shall I stay? would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with you?

Its not that the batteries are meant to represent yellows intelligence In any way to be honest i think its more akin to constant fatigue and having a disability that hinders how well your thoughts and words come out more than anything. Hes always been a smart boy. having trouble with words or expressing his thoughts doesn't make him any less smarter than he is!!!

You know what I've been thinking about?

The recurrence of this treat shot and its multitude of flavours.

"When pollock finished his first drip painting he asked his wife "is this a painting?" He made something that may not even fit in the very large category we call art. He didn't know. The interesting thing about pollock is he only dripped for about 48 months, I would ask any artist, any skeptic, any cynic. If you invented fire which pollock did, are you strong enough to stop making fire? Go back to hell? 48 months later, go back to hell and try to make something new again. How many people have done that?"

From the documentary The Price of Everything (2018)

be still, my indelible friend, you are unbreaking though quaking, though crazy that's just wasteland, baby

i hope all the terfs looking at my blog rn are able to grab me a beer and maybe make me a sandwich perhaps while they’re at it

I could talk for hours about the importance of education and it’s deep rooted message and themes in m!ik

Dragon Problems in each Dragonwatch book.

Book One: Hey Agad Are We Going To Acknowledge That You Promised Celebrant To Let Him Be Caretaker If He Fought The Demons With You.

Book Two: This Dragonwatch Book Sure Is About Ronodin and Humbuggle Huh. Are We Not Going To Try And Negotiate More With The Dragons.

Book Three: Hey Did You Just Introduce Another Villain. Also I Feel That More People Should Be Working On The Whole 'Fallen Sanctuary Thing'

Book Four: Dragon Slavery Is Bad Guyz But Stop Looking At It Look At Seth Be Sad. The Giants Are Going Get Killed For This So Don't Concern Yourselves With It. The Protagonists Don't Have Time To Deal With The Dragon Slavery.

Book Five: We Have Done Nothing To Confront Why The Dragon's Went To War In The First Place. Yay.

shadow's autism is SO important. if he doesnt act super autistic what is EVEN THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! his autism!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I often wonder what the world would look like if pressing local or state level issues people claim to care about generated the same kind of action and enthusiasm that massive national news stories with complicated power mapping do. Idk even when I'm 100% with the people who are up in arms. Like what if just as many people in MA had turned out for the ROE act as turned out to protest the overturn of Roe after the fact? What if the rent control actions were as well attended as the ceasefire actions? I have had many instances where I am trying to get progressive people who regularly go to big demonstrations to show up for something state level they have said they care about and they just won't. And what I'm left with after that is the conclusion that where their interests actually are is feeling like a part of something big and heady rather than accomplishing a concrete goal and that's. Demoralizing.

"my interpretation is more meaningful than yours" this "___ piece of media is objectively bad" that. yeah, well have you considered I'm having fun? 🤨 have you considered that I strive to be joyful rather than striving to prove the worth of my opinions? 🙄

i keep trying and failing to articulate what heartbreak feels so good feels like. but i guess the best way the say it is that the lyricism feels, to me, like a discussion of catharsis through the act of creation. and it sounds SO happy but it genuinely feels a bit sad to me? it might just be me. i swear to god i know i was just like "i dont really do lyrical analysis so much except in little snippets" but this song has me so intrigued and i have no idea if anyone else got those kinds of vibes from this.

but basically. right from the start, we have hope mixed with cynicism. the first line of the first verse is a compelling, optimistic hook: it's about how the future is up for grabs, and you have the power to shape it. and the second line adds in, no matter what they sell you, followed by that reference to the 2022 jordan peele film, "nope." i have not seen this film (yet) so i could not expand on the themes of it, but i did rb a really good analysis of that particular line there and i thought that was super compelling, especially given my read on the rest of the song. one thing that the analysis there says that REALLY got my brain going was how the movie nope comments on how the "bad miracle" is the spectacle of the complacency in watching something self-destruct. and op phrased it better than i did, but it's VERY applicable to the way fall out boy's whole legacy was shaped - through the commodification of the band, and of course primarily of pete, and the deification/demonization of his pain, his intimate details, the invasions of his privacy.

given what the rest of the song says, i thought that was super super applicable, especially paired with the prefix of no matter what they sell you. commodification is already a theme here.

nobody said the road was endless, followed by could we please pretend this won't end?

the road will end. you will eventually overcome that hardship. but crucially, the song doesn't want to overcome hardship. it wants the hardship to never end. it wants it to always be there.

and of course the line between those two - no one said the climb was friendless - because they've always been a band of brothers. they've always climbed this road together. again, that little kernel of hope sandwiched between those subtly saddening implications. nobody said the road was endless - and the road is not a good thing, as the prechorus will indicate to us. the fact that they're not alone is the only consolation they have in this.

It was an uphill battle but they didn’t know we were gonna use the roads as a ramp to take off

naturally, there's commentary on determination and persistence in the face of overwhelming adversity. but i love the way it's not just "we push through despite all that" it's "we succeed BECAUSE of that" - the roads are ramps! you take your pain and turn it into something that will launch you into the fucking stratosphere! but rather critically, you don't get anywhere without the uphill climb. a flat road is just a road. it's only with a steep incline that you can actually use your momentum to head skyward.

and that's the point, isn't it? heartbreak feels so good - not because it actually, legitimately feels good, but because it's only through heartbreak that you can make something profitable. heartbreak feels good because if you are broken, if you are not fixable, you can guarantee that you will remain a fixture in the industry. your pain is compelling. the second verse really cements that for me.

we said we'd never grow up It’s open season on blue moods

because obviously everyone writes about heartbreak. again, blue moods are big themes in music. if you're heartbroken, then as far as the world is concerned you're producing good art. likewise with the idea of "never growing up," since well especially with fob and the way they've been perceived, there's a general preconception that they're at their "best" when they've been kind of frozen in a state where they don't get to grow, change, or learn. if you're at your most prolific creatively at your saddest, then maybe the fans, the world, the industry likes you better like that. never growing up. never getting better.

taking a look back at the chorus, there's the whole interplay of crying and dancing, and that is what really makes my brain go brrrrr

We could cry a little Cry a lot But don’t stop dancing Don’t dare stop

the "don't stop dancing" part reminds me a bit of the song of the same name from bojack horseman. and if you're unfamiliar with bojack horseman, the cliff notes summary is that it's about a washed-up actor who was on a famous 90s sitcom and all the ways he is fucked up and hurts himself and hurts the people around him and how he struggles through it. it is RIFE with commentary on celebrity culture and it's an excellent show but also a genuinely hard watch. it is a show that i know that pete is at the very least familiar with, and thematically i can see why it would interest him.

anyway, the song "don't stop dancing" is sung twice in the show. the first time is while bojack is having a tremendous mental breakdown and he hallucinates/dreams his co-star singing to him so she can mock his self-pity and comment on the inherent absurdity of celebrity culture - the line that stands out for me here is why not sell your sadness as a brand? the second time, it is sung by a mental construct of his former co-star (who died an unnecessary, tragic death for which bojack was directly responsible) while bojack is drowning in a pool. the reprise is about the inevitability of death and what your legacy leaves behind - because bojack is dying in that moment, and the character singing the song here is dead and her death has cast a permanent shadow over the entire remainder of the show.

all this is to say that the "don't stop dancing, don't dare stop" bit feels genuinely kind of...like it sounds joyous, it's delivered as such, but it's also got that darker undercurrent to it? the thing is that the heartbreak is inevitable - the whole song is about how heartbreak is inevitable and it is gonna happen anyway. and you can cry all you fucking want about it, but you are not allowed to stop dancing. you are not allowed to stop turning your pain into art. because your pain is the most profitable thing about you.

We’ll cry later or cry now You know it’s heartbreak

cry later, cry now. cry a little, cry a lot. it doesn't matter when or how much you fucking cry about it as long as you keep dancing - keep creating. keep making something, making your fucking pain and misery and heartbreak worth it. because that is what the people love. that is what the people want to see. that is what sells records.

heartbreak feels so good precisely because it means you can make something out of it.

but then, that last bit of the chorus...oh. oh, my heart.

We could dance our tears away Emancipate ourselves

that last line. emancipate ourselves. i am reasonably confident that this is a direct reference to "redemption song" by bob marley. pete is familiar with marley's body of work and the phrasing is too specific, too deliberate. that line in "redemption song," emancipate ourselves from mental slavery, is in and of itself a reference to a speech made by marcus gavey, a jamaican activist. and there is legitimately so much in that alone. the fact that both the song and the speech are about slavery. the fact that marley wrote this song in '79 while he was already dying of cancer, and confronting his own mortality through his art. i wish i could articulate all that there is in that but i don't think i'm the right person to. but the fact that the chorus ends on that note, punctuating it with one last refrain of we'll cry later or cry now / but baby, heartbreak feels so good, that is what makes the song for me. that's what gives it that little zing. that's what elevates it to something much more hopeful. because again, the song sounds happy but says some pretty saddening/harrowing stuff. but the parting note is on that. emancipate ourselves.

"We are going to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery because whilst others might free the body, none but ourselves can free the mind."

and to have that happen in conjunction with "we could dance our tears away" is like.......you can survive free of whatever pain might plague your legacy - in more ways than one. we could dance our tears away - because while we are required to never stop dancing, never stop creating, it still helps, doesn't it, to make something beautiful from all that has hurt you? and there will always be people who want package that, sell it, make it into something that can be bought and advertised. but you can make yourself free of that, if you have the inclination. and i think the upbeat nature of the song is what supports that. it sounds jubilant but it also sounds...free. for all the ways that you might be weighed down by the onlookers, the people who want to profit off your pain, the people who prefer you broken, your ability to find catharsis and freedom through your craft is yours, and yours alone. and despite everything else, you can still find a release in that.

thats what gets me about this one. i cant stop rotating this song in my head and thats all

so i know ive talked about kit x elora before bc of the tension and that last scene that can be read romantic (to me its honestly just a good ole crack ship or maybe the posibility for a throuple but yeh, nothing can get between tanthamore. but thats for another post), but to be honest i just really want to take a moment to recognize it as a friendship because it is just so rare to find a female friendship, more so at the center of a show, and even more so a fantasy show - fantasy being a genre were most of the characters are always male and, if you get a woman, its usually just someone's love interest.

but in this show we got two women whose friendship is so powerful they manage to complete the quest and find airk because of it. and they still have their rivarly!! but its not a petty catfight!! and its not over some boy!!! and even beyond that theyre both so complex, they have other struggles aside from their rivalry and their trauma, they even have love interests of their own!! like, honestly, this show is so amazing in so many ways (interracial wlw relationship being respected and developed and given a place in all of it without either of the women being reduced to just a love interest???) but i just think we should take a moment to apreciate the realness of these women, and the platonic relationship thats built between them, between kit and elora, and how they overcame everything, together, to become pivotal to the plot. without the trust they develop between them, without elora coming into herself and persisting in her helping kit, and kit letting go of her resentment and jealousy to believe in her, the whole crew would have never found the immemorial city and would have probably ended up dead in the shattered sea trying to find a way back

i just- female friendships, man. theyre so good and powerful and important

decluttered like 5 big bags of stuff from my bedroom and reorganised everything so now i have lots of clear space and some empty shelves & drawers and stuff 🧘 my minimalist arc

Part One (Astral Express

Random post ideas I got, but I'm just listing my opinions on aspects of the HSR designs, including things I may dislike or would at least change about certain playable HSR design, because I am currently planning some of my own designs/redesigns to use for future art

Disclaimer!! I am not a professional character designer, I am not saying any of my ideas for them are objectively better, and I am not bashing any of these designs. I actually like most if not literally all of the playable designs so far! This is just my lil opinions of how I would change them

The List part 1:

Stelle: I actually like the turquoise band around her thigh, I just don't like how they didn't take the opportunity to sprinkle in some more of that color into her design. She had a lot of little details in her outfit, especially the back of her coat, so there's a lot of places where a few splashes of turquoise could be added whether in those little details or in some of her other adornments just so that the band stands out less . I think I would change more than just that ofc, but that's one of the things about her that stood out the most to me. Also honestly? Maybe I would scale down the sheer amount of detail she has on her back (which as someone who has tried to draw her from the back view o h my g o d), and add some more detail on her sides like her arms and her legs maybe? I dunno, I think her design is really really nice, but there are places the amount of details could be more evenly spread to.

March 7th: While I don't mind her design that is especially center around her top half, March definitely has a clutter design particularly around her waist when you look at her full body in detail. Clutter that manages to mix in some odd color choices too/ I'd probably clean it up, or better place the little bits of clutter to feel like it matches more and change up the colors in order to at least go with the rest of her outfit. Like the gold makes sense, not only with her details of golden buttons throughout her design but also the golden ticket she holds showing she is passenger of the Astral Express, but why the black fabric? How is it supposed to work in terms of construction with the rest of her outfit, I'd keep her black to only the little accented bands on her thigh and neck rather than anything big on her waist. Why is the thing holding her camera orange, why does she have this random bright green button, why does she have seemingly two different belts?? I think March would have a better sense of what goes together than that. Overall, still an adorable design.

Dan Heng: He is very nicely designed, and I think a lot of his personality comes through in it, way better than any alternative for him. I feel like I can get a better sense of his nature and overall how he feels and who he is in it. The one unfortunate aspect of his design for me though is that it feels a bit... bland? for a lack of better word. Not that he's devoid of details or anything, very nice to see him not having a particularly busy design, but a lot of those meaningful details tend to be pushed to his back or his arms. I would probably bring a few more of the details that can be to the front or maybe add more? It just feels as though there is something lacking in the design, maybe more on a coloration front than construction. Speaking of coloration, I'd likely change the way the details around his waist are colored, all the same hue and yet different shades also getting an ombre? It's a little messy, but not a big issue to be honest. That's just my view of it though, still love his design for how much it really lets his character shine through unlike Another One which I will eventually get into and explain my thoughts on in the Luofu post.

Himeko: Listen, she's beautiful, she's gorgeous. I absolutely adore her and her color palette especially, it's such a nice blend of elements with the gold all mixed in. However, her silhouette is awful like it's so messy, and I really dislike how weighed down she feels. I wish she looked just a bit different, wish her clothes looked a bit lighter. She's a Nameless, she's their navigator, she's the one who repaired the Astral Express herself!! I wish she had more details to reflect all of that, and I already have ideas for how it could be done that would end up alleviating some of the weight placed on her with all of those heavy, layered fabrics. Additionally, I think there's a better way to highlight those elements while still making her look elegant, gorgeous, and ornate. Yeah, I love Himeko, I do like her currently design a lot, but I think more could be done to show off more sides of her. She's the one I probably have the clearest image for so far. Like I can imagine her in a nice set of slacks, a deep brown tone that goes well with her coat, and either on the sides or the front of the bottom, they have slits revealing these ruffles showing through similar to the ruffles of her coat sleeves. They have golden adornments along them, very sleek and fitting her figure well to keep with a very elegant appearance. Perhaps she has suspenders as well, maybe only one side to fit with their habit of asymmetrical designs. All with a nice white blouse or even some kind of button up, buttons popped open and collar folded in a more fashionable style. Even more hammering on the asymmetry, maybe for side where she actually wears her coat, the sleeve is much shorter to not interfere with the jacket's ruffles. I don't know, that's just a little idea of changing up the construction of her outfit that I had, but I'll see how it looks on paper when I draw it.

Welt: Okay listen, I need to look up more about his lore before I can truly say anything about him. Looking at his design, and with what I do know about him, I do adore it. His color palette here with the grey tones making up the majority of it for his upper body with the accents of an almost like cool toned brown and the darker shades of grey and black coming in. It's so nicely balanced, I don't feel like he had too many elements or too many overlapping fabrics that complicate the shape. It's a competent design, and while I think someone with more knowledge on him could find more places to add details, with what I know about him, I do really like the way he looks. If I were to change one thing... I would give him more wrinkles. I know why his physical appearance doesn't match what his true age is, but I still think he deserves a few more wrinkles PLEASE that's the only way I can think to truly elevate him at the moment, give him a few more wrinkles he'd look so good with them. Whenever I see art of people giving him more wrinkles I ascend... Okay well, I can think of something I would do color wise, but I'm still on the fence about it.

I think I'll leave things there for now. I don't have as much to say on these designs in particular. I think generally they're pretty solid, and even with the ones I can think of more changes for like Himeko's, I still greatly adore a lot of elements from it. The Astral Express' base designs definitely aren't the ones I have a lot of gripes with or things to say aside from suggestions for Himeko, we'll get to those eventually (those ones in particular are Serval and DH IL, both for primarily character reasons rather than aesthetic reasons like some other opinions I have.) But yeah, the next post will be for the Stellaron Hunters since I couldn't fit them into this so look out for that!

I think there wouldnt be as much fandom discourse (for any fandom) if we all acknowledged there are more ways to have deeply impactful strong and important relationships besides romantic ones. And maybe saying "fuck it theyre poly" isnt always the answer, maybe we need to further deconstruct what we think meaningful relationships look like