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todayiwishtobe · 2 years

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A Constricted Centaur

M/M Explicit Monsterfucking

Sub Centaur Narrator x Dom Naga/lamia Boyfriend

Both characters have cocks

Contains constriction/bondage, cold-blooded lover, anal sex, blindfolding, dehumanisation/dumbification/degradation, dom/sub, mild temperature play, mild cumplay.

I can't see, but that just makes the touches across my body even more noticeable, my lover's cool scales coiling all about my body. His length is wrapped around my barrel, his human torso pressed against my own, his forked tongue tickling my ear as he hisses soft compliments.

I gasp as his tail rubs under my own, sending shocks up my body, and he winds tighter to me.

"Careful, pony."

His grasp is firm, and I can barely move inside his coils but I love the binding, so my tension and breath leave my body together in a long moment.

"Good boy."

I can say nothing in response as his mouth presses against mine. Our tongues push together, exploring the depths of each other. His sharp teeth are an edge of danger, made more enjoyable by the knowledge that he will never harm me.

While I'm distracted with the deep kiss, he continues to wind his tail around my hindquarters, getting himself into position to take what he wants. When all is ready, he breaks the kiss. Though I'm blindfolded, my mind's eye can see the grin his words carry.

"Ready for your ride, ponyboy?"

His cock is pressing against my hole, slick with lube, and I barely manage to gasp an affirmative.

"I didn't understand that." he mocks me.

"Yes!"

"Beg for it."

I'm so horny, I can barely think enough to string the sentence together, and my lover's body rubbing against my stiffened cock doesn't help.

"You're drooling, my love."

I know, I can feel the pre oozing out and across my lover's scales. I know he'll be loving the warm drops, he's told me before, it's all part of being his precious bodywarmer. The memories don't help, especially as his length teases my arse, and I whine. His silibant chuckles taunt me, and the embarrassed heat in my cheeks just fuels my arousal.

"Come on, if you want me to fuck your brains out, you need to start with some."

He knows his teasing is just making it harder for me, and that's the point. He's perfectly capable of keeping me here for hours, and has done, but this time I manage to screw together enough brains to gasp out

"Please...fuck me...crush me...plea...AH!"

I scream in delight as he rams himself into me, cutting off my pleas with a wave of pleasure.

"Good boy, that's all a dumb ponytoy like you needs to say."

He pulls back and thrusts in again and again, finding a rhythm that runs through his entire body, his muscles tight against mine, a glorious pressure that spirals up my body, along his many coils. My breath comes in gasps, my mouth lolling open as the sensuality swallows up all else. His fingers fondle my lips and tongue, shuddering with the pleasure of his thrusts as I clench my arse around his cock, desperate to give him some fraction of the pleasure he's giving me.

"Such...good...toy..."

His halting compliments tell me I'm succeeding, his breath against my neck becoming ragged with his delight. As constricted as I am, I can't do much, but that what I can is working brings me pleasure, a cycle of escalating delight that we both ride ever-higher. For long minutes we writhe and grasp at each other, he bathing in my heat, me rejoicing in his coolness, until he grasps me tight, a long hiss from between his teeth as he fills me with his climax.

"...good...slut."

Even in his fatigue, his body works my cock, and I do what I can too, what fractions of motion I can make to thrust into his coils, and soon I too come, a feral cry as my warm seed paints him thickly. He places a finger on my lips, chiding my lack of control, but with a condescensing expectation of my weakness, after all, I'm just a dumb pony slut. He moves higher, stretch up his body on the scaffold of mine, smearing my cum over the hair of my belly and back.

The dexterity of my lover lets him bind and release purely as he sees fit, and he chooses neither as he moves himself, lying his human body along my back, his coils wrapping around me as he settles into a tight grasp that will not slip from relaxed inattention, and I can feel his eyes close as he relaxes into my warmth and softness.

His grasp is better than any weighted blanket, and I, too find myself relaxing, the world drifting away as we bask in the afterglow of pleasure and in the touch and weight of each other's bodies.

#m/m #naga #centaur #lamia #gay #lgbtq+#queer #My writing #exophilia #also the centaur is autistic #it's not obvious but that's why the weighted blanket/constriction is so nice for him #because this is my self-insert and I'll be as indulgent as I want

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suicidalcatz · 5 years

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DOG DAYS ARE OVER : CHAP 10

Pairing : Jake Kiszka x reader

Genre : College AU

Previous parts : Prologue ; Chap 1 ; Chap 2 ; Chap 3 ; Chap 4 ; Chap 5 ; Chap 6 ; Chap 7 ; Chap 8 ; Chap 9

Masterlist : Here

AN : Oh my God I made it this far. So, I’m writing part 13 atm, it does seem extra long but the beginning of this chap is only the 26th page of my doc. It’s always a very stressful experience for me to share my fics, I think I’m really scared to disappoint you. I hope you won’t/don’t hate y/n and that she’s relatable for you, she has a lil temper. Last angst chapter before fluff, fluff and more fluff. Again, please feel free to let me know what you think of it, I love chatting with you and it can help me improve my writing ! Thanks for the love and support, and for embarking into this journey with me.

Chapter 10 : Why didn't you tell me ?

Staying wrapped in a blanket in the comfort of my bed sounded like the best week-end plan. I didn't want to do anything else, anyway. Crying was the first thing I did when coming home last night, and it lasted a good portion of the night. Mandy had follow me soon after I hurried out of the room, concern all over her features. At some point I cried myself to sleep in her arms while she silently stroke my back. It sounded overly dramatic and made me feel pathetic in addition to everything else, but I had got my hopes up so much that the fall hit hard. Terribly so. Understanding that I needed some alone time (as much as our shared room allowed it), Mandy let me be, keeping herself busy with work, some Netflix, or going out from times to times. I heard her put on her shoes and coming next to me, probably waiting by the door before leaving. I couldn't see her, however, because my body was facing the wall, keeping my eyes fixated on the old yellowed paint.

- Dude, you can't stay in bed all day long listening to Fleetwood Mac.

- Oh yeah ?, I croaked. Watch me.

Stubbornly keeping my back to her, I slightly moved the blankets to cover my head. I felt hollow, at best. I wanted to cry, but there was no tears left. My eyes felt dry, probably red and puffy, and my chest wouldn't stop aching like someone had just stabbed my heart. It felt awful. I felt miserable.

Mandy quietly stayed a while longer behind me, before she spoke softly.

- I know it hurts sweetie.

This simple, compassionate sentence had my eyes instantly watering, and before I realized it, a sob found its way at the back of my throat, making me shake under the covers.

- It hurts so much, so fucking much.

My sobs became more erratic, to the point that I don't even know if she could hear me correctly, but in an instant she was by my side, taking me into her arms, shushing me gently, putting me to sleep.

My nights were sleepless, my naps were restless, my dreams were all filled with nightmares. I couldn't help seeing Jake's face over and over in it. Sometimes people would make fun of me for believing he could've wanted me. Other times, my mind would just show me his face, or replay unwanted memories. Some part of me knew it wasn't the end of the world and there was no reason for me to get this worked up over a heartbreak because it could've been way worse. He could've intentionally led me on. He could've cheated on me. He could've taken advantage of me for sex. What happened was nothing in comparision, it was just a disastrous twist of fate. Plain bad luck. But somehow the fact that no one was to blame in this situation felt even more cruel. Like some invisible force had decided to not let me be happy. And listening to Fleetwood Mac wouldn't help improve my mood, but at the moment I didn't wanted to feel better. There was something strangely comforting in feeling miserable. I wanted to let it all go, all the tears, all the pain, no matter how long it would take.

When I heard the door open again, I hadn't moved an inch from when Mandy had previously left. Even with my earphones on, I could hear some murmurs in the kitchen. She knocked on the doorframe to notify her presence before speaking up.

- Sweetie, someone's here to see you.

There was an uncomfortable edge to her voice that actually made me curious, before some more footsteps approached my way, keeping a safe distance. They were being too fucking cautious not to offend me or whatever, like I was some damn porcelain doll, and while it annoyed me, it really made me realize how alarming the state I was in must've look from an outside point of view.

- Hey, I think I owe you some explanation.

I recognized this raspy and low voice, very slightly different from Jake's. It made my heart skip a beat because of how much they sounded alike, and I turned to face him just to be sure. Josh looked as apologetic as ever, and I knew why. I didn't feel bad for him at all. Thank God he had remorse.

- I have nothing to say to you.

- I knew you had a crush on him, said Josh anyway. It was obvious... the painting, the time you spent together, even the way your face lit up just seeing him. I tried to prevent this ending, I swear, and I'm so, so sorry-

- I know what you did.

Sitting up, scrubbing the dried tears out of my reddened cheeks and nose with the back of my hand, I gave him a cold stare. In the corner of my eye I could see a tense Mandy not knowing what to do with herself, and if she was questionning ; yes, it was a terrible idea bringing Josh here.

It all came to me just before I fled from the party, but I got too engrossed in my heartbreak to really think it through. But now, with his guilty looking face just few meters away from me, it all clicked into place. His odd behaviour whenever Jake and I spent time together, his seemingly jealous fits, the way he interrupted us whenever we were getting closer. It wasn't jealousy at all. It wasn't him being left out, or whatever bullshit he had told me.

- You knew all along, I said as tears blurred my sight, you knew he had a girlfriend. You didn't tell me. This could've been avoided if you had told me.

My throat had never felt this constricted. Now, adding to the weight of sadness, humiliation, emptiness, and wretch, was betrayal. Which made my shame sentiment grow bigger and my anger begin to rise. Slowly, Josh nodded his head. Of course he knew, it was his twin.

-I didn't know, I, I wanted to protect you-

- I need you out. I don't want to see you.

- Doll let me-

- Get out.

I didn't have the energy to shout at him, and his fucked up logic. Duality splitted my mind in two, tiredness of this whole situation and anger. The latter won over, making me throw whatever came to my hand when Josh closed the door behind him. He knew all along and he didn't tell me anything. He knew I had fallen for his brother, he saw it, and he didn't tell me. I couldn't believe it, that hit me hard, and made almost as much damage as Jake being in a relationship. They both broke my heart that day.

The night finally came after what felt like the longest day ever. I didn't move. I didn't shower. I didn't eat. One thing I wanted to do was going back home, to my parents' place and listen to their stories, letting them forcefeed me, or put a blanket on me as I would fall asleep on the couch during movie night. However, I didn't have money to afford buying a train ticket, and it was too far away for them to come pick me up. They were getting old, I couldn't bother them if it wasn't an emergency. So I lied awake in my bed for another night, and I'll do the same the next day.

I was doing a good job of lying half dead in bed all Sunday before Mandy interrupted my mourning with her sudden life goal of making me snap out of it. It started with her pulling out the covers, and confiscating my phone.

- No more depressing music for you, I've had it. We get it, you're sad. We all have been there, you included. Guess what ? Staying in bed all day won't make you feel better, so you're gonna move it and take a nice and long shower because we're going out.

Seeing her this determined, fists on her hips, actually surprised me.

- I'm not, I muttered into the pillow.

- Oh yeah we are. There are plenty of boys in the world, you're stronger than that. So you better get your pretty ass in the shower before I kick the hell out of it.

To be honest, she had a fair point, and I obliged reluctantly, finding myself getting dressed up faster than I expected. By foot, we were a good hour away from the downtown, and with that infernal weather there was no way we were gonna walk, so she ordered a Uber for us and pushed my sorry self inside. The center of the city was crossed by the river, where the best bars were, and about half of our school's students hung out in this area, so it was always crowded, even in December. Teenagers and young adults were drinking cheap beer, smoking weed and/or selling drugs. It was the perfect place to meet new people. We could already see people chatting noisily by the docks, some dudes peeing on the river, others playing the djembe or singing together in circles, passing the joint. The street was usually so crowded that when a police car went by to see if everything was in order, it rolled with difficulty, honking everybody standing in the middle of the road. Mandy's strategy was simple : getting my mind off of Jake. She wouldn't even say his name, and had me take a shot every time I did (which I didn't anyway). Despite all her efforts, I couldn't say I was into it. The night went by with me staying in the back as she befriended everyone, fake-smiling now and then when they tried to chat with me. Focusing on what they said has proved nearly impossible, so I excused myself, pretexting I had to go to the bathroom. I needed some alone time. I didn't even feel like drinking anything, even a soda. It was too crowded, too noisy, smelled like booze and beer too much, it was... everything was overwhelming for someone who had just lied motionless in silence for two whole days.

The bartenders didn't say a word about me coming into their bar in the sole purpose of using their toilets. I don't even think they saw me at all with all the yelling people lined up against the counter to get their drinks. The crowd was compact, and my frame nearly got smashed between strangers' bodies when I tried to come through it, tripping over when I got out of this sea of limbs, and finally bumping heads with some drunk dude.

- Sorry, we said in unison, lifting a hand to our head.

The sound of my name made me gaze up, reporting my attention on something else than the floor. Josh. Of course. Could my luck be any worse ? At this point I must say that I wasn't even surprised. He looked far too drunk, and smelled a disgusting mix of whisky and beer. Trying to wave him off before passing him didn't succeed, because he grabbed my wrist, saying we should talk, pulling me outside on the busy street where I just came from.

- Josh I don't want to hear-

As a response, his index finger pressed sloppily against my lips, shushing me, making me frown.

- I didn't get to say everything I needed, did I ?

At this point I wasn't even annoyed, just tired and sorry for the both of us. He looked almost as miserable as me, and was he alone ? My eyes shot glances from side to side, waiting for his friends to pick him up, or worse, his brothers. But nobody seemed to care about us, let alone witness us.

- Whatever, let's talk.

Sending a to text Mandy beforehand in case she thought I was once again locked in the bathroom, I let Josh walk me to the bridge at the end of the street, far from the crowd. The wind kept brushing our faces at full speed, making my ears ache and my fingers sting. It was so cold outside I couldn't understand why everybody kept coming at the docks, this was the worst place ever in Winter. Josh sat on a step leading to the top of the bridge, only wearing a light suede jacket, not bothered in the slightest by this awful weather. The boy kept looking at his feet, his mouth a pout, his gaze unfocused, looking deep in thought.

- Josh if you're not going to say anyth-

- I didn't know what to do about it, he interrupted like he didn't hear me at all. I panicked ? You have to believe me, doll, I'm so sorry about it. What should have I done ? You're my friend and he's my brother, what a shitty situation. It wasn't my place to tell you, it was his. He should've known, it was so fucking obvious to everyone except him, what an idiot...

Josh began rambling, shaking his head in disbelief. I felt my cheeks color at the new knowledge that everybody knew about my crush on Jake except himself. My shame level was about to burst, it was so embarrassing.

- He doesn't know ?

Needing to confirm this, I barely whispered but the boy heard me, staring intently into my eyes before shaking his head no, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

- He's an idiot, commented Josh. Can't even see his relationship has been going to the dogs since months now. And I'm deeply sorry his incompetent ass put you in this situation. Now I obviously can't beat him up for you but I do can steal his socks to piss him off.

What ? Josh kept rambling on and slurring, to the point I didn't know if he was talking to me or to himself. So Jake's relationship wasn't all great... It happened to everybody, I guess. It didn't rejoice me in any way, however. If anything, I felt empathy for him. Maybe it's not that he was oblivious, but that he wanted for this to work so much he willingly chose to ignore that his relationship was falling apart. According to Josh's mumbling, their love was dying. Knowing Jake better now I could picture him genuinely trying his best to make things work, even though there wasn't anything he could do about it, and it made me sad. Because who knew this feeling of helplessness better than me ? It made me see things from a new perspective. Why was I even fighting with Josh ? Again ? It was futile and childish. I felt betrayed out of anger and sadness. It didn't mean he handled the situation perfectly, oh no. But staying mad at him wouldn't change anything. Jake wasn't going to quit his girlfriend anytime soon and I didn't wish him that. I couldn't live a lie either. Now at least I knew he was in a relationship, and I could finally move on. And while doing it, I could help a friend.

- It's alright Josh, I interrupted his monologue. Come here, let's go.

Josh took the hand offered to him and with some difficulty, I helped him up, letting him wrap himself around me, hugging me tightly, making me giggle.

- Where are we going ?, he whined in my shoulder while I called a cab.

- Home.

#gvf fic #gvf x reader #gvf imagine #gvf fanfic #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka imagine #josh kiszka fic #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet imagine #greta van fleet #jake kiszka

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kwangcvlt · 7 years

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Gross Chapter 3

Pairing: Kaisoo WARNINGS: Depression and Eating DisordersSummary: “Kyungsoo knows he’s gross, he knows he’s disgusting, but here he is, in love with the most perfect man, he thinks, has ever existed.”

Masterlist AFF Ao3

Cold water travels down the expanse of Kyungsoo’s body as he stands under the head of the dorm's shower. He’s been in for almost 30 minutes now, but his band members still aren’t home. They wouldn’t care that much as long as he doesn’t use up the warm water. He lets out a huff of breath. He doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore. He doesn’t understand why he’s here why he feels so unwanted. He knows it’s a little ridiculous and his band mates most likely care for him, but he can’t shake off that feeling. That feeling that he’s actually just a burden on the group, that he’s holding the other boys back. He hates himself for it, but he just feels so unloved.

He tilts his head up facing the cold water letting it run down his face, his black hair being pushed into his eyes. He slowly reaches for the shower handle turning it off. He stands there for a moment before dragging his hands down his face ridding it of most of the water. He grabbed one of the towel hanging on the wall quickly drying himself with it, wrapping it around his waist, and leaving the bathroom.

Compared to the icy shower Kyungsoo had just been in the dorm was warm, almost inviting. He turned to enter Jongin and his shared room. He searched through his dresser quickly putting on his underwear but was currently struggling to find any pants or a tee shirt for him to wear. He sighed, the laundry hadn’t been done yet. He took out a pair of pajama pants that are too big for him, shuffling them on and pulling the drawstring extra tight. The end of the pants went past his feet, but not to the point where he couldn’t walk.

He quickly set in search of a tee shirt once more only to be disappointed. He wandered the room for a moment before his eyes landed on Jongin’s dresser. Jongin would probably hate it if Kyungsoo wore one of his shirts, but was far too kind to say anything. Kyungsoo sadly decided to take advantage of this fishing out one of his shirts and throwing it over his head. The shirt was too big and went down to his mid thigh and hung loosely on his shoulders slipping down and revealing his nonexistent collarbones every once in awhile. The long sleeves traveling a few centimeters past his fingertips. Even in clothes that weren’t supposed to fit him in the slightest, he could feel his stomach and thighs rubbing against the fabric reminding him of the weight he had yet to lose.

Kyungsoo could hear the doorknob wiggling as one of the members worked their key in it to get it open. Kyungsoo braced himself. He looked awful, he was sure the boys would be able to see the obvious weight that sat on him, constricting him. All he could think of was how Jongin would look at him. In Jongin’s shirt looking disgusting. He desperately tried to hold himself together as he heard the door finally opened.

“Kyungsoo!” He heard Jongin call.

He took a deep breath preparing himself before calling back, “Coming!”

Kyungsoo slowly entered the kitchen, Jongin had his back to him as he leaned down into the fridge.

“Soo do you know if we have any-” Jongin stopped talking when he laid eyes on him, “Is that my shirt?”

Kyungsoo blushed nodding his head, “All of mine are dirty, I was hoping you wouldn’t mind…”

Jongin’s eyes slowly looked him up and down, “Yeah… It’s fine don’t worry about it.” He was right, Kyungsoo thought to himself, Jongin was disgusted.

“What were you asking about by the way?”

Jongin snapped out of his trance, “Oh, right, do we have any eggs?”

“Why do you need eggs?”

“To eat, what else?”

Kyungsoo chuckled, “No we ran out yesterday, you should probably text the boys and tell them to pick some up on the way home.”

“No, I can get them myself in the morning.” Jongin sighed.

“Then I guess they should be getting home pretty soon then?”

Jongin paused for a moment, “Well I did leave pretty early… You know what it wouldn’t hurt to have them go get some things from the store real quick.” he spoke before pulling out his phone to text them.

Kyungsoo looked at him confused, “I thought you were just going to do it in the morning.” Kyungsoo thought for a moment, even though he’d probably would be only bothering Jongin he wanted to be selfish, to have Jongin for himself even if it was a short amount of time, “But it would be easier having them do it since fans would probably notice you in the morning then them going at night.”

Jongin smiled, “Glad we agree.”

For a moment Kyungsoo forgot himself looking into Jongin’s smiling eyes. What he looked like in Jongin’s clothes. How Jongin would never share the same emotions as him and how much that hurt. That even if Jongin was attracted to boys Kyungsoo was too ugly, too fat to ever be his type. And for a moment Kyungsoo simply smiled back at him.

“So should we watch a movie while we wait for them to get back?” Jongin asked pulling Kyungsoo out of his thoughts.

“Um, sure I’ll pick something out, but you should probably shower before all of them get back and use all of the hot water.”

“Ah, good idea! Then you go get it started, I’ll go clean up.” Jongin started towards their bedroom walking past Kyungsoo, “Oh Kyungie!” He turned back around to the smaller boy, “Make us some popcorn, okay?”

Kyungsoo nodded, “Of course, it wouldn’t be right without it.”

Jongin grinned, “You take such good care of me Soo.” He turned and walked into their bedroom.

“Of course I take care of you,” Kyungsoo mumbled, “I’m in love with you.” Kyungsoo sighed, “But I’ll never be even close to good enough for you.”

_______

Only about five minutes passed before Kyungsoo heard Jongin getting out of the shower. He’d already gone ahead and put on The Avengers, the popcorn was ready, and blankets wrapped snug around Kyungsoo as he sat on the couch. Kyungsoo didn’t dare eat a single piece of the popcorn no matter how much it tempted him. There are 106 calories in 1 oz of popcorn, 106 calories Kyungsoo did not need to add to his body. To the fat that was slowly shrinking with each passing day. He couldn’t ruin all of that now.

Kyungsoo turned his head as the door to the bedroom opened. Jongin stood in the doorway for a moment. Kyungsoo gulped as he looked at him. He wore a tight white t-shirt and boxers. His hair was still wet from the shower and from the short distance they stood from each other he could see water droplets run down his face to his next and eventually down his shirt.

Kyungsoo turned away, praying his face wasn’t completely red.

“The Avengers, I love this movie!” Jongin laughed as he turned off the lights before flopping down on the couch next to Kyungsoo. “You didn’t eat any popcorn before I got here right?”

Kyungsoo shook his head, “Of course not.”

“Kyungsoo, you’re too nice.” Jongin slowly reached his hand up to Kyungsoo’s head slowly petting Kyungsoo’s hair.

Kyungsoo’s heart beat rapidly in his chest, he could feel his cheeks slowly heating up. He looked up at Jongin as he continued to pet the top of his head, “Jongin?” He asked. Jongin looked down into his eyes, he seemed to be distracted at the moment. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but wonder how soft his hair could possibly be for him to still be petting him. “Jongin,” He said again, Jongin continued to stare into him, his hand stopped petting him and slowly made the way to the back of his neck. Jongin hummed in response. The only light illuminating the room came from the T.V. screen as it flicked the menu to the movie, but even in the dim light of the room, Kyungsoo could clearly make out Jongin’s intense eyes, staring at him. “Are we going to watch the movie?” asked hesitantly.

Jongin snapped out of his trance removing his hand from the back of Kyungsoo’s neck turning to look at the screen, “Right,” He sighed for a moment, “The movie let’s start it.”

Kyungsoo looked at him confused, was Jongin disappointed? “Do you not want to watch this?” He asked

Jongin turned to him again, confused, “What do you mean?”

“You just seem kind of disappointed to watch it, we can choose something else if you want.”

Jongin shook his head quickly, “No, no, this movie is great you know I love it! Let’s start it okay?” Kyungsoo watched as Jongin’s mouth turned into a soft smile under the flickering lights of the T.V screen.

“Okay.” He said pushing the play button.

Even though it was almost Kyungsoo’s fifth time watching the movie he still found it amusing and so did Jongin apparently as he laughed at every joke that was made. It wasn’t until about halfway through that Kyungsoo realized he had moved closer to Jongin, their thighs lightly touching. Kyungsoo was probably making Jongin uncomfortable. Jongin was already pity watching a movie with him, he must feel disgusted having to sit so close to Kyungsoo, nonetheless having his firm thighs making contact with Kyungsoo’s fat ones.

Kyungsoo went to move away from Jongin but before he could even move Jongin wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo’s shoulders. Kyungsoo went still but said nothing, his eyes drilling holes into the screen even though he was paying it no attention, all he could focus on was the warmth of Jongin’s arm as it laid on his shoulders. “I hope you don’t mind,” Jongin whispered, “I’m getting cold.” Kyungsoo had no idea how he could be feeling cold since he was feeling extremely hot at the moment.

“No, it’s fine.” He whispered back, “Do you want me to get another blanket?” Kyungsoo asked moving to get up to grab one but was pulled back down by Jongin who pulled him into his side.

“No, you’re warm enough.”

Kyungsoo nodded his head slowly, “Okay then.” he murmured to where Jongin couldn’t hear him.

The thing about Jongin was that no matter how much Kyungsoo hated himself, no matter how much he knew Jongin would be so much happier without him, he found himself relaxing around the younger. And so, Kyungsoo added the lack of time it took for him to relax in Jongin’s arms to his growing list of problems.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ AN: Hello everyone I finally updated!!! I figured I should probably catch all of you up on what has been happening and why I haven't updated until now. I was admitted back into the hospital again. I finally got a therapist after I got out the first time and she recommended I go back for my safety. I'm doing a lot better now. They changed my medication as well as adding a new one, I've been out of the house a lot more and generally am feeling a lot happier. While writing this chapter I still called upon my past experiences, but it wasn't sad. It almost felt a bit refreshing in a way. I was really behind on school work because of my hospital visits, but it is finally summer so I no longer have any work to do! Therefore I should be updating more frequently and writing more one-shots as I promised in a previous author's note. Thank you to anyone who read all of this, I will try and update soon! Thank you all so much for staying with me and continuing to read my stories!

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