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#its all about allowing others to show their love through small acts of service etc etc
chainoftalent · 2 years
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Could I request a yandere alphabet for Nagito Komaeda?
Wow! All the rest of them at once? Well I didn't put a limit I suppose!
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Nagito Komaeda Remaining Yandere Alphabet
Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?
So fucking intensely Nagito Komaeda can not do things in halves. He is constantly leaving gifts and love letters and trying to have conversations. Once you're living with him he's even more lovey with constantly cooking food and basically willing to reshape his entire house to whatever whim his angel might have next. He's rich after all! Why shouldn't he do literally everything he can for you!
Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?
Negatively, sighing about how its so beautiful to see their hope but how they're going about it all wrong. He'd try and talk you down at first with those sharp words of his, but if that doesn't work Komaeda is stronger then he looks. He will grab you and force you to stop if he must, such despair.
Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?
Definitely anything that involves physical violence, Komaeda is completely willing to start chopping off limbs if he gets pushed too far. All while he babbles about how it's for their own good and the hope it will give them for pushing through this despair will be so amazing.
Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?
He thinks other people are after his angel's hope, wanting to take it, snuff it out, hurt them. He can't abide it, no one else deserves this hope! So he does his best to isolate you for your own good.
Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?
Extremely sweet and loving, practically worshipping them and always keeping some form of contact with them. He wants their hope so badly, he wants them to smile. He's shy about initiating affection though, he is scum after all, is scum like him really allowed to kiss an angel's cheek?
Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?
Komaeda is a lot more dominating when alone, while he tends to make himself small and obedient in public but in reality, Nagito is in charge. Sure he voices it like how it's in service to his angel, but at the end of the day he decides your meals, he decides your clothing, he decides when you wake up, he is in charge. For his angel's own good of course.
Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?
So many rights, he gets final say in everything, he may make it sound like you have a choice, but you never do. The best you'll get is a nice room and good food, but beyond that, it's up to Nagito.
Patience: How patient are they with their darling?
Incredibly patient, Nagito has no problem waiting, but even his patience isn't limitless. Try to not push him too hard or he may think he needs to do something drastic.
Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?
The despair would break Komaeda hard, but eventually, he would recover, all despair leads to hope, and if this is the biggest despair of his life, then it'll, it'll bring him an even greater hope! He has to believe that!
Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?
Yes, but it had to be done so he doesn't regret it. His angel needed to be brought in and protected and nurtured! Sure it feels wrong for scum like him to take care of someone so ultimate like that, but it's his duty! He just wishes they'd understand it's for their own good!
Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?
Trauma for the most part, he sees himself as someone in service to a greater good and is used to great tragedy. As such he needs to protect himself by smothering the object of his affection to make sure they too do not leave him.
Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?
He doesn't like it, he tries to comfort them or explain what's going on but will sigh it's of no use and will leave until they've calmed down. Likely bringing them some nice tea to give them to help them relax. Isolating yourself is impossible though, he is always there and while he respects your privacy but as your caretaker he is in charge y'know, he will go into your room whether you like it or not.
Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?
Komaeda is Rich Rich Rich, he is much more likely to buy someone off then to actually engage in the more bloody side himself. He basically has infinite money, why not bribe everyone around you to make it easier for you to fall into his hands?
Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?
His luck cycle is your best bet, but good luck figuring out how to utilize it. Best bet is hoping he gets bad luck that loses you without killing you. Beyond that if you play into his Hope obsession you might be able to make an opening but it'll be nasty if he finds out you're faking.
Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?
Immense worship, his angel is EVERYTHING, he will do ANYTHING.
Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?
A year or so to build up the obsession after which point they'll start heavily inserting himself into his angel's life.
Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?
Yes, if they just refused to ever obey or bend to his will, eventually he will purposefully break his angel as much as he can so he can build them back up into true perfect pliant Hope. Do not push him to this point.
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bigskydreaming · 3 years
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I am looking (disrespectfully) at the trope of Bruce and other family members only seeming to respect Dick’s wishes when doing so aligns with what they already wanted to do.
Let’s go to the examples!
1) Bruce not broaching adoption with Dick because he wants to respect Dick’s first parents and feels like he would be taking their place or overstepping or putting himself in between Dick and his memories of his parents. Sometimes its cited that Dick himself expressed this wish early on after his parents died, sometimes its not and this is still just upheld as Bruce’s reasoning for not adopting Dick before he was already well into adulthood.
THE FATAL FLAW (in mine own personal opinion, natch. Personal mileage may vary, check your speedometer to be safe):
This particular plot point or tangle is in my experience ALWAYS paired with Bruce’s own insecurities about his role in Dick’s life, or not wanting to push that or receive an answer he doesn’t want to or is afraid to hear. Sometimes its about his fears of unworthiness to be Dick’s actual parent, etc, etc. But the bottom line is, there is always the presence of SOME element (and not a small one) in which Bruce’s own self-interest or feelings are protected by him NOT broaching the adoption conversation with Dick and having to confront these fears head on.
This is additionally juxtaposed with the problem that although there’s a lot of variance in regards to stories where Bruce fired Dick versus stories where Dick gave up being Robin and moved on to Nightwing voluntarily....there’s NOT a lot of stories where Dick makes Jason Robin himself or is asked by Bruce first. The part where Bruce takes this initiative on his own, without thinking through its repercussions on Dick emotionally.....this is practically always present.
Now, the problem here is that......Dick became or began becoming Robin well into his time with Bruce. Its frequently cited as the thing that began allowing them to truly connect, their time training and acting as Batman and Robin.
Meaning no matter WHAT interpretation you go with as to why specifically Dick chose the name Robin, whether it was a family nickname or an homage to Robin Hood.....the fact remains, NOTHING of Robin, THEMATICALLY, nothing that spoke to Dick in regards to what he wanted Robin to be - specifically in honor of his parents because avenging his parents and making sure what happened to them didn’t happen to others like, this was literally a key part of what bonded Dick and Bruce, the fact that Bruce was TRYING to help Dick specifically BECAUSE they shared this particular overlap of purpose - like the bottom line is, nothing about Robin CAME from Bruce. Or Dick’s feelings about Bruce. That....didn’t really even exist yet, at the time he created Robin. Everything about Robin, other than the physical costume itself, not even the design just the actual creation of it....all of that came from BEFORE he met Bruce. None of it was thoughts or feelings derived from BRUCE. Its the whole reason Dick was never Batkid or Batlad, or any derivative of Batman.
It all, ALL came from what Dick came to the manor WITH. Remnants of his life with his first family.
So the fatal flaw of Bruce’s reasoning that by not broaching the subject of adoption with Dick before well into adulthood, he was actually just respecting Dick’s relationship with his first parents and not trying to come between them and Dick’s memories and feelings about them....
All of this is inherently undermined by Bruce’s own actions.....when by repurposing Robin to ANY degree, even just to give the mantle to Jason.....this meant that he was inherently viewing Robin as being more about being Batman’s partner, HIS partner....then it was about being Dick’s heritage, his last intangible keepsake of his first family and life BEFORE Bruce.
In effect....Bruce making Jason Robin or firing Dick as Robin, either way....both betray Bruce’s OWN alleged intentions for only wanting to respect Dick’s relationship with his parents, and that being why he didn’t want to overstep by trying to impose or even ask for his own official parent/child relationship with Dick. Because that’s exactly what appropriating the Robin mantle was. It was Bruce ignoring the relationship Dick had with his parents and their memory and the fact that Robin was directly born of that....and making Robin entirely about Bruce’s OWN relationship with Dick, heedless of any other factors.
And the second Bruce did that.....his entire justification for not raising the adoption issue....disappears. It goes away. Because you can’t claim inaction being just a result of not wanting to disrespect something you’ve already voided respect for. No matter whether Bruce INTENDED it or not.....by crossing this boundary, Bruce already acted against Dick’s feelings in this regard and well, disregarded them....which makes claims of Bruce not raising the adoption issue pretty much JUST self-serving at that point. Its an alleged viewpoint of Dick’s that Bruce largely just ASSUMES....and only ultimately respects - in direct contrast to how he didn’t respect the associations Dick had with Robin - because it aligns with something Bruce ALREADY wanted to do, rather than what Dick actually wanted. It provided justification for Bruce to just....not have a conversation he was afraid to have. And that’s about Bruce at that point. Its not about Dick. Its just like...not.
2) Another example of this that is not unique to just Bruce, but recurs frequently in both canon and fanfics in Dick’s dynamics with other characters he’s close with.....is characters not apologizing for things they’ve done to Dick or raising the issue of things they did a long time ago but never apologized for....while claiming to do so because they thought DICK didn’t want to talk about it.
THE FATAL FLAW (in my own personal opinion. Nuances and variations may not be identical at all store locations, please see your local branch for details):
The particular problem I have here is that....Dick never ever ever in the history of ever and also the before ever time.....has EVER expressed a desire to avoid confrontation.
Like. That’s what he DOES. That’s his JAM. That’s literally CITED time and time again as one of the reasons he’s viewed as more of a people person and natural team leader than Bruce and other Batfam members....because he’s not afraid to cut straight (or bi) to the heart of the matter and air out a dispute.
In fact, this very character trait is one of the ones most commonly utilized AGAINST Dick in various depictions of him, as he’s often cited as TOO confrontational, TOO eager for a fight or conflict especially when his temper is engaged, such as when he’s well....personally hurt or offended.
So how does it follow, then, that avoiding tough conversations ONLY when its on the OTHER person to INITIATE, because they were the ones who DID the wrong-doing and Dick the subject of that rather than the instigator....how does it work, exactly, that these are the only times in which we DON’T tend to see a direct conversation about the harms done and the fallout that resulted? With it being claimed that this is solely for Dick’s benefit, out of a desire to avoid pulling him into an allegedly unnecessary (but really just unpleasant) confrontation?
When the concurrent reality is that whether stated or acknowledged or not.....avoiding these specific conversations and ONLY these conversations (as there never seems to be a problem finding canon or fanfic stories in which Dick apologizes for harm HE’S caused to others or is clearly expected to).....this avoidance also carries the side benefit of allowing the character who DID something wrong to Dick to....not ever have to have that super uncomfortable conversation in which they actually verbally acknowledge the thing they did to him and the effects it had on him, and apologize for that.....and then render themselves vulnerable to actually hearing whether or not he accepts their apology or is still upset with them regardless.
While - as long as they DON’T ever have this conversation, for whatever reason - they can look to the clear and consistent precedent of Dick continuing to work with people who have done things like oh, I don’t know....punched him in the face cuz they’re mad at him (and this isn’t a Bruce critical point, this is a whole damn family critical point as the only one who HASN’T actually done this is Duke. Well, Cass technically just threw him out a window, but I mean, tomato toh-mah-to). Writers and characters both can lean on the fact that actually Dick has a pretty clear track record of ultimately giving up a grudge or at least showing a willingness to look past those grudges enough that it doesn’t prevent him from still maintaining or resuming some kind of relationship with the person who hurt him.
And thus, like Example Numero Uno......this ultimately just lets other characters off the hook while claiming to do Dick a favor, but actually Dick receives no real benefit from it and instead now just has another instance of characters saying “see we respect your wishes” when ultimately their inaction is MORE in service to their own wishes and self-interests.
2b) See also the variation of this in which characters such as Bruce, Jason, Tim and assorted others like....are written specifically determining that they’re not going to apologize to Dick or beg his forgiveness because they feel they don’t DESERVE to be forgiven, and once again....its in HIS best interests that they not even give him the opportunity to say he forgives them....because they know Dick Grayson of course, and they know he’s too forgiving for his own good, so its better to like....not make it ever a possibility in this particular instance.
With the problem here being like.....Dick can’t and shouldn’t be expected to KNOW that’s their logic? So....all he’s going to actually SEE is loved ones just....not expressing remorse for hurting him or acknowledgment it even happened? Which....hurts?
So......hurting your loved one MORE after already hurting them....because you don’t feel you deserve to be forgiven for hurting them in the first place and are actually PROTECTING them from being hurt more when mistakenly forgiving you.....by.....hurting and continuing to hurt them with your silence and lack of evident remorse....
Mmmm.....
Its not the best approach, y’know?
Flaws are detected.
3) Dick’s friends and family manipulating situations in order to get the end result THEY desire, while claiming to do so for his benefit only. Dick being willing to manipulate people to achieve his own ends comes up a LOT actually....but there’s relatively little examination of how often people do this to him, claiming his best interests but really just circumventing his clearly stated desires for independence and the right to make his own choices about what HE needs....or when this is brought up, its usually limited to JUST Bruce doing it, but uh....no that ain’t it.
Specific examples of this are like when Wally joins the 1999 version of the Titans specifically to get Dick to join up, because in his estimation Dick needs more of a social life and is drowning himself with his responsibilities....and then quits not long after Dick is finally officially invested in staying with the team. Another example is when Roy gets Dick to join the Outsiders based entirely on his pitch of NOT treating the team like a family, like they did with the Titans, so that Dick could keep emotional distance and not be as worried about losing them like he suffered from losses like Donna....with his claim again being that he worried about Dick in the aftermath of that loss, etc.
And to be clear! Its not that I think Wally and Roy and others who do similar things have NEGATIVE intentions in mind for Dick. That’s the whole point of this post.....like the other examples, I fully believe THEY believe (or writers believe when writing them this way) that they have Dick’s best interests in mind and not their own. I just....disagree.
THE FATAL FLAW (at least as I see it here):
Is that I view this and Batfam members who do similar stuff as like.....falling into the trap of the savior friend complex. Its that thing when you see a friend hurting, and over time get FRUSTRATED by seeing this when a solution seems obvious to you but think they won’t take it because they’re too stubborn or don’t know what’s best for them....with this specifically recurring a LOT with Dick in particular, due to his core characterization of wanting to be the one to make his own choices. The problem here, same as the problem with the savior friend complex....is that it treats the subject of these views as like....incapable of determining what they need. Its a tacit condemnation that they actually don’t know how to cope with things and are doing it wrong - even though the ones making this assessment will never be the ones actually having to LIVE with the outcome of their meddling. Its the conviction that someone like Dick needs to be HANDLED, for his own good....because he can’t be trusted to KNOW what he needs, not as well as them at least.....and so they jump to manipulation rather than just....ASK him what he needs, or HOW they can best support him, or even just WHY he’s making the choices he is.
For instance, the problem with what Wally did was never that Dick wasn’t struggling. He was. He was drowning in his responsibilities, he had very little to no life outside of them.....Wally is not remotely in the wrong for WANTING to do something to change this situation. The problem is Wally basically defaulted to just...HANDLING his friend by restarting the Titans just to give Dick a social life again, which is pretty much a line straight out of the comics...and basically railroaded right over Dick’s initial ‘no’ when he first heard the proposal. And kept pushing things until Dick eventually joined up in order to get Wally to commit to the team too, because Wally spun it as though Dick was helping Wally by getting Wally to commit to the team for the very same reasons Wally wanted Dick to. And then....right after that, Wally quit to go back to just focusing on the Justice League, which was part of what Dick predicted would happen all along.
The thing was.....at no point along the way did Wally actually ask WHY Dick initially said no....he jumped straight to assuming his own view of the problem, that Dick just COULDN’T be made to ever see the reason to take a break occasionally and put his mental and emotional health as a priority. If he’d done this, Wally could have had dozens of other options to achieve his desired end result....he could’ve like....set up regular hangouts with Dick. 
But Wally jumped to assuming he knew the answer, he knew what was best for Dick, and that Dick’s logic was inherently self-destructive and self-flagellating.....and he felt the solution was to bring back the Titans, as he recalled their earlier times as Titans together as a time when Dick was better able to balance his social life and responsibilities.
But by not ever stopping to LISTEN to why Dick felt the way he did and was initially opposed to rejoining the Titans....Wally overlooked one crucial fact: He isn’t Dick.
And more important, his view of the past wasn’t Dick’s view of the past.
Wally was a lot more capable of viewing the Titans as not just a family, but an inherent social life, a hangout, a kind of club....because that’s what it had always been to him.
But he’d never been the leader.
Throughout all their childhoods, the whole time the Titans WERE all of the above, and relatively light-hearted in comparison to their older selves....Dick STILL had the weight of responsibilities that none of the others had by virtue of just...not being the leader. Ultimately, all of their lives were in HIS hands. He was the one calling the shots. The buck stopped with him.
And this is precisely WHY Dick had gotten to the point he had in adulthood. It wasn’t because he’d changed. It wasn’t because he’d stopped figuring out what he needed and how to take care of himself. Its because the position he’d ALWAYS been in as leader....has WEIGHT. That eventually added up more and more and weighed him down. A huge part of the reason Dick had ended up leaving the Titans in the first place, before they disbanded prior to the 1999 revival....is because of the sheer WEIGHT of all the deaths and misfortunes that had befallen the Titans....and how much he and he alone struggled with it in ways the others didn’t....because they didn’t have to. It hadn’t been their plans, their calls, their RESPONSIBILITY to find a way the others could have all made it out alive or at least less traumatized.
So.....of COURSE Dick said no when Wally first proposed restarting the Titans, before Wally defaulted to using his own membership as a lure to get Dick to agree.....because......nothing about the above paragraph had changed, via Wally’s ‘plan.’ It wasn’t because Dick just didn’t KNOW how to be a fully rounded person....it was because nobody was helping him find actual OPTIONS for doing that....that didn’t just double as MORE responsibilities! Because that’s exactly what ended up happening! Dick wound up the leader of the Titans again, just as responsible and just as invested as always.....just like he always knew he would....and also as he knew would happen...Wally ended up quitting not long into it and persuading Jessie Quick to step in as his replacement....aka just one more person for Dick to worry about when it wasn’t like he was going to be worrying any less about Wally, just now he wasn’t going to have Wally there to even POTENTIALLY be able to support him when tragedy inevitably struck because they’re freaking superheroes....and instead he’d just have another person looking to him for the answers but with no reason or chance of being the support Dick could ACTUALLY use at times like that!
Wally’s manipulations circumvented Dick’s opinion that no, actually he knew what was best for him and it wasn’t what Wally was suggesting....without actually accounting for the fact that hey, Dick might actually know that. And in the end, Wally got the result he was after, he got to feel that he’d HELPED his friend....which again, this isn’t WRONG to WANT to....but Dick didn’t...exactly....benefit from this. It wasn’t actually in his best interests ultimately.
I mean...see Donna’s death for details.
And in the aftermath of THAT....Roy essentially did exactly what Wally did....just in REVERSE! Roy got Dick to agree to lead the Outsiders, to shoulder responsibility once again....by promising that Dick WOULDN’T have to view them as family. And did Dick go too far and end up TOO uncaring about their welfare? Yup! No disagreements there! Problem is though....he only ended UP in that situation because yet again a friend thought they KNEW the solution to what Dick needed.....only for Dick to end up essentially punished and further self-blaming....just for doing exactly what Roy had told him TO do, with this particular team. Again - Roy hadn’t EXPECTED Dick to take it this far. But that’s the whole point! Roy had expectations about what Dick would ACTUALLY end up doing, that didn’t match up to the pitch Roy actually gave Dick to GET his agreement.....because Roy all along was of the assumption that by virtue of being Dick Grayson, he wouldn’t be ABLE to avoid connecting with these new teammates and viewing them as family, and thus he’d end up ‘snapping out of it’ with it being the funk he’d been in since Donna’s death.
Roy’s intentions might have been noble, once again.....but his methods stuck to the same pattern of people around Dick believing they knew what he needed or knew who he was or knew what it meant to BE Dick Grayson....better than Dick actually did...particularly when Dick said no, this isn’t what I need or this isn’t a good idea or just...I don’t want to do this.
And in the end....its Dick who ended up paying the price for it, as well as the people who got hurt because of his INTENTIONAL emotional distance.....because the ‘view all surrounding people as new surrogate family’ aspect of the Dick Grayson Experience hadn’t kicked in as Roy thought inevitably would....but the ‘view all this as directly my fault and suffer guilt for it forevermore’ aspect of the Dick Grayson Experience most certainly did! Not at all actually helped along by the fact that like....Roy also expressed frustration with Dick that like.....Dick hadn’t actually responded to Roy’s intended manipulation of his emotions the way Roy had expected him to when he EXPRESSLY TOLD DICK TO BEHAVE THE WAY THAT DICK ULTIMATELY BEHAVED. (Just, he didn’t tell Dick to dial that all the way up to Extra, but given that’s the only setting Dick does ANYTHING at, I feel its a possible outcome Roy should have at least considered. I mean, wasn’t the whole point that you know Dick Grayson better than he knows himself?)
But lo, I am salty.
LMAO, but I mean, you get it right? Obviously, I LIKE Wally and Roy. I LIKE Jason, etc. I’m not saying all of this to be like ugh how dare these characters do all this to Dick....I’m saying it because like.....they all keep falling into the same patterns of making a big fuss and acknowledgment of how much Dick prioritizes being able and free to make his own choices and decide what’s best for him and what HE wants.....
But without ever like....actively asking him AT THE RELEVANT TIME....what he thinks and feels about all this. What he thinks and feels he needs. What he ACTUALLY wants from them, or why he’s ACTUALLY saying no to something and maybe it being for reasons that aren’t just him inherently being stubborn and self-destructive.
And instead just defaulting to falling back on whatever he might have said or expressed in an entirely different context at an entirely different time.....and saying okay, by doing so, we are abiding by his wishes and thus doing what he wants and respecting his right to make his own choices.....
But ONLY when doing all of the above just so happens to align with these other characters then getting to do the thing or take the approach they’re already predisposed towards wanting to take because of their OWN self-interests at the same time.
With this never actually coming into play when respecting Dick’s wishes aligns with them taking actions they DON’T personally want to undertake, because it makes them uncomfy or they think its a bad call, even if it is something that should be his call to make.
Like....the pattern. It very much exists. And abounds. Like I could cite examples allllllllllll the way up to Ric Grayson, where Bruce respected RIC’S wishes to be left alone and not interfere in his life no matter what.....in ways Bruce almost never respects Dick’s actual expressed wish for Bruce to butt out of matters when Bruce is actually quite keen on meddling and would very much like to....
But notice how the other thing about the Ric Grayson storyline is that Ric’s expressed desire to stay the fuck out of vigilantism and superhero work, like.....just so happens to align with Bruce’s longstanding desire for Dick to like...get out of the vigilantism and superhero work? With butting out of Ric’s life and respecting his privacy in ways Dick has to FIGHT him for, like......absolutely the optimal action to take in order to allow this expressed desire of Ric’s to flourish in the ways Bruce always wished would kick in for Dick?
.....just saying. 
The pattern. It abounds.
And the key to breaking any pattern, of course, is to first recognize....and acknowledge....that it exists.
Otherwise you tend to fall into the trap of repeating and perpetuating it over and over without even realizing it, simply because its what’s familiar.
This has been A Post by Me. Thank you and have a nice day. Or don’t. Idk. I’m not the boss of you. Whatever.
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get-shiggy-with-it · 3 years
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*°:⋆ₓₒCollab Masterlistₓₒ⋆:°*
Pairing: All Might x Gn!Dom!Reader (Theme for this month was sex work au!)
Word Count: 6.2k
Warnings: 18+ this is a dark fic, both dubcon/noncon, straight up, forced submission, bit of mind break, dom/sub dynamics, sub!All Might, dominant All Might later in, dark All Might, violence against reader, bodily harm, face fucking, spanking (for Toshi), thigh riding (for Toshi), blackmail, minor mentions of blood, bondage/rope play, reader is gender neutral, no pronouns used
Summary: You work as a popular dominant for pro heroes who need to give up control once in awhile and Yagi Toshinori is one of your best clients. But when word gets out to the media about your involvement with pros, you decide to take matters into your own hands. Though you quickly discover All Might does not take kindly to anyone who threatens his reputation. 
It was all about the exchanging of power. 
About the relinquishing of control—about letting go and the freedom that came with it.  
And you?
You were just there to facilitate, to take over, to release all those bottled up years of stress that the camera’s weren’t supposed to see. 
But you did. 
You saw all of it. 
It was about trust too. Trust in you to give them what they need and trust in them to do exactly as you instructed. And most of all, trust that everything stayed confidential. That the things said through tears and whimpers and sighs were kept quiet. Trust that they would show you the same respect and privacy you showed them. 
You took these rules very seriously. They were the foundation your business was built on and it had earned you quite a lot of credibility. You prided yourself on it, as you should. Professionalism was key in your line of work. It made the clients feel a bit more comfortable—counteracted the sense of taboo that was usually associated with people like you. 
People in “your line of work,” was the common way of referencing it. But you preferred to be clear and upfront, not skirt around the edges as though your job was something shameful.
Language was important too. 
“Client,” “session,” etc...all added a buffering degree of separation for those you serviced. It was a crucial part of the balance which has allowed you to be so successful. They needed to be able to remove themselves from who they became once you were alone together. You’d learned that some amount of plausible deniability was key to achieving the complete relinquishing of authority. They had to be able to convince themselves after they’d walked away, that the crying, begging mess they’d become wasn’t who they really were—wasn’t actually a part of them, just something you’d done.
And by them, of course, you meant the heroes you served so dutifully. 
And by serve, you meant completely and utterly dominate. 
Contradictory to most common misconceptions, your job wasn’t always about sex—though it could be and was at time—but truly, it was about release. 
And above all, it was about power and who got to hold it. 
When that structure was broken—when the rules were strayed from—that’s when things got murky. But you were good at what you did, so luckily, that hadn’t been much of an issue. 
What more could one expect from someone whose services are sought out by the Symbol of Peace himself?
Hm. 
You really ought to get that put on your business cards. 
***
It was late when he came to you, though that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Occasional hero work coupled with a teaching schedule and numerous media appearances left one very little free time. Fortunately, you conducted most of your business during the small hours of the morning, so Yagi Toshinori showing up at your door as the clock ticked its way past two wasn’t a shock. 
You fell into the usual rhythm of things easily. 
Toshi was one of your newest, but most favorite clients. You came highly recommended from many of his coworkers, and after an initial meeting over drinks to discuss his needs, you struck up a routine that worked for the both of you. 
Of course he paid you handsomely for your time. 
Constantly being in the public eye, acting as an unwavering representation of hope for the future was tiring. You were more than happy to take the weight off his very broad shoulders for once. 
And bend him over your knee instead. 
“Five,” he panted, whimpers of thanks and your name spilling out around his loose tongue as your hand connected sharply with the meat of his ass again. 
You always asked to be called by name, no frilly titles to get in the way and complicate the dynamic. When they walked into your space, they set aside their hero personas and you afforded them the same intimacy. 
Names meant something. Names were power and so they mattered, particularly in this game you played together. Equality had to be achieved before domination. 
“Good boy Toshi, you’re doing so well,” you cooed and brought your palm down twice, watching the skin on the backs of his thighs bloom pink like sakura in the spring. 
“S-six, seven,” there was a wet spot forming under his mouth on the sheets and on your lap where his cock was bare and leaking. “Ah, please—harder!” 
You raised your brow as he turned his head to look at you with those teary, dark eyes and you could never resist a look like that. 
“You want it harder, why’s that?” you wound back and smacked roughly over the raised welts that made him hiss and sob. “Is this what you deserve for being so weak?”
He may have been thin now, skeletal compared to the face he showed the public, but you didn’t mind. He trusted you enough to let his guard down, and his weight was still thick and full across your legs. It was invigorating to see a man like All Might, reduced to this. Whatever pent up guilt he carried inside, you were here to help let it all out in the best way you knew how. 
“Yes!” Toshi cried and buried his face into the plush fabric of your comforter as you delivered the last three harsh blows of the punishment he paid you for. “Fuck yes, I’m weak and I’m a failure and I deserve this—!”
“That’s right, you’re a piss poor excuse for a hero and you haven’t earned your title,” you wrapped two thick locks of his hair around your hand and yanked hard till he craned his neck to face you. “What would the world say if they could see what a sobbing mess you are when no one’s looking?”
He opened his mouth to speak, hips twitching and grinding uselessly against your thigh. The second that plush pink tongue dipped past his lips, you were rearing back to spit straight between his teeth. 
Toshi’s face was always priceless in these moments. You’d almost be willing to do it for free if you only got to see the way his brows shot up and those red rimmed eyes blew so wide as you steeled yourself and looked him dead on. 
“Now, swallow like the little bitch I know you are.” 
And he did, of course he does, because behind your bedroom door Yagi Toshinori was your good boy. So you got to watch his throat bob as your spit slid down and he moaned so pretty at the awful things you said to him. 
Your palm kneaded against the red, raw flesh of his ass and you watched how he squirmed at the sting. The room was filled with the scent of sweat and expensive cologne. Your head was spinning from the smell alone and the high of the control you wielded over this man. His hands fisted hard in your bed sheets and you let him helplessly rut against you a few times before running your free hand up the graceful curve of his spine. 
“Oh, you really are so disgusting Toshi,” you mused as your nails dig into the planes of muscles to drag angry red lines over the skin. “Did you really get that hard from me slapping this tight little ass of yours?”
He groaned pathetically and nodded, not bothering to hide how his dick had been oozing obscene amounts of precum every time you etched a new welt on his skin. The blush that crept up his chest and painted his cheeks had spread between his legs too. The unfairly massive cock that Toshi sported was flushed a dark angry red at the tip and you couldn’t help but have mercy on him. 
Well, only a little bit. 
You weren’t here to be nice tonight, even if a part of you might have liked to be. 
“Do you want to cum, Toshi?” you asked, lacing your voice with the false sweetness you knew he loved. “Have you been aching for it all night?”
He keened, crying your name and rutting his hips harder against you. It sent a rush of warmth between your legs despite your better efforts to remain unaffected. This wasn’t about you, this was about ownership and his pleasure. 
“Mhmm,” his voice was little more than a rasp, “wanna cum so bad, please!”   
You laughed, but it was a cruel thing and you knew he could feel the rumble of it in his scarred chest. 
“You did so perfectly taking your punishment,” you raked your nails over the raised handprints again just to hear him cry out. “I suppose I’ll let you cum, but you’ll have to work for it.” 
Toshi’s breathing was ragged as you helped him up to straddle one of your legs. His swollen cock rested on the plushest part of your thigh, the tip nudging your hip and drawing choked gasps from the man towering above you. 
He stared down at you, confused when you didn’t move to stroke him. 
“Go on, then,” you smiled up at him, resting your weight on your palms so you could lean back and watch the show. “I said you’d have to work for it, didn’t I?”
You punctuated your question with a bounce of your knee that rocked his length against the fabric of your pants. It didn’t take long for him to catch on, eyes squeezing shut against the waves of shame and embarrassment that just made it so much hotter as he slowly began to ride your thigh. 
He might be paying you to be ruthless, but Toshi was kind to a fault from what you’ve learned of him and he ke[t most of his massive weight held on the balls of his feet so you weren’t crushed below him. Under any other circumstances, you might have actually enjoyed that quite a bit, but his face—cherry red with spit-slicked lips held parted with the force of his pants—was enough for now. 
His cock was so heavy you almost couldn’t believe it was real. You nearly didn’t the first time he’d stripped for you, but even just the drag of it through your clothes was delectable. It was so long and thick you needed both hands to wrap fully around it, and he gushed like a fucking gieser when you got him under your metaphorical boot. 
With every rock of his bony hips, his length was forced up against the curve of your stomach and he whined at the glistening strands of slick that connected his tip to you.   
“Come on, Toshi,” you clicked your tongue disappointedly at him, letting a hand fall to the puckered skin at his waist, squeezing harshly. “I know you can do better than that.”
He was beyond words now, you could tell by the way his jaw was loose and his teeth clacked with every thrust, but he did gasp out a long, high pitched moan that made up for it. The speed of his humping increased, becoming erratic as he hunched on the bed, hands beside yours. He loomed over you but anyone could tell just by the composed, serene smile playing at your lips—and the absolutely wrecked noises spilling from Toshi—just which one of you was really in control. 
“You’re so close, aren’t you?” 
You knew he liked it when you spewed filth to him right before he boiled over and you were more than willing to oblige. 
“You’re gonna cum like a fucking teenager humping his pillow, isn’t that right?” you snarled the words up at him and he really did cry then, big fat tears dripping down onto your shirt. “All Might, the number one hero is gonna cum all over my lap like the slut he is.”
He nods frantically. You know his balls were tensing up as he sobbed and spluttered—completely ruined. Just the way he needed to be. 
“Then cum.” 
You finally wrapped your fist just around his aching tip and he exploded into your palm. Rope after rope of sticky, white release coated your arm and dripped onto the bed. He kept grinding his hips, working himself through the climax, cock still pulsing and leaking in your grip. You didn’t mind the mess. 
He always tipped a bit extra if he left stains anyway. 
Such a gentleman.
When the last wave of his orgasm had petered out, Toshi collapsed to the side with his face buried in your pillow and his long legs still strewn across your lap. He didn’t usually ask for much in the realm of aftercare, preferring that you cleaned him and let him rest for a bit before he suited up and rushed off into the night. 
You gave him a minute before you got up to wet a warm cloth in the sink. He looked so destroyed, you couldn’t help but admire your handiwork. As you palm his ass once more, fingers spreading him so his pink hole was on display, you slipped your phone silently from your pocket, and snapped a few shots of the nasty red hand marks and smears of cum as he groaned deeply at the touch. 
His voice was lower as he grunted and you could tell he’s coming out of the subspace you’d thrust him into hours before. Quickly you slid the device smoothly away before lifting his legs from you and settling them gently on the bed to work on tidying up your mess. 
You didn’t feel particularly good about keeping this kind of collateral, but as much power as you hold in the four walls of your bedroom, you were frustratingly weak once you left them. These men you worked with, while generally professional, were also top heroes. Top heroes who really didn’t want their embarrassing private lives getting out. Top heroes who thrived off reputation and who would willingly throw you under the bus in a second to protect that. 
You liked Yagi Toshinori. 
But you didn’t know him. 
Smacking someone’s ass or stroking their cock every few weeks didn’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. 
So you kept your personal insurance that would be there should one of your clientele decide to forsake you in favor of their public image. And you would never use it unless you absolutely had too. 
After all, this was about trust and power and the exchange of those two things. Or at least it was supposed to be. Trust was quite a subjective thing. 
The general citizenry trusted All Might to protect them against the growing evil in Japan’s underground. But behind the scenes, you knew his failing health had caused him to seek you out as the intense guilt of his lie came crashing down on him.
Toshi trusted you to relieve his pain and indulge in his degrading fantasies, and you hadn’t failed him yet. 
But your trust was not easily bought, and none of your customers ever paid much mind to whether your perceived belief in them was genuine. 
After so many glimpses into the messes of pro-heroes personal lives, you knew you’d have to be your own protector. Hence, the photos remained in a locked folder hidden away as you sat yourself down next to the dozing hero and wiped away as much evidence of your meeting as you could. 
“How are you feeling?” you asked quietly, lathing the warm cloth between his legs and softening length. 
“Good, all things considered,” he responded, voice returned to it’s normal, deep baritone. 
“I sincerely hope you won’t have to do much sitting tomorrow,” you quipped and it earned you a chuckle. 
“I’ll manage.” 
You rolled him gently and finished clearing the rest of his spend from the flat expanse of his stomach. Toshi mumbled his thanks and you gave his thigh a friendly squeeze before retreating from the room to shower and change yourself. 
He’d be gone by the time you got out, notification of payment on your phone and a sizable tip left on your dresser as a parting gift. 
And as long as Yagi Toshinori was just as good a boy on the outside as he was here, then the world would never need to know what their Symbol of Peace got up behind your closed doors. 
***
“All Might! Mister All Might, sir!” 
The grating voice of that shithead reporter echoed through the speakers of your headphones over and over again. Your hand shook as the train stuttered to a halt and a wave of passengers burst out onto the platform. 
“All Might, are the rumors true!?” 
Your stomach sank as the reporter shouted your name above the ruckus of microphones and camera flashes and roaring bodies. Their voice was like chalk on your tongue, dry and cracked and clamoring to know whether the Symbol of Peace was involved with the recently revealed ‘seedy’ and ‘scandalous’ sex ring between yourself and multiple top ranking heroes. 
You’d been out having a relaxing lunch with friends in the city when everyone’s phones blew up. It wasn’t that you hid the general details of your job, but by the looks on their faces were enough to make your face burn. The judgement was clear—what you did was abhorrent, disgusting and by extension, so were you. Reporters had caught you on camera with a certain second ranking pro and very quickly deduced exactly who you were and what services you offered. 
The tabloids took it and ran, dragging your reputation behind them. 
Call after call and text, dms on your social media pages, all from news outlets requesting interviews or quotes or hero fans calling you a ‘shameless whore’ for going after pros—hell death threats had even begun to fill your inboxes. 
Hero fans really were ride or die, you supposed, although the ‘die’ in that scenario seemed to refer more to you than themselves. They would never believe their precious big boy crush had ever associated with the likes of you, had ever willingly kneeled for you—had ever enjoyed it. 
They couldn’t understand the things you did, all they saw was some false emasculation.   
And if it came out that Toshinori had any contact with you, his career would be ruined. 
You had hoped from the little you’d learned about him in your sessions, that he’d simply deny knowing you existed at all. That he’d have mercy on you, treat you like the thousand helpless civilians he pulled from burning buildings or whatever the hell heroes did these days. 
But you’d been right before to say that you didn’t know Toshi. 
And now you certainly didn’t like him either. 
“Are you one of the pros involved?” the reporter hounded again as All Might’s massive form panned into frame. 
“As your Symbol of Peace, I certainly do not partake in such degenerate behavior,” his words rang out, deep and resonating. “I would never associate with someone who’s actions border on criminal.” 
The dark, soulless pits he called eyes stared mockingly from your tiny screen as his signature laugh reverberated through your ears along with the train’s clacking breaks. You ripped the headphones from your ears and closed out of the app, ducking your head and pushing towards the door. Everyone’s eyes were drilling into you, worming deep under your skin and making you squirm like so many of those heroes had done on your silk sheets. 
Rationally, you were aware not many people would have seen the story yet. Tabloid trash took a day or two to disseminate into the general social media outlets and for people to take notice. Your friends only knew because your name stuck out to them, but you were hardly recognizable in your typical citizen attire. Even still. 
Your life, your work, all of it was on display. 
And he’d called you a degenerate. 
The infallible All Might had taken your name and tossed it in the guttered, likened you to a villain and single handedly destroyed everything you’d built in the process. 
Years of effort and crawling your way up the ranks of society all for nothing.  
All so some washed up hero could keep his fantasy of success going for just a little longer. Toshi trusted you with his secrets, his weakness, his body, and you’d defended that at every turn. The only thing he had to do was pay a small fee for your time and discretion. 
But no amount of money could fix your toppled character. Nothing could reverse your place as a disgusting slut in the eyes of literal millions of people. 
Bold of Yagi Toshinori to underestimate you so thoroughly, to think that you’d sit back in the rubble as he rescued cats and little kids and lived his delusion of perfection.
This was about trust and power. 
When those lines were crossed, that’s when things got messy. 
And you’d make sure to leave so big a mess, Toshi would never dream of coming back from it. 
***
Your apartment building was thankfully free of any press when you arrived home. It had been a few days since All Might instigated your public slander, but the mass media hadn’t managed to track you down after you went into a short period of hiding. 
You needed time to let all your other clients involved in the scandal play their cards. 
There would be no use in condemning one just to have them warn the rest of their equally impending doom. That way you could be assured they’d all come crashing down with you. Especially the blonde poster boy of hero society himself. 
His would be the sweetest fall. 
It had been long enough now that you could start compiling. You locked the door behind you, shrugging off your coat and settling on the couch. The plush cushions sank as you fell back, pulling out your phone and scrolling through your contacts. Toshi was there, two red and blue hearts on either side of his name. You pulled up his text thread. 
You’d thought about going public of course. 
Of course you had.
Your entire career had been trashed, you’d been shamed by the number one hero himself and your personal life was blasted over social media. 
But you were human, so you were weak. 
And you had liked Toshi. 
Well, you hated him now—a deeply dark, burning resentment—but before that, he’d been so sweet to you in a way that most were not. Respectful and nice and you were unused to it. So, you couldn’t quite bring yourself to eradicate his credibility in the same outright manner. 
No, you had decided you’d give him a chance.
Because you were better than him. 
A chance to atone, come clean, apologize the way you’re sure he would if his public image wasn’t so goddamn important to him. So you didn’t reach out to any of the media outlets that had been hounding your socials for the past week, and didn't offer them the inside scoop quite yet. Instead, you stared at the handsome contact photo of your hero client and slowly typed him up a message he couldn’t ignore. 
It was short and sweet, polite but firm. You acknowledged he most certainly did not want to speak with you—in fact, you weren’t very inclined to speak with him ever again either—but you happened to be in possession of some fairly compromising photographic evidence of your time together. And if that evidence were ever to, say, end up in the pocket of the exact scandal rag that sent voice clips of All Might all but denouncing you as a whore to the nation, well. Things would certainly not end well for him. 
But, you were nothing if not professional. 
He knew that. 
You never wanted to use these, but he had forced your hand. Of course you were more than willing to work out a deal with him. 
He was your favorite client after all. 
In any case, he knew how to reach you, and he had a generous 48 hours to give you an answer to your proposition. 
Oh and you were kind enough to provide a little snapshot of just exactly the type of evidence you meant. 
Your thumb hovered over the little blue arrow to send. The phone clacked against your nails as it shook in your grip, slick from sweat and frayed nerves. You couldn’t quite tell if you were anxious or angry or some awful combination of the two, but your heart was in your throat as you shut your eyes and pressed send. 
There was no going back, and if this all came tumbling to the ground, you promised yourself that you would shatter gracefully. 
Letting the screen go dim, you stared in silence at the small check mark confirming the message had been delivered and your fate sealed. You pulled yourself to your feet and made your way to the bedroom. 
He’d get back to you soon, or maybe he wouldn’t. You couldn’t know for sure whether or not Toshi would simply ignore your texts and be blindsided when the deadline passed and you destroyed him all over again in a far less enjoyable manner than you used to. But whatever the case, it was out of your hands for now. 
With aching feet and tired eyes, you stripped slowly and stumbled towards the bathroom. Turning the water to just below scalding, you did your best to scrub away any pesky remaining guilt that clung to you in a thin, suffocating film. 
You told yourself that there was no other choice. That you would have found another way if there was one. That this was how business often went. You had seen it before when you first entered in the field of sex work and you’d see it again. So you scrubbed yourself raw and let all your doubts trickle down the drain. 
Tonight, you would sleep restlessly, but it was a fair enough burden to carry for your honor. 
You were foolish to believe the cost of revenge wouldn’t bear a heftier price. 
***
You woke slowly, trapped momentarily in the strange limbo between sleep and consciousness that fooled you into thinking the strange tightness at your wrists was nothing more than a leftover side effect of a dream. 
The reality was so much worse.
It wasn’t until you felt the blunt, radiating sting of knuckles backhanded against your cheek that the haze of sleep fell away, and you could truly appreciate the scene before you. 
Which was to say, you could take the opportunity to scream before Yagi Toshinori’s fingers were shoved down your throat to muffle the noise. He was large, shirt seams full to bursting, and sporting an expression you’d never seen before. His eyes, while always dark, were like holes now and they filled you with an unfamiliar sense of dread. 
He’d called you a villain before, and now he was looking at you like one too. 
“Oh no,” Toshi hissed. His voice was impossibly deep, reverberating against your ribs painfully, “I don’t want to hear anything out of you.” 
One quick bout of struggling made it very apparent he didn’t want you moving either as your wrists had been bound behind your back and your ankles were similarly immobilized. The fingers in your mouth pressed hard on your tongue, his thumb pushing below your chin to make you choke and splutter. 
“You really let all that power get to your head, didn’t you?” Toshi’s voice was buzzing in your ears and mingling with the pain in your jaw. He put one massive knee on the mattress and hooked his fingers behind your teeth, forcing you to sit up from the bed.
You could feel your face burn as he looked down at you, drool slipping passed your lips and coating his fingers. The straining bulge in his pants looked even bigger than you remembered now that he was no longer the slip of a man you’d come to know as Yagi Toshinori. 
No this was All Might, the Symbol of Peace. 
And you got the feeling that whatever was about to happen, it was not going to be peaceful for you.  
He had you tied and trussed like a piece of meat, and he would treat you like one. You’d seen this before, you’d tied these knots—he’d been where you were now, but he’d asked for it. The loss of control was never something you’d delighted in on a good day, and now the rising pressure in your chest and the sensation of walls closing had panic coursing through you.  
“Did you really think that I’d come back here willing to grovel at your feet?” he jeered, the trademark smile on his face more snarl than grin. 
He shook your jaw violently in his grasp, listening to the joints pop as they tried to stretch around his thick fingers. Your name left his mouth in a mock coo, just as you had done to him so many nights before. “Remember, you might get to call me a bitch but it’s only because I let you.”
Your hands trembled violently against the bonds which tore the delicate skin and rubbed it raw. Toshi’s free hand traveled along his thigh to rub himself through his pants, his knuckles brushing your nose as he bucked into his palm. 
“But now you’ve stepped out of line,” he mused and clicked his tongue as though you were a student who’d done poorly on his latest exam. “And I’m going to make sure that whore mouth of yours never utters my fucking name again.” 
Eyes wide with horror, you watched as Toshi’s fingers fumbled with the button and zipper of his slacks until his cock had sprung free, monstrous in length and girth, dripping onto your forehead. 
You’d seen it before, but it seemed bigger now. So big that you’d never been able to take it, and Toshi had been staunchly against you ever trying lest he quite literally split you in two. But any kindness he’d shown you before was clearly off the table. His fingers pumped in and out of your throat as if preparing you somehow to take the stretch. It wouldn’t help. You knew that. He knew that. 
Toshinori smiled as he removed his fingers in favor of digging the spit slicked digits into the joints of your jaw, ensuring you wouldn’t bite down on him as he pressed the spongy tip to your lips. The panic that had set in—making your blood rush and your limbs shake—was constricting your chest and the pressure of Toshi’s dick pushing past your teeth made your breathing even more erratic. 
You whimpered loudly, trying to wrench your head away as the strong salt and musk flavor of his pre cum spread across your tongue, but that only made him thrust forward harder. His length quickly hit resistance back of your throat as you gagged and tears burned at the corners of your eyes. 
The ache in your jaw was already unbearable and your bottom lip was being rubbed raw by warm spit and the friction of Toshi roughly fighting to sink his dick fully into your mouth. 
“Mm, that’s it,” he groaned as you inadvertently licked over his tip, trying to force him away. “You look so much better like this.” 
He ran a falsely sweet hand across your cheek, collecting the stream of tears and using the moisture to slick the rest of his length. Your chest heaved in a mixture of gags and increasingly violent sobbing. You were stretched painfully wide as he rolled his hips again, pushing the thickest bit of his cock into your mouth and forcing your teeth to dig painfully into your upper lip. With the next thrust, he was able to sink another excruciating inch deep into your throat. Blood rushed from where you bit yourself and caused crimson streaks to form as Toshi fucked slowly into your mouth. 
Your mind was slipping. 
You’d had so little time to process the encounter, so instead your brain had secluded most of your consciousness into a precious little box, away from the intense burning in your throat as Toshi finally sank all of his innumerable inches completely into you. Your throat bulged and protested, tightening in an attempt to force him out. 
It only made him moan loudly and dig his fingers into your hair. 
“See?” he huffed, pulling out at an agonizing pace only to ram his length in roughly to the hilt. “I’d never lie to my public, you really are just as much of a slut as they say you are.” 
You shrieked around his cock, though it was muffled so badly by the lack of air and the wet slap of his constant thrusting that no one but you could hear the screaming in your own head. The pain was unbearable, this awful friction burning sensation that had your stomach churning and your chest wracked with stifled cries. Your bound legs kicked and your fingers grasped useless at the sheets as Toshi fucked your mouth reckless abandon. 
Time blurred along with your vision, whether from the lack of oxygen or the tears you weren’t sure. 
And most horrifyingly of all, was the pleasure that grew as your mind drowned the pain in darkness. You felt as though you were floating, disgusted but euphoric and the slide of him against your lips became delicious. Heat rose in you and built between your legs accompanied by a distant and unfamiliar ache to please, to be touched, to taste him, to obey.
You wondered if this was how he felt when you forced his mouth on you. If he slid into this strange space where your mind was a separate entity and the only thing that mattered was the pain and the pleasure and the release. 
Because somehow, in the midst of your struggle and revulsion, he’d made this strange, incorporeal part of you enjoy this. 
All the fight had drained out of you, letting your jaw hang slack and your tongue flick up to catch his tip on every backstroke. Your eyes flitted up to look at him through the haze of tears and sweat, hoping strangely that he’d be pleased with you. And the groan you earned yourself was delectable. 
You gave in, then. Let yourself be swept away by the rushing of blood in your ears and the rhythm of Toshi tearing you apart.  
At some point, you could distantly feel his thrusts becoming more erratic, turning into a rough grinding in your mouth. 
You couldn’t even taste it when he came, his cock was too obscenely deep in your neck, but the warmth of it burned your bleeding throat and filled your belly with a hot finality. 
You weren’t even afforded the dignity of spitting his seed onto the floor where it belonged, ignoring the searing voice in your head that revealed in being rewarded with his essence. 
When Toshi finally pulled out and tucked himself away, your head fell limply to your chest. A series of violent coughs erupted from you as a thick, viscous mixture of blood and spit and cum dripped from your tongue. 
Those impossibly large hands gripped your chin once again, forcing you to look up into those piercing black eyes. 
“Now, you’re never going to speak about me again,” he wasn’t asking but you glared up at him as his hand fumbled in his pocket, pulling out his phone. 
The device was comically small in those hands of his as he aimed it at your ruined face and snapped a picture—the flash blinding you while he reached around and roughly undid the knotted rope keeping you in place. 
“Because if you do, I’ll make sure those reporters know everything I said about you was nothing but the truth.” 
The loudest part of you wanted to scream, to punch and bite and tell him it wasn’t. That you were a professional, with self-respect and dignity and you were good and your job, but— 
But when you opened your sore and aching jaw to shout, nothing came out. 
No sound, no yell, no words. 
Just this awful rasp that made your throat feel like pins were sticking into the abused flesh. 
“Well, looks like I might not need this after all,” Toshi dangled the phone in front of your face before pocketing it once again. “Looks like you won’t be saying much of anything for a good long while.”
And then Yagi Toshinori left. 
He turned on his heel and walked out as you toppled off the bed behind him, trying so hard to scream despite the pain and the ripping in your chest—whether they were curses or cries for him to stay, you weren’t sure.  
But there was nothing either way. 
So you sat and screamed in silent agony at his retreating form until the sound of a door slamming rang out through your home. 
It seemed that in all your years of playing this game, you’d finally been toppled off your tightrope. 
Because you were good at your job, so you knew. It was all about the exchange of power, and yours had just been thoroughly stripped away. 
312 notes · View notes
ficforce · 3 years
Text
Burns Relationship Alphabet
Two types of F!Reader
A- Activity (What is their favourite activity to do with Y/N.) Quiet Reader: Y/N and the Captain like using their days off to go on trips, it may seem boring but they like to check out the churches on the edges of the Empire, they’re small and charming. Most of them are located outside of towns and often surrounded by green grass. They’re not as grand as company 1’s Cathedral but they’re humble and peaceful. They go for the journey more than anything and to be away from people they know - it makes it easier to be themselves. Loud Reader: Burns is rather generous and he likes to buy things for Y/N, she always tells him she can get it herself but he ignores her and does what he wants. Y/N likes clothing and has far too many outfits, a way around their disagreement on parents is for Leonard to take her out shopping for an outfit he’d like to see her in. It’s Win/Win. B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship) Quiet Reader: The Captain was adamant he would never have a relationship, he had too many secrets and did far too much of the Church’s dirty work for it to ever be safe to have a partner. So when he met Y/N after a horrific fire that took her home and her roommate, he didn’t think offering her shelter in Company 1 was going to be an issue… But as she came to him for guidance or someone to talk to about losing her faith, he couldn’t help but lower his defences around her. When Y/N made the first move to kiss him, he rejected her as gently as he could. He couldn’t risk putting her in danger or having her be used as bait. She didn’t give up though and Y/N eventually wriggled her way into his arms and heart. She doesn’t mind that their relationship is secret. Loud Reader: Y/N is aware of Leonard’s involvement in the darker side of the church, she’s in the same line of work. She lost her faith a long time ago but defends that people need something to believe in to keep them hopeful, she’s a bit of a hypocrite in church standards. At first, she didn’t like the man at all, she thought he was a pious idiot who happened to be very attractive - a waste of a man. It wasn’t until she saw him completely disregard certain rules in the interest of doing the right thing, he didn’t judge and he didn’t condescend; if he did it was in order to fire someone up to make them stronger. After tha,t she began to talk to him more and at some point, she shoved him into a wall and, despite his meagre protests, had her way with him. They’re rather casual about their relationship but it’s not shared publicly.
C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)
Quiet Reader: Leonard is an excellent listener, it’s part of his job description as a priest but he’s always been quiet and prefers to hear people out. Y/N knows she can talk to him about anything, his life experience and his kindness make it easy - he never judges her. He’s honest enough to tell her when he thinks she’s wrong and isn’t selfish with the advice he gives her. Y/N is a little sad that he doesn’t talk so openly with her. She knows he’s hiding things and she knows it’s to keep her safe but also because he swore to God that he would keep certain secrets. It can make it hard for him to speak to her when he needs to and even though she gets it, it can get frustrating. Sometimes Captain Burns will simply want to hold her for a while and it helps as much as a conversation can. Loud Reader: They don’t talk about their feelings or problems very often, they both have things they can’t talk about and it’s simply not that kind of relationship. They’re experts at avoiding certain conversations, they understand why the other can’t speak and that causes some tension at times. Leonard and Y/N’s relationship is mostly physical, they’re seeking comfort, not a confidante. D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk) Quiet Reader: She’s not big on drinking, Y/N can handle a half bottle of wine before she’s unsteady on her feet and feels like she’s floating. When she’s drunk she gets a little emotional, whether it’s joy or sadness she usually ends up with someone handing her a tissue. Loud Reader: Y/N likes expensive liqueurs, she had a high metabolism so its hard for her to stay at a contact level of drunk before burning off the effects. She becomes playful at that point and likes to prank people. Once that involved replacing Karim’s pillows with blocks of ice… he wasn’t impressed. Leonard doesn’t drink often and he’s yet to get drunk, he finds that alcohol burns out of his system very quickly because of his ability… It at least allows him to keep an eye on Y/N and her drunken tricks. E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? Y/N gets hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..) Quiet Reader: Y/N is terrified of fire, since the incident with her roommate she can’t keep her head when flames are involved. She freezes and is more likely to get herself trapped then out of harms way. If someone is injured or it’s a general emergency, Y/N is very good at helping people and getting them to safety - she’s usually the one calling the emergency services whilst people panic. Burns really worries when he knows there’s a fire incident in her area, he always hopes that the Infernal won’t get that close but he also knows that just the thought of it will scare Y/N. He makes a point to call her before he leaves on a mission to tell her he’s dealing with it. It’s not much but he hopes it puts her at ease. Loud Reader: Some might think she’s heartless but Y/N shows little compassion when someone is hurt and once she knows they won’t make it she tends to leave them behind. It’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that she can’t let herself get too emotionally involved. If she lets herself get too close then she’ll struggle to keep control of the situation and others could get hurt. She might seem like a bitch but at least everyone is alive. Leonard knows she can be strict during missions and he knows that she expects him to order her around like anyone else until they’re alone. He knows that outwardly she seems fine but on the inside, she’s having massive anxieties. F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with) Quiet Reader: Y/N and the Captain were married in a private ceremony in a church far out of the way, six months later she found out she was pregnant and Leonard bought her a house in the safest part of Tokyo he could find. They have a son. Very few people know about his family and it’s always a good day when he can come home to see them both. Loud Reader:
Y/N runs a convent on the edge of Tokyo, she’s very protective of her girls and every one of them is a second or third generation. It means she’s often busy with helping them learn but she won’t let Haijima take them to their labs to ‘monitor’. There have been times she’s gotten in trouble for physically stopping them but Company 1 are conveniently always on hand to help get her out of a tight spot. G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?) Quiet Reader: She gave him a son. It took her nine months of preparation and it was hard work delivering such a precious gift. Y/N can’t often get him gifts because of the secrecy of their relationship and because she’s a full time mother and housekeeper. Burns pays for everything and he makes sure there is money in her account to treat herself and their child. She’ll always make his favourites when he comes home and makes sure he has everything he needs. Loud Reader: She buys him expensive shirts. He gets through them rather fast. Whether it’s the enemy or himself, they always get burnt or torn. Y/N knows his measurements and has them tailor made, another gift she’s fond of giving him is hair ties. Everything has to be fireproofed. Burns is also a giver of clothing, he knows how much she loves clothes and accessories. Her favourite gift from him was an anklet with a little lions head charm. H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle) Quiet Reader: When he comes home, Leonard is very affectionate with Y/N and she still gets giddy every time he holds her. Whether it’s sitting on the sofa with he arm around her whilst she leans into him or simply standing at the entrance way when he’s first gotten in - she gets excited and can’t think. Loud Reader: She’s not afraid to hand off his arm, even in public, and he doesn’t do much about it. He tends to look exasperated with her and people think he’s trying not to be difficult with Y/N but in truth, he likes the feeling of her hand on his bicep. In private he’s more inclined to let her nuzzle into him and mumble about him being too warm. I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?) Quiet Reader: She’s pretty verbal when it comes to being irritated. Y/N will usually tell someone when they’re being unreasonable and doesn’t back down easily. If it’s something she can’t face head on then she’ll get irritated and go into aggressive cleaning mode. It’s best to leave her alone until she’s calmed down. Loud Reader: On the outside, she’ll look pretty calm even if she’s thinking about different ways to murder her problem. People can usually tell when she’s annoyed because her third gen ability will begin to show and the air around her gets pretty heavy. Again, it’s best to leave her alone. J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?) Quiet Reader: It would be nice to pay for everything for once and take the pressure off of Burns, Y/N knows their son would love to spend more time with his father so she would hope that there would be a way to go somewhere far away to spend time as a family. That kind of money buys silence and time. The likelihood would be that Leonard would suggest saving it - in case he becomes unable to support them one day… Loud Reader: She’s going to give half of it to her convent and the rest she will use to buy herself out of the dirty dealings of the church. Y/N thinks she’s already worked her debt owed but money talks. K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?) Quiet Reader: Fire. Y/N is petrified of it. She can’t breathe or even think coherently near it. Y/N knows that Burns would never hurt her, he has complete control of his ability but even then she struggles to see him when he creates flames. Even candles make her uneasy. Burns is worried she’ll get herself in trouble because of this, she’s unpowered and he knows how fast a person can go up in smoke. Loud Reader: She made the mistake of showing her weakness and now she lives in fear of it being used against her. The
convent she runs is full of girls as young as two and as old as fifteen, they’re vulnerable and Y/N is the only thing keeping them from being used by the church or Haijima. Captain Burns knows she’ll do something stupid in order to protect the convent and he knows it will be hard to choose sides when it happens. L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?) Quiet Reader: She’s not one to carelessly laugh at just anything, Y/N is sweet but still serious at times and Leonard takes great joy in making her laugh. It can be something as simple as bringing her flowers or rubbing his beard against her skin to make her giggle. Loud Reader: Y/N’s the kind of woman who laughs when people fall over. She likes a good joke and she plays harmless tricks on people. Burns thinks it’s a little childish but somehow finds himself smiling at her antics. M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?) Quiet Reader: Y/N has always been an early riser and is pretty cheery, she enjoys making proper coffee and is especially happy when she can cook for several people. The only time she sleeps in a little is when Leonard pulls her close and tells her to stay a little. Loud Reader: She has to get up early most days and go to prayer, she’s so glad she doesn’t have to lead it and can be as dazed as she likes until breakfast. Burns has had to manhandle her out of bed on occasion so they can start the day. N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?) Quiet Reader: Because she rarely gets to see Burns and when they’re in a public setting they have to pretend to be friends, Y/N is very needy when they’re together. She feels like she needs to make up for lost time. She lavishes him with attention and he does the same. Loud Reader: The only times he’s ever seen her be needy were when she lost a loved one and when she let herself get too involved in a mission. She broke down each time. The loss of the child at the convent had seen her lock herself away for days until Burns had come to knock the door down. The second he had been within reach she had held onto him like her life depended on it. The second time was when she failed a mission and got her comrades killed, Leonard had rescued her and she had once more clung to him, asking him not to leave her alone. O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?) Quiet Reader: Captain Burns wishes he could go home to wife and child one day and never have to leave. If he had nothing holding him back then that’s all he would need to be happy for the rest of his life. For now, they enjoy their trips to the countryside. Loud Reader: Y/N loves spending time with her girls at the convent. They’re such a handful and there’s always something to laugh about or celebrate. They get very excited when Captain Burns or Karim or Foien come to visit. Leonard enjoys the visits too and he often hides candy in his coat pockets - if the nuns can get to it before it melts they can have it. (He always brings treats that don’t get melted too) P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when Y/N are in pain?) Quiet Reader: She’s a trooper, she barely ever complains about pain and will ignore it until she can’t anymore. She figures that it will just go away but then it gets too much and she wishes she had just taken some painkillers an hour earlier. Burns gets irritated when she gets herself in such a state but will look after her until it passes. Loud Reader: Y/N gets hurt on missions, she’s been hit, stabbed and shot at least once in her life. She’s the type of person who needs to have a scream and a little cry before soldiering on. Burns has patched her up before and she’s done the same for him. Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship) Quiet Reader: “I hope you find someone you can’t live without. I really do. And I hope you never have to know what it’s like to have to try and live without them.” - Kiera Cass Loud Reader: “I love the
grey area between right and wrong.” - Dan Brown R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing Y/N after a long time of being apart) Quiet Reader: Burns is always flattered when Y/N practically slides across the floor in her eagerness to greet him, he takes her into his arms and presses kisses to her face until she forces him to kiss her mouth. They don’t hide the fact that they want each other and if their child isn’t in, they head straight to the bedroom. Y/N has usually prepared his favourite meal for him. Loud Reader: In their younger days they would see each other quite often but when she took control of the convent and Burn’s became Captain it changed. They were both busier, their jobs more legitimate but needing their full attention. When they meet they waste no time in catching up, they don’t always have sex but neither would refuse the other. Sometimes it’s nice to chat about dumb stuff from the past and present. S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?) Quiet Reader: She doesn’t tend to get stressed. If she does it’s usually because she’s planned too much for one day and something’s gone drastically wrong. Burns doesn’t usually show when he’s stressed but Y/N senses it when he comes home, he’s tired and she is always intent on helping him forget work for a little while. Loud Reader: When she’s not on a mission she can get quite stressed - it’s difficult getting thirty to forty nuns to behave themselves and not burn the convent down… Thank Sol for alcohol. T- Terror (What are they afraid of?) Quiet Reader: Flames. Her best friend and roommate Spontaneously Combusted and set fire to their home. Y/N was trapped and was just barely rescued by Company 1. She lost everything. Loud Reader: Y/N used to be an Evangelist White Clad, she betrayed them for the Holy Church of Sol and joined their underground operations to pay for her ‘sins’. Later she got out of full time duty and was able to open her convent. There’s always a fear that the Evangelists will seek revenge or that the church will threaten her girls in order to get her back to work. U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?) Quiet Reader: Y/N is an excellent cook and her neighbours often ask her to bake cakes for parties. Loud Reader: She can do a backflip… it’s not really unique but she’s pretty proud of it. V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?) Quiet Reader: Her ability to fight is nil. Y/N has never been in a fight and nor would she ever want to be in one. She’s not a violent person and she doesn’t like witnessing fights either, she doesn’t see why people can’t just talk things out. Loud Reader: She’s an excellent fighter, her speciality is knives and her ability gives her an edge (no pun intended). Y/N’s a bit of a hot head so argues with people mostly. Her fighting ability was honed in order to serve God - Don’t make her have to use it for stupidity. W- Wow (What does Y/N do that really surprises them? What do they do that Y/N really likes?) Quiet Reader: Leonard is always impressed with how dedicated she is when she sets her mind to something. Almost nothing can stop her. Y/N isn’t afraid to admit that Leonard Burns’ entire being leaves her in awe. Loud Reader: Y/N has never seen Leonard be moved once he’s planted himself, no enemy has ever knocked him down and she’s even tried to move him herself. He’s a mountain that cannot be budged. X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates) Quiet Reader: She likes to bite him. He loves when she climbs over him and teases him with her nails and teeth, considering she’s against violence and is generally sweet natured, it never ceases to excite him. Loud Reader: Y/N isn’t afraid to dominate the Captain, she knows he likes her to take the reigns for a while and it’s hugely rewarding that the Empire’s Lion lets her tame him. And of course, he shows her what she’s dealing with if she gets carried away. Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly
that they can’t deal with it?) Quiet Reader: She’s a mother… there’s not much that makes her cringe anymore. Loud Reader: Y/N hates dealing with body parts. She once went on a mission with 52 and Burns, the young assassin sliced up an enemy and she ended up with a finger falling into her top. It was not appreciated and the little Joker regretted laughing at her as she yelled for Burns to get it out. Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without Y/N)
Quiet Reader: She’s early to bed, early to rise. Y/N has to sleep alone most of the time and she sometimes can’t sleep because she’s lonely. When Burns is there she sleeps happily in his arms with her head against his chest. That’s when she’s happiest. Loud Reader: The woman sleeps like the dead. Once she’s asleep she barely moves and her breathing is so shallow, that on the rare times he’s slept in her bed, Leonard thought she was dead and had to check her pulse. She complains that he’s too hot to sleep with in the summer…
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I think, given how covid played out in the initial days of infection, and even deep into it, when we STILL had people like "it's a hoax" and "you can't make me stay home/wear a mask/limit my right to shop!" etc
that every future pandemic or zombie or alien apocalypse fic... now needs to follow this particular trend, until it becomes an accepted trope
The first case(s) come to light. The world splits into different factions
You have the people directly affected and their families, frightened and afraid for their lives/loved ones and not knowing what will happen. Because it is an unknown and there was no preparation.
You have the people who hunkered down like it was doomsday who had sort of the right idea? Maybe a little disappointed the enemy is microscopic and not somethng they can shoot.
You had the poor who knew that every step outside their homes was a threat to their lives and those of their families, but someone had to bring in money and food.
You had the middle-class who split between staying home to be safe and making random trips to the store for things, and those who refused to acknowledge any issues.
You had people from the last group who also decided to hoard as much food and items they could, knowing it could disadvantage everyone. They make "I can't believe they're making you work during a pandemic!" statements at the counter.
You have the rich, who hunker down in their mansions and cry on the internet about how hard things are. Their servants and stylists and bodyguards are sent out into the wild for things they want.
You have the wealthy brats, who think being able to travel to another country in pandemic/apocalypse is a bragging point and they try to get clout on social media.
You have the the leeches and the snake oil salesmen. They are the landlords who double rent and evict people to the streets when they cannot go to work, they are the people who charge desperate people for a 'cure' that is a sad lie. They are the vampires of hope and future happiness.
You have the false matyrs. The people who speak the words of the gods but line their pockets with the money of the desperate and faithful, who they claim they can save or heal or whatever it takes to build another mansion for this 'humble servant'. You have the followers, of different levels of the socioeconomic system, who all cling to them and pay their 'tithes' to seek favour with a god who apparently cares nothing for them unless they pay the subscription. They are prey to greed and cruelty.
You have the Deniers, who claim it is a hoax and cannot see how the 'sheeple' are so fooled. They proudly hold protests about wanting shops to open, claiming they are the oppressed here. They will likely die, or have blood on their hands.
You have little people in small streets and towns and suburbs all around the place who did pull together, they barter from home to home so no one has to go to the shops. You have the helpers, who put themselves on the line with every precaution possible, to try and help the vulnerable, the elderly, the home-bound.
You have the people in their fields who fight through every day to try and save as many as they can, cure who they can, and even just hold the hands of those who are passing so they do not leave alone. You have the medical professionals who are working hard, you have the scientists who are frantically searching for the how, the why, the what will fix it?
You have the cruel. Like the leeches and snake oil salesmen, but they have Power, they are the tools of martial law. The ones who think that the world going to hell is subtle permission to show greater brutality when there are not as many eyes on them. They are the arms of the Offices Above us all, and they are soulless.
You have the media, who report whatever truth they are allowed to by their channel's owners.
You have different countries who respond either with pro-protect the people, or using generic shows of appreciation for their health and general service workers who are hostages to the situation.
You have the aholes who think its fine to hoard vast amounts of sanitation/safety items and try to gouge people for the chance of not dying, what little money they do have. They are rarely disciplined for their crimes.
You have those trapped in places they cannot leave, knowing that one little contagion or careless action or mishandled item, and they all die. Like nursing homes or prisons or hospitals. You have those in poor mental health who are trapped without outside help, the disabled who need supplies but they're all gone, those in domestically abusive households who have no way to leave and the more stress the angrier They get.
You see the corporations leering down on the common folk like gods witholding a lifesaving boon until the appropriate amount of sacrifice is made to them. You want to spit in their faces for their greed, but you cannot risk upsetting them, or others may miss out.
And each stage is a rollercoaster. It starts, things peak, some countries react and are proactive, others do not. Cases rise rapidly, spiking, and again and again.
Then things stabilise, but no, a spike again.
And again. And again. There is no time, in this void of worrying if the world will end. And then you hear of the selfish actions of someone who wanted to breach quarantine or who left the doors open 'for some air' and let the zombies in...
And you cannot imagine how they can do this. But there are so many.
And people die.
And then it calms, it plateaus. Not great, but holding and the world gets hopeful. The vaccine is here, maybe. A weapon to shoot down the alien ships, maybe. The sun is rotting the zombies now.
But it's not over.
Some countries go back to 'normal'. The new normal at least.
Acting as if things are not still at crisis for other countries, as if people have stopped dying because it is no longer here.
But everyone is changed. Everyone is wary. Even the loudest dissenters still shuffle into self-isolation if there is another lockdown, another siren to announce potential worry is here again...
There are so many characters and viewpoints in this ongoing pandemic/apocalyptic event, so many facets of humaity that have been seen, positive and disgusting. Cruel and kind.
AS of yet, we don't know how it will end, as it will not until all countries are vaccinated, until no cases have been seen for more than 6 months. Then, that is the time people will breathe a little easier, and not before.
When that will happen, who can say.
But for the genre, I think we have proven beyond doubt that there will always be a boomer or a karen arrogantly slamming their hand on a bell for service, even with a hoarde of zombies bearing down on them, while minimum wage workers crouch behind the counter and hold one another in fear, begging the gods that the zombies bypass them in favour of the loud one.
And as the boomer/karen hits the ground, yelling for police, they will see the workers and point at them. Drawing attention to them. Killing them as good as if they'd pointed a weapon themselves.
With rage in their eyes, the employees can do nothing but glare back at the foolish person who has brought doom to them. They are shackled to the counter and cannot escape, and this entitled bastard has killed them...
Perhaps a hamfisted allegory, but, seeing a maskless someone approach during quarantine periods and not being able to just fucking glen 20 them in the eyeballs would be terrifying. Or when a customer sticks their head around the plastic screen??? Or starts yelling about their right to not wear a mask or use sanitiser or....
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Interaction guidelines- The Rules RPs are currently open, please read the rules before interacting
The Rules
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On to the boys!
- The boys are 2014/2016 Bayverse turtles but are mature adult men. Human age wise they are around 50, but maturity and body wise, somewhere in their 30’s respectively. They do not age the same as humans due to the properties of mutagen and their turtle mutant base type
- This is an AU set several decades into the future- please read the prologue to help understand a little more about the world they live in
- They live in a skyrise, penthouse. With state of the art- Donnie certified level protections put into place. Nothing gets in or out, without his knowing. He does not take the safety of himself or his brothers lightly
- The Boys do not belong to anybody and will not belong to anybody. They are free to interact with whomever they would like, in any way that has been discussed and planned between the two muns.
- They don’t know your muse, nor have had any previous interactions with your muse, and thus are not in love with your muse, or have an established relationship with your muse.
- If you want their love and attention you will have to earn it, just like you would in any other type of interaction
- Absolutely no god-modding. Example: its your 3rd time to respond and you’re attempting to have Leo princess carry your character to bed. This is not a natural flow to the story, and not going to happen.
- The boys may like certain features, or admire certain characteristics, however they are open to all body types, shapes and beings, so long as they feel a connection.
A quick explanation as to what the boys do with their free time in a world that knows they exist.
Leo: “We each found our interests and talents opened up a several viable options that had lead us each to a “unique” position.” Leo led as he gathered his thoughts. “Keep in mind after we managed to stop Krang and those who worked closely with him, the world was vulnerable. As far as my brothers and I were concerned, we had fought too hard and for too long for someone to simply slip into the power vacuum we had created and to continue to harsh reality Krang had created for Earth’s inhabitants. Due to this we each chose to do what we knew how to do and could most easily adapt as challenges presented themselves.”
He paused for a moment as he thought about the hardships, they had each faced and managed to overcome as they slowly helped right the world and returned her to standing on her own. A shimmering blue jewel among the galaxy and other worlds that had become familiar with the planet and its amenities.
“During our years in the resistance we managed to acquire wealth and assets. We were able to accumulate quite the little nest egg using those. Along with our acquired influence it opened many a door which in the old world would have remained not only closed but permanently locked to us.”
“I became a strategic investor. Buying the remnants of properties, businesses and services and either helping them to return to what they once were or repurposing to better suit the needs of this new era and turn a profit. It proved to be very profitable and allowed for me to continue to churn out profits which allowed for me to seek other properties and businesses to invest in or connect the right individuals with each other in away that led to my ability to offer the initial capital for a small percentage of the quarterly earnings. It helped people to create jobs and led to a lot of normalcy for those who desperately needed.
One hand washes the other, and this in its essence has lead to my own sector of the Tartaruga brothers incorporated. I have a multi-billion dollar operation on Earth and several branches operating throughout the universe currently.”
Donnie: “As Leo has said,” Donnie commented calmy, “our time resisting and fighting lead us each to our own talents. I spent a lot of time wearing many hats, which included, chemists, doctor, surgeon, agronomist, engineer, electrician, etc. to put it simply I spent a lot of time learning how to save lives, human and otherwise, and the best way to stretch our available resources in a way which led to people surviving. I also had to learn how to create medications which were so commonplace that many died without having them available. Most antibiotics don’t have a very long shelf life and when those ran out initially, we were in constant jeopardy of losing lives to the simplest of bacterial infections. My knowledge, and subsequent research lead to significant improvements and branching into many other factors, and shall we say break throughs.
Needless to say, the value of others wants, lead to my ability to fund the needs of the many. In my sector, I have several leadings areas including pharmacy, medical research, agrarian development, as well as generalized research and development in multiple fields from domestic to military. For obvious reasons, more detailed information is strictly classified.”
Raph: Raph chuckled as Donnie glossed over his closely guarded research. He was willing to kill to protect his research and continue to control the aspects that allowed him to fund the bulk of his interests and common welfare of those he blanketed with his programs. “They ain’t lying. After the world came back from going to shit, it took awhile to get it back up and going. Additionally, there were a lot of people, generally those not from this world that were way too determined to make sure we failed. This led to a lot of infighting and groups struggling for control. That tends to lead to a lot of shady business if you know what I mean, and it wasn’t like we had any type of social services such as police, fire fighting, or anything else. I initially took charge in areas like these.
I took a lot of care to train groups so that they worked together and were prepared to handle whatever problems came. It took a lot of time to cultivate proper training programs and help prepare people on how to help a traumatized world get back to functioning in a healthy way. I still help do this on planets and areas that are in recovery.”
“That being said however, my primary interest and “job” if you want to call it that, is training mixed martial artist prize fighters for the world federation galaxy league. Simply put we aren’t the only species that likes to watch trained athletes test their skills against one another within their respective brackets, or on specially contracted prized fights. I used to fight for the league and earned a lot of titles and prestige. I won most fights and was often the favorite to win after a while. I’m semi-retired and only occasionally enter the ring now days. However, I take and train promising talents for the league and other groups. I have also trained personal bodyguards for a variety of individuals.  Different specialties come with different specifics and contracts as well as costs. It takes a specific might set for each, and a lot of time to drill into a thick skull.”
Mikey: Mikey laughed at the turtle in red, “Oh yeah, and you were the king of thick skulled back when we were young, and dumb.” He barely dodged the throw pillow that was chucked at his head.  “Let’s see for me personally,” Mikey flashed a big grin, “I happen to be a master of many trades. During our days in the resistance, I learned a lot of different tricks to help make the food rations we had on hand not only palatable but nutritionally sound while feeding a literal army of people! So when it was possible I spent a large amount of time learning how to take fancy old world recipes and revamped them with food sources that were still available or recreated them with off world goodies. I also still paint, and love to collaborate with others to create amazing new concepts!”
His face darkened for a moment as he thought back to the early days of the resistance. “There were so many people who in the blink of an eye had lost everything, and unfortunately it was insanely common to find kids who had either been separated from their families or were the only survivor. In a lot of instances they were traumatized and it took a lot of creative thinking to coax them out of their shells and help to reteach them on how to live. This happened fairly frequently with adults as well. Because of this and what seemed like a never ending shortage of textiles, I had to learn and create new ways to make things and often times help find things that brought the sparkle back to peoples eyes. Because of this however, I have a multimedia conglomerate that allows me to work in a wide area of creative outlets. The fashion world is a flippant mistress, but there are a lot of ways in which one can compete and stand out. It’s led to a lot of lucrative contracts with those who are “starving” for the next amazing piece of creatively, or at least that’s what they tell me. The great thing about taking high end contracts and commissions is that a lot like my brothers, the revenue lets me continue to reach out to others. I fund a program that includes shelters called “Uncle Mikey’s” for those who are missing, exploited, or just need help. I also teach cooking, and practical skills for those who need them, and they are streamed to community centers such as local libraries, after school programs, and the like, to try and continue to help those who never received a chance to learn to do things due to the world kind of going through an apocalypse level event.
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1-800-i-ship-it · 4 years
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do you think bam or khun would be a better bf to their SO
Well well well anon you really making me compare this perfect ship with each other huh
Jk haha it’s just a tough q for me
(Also I apologize for taking so long to reply ahh)
As always, disclaimer: this is based on my own opinion so you are free to disagree or agree :)
I don’t think either bam or khun would be a better bf to their SO, I think they both have their strengths and weaknesses, like most couples will have.
Think I already mentioned what I think their love languages are already in another post but in case u forgot, I think Bam is quality time (main), words of affirmation and acts of service and khun as acts of service (main), combined with quality time and words of affirmation (yup i thought they’d both have similar things...i’ll explain myself)
Let’s go over them, shall we? (you can skip the love language part and jump to the line for the answer if you’ve already read it in my prev ask post/not interested)
Bam: Quality time because he really values the moments he spent with the friends he made in the tower and he appreciates each and every one of them (well, fuck rachel) but anyway, in my head bam just seems like the kind of person who would love quality time with the people he cares about <3 he’s said countless times how he would rather die than lose those that he cares about, and always rushes to protect everyone, so i think quality time would be his top one, and so as bam’s partner (ahem khun) just spending time with bam would make him happy :) and as for words of affirmation, I feel like bam would appreciate them a lot coming from those he loves (like khun!) if khun was like “I appreciate you” I bet bam would feel all warm and fuzzy inside and then say smth super cheesy back which would get khun to blush lmao; and finally acts of service cause bam kinda shows how he cares through saving everyone (like all the time) and yea Ifeel like he’d appreciate small things his partner does for him
Khun: I would guess that it would be acts of service, combined with quality time and words of affirmation, though I'm a bit iffy on words of affirmation because he does come from a family where he was forced to fight against other kids from his family where manipulation and deceit was probably very present. but I think he would really treasure real, genuine words of affirmation and would secretly like pet names even though he pretends to hate them (ahem only bam can call him those hehe). I think acts of service would still be the most prevalent, because that’s the main way that khun has shown his love/loyalty to bam, through actions that benefit bam etc… so I believe he would appreciate acts of service as well. I also think he would be the type of person to value actions more than words. For quality time, I think he’d enjoy having the attention of his SO and would just appreciate being able to spend time with them, small things like that.
______________________________________________
I wrote this with modern-day implications
Bam:
Strengths: 
always has good intentions
super sweet
learns very quickly what his partner likes/dislikes
loyal to the end
extremely good at cooking
thoughtful but often forgets mundane things sometimes
always makes time for his partner and really values being able to spend time with them
very empathetic
somehow always knows what to do to make his partner happy
has an irresistible radiant smile
often showers his partner with a multitude of compliments
will not hesitate to remind his partner he loves them
appreciates his partner a lot and makes sure they know it
is a very good cuddler
will do anything for his partner
Weaknesses: 
kinda oblivious abt like the most obvious things ngl
loyal to a fault sometimes
can seem clingy but he’s just afraid to lose his partner (one of his biggest  fears is being alone)
might accidentally get his partner jealous bc he’s super nice to everyone
might overburden himself with everyone’s expectations and seem withdrawn and might have some trouble communicating with his partner
cares too much about others and too less about himself, so may frustrate partner by agreeing readily to things instead of expressing his own opinion
has trouble saying no to things he doesn’t want to do when people ask him for favors–leading to decreased quality time with his partner
has a lot of internal conflicts that may hinder his ability to be present with his partner
Khun:
Strengths: 
very thoughtful, super thoughtful, did I mention thoughtful
pretty mature for the most part
has very good life skills and knows how to survive, aka always knows what’s going on and is typically “the responsible” one
does taxes well, manages finances very well
shows his love through actions, whether its getting his partner a little something on the way home, or making sure his partner has the lights turned on when working, or creating an elaborate plan to allow his partner to succeed without burdening his partner
extremely loyal to the right partner
makes excellent coffee
very organized and tidy
knows what he wants and has a lot of ambitions and thus plans for the future well ahead of time with his partner
is always prepared for the worst scenario, has a lot of savings for him and his partner
takes no BS and will not be afraid to provide his partner with honest advice even if it hurts
will do anything for his partner
Weaknesses: 
won’t admit he’s thoughtful/a tsundere (could go in both categories)
kind of uptight sometimes
does not have much patience
always wanting to be in control of a situation may not let him fully be present with his partner at times
not very good at articulating his thoughts/feelings
overthinks a lot and worries too much which may lead to him acting cold to his partner
a workaholic that is not very good at taking care of his health
often pushes his feelings deep down instead of dealing with them properly
doesn’t think he deserves his partner and is really insecure but hides it very well
sometimes too caught up in his own head worrying about the future to be present and there for his partner
puts aside his well being for his partner too much
They both have their own strengths  and weaknesses, but they work through it together with their respective partners who are obviously each other and are a power couple :D (ahem light bearer and wave controller power couple amirite)
Hope that answered your q anon!
Also @cannottranslate here’s the thing I was working on I hope it met ur expectations :’)
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isnt-it-pretty · 3 years
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A The Queen’s Gambit inspired Sylvix fic I’ve had sitting in my drafts forever. Figured I may as well post the WIP!
TW for substance abuse, and generally everything terrible from both FE3H and from The Queen’s Gambit.
The room is silent. Hundreds of people wait with baited breath as two of the world's leading chess players fight across a wooden board. The pieces are lacquered - hand carved. Only the best for the players in Enbarr.
Sylvain studies the board, picking out his response to his opponents play several steps ahead. It's already the second day - five long hours the night previous left them both exhausted. Sylvain barely remembered to eat before crashing for 13 hours.
His opponent lifts a piece, his rook, and moves it forward. It's a clever strategy, but it won't be enough. The man across from him knows it too - he's twice Sylvain's age, but desperately trying to keep up.
They see it at the same time. A single move, and it'll be finished. There won't be a way for his opponent to come back from it. If he moves his bishop, it'll all be over. His opponent will resign, and Sylvain will be the youngest world champion at 22 years old.
It's his turn, he stares at the piece, his brain ticking into overdrive. It would be so easy, just to move to pieces. But then what? What else does Sylvain have but chess? He has no friends, has a family only in name. The media hates him, a stark contrast to being the Darling of the chess world at seven years old.
One move. And he'll win. He'll prove Miklan wrong, prove the media — his former friends, wrong.
He should have drank more before coming.
His hand is reaching for his king before he even realizes it - the words leaving his lip of their own accord. It feels right.
"I resign."
He knocks over his king, the hall is silent in shock.
Sylvain gets up, doesn't even bother shaking his opponents hand, and walks out.
...
He stops by his room with a single mindedness. His phone is going crazy, but Sylvain hasn't checked to see who is trying to reach him.
Everybody, probably.
His mother must be having an aneurysm, the media must be going insane.
He opens the door to his room and tosses the phone on the bed. His wallet too, but not before emptying out his cash as a tip for hotel staff. $500 total.
It's barely anything compared to his sizable room service charges - which is probably the cost of his room twice over. It's all paid for, he never leaves debt at a hotel.
There's an untouched bottle of whiskey on top of his mini bar. Expensive in beautiful glass. He hasn't touched it, preferring cheap straight liquor. Just because he can afford expensive drinks doesn't mean he bothers with it. He stops noticing the taste soon enough anyway.
He doesn't bother getting changed as he grabs the whiskey and heads out of the room. Somebody will come bother him if he stays there, and he doesn't want to be disturbed. Doesn't want to think.
Sylvain just threw the biggest match of his life, yet he can't bring himself to care.
The roof access is unlocked, which really should be a case for concern. Anybody with a key card could enter the stairwell and climb to the roof of the hotel - 5 stars and twelve floors. He can see all of Enbarr from up here. The twinkling of its lights remain unperturbed despite his actions. 
There's a railing about a foot from the edge. Sylvain ducks under it easily, and sits with his legs dangling downward. Nobody will be able to see him from the ground. Just a spec in the darkness looming above their heads.
He uncorks the glass crystal stopper and drinks.
...
Glenn loved chess. He was pretty good at it, too. It was something he and their father used to do together. Felix would sit on his dad’s lap and try to reach for the pieces. By the time he was six, most of the set had baby sized teeth marks engorged into them
Felix never had the patience for it, personally. He never wanted to study moves or games, never wanted to sit quietly and practice it. He preferred to run around, rolling in the dirt and mud with his friends.
It didn’t stop Felix from being enthralled every time he watched his other brother play.
There was a finesse to it. A certain wisdom that Felix could never quite grasp as Glenn carefully moved the pieces. He was better than their father by ten, and was competing in chess competitions by eleven.
Felix went to every one of his games.
Even now, so many years later, Felix can remember the magic of that first game. He was seven, following behind his dad like a little duckling, his hand grasped tightly in Glenn’s. There were plastic tables with chess sets on them lining the hall of the old community centre, but Glenn didn’t care. He was ecstatic to be there. The joy didn’t fade, even after Glenn lost the second to last game.
A year later they were watching TV. There was a chess special on.
That was the first time he saw Sylvain Gautier. 
Ten years old, the boy was already the darling of the chess world. His smiling was dazzling. The interviewer was asking generic questions, what was it like competing against adults, does he see chess in his future, etc etc. The answers came so naturally Felix thought the boy may have been magic.
After that interview, Glenn found every source he could about the boy. He replayed all of Sylvain’s games, tried to puzzle through the choices that were made, and why. Tried to figure out if there was a specific style to his play, something that could be used to trip him up.
In the end, there was nothing.
Two years later, Felix accompanied Glenn to a small competition in Fhirdiahd. Dimitri and Ingrid went along, if only to provide support. Both Ingrid and Dimitri were shaping up to be pretty good chess players themselves, but even working together they still couldn’t hold a candle to Glenn.
The competition was held in a high school gym. Rodrigue dropped them off and said he’d pick them up after.
It was a shock to everybody when Sylvain Gautier showed up to play.
Felix remembered seeing him walk up to the people running check in. Remembered seeing two college age students choke. Sylvain didn’t even smile at them. Didn’t even remove his sunglasses. 
He just said his name like everybody in the building didn’t know who he was, picked up a sheet to track his moves, and went into the gym. 
Even years later, it was probably the most surreal experience of Felix’s life.
Glenn won every game, ascended through the ranks just like Felix knew he would, until he was sitting across from a celebrity of the chess world. 
Sylvain was twelve at the time, but even that seemed so much older to Felix, who was small even for a ten year old.
Glenn smiled and held out his hand. Sylvain shook it, and they played.
As expected, Glenn lost. Dramatically, in fact, but Glenn didn’t mind. He was fifteen, was planning on what to do when he graduated high school in a few years. He enjoyed chess, but he simply didn’t have to love or dedication to play professionally, or the natural born talent. Their dad always said that the best chess players had a mix of both.
Sylvain flashed Glenn a smile, a little different from the one Felix had seen on TV interviews and magazine covers. Suddenly, it hit him. Sylvain had seemed bored in every game he played, but not Glenn’s.
"You're pretty good," he told Glenn when it was all over. 21 moves total - it was savage. “Did you study Loog’s games?” 
Glenn lit up. “I did! I, um, studied your games a lot too. I figured it may be a good counter to your strategy.” He looked over the board, over his dramatic loss. “Guess that didn’t pan out.”
Sylvain just shrugged. “You’re not the first to try it, don’t worry about it.” He checked his phone, typed something, and slipped it back into a pocket with a sigh. “Sorry, I’ve gotta go. Good to meet you Glenn...”
“Fraldarius,” Glenn answered, a little flustered. Felix knew he’d never hear the end of this day.
“Fraldarius,” Sylvain said. He shot Felix a smile too, before heading out of the building.
In the end, Glenn got the prize money - apparently Sylvain insisted. Said Glenn likely would have won, if he hadn't shown up.
Felix was only ten, but he found himself following everything Sylvain did after that.
...
The first time Sylvain played chess, he was five years old. Small and prone to illness, he wasn’t allowed to go outside like other kids his age. Instead Sylvain was kept indoors, where it was safe and controlled. He spent several days a month ill in bed, wrapped in soft blankets as nannies brought him juice and borth. His childhood was marked by books and quiet toys, things he could do without bothering people, or over exerting himself.
One day his tutor, an older gentleman named Mr. Hanneman, took out the chess board in some lesson or another. He said it would be a good way to pass the time. It was quiet, thought provoking, and could be played from a sickbed, as Sylvain so often found himself.
Miklan, seven years older and already pissed at the world, barely paid attention to the rules, but Sylvain was enthralled. The chess pieces were beautiful, they all had rules about how they could move and act - just like him. 
He took up the game with a single minded focus, wanting to know everything about it. He got Mr. Hanneman to bring him books and help him read them. Days which before had passed in a boring feverish haze were instead spent reading chess books, or replaying famous games.
By the time he was six, Sylvain was playing eleven board simultaneous games and winning all of them. He started competing soon afterward.
His parents were thrilled. It was the only time they'd ever bothered paying attention to him. Whenever he won, they’d make time to go out for dinner, or watch a movie with him. His mother read him stories at night. It felt good. So he kept playing, kept hoping they would keep gracing him with small smiles at his wins. Kept chasing the feeling of affection.
Other people, he came to find out, were just like chess pieces too.
In chess, one can estimate an outcome to a specific move. Can anticipate a reaction, and have a response already prepared. People are much the same.
He learned to read situations and people, how to act a specific way to get the outcome he thought would be most desirable. It didn’t always go his way, but like chess, it often did. He learned to smile; dazzle crowds and interviewers. His poor health was a well kept secret.
By eight years old, Sylvain Jose Gautier was a renowned name within the chess world. A prodigy. A future Grandmaster. He was on the cover of almost every chess magazine at least once, and was invited for photo ops with professionals. 
Miklan hated it of course. He tried to play chess, desperately wanting what Sylvain had, but he was never very good. He got even more angry, and when angry, he lashed out. Sylvain was an easy target. 
Sylvain never told his parents, but he knew that they were already aware. There was simply nothing that could be done without impacting the family. So he dealt with it, learned how to sleep to not aggravate bruises, learned to make himself silent, a shadow in his home.
It wasn’t hard, his parents did always like a puppet for a child.
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sebastianshaw · 3 years
Text
I'M HERE TO YELL ABOUT THE WEREMOLES AGAIN THEY'RE REALLY AMAZING AND INTERESTING AND UNIQUE AND I LOVE THEM
-While a lot of the other Changing Breeds all dislike each other for one reason or another, or at best just don't interact, the moldwarps actually had it in their laws to aid their cousins in their respective duties for which Gaia created each of them, but -- "Killing Sceatha with the Garou, allowing Ratkin to travel to Run’s End, or showing the Moldwarp Burrows to other Breeds’ Kinfolk all fall outside of the realms of acceptable aid." CLEARLY THE RATKIN DID SOMETHING LIKE I HAVE NO DOUBT THERE IS GOOD REASON FOR THAT RULE (the wererats are chaos incarnate and I love them) -k so there is basically a trinity of spirits in this setting, the Triat---the Wyld, the Weaver, the Wyrm. Generally speaking, everyone is fighting the Wyrm and sometimes also the Weaver. But the moldwarps seek true balance between all three. And there's a small group of them called Apes Redeemers who want to basically exorcise the Weaver AND Wyrm out of human beings--- "Redeemers take humans in direct service to the Weaver, or with strong behavioural traits in its favour, and attempt to cleanse them through a mixture of psychological abuse, isolation, and repurposed rites. Freethinking Moldwarps shun this Hill’s ideals as quite beyond the pale, but Redeemers hold up examples of humans who have been forced into bestial states of primitive regression, the Weaver’s hold utterly stripped away, as evidence that their methods are in fact effective." (The Weaver is like...organization, society, technology, tools, etc. Normal humans are very much Weaver creatures.) - AW BUT THERE ARE ALSO PLAGUE DOCTOR MOLDWARPS WHO GO TO DISEASE RIDDEN AREAS TO TREAT PEOPLE - In addition to being the jailers of Gaia, they are also the undertakers, burying the dead of other creatures - There are different “Warrens” or types of weremole, based on their role in weremole society and the jobs they have. Most notable to me are the Cleansers and the Wardens. Cleansers “strive to emulate the motherly aspect of Gaia in all that they do. Calm and considerate, their lot is to cure the fallen, correcting their spiritual bearing and keeping them healthy during their stay in the Den. Sadly, despite their caring natures, Cleansers make for arguably the worst weremoles to act as the face of a Sett while interacting with other Fera. Speaking of tainted beings as patients needing treatment wins few friends in the wider shapeshifter community, and Cleansers find it difficult to adjust to the more punitive mindset broadly shared by most Fera.” “ They act as their communities’ confidants and carers, conduits for the worries, stresses, and strains which would otherwise hinder important work” “ Passionate and creative both in conflict and at peace, Cleansers tend to the Burrows’ feeding, nursing, and childrearing tasks outside of their main duties” “ Most Cleansers adopt a calm and measured persona following their Vision Crawl, and are incredibly difficult to infuriate.” Whereas the Wardens are “the closest thing a Burrow has to a standing force of warriors” and “the least empathic of all Warrens. Where Cleansers are the good cops, the Wardens are their counterparts, expected to keep Sceatha in line by any means necessary for them to be successfully rehabilitated. They embody force, conviction, and authority, and are granted Gifts which reflect such qualities in order to contain and recover the corrupted.” “ these Moles are tough, courageous, and stoic. These qualities are much called upon, for it is their burden to contain, monitor, and protect Sceatha held in captivity” “ Wardens embody intimidation, conviction, and authority in every action they take. This can sometimes be expressed with the exciting encouragement of an elder sibling, the sternness of a loving parent, or the detached professional attitudes of their human namesakes.” There are others, like Trackers and Diggers and Architects, but those are more concerned with burrowing tunnels or simply finding/retrieving Sceatha (Wyrm-tainted or otherwise corrupt creatures in need of healing/rehabilitation) rather than actually guarding and treating them, so they’re of less interest to me. The Diggers do also make tunnels in the Umbra, which is the spirit world, which is a pretty cool concept. - Their Homid (human) forms are as wonderfully unglamorous as moles themselves-- “ usually naturally heavy, with excessive body hair and poor eyesight. Their hands and feet are often disproportionately large compared to their small stature and otherwise short limbs, but for these physical shortfalls they make up with greater levels of strength, health, smell, hearing, and directional coordination” A far cry from the ridiculously sexy werewolf boyfriends of paranormal romance fiction. Love it. They also typically have jobs in sanitation or rehabilitation-- “ These individuals find employment as city planners, prison guards and wardens, subway and sewer maintenance operatives, and similar jobs focused around organisation, rehabilitation, and the conservation of resources both material and human. It’s a rare occurrence that an up-and-coming track athlete or singer enters the Vision Crawl.” Again, love it. - Their Crinos form (the hybrid form or “war form”) is HORRIFYING-- “ a large amalgamation of mole and human standing at 7 feet tall and over 80 stone in weight, a hunched monster which could never exist in the natural order of the surface world [. . .] twisted faces and sightless eyes [. . .] Knife-like teeth protrude along the length of their muzzles and shovelling claws grow from each clubbed hand” - Most wereanimals are weak to silver. Some varieties are weak to gold. But weremoles are weak to obsidian and other black gems. - Unlike most wereanimals, moldwarps can become vampires, and these unfortunate creatures are called The Baogane, also known as Bugbears. They are the saddest things I have ever heard of. “ The existence of a Baogane poses burning questions to her Sett. Should she receive an honourable Final Death and be given over to Gaia? Should she be put through arduous cleansing in the small hope it works? Or, more dubiously, should she be allowed to serve the Burrow eternally? Setts who are unfortunate enough to lose one of their own to a Leech make their own decisions on what to do with their fallen kin.” “ Baoganes look similar to how they did in life, save for their fangs being unnaturally long even for vampires. In Crinos form, these fangs splay out either side of their face to resemble the curved tusks of a boar, and sometimes punch through the flesh of their gums and lips. The fur of all forms - even Homid hair - becomes permanently sharp, coarse, and patchy, again similar to that of a boar.” “ Soil does not merely cling to the fur and skin of a Bugbear as it would to any other subterranean creature, but latches on with supernatural power, reflecting the earth’s desire to see such a monster dead and buried. Over the space of but a few nights, the Moldwarp may become so covered in filth and earthen debris that her size and shape cannot be discerned.” “ Baoganes often spend their unlives trapped within cleansing chambers, awaiting rehabilitation that may never come without their much-sought-after destruction. Many are granted the Thing of Salvation, though some willing penitents are denied even that.” The “Thing of Salvation” of course, is final death. The weremoles call very important ceremonies or celebrations, Things. Thing of Deliverance, Thing of the Hill, etc. - I honestly can’t overstate how new and crazy it is they wish to rehabilitate the Wyrm-tainted and save the Wyrm itself. For DECADES the entire point of this game has been FUCK UP THE WYRM’S SHIT. The Wyrm has always been the ultimate evil, even more so than the Weaver who is technically the one at fault for it going crazy, and EVERY wereanimal has had “destroy the Wyrm’s servants” in their own laws. And yet in the weremole’s laws, you’re NOT allowed to kill Sceatha unless your own life is threatened---” Sceatha are not of sound mind and so do not deserve unnecessary harm, irrespective of their most vile actions; only once they are cured are they to be judged as independent beings by the rest of the world. If that judgment is death, then they must be returned to Gaia without delay. Destroying befouled artefacts out of hand, meanwhile, is wasteful and disrespectful of their already-violated spirits.” Like this is just...so out of line from EVERY OTHER WERECREATURE it’s WILD, and it’s no wonder all the other critters are distrustful of them AT BEST. - So, Run’s End, that place they don’t ever let the Ratkin go? It sounds AMAZING, like so beautiful and spooky. It’s this realm “where death and decay occur, but peacefully and purely. This peace, however, is maintained only by the avid cleansing of its space by high-ranking Moldwarps, making it a nigh-impenetrable refuge of solemn deathliness suspended between zones of total corruption. Only by travelling along the Run, or traversing the turbulent dimensions held up by Run’s End to eventually find a border between worlds, may a being enter this place of pure, tranquil death. All is not quite as it should be, of course, for vicious battles constantly rage at the borders of Run’s End” “ The geography of Run’s End is reminiscent of an ancient Mayan jungle, at the heart of which stands a colossal obsidian temple to the Balance Wyrm, the structure in which the Lord of the Run resides beside his High Scrivein, Sanctus, and Thegn. This temple, the Body of Death, plays host to any great debate waged by high-Ranking Moldwarps, including each and every Althing. Around the Body of Death stretches the Fungal Forest, with mycelial growths a hundred metres tall stretching as far as the eye can see, generating natural luminescences of deep purple, dark red, and ochre green. From the unseen roof of the realm slowly descend all manner of remains - of humans, animals, plants, and even concepts, hopes, and dreams long forgotten - like snowflakes, landing gently atop the fungal canopy to be slowly digested. A fine film of red, brown, and green covers the undergrowth, having seeped down from the mushroom caps high above. Amongst these fungi are found equally decomposed but animate carrion beasts of all varieties lapping up the rotting fluids: insects, corvids, and Consumer Worms as long and thick as oak trunks winding amongst the mushroom stumps, soaking in the decay Despite its dire aspect, the fear of death for any being present in the Fungal Forest is simply absent; the fact that death comes for all is readily apparent, but comes as a comfort. Though not part of the Underworld proper, the Forest is a manifestation of final rest. From the gentle dripping of corpse-fluid to the slow undulation of the Consumer Worms, there is no violation or undue destruction in this Forest, only the equalising end of all things. Indeed, all beings who enter Run’s End begin decaying almost immediately; only those with some form of supernatural regeneration, or whose protection has been specifically petitioned for, may withstand it. Equally, the Body of Death allows only full-blooded Moldwarps to enter, with instant death and rapid decomposition coming to all others. At the Obsidian Reach, young and old Moldwarps alike dig to find something that they believe will bring them renown and acclaim, with no actual promise that anything lies beneath. The Obsidian Reach was actually discovered by the Gazers of the Deep during their very first visit. The Reach is infinitely high and wide and consists of solid obsidian, which naturally is almost unbreakable by Moldwarp standards. The stone itself bears the scratch marks and gouges of generations of claws trying to breach its shell. Beyond the stone’s infinite blackness, it has been told, are beings swept up in a storm mocking those who try to reach them, lands of shining cyclopean architecture, and even the resting bodies of mighty but unborn giants. Such claims are overlooked by all but the Gazers, but this does not prevent adventurers from ceaselessly trying to breach this inky vault.” LIKE THIS IS SO EERIE AND UNNERVING AND YET STRANGELY LOVELY AND SOOTHING TO ME? I AM REALLY LOVING MOLDWARP LORE
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mymanskabu · 4 years
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Ohhh since you're writing about service Pokemon what about Milo, Piers and Raihan with an autistic s/o who has a service galarian Ponyta ? Since it's a psychic type it could know when a meltdown is coming and pull the reader out of the situation that's causing them to have a meltdown and help them through the meltdown so that they don't hurt themself 🌈👽
× I considered not writing your request over ten times after I actually read it 💀 I didn't read the content at first and when I did, I was like, "Oh no, I'm going to butcher the topic, I'm literally going to kill my blog. I'm about to pull a James Charles—"
× Anyway, so I changed your request a bit to just write about the meltdowns. I know enough about panic attacks to write about them.
× I just don't want to disrespect autism since it is something serious. Panic attacks are too but I feel more comfortable writing about them because I can accurately bring awareness to them.
× SUPPORT THE SUPPORT MONS. I actually really like writing about real life animal jobs and sports interpreted into Mons, its interesting!
× Tagged as "sensitive topic" ! !
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Milo:
▪︎ In Galar, they have Emotional Support Pokemon something that Milo is very aware of because he has some Wooloo specifically trained for that. There are only certain Pokemon that can become ESP's since some do not have the temperament for it or the patience.
▪︎ If someone has a personal Pokemon they consider an ESP they have to register it and get a certification that shows they are emotionally disabled by a health professional and that the Mon is actually going to help them.
▪︎ Milo knows since he has seen the process a few times from giving Wooloos to the ESP for a unfortunately large number of people.
▪︎ That being said, he knew exactly what his S/O had been through. Ponyta's are Pokemon that are given and are automatically registered as long as they're trained.
▪︎ Ponyta's a very sharp when it comes to emotional awareness of others so they tend to be given to people who are prone to panic attacks and/or anxiety, etc.
▪︎ Anytime the Ponyta took his S/O away from a certain situation he knew what was about to happen and would always follow it. Ponyta was always grateful for the extra help and never left its person's side until they calmed down or Milo helped them do so.
▪︎ "Take a deep breath, darlin. You're goin' to be alright." He would try to distract them from the emotions causing them to get to this frantic state.
▪︎ He would tell his S/O stories about the Wooloo to hopefully direct their thoughts to something more positive. There are many stories that his S/O clearly remembers and could listen to repeatedly, it always makes them feel better so Milo keeps that in mind.
▪︎ His S/O has had less attacks since moving with Milo. He lives an active and very peaceful lifestyle, the scariest thing one could come across would be bug pokemon which was not that big of a deal.
Unless you panic at the sight of bees like I do, no hate. I'm just traumatized.
▪︎ He got along with the Ponyta just fine and so did his Pokemon. He liked taking care of it with you and the Ponyta enjoyed Milo's presence around you. Ponyta's tend to be able to pick up on good vibes.
Piers:
▪︎ He definitely did not know as much as he probably could know. He knew ESP existed, he knew what most of the process was because of past experiences, but other than that, he didn't know as much as Milo did.
▪︎ His S/Os Ponyta didn't take well to Piers or its Pokemon at first, it didn't get bad vibes, it just didn't know him well enough to really see that all he had were good intentions.
▪︎ His S/O explained why they had a ESP and he took in the information. He kept what they told him in mind. His S/O had a plan whenever they felt a panic attack coming up, Piers was now aware and he could help them follow it.
▪︎ If he saw Ponyta taking them away, Piers knew what was happening and always wanted to help. Ponyta never rejected it because if it caused a scene it would only bother Piers' S/O more. It was trained to keep the person it's with away from stressful situations.
▪︎ Similarly to Milo, he would try to distract his S/O from whatever is leading them to the panic attack. He would help them take deep breaths and assure them that this is only temporary and they'll feel better soon.
▪︎"We can go on home once you're calm and I will sing you a song, that sound like somethin' you'd like?" This was a moment when Ponyta accepted him and trusted him more to help.
▪︎ Piers and Ponyta became good friends, it wanted his S/O to be near Piers almost all the time. Loved cuddling with the both of you.
▪︎ Ponyta was allowed everywhere because it was small enough and companies didn't want to have a bad rep for rejecting ESPs.
▪︎ Despite loving the sound of Piers' voice, Ponyta didn't allow his S/O to be at his concerts as much as they would like to be. They could only watch from afar since being down there with the crowd could trigger a panic attack.
▪︎ Piers was grateful for the effort made to watch him preform, but he didn't want them to put themselves in a stressful position. He made up for it by singing in softer tones when it's just both of them. Ponyta adored this and so did his S/O, it was their own intimate concert. They loved it.
Raihan:
▪︎ He knew about ESP through his S/O, all of his knowledge came from them. He was only aware of them because other people had them for a variety of reasons. His S/O told him why they had an ESP and he made sure he understood as best as possible.
▪︎ Ponyta didn't care about Raihan, he didn't give off bad vibes, but at first Ponyta had no reason to form any attachment to him. It would only acknowledge him because its person was his S/O.
▪︎ Raihan was told what to do in certain situations both with his S/O and Ponyta. There was no manual because everyone had a different way of calming down and his S/O knew what worked best for them.
▪︎ The first time Ponyta pulled them away he was nervous to see it. He calmed himself quickly, he knew his S/O was the one that needed him the most right now. He would crouch in front of them, place a gentle hand on their thigh and talk about anything that came to mind. It was odd for him to try to make light-hearted conversation when they were taking short breaths and trembling under their hand. This is what they told him to do. If he gets nervous or panics then Ponyta would get angry and have to shove him away because then he becomes a "stressful situation."
▪︎ "Hey," He says softly. "We'll dip when you're all good and we can eat Yogurt together, then you'll be all wrapped up in my arms. I know you enjoy it because you've told me so love."
▪︎ Most Ponyta's will accept other people into their lives rather quickly after seeing that they can be helpful to what they do. Therefore, after that, Ponyta trusted Raihan more and was a lot more pleasant around him.
▪︎ Raihan supported ESP before, but with his S/O having an ESP he felt he had an opportunity to bring more attention to it. For other people to support and donate to ESP organizations. Ponyta and his S/O were definitely photogenic, he loves taking pictures of them when they're completely at peace. That's when his S/O gives the most amazing and genuine smiles.
▪︎ Raihan's lifestyle was quick-paced, something that Ponyta didn't dig. Whenever he went out, it would stay where it is, telling its person that they are not leaving. Ponyta acted a lot like a parent in a way. Raihan would have to explain to Ponyta that his S/O would be alright as long they had him and the Ponyta.
▪︎ When him, Ponyta, and his S/O went out, he always held their hand and he would keep an eye out for Ponyta. If he knew something was coming up, he would make sure Ponyta took them away somewhere less stressing. Him and Ponyta had become a sort of team, it made them better friends. Something that his S/O really loved to witness was them getting along well.
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abujenna · 4 years
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discerning the body and reopening churches
Last week several of our local jurisdictions--particularly the one where I live and the one where I attend church--partially lifted their bans on public religious assemblies. For the past few months of response to COVID-19, we have been limited to watching services online, with no more than ten allowed on-site. Now we can meet within certain constraints--chiefly, at 50% capacity or less, with appropriate social distancing, while wearing masks. My mind has been on the manner of our coming back together, and I have some serious concerns.
Some churches are taking a conservative approach. There are those that reacted to last week's announcements more patiently and have continued so far to offer streaming services only, while they work out more detailed plans. Some--I'm thinking here particularly of the Catholic Archdiocese--had already put together comprehensive guidelines and were ready to start up with careful measures: limited attendance, no singing, marked locations to ensure distance, mandatory wearing of masks, health monitoring, protective measures in the distribution of communion, etc. Some even started with outdoor services, though by this point they were not required to do so.
Others, like my own Orthodox parish, seem more reactive. They have been chafing under the tighter restrictions, and the main objective at this point seems to be a rapid return to normal operations with as few limits as they can manage: congregational singing despite strong advice against it, masks only over the state-mandated minimum age of 10 yrs, and leaving it up to each family to carve out their own space for social distancing. (This is in a very small venue, with a few chairs around the edges and normally standing-room only.) They have not communicated a clear rationale for any of these details, but based on the frequent messages we've been hearing over the past months, my best guess is that they're focused on the importance of bringing the church together in person, receiving the sacraments, and generally prioritizing the timeless things of God over our current circumstances.
I understand the motives, and I sympathize to some degree. But it has felt to me throughout this crisis like something important was missing from our discussions. I'm beginning to find ways of articulating this concern, though I'm honestly a bit scared to ride the train of thought to its end.
One image I have is of return from exile. We have been prevented from assembling for a few months now, and understandably, we are longing for “home.” Now it appears we can go back, and we are anxious to do so. Maybe the forces that drove us away are still active, but it is worth the risk. But if we think of ourselves as a people in exile, what is the manner of our return? Will we take an individualistic approach, where each packs up his things and heads out at the quickest pace he can manage? Is it a race to prove our zeal by who gets there first? Will we team up with those who seem most useful to our cause, banding together in case we meet some resistance on the way home? Or will we remember that we are a people who have all suffered together, and that all must return? That the "home" to which we are returning is not a building but a gathering of the faithful? Will we stop to carry the burdens of those who cannot? Will we move slowly enough so the old and weak can keep up? It did not take ten plagues for Pharaoh to let the Israelites leave--it took ten plagues for him to let them all go home. What if Moses had given up earlier and called it good enough?
The other image comes from 1 Corinthians 11. Here, St. Paul chastises the people for the manner of their communion. In the early church, the Eucharist was somehow accompanied by a shared meal. But something wasn't right in the Corinthian church, "for in eating every one taketh before other his own supper: and one is hungry, and another is drunken." By their actions, they were despising the church and shaming the have-nots. Apparently there was some double standard by which the wealthier members were taking exclusive rights and poorer members were left out. Maybe it was an overt claim of status; maybe it was just that the ordinary laborers and slaves couldn't get enough time off work to participate.
But here's the point: We all know that St. Paul says to examine ourselves, and that the consequences of unworthily eating and drinking are judgment, chastening, condemnation, sickness, and death. But in this context, the thing that has him most worked up--the thing that seems to be the direct cause of these dire consequences because they're not examining and seeing what's wrong--is how some of the Christians are excluding others.
What then should we say about our present situation, where some are rushing to assemble at the chalice without attending to the needs of their weaker brothers--those who most need protection against the transmission of the virus? These latter could be:
those with less access to health care because of poverty;
the elderly, those with physical limitations or weaknesses that make them more susceptible, and their caregivers;
the essential workers who can't avoid putting themselves daily at risk of infection and don't want to spread it to others at church.
These "have-nots" of our current circumstances might look at bare-minimum protective measures and decide, however painfully, that they must sit outside and strain to hear through a window, or continue to seclude themselves at home and watch online. Meanwhile, the healthy, the courageous, the unencumbered, and those with access to adequate health care will gather inside without them. Perhaps some more restricted services will be arranged so they can show up occasionally, but then the church will be segregated into factions that already view things very differently and will now even worship in separate services.
We like to say that the Eucharist cannot be a disease vector, that it is the medicine of immortality. Personally, I'm not convinced that the two are mutually exclusive. But St. Paul clearly allows that by our failure to love others we could drink damnation, illness, and death to ourselves. I hate to consider whether we are risking such consequences by our current actions, but I wonder what he would say to us. And I wonder what the Corinthians might have said back then about how prioritizing the the things of God was their act of love for weaker brothers. After all, if we don't care about the body of Christ, what does it even mean that we are Christians?
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gotatext · 4 years
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hello, it’s swamp witch nora again…. i couldn’t stay away.... hitting u with a tiny baby boy who is also terrible (sometimes).  musical softboi who loves karl marx and hates children dying in cobalt mines to make smart phones. as is tradition, here’s the pinterest board, have a peruse. fyi sorry for those of u who have read this intro a thousand times i literally.... can never b bothred to change it n i think thats really sexy of me x
CHARLIE PLUMMER / DEMI-BOY — don’t look now, but is that rory bergström  i see? the 23 year old music student is in their junior year and he is a rochester alum. i hear they can be whimsical, impassioned, self-indulgent and nitpicky, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet he / they will make a name for themselves living in griffin street. ( nora. 24. gmt. she/her. )
aesthetics.
bed hair from a permanent state of slumber, calloused fingertips from strumming bass into the early hours and djing into the blacklit night, self-help books thumbed once and thrown beneath your bed, battered copies of choose your own adventure books, spliffs passed half-arsed across rooftops while light pollution obscures low-hanging stars, marxist literature in stacks against your bedroom walls, a burner phone twice-shattered and a stash of replacement sim cards.
tw ocd, anxiety, drugs
half-swedish, half-british. the swedish is on his mother’s side. he’s bilingual but thinks in english. only really speaks swedish around his mother. only child, and kinda put a lot of pressure on himself to be the perfect kid when he was young, but his parents are honestly, quite decent? and just want him to have a nice life, they don’t care if he isn’t successful or rich or anything, they’re honestly rather solid. (wow imagine having nice parents, a first for all my characters, im literally this meme)
grew up in peckham, a suburb of london. growing up, his mum was a model / actress / waitress who later retrained as a speech therapist and his dad worked in her majesty’s service at buckingham palace. his dad wasn’t allowed to tell his family what his job entailed but rory suspects it’s probably very boring and just involves a lot of…. logistics n security.
was bullied a lot at school. [cole sprouse voice] he didn’t fit in and he didn’t want to fit in. unironically wore a trenchcoat to school every day of his life. spent most of his lunchtimes in the library because it was his safe space. as a result he knows…. loads of useless information because 30% of his school years were spent reading anthologies on space and the vikings etc. would be good on a game show. obsessively recorded every episode of university challenge as a child.
middle-class and lowkey quite wealthy but rarely talks about money, one of those well-off people who still wears really old shitty shoes and only spends money if they absolutely have to
virgin who can’t drive
into star wars, not into the big bang theory. feminist. can’t watch horror movies
favourite film is where the wild things are. also loves the florida project. thinks kids are the sweetest thing and can’t wait to be a dad to some
has been musical for as long as they can remember. first picked up guitar because he thought it would make this girl esther who he was in love with like him, but he just ended up falling in love with music instead.
formulated several different bands as a kid but ultimately had to give it up cos he was quite controlling and got fixated on making a certain sound so it wasn’t really fun for the others. got into electronic music because it was something he could do basically on his own and keep tweaking until he got it perfect
always drumming their fingers or strumming invisible guitar strings. tends to avoid parties bc he has quite has specific tastes when it comes to music and doesn’t like listening to r&b for eight hours while people throw up into plastic cups.
a techno connoisseur. has been making electronic music since he was about twelve.
after his parents divorce, when he was fourteen, rory & his mother moved to run-down suburban neighbourhood, pittsfield, massachussets.
big into photography. he mostly uses a canon 35mm camera, but occasionally uses disposable ones when he wants that more rustic feel.
moving to the states, their photography became more focused on suburban neighborhoods and are often quite dark and cinematic (think gregory crewsden). here are some shots of pittsfield i really like which rory has on his wall [1] [2] [3]
falls in love 12 times a day. never had a girlfriend or boyfriend. gets sweaty when someone cute looks at him. flirting?? what?? would prefer to idealise them from a distance
gender??? hm. rory don’t really know where they fit yet, sometimes he feels like a guy and sometimes they dont feel like anything at all!! slippin out of his physical form into the spirit realm! isn’t really bothered, cos they think it’s a social construct anyway. uses he/they pronouns interchangeably, but currently feels like ‘he’ is more fitting. won’t necessarily pull anyone up on it cos he knows having an identity that’s constantly…. in flux.. can be annoying for others … and doesn’t want to be a burden even tho it isn’t at all?? rory internalises guilt
everything is socially constructed. mirrors let you move through time. the whole thing’s a metaphor. he thinks he’s got free will but really he’s trapped in a maze. in a system. all he can do is consume. people think it’s a happy game. it’s not a happy game — it’s a fucking nightmare world, and the worst thing is, it’s real and we live in it!!!!
has ocd. tries to let it affect his life as little as possible, but obviously it’s incredibly hard to control a compulsive disorder. was teased for it at school when other kids started to notice. he was obsessed with the number five, would wash his hands five times, count stairs i groups of five, he could only use the corridors in one direction and always had to keep his hands busy. it manifests itself in hyper-fixations (trains when he was a child – specifically steam engines – then later he became obsessed with space and the patterns of constellations, and now he’s obsessed with synthesizers) and repetitive behaviours like counting stairs. doesn’t really affect his social life at all, he can jst get a bit locked-on n hyper-focused sometimes.
has insomnia. barely ever sleeps. finds it hard to switch off from work / writing / gaming / whatever’s preoccupying him in that moment. he’s always awake at 5am and quite often sleeps in through classes but still gets really good grades because he’s very good at his course. rarely attends classes. prefers to work independently. doesn’t really trust his tutors are intelligent enough to be teaching him, and is particularly suspicious of the lockwood tutors. a music snob tbh
occasionally deals weed n pills when strapped for cash, but only 2 ppl he knows, and on a very small scale grass-roots level!! (so its ok???) rollerskates around campus dealing cos they dnt have a car. we love to see it
aesthetics: bed hair from a permanent state of slumber, calloused fingertips from strumming bass into the early hours and drumming into blacklit night, self-help books thumbed once and thrown beneath your bed, watching vine compilations until your eyes turn square, battered copies of choose your own adventure books, spliffs passed half-arsed across rooftops while light pollution obscures low-hanging stars
likes: techno, the webpage cats on synthesizers in space, allen ginsberg, vintage gramophones,  floating points, lcd soundsystem, marijuana, soft dogs that let you pet them, late-night strolls talking about the universe, independent films, cigarettes, herbal tea, gallows humour, long showers, brown eyes, tchaikovsky, dr. seuss, constellations, photography, late night jazz, vintage game boys and girls who could rip his still-beating heart out of his chest and use it as an ashtray. dislikes:  weddings, funerals, formality, button-up shirts that people actually button-up, bananas, hot coffee, social media, people who watch and play sports, rap music – especially of the misogynistic variety, indie wankers in wire-framed glasses that play ed sheeran songs at open mic nights.
plot ! with ! me ! i’d say all the usual “exes fwb hookups spiel” but rory… has never hooked up with anyone… i feel like a deer in the headlights of love……. so give me
study buddies,
people who are also into techno and are music snobs about it,
people who love all kinds of music,
people who are in bands that maybe rory’s recorded and produced stuff for,
people he actually jams with (he plays bass and synth),
unrequited crushes!!
actually i think rory had sex w delilah in the last version of this rp so if u want a hook up plot its possible just unlikely. they’d hav 2 be the driving force i reckon cos rory doesn’t really act on impulses like desire or anythin.... jst bottles that shit up !!! but yea we could do a spicy hook up plot maybs, depending on the person
someone they met at a knitting club in freshman year and have remained friends with despite no longer going to it
people rory knows from open mic nights and gigs
library girlfriends / boyfriends that he stares at longingly while paging through leatherbound volumes
gamers !!! social recluses !!! hermits !!
people he deals weed to on his rollerskates (why r all my characters obsessed with rollerskates)
skaters. rory is really shit at skateboarding. like really shit. help the smol
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yunsoh · 5 years
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what do you think yuki's chart is like?
i’m going to put this under a cut because it’s a bit long, but here goes:
yuki’s natal chart/placements
leo rising: noticed easily by others, exude an almost regal mannerism that others pick up on (they don’t call him prince yuki for nothing), and tend to be seen as leaders, whether or not they see themselves that way. while leo is often stereotyped as a bombastic sign, his virgo placements subdue the more dramatic elements. leo risings are also rather self-aware and body conscious, and take care of how they present themselves (though choice of clothing, hair, etc.). can feel obligated to put on an act or performance for others in order to be liked.
virgo sun (in 2nd house): reserved, self-critical, tend to be perfectionists, practical, put a lot of value in being helpful to others. the 2nd house involves finances and material possessions, but beyond that involves self-esteem and self-worth; virgo sun in the 2nd will tend to cultivate their self-esteem through acts of service and work. shine when they’re able to show off their management skills. however, they tend to be too critical of themselves to see these traits, as they worry they’re not good enough. while others see them as leaders and acknowledge their good work, they themselves tend to struggle with accepting these things as truth.
libra moon (in 3rd house): friendly, kind, charming, emotional fulfillment through being with others, peace-seeking, often plays the diplomat. natural flirts, but don’t know they are. tend to suffer in silence in order to keep the peace. tend to be skilled in things involving beauty and creativity, and find emotional fulfillment through these things (such as gardening). the 3rd house involves our communication, early education, and siblings. charms others with their words, tends to know just what to say to calm people down and persuade them. tends to enjoy studying. can have problems with overthinking and anxiety. 
virgo mercury (in 2nd house): natural curiosity and tends to absorb information, whether through actively learning/researching or through observation. can be too quick to judge others, making assumptions about them based on who or what they already know before really getting to know the other person (we see this in particular with him comparing kakeru to ayame). in 2nd house, they tend to not enjoy being put on the spot, or forced into a position. needs to do things at own pace.
virgo venus (in 2nd house): sensitive and reserved in love, shows love in the little details (gifts are often small, yet meaningful -- the ribbons he gifts tohru, the maple leaf he gifts machi, etc.). always giving and trying to help, even though this help can come across as critical (such as when he tells machi it’s not enough to apologize, but instead she has to ask herself why she does the things she does). put off by loud, showy people (ayame, kakeru), and attracted to those who are more reserved. in 2nd house, needs to feel safe and secure in relationships, and finds beauty in simplicity. usually blessed with financial security, such as through a rich family.  
leo mars (in 1st house): have a strong need to create, and have a strong desire to give their lives meaning. can be kind leaders. tend to hold grudges (kyo, ayame), and can get violent when pushed (seen with kyo, ayame, kakeru) -- and, they tend to be easily aggravated. can turn to taunts that put themselves above others (the manner he berates kyo, telling kakeru he won’t be his friend anymore). [while mars in leo can cause the person to desire attention and admiration, this is subdued by his more modest virgo and libra placements; rather, he’s received too much admiration, and comes from a background of being put on a pedestal, which caused others to ignore the reality of his situation]. in 1st house, has a strong need for independence, and a need to discover life. tend to have a temper, and tend to win their fights.
scorpio imum coeli: the imum coeli (ic) is our roots, our childhoods, our families. a scorpio ic can be indicative of a darker childhood, possibly involving psychological difficulties. the need for attention was frequently not met, may have been ignored or made to feel unwanted. a sign of being manipulated or used for the parent’s gain, as well as feeling separated from family. may not get along with siblings. 
taurus midheaven: the midheaven (mc) is who we aspire to be, our careers, the person we want others to see us as. a taurus mc can be indicative of growing into a person who is dependable and secure. to grow from the scorpio ic, there’s a need to become independent and create own path (yuki telling his mother that he won’t allow her to choose his future for him). wants to appear as, and become, someone who is generous and pleasant, despite their harsh beginnings in the ic. 
other notes & synastry:
- 2nd house stellium (multiple planets in one house): a lot of yuki’s storyline is him realizing his self-worth, and pushing himself into leadership roles despite his self-critical nature. his story is also learning to set boundaries for himself, and to not just give and help for the sake of filling a void.  
- tohru’s taurus sun falls into yuki’s midheaven: the house person (yuki) looks up to the sun person (tohru), and the sun person may play a parenting role in the house person’s life. the sun person brings light to the house person’s growth as a person, making the house person aware of their potential and good qualities. the house person admires the qualities of the sun person. 
- tohru’s pisces moon falls into yuki’s 8th house: this can be indicative of a dark, deviant relationship, but tohru and yuki are both too good-natured and polite to one another to be like that. another way that this works is that the moon person (tohru) provides nurture for the house person (yuki) on an emotional and psychological level.
- kyo’s capricorn sun falls into yuki’s 6th house: the sun person (kyo) tends to fall into a subordinate role to the house person (yuki) -- not in a slave way, but more in a boss/assistant way. they can work well together, but the sun person can come to resent this role. which, of course, kyo does, and they don’t work well at all together until they eventually see one another as equals.
- kyo’s aries moon falls into yuki’s 9th house: the moon person (kyo) idolizes the house person (yuki), and tends to have a lot of large perceptions about the house person that may or may not be true. while this is usually indicative of admiration and affection, kyo sees yuki as a threat -- it’s not that he idolizes yuki, but rather idolizes the position he has within the family.
- ayame’s sagittarius sun falls into yuki’s 5th house: this often indicates a joyous, loving relationship between the sun (ayame) and house (yuki) persons; the sun sees the house person as delightful, and tends wear rose-colored glasses to view them. while ayame certainly loves yuki, he struggles to truly understand him. the tension wrought by yuki’s childhood makes their relationship less than happy, too, and blunts the effects of this overlay.
- akito’s cancer sun falls into yuki’s 12th house: there’s a lot of mystery and confusion between the sun (akito) and house (yuki). this not only goes for their personal relationship (yuki not understanding where akito is coming from most of the time), but also goes for how others perceive their relationship -- possible that their relationship is somewhat mysterious, in order to cover up its severity. [of note: hatori, haru, and kagura’s suns also fall into this house. take that as you will.] 
- akito’s scorpio moon falls into yuki’s imum coeli: there’s a love/hate relationship here -- while there’s a bond, there’s also competition (akito, too, seems to feel threatened, telling yuki that he doesn’t matter while she is the most important). the moon person (akito) usually establishes authority in the relationship, and there is generally a lot of tension and intensity.  
- shigure’s scorpio sun falls into yuki’s imum coeli: different from the moon, the house person (yuki) can come to trust the sun person (shigure) and find security in them. while yuki is distrustful of shigure’s motivations (due to his relationship with akito), shigure does offer security in the sense that he took yuki out of his abusive situation, and provides him a healthier environment.
- shigure’s gemini moon falls into yuki’s 11th house: the house person (yukI) and moon person (shigure) can feel at ease with one another, and tend to accept one another. while this can be a rathy dreamy synastry overlay, i see it more as yuki and shigure being able to find easy company in one another. they don’t tend to get into deep fights with one another.
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peantbuttr · 4 years
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meet  ASTRID NILSSEN,      the  twenty three  year old waitress who moved to dayton three months ago.  she’s known as  playful  &  selfish  in equal parts.  astrid  uses she/her pronouns & identifies as bisexual.
hello all !! i’m tea, and i’m in the discord chat if y’all wanna plot or talk !! astrid and i are excited to be here !! sorry this got a lil long. hopefully it’s okay kjgsfgs
i do have severe rape trigger, so while we’re all adults here, please warn me before mentioning and/or refrain from going into detail about plots involving these things so i can manage my shit, you know? you do you, but i also do me, and i just don’t have enough booze to field a panic attack today fgkdfgsg
otherwise pls hit me up and plot. i’m a shy person but if you want plots, i’ll bust my booty to get em for you : ‘)
                     * /  intro. 💋
name:   astrid nilssen
nicknames:  n/a, but if someone gave her one she’d fucking melt
age, bday:   23, june 7th
zodiac:   gemini 
sexuality:    bisexual, no preference
gender:  female, using she/her pronouns
character traits:  flighty, playful, aggressive, intelligent, creative, ambitious, spoiled, selfish
alignment: chaotic neutral, esfp, slytherin
                      * /  past. 💋
tw verbal abuse, age gap, abortion
born in europe from a loveless marriage between a well-bred british socialite and the young heir of an american corporate dynasty, astrid spent most of her life jumping between boarding schools and holidays foisted off on either set of grandparents
all this served to do was isolate her more: she couldn’t fit in with european girls, and she wasn’t familiar enough with america to fit in there either. the isolation grew.
her grandparents didn’t love her any more than her parents did – old money with old values, they ridiculed her for being not skinny enough, too skinny, not pretty enough, too girlish, too stupid, too smart – nothing she did was enough… nothing she did would ever be enough
their constant demanding and belittling left astrid bitter, tired and constantly trying to do better, so much so that it was exhausting, and she felt like she was tiptoeing over glass
she hardly ever saw her parents, let alone saw them within the same room as one another – and quickly she learned that the easiest way to get positive  attention was to demand it. she grew from acting out in class to shoplifting to getting high during the school days
each time she got a final warning from yet another school, her parents would show up, lavish her in gifts to bribe her into obeisance, and for once astrid would feel loved
it escalated and escalated, however, as astrid started pushing further and further in order to earn what she craved, the attention & validation from her family that drove her to just about every extreme she could think of
so it’s no wonder that astrid, a narcissistic little daredevil, fell in love with the first person that showed her the attention she craved. within six months she was devoted to her partner: a much older, and much more controlling person than she’d ever imagined herself with.
it lost its shine, however, when astrid found out she was pregnant just after turning twenty two. she panicked. she knew somewhere in her that she could not trust her partner to take care of her, and she knew that she could not be, and desperately didn’t want to be, a mother.
so she got an abortion. to hide it from her controlling parents, she bought herself expensive trinkets and sold them at pawn shops, and afterwards, nothing felt the same. 
it opened her eyes -- and, after withdrawing several thousand dollars from her trust fund, she disappeared and left home to find a future in dayton.
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                     * /  present. 💋
of course her parents keep tabs on her: she sees familiar faces lurking outside her apartment almost daily. still, no one has harassed her yet, and at the moment that’s all she can hope for.
although starting fresh and without a constant family fortune to guide her, so far she’s found working to be mostly agreeable. she waits tables at a little dive club in dayton, using her girlish charm to wiggle tips out of even the most tight-fingered bastard
she’s still selfish and wild, difficult to control, and interested in little else but her next thrill. hell only accentuated her headstrong unruliness, and this is sure to be a problem for her.
muleheaded and relentless, when she gets her teeth in something and decides she likes it, it’s almost impossible to get her to let go.
still, one can earn a semblance of comfort and friendship with her, as much as any narcissist can offer; she’s endlessly loyal to those who earn it, and although her capacity for true effortless kindness has never been nurtured, she makes a needy, protective and attentive friend
                    * /  specific wanted plots. 💋
an old and familiar friend —  she leads an isolating life, though somehow has found a relic of her tumultuous past. this person knew her as a spoiled little rich girl, and knows her now adjusting to hard work and the realities of life as an average person -  open to any gender
a mentor —  rarely does astrid trust anyone with asking for advice and help in her life. still, she doesn’t know what she’s doing, and has been raised in a guilded cage: she has to open up to someone and ask what the fuck she’s supposed to do with her taxes. this person is the most trusted friend and ally she has, and the only person who has so far been allowed to see that she really is still just a scared little girl in need of attention -  open to any gender, though preferably a little older / more experienced in life than she is
                   * /  plot ideas. 💋
sexual
i’m open to literally anything .... the standard fwb, hookups & one night stands 
ppl who want a tiny, angry girl to boss them around idk
u need a wlw eightball? astrid is here to help
u need a third to spice things up with ur girl? astrid is here to help
someone she’s uhhh trading favors with cause she’s got Ambition and one of them is a lot of money of her own
romantic
hedonism is her jam so there’s only a few of these i’m putting down
although yooo imagine the drama if someone objectively better than her did catch her eye.... nice
unrequited crush  —  someone astrid caught feelings for and knows they don’t feel the same. she’s trying to work through it, but this person gives her butterflies, she can’t help it. highly undignified for her. wtf is this feeling, get it away from her -  /lays down reverse card  —  someone who wants some angst in the form of unrequited feelings for a tiny brat. unwise, but it happens
break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored  —  a friend to whom astrid played side-chick while they figured out shit with their girl... then made the mistake of getting attached. it’s going to end terribly, she knows, but why not enjoy it while it lasts?
platonic
other people who work in the service industry like a co-workers / boss (still deciding where she works, so if ur muse needs an employee hmu ok), people she’s met at a bar, people she’s known for years somehow, etc.
yin to yang ; someone who is calm and shy, matching astrid’s small, fight-me, wild child energy and balancing her out. astrid’s not sure what she should do with them, but also can’t stop bothering them
heart-to-heart friend ;  someone who sees through all of astrid bullshit, aggression and drama and sees that even through the dramatic haze of brattiness and selfishness , she’s genuinely fuckin... sad underneath it all. they don’t take her shit and coax honesty out of her
ex roommate ; someone whose couch she crashed on when she first arrived, before she got herself her own place. she probably didn’t really ask before deciding she was staying with them and tbh prob was annoying as hell. so it could be a fun connection
negative ; someone who hates her and has tried to fuck her shit up, someone she’s had a falling out with, someone she was Too Mean To, someone she plays mean pranks on, someone who annoys the shit out of her, oo even an ex could exist.... idk fuck me up fam
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vincentcheungteam · 3 years
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Church and Seminary
If seminaries are necessary, they are necessary only because churches do not have adequate teaching ministries. Of course, even when a church has an adequate teaching ministry, a seminary might still have certain advantages, such as a larger community of scholars, a larger library, and so on. However, if the church is serious about its teaching ministry, then the difference between its resources and a seminary's resources will only be one of degree. A church could have its own community of scholars (teaching elders, etc.), a good-sized library, and other resources for teaching and research, so that a seminary, even if useful, is still not absolutely necessary for ministerial training.
The training model of Christ (Jesus and the Twelve) and the apostles (Paul and Timothy) is more than sufficient. If it seems insufficient, it is only because churches have not really adopted it. The leaders of a church should be able to train their own partners and successors, instead of having to send their people to seminaries to be taught by people that nobody in the church knows, or worse, to hire someone from the outside with whom the church has never had a relationship.
Some seminary graduates are stupid and arrogant, and unworthy of ministry. Most cases are not even examples of "knowledge puffeth up" (1 Corinthians 8:1), but it is the belief that they have knowledge that puffs them up, since they in fact know very little. It is impossible to tell whether a person knows anything just because he has a degree.
I started to exhibit an interest in biblical matters when I was in elementary school, and as this continued for a number of years, my parents wanted to make sure that I was not misled in my studies. So they brought me to several seminary-trained pastors and gave me the opportunity to discuss theological issues with them. They could not answer my questions. When our positions differed, they could not refute what I said. And they did not know the biblical passages we discussed half as well as I did.
I knew very little, and some of my beliefs were false. In fact, I was not even converted at the time. But these pastors, who were trained in seminary and had spent much time in ministry, could not properly instruct or refute even a child like me. It was not because I was especially clever, but they were especially incompetent, despite their years of training and experience. Of course, not all seminary graduates are like this, but the point is that just because a person has a seminary degree does not mean that he is capable.
If I were to hire a seminary graduate from outside of my circle, instead of promoting someone that I have known and trained for years, there is no chance that I would allow him to teach my congregation or my audience right away. First, although he has a seminary degree, I still have no idea if he knows anything or if he is good at anything, because a degree never proves knowledge or competence. Second, knowledge and competence are not the only qualifications for ministry, but a minister must be above reproach in his character.
So I might put him on probation for a while, and make him do all sorts of menial work. I would make him haul boxes. I would make him scrub toilets.[2] I would make him serve coffee to janitors and secretaries. I would make him help in the nursery so that he can change diapers and mob up vomit. If he thinks that he is too good for all of this, then he is no good to the ministry. If, fresh out of the seminary, he thinks that he is already some "man of God" that is too important to do anything other than teaching and writing, and to have people sit at his feet to hear his wisdom, then he is a useless piece of trash, and he is so stupid that he does not know it.
Nobody in the organization would be intimidated by his seminary degree. The more he talks about it or tries to impress people with it, the more we will look down on him and humiliate him. If he ever introduces himself as "doctor" so-and-so, then he might as well walk right out the door and never come back (Matthew 23:7-12). If he has the goods, then he can show us by his humble and excellent service.
There are numerous other details that I could notice. I would take him on errands and meals, and I would watch how he treats the waiters and the doormen. I would casually suggest that we meet at a certain time, and then see if he arrives early (I always do). If he is married, I would watch how he interacts with his wife, to see whether he selfishly lords it over her, or whether he uses his authority to serve her with sacrificial love.
When someone is applying for ministry, all of these things are relevant, and then he must also meet the proper intellectual and doctrinal standards. If it is someone that I have trained, I would have all the information I need about him, but a seminary degree tells me none of these things. Consider the lessons and tests based on Luke 14:7-11, Proverbs 29:5, James 1:19 (also Proverbs 10:19), and others. So what if he has a seminary degree? Even if he comes from one of the best seminaries, it might still mean that he is more likely to be full of pride, unbelief, false doctrines, and the traditions of men. It is easy to train up someone more spiritually and intellectually competent in several months to a year. If he is too "holy" or educated to mob up vomit or scrub the toilet, then I do not want him to even lick stamps for my church or ministry. He is not good enough to be the speed bump on the church parking lot, and he can forget about being a teacher. On the other hand, nothing that I have described should pose a problem to a genuine servant, one who is not trying to be a master or a celebrity to God's people (Matthew 20:25-28).
All of this applies to me as well – the day that I consider myself too much of a "man of God" to scrub the church toilet is the day that I have become as a filthy toilet to God. And it would not be enough to do a half-baked job – if I scrub a toilet, I am going to make it shine. I will not pretend that I have had as many opportunities to perform menial work as many other people, but whenever the demand was placed upon me, I did a good job with a good attitude.
To illustrate from an early experience, all the students at my high school were required to work in the kitchen for one year. I was placed under an elderly supervisor who was accustomed to handling spoiled and grumbling students – kitchen work was considered the worst on campus. Probably expecting another lazy and whiny worker, the supervisor was very harsh and critical at first. But I worked so hard and so well that her attitude toward me was changed after several days, and she even started giving me preferential treatment.
I was promoted from the smelliest and most disgusting tasks in the kitchen (like dumping leftovers from people's dishes and trays into a hole where all of this mixed discarded food had been for many hours), to repetitive tasks like peeling potatoes (thousands of small red potatoes!), and finally to the front of the kitchen to arrange the items on the counters and to serve food to the students.
My favorite tasks were the disgusting and the repetitive ones. People stayed away when I was doing the disgusting tasks (I did not think it was that bad, but others did), and I did not have to think about what I was doing for the repetitive ones, so that while I was working, I would spend all those hours thinking on Scripture, and on the sermon that I would preach that week.
On the last day, when the year was over and it was time for me to leave, the full-time adult workers at the kitchen were in tears – they were weeping and trembling. This is the power of the normal biblical work ethic. I was not like this because I was born this way, but because I was a Christian, sovereignly changed and nurtured by God.
Jesus left us an example. Since our Lord and Teacher was willing to perform a servant's work, we dare not consider ourselves greater than our master (John 13:14–17). It would be unbiblical to require a minister to do menial work as part of his regular duties (Acts 6:2), but he should never consider himself above it, and he should gladly participate whenever he is needed. In fact, a leader should make a point of humbling himself and setting an example by helping with the lowly tasks at church, without neglecting his main duties.
If I were to train or test someone that I have hired from the outside, then I will have to pay him a reasonable salary while he is on probation, and meanwhile he would not be doing the work that I hired him to do in the first place. Moreover, I have been using humility and work ethic only as examples – there are many other things that I need to test and teach him. But if I were to promote someone from within my own church or ministry, he would have already been trained and tested for a long time.
There are some things that a seminary can do to train and test their students when it comes to humility. For example, it can make the students do all the janitorial work. But seminaries might consider this unfeasible for various reasons, and those that are willing to implement something like this cannot make it work as well as a church can. Also, if the students do this sort of work as a school requirement, then they might not perceive its significance and would just go through the motions, and the work would be much less humiliating to the proud (which makes the training less meaningful and effective) than if they were in the minority, as would be the case if someone is trained and tested in a church community. In general, a church is the better environment for raising up its own workers and leaders.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ [1] Adapted from email correspondence. [2] Cleaning toilets ought to be a joy – the stuff that you scrub off the toilet is much less stubborn and much more fragrant than many of the people that you will deal with in ministry. If you cannot even handle toilets – and what you find in them – how will you handle people?
Vincent Cheung. Doctrine and Obedience (2012), p. 4-7.
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23fallen · 3 years
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i wish i had more windows in my room. it's disappointing when all you have is an ounce and you want the full deal. hey give me that 64 oz !! just kidding. i am not that weird.
i pushed pillows in my windows so no light would come in and i would be able to sleep in longer. the sunrises earlier than i thought it would. and i have to get up at a decent time before we go to school.
i've still got time for love right?
i hate the feeling and it's so annoying. i am tired of always feeling like i might be good enough for him. but i know i am too good for him. this boy controls me and he doesn't even know that he does. i am dying slowing on the inside way out. i am tired. why am i so tired? i need to clean my room so i can sleep peacefully. i also need a new phone screen for my phone/: but i don't know what's going to go down if i ask one more time..
best: our own scripture time w sister rogers.
worst: fighting over the stupid fire with brianna
weirdest: candy fires...?
blessing: our leaders in young women's. and just knowing that they are always here to help us with whatever we need and that they are here to help us.
saddest: lisa left to go home, and isn't here at girls camp anymore )):
...
today was really interesting because it was kinda emotional and the again it wasn't at all.
when we woke i ate a burnt burrito. it wasn't that good, but it wasn't pizza so i cannot complain.
hi emma, it's faisi! i just wanted to quickly tell you to have patience with your mom! i know it's hard rn because her choices are different than the ones you would want her to make. but the best way to teach is to show with love and example.
girls camp
//
it is sad to think that my last year of girls camp has come and gone, but i am excited to be growing up.
this year was different from the rest of the years at girls camp because my mom wasn't there as a leader or the director. i was very nervous about attending camp this year, because my mom wouldn't be there, but also because i would be missing an important basketball camp and i knew my coach would be mad that i couldn't go... BUT with some thought and time.. i knew i wouldn't be playing 1 on 1 with heavenly father any time soon. so i went to girls camp!
today i am going to be sharing with you the thoughts and feelings i had during "solo-time" at camp.
Solo-time is where they set an hour of time away to send us out into the woods alone. during that time we reflect on our lives and surroundings, and the time we've had at camp.
they also give us a little booklet with our names written on them, with letters from our parents and different things inside that remind us how much heavenly father and christ, love us as individuals.
for my talk, i wanted to quickly compare all of my letters to different types of blessings that we have in our lives.. all of my letters are different and unique in every way.
the first letter i got, i had no idea who it was from..it wasn't very big but i was more excited to open this one letter than all of the others. the letter was from my best friend mattie.
- i compared this letter to the blessings that we don't ask for. those silent prayers that we say in our hearts. heavenly father knows us and he loves us enough to bless us with the small things we need.
the next letter was from sister rogers. before we started solo-time, sister rogers asked me if i was writing her a note. i then said "i'll write you one, if you will write me one!" the joy and love i was filled with while reading her note, has remained in a special place in my heart.
- i compared this to the blessing of giving and receiving service. doing service for others without wanting anything in return, but also feeling blessed when others have given you service.
the next letter i received from briley. she was sitting close to me and had handed me a note.
- i compared this simple act of love and kindness to people giving service to others.
the next few letters i read are from a missionary i have in my life. there is something so special about re- reading
missionary letters that just makes your heart so happy.
- i compared these letters to the blessing of missionary work.
the last letter was from my mom. To be honest i picked up this letter first, but put it down again. my first thought was "best for last"... but as time went on, i realized i did not want to open it. the thought of opening this letter from my mom scared me & i had pushed it away. i had thought to myself.."what if it isn't enough?" lately in my home i had been distant and not involved or loving as i once had been, but especially towards my mom. opening this letter was not something i wanted to do. i was scared that my mom wouldn't be the same and that her note would tell me something that i honestly did not want in my life.
my heart was already broken & i hadn't even opened the letter.
i knew my solo time was coming to an end, so with all of my courage, i opened it.
the letter was thick and had a ton of writing. i read the first line and instantly knew that it would change my heart for the better... as i read, i was filled with joy & sadness, but also i was filled with love.
- i compared this to the blessing of praying to heavenly father for an answer to a question. and sometimes we don't want to listen to the answer we don't want to hear, but in reality He knows us best and knows what we need to have in our lives, if we are willing to keep his commandments and seek out our answers.
//
girls camp wasn't what i thought it was going to be, but it helped me learn & grow in ways i didn't think i needed to learn in. and i couldn't ask for anything better.
i am so thankful for all of our young women leaders and especially our amazing stake leaders we had at girls camp. i am thankful for the relationships i strengthened and the new friends i made while at camp. i am so thankful for this ward and all the girls in young women's who have helped me grow and learn.
my testimony & love i have for this gospel are so strong, and i am grateful i had the opportunity to bear my testimony at camp.
i love with church with all of my heart, and i say these things in the name of jesus christ, Ramen.
today was weird. and not just because it was a first for many, but because i feel like this isn’t how my life is supposed to go.
this week i hasn’t been looking for my low lights ... because i’m trying to be positive and not look at the down side to things..
but
my low light today was 5 minutes ago. my moms boyfriend woke me up. (its 12:51am) and I AM TRYING TO SLEEP.
my mom didn’t tell me where she was. ITS THANKSGIVING.
(jackson was smart to say he had work, because i wouldn’t have wanted to come over for thanksgiving either. only if i was as smart as he was.. good thing i actually had work)
i don’t like my moms boyfriend. i never have. he’s always been really rude and disrespectful to me and my family. he acts like he is jesus.
he is rude with his beliefs and with the way he was raised i can see why.
it amazes me that he hasn’t killed himself yet, with how annoying he is. because if i were him... id definitely had already killed myself.
i am just so annoyed with how things are being ran in this house hold, especially with the way my mom is handling things.
no one is allowed to ask questions.
no one is allowed to be rude to Jot. BUT HE CAN BE AS MEAN AS HE WANTS.
so i am making a list of things that offend me.
before i begin... yes. i understand that it’s my own fault when i get offended... BUT, that doesn’t mean that i have to dismiss how i feel. especially if my mother seems to find some sort of joy within this relationship.
- walks in like he owns the place
- acts like he can parent me (tells me not to do things)
- his kids make a mess... i clean it up.
- no respect to me or this house that isn’t his.
- talks to me like i’m stupid
- INSTIGATES JUST TO FIGHT
- doesn’t care (truely doesn’t)
- all of the random crap accumulated from the dumb or another source
- sexist things he says (girls are afraid of guns)
- swearing
- no music allowed to be played EVER.
- his beliefs that don’t need to be said
- not telling me where you are
- not respecting me like how you’d like to be respected ^^^
- not talking to me.. instead behind my back?
- confusion on many levels. (the car. jot and why he stays here. the boys. the continual disrespect for me from jot. etc.)
- can not express ourselves through ANYTHING. (music is evil)
- beer bottles EVERYWHERE
- don’t clean up after yourself, or the boys.
- keeping secrets
- constantly feel threatened by jots presence
- coming “home” (this is not his house last time i checked he doesn’t live here.)
-
-
these are just a few things that i could come up with.. i am honestly losing my crap on everything and i am very close to being rude about it in person. please help me understand all of these things and what i did to deserve to be treated this way. i am sorry if i offended you.
also i know you said never to mention the car thing again, but in all honesty it confuses me and i am interested to know the answers.
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