For you." She said his name then, which was Cal.

Mary Beth, still with her hand on the woman’s shoulder, was looking at Arthur like she didn’t quite know how to proceed. They couldn’t leave the woman alone up here. It was feral country, and winter was coming. Surely, she would die. Arthur shrugged. Mary Beth did, too.

“What’s your name?” she said, to the woman.

“Charlotte,” said the woman. “Charlotte Balfour.”

“Well, Charlotte,” said Mary Beth. “Maybe we can help you then, get back on your feet.”

Charlotte looked at them like they were crazy. “Help me?”

“Yeah,” said Mary Beth. “Me and Arthur—well, Arthur especially—we been living on the range a long time, and like I said, we’re so nearby.”

“You’ll starve out here,” said Arthur, watching the woman, closely. “That is, if something else don't get to you first. Bear, mountain lions, or worse. You know how to hunt?”

Charlotte laughed to herself then. It was a strange sound amidst all the sadness. “No,” she said. “Of course not. And of course, I’m nearly out of food.”

Arthur smiled at this. “Well, we’ll teach you.”

“You’ll teach me?”

“Of course,” said Arthur. “Mary Beth here, even she knows how to use a rifle.”

“Ain’t nothing to it,” said Mary Beth.

Charlotte watched them, like she didn't fully understand, but she was listening. Somewhere far away, there was a loon going off, ringing in the twilight. The air was getting colder as the sun was going down past the ridge line. “Okay,” she said, with hesitance.

“Good,” said Arthur, almost soft now. He was half-groomed that day. He’d let Mary Beth cut his hair, had trimmed down his beard. It was probably a good thing. When you could see his eyes, his whole face, he had a kind and a sturdy look that most people trusted. He really was a warm man. “You got a rifle?” he went on. “If not, that’s okay. We got guns.”

“I do,” she said. “I have a couple.”

“Where’s your house?”

“Up the ridge,” she said. “Come, I’ll show you.”

They followed her up a long path to a small homestead painted green. There was a barn and a chicken coup. The coup was bustling, but it looked to Mary Beth that the eggs had not been harvested in a while. “You got eggs here,” she said. “Do you mind if I bring some in for you?”

“Oh,” said Charlotte, like she had not noticed. She was so thin. It looked like she probably had not eaten or slept proper since her husband, maybe not since Philadelphia. “Of course not. Thank you.”

“Any time.”

Mary Beth gathered a dozen or so into her skirt. When she came over, Charlotte seemed to notice then that she might have been pregnant, but she didn’t say anything. They stood on the porch. Arthur was quiet and calm, chewing on a toothpick.

Before she let them in the house, Charlotte stopped with her hand on the door handle. She looked inquisitive and she said, “What—or, who exactly are you?” She seemed embarrassed by the question, like she’d meant to say something more formal. “I just mean—why have you come to the Roanoke Valley? What is it that you do here?”

Mary Beth smiled.

“We’ve had all manner of jobs,” said Arthur. “We been on the road for some time now, and the road gets weary. Like you, we’re looking for a new life.”

This seemed to reassure Charlotte. She smiled down at her muddy but elegant boots. “Oh," she said. "Well, I should say, you look like farmers, or ranchers, maybe? Salt of the earth, if you will.”

“You ain’t wrong,” said Arthur. But he said not more. They went inside then, where Charlotte showed them around her modest home. There was lovely wallpaper and heavy oak furniture. Charlotte was digging around in a big leather trunk by the window, and Arthur and Mary Beth were waiting patiently, but by the time she finally found the rifles and the bullets, it was getting dark, and too cold to go back outside.

“Oh, good heavens,” she said, looking out the window, then at her watch. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” said Arthur.

“Would you stay the night?” she asked them, like she was desperate. She’d been picking at the skin around her fingernails, Mary Beth had noticed. She was so nervous, and worried, and scared and sad and alone. Mary Beth had not met another woman like her since they'd picked up Sadie up near Colter. “I have an extra bedroom," Charlotte went on, "with a bed big enough for the two of you. I just—now that you’ve come, I—”

“Sure,” said Mary Beth. She went to the kitchen table to sort the eggs into a basket, and Arthur was just sort of wandering around with his shotgun still slung over his shoulder. There were some pictures hanging on the wall of Charlotte and the man who must have been her husband, pictures which he was looking at. “We’ll stay. Right, baby?”

“Huh?” said Arthur, only half-listening as he looked at the pictures.

“I said, we’ll stay. We can go out and have a fresh start in the morning. Right?"

He surfaced then, looked at her, easy-going. “Sure,” he said. “Why not?”

Charlotte was relieved.

She showed them to their room. It was simple but beautiful with a high, brass bed and a white comforter stuffed with down feathers. There was not much for food that night, so Arthur stoked the hearth and went back out in the dark to hunt some rabbit, alone, while Mary Beth fried a couple of eggs and made her famous whiskey tea. Charlotte ate the eggs hungrily, though Mary Beth could still sense her trying to be demure about it. They sat on the small sofa together, sipping the tea then, looking at the fire. Mary Beth felt warm and comfortable and though she felt bad for Charlotte, and she could not herself imagine losing her husband and still finding a way to survive, she tried not to pity her, for she, too, had once been a woman all alone in the wild, and after all, she was glad to have a job now, something to do, somebody to help. For a while there, it seemed she and Arthur were always the ones who needed saving.

“Your husband,” said Charlotte after a little while. She was distant, sobered. “He seems very…sturdy, and wise. And you do, too. Do the two of you always know exactly what to do?”

The question was earnest. Mary Beth found it amusing. “Of course not,” she said. “We have found ourselves in our fair share of trouble over the years. But when it comes to surviving in the wild, it's true that we’ve got skills.”

“How long have you been married?” said Charlotte. The fire crackled. The room was warm.

“Not too long,” said Mary Beth. “Maybe four or five months? I am losing track of the weeks now. But we have known each other for a lot longer than that.”

“How did you meet?” said Charlotte.

Mary Beth took a long drink of her tea. She looked at Charlotte and could tell that she was just desperately lonely, that she needed preoccupation and companionship. Mary Beth didn’t want to lie to her. “We met in Kansas City,” she said, shoving the hair out of her face. Her curls were messy from the day. “I was only nineteen, living completely on my own. I was an orphan, and I didn’t have nothing to my name. I was in trouble back then, and alone. Like you. But I met Arthur and his…well, his family, I guess. They took me in.”

Charlotte was listening, rapt. She seemed surprised, maybe, that it was so bad. Like she did not know what to say. It seemed her instinct then to back off. She didn’t ask for anymore details, but she did not close herself off emotionally. She just had a certain polish about her, a certain sheen, even despite her current predicament. For this, and coupled with everything else from the wallpaper to the fine quality of her leather boots, Mary Beth could tell she came from money. “You're so brave," said Charlotte, shaking her head. "It's terrible you had to go through all of that."

"I am no worse for the wear," said Mary Beth. "I found Arthur from it. But thank you."

"My husband and I had all the safety in the world,” she said then, shaking her head like it was just so stupid, so small and silly in comparison. “And still, it wasn’t enough. What a pair of fools.” She closed her eyes. A little tear plopped out. “This was his dream, to escape our lives," she said. "Our lives of privilege, of predictability. And I followed him.”

“I understand that,” said Mary Beth.

“How is it that you’re not afraid?” she said then, opening her wide, pale eyes. “Living…on the range, as you said earlier. All alone? Everything you’ve been through. It sounds so hard, and terrifying. I’ve never known hardship before—before all this. I am a stupid woman, and I am starting to wonder now if I should have been smarter. Maybe I should have been more argumentative, said no. Maybe we never should have come here.” She looked away, at the hardwood floors, which looked new.

“Well, I do get afraid,” said Mary Beth, sincerely. She placed her hand on Charlotte’s hand where they sat in front of the fire. “I get afraid all the damn time."

"You do?"

"Yes. Mostly of losing Arthur," said Mary Beth, "as I have lost so much before him, and I know what that’s like. Losing. As I said, I understand. But listen, Charlotte. It don’t matter where you come from, or who you are. There’s always something better out there, waiting. That's what I'm learning. There’s always something to escape from, and there’s always somewhere better you’re trying to be. You should try not to regret what you did. You don’t know what might’ve happened if you’d stayed in the city. Life is so fragile, I think, and you got to do what you want. It’s easy to worry too much. We gotta...keep perspective. For as long as we can. That's what I'm doing right now. I'm keeping perspective. Arthur helps me with that. There's a lot going on in my life, that's scary, but you know, you don't really find the meaning in life on your own. It finds you. Like with me and Arthur. We was friends for…years, before love found us. Life can be real bad, I reckon, but you never know what’s gonna happen that’s good. Right? So you just gotta keep living, and that’s it, right?” She sat back and placed her hand on her little tummy, as if to reassure herself with the same words she was using to try and reassure Charlotte. "You just gotta try." She sipped her tea and smiled in such a way so that she would seem strong, and like she knew what she was talking about. It was true, she herself was struggling with such similar predicaments, but her husband was alive, and in that, she was the sturdier woman on the sofa that day, by far, so she acted like it.

Charlotte, meanwhile, was staring at Mary Beth, and then looking down into her tea and then back at the fire. They heard Arthur’s heavy boots then, out on the porch. They both glanced toward the sound with immense relief. Charlotte then suddenly looked back to Mary Beth, brightening up a little. She was not okay, but Mary Beth had hit on something it seemed—she was reassured. “Thank you,” she said. “So much. I hate to be a burden to strangers. But you are good people.”

Mary Beth waved her off as the atmosphere between them changed and grown more comfortable. “Don’t worry about it,” she said. “And I hope we won’t stay strangers for long.”

Charlotte smiled. “Me, too.”

Arthur came in the door then. He took off his hat and shook the cold off. He had two rabbits, skinned and cleaned and tied together, laying over his shoulder. “Lord in heaven, it’s cold out there,” he said. He looked at them fondly then, huddled on the sofa, blowing into his hands. “But you two ladies look nice and cozy.”

“Is those rabbits ready to cook?” said Mary Beth.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Thank you,” said Charlotte. She rose from the sofa. Went to him and took the rabbits off his hands. “Thank you, so much, Arthur.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said. He rubbed his hands together and looked at Mary Beth. “You got anymore of that tea, my lady?”

“Yes, sir,” said Mary Beth. She got up to pour him some. He took off his jacket and went to warm himself by the fire, and when she handed him the mug, he thanked her and kissed her on the head. Then he came and sat at the kitchen table. Mary Beth helped Charlotte to prepare a stew and they all three of them chatted for a while. Charlotte had some carrots, cabbage, and salt in her pantry, which they chopped up and used generously. As they were sitting down for dinner a little while later, they looked out the window. It was starting to snow.

“Sweet Christmas,” said Mary Beth. “Is that snow?”

“I guess we’re in it,” said Arthur, amused. He seemed so relaxed there, so deeply in his element. He tucked one of Charlotte’s fine cloth napkins into his collar. “Winter is upon us."

“I guess so,” said Charlotte, like she was unsure. They ate their stew.

As they did, the wind howled through the chimney, filling the room with its strange reminder of all the uncertainty beyond, all of which seemed so inconsequential while they were safe and sound there inside those walls. So much had started, finished, been found, and lost. And yet, there was still so much to do, it seemed, to weather the storm.

#red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #arthur morgan #arthur x mary beth #mary beth gaskill #the lily farm #happy valentines day!!#i am sorry for the long wait on this one #february has been insane #but i'm very proud of this chapter!!#i am excited to finally get here #<3

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ecto-american · 5 years

Text

DannyMay 2019 themed story, I’m not late I’m just going my own pace pls be nice to me

Day 11: Shapeshift

"It's going to be a long night."

Those words never rang truer for Maddie, who simply nodded in response. Dr. Carrington flipped through her notes as she jotted down the latest updates before she began to shuffle papers around in the file. It took very little time to do progress notes. Not a whole lot could be documented about Danny, or well Phantom. What was there to record? Nothing that could be comparable to a human. Was Danny still human?

Maddie watched her son as he idly doodled on his board as the doctor did her duties. She could recognize the vague shape of a spaceship and some related doodles as he sketched wildly out of obvious boredom. What was Danny even considered? Was he human? Would it be actually worthwhile to test his vitals? Why did he look like this?

"Buuut we're pretty much all set. In a half-hour, I'll be back, and we'll get you prepped for surgery," the doctor spoke cheerfully, clicking her pen before putting it back in her coat pocket. "Do you have any questions? Danny?"

Danny's head snapped to attention, and he shook his head. She nodded.

"Alrighty, then when I come back, we can finally get you all fixed up." She smiled warmly at him, and Danny nodded eagerly. "And Maddie, you're still going to join?"

"Yes," she replied quickly, ignoring the instant terrible feeling. Operating on Danny...No. She had to make sure everything went alright in this situation.

"Good, then I'll see you in a bit!"

The door closed, and Maddie sighed softly. She began to dig through the bag Jack had left with her. Chargers, her kindle, Jazz's kindle, Jack's tablet, a notebook and pencils. He had also packed some fudge cookies and chips for them. She noticed some glass bottles of green liquid, and she curiously pulled them out. They looked nothing like what she had in the lab, and the tape on them labelling them was nothing like she typically used. Ecto-Dejecto Energy Drink. She turned them in her hand, listening to Danny's marker squeak.

Danny's board nudged her shoulder, and she glanced over to read what he had written.

My Greenbull!

Greenbull? Danny wiped off the board with his forearm before writing more. She turned the vial around in her hand, hoping for some kind of details to be written somewhere. Nothing.

"What is this?" she asked aloud, and Danny held up a finger before continuing to write.

Maddie glanced at the labelling again. Ecto-Dejecto? That was what she and Jack had used before to weaken a ghost, to make it easier to fight them. Did Jack accidentally bring some along? Danny nudged her again, and her eyes scanned his sloppy writing.

Your ecto dejecto had opposite effect so it makes ghosts stronger, I changed it so it's an energy drink. It helps me stay a ghost longer. Jazz knows where I keep it.

"You modified our Ecto-Dejecto?" Maddie was surprised. Danny nodded, and he wiped the board to write more. "Danny, just the fact that you were able to successfully modify our formula is amazing. How come." She cut herself off. How come her son was failing chemistry when he could make this with no guidance?

Because Phantom was seen all hours of the day and night fighting ghosts. During school hours. During bedtime. Past curfew. That's where Danny always was. Hunting ghosts. Fighting them. Getting hurt. Ending up in the hospital so badly injured that he practically lost half of his teeth. And if her math was correct, her understanding of a possible timeline...just about the time Danny began to flunk was when Phantom began to show up.

Yeah, I can't stay a ghost too long, and all the ghost hunting really exhausts me. I drink this to give me a boost to help me. Tuck helped, we call it Greenbull.

Phantom was seen all hours of the day and night fighting ghosts. He showed up to nearly every ghost incident to fight. To the point that Jack and Maddie happily began to let Phantom take on the ghosts, especially during the later hours. From their observations, he was only interested in fighting other ghosts. "Let them tire each other out," she remembered telling Jack. She had been letting her son take on the slack and responsibility that she was supposed to have done. To the point that he was chugging a homemade energy drink that he had to engineer himself to keep himself going because taking a break wasn't really an option. Maddie was a terrible mother.

Wait.

"Tucker knows?" she asked. Danny flinched, and he nodded. He jotted on the board something she already guessed.

Sam too.

He told his friends over her and Jack? Well, made sense. They were all very close. But she was his mom. If he had told her, she could have helped him. She could have fixed this. She could have taken the ghost powers away or found a way to remove the ghostlyness. But by now, his ghostly form had to be stable after having shifted and such for so long. It was likely too late to do anything now.

"When did you tell them?" she wondered. The marker hovered hesitantly over the board before quickly writing.

They were there.

There for what? How did this even...The portal. It had to be. There had to be no other way. Nothing else they could have made or produced would result in something like this, in this weird ghostly powers. And Danny lied to her. He lied to her face about where he was when the portal had apparently flickered to life while she and Jack were out of the house. That the portal had turned on when nobody was home. But how did it happen? She needed to know. Her mind was racing with all the things that could have gone wrong, the many possibilities. How could this entire situation even be real? How could she even be assured that Phantom was telling the truth? What if this was a big lie? No, no. Jazz wouldn't have gone along with it. Jazz had to have known. Her behavior, her reactions. She knew. This was Danny. This was her brother. This was her son.

"What happened?" she whispered. Danny shook his head, wiping off the board and leaning back into the pillows. Right. Right...now was not a good time to discuss this. Phantom, her son?, his face was still swollen, and the IV of medicine was slowly dripping. The only thing keeping him pain-free. Because she failed to do anything to help keep him safe. She was nearly doing the opposite come to…

She leaned into him a bit, reaching out to gently stroke his hair comfortingly. His hair didn't feel like it had been bleached or dyed. This was natural. But how? Could Danny shapeshift? How the hell did she not know about this? Danny looked at her with such a content, yet exhausted look. Now that she knew...how could she have suspected nothing? All she could see now when staring at the ghost boy was how much he resembled her only son. What kind of mother didn't recognize her own child like that? Even if he was...

What else had he not told her?

Danny pointed to the glass vial in her hand, and Maddie glanced at it before looking back to him. He made a drinking motion, and she took the cap off before letting him have it. Danny glanced at the bottle, and he quickly threw his head back, pouring the contents into his mouth quickly. Maddie winced at the half-choked coughing and struggles to swallow before Danny finally handed her an empty bottle back. He wheezed a bit but smiled, giving a thumbs up. Did this work that quickly?

The Ecto-Dejecto, like everything they made, was meant to only work on ghosts. No wonder they always targeted Danny. Or was it? Was Danny a ghost? Did Danny...die?

She froze completely at that idea as she watched Danny take up doing more doodles. More spaceships and stars. Was she that neglectful of a mother that she didn't notice her own son passing away? What else could he be? Did Danny die, and she didn't notice? How could he look so differently when masquerading as Phantom? Was this his true form now? Did Danny die?

This wasn't the time to discuss that. Not when Danny couldn't even say a single word. But she could feel her hands begin to shake. Did her child die without her even noticing? What kind of fucking mother could not notice that? Ghosts could shapeshift. And there was still so much unknown about death. Did Danny have to force himself to shapeshift into what he used to look like so he could be around? So that she would continue to love him or something? Didn't he know that she'd love him no matter what? Why was he even around if he had died? How, why, what.

"Danny, did you die?" It came out so quietly and softly. Her son stared at her with wide, frightened and confused eyes.

She could see Danny visibly swallow anxiously. It did nothing to help her own worries. He slowly wiped away his doodles, and once presented with a blank slate, he began to write. Slowly. Constantly stopping to briefly wipe away the words and rethinking. Maddie could do nothing but stare intensely as she waited for an answer.

A knock interrupted them, and Dr. Carrington came into the room with a smile, followed by a nurse.

"Hey, we can finally get this show on the road," she chirped cheerfully.

They walked up, and Danny absentmindedly handed Maddie the board and markers. They began to shift to where they could move the hospital bed. Maddie paid little mind as she read over what Danny had begun to write. All that was written was

The portal

Her worst fears were confirmed, and she hated it. She stayed painfully quiet as she wiped the board, shoving it into the backpack along with the markers. It stuck out the top, and she left it on the chair. Maddie not only was so oblivious that she had missed that her own child had died, but was so neglectful that she was the reason he had died.

"Just to avoid some drama, we're gonna sheet you again, okay? Standard procedure like we been doing," one of the nurses told Danny, and he gave a thumbs up. She smiled warmly at him, pulling his sheets over his head to hide the ghost from any possible publicity. This had to remain as quiet as possible.

Maddie pocketed two more vials of the homemade energy drink as she began to follow the others in a fog. What kind of mother...what kind of person could miss...would be oblivious… Her eyes welled with tears. A horrible mom wouldn't have noticed, too busy in the lab looking for ways to destroy ghosts instead of being a good mom who was active in her son's life. Where did she go wrong? When did she begin failing as a parent? What did she do to make her son believe that he had to keep this from her?

They wheeled him into the surgical room without incident.

"Come get some scrubs and wash up," Dr. Carrington instructed Maddie, motioning for her to follow.

"Alright. I have something that should help Phantom while we're operating," Maddie said, and she held up the vials. Dr. Carrington smiled.

"Perfect!" she chirped. "What's its purpose?"

"It boosts his power, meaning it should also boost any healing effects and keep him stable," she replied. At least, that was the impression she got from Danny. Dr. Carrington simply nodded. "We can mix it into the IV bag."

"Sounds good. Let's get washed, and then you can do just that."

Maddie took a deep breath. For the first time in her life, it was giving her anxiety to, essentially, dissect a ghost in some capacity. Hopefully Danny wouldn't shapeshift back. Is that how this worked? This night was going to burn into the mother's memory forever for all the wrong reasons.

She slowly washed up and donned her gifted scrubs, anxiously following Dr. Carrington into the room. Danny was still awake for now, nodding and confirming things with the surgeon.

A version of her biggest dream was here. Surrounded by a company of doctors about to operate on Amity Park's greatest menace, discovering his unique biology and being able to contribute to her field of study. But this was nightmare fuel of the highest degree, and she felt sick. She was regretting not asking Jack to do this. It wasn't too late to-oh yeah it was. It was so late for everything. Just everything.

"Maddie do you wanna get the IV set up with Nurse Sanchez? She can help you mix in your stuff."

"I can," was all Maddie could bring herself to say. Her mouth felt so dry. She went over to the nurse.

"You can just give it to me," the nurse told her. Maddie didn't argue, and she handed the vials over. She hoped it would be enough to keep Danny's...form like this. The nurse thanked her, and she set to work.

Maddie found herself standing right over Danny as he stared off to the side. Towards the tray of medical tools, with anxiety written clearly on his features. She lightly stroked his hair, and he glanced up at her.

"I'll be here the whole time," she said. Though at this point, was it a threat or a comfort?

The later it thankfully seemed, as Danny visibly perked up and nodded. He held his hand up, and she took it, giving it a light squeeze as her heart sank a bit. How could she be here, doing this? Could she just get through this pretending he was only Phan-no. No. No, no, no. She couldn't do that. Not anymore. Not just blindly pretend. This was her son, and a possible chance to finally do something good for him as a mother.

She watched his IV bag get changed out, and she prayed that the mix kept him together. Prevented this secret from becoming exposed. The new mixture soon was slowly dripping in.

"Alright, Danny, we're ready to get started," the anesthesiologist spoke, and Danny let go of his mom's hand. He put the mask over his face gently. "Count backwards."

Danny made a noise of sorts, and in less than thirty seconds, he was out like a light. Maddie's breath caught in her throat as she fearfully anticipated his form to change. It did not.

The surgeon's words were muffled in her mind as she watched them make the first incision, then slowly, for the next six hours, begin to make the careful and painstaking task of wiring her baby back together. The process felt like it would never end.

#danny phantom #Maddie fenton #my phics #phics #broken ectoplasm #history #dannymay #dannymay19 #my dannymay #my dannymay19

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dxmedstudent · 5 years

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Hi dx, I'm starting med school this fall and moving to Ireland to do so! Ive got chronic fatigue though and Im worried about being able to manage the workload. Im on meds so I'm doing pretty well, working 10 hour days rn with a 2 hour commute, but im pretty drained at the end of it. Have you or any of your followers got any suggestions for handling med school when youre just so tired all the time?

And another ask:Hi, following on from the anon asking about studying, do you have any specific tips for studying medicine with chronic fatigue? I find sitting in lectures (and the journey to and from) drains me even more than I am usually. Thanks and have a great day! Hey, peeps! So I have someone important in my life who has gone through a chronic fatigue condition in med school. I’ve seen a lot through what they went through, but I wanted to be able to give a more useful answer. I took a little time to think, and to ask them what advice they would give. They gave me permission to share an edited version with you.

It is possible to get through medical school with chronic health problems. Don’t let other people tell you otherwise. You may encounter people who doubt you, but never let them get to you. Remember that many people with chronic illness have achieved great things and it doesn’t have to be a barrier to success.

There is usually a way to get through whatever obstacle comes up. The key is to take everything literally one day at a time, and do not get overwhelmed by thinking about all the demands for the year at once. Focus on what needs to be done right now. Next week is another week.

Let yourself have setbacks, and don’t give up when you have worse periods of health. There will be times when you’re more tired and stressed, but you have to give yourself space to recover back from that. Remember that everyone, whatever their health status, has bad times, and that usually they will pass. If things aren’t getting better, talk to your family, friends, personal tutor at university. Seek help with clincians.

Keep in touch with your fatigue clinicians and be open about new obstacles and your fears about things. They can help with a lot of problem-solving aspects and support you during times of difficulty. They are also useful to rant to when you are stressed out as they know a lot about the problems of people with CFS who they’ve seen in clinical practice.

Consider reading books on CBT and acceptance commitment therapy (ACT) - these have really helped me through psychologically difficult situations and build resilience when medical school has thrown difficult things at me. In the hardest year of medical school it really helped to have written advice to look at when various situations came up.

Tell the university (occupational health, senior tutor, personal tutor etc.) - I cannot stress this enough. It is confidential, and they have to accommodate you because it is a disability. This can become really important if you have issues completing sign-offs/assignments on time, getting hospital placements closer to home, getting extra time in exams etc. It can also be useful if you have problems with exams (not being well enough to do a sitting) for the university to know what is going on and how best they can help you. If they do not know what is going on, then they cannot help you. This is one of the best things I did at medical school in terms of having a safety net for when things were more difficult.

Do not feel you have to attend 100% of everything. If you are feeling very fatigued and not gaining much by that point in the day, it is usually better to go home and do some quality studying at home. So many students who have no health problems will go home early, so do not feel guilty for doing so when you feel fatigued and like you’re not having a good day. Just remember to catch up what you’ve missed.

Talk to the students in the year above about what the demands of the coming year are like, what the exams are like, what textbooks/resources to use, and other *off the record* tips which the university would never tell you. This will help you out in planning how to approach the work for that year. It is very important to know what you’re preparing for and the best way in which to do it.

On placement, talk to the teaching fellow/head of the placement if you have any issues completing tasks or sign-offs etc. They can help you and give you advice about how to get things done. This has been of great comfort to me during placements where sign-offs have been very tricky and I’ve worried about whether or not I will complete everything. Also ask how previous students did it - you’re not the first cohort who’s gone through the system.

Let yourself adjust the intensity of your concentration when attending lectures/seminars. Some days you’ll be able to be at your highest level of functioning, and other days you may feel less functional. Your levels might look something like:

Highest level: concentrate/listen, participate/answer questions, write down notes.

Medium: concentrate/listen, no writing or participating.

Low: zoning out some of the time (5 mins etc), prioritising more important slides or mentally checking in again when possible.

Use breaks during lecture days to really give yourself a breather. It is best to physically leave the space where the lecture took place, ideally go to a canteen and have a snack (food and drink are very important for boosts), or go outside (fresh air is important). Let your brain truly wonder and do something not related to university or teaching. Don’t hang around with peers unless they talk about things which are less brain intensive or non-university topics.

Take on a reasonable workload during group assignments, and don’t let other students foist extra work or their work on you. Be strict about your role and that you will not do their work for them.

E-books (textbooks) - either download pdfs and upload on google drive etc. or buy on kindle etc. This is VERY useful for reading and studying whilst out and about for medical school, and fitting in revision during parts of the day which are empty/less busy. There are often quite a few times where you will be waiting around between teaching/clinics/hospital activities and if you use your time wisely you can really get a lot done. You can also read on public transport when commuting which is a good use of that time too.This becomes especially important close to exams where time management is key. This is one of the best things I did.

Pacing - plan for deadlines in advance. If you have sign offs/essays/histories to do, space them out and plan everything in advance. Make a plan and stick to it, but be flexible enough to change things around if you don’t feel up to doing a particular task on that day. Make sure it is realistic personal timetable, and has time for you to attend university, study and complete assignments/sign-offs, as well as relaxation/social time.

If you feel you are doing too much, cut back and do the bare minimum of what you need to do. Whilst it is nice to aim high and everyone at medical school is crazy competitive, the aim is to pass and go into the next year, and complete the degree. Scraping passes = still a doctor. Many people forget this, but the priority is to get by and become a competent doctor. You are doing what you can do, and you don’t need to get a Distinction in all your exams to be a good doctor.

Do not feel guilty for not being able to work as hard necessarily as other students can all the time. Be proud of yourself for being there and for doing something so difficult as medical school in the first place. Medical school is very hard even for people who do not have any problems with their health. There is really nothing wrong with coasting along and doing just what needs to be done. It can be frustrating to not be able to do more, but tell yourself that you’ve done your 100% which is all you can give at this current time. Sometimes you’ll be able to do more, and sometimes you’ll be able to do less. But don’t feel guilty about it. Know that you are doing your best and that’s all that you can do.

Similarly, everyone feels they are not doing enough/like they don’t know enough. Doctors on placements will also occasionally have a go at you, not realising that actually for your level you do know enough. You may feel you like you’re not enough, but the truth is that everyone feels like that. Many people at med school act like everything’s fine but underneath the surface, we’re all working very hard and tired.

You are not alone - many people at med school have either physical or mental health problems. They are all also battling through the challenges and you are not alone in your difficulties. Remind yourself of that and know that everyone is on their own journey/battle.

Believe in the work-life balance Pie chart - Everyone should ideally have equal time in their day dedicated to 1/3 cognitive, 1/3 self care and 1/3 social activity. In med school, the latter two may fall back a bit even for students with no health problems, but it is very important for these things to be done consistently during med school. “If you can’t look after yourself, you won’t be able to look after other people”. The only way you can achieve your goals and look after patients etc is by looking after yourself (with the pie chart) and keeping yourself in the best health possible.

Cognitive:studying, reading, academic extracurriculars, any activity where the mind is actively involved.

Self care: pampering yourself, hobbies, leisure activities, exercise/yoga, playing with pets, praying/worship etc.

Social: going out with family or friends. Relationships. Support groups. Societies/clubs etc.

Join support groups either in real life or on Facebook - it is really useful to have somewhere to rant about issues which specifically affect people with CFS/ME, and to have their support when you have a hard day. Family and friends will not always understand everything you’re going through, even with the best of intentions, so it’s important to have peers with CFS/ME on those occasions.

Don’t be afraid to turn down going out or doing extra things in the day if you’re really not up to it. Better to keep yourself at a functioning level than overdoing it because you feel you *should* be doing something. It’s best to be honest with yourself about what you can do today.

Learn to say no - if other people ask you to do things and you are feeling overwhelmed at the time from work/personal life, do not feel bad about saying no if you have reached your limit of how much you can cope. Do not feel guilty about this, and realise that it is crucial to not take on too much at once, in looking after your health for your ability to get through medical school. People can and will ask you to do things either not realising that it’s over your coping limits or not caring. You have to learn to put yourself first and forward and know your limits - it is not worth the payback which can inevitably happen when we overdo our limits. Medical school does not give you a lot of time to rest or recover, so you really have to make sure you keep yourself functional and within your limits.

Work steadily during the year - if you have fatigue then you cannot leave things last minute and cope with the physical and mental stress of this. Make sure you are making notes and keeping up during the year, and increase your revision before exams to a comfortable level. Be careful not to overdo it in terms of number it hours a day, as most likely you will lose your concentration and not absorb the information anyway. Best to do revision in chunks, with breaks and other things to break up the day. If the next day you get payback, it’s a sign to dial back the number of hours of revision. Even if you’re doing less hours of revision than you planned, if you’re better focused and rested you will pick up more information. “Quality not quantity”.

I hope this helps! Good luck with your studies, and I hope that things go well for you in the coming year.

#askdx #ask dx #chronic illness #fatigue #i-cant-promise-that

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suga-ssi · 6 years

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Hi. Im not always updated in social media with BTS cos i only go online when i have free time. But ive been seeing this hashtag on twitter trending on seoul with ARMY at the front. Its been trending there yesterday and today too and when i read tweets about its about another fandom askinv for some justice or something. Do you know something about it? What's the deal why are they mad. It hurts my heart cos it k-armys are seeing these tweets and i dont think its nice :(

Hmmmm… Summary? Some K-ARMYs uploaded a live stream during muster before the event started and some of them mocked another boy group member, saying he looked like a potato… and some were seen being rude.

So… the fandom of this group released a petition for the whole fandom to apologize. The original poster of the video took it down and apologized, but it wasn’t enough for that fandom.

When the issue did not blow-up as they expected, meaning no k-news portal covered it etc… they claimed that BigHit has bought all these news outlets, also twitter, etc (other big companies that… come on… really? anyway) which was why the “news” is being covered up.

Now that they got the attention they wanted, they have brought up other “issues” and won’t stop making baseless claims.

—-

In my opinion, watching your favorite slip from being on top is probably really hard to accept. I understand the salt and bitterness because these changes have been big.

However, for the first issue, I never expect the whole fandom to apologize for a mistake only one person made. At the same time, we should not generalize a whole group because of the actions of a few.

They are not all bad people, but these fights have been tiring and the media play isn’t helping. Fandom trends have been getting media attention and I don’t think it should be the case. In any case, this gives us more reason to act more rationally.

Accept achievements with compassion and defeats with humility. It feels like our wins and losses because of how much we care for them but in reality, these are their achievements and losses. These idols have worked so hard and none of us fans have any right to belittle all that.

Each fandom will always be biased. Don’t enter an argument with another fandom expecting to change their views about their favorites. So don’t ever enter a fight with that intention. Explain your view logically and don’t answer back out of anger. These retorts only add more kindling to the already burning fire.

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sakuurae · 7 years

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any writing tips u can share?? i adore your work so much, just the way everythings described flows so nicely~

Mmmm, im not the best with this, but ill try ^~^ thank you by the way! Ehehe, it means a lot.This advice will go on like stepping stones, haha.

1. This is probably the most broad thing i can say, but just keep on writing. When i used to tutor creative writing (or english as a whole, lol) i met a lot of students who were so focused on sculpting their writing to perfection, and the purpose of it was lost along the way. This happens a lot, from what ive seen, in creative writing. I feel as if when writers are more focused on creation their pieces to perfection in hopes of it being acknowledged and seen, theyre not writing for themselves anymore; thus, this leads into the second piece of advice. Practice makes perfect. Everything that you will write you are improving in every single piece—even if you dont realize it. The things ive written two weeks ago make me cringe, but thats a sign of improvement.

Work with your strengths, and improve your weaknesses.

Go back and read your old work so you can see what you like and dont like—what you should improve on or keep doing.

2. Write for yourself. The value of your work is so much more when you write for yourself because it makes you happy.

Moving onto the composition work…

1. Vocabulary bank. It takes a while to build up a wide vocabulary bank, but its worth it. In my opinion, its more engrossing to read a piece with a lot of high vocabulary over the simple words. It bumps up everything, and if theres a good sentence flow then its a plus.

I studied word lists everyday, and i always do every other day because i want to keep on building up my vocab. They are always out there, and its a total helper!!

For me, id rather read an entire piece that was written like an SRI test over pieces that dont have that much high lexicon.

This also becomes the case for the word said. There are many words out there to use aside said, like drones, equivocates, gasps, jeers, etc.

Ex: “He wanted to tell her the truth.” ➝ “He had an urge to apprise her of the concerning verities.”

2. Sentence structure. Some sentences are far too shot, and some are really extensive (and do not have commas, semi-colons—oh my goodness). Now, sentences dont always have to be extremely long; there should be a variety. Itll make the paragraph flow more, and you can get the emphasis where you want on certain places.

Ex: “His eyes shined under the darkness of the night. The smile that graced his face warmed you from the heart. And it was not an everyday occurrence for that to take place.” ➝ “The smile that graced his face made his eyes crinkle into crescent moons, the glint evident in his two orbs. It warmed you from the inside—his beaming grin—and it was not often you felt this from another individual.”

Speaking on this, try to not use the same prominent word twice in one sentence.

Ex: “He turned the paper face down, turning his head to face his friend.” ➝ “He turned the paper over, tilting his head to address his friend.”

3. Being metaphorical. Im not really sure how to elaborate on this; i guess it provides more depth/character to the paragraph?? Aah, heres an example instead.

Ex: “The sky was a calming blue, the cluster of brilliant stars surreal to your eyes.” ➝ “The curtain of aegean draped over the muted sky, golden pins splaying upon the surface.”

4. Adjectives. It bumps up your sentences—trust me. With more details, it becomes easier to picture in your mind. Have you read a smut without adjectives, and another smut with? The difference is quite prominent because with one you can imagine the scene with more detail, and the other not as well.

Ex: “His member was twitching, the pleasure of being inside you unbearable.” ➝ “His stiff member was twitching uncontrollably, the overwhelming pleasure of being inside you borderline unbearable.”

“Sweat dripped from his forehead.” ➝ “Beads of sweat slowly dripped from his forehead.”

But try to not be heavy on the adjectives… i still struggle with this, haha, but i think many readers can tell if you have a thesaurus in hand or not.

5. Paragraph breaks. This might not seem like a biggie, and it is completely up to you when you decide to break paragraphs, but there are times that one must paragraph break… like with dialogues or setting changes, or when a new character is introduced. Please… avoid the block… oh my goodness…

6. This might be a me thing… but go into detail with the actions. To say this under a brighter light, imagine this: actions during a kiss scene. When you kiss someone, you and the other’s mouths arent the only thing that are moving, and the touch of the lips arent the only thing youre feeling.

Ex: “He pressed his lips against yours, his mouth prancing to the melody of your heartbeat.” (and thats it) ➝ “He pressed his lips against your own, his mouth prancing to the melody of your heartbeat as his hands trace the outline of your body. You palm snakes up his back, only to place it on the nape of his neck to tug him closer. At such a closed proximity, you noticed something else: his scent. There was a swirl of cinnamon and vanilla that intoxicated your senses… etc.”

What im trying to say is that going into some detail, brief or not, about actions will add more sparkle into the paragraph—especially dialogue.

Ex: “’You’re kidding me,’ he groaned, flailing his arms in the air animatedly. He was in a disbelief at the sudden news, lodged at a crossroads on how to respond. ‘You’re fucking kidding me!’

You took a step back, placing a fist over your heart cautiously. ‘I-I’m sorry,’ you uttered weakly, tears pooling at your eyes. ‘I didn’t mean to.’”

Obviously the apostrophes wont be there in the final product, lol, it would perturb me if i didnt write that grammatically correct, ahaha.

Think of these composition levels as a pyramid. From letters, to words, to sentences, to paragraphs, the purpose of the piece, etc. The letters would be the bottom. So if you mess up at the bottom of the pyramid, the rest is disrupted. I read over a paper before where the first and second base were horrendous, and i was correcting it so much. The student came up to me and asked me what i thought about the message of the piece, but i actually paused and thought. I was so focused on correcting the mistakes—paying attention to the mistakes—to the point i missed the entire purpose of the piece. So, honestly, proofreading will be your best friend here.

All of this falls under the tab of your style. Remember, dont try to force out word after word to sculpt your piece into perfection. Work with your strengths, find your weaknesses and improve.

On the finding inspiration and keeping motivation side…

1. Work at your own pace. Do what makes you feel like your best work will be exhibited, and dont let other deadlines push you at your limit. Personal deadlines would most likely take the fun out of your writing process, and you might miss some particulars youd wish to convey—so dont rush! Trust me on this, lol. I made this mistake again when writing overrated, and im so hesitant to even hit that upload button because of how much i rushed it to meet my personal deadline. I keep re-reading and editing it, but i know that if i spent my time on it and pushed aside the personal deadline then it would be better.

2. Inspiration comes at the most random of times. I got ideas from waiting in the line in the bathroom and in the middle of my english class; they come when you least expect them too. If you force it out then it wont be that good (for me, that is). Of course, you can go out and find inspiration by walking outside or listening to music, but dont try to force out ideas—let them come to you.

You can write about real life occurrences that have taken place, or base stories off those. ‘Two Cups of Sugar’ is based off my friends experience of trying to get a guys number at an ice cream bar, but always failing so she went back around seven times—and only got his name in the end.

An upcoming fic i have is based off my boyfriend and i, and how we came to be. To be honest, all my fics are based off some real life experiences i had, or some outrageous stories my friends have told me. ‘Study Sessions’ was some real events, and a few scenes in ‘After Hours.’ What im trying to say is that those simple stories can take you a long way. The scene that started ‘After Hours’ was my friend talking about a bar. It was supposed to be a 4k bar scene, but after thinking about her experience and incorporating it into my own piece, it built its own way to 21k, and an ongoing series.

3. Keeping up motivation. Depending on what youre writing, you should focus on those elements. For example, im writing two fics—one of them being a basketball au and the other a soccer au. My motivation for that has seriously been dying, so ive been watching basketball videos and soccer games to keep my motivation running. Also, it helps when writing out action scenes, ahaha. I also talk to my friends that play those sports and ask them about how they feel about it and the rules of the game. Just kindle your flame with more information.

I know im not the best at giving advice… and there is way more in this whole writing sphere that im not addressing, but i hope this helps!! This is just what i think, what i go through, and my opinion—i really hope this helps you out. I wasnt sure what department you wanted concrete information on, whether it be the writing process or inspiration side or etc, so i briefly did all three :)

I know its a lot, so thank you for spending the time to read all of this ^~^

#Aaah this was great to type with my coffee ahaha #im sitting in the uni right now mortified at the fact i made a typo in my submitted work LOL #but yeah!! i hope this helps somehow ;;#rae rambles #writing advice #anonymous #messages

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basileus · 7 years

Text

five things meme

this meme has been sitting in my drafts for over a month so I can’t remember who tagged me, sorry! thank you if you did. I tag anyone who is bored this sunday. please @ me so I can read all your posts.

5 things you’ll find in my bag

business cards

wallet

water bottle (hydroflask because I am a stereotype, but custom engraved because my work is cool as hell)

kindle paperwhite

about 5 million hair ties

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom

my bedroom is approximately 10′x8′ so honestly not much but... twin bed

wardrobe

bookcase stacked three layers deep

dresser covered in crap

like 5 fans because summer hates me and the PNW summer in particular