Merry Dristmas🎄❄️

Not so sweet

« Seungmin x fem reader »

Synopsis: he always being so sweet and loving, who would’ve thought he could do the things he’d did.

Genre: fluff, smut

Warnings: use of pet names, f!ngering, cursing, begging, mirror smut yk, seungmins a lil freak.

A/N: THIS IS LIKE SO UGHHRH IDK IF ITS GOOD IM NOT THAT GOOD AT SMUT AND ITS SO MUCH DIFF FROM ME READING IT BUT I HOPE ITS GOOD😭😭😭

•———————————————————————————•

*

Seungmin was always so kind and sweet, as your boyfriend he knew how to take care of you and your needs. He made you feel amazing even when away from you. You just couldn’t help but fawn over his sweet antics.

•———————————————————————————•

Today 8:28am

Seungminni🩷: Goodmorning, wanna stop by later and watch our practice :)

•———————————————————————————•

You read the text from you boyfriend after you woke up, it was around 9:30 when you got up. You continued to lay in your bed looking out past the sunlight. You stretched and sat up your eyes still adjusting to the bright sky. You seen your bedroom door ajar, figuring so, seungmin left it open because he knows how cool it gets at night and how you hate waking up cold. What a sweet heart.

You stood up and walked towards your bathroom and began your morning routine. You washed your face, brushed your teeth and headed towards the kitchen for breakfast. As you entered you noticed a lime green sticky note sticking to your fridge.

“Made you breakfast, it’s in the fridge, enjoy it :)”

your heart gushed at the note. Here he was again making you feel like royalty even when he isn’t here. You opened the fridge and took out a plate covered with another plate, you lifted the plate and you were met with a delicious smell, you look at the plate of your favorite thick and fluffy waffles. You heated them up and devoured them pretty fast. Making your way back to the bedroom you took of your pajamas which consisted of being just Seungmins shirt. You put on your white skirt and oversized knitted sweater to match, you put your shoes grabbed your purse and phone and headed out the door then towards your car. You got inside, you started your engine and before pulling off you decided to send your loving boyfriend a text.

•———————————————————————————•

Today 10:23

Y/N: ofcc, I’m otw rn😋

Seungminni🩷: okay, btw while your out, you should pick up some lunch for meeee

Y/N: oh, was that why you asked just for me to get you food later😔😔

Seungminni🩷: maybeee👀, but I also would enjoy your company

Y/N: mmhmm, Alr I’ll let yk when I’m outside. I love you💕

Seungminni🩷: I love you too

•———————————————————————————•

You pulled off and stopped at the convenience store to pick up his favorite ramen. You eventually pulled up outside the building, you made your way inside and went up towards the dance practice rooms. You knocked on the door and poked your head in. You seen seungmin and the other members all sweaty, laying around and some still dancing in front of the mirror. They’re attention all shifted towards you.

“Hey, got your lunch” extending the bag forward.

Seungmin walked up to you grabbing the bag, placing a kiss on your forehead.

“Thank you.”

The rest of the guys greeted you and you watched them dance and giggled with them throughout the day. A couple hours later they were all taking another break and Seungmin came over as you were on your phone and slouched his head on your lap. He was sweaty and panting.

“Seungmin your all sweatyyy..” you whined, but made no effort to move him.

He smiled and placed his hand on your thigh playing with the ends of your skirt. You placed your hands in his hair slowly playing with some parts twisting them around your finger. He mumbled something under his breath but it was to quiet for you to hear. You continued to play with his hair. His hand traveled from the ends of your skirt towards your upper thigh, still playing in his hair you continued to watch some of the guys practice until Chan spoke up.

“Alright let’s try again all together”

Seungmin slowly rose up from your lap and placed a kiss on your cheek but before leaving he went close to your ear.

“Your skirts pretty baby” he said softly

You were just about to thank him but he spoke again.

“so pretty it makes it hard for me to not bend you over in front of this mirror and ruin you”

Your mouth fell open and you slapped your hand across your face to cover your smile that grew across your face. He then placed another kiss on your forehead and hopped up as if nothing happened, his hair flopping around his “innocent” face. You crossed your legs feeling hot and bothered, you felt a kaleidoscope of butterflies inside your stomach, and your core was heating up.

*

After awhile of getting caught up in your own thoughts, Seungmin approached you. You didn’t even notice the members had all left and it was just you too in the room.

“Hey, we’re done”

You reverted back to reality, looking up at him, his dark brown hair sticking to his forehead, his cheeks flushed from the continuous dancing, and eyes gazing down on you.

“Oh..yeah” you responded standing up

You went to grab your jacket and bag that were leaned up against the huge mirror wall. as you stood up you seen seungmin was already behind you.

“Mm, you know I meant what I said earlier”

He took another step closer to you and wrapped his hands around your waist. He slowly slid his hands down your thighs than back up trailing under your skirt.

“Min..” your breathy voice spoke out.

“come on, let me make you feel good baby, right here” he lifted your head with one of his hands, smiling. You were already conflicted to his touch so there was no point in denying him. You slowly placed your bag on the floor, giving him the answer that your staying.

“mm, baby your so beautiful, had me struggling not to ravage you all day.” Unbuttoning your big knitted sweater, his touch was warm, yet refreshing to your body.

Looking at you in the mirror all the air in his lungs left.

“Fuck…babyy for me?” His hands roamed your bare stomach and traveled up the white lace covering your chest. Your eyes fluttered, he was so slow with every lingering touch and it was killing you, he’s gotten you riled up and now he’s taking his sweet time.

“Min…just touch me already” you whined.

“Mm, baby is that what you want me to do, want me to ruin you” so into the moment and in your own head, you didn’t realize his hands completely under your skirt tugging down your underwear. You bit your lip in anticipation, waiting for him to do something, anything. He finally slid his hands up your pantie-less skirt, massaging slow circles into you. The friction was amazing but painfully slowly it almost hurt.

“Min…faster pleasee” you begged.

You could feel his hard up against you as you called out to him.

“Minn…pleaseee”

“Mhm, you want me to go faster baby? Is that what you want?”

You nodded your head almost immediately, watching him touch you the way he was through the mirror was almost mesmerizing.

“kinda slutty hm? But since u asked so nicely”

One finger at a time, thrusting into you. He picked up the speed with his fingers, and you loved every second of it.

“F..fuck min, feels good” your voice Called out breathy and tired.

“ damn baby your sopping down here, wanna see”

He grabbed your face making you look up in the mirror

“See baby, your really feelin it hm?”

You moaned out, feeling so exposed yet still feeling good, as your orgasm was creeping up on you.

“Shit, I’m gonna-“

“Cum, come on baby cum, right here on my fingers cmon”

A little bit longer and you were at your peak, your orgasm rushing out.

“Fuck, fuck, fuuuckkkk” you moaned out, as your cunt leaked your cum all over seungmins fingers.

“What a show baby, you really enjoyed yourself hm?”

You nodded, drool on the side of your cheek and cheeks flushed bright red, your legs trembling still.

“Hm, let’s put these back on, and when we get home I’ll really make you feel me yeah?”

He slipped your underwear back on you, and grabbed your hand leading you out the practice room all while giving you a sweet smile. That same innocent, sweet smile that has almost everyone’s fooled.

NO STOP NOW I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT WOULD BE READER'S REACTION TO FINDING OUT HE WAS TURNED INTO A VAMPIRE 😭😭😭

OH trooma. Ok so I made this kind of a part 2 for the 9:59♡ cuz why not. Didn't wanna make it overly dramatic but I hope you like it♡♡. also the way I wrote this the second I woke up I cannot

9:59♡ p2

𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: angst?/ idk what this is

𝑾𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: blood/ reader getting turned into a vampire/ implied death

°☆○

Four days have passed since Akutagawa died and you finally decided to leave your apartment. It wasn't like you were purposefully isolating yourself, but considering the ongoing epidemic of vampirism it was the wisest choice.

You stepped out of your apartmemt building into the hot late-summer air. There was still around an hour and a half of light left and the golden sunbeams drizzled down upon the city, making it glow in a honeyed colour; like the inside of a bees nest. You reached out a hand to catch the flakes of light but they slipped right through your fingers.

With languid steps, you made your way down the crowded boulevard. It was strange to notice how utterly unchanged the city was: men and women of all ages were walking or driving home from work, loud teenagers with wild haircuts were probably going to a club, elderly women carried heavy bags of groceries and then were you; who suffered the greatest loss of your life.

But were you really that changed? Maybe your partner's death didn't affect you that much since you knew it was going to come sooner or later, either because of his lung illness or a mission. After all, you seemingly skipped the first four stages of grief and went straight to the last: acceptance. You cried a little, yes. But you didn't suffer as much as when your mom passed away a couple of years ago. Akutagawa's death felt natural and it somehow came as a relief because you knew that he was in pain. And maybe it was better this way.

Still, the unshakeable feeling of guilt dug its claws into your stomach and heart, twisting them and twisting them until you couldn't breathe. How could you be even remotely relieved that he was gone? Why weren't you sadder? Why didn't you feel like the world was crumbling down? Why couldn't you save him? Why why why...

Lost in your spiraling throughts, you took the right and walked past the coffee shop you and Akutagawa used to go to on his free days. It was vacant, so you kept strolling further down the dark alley. As you passed a badly done Hatsune Miku graffiti, you caught a shadow at the corner of your eye.

For a moment you froze. A faint rustling sounded from somewhere behind you; taking a sharp breath you briskly turned on your heels to face the person behind you.

First you noticed the black hair which fell just past the man's jawline, ending with streaks of white. Then your gaze followed the line of his neck which disappeared under a black cloth. And then it returned to the blood stained lips and finally, drifted to his eyes.

"Ryu?" you spoke in a hushed voice. "Ryu is that you?"

You wanted to run towards your partner and pull him in a tight hug but your feet seemed to be glued to the ground. Although his body looked the same as before; Akutagawa's gaze was feral, his black orbs bathed in bloodlust. This surely couldn't be the man you knew and loved.

The man hissed, flashing you a pair of pearly canines. He had been turned into a vampire; your lost lover was now a bloodthirsty creature, which was worse than being dead.

Akutagawa suddenly lunged forward, closing the little distance left between you. Your body reacted on its own and your legs finally moved. Letting out a shriek, you managed to get to the end of the alley when a black tendril seized your ankels, causing you to topple forward. Blood rushed through your entire body as you struggled to get up.

"Ryu love what are you doing please stop." you pleaded in a tembling voice.

Akutagawa kneeled before you, eyes narrowing as he let out a ragged growl. A faint shadow of recognition passed his charcoal eyes and his teeth retreated.

"Darling?" you asked gently, your fingertips reaching to caress his cheek. Could it be that he recognized you, even in this state?

The second your digits brushed against his pale skin he snapped out of his trance and sank his teeth in your wrist. A burning sensation spread through your arm as you yanked it; still, your attempt to escape was futile. Akutagawa's grip was fierce, nails and teeth digging into your skin.

It was ironic to think that only four nights ago the same person was holding onto you and now...

Now he was turning you into a vampire too. A strange feeling washed over you: happiness? relief? gratitude? To you, living as a mindless creature would be better than having to return to your empty apartment, to a cold bed that still carried your lover's citrusy scent.

So you simply stopped struggling and allowed Akutagawa to bite you. Rashomon's black cloth wrapped around your body, enveloping you in darkness; you felt like a silk moth in a cocoon.

Your free arm snaked around your boyfriend's neck, earning a hiss from him. You felt oddly comforted in his cold embrace, ready to accept your fate.

And then, your gaze met his again. Akutagawa's eyes were glossy, tears streaming down his cheeks. They cascaded down your bleeding arm, mixing with your dripping blood.

Before the world faded to black you managed to place a string of ghostly kisses along the side of his face.

"It's okay Ryu, it's ok. I don't mind it love it's alright." Your digits tangled themselves in his tousled hair as you nuzzled closer to his chest. "I love you I always will." you chanted quietly.

A few minutes later the alley was silent again. The only sound that disturbed the tranquil atmosphere was a faint drip, almost imperceptible, and the soft sobs of a broken man. The setting sun cast long shadows across the city's streets.

10 BL Boys I Want Carnally

or as close to that as i can get, tagged by @bunnakit !

i had to look deep in my soul and tumblr gifs for this so please enjoy the boys, under a cut to keep the mystery alive for two more seconds

i am very ace so the concept is nebulous, let's just say i feel some type of way... and if you see me call these men my sons it's bc they are, ty for your time <3 also the order is kinda eehhhh general idea, i don't actually keep a mental list it took me hours to make this one 😭

10. pete (kiss me again/dark blue kiss)

do not ask me why idk either... there's just Something i can't explain. also it was between him and knock from together with me so i'm choosing the one that committed less crimes, anyway *holds him up like a potato* i just think he's neat

9. vegas (kinnporsche)

my little meow meow,, my explanation for most of these is just "do i not have eyes", but some (like vegas) are special jsjs in his case kp was the first thai bl i watched, as soon as he became remotely relevant i was obsessed with him and then a rewatch made me finally fall into thai bl as a whole so... thank you for your service

8. gong gil (the king and the clown)

my baby my darling my angel and the reason i even know about lee joongi, the actor i've been following the longest that i remember. i haven't watched tkatk in a while so i don't remember the details that well but i've always loved him, pretty sure he's my first bl boy too

7. xie'er (word of honor)

does he count? is this cheating? idc he's staying either way, MY XIE'ER 😭 will never get over him or his killer eyeliner

6. gaipa (moonlight chicken)

possibly the cutest 30yo man out there, that alone endeared me to him but also the way he is with his mother is just so 🥺 he's so special to me (also the fact that he's 30 AND cute as heck it's just so personal to me)

5. wen (moonlight chicken)

god i wish i could explain what he DOES TO MY BRAIN. some of it is the mix effect but i was normal about mix before wen so... he's so beautiful so magnetic i want to bite him

4. black (not me)

listen- he's my lil murder raccoon i know there's plenty of reasons for him to be as angry as he is for the 90% of his screen time and they're all sad but he's just so attractive like that (even though i'm more of a white girlie most of the time)

3. karan (cherry magic th)

i've only had him for two eps but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone in this room and then myself, etc. he's perfect and a nerd and i would love him for any of those two things alone, but they're combined into such a gentle beautiful (inside and out) and sensitive character i jsut love him so much

2. way (pit babe)

so i am definitely not babe, here supporting way's rights and wrongs from day 1. is he pretty? yes. is he evil? quite possibly. do i still want him? also yes. he hasn't touched me so pretty sure his big sad eyes are doing something. to me.

1. sand (only friends)

The Only Man, which is how my non bl friends know him bc i've apparently called him 'the only man i would like if i liked men' more than once ? HIM

special entry: tharn (the sign), yeah this one is definitely cheating

(using the only gif i've made of him so far which isn't great for this but...)

he's so tiny and efficient... like a fiat 500

if you see this and want to do it consider yourself tagged by me <3

WHY HAVE I BEEN GONE SO LONG SJKJS

ella's diary ୨୧

saturday || 12.2.2023

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

hi guys, i'm back (after a century) and i'm gonna tell you why i was gone along with another update 😭

it's an extremely chaotic fall break & 'while-i-was-gone' summary, my apologies if you find it difficult to read.

so as of recently, i have a crush on a boy at school 😭 and i haven't liked a boy at school since i was nearly ten years old. it's been a few years.

it's been so chaotic, and i've been trying to journal about my school time and my thoughts at home and it takes up so much time along with me trying to manifest because apparently "it works!" so why not give it a shot.

well i did, and it works. only a bit though, along with the fact that every time i braid my hair in pigtails something happens between me and (we'll call him macaroni.)

we had fall break, and usually i love it, even though i can't stand my family for more than five waking hours, but this year, i couldn't wait to get back to see my friends, finish up school work, and get away from my family, (and maybe 1% cz i missed seeing macaroni at schl..?)

i've been so obvious lately, going to games he has and stuff and i'm pretty sure his friends know even if he doesn't i've seen him follow me into the library and walk by some of my classes so idk what to think (i need help 💀)

my friends keep telling me, not to stop every time i see him and when i see him (during lunch) i literally pause in my tracks and stare before i realize i'm probably being weird asf and then i turn around and my friends start getting excited with their usual dose of shits and giggles trying to see where i saw him (its like i have an entire process when i see him it's so pathetic 😭)

i'm terrifed and have to be sure that he knows, i probably like him. i mean we don't talk at all except for a few comments he made on my computer and me talking about his water bottle (it's stupid) and when he had detention i was getting grades for my test from my teacher and i should've picked a different time to ask but my teacher had told me to come in during break. (SO I DID 💀)

not only this, but me and my friends go to his games because on my friends likes someone on the team, and the other goes anyway for fun. so i started going with them, except my father grounded me because i took my computer to school and i'm not able to go anymore.

i feel kind of saved, because now i don't have to face the fear of being around him. and my friends they're constantly feeding me these delusions and what-if's which only excite me until i realize perhaps it isn't true. because nobody except for maybe 5 people i know have ever had a crush on me, not absolute strangers who i like and might like me back nobody as EVER "liked me back."

then again, i'm pretty sure his friends know bcz me and my 2 friends were walking out of the library and his friends left him where we were and started laughing when he found out we were right there and he ran back to his friends like he was embarrassed or something.

my friends ofc, keep telling me stuff like "oh after the game him and his mom both looked at you, so its possible he likes you and totally told his mom." but it's kinda believable because during the game his mom looked at me like twice and smiled at me. and he looks at me at school literally whenever we pass him when we're walking or something.

anyway, enough about my absolute panicking SCHOOOOOOLLL

i finally have straight a's guys !!

and i'm going to a melmar trilogy tour concert in may next yr, with my friends <3

also, i've been gone because my parents have been seriously wonky with their "after 9" or "after 10" rules on my devices and during the day i'm either reading or studying, but my winter break is in two weeks, and i WILL NOT DISAPPOINT my little lovelies reading this 💗 ty guys sm if you made it this far you guys are my real ones and you know it (🎄 if you made it to the end)

ALSO PLS WATCH DASH & LILY I WATCH IT EVERY YEAR SINCE 2020 WHEN IT CAME OUT AND YOU NEED TO WATCH IT - THERE AREN'T ENOUGHT PEOPLE IN THE FANDOM ITS AN AMAZING XMAS SHOW PLSSS

anyway

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

love always, ella ୨୧

Hello darlings!

I'm still alive/here. I know I owe all the things and I appreciate you all following my "queue that" rule because I haven't been on my computer to write let alone draft. In case you're wondering what I've been up to I'll give you a bulleted list of the teacher life near D.C. under the read more.

🩵 Natty

Here's some chaos:

My student pulled the fire alarm and rather than addressing that for the felony it is, kiddo is on a 1 month suspension (you get 45 days for fighting) Worth noting this student was previously expelled 2 years ago for a gun situation.

We've had 2 mob fights at my school and another at the next closest high school (they also had a stabbing and the response was "well at least it wasn't our school on the news this time")

I've had more meetings than there were days of the week and worked past 5 nearly every day (we love unpaid work... i'm talking like full time job hours of unpaid labor)

My school has gone through more than 12 principals in my 6 years here and the new one has given me 9 blocks of classes to have my students research, make posters, assemble 550 meal kits, complete a reflection, and present a summary (to whom? idk bro) All while never answering my emails... in case you're wondering it costs 20k to get the groceries for this task alone. As of right now I have 3 students that can build the 550 meal kits. We have 2 80 minute blocks to build them all or our low income families have nothing to eat over spring break 👍

Our bell schedule is changing so that we'll have 3 lunches with students required to be in the cafeteria, instead of 2 where they're in our classrooms. This will end all in school clubs (RIP Four Square Club 😢 ) and we need 350 more chairs in the cafeteria 😂 fyi I had to have 3 students standing per block for 4 weeks because we couldn't get desks and chairs for my classes of 33. When I got desks they gave me elementary cubby desks. (I teach HS. The average 'kid' is like 5'5 hahaha)

The students booed the new principal so loudly at the pep rally that I could hear it with earplugs in and she didn't send their bitch asses back to class. She said, "Hmm, I think I hear some boos? Wouldn't be the first time, won't be the last."

Here's some cute shit:

My nearly non-verbal gem of a human told me a joke: Why did the sun go to class? To get a little brighter!

That same student: His current hyperfixation is roasting my lack of an immune system. He calls me his weakest superhero 😂

In a room full of extremely politically divergent teenagers, they almost unanimously agreed that a person facing criminal charges shouldn't be allowed to run for office and then had civil discourse about it.

The hype of my Afghani students getting to teach their class the Arabic alphabet when we started our new module. (Also their hype over the teachers showing up to their club's fundraiser)

A parent made shirts for the seniors on our 🏀 team (just 4 boys). They got to pick their favorite and most impactful teacher and she wanted each one to have a different teacher wearing theirs but 2 of them insisted it be me and wouldn't budge 😭 (also one of them interviewed to play ball overseas so 🤞 for him)

A parent made the staff valentines day cupcakes

A student in culinary arts gave me a banging cinnamon roll the size of my head

A quiet student from last year came by to tell me he bowled nearly 300 and made brownies- they were not pot brownies, I took the risk and it was worth it 😂

2 of my kids with over 100 absences showed up this week! They won't pass but 👍 nice to know they're like alive

My internet provider was straight up playing me before because it took 3 hours to download the ep last week and with the new internet, 20 minutes this week, so anyway I took random notes while watching and just gonna post a couple of them in one hit before scrolling my dash:

1. “Anybody can get a guy to bang them once.” Oh, can they, Dennis? Can they?? Sounds like a man speaking from experience, huh.

2. Jack to Charlie regarding “play dates” together and him saying “You don’t remember,” oh that hurts my heart, Charlie having to repress memories of him. And then the extra creep factor with the fucking ice cream truck, good lord, I’m starting to think Jack murder is more and more possible this season.

3. “Don’t mind my friend, he’s schizophrenic.” “I am, yeah.” I know it’s like a joke here, but I like schizotypal Charlie headcanon so I choose to see this as a win. (Spider in my ear vibes though <3)

4. Dee and Mac asking “why” and “how come” Dennis has a system to get men and him shhing them, oh yeah it’s all coming together, he’s used this system fr, and the truth and something else is gonna come out, baby.

5. Love The Waitress is Getting Married vibes from Dennis helping Mac and Dee on their dates the way they tried to help Charlie.

6. Girl, how did Dennis get that bottle open over that guy, this man lives off of beer and air, he’s a weak, frail Victorian maiden who would absolutely get Mac to open jars in their apartment constantly.

7. MOMMY ISSUES DENNIS REAL. Okay so we’re all in agreement we’re gonna transport Den “back to a time when he was a snot nosed little bitch who depended on the most important person in his life for absolutely everything, the person who inflated his ego, who made him feel powerful but also powerless, the person whose validation he’s been seeking his entire life.” I’m SCREAMING. “The way to make a guy fall in love with you is to make him feel like you are his mommy.” GIRL, WHAT THE FUCK, Freud would like a word, I could write a whole essay on this scene alone, but I’m sure someone else already has, but oh my god they’re bringing up how Barbara’s influence really messed with him, inflating his ego, making him the golden child and holding him up to these perfect standards, but he’s trying to maintain that perfection even after she’s gone and realizing he can’t, making him powerless. He just wants the illusion of power! he doesn’t want to have to work for it this much. Head buzzing with incoherent thoughts but there are thoughts here I may come back to just aaahh.

8. On another note, I really liked their acting in this one, especially the S.I.N.N.E.D. scene, their deliveries were all great, they seemed to be having fun and it was sooo cute.

9. A boy in love with Johnny so he can’t be with anyone else, but Dennis is Johnny, Dennis catfish real, Dennis controlling anal beads real, what fever dream is this fucking episode, a boy in love with Johnny, Johnny dennis Dennis Johnny, I’m losing my mind.

10. “I’m Dennis, I’ve always been Dennis” and Ireland’s “You’re you, you’ve always been you” parallels and Mac’s need for solid and clear labels of identity, but Dennis’ continually vague notion of his own self, and Mac remaining completely clueless this whole season, not seeing what’s right in front of him, the blowing jokes, Dennis and his system for men, Dennis is Johnny, while Dennis is starting to realize maybe what he wants and continuously gets more aware, and it leads to mental health day, aaah idk!! So much!

11. I love how everyone was deep dive analyzing the Frank Dennis scene and it was just him telling him he got anal beads in his ass 😭

12. The chess opponent looks a lil like Donald to me.

13. Full ass blast 😭 I hate how this show makes me insane regardless of that.

Just like old times : Chapter 2

But this was the reality-- he ran. Away from his problems. Away from his girlfriend. And then away from her questions.

Pairing : Will halstead × oc character

Summary : Will and Samarah have a talk. Six years late, but it still counts.

Timeline : Will and Samarah studied in sudan together and later got an internship in New York. In the last few weeks of their internship, Will started drinking. Partying . They went back to sudan, Will supporting Samarah's dream to give back to her community. But the night they reached Sudan, she questioned Will on why he was acting weird. The next day he was gone.

Warnings : drinking, racist threats, Will's irrational decisions actually have consequences

Note : This has been on my mind for 9 months now but still idk what this is. And I'm so so sorry this took so freaking long 😭

MASTERLIST

***

Will's 12-hour shift had finally come to an end after he had managed to treat his sarcoidosis patient.

Grabbing his jacket, he made a beeline for the door of the doctors lounge.

"Going so soon?" Her voice stopped him in his tracks.

He couldnt quite wrap his mind around the fact that she was actually here. In chicago. It would take him awhile to get used to her voice. A voice he once woke up to. "Does that mean you finally paid back all your debt?"

"No , no way.....—" He chuckled, "—I work doubles on weekends"

"Hmm. Well that's not changed." Samarah sighed as she avoided his gaze, and an uncomfortable silence fell upon them, both diving deep into the meaning of those words.

'Changed.'

Oh God —she didn't know how much I'd changed— he thought. The Will standing before her was different. He wasn't that messed up Canaryville boy anymore. He wasn't the one to do one night stands anymore. Hell , he rarely had the time or energy to drink anymore, let alone go to parties.

More importantly, he had grown. Learned. Learned to deal with death. Learned to let go and know when to let go. And when to stop fighting, when to back off. He had learned his own self worth and what it meant to be truly free.

"Let me walk you to your car?" he broke the silence, shifting his weight from one foot to another.

"Sure."

Truly , time had stopped. He forgot what it was like to talk to her. Their conversations flowed from the day's activities to med school stories. Remembering their mutuals, the smart kid's, teacher's pets, and all the people who Will had fought at bars.

It was like the past six years never happened.

They remembered the professors who yelled at them and gave them extra case studies to do even though they had worked piling up. They laughed about Isaac who had shown up for his mid terms in his pajamas, begging the professor to let him into the exam hall.

They remembered the smell of grass when they had gone to the countryside to get away from the city, and the sweet corn dogs they bought from the roadside.

They remembered the man who was more anxious for their child's birth than his wife was. The girl who was unhappy because she only got three stitches and wanted more. The sparkle in the 9-year-old boy's eyes, when he got to hold his baby sister for the first time.

"You know,..... I have two beers waiting at home" she said, as they reached the parking lot.

He shifted his weight from one leg to another, but still answered the implied question, "Sure,.... I'll follow your car"

***

Cardboard boxes were stacked against each other. A TV on the wall, and a couch in front of it. the kitchen was bare with nothing on the shelves. The island was scattered with mail and bills and stacks of books. It was simple and had a pleasent atmosphere around it.

"Nice place. " Will said, as he looked around, "Thought you said you moved here two weeks ago?"

"I did. I was staying at my parents' place but moved here two days back"

"Hmm. " He leaned against the couch, taking everything in.

"What ?"

"What do you mean? "

"You looked surprised, almost shocked today morning when I talked to you."

He let out a laugh "Honestly,..... I didn't think you would want to talk to me again. I wasn't the best boyfriend you know? Remember what you told me?"

God, he dreaded this conversation. He had left her—no— ran away from her, the last time they talked. He moved back to Chicago . He had booked the tickets in a haste, not sparing a moment for thought. Not wanting to face the truth.

But this was the reality— he ran. away from his problems. Away from his girlfriend. And then away from her questions.

"You don't understand Will , being with you was-was..... a rollercoaster" she looked away, her body now supported by the kitchen island facing Will .

"Some days were...... perfect.  Waking up to your breakfast and you shooing me away from the kitchen. Walks by the lakes and searching for new coffee shops. Our garden....... cramming for tests together in the library. I remember always wanting to come back to our small apartment ..... because I knew that's where you would be" she sighed.

"But I couldn't, Will. I dont know why but in the middle of everything ..... you started drinking. We fought all the time and there were so many days I would wait for you to come back home. When I was drowning myself in tears you-...... you were partying..... never texting me back. and you would show up in the morning and I-I couldn't-I just couldn't" her voice cracked as tears filled her eyes from past memories.

"I was already dealing with so much. Everything was so new to me..... I was the only black woman in the entire university. I was trying to learn to navigate my life. My career. Everyone told me that med school would be hard, but nothing prepared me for the looks I got and all the threats. Everyone was shocked at any answer I got right. Being constantly reminded of any mistake I had ever made.......some days the thought of coming home to you........ that was what got me through the day" she said, shaking her head as a tear made its way down her cheek.

"And then...... and then you come home after drinking all night" she spat.

"Zarah...." Will's voice was barely a whisper while using her nickname. It felt so familiar yet so different, almost like he had lost the right to call her that.

"I never partied till the morning. I usually left before midnight. I used to sleep at that bus stop in front of our building, so I could sober up before coming home to you"

Samarah's head snapped up to meet his gaze.

"I wasn't going to come home drunk Samarah. I was dealing with my own problems. That was my fault. My problems weren't your problems"

She didn't know what to feel. Relief ? Sadness? Anger, maybe?

"I saw what you were facing....... you didn't need to get dragged into my problems as well........ you deserved--deserve-- more than that"

"Ha." she scoffed, "I deserved more? You left remember? When I asked you why you don't talk about your mother, you left. You left to another country! If you really loved me..... you wouldn't be ashamed of bringing a black girl home !!"

Frustration and anger spewed out of her ears, finally saying what she had wanted to say for a long time. Something that had burdened her for the past six years. She knew that someone who she had shared so many memories with, who she had gone to Med school and later worked together with, had ditched her because of her race.

Will's eyes widened at what he was hearing "Samarah...." he shook his head, "that's not why I left .......I -I didn't tell you that .... .... that ...... my mom had...... died" he breathed out, desperately trying to blink his tears away. "You kept asking questions and I didn't want to fight.............. and I-I couldn't handle it. It was everything that was going on. I realized that I had left Jay all alone to look after mom. I didnt think he would talk to me again ..... and the camp was basiccally throwing money at us and I-I couldn't anymore. That's why I left "

God, he wished he could travel back in time and slap some sense into his past self. To tell his past self to be honest with Samarah , to tell her everything-- good or bad-- because she deserved to know. To not be left in the dark.

An eerie silence fell upon them. Six years of holding in feelings, and being afraid to find the truth. Six years of unspoken words, and six years worth of repressed emotions.

Will took in a deep breath. "I'm sorry, " He looked at her with pleading eyes. "--I was trying to deal with my moms death alone, but that wasn't an excuse to come home late or to leave you without a word. I shouldn't have kept you in the dark."

Now , it was her turn to kick him out of her apartment. But he was relieved that she gave him a chance to explain, even if it meant losing her again. This was all his fault anyway. If he had just talked to her, this conversation wouldn't be happening. She wouldn't be crying in her new apartment.

She took in a sharp breath and wiped her face with her hands. "I guess we both had a lot of growing to do" she laughed, not believing what had just happened.

"Me more than you."

"Hmm "she looked at will. Her anger had dissipated, her chest slowly relaxing , taking in the revelations.

His arms crossed his chest and he'd gotten taller and muscular --but you know, who cares? he's your ex. whatever.-- and god, his hair was curlier than ever.

She remembered when they were sharing a dorm, that he had more hair products than she did.

And damn...... a beard looks really good on him-- but again she didn't care. Obviously.

"You know what?" Will broke the silence, "I should introduce you to everyone, even Jay." he smiled.

"He still a puny kid?"

Will just laughed, and shook his head.

***

If you liked it like/rb!!

Tags: @ingiee @lxna-mikaelsxn @sarahsreesecups

STRANGER THINGS S4 Episode 9 SPOILERS

I did this in my notes as I watched the episode. So if you’d care to read go ahead but it’s all over the place.

And @nevilleismywhore this is pretty much what I was gonna send to you for my thoughts so yeah

Joyce and hopper finally kissing!! Amazing. Made me so happy to finally see them not ignoring their feelings Max and Lucas conversation when they were writing on the paper was so adorable. And them planning a movie date 👀 And how would vecna not know that they were there just because they weren’t talking “Try before you deny” The way that will looked over at mike, el, and argyl was so sad Love the conversation between Jonathan and will Will crying definitely didn’t make me want to cry 😭 Els outfit looked so good when it was just the shirt and pants and she was getting into the water And I do kinda like the sunglasses that mike made It took me a minute to realize that “Lucas” was actually vecna and I was getting so mad at him like wtf how could you say that to her then I realized and was like ohhhh Also Eddie saying “this is for you Chrissy” was just so adorable And seriously those jocks had to come and be a pain in the ass for their plan Eddie and Dustin are such dorks and I love it. Them celebrating getting the bats distracted is just prime content I would’ve stepped on those vines are quickly like idk how they made it through The balloons popping blood made me think of IT This episode is giving me a whole different level of anxiety 3:40am and 1 hour and 16 minutes left. Bathroom and water break lol The speed my heart is beating at this moment. Eddie and Dustin fighting the bats and hopper being bait. My butt is literally clenched The tears are here. How could Eddie do this Also as Eddie rode away and the sky was doing that color thing it looked like two big monster eyes The subtitles said “wet footsteps sauelching” when vecna was walking 😭💀 ELEVENNNNN “I piggy backed from a pizza dough freezer”- eleven It’s 4am and 1 hour left Wait. If Dustin had to jump like that through to the upside down and not he’s hurt. How’s he supposed to get back The way that will looked at mike when he was confessing to el 😭I feel so bad for them Please tell me max isn’t dead Please say el saved her in time Please tell me Eddie is okay and that hopper gets the demigorgoms trapped Can we talk about how hot Enzo is though Vecna sounds like a dinosaur I’m surprised that vecna didn’t have the vines actually kill Nancy, Steve and Robin since he had them for so long Awesome sword Chrissy’s dead body in the background behind el 😭😭 (Hopper grunts) (vecna bellows) Kate bush in the background just sounds so good Max 😭my baby Nancy looks so hot with the gun How is my man not dead yet Love hopper slicing up the demigorgon (Understood, hopeful music) Yeah I’m crying now Eddie and max. How could they do this to me And don’t even get time to morn cause now we hear the grandfather clock. Of course What the hell is happening My WiFi is messing up 💀 Holy shit Is el gonna save max!!! Is she gonna kill herself to save max?? Two days later??!!!!!? Mike will and them are coming back to Hawkins not even knowing is their friends and family are still alive Cute reunion Max?? So she’s not dead but…. El brought her back you idiot Please tell me el gets her to wake up Why doesn’t Dustin have a leg brace Gay gay gay Dustin talking to Eddie’s uncle is just. I can’t it’s so sad Eddie better not be dead Argyle is the perfect amount of weird 😂 Is their world turning into the upside down?! Why didn’t I get my gay boys yet either Finished at 5:13am

🫨 anon if u see this we can cry together when we see that theres no brie updates😭 and pls i am not getting enougb sleep somehow im sleeping less

'#SHUA STANS ARE EITHER COMPLETELY VANILLA OR ABSOLUTE FREAKS' i think its racist to judge me based on my man💔

OKAY BUT NO PLEASE HEAR ME OUT IM NOT KINKY LIKE THE ONLY REASON WHY I READ PATHETIC OR UR FANFICS IS BECAUSE THEYRE WELL WRITTEN BUT IM NOT KINKY

like the jeonghan fanfic u made recently w anal i literally acted like it wasnt anal while reading it bc i hate anal IM NOT KINKY I JS LIKE UR FANFICS BECAUSE YOURE GOOD AT WRITING

taking bdsm quiz while writing this bc i need to prove im not kinky

94% Switch 91% Brat 75% Submissive 71% Dominant 70% Masochist 65% Experimentalist 59% Degradee 50% Vanilla 49% Degrader 47% Brat tamer 38% Sadist 36% Master/Mistress (me personally i dont like this) 35% Slave 35% Primal (Prey) 26% Primal (Hunter) 25% Owner 18% Rigger (me personally i dont like this) 9% Pet 8% Daddy/Mommy (me personally i dont like this) 8% Rope bunny (me personally i dont like this)

i didnt paste the ones i got 0 on but i dont think these are kinky 😭 im gna make irl A do this test bc i have to prove shes kinky

okay but me personally i hate the terms daddy/mommy n the master/mistress shit i js hate it AND I HATE I MEAN HATE PET SHIT LIKE PLS IDK HOW THATS EVEN ON THERE and lowk i dont like bondage so rigger and rope bunny gotta be a nono for me

`#EXPERIMENTALISM = EVENTUAL KINKY BASTARD` TRUST ME ITS ONLY BC IM OKAY W TRYING THINGS BUT I USUALLY HATE THEM AND WONT DO IT AGAIN

PLS ALSO I HAD TO EXPLAIN MY RESULTS TO MY IRL😭 shes a little slow okay so i had to explain all of them but shes taking the test rn so ill write her results down here too pls shes taking so long so this ask is taking a lot longer than it should😭 she did the longer ver and i did the short one but here it finally is

95% Submissive 76% Masochist 71% Vanilla 66% Brat 56% Rope bunny 55% Boy/Girl 51% Experimentalist 44% Primal (Prey) 27% Slave 26% Master/Mistress 24% Degradee 19% Switch 19% Pet 14% Sadist 12% Rigger 10% Degrader 8% Dominant 7% Owner 6% Daddy/Mommy 4% Primal (Hunter) 2% Ageplayer she says that she thinks masochist should be lower, shes def not an experimentalist (i think she lowk is tho) and shes 100% not ageplayer, pet, rigger, or rope bunny and i can stand w her on that bc ik fs shes none of those 4

BUT LOWK IM DEF LESS KINKIER THAN HER SO 🔥🔥

- 🤤 anon pls this ask actually took an hour to do sincde i had to take the test then wait for my irl to do the test😭

I'm glad that at the very least... You two have each other :) AND PLEASE HOW ARE YOU SLEEPING LESS!!

Call me racist for judging you based on your man and I will wear that badge with pride. I will 100% of the time judge someone based on their bias IM SORRY BUT IF THE SHOE FITS-

UH HUH OKAY SUREEEE.... I will give you the anal thing too, I used to watch hella hentai with anal and I just smiled and pretended that wasn't what it was.... So.... I get it actually BUT I STILL THINK YOU ARE KINKY

There's something that should be studied about brats... Like... There's something about wanting to defy your partner for fun... There's SOMETHING THERE AND YOU AT 91% BRAT.... I gotta say. I GOTTA SAY these days I'm thinking about bdsm charts as if they're natal charts... what's wrong with me...

SOME PARTS OF THE TEST I FEEL DON'T WORK SUPER WELL BECAUSE OKAY YES HELLO makemegetonmykneesputmeinacollarandmakemebarkandcrawl BUT I don't want to eat food out of a bowl on the floor... uh yeah i stand by that

ILL BE CHECKING BACK WITH YOU ON THIS KINKY THING IN A FEW YEARS BECAUSE WHILE THIS WON'T BE EVERYONE'S EXPERIENCE MY BFF IN HIGH SCHOOL WENT FROM VANILLA ASS RESULTS TO FULL KINKY BASTARD AFTER HER FIRST BOYFRIEND...

What I think is funniest about you telling me your results is that you FULL BLASTED YOUR FRIENDS RESULTS TO ME AND THANK YOU FOR DOING SO I FEEL LIKE I AM ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS AND WE ARE AT A SLEEPOVER AND WE'RE SHOWING TEST RESULTS HAHA

and you know what, people often judge bdsm test results by the amount of green, yellow, and red, so like people tend to see like three green thinks and everything else is yellow and red and think that person is less kinky and lowkey.... those low percentages from your friend.... kinda seeming like you are the most kinky one IM SORRY TO SAY IT.

10 April 2023 Monday 2:27 am pdt

In 2017, I? Or my mom read that menopause can happen in your 30s! Read it online. That was news 📰 to me. We read it after incubus already started scraping bone 🦴 off of my hips. If this is happening now, menopause happening sooner and sooner, and we don’t move to a newer bigger planet 🌎 😱😰 or a lot of people suddenly die???? (Feels like I’m being tortured to death ☠️ So anticipate dying 😞😖😭 or the supply becomes renewed by asteroids ☄️ It’s going to get worse and worse. Maybe some people will become very replaced by metal robotic parts 2:35 am pdt I don’t advocate murder. I don’t. I don’t want to have that weigh on my mind. I already have too much guilt for the stuff I did, for years that wasn’t even much: I.e. the tricycle, another thing. Autocorrect: fake. ... Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ why that showed up in auto correct. Incubus likes to pretend to be in love with women and then throws them away. 2:40 am pdt incubus tells men to rape women and prepares them for it ahead of time, the juice 🥤 carter gave Ruth. And he intimated Ruth and tricked her into silence until 20 years down the road of time when people’s memory become fuzzy making it easier to lie and sound convincing. 2:42 am pdt unfortunately, incubus seems to like doing this. His justification is that women and girls are bad and men and boys are good. 2:43 am pdt to put it simply. So a lot more women might be facing earlier menopause now more than ever. So s*xual promiscuity might get worse Bcz women won’t know how long they have b4 their life ends, making for riskier behavior in teens. 2:45 am pdt hypothesis. If so, and incubus still has a lot of libido, he’s probably going to enjoy himself in ways that you might not expect. 2:45 am pdt

I would like to see people go ✈️ to the new planet 🌎 b4 I die. 😞😖😭😖😭 2:48 am pdt

9:06 am pdt 9:07 am this morning it’s been unbearably painful 😖 right side ribs. It’s been very painful 😖 for days but now the incubus is making this feel even worse. 9:08 am

9:33 am pdt they did prescribe me albuterol sulfate in inhaler form but it doesn’t seem to be as effective when it was in the nebulizer with the oxygen tank. 9:34 am pdt I don’t understand why they didn’t give it to me the way it worked for me. Why they had to make it different. I seemed to really NEED it that way. Not as an emergency inhaler that I do 1 PUFF/inhalation every 4 hours. Seems not enough at all! 9:36 am pdt and they gave me something called QVAR. But I don’t understand what it’s for. I’m simple. If something worked I wanted it. Why do this???? 9:37 am pdt am I dumb? 2 inhalation’s 2x a day. 9:38 am pdt

9:51 am pdt to clarify, acid psi left butt 😞I guess not? They took X-rays of my lungs 🫁 and said it was clear both recent times. The person who told me my heart was in bad shape wasn’t a doctor 👩‍⚕️ and all previous emts recently around that time/before that time had told me my heart was ok 👌. 9:53 am pdt and I was continually told after that time that I was ok 👌 until the day I was released from being held in the hospital 🏥 for at least 30 days that I had trying to remember what was said Bcz I didn’t have a gynecological exam in any way while I was there but she a nurse? casually mentioned it without any details that I ... who think she was hinting at menopause but it was in very direct words. She told me I cannot have s*x? I think. Low fertility? Having difficulty remembering. It was year 2020, so I probably was 35 years old? I can’t do math now. My paternal grandma 👵 I think 🤔 had my uncle when she was 35 years old. So I don’t believe it’s genetic. 9:58 am pdt sometimes they made surprise visits in my bathroom 🚽 while I was trying to go/ do the thing (#2). So they saw what I looked like without clothing. Left wrist clothing. 10 am pdt

2:58 pmpdt 11 April 2023 Tuesday acid throat pain earlier acid in nose 👃 nostril 👃 pain. When I went to urgent care for my breathing problem, the nurse 👩‍⚕️ said “breeding problems?” That was 2019. Then the doctor 👩‍⚕️ diagnosed me with rhinitis even though the problem felt deeper than my nose 👃 it felt like it was my throat/airway and the air would not go into my lungs 🫁 and she said that I wasn’t dying. That same nurse 👩‍⚕️ said that I was fine “look! She’s breathing!” <-Something like that-> “she’s fine!” I was upset 😭 that they didn’t do a thorough examination 🧐. And only prescribed Flonase. I have had allergies 🤧 b4. I would not have went to urgent care for nose 👃 congestion. I knew it was deeper than that, but the nurse 👩‍⚕️ was already denying that I had breathing problems. 3:06!pm pdt

3:08 pmpdt in 2017?2018? I had a lot of pain and they told me the mri? (Vag pain 😖😭 3:09 pmpdt) didn’t show anything was causing the pain. So they told me seemingly without a doubt that it was my thoughts 💭 causing my pain. And they seemed to not be interested in any other diagnoses; it seemed like it was case closed - no other explanation necessary. I went to counseling but I was not 100% committed to it. But I went for a year? I forget. July? 2019 I ran out of the counselor’s office on my last day not being able to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️. 3:13 pmpdt

3:16 pmpdt acid throat pain. I guess no one appreciates me. Interesting 🤔. Maybe 🤔 I should not have spoken out against Nick carter then? In 2013 when my nephew was born. In New York, my mom had great curves still. We passed by some guys who were probably my age, and I had ate very little and walked a lot that summer and already was growing very thin. My mom walked infront of me, and I heard one of them say “dang” which I think 💭 was in reaction to the way my mom looked. 3:19 pmpdt 3:20 pmpdt in 1996 her boyfriend who was younger than her had asked her if she could still have children 👶. I guess he thought 💭 maybe 🤔 there was a possibility. 3:21 pmpdt my mom is looking aged now. I think she deserves to be forever young. She’s a very hard worker. Strong work ethic. Acid ass pain 3:22 pmpdt

3:35 pmpdt yes 🙌 I am an *ss! I know now that god will use me and say he owes me nothing! 3:36 pmpdt there was a n article on msn that new details were revealed about Amanda bynes (spelling?). I think 💭 it was b4 psychiatric stuff happened? I need to review. They said she was found walking 🚶🏿‍♀️ the streets naked and disoriented? I wonder 💭 if she was drugged and raped and didn’t remember? Completely blacked out???? 3:38 pmpdt

4:22 pmpdt the day I saw 👀 the police 👮‍♂️ at my hotel 🏨 they had long black rifles and the fire 🔥 alarm 🚨 was still going. I had put black electrical tape on the screen of 📺 window 🪟 . They were opening every hotel 🏨 room door 🚪 when I exited. A big mass of tape I put on the window 🪟 is missing. I wonder 💭 if they took it? I can only suspect why they did that.😑😖😭diarrhea. They are probably planning to frame 🖼 me for something Bcz maybe they are friends with Brendan Lean. 4:27 pmpdt 4:27 pmpdt 4:28 pmpdt incubus! 4:28 pmpdt I have been walking 🚶🏿‍♀️ around my room topless. With the drapes open. The windows 🪟 across the street suddenly started covering their windows 🪟 on ground floor. Should I be insulted???? 4:30 🕟 pmpdt

5:41 pmpdt the incubus messed more stuff up. ☹️😞 5:42 pmpdt I didn’t hear 👂 or feel anything hit or roll up 🆙 onto my windshield and I didn’t feel any bumps when I drove but I did feel it lift up 🆙 as if it flew! And then land on the pavement. 5:44 pmpdt I don’t think 💭 I ran over anyone. 5:45 pmpdt god still doesn’t like me. He is still scraping away my bones 🦴 and torturing me with acid. 5:46 pmpdt I never applied acid to anyone. I formerly used lemons 🍋 but I wasn’t aware that it did anything to calcium when I did and that those could be a lot harsher. 5:49 pmpdt once my mom showed me that I could use lemons 🍋 and limes to clean my hands 🙌 and a classmate said she used it to bathe 🛀 so I tried it Bcz my mom also said she used it for cleaning armpits. 5:50 pmpdt god still doesn’t like me. I guess he doesn’t like my mouth 👄. He doesn’t like the things I say when I don’t want to be s*xually involved with someone and they had come onto me? I wonder 💭 what he did to my brain 🧠😰😱😖😭 he probably doesn’t like that I said things when I didn’t like it when some people called me names. But if I feel guilty about (autocorrect: s and s death s murder 5:55 pmpdt) ????????? Who is s now???????? I don’t want to be the deciding factor anymore on/about Scott. It seems that it really doesn’t matter to anyone at all. I’m still losing my bones 🦴😞😖😭 I want my bones back!!!!! But if I feel guilty/sorry about something it’s hard for me to fight back. I think 💭 my mom doesn’t like to fight. Even when it’s not her fault. When someone’s hit us, I think 💭 I probably heard the cops 👮‍♂️ say it was our fault? And for a looong time I had difficulty remembering what happened exactly. I questioned if mom had made an unprotected turn? Or went while it was red Bcz maybe someone said that? But I know now Bcz someone remembered it was red and we were stopped at the red light 💡. 6:01 pmpdt that’s extremely bad of incubus to put that in the autocorrect. Makes me think 💭 he’s talking about me 😞. I had wishful thinking 💭 for a second. My wishful thinking was that he wasn’t calling me s. That he’s calling someone else s. But I don’t know!!!!! But Q’s name starts with s. Both first and last and Scott! Many s’s!!!! @_@ 6:04 pmpdt

6:05 pmpdt he’s hurting me 😫😖😭😭😭😭😭 right side ribs and back ribs acid brain 🧠!!!! Left knee 😭😭😭😭😭 I don’t like the acid in my brain 🧠!!!!! 🪤 he gave me cancer ♋️ signs 🪧. 69. Not s*xy. 6:07 pmpdt

tagged by @frogsmulder @scullysexual a few months ago; so sorry it took so long for me to do this 😭 but thank you! 💕

name/nickname: Shannon

gender: idk but rn i'm saying i'm a demiwoman (any pronouns)

star sign: aries

height: 5’2" (or 5'1.5"... that's what the doctor said i was last time)

time: 1:10 pm

birthday: April 19

favorite bands: Studio Killers, Fall Out Boy, Imagine Dragons, probably more i'm forgetting atm

favorite solo artists: Hozier, Billie Eilish, probably more i'm forgetting atm

song stuck in my head: none

last show: 30 Rock

last movie: Creed III

when did i create this blog: May of 2013

what do i post: fandom stuff, animals, nature, lots of random stuff, etc.

last thing googled: kfc double down sandwich

other blogs: @cogwaltz, my toontown side blog

do i get asks: sometimes. not often

why i chose my url: it's a quote from Negan from The Walking Dead. it might be my favorite one. i find it really funny, and i love cats so it fits

following: 4,934

followers: 3,959

average hours of sleep: 6-9

lucky number: don't have one

instruments: no, i wanna learn the piano and drums tho. maybe guitar too

what am i wearing: a t-shirt and pajama pants

dream trip: australia

favorite food: chicken

nationality: (us)american

favorite song: idk, it's always changing. rn it's Backstabber by Kesha

top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: toontown, the x files universe, and ???? idk, star wars universe i guess

tagging: anyone who sees this and wants to do it!

Day 19 - Jan 19 - Home

One of the girls that just got in yesterday left this morning at like 5:30am, she made so much noise ugh. Anyways I couldn’t sleep much after that because the girl below me was snoring so much.

I kept tossing and turning so I just scrolled my phone. I got up around 8ish and packed up my stuff, somehow it all fit!!! I scarfed down my croissant and banana, chugged my water, and left for the tram. I got to the airport around 9:35am so I walked around a bit and just found a place to sit bc the gate wasn’t gonna be announced until 10:35am.

It was super sunny today in Geneva, kinda wish I got to experience that. Anyways, I’m so excited to go home 😭

Waiting for the flight felt like it took forever but eventually we all boarded and I had a middle seat which sucked bc people smell. Then I had a 1.5 hour layover in London so I bought a chicken sandwich bc I was really hungry - I’ve been really hungry today idk why I’m barely moving - and then watched some of Crash Landing in You which is SO GOOD 😭😭

And we finally boarded the flight back to Seattle!!! Luckily the flight is pretty empty so the guy next to me moved over to the aisle seat and we got a bit more room. So many freaking crying toddlers on this flight 😭 I watched another episode of Crash Landing but my phone was dying so I charged with my portable charger and watched “Good Luck to You Leo Grande” which stars Emma Thompson and it’s about her character who is like 60s and she’s always been with the same man for 31 years, but he just passed and he never did anything adventurous sexually and she had never came before so she booked this sex worker to come out of her shell. It was pretty good but I saw Emma Thompsons entire naked body and I was not expecting that.

Then I watched Amsterdam

can't sleep at all I'm going to fucking die

Don’t ask why I’m sending this many hours later then the first one lol. Also I put something about mikasa in the last chapter review by accident oops, but here’s the ch16 thoughts

1. I still have more to say about mikasa, when she said she wasn’t gonna delete the pictures she took I was so passionately angry. like I get it, I really do, that was a really important night for her, but to disrespect him after he says he’s in love with someone else that he’s planning on marrying them just made me so upset. IM SO GLAD HE SMASHED HER PHONE

Compared to the way you made reader and Erens relationship, they both love each other but also don’t want to get in the way of each other’s happiness. Mikasa on the other hand didn’t even care about his feelings, she wasn’t willing to give him up to let him to be happy. But she was also being selfish the way reader suggested Eren should be, selfish so she could experience happiness and love for herself.

Also the way she took advantage of him knowing he was drunk in that moment was really upsetting, I know he was willing in the moment but if he was drunk to the point where he couldn’t remember the next day, the least she could do was tell him what happened between them or check on him. No hate to her character but she’s a little psycho. I hope I’m not contradicting myself, I don’t like her but she’s really well written, you did a fantastic job with her.

2. Mina and the pictures, Jesus Christ, reader is never gonna get a break from seeing eremika acting like a couple.

3. When reader threw up the first time I was like 👀🤰? Then pieck asked her if she was and I was like😮 and when she found out she really was pregnant I was so happy, but also that ob-gyn needed to read the room😭 the fact that she was congratulating her when it wasn’t necessarily a good time for this news made me so uncomfy, WHAT IF SHE WAS R@PED??

4. Eren bringing her muffins and them reuniting and having breakfast together was a wholesome moment. Even if it was awkward it, seemed somewhat peaceful despite the tension, especially considering how their interactions were through text, you could feel the effort they were putting in to fix things. I think that’s something I love about you as an author, how you really get into every detail of their emotions, and it makes you feel like you’re in the room with them.

This is just my personal opinion but their conversation felt really authentic, I’m pretty honest and understanding during serious situations so I could see myself having their conversation. Especially when it comes to someone you love, It feels comforting and safe when you can lay out your feelings and the other person is ready to listen and understand them. It shows their dedication to each other and I love that. My eyes definitely started watering when Eren said he loved her for 12 year I’m so fvcking soft jdbfjdjfj 🥺

5. THE INTIMACY, Idk what you put in your writing but I’m literally on cloud fucking 9. I wanna hope everyone else feels that way too, maybe I’m only like this because I’m touch starved and single. When he asked to hug her, when he caressed her cheek, the kisses they shared after they made up, the kisses on her knuckles, UGH IM SUCH A WHORE FOR WHOLESOME INTIMACY 😩

6. CABIN EREN SUPREMACY.

That’s all for that

7. ERENS SPEECH OF LOVE, kana I literally have no heart left, it burst from a wholesome overdose when they first confessed their love, I’m on my death bed now and it’s your fault. #KanaKilledJoli

It was just to sweet, I surprisingly didn’t cry but I felt my heart clenching at his words. I wanna be loved like that, maybe not so publicly but to the point where someone calls me their home *cries in single*. I told one of my friends she felt like home to me once and she started crying, so I’d assume it feels really good to hear.

8. JEAN NOT BEING AN ASSHOLE>> I’m so proud of horse face for being supportive

9. NOW KANA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BUT THE FACT THAT SHE DIDNT TELL HIM SHE WAS PREGNANT HAS ME ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT (just like someone will be in the epilogue)

I don’t know if the car accident in the warning was about mikasas parents or that’s how someone’s gonna die, but I’m down for a car accident death.

But if he dies on his way to her I will die too. Him not knowing he could have a family with her is the saddest thing ever. I was thinking about this happening in that snippet where Levi tells her to tell eren something before it’s too late, I don’t want Eren to hear that she’s pregnant while he’s dying😭

Okay I think that’s all for the chapter.

Also I get the urge to tell you how much I admire you and your talent EVERY SINGLE DAY, but I don’t wanna be annoying. I don’t think I can tell you enough, but you are so gifted, so talented, so incredible and every other kind word in the dictionary, you deserve to be showered with a million compliments. ❤️💕

Me every time you post a new chapter:

i already told you just how much i love you and appreciate you in the previous ask, so I'm just gonna go straight to your reviews UGH I LOVE YOUUU

your reaction about mikasa is literally the reaction I wanted to pull from my readers. honestly, i can't interpret that scene better than you did. in my head i see that there are two different kinds of love: 1) where you love someone because you love them (so you put their happiness as your number one priority even if it means that you won't end up together like how eren always thought yn deserved better and vice versa) and 2) where you love someone because you want to be loved. mikasa is clearly case number two. she loves him, she really does, but she loves him because she desperately wants herself to be loved. she won't give up on him even when he tries his best to let go. this is not necessarily a bad trait but when she's really crossing the line this time. on the opposite, eren loves y/n because he thinks she deserves to be loved, and she's like that about him too. they always put each other's happiness first (which obviously in my story leads to them taking forever to finally get together lol)

yeah gotta rub more salt into the wound, am i right? 😏

and about the ob-gyn's reaction oh god why didn't i think about it like that? she could've been ra**d! omg thank you so much for your input, that was so very insensitive of me to write it that way. i am so sorry if this made you or anyone who read this feel uncomfortable. i will be more careful next time.

babyyy thank you so much for saying that 😭😭😭 it was a real struggle for me to write that scene because i had to put myself in their shoes and try to think about their feelings and it was so hard because i've never experienced that kind of love or fight and i was so worried that it would make y/n sound annoying or make eren sound like he was too much of a coward. but yes, i want to make my readers see just how much their relationship has developed throughout the story that they're now able to lay out their feelings like that. it's been a wild ride phew

DUDE ME TOO!!! i always like to add the little details like how eren would kiss the lines of her palm, or her knuckles, or her forehead or her nose because personally, those kinds of kisses are the ones that make my heart flutter lol i'm a softie too

SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!! WE BELIEVE IN CABIN EREN SUPREMACY!!!!

i'm glad you liked the proposal scene! i already wrote that scene before i finished writing chapter 12 lol. there's just something about him that makes him so attractive in that scene because eren was always so guarded in the past, like he wouldn't talk about his feelings even to his bandmates, let alone to strangers. but there he is, in chapter 16, standing on the stage, singing a love song and pouring every bit of his soul out in the open for literally the whole world to see my man is simping so hard please help him

jean actually cares about eren very much. you'll see more of their interaction in the epilogue 😉

and you can see eren's reaction about her pregnancy in the next chapter too lol

the "car accident" warning was about mikasa's parents, actually, but... well, you'll see 😏

I'M RUNNING OUT OF WORDS TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU SO HERE HAVE THESE INSTEAD

What can I say. It was a year.

1. What did you do in 2021 that you hadn’t done before? Started learning Spanish, bought a house at auction, touched a dinosaur skeleton, had laser hair removal. 2. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not this year. 3. Did anyone close to you die? My grandmother died in September, and because of the general ‘everything is fucked-ness’ at the time, I couldn’t go to NSW for her funeral. It was the second year in a row this happened after my grandfather died last year, and I’m not really sure I’ve processed any of the emotions properly yet. 4. Did you travel? Where did you go? Best holiday memory? Had a staycation in Melbourne CBD in April – does that count? Hahahahahah. Every other travel plan we had this year got cancelled because of lockdowns. It’s fine. Totally fine. 5. Best thing you bought? Our new house!! 🏡 And a new TV, which meant that the old TV became the bedroom TV which has been LIFE CHANGING. 6. Where did most of your money go? I feel like our Australia Post delivery man was at our house twice a week all year long and yet I can hardly remember anything I bought this year. Anyway, most of my money went to the bank for our house deposit 😭 7. What do you wish you had done more of? Listening to music. My last.fm/Spotify stats were very sad this year. 8. What do you wish you had done less of? Idk, watching the news? I always felt better when I disengaged from the daily terror updates. 9. What kept you sane? Constantly having a TV project on the go to fill in the endless hours stuck at home. 10. What drove you mad? All the usual suspects – anti-vaxxers, anti-lockdown protestors, fuckwits on the internet… 11. What made you celebrate? Getting vaccinated! Melbourne and Penrith winning the AFL and NRL premierships was pretty exciting as well. 12. What made you sad? Another year of cancelled/postponed events and all the associated joy they bring…not being able to see Hamilton in Sydney, not being able to go on our consolation high country weekend, all the festivals - RISING, the Writer’s Fest, Open House Melbourne…and when I had to find a new hairdresser after my hairdresser of almost 20 years revealed himself to be a giant anti-vaxxer baby and refused to reopen his salon because he didn’t want to comply with the vax mandate. 13. How was your birthday this year and how old did you turn? It was on a Monday and we were out of lockdown at that point (lol) so I went to work in the office, where we had cake and a few people took me out for lunch. Celebrated over the weekend by going to see Lano & Woodley on the Friday night, and had a delicious meal at Tonda Italian on Saturday night. I turned 37. 14. What political issue stirred you the most this year? Every single political issue this year just made me want to run away into the hills and never come back. 15. Were you in love in 2021? Always!! 🥰 16. What would you like to have in 2022 that you didn’t have this year? A normal year? Where you can make plans? And think about the future? And not wither away in your home? 17. What date(s) from 2021 will be etched in your memory and why? 6th of August, when we were meant to go away on a long weekend and instead went into lockdown for 11 weeks. 18. What song will remind you of 2021? That fucken Elton John/Dua Lipa song that I cannot escape. And Take My Breath by The Weeknd. 19. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I still haven’t made a will 🙈 It’s still on the to-do list though. I also want to read all the books I’ve bought before I buy any new ones 😂 20. Did you suffer illness or injury? I completely fucked my back in August, to the point where I couldn’t move without extreme agony. Had to go to the physiotherapist approximately 400 times to sort it out. I guess this is middle age. 21. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Happier! Because I never have to deal with real estate property managers again, or go to another open house or auction unless it’s for fun or to gawk. ii. thinner or fatter? About the same I think. iii. richer or poorer? Poorer because I now have two mortgages hahah. Being a property mogul is an expensive business 😂 22. How will you be spending Christmas? Going down to Portarlington tomorrow for 2 weeks, so Christmas Day will be spent at the holiday house eating too much food. The rest of the time will be taken up with swimming, watching TV, playing board games and generally trying to relax/switch off from this shitshow of a year haha. 24. What was your favourite TV program? Call My Agent!, The Newsreader, Hacks, this season of GBBO, Succession, Only Murders in the Building, Line of Duty. Also rewatched A LOT of shows, including the Americans, which was even more devastating the third time around. 25. What was the best book you read? I adored All Our Shimmering Skies by Trent Dalton, as well as The Weekend by Charlotte Wood. 26. What was your greatest musical discovery? I honestly can’t think of any this year. 27. What did you want and get? Those gold Gucci shoes I wanted last year hahah. 28. What did you want and not get? To go on a plane somewhere 😢 29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2021? I don’t even know if I could call what I wore “fashion” this year. It was basically the same three pairs of tracksuit pants in rotation with a variety of jumpers. 30. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Chigs from Bake Off, Assaad Bouab and Camille Cottin, the Hot Umpire. 31. Biggest achievement this year? Growing a strawberry on our strawberry plant at home 🍓 32. Biggest disappointment this year? When Dale and Tim didn’t end up together on The Newsreader. 33. What is the one thing that would have made you more satisfied? If Dale and Tim had got together on The Newsreader. 34. Best new person you met this year? I got some good new work colleagues this year but they don’t really count. 35. A valuable life lesson you learnt this year? DIY mouse traps are a waste of time when you have a mouse at home, so just pay some guys to come and plug all the gaps in the house and fill it with poison 🤷🏼‍♀️