#it still makes me feel weird lmao
Text
.
#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gortash being a highly intense person but with eerie, almost inhuman levels of self control is so interesting to me. and by interesting I mean terrifying. Like i think his genuine smile or - God Forbid - his genuine laugh would provoke a visceral fear response in the average person.
I think Aeryn sees his real smile several times but the laugh only once, when Gortash is carving his name into Aeryn’s neck. Like i think that whole thing is. maybe not a religious experience for Gortash but it’s pretty close. makes him feel emotions indescribable and with an intensity he’s never felt before and doesn’t again (until Aeryn carves out his - his - heart and hands it to him before they die in each others arms in the Astral Prism :))
but yeah just thinking about that whole scene like. goddd i WISH i had the brainpower to write it but it would be so difficult cos Aeryn’s Fully Brainwashed by Gortash at that point so it’s. weird. and i don’t know how to start lmao. so lemme just say it’s the first time Aeryn feels Gortash shake against him. maybe his voice even wavers. not from nervousness, just pure adrenaline.
which i think is why i’m so hesitant to make that the first (and if i did, the only, knowing my lack of energy) fic i write about them because they’re e both being so out-of-character in it? like i don’t want that to be the main association people have with them. i don’t know.
#this post kinda ran away from me#i also kinda see it as gortash feeling like. Genuine Physical Desire for Aeryn for the first time ever. becuase weird greysexuality#like i think his physical attraction levels to people in general is completely at 0% and his physical attraction toward Aeryn fluctuates#usually between 5 and 20% so it’s still very minimal. and i think this is the only time it spikes up to about 60#which is still low to an allosexual but for him it’s genuinely kind of overwhelming.#i guess this technically makes him a little bit demisexual in a way? can you tell gortash sexuality is really fascinating to me. lol. lmao#i wanna write it so bad.#your daily dose of idiocy#aeryn and gortash#oc aeryn#gortash
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
bitches be like. i hate vegans so much that i’ve decided i like killing animals and its fine and i dont feel bad and animals dont have feelings and its fine and im cool subversive and different and edgy and like to post fucked up stuff to make vegans uncomfortable bc im just so cool
#you sound like every cishet republican man to me#you're not a Cool Subversive Leftist you're literally regressing by seeing animals as just objects of your pleasure and thats it lmao#im sorry but you dont just get to throw out all of veganism. it does infact have some roots in leftism.#you can sit there and cope with the fact you agree w some vegan talking point by calling it 'animal welfare' all you want#doesnt change the fact that a lot of those ideas in those circles were formed by vegans.#damn woooah vegans arent a monolith and dont all agree on the same shit woooahhh who knew#literally i have no idea how we even got to this point or how this would be surprising.#when i was on vegan twitter bitches were arguing all the fucking time within it. ur really gonna sit ther en tell me they're all secret#eco fash that hates native ppl and people who have to eat meat? ya sure???#you would think the individuals on tumblr- of all places- would understand how frustrating it would be to be grouped in with the worst#members of their community as if you represent them and are the sole spokesperson#you'd think they'd hate when someone jumps to conclusions about them based on their lifestyle#but naur. i think yall take it too personally. as if a vegan just being in a room is somehow trying to force you to be vegan.#literally grow tf up.#if a vegan being in the same room with you triggers feelings in you that you Have to stop eating meat- i really think thats a you problem#bud. homeboy hasnt even spoke to you leta lone look at you and apparently you feel this weird pressure now#idk man dont you think that pressure might be coming within?? maybe.... you do infact feel things and feel a lil guilty abt eating meat?#not telling you to stop... i still eat meat here n there. but at least im honest with myself about how it makes me feel to do it.#its infact normal to take a second to think about the loss someone made in exploitation to provide you with whatever.#if you can let yourself feel a lil guilt about buying a fast fashion thing you can sure as fuck finally extend your fuckin empathy to#animals and stop treating them like objects or toys.
56 notes
·
View notes
Text
hm. i do not like chilshi 🤔
#sylph.txt#everyone likes to joke abt how much of an epic divorce man chilchuck is#but i dont think he ever even refers to her as his ex-wife. i could b wrong bc it's been a while since i read it tho#idk a lot of his arc is him learning to b more open w others (which is essentially what ended his relationship)#and u can see how much he's grown in the chapter where senshi goes into his past#to me it would b a lot sweeter for him to take on these lessons and go back to her and make things work#it's been 4 years but he's remained loyal to her depite their issues. idk to me it rlly does feel like he still loves her he's just a fool#it's made p clear that he's a coward and that he's quick to run away so actually committing to her would b a nice way to wrap things up#we don't get to see much of his wife so i get y ppl r quick to put him w the only other man in the party#but like senshi knows abt his wife too like i do not think he's gnna b making any moves here bc he has morals lmao#(*only other older man in the party. laios doesn't qualify for old man yaoi to most chilshi likers)#(even tho chilchuck isn't old either but shh they don't care abt that)#when it comes to senshi the changeling chapter def helped him w understanding how old the rest of the party is#but he clearly still views them as significantly younger than him#i don't think he views chil as a child anymore but for the majority of their time together he did#and so going from that to in a relationship is uhh rlly weird to me!#senshi has always taken a sort of parental role upon himself#w him romance is no where as interesting as the platonic bonds he has w the rest of the party#similar to how romance is entirely unimportant to izutsumi in the succubus chapter#idk i def don't hate the pairing and there r some takes on it that i find funny#but for me i just don't see anything between them i think ppl just want an m/m ship to play with#that ao3 gap is only gnna get bigger lmao
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel like the way ‘dogtok’/‘dogstagram’ talks about reactivity makes reactive dog owners feel a lot more ashamed than they ought to
#idk i just.. don’t really see anything to be ashamed about? and i hate the ‘your dog is reactive because you FAILED’ mindset#sometimes you do absolutely everything right and the universe still throws some shit at you that leads to reactivity#and it’s just a thing that happens sometimes#dogs are animals with teeth and claws and fur and tails#they shit outside and roll in dead things and sniff each others butts#and sometimes have big feelings about things#and that’s just part of being a little critter#it’s not a moral failing on anyone’s part that your dog is a dog instead of a cardboard cutout of a dog#not everything goes smoothly 100% of the time and sometimes you end up with an extra Thing that needs to be worked on#and yeah of course Working On It can be stressful. no one wants to see their dog having a hard time. which is exactly why we don’t need to#-be pushing the added stress of GUILT#it’s not helpful to anyone. it doesn’t prevent reactivity in the future. it just makes someone who’s already having a hard time have a-#-worse one#this is not a situation that needs blame#idk if any of this makes sense#my meds are making me a lil weird lmao#@ everyone who has a reactive dog: you’re doing a great job and if anyone tries to make you feel guilty#eat them#keep Workin On It and remember that Dogs Is Dogs#kill the goblin in your brain that tells you you’re the worst guy to have ever done it#you’re normal your dog is normal. give both of you a cookie rn
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
holy shit for the first time in ten years i forgot nicks birthday
#and ironically it was my friends video talking about march that clued me in#like fuck march passed and i didn't even notice it.... feels weird. very. weird.#jrnlsht#yikes he turned 40 this year#oh that makes me feel old lmao that makes me feel so old#i thought i had everything figured out when i was 25...of the two of us i was the one with the stable job that i loved#making art all day... and then staying up till 4am making art with nick#and like sadly literally not euphemistically#although those after hours set painting sessions did include some making out#he was such a mess back then#now we've swapped im the mess and he's the one with the stable job he loves#funny how life works out#i remember his 30th vividly his sister bought him this ridiculous bunch of balloons#which of course he hated#and he was forcing a smile cause he was trying to play nice and act like his life wasnt a total mess#and i just sat there giggling at him in his sisters kitchen with the balloons cause i could tell he was faking it#anyway it was fine i made it up to him with a much better present later that evening when we were alone :P#i dont think either of us ever imagined being this old#i certainly didnt#i remember the last time i touched his face a few years ago#it was the first time i realized that - oh- i could love wrinkles#bald with lines around his smile... it was still his face :)#but forgetting is a good thing#sometimes i need to let memories go and move on
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
why didn't that idiot just fucking kiss me in Rome? I think I'm going fucking crazy
#Johanna speaks#this is about the german roomie btw :)#i want to marry her#<- tumblr just suggested me this tag and I will neither confirm nor deny those allegations 🥴 (😭😭😭)#I genuinely don't get how people are okay with just interacting online because every time I try to talk to her I feel like I'm overstepping#I'm not great with social cues irl either but not being able to see her reaction makes me feel like I might be acting like a weirdo#so I end up not really interacting as much as I'd like. I KNOW I am probably overthinking but I really don't want to make things weird#I might still be reading too much into it. I sure fucking hope not but it wouldn't surprise me if this was yet another one-sided thing#I maintain that she nearly kissed me back in Rome tho lmao#anyway everyone wish me a very happy go to Dublin in August and make out with cute german girl pls 🥰
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
I’ve seen you say that u like that mine is a mystery til the end of yakuza 3 when asked abt a minedai saga i completely agree , so i feel like it would be better if kiwami 3 did happen the saga would be unlockable agter u finish the game
//sagely nodding// you get it.....
#snap chats#it'd be so funny playing as the antagonist after the game tho lmao#on that note tho i always forget mine is. technically an antagonist#LIKE I KNOW HE'S AN ANTAGONIST BUT it just doesn't feel the same as the other antags#maybe its cause he starts to do heinous shit only after daigo goes under. in that case it's just really funny#idc if we all seen the joke its still funny that Area Man Makes It Everyones Problem Pookie Wont Wake Up#to go back on topic tho. itd be so funny flvkejlLVKEJLV#at the very least they could adapt mine's character story if not all of them yk like i wouldnt EXPECT all of them. despite my selfish ass#idk. if not the rggo stories at all i dont know what a hypothetical mine saga would consist of#cause its veyr true i like mine being a mystery and to add on to that i kind of like what we see as is#maybe its just the thought of playing as him is weirding me out. not that i wouldnt kill to play as him of course#maybe its just cause thatd mean mine became playable as part of the a main game before daigo himself vjaKLVJAELKJ#AND I SAY THAT EXCLUDING GAIDEN CAUSE THAT'S DLC AND SIDE CONTENT#tho ig you colud argue a hypothetical mine saga WOULD be side content but it'd be story-relevant side content yk what i mean#im rambling. anyways. i just want the gay bar seen in 4k mk thank you.
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
i’m tired. why can’t i consume things normally. or at least consume them abnormally but in the way that other people consume them abnormally and not in this weird isolating way where i feel the need to overexplain myself whenever i talk about the thing i’m consuming so people understand me and my thought process
#it’s the social anxiety or something idk i know it’s in my head#i want to talk abt the things that i like but i feel like i can’t explain to other fans my process of being a fan?#does that makes sense?#bc i know i approach it a bit differently#which is fine by itself but then i feel the need to justify lol#which is literally what i am doing right now 💀#also why i write a lot in the tags all the time lmao#and realistically is probably connected w being trans and always feeling like i’m intruding on spaces that don’t belong to me#bc i feel like although sports are very male-fan-dominated#spaces like tumblr *tend* to have more women#and a lot of the ppl i interact with (though certainly not all) are women so i always feel weird talking abt my interests/opinions#bc i think it makes my perspective difficult to related to sometimes which j understand#but it still makes me feel shit sometimes
8 notes
·
View notes
Photo
yeah, but to where???
#eerie indiana#eerie indiana art#my art#artists on tumblr#like with most things i went down the path of least showing hands. and the hand that's visible anyway still looks off to me lmao#anyway this is the my 2nd fav episode of the show (would've been the no.1 fave but the finale is just That Good)#great outfits. great lore. great lines ('i'm making a fortune!'). great worldbuilding. great questions#(that never get answered...)#so yeah anyway the hand looks weird (to me) but the tv static effect makes me feel better about it tbh. that part was kinda fun!#marshall teller#simon holmes#dash x#(i actually sketched out dash's hand with a plus sign pointing at the video screen. but sometimes drawing is hard)
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
btw for the record if we have ever been in a situation where we had to stop being friends for whatever reason, i will still always hold you fondly in my heart. i will still think of every kind and small moment we had and i will miss you with every atom in my body. i will wait for you to come back and if you return, you will be no less of a friend to me than the day you left. i have no friendship decay
#xero says things#SORRY. SORRY. i know being suddenly emotional on main when i'm usually being silly is ridiculous but i felt the need to say it#i know this seems like a weird scenario but genuinely i have been in so many situations now where parents or peer pressure has made me-#-lose friends and mutuals#and sometimes i know we can still keep contact—just without the parents or the other person's followers knowing#but sometimes i visit their blogs using incognito browsers and i know they aren't coming back#and maybe i'll getvover it soon! maybe this feeling will pass quickly#but for the past 2 weeks i've just been missing my friends. i've been missing them a lot#so. uh. to make a sad post a little more cheerful#to all the friends who still talk to me or ignored what other ppl said about me#thank you#thank you so so much#you mean more to me than i can really express via words rn#vent#< for blacklisting bc i ended up getting more emotional in this than i intended LMAO
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
hi! there’s a completely unnecessary and dramatic ramble below. read if you so please
or just ignore me lmao
you were warned lol-
so the only words people ever really use to describe me are things like, “nice”, “kind”, or “considerate”
which is very kind of them and that’s how I want to act and be seen as…. but not if that’s the only noticeable or discernible thing about me.
am I really that boring and forgettable? or is being kind and considerate of others and their feelings just that hard to find?
I don’t know. but it’s made me feel absolutely terrified to break this image i’ve somehow accidentally built for myself.
It legitimately seems like if I say “no” to someone or say something that gets misunderstood or taken the wrong way, that then no one will like me ever again because apparently all anyone sees me as is “nice”
and if i’m not nice….. then i’m just nothing I guess
#I don't know if this makes any sense I just feel weird about how i'm perceived#then again this is probably on me#i've said and meant things like- I want to be the person that makes someone's day#which is why I smile at strangers Imaoo#so yeah this is probably on me but still idk#oh. also yeah this is on me. I don’t tell people about myself unless prompted so all they see is how I act#yeah ignore me lmao#anyway i’m moving states again and it’s making me think about the reputation I leave behind lol#also side note- moving is so fucking expensive when you have furniture?!!?? like wtf#i’m going to have to spend at least 2k on moving#it is ridiculous#completely and absolutely ridiculous#grace is dramatic#oh so dramatic#ignore me#ramble ramble ramble#tangents#sad hours#go to sleep grace#huh
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rating: Teen and Up (old man angst; language; Tense Situations)
Chapters: 3 of 5
Words: 15.9k (37k cumulative)
Chapter Summary: An accident threatens to disrupt Byleth and Claude's comfortable routines.
claustrophobia warning for this chapter btw. a significant portion of it has to do with an underground irrigation tunnel caving in.
—
Almost seventy years after the events of Silver Snow, the winds of chance bring Byleth to a farm in Almyra, where Claude has been living out his retirement in relative obscurity. The ruler of the United Kingdom of Fódlan went missing a few years back, but she’s alive, and she doesn’t look a day older than she did when Claude last saw her all those decades ago.
That’s not to say she’s unchanged. A lifetime’s worth of decisions, grief, joys, and regrets have transformed them both, and they have a lot to re-learn about each other. In their waning days, the last specimens of a dying breed come together to make sense of the tragedies of their shared past, reflect on the lives they’ve built in the years since, and decide whether the world they’ve helped shape has changed for the better.
#fe3h#fire emblem#fire emblem three houses#byleth eisner#claude von riegan#almyra#fe3h fanfic#fire emblem fanfiction#looooooong chapter warning!!! oh boy!!!!!#little worried i'll lose people with this one lol#not just because it's long#but also it's very heavy on the worldbuilding i've done for almyra thus far#and an oc talks for. like. a whiiiiiile.#i still feel weird about the oc situation#but when you set your story after every other canon character is dead there are not many options lol#don't worry though next chapter we are back to byleth and claude making pathetic attempts at communication full-time#but uh. please let me know if this is stupid or confusing as i'm having reservations lmao
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
[fuckboy voice] Ahaha, this boy ‘bout to make me act up (consider actually writing fiction again)
#based on true events#why is it that my good writing corresponds to role play activity?#I think this is what I mean when I joke that I peaked in high school#I’m creative again#still can’t get over that#not as emotional when I first came to that realization but still#thank you for inspiring me to post my writing Electric#thank you for making me feel simultaneously 10 years younger and 20 years older Viktor lol#thank you both for being authentic and weird /pos#‘not as emotional’ I say while misty eyed lmao#long live weird transmascs <3
6 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
coralstuffandthings
Creepy Weird Things
johnfdonovan
the death & life of
ironmanstan
I'M A VICTIM OF MY SYMPTOM
cuckqueanwiggles2
CuckqueanWiggles2
liliesedits
𝒍𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒂𝒑