#it’s probably a symptom of something tbh but idk what. at this point it could be a number of things lmaoo
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the aliens from the show are difficult, I have a reboot in my head but I'll separate them for hopefully a more digestible read I also haven't seen the show in a long time so my memory is blahhh
General Headcanons
Coverton gives me amphibious vibes, tho I do think those cheek "flaps" are like. gills or something, not exactly. his chrysalis rejuvenation molting whatever is ?? helps keep his skin squishy soft and get rid of skin disease. human equivalent of a "birthday" but he only does it every 6¾ (earth) years, he's also 180 so you do the math for his human age
"Coverton" is not his real name, that's a title, as is "Coverlord" for leader of the interstellar conquering empire
loves a good mocha, I also think he would like boba tea. idk I like to imagine the aliens just trying earth drinks, I'm gonna project more and say he doesn't like soda, or champagne but does appreciate wine. the lemonade he had from the pilot was meh, whatever
from what I understand Sta'abi doesn't have a home anymore? she's a survivor of some horrid giant beast's rampage. at some point she left her planet to join an interspecies group of warriors that travel the stars, which has some association to the Coverlord Empire. so her position under this council of warriors is.. a monster hunter
her favourite kind of food is from the sea, enjoys shellfish & cephalopods the most (because her usual hunt is on land, seafood is fancy). she likes to dance despite not being very elegant, but her priority is "the mission" which excludes "having fun" (tho her idea of fun is tag)
Sqweep's skin is like. dry slime. or putty texture. she is like a sterilised marshmallow if that makes any sense. smells like roasted walnuts or a burnt almond cookie
Reboot Headcanons
concept art I love better than the og + sketches of inspired slight redesign from my ig (and a drawing I forgor)
Coverton's legs are pretty weak compared to even the average of his species, Earth's atmosphere & gravity doesn't help either. so while he can stand, it's only for a brief time, it also fluctuates how long depending on the weather. he'd use his hoverchair or just put the spacesuit on, especially for going outdoors
can't stand saltwater, lousy swimmer, afraid of Earth's ocean & easily seasick
unlike show canon, his telekinesis is artificial & enhanced with technology
weighs like a bunch of grapes, flexible & hypermobile, near-sighted so he may wear contact lense
he carries out his rejuvenation cycle in a secure chamber, symptoms include excessive sliming ("sweat"), bubbling skin (boils), and flaking (desquamation is just the beginning). like the rest of his species, he was grown in a lab
I honestly have no idea if that's natural hair or a wig lmao
concept art where I'd just combine the best ones imo
Sqweep is a nickname! she gets it from the "eep" sounds she makes when excited or surprised
idk why I feel like she has a hundred or more siblings, not many are close to each other. perhaps several parents too, at least 5
like her parents and grandparents and great grandparents she's a super rich adult scientist that works as part of an interstellar organisation dedicated to protecting life harbouring star systems
a field researcher therefore planetary explorer, her job is to document & study life on Earth
likes romantic comedies, and loves all animals on Earth, but she's allergic to fur, which is devastating
since she does have a face and therefore is able to emote, I think the antenna colour coded light emoting is unnecessary. I'd like to find another place for it in relation to her but not her biology itself. she sparkles instead
pretty sure no bones (therefore no teeth), light as a cloud so a gust of wind could send her off like a tumbleweed, but I feel the density of her own body can regulate itself, depending on certain conditions? covered in fine fuzz, her nubby hands (tentacles?) hold things like itty bitty hooks
can't digest foods unless in the form of fluids, probably likes bland foods tbh. anything too flavorful would make her head explode
y'know maybe her species is. delicious. their "flesh" tastes like space mango, but cotton candy weight & texture 💀
some of the concepts I refer to for the most challenging and frustrating of the alien bunch, and today's look of her as I also went through & played with various designs
this version of Sta'abi is dropped on Earth to manage her "anger issues". her peers decided she needed to chill out, which is coincidentally the same day a vornicarn is brought into the world. as a hunter, she would've killed on sight, but after helping to capture it and being held captive by Area 5X herself, she starts to empathize with and eventually befriend the creature
Coverton eventually gets her to somewhat roam free in the facility and offers her a way off world but only if she helps him with his plans. he's not completely transparent about them and Sta'abi just wants to leave, she's already familiar with the empire he works for so there's some trust in his word
the males of her species have wings? is that canon? I feel like it's canon.. but in modern days they're just for show, can't fly but can glide and catch wind to hover, though only for so long as they're mostly small
none of these concept art belong to me btw if that wasn't obvious I just took them from the wiki
came from the only egg that survived the initial meteor crash & wasn't frozen to death, laid dormant and got covered in the antartic ice until global warming exposed it millions of years later (which scientists soon discover but let the monster agents investigate as they have alien consultants)
instead of Link's nose I really hammed up the alien parody for my own indulgence haha (blood cw; initial drawings + non-canon chest bursting)
steals coverton's chocolate either when he's not looking or right in his face, probably doesn't like baths, loves chin/neck scratches & belly rubs (only from Sta'abi)
smells with the tip of his tongue, bipedal & quadrupedal, not great at hearing
skin is scaly like a snake, full of muscle
can and will survive in all extreme environments except the desert? for heat & hydration reasons mayhaps as he can't withstand both at once
some of these may change with time and I'd love to read everyone else's hcs! or how you'd rewrite them perhaps :]
since you made it to the very end you're obligated to tell me your favourite alien 🫵
#monsters vs aliens#mva headcanons#mva series#mva show#coverton monsters vs aliens#sta'abi monsters vs aliens#sqweep monsters vs aliens#vornicarn#yeah safe draws stuff#yeah safe answers stuff#mva reboot#this is for you anon i had much to think and scratch my head about!!#sorry it took so long 😭
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This is probably just a me thing, but doesn't seem horrifically ableist and inhumane for society to be obsessed with what is collectively perceived as "reality"?
Like... I have psychotic symptoms. I have manic episodes. I get paranoid and not know what is real or not threatening me. I'm not gonna sugarcoat those experiences, but overall what really hurts the most is that people just see me as an insane person who needs to be medicated to high heaven in order to function how THEY WANT. Not what I WANT. Or even worse just want to throw me in the looney bin forever. (Already have been almost ten times. One left me with PTSD which led to me finding my system.)
I wish people would see experiences and view them as something valid and something not to be ashamed of..... I'm a traumagenic system and the whole "what really is real" rethoric that society pushes just makes me hate that I was even fucking born tbh.
Like... If I'm not functioning the way society wants.... What's the point ya know?
Sorry for kinda venting in your ask box but like idk it's something we've been thinking about. And ngl it's making me doubt my system as a whole..... I'm not plural in the right way....
But I love my system so much.....
I'm sorry you've gone through this. 💖
I think I understand where you're coming from.
Now, there are a lot of beliefs that can be harmful. Things that could result in people hurting themselves or others. Treatment is incredibly important in these cases.
But all treatment should be about making the patient healthier. Not making them "normal."
And it doesn't help that normalcy is determined by societal standards that may not even reflect objective reality to begin with.
False beliefs are allowed and encouraged by society as long as they're popular false beliefs.
As long as your system makes you happy, that's what really matters. Not what anyone else says or thinks.
#syscourse#mental health#plural#plurality#endogenic#system#multiplicity#systems#plural system#endogenic system#psychology#psychiatry#psych critical
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Idk if it’s just me, but I’m a little worried about what’s gonna happen after the current wave of autism memes and acceptance ends. I love this wave of memes, it’s so great that everywhere I look I see something along the lines of “I’m joining the war on autism on the side of autism” or the tbh autism creature, etc, but as we all know, memes end. Memes end faster than they ever did before because of how fast trends speed by now.
Right now, I’m at a point in time where I can mention I’m autistic to someone my own age who’s on the same side of tik tok that I am, and they’re not gonna judge because I probably only opened up to them because they said something about having undiagnosed autism themselves (though I do have to watch who I tell I was early diagnosed because people do start getting weird when I mention that…). I’d love if this could just be the start to a new era of total neurodiverse acceptance, but I’ve lived through enough online trends to know that that’s what this is.
In a year or two, autism is just gonna be considered a early 2020s cringe meme the same way we consider 2012 era aesthetic depression blogs today. Or any outdated meme from the 2010s really, but I mention the depression blogs bc I’m really worried people are gonna conflate the two. I’m worried the general public is gonna see this period as “romanticizing” autism just like kids used to romanticize the symptoms of clinical depression as an excuse to not get help. They’re not gonna understand that autism isn’t something you need to “get help” for in a neurotypical sense.
This might just be me awfulizing as I have a tendency to do, but I’m terrified that any day now I’m gonna have to go back into full hiding, too scared to even leave a like on twitter on a post about autism. I’m already living in fear that less understanding people in the real world will find out I’m autistic, I don’t want to lose the few safe spaces there are now…
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I don't mean to overstep so feel free to ignore this ask but do you really have narcolepsy. Could you tell me more about narcolepsy and how it affects you?
From and ignoramus anon
Hi you arent over stepping, no worries. Sorry for the delay, I have a hard time answering back anybody, and ive been sleeping a ton.
So, when I wrote that I had Narcolepsy in my bio, it was a few months ago & for different health reasons I wasnt able to get the final results of my final sleep study test (4th one.) Narcolepsy was what was most likely, especially since my primary doctor said her mom has narcolepsy & I wasnt even taking about sleeping problems to her, but fatigue was mentioned because I was explaining my symptoms that point towards a few autoimmune disorders….and she asked a few questions & said I sounded exactly like her mom who has Narcolepsy & it took her like 20 years to get diagnosed…. At first i was like nahhhh because the only knowledge I had of it was from tv. She gave me a referral to a sleep doctor but I ignored it for a few months, before doing research because my sleep keeps getting worse.
Then actually going, they dont really believe you at first. Insurance also makes you jump through hoops & i had to wait months each time, &the day of a sleep study, my insurance would finally say Not approved…so id have to reschedule. Its been a huge headache and hassle. I had to prove to the doctor and insurance basically how i dont have sleep apnea or restless leg syndrome or anything else before they will consider Narcolepsy. and even then the test for Narcolepsy is so difficult to pass, if you fail else, then they will diagnose you as Idiopathic Hypersomnia meaning they dont know whats wrong with you. but something is off. thats the official diagnosis, but Narcolepsy and IH are both treated very similar. Oh and theres two types of Narcolepsy, one being the more known one with cataplexy (like fainting and dropping out of nowhere at all times sleeping) & there is N2 that is basically without cataplexy (I dont drop out of nowhere and sleep)
So yeah, the results that finally came out said on some of my naps I fell asleep in 9 minutes & basically the criteria for narcolepsy is so strict it has to be under 8 minutes. i was like….thats pretty close. But nah they wanna use math and average it out and blah blah I dont qualify as technically narcolepy. I got diagnosed with Idiopathic Hypersomnia instead. I would be more irritated but at least its treated similar or the same. It was noted i have 0% sleep apnea & he said it is very strange that for an adult, I sleep so deeply, like I hit the deepest parts of sleep that usually just babies and children get to. Soooo I tried to get him to think on that….like bro im telling you I sleep that deeply and that much AND still have to continue napping thru the day. I sleep so much. Its impacting my life. And its weirdly gotten worse over the pandemic, altho I have always been like this.
Um sorry Idk if that answered your question bc I wouldve gotten more specific how narcolepsy affects me n stuff. But since I just finally got the official diagnosis of IH instead & its technically not Narcolepsy, i didnt know if u wanted to know more. In my every day life, im probably going to still call it Narcolepsy tbh bc thats what people know a little more about. Theyll be like “oh she really does have a sleeping disorder” does that make sense?
Anyway you can ask more questions if you want:)
#narcolepsy#narcoleptic#sleeping disorders#sleepingdisorder#idiopathic hypersomnia#anon#thanks for asking!#severe fatigue#chronic fatigue#fatigue#sleep
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I'm home now. Went to the bar after work. I actually had to run home first to drop off some stuff I bought at work.
As soon as I got to the bar, I took my seat, ordered a drink, and my fucking nose started bleeding
This is my 7th nosebleed in exactly 1 month. My first one of the dry season was Nov 17th at like 2pm, and my 7th one happened Dec 17th at like quarter after midnight.
It lasted about 40 minutes. About half as long as the average among those 7. One of the shortest. It was just a trickle of blood, really. Puke you'd see when a character has overused their psychic powers.
For 5/7 of these nose bleeds, my nose has gushed and sprayed blood like a horny anime protag. And other than those 2 that were just a trickle of blood, they all lasted over an hour.
To be honest, I'm a little afraid of what could be causing my nose to bleed so much.
I know it's not the most reliable source, but Google says I should be worried if my nose bleed lasts more than 20 minutes or happens 6 times in a month. None of my nose bleeds have lasted less than half an hour, and I'm at 7 now.
Idk if something is wrong with my nose, and is making it bleed constantly, or maybe I have something like hemophilia or leukemia.
I don't have insurance, or a primary care physician to talk to about this. Several emergency and urgent csre visits that were over $2k usd, some of which were billed at over $6k usd. I have literally tens of thousands of dollars in medical debt.
I know something is wrong. I can feel it. I'm frequently lightheaded, and I've almost passed out several times. I've been lethargic, and haven't had much of an appetite. I'll start shaking at random throughout the day, which I've noticed has happened when I have a panic attack since I was like 13, but without the other signs and symptoms of a panic attack, just the shaking.
Anyway. My physical and mental health have been rapidly declining over the past month, and now I'm in my first depressive episode since like, March or April of this year.
If you saw my post at my lunch, you might have seen that I had already cried 3 times in the first half of my shift. In the second half, after my lunch, I only cried twic.
The last few days for me have felt like the embodiment of Murphy's law. What could go wrong, has gone wrong.
My boyfriend and I are fighting right now, and they won't be staying with me from Christmas to new year's anymore. Also I won't be seeing them on Christmas anymore. Tbh I don't know if we're going to stay together through new year's. Part of me feels like we'll break up before then.
My fucking apartment complex towed my car a few weeks ago and I didn't find out until like the 15th, meaning the lot that impounded my car - which charges by the day - had already billed me at $290 and I won't be able to get a ride out there until Tuesday (which is gonna cost me like $350 at that point, and I have to pay them to tow my car back because it's not even fucking running right now so I can't drive it home)
TW: Suicide mention, self harm mention
Tonight I've thought about suicide for the first time in... probably 8 or 9 months. Like, actually thought about it, not just "I'm gonna kill myself lol" which happens any time something mildly inconvenient happens.
I thought about self harm tonight. For the first time in a l o n g fucking time. The last time I self harmed with a blade, which is what I was thinking about tonight, I was 17. It's been over 6 years since I've done that, but the cold kiss of the blade was calling my name tonight.
I've always hated the holiday season.
I'm from a split family made of split families. Growing up, I went to probably 5 or 6 Christmases per year on average. Each one with different members of my absurdly large family, unrelated to the other groups but all connected through me.
I never felt like I belonged at any of them.
Maybe it's because I'm autistic.
Maybe it's because I'm just bad with names and faces
Maybe it's because I grew up among so many households, I have hundreds of family members, but I only met most of them a handful of times, some of them only once or twice in my life.
This year for Christmas my best friend and I are gonna get drunk and watch anime.
I love her. We used to date. Then we fucked behind our S/O's backs, and then we learned how to be friends. We really just had to fuck once to break the sexual tension.
But anyway, her family is going to Florida or something without her. And I'm not going to visit my boyfriend anymore.
I actually made plane with my best friend first, then cancelled on them to go visit my boyfriend. They even said they would give me a ride to the train station so I could catch a train across the state Christmas morning.
But since my boyfriend and I are fighting now, we're not doing that. I won't be seeing them for the rest of the year.
So I but them my best friend up and she's cool with just picking up our original plans where we left off. She's the best.
She's been telling me, literally for months, that my boyfriend isn't the right one for me. That I should find someone who wants the same things as me, instead of someone who I have to compromise with. Win-win instead of lose-lose.
I don't know what I want right now. Literally 3 or 4 days ago I was so happy. My boyfriend got us promise rings and did like a proposal at the park while we were taking Christmas photos and it was the single most romantic thing anybody has ever done for me.
And now I'm having second thoughts about the whole relationship.
Any time I try to have a conversation about my feelings or boundaries in our relationship, I feel like there's a 50/50 chance they'll either give me a hug and tell me they'll happily do that for me, or they'll get really upset and we won't talk for 2 or 3 days and it will be really tense for like a week. I really don't feel safe or comfortable bringing up those conversations because I never know whether they'll give me a hug or the silent treatment.
We started out as polyamorous, then we were in an open relationship (free to have other sexual partners, but not romantic partners), and we're currently completely monogamous until we sort some things out
Except that my boyfriend still has another sexual partner that they're seeing and have refused to stop. They said it was a personal boundary of theirs and not to even ask them to stop, so I haven't. But I'm really not comfortable with it. And they were with him today, and that's what lead me to being a whole mess today
That alone is making me question things. Add on top of that that I don't feel safe bringing up boundaries with them... I don't know if we'll make it until the end of the year at this point...
On an unrelated note, I'm 2 days into 5 nights of closing in a row. I normally only work 2 or 3 days in a row, and normally only close on Fridays and Saturdays, so it's already weird enough closing instead of going in at noon Mon-Wed, but also 5 nights in a row?
I was this 🤏 close to calling off work tn and it was only the second shift of five.
I hate my fucking job and I resent the fact that I have to work in order to justify my fucking existence under capitalism.
I just want to spend all day browsing the web and learning way too much about niche topics and playing and making video games
But even though I have a fucking degree in game design and 10 fucking years of experience with C++ I have to work at fucking cvs because I can't get a job as a designer.
I don't think I posted about it, but I've been putting in applications to like, all of the game studios in Michigan. Of the applications I sent in, only one made it to the point of the design test, and I didn't make it past that.
I've been looking for a job as a game designer for 8 months now and haven't even been able to get an interview.
My relationship is falling apart. My dead-end job isn't going anywhere and I can't get a job in my field. I hate the holiday season. My whole life feels like it's crumbling before my eyes.
Fuck.
Fu k fuck fuck fuck fuck fu k fu k f uck dcuk fuck duck fu k fuck duck fuck fuck fuck duck fuck fuck fuck fuck fick fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck duck fuck fuck fuck fuck fick fuckfuck fuck fuck fuck
#rowan is rambling#tw suicide#tw self harm#suicide#self harm#my life is falling apsrt#probably shouldn't post this on my main#whatever it's 3:22 am#ajd I'm druck#fuck you
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your tags on the hp post are *chef’s kiss* but also i must inform you that a lot of people consider pcos to fall under the intersex umbrella so i would hazard to say you are affected by her shitty rhetoric, yes (if you don’t identify that way apologies btw - ik it’s not the case for everyone + don’t wanna force anything on you)
Ah shit I didn’t know she went after intersex folks too. Not surprised though. I think we should all get together and throw light blue, white, and pink toilet paper on her house and also leave defrosted shrimp in her walls and go to town on her clothes with a seam ripper and put thumbtacks in her shoes and bring back the guillotine and
Tbh I don’t know what I would describe myself as; I don’t feel like a woman but simultaneously don’t feel like I’m not a woman, so I’ve just been identifying as a demigirl. At the same time I wouldn’t say I fall under the transgender label because. Idk. There was never a moment when I explicitly realized “oh I’m not what the hospital said I am” or “I’m not what a swath of society expects me to be” or “hm calling myself this makes me feel happier”. I’d say I just never felt like a girl™️ to begin with, in a sense. My understanding when I was little(as in, like, Kindergarten-first grade when I first started thinking about stuff without realizing it) was “girls have long hair and like pink and dress up and taking care of things, boys have short hair and like blue and gross stuff and breaking things, but I have medium length hair and like pink and blue and I don’t like dress up but I like gross stuff and taking care of things instead of breaking them, so what does that make me?”
I got called a tomboy a lot so I just assumed Ah Yes, That Must Be What I Am, Nevermind That I Don’t Know What It Means. Girl was a category and tomboy was a more specific thing under that, like animal taxonomy having family, genus, species, etc. Calling myself a girl didn’t feel incorrect for the same reasons calling a cat a feline doesn’t feel incorrect; not wrong, just not as specific as one could theoretically be. There were times when I thought “hm maybe I’m a boy”, but it wasn’t in the exploring gender way so much as being on the playground swing set in 2nd grade and thinking “wait, i like bugs and frogs and mud and those are Boy Things, and I don’t like dolls or makeup or dresses and those are Girl Things, so I have more Boy Stuff than Girl Stuff about me”. Which probably shows the sort of Needlessly Gendered environment I grew up in that complicated things when it came to understanding my own feelings. I didn’t even know what gender was, Girl and Boy were just nebulous concepts to me, like two circles with different traits that weren’t supposed to overlap yet seemingly did for me.
Given my experience I wouldn’t feel right calling myself intersex, to be honest. Other folks like me can and do and that’s awesome, but it doesn’t feel like the right label for me. My PCOS is… idk, minor? Compared to other cases. I get slightly longer facial hairs and have the world’s lamest mustache if you zoom in on my upper lip and boost the contrast, but it’s hardly noticeable when not pointed out or a specific thing I’m looking at. I got the wonky hormone levels but the only thing that noticeably suggested there was Something Afoot with my Chemicals was just the fact that most deodorant brands didn’t work on me(and still don’t, shoutout to ban for doing its job when everything else failed) and my therapist was like “hold on a minute this might mean something”. Other stuff going on with me just seemed like depression and/or symptoms of my ADHD. The most impact it has on my life is just that I always get jumpscared by shark week because it doesn’t follow a schedule, even now that I’ve been on birth control for around a year that was supposed to make The Blood manifest on a monthly basis at the end. I thought I was just unlucky or had an incomprehensible schedule but no the hormones are just bad at driving the car(me)
More or less the only change that’s happened following my diagnosis has just been “oh hey there’s a term and reason for this stuff, neat”. It’s just a thing that is and I don’t feel different from how I was before I knew about it, so identifying differently feels like it’d be… Idk, unnecessary in my case. Plus I wouldn’t exactly be able to talk about it with most of my family, unfortunately. Only two of my sisters and maybe my grandparents, everyone else I have contact with would just think I was trying to be a snowflake and also have transphobia disease.
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tw: bit of discussion on mental health [diagnoses]; talks of depression/major depressive disorder, [social] anxiety, panic disorder, mention of agoraphobia, god idek tbh im sorry
YES LOL THEY WERE ANNOYING TO DO BUT $5 GIFTCARDS N SHIT ^_^ nooo i almost never did the surveys cus i get random emails and thats annoying and they also take forever,, so i only did the ones where u have to download whatever app (usually a game) they tell u to, use it for x amt of seconds/minutes (i forget) and u go back to the app and it gives u points or whatever that u redeem for giftcards! that's how i got superimpose actually 😭 edit tutorial accs would promote their code for that app/site (i don't remember what its called im not gatekeeping i swear) bc using their code gives both u and them extra points,,, and i wanted superimpose so i gave it a try and well what do u know 🥰🥰
my mental health story is kind of long and redundant and not that exciting so i shall spare u,,, well actually i rewrote this 383299 times bc i ended up trauma dumping i think... so um basics i got depressed my freshman yr of highschool, time skip- got diagnosed w depression, generalized anxiety disorder & agoraphobia, which the agoraphobia turned to be a misdiagnosis and i went somewhere else and got rediagnosed w panic disorder. child of a generational trauma that my asian parents do not think exist🫶 i alr knew a lot (90%) of my anxiety was social anxiety but i did not receive that diagnosis until this year. i lost my panic disorder diagnosis yay! andddd also got a diagnosis for major depressive disorder which was kind of an 'ohhhh' moment for me bc a lot of times i felt like antidepressants made me a lot better i felt cured lmfao i was hardly ever depressed,, except i sometimes get depressive episodes and im still struggling w the symptoms of depression that is not depression itself...if that makes sense...those symptoms being memory issues!! quick act surprised!! focus issues, i procrastinate a lot now.... which is important bc before all of this i was a very.. is high-functioning the right term? i genuinely dk if that's a term im supposed to be using,, but basically i was like top of the class student, always on-time and organized, never procrastinated, always remembered everything, i guess kinda type A personality lmao,,,, and now i am not 😃
im probably forgetting some other key stuffs but its okie,,,,, probably irrelevant but ive always been a fairytale hopeless romantic except a dumb long-term relationship got thrown into the middle and peak of my mental health mess (who told me that was a good idea 👺) has made me v antiromantic if u will 💀💀 i girlbossed myself into thinking im wise emotionally but i honestly am v v naive and sensitive and i will be a crybaby if snri's allow me to at that moment 👍
i used to be v smart but im kinda v dumb now but im also kinda trying to get back up again bc i feel? like im slowly improving in general? idk tbh,,, idk what im doing 😁
erm im v sorry this was very mentally unseggsy of me 😗 can u tell i have no concept of oversharing im so sorry for clogging your feed, qiwis followers pls forgive 🙇♀️
wbu? same question u asked me on mental health n cognitive functions ^^ only if ur comfortable answering ofc!
i think u could do it if u rlly wanted to, again u talent/hobby vacuum 👺 /j maybe like for blog milestone or something would be an excuse for a one-time video edit then you wouldn't have to continue if u don't want to ? hmm
whenever i didn't have ideas i would like choose a specific edit i rlly liked and use the same audio and like ""recreate"" it (not to post, its just for me & practice purposes lol). like the editor wouldve already split the audio for transitions and stuff so you can split your audio according to the transitions in their edit and add ur own clips over top. u can try to imitate their transitions or do ur own or whatever. i like doing that to practice bc it gives me somewhere to start! idk that's what worked for me personally,, just an idea for if u ever feel up for it no pressure!!
i don't think i could get into the video editing scene again bc i would want to progress to be a good editor and be confident ab my edits but capcut makes me insecure lol bc if everybody can do it then why should i take the time to grow and progress 😗 (that makes me sound like a pick me but again.. its similar to like ai replacing real working humans yk..😭😭)
my relationship ramble thingy ^ means that i also i love angst and making myself cry 😍😍🫦🫰 crack anything is 1000% your brand ‼️
omg yea real life inspo for ur reincanation aus ☺️ ehehe BUT YAY I LOOK FORWARD TO UR REPLIES SM HAVE UR NOTIFS ON LOLL i love talking to u! <3 consentual kisses! ^_^
wait....did we get engaged and/or married here,,,,,,,, on ur nsfw acct FJDJSK😭💀
oh my god i never tried that but i think there were some apps fr that were like ah yes get this free version and then watch a few ads and get one or two watermark free edits per day. BROOO THSI BRINGS BACK SO SO SO MANY MEMORIES!! (i think i rarely did that bc i was one lazy mf also vindictive so i did what i could to work with free apps)
life really tossed you like a salad damn baby I'm sorry you had to go through all that LIKE YOU COULDN'T CATCH A BREAK oh my god bro it seems like you kinda burned out? if that makes sense? because im sure a lot of things were expected of you ( asian parents here too also BRO THEY DONT think trauma EXISTS!) im glad you're getting better bit by bit HERE'S TO GETTING EVEN BETTER IN THE UPCOMING DAYS!!! we will kick mental illness's ass together lmao!
tbh third world country so never really got diagnosed properly but like most of my time i was suffering from. depression i was gaslit into thinking I'm just being whiny and uts not depression and because of this i developed repressive emotions where NOW it's my own turn where i refuse to acknowledge any kind of shit that happened to me like theres a sense of embarrassment where i can't like outright say like yeah this, and this happened to me because I don't anyone's "pity" and some huge ass shit happened to my family which made me haha something i cant say on here but im like over that now ( lol i need to go therapist for this) but yeah OH and I get the depressive episodes because i get that too oh my god like for weeks but my best friend once gave me, like just feel the emotions and let it pass like sure it will feel like a tractor running u over but it will get over and then one day you will take that shower and brush ur hair and feel a lil better!!!!
ooh but LIKE TUMBLR video platform sucks ass but i really like the idea omg i will think it through!!!
BRO NO WAY CAUSE I DID THAT TOO BUT LIKE WITH edits lmao but you're so freaking TALENTED DO YOU KNOW THAT?! i will have to try it I think with all thr tiktok edit trends now it's become easier to do those things i actualky tried to do some of it for my friends bday and it's coming up again so ill have to try!!!
okay but even if capcut exists which I think in a way is kind of good for people who loved editing but couldn't edit bc they couldn't work with, or afford fancy softwares yk but you can't deny the polishness that alight motion or vs will give you. you can't outdo the doer 💅🏼💅🏼 so you really should give it a try!!
you're SO SWEET I LOOK FORWARD SM TO YOUR ANONS TOO LIKE I ONLY COME HERE TO CHECK FOR YOUR ANONS LMAO i love talking to you too 🤭🤭
we're already married,, yes on nsfw kinda on theme don't you think so??
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being me is kinda funny. every autistic person in my life has said at some point that i seem autistic and should get that checked out. me and my mom were talking to my healthcare provider about my symptoms (my mom noticed a lot more than me tbh) and she was like “hmm. could be adhd, could be autism” so like. there’s something up there that’s different, which has become clear again in the way that Spider-Man has taken over my thoughts and my life and i might actually watch every single show ever made thats on disney plus about it. and my mom literally has diagnosed adhd which she takes meds for so like. idk how that never came up once in my life,, probably because im “smart” and was in the gifted program,, idk what im saying with this, but being me is funny when I think about it
#but also I’m definitely neurodivergent#like having adhd is so incredibly likely#MY MOM HAS IT AND RECOGNIZES IT IN ME#so like. take that as you will#undiagnosed adhd#maybe?#autism#perhaps??#neurodivergent#definitely
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Random Headcanon's for the Scream Character's
Billy really was a normal sweet kid and a good boyfriend before his mom left. Everyone paints him as always being crazy and his mom just triggered him but I honestly don't think that's true. Sidney and her parents would not have been okay with her dating a bad boy from Sophomore year onward. Sure it happens and maybe she saw past it but If Sidney would have seen how Billy acted with Randy in the videostore; instant break up imo. He could not have hid that side of himself for two years straight. Remember, they were dating a whole year prior to Maureen cheating. My theory is he may or may not have had a 'side' to him or other undiagnosed disorder in his gene pool (Mrs Loomis snapping too.) but Billy's psychotic breakdown was mostly situational + groomed by Roman and there were other things in his life that probably were boiling over and Debbie leaving him completely broke him. So, he was in an extremely vulnerable state when Roman came around and molded him. THAT is why Sidney trusted him so much in Scream before the phone incident and even somewhat after. Because Billy was a good boyfriend before her mom's murder and she would have never suspected it. Now how her or no one else could see him tumbling into madness or at least deep depression before Roman sank his talons in is beyond me. Maybe she did and he shrugged her off? Either way, the situation made him shut down all empathy towards other people and changed him. His empathy is towards his mom, possibly his dad since Hank never died and that is it. He has symptoms of a psychopath and even though that is usually genetic I 100% think a psychotic breakdown could do it as well.(Don't come for me bitch I'm not trained in any of this just using what I know from research 🧍♀️) If his mom never left and Roman didn't come along; Billy would have never been a killer
Contrary to Billy's situational psychological crazyness. Stu was always going to kill. I don't even think it's is he a sociopath vs a psychopath argument as much as he is just disconnected from reality. (Though he would most likely be a Sociopath if he was bc of his lack of boundaries as well impulsive behavior. Thinking killing was a game.) Stu possibly suffered abuse as a child. He was terrified of his parents more than the law. Either A. They abused him and permanently terrified him. Or B. He really has a stunted mentality and thinks of killing as a game and fears his parents more than the law bc the consequences are just not clicking LIKE A KID. He's like a giant little kid with no sense of how things work. He still could have been abused and that is what stunted his growth mentally. However, his violent tendacies were always there. Never preplanned just urgent anger or sadistic glee he couldn't control. Billy just suggested the killings and he was instantly down. Like, hell yeah cool. Most ppl no matter what mental illness they have or how severe are not that easy to convince. Whose to say he hadn't killed before or was planning to? My theory is he is so disconnected from reality that killing really is a giant fun game to him and he would have eventually murdered someone even without Billy.
Idk why this isn't more thought of throughout the fandom. Billy and Stu did not rape Maureen bc the evidence would have pointed to someone other than the guy they were framing. Cotton Weary had sex with Maureen, left, Billy and Stu taunted her on the phone and lured her away, they killed her, police suspected rape bc A. they didn't know about the affairs. B. Cotton's semen or her discharge or bruising being there. They naturally assumed it was rape but in actuality no one raped her. Cotton's dna from their affair incriminated him even more. Not saying that Billy and Stu would think of rape as morally wrong enough not to do in their book BUT it would have been stupid on their part and made it obvious there were other suspects besides Cotton.
Stu isn't a lapdog. Stu literally revealed on the phone he was going to throw Billy under the bus. He hesitated giving him the knife. Stu is like a kid. He most likely suffered trauma that regressed his mental age. He's eager to please, desperate for attention and most likely fawns over people he feels close to in an obsessive way. He could have even been in love with Billy and vice versa which is why he was so eager to please him. However, he was not nearly as stupid or a lapdog as much as the fandom makes him out to be. I think Randy saying it in the videostore sealed the deal for people even though he was only acting like that bc he was helping Billy too and covering their tracks. Billy was the one with the plan. Stu just tagged along out of the urge to kill. But he 100% had his own plan to kill and bail if needed. My mind is made up on that.
There was a third killer in Scream and it wasn't a teen or Roman. You're telling me two 17-18 yr old guys could come up with every detail? Roman only told Billy the basics. How did they get tactical police shoes? How did they get to the houses so fast and leave just as quickly? How did they both take down and restrain Steve or Neil by themselves enough to tie them up? Sure, Stu was deranged and tall but these two lanky teens were able to take on a football player with muscles and a grown man? Possible but stil meh to me. Their plan was too thorough for two teen boys to come up with on their own. Both crazy. One completely unhinged and disconnected from reality and the other so blinded by revenge he was stupid at times. (Fucking stabbing yourselves before killing Neil and Sidney. Not even thinking to AT LEAST tie Sidney up as well...Really? Jill was smarter in 4 in that respect tbh.) I truly think their was an adult involved in Scream helping them or guiding them. I would say Roman if it wasn't for him going back to Hollywood. But Billy and Stu had help DURING the killings 100%.
Randy is not this mecha survival final boy like the fandom thinks. The kid watched one too many horror movies and based them on real life. Scream itself is making fun of slasher movies and Randy was supposed to be the narrator setting most of the dumb rules up into play. Everyone is like "omg that's so out of character how he died in 2" no its not. If the rules work then him losing his virginity did him in. He was drinking, he was pissed off and not thinking. Plus Mrs. Loomis attacked in broad daylight, something no one thought of. (And the whole debate how a middle aged woman could pull him in. LOOK. Randy is a fucking small guy and she grabbed him backwards, using momentum to haul him back into the van. PLUS she was enraged at what he said about Billy. Adrenaline is a hell of a super drug as far as testing the bodies limits. I have seen tiny girls become the hulk when they are pissed I'm jus sayin) Point is, Randy was just a teen boy that loved horror movies. He was not some survival guide especially since it showed him even on the couch not aware of Ghostface behind him. He was a giant satire showing how even he didn't always follow the rules of slasher movies and how dumb the rules are.
Tatum loved Sidney and had more chemistry with her than Billy. I am not saying they weren't just BFF's and I don't want to ruin female friendship with constantly thinking "omg they are gay together" any time two women are close. BUT it is strange that it was only those two as friends especially since Sidney didn't fit into Tatum's popular social circle. It's like Tatum went out of her way to be friends with Sidney. Maybe they were childhood friends and that's why? But I think it's entirely possible that just like it's speculated that Stu and Billy were secretly in love; Tatum possibly was at least bi and in love with Sidney.
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Ok but what if Ingo accidentally ate something his particular breed of Sneasel can’t. Like maybe for the regular breed it’s fine and Emmet didn’t think anything of it but… Hisuian Sneasels don’t share the same immunities as Johtoian Sneasels, they are quite literally an extinct breed of sneasel for a reason and probably didn’t adapt a tolerance for things a normal sneasel would have, like certain types of food that are poisonous or unhealthy to certain breeds of dogs that others that have developed a tolerance for.
I couldnt think of what he could have a reaction to so im just gonna not fill that in (if i had to pick something i was gonna pick raisins they casue kidney failure in dogs but i dont want to make it too serious sooooo)
Ok so hi writing liz here. I spent like so long on writing the set up. Its 3:22am and im still writing the set up. Ok i had a thought of taking the whole thing out and just writing the key points here then making a full post for what i have. Yea im gonna do that but im gonna leave this note here.
Another note. Its 4:05 and i just realised i wrote this whole thing for food poisoning instead of allergy. Sorry im having a spout of food poisoning myself at the moment so its just on the brain. Damn you local dominos.
Ok so key points only LETS GOO
Ingo tried to hide it from Emmet. Emmet does a lot for Ingo now and Ingo feels bad about it. He used to take care of Emmet.
I headcanon Ingo cooked for them and Emmet sucks at it.
Emmet knows Ingo feels bad about not being able to take care of Emmet, let alone himself, so Emmet has to keep a closer eye on Ingo since he wont tell him if something is wrong. So you just get Ingo poorly hiding his pain/sickness and Emmet hyper aware of Ingos state.
Im gonna say it gets pretty bad. Like Ingo is awake halfway throught the night stubbornly trying to tuff it out when hes just like “yea no something is very wrong i need help” so he goes to wake up Emmet, who is totally awake and totally wasnt about to drag Ingo to a pokemon center in the next five minutes. Emmet rushes him down and finds out its food poisoning. Which Emmet is completely surprised about because he researched everything Sneasels can and cant eat. He picked that food because it was supposed to be safe damn it. The nurse suggested maybe its because his typing is different.
Oh side note Emmet pretending Ingo is just his pokemon drives him up the wall. He hates making his brother feel like a lesser being.
Anyway Ingo has a good three days of recovery ahead of him. Hes tired. Hes in pain. Hes dehydrated. Hes shaky. And he cant keep anything in his stomach.
Now i have given myself food poisoning many many times (im banned from cooking chicken at 3am now) so i know it just sucks. No you arent leaving the house dont bother. You ate too weak to try probably. Drinking lots and lots of water feels like its doing nothing but doctors say it helps so *shrug* do it. It hardly matters what you eat it isnt staying long. Vomiting is the worst. Though tbh my stomach has serious acid lvl problems soooo idk i might be a bad example for how bad vomits should burn. Dehydration adds a lot of the symptoms tbh. If you share a bathroom with someone rip them, because you live in there now. Ok again im a bad example because i pretty much live in the bathroom as is. I shower when im sick. Like a lot. If im sick then i spends hours in there. At least if i have to vom im in the shower ya know. Idk. I should when i write these posts mostly.
So Emmet is going to take his normal levels of peotection of Ingo and dial them up to 11. He feels at fault for this after all. Ingo is too weak to shove his brother off right now. Emmet isnt going to work at all till Ingo is in full health again thats for sure. Queue sofa living. Emmet only left the house to go to the store to buy sports drinks and oatmeal. Maybe banana or two as well. You may think these are weird choices but trust me fam you dont want anything else. The sports drink gonna help with the dehydration and the oatmeal/bananas help keep your stomach in less of a mess. That is once you get to eat. When going through the main symptoms Ingo cant reslly eat or drink anything without making himself worse. Emmet hates it. I mean so does Ingo but duh. Seeing his brother in pain again is something Emmet never wanted to do. But its worse this time. He blames himself for his mistake. Even though there was literally no way for him to know, wel talking it over with Ingo but he thought he had it covered. Queue Ingo trying to comfort Emmet while sick making Emmet feel worse. I saw a headcanon that Emmet stress cleans so the whole time hes not by Ingos side hes cleaning something.
Once Ingo finds out what had been going on he can help keep his diet in order. He knows what hisuin sneasels can and cant eat after all. But thats not till everything is said and done.
Ok its 4:21am im done i got nothin else for this one. I do have like the other post in the works but my phone is at 4% so its gonna have to wait. Sorry i missed the allergy thingy. I dont have many food related ones. I assume Emmet gets worse off for stress because food allergies are crazy bad news. Your throat swells. You cant breathe. Oh Ingo could have died. Yea Emmet isnt good
#sneasel ingo#transfer error au#sneasel ingo au#liz sorta answers#liz answers#sorry i got so far off topic#i started this while cooking my dinner#i had rice and a can of cornbeef hash#yes i know i know im southern yall aint gotta remind me
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Can I request a draco x reader where they just stay together all day even tho its a school day so they just like skip school all day and then one of their friends catch them? It probably sounds confusing but I LOVE YOUR WRITING
Where Words Fall Short || Draco Malfoy
So I changed it into a teacher catching them instead, I hope it still suits your fancy. Thank you so much for this request, I had quite a nice time writing it <3
Requested: Yes
Pairing: Draco Malfoy x fem!reader
Warnings: mentions of mental illness? Idk what I should be warning you against in this one tbh so if you find anything then let me know <3
Summary: Draco is having a hard morning so Y/N keeps him company and they ditch lessons.
WORDS : 2114
~~~
Growing up, Draco continuously watched as a curtain was drawn above the topic of mental health in his household. What should’ve been long, informative discussions about his withstanding family history and hereditary struggles with mental health, was broken down into, “Your father just gets a bit overwhelmed sometimes”, and “Your mother is a woman, and as women do, she often gets erratic until she tires herself out.”
None of it was true, of course, just excuses used to try and avoid the problem. But it wasn’t discussed. Not when Narcissa would sleep for days on end, or when Lucius was hospitalised, and especially not when Draco began to display symptoms similar to his parents. The family healer was called in, Draco was diagnosed and medicated, and it was discussed no further. Because words were just not the Malfoy way.
You’d long become accustomed to his habits when he wasn’t feeling well, he’d told you himself about his struggles, and you’d adjusted quickly enough. Now you know, just by the sight of him, when he’s having a rough day. As hard as Draco tries to follow in his parent’s footsteps and draw a veil on his suffering, he just can’t bring himself to do it when you’re around. You make him feel safe.
You read the watch on your wrist, 8.10am, and sigh when you notice that Draco’s still not in the Great Hall for breakfast. Draco prides himself on being organised and punctual, so when he’s even five minutes late to breakfast you know that he’s having one of those days and he might just not get out of bed.
“He’s just running late this morning, I watched him walk to the showers.” Crabbe says beside you as he notices worry etch its way onto your features. You nod and smile at him.
“Thanks Crabbe.” You respond before grabbing the empty plate on your other side and filling it up with Draco’s favourites.
It’s another ten minutes before Draco finally walks into the Great Hall, and you feel your heart wrench at the sight of him- hair still wet from showering, faint bags beneath his eyes and a solemn look painting his face- he looks exhausted. You smile at him when he settles into the space beside you and he smiles back, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
He interlocks your fingers together as he sits down and you slide the plate of food toward him. He kisses the back of your hand as a thank you and you nod before turning back to your own food. On mornings like this conversation is sparse- it’s like a useless chore that you can both afford to forget- and you both resort to actions as a means of conversation.
Normally, words would be spent on endless declarations of love, confirmations of support, queries of comfort and insurmountable pleas to just sit in silence together. But now, now with this routine and understanding that sits comfortably on the border of your relationship, words no longer need to transpire between you both in order for there to be a mutual understanding of what you both need.
Most kisses are ‘I love you’ or ‘thank you’, but every so often when Draco paints every square inch of your face in adoration with his lips, then he’s telling you that you’re beautiful, that every piece of you is just another reason for him to fall deeper into love with you. Hugs are usually him begging for attention, trying discreetly to drag you away from whatever it is that you’re doing and bring you down to his dorm with him for cuddles.
But Draco’s preferred method of communication on days like this, is squeezing your hand. Information by hand squeeze increases in degree; one is ‘I’m fine, just tired’, two is ‘I’m probably going to disappear halfway through the day for some alone time’, and three is ‘Please spend the day with me’.
So when you feel that familiar pressure against your hand come in waves of three that morning, you know that he’s having a particularly bad day. You turn to him and nod, and this time when he smiles at you, it actually does reach his eyes.
~~~
When the first lesson of the day is underway, Muggle Studies, you and Draco are lying in his bed in his shared dormitory. There’s a risk of one his roommates coming back to collect a forgotten book or leftover homework, but it matters little when the two of you are spaced out in the small world of your own invention. You’re running your hands through his hair as his head sits comfortably on your chest, and his fingers are running up and down your other arm in an effort to keep him occupied.
The two of you spend the next few hours like that, just lying in his bed in silence as Draco thinks himself into oblivion and you try to calm him down. It doesn’t work though, and at some point you grow frustrated at the amount of tension that he’s built up in this shoulders, and demand that he gets up.
“Why?” He asks with furrowed eyebrows as he lifts his head off of your chest.
“Do you trust me?” He nods, and you smile. “Good, then come on.”
You pull him behind you quietly as the two of you roam the castle and head toward the Astronomy Tower- trying desperately not to arouse suspicion and get caught skipping lessons just as the day is ending.
When you reach the top and see that the sun is shining faintly, a satisfied sigh escapes your lips. All that cold and darkness in the dungeons wasn’t good for Draco and you’d lugged him all the way up here for some sunshine. You know that it won’t really fix anything that’s bothering him, but at least the Vitamin D might lift his spirits a little bit or help him to relax a tad more.
You sit on the ground and pull Draco down to sit beside you. He drops his head against your shoulder and pulls the back of your hand up to his lips, Thank you, is what the action says and you smile at the small acknowledgement. You lean your own head against his that’s resting on your shoulder and he shuts his eyes in content as you pull out the book that you’d brought up to read.
“Should I read to you?” You ask and he nods very softly, so you do as he asks and begin to read the novel out loud.
It’s mundane, sure, but Draco thinks that he could spend the rest of his life like this. When words have always failed him, you’ve been there to pick up pieces of his unsaid ministrations. Most people, if not all the people in his life, have always found his failure to conjure up words and describe his feelings, annoying. But not you, never you, you have always loved the way he tries so hard to show you his love instead of tell it to you. Whenever he feels torn apart, like a rag doll being tugged on both arms, you somehow manage to remind him that he’s made of skin and bone, not cloth and plastic. It’s you that reminds him he’s worth something, even when he feels as though he’s worth nothing.
“Y/N.”
“Hmm?” You respond absent-mindedly as you turn your head slowly away from the pages and toward Draco. When you catch a glimpse of his contorted features, concern washes over you. “What’s wrong? Do you want to go back inside?”
“No, no.” He shakes his head softly and smiles at you. “I just want to chat, is that okay?”
“Well… I was enjoying this book…” You tease and laugh when you see that he’s not amused. “I’m kidding, am’ all yours love.” You peck him on the lips quickly before closing your book and putting it aside.
He sighs, “I’ve been thinking-”
“Oh, that’s never good.” You immediately respond and he narrows his eyes at you which makes you laugh, “Okay, I’ll stop now.”
“You’re lucky I love you.” He says with a roll of his eyes, and a small smile, before he takes a deep breath and continues. “I’m going off my meds.”
You take a moment to digest what he’s said before nodding slowly, “Oh…”
“Oh…?” He raises his eyebrows in anticipation, worried that you won’t support his decision. “Are you mad?”
You’re taken aback by his question and turn to face him in confusion. “Mad? Why would I be mad?”
He shrugs, “I don’t know, mother was furious when I told her.”
“Okay, but your mother is notorious for having the emotional range of a green bean,” Draco, albeit begrudgingly, laughs at your comment with a shake of his head, “What? Am I wrong?” You ask with a laugh as well.
“You’re not wrong but that’s not the point. You’re bloody rude!” He tries to stop laughing but it’s not working and soon enough the two of you are rolling around on the ground, crying your eyes out in laughter.
After a good three minutes has passed the two of you have finally calmed down and the serious atmosphere has returned. “I’m not mad Draco, I could never be mad at you.”
“You were mad that time I tried to force a Ravenclaw to do my Muggle Studies research for me.” He says in a matter-of-fact tone and you shove him lightly.
“That was because you were harassing that innocent child!” You exclaim with another giggle, “I’ve never been mad at you for doing something that involves only you.”
“What about when I dyed all my pubic hair-“
“I told you never to speak of that.” You cut him off sternly before he can continue and a naughty smile appears on his lips at the memory.
“That was funny, admit it.”
“We were on vacation with my parents! Do you understand how awkward the conversation we had, after the swimming pool, was? They were so concerned about the fact that I’d brought home a boy with blue armpit hair!” You exclaim with wide eyes and Draco bursts into laughter again. “You’re such an arsehole.” You grumble out with a pout and he pecks you with a smile.
“You love me though.”
“I do… I really do.” You respond genuinely as you stare at him in admiration. Even on his worst days, when exhaustion wears his face like a mask and words fall short from his lips, he’s still the love of your life and nothing can change that. “I’m really proud of you, for making a decision like that.”
“Thank you.” He sighs and you can tell how much this has been bothering him over the past few days, if not weeks, by the way his shoulders finally relax. “I just don’t think they’re doing what they’re meant to. I don’t feel any better.”
“Mhmm.” You nod at him to continue as you take his hand in your own.
“I don’t feel worse either though, I feel the same. It’s been a year and I feel the absolute bloody same.”
“What are you going to do instead?”
“Whatever else the healer recommends.” He shrugs, “If she’s got nothing else that will work then I don’t know.”
“Well… I’m here for you, always.”
“I know.”
And it’s true, he does know, sure as he knows that he’s a Slytherin. There aren’t many things and people that Draco relies on, the fear of them letting him down always a barrier, but you he puts his absolute faith in. Because when words fall short to describe the amount of love that he has for you, and the amount of love that you have for him, there will always be actions and you two will always have each other.
You take your hands and cup his face in them before peppering kisses all over his face. He giggles under your touch, an effect that you’ve always had on him and he hates, but you make no move to stop until every corner has been graced with feel of your lips. It’s every word that you could possibly say to him, every sentence that could hold the weight of your adoration, because sometimes, words just fall short.
“Y/N-“ He begins when you finally pull away, wanting to tell you that he loves you, but you cut him off with a dopey smile.
“I know.”
The two of you lie down against the cold, hard gravel- fingers intertwined as you both shut your eyes and bask in the soft rays of sunlight. It’s almost perfect.
Until.
“Mr Malfoy, Ms L/N.” A voice drawls.
“Shit.” You mumble when you remember that it’s Wednesday- Astronomy.
<~>
Did I impulsively write this after declaring I’m going on a week’s hiatus to move? Yes. Did I put off packing for this? Yes. Do I have any regrets? Nope.
anyway,
love you all,
jean <3
#Draco#Draco Malfoy#Draco x reader#Draco Malfoy x reader#Draco fluff#Draco Malfoy fluff#Draco angst#Draco Malfoy angst#draco x y/n#draco imagine#draco fanfiction#draco malfoy imagine#harry potter#harry potter fanfiction#harry potter x reader
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Seventeen + an s/o with ADHD
a/n: sorry this isn’t an update on SNCTD; trust me, I’m just as excited as you guys to finish the story, but my mental health hasn’t been all that great lately if i’m being honest, and i’ve missed writing for svt so... two birds with one stone, y’know :) also, quick disclaimer: this specific reaction post will mainly center around my own experience with my ADHD/the symptoms that especially affect me. you may be able to relate to it, you may not, but i hope you enjoy it either way, i tried to include kind of a range of manifestations. if you don’t struggle with ADHD or ADD, i would definitely advise that you look into ways you can better understand people who do and maybe help them out, and if you do struggle with it, remember that you are valid and you matter so much no matter what your brain says or does <3 we all have days where we struggle to understand that, but i swear it’s true and i’m always here if you ever want to talk about it <3
s. coups/seungcheol
always reminding you to take care of yourself and your mental health first
he rubs your head and/or shoulders when you’re having trouble with grounding yourself and staying focused (like he does with jeonghan’s hair i <<<<</////3333)
he’s very good at disguising when he’s gently reminding you about things or encouraging you to get work he knows you have due soon done with jokes or banter (so you don’t feel bad about forgetting or getting distracted)
you bet he’s going to be up in the forums trying to figure out ways other people help out their loved ones and see if there’s anything else he can do to improve how he shows that he’s there for you
jeonghan
very gentle and patient
he hates the sound of his alarm but he keeps one in his phone to remind you to take your medicine (if you take it) because he knows if you’re doing something else when yours goes off you’ll just swipe off and forget about it
every once in a while just out of nowhere he’ll make it a point to remind you how special you are to him and make sure you know that you are so much more than your disability and you’re doing so well with it look at you go
encourages breaks like his life depends on it he really likes to hold you during your breaks pls let him love you
joshua
always brings an extra pair of headphones or an extra mask for you if you tend to misplace or forget things
he keeps reminders and notes about important events or appointments in your schedule in his phone alongside all of his stuff so he can a) know what you’re up to every once in a while and b) make sure you get there on time and prepared with a good luck text from your wonderful boyfriend :)))
he doesn’t mind having to repeat himself if you’re zoned out and he always reminds you you don’t have to apologize when you ask him to; he understands you’re not just uninterested, and he wants to help you get out of the cycle of apologizing for something you can’t control
your hyperfixations become his hyperfixations: he might not be able to really invest in them like you do but he will watch whatever show you want or listen to whatever music
plus whatever he sees when he’s out that relates to it or reminds him of you, he’ll pick it up; v supportive in your hyperfixations!!
jun
jun is a godsend for really bad executive dysfunction days omg
i feel like if you’re ever struggling to get your thoughts in order or think of the right word to say, he knows exactly what you mean and he’ll help you out with it
also i feel like he’s pretty good at keeping up with stuff if you’re super forgetful or tend to misplace things???
like you’ll be looking for your headphone case or something in your bag and he’ll pull it out of his jacket pocket like “oh you asked me to hold them earlier sorry i didn’t give them back”
probably better at keeping up with your stuff than is he is his own ffs
hoshi/soonyoung
idk if anyone else really does this but i tend to isolate myself especially when i feel like i’m being really overzealous or obnoxious
but soonyoung absolutely hates when you do that
he tries to make it as clear as humanly possible that you could never ever be a burden or an annoyance to him and he likes to sit with you whenever you don’t feel like talking to people
he’s a pretty loud and energetic guy himself so i feel like if you’re having a hard time controlling your hyperactivity he’ll just match your energy
if he catches you picking at your nails or playing with your fingers a lot (just generally fidgeting a lot), he’ll pull you up to dance with him and you’ll let some of that energy out together :)
wonwoo
i feel like wonwoo is super sensitive to your needs and experiences specifically
like he knows exactly how you need him to react when you’re on the verge of tears because you’re so frustrated with yourself for not being able to focus or when you get overstimulated
he’s a pretty chill guy anyways so i feel like overstimulation isn’t a big problem with wonwoo, at least when it’s just you two; when it does happen, he’s content to sit in silence with you as long as you need him to and just hold your hand or stare at your cute face until you feel like you can breathe again
if you’re in need of stimulation, he’ll read to you aloud or turn the sound of whatever game he’s playing up so you can hear what’s going on, too
woozi/jihoon
100% composes little songs for you to listen to for whatever mood you’re in or whatever amount of stimulation you need
i feel like he’s quite awkward dealing with big shutdowns or panic attacks if you get really frustrated or over/under stimulated but he tries his best to be there for you when you need him
much like soonyoung, if you’ll let him sit with you when you feel like no one wants to see you or you don’t want to bother anyone, he’ll jump at the chance
dk/seokmin
sweet boy is so patient and kind :(((
he doesn’t care how many times you trip over your words or have to restart a sentence, he’ll wait for you to finish and will listen intently
he looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky doesn’t matter what kind of dumb shit you’re doing or saying
no matter what your brain comes up with or how out of left field it may seem, he’s always got something to say right back that will match your energy babes
mingyu
mingyu hums to you to help you fall asleep 100%
he can listen to you talk for forever so if your ADHD manifests itself in talkativeness, he’s just that much happier
he always asks if you’ve eaten and will cook for you if you say you’ve forgotten or just haven’t gotten around to it
he likes it when you play with his hands or when he feels your knee bouncing against his if you’re having trouble sitting still, he thinks it’s kinda cute and just a little reminder that you’re there
the8/minghao
minghao is a man of many talents and interests so he’s always got you with something to do if you’re feeling burnt out on your other interests or just generally bored
will grab your hand and play with your fingers if he notices you picking at your skin/nails a lot or cracking your knuckles
or like if he’s wearing rings that day he’ll hand you one so you can play with it
that way you’re still receiving some sort of stimulation but you’re not literally tearing skin off of your hand or about to break your wrists so win-win
seungkwan
he likes to play song association games with you sometimes, whether it be an attempt to help with your dysfunction or just to see how far out of line you guys can get
he always sends you a good morning text with a reminder to take your medicine (again, if you’re medicated) and wishing you a great day
if you get frustrated and sad with yourself then he’ll get sad as well and do everything in his power to cheer you up
he’s always encouraging you and making it a point to remind you that you’re valid and you’re doing your best even if it feels like you aren’t
vernon
mans doesn’t know where or what he is half the time tbh so i don’t think executive dysfunction would be too much of a problem for him
you two communicate without words all the time, you understand each other better than anyone else
he’s pretty go with the flow like he can be just as hyper and loud and energetic as you or he can just lay there with you cuddled up on his chest, it doesn’t matter to him, he just wants to match your energy
he tries to listen to you well and learn as much as he can about ways he can help when you need him to
like joshua, will probably carry around extra headphones or an extra mask or something just incase you misplace or forget yours
dino/chan
he’s a bit clueless, at least at first, but he tries really hard to learn
he probably is the type to carry a fidget spinner or some sort of fidget device for you to play with if those kinds of things help you
he’s also probably very awkward about handing it to you because idk he’s just weird??
always happy to try out new things with you when you’re feeling burnt out on your old hobbies or try to teach you a new dance routine or something to keep you occupied
#i'm being self indulgent leave me alone </3#kpop#kpop imagines#kpop fluff#kpop headcanons#seventeen#seventeen imagines#seventeen fluff#seventeen headcanons#kpop angst#seventeen angst#s coups#jeonghan#joshua#jun seventeen#hoshi#wonwoo#woozi#dk seventeen#mingyu#the8#seungkwan#vernon#dino seventeen
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Yeah the Loki finale was meh/disappointing it doesn’t even feel like a Loki show anymore. I swear you could swap him with another character and the story would barely change.
Hi, anon! I'll put thoughts under a cut since idk who all has seen the Loki show yet.
Tbh, Loki is my favorite character from the MCU. I have waited for YEARS for this character to have an actual spotlight...
And I really wanted to like this show, I really did. Like, I legit wanted to just turn off my brain and enjoy everything?
But yeah, your message resonates with me. There were things I liked about the show, but once I got over the cool CGI and angst and female gaze, it just...feels like Loki got sidelined in his own story? The focus hadn't been about him specifically since episode 1. It instead shifted to Sylvie, who is different enough from Loki that she might as well have been Hawkeye still on his Endgame rampage for justice. And it was Sylvie's problems and Sylvie's motivations that drove the story. Which, you know, were interesting in their own way but not what I was expecting from a Loki show. A lot of scenes were just Sylvie running around and Loki somewhat helplessly following along in a daze that this is what his life has become. He was just ultimately a very passive character in someone else's story...because as the finale clearly showed, his core issues that needed to be worked out weren't in alignment with her own.
So it's sad to me that the show opened up by saying that Loki's destiny was always to function as a dead-end catalyst for other people's character development/journeys. And in the end, that's...exactly what Loki became for all the other characters in this show. ;A; And I'm not sure what they have going on for s2, but I fear he'll just play second-fiddle to Dr. Strange at this point.
I have other issues with the show as well....
___
I felt like they also massively declawed him? Ignoring the comics entirely (where he's even more badass) and looking just at the movies: He survived a Hulk smack-down, could toss humans like they were nothing, could travel between worlds through a variety of means, could already see into people's minds/memories and cast illusions and even change his form, and yet somehow all of this got retconned to make him a less powerful sorcerer compared to his Variants.
I remember this guy being actually dangerous and physically capable, which is why they locked him up. Loki used to have Avenger-level capabilities and strength. But now, he can't hardly fight off a human, and his defense skills are relegated to basic hand-to-hand combat and a dagger. The show even makes fun of his abilities and calls him a pussycat and turns him into a tie-wearing analyst...But I suppose that's in line with the general downgrade of his abilities in recent MCU movies...
___
And if being a sidekick in his own show and having his abilities retconned wasn't enough, I feel like the show failed to convince me that it really understood and is working to grow Loki's character.
The underlying issue that the show calls out as Loki's ultimate weakness is that he's "afraid of being alone," and that this feeds a narcissism complex. But this doesn't really make sense to me? Because he didn't grow up alone or unwanted. He had a mother (Frigga) who loved him deeply and taught him magic. He clearly made it into adulthood believing that Odin was his father, who certainly wasn't absent. He was always on adventures with his brother. He had clearly tried to build a reputation for himself that was differentiated from his brother's (the Silvertongue). This goes against how narcissists don't really have a personality of their own because they just absorb other people's mannerisms to fit in...So like, idk about parsing out the details of narcissism as a clinical diagnosis because I'm not a psychologist, but something feels a little odd here to me? Like, it's more than just...fear of being alone that drives Loki to be destructive? The loneliness is only a symptom??
The problem based off the early movies, providing that I'm not entirely an idiot in listening (which I suppose I could be), was that he was always in Thor's shadow and was never considered an equal, someone worthy of respect despite their differences. Even in the 2009 movie, his peers belittled his title as a Silvertongue and his love for magic. Discovering that he was actually an unwanted frost giant just twisted that knife in deeper and set him on a self-destruct path, once and for all. And it's really interesting to me that throughout this show, people are still constantly trying to establish themselves as alpha over Loki and make jabs about him as worthless and weak. And he's just desperate enough for validation to still try bonding with them the instant anyone tosses a bone of mild curiosity at him.
The fact that he's still positioned as less valuable and less respected than Sylvie, and that even Sylvie herself ultimately usurps equality in their relationship/partnership to enforce her will is just...depressing.
And for all this discussion about Loki changing/redeeming himself, at the end of the day, his perspective hasn't really changed? He still identifies himself as untrustworthy, even though he careens as a desperate lap dog for Mobius' approval and then Sylvie's once she gives him an ounce of attention. He has difficulty with accepting the value of a life, especially in regard to his own life. For example, he was still willing to consider upholding the death of future untold numbers via pruning despite being such a victim himself. And that's not a slam to his worry about a worse alternative, which is probably valid, but it's still weird that he does not believe he could contribute to a powerful resistance group capable of taking out multiple variations of one human man.
It's even weirder that he still seems to be caught in a tailspin regarding "necessary dictatorship," even though Loki is supposed to be a Silvertongue and could have won He Who Remains over as an ally against the other Variants of He Who Remains, thereby dismantling the TVA and freeing the multiverse. But unfortunately, he still can't see beyond two binary roads (mass chaos vs. subjugation). He has totally lost his confidence and identity as a Silvertongue. He can't see an alternative option despite supposedly being a Master Strategist, and that's echoed in how his initial thought to defeat Alioth was to kill it in a very Thor-ish, Asgardian way.
And because he has accepted the show's narrative that he is not capable or worthy of respect for his own unique talents, he openly just..accepts the concept that he's not meant to mean anything to anyone but himself ("I just want you to be okay") or do actually anything meaningful with his abilities. This probably underscores why he is so incapable of using his full powers for a Chaotic Good.
And for one final jab of hopelessness, the show immediately reverses the one (1) other mildly positive relationship he had just started to build via Mobius, solidifying that once again, Loki is not allowed to have friends. Loki is not allowed to have equals. Loki is not allowed to be respected. Which is probably why even when he's surrounded by other people, that's why he still feels alone.
I'm just sort of dead that for all the time the show spent on diagnosing Loki, it never got deep enough to ask why he feels alone.
Conclusion
So idk, the show just kinda depressed me tbh. I don't want to be this critical??? They have really great actors, interesting concepts, and clearly a strong CGI department. Again, not sure I could do better, so I recognize I'm playing armchair critic here. Maybe it'll get better in s2. I really want this show to prove me wrong and move Loki into a level of character development where he can like, actually have purpose in his own title show beyond serving as second-fiddle to other people in other people's self-discovery journeys.
Like please, just let him realize that he can have a positive, meaningful purpose. And that whatever his purpose is, that he is Enough just as he is, and that he can contribute meaningful things to others and be fully worthy of respect. And I think once that clicks with Loki, we'll see him really grow into something phenomenal. Something truly formidable, even if that character doesn't sit on a throne....
It's possible the show could go there? But I'm just a little leery that it's not really a show about Loki....
#Loki#Marvel#MCU#Sylvie#Agent Mobius#Loki show salt#Loki show critical#;A; there's things I do like about this show#but ahhhhhh#Marvel always devalues Loki#I just...guess I didn't expect them to do that here
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Just hopping on the anons last week who said they'd done reading around BPD and Ben etc after reading your posts to say... when Whitney told Ben he makes everything about himself in this week's eps I immediately thought of you! Like lemme explain lmao I remember last year you wrote about how lots of fans said Ben was making everything about him when him and Callum had that argument about the warehouse job in Sept.? And you wrote about how you viewed it and how looking at Ben through a lense of mh goes a different interpretation etc. Idk Whitney saying that just made me recall your thoughts on the fandom saying the same thing lmao.
(although tbh I didn't think Whitney was v fair saying that anyway bc how was he meant to know Callum had witnessed a stabbing etc?? He wasn't making it about himself he was simply worrying about the info he had access to???)
no joke i literally thought the exact same thing after i watched it yesterday. not the post (tho i do remember what you're talking about!) but i was like 'oh ben's behaviour is VERY bpd' like probably the most obvious example we've had since 2019 maybe and then i was like man.... how many people are going to have Bad Takes abt ben's behaviour and how he's 'selfish' and then i was thinking abt what whit said and it reminded me of something i heard once and i've tried to find it but i can't and i'm gutted bc it made so much sense but it was abt how bpd are often viewed as selfish or making everything abt us but we do that bc we literally feel like everything IS because of us/our fault. it's literally a Symptom. like when you're hypersensitive and terrified of everyone abandoning you EVERYTHING feels personal.
like someone's in a bad mood? clearly i have done something to put them in a bad mood. someone doesn't reply? clearly they hate me. you smile at someone in public and they don't smile back? clearly they can sense something is Wrong with me and didn't want to engage. either that or they think i'm hideously ugly. that's the default assumption, that it's somehow something to do with me. not that they're going thru their own shit or that they're busy or tired. and then when we're talking abt someone you're close too, the fear of abandonment comes into play where you either start to push them away bc you're convinced they're gonna leave anyway or frantically do things or change things to help convince them to stay, and both of these can go very extreme. and ofc it's not logical but we can't help it. i'm always saying this to people in my life: i know how i'm feeling/what i'm doing isn't logical and it doesn't make sense, but i literally can't help it. it's like the sensible you is locked in the back of your brain forced to witness all of your own bs but they're literally powerless to do anything about it.
which is also why i can understand under the hysteria of your own fear of abandonment and hypersensitivity why ben could convince himself callum was gonna leave him for whitney. like ofc i get why ppl would find that unrealistic and offensive, but i can't NOT see him as bpd, and when you have bpd that fear of abandonment is so so incredibly pervasive that you start thinking things like that and convince yourself that they're real. like you genuinely believe them. and someone of sound mind is like 'that doesn't make any sense, he's gay' but like.... that almost is irrelevant to a certain degree. your own belief that you're so unlovable and that everyone is going to leave you holds SO much weight in your mind, more than even reality itself.
like you could almost compare it to hallucination. reality and logic dictates that it's impossible for there to be a man crawling on the ceiling, but if you can see it and hear it and feel it then ofc you're going to believe it's real. reality and logic become irrelevant bc you KNOW it's there, even though it isn't, u know? it's the same kind of thing: reality says ofc callum isn't gonna propose to whitney when he's married and literally gay, but that all-consuming fear of abandonment is so much louder when it says 'he's lying, he's sneaking around w his ex, he's not talking to you about anything, he's got a ring, ofc he's gonna propose to her, she didn't ask him to quit his job or force him into a position where he had to lie for months, ofc he was gonna leave, he just married you out of pity, this is all your fault, you don't deserve happiness or love bc you're a bad person lmao what did you even expect?' etc u know
if i'm being completely honest if i were in ben's shoes i could EASILY see myself being convinced my gay partner is gonna leave me for their ex of the opposite sex. like worryingly easily. and tbh between that and what was going on with kheerat, i actually think he coped surprisingly well. like i genuinely thought that yesterday that if i was in his situation i probably would have reacted much worse and been in much worse a state than he was. and i'm not just saying that, i think his growth since 2019 is obvious in how tame his reaction to it all was tbh.
i realize probably no one will bother but if anyone really is interested and wants to understand more then u should watch this video. i've timestamped it at the first point bc if nothing else u should listen to that bc it helps explain what i've said in a much better way esp the example abt clearing out the garage but the whole video is really good and i would love for some ppl to watch it. like i know it's half hour and that's a long time and also the interviewer is obnoxious and p insensitive but the doctor herself is really good and explains everything i've been trying to explain in a MUCH better way than i ever could and i think it will really help you understand what it's like to be someone bpd and what it actually means for day to day life
like i realize i've completely gone off on one w this and im sorry but i have opinions and i just want people to understand you know?? not necessarily for ben as a character but for all the ppl out there w bpd bc !!!! no one gives a fuck abt us they just misunderstand us and then do literally nothing to try and understand us when we try to explain ourselves so to have ppl actually engaging in this dialogue w me makes me very excited and i try to explain as much as i can while i have the opportunity u know lmao so i very much appreciate you and getting messages like this thank you 💞💞💞
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I can totally explain a bit of my thinking behind seeing lwj as autistic and wwx as autistic/adhd!! Before I get into specifics though, let me preface with where I’m coming from. I first saw CQL and then read the EXR translation of the novel. I prefer MDZS to CQL, but also want to acknowledge that because I do not read/speak Mandarin I am inherently experiencing this story second-hand and therefore am probably missing out on a lot of nuances. I am trying to learn Mandarin, but it will be a long time before I am even a little close to fluent lol.
Another preface- obviously not all autistic people present in the same way, and many of the things that I will mention are not solely specific to autistic people either. It’s one of those things where all of it added up together points towards asd, but each one individually would not on its own indicate asd, you know? Also, I will say that many of the things I picked up on for both characters are autistic traits that many autistic people have vs the clinical characteristics (much like most of the case I could make for wwx’s adhd would be adhd traits he has rather than symptoms that would lead to a real-world diagnosis.) Edit: OH! I almost forgot to say, that also all of these traits I’m listing are from a western perspective, and I would LOVE to read more about how autism presents in different cultures and to see conversations between autistc Chinese people specifically, so as to see if these traits are specific to western autistic people or not, but again, I do not speak Mandarin or Cantonese or any other Chinese dialect, so that’s a little inaccessible for me atm.
Ok, SO, for both characters I would list: strong sense of justice, lack of care for society’s opinion (I feel like it could be argued that lwj does to a certain point, but imo he operates more from what he morally considers to be correct and from a place of familial duty vs catering to the opinion of society at large), and then more vaguely, they both seem to be “nerdy” (this doesnt feel like the most accurate term, especially because it's not like being scholarly is specific to their characters, especially in ancient fantasy China- it’s more that their particular hmmm, flavor?? of love of knowledge feels very neurodivergent to me, vs like, being scholarly because it’s the thing that is expected of a Young Master, if that makes any sense at all- like the difference btwn someone getting an engineering degree because it is expected of them vs because they genuinely love engineering), and lastly for both- I would say that they are canonically kinky, and while I can’t cite any statistics, there’s a pretty high correlation between being autistic and being into kink. Obviously, not every person who is not vanilla is autistic, and not every autistic person is into kink…….but there is a high correlation.
For lwj specifically, the things that made me think he might be autistic are his lack of outward emoting combined with his depth and breadth of emotions, how he seems to thrive in and quite enjoy the very structured environment he grew up in, and then the last one off the top of my head (side note, I feel like a week from now I’m going to randomly think of other examples lol) I’m not actually sure IS an example, because I know (thanks to the awesome post from hunxi that you linked to that I had read previously) that his succintness does not equal autism, but I do kind of feel like it is very autistic to Always be so formal and to Always talk in textbook perfect language.
For wwx, I also think he likely has CPTSD! I’m not going to list anything for adhd or cptsd since we both agree on those :) As far as being autistic goes, there is, of course, the high prevalence of adhd/asd comorbidity. For specifc traits- while autism can show up as lack of facial expressions/tone, it can also show up as being overly exuberant and overexpressive. Especially for younger autistic children this can show up as being overly friendly/no boundaries w/ strangers (just?? going home with a random man who says he knew wwx’s parents???), making unusual connections that others do not can be both asd and adhd, his disregard for social status (disregard might be a strong word, and also I feel like this might be one of those things that got lost in translation and if I had read the original text I might have a different opinon, but what I mean here is the way that often autistic people learn certain social rules and try their best to follow them, but often do not pick up on specifics related to social hierarchy that are not spelled out for them- I think jyl’s take down of jin zixun is a great example of the /oppossite/ of what I’m talking about, and is a very neurotypical interaction. An example also of what I mean by disregard for social hierarchy, but from my own life, is how I’ve reflected on past convos w/ my boss only to realize that what I thought was just an interesting conversation about our opinons on a particular subject was actually them trying to tell-me-as-my-boss something they wanted me to do. We ended up doing things the way I wanted to do them because I didn’t realize that they were telling me to do something because they didnt explicitly say so, and because I just don’t pick up on when people are saying something from a social hierarchy pov. Idk if this makes sense or not, so I’m happy to try to expand if you would like me to. I feel like wwx could be described as having alexithymia, which is very common in autistic people, but could also be due to his cptsd. And then, I don’t feel like this is a true point because it is kind of based on headcanon? but wwx feels very demisexual to me, which is much more common for autistic people than it is for allistic people. But him being demi is not canon, just my perception of him (I see him as demisexual gay w/ massive comphet, but I know lots of people see him as bi, which also totally makes sense!!)
Tbh, I’m having a harder time than I thought I would listing wwx specifics. I might go through the book sometime this weekend and see if there are specific moments that pop out at me, but tbh w/ him its more that he Feels very adhd/asd to me?? Idk, I was diagnosed w/ adhd when I was 8, and all 4 of my siblings plus my father have offical adhd diagnoses. I’m 29 now and was only diagnosed as autistic earlier this year. All of my close friends have always been either adhd, asd, or adhd/asd. There have been multiple people I have met that I’ve suspected were neurodivergent who have later told me they started looking into it and are now seeking formal diagnoses. I mention these things, only to give full context when I say that I have spent a lot of time observing the differences between interacting with neurotypicals and neurodivergents. I mean, obviously, it’s possible that I could just be projecting, but to me, Wwx gives off late-diagnosed/heavy masker autism/adhd combo vibes. Again, maybe I am projecting, but I did try to analyze whether I was or not previously, and determined that since in the past with other favorite characters (who I probably share more similarities in personality with) I did not feel like they were neurodivergent, so I figured that probably I wasn’t? That feels like a very convoluted sentence, but what I mean is that I have not thought that about other characters who have been my fav, so I figured that while I do project in certain areas that this particular area probably wasn’t one of them. Or, to say it in yet another way, since i did not project any of my neurodivergencies on past favorite characters, I figured I probably didn’t start doing so now.
I would love to hear more of your perspective on this, particularly because I worry that I do not have the cultural touchstones to realize when something wwx or lwj is doing is not actually a sign of being neurodivergent. I try my best to research things I don’t know about and to listen to fans who actually do have that cultural understanding, but there’s only so much I can look into on my own when I only speak/read english. And also, I love mdzs and I love talking about both adhd and autism, so I’m glad to talk about these subjects with someone else who also likes all of those topics :) Sorry for sending a book of a response and also I hope you are having a great day!!
wow wow wow anon THANK YOU for doing your research and acknowledging your blind spots you seriously made my day. I wanted to get to this as soon as I made that rant while sharing cyan’s post bc this is specifically an example of a well researched proposition based on actual lived experience and critical thinking.
I almost want to ask you to come forward so we can take this convo elsewhere for a more nuanced discussion bc you’ve already hit upon an issue that’s been holding me back from making a big blathering masterpost on the matter - that the ND experience is so unique and individual, and no one person can dictate someone else’s experience. at the end of the day, if you personally relate to these characters and gain more understanding of yourself and your experiences from them, who am I to take that away from you?
in a public space though I have to make the discussion very broad in order to accurately contextualize these issues, bc in typical autistic fashion I feel morally compelled to Do My Best and Get It Right even as the masses show no inclination of returning the favor, so apologies for the boring backstories I have to get out of the way before we can approach anything resembling new ground.
first from a diagnostic standpoint, while I recognize the traits you listed (and appreciate your clearly nuanced understanding of ND expressions) and would find value in exploring them in a personal context, they are not unique to adhd and/or autism and wouldn’t constitute a basis for diagnosis in a clinical setting. I know that's probably beside the point for this anon, but there's enough edgy teens hoarding labels out there without tacit encouragement from scientists (yes I am technically a scientist, even though my ideologies these days range from conventional to... wildly esoteric, shall we say)
from a cultural standpoint, it’s important for me to emphasize that the concept of neurodivergence is a uniquely western notion. for those unfamiliar, the term 'neurodiversity' was only coined in 1998. I was born in 1991. I existed for a whole 7 years as an autistic person before the idea of being neurodivergent was even a thing. this ND acceptance thing is very, very new - people were not making tiktok confessionals about their adhd diagnosis journeys when I was growing up.
china, like most asian countries, is about 20 years or more behind on just about every social issue compared with western countries. to better illustrate, the experience of being ND in china falls much closer to the conventional experience of disability (i.e. being eugenicized out of existence) than the tentative ND acceptance movement that’s been kickstarted in the past 20 years in the anglosphere.
safe to say, there is no ND coding going on in chinese media. characters are either explicitly ND or they're not. there's no basis for a creator subtly inducing ND-like traits in a character, because there's no such thing as ND awareness in the cultural context of where mdzs was written and consumed. any resemblance is purely accidental, as they say.
as to how this resemblance could exist - I could go into the layers and layers of historical, cultural, social and religious context that make up these characters and the xianxia genre as a whole. for this anon in particular i'm happy to, because they've done the work. please please get in touch in some way where we can have a fully fleshed out chat if you're interested in taking this further, I realize i’ve basically addressed none of the finer points you’ve raised but honestly it’s another level of discussion to be had that cannot be summarized in one blog post haha.
as for those who would scream 'but special interests!!' at a character whose sect was founded by a literal monk - what would be the point?
PS. to comprise a starting point for why it's possible to see ND4ND everywhere in media if you looked hard enough - I refer you to the seminal red oni blue oni trope 💁♀️
#neurodivergence#neurodiversity#actuallyautistic#autism#adhd#danmei#mo dao zu shi#the untamed#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian
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Emotional support villain is a whole mood tbh. Its kinda like what you were talkin about with spinner the other day with them both being right in some ways, but going about it in super fucked up ways and in the process curing the "symptoms" rather than the "disease" (the disease being corruption of the hpsc and commodification of heroes etc etc). I'm a big fan of the villains tbh but I want to see them rehabilitated, and I think Stain would be a really interesting one to see that with given how easily he could fit into a "activist whos right but still probably too aggressive about it" role. Idk how much youre gonna explore y/n's and stains relationship but even if it was just a mentioned once sort of thing I like that you included it
Without giving anything away this won’t be the last we hear from Stain. The feelings (y/n) had about him I agree with a lot. I think most of the fandom agree that Stain very much had a point that heroes had been commodified a lot and while murder certainly wasn’t the answer and targeting the “fake heroes” as opposed to the system that created them was a losing game, the idea that something should be done to restore the integrity of heroism wasn’t wrong.
I also think is where some Toxic Villain Stans(tm) get caught up thinking the LoV genuinely want reform. These stans agree with Stain’s mission and equate the LoV with his mission the same way Spinner did just because Stain was a motivator for Dabi and Toga’s recruitment, in spite of the fact that Stain hated the LoV and what they were doing because he hates senseless bloodshed.
Basically Stain is a super interesting character and while his name was initially brought up as a meme in the brainstorming process I’m very glad he actually did end up getting a role.
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