JJ would be a master at gaslighting people to get away with thing like—
'No officer I was not having sex with my girlfriend in public, I have no idea what you mean 🙄'
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“sex? you think we were having se— babe, you hear this guy?” he laughs, still subtly trying to do up his belt as the sheriff shines his torch through his truck window. “look, shoupe— with all due respect, i think you need’a get your mind outta the gutter. now i don’t wanna be out here airing out all my girls business but she’s a devout catholic. ya, none of that premarital stuff it’s — it’s against the rules, okay? i don’t even like sex like that— that stuff’s overrated—”
“then why was the car shaking, son? this thing was rocking back and forth so hard i thought it oughta create a pothole. are you aware this is a residential street?”
“i am— i am actually aware this is a residential street because my uncle knew a guy who lived here once. he used to cook meth outta his garage so really you’re wastin’ your time on me when you could be arresting that guy— anyway, off topic— the reason the car was rocking was because there was… a bug. on my pants…aaand, it caused some ruckus i’ll admit— you may have heard some screamin’— or other things of that… variety. but i killed the bug, so… it’s fine now. issue resolved.” he trails off, itching behind his ear.
shoupe shines his torch at you, and you look away to hide your disheveled appearance, and he turns his attention back on your boyfriend. “how’s that explain the lipstick prints all over you then, huh?”
“oh this? this isn’t lipstick— how could it be lipstick? she’s not even wearin’ any!” jj gestures to you with an obvious expression.
“yeah, not anymore, ‘cos it’s all over you.” shoupe argues.
“look, this right here is a rash, and i’m super insecure about it so i don’t really appreciate you bringin’ that up right now, shoupe.” jj forces emotion into his voice and the sheriff sighs, standing up straight from his leant over position in the window, deciding this wasn’t worth his time.
“alright, you know what— i’m gonna let it slide, kids. go…do whatever you want in the privacy of your home… and please, for the love of all things holy wear protection. this town don’t need another one of you runnin’ round for another few years. atleast let me retire first.” shoupe steps back from the truck, waving them off and jj instantly jumps to turn his keys, ready to get out of there.
“yes sir.” he resigns, before eagerly peeling the car away from the scene.
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Hiiiii as a queer person living in the Bible Belt of the USA, I’m envisioning a “Christian trauma AU / general theology AU” because you know my main focus is always Sanji. This assumed that we’re in the USA, modern era, and I guess maybe a college or post grad AU for how they meet each other? This is a lonnnnnnnng text post so scroll at your own risk. To keep it from being toooo long I’m also sticking to east blue crew.
Hear me out:
There are a million different sects of Christianity so we’ve got a ton of angles to use.
Garp is catholic (but think FRENCH laïcité instead of American Amy Coney Barret Supreme Court justice weird catholic cult), Dragon straight up rebels against the strict structure and goes about his atheist ways. Neither of them really raise Luffy anyway so 💁🏻
Luffy ends up being agnostic. It’s not that he doesn’t believe in a higher power but he knows he needs to take action and that he can’t rely on a higher power to fix the problems of the world. Very Albert Camus, revolting against the absurd and holding himself to a higher responsibility in life
Zoro comes from a Shinto or Buddhist background. He’s not judging anyone’s religious beliefs unless they’re harming others.
Nami has religious trauma from the Baptist church that set up in her town and made it impossible to be herself. Belle Mere is so clearly queer and she’s harassed and dies at the hands of some zealous bigots who were emboldened by the words of the local Baptist church pastor (Arlong)
Ussop comes from a chill Protestant background (maybe Presbyterian?) But he’s more of a CEO (Christmas Easter Only) in terms of actually attending any sort of church. Honestly, with his dad out of the picture and his mom dying, he just had bigger things on his mind like living every day.
Finally, Sanji. Oh boy, Sanji has major “Quiverfull movement Christian” trauma from Judge. For those who don’t know, quiverfull is a Christian extremist movement where the idea is to have as many kids as possible and adhere to very strict purity rules and gender roles. Contraception isn’t allowed. Women wear long skirts and non fitted shirts to hide their womanly form (ew), and most of the time these parents homeschool there kids to avoid the “temptation” or “impurity” of modern society.
Judge had these 5 kids who he’s raised in this faith but Sanji never liked how Judge treated his mom. Why was Sora supposed to be “seen and not heard?” Why was it ok for his brothers to use scripture to bully and hurt and spread hate? Why would a loving god create women just to subjugate them? Judge wouldn’t like this, and once Sora passes away (probably because Judge wouldn’t let her seek medical care post birth of the quadruplets, so her health deteriorated for years), Judge locks him up and makes him do all sorts of horrible “prayer” and “repentance” practices, which are really just abuse.
Sanji would maybe escape when they go into town to get something mundane like a printer or a new wifi router (which only judge is allowed to use the internet). He’d probably bolt first chance he gets and when he meets Zeff, Zeff can recognize the signals of abuse. He takes Sanji in and even though Sanji never believed women were less than men, he still has years of trauma and gender roles beaten into him that he has to unpack.
His choice to cook? That’s a huge rebellion. Wearing tight fitting suits that look sinful? That’s a middle finger to his dad. He always treats women like goddesses because he feels so much guilt for the sins of his father. When he finally joins the Strawhats, he’s so overwhelmed with how free and nonjudgmental they are (of important stuff, obviously they’ll still poke fun at small stuff) that he feels comfortable dropping little comments here and there, opening up.
Ussop will be comforting Nami about something and sanji will tell him is so refreshing to see a man be so nurturing. He goes to Ussop often, asking how he’s so confident sharing his emotions.
Nami will be ordering them around and he’ll do everything she says with a smile, just happy to see her free to do what she wants (which is be a bossy bitch)
Zoro will talk about Kuina one night and Sanji will sob, overwhelmed with joy that she got to have all that strength and a friend like zoro even when faced with hurtful gender expectations.
Luffy above all is the most jarring for him. He grew up hearing about sin and sinners and temptation and evil but when he sees Luffy doing his thing, taking down bad people, fighting for the underdog, he knows that if there is a God (he she it they? Who cares), Luffy is doing their work.
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Bonus Gay Cherry on top is that Sanji meets Iva and gets into drag, starts performing, does some events, and through that gender liberation is able to find some peace in who he is, tucking away all the hate he was born into. And he ends up with zoro the end bye
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Well. Today I was told that Mardi Gras is pagan. The reason? It’s a spring celebration (?)
Which was followed by Easter being pagan because it moves around. I said that’s because it aligns with how Passover is scheduled and was told that’s because Passover’s scheduling is taken from paganism too (??) (you think the Jewish people built their calendar off of the Greeks/Romans?)
Then told all Catholic holidays are stolen from whatever local pagan tradition because of the Roman emperor (???) (never mind how many were in place before Constantine’s decriminalization of Christianity).
Then told that not eating cloven hoofed animals came from the Muslims (????) (Islam. Which was founded 700 years after Christ and thousands of years after Judaism.)
And of course fish on Friday being because of the Italian fishing industry. Which may hold some merit but still isn’t the whole picture.
And just… there’s so much bad info that’s taken as true because it’s anti-Catholic.
Oh. And humans are a plague on this earth and have no place in the natural order (???????).
Look, I know that a lot of people on this hellsite probably agree with at least some of these, but it was a lot to process in 45 minutes.
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