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#its not easy :')
onemagpie · 2 years
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gale-gentlepenguin · 25 days
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About your post "Apologies and Forgiveness" I have a question. When you said that "You must first forgive yourself, and whether you tell the person that hurt you or not, you must forgive them" what this means? We should forgive ourselves because of what? I hope you are not saying that the victim is the one blamed for what happened to them. Like "If someone did a horrible thing to you, it's because you deserve it and you should ask yourself for forgiveness for being mistreated by someone."
I am glad you asked. And I am more than willing to Clarify.
Lets start at the beginning.
To forgive oneself
When bad things happen to us. Our instinct is to lash out. First we blame the ones that hurt us, then we blame others that were indirectly involved, and then finally we eventually begin to blame ourselves.
We try to rationalize "Oh if only I did 'X' none of this would have happened. Or If I had done 'Y' when this happened..."
That mental blame that we cast on ourselves, even when there is nothing we could have done to prevent it.
The forgiving of yourself when awful things happen to you is to accept that the thing was out of your control. You must forgive your past self because you need to stop blaming yourself. The forgiveness in that context revolves around that.
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In the cases of when WE happened to do awful things to others. We must acknowledge the awful things we did, we must accept that we messed up. We cant minimize it, we can not overlook it, we must accept that we did something awful. Then in that context, we must first do what we must to forgive ourselves of that awful transgression, take the steps to move forward and prevent it from happening, then approach the ones we hurt to ask for forgiveness. Regardless of whether they Accept your apology or deny you forgiveness, you must ask them as it is right.
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TLDR: Its not a victim blaming thing, its an internal reconciliation to help move forward and leave the past behind.
It will not be easy, it will take time, like with all things. But to forgive oneself is the first step to begin to change things for the better. And if you can forgive yourself, you can be better at forgiving others.
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hikeyzz · 6 months
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reached the point where the pain and discomfort is making me cry so 👍 officially worst pain of my life the doctors were right lol
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gaylight-prairie · 1 year
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I really should take a recording of my hands playing this with the controller fyfhcjvydrxeguug
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starswhogaze · 2 years
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The people that use the vegetables argument should be forced to live in a poverty stricken town and yelled at until they grow something successfully.
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crooked-wasteland · 1 year
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Not all Victims are Survivors.
Hot take, but I truly believe this. To be a victim is to be at the mercy of others. To be a ship on the sea tossed about by the raging storm in your life. No direction or future in sight. You can survive the storm, and still be at its mercy. The mere act of breathing does not make you a survivor. Too often the victim stays a victim, taking the storm with them everywhere they go. Holding no accountability to their actions because of the storm they endured. They are at the mercy if the storm even as they unleash one on others.
Abusers are victims more often than not. They have a history of terrible storms the same as anyone else. Abusers are not survivors no matter the tribulations they endured. I refuse to acknowledge the perpetuation of abuse as an act of survival. They are just victims I their own minds, continuously reliving their pain to force those around them to understand how they feel by unleashing the same abuse onto others. Friends, family, lovers, children. Continuing the cycle of trauma and making victims of others as they were made to feel, to violently rip apart their sense of hope and goodness and reality. I denounce them. They are not survivors as they are still within the storm. They are perpetual victims.
It takes actual work to be a survivor. It takes work to break out of the storm and rectify the ship. It's not easy. It will never happen one day. No one will ever come to save you from the likes of yourself. Abuse is a poison that must painfully be purged from the body if you ever hope to truly live.
And that's the part of the discussion that gets left out. Mantras of self love with good intentions of strengthening self esteem and self worth, but devoid of criticality result in masses claiming the championship of mental health while being the same narcissists they rail against. They scream at their reflections of how they are worthy while claiming everyone else must be against them. And in a world full of enemies you end up with a pit of vipers, lashing out in terror at every shadow. Using their victim hood as a shield to reprimand and reproach. Any breeze of a negative emotion wrecks their fortitude. Their castle of self love made of sand.
Narcissism is rooted in a deep-seated sense of insecurity.
And so I reject the notion all victims are survivors. I reject the wolves in sheepskin devouring the hurting souls around them, leeching off them. Destroying them, and using the guise of their mental health to gaslight the damage they do.
You are no survivor.
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3pblueberry · 6 months
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look, i need to say this somewhere or i'll explode. candela obscura spoilers kinda.
to say that i disagree with spenser's game decisions would be an understatement. in this essay i will,
(first off, don't read this if you liked the guy's style! i'm not about needless pettiness, i just need to get this off my chest so i can go to sleep tonight. i see you, and i respect you, and i'm genuinely glad you enjoyed something i wasn't able to!)
but anyway
two main things i disagree with:
he doesn't honor player choices, choosing his own narrative over the top of their actions every time
he doesn't honor player successes. even on a six (full success) he still deals out a frankly preposterous amount of damage. invariably, on a mixed success they also will ALWAYS take damage. this fucks up the statistics.
there's a bunch more little things (dodging player questions, refusing to allow clever tactics - general hallmarks of the frustrating gm) but these are getting into nitpicky territory so i won't go on.
my analysis of the issue boils down to this: spenser is a good horror storyteller. but he is a bad horror game master.
let's break that down. the point of a game is to be an experience. and the point of horror, as a genre, is to be scared in a safe environment. to have an outlet for rage, and fear, and all ugly emotions.
all games are concerned, at their core, with a simple question: what does this game choose to punish or reward? sometimes it's in the rules, e.g. 'killing monsters gives you loot'. sometimes it's an unspoken question, e.g. 'my gm likes when we think our way around things rather than fighting all the time'.
the way spenser runs his game - always punishing mixed successes, and sometimes even punishing full successes - he destroys the core of a punishment/reward system by reducing it entirely to a system of punishment.
this might sound fine for a horror game. (for some people, i bet it is). but as a person who enjoys playing punishing games (pathalogic cough) a great deal of the appeal is that your struggle has meaning beyond your own survival. when the struggle is simply futile no matter what, well... why bother at all?
in other words, when you punish everything your players attempt to do, you encourage them to do nothing. in real life, this is when people walk away from the table, or develop suicidal characters
so much for game design. here is how he fails on a storytelling level. his goal, in most scenes, is to kill his characters. so there's no wider stakes. oh, he creates tension, and frustration - sure. man knows how to ramp up a scene. good storyteller, remember? but it's not his story that matters to us. it's the characters.
spenser refuses to honor player choices in a meaningful, narrative way.
in fact, that is the exact cause of our frustration!
and as far as spenser would have it, the characters will die, or remain helpless, and so our frustration has no outlet.
still, having laid all that out, i wonder. maybe there is catharsis in this kind of hopelessness. to become so deadened by tension and rage that you slip into a darker mental space, and you begin to long for any escape at all... you long to utilise the only agency you possess: that is, where exactly you choose to die. is there agency in that? you have to believe it, right? otherwise, what's the point? yes - why bother at all?
and maybe the story could be something. if spenser engaged with this idea. if he let go of the need to punish. but when his characters die, i have no expectation it will be anything other than inglorious, and possibly even accidental. and we will have lost a valuable story in what they might have done, if he'd let them. what answers they might have found to that age-old question: why should we bother?
to reiterate: the point of a game is to be an experience. and the point of horror, as a genre, is to be scared in a safe environment. to have an outlet for rage, and fear, and all ugly emotions.
when the goal of the game is survival, and you create an environment so punishingly tense that your characters are no longer scared of dying, they lose interest in the goal. games kinda need goals, you know? anyway, this is the experience spenser fails to deliver
to quote marisha, s2 e2. 'throw the whole quickstart guide out! throw it all away!' or at least, get a better dm to try and sell it! because i've read the guide front to back, and it's not a hopeless game system. but having a hopeless dm... yeah, you couldn't pay me to play at his table lol
rant over, keep scrolling. if you're one of the people who liked his style, that's okay and i respect it! i wish i had half the masochistic streak you do ^^
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dark-wackademia · 10 months
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no but fr, genuinely asking.
is it just me or when you have an emotion/let something deeply emotionally effect you, sometimes do you go into hypochondriac mode and try to explain it away through means of it being linked to something physically out of your control in the clinical sense. like i always used to instantly be like “omfg i have something wrong with my thyroid/hormones, that's why” or whatever. like if i have a break down and cry im like... couldn’t be just normal human stuff. idk maybe its the gaslighting family trauma lol
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batfall-a · 11 months
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i got my nails done fancy for this weekend i have in NYC coming up and i am having trouble trying so ... be patient LMFAO i am trying
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majortom84 · 4 months
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finnitesimal · 2 years
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pov watching xb throw scar a stack of diamond blocks and he starts building in front of the moss shop + you're plagued by visions
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rustinged · 7 months
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i need someone to carry me around like this im so sore
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drippywing · 1 year
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Writing a consistent story is hard. I know what I want to happen but when I need to write the parts leading up to that I can't think of anything interesting
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slepyicarus · 1 year
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If obey me were dark and would go more into the royalty theme this would fit diavolo. Like imagine it
the demon king being egotistic and not caring for his people, only using his wife the queen to get diavolo. her dying in child birth leaving diavolo to fend for himself he only has barbatos because the demon king dont want to waste his time raising his heir. diavolo growing resentful while getting older, taller, stronger, wanting his freedom from his fathers chains. so he escapes and sees the ruines of his home, the misery of his people. making him furious for them. he confronts his father. which dismisses him, letting diavolos rage only grow until he demands a duell which he loses. as a result his father banishes him. Diavolo now beaten and having nurse himself back to health meets the brothers, which also are fallen nobles which had tried to proctect their sister from their fathers tryranny, u can imaginewhat u want that happend to lilith. made she did something to betray their father, commit treason, tried to fight an arrange marriage, the possibilities are endless, having something similar happen so they set their diffrences aside and begin planing their vengence. Diavolo and Asmo using their charisma, Lucifer and Levi their wisdom, Satan and Belphie their silver tongues and Mammon and Beel their brawn all while Barbatos acts like a sort of infomant inside enemy lines. their rallies the strong and capable to get rid of dias father. Him with sword in hand, dressed in red and black like blood on dark marble, eyes glowing like molten gold with the brothers behind him and their allies. Them fighting the kingdoms forces and first loking like they are losing but Barbatos turning the tides with all the people that turn against the demon king. dia getting revenge for his people and taking what is rightfully his in all his bloody glory after the war and giving the brothers as thanks titels making them his advisers and closes court members. Now after that the last lines 'There was a king Living carefree He wanted the world he wanted everything' could be read as a few diffrent endings!
one could be like its a tale as diavolo made the kingdoms people happy again and its like in the canon. Or that they also now take revenge on the brothers father Or that with diavolo the same happens and it turns into a bad cycle.
Who knows am i right? :)
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savage-rhi · 1 year
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Hello! Ive never done this before so if this is awkward or weird feel free to ignore this, but I just hit 125 days sh free and I can't tell any family or friends about this but I feel really proud of myself for this and I needed someone to know
That's an amazing accomplishment, and I'm incredibly proud of you!
SH is a challenging experience to go through. 125 days is a big deal, and I hope you're celebrating for yourself! If not, take this as a sign to go do something nice for you. Again, I'm so proud of you!
Thank you for sharing this with me 💙🫂
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seokka0o · 1 year
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Serim's birthday is approaching and I haven't prepared anything for my love 😭 I need to embarrass myself and write something soon
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