#its hard being a freak yknow
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I feel like the worst dog ever I'm so bad at making friends :(
#feeling a little depressed about this recently :(#started being very direct and communicating openly with people about looking for friends (only after it seems like we vibe and get along)#and whenever i get a social or a number it never goes anywhere because they never text me or respond. i only send one message because i don#want to freak anyone out or not take a hint but its so depressing...#its just soo confusing because they always seem excited about making friends with me but maybe im just too neurodivergent to tell its fake?#i think i come off too strong and make people feel like they cant say no to me...#sighs... i just moved here and have no friends... im trying really hard but yknow... its not going well...#being an adult is the worst#my partner at least thinks its cute that i get so excited about making friends and that im direct about it... says its very doggy of me...#🐾 dog speaks#🐾 dog whines
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I am pausing my comical neglect of Kii for a second to flesh out their backstory more and I finally have a decent image for their general character arc, besties who are in a constant state of "I can fix him" when the ppl they're trying to help unionize against their attempts to help (it's because Kii is like 90% using helping ppl to avoid confronting their own issues and the gang are desperately trying to get them to see that)
#rat rambles#oc posting#kii generally considers themself a kind and patient person and they are for the most part but they also have some pretty bad anger issues#its smth that theyre extremely self conscious abt but they kind of just tell themself that their anger is justified to try to ignore it#and like. some of the things they get angry abt are justified. but like being angry abt specific things and not being able to stop yourself#from lashing out are different things#they were actually pretty shitty to miko when they first met especially since they felt justified doing it#it wasnt until miko cracked under the pressure being put on him to solve everything that kii started to feel guilty enough to stop actively#snapping at her#after they started traveling together kii began to warm up to miko especially when they found out miko has mad mommy issues#they actually did help miko quite a bit but the character development that they helped miko have put them in a stable enough place to#realize that kii wasnt in a much better place mentally and this was amplified after mar and mip became friends#kii took it Really badly since mip had been working with midas and lashed out hard#which made miko and kickz finally draw the line since they were yknow screaming at a child#kii had no idea how to handle the ppl closest to them being genuinely mad at them and as such they initially lashed out more#but after their outburst they quickly fell into an anxious guilty yet still angry spiral as they desperately tried to feel justified still#but then mar ran away and they freaked out since while they were angry they still care abt mar deeply and they didnt want her gone#and the others were all like you sure dont show that conpassion very well when you fucking scream at them for being friends with the first#person their age theyve ever met#and we get fun kii character arc stuff as they slowly start to grapple with these issues theyve been actively trying to avoid for years
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yknow, i dont see this talked about a lot within the tism community
if someone youre with stims, whether youre neurotypical or not, at least for me, dont point it out.
i grew up in a world where those sudden bursts of movements, those little actions, the stimming, the anything, gets you strange looks. thinking outside of the box gets you punished. i have learned to be ashamed, and have learned its against public norms (which if you violate those, from what ive been taught, youre a freak)!
im trying to break free from the mindset of “stimming is abnormal and you shouldnt do it in public” (only applied towards myself), and frankly its hard!
so even when a fellow autistic person or maybe a neurotypical points out “hey wow, youre stimming!” “hey you seem awfully happy!” “youre talking a lot today!” “you seem really fidgety!” i immediately get this horrible and burning sense of shame, even if it was meant positively!
i feel like its important to talk about not only normalizing things like these, but talking about the effects this culture has had on neurodivergent people! i feel like we need to hear from people who are still actively struggling to re-learn that its okay to be their own normal, even if it isnt societies normal.
not to trauma dump, but everything i mostly described up there was things that happened to me in the 7th grade! im a freshman in college currently, and frankly ive made very little progress in healing, which is okay! but people should learn and understand that simple things like those effect people for a LIFETIME.
you don’t automatically gotta learn to accept yourself, and that its okay to be ‘weird’ in public! it takes time and a lot of hard work, especially if its been chiseled into the deepest parts of your brain. dont bash yourself for being too shy to stim or too embarrassed in public by it, take it bit by bit!
this isnt really a complaint post because i love seeing all the positivity in these communities as of lately! but do try and be considerate of people who are still fighting their way out of that mindset! maybe take a little second to ask yourself if pointing out someones ND behavior is needed! theres still a lot of shame in a lot of people, including me, and thats an okay thing to have.
be aware of others shame and help them realize its normal to do all those things by not pointing it out! the less you point it out, at least for me, the more normal it makes it
#autistic problems#autism#actually autistic#audhd#rambling#autistic rambling#little rant#autistic support#adhd support#actually adhd#damien rambles
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Scared to talk to Bachira about him hurting your feelings (but then you do it and he apologizes and you forgive him)
Genre: comfort, established relationship, pro player Bachira
Contents: anxiety, insecurity, implied trauma, trust issues, fear of confrontation
Wc: 1289
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
You’re in a little bit of a catastrophic spiral. You feel really tender and sensitive and like anything could send you over the edge. You feel like you’ve done everything wrong (what specifically? Everything. What more explanation could you possibly want?) and you feel like everything is going to be taken away from you.
You get like this sometimes. You try not to. But it’s hard to outrun a childhood. And you aren’t really trying to outrun it. You just want to be happy despite it.
Having Bachira in your life is one thing you have tried to remove from the list of things you have periodic freak outs about. You want to work on your trust issues, and you have, and you know Bachira is trustworthy. He has never done anything to prove otherwise. Logic doesn’t really help your anxieties or insecurities but you still feel the need to point out the facts.
You’ve been off kilter for a few days in a row, situations not going your way, some major, some minor, and you hate it. You hate that you can’t just coping-strategy all of this away—all of these feelings away. You pace around your house. You sit down at the dining table and rock yourself. You curl up on the couch in an incredibly uncomfortable position and don’t move.
Normally, you are pretty good at feeling secure in your relationships with people. You’ve worked hard to get to this point. You don’t have to second guess their motives, when you’ve known them for a long time, and they’ve demonstrated nothing but respect and kindness towards you. But this week has been crazy for Bachira, too, or something—regardless of the reason, you felt ignored one too many times, felt like you were snapped at, and felt like you were expendable. You don’t blame him at all since it’s your interpretation but at the same time you know from experience that invalidating your emotions isn’t going to make any of this go away.
And then you’ve gone and wrapped yourself up in your old habits of being afraid to talk about something. Your classic fear rears its head: you’re too much trouble, way more trouble than you’re worth, and everyone is going to leave you.
Bachira comes home, drops his stuff off haphazardly in the front doorway, and makes a beeline straight towards you. He ruffles your hair and presses a kiss to the top of your head.
“I’m home,” he sings.
You smile at him, but you feel crazy. He must notice something is off—how could he not?—because he cups your cheek. It has the intended effect—you indeed feel soothed. You nuzzle your cheek into his palm. You want to be completely engulfed in his touch. You hate everything you’re feeling right now. It’s too hard.
“What do you want to do tonight?”
You know sometimes he asks this as a formality. He always likes having something to do—but he is content to “compromise” with you and create an “event” for something very normal and calm and low-key that you also want to do (at home. Definitely at home.) (You hate that word because it still feels like both people lose something but whatever the word is for both people are happy with the outcome lol.)
“I don’t know,” you half-lie—at the very least, you know you have to talk to him. The words coagulate like mucus in your throat. You’re so stupid. This shouldn't be that hard. Bachira loves you and he’s going to listen to you and nothing is going to be wrong.
You can tell yourself these things. And it won’t help. But to be fair, being mean to yourself won’t help either, but. Yknow. You aren’t going to win every battle. Definitely not this one today.
Not that you want this conversation with Bachira to seem like a battle. You don’t.
He studies you for a bit. “We could…just relax together until we think of something?”
You like having a specifically-designated task, something delineated, and can make you feel like you aren’t a failure and aren’t causing a fuss or scene or trouble. You aren’t ruining everyone’s night, this still “counts” as “successful”—you give in to all your old habits, all your rigid, self-scaring habits. Why not? When it rains it pours, or whatever. Let the dam break. Etc.
You hear him heating up food in the kitchen and he spreads everything out on the coffee table in the living room. You look at him adoringly. He knows you don't eat when you’re like this. That bastard. Loving you and taking care of you.
How dare he?
You both start on your food, him digging in, and you nibbling.
“Can we talk?” you ask.
“Always,” he says, and a few pieces of rice fly out of his mouth onto the table. He picks them up and tries to feed them to you.
“No!” you bark jokingly as you twist your head away, scrunching up your face, trying not to laugh because then he will put the rice in your mouth.
“Don’t waste food!” he admonishes seriously.
“Stop!” you finally let out a giggle. He eats the rice himself and settles back down.
You stare at him and he stares at you.
“Sorry,” he says. “It’s your turn again.”
“Thank you,” you say. You figure you might as well ease yourself into it. You don’t have to accuse yourself of manipulation or lying or whatever—you just need to let yourself be. You’re trying your best. You start off with talking about some random topics that were bothering you this week to set the scene. You explain the headspace you’ve been in and how you’ve been feeling.
He puts down his food. “I’m sorry that happened,” he says. “Can I hug you?”
You nod. You put down your food just as he throws his arms around you and squeezes you tight. He kisses your cheek. “I don’t mean for those actions to make you feel those ways. Is there anything I can do to show you that I didn’t mean any of that, and that I love you so much?”
You are very embarrassed. You hate to ask for anything—even normal boring stuff, and now, this feels like you are being asked to ask for something extra special. Asking someone to make amends to you feels so wrong. It feels like you’re not supposed to cause other people trouble. But anything you say, Bachira probably has already done before, and is okay with it, and some, he’s even done on his own volition before, and you might not have even known it was what you liked or wanted before him.
You make your requests of how you want to spend some time with him doing your favorite activities and he happily acquiesces.
“I’ve been wanting that, too,” he says. He peppers kisses all over your face. “I’m sorry you had a bad week,” he says. “That’s so stupid.”
“It was really stupid,” you say sadly.
He shakes you. “Do you want me to beat them up?” he asks in the most chipper tone.
You sigh and shake your head. “No. Let’s just watch tv.”
He grabs blankets, and you finish the rest of your food while watching your comfort show, snuggled up next to Bachira, who waits patiently until you’re done eating so he can hold your hand.
Nothing can make the bad events of this week less bad—but you also don’t have to carry your insecure energy into next week. You know you can do what you need to do and you know it’s okay to feel this way sometimes. And if there’s anyone who believes in you the most, it’s Bachira.
#established relationship#bachira#bachira meguru#bachira my beloved#bluelock#blue lock#bluelock fanfiction#blue lock fanfiction#bluelock x reader#blue lock x reader#x reader#bachira x reader#bachiraxreader#bachira fanfiction#reader insert#bachira reader insert#fluff#angst#comfort#bachira comfort
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I'm obsessed with the hybrid AU of @cinnamonest, and i couldn't help but think about the hybrids of animals that aren't, yknow, sexually desired, but still make contact with humans, like Sloths. Just a sloth living their life.
All of this is just my personal opinion and ideas, im also bad at writing, but this is just a ramble of thoughts. the original idea of the hybrid au goes out to cinnamonest
I feel like i haven't done as much research to properly get the behavior of the sloth down to a T, but let's just say domestication can change even the craziest of wolves 🫡
GN reader, sometimes referred to as "it," because i like to believe that humans in this au don't see hybrids as people unless they prove themselves to be as smart and able to live on their own. Also, I think that sloth hybrids can move a bit faster than sloths.
Sloths as animals are already rare. So, to stumble upon a sloth hybrid would definitely be even rarer than receiving God's blessing, I think.
I like to imagine the first sloth hybrid encounter would be in Sumeru, where an Akademiya student notices some weird creature eating their notes while out researching in the forest. At first, they would be horrified at all their hard-earned work and possible funding going down the drain until they noticed that this thing is a weird dirty human with moss on their back. And it moved as slow as a snail...
An undocumented hybrid??? Would presenting it as a research topic replace the fruit of labors this student wasted their entire lives on??? The answer is yes. Yes it did.
Sloths feel very stressed when carried, so getting the hybrid to the city was difficult in itself, and plus, wasn't it illegal to bring in wild animals out of their habitat? But the species could be considered to go extinct as their numbers have been dwindling, so wouldn't it be better to raise it in a controlled environment where it's safer for them? Who knows if the reason there's barely any out in the wild is because of predators or due to the Withering problem (that is now taken care of) that destroyed a good fraction of the forest.
Either way, the hybrid is now under the protection of the Akademiya, and its new habitat is in the section where they usually study hybrids and their nature towards humans (with their owner's permission and signed documents). In this case, having a one-way glass is fortunate since the poor hybrid freaked out when a lot of humans gathered around them and severely injured one with their claws. They considered releasing the hybrid back in the wild because of how indifferent it was to humans (and the fact that it actively resisted being given a bath by using its claws, again), but decided not to as the hybrid seemed ok with living in the space as long as it wasn't bothered.
But the question now is, how would researchers study the sloth hybrid? Some attempt to bribe it with delicious food, but it takes forever just for the hybrid to eat the bribe. So they opted for leaving out simple puzzles, namely shaped blocks that fit into different holes in a wooden box. Due to the time it takes to study it, I like to believe researchers are paid for their efforts if they submit a report of what the sloth does, like how long it takes for them to eat this kind of fruit, how long it takes for them to move around, etc etc.
It sounds easy, but when you take into consideration how smart sloths can be, it isn't long before the hybrid learns how to speak, nor does it take long to figure out they're being watched.
"No." Is the first word they picked up, due to how common it was to hear it whenever someone would complain around it. So when the student who brought you in started complaining about how they should've just left it out in the wild and rewritten their paper, it said its first word.
Now, in context, saying no to someone saying "I wish I left you in the woods" could be taken in many ways. Does this sloth see me as a friend because I brought it here? Does this sloth care for me more than the others because? Or does it feel bad for eating my research notes that were my entire reason to live?
To the last part, the answer would be no. Sloth hybrid feels no shame for their actions. Don't leave important things out in the open.
All the researchers that have said "no" around the sloth hybrid appeared to be uncomfortable and distressed, putting their hands on their head and shaking it, sometimes letting out some kind of liquid from their eyes. Hearing these humans talk so much and offer nothing but tasteless leaves... wouldn't any sloth feel uncomfortable and distressed? It took at least 5 minutes for liquid to also come out of their eyes and mimic the behavior of students who lost all hope in their future, shaking its head and saying "no" repeatedly but slowly. If the humans would take it away from heavenly leaves and fruits, couldn't they supply it with anything better than dry leaves?
The student panicked, thinking that maybe they should've let the sloth be, and tried to discuss moving the hybrid back to the wild as it was clearly not liking something. But it still said no, even louder when they tried to bribe it with (mid) fruits inside a crate. All researchers agree that they wish sloth hybrids could move faster, or they could learn to move faster because 15 minutes later, the hybrid was laying on it's back pointing to its food.
Killing hybrids is illegal and would most likely get someone life in prison. I think.
There are some moments when the sloth hybrid proves itself to be helpful and even intelligent enough to comprehend human emotions. Liquid coming out of eyes = sadness. So when a student comes in crying while delivering high-quality leaves and fruit, the sloth makes an attempt to reach out a hand, offering fruit. After 20 minutes of climbing down while the student who probably failed their midterms is having a breakdown in a corner.
It's a sweet gesture, but the way it sometimes just drops the fruit on the person and turns to go back to eat makes some think it does it just for the human to be quiet. But if you have the patience to sit for another 20 minutes, you'll notice that it will take a bite of its food and wait until you do the same. But once you take a bite, it'll stop caring and munch away. If you're still there and there's a piece of fruit or a leaf left, prepare to wait a very long time for it to bring the plate over and give it to you.
It's adorable until it realizes that bringing empty plates to humans makes them take it away and bring more food, so those unfortunately not having a mental breakdown have to wait for the sloth to bring over its plate. It's even worse after some students teach it to wave, as the hybrid will stop what it's doing, raise their hand, wave, lower their hand, and look around for 5-10 minutes before remembering what it was previously doing. Less if you point to the plate. Don't grab the plate, though. The sloth hybrid is smart enough to do it itself and will throw a fit and scratch at you if you attempt to rush it.
Students now secretly feed the sloth in hopes that their friends won't distract it, as it would take almost up to an hour if a group of researchers all decided to come and wave one by one. Sometimes, people think it's a curse to have some sort of intelligence because the thing is so slow, but I don't think it would prove itself to live on its own as a citizen with rights just because it's so slow, and it would probably take an hour at least to do a simple task like writing a letter.
But don't worry, the sloth hybrid gets the best care at the Akademiya Hybrid Research Facility(?), even if it's starting to smell a bit bad to the point where they're considering spraying it down with a hose from a safe distance.
#hybrid#sloth hybrid#genshin x gn reader#genshin au#.lurots#genshin hcs#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader
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ok so I was in a gay mike Mood today so here’s a passionate ramble abt it from earlier because regardless of whether you’re a gay Mike truther or anything else, the idea that Mike being gay/having never loved El would hurt El more than him falling out of love with her/is inconsiderate to her and her character arc is absolutely fucking stupid and imo, Mike being gay is actually the sexuality for Mike that is the GENTLEST and KINDEST to el’s character and works with her themes and arcs Perfectly in a way that no other version of Mike does. You don’t have to agree with me on this but I’m literally going insane seeing the “people who think Mike is gay don’t care about El” takes because IMO and like I’m gonna talk abt more in-depth in my full analysis, again, gay Mike is actually the resolution/sexuality for Mike that is the best for El/cares about her the MOST.
Why do I think this? Why do I love gay Mike narratively when it comes to Mike and El’s relationship and the end of it and SPECIFICALLY from the perspective of caring about El and wanting to make sure that she gets her happy ending/that her arcs and themes are resolved in a happy and satisfying way?
BECAUSE EL REALIZES IT WAS NEVER ABOUT HER!!!! SHE REALIZES THAT IT WAS NEVER ABOUT HER ABILITY TO *BE* LOVED BUT RATHER ABOUT HIS INABILITY TO LOVE HER, AND THAT ITS NOT ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT WHO/WHAT SHE IS OR ANYTHING SHES DONE BUT INSTEAD ABOUT WHO/WHAT MIKE IS (GAY). AND SO SHE REALIZES. WHY MIKE COULDNT SAY HE LOVED HER. WHY HE PHYSICALLY STRUGGLED TO SAY IT TO HER FACE IN THE S3 AISLE SCENE. ITS NOT THAT HE DIDNT WANT TO SAY IT, IT WAS THAT HE COULDNT, IT WASNT THAT HE DIDNT WANT TO LOVE HER ITS THAT HE CANT. EL REALIZING THAT THIS IS SOMETHING MIKE CANNOT CONTROL AND REALIZING HOW HE *IS* DIFFERENT (callback to the s4 bedroom fight scene where she said he doesn’t understand what it’s like to be different & I think that in the s5 OST in this Mike and El breakup scene we’re going to get a track that has parts of the ‘being different’ track incorporated into it) AND JUST. EL REALIZING FINALLY THAT ITS NOT HER THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE THAT HE DOESNT SEE HER AS THE MONSTER, BUT INSTEAD SEES HIMSELF AS THE MONSTER, AS THE FREAK.
El who realizes that every single time mike lied to her was because he was lying to himself. El, who is so focused on “friends don’t lie,” and was upset about Mike lying to her because it implied that they weren’t friends, realizing that it was never about anything she did, but rather, Mike was lying to himself, it was about him, and that he doesn’t have to lie anymore and they can be friends.
El, someone who feels unlovable not only realizing that it was never about her being unloveable but rather abt mikes inability to love her bc he’s gay, but also seeing somebody who tried so HARD to love her, who saw her as somebody who deserved love SO MUCH that he would cut out parts of himself and repress himself in an attempt to give her the love that he thought she deserved. And how people in el’s life like brenner have never actually *tried* to love her, but Mike tried SO HARD but couldn’t love her in the right way (not that brenner loved El romantically but yknow general love) and how Mike can’t fully love her platonically as long as they’re in a relationship bc of the lying and the idea that lying = not friends/lack of platonic love. People who COULD love El didn’t even try to, but Mike, who CANT love her still saw her as SO worthy of love that he tried so hard to love her.
Mike didn’t not love her bc he felt she didn’t deserve love- he COULDNT love her but tried so hard to, because he DOES feel that she deserves it. El feeling like Mike didn’t give enough in their relationship- but then realizing just how much he gave up for it, how much of HIMSELF he repressed and gave up for it.
Like. Platonic Elmike with gay Mike specifically makes me so emotional for these reasons!! It’s such a beautiful conclusion to their arcs!!
El feels unlovable for who she is & so if there’s smthn that Mike doesn’t like about her & fell out of love with her over then it’s still ABOUT HER, she still feels unlovable. Those sort of messy situations happen IRL and Mike wouldn’t be morally bad for falling out of love with El, but it wouldn’t be a satisfying, happy conclusion to El’s themes and arcs, because El has been set up in a way with gay Mike in mind from the start, so her themes and arcs are meant to work in tandem with Mike being gay.
Like I just!! Not to mention the acceptance and relief that Mike would feel from El in all this and the deepened understanding between them!! But focusing on El and her feelings specifically because that’s what this post is about: I just am so emotional rn about El realizing that Mike tries to love her, that despite everything, he saw her as so worthy of love that he tried to give it to her even when it was killing him and forcing him to repress himself. He saw El as so worthy of love that he’d stew in hatred towards himself if it meant that she could feel loved, because he TRIED to love her even at the cost of his own mental well-being. El, who thought that Mike didn’t love her because of something wrong with HER, realizing that it was something “wrong” with him instead, realizing that he IS different, just like her, and that she was wrong to say that he isn’t different during the bedroom scene. The narrative BEAUTY of El feeling most loved at the END of her relationship with Mike, how his inability to love her is beautifully and ironically exactly what makes her feel loved, because a.) it wasn’t about her/her ability to BE loved but his ability TO love her and b.) he tried SO HARD to love her because he saw her as so worthy of love. El feeling so loved because of the realization that Mike can’t and didn’t love her romantically?? It’s such a beautiful narrative!!
El feels unlovable. Mike feels incapable of loving. But neither is true. El cannot be loved romantically by Mike because Mike is incapable of romantically loving her- but that doesn’t mean that El is incapable of being loved as a whole, and it doesn’t mean that mike is incapable of loving as a whole, he just can’t love her, and so she can’t be romantically loved by him, and because of the ties between “lying = not friends,” and the strain that their romantic relationship put on their friendship and prevented them from even getting to fully KNOW eachother, he can’t fully platonically love her until the romantic relationship is over!!
El Hopper is so loved. And she’s going to realize this and it’s going to be tied to gay Mike!! And it’s so narratively beautiful!! El realizing how much Mike tried to love her, how highly he thinks of her, how much of himself he gave up in his attempts to love her, how much it hurt him to try and love her, but he did it anyways because he sees her as being worthy of love and happiness and was trying to be the one to make sure that she got it?? It’s so good!!! There’s so many people who treated El HORRIBLY, and didn’t even fucking try to love her, people from the lab, and the bullies, but Mike TRIED, people who COULD have loved her but didn’t even try versus somebody who CANT love her but tried so hard??? El is going to feel so loved, it’s a perfect tie-in to her arcs about feeling unlovable, like a monster. El realizing that Mike doesn’t see her as a monster but instead sees himself as one?? Sees himself as the different/freak one?? And dismissed El’s feelings of being a “freak/monster” because Mike thinks so highly of her and so lowly of himself & sees HIMSELF as a freak/monster for being gay that he can’t process El feeling like a freak/monster because he sees her as being in completely different league than him. But that also puts him in a position of seeing her as a superhero which is something she Doesn’t want- but then they both realize that neither is a hero and neither is a monster and that they’re both actually deeply similar and that the they’re both just different, they’re not monsters, they’re different. And that’s not a bad thing! And Mike is going to realize that it isn’t a bad thing! Because El is different and so is he, and he thinks so highly of El that if he’s different, like her, then he can’t be a monster/awful for being different, because El isn’t a monster/awful for being different.
So yeah. Please cut it out with the absolutely ridiculous “gay mike ‘truthers’ don’t care about el,” and “mike being gay would be mean to el compared to mike being bi or unlabelled” rhetoric because it’s the literally the absolute opposite.
#stranger things#byler#mike wheeler#st analysis#mike wheeler analysis#milkvan#elmike#and before people start whining I’m not saying ‘thinking Mike is bi is stupid’ I’m saying ‘thinking that Mike being gay means ppl don’t care#about El and it would be mean to el’ is fucking stupid and demonstrates a lack of understanding of both El AND Mike and their themes & arcs#gay mike wheeler
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I don’t want to like hijack @spotty-is-too-sleepy ‘s inbox lol but his TigerJake au has suddenly like captured my mind so um have my own take on it :)
Anyway I see them as like first meeting when both were pretty young cats. Tiger is being treated terribly by his mentor and stuck between becoming the cat Thistleclaw wants him to be and hating himself for being like him. He one night attempts to flee and ends up finding Jake, a cat similar his age that’s just so carefree and happy. From Jake’s view he’s met this like super buff mysterious stranger cat who smells like the forest and is def has the hots for him immediately, while Tiger is a bit drawn back but is also pretty quickly falling for the ginger kitty
(Kinda like canon TallJake except yknow between these two and Jake is made to be the same age as Tiger)!
The two don’t formally put a name on it but Tiger thinks they’re officially together while Jake would more call it talking?
Anyways um ofc Tiger has to go back and he is immediately found by his mentor who is furious. Esp as he can smell the kittypet on his apprentice’s pelt. The two are separated for a long time until Tiger has just gotten his name, Tigerclaw after his own claws (but he kinda has suspicions his mentor orchestrated them to share a suffix)
He goes on a lone night patrol and guess who he meets. Jake. The two are right back to where they first met. Jake is his same silly, lighthearted tease while Tiger is drawn back but loving.
They start right back where they were before.
[read more bc this is so long sorryyyyyy)
After like a few moons of sneaking off to see his boyfriend he finally gets caught, by Thistleclaw none the less. He is forced by his old mentor to break up what he has with Jake and Tiger has to. He feels like he has to. He has been selfish and sneaky, breaking the code to see some pet (these are his thoughts sadly). He goes to Jake and tries to speak first but is stopped by-
Jake saying he’s expecting. Expecting Tigerclaw’s kits.
Tiger is horrified and freaking out bc no no no no no while Jake is just staring at him confused. They love each other right? And now Tiger can come with him and they can raise their family together!
The two break up from the fight. But Jake says very clearly that he is not going to raise these kits. Tiger would have to either change his mind or, take them himself.
Even more panicking as Tiger tries so hard to find a way to somehow convince Jake to keep them or how he could take them. He can’t just waltz in with kits!! But as if a gift from the stars, Goldenflower announces she’s expecting. With no other parent…
He pulls her aside and tells her the situation he’s in hopefully to see if she’d agree and luckily she does. Because she’s in the same one lol (the sire to her litter is a kittypet). The two make the plan for Tiger to sneak his kits in the litter as Golden has hers. They’d be raised by the two and appear as full Thunder kittens. Its announced not only their official partnership as mates but also that Tiger is the dad to her litter. Now he just has to wait.
Eventually the time comes and he disappears to try and find Jake with his kits. He finds them and Jake just coldly shoves the two babies at him. Tiger wishes for the love they used to have but. He can’t amend it now.
He’s carefully making it back when he’s stopped. By Thistleclaw. He should’ve been more careful in his tracks. Thistle screams that he’s not only back with that pet but also now bringing back little pests the clan will have to feed!!! It’s real dramatic and as Tiger tries to bite back, Thistle leaps to grab one of the kits. Without thinking Tiger just smacks him back, claws drawn, all the force he can. Thistle is thrown back but too hard, smashing his head on a rock. Tiger is horrified but he can’t keep his kits outside any longer. He cleans Thistle enough to hide his own scent then finally sneaks them back.
Goldenflower has two kits of her own, Lynxkit and Swiftkit she calls them. She feigns another birth as he shuffles his own in the litter. All together they have Lynxkit, Swiftkit, Ravenkit (Scourge), and Leopardkit (Ruby). Lynx dies sadly a week after but the rest make it through. Ravenkit was named after his dark pelt while Leopardkit was after his mom. (Also is matching. Two cat names with Two bird names)
So!
Ravenkit kinda fills the role of Ravenpaw except they still become Scourge. Opposite of Fire arc as he started as a clan cat that then became a kittypet.
He as a apprentice witnesses the killing of Oakheart and then his siblings (Leopardpaw and Swiftpaw are both killed by the dogs). He learns that it was his own dad who set up the trap and runs away. They end up being taken in by Brick and Bone who run a scrappy group of strays. Once he starts working it they become Bloodclan and they kill Tiger in revenge for his siblings but also as a show of what the clans create, monsters.
Fire though. Rusty is instead the slightly younger half sibling of Raven/Scourge via Jake who had him in a fling. Him along with Princess weren’t cared for the best but he did most love the stories he was told by Jake about the woods. Sorta Cloudtail style, Tigerclaw stumbles into Jake and as a “gift” (more begging to plz plz plz take this kit off my paws I cannot raise him) he’s given to the cat. He’s then trained by Tiger, sees the bad his mentor is, helps then Ravenpaw escape, and eventually becomes the Fire we all know and love :)
He kept his name tho and is called Rustyfire. Doesn’t become leader but Sandstar does! He’s mostly a advisor/dad/deputy. Kinda takes a role of both being the deputy but also a camp caretaker and sometimes a medic since he picked up a lot of herbs
A few more brief notes I’ve had lol
Jake is pretty explicitly a bad dad. He just isn’t a cat who can take care of kits so he’s kinda dumped every litter away. Princess is taken soon after Rusty leaves to live in her own forever home. He loves them but more in a uncle kind of way. Not good for them clearly
Raven/Scourge is really just Scourge except with the arc of Ravenpaw. Their a very cold cat that’s incredibly watchful. It’s said they have eyes on the back of their head (if I drew him I’d draw him as a all black cat with the tiger eye ears thingy)
Goldenflower raised all the kits like her own and was hurt so badly by the death of two of them. Even more when her final baby disappeared. Luckily Fire had enough insight to like pull her aside and tell her what happened. She knows what Tiger’s done and also that her baby raven is safer now.
In the final battle Scourge kills Tiger and instead of the Bloodclan/Tigerclan alliance it was Bloodclan/Lionclan. The ending fight is between the cats still loyal to Tiger and Leopard and the ones against it. Eventually it ends in the death of Leopardstar along with most of her loyal fighters. A lot more death. Mistystar takes power and in Shadowclan Russetstar rises (Blackfoot died in the fight)
Fire and Sand are together but in a platonic way :) they still have Squilf and Leaf
Bramble and Tawny are now one cat called Thornflower who was the actual kit between GoldenTiger. She initially followed his dad but turned against him and joined back. Him and Squilf are never together, older sibling vibes ONLY
Scourge takes Bloodclan back to the town but they keep a close alliance. It soon after is renamed to the Blood Band (yes it is a joke on them being a metal band)
#tigerjake#tigerjake au#wc au#warrior cats au#tigerpaw#Jake wc#wc Jake#Tigerclaw#goldenflower#tawnypelt#Brambleclaw#Swiftpaw#lynxkit#Ruby wc#scourge wc#wc scourge#Fireheart#rusty wc
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godd 'little star prince of nothing' is such a good description i love it i love u cnunkitoooo 😭🫶 DO U HAVE A DESCRIPTION OF WHAT HAPPENS IN THEIR FIRST CANON DEATH?? also do u have a tag for himmm??? i wanna CONSUME it and Chew it And
BRO the best tag i have is #dsmpsona and u can look up cnunki to find some more I'M SO BAD AT TAGGING SORRY. ok so to set the mood we have this this and this+tags MY STUPID BOY.
anyway so the premise is genuinely me being bad at minecraft so... it's like still the first week's since cnunki has fallen down the sky he doesn't know SHIT and his two closests* friends** are memers for nature so it's kind of hard for them to tell what's genuine advice and what's them joking about/at them. also, they're not sure what everything IS. so there's the canon beach episode tm where they're trying to introduce cnunki to different parts of the server and they happen to approach what (is? will become?) tommy's exile . so. that's fun! Good vibes!
they both enter the water and tell cnunki that its safe and that it won't do anything to them. cnunki hesitates because they've said this about berry bushes & sand & gunpowder so he's Not Quite sure... but clulu insists so much and ckissu isnt laughing too meanly so surely it'll go right... and st first it is! the water is Too Cold but he's trying to accept new sensations without freaking out. Hes feeling drowsy, thought. Too tired all fo the sudden. It's too cold. Before they realize it's too late and theyre so deep into the water and too far away from ckisslux to even scream. He's a prince and he doesn't scream and he doesn't cry, but nobody said he couldn't be scared.
(yknow how little flames will take a bit to disappear, as if fighting for their own right to exist? Being bright is what justifies it being alive. They still disappear.)
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Dude I love your stuff but I think you have got to stop putting your stuff in the main fandom tags people are being major assholes and honestly I’ve seen enough people just the past few days attacking the whole community and while I’ve been blocking them I do not need people harassing the account I’ve sent asks on here, yknow? But remember there are people out here you support you, god forbid others realize we aren’t some sorta sexual freaks and just enjoy niche fanfic.
It fucking sucks because like, I want to be able to keep my blog sorted by fandom, but there’s been such a spike in hate & negativity, & it just makes me feel super shitty & insecure, & I hate feeling like that about something I want to enjoy because this is literally my single outlet for it, but Jesus am I starting to feel bogged down & just tired
Don’t be surprised if you start seeing me post less & less, I’m still here, it’s just burnout starting to take its toll I’m not dumb enough to think it wasn’t made worse by all this shit
I’ll still be chipping away at my asks, & I am gonna get back to those sentence prompts, I just gotta let myself marinate & take some time to stop thinking
I appreciate your concern, thanks for checking in. I just wish those people would just leave us the fuck alone if they don’t vibe with it, like please for the love of God just ignore or block us, it’s not that hard & I promise literally everyone will be happier
#asks#anon ask#tfb community#god i’m so tired#i just feel so hopeless sometimes#not just this#but just everything in general
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yknow it’s occurring to me that I just sorta skated past Red Helena and I haven’t got a single fucking clue what her deal is. Sleepwalker? Was she named sleepwalker? You tagged ONE post with sleepwalker and that is unironically an S-tier villain name. I miss her (didn’t ever know her)
SLEEPWALKER MY BELOVED!!!!!! she's a rotten little freak (affectionate) yes that is her name! a bit ago i went back and tagged the other posts under "sleepwalker" as well but tbh she doesn't have that many posts to begin with MFDHJBF
UM yea Sleepwalker (also Batman but primarily "red helena" "evil helena" and "freak helena" if you will) is the main acting villain of CTDE arc 3 ...!!!
arc 1 is focused on a PG problem, arc 2 goes to a SG problem, so arc 3 is helena's turn in the spotlight (despite trying so so hard not to get into the spotlight if she can help it). and to suit the formula obviously the villain has to be some kind of helena (famously pg herself is the antagonist of arc 1 and red lantern soupey for arc 2)
😭 she doesn't like it but honestly she should've seen the formula coming for her. babe its YOUR turn to unpack stuff about yourself while defeating the antagonist. who is also you
Sleepwalker is from a different place in the multiverse (Third Known CTDE Verse!!! (or Fourth i guess since carrie's is mentioned first)). in the CTDE, things like "the multiverse" aren't really Known except in very niche cases (eg. kara and helena obviously know about it since they are From A Different Earth) and power levels are generally hard-capped before reaching Close to multiversal levels. even the strongest characters can't affect anything beyond the boundaries of their own universe yknow. obviously this makes Sleepwalker an anomaly because she's very much breaking into the primary CTDE world and using Weird Powers about it too
well but okay so, she's basically, Helena Wayne From A Different World, more or less. her world roughly follows the same backstory as helena's, up until the day the big dumb apocalypse war is lost & the girlies get transported out of their universe (you know—this day)
in Sleepwalker's world, the war is lost as usual, but kara disappears Without Her. she's been left behind in the bad ending and had to make it on her own on an earth that's already fallen. it's kind of hopeless and there aren't a lot of pockets left for survival to exist in...
she picks up the Batman name ofc. and she also picks up a lot of new lessons in efficiency and brutality. it's rough out there so she's had to learn to play rough in return... she doesn't have a gadget guy or anything so most of her weaponry is scavenged tech that's barely safe to use, but when you're fighting out of a cornered position like she is, 😔✌
obviously she wants Out. this shit sucks. and she's bitter and jaded about a lot of things and holding on to a lot of grudges. shes not having a GOOD time. even less so when a brand-new bit of multiversal awareness shows her that it didn't have to be this way at all and there's Another Her that's living a way better life (WITH the girl who vanished no less)
basically once she's in play it's like. Sleepwalker is not stranded on primary earth. sleepwalker is loose. and shes making it helena's problem 😭
AND SHE HAS A GUN? AND NEW WEIRD MULTIVERSAL POWERS?
yea so there's a Plot Woman who exists in the CTDE solely to facilitate the plot of arc 3 (and then fuck off once it's done). she's sleepwalker's sponsor who's giving her the power required to not only transcend her home territory but also to affect things on the primary earth on a level no one inside the universe can overturn
as a bonus for being an interesting little bug, Sleepwalker has been given a minor restricted dominion over dreams and sleep (hence the overall Theme and Name). her swag new powers are the reason Arc 3 opens with both peegee and soupeygirl falling into an unnatural sleep that no one can disrupt. because it's a state they were put into by power of a scale and nature no one can approach, because we're working from inside the house. yknow?
the weeks leading up to Arc 3 had people increasingly gripped by nightmares until one day the karas don't wake up anymore. that's Sleepwalker, baby! the backfire is that sleepwalker is also extremely haunted in her own dreams but that's probably fine for her mental wellbeing i think
so you have like helena and raven fussing about their respective favorite karas and trying to solve all that while sleepwalker is out Lurking and like theoretically the league is free to help out for once in their lives but the sleep powder is in a universe-bending weight class so its like "superman finally showed up just in time to do fuck all"
as for how to deal with sleepwalker and the sleepy bitch situation i completely trust helena to take her out back and Handle It. but this post is getting long + solving it is what Arc 3 is like About so suffice to say
(thank u for asking i love when people are interested in my AU. -the rambler MDFHJBDFSG)
#CTDE#for the LEARNÉD among you. sleepwalker is simultaneously an ascended territory witch and the [REDACTED] to weaver's Featherine. okay
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fruity four curse discovery </3
its time to talk about how the fruity four found out Holy Shit They’re Monsters
they all had very different experiences, and none of them experienced overnight transformations, but it didn’t take its time before the real onslaught yknow
okay starting with nancy because she’s complicated. she actually started this process way back in season one when she first went into the upside down and came out and was very much Never The Same. after her first trip she lost her appetite and regular food, while still nourishing her, didn’t really do much for her in the sense of satisfaction. something was always missing and she couldn’t put her finger on what. she sunburned easier and lost endurance in the sun way quicker than she used to. she was suddenly allergic to all of her genuine silver jewelry, which was her first inkling that something was off beyond not taking care of herself like she used to. she didn’t get many of the physical benefits other than basically getting up without a scratch after she got thrown against that wall in season 3, and also having more intuition to things around her (journalism moment). also you wanna know how she pulled so many people? by being really awesome first and foremost but after her first foray into the upside down it’s really hard to not pay attention to her. then things start getting WEIRD after the second upside down trip and getting vecna’d- where she’s suddenly cold all the time and she can’t really eat anything and everything feels so intense like she swears she’s hallucinating hearing conversations that happen across a house with crystal clear clarity and seeing dust flying around across the room. nancy being nancy who shoves all sorts of actually concerning things surrounding herself under the rug thinks its just nerves and trauma but like no girl! ur cursed! and things go crazy when she finds her fangs and robin, who touches her shoulder in concern with her heavy silver rings (that have been kinda bothering her since she got back from the upside down ngl) and it burns like holy shit. shit goes haywire when they go “okay but maybe later” and then vecna happens and nancy, who isn’t dumb, who’s noticed that all of this got even worse when they went into the upside down again, and suddenly her mouth starts watering when she looks at the pulsepoint and robin’s throat and FUCK she’s a vampire oh god damnit
okay now robin bc gfs who r cursed together stick together!! as someone who’s only experience with the upside down had been the russians weird experiment, shit really hits the fan when she goes through watergate and suddenly everything is super weird and she hates it tbh. i hc both robin and nancy as autistic so this is sensory nightmare for both of them bc holy shit robin can smell and hear everything and it freaks her out! robin, who doesn’t shove anything weird happening to her down until she explodes immediately starts talking about how weird she feels bc what if she has rabies or smth and actually snaps at steve when he tries to interrupt her and she’s like “oh my god why did i do that”. also her rings have been bothering her ever since they got back, all irritated and almost burning, and she wishes she just bit it and took them off earlier because holy shit she burned nancy and it scared her BAD because before this nancy had been sorta fearless so now nancy is kinda crumbling and she cries out in actual pain and robin is kinda floored?? and freaking out bc she wants to make it better but she doesn’t know how- the first thing she does it toss her rings across the room because obviously smth is wrong with them! this is way strange and they find out robin has fangs too but she actually doesn’t turn into a wolf until after vecna’s initial “defeat” since she only fully turns on the full moon. when that happens though everyone is like “what the fuck” especially because steve does it at the same time!! and they’re all like!! what the fuck!! they kind of suspected that’s what happened with robin before she ever turned but they sorta thought what she was going through would be it, they didn’t think she’d actually turn!! and then run away!! and then get lost in the woods!! that is a long night for everyone involved. also fun fact the iconic boost actually switches to robin straight up picking up nancy by her hips and LIFTING HER UP TO THE PORTAL to which nancy is like “oh my god this can not be fr” bc she’s STRUGGLING and blushing like crazy (and it looks kinda crazy bc now her blood is like turning BRIGHT RED)
okay eddie time so im abusing the fact that eddie stayed back in the trailer as “holy fucking shit why does the sun make me want to keel over and die now” on top of yknow being wanted nbd. he notices he’s way stronger and everything is more intense and when robin mentions feeling weird he’s kinda like “oh wait me too” and its like “huh” but in this au eddie survives the attack because like nancy, he puts two and two together but not bc he’s as smart as her but bc he’s kinda obsessed with vampires, and he TURNS INTO A FUCKING BAT and camos and everyone thinks he’s dead for like a week before he comes back and is like “.... surprise....” he then gets almost murdered by everyone bc wtf. (also poor dustin thinking the bats ate eddie is making me laugh rn). despite the shitty thing with the sun eddie likes being even weirder and also like super strong and cool like a dnd character and this is kinda fun (the blood part isn’t awesome tho bc in my mind he has sorta subpar control and everyone is lucky steve heals fast bc...)
steve time steve time so funnily enough steve just thinks he’s really worried about everyone and i think his very wild and new instincts are the reason he has the audacity to give nancy that six lil nuggets speech in this au if i decide that still happens bc being entirely real with u steve stans that scene WAS in character u just don’t want to admit it but ANYWAYS he’s basically freaking out the entire time trying to protect his little siblings and his closest friends and he basically forgets to worry about the fact that his dna is literally changing lol! no one suspects that anything really happened to steve until he actually shifted into a wolf bc he’s been so stressed that he doesn’t even notice. this makes the first change back way harder on him though bc she’s like “oh my god what the fuck you guys” and robin was like “damn i was hoping that wouldnt happen but ok”.
that first night of the change is so stressful bc robin is running so god damn fast and tiny nancy is like trying to pounce on her to keep her still (because she’s realized her own strength at this point) and wolf robin is like “ok so we’re racing now okay” and makes it even harder! they end up getting lost for 2 days afterwards fun fact and this is before nance feels comfortable feeding on anyone so the extended period before being able to find a solution is no good. steve is the one that finds them when eddie is freaking out abt how there’s no way they’re gonna find them and steve is like “wdym??? they’re that way” and eddie like “OH MY GOD YOU CAN SMELL THEM” and they get found.
after this steve is more aware of how different things are and on one hand he’s grateful for the buffs but on the other hand oh my god this is so messed up oh my god
also eddie and nancy caring for their partners respectively after the first change and they feel like (no pun intended) dog shit is smth that can be so personal <3
robin at some point is like “holy shit i’d rather have rabies” and nancy’s like “no you wouldn’t” in this super soft gay ass voice as robin is like “yeah ur right” THEYRE SO TENDER okay i gotta stop
#stranger things#nancy wheeler#robin buckley#ronance#eddie munson#steve harrington#steddie#vampire!nancy#werewolf!robin#vampire!eddie#werewolf!steve#mythical moment au#the fruity four
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smallidarity forced to fuck again and now the quota is even bigger. eventually talks about their feelings with one another. could go well or very, very horribly. still have rabid hard rough sex
RABID HARD SEX LETS GOOO!! This is a continuation to the first one
The sexual tension was just too much, was it? Getting trapped again, oh how unfortunate! and oh no, the quota is even bigger!
They'd use it as an excuse tbh. To fuck again, to absolutely milk the other. Might as well have fun with it, right? After all... they're forced, they can take the power back by not being threatened by the freak who put them here.
Yeah, amazing excuse. What happens in the room stays in the room. And they're in it again! Who cares if they have hot, desperate sex! If they start making out like crazy, like they've been waiting for this for a long time!
Mmmmhm Smallidarity absolutely milking eachother. Making real the fantasies, the wet dreams they've been having since it first happened. "Gonna cum all over my hand again, Tim? Thaaaat's it, eager aren't you?" While Jimmy is snapping his hips forwards over and over again, lost in the pleasure of having Joel like this again. I can just imagine, Joel would get every last drop out of Jimmy, suck him off just so he could return the favor of Jimmy doing it for him the first time, fuck his thighs, fuck his ass and pull his hair. Maybe Jimmy fucks Joel too, gets him to cum while absolutely wrecking his ass, showing him how good it can feel. Absolutely worship his body like Joel really seems to need (always looking for praise, yknow) getting him all red faced and riled up, giggling at how breathless it gets him when he just makes a whiny voice and puppy eyes, when he begs pretty.
Oh they meet the quota alr. But you know. With consent. Way too much I think. That's kinda trouble.
Jim would break the whole "don't talk about it" ordeal. He'd ask abt it. He can't just keep pretending like it didn't happen and its weird cause they're always joking around and acting like everything is alright but its really not. Not the biggest fluff thinker, but you might as well imagine. Maybe they end up working it out, maybe even end up dating, who knows!
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🖊
icicles don't soften when they die! they sharpen into sabers and they stab you in the eye!
i really need to find a way to use Caroline in something again. She's a wonderful antagonist, but she deserves to be a primary antagonist, y'know? She's a bit of a showstopper-- she commands a lot of attention narratively, and when i write her she tends to subsume the story against my wishes GAHAHA. i considered using her for carousel waltz, and i still am kinda, but i want the pink magical girl to be someone i could potentially do without if i end up writing her out-- and i'm too attached to caroline and her complicated relationship w anthea and sicely that if i got started it'd be really hard to take her back out -3-
if she was a dancer, her theme color would be purple, her theme animal would be a snow leopard, her theme flower would be comfrey (panacea), her title would be Lightbringer, and her weapon would be ribbons.
there would be a benefit for her being so disruptive, to the point of being narratively uncontrollable-- she'd be the first character to see through the villains' shit and retaliate against the harm they cause.
i worried at first how ppl would take her, bc oh schizophrenic antagonist, yknow? but shes based on my own experiences with psychosis and the way it made me paranoid and self-destructive and a control freak, and the love and care i deserved then but did not get. (and its not like my protagonists are apsychotic...)
her favorite color is bright lime green (sicely's least favorite color) and she refuses to wear any footwear that isn't this green. Her hair is magically pink. Sometimes she wears costume fairy wings that allow her to fly for real. this art is oooold...
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What about hs takane confessed to haruka but haruka rejected her because of his Illness.
IVE READ OF THIS HC BEFORE...many years in the fandom, i know my harutakas.....
i think it can go one or two ways, he explains why or he doesn't explain why. i would love to make a comic with this ive actually been meaning to but ive been rly busy with homework and class😵💫
on one hand IF HE DOESNT EXPLAIN: he could avoid saying he Doesnt like her back bc its not true!! he DOES like her back!!!.maybe he just says id rather stay friends or something. i dont think takane would need any pity or consolation honestly... i think she would accept it as fast as she accepts she needs to immediately tell haruka. it probably takes her longer processing haruka DOES like her back. i think takane would just breathe in and yell THATS OK!!!!!!! I JUST WANNA BE BY YOUR SIDE!!!!!!!!!! like super determined. so. yeah haruka would burst into tears dude there is no way he would resist crying. takane would freak out
can u imagine how bummed he'd be to reject her. taking into account how depressed haruka was during this period, can u imagine if u added this on top of everything?? especially his dying words (sorry im so annoying abt it it's just TAKANE PLEASE DONT CRY ANYMORE) and after that Not dying and seeing her here out of breath after running all the way here, telling him she loves him without hesitation...what im saying is that haruka would cry so hard. i think given the vulnerability of it all he'd maybe crack and just tell her his situation, yknow?? maybe he wouldnt, and he'd just cry and takane would be like ????ERMMM??? and looking around but then gets it together and hugs him and comforts him without even knowing what's wrong.
if he did explain the situation after that i think it'd be about takane maybe being in denial for a bit or trying to be hopeful/positive because haruka is horribly pessimistic while takane is like MAYBE shit will get better. either way takane still says im gonna stay HERE WITH YOU!!!! takane's thing isnt just saying she loves him, it's about how she wants to be with him, however that may be. at takane's resilience of being by his side even knowing the pain that will bring her once he goes... haruka is like AUUUGGHHHH!!!!! in this case they'd kiss a little at one point Come on. teehee.
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Have you read any fanfics with good Gonata characterization? What's your favorites? Can be focused on him or just a fic that features him that you liked how they wrote him. I recently(ish, like a week ago) wrote Gonta's chapter of my V3 remnant au and now I want good Gonta content, I've been on a Gonta kick.
Ohhh Let me check my bookmarks for you!!
I don't read a lot of dr fic, mostly because there isn't a lot of gonta centric fic that I would want to read out there. Im not the biggest fan of the most popular gonta ships, and even when it is a ship I like sometimes I just want something gonta-centric yknow? and something that isn't fluffy but actually fully gets into his character. Gonta angst is my fucking white whale. Its so so hard to find.
That being said here are a few I really enjoyed!!
we're bound to break and my hands are tied - ToxicPineapple "Saihara and Gokuhara get together to watch Danganronpa as they always do. While the show runs, Saihara reflects."
This is the pregame Gonta fic that made me change my opinion on pregame Gonta as a concept. I really really like the characterization of him here.
Restlessness - ToxicPineapple
"Gonta stays up late to keep a watch on things, trapped by his feelings of uselessness after the third trial. Kaito finds him and tries to help him through it."
This is a fic I commissioned from Tox.. Its really fucking good. Kaigonta hurt comfort centering around a part of Gonta's character that I rarely see anyone talk about. Its amazing!!
Every Day I Will Remind You. - MxSoda
"Kaito Momota has done it. He's finally gone to space. The vast and vibrant cosmos are now here at his fingertips. But even when he's a million miles in orbit, there's a certain someone back down on earth that he can never forget. And he has an important message for that someone. One that he'll declare to the world."
This was a gift fic for me qwq Fluffy Kaigonta that is just the sweetest. I adore this fic
The stars in his eyes. - ToxicPineapple
"Gonta tells Shuichi about the stars."
Saigoku for the soul. Gonta being a gentleman. This one is very calming and wonderful. Yes this is the third Tox fic on this list. She's good at writing gonta okay??
Gentleman Gonta and his Butterflies - Weirddancer14
"A short and casual fic about Gonta Gokuhara and his excitement for butterflies."
Dancer is a freaking PHENOMENAL writer and I really like how he writes Gonta and Gundham. This was another gift for me and I still think about it all the time
And these are just a couple!! If anyone has some good gonta-centric fic suggestions (especially angsty ones or ones that take him seriously as a major character in the plot) PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE send them my way!! There's a reason a good amount of the fics on this list were gifts T^T
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Ziggy you are a mum? Never knew that!
I try not to let all the tik tok mums get to me because i know half of it is scripted and fake for views but it does get to you sometime because boy do i not have my shit together compared to them.
What you said about losing your identity is real though, and trying to find that again whilst also being a mum is so freaking difficult.
And yeah these past few years since having my son have been the worst for my body image, like nothing is the same, and dropping the baby weight afterwards, even harder, like all I wear is over sized band tees and jeans basically, stopped dying my hair, rarely wear makeup etc
My writing on here is my escape, its where i can just be me and not have that mum label attached to me 24/7. But i am trying to find new ways to get back to me again this year and try get out of that post baby funk.
i am! my kids are 7 & 8 ❤️❤️
it is!!! like i feel like so much of our time is just worrying about whether the baby has this or that and if they’re happy and fed yknow? which duh is so important but you lose yourself in that process and it’s soooo sad and so hard to even realize that you’re just basically walking around like a zombie.
triggering content under the cut: depression, weight gain + loss, suicide ideation etc
i gained so much weight with my kids and being depressed it was terrible, i worked a job that’s i thought i loved but truly made me so miserable that i would have panic attacks on the way to work, throw up in my car, even thought about crashing my car so i wouldn’t have to go in.
i hated myself so so much i didn’t see the point in looking in mirrors or dressing nice.
now, i have a job where i can basically wear whatever i want so i take advantage of that, and it has helped so much. s4 of stranger things and joseph quinn have really opened my eyes to who i am and who ive been hiding away for yeeeears.
getting on the right medication, writing, finding good people to chat with that aren’t fucking insane dickesds— it all helped make me feel confident enough to want to have sex and to feel good and sexy while doing it.
tiktok moms make me feel so shitty lmaaao like? how are you that put together all the time? how do you enjoy scrubbing baseboards? i don’t get it, and a lot of the times i have to limit my time on tiktok because ill spiral out of control of hating myself.
truthfully— if it weren’t for lexapro and wellbutrin i wouldn’t be here today… i don’t do well with therapy but maybe that is something you could also look into?
i truly hope you find a good balance and are able to see the light out of the baby blues— im here if you ever wanna chat! i’m also on discord 😘
♥️♥️ don’t be a stranger
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