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#its just so frustrating i am tired of hearing venting about things u can change i am tired of flexing empathy muscles i dont have im tired
daforged · 2 years
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i am so so so so so so tired of like. not being able to just force ppl to make positive change in their lives. i have spent waaaay too much of my life having the “people only change when they are ready” lesson smacked into my brain and it is soooooooo annoying from every angle
#this is the THIRD time . somebody in my life has been in a long-term bad situation#and will just. not do anything about it. and i GET that its hard enough just getting through the day nvm like … making changes#but. its so frustrating from an outside perspective as someone who has watched this exact thing over and over and over with other ppl#especially because the first time it happened ended with a successful suicide attempt. so ! lovely. great.#like i GET it i know i cant fix ppls lives for them its arrogant to act like i can its infantalizing i know. but like. god.#there’s only so long u can keep offering ppl a hand to climb out of the pit before like. they yank u down with them. and holy shit i dont#wanna do that again. i did that for the second person this happened to bc i was like well. id prefer if u didnt die by ur own hand#soooo guess ill just. make myself miserable catering to every avenue that would make ur life easier.#and then it took me an eon to dig myself out of the pit i dug for myself & the. incredibly toxic mindset i had adopted. like.#its just so frustrating i am tired of hearing venting about things u can change i am tired of flexing empathy muscles i dont have im tired#of watching ppl be miserable and then DROWN themselves in more misery willingly. like stop!!! stop feeding it!!!! do ANYTHING ELSE#in conclusion: hell.#freewheeling bitextual#oh and its hard to balance like. my own brain & being a good support. like i dont want to deal with your upset rants 5/7 days of the week#because it makes ME miserable! and im having a hard enough time keeping a positive outlook on life as it is!
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terraliensvent · 30 days
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good gpd im so frustrated with stuff in terras rn. idont care anymore if they know who i am im jyst. so so frustrayed. its so hard to get stuff u want without spending money and im really lucky i have 3 terras. but oh god its so frustrating seeing people ask for. what even was it. asking for 14 myos. for 1 terra. it makes me so unvelievably angry!!
not tomention the way terra staff picked all the people who werent that active in chats. but just because they knew eachother well and were friends. it makes me lose hope for ever being a syaff and helping make this cs a little better :(
also how terra gas are always peopel with super detailled "pop" styles. like yeah youre picking smaller artists but.. yhey all have very similar styles and. its discouraging to someone with a chibi style who just really likes designing terras. it makes me wanna leave so bad.
and i. i cannot handle some of the members sometimes. some members will talk about how they dony have much money, like someone said they didnt have money for something. then immediately after bought a terra??? i mean i get that it can be addicting n stuff but. its so so frustrating oh god.
especially when people like. are talking about stuff and someone mentions something cpmpletely off topic. i could understanf if!!! maybe !! they asked nicely for a topic change and left it at tht but. ive seen people spam their own topics in the middle of another convo.
also i dont even wanna mention the trading scene. its insane. man i. ive been condidering leaving for sonlong mostly from members and specific staff. but. aughhhgg i love terras so much i just. wish i could make it better. i genuinely cry over it bc . i love terras so so much but its all going to shit . :C
im mostly just frustrated with dtaff constantly taking customs because if the staff customs channel and their new godly role. it sucks. it makes people feel like their artvisnt worth it, seeinh bids surpass thr hundreds while some camnot sell a fullbody for $5 just bc bias.
if staff see this, im sorry. i wish i didnt have yo go on a vent blog to say this. but i know saying it in the server would just get me silenced. please try to help with these issues seen here. and im genuinely so sorry, i really want to help, but this is the only way i can help now: giving criticism. i hope things change and i can enjoy terras again. i also hope staff are okay, i do not eant this to be mean or stressing in any way. :C [sorry for the typos mod i am very shaky rn and in a bus and carsick so im trying to fix them as mucj as i can. and ty for dealing witg all the drama.]
im sorry youre having such a bad time anon, it can be difficult once you realize all the deep cracks within the foundation of something you like
youre right in saying the trading scene is absolutely insane rn, people have decided that myos arent as powerful of a trading chip anymore but theyre still just as difficult to get, what the FUCK would someone even need 14 myos for
the staff has always been cliquey, if youre not in their little friend group you might as well be dirt, and theyre so biased toward pop artists, thats why kiwi rot was allowed to make a feral terra custom even while the hammer was coming down hard on them.
members are so rude and im tired of people pretending theyre not. at some point you gotta wonder how many times someone will breach social contract again and again regardless of every single time theyre politely told to wait their turn, just say you want to butt in and be done with it. ive never seen so many people absolutely unable to actually pay attention to the conversation at hand and it really seems like they just want to hear themselves talk
staff as a role is just a pretty little modifier to say “im elite, now drop $100s on my customs so you can immediately trade it off and say ‘looking for staff swaps ONLY if you offer me anything else u r getting blocked xoxox’”, none of them actually really use the new role to bring new viewpoints to the species or to make systems move faster, if they were then youd think we would actually have implemented more site functionality than one single fucking forage button and people wouldnt have to wait upwards of 2 weeks to get a myo design approved
terras biggest downfall is that every single person in the server is too sensitive for criticism and take it way too personally, that way everything gets silenced and nothing gets better.
personally anon, i suggest distancing yourself a bit. when i started moving away from the species and focusing on irl self improvement, i felt so much better (and started saving a lot of money)
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madfantasy · 3 years
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Dear blogging
It's very draining to expect, nd met with silence, by any angle of life.
I want to always bring pleasure
But idk, I continue to be too tired that I don't feel anything..
Last month I wanted to take a full month break and just chill. "They" did payed for the expensive Internet service for once but still I had to open commissions to hopefully and eventually did to pay for groceries, and/or to treat my equally depressed siblings with burgers we first time got. They were awful c':
This month too, refused to pay it, nd me running their bank accounts for them I know that they didn't have much so I payed it yesterday. . their excuse this time? they payed the rent for the empty house next door.. yeah. The house that they rented so no one with 11 kids can live by us. Now I have to gather up for the next one soon. Nd idk.. i feel I can't put out anymore creatively while I'm just on a stressed race to do commissions and still make time to do my own work nd catch up. Like, one colored character with background alone takes me a week to finish. And I try to do my best to be fast by skip living, basically. And by the time I finish, the month was gone nd I didn't get to use the Internet for anything. So I can't see the point of paying it beside making my sibs happy.. (Also I couldn't fix my phone and the lack of notifications enforced that I'm more disconnected tbh)
I wish to be able to save the fruit of my labour for myself without feeling guilty, nd not dish it all out on one thing for an entire family of 8 ppl. Like, yeah what i gather in a month is basically nothing. So they be pressuring me to do something about it and suggest to make my art more lovable nd get more followers nd views and whatever???? While me been trying for years before hand all in secret without mentioning them keep stopping me from talking to ppl online.. nd now I see the numbers on my accounts keeps reflecting that I am indeed failing, nd nothing is working nd I'm just horrible... I don't want to tell people to do what they won't, thats why I took off that 'support me' banner, to like and reblog or follow and whatever.. I feel its only natural to do these things if u like something, or it's just my expectations again that I shouldn't be having
Remember me getting new perfume? To me, it was heaven by smell each time I spray tbh. Yeah they hate it, too. They kept rasing hek on me for using it. On the plus side, every time I came they shoo me off cuz it was suffocating them, so the arguments lessened drastically with this innocent reasoning; they can't talk to me while I'm wearing perfume, and not cuz I don't want to hear it. So naturally i wore it all the time.. sacrificing the only "love" gesture i can give and sometimes receive from them; that morning "awkward hug".. I'm more emptier than ever, tbh..
Anyway..
I'm drawing my bois now, feeling splinded peace.. the euphoria of drawing them again never hit more true.. I mean my characters (a.k.a art) are the embodiment of my aliveness. Just seeing their faces take final form fills me with happiness.. happiness that can make me forget and feel. They r not just drawings, they accompanied my life, ya know. And it's funny to me that when I made them, they were older than me, now I'm older than them. I smile remembering how I used to seeing them surround me at school, how they made diverse remarks on subjects, people and things. Or when I'm upset, act upon or say the things I can't and/or never would. Never directly to me, just.. projected from me but not necessary for me. How they only exist in the limits of my imagination, nd how I am –too– only ever been at the limits of 4 walls, we can't exist without each other. A form of expression that isn't related to me that im so grateful to have.. even if art frustrated me for 80% of the time of making, but when it works, it is an enternal regenerative source of everything one can wish of inspiration, motivation and more.. it is why i do it and wish to do more of.. god just give me those intensive feels
without it I'm probably just an expressionless statue.. I'm trying to practice nd change my zombie voice these days, actually hehe
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Axel need lots more work but now let's wonder what they r up to
It's been forever that I used words and my basic human intelligence to make them, heh. I'm grateful I can spew my vent-like updates here.
I wish you ease and joy everyday my dears. Thabk you for your kindness towards Mani, all my love and prayers 🍀💛
5.4.2021 2 a.m.
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BTS Reaction: Out of frustration they yell at their kid for distracting them and the child goes running to you (request)
Request:  Can I have a bts reaction on u being a new friend to the guys and your staying over at the dorm but they have a son from a past relationship (she left both of them almost as soon as he was born) and they have gotten pretty attached to you almost seeing u as a mother figure since he has never had one. And he has a bad dream and he goes running to his father but they were working so he gets mad at him so he goes crying to you for help.If it is too much work u don't have to thank u.
A/N: I am so sorry this has taken so long! We have all been so busy! But I also made sure to take my time with this request. It was so cute and fun to write and i had this certain idea as soon as i read it! I got a bit carried away with some of the members haha.
Tbh though, i wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be “new friend” or “new girlfriend” (since it had girlfriend vibes) and that it was like a typo, but i stuck to the request and wrote it as Y/n being a friend.
*the intro is the same for all of them, then each reaction
It had been an eternity of being locked in his almost sound proof prison. Just when he thought a home studio would make his life easier, it only made his role as a single father that much harder. It was yet again another night where there was just a wood door holding him back from being with his son; that and his pending deadline to add his voice to the last remaining song of the album.
Tonight was like every other. He called his friend Y/n over to look after his son ,______,  while he recorded. Sure, _______ loved when you were over but, he knew his son was always a bit sad when he had to work. He always hated the moments where he had to look into his son’s happy wide eyes and turn him down to play time, or lunchtime, or bed time, or taking him to preschool or daycare, or eating breakfast with him… just about everything really.
But now was not the time to be heartbroken over the fact he was such a bad father, now is the time to perfect his recording. It had to be the thousandth time that night he was recording this last part of the song, but now with the stress of his deadline, it was all getting to him. It seemed like every attempt was horrible. Either his voice cracked, or his words didn’t come out like he wanted or there were faint sounds of ________ playing with you out in the living room.  Honestly if it wasn't for you, he didn’t have too many options as who would be able to help him look after______ . So of course he shouldn't be getting too mad over his recording being ruined by the two you. If anything, every failed attempt always lead back to him being the problem… and it was eating away at him. He wanted nothing more than to have a decent enough recording and call it a night.
However, little did he know, his almost perfect recording was going to be ruined any moment by _________. _________ was experiencing yet another nightmare caused by a scary clown movie Daddy’s friends were watching and he just so happened to be watching from over their shoulders. Like the nights before, the evil clown had broken into the house and attacked you, his dad’s friend who he saw as his mother, and then attacked his father, who attempted to save the both of them. Now the evil clown was coming after him. In a broken sweat, little ________ awoke from the nightmare just as the clown opened its mouth showings it millions of sharp teeth.
Being in his pitch black room he couldn’t differentiate whether he was in his home or the stomach of the monster. As any five year old would, _______ began crying, sobbing out for his father to just know he was alive. He pushed his little body out of the bed and ran to the one room his father was most likely to be in. He tried to open the recording studio door that was locked. With his heart racing, he pounded his little fists on the wood door “ Daddy! Daddy where are you?!? Daddy!” he cried harder when there was no response.
He banged the door over and over and over until finally it opened and thankfully his dad stood there...with the angriest look on his face.
“Daddy! Daddy! The clown!” he shouted, running to his father and hugging him by his legs “The clown is going to eat us!”
“__________ get off!” His father said sternly, grabbing him by the arms and pushing him away. “Daddy is working! What have I told you about trying to come in when I am working?!? If you need anything you know to go to y/n!”
“_______!” The small child could hear his “mother” calling out to him. “_______, it’s alright, come to me.” you cooed as you walked down the hall, a bit too late to the commotion due to falling asleep on the couch. In an instant you scooped up the boy in your arms and carried him tight.
“Mommy!” _______ was only able to get out before he started crying harder.
“I got this.” you said looking up at the boy’s father, partially throwing him a dirty look over his outburst. “C’mon ________, let’s go to bed so your daddy can get back to work.”
The door the the studio slammed shut, leaving you by yourself to look over your friend’s child.
“But I don't want to sleep! I want daddy!”
“You don't want to sleep? Why don't we watch tv in daddy’s room while we wait for him to finish?” Having been here the last week to calm ________ down from his nightmares, you knew he would be back to sleep in second if he knew he felt safe.
It wasn’t until the wee hours of the night that father dearest finally perfected his session and dragged himself into his bedroom to find you and _________ cuddled together in a deep sleep.
RM:
His guilt intensified seeing the sight before him. He was the one that should be cuddled up with his son. He should have been the one to comfort him from his nightmare instead of scream in his face. What father literally pushes their crying child away?
He needed to apologize.
Being careful not to wake you up, RM crawled into bed, getting as close to _______ as he could.
“________… ________, wake up.” he whispered softly
“Daddy?” _______ called out with eyes still shut tight.
“_______, I am so sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
_______ finally opened his eyes, not having paid attention to a  single word he said. “What?”
“Daddy is very sorry for yelling at you.” He repeated. “I shouldn't have done that. It wasn’t a nice thing to do at all okay? Can you forgive me?”
His son stared at him for a long moment with sleep in his eye. “... What does “forgive” mean?” he asked innocently
He couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. However, too tired to explain, he changed the subject. “Why don’t I tuck you in back in your bed? I can read you any bedtime story you want!”
______ only shook his head. “I want to sleep here with Mommy.”
“Mommy? Who is mommy?” he couldn't help but panic at the thought of his ex.
“Mommy!”______ said pointing at the sleeping you.
RM fought back the urge to correct his son. It was bad enough he yelled at him for something he couldn't help, he didn't want to make thing worse by putting a separation in _______ relationship with you. In that moment, ________ had a point. You really were like a mom to him. The last thing RM wanted to do was deny his son the closest thing he had to a mom. “Okay, but just tonight you and I can sleep here with mommy.” he smiled at him.
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Jin:
There was this bittersweet feeling in his gut. He hated the fact that he didn’t and wasn't doing his job as a father, but he had to admit, you and ______ looked so cute cuddled up together.
He tiptoed over to your side of the bed and gently shook you awake. “Hey y/n, thanks again for helping me with ______.” He began when you finally opened your eyes. He hated waking you up, but he had the sudden urge to thank you for everything you’ve done up to this point. “I am sorry I took so long today. I really thought I was going to finish everything faster.” he sighed.
“... Jin it’s fine.” you mumbled. It was something you always whenever he gave his thanks but honestly you always down played just how much he appreciated your help.
“...What was ________ crying about? Was it that same dream?”
“Yeah. He was crying that “Mommy and Daddy got eaten” and that the clown was after him and all that stuff.”
“Aish, I already talked to him that it was a movie!” he huffed, “And I’ve also gotten after him for still calling you mom.”
“Jin, it’s fine! Honestly, I don’t mind him calling me mom. And c’mon he is only five, he can’t be logical about what is real and what is fake.”
He only ran his fingers through his hair. “You're right, you’re so right!” He felt stupid for expecting that much out of his toddler. “...Thank you y/n. I really don’t know where I would be without you.” he vented
You grabbed his hand that he had balled into a tight fist. “What else are friends for?” you smiled at him.
Instantly his body loosened and he put a smile on his face as he looked down at you. “Well… Breakfast is on me! I’m making us a feast. Now you stay here and get some sleep. I’m gonna get ________ and tuck him in his room.”
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Suga:
Honestly, seeing You and _______ sleeping together on his bed had to be one of the cutest things he had seen in a long time. It was such a picture perfect moment, the two of you with your faces squished together in a deep sleep, just derpy and adorable. However, the only reason this moment was actually happening was because he was such a bad dad.
If only it weren't so late in the night. He wanted nothing more than to wake you and _______ up and watch a movie or like go out for food or something do happy! He wanted to do something that would erase the moment he yelled at his son.
The longer he stared at the two of you, the more his guilt ate at him. When he thought about it, you were more of a parent to ________ than he was. You were the one that deserved to be called “mom”, while he felt more like a distant uncle sometimes.
“I need to make things up to them.” he thought. The last thing he wanted was for ______ to grow up with a memory of him only getting yelled at. And he for sure needed to make things  up to you. You had taken so much time out of your own schedule to help him out, he needed a way to thank you for everything
“Making breakfast tomorrow could be a start.” he said to himself in a yawn.
Sleep was getting the best of him and there was enough room on the bed… but did he deserve to sleep there? Was his comfort worth the risk of waking up you or ________.
“...I should let them sleep.” he frowned as he dragged himself to the living room and knocked out on the couch
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Jhope:
He smiled at the two most important people in his life sleep in his bed. It was cute, really cute, but he was still hit by a wave of shame and guilt. What he had done was wrong and thankfully you were here to take care of it, but how long was that's going to last? How long were you willing to put up with him?
Before he knew what he was doing, he was by your side waking you up. “Y/n…. Y/n… Can I talk to you?”
“Huh? What? Hobi? What times it?” you mumbled groggily.
“I’m- I’m sorry… but are you made at me?”
“Um” you took a moment to rub the sleep out of her eyes. “No? “
“Are you sure?
“Why- why are you asking me this at-” she checked her phone, squinting her eyes at the blinding light. “At 4 in the morning?”
“... Because… I saw the look you threw at me earlier… I know I put so much pressure on you and I shouldn’t! All this started because I needed you to babysit _______ for me and it is at the point where he is calling you mom! And I feel like such a piece of shit.”
You sat up just starting at his sudden mini breakdown. “Hoseok where is this coming from?”
“I rely on you too much!” he continued. “I should have been the one to comfort ________. I should have stopped recording and be an actual dad. You shouldn't have to be here, up in the middle of the night looking after MY son. I should! When we meet up to should be for having fun and plain hanging out, not me dropping off ________ with you then going over plans on when you can look after him again-”
“Hoseok, calm down. you are overthinking all this.” you laughed lightly. “Yes, I was upset that you pushed ________ away, but I know you are stressed I wouldn't be here 2/7 if i didn't want to be. C’mon we both know that when it comes to raising a kid, it take a village”
That was enough to make him smile. and he wrapped his arms around you, so relieved you didn't hate him. “My parents are visiting next week. They are going to hog ______ all to themselves, so next time we hang out it'll just be you and me and i’ll make it all up to you. How does that sound?”
“It’s a date.” you laughed. “Now you get some sleep you must be exhausted.”
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V:
Your body was sprawled across his bed. Your limbs hung in all different directions. She looked almost like thrown ragdoll. In complete contrast, his little  ________ slept in a tight little ball nestled into your side. He was using your arm like pillow his his little hands clung to your clothes like a koala. the image before him was not only adorable but hilarious.
Despite his complete exhaustion he used what was left of his energy and pulled out his phone to take a picture. It was something that was screensaver worthy. He chuckled to himself for a quick second as he made the picture his homescreen, but seriousness was quick to set in. He was still guilty about the whole thing. He couldn't get that look you threw him out of his head. He felt like a failure, a failure that threw his problems on someone else
But what's done is done. It wasn't like he could go back in time and stop himself from snapping. What he had to focus on was how he could make up for it. “There is enough room for me on the bed. Maybe I should sleep here with them? ________ might like waking up to me being right there next to him.”
He shuffled his way over to the little space left next to ________ and climbed on as gently as he could.
Both you and _______ rustled a bit but neither one of you woke up.
Considering that you had been to one to tuck ______ in for the past week (yes, you were practically living with him and ______ at this point) he thought he'd take the chance to “tuck him in”.
Now next to _________, V lightly ran his fingers over his hair and took in the image of his sleeping mini me.”I’m.sorry I yelled at you ________.” He whispered to his sleeping son. “I shouldn't have done that, but I am going to make it up to you okay? Please don't hate me” he said before he leaned down and gave his son a quick peck on the head. “I love you. Sweet dreams.”
Then he looked up at you. You were as knocked out as ever. Him getting on the bed did nothing to distract your sleeping. “Aish, y/n I’m sorry I am such a bad friend. You're helping me so much! You have no idea how much i appreciate you... You're a better “mommy” to ________ than I am a dad…” He could feel a sting in his eyes as he vented to his sleeping friend just how he felt. “I’m gonna make things up to you too alright?” He promised, swallowing down the lump in his throat. He leaned over a bit and kissed your hand, that being the only part of you that was close enough to.him. “Night. Love you too y/n. Sweet dreams. I’ll see you both in the morning.”
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Jimin:
Seeing what he saw, he couldn't get himself to move you or _______ from his bed. Who was he to ask them to go home/ go back to their room? who was he to disturb their sleep especially after the Stunt he pulled? “Looks like the couch is meant for me tonight.” he thought to himself
Being so tired, he was asleep the second his head touched the cushion.
-
He awoke to the smell of food and the sounds of cooking coming from the kitchen. He sat up immediately. If he wasn’t a bad enough parent and friend, he just got a lot worse.
He was up in second. He skipped the step to wash up and went straight to the kitchen, ready to apologize to you and then run off and wake up _________ with a million kisses.
“Morning daddy.” he heard his son say once he made his appearance in the kitchen.
_________ sat adorable the end of the table with a coloring book as you stood by the oven scrambling some eggs..
‘Morning  _________.” he practically sang. “Morning y/n” he said to you
“Morning .” you only yawned
He went over to his son, scooping him in his arms and covering his face in kisses. ________ only laughed.
“How’s my big boy doing today?” he asked
“I’m hungry.
“How are you he's asked. “ as he made his way to you
The unsuspecting you let out a squeal when you felt Jimin’s free arm wrapped around you and suddenly his lips put a peck on your head
“And how is the bested person in the world?’ he asked
“Wondering what the heck is going on with you.” you laughed, trying to hide your blushing face.
“Guilt” he said out right. He sat __________ down on the counter, and then suddenly turned off the stove.
“Jimin! Why are you-” you didn't have time to finish our question because he grabbed you and gently moved you over next to ________.
“I need to apologize to the two of you.” he said seriously.
“Why daddy? ________ asked
“Because what daddy did last night wasn't nice. I shouldn't have yelled at you when you were scared. What I should have done was remind mind you that monsters aren't real…. well I take data back there is one monster, but only one.”
“What?!? There is?” ________ already teary eye  with fear
“Yeah, the tickle monster! “Jimin roared, attacking his son with tickles
_________ shrieked with laughter.  Even you couldn't help but laugh at  how cute he laughed
He looked over at you “And I need to say sorry to you too.” he put all his attention on you
“Why?” You asked him.
“Because you help a lot and I feel it's gotten to the point where I might be taking advantage of you. I’m not am i? I don't want you to feel like we are mostly friends cuz you help me with _______.”
“Chimmie don't worry. I love being here and being with you and ________.”
He smiled. “ I love when you are here too…” he blushed. “But I’m gonna make it up to you and you too ________” Jimin turned back to his son. “I have the day off today! so today it’s going to be just you and me and we can do whatever you want!’
“Really?”
“Yes”
“But what about mommy?” __________ frowned looking up at you.
‘Ya, _______ what did I tell you about calling y/n mommy-
“Jimin, its fine.” you insisted before ______ could feel guilty about it.
“Well okay then. “Mommy” is going to have a whole day to herself!” he cheered. “She’s been really busy taking care of the both of us don't you think ______?” he waited for his son to nod in agreeance. “So she is going to rest all day. And that is starting right now.” he smiled at you. “You go sit down, I’ll make breakfast for us.”
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Jungkook:
The light of the tv lit their sleeping faces
All he could do was let out a sigh. This was just another night of failure to add to his I-have-failed-as-a-dad list.
He shuffled over to you and ever so carefully removed the remote from out of your hand and turned off the tv.
Suddenly you rustled awake. “I was watching that!” you mumbled as you tried to sit up.
Jungkook couldn't help but laugh, struggling to keep quiet and not wake up _______. He turned on the lamp on the nightstand so he could take a look at you. “Y/n go back to sleep.” He instructed, resting you back in a laying position
“Oh Kookie… when did you get here?”
“How it is that you woke up from me turning off the tv but not from my footsteps walking up to you?”
“Tv is life.” was your only explanation. “But are you finally done recording?”
“Uh, yeah, pretty much. I kind of gave up and just used whatever was best.”
“Finally. _______ kept asking when you were going to be done. He tried to stay up for you, but fell asleep after half an hour.” you chuckled as you looked down at the child that clung to your side.
The guilt inside him intensified. “How is it that you aren't even his real parent but you are better for him than i am?” the thought out loud.
“What?”
“He isn’t your son, but you take better care of him than I do.”
In an instant you sat up and your hand cut through the air, lightly smacking the side of his head.
“Ouch! What was that for?” Jungkook cried
“Why did you say  something so stupid? You’re a great dad!”
“No I’m not! I don't even know what i’m doing half the time.”
“Do you think anyone does? Do you think i actually know what i’m doing? I know just as much as you.” you said in a hush, still being careful to now wake up ______.  “Jungkook, you were a teen dad, you’re a single dad, and on top of it your this crazy international idol! Of course being a dad is going to m\be hard and it's going to be a thousand times harder because you are who you are, but you are still a great dad!”
“Yeah?” he smiled shyly
You grabbed his hands and sat him down next to you. “Yes! Of course!”
“Are you sure? Cuz i feel like you do all the work and i just poke my head in every now and then. And like ______ calls you mommy all the time and i don’t even know if you are okay with that. I haven't even had time to explain to him he should do that. And i’m scared to talk about his actual mom and just ugh. I don’t know. And like i hope that i don't overwhelm you with always asking you to come and help me with ______ -”
“Kookie.” you had to interrupt. “It’s fine. It’s all fine! Now about the whole mommy thing, i was just wanting to know if you were okay with it. Cuz like you never even bring “her” up so i don't know.”
“I mean, i’m cool with him calling you that. You're Like a mom to him basically. I see you like his mom.” He gave your hand a squeeze.
You just giggled.” YEah I get you. And like I love my Jeon boys, so of course i’m always going to be here helping you out, even if you don't want me to be.” you smiled, giving his hand a squeeze in return.
Suddenly he pulled you into a hug. “And we love you too.”
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-Admin Boat
Again, sorry this took so long, but i wanted this one as perfect as could be. I loved writing V’s part. Did any of you have a favorite member’s reaction to read?
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mintyicee · 7 years
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Warning: skip this post if want
It’s a rant...and i absolutely hate you tumblr app bc i had to redue this twice now! >:(
Anyway, I’m used to being ignored. Everyone around me since i was little to being a young adult now has left me to own thoughts and corner in my home since forever. Though i am partially to blame being an introvert and an absolutely horrible friend in keeping contact with friends online, I mostly do so if i feel no one wants to hear, see, speak, or look at me. I will personally disappear and hide myself bc i feel it will make others happy if i wasnt around. As if i didn’t exist. True, not everyone in your life will be around forever and true, being oneself is your greatest friend. But, as shy or quiet as i am, I love being around other ppl. I dont want to be around ppl 24/7 but i do want to connect with ppl i feel can appreciate me at my fullest and without feeling like im weird or the odd ball that doesnt belong.
With that being said, I may be USED to it but i ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. As any human being would of coarse and a lot of ppl have it worse dont get me wrong. Making this rant already makes me feel selfish and in need of pity which isnt why im writing this. Simply put i want to push this anger out of me and get it out of my system bc i feel i cant move forward until i do so. And when it comes to my problems i suck at communicating it to others bc i feel they have much more important things to be doing then to babysit someone who is feeling down (but id drop everything to listen to others sadness bc i care way too much). 
I hate feeling like i did back when i lived in my hometown. Very lonely and sad. Constantly crying. I wouldn’t do anything all summer but cry in my room bc of how alone i felt. And i gave a very important part of me away just to make sure i had at least one person hanging around. I regret it very much but my efforts to hang out with the friends i saw at school outside of school would be very close to zero. Everyone is either busy or just low key didnt want to hang out with me. Tho i was lucky to have at least one friend I would see more in certain grades, it wasnt constant. And once all the drama with my nuclear family subsided, i was much more alone in the house than before middle school. 
I didnt have a cellphone or home phone, no internet either till i moved and started high school. The things that kept me going usually was my writing, music, and cartoons. Seriously being serious here. The way Id touch base with any of my school friends was to walk to their house and be lucky if they had time or were home. When i moved i had so much hope that Id find ppl to share and spend time with. Not only that but i was in the real world and no longer stuck in a house like a prisoner or place for that matter. But like stupid ppl or racists, the same ppl pop up everywhere as well as the loneliness i was hoping to leave behind. Only it came in a new form: even when im around others. I am/was happier here tho. No longer confined in my hometown house. But recently it feels like i am. This summer has been my loneliest since the move and the feeling like no one cares about me at all have all come back at my lowest and most crucial decision making time of my life. Not being in school this semester/school year is hitting me hard and no job call backs for a whole month now either. 
Partially my fault tho. The new friend crew ive been spending time with have been ignoring anything i said in the group chat. Id be skipped over and lately it feels as if im just upsetting certain ppl and end up talking about me behind my back. Really nothing new but I’ve just had enough of it. Like always I distanced myself and stopped talking all together. I’ve been more political upset in recent days due to certain issues on twitter but I’ve only been talking to my boyfriend and my mother. In hindsight tho, they really are my best friends. They are here for me at my highest and lowest no matter how many times i cry or how suddenly i get upset or frustrated. They are the ones to accept me for who i am. No one else has done this to the extent as they have and really thats all i need. Even if i dont get any other long term friends i dont care bc i know they will be by my side till the end. 
But I also want to say that if you didnt want to be my friend in the first place or you wanted me to initiate the conversation first then u should at least comment back at what im saying. If i said something dumb or something that didnt add to the convo then tell me dont just ignore me like im stupid. I refuse to be your “friend” that you only want around to be made fun of. I’ve been through a lot and yes ik u have your share of problems but if your going to only look at yourself and care about yourself then i dont need you. Im good without having that in my life. Ive had my fill of people who act like that to me. And im also tired of people who dont care about others and present issues. I CRY ABOUT PPL I DONT KNOW THAT ARE ON THE NEWS WHETHER NAMED OR NOT. HELL I CRY EVEN IF THEY ARENT ON THE NEWS! There are soooo many ppl who have it way worse than myself who suffer daily and im sick of hearing ppl dont care about the ppl and situations around them! I wont sit here making an excuse as to why i cant help its the same old issues no money (no job as mentioned above) hell even no car but that doesnt matter. I still pray! I pray for safety of others and i pray that ppl will be alright and i pray that things will get better! And also mentioned earlier, ive been reposting about current issues on twitter! This is small but i want to try!
So please if you had no intentions of sticking around me at any of my current moods, dont appreciate the person i am, or relatively dont give a fuck then dont involve yourself in my life. Yes it hurts to be alone but Id rather have that and be alone then FEEL ALONE WITH PPL IVE COME TO CARE FOR! Also, if I have helped you through thick n thin and you think u can pop into my life whenever you feel like it only to stop talking to me or purposely upset me and even threaten me? GTFO of my life and dont come back! Ever (yes this is about a certain friend who moved away and i helped not commit suicide that im holding a grudge at)!  And if you honestly are going to get upset at the actions ive done and say you do good things when you have zero sign of love for others in your hearts, live in a bubble of your own world, and follow the bible “word for word” get out of my face too bc i dont need ppl who say they are here to help others only to shun me if i dont constantly keep verses in my head or do things the way you want them to be and to have me fight my own demons while going against your beliefs and saying that im not doing what im supposed to (yes this is about church)! I DO THINGS AND CARE WAY MORE THAN YOU DO TRUST ME AND THIS IS THE ONLY TIME IM EVER GOING TO SELFISHLY SAY SO BC ITS BETTER TO BE HUMBLE AND NOT ARROGANT. I TRY SO HARD NOT TO JUDGE YOU YET YOU GET TO JUDGE ME? NO I DONT THINK SO YOU SHOULD START AT LEVEL ONE AGAIN AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! (still about church not friends here). Also dont worry about the level one thing; you would know what this means if you went to the same church. 
I’ve been couping with the idea that all i need is two friends. I’m so grateful and blessed to have them in my life and if im truly meant to have more than it will be so. I know two others of whom i need to apologize for hardly emailing or sending a message to. I feel so bad i have neglected them only bc ive been feeling so down about this and other issues (like before: school, no job/car, possibly changing career and life goals, etc) but really is no excuse. Welp I’ve said all i wanted to say for the moment. There is another topic i wish to vent about but it will have to be for another day bc i have no energy to complain about that topic. If anyone read all this im sorry i took time out of your day and that I hope you are doing well. I hope you continue to live your life to the fullest and to celebrate the good things not the bad that comes along. I just really needed to vent these emotions so i can finally concentrate on what i need to do. Thank you for listening <3
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