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#its terrible. and ive got at least 12+ hours worth of fun stuff i have to do on the lab computer rn
opens-up-4-nobody
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3 years
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#i have demons battling it out in my brain
#one says: nothing creative/fun can be designated as work
#the other says: but literally u have to do these creative/fun things for work
#idk why my brain is like: it is only work if u r suffering or doing something difficult
#but its v stressful bc it means i do unfun things all day at normal hrs of the day (or avoid doing them)
#and then spend the rest of my time doing the more fun stuff which stretches my 'work' time to strange long hrs
#but if i do them at normal hrs i feel like im gonna die
#its terrible. and ive got at least 12+ hours worth of fun stuff i have to do on the lab computer rn
#so guess whose gonna be getting up at 4am multiple times this week assuming nothing else comes up
#also i have to draw a thing
#which is why im getting a headache bc ive spent so much time today messing with procreate and trying to figure out a style
#and my brain is like: u r wasting time!!!! u need to be more productive
#but i have to figure out how to use the app??? also its sunday
#theres just so much to do and im being crushed by the weight of it all
#my brain keeps doing that angry buzzing then while i run so fun times
#i think im figuring out the digital art thing tho
#and that means ill have to redraw a bunch of stuff i did for the lab bc it all looks trash now and the style is gonna be inconsistant
#sigh... idk y i do this to myself but here we are
#srry for being so ranty lately. ive been feeling not great so ive withdrawn from socalizing and thus have no outlet lol
#unrelated
#ah fuck i really need to work on manuscript stuff tho
#okay: this week i will read a bunch of annoying photosynthesis papers or else. i will i will. writing progress will be made
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