#it isn't HEAVY shadowgast but very implied | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rainbowcaleb · 3 years

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throw me a lifeline

(warning: angst, those eye tattoos, and major spoilers for episode 122) (edit: also available on ao3 for easier reading!)

There’s an itch in his head he can’t shake out, a voice in his mind like an echo, and something new, terrible and new, resting on his shoulder.

Caleb was awake. (He pinched the skin around the intrusion on his shoulder. The tattoo was flat, eerily smooth like undamaged skin. The pinch was sharp, grounding. Yes, he was awake.) He looked at Beau, they looked at each other, both of their own gazes flitting to the red eyes and back. They had pried too far into the unknown, delved in the ocean without asking the right questions, and now the weight of water was crashing back in.

Fjord was scrambling forward from where he was keeping watch, his brow furrowed, questions about to spring from his lips.

Caleb held up a hand. “Wait, can you-” he gestured towards the sword and then around in the air.

Fjord shook his head, his shoulders slumped. “Not now,” he murmured. “Not yet.”

“You think we’re-” Beau pointed at her eyes, her real ones, not the red one.

Caleb nodded. “Lucien’s trust does not extend very far, it is safe to assume we are being observed.” Caleb tried to keep his sight line steady, not letting his eyes look down towards the new watchful symbol on Beau’s hand.

Fjord was shaking the others awake, pressing his fingers to his lips, hushed whispers and conversations growing like wind around them, but Beau and Caleb continued looking at one another.

With a twist of emotion in her face, Beau broke the quiet. “What can we do?”

“I don’t know.”

“What does it mean?!”

“I don’t know.” Caleb wished he had another answer.

Then there was a hand on his shoulder, on the other one, the unmarked one. “We can’t stay here!” Jester looked between her friends, anguish on her face. “What if it keeps happening? What if it gets worse?”

“Let’s kill him.” Veth was already digging through her bag for who-knows-what. “Maybe he’s the source, maybe if we get rid of him, it’ll-” her voice broke. “I don’t want you to-”

Yasha was quieter than her usual, but everyone in the room could feel the rage rolling from the tight set of her jaw and the grip on her sword.

“Wait-” Fjord looked around the room, uselessly squinting in the corners, at the ceiling, finding no peace of mind hidden there. “How can we leave? He’ll know the second the tower disappears and the cold hits him.”

“He may already know.” Caduceus said, letting the truth strike the room like ice.

“We have...our friend.” Jester looked around at them all.

Beau looked confused. “Uh, the one outside? What can he do-”

“No, no, no.” Jester went up on her tiptoes. “The floating one? He wants to help, he asked us how he can help.”

“I don’t trust him.” Beau grimaced. “But...”

“But.” Caleb met her gaze. “Beauregard, I...I don’t know what this means. I am unsure if it's in my power to…it came from the dream, Beau. Manifested from the dream.”

“If we weren’t all so exhausted…” This was a wobble in Jester’s voice. “I’m a cleric, I can heal, I can heal! And I could try, or Caduceus, but it's the middle of the night, and I just can’t. I can’t.”

“Oh, Jester-” Yasha’s rage had simmered down into the background for now, and she let go of her sword to place a hand on Jester’s arm. Yasha reached her other hand out to hold Beau’s.

“Making plans or involving other people can wait until we’re not-” Fjord glanced upwards again, nerves tensing his body like a coiled spring. He lowered his voice again. “We can’t plan anything if we stay here. Caleb, can you take us away somewhere?”

Caleb was looking down at his arms, a map of scars he knew intimately, intrusions healed but never gone, but at least he knew how and why. This tattoo, this eye, this-

“-did you hear me?”

Caleb’s head lifted. Fjord was leaning towards him, repeating his question. Caleb tried to focus. “Depends on the somewhere. There is risky, and then there is dangerous.”

“We have to go to him.” Jester’s voice was pleading, but steady. Trying to get her friends to see reason. “We need to go somewhere safer, we need help, we need his magic. And he’s smart!” Jester tacked it on almost as an afterthought, a small smile on her face. “He’s really smart. He reads all those books, Caleb you know this, you said he was super intelligent and really handsome.”

Caleb knew what she was doing and he let his face form some mimic of a smile. “We do not know where he is, all we have is a mere scrap of a description...teleporting is flirting with death. I do not think I can take us to him.”

“We may need to hurry.” Caduceus was looking out towards the center of the tower, his eyes focused on the bronze aperture in the ceiling.

“We need to leave.” Veth’s voice was sharp. “We just need to get out.”

“He can meet us halfway, I’ll call him.” Jester stood up, determination bright on her face.

“Wait, what-” Fjord said.

“If Lucien is listening right now-” Beau started.

Jester waved her fingers in the air. “Hi, mama! Checking in to say our snowy trip isn’t going as planned. We got kinda lost...and hurt, but coming home to you soon!”

Beau smiled, a real one. “Jester you mad genius.”

Jester curtsied. “Our friend will at least know something is happening.”

“Caleb-” Caduceus turned to him sharply, his usual soft demeanor gone.

He got on his knees and rushed to get the right components from his bag. “Gather close!” He didn’t glance up to see if his friends had followed orders, he kept sketching the familiar runes on the ground. “I have been gathering stones while we walked, as a precaution. I will take us backwards on our journey, far enough that they cannot quickly find us again, but not too far. It will be cold. Get ready.”

Jester’s hand was back on his shoulder. Veth’s on the other. A circle of friends holding hands around him. Caleb’s chalk snapped in his grip as he rushed through the last rune. Then whoosh.

It felt thrice as cold compared to the tower’s warmth a second ago. Everyone stepped closer together, huddling against the sudden wind.

“We’re probably still being watched.” Beau looked around, squinting against the bluster of snow, but they had been dropped in pitch black.

“Perhaps.” Caleb tugged his scarf closer around himself. “But I have bought us time.”

“Jester, has he replied?” Fjord asked.

She frowned. “No, not yet at least, maybe he’s sleeping? Should I try again?”

“Can you?”

She bit her lip. “I’m running low on spells, especially since we haven’t rested in so long.”

“You said you took us backwards,” Beau turned to Caleb. “If we tried walking to Aeor, would we be retracing our steps right back to the Tomb Takers?”

Caleb nodded, then dragged a rough hand over his face. Reckless, stupidly reckless and ambitious. It was obvious, he should have known. He knew what knowledge meant. He had seen Vess. He had seen Lucien. He had seen the trail of dead bodies. He should have known.

“Yes.” He spat out bitterly. “We’d return right to them.”

Fjord peered out against the darkness. “Somewhere east...our friend said he’s somewhere east of here.”

“Great load of good that does,” Veth grumbled. “If he’s stuck where he is, and we’re stuck where we are, how the hell are we supposed to get help?”

Jester shot up, practically dancing on her tiptoes. “Oh!” Her expression sped through reactions, relief and confusion and happiness. “He heard me, he’s awake now, he’s…”

“What did he say?” Caleb wanted to cling to her, the hope of her message a lifeline against this chaos.

“He’s not ‘supposed‘ to leave.” Jester frowned. “He sounded really frustrated, I think there’s some story there that we don’t know and the word limit, well, he didn’t say anything more about that. But he said he will find a way to us. He needs more information. Caleb, how? What can I tell him?”

His friends looked towards him for a response, but it just felt like more eyes. More eyes. Caleb didn’t have the answer, his mind was racing, they were in the middle of snowy nowhere with no landmarks. Even the sharpest magician couldn’t find a single pebble in the ocean like this.

“Unless…”

“Unless what?” Beau asked.

Caleb hadn’t noticed he had spoken the thought aloud. It felt suddenly like the breaking of a promise, even though no such words had been exchanged between them. It was a small moment, so delicate. He had handed this to Caleb at the end of one study session, telling Caleb he had done so well, that he was learning so fast. Essek had smiled. Caleb remembered that clearly, that smile, that brush of hands as he dropped it into Caleb’s palm.

“He gave me something, a gift.” Caleb could sense a raised eyebrow and an incoming question but he rushed past that. “If you message him and remind him, he could use it as a focus to find me. To find us.”

“What is it?” Jester asked. “In case he doesn’t remember?”

“It is just a bit of obsidian.” He shrugged. “A spell component.”

There was a weight to his words that made Jester give him a long look, but Caleb didn’t explain further.

Jester ran her fingers through the air again. “Us again, mama! Very snowy outside tonight, remember that obsidian you gave Caleb? When you see us again, maybe he can give it back?” She paused, then smiled. Essek’s response was much faster that time. “He is coming. He told us to try and find a way to stay warm, it may take him some time.”

“‘Some time’?” Beau frowned. “Bastard.”

“He did say he was going to ‘sneak out’, whatever that means.” Jester grinned. “Ooh, I can’t wait to see him, that sounds like some juicy story.”

“Can we dome it up?” Fjord looked to Caleb, but his face fell when he saw Caleb’s dark expression. “Okay guys, looks like we need to huddle.”

“Let’s move some snow,” Caduceus started sweeping at the ground with his staff. “We can at least make a little dry spot.”

It was painful work. Not because it was hard, but because in the silence of gloved hands pushing against the ice and dirt, it was too easy to get trapped in thought. Whispers from the echo of his dream still ran wildly through Caleb’s mind, unsettling him in their reminder of what now sat on his shoulder. It was part of him now, whatever it was. Embedded, ingrained, intertwined. It had not asked; it just became.

Ten minutes passed, then twenty. They risked a small fire from Caleb’s hands, pressing shoulder to shoulder to block the light and keep the heat. Another ten minutes, and Veth had begun complaining about a lack of common decency from Essek, with Beau joining in as well.

“-a lack of punctuality, put that in the column of things you can’t trust about him.” She was saying. Then she stopped. Beau looked out towards the dark. “I swear to Ioun if that’s a wolf, or yeti, or anything other than Essek, I will-”

She didn’t finish her thought. There was a voice calling on the wind.

“It’s Essek.” Caduceus smiled. “That’s him.”

It was hard to see the cloaked figure against the night sky. He carried no light and his dark cloak melded in with his surroundings. He made nearly no sound, his feet never touching the ground. It was Essek.

Jester was the first to stand up, walking towards him, then running. They didn’t know anything for sure, if he could help, but his presence felt like a new hope breaking through the storm. She tackled his side in a messy hug, forcing him to drop to the ground to stand.

“Jester!” Caleb didn’t have to see him to know he was smiling despite circumstances; he could hear it in Essek’s voice. “I apologize for the wait, it was difficult to get away. I am glad to see you're all here, you’re all...alive. I feared the worst, your messages, they were...hard to decipher.”

“Sorry I called you mama, Essek! We were afraid we were being spied on. Actually-” she looked around horrified. “Oh no, if he’s looking at us right now, he’ll see you too. He might memorize your face to scry on later, I think he can do that, he seems able to do anything.”

“Who?” Essek looked startled.

“Where are you stationed, can you take us there?” Beau stood up quickly.

“We don’t have a lot of time.” Fjord explained.

“Yes, I can.” Essek looked around at them all, quickly taking stock of their expressions and posture. “We can go right now. The fire-”

Caleb had already snuffed it out and was walking towards him. He had a sudden impulse to follow Jester’s example, to run towards Essek and pull him into a hug, craving the solid touch of the friend he had not seen in months, although he was so often in his thoughts. But he couldn’t. It was a wall he had built himself. He couldn’t.

They gathered in a circle again, holding hands despite the spell not asking of this component. It was familiar and comforting, things that seemed so lacking in this journey. Caleb reached for Essek’s hand, he would allow himself this gesture (he was only so strong against the tide of what he felt).

There was something cold and small in Essek’s palm.

“Oh,” Essek looked down when Caleb drew his hand a few inches back. “Apologies, I forgot I was still holding…”

Caleb recognized the object, as it was the other half of Caleb’s own obsidian piece. Two parts, one whole. Caleb grasped his hand, uncaring of the object between them. He tried to smile, it was a grimace, but it would do.

“Thank you.” His voice was low, a whisper. He did not know why, but he didn’t want to be overheard. Caleb squeezed his hand, letting the obsidian dig into them both, the pain grounding him to the moment. Essek did not pull away, but held on. “Thank you.” He repeated.

“Go time.” Beau said.

Essek pulled himself away from Caleb’s eyes and nodded. The swirl of magic around them blended with the snow, grey and white like a dust storm, and then they were off.

Hope and fear clamoring in their hearts.

#shadowgast #critical role fic #shadowgast fic #essek thelyss #caleb #mighty nein #it isn't HEAVY shadowgast but very implied #i wrote this in a rush on friday morning after the episode and then forgot to post it #my fic

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