#it's... it's honestly so fucking cathartic to watch Astarion kill Cazador
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#ramblings of an arrow#had a FUN realization about why Astarion's story in BG3 means a lot to me and like also really fucks me up(in a good way)#and I am having a normal one in this chillis tonight#processing emotions on main tonight#simply there's some Astarion dialog that only happens if you choose some really awful dialog options#where he says something along the lines of 'I didn't know how to say no'#or 'I didn't think I could say no'#or something like that#and I justttt#they wrote it really well#how they dealt with his specific kind of trauma#and it fucks me up man#because hahahaha mood#it's... it's honestly so fucking cathartic to watch Astarion kill Cazador#like that whole scene is so tragic and awful but so cathartic b/c it's done so well and it feels so real#how he just starts sobbing right afterwards#and like it doesn't feel triumphant it just feels desperate#and how Astarion's whole motivation throughout the game is how scared he is of Cazador#and how when he kills Cazador it isn't like badass or cool or anything#it's this desperate awful terrified stabbing him until he's absolutely sure that Cazador is gone and will never get up again#like you can argue that it's overkill but honestly no that's fear and desperation right there#the desperate need to be free and know that they can never ever touch you again to know that you won't constantly be haunted by them#for the rest of your life#like fuck man I Get It#I fucking get it
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