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shadowynn · 10 months

Text

| in love and lore | eleven |

pairing: ot8 ateez x fem reader

genre: fantasy/daemon/soulmate au

warnings: some cursing, negative thoughts, a little bit of self-loathing, slightly possessive thoughts

wordcount: 10.7k

a/n: so, this chapter was an absolute joy to write, which might explain why and how i managed to get it out faster than normal. it has been a very long while since i've been able to write ilal so easily and with so much joy, so i hope you all enjoy this piece as much as i do. and for all you yunho biases out there, i hope this piece might do some justice for him. <33

| ten | eleven | twelve |

~~~

The stars were falling tonight.

You had thought it was luck when you caught sight of the first one streaking across the sky a few hours after dinner, but a few minutes passed and your eyes had found another. They were difficult to make out amongst the canopies of the tents and lights flickering around the camp, but the night sky above was clear and you were just able to make out a few streaks of light flying across the sky.

After a day amongst people, you relished the time you had to yourself. It was impossible for you to be completely alone, but you found solace in your position at the back of your tent. Yunho was on watch duty for the first half of the night, but other than a quick question of concern when you had exited your tent an hour after retiring, he had left you be. He had disappeared into the sea of tents shortly after you requested some space, but you knew he was still a call away. If anything were to happen, he would be at your side in an instant. All you had to do was say the word.

You considered calling him over to you now at your revelation of the night sky’s activities, but quickly decided against it, not wanting him to think something might have been wrong. It had happened often in the past weeks, any small beckon you made for any of them was met with instant concern. You hadn’t minded too terribly at first, overwhelmed by what had happened yourself, but it had quickly become stifling. No matter how many times you had insisted you were fine, they never seemed to hear you, making it impossible to go anywhere without one of them trailing behind you.

You understood their concern, at least, up to a point. No one had hidden the fact the culprits had gotten away that night, but who they might have been or why they had attacked, escaped your grasp. It was clear they knew something more than they let on, but any answers you were given had been allusive at best, if they weren’t dodged completely. They claimed they didn’t want to worry you, continually stating they had it under control, and though it frustrated you, you didn’t push too hard. Perhaps they were right. Perhaps it was better if you didn’t know the whole truth. You had long since learned living in ignorance was sometimes easier than knowing the truth, after all. And you had enough other things on your mind to worry about.

But despite the threat of the attackers still being somewhere out there, you couldn’t stand being under constant supervision for too long. And it wasn’t until you had gotten caught sneaking out the back of your tent once that they finally relented. You still had a guard on you at all times, but they were no longer right on your back, breathing down your neck.

Of all nights, you had thought it would be the one you would most want to be alone. And you did. You yearned for some time alone, away from the daemons that had invaded your life. For just a moment, you wished to get away. To forget everything that had happened and everything that was yet to come, but the stars were calling you. Each flash across the sky beckoning you to come and watch them. To allow them to ease your worries for just a moment.

But to do that you would have to leave camp, and unless you wanted another wave of panic to erupt when they inexplicably found you gone, you would have to go accompanied.

You weighed the decision in your head for a minute, trying to decide which would be a more welcome distraction from the thoughts that had been driving you mad. It didn’t take you long to come to your decision. You might have felt more comfortable on your own, but Yunho’s presence would just maybe distract you from the thoughts you had tried to bury for the night.

So, you picked yourself up to your feet, stretching out the kinks in your muscles. Ideally, you would return back to your bed and sleep the rest of the night away, but you knew the chances of that happening were slim. Not when you were finally arriving at Taeyang tomorrow.

After a month on the road, you had just started getting used to the flow of things. You had just started to grow comfortable with your new life among the daemons, but this way of life had only ever been temporary. As much as you wished you could be on the road forever, it wasn’t plausible. The day would finally come when it would end and you would be left with no choice but to deal with the reality of your new life. A life you had purposefully avoided thinking about to this day, but one that had haunted the back of your mind ever since Hongjoong had told you the truth. And now that it was here, you didn't know what to do.

You wrapped the blanket you carried with you closer around your body, shuffling in the direction Yunho had said he would be. While the days still held a hint of warmth to them, the nights had grown cold. Cold enough, your cloak was no longer warm enough to fight against the night air, forcing you to make due with whatever else you could find as you had foolishly left the majority of your winter clothes behind.

True to his word, you found Yunho in the small clearing between the tents that housed him and the other generals. A fire had been started since you had last been over, illuminating him and what appeared to be a large dog at his feet.

“Who’s this?”

Yunho jumped at your question, most likely not expecting you to make an appearance this late at night. His eyes softened as he took you in, before following your gaze towards the animal in front of him. Now that you were closer, you saw it wasn’t a dog like you had originally thought, but a wolf, black as the night sky above you.

“This is Haru,” Yunho replied as the wolf stood to his feet, stretching out his legs as he went. His tail quickly began to wag as you bent down in front of him, showing no hesitation or aggressiveness towards you as he nudged your hands with his nose. “He’s one of many animal companions I can conjure up if needed.”

“Really?” Your head tilted, reaching out to oblige to Haru’s request and scratch him behind his ears. You were quick to recoil, however, taken back by the strange sensation his fur elicited. It was cold to the touch and not quite fully corporeal, causing a shiver to course through you.

“Each beast has their own unique use, and I’m able to see and hear what they do from quite a distance if I need to.”

“That’s amazing.” You recovered quickly, finding the sensation of his fur against your fingers still strange, but not quite as unnerving now that you were expecting it. “What other animals can you create?”

“As long as it’s an animal that I’ve seen before, I can conjure up any beast using my blood and the surrounding shadows.” He reached out for Haru, running his hands through the fur at his back. “It might not be quite as useful as some of the others’ abilities, but it does have its benefits. Haru, for example, can track a scent for miles.”

“I don’t know, I think it’s pretty wonderful.” Haru leaned further into your touch, eliciting a giggle from you at the tickling sensation caused by him licking your face. “Definitely wonderful,” you repeated, gently coaxing Haru away from your face. You turned your gaze to Yunho, proffering him a soft smile in the hopes of reassuring him you thought his ability truly was as wonderful as you said.

“Thank you.” Yunho returned your smile, causing you to quickly turn your gaze back to Haru. Something in his eyes had caught you off guard, causing your heart to flutter. “I’m glad you think so.”

Silence settled between you, one which neither of you seemed keen on breaking. You wanted to, but you could feel his gaze lingering on your figure as you busied yourself with Haru, preventing your brain from coming up with anything worth saying.

“Was there something you needed from me, angel?” Yunho asked after a few more seconds, jumpstarting your brain and reminding you why you had come to see him in the first place.

“Oh, yes.” You nodded. Haru’s presence had distracted you, but it hadn’t deterred you from voicing your request. “I was wondering if I- if we could head outside the camp for just a little.”

You were quick to correct your statement, already aware there was no chance at all that you would get to go out on your own. Despite being less than a day’s journey from their capital, everyone was still on edge. It made you begin to wonder if perhaps they were no longer only worried about the recent attackers, but the surrounding daemons as well. After all, it was common practice to kill your kind before Hongjoong was crowned, especially near the capital where the bloodlines were purist.

“The stars are active tonight,” you added upon seeing his confusion, “and, well, I don’t believe I’ll be going to sleep anytime soon, so I was hoping we could maybe go out and get a better view.”

Yunho was silent in the moments that followed, making you more nervous with each passing second. Haru had nuzzled his head against your chest, and you buried your hands and attention into him to help break the anxiety you felt awaiting his answer. And though Haru added to the chilliness of the night, you let him wiggle his way into your arms, wrapping the blanket around the both of you.

“Is that what you want?”

You nodded, relieved to hear him finally speak. “If you don’t think it’s safe though, I can observe them elsewhere. I just thought I might get a better view away from-“

“No, if you wish to go, I will gladly go with you.” This time he was quick to respond, taking no time to get to his feet before proffering a hand down to you. “Shall we?”

You didn’t respond, staring at his open hand. It wasn’t until now that you became aware of the unintended implications your request had with it. What had meant to be an innocent desire to see the stars a bit clearer, held the additional weight of being alone with him. A weight you hadn’t been aware of until you noticed the way he had reacted to it. All too eager to oblige to your request.

It left you hesitating, unsure if it was something you were comfortable with yet. Of course you had been alone with some of them up to this point, and you were clearly alone with him now, but this situation felt different, far more personal than anything you had been through before.

And yet, what was the alternative? To stay here on your own and inevitably worry over tomorrow’s events until the sun rose? To sit and stress over the uproar your presence was sure to bring when they realized just who their king’s mate was?

As much as going with Yunho terrified you, it also sent a shiver of excitement flowing through you. You could feel the warmth flooding your stomach at the thought of sharing the night with him, at being able to share your love for the stars above with him.

You took Yunho’s hand, allowing him to pull you back to your feet. Haru let out a whine as you separated from him, nudging your side in an attempt to grab hold of your attention once more.

“Haru, no.” Yunho was gentle as he called out the wolf’s attempt to get in between the two of you, yet the intention was clear and Haru backed away from you. “Stay.” Haru made it clear he didn’t enjoy the command, whining once more, but eventually settled back down on the ground next to the fire to obey it.

“I’m sorry.” It took you a second to realize the apology was directed towards you. “Haru is for the most part, an extension of myself, so he…” The light was dim, your figure casting a shadow on his, but it wasn’t hard for you to decipher the almost bashful expression that had crossed his face. “He will bother you all night long if I were to let him join us, wanting to be as close to you as I’ll allow him to.”

“Oh.”

You could feel your own embarrassment creeping up at his confession, unsure just how to respond to it. But as embarrassed as his words made you feel, you thought you were beginning to understand. They had said the bond wasn’t quite as strong for you as it was for them, but even you felt its effect this close to him. If you struggled to keep yourself from burying yourself into his side for warmth, what was it like for him? And if it was stronger like they claimed, how the hell was he resisting it?

“It’s for the best if he stays anyways, especially if someone were to wake and notice our absence before we return. We’ll be too far to communicate with anyone other than Hongjoong, and San will be taking over my watch within the next hour or so.”

“Is it fine if we go, then? I don’t want to cause any more trouble.”

“Trust me, angel, your request is no trouble at all. Haru will let me know if anyone is searching for either of us and lead them our way if needed,” Yunho replied, brushing past your worries. “And if it’s your own safety that concerns you, I give you my word that no harm shall come to you tonight. If my word still means anything to you, that is.”

“It does.” Despite doing your best to reassure each of them that night had been your own fault, they still blamed themselves for what had happened. And though talk of that night had become sparse, you could see the blame they still laid upon themselves in moments like these. “And my safety was never a concern of mine. I trust you, Yunho. I guess-“

You didn’t understand the impact your words held until you saw the way he reacted. The hand that was still clasped firmly against yours tightening its grip as his body tensed. His eyes widened ever so slightly as your words caught him off guard.

“I guess,” you repeated, trying not to think too deeply about what you had just said or the implications it might have had, “I guess I’m just worried I would be inconveniencing you and I don’t want to cause any more problems than I already have. If it’s better for me to stay-“

“Angel,” Yunho’s eyes softened, bringing up his free hand to cup the side of your face, “nothing you could ever ask of me would ever be an inconvenience. You are not an inconvenience.”

Your eyes shifted to the ground, pulling away from his touch. Despite the genuinity in his eyes, you didn’t believe him. You couldn’t believe him. Not when you had only ever been told the opposite. Not when you were more than aware your mere existence had always been an inconvenience to those around you and would continue to do so. After all, how much easier would it have been for all of you if you had just been fully human? No one would have a problem with you then, would they?

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

You felt slightly guilty once the words left, not meaning to voice your frustration towards him. If anything, he and the others were the first ones in a long time that had treated you like you mattered. That they wanted you to be around.

But that didn’t mean you didn’t still feel like an inconvenience around them, though this was no fault of their own. It simply came down to the fact they had been stuck with a mutt for a mate.

“y/n.” Yunho’s voice was gentle as he called you back to him, taking no offense to your earlier statement. “You are worth it-“ You shook your head, opening your mouth to rebuke his statement, but he didn’t allow you a moment to speak. “And I know you might not believe it now despite how many times I may try to tell you, but I hope that someday you might.”

He tugged you against him then, pulling you into a tight embrace. Your eyes widened at the sudden move, body stiff as you were pressed flush against him. You struggled to react, still attempting to process what he had said to you right beforehand. The combination was almost too much, the situation threatening to overwhelm you, and yet… you could feel the panic easing out of you as the surprise faded away. Your head had fallen against his chest and you could hear his heart beating, the steady rhythm it thrummed helping to control the panic that had risen up.

“In the meantime, please try and extend some of the grace and kindness you show those around you to yourself.”

His body was warm, making it impossible for you to keep from moving in closer, burying yourself fully into his arms. “It’s hard.”

“I know.” His reply was soft, words mumbled against the top of your head. “But you can talk to me. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

You knew the wisest action to make would be to pull away, but was that what you wanted? His touch was comforting, helping to ease the anxiety coursing through you. It was a welcome relief from the past hour you had spent by yourself, trying your hardest to avoid the fears that crept up in the corners of your mind. Would it be so terrible if you were to give in just this once? If you opened up just a little and allowed him to carry your burdens with you for just a moment?

You felt the words bubbling up at the back of your throat, begging you to open up and confess them to the man before you if you only found the courage.

“Yunho, I’m scared.” You hadn’t realized how heavy the words were until they were out, immediately lightening the load on your shoulders. “I’ve stepped foot into hundreds of war zones, snuck my way around them knowing exactly what might await me if I were to get caught by the wrong person, but none of it compares to the fear that has been building up with each step we take towards your world.” Now that it was finally out, the rest of the words flowed with ease. “I’ve barely come to terms with the fact I’m your mate here within the safety of this camp and around those whom my identity as the Black Angel might have earned me an inkling of respect. So, how the hell am I supposed to come to terms with any of this amongst those who will be more vocal in their distaste for it?”

And there would be those against it. There was no doubt about that. Even if you weren’t their mate, and had simply been brought back because of your ability to heal, you would come to deal with the same prejudice and hatred you had faced back home amongst the humans. But this time, you weren’t just some random half-daemon who could save a person from death, you were Hongjoong’s mate, and by proxy, his guardsmen as well. If they didn’t want you in their city, they most definitely didn’t want you as their queen.

And you couldn’t even blame them. Not when you didn’t want to be queen either.

“I’m sorry, angel.” Yunho’s arms tightened, attempting to bring you in closer than you were already. “I know how terrifying it can be to leave your home and arrive at court in Taeyang, but that doesn’t mean I have any idea what it must be like for someone like you. Nor will I ever.” He was gentle as he slowly loosened his hold on you, pulling away just far enough so that he could look you in the face. “I do not know exactly how things will go when we arrive tomorrow nor how some will react, but you won’t have to go through any of it on your own. We’ll be by your side each step of the way.”

“What’s it like?”

“What’s what like?” Yunho’s brow furrowed, taken back by the sudden change in conversation. “Taeyang?”

You nodded. Though you had caught snippets of the daemon’s capital from them over your time on the road, the majority of the city and its inhabitants were a mystery to you. And though Yunho’s confession had prompted the question from you, you would have been lying if you had said you hadn’t just asked if as a way to direct the conversation away from yourself.

“I would assume it’s quite different from any city you’re used to.” He let you go for just a moment, hands lowering to take hold of your hand and begin guiding you towards the southern edge of the camp. “Though I’m sure you’ve already been able to gather that much from the few cities we’ve passed through this past week.”

He was right. Though you had done your best to keep your head down in the cities and villages you passed by, all it took was one passing glance to take note of the difference. The design of the buildings was vastly different from any town you had been to before, alongside the structure of the town itself. You were used to hard lines and stone, buildings compact against each other between streets of dirt and mud. But here, everything was more open, buildings sprawled out amongst the terrain, incorporating the nature around them into their design. And a large majority of buildings featured areas, though covered by the sloping roofs above, left completely open to the warmer air of the south.

“To me, it’s most beautiful in the autumn during the Festival of Memories when the Dal is set ablaze by the lanterns sent out along it.” The hint of a smile appeared on Yunho’s lips. “Then there’s the way the city comes back to life in the spring when the plum blossom trees bloom. You should see the royal gardens at that time, especially at night when the fireflies come out.”

“It sounds beautiful.” You could only imagine the scene in your head, having only ever caught glimpses of the gardens in Maehwa when your services had been requested by the council. “Do you miss it?”

Yunho was silent for a moment, mulling over your question as he led you past the edge of camp and off into the nearby field. “Parts of it, perhaps. There’s a familiarity about the city that is comforting after all this time. It is my home, after all, but I do not miss the politics of deception that fills the halls there. There are many who will do or say anything if they believe it might benefit them in some way.”

You understood what he meant. Though Maehwa had never treated you well, it had been your home and a part of you longed to return. It may have not been the greatest of lives, but you had been happy at times. Life was constant. There were no surprises. No unexpected events that would change the entire course of your life. You were normal, or at least as normal as you could be as a half-daemon, able to carry on with your life with little issue with your siblings by your side.

“Do they know?” You were conscious of the way Yunho hadn’t let go of your hand during this time, but you didn’t dare attempt to slip it away. Not with the way it helped to keep you grounded, a physical reminder that you were not alone at the moment. “About me? About my relationship to all of you?”

Yunho nodded, but you weren’t sure exactly how the revelation made you feel. “The majority of the court learned about you when Hoseok, Hongoog’s father, did. He… he saw your relation to his son as a reflection of weakness upon him, so he wasted no breath shaming Hongjoong on the matter.”

His words made you feel like you had just been dumped into a bath of ice, body freezing as the weight of them hit you. You had always known how ridiculous it was for someone like you to be his mate. When they had told you, it had felt like some attempt at a cruel joke, made worse by learning it was indeed true. To know the only reason any of them had shown an ounce of kindness or expressed attention towards you was because of some supernatural bond that tied you all together. Even now, it still hurt, fully aware Yunho wouldn’t even be out here comforting you without you.

And yet, you had never stopped to consider how it all might have felt from their view. From Hongjoong’s view. How had he felt when he first learned about you? How had he felt when he had first learned the person he had been waiting for was a half-daemon? Had he been upset? Had he felt shame? Had he wished things might have been different? That you had been different?

He must have. It was only natural for him to wish fate would have delivered him a better hand. It was only natural for him to wish it had been someone other than you. Someone better than you.

And yet, he had saved your life, going so far to risk his own for yours. When he should have ignored the bond and listened to the other daemons and allowed his father to kill you, he hadn’t.

Why? Why hadn’t he? Why hadn’t any of them?

“Many of them believed you to be dead alongside your father in the years that followed.” Yunho continued, sensing the way your body had tended beside him. “And it wasn’t until after Hongjoong was crowned that they discovered what had truly happened and that you were still alive. As you can imagine, it created quite the uproar on many accounts. Nothing like this had ever happened before.”

Was it simply because of how difficult it was to reject a mate? They had told you how impossible it was to fight against the bond. How it was stronger than either of you could fight against and strong enough to drive you insane if you attempted to reject or ignore it. In the end, it didn’t matter how ridiculous it all sounded. It didn’t matter if they were against it. There was simply no way to fight against it. A fact you were quickly coming to learn for yourself.

But would they have dealt with the repercussions if none of them had ever met you? Would it have been impossible for them to reject you if you had died so long ago?

“Would it not have been easier to just let me die?” You pulled Yunho to a stop, terrified to hear the confirmation you knew awaited you at the other end, but desperate for it all the same. You needed to know. “Perhaps if Hongjoong had never met me. If none of you had ever met me, then-“

“He would have spent an eternity with a part of him missing, just as we all would have when the bond between us fully snapped into place. Even if we had never fully known you, we would have spent the rest of our lives mourning you.” His reply was soft as he brushed aside the hair the wind tossed into your face, expression terribly gentle “As impossible as it all may seem, none of us regret the choices we made to get to this moment here. To get to you. How could we?” He raised a hand against your cheek, thumb tracing along the bone. “You have no idea just what you do to us, do you? What you do to me?” He moved the hand he held towards his chest, laying your palm against the area above his heart. “Can you feel that, angel? Can you feel how it beats for you and only you now?”

You could feel the heat pooling inside you, locked into place from the intensity he took you in. The raw emotion in his voice made your breath hitch, heart thudding in your chest. You didn’t believe him. You couldn’t believe him, but one look at him left you trembling as your chest ached for you to just let him in. To let yourself be loved.

“Never before have I so fully been enraptured by another. Your presence captivates my entire being and not a second goes by that I do not think of you and what I wish might become between us. Of everything I would do for you to finally make you see yourself the way I see you.”

“Yunho…” Your voice quivered, breathless from his confession. You didn’t know what to say, let alone what to think. All you could focus on was the way he peered down at you so lovingly, as though he fully believed each and every word he spoke to you.

Whether it was on purpose or not, you could feel the wave of emotions that flooded through him into you. You could feel the desire he spoke towards you filling him, of how much he yearned for you to return the same sentiment towards him. And when his thumb brushed against your lower lip, it was impossible to tell whether you simply felt his desire to kiss you burning through you or whether it was your own natural inclination building up.

“We chose you, angel. We have accepted you just as you are.” Yunho leaned closer, slowly closing the distance between the two of you. “Won’t you now please accept us? Just give us a chance?”

He gave you no time to respond - not that you would have been able to if he had, his words fully rendering you speechless - closing the gap completely and pressing his lips against your own. They were hesitant at first, just barely brushing against you as though testing to see just how you would respond to it. Only once you hadn’t pulled away did he finally deepen it, using his grip on your face to tug you closer to him.

You were frozen in place. A thousand different thoughts were running through your head, but you couldn’t quite grasp at any of them. It was impossible to differentiate them from his own desire that overflowed into you still, looking at the base of your stomach. The only thought you could properly take hold of was how soft his lips were against your own and how very warm they were.

Your body responded before your mind did, fingers tightening their grip on his shirt in an effort to pull yourself in closer. The action left him gasping, and a wave of pure joy ran over into you from the excitement he felt at you returning the kiss with a similar fervor.

It was over just as quickly as it had started. Yunho was the first to pull away, breathless as his forehead came to rest upon your own. You remained silent in the seconds that followed, eyes still shut as your mind replayed the moment in your head, holding on to the high the act had created for as long as you could before reality came crashing back down on you.

You could feel his fingers trailing across your face, taking you in as much as he could for the brief moment he had you with your guard down. And when your eyes finally fluttered open, you were caught off guard by the face that met you; the pure adoration that lined his features convincing you for just a moment that everything he had said was true. That you were worth it.

Your face turned away as the situation finally processed in your mind, cheeks tinting pink as you realized what you had just done. You felt no regret for allowing him to kiss you or for the way you had returned it, but the yearning you felt to give in and close the distance between you once more did scare you. The desire you felt for the man standing before you was completely foreign and you struggled to process it. Never before had you ever wanted something, wanted someone, as much as you wanted him now.

“I’m sorry,” Yunho’s voice was strained as he broke the silence, “should I not have?”

You shook your head. “No, it’s…” It was a struggle to speak, unsure of just what to say. Your head was still spinning, thoughts flying as you tried to straighten it all out in your head and just how you felt about all it. “It was nice. It’s just… I just…” You stumbled over your words, face growing hotter with each passing second. You struggled enough as it was with communicating your emotions and having to do so now over something you had very little experience with felt nearly impossible. “I’ve never-“

You cut yourself off, unable to stop the wave of embarrassment that ran through you at the thought of revealing your lack of experience. Of revealing that you had never before shared this sort of experience with anyone before. Of how you had never kissed anyone before. Of how you had never felt this way before and how terribly overwhelming it all was.

Instead of attempting to finish your thoughts, you tucked your head against his chest in the hope of hiding your reddening face. He didn’t try to push you further and was silent alongside you as his fingers brushed through your hair.

“Shall we go and observe the stars now, love?” Yunho was the first to speak, pulling your face back out to meet him.

You nodded, having completely forgotten why you had come to him in the first place. Despite the overwhelming nature of everything that had occurred between the two of you, it had worked as the distraction you had hoped for. You had long since forgotten why you had wanted out in the first place and the stress that had plagued your mind earlier in the night had been replaced with a different anxiety altogether.

You allowed him to guide you further into the night, away from the lights of the camp behind you. As you went, you resituated the blanket along your shoulders, feeling much colder than before now that you weren’t pressed up next to Yunho. You hoped it would help with the heat still pooling inside you and prayed it would ease the redness of your cheeks.

It was just a kiss. It may have been your first kiss, but it was still just a kiss and nothing to get so worked up about, but one glance in his direction was all it took for your face to flame again. Your thoughts kept trailing back to the feeling of his lips on your, alongside the way he had looked at you so lovingly. The way he had so unabashedly confessed his feelings to you making your stomach flip.

“Is this far enough?”

You nodded, any and all feelings you might have pushed aside in the silence fully returning once Yunho turned back to you. A hint of a smile danced across his face, and you were once again struck by just how beautiful he was. You had always known it, but the kiss had given rise to a whole new wave of emotions flooding through you. It made you wonder if you had fallen asleep without ever realizing, and the events that had transpired between you nothing more than a dream. Seeing him bathed in starlight, the near epitome of perfection, left you feeling small beside him. How could someone like you have ever caught the eye of someone like him?

You tumbled to the ground, wondering why you had ever thought this would be a good idea. When you had asked for a distraction, this wasn’t what you had meant. You hadn’t wanted to spend the night wrestling over your feelings for a man you knew was way too good for you despite everything he said.

The night sky offered little comfort. Everything was cleared out here away from the lights, but you struggled to piece the stars together. Everything was different here, the stars shifting far more than anything you had seen in your travels before, reminding you just how far from home you truly were.

“Minnie, Woo, and I used to sneak out all the time when we were younger to observe the stars. My mother had taught Soomin the constellations before she passed, who in turn taught them to us before she outgrew the act of sneaking outside Maehwa’s walls.” Your voice was soft as you spoke, finding a bit of your panic fading away as you slowly found your way amongst the twinkling lights above. “Soomin says she loved the stars, so much so that she named each of us after them. And though I never knew her, I feel as though I can see a sliver of her in them.”

And tonight, the stars seemed to echo your sentiment. The stories said that falling stars were tokens of good luck and fortune sent by those who had long since passed from this world. And though you had never given much merit into the thought, it gave you some form of comfort tonight. Who else could have sent them besides your mother who had loved them so dearly in her life? As though to tell you, I see you. I hear you. I am with you always.

You shivered, wishing more than ever that you had had a chance to know her. What had she been like? What about her had drawn the attention of someone like your father? Hadn’t he also been a member of the former Black Guard? Hadn’t he also been forbade from any sort of relation like the one he had with her? Had she ever felt the same way you did now? As though she wasn’t worth the love he gave her? As though she wasn’t worth the risk despite how happy she might have been?

It hurt to think about, chest aching as you wished more than ever before that things had been different. You wished you could have known them, seen who they truly were for yourself and not from snippets you heard from others. You wished it could have been your mother sitting by your side tonight, giving you guidance at a moment you felt completely lost.

“Soomin is a summer child, so you aren’t able to see her constellation this time of the year. The stories claim it is because the serpent goddess disappears into the southern seas each winter, hibernating through the colder weather to return in full strength in the spring.” You didn’t know what possessed you to explain the origins of your namesakes, but it was comforting to think about and a welcome distraction from everything else. “It’s why they say it always rained so much at that time, as she brings the sea with her to nourish the earth for the new year.”

“Hyunwoo and I were born in the dead of winter, however, so you should be able to see them at this time. In fact, Hyunwoo’s should be somewhere…” Your eyes followed the trail of stars, piecing together the patterns until you found the collection you had been searching for. “There!” You did your best to guide Yunho’s gaze towards them, subconsciously leaning over to better line up his sight. “His namesake was said to be a great and mighty archer whose ability caught the attention of the Gunungsins. They challenged him to a competition, promising him a spot amongst their rank if he were to succeed. He did, of course, and now he roams the skies above keeping watch over those down below.”

“And then-“ Your words cut off when you caught sight of him in the corner of your eye. He was looking at you again, the hint of a smile dancing across his face. “I’m sorry.” The blush you had finally gotten under control came rushing back. You had been rambling, boring him with information he hadn’t asked for, nor did he care to hear about. “You probably didn’t care to hear about all that.”

“No, please continue. I’m most interested in what you have to say, especially on your own.” He nudged your shoulder, gently encouraging you to continue on. “And I apologize if my distraction made you think otherwise. It’s just… you’re very beautiful, you know? Especially when you are talking about the things you're passionate about.”

God damn it, Yunho.

“I’m sorry, truly.” Yunho replied, clearly hearing you curse him in your head. It hadn’t upset him though, and he struggled to control his laughter at the outburst, making you wonder if his apology was sincere or not.

Your cheeks were definitely red again, however. Any and every feeling you had managed to suffocate over the past few minutes returning once more.

Was he doing it on purpose? Enjoying the way you squirmed under his gaze and hoping perhaps if he prodded enough, you would do something about the growing desire you had to kiss him that had been pooling in your stomach ever since the first.

“Please, continue,” he added in your silence, leaning closer towards you as he finally turned his gaze back towards the sky. “Which one is yours?”

“It’s the cluster just to the south of Hyunwoo’s, just above the horizon.” It took a second for you to steady your voice, aware of Yunho’s side now brushing against your own as he followed your guide. “She was said to be a maiden whose lover had become deathly ill. The only cure was in the flowers that grew at the peak of a nearby mountain, and though he had begged her not to go as the path was long and treacherous, she persevered and obtained that which she sought.” It had been a while since you had last thought of the story, and it felt strange telling it to Yunho now. Despite being a tale told through the ages, it felt oddly personal telling it to him now. “When she arrived home, however, she learned her lover had succumbed to the disease in her absence. She mourned for days, unable to live without him and ready to take her own life. The moon, however, who had watched the tragedy unfold, was moved by the woman’s selfless love and offered the woman passage to her immortal domain in the stars where she was reunited with her lover. Now they forever roam the skies together, given the happy life they had been stolen here.”

“Your mother named you well.”

“Soomin thinks so as well. She used to curse our mother for naming me after the maiden, claiming it had caused me to take the story too seriously and share her lack of concern for her own life. And I don’t know,” you shrugged, remembering all the times Soomin had cursed you in the past, “maybe she’s right. Maybe I have been cursed by my namesake, but she persevered to the end, did she not? Perhaps I will too.”

“y/n?”

You hummed in response, wondering what it was that had prompted him to call you out by name.

“May I kiss you once more?”

This made you stop, and you could feel the wave of heat flooding through you at the request. You didn’t dare look over at him, doing your best to not show just how much his sudden question had caught you off guard.

“You wish to kiss me?”

“Very much so.” The pressure at your side grew as he leaned in closer next to you, fingers brushing the hair that blocked your face back behind your ear. “If you’d let me, that is.”

Your fingers dug into the fabric of the blanket you held, trying to process his request in your head and just what it was you wanted. Deep down, you already knew what it was. You wanted him to kiss you because you wanted to kiss him.

So, then why did the thought of it scare you so much?

You wanted it. There was no doubt about it, but the thought of acting out on your emotions terrified you, and you couldn’t quite pin your finger as to why. Was it the unknown that scared you? Simply self-conscious of your lack of experience. Or was it the underlying fear that they would change their minds that strayed at the back of your mind? That despite their reassurances, eventually they would realize what you knew all along and move on. And the only way to keep yourself safe was to keep your distance.

You made the mistake of turning your head. One look at the man beside you and you could feel yourself caving; your want for him outweighing any fear you might have had.

Fuck it.

You didn’t have to verbalize your consent, the way your head tilted towards his own telling him everything he needed to know. He wasted no time, pulling your chin up towards him and capturing your lips against his own once more.

He continued to periodically kiss you throughout the next few hours you remained awake. At his behest, you pointed out more stars and constellations, telling him their stories as best you remembered. He would interrupt you every so often to kiss you once more, seemingly at random. You would be in the middle of a story or pointing out a new constellation and he would cut you off with his lips, making you lose your train of thought each and every time.

At some point, the blanket you had was extended towards him, and he was quick to bring your body in next to him. A part of you was still conscious of the closeness, of the vulnerability you were showing him. Would it not be best if you pulled back? The less involved you got with them, the less it would hurt when it all came crashing down. And it would, would it not? You would arrive in Taeyang tomorrow and they would finally come to their senses and realize you didn’t belong in this world. In their world.

But for now, it was nice. Perhaps the nicest night you had had in a very long time. For once in your life, you were able to forget your worries and just relax. Thoughts of tomorrow had been pushed to the back of your head, overtaken by the man next to you and how warm he was. How terribly sweet he was.

So, for once in your life, you let yourself enjoy the moment for what it was. You let yourself relax into Yunho’s side, allowing yourself to open up just a little bit, because perhaps he was right. Perhaps things would all work out. All you had to do was let them. All you had to do was accept them.

~~~

Is it almost time to switch?

San didn’t so much as open his eyes as he lazily reached out to Yunho, hoping the other daemon would tell him he still had a little time left to sleep. He hated pulling the second shift of your guard. While Yunho might have gotten an hour or two of your time before you went to sleep due to your insomnia, he wouldn’t get to see you until you woke up in the morning. And by then, everyone else would also be awake and vying for your attention.

Yunho?

It was only in the second bout of silence that he realized Yunho wasn’t just ignoring him. He couldn’t feel the taller daemon’s presence on the other side of the bond at all. Yunho was nowhere in his current vicinity at the moment, cutting off communication between them.

This had San waking quickly, reaching out just a bit farther along the bond that tied him to you only to be with silence once more. Neither of you were anywhere nearby.

While he was concerned, he didn’t allow the panic hovering at the back of his head to take hold of him just yet. San knew how nervous you had been, he could feel the anxiety growing within you each day you drew closer to Taryang, so he didn’t doubt you must have simply wandered off somewhere in the hopes of easing it. And with Yunho being gone as well, he could only assume the two of you must have gone out somewhere together.

He was met by a pair of black eyes as he exited the tent, finding one of Yunho’s shadow beasts lying near the fire Yunho had sat near at the beginning of his watch. Haru’s head lifted at his approach, observing him with mild curiosity.

“Where are they, buddy?” San bent down next to the beast, scratching the back of his head. If Yunho had left him here, then he knew the two of you must have been somewhere safe and there was no reason to wake any of the others. “Can you take me to them?”

Haru stood up at the request, stretching his front legs and shaking out his fur before setting off towards the south of camp. San was quick to follow, running a hand through his hair in an attempt to straighten it as he yawned. He wasn’t sure what time it was. The candle set out to signal the end of the first watch had long gone out, signifying Yunho’s watch had ended some time ago. Wherever the two of you had gone, he must have lost track of time, causing San to curse under his breath. Normally, he wouldn’t have minded if Yunho took over part of his watch, enjoying the extra sleep, but not when it was because he had gotten distracted by you. If only the watches had been switched, then it could have been him out there with you right now instead.

You hadn’t strayed too far from camp. Once Haru had left the tents behind, he could feel hints of your presence along the bond once more. To his surprise, your emotions had shifted significantly since he had seen you last. The anxiety that had riddled your body had almost completely disappeared, leaving you far more relaxed than he had ever felt you before.

This had him curious, wondering what might have conspired between the two of you to put you in such a state. For one brief second, the impossible crossed his mind. Yunho hadn’t mated with you, had he? But he shook the thought away before he could ponder it long enough to feel the outcome of that scenario. It was impossible, at least now. You hardly let them touch you at this current time, growing flustered and escaping away the moment things became too heated for you. There was no way you would give in and bare yourself completely to Yunho at this time.

He didn’t have to wonder for long, eventually finding you curled up against Yunho on the ground in the nearby field. The two of you were bundled up beneath a blanket and your head rested against his chest as you slept. It was the most peaceful he had ever seen you, for once completely at ease with one of them. It didn’t completely erase the jealousy that was brimming in his chest as he took you in, but it did alleviate some of it. How could he be upset seeing you like that? Knowing that whatever Yunho had done or said had eased your mind enough to help you sleep before the day you had tomorrow?

Yunho’s eyes were also closed, but San knew he was awake before he brushed against his subconscious. Despite how comfortable the other daemon might have been next to you, he would have never drifted off. Not when your safety was at risk in an environment like this.

I see now why you didn’t wake me.

It was hard for San to keep his tone from sounding too bitter, wishing once again that it could have been him instead. Though you had loosened up around each of them in your journey, he had yet to get as close to you as some of the others. And not nearly as close as he had been that night in Maehwa so long ago.

He still remembered the moment he had first seen you that night. He had thought you were beautiful the moment he first saw you, but the feelings that had arisen seeing you dressed like that had been something else altogether. You had looked so radiant, so regal, that night, and it was at that moment he knew without a doubt that he would lay down his life for you. Spend the rest of his waking moment serving you in any way you desired. He would do anything for you, his queen, and bathe the world in the blood of anyone who stood in your way.

“She fell asleep,” Yunho couldn’t hide the smile Sam’s words pulled as he replied, shifting slightly in the means of pulling you closer to him, “and I didn’t see the harm in straying here for just a bit. I don’t want to wake her after she finally got to sleep. She needs all the rest she can get for tomorrow.”

San couldn’t blame Yunho, both of them aware the moment between the two of you would end the moment he took you back to camp. And if he had been in Yunho’s position, he would have held you as long as he could. He would spend the entire night under the stars with you if he could. Whatever it was that you desired.

“She kissed me, San.” Yunho’s following words made San stop, and he had to replay them over in his head before the implication of them hit. “Well, technically, I kissed her, but she let me. She kissed me back. And then she allowed me to kiss her again when I asked.” He paused, shifting to his side as gently as he could to better take in your sleeping figure next to him. “Don’t worry though,” he was quick to add, eyes glancing over at San as if he knew just what thoughts had popped up in his mind, “I think it will be a while again until she allows me to do it again. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have done it. She was vulnerable, desperate for any form of distraction from the days she has in front of her, but I couldn’t control myself. Not with the way she was looking up at me, and certainly not with the thoughts running through her head.”

And what thoughts would those be? San spoke to Yunho directly when you stirred in your sleep. As much as he did want to spend time with you, he couldn’t stand to wake you either. Not after you had finally gotten to sleep.

She thinks we should have just let her die.

San was thankful he had taken the time to sit down on your other side, Yunho’s confession shaking him to his core.

That everything would have been easier if none of us had ever met her.

San was well used to your attempts at rejecting them. You had made it clear that you didn’t believe you were deserving of any of them, believing your status as a half-daemon made you lesser than them in some way. He knew the insecurities you held towards yourself, fueled by all the lies you had been told by the people before them. Their treatment towards you had cut you deep, and though killing them had alleviated some of his anger on the matter, it did nothing to heal the scars that remained. And to now hear their lies had led you to believe it would have been better if you had died alongside your parents, refueled his hatred towards them fully. He wished more than anything he could go back in time, realizing whatever death he had given them then was far too merciless. They deserved to suffer for what they had done to you.

But the rage Yunho’s revelation brought only lasted so long, dissipating the second his mind thought of the inevitable. What would have happened if Hongjoong and Yeosang hadn’t gotten to you in time? If Hoseok had succeeded in his attempt to kill you alongside your parents?

He could only stray on your death for so long before it became too much. The sheer panic he had felt when you had been attacked was something that still haunted him to this day. For days he had been unable to keep you from his sight, putting up as many barriers as he could manage to ensure nothing else happened to you, even going so far as to sketch the runes beneath your saddle to ensure no one but them could approach you when you were on the road. The last thing he wanted to think about was a life without you in it, let alone a life in which you never were.

It made him wonder just where he was going wrong? Had their actions not shown you how much they cared? Had they not shown you just how much you meant to them? Had they not been enough to convince you that they would do anything to keep you safe? To keep you happy?

He would have been lying if he said he hadn’t cursed your humanity before. Not for the reason you would have expected him to; he couldn’t care less about your blood status. He didn’t care if you were considered pure or not; it didn’t change who you were as a person, let alone how he saw you. But he did hate how your human heritage did limit the effects of the bonds that tied you to them. It had only been around two months since you had entered his life and he was already beginning to go insane. Every fiber of his being was drawn towards you, desperate to finally claim you as his own. It was driving him crazy. You were driving him crazy. Each second he spent next to you only fueled his hunger for you. A hunger you very well would have felt just as strongly if you had more maetha flowing through your veins.

He may have promised alongside the others to wait as long as you needed, but he knew he hadn’t been the only one who had lied to you at that moment. He wouldn’t be able to wait that long. It would be impossible for him to wait another lifetime to finally have you. He knew it. The others knew it. But it didn’t really matter. In the end, the lie was meaningless. Even with your humanity, not even you could fully withstand the bond that mates shared. Already, you were cracking. A fact shown in your current position curled up to Yunho beside you.

Does she realize that would have changed nothing? That it would have simply resulted is us feeling as though a part of us would have been missing for the rest of our lives?

I told her as much.

And?

And… then I kissed her. Yunho paused, weighing the situation in his head. I guess a part of me hoped to convey just how much she means to us and that we mean each and every word we say. …At least that was the original intention, but then… The way she looked at me, San, I couldn’t control myself anymore.

San was silent as he took in Yunho’s confession. As much as he wanted to be jealous, he knew Yunho wasn’t telling him all this to simply rub in the fact he got to kiss you first. Some of the others might have, including himself, but that wasn’t something Yunho would do. He was simply trying to piece the situation together himself, working through the wave of emotions flooding through him.

Did you know she was named after the stars? Yunho shifted, eyes wandering the sky above. That’s why she stays out so late at night. It’s the one place she feels truly at home.

Do you think she’ll ever feel that way with us?

I hope so. Yunho sighed. You should have seen her, San. The passion that filled her. The way her eyes would light up. I like to think a part of her enjoyment was getting to share a part of herself with me. Of having someone to share it with.

A wave of images flooded San’s mind as Yunho shared his thoughts with him. He could hear the hushed excitement in your voice as you spoke about some particular collection of stars, and see the way your eyes lit up just before turning away shyly when Yunho gently encouraged you to continue. To think Yunho had managed some control over kissing you was a shock to San. If it had been him, he would have kissed you under the stars until your lips were bruised and you were desperate for air.

As much as I wish to stay here, we should probably head back. Yunho’s fingers ran through your hair, taking in what little time he had left with you. Dawn will be arriving soon and I don’t doubt she’ll be more comfortable waking up in her own bed rather than here. She has enough to worry about tomorrow.

I’ll get her. San was quick to offer, eager to have you in his arms again, even if it was just for a few moments.

Yunho offered no resistance, allowing San to wrap his arms around your sleeping figure and gently pick you up. You stirred once more from the movement, but did little more than curl in closer to him once he had you secured. San’s heart fluttered at the action, unable to resist planting a chaste kiss against the top of your head as his grip on you tightened.

It was hard to let you go once they had made it back, and even harder to lay you down in your own bed, knowing he couldn’t stay there with you. All he wanted was to take you back with him, curling up next to your body which would slot in so perfectly next to his own.

Nothing would happen if you weren’t ready. He’d be perfecting content with just having you next to him for now. But if you would just give him a chance, oh, the wonders he could show you. The things he could do to convince you he wanted nothing more than to have you by his side for the rest of your lives. The way he would worship your body and sing your praises all but forcing you to believe just how much you truly meant to him.

But today was not that day. And he didn’t doubt it wouldn’t be any day in the near future either. For now, you were still stuck behind the walls you had built around yourself, an invisible barrier he had yet to find his way through. For now, he would have to be content with your mere presence, knowing that one of these days you might finally allow him to come inside. He just had to be patient, because one day he would succeed. One of these days he would finally get to fully savor you in the way he had craved ever since he had first set eyes on you.

And he couldn’t wait.

~~~

taglists are in the reblogs :)

#ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #ateez #hongjoong x reader #jongho x reader #mingi x reader #san x reader #seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #wooyoung x reader #yeosang x reader #yandere ateez #ateez fantasy au

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thefallennightmare · 7 months

Text

Miracle-four

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings/Tropes: forced proximity, slight enemies to lovers, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death, and swearing.

Summary: Reader is the merch girl for Bad Omens. It wasn't what she wanted to do with her life but when her mother got sick with Alzheimer's, reader took a job where she could to help with the costs. She thought it would be a one-time gig but the longer she was on the road with them, the harder she fell for Noah Sebastian; even if he wanted nothing to do with her. She needed a miracle to save her mom and her future.

Author Note: I wanted this to be a slow burn/enemies to lovers but god damn it's so hard to write because I already want Reader and Noah to get together.

Tags: @ada-clarence @nonamessblog @thescarlettvvitch @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @theoneandonlykymberlee @yumikitten @blackveilomens @cherrymedicine13 @thebadchic @notmaddihealy @jay02bo @beaker1636 @jakekiszkasguitarpick @punk-pr1ncessxoxo

With a loud sigh, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and walked towards to front end of the bus. On this bus, I shared it with Davis, Matt, and Bryan, and sometimes one guy from the band would pop in every once in a while: except Noah. At least if he did, it was when I was asleep or not around. Especially lately, Noah and I avoided each other. After the disaster of a dinner a couple nights ago, I refused to speak to him even about work. I went to everyone else instead of him if I had a question, which I didn't often since I knew what I was doing.

I didn't want to think about Noah right now. Not when my mind should only think about my mom.

Lana told me that even though my mom was having a lot of good days, she still refused to speak to me. I'd be lying if I said my heart didn't break but I couldn't cry about it. I needed to focus for work and not give anyone a reason to figure out something was wrong.

We were close to the next city, less than an hour away, and we would hang out in Dallas for two days before heading out once more. Matt mentioned he had a surprise for everyone so called for a bus meeting which is where I found everyone with two surprise visitors.

Folio and Noah.

Giving a small smile to the former, I sat next to him at the table and he returned a smile. Noah was sitting on the long couch of the bus, chatting quietly with Bryan. They must have joined when we stopped last and I was asleep.

Noah's eyes burned hot at the side of my face but I ignored him as I bumped shoulders with Folio. We had been texting a bit the last couple days and have gotten pretty close; no romantic feelings involved. Folio had been a great friend and someone to vent too. I never told him about my mom, though. That was something I would take to the grave.

"Where's Jolly and Nick?" I asked.

"They stayed on our bus. They wanted the peace to sleep."

I nodded before pointing to Matt, who was standing at the front of the bus rubbing his hands together. "Any idea what this is about?"

"No fucking idea," Folio chuckled.

With my phone buzzing in my hand, I dared a peak at the notification to see another subscriber to my Only Fan's page. I didn't have many followers but enough to keep some money coming in. I could pay Lana her first paycheck and the extra income coming in was nice. I wasn't rolling in money but wasn't struggling on how to pay for things. With being constantly surrounded by the guys, I wasn't able to post much, just one other video and a few provocative pictures. I never showed my face, only from the neck down and never naked. I always had some short of clothes or underwear or an arm covering the private areas. Maybe that was the reason I had little subscribers, but it was the rules I set for myself when I started this.

"So, I bet you're all wondering why I called this meeting," Matt spoke while clapping his hands.

Folio muttered a joke to me under his breath which earned a loud laugh from me. Everyone looked our way, and I leaned back into the booth cheeks on fire.

"What's so funny?" Matt quirked a brow.

Noah's eyes pinned me to my spot as I glanced over to him. Something flashed behind those brown iris' while his jaw ticked.

"Nothing, Mr. Dierkes. Please continue with class," Folio joked with a smirk.

I had to bite my lip so I wouldn't laugh again.

"As I was saying," Matt began ignoring Folio. "It's been a week on tour and we've all been working tirelessly to make sure every show fucking rules. But there has been some tension within the group."

"I don't think you feel the same tension as some of us do," Noah said with his eyes on me.

Our eyes matched with intensity, and I let out a deep breath wondering what he meant by that.

Tension? Of course, there was tension between us but that's because we disliked each other.

Folio noticed I was ready to speak, so he pinched the bare skin of my shoulder which caused me to yelp out in slight pain.

"What the fuck was that for?" I seethed.

He nodded towards Matt to continue on, who looked displeased at being interrupted by our antics yet again.

In our days of texting, I told Folio about how it irritates me how Noah acts around me when we're alone versus when others are around. I also may have told him about my tiny feelings for Noah, which Folio told me it was pretty clear how I felt. While I thought no one noticed, Folio saw the stolen glances, the way my body reacted differently when Noah was around, or the way the corner of my lips curled up when Noah spoke or sang.

Always so perceptive.

I tried to get out of him why Noah was so upset about that night in Chicago but Folio refused. He said that was Noah's secret to share.

I tasted blood with how hard I bit my tongue and reluctantly gave Matt my attention.

"Since we'll be in Dallas for a few days, I rented an Airbnb for us to stay at as a way for us to bond or whatever the fuck. There's a pool and grill we can have a pool day on our off day," Matt said with a smile.

My heart sunk deep into the pits of my stomach. At least when we stayed in hotels, I had my room, sometimes doors down from Noah. But now, all of us staying in a house means it would be harder to avoid him.

"Is that necessary?" I questioned.

"Yes," Matt deadpanned. "If you want a hotel, book it on your personal card."

Low blow.

"Whatever," I grumbled while crossing my arms.

He simply gave me a large smirk before speaking again. "The only issue is that there aren't enough beds so some people will have to bunk together or sleep on the couch."

"You've got to be kidding me," I muttered while running a hand down my face.

I didn't care the house situation, I would sleep on the floor if I had too if that meant I wouldn't share a bed with anyone, especially Noah. I liked these guys but not that much.

Folio patted my shoulder and whispered low in my ear.

"Maybe you and Noah should bunk together. Team bonding or whatever."

"Fuck off, Folio," I playfully smacked his chest before rising to my feet, his arm falling away from me. Noah was still staring at me and I knew with how close Folio and I had been, he wasn't happy. His jaw clenched so tight, and his hands balled into fists in his lap.

I didn't bother giving him another glance as I turned my back to him to retreat into my bunk to mentally prepare for this team bonding bullshit Matt set up.

Okay, I had to admit. This house was fucking sick.

There were large floor to ceiling windows that looked out onto a beautiful backyard and if you looked past that, you could see the city down below the hill the house was on. It was a large open floor plan with a living room, kitchen, and bar with a pool table off of the dinning room. Upstairs was an open loft area with a large sectional couch and four bedrooms.

While I was in my bunk on the bus, the room situation had been decided by drawing matching straws. No one bothered to ask for me to draw because somehow by the Gods below, Noah was the last to pick and was only left with the color red.

Jolly and Nick.

Bryan and Davis.

Matt and Folio.

Noah and I.

When Folio told me the sleeping arrangements, I wanted to cry in anger. It seemed as if no matter how hard I tried to avoid Noah, something yanked us back together. Folio offered to swap with me but I declined, already deciding that I would sleep on whatever couch was provided.

A warm presence encased around me, making the hairs on my arm prick, and I peered up to my left seeing Noah standing next to me in the house's entryway.

"You can have the bed. I'll sleep on the couch," he said.

I blinked, somewhat surprised that he offered that. I fully expected him to lock me out of the room.

"I'm smaller than you. It might be better for you to sleep on the bed," I offered.

Was I being nice?

My body shivered at the thought.

Noah shook his head then hoisted his back over his shoulder. "Take the room, angel. You're the only girl here. You should have some privacy."

Was he being nice now in front of the others? They all stood less than a few feet from us.

Did I wake up in the twilight zone?

When I went to protest yet again, he shot me a look that caused my lips to pull tight together. We stood in silence for a few moments and I let out a soft breath.

"Thank you."

Noah made a noise in his throat and his eyes glittered as they darted between mine. His large hand brushed away hair from my face and I leaned into his touch, all the pent up anger between us melting away.

The question weighed heavy on my tongue as I pursed my lips a few times.

"Why do you call me angel?" I finally croaked out.

His hand was now wrapped around the back of my neck, the pads of his finger pressing deep into the skin, and shrugged.

"It feels right."

I raised a brow. "What if I don't like it?"

"Too bad. It stays, angel," he dragged out the last word with a large grin.

Irritation flared inside of me but before I could say anything, the warmth around my neck was gone as Noah walked away. I blinked after him, watching as he tossed his bag onto the couch before stepping outside into the large backyard.

"Soundcheck is in one hour!" Matt called out, his voice carrying through the open space.

With that, I forced my feet to take me upstairs to the bedrooms so I could get ready. The only room left was the closet one to the stairs and directly across the long sectional couch. If Noah would sleep here tonight, he'd be able to look right into my room and see me laying in bed. The thought made something ignite in my stomach but I ignored it.

This was the only room with a bathroom attached which made me wonder if the guys purposely gave me this room. As I placed my things throughout the room since we were going to be here for a few days, my phone rang loudly from its spot on the bed as I was in the bathroom and rushed to answer it in time.

"Hello?" I asked breathless

"Hi dear. How're things?"

I smiled into the phone at Lana. "Good. I'm going to be heading to the venue soon to set up. Everything alright?"

"Well," Lana started.

My ass fell into the bed with a groan and prepared myself for what was about to come.

"What happened?"

"Your neighbors found your mother in their bathroom this morning; in their shower."

I pinched my eyes shut with a groan. "Please tell me it was the Johnson's. They know what's going on with her so they would understand. Well, as much as I hoped they would."

"Yes, thankfully. I was able to bring her back home without incidents."

"Good," I let out a long breath. "How is she now?"

"She's fine, in her room resting but-."

"I don't like the sound of that but," I noted.

"Y/N, I know you love your mother and want the upmost best care possible for her."

I nodded. "But."

"But I think your mother would be better in a home where someone can watch and monitor her twenty-four hours of the day. I can only do so much especially when she takes off."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, not wanting to cry. This conversation was one I knew I was bound to have at some point. My mothers Alzheimers was getting progressively worse and soon, I feared there might be a time where I couldn't handle it.

But now wasn't that time.

"I'll think about it," I said after a few beats.

It wasn't a lie, per se. I would think about it, way down the road.

"I'll see if she wants to talk," Lana said.

"No, it's alright. I don't want to bother her."

I couldn't stop the sob that escaped my lips.

"Alright dear. I'll call you tomorrow."

After we said our goodbyes, I let my phone clatter to the floor at my feet then plopped down onto the bed. Tears pricked at my eyes and I dug my palms into them, hoping it would force the tears away. My mom was the most important person in my life. We were all each other had after my father died, so being so far away from her when she needed me the most made the guilt rip me apart.

Was this job worth it? Was the money worth it?

These questions kept replaying in my mine over and over as I laid on the bed staring up at the ceiling. A few tears escaped drying to my warm cheeks. The money was worth it; it had to be. I still wasn't making a lot of money from Only Fans so whatever I made doing this, I needed.

There was a soft knock on my open door and my breath hitched when I noticed Noah leaning against it. How long had he'd been there? Did he hear my conversation with Lana?

I sat up in bed while covertly drying my eyes.

"The manager at the venue said the set up for merch has to be in the hallway downstairs. Is that alright?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, I've been put in weirder places so it's fine."

Noah gave a curt nod while crossing his arms over his chest. I suddenly felt small under his eyes and rose to my feet hoping that watching me gather my things to get ready it would be a silent dismissal. But no, he continued to watch every single movement I made.

"Is there anything else you need, Noah?" I asked with a sigh, finally looking at him.

His black shirt clung to the thick muscles of his arms and chest. His brown hair had fallen into his face in a tousled mess from being on the tour bus the majority of the day.

Noah was breathtaking in every single way, and my core practically begged for some kind of friction.

Not now, traitor.

"Have I mentioned how much I love hearing my name coming from your pretty little mouth?," he mused while licking his own.

My legs squeezed together, my body screaming with that small release against my core, but I refused to let him know how bad he was affecting me.

"Is that it?" I asked.

Noah said nothing as he walked over to my open suitcase and riffled through it, obviously looking for something.

"What are you doing?"

My heart raced as I watched him, knowing that if he picked up that red t-shirt, he would find the variety of sex toys I use for my videos. What he found, though, was something I hadn't expected him to. An old shirt of his that I borrowed from the last tour. It was the second night and Bad Omens played a sold-out show. The crowd was alive the entire night and every one of us was buzzing with excitement. Once we returned to the hotel that night, we all jumped into the outdoor pool even though it was pretty chilly that night. Noah offered his dry shirt to me so I could warm up which at the time I took gratefully.

That night was before the night in Chicago. Before Noah's attitude toward me changed.

It got buried along with my other things after the last tour and forgotten about.

Bullshit.

I may have worn it to bed some nights; so much so that his scent had faded while ago.

Noah tossed the shirt over to me and I caught it just before it hit me in my face. My lips stuttered trying to come up with an excuse because I still had it.

"Wear that."

"Excuse me? I asked irritation lacing my words. "Since when do I take orders from you on what I wear?"

He closed the distance between us in two large steps, his fingers tilting my chin up towards his face. Our lips were so close, I could almost taste the beer he must have had before coming into my room. And the hint of bourbon and spice from his cologne filled my senses.

So warm and familiar.

"There's a reason you kept it, angel. Might as well wear it."

Noah's voice was dark and heavy, laced with something I could pinpoint. His eyes were just as dark as his words and I swallowed hard. My body flared with desire, heat pooling between my legs, and I let out a breathless whine eventually nodding.

"Good girl," he breathed across my lips.

His eyes darted from mine down to my lips where it stayed for a long moment before he dropped his hand from my face then left me standing in the room with a heavy wetness and an ache between my legs.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #forced proximity #enemies to lovers #slow burn

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myladysapphire · 5 months

Text

My Lady Strong (IV)

Aemond had always been protective of his neice, obssessed even, insiting on keeping her sheltered, and purley his, he never let her stray far and following the incident at Driftmark, Aemma was rarley without Aemond as her shadow. How will the kind, sheltered girl fair in the dance of dragons?

word count: 1,495

CW: bullying, feelings of neglect and isolation

Fem!oc x Aemond Targeryen can be read as x reader)

Masterlist | series masterlist | previous part | next part

disclamer: i do not own any of claim any of the A song of ice and fire characters, all rights belong to GRR MARTIN, all characters are his except for my OC

a/n just to warn you Aemma is very naive and this chapter shows it, but shes 9 so what can you expect. also next chapter im planning a 4 year time skip, so Aemma will be 13 and Aemond 16.

It had been nearly a year since the events of Driftmark. Since her mother and brothers had left to Dragonstone. A year since her fathers death. And yet she already had a new father, one she did not like, alongside his two daughters. She had also gained a new brother. But she hadn’t met him, and she doubted she would meet him soon. As each day passed the distance between Dragonstone and the red keep seemed to get bigger and bigger.

“My dear?” she heard Alicent call out, having gotten closer the last year, Alicent had become more and more of a mother to her, and being her 9th nameday and her mother and brothers nowhere to be seen, to Aemma it had began to seem like Alicent was more of a mother to her than her own. A fact little 9 year old Aemma could not stomach to admit.

“Yes?” she asked, looking up from her spot in the library. She had found her time often spent alone as of late. Aemond having become more distant since the incident. And Heleana, well was Heleana, keeping to herself, though she had become more and more isolated since her wedding to Aegon last month. And Aegon spent most of his time at the bottom of a bottle in the depths of kingslanding. So she resided in herself spending days in the library by herself, in a spot that used to be her and Aemonds to just becoming hers. And the few spare moments Aemond seemed to give her were spent training Vaghar, or watching him train with ser criston. He no longer wanted to chase after each other in the godswoods, or read in the library. Or simply just existing in each others company. She understood, somewhat, he was becoming a man, a man hell bent on learning everything in him to defend himself, to learn to fight. Everyone was growing up, but her, and she was being left behind.

“My sweet girl, what's wrong?” Alicent questioned, rounding the corner to see Aemma in what she knew to be her spot. “Hmm? You seem to spend every moment alone, and I know many girls at court who would die for a moment of time spent with you.”

“What girls? Helena only ever wants to be by herself, and seems to ignore me every time i spend time with her, and the last set of girls you summoned just whispered rumours behind my back. I don't wish to spend time with them, i just want Aemond, and he doesn't want me.”

Sighing, Alicent moved down to her level, talking her hands in hers, “that's not true, Aemond still adores you, he is, well-... he's becoming a man and needs time to grow, and after the events of driftmark, well they changed him, just give him time.

“Time? Thats all ive done, it's been almost a year, and not even a moon had passed after driftamrk has he started to ice me out. He was supposed to marry me, and yet he's completely changed!”

“He's a boy, a twelve, Trust me sweetheart, he's just a silly boy who thinks he has to do all of these things to make up for his lack of eye. He thinks you will not love him, think him to be hideous, that is why.” Alicent responded, soothing Aemma, by stroking her hair.

“Well that's just plain stupid!”

“I know,sweet girl, but all boys are.” Alicent continued “ know, we have a birthday ball and feast to attend, and my gift is waiting for you.” she said standing up and inviting Aemma up with her.

In her chambers, laid out on her bed was a white dress embellished with gold. It had puffed sleeves that slimmed down to cover her arm. The dress was lkonger than her usual dresses, and more wide, though not by much. Glod was laced around the neck line, and out edges of the dress, with gold and silver jewels scattered across it, creatijng a pattern down the bodedice. The white itself seemed to shimmer, as if moonlight was bouncing off it. When she put it on she felt pretty. She felt beautiful. Her hair was tied up with a gold ribbon, decorated with pearls and butterflies. For this she knew the gift was not Alicent but Aemonds, or atleast he had some influence. Butterflies. The thing they always used to chase, and the thing ameond loved to compare her too. Butterflies.

The feast was magnificent, lords and ladies from all over Westeros had come, and she had received more than enough gifts and attention though not from anyone that mattered to her.

Aemodn was there from the start, though he stuck to eating rather than actually spending any time with her. His attention seemed to be elsewhere.

“Aemond?” she questioned, trying to capture his attention “Aemond, are you enjoying the feast?” he did not reply, looking down at his plate instead, avoiding eye contact. “Aemond?” she pushed again “Aemond!? By the gods answer me!”

“Hmm?” he hummed looking up, allowing her to see the book placed in his lap.

“Gods why wojnt you talk to me?” she asked, moveing to turn to him, her eyes filling with tears, “ for the last six moons i have been acting like a stay dog trying to get your attenion, and now even at a feast helped in my honoru, you brign-” she reached forward grabbing Aemonds book “- a book. A book? To my own party, instead of talking to me. Why?”

“Aemma, please-”

“No, tell me.!”

“Gods, you're a child!” he snactehd the book from her hand, “your just a silly little girl, can't you understand that, you could not defend me, and when you had the chance to you ran off to your pathetic mother, and then come crying to me for help, whilst i have just lost an eye to your bas-” he shook his head, a look of shame fillking his face as he sees her eyes filled with tears, “gods!” he sighed, dragging a hand down his face, reaching forward “Aemma- it's been a lot lately, i have had to relearn everything, to fit with the loss of my eye, and i, look im sorry, i just snapped. But you have to understand, i cnat be a child anylonger, being your friend, and litening to your childish escapades caused me to be in this situation. Now I have to be a man, I have to stop being a child.”

“So you have to stop being my freind, to go on your silly little- your, to be a man? What does that even mean?!” she cried, “it's my nameday, can you not just be my friend for today?” she was begging,it was almost pitiful.

Aemonds face changed, snapping form the look of shame and regret to annoyance, to cold and still, a face evewryone would soon be familiar with, “ and why would i want to do that” he sneerd, dropping her hand, and standing up, before briskly leaving the room without a single glance back.

The rest of her night was spent alone. With Heleana leaving not shortly after Aemond, followed by Aegon muttering something about doing his husbandly duty. Alicent and her grandsire had already left an hour in, the King's health failing him, and forcing many of the lords and ladies to leave, as if their only purpose was to talk to him and not her. So she was left all by herself bar a few older cousins that she did not know.

But the remaining hours she was forced to stay, many lordlings asked her to dance, and it turns out Alicent had already summoned some more girls to King's Landing, arranging a meeting witht them at her own ball. Taking her mind of the event sthat had happened prior, evne if for a few hours. For a few hours she wasnt so alone, for a few hours she was just a nine year old girl celebrating her name day, celebrating with her friends. People who over the next four years would become the only people she truly had.

And when she did finally retire to her rooms, and she was well and truly alone she cried, she knew no one would knock and have late night celebrations, just as no one had knocked at midnight to wish her a happy name day. Just as Aemond did not spend every second of the day with her, smuggling her all the food she wanted, and giving her a gift for every hour of the day. She spent it alone, and she would spend the next four namedays alone, crying. She would celebrate with her ladies, though it would never be the same, she owuld dance with strangers, and not ameond, where dresses gifted by people other than her mother and Aemond. Her family would become more distant and Aemond becomes less and less her Aemond.

next part

Taglist (bold means could not tag)

My lady strong: @aemondssiut@idonotknowenglish @sydneyyyya @wondergal2001 @whitejuliana1204 @meowtastick @bellaisasleep @tinykryptonitewerewolf @sarahkimtae @winchesterfamiliebusiness @iiamthehybrid @zzz000eee @spookydaddy01 @melllinaa @ateliefloresdaprimavera @aelora-a @aleemendoza2425-blog @chittakii @gghoulzz @ryiana @duckworthbean @cynic-spirit @may-machin @Gianinaa19 @wolfiealina @unique7676 @yentroucnagol @loserwithnofriends @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @urmomsbananabread @azaleapotterblack @delaynew

Hotd: @targaryenmoony @theanxietyqueen17 @flrboyd @zillahvathek @dark-night-sky-99 @apollonshootafar

Aemond: @blossomedflowerofluv @violet-potter

#aemond fanfiction #aemond targeryen #house of the dragon #aemond targaryen smut #aemond targeryen x oc #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen imagine #hotd #ewan nation #house of the dragon aemond #dark aemond x oc #dark aemond targaryen #dark!aemond targaryen x reader #dark aemond x reader #yandere aemond targaryen #yandere hotd #my lady strong #aemond x strong!reader

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royallyprincesslilly · 1 year

Text

Title: If This Is Love, You Need To Prove It {2}

Lewis Hamilton x Reader

Warning: Heavy Angst, Plot Heavy, LOTS OF WORDS, Heartbreak, Cursing,

Words: 9.1k

Summary: The fall out of Lewis’ actions is real, as is the freeze out. You’re fuming but brokenhearted. Not only do you feel like a fool, but you also feel used. Moving on is the only option, but Lewis doesn’t want to move on—or that’s what his actions say.

Note: Part 2 is here! The plot thickens.

Note II: Italicized text is a flashback/memory or someone’s words all from some time in the past.

As always, thank you all so much for reading. I truly appreciate it!

If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!!

***NOT Edited/Proofread***

Previous: If This Is Love, I Don’t Want It {1}

~~~~~~

“Listen to your gut about men. Your gut is never wrong.”

Your mother’s sage old advice echoed in your head. It had been one of the many lessons she’d voice recorded for you before her untimely death when you were just shy of your 18th birthday.

You’d always wondered what had motivated her to write letters and record videos for you dropping wise words, encouragement, mantras, sweet stories and other things of the sort. You often wondered if she knew she was not going to be around in the future.

Your soft cries turned into loud wails then. Raising the bottle of dark liquor to your lips, you chugged two mouthfuls then cried from the burn. It was just another added pain onto the others you carried. It had been two days since the events at Lewis’ house. Two days you’d locked yourself in one of your family’s vacation homes off the coast of Monaco. Two days you’d been surviving on dark liquor, chocolate, ice-cream and oxygen. Two days you hadn’t answered your phone or done anything else but cry.

As if the heavens sympathized with you, the weather for the last two days had been a dreary, rainy mess. It seemed like the perfect backdrop for you, so you often sat on the deck in the rain and just cried. No care for getting sick, no care for even your hair which you normally were super careful and protective of. Everything be dammed. None of it mattered.

Everything played in your mind over and over like a movie. It hadn’t felt real then, hell it still didn’t feel real now. You didn’t know how you’d gotten here. Everything had been going so well. For the last year and change his words matched his actions and efforts matched what you saw in his eyes. He was attentive, loving, thoughtful, giving, helpful, honest, devoted. He was perfect. It didn’t make any sense. None of this made sense.

Could you have imagined what you saw in his eyes? All this time could he have been lying? Was he really such a smooth player and liar to be so skilled to make lies shine through his eyes? Could he really have kept up a façade for over a year? For what? Sex? Your virginity? He didn’t even know you were a virgin.

You groaned, stood from the shower floor then turned off the water. While dripping wet, you walked to your robe then wrapped yourself in it. Ignoring anything else you walked back to your bedroom and laid down. The weather today was another shitter and again you didn’t care one bit. As you stared out the ceiling to floor window at nothing really your mind drifted away to thoughts trying to make sense of everything. your brain went left, right, up, down and around but still you couldn’t make any sense of it. As your eyelids grew heavier and heavier your brain moved on to the hurt and betrayal of it all. You’d believed, you’d tried, you’d been sold a dream and now it was proven to all be a lie.

The next time you opened your eyes, it was a lot harder. Your eyelids felt impossibly heavy as if you wore several pairs of lashes. That wasn’t the only thing odd, you couldn’t hear anything except warbled words, high pitched beeping and wind as if a vacuum were on beside you. Writhing, you felt hands everywhere, then something powerful held you down and you felt painful pinches in your arms and thighs. You opened your mouth to scream or shout “stop” but no sound came, your throat was dry and tight. Finally, you were able to open your eyes, but everything was blurry. It was as if you were seeing through them for the first time. It hurt, they felt raw as if someone had thrown sand in them, but it was forever embedded inside.

Then you heard your name being called but the voice was foreign. As soon as it all started it stopped. Now you heard and saw nothing—but darkness.

Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep.

You snapped your eyes open and gasped gulping in air as quickly as you could. It felt as if you’d been deprived for days.

“Y/N!”

Big mistake you thought as quivered from the ache in your body that felt as if it were emulating from your very bones. Then your eyes immediately burned making you shut them again as your back dropped to a bed.

“Wh--,” you began but stopped once you recognized pain. You felt hoarse.

The only thought in your head was, what the hell had happened?

“It’s okay. Calm down,” your father’s voice advised as he placed his hands on your arms steadying you.

“I know you’re confused. it’s okay. Take slow breaths. I’m here.”

“Seriously, Jordan, you spoil her. If you coddle her like this, she’ll think she can pull stunts like this all the time,” came the shrill voice of the woman you hated most in this world.

“Coddle? Aleeza, she almost died,” your father clarified, exasperation clear in his tone.

“Da—da--,” you swallowed painfully hoping it would help then tried again. “Da--.”

“Here my love, some water.”

You felt the glass touch your bottom lip and you took a tentative sip. The first touch of the cold water over your taste buds woke you up making you feel even more like you’d crawled through the Kalahari Desert for a week. You took mouthful after mouthful until the glass was empty.

“That a girl,” your father encouraged while gently rubbing your back.

“Yes, she almost died because of her own negligence. Really, Y/N, disappearing for a rager and then drinking until blackout? How mature. I told you Jordan, she is nowhere ready to take on any responsibility with the club,” Aleeza blabbered on.

Though you were confused as shit, you were seconds from leaping out of the bed and giving her a Mortal Kombat finish her move. You hated this woman, and it was evident the feeling was mutual.

“Enough!”

Your father’s voice boomed around the room stopping any further comments from his 2nd wife. Through the thin slits of your burning eyes, you saw that she pouted at him but quickly shaped up seeing he was not going to be fooled.

“Either sit down and be quiet or you can wait for me in the hall.”

You didn’t have to look at Aleeza to know she was cowering. You heard her huff, but you didn’t hear her heels clinking out the room, so you assumed she sat.

“Sweetheart. How are you feeling?”

You cleared your throat then spoke, “Wha—What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

Shaking your head, you tried to open your eyes more to see him fully.

“I couldn’t reach you for 4 days. You were supposed to be back in London. I got worried. None of your friends had heard from you, no one had heard from you. I ended up having to have a friend of mine hack into your phone to get your location. When I got to the house you were unconscious, burning up, shivering with vomit on you.”

Bits and pieces finally came back to you.

“I brought you here. You had alcohol poisoning, a bronchial infection, and your anemia had been severely triggered. You don’t have enough red blood cells honey. I thought you were taking care of yourself. You know you shouldn’t be drinking excessively. Then come to find out you hadn’t taken your medication in days. Y/N.”

“Irresponsible.”

“Aleeza,” your father cautioned.

With your head down, you allowed the events leading up to today to play through your mind.

“I’m sorry dad.”

He sighed, pulled you into a hug and pat the back of your head like he used to when you were a kid. You melted into him and allowed your tears to fall.

“It’s okay. I—you scared the shit out of me Y/N. I thought I was going to lose you too. I can’t lose you, not after your mother.”

His voice was clouded with emotion and unshed tears. You knew how difficult losing your mother was for him. You could tell he still hadn’t recovered fully. Your eye caught Aleeza sitting a ways away. The look on her face brightly showed her disgust, annoyance and hatred. There was something else there too, something you couldn’t place. Was it smugness, happiness?

“They had to pump your stomach to get rid of the alcohol. They gave you iron transfusions and IV meds for the bronchial infection, and a blood transfusion” your father further informed lifting his arm to show his bandaged forearm.

That bad, you though as the guilt was swirling in you; “How long have I been here?”

“Two long days,” Aleeza piped up. “Plus, the day you were found. My, my, you should be careful the state you allow others to see you in. You neeever know who snapped a picture and what they’ll do with it.”

Both yours and your father’s eyes went to her.

“All I am saying is plenty of tabloid trash would love a picture of Y-F-N/ Y-L-N thee daughter of F1’s most prominent front runner,” Aleeza said. “It isn’t only your name you drag through the mud, Y/N, it is your father’s—mine.”

You narrowed your eyes, the hatred you felt for her was bubbling at the surface. You knew the woman was vile but for her to say this to you or your father spoke of how ballsy she really felt. They’d only been married for 4 years, and she thought she held the whole Y-L-N power in her hands. Before you could lurch for her and turn this hospital room into a celebrity deathmatch arena, your father sighed.

“Wait outside Aleeza.”

“But honey,” she whined dragging out the pet name.

“Now.”

Not liking his tone or that she couldn’t cutesy her way out of this she stomped then walked to the door. Once finally alone, you leaned back onto the bed and sighed. The woman was like dark matter, her leaving instantly relieved the tension in the room.

“I’m sorry for Aleeza. She’s going through a lot with the shareholders not voting her in.”

“She was the only one who thought they would vote her in,” you rasped.

“They did however unanimously vote in your favor to take the next steps. Congratulations to the club’s newest and first woman in senior management.”

You smiled hearing the confirmation that your hard work and effort had paid off.

“Congratulations honey. Next step shareholder. Toto better watch his back.”

You snorted then groaned feeling the pain in your chest and abdomen.

“It serves you right. They pumped 3 times the normal alcohol consumption for the average human from your system. What the hell?”

You sighed.

“What’s going on?”

You couldn’t tell him the truth. There was no way you could tell him that you’d been sleeping with Mercedes’ golden boy and major bread winner. Internal fraternization was frowned upon, hell it was practically in everyone’s contract and now that you’d been placed in senior management it could look really bad. No matter how much you hated Aleeza she was right. Your name was not yours alone. Your father had worked too long to accomplish all he had for you to fuck it up. Plus, if he found out the entirety of things you were sure he’d rip Lewis’ contract to shreds and kick his ass out of MB. You smiled thinking that, but the devious thought quickly passed. You were not that kind of person. He may have turned out to be a lying, selfish, self-centered asshole, but you were none of those things.

“Don’t allow anyone, man, woman, or child, but especially a man turn you into something or someone you are not!”

With your mother’s words in your head, you began; “I just got some unsatisfactory news about some investment choices I’d made outside of F1, and the family and I just felt like I’d been pushed back hundreds of steps. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to achieve the things I wanted,” you lied.

“Honey. What have I always told you? Investments are a game, 50/50. If it’s 50 in your favor great, if not then I’m here. Me and legal the team could have quickly and easily fixed it for you. This was not necessary. Was this a cry for help like Aleeza said?”

You disgustedly snorted. “No. Aleeza couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m fine now dad. I promise to never let this happen again.”

He studied you with his wrinkle rimmed all seeing eyes for several long moments. With each second that ticked by, you feared he’d seen right through you. Ever since your mother’s passing, he’d taken her place and was always there for you when you’d gotten your heart broken. He was ready with the ice cream, chocolate, and Brandy. He’d stay with you while you cried offering his lifetime’s worth of advice. If he’d been the one to find you then you knew he had to have seen the empty ice cream cartons and bottles of Brandy lying around amongst the chocolate wrappers. If he had seen them, he knew very well what you were dealing with.

A sad smile spread across his face. “All right, Y/N. I will take your word for it. Just know I am always your father first and foremost. I will always put you first and I’m always here for you.”

You nodded and kissed his cheek. If he knew he wasn’t saying anything, and you were grateful to him for that.

~~~~~~~

-3 Days Later-

“Oh my god, when we saw you were in the hospital from Daily Mail, we were so worried,” Francesca said with your hands clasped in hers.

“Aw, I’m sorry you had to hear about it from Daily Mail—eck! However, I am perfectly fine.”

You smiled hoping that she and all the other girls believed you. Currently, you were sitting in the conference room that you’d changed around to resemble a comfortable lounge. You’d replaced the oblong conference table and stifling office chairs with oversized bean bag chairs, comfortable designer couches and settees and other elements that gave the room a comfortable vibe.

“I’m relieved,” Monica, your assistant said.

“I’m thankful I have you as my right-hand woman and to have such thoughtful women around me.”

They all beamed at you then Monica stood and walked to the corner where she took out a bouquet of flowers and a galaxy printed gift bag.

“We all heard about your new title, and we wanted to say...”

They all jumped up from their seats and threw sparkled confetti at you and into the air.

“Congratulations!”

You laughed covering your eyes as the shock washed over you. The room that had been clean seconds ago was now covered in confetti.

“Wow, you guys. This is—wow, thank you.”

Monica held the flowers and the gift bag to you. Happily, you took the items and took a deep whiff of them.

“Mmm. Thank you guys. I appreciate the sentiment and I promise to be the best that I can for all of you.”

They pooled in and hugged you. With a warm heart you forgot about the stress of the last week or so. This was what you’d worked for, this was what mattered. Your ringing cell phone brought your attention to your purse off to the side.

“We have to go down to the garage. Are you coming?”

You looked back at Farrah then nodded; “Give me a second, let me get this and I’ll be right there.”

They walked to the door leaving you to dig your phone out of your purse. When you had, the caller ID had you pausing.

💘😘Lewis😍💘

Your heart immediately began beating out your chest. You stared at his ID and the movie that was your life over the last week or so played in your head at hyper speed. The extreme highs of being with him and being cared for by him, his words during your most intimate moments, his attention, his sex, then the extreme lows of his betrayal, his lies, his selfishness and the aftermath. Your anxiousness turned to anger then.

This wasn’t the first time he’d called. He’d called so many times since you’d woken in the hospital. Each call of course went unanswered, even ignored. You’d think he would have gotten the hint but no, he kept calling. You thought to put him on the block list, but you hadn’t. You couldn’t. For some reason it still felt wrong, and that fact pissed you off even more. How was it wrong when this was the least of what he deserved?

The ringing stopped, showing you’d missed his call, but even though you’d missed it, the aftereffects were still present. You cursed your damn body for its treachery and then chastised yourself for still caring and having it prevent you from blocking his ass.

“Y/N?”

You shook it off then walked out of the conference room with your purse in tow. As you got downstairs and began your walk to the garage your mind drifted yet again. It had been like this for the last few days. You couldn’t for the life of you keep your head in the game. The smallest things triggered a memory and that memory a slew of emotion and those emotions brought you back to present day and then you crashed—hard.

You didn’t even realize you’d arrived until you were surrounded by interviewers who were shouting your name trying to get your attention.

“Y/N, just a few questions.”

“Okay, sure.”

“We’ve heard the news of your new position. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

“Being the daughter of Jordan Y-L-N, did you immediately fall for the idea of working for Mercedes or did they have to woo you?”

You giggled; “No there was no wooing needed. All I’ve ever known is Mercedes, F1 and racing. Was there really any other career option for me?”

The reporters laughed all together as the cameras continued snapping.

“You definitely have a knack for fashion and beauty so there is always that.”

You struck a pose then fanned off the reporter. “Stop it.”

“What is the chain of command with your new role?”

“Uh, I’m still at the bottom of the food chain guys.”

They laughed again.

“We doubt that. You are the first woman to enter senior management with the organization. What a feat.”

“I am incredibly proud of that actually. To see some real change happening to become more inclusive is so monumental.”

“What do you bring to the Mercedes and F1 table?”

“A woman’s eye and my entire life of information being behind the scenes, a fan and up front. Needless to say, I’ve seen a lot and I’ve learned even more, and I believe I offer a creative and modern take on the sport and can bring this side of F1 to greater heights.”

The women you were now in charge of applauded behind you making you smile. They held so much faith in you and it was contagious.

“Thanks guys,” you said ready to walk away.

“One more, please, Y/N.”

“Okay. Last one.”

“Why do you think Mercedes offered you this role rather than someone more experienced and someone with more skin in the game? Someone who isn’t the daughter of the biggest name in Mercedes. Why you? And couldn’t you consider this nepotism that plenty of African American media users have called for so many of their white counterparts?”

You couldn’t believe what you’d heard. The old white man who’d asked the question didn’t look in the least bit ashamed or worried about the question. He looked proud. For the first time in a long time, you didn’t know what to say to a reporter. For the first time you actually wanted to reach over and punch a reporter in the face.

You cleared your throat then stepped forward. That was when someone stepped in front of you. A body with a head full of braids you recognized.

“What kind of question is that? Mercedes chose her because she’s worked her ass off in and around the field learning, helping and wearing more hats than you could possibly imagine. Mercedes chose her for the role because there wasn’t anyone better, no one with more experience, no one with more skin in the game. She has the most as she’s been with this division since the very beginning when it was a formulated idea between Jordan Y-L-N and his late wife, her mother. Who better to take the helm than one of the founding visionaries. As for this being nepotism according to non-POCs, why does it matter what you think? A qualified woman given a position that she is qualified and skilled to do. Isn’t that what we call equal opportunity? Now an unqualified individual given a position that they are unqualified for and highly under skilled to complete thus relying on those who should have been given the position. Isn’t that the textbook definition of nepotism and isn’t that 90% of the nonblack workforce? Y/N more than has the talk to back up the walk. Do you need clarification?”

The interviewers all looked stunned, and their speechlessness showed just how thoroughly they’d been read. None of them continued. They just nodded and thanked him and moved on. When he turned to you, you knew you should have walked away but you were still standing there dumbstruck. Lewis stared at you, his face solemn, eyebrows knitted and a frown on his lips. From the circles under his eyes and the lack of luster to his skin you, could tell he hadn’t been sleeping. Probably fucking everything with legs, you said to yourself.

At that thought you clenched your jaw and shook your head. Turning, you began walking.

“Y/N, wait.”

As if it were instinct, you stopped. Go, you screamed in your head. Walk! No matter how much you screamed at yourself, your legs didn’t move.

“Can we talk?”

You reared back with eyes wide from his audacity. Lewis shrunk back, flinching as if you’d slapped him across the face. You wanted to so badly your palms itched for it.

“Please,” he softly added.

The anger bubbling inside of you finally took over. Instead of it making you irrational and shaky, it had the opposite effect. You felt calm. With one brow raised and poison in your eyes you tapped into your bitch side.

“You can talk to the crack of my ass!”

With that you walked away joining your team.

Over the next several days you wished you could have said he’d gotten the hint. He still called even when you put him on the block list. He’d use other means, Toto’s phone, the Mercedes office phones, his crew, other drivers. It was insane. You’d gotten to the point where you were screening calls by voicemail now.

Every time you broke and listened to one of his voicemails, they sounded more and more desperate. He never said anything of substance or even explained himself. He simply rambled about the past and asked how you were together. His behavior was so confusing it put you in a state of extreme anger and dangerous sadness. You couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off, but when you did you couldn’t get past feeling weak for trying to make excuses for him.

By the middle of the week, you’d managed to avoid Lewis, and anyone associated with him. Today you’d told your father you’d accompany him to one of the races and you were now walking around the paddock with other members of the crew inspecting the car and having small chats.

“Congratulations little Y-L-N,” came a voice you recognized.

Spinning around, you found Toto coming toward you. Smiling, you approached him and accepted his wide stretched arms for a hug.

“Thank you, big bad Wolff.”

He chuckled at your nickname for him. “I hear I should watch my back within the next year or two.”

“I didn’t say it but--,” you stretched making your father and Toto laugh.

“All right. Well, I welcome you to take my job because then I’ll be sure you deserve it. Come play with the big boys.”

You rolled your eyes at his teasing.

“Are you here in senior management mode or are you a spectator?”

“A little bit of both I guess. I’m also my dad’s plus one.”

He nodded then looked back as someone called his name. Approaching your trio was Lewis. You released a heavy sigh then caught your father’s eyes on you. Doing your best to cover, you smiled brightly at him.

“Lewis, feeling good for the race?”

“Eh, I’m feeling all right.”

“Good. You remember Jordan Y-L-N and Y/N.”

Lewis reached out and shook your father’s hand. You noticed the tight hold your father took of him as he held him in place while slightly leaning forward.

“What kind of man are you, Lewis?”

“Uh--,” he began clearly confused by your father’s sudden inquiry.

“The kind of man someone is says a lot about the kind of driver he is. Are you a good, strong, loyal man who knows right from wrong and always protects those he values or a weak man who easily falls prey to pretty words and pretty faces? Are you the kind of man who a father would be proud to hand his pride and joy over to because he’s certain she’ll be cared for properly?”

Part of you was confused about what had gotten into him and why he was asking this while the other part of you wanted to pat him on the back and grab a cup of the tea because he was definitely getting his Wendy Williams on. They were damn good questions. You knew from experience he was the latter, but you’d let him tell it or lie. What man in their right mind would admit to being a fuckboi?

Your eyes, your father’s and Toto’s were on Lewis waiting for his answer.

“Em, I uh—the former, sir.”

You snorted louder than you’d intended and now three pairs of eyes were on you.

“Ehm, sorry, I saw something just over there with Charles.”

Your father smirked while Lewis grimaced.

“All right. Good to see you again Lewis. Good luck out there,” your father finished.

Lewis nodded, thanked him then looked at you. He must have been able to see the disdain in your eyes because the only vibe you got from him was a gloomy and depressing one. What the hell you thought. He’d gotten what he wanted. Why the hell would he be anything but overjoyed?

“Good luck Lewis,” Toto added.

He looked at you as if he expected you to say the same. You wouldn’t. You weren’t there yet. You wished him pain. Instead of saying that, you kept your lips sealed. When he realized you weren’t going to be a sheep led by the herd, he nodded then walked away back to his crew.

Twenty or so minutes later, the race was beginning. From behind the scenes, you watched as the lead fluctuated for the first several laps. By the time lap 40 came around, Lewis was in lead, and you couldn’t quell the part of you that was excited and proud of him. It had been so long programed in you that you hadn’t been able to turn it off yet. With effort, you stifled it and kept yourself in check.

Lap 55 brought different results, Charles took over the lead putting Lewis in second and now the spectators were split. Some cheering for Lewis, some for Charles. Looking around you could sense the angst in the air. Lewis’ team looked on edge as did Charles’. You found it interesting that 3 weeks ago you would also be on edge hoping for the best outcome for Lewis, but everything was different now. You’d seen his true colors, seen the man underneath the pleasant mask and unfortunate for you, you’d been disillusioned.

Biting your bottom lip, you checked your phone becoming bored with the race. Before you knew it, everyone was standing and cheering on their teams. Then you heard it, the end of the race. You looked up at the screen and saw the standings. Charles had taken P1 while Lewis was at P2. Again, you felt things a significant other would have felt, things you were not obligated or should have felt. It pissed you off more.

“Hm, interesting,” your father said.

“What?”

“He rarely loses.”

“He did seem off the last week,” Toto informed.

You shrugged trying to convince yourself you didn’t care.

When the cars rolled in, and everyone came in you saw the downtrodden look on Lewis’ face and you had to fight with ever fiber in your being against your instincts. You kept yourself planted right where you were and averted your eyes.

“Charles, the man of the day,” your father began, “Congratulations.”

“Thank you, sir. Wow, I’m speechless you know who I am.”

“Of course. Anyone pulling stats like yours I make a business to know,” your father joked.

“Do you know Y/N?”

Charles’ eyes landed on you and a wide smile filled his face. He was adorable and you could see how he had the attention of so many fans.

“I do but glad to finally be up close and personal.”

Your eyebrow crooked at what sounded like a flirtatious line. Just behind Charles you saw Lewis watching though a sea of people surrounded him trying to get his thoughts.

“Well up close and personal we are. Good race, congratulations.”

You stepped in and hugged him while giving Lewis your daggered glare of death.

“Thanks. Wow, you have such a beautiful daughter Mr. Y-L-N.”

Your father chuckled. “Don’t I know it. It’s my curse. No matter how I try I can’t keep the boys from her yard.”

You snorted and teasingly slapped your father’s shoulder. “Ew, dad.”

Those around laughed as well.

“Well not all boys in her yard are bad.”

“Are you throwing yourself in her yard, son?”

Charles looked at you again and smiled. “I’d be honored to be there.”

You giggled and swatted at his chest playing up your flirtation. Lewis looked absolutely livid. Good you thought and hoped he understood he wasn’t the end of your world. There were indeed plenty of fish in the sea or in this pond.

Several hours later, you were finally walking to your car ready to go home from a long day. Your feet and face hurt from walking and smiling too much, and you couldn’t wait to wipe off all the makeup and kick off the heels. You sat in the driver’s seat with your feet outside the car then unbuckled your heels. after taking one off, you put it over your knee and massaged it sighing when you hit a particularly achy part.

“Ouch.”

Just then a memory hit you of Lewis massaging your feet on long days like this. He never missed a massage. Usually that massage led to other things like him nestling his head between your thighs to then lick, suck and slurp the stress of the day away. With that memory in your head, you dazed out reminiscing about all the good times. Things had been so good, so perfect. you felt the tears prick your eyes and before you could stop them, they rolled down your face.

“Damn it,” you said on a whine as you buried your face in your palms.

You couldn’t stop the cries that wracked your body. It was like you hadn’t shed any tears these last weeks when in fact you’d cried every day since finding Lewis exercising his right to be a man whore.

“Fuck. Stop it Y/N. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!”

No matter how many times you said it the tears kept coming. You didn’t know how long you sat there barefoot and weeping. It could have been a few minutes, or it could have been an hour. You didn’t know nor cared.

“Y/N?”

You were crying so loud that you barely heard the voice.

“Y/N!”

Suddenly before you Lewis was dropped to his knees searching you.

“Are you hurt? What’s wrong? Are you all right?”

His words were frantic, eyes wide and wild. It took a few moments to realize what was happening but instead of kicking him in his face, you made up your face and wailed even more.

“Get the fuck—the fuck—the fuck away!”

He didn’t.

“What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?”

“Y—y—you! Asshole!”

His hands slackened on your arms, and you saw him dip his head.

“I—I--,” he stuttered.

“Get away!”

He began getting up, but you pulled him back down. “Why? Why’d you do it?! How could you!”

You held him by his shirt like you were a gangster getting ready to pummel him. He didn’t fight you, so you released your fists in a fury of hits against his chest. No matter how hard you hit him he didn’t move, nor try to stop you. He just took it. Soon, your barrage of hits turned to you just pressing your forehead on his chest as you cried.

“Shit, I’m sorry Y/N. I--.”

You barely heard his words all you could focus on was the pain in your heart. Many long moments passed with the two of you like this, Lewis on his knees before you with your forehead on his chest. You hated it but he still felt like home to you. He still felt like yours. Those feelings angered you because you knew you were being stupid, pathetic and weak. You knew if he’d fucked you over once, he’d do it again and again. You weren’t blind to the games of the assholes in the world, but you couldn’t believe you’d fallen for one. You couldn’t believe you’d given one such a significant part of you and now you had nothing to show for it but the shattered pieces of your heart and clown face paint as souvenirs.

When your sobs slowed then finally dwindled down to sniffles, and your body stilled to only sudden sharp intakes of breath every so often your senses returned. The first thing you became aware of were Lewis’ arms wrapped around you holding you close to him. The second was the fact he was kneeling between your thighs, something that felt intimate in its own standing. The third was that his two-man bodyguard team were standing a few feet away with their backs turned. That jarred you so much that you immediately felt regret.

“Get off me!”

You shoved him off harder than you’d intended then wiped your tear-soaked face.

“Y/N--,” Lewis began.

“Shut up!”

Your voice echoed around the empty parking space. You were the only people around, but you didn’t put it past some pap to be hiding out trying to get a candid of F1’s golden boy.

“Let me explain.”

“Explain? You had your chance to explain. You chose to remain silent, and fuck lose pussy.”

“I didn’t fuck anyone!”

His voice was sharp and sudden as if he’d been enflamed to set the record straight all of a sudden. You narrowed your eyes at him and began moving trying to swing your legs inside your car. Lewis grabbed your thighs keeping you in place.

“I didn’t.”

“You’re a fucking liar Lewis! I was there. I saw it!”

“You saw what I wanted you to see.”

Your anger sparked then.

“What the fuck does that mean? You wanted me to see you fucking other bitches? You wanted me to see you for the asshole you are. Fine! Done! I see it! Let me the fuck go!”

He didn’t.

“I thought I could do this. I thought I could easily do this because it was to protect you, it was to keep you safe.”

“What! What’re you talking about?”

Lewis rubbed across his face. He looked haunted, exhausted, and broken. “If you’re this bad off to end up in the hospital and now this—fuck. I fucked up.”

You didn’t know what he was saying much less couldn’t understand anything. Nothing made sense.

“Y/N, listen—I—shit—okay listen.”

He continued to stutter as he tried to formulate a sentence but every time nothing came out. You sat there giving him time to get it together but realized your idiocy midway through. Groaning, you shoved him again.

“Get the fuck away. You’re full of shit!”

Managing to push him away this time, he fell backward. You swung your legs inside your car then reached for the door. Lewis put his hand on yours, stopping you.

“Wait, please.”

“Fuck you, Lewis. Fuck you and fuck this!”

You shook your hand free then slammed your car door. It took you seconds to start your engine and revved out of there like F1’s newest driving talent. As you sped away you looked in your rearview mirror at a still kneeling Lewis with his hands planted atop his head. Your heart broke seeing it but that only angered you more.

That night you struggled to get any sleep. You were in between states of hysterical crying and obsessive staring and stalking. You couldn’t make sense of anything, couldn’t understand his behavior. One minute he was telling you that all he wanted to do was live life in the fast lane and fuck around then he was holding you so tenderly and apologizing. You were getting mental whiplash from his change up and it infuriated you.

By the time the sun rose, you were still awake. As you were getting ready to shoot a message informing everyone of a personal day, you received a message telling you about a meeting at the company. You groaned knowing you did not have the energy to sit through a 2-hour meeting. You shot Toto a message telling him you’d have to pass blaming a medical appointment for the absence then decided to use the company gym to burn off some steam.

After you’d changed and had gotten in your car, you drove to the company barely aware of anything happening around you. All of it felt like muscle memory to you. The reason why it had, you realized once you’d parked your car, was because you hadn’t driven yourself to the company. You’d driven to Lewis’ London house instead.

“What the actual fuck, Y/N?”

You dropped your forehead on your steering wheel and groaned. Muscle memory indeed, you thought. You didn’t see his car on the street and thought maybe he wasn’t home. Deciding now would be a good time to clear your stuff out of his place you entered the code into the alarm system then drove in once the gates opened. After parking on what Lewis had distinguished as your parking area you closed the garage door then let yourself inside using the keys he’d given you.

This was another thing you couldn’t understand. If you were just a conquest and an easy target, why give you keys to his houses, why tell you the codes to security systems? You took off your sneakers and took them with you as you passed a large blown-up photo of the two of you hung right in the foyer. You stood stunned staring at it. You remembered this day. He’d shut down the top of the Empire State Building for a one-on-one date. Then after wining and dining you all night while whispering sweet words the entire time, he’d asked his guard to snap a few pictures. You remembered the words he’d whispered in your ear in this exact picture.

“You make me want forever.”

You closed your eyes feeling the tears. Willing them away you fought against your emotional side. You were tired of crying, tired of going around and around with this and him. It was time to end things, once and for all. You cut your eyes at the photo then hurried upstairs to his bedroom. The memories and his scent hit you like a ton of bricks when you walked in and again you fought it all. You couldn’t afford to get sucked back into the memories that were clearly a lie.

After finding one of your overnight bags in his walk-in closet, you began filling it with your things. It surprised you how much of your stuff was here. It wasn’t just clothes and toiletries. It was shoes, bags, make up, jewelry, hair things, work files, even gifts you planned on giving to friends. Sighing, you packed everything you’d came with while leaving anything he’d given you. They would only hurt to find later.

It took longer than you’d anticipated but after an hour you had three bags filled with your things. As you passed the photo again on your way out you paused to look around once more. Though it was just a few seconds, you knew you’d missed your window when you heard a car pull in.

“Shit.”

Hurrying, you dragged your bags behind the large bar then ducked down out of sight. The door opened and shut then you heard a heavy sigh.

“I thought she’d be at the meeting,” Lewis said.

“If you want to talk to her just call her,” one of his guards said.

“If she wanted to talk to me, she would have answered the other hundred times I called.”

“Then tell her the truth.”

Lewis sighed again. “How?”

His voice was close now. You guessed he was standing right at the bar. You made yourself smaller and hoped he didn’t come behind it.

“I’m sure when you start the words will come.”

The door opened again then you heard the voice of his friends. You’d spent a lot of time with his friends getting to know them. They were cool people.

“When are we clubbing,” Miles asked.

“Not in the mood,” Lewis said dismissing the idea.

“Come on. Just because your shorty left you doesn’t mean we all gotta suffer.”

“She ain’t leave him bruv, he made her leave,” Daniel clarified.

Your attention piqued. What did that mean?

“You still haven’t explained all that yet. What now?”

Suddenly, the bell rang, and everyone got quiet.

“For fuck’s sake. Really?”

Lewis sounded beyond upset, beyond fed up. A few moments of silence passed, and you were almost tempted to peep your head out to see what was happening. When he began speaking, you remained in your hiding spot.

“Y’all gotta hide. I don’t want her knowing you’re here and I’m sure it’ll be clear.”

You heard hurried footsteps.

“Nah, behind the bar,” Lewis said.

Your eyes bugged knowing you were going to be caught. Shit, you thought. It was Daniel who saw you first, his reaction was quick, simple widened eyes before he ducked down. Andrew saw you next and though he paused he didn’t comment until he was ducked down. Now Miles, when he saw you, he had to be the one.

“What the--.”

Daniel yanked him down before he could say much else though.

“We’re good,” Daniel said.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Getting my stuff,” you whispered back to Miles.

Their eyes dipped to the bags around you, then they nodded.

“What the fuck is going on?”

They all shrugged in unison.

“What’re you doing here?”

“There he is,” a feminine voice spoke.

Your spine stiffened. There’s no way. It couldn’t be, you thought. The clinking of heels was so loud, so distinctively her.

“What do you want Aleeza. Also, I don’t remember inviting you in.”

Your eyes widened. What the hell was your father’s evil trophy wife doing here?

“Trust me, you’re going to want to make sure no one else hears what I have to say.”

The door slammed and echoed throughout the first floor. When you looked over three pairs of eyes were on you as if waiting for you to explain. You shrugged. You had no idea why she was there.

“What more do you want? I’ve done everything you’ve asked. I have nothing left to give.”

Aleeza laughed, it sounded like the wicked witch in Snow White’s cackle. The three men across from you shuddered all at once. You scoffed to yourself thinking if they only knew the half of it.

“Aww poor baby. Are you hurting? Get over it. she was nothing, less than nothing, an insignificant speck.”

“Why do you hate her so much?”

Were they talking about you?

Aleeza scoffed disgustedly, “Why do I hate the so-called perfect Y-F-N/Y-L-N? Pick a reason. Her father chose to marry her mother over me. He had the nerve to pick her over me saying he loved her and not me. It should have been me. It was supposed to be me! All anyone ever talked about was her stupid, perfect mother. Oh, Alisha is so pretty, she’s so kind, she’s so smart. My god just wanted them to shut up. So, I bided my time until the bitch died then I swooped in.”

You were so stunned right now you hadn’t moved an inch. Your eyes remained bugged and glued to one particular spot in the bar as you listened. Slowly, the pieces all fit together. You never knew why she didn’t like you, never even knew of the rivalry she’d had with your mother. You felt like you were an outsider looking in on an episode of F1’s WAGS (Wives and Girlfriends).

“I’ve hated her from the day I met her. Why would I love that bitch’s daughter. Then I realized she is just like her. All anyone can talk about is Y/N. She’s so beautiful, so kind, so smart, so skilled. Uuuugh!”

A loud crash of something breaking had all four of you jumping out of your skin. As if this were campfire horror stories, the four of you grabbed hands. This shit could go south at any moment.

“Then I saw you and I wanted you.”

Lewis let out a disgusted huff.

“The plan was to seduce you slowly or use a little force to get you into my bed and ya’ know.”

The four of you now made up your faces as if you were going to be sick. Hearing all this, you actually might get sick very soon.

“Then I saw how you were with that bitch. I don’t know how anyone else didn’t notice. I put two and two together and realized you were fucking the slut. Just like her whore of a mother, taking what was mine!”

Another crash of shattering glass filled the room.

“So, I had the perfect way to give that little slut what she deserved, what her mother should have gotten. That’s why I got the idea to have you do my dirty work. I mean I already had the goods on you. If Jordan found out you were fucking his precious daughter born of true loves kiss from his soulmate, you’d be out of Mercedes quicker than you can say 103 first place standings. They wouldn’t have mattered.”

“So that’s why you made me do what I did,” Lewis said sort of in disbelief.

Aleeza cackled again and again the fellas shuddered.

“Made you? Lewis come on. All I said was either end things brutally by breaking and shattering her heart so she’d never recover, or I’d tell daddy dearest,” Aleeza said.

Your eyes widened even more. She was blackmailing him.

“Of course, you being you and so damn delicious, manly and sexy was ready to throw your hard-earned career to the side come what may just for that little slut. I can’t believe you were willing to have me tell her father and have him rip up your contract rather than break her heart.”

She laughed maniacally and you swore outside got as dark as midnight though it was probably only noon. Across from you, Miles had a panicked look on his face, and he was mouthing; “what the fuck” over and over.

“I could never do that to her.”

“Yet you did. Tell me was it only because I said she’d end up in another unfortunate accident like her car accident a few months ago?”

A disturbing thought filled you. Was Aleeza behind your car accident? The police deemed it a drunk driver who’d ran out of the car to avoid being caught but could it have been a hired goon who had been paid to plow into you as you stood outside the Gala that night waiting for Lewis to bring his car around? Goosebumps peppered your flesh as so many emotions coursed through you.

“Was it you?”

As if he’d heard your thoughts, Lewis asked what you wanted to know.

“Me?”

“Were you behind the accident then?”

A long silence filled the room as you anxiously waited for her answer. You were ready to leap over the bar and beat it out of her. Thankfully she spoke.

“If only that idiot hadn’t fucked up the first accident. She’d be long gone by now and I would be the sole inheritor to Jordan’s estate when he dies. So, this plan worked well too. Anyway, it was you who decided how to break her heart. You made that choice all by yourself and might I add what an incredible choice it was. My, my when you go you go all out.”

She cackled some more.

“After everything we’d been through there was no way she’d believe anything else.”

He sounded dejected and heartbroken.

“And believe you she did. That show was incredible. I was just—”

She slow clapped for him, and each heavy-handed clap echoed sounding more and more like the annoying clash cymbals.

“Watching it I couldn’t believe it. Then when she revealed that you’d taken her virginity, holy hell what a fucking plot twist! The little slut really wasn’t a slut but a total prude.”

She cackled some more, and the fellas looked sympathetically to you. You didn’t know what the hell to say at this point. This was too much.

“Bravo. You did more than a job well done. Shattered her heart, broke her faith in men and stole her virginity.”

“Where in your plan did you figure you’d get me in your bed after this?”

Another long silence.

“I mean after you’d pulled off all of these disgusting things revealing your true face. Why would I ever sleep with you?”

“You’ve slept with far worse.”

He scoffed.

“Then I can still blackmail you with your deflowering of your boss’ innocent daughter oh and your falling out which put her in the hospital. Either you give me what I want, or you would have done all this for nothing, broken her heart, and lost your career.”

Her heels clinked again a few times. She wasn’t walking away she was getting closer to him.

“Come on Lewis, it’s easy. All I want is that part of you that you’ve given to soooo many before Y/N.”

“Dick. You did all of this for dick.”

“Your dick and to ruin that little bitch. Do I have to ruin you too? Why not keep the one thing you have left.”

“I can tell Y/N.”

She laughed again. “Like she’d believe that incredulous story of me making you sleep with other girls. Hell like she’d speak to you. I’ve seen the freeze out. Yikes, it’s almost like you broke her heart.”

“You’re evil, pure evil.”

“Watch it, Lewis. Your career and future are in my hands, or should I say my pussy. Please it and you will find salvation.”

She chuckled. “You have 2 days. Buh-bye.”

The annoying sound of her stupid heels clinked across the floor until they faded with the close of a door. No one moved for several moments. You didn’t think you could. Suddenly Miles sprang up.

“What the Five Nights at Freddy’s fucking hell was that shit?!”

Slowly, Andrew then Daniel stood as well. You could hear Miles carrying on, but you didn’t hear the words out of his mouth. You were too lost in your thoughts, too lost replaying all of that and trying to let it digest. You went over the entire thing in your head. You were so lost in your thoughts that you’d tuned everything out.

When you saw Daniel come back over and stand in front of you, it barely registered. He stooped and held his hand out for you. Slowly, you pulled some of yourself together enough to acknowledge him there. When you took his hand, he stood leading you up.

It took a few moments but when Lewis saw you from across the room, he bolted to his feet. His eyes were wide as he crossed the room eyes never leaving you.

“Y/N?”

You stepped back though you were separated by the bar top. Lewis stopped.

“Wha—what are you doing here? How’d you get in? Did—did you hear that?”

He looked over to Daniel then back to you. A few moments later, he came around to you bucking his feet on your bags. You watched as the realization washed over him.

“You—you didn’t come for me. You came to pack your things.”

He sounded so hopeless, so hurt. Now more than ever you wanted to go to him, but you couldn’t move. What the fuck was real and what wasn’t? You were struggling to wrap your head around any of this.

“What the fuck!”

It was all you could say. Though there were plenty of words to say in your head, those were the only ones that made it through your lips. You could feel yourself beginning to panic. It was something you’d thought you worked through after the accident. You’d gone to therapy and everything to get over the panic and anxiety nearly being run over had caused. Now here it was again.

Your airways tightened and soon the struggle wasn’t to wrap your head around this soap opera, it was to breathe. The less air you could get, the more you panicked. Soon you were surrounded by Lewis and his friends, each dictating to you how to breathe with panicked serial killer eyes or telling you to calm down as they were clearly not calm or straight up panicking along with you.

The last thought you had was you were going to die surrounded by the four stooges. Then everything faded to black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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centaurisolarflare · 1 year

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König Headcannons – Part II:

If I wasn’t clear in my last set of sfw headcannons, I interpret König as having ADHD and Social Anxiety Disorder. I’m going to get into some diagnostic criteria and give some of my headcannons for how they appear for König specifically, and some blurbs throughout because I never learned how to stop talking.

Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia):

Anxiety surrounding social situations in which there is the potential for scrutinization. I think König’s anxiety would be particularly focused around interactions (conversations, meeting new people, etc) and being observed.

- He isn’t comfortable with crowds, the dislike of being surrounded by people is intensified by the tinge of constant situational worry that comes with being a soldier.

-- If you take busy public transport, where there’s people packed into a bus or a subway car, he’ll sit bouncing his leg and playing with your hands. If you’re standing, he’ll be right behind you with one arm around your waist keeping you close against his chest; if it’s a particularly bad day he’ll hunch himself over to bury his face in the crook of your neck, breathing in the smell of you and trying to ignore everyone else.

- Even in more regular social situations he’s got this habit of coming up behind you and resting his chin or cheek on your head. You’re used to it, often grabbing his hand and putting it on your waist, but the reactions from whoever you’re talking with range from befuddlement to discomfort, to outright terror at this massive dude just lingering directly behind you.

- He does not like having his picture taken, especially when he isn’t aware that the picture taking is happening. He will get upset if anyone refuses to delete photos they took without his knowledge and permission.

-- He does, however, usually let you take polaroid with him – they develop soft enough that his worries about the photo being horrible are eased, plus he finds he’s fond of the way you’ve got them tucked around the house. Once you took a polaroid of him that he clearly didn’t like, he wasn’t really saying anything about it but you could tell, and you fucking lit it on fire – you went and got a zippo and burnt the fucking thing. He was oddly touched by your wiliness to commit a small act of arson purely for his comfort.

- I also think he’d not particularly like eating in front of others – as a result of his anxiety he thinks people watch and judge him more than they do, and there’s too many opportunities for something to go wrong, so the threat of that embarrassment causes him to take most of his meals alone.

-- The knock at his door is soft and measured, three knocks just loud enough to catch his attention but not startle him. He knows, really, before even opening the door, that it’s you. He wants to see you, he really does, but the thought of it kicks his heart rate up and he feels the urge to fidget with his hands or the edge of his shirt as he takes the few steps needed to reach the door. You’re standing there, holding two full meal trays, flashing a bright smile up at him as you explain that you noticed he’d left the mess hall without eating. You ask to come in and he wordlessly steps to the side, hesitating just slightly as he contemplates if he should ask you to leave – he reasons with himself that he’s confident if he did ask you to go, you would, and that’s reassurance enough to have you stay – before shutting the door behind you and praying he won’t do anything humiliating. You chatter about how you weren’t entirely sure what to grab him, setting his tray on his desk, and sitting cross-legged on the floor with yours balanced across your knees. It twists something unfamiliar in his guts when he looks at his tray and realizes it’s a fairly accurate representation of what he would have gotten himself. He thanks you, the murmur of his voice barely audible. Then, the battered slice of cake catches his eye. The sweets they serve on base aren’t ever particularly good, but it’s chocolate and, fuck, he loves chocolate. Usually these slices, provided to the base kitchens already in a small plastic container, are hard to get and it’s even rarer for someone to make it out of the mess hall without being forced to give it up on some grounds of hoarding. The way there’s frosting smeared on the inside of the container suggests you underwent that trial. You must notice him looking at it for longer than anything else and you immediately grin, devious and triumphant, and regale him with the tale of how you managed to sneak the cake out, all because you offhandedly remembered he’d mentioned once about liking chocolate. You even apologize for the dubious quality of it, and he thinks he could cry. The story gives him time to settle across from you with his own tray largely free of intensive notice. By the time you’ve shifted to discussing a different topic with him – giving his responses a genuine attentive regard that makes it difficult for his anxiety to think you’re secretly judging him – he swears if you ripped out his heart right at that moment, you’d find your name written all over it. It just… becomes a Thing™ to meet up like this for meals, in his room or yours. You always seem to know when to talk, when to turn your head away from him, when to let him think you don’t notice his fretting, and when to either coax him into conversation or sit in easy silence. He panics less about it. He finds himself becoming more and more comfortable with you – fond of the peculiar way you habitually gesture with your fork, how you’re always willing to split things in half to share, how you inexplicably manage to scrounge up hot drinks during the cold months – and he's surprisingly glad to have your company.

- An individual with social anxiety can be fearful of acting in a way that shows anxiety symptoms that will be seen negatively.

-- I think König would be worried most about being the reason people reject his company or take offense to his presence. He, at his core, wants people to like him, no matter how much he buries it. He has a hard time knowing whether or not you’re joking if you ever pretend to be disapproving or mad – his fear of driving you away, of you viewing him negatively, totally wipes away his ability to detect when you’re being sarcastic or playful. I think once you two are close he’d look to you in public settings for indications on when other people are kidding around or not – he trusts your evaluation of tone and social context far more than his own.

-- I also headcannon that one of the rare times he isn’t worried like this is when he’s really, really tired. When he’s exhausted, he’ll flop next to you, lean his weight on you, and laugh when you struggle to hold him up. This is when he’ll be the most blatantly transparent. You often feel like you should excuse yourself as soon as possible when this happens, but sometimes it’s on missions when he’s falling asleep while you keep watch and you can’t go anywhere; or at base when he’ll grab your wrist and ask you to stay, and how could you say no to him? All you can do is try to mitigate whatever comes out of his mouth, so he doesn’t reveal too much when he’s barely lucid. When he’s out of his mind tired is when he’ll look at you, starry-eyed and with no attempt to school his expressions into something less embarrassing, and whisper how beautiful and kind and perfect you are. He rarely ever remembers doing it – in his memories the comfort of your presence slots in seamlessly with the relief of collapsing on his bed for the first time in two days.

---- I think the same thing would happen if he’s ever on hella painkillers. He’s awake but definitely not all the way in his own brain so he’s just babbling about how wonderful you are. He’s just… narrating his thoughts. You’re the medic with him throughout the helicopter evac when he’s covered in more injuries than God should allow? You’re getting more of an honest confession of his feelings than the situation calls for. You’re the doctor moderating his recovery from a nasty concussion? Holy shit you’re going to hear about how you personally make the stars shine. Your whole medical team will know how he feels about you before he ever knowingly confesses.

- Avoidance of anxiety inducing situations.

-- I love him, but König has a frustrating habit of avoiding or retreating from you when his anxiety spikes. He needs a lot of reassurance that you don’t think of him the way his anxiety tells him you do.

- I also think, as a comorbid symptom, he suffers from a bit of body dysmorphic disorder regarding his height/size and his accumulated scars – he perceives these things, respectively, as defects and flaws due to the way they’ve only ever drawn attention to him in situations where he’d rather everyone not even notice his existence.

-- His heart is going to explode. It’s going to explode and shred through his lungs. Is that medically possible? He feels like it is. It has to be. Because this is the first time you’ve seen him in a short sleeve shirt and you’ve got your hands on his arms and you’re currently looking at the jagged silvery scar that curls across his bicep and- and fuck, he needs to remember to breathe. He offers the stories behind each scar you ask about nearly entirely on autopilot. Can you feel his pulse? He’s scared of what you think, even as you hum and trace your fingertips carefully over each flaw on his skin. He’s marred, he knows it, and he makes a desperate attempt at casualness with some quiet self-deprecating joke about how the scars are ugly, but they couldn’t really make the rest of him worse than it already was. He misses the mark by a fucking mile, apparently, because your hands go tight around as much of his forearm as you can manage to wrap your fingers around and you're staring directly into his eyes with the intensity of the goddamned sun. He wishes he could throw himself into the sun right about now. But he’s listening, mostly, when you tell him that he’s handsome and well-built and nothing even has the possibility of changing that, not to you. That you like his scars, the proof that he’s endured, and you wouldn’t change a single thing about him. He’s listening, mostly, he swears, but he’s also super fucking concerned about how his heart has definitely just exploded and every other organ in its vicinity is splattered across the inside his ribcage. He can’t function like this, for god’s sake, can’t do much more than offer a jerky nod and let you resume your exploration of his arms, littered with grumbling comments about how you can’t believe he doesn’t think he’s good-looking, has he looked in a mirror recently, is he fucking blind.

---- Bonus points if this somehow takes place before you’ve ever seen him without the sniper’s hood on; so he counters that you can’t possibly know if he isn’t hideous and you cut him off telling him he’s beautiful, and he’s like you’ve never even seen my face, and you tell him you know it’s pretty because it’s him and because it’s him it’s pretty, it has to be, regardless of anything, because he’s inherently pretty, and he just… has to blush about it for several business days.

ADHD

We all know about how our boy couldn’t be a sniper because he was 1.) too fucking big and, more to my point, 2.) couldn’t stay still. König has ADHD, argue with the wall.

- The inattentive criteria I think he specifically meets are difficulty organizing tasks, avoiding activities that require sustained mental focus, often losing things necessary for tasks, easily distracted by extraneous stimuli and that his mind seems to be elsewhere even in the absence of any obvious distraction, and he tends to be forgetful regarding daily activities.

-- I think for work stuff he’s got a whole mess of systems to help keep himself on task and completing everything he’s supposed to be doing – sticky notes in improbable places, a seemingly nonsensical ways of going about starting things, using things like the amount of time it takes someone else in the barracks common room to reload their clips as a timer for how long he has to do something of his own, etc etc. He'll drag his desk three feet to the left just so he'll notice it in the morning and remember something. I think he very often writes things on his actual self with permanent marker, usually on his hand or forearm, if he’s really got to remember to do something. He might even have a more regular system for that, like a dot on his index finger means he has one important task to remember.

-- He fucking hates paperwork. It’s boring as hell and his brain never wants to do it. Very much “but I know who’s saying I have to get this done; it’s me, and I know I’m full of shit” vibes. Deadlines aren’t real until they’re tomorrow. He bribes himself with sweets or something he actually enjoys for every few pages he gets through – if you see him buying a pack of multitudinous candy from the vending machine, he’s likely got a stack of reports to do.

-- It seems like he’s got a staring problem, and most people are super intimidated by it, but he’s usually just spaced the fuck out. You’ve got this odd habit of crossing your eyes at him whenever you catch his gaze and he sort of refocuses; he doesn’t quite know why you do it, maybe just to communicate to him that you notice, but he finds it endearing.

- Hyperactivity and impulsivity – fidgeting, uncomfortable with being still for extended periods of time, excessive talking, an inability to wait for his “turn” in conversations or blurts out answers before the question is fully asked, difficulty remaining seated, and general restlessness.

-- Fidgeting. Don’t… don’t ask me to explain this, and it might not be everyone’s cup of tea… but… I think maybe, maybe, he’s got a lip ring or tongue piercing that he fiddles with. It’s a secret from his superiors, obviously, because that’s definitely not military protocol compliant, but I think with how often he’s got his hood on it wouldn’t be awfully hard to hide. I’m fixated on imagining him with one silver lip ring or a tongue stud, someone please explain to me why. Anyhow, I’ve mentioned before that he will fidget with your hands, but I also think he’s prone to messing with whatever’s near – whether that be a pen or a weapon or some part of his gear or clothes; he has a habit, of dubious safeness, of spinning a butterfly knife around and has more than a few small scars from where he’s accidentally nicked himself.

-- He’s prone to squirming if he has to sit somewhere for a while, especially if there’s not much for him to pay attention to. He ends up sitting super crooked most of the time.

-- I think he uses running or otherwise working out to burn off some of his energy, especially when he’s particularly restless and when he’s on base. He hates feeling stuck in the small room he’s assigned to sleep in, and there’s something satisfying and grounding about the ache in his muscles and the way he has to concentrate on his breathing.

-- When he’s comfortable with you, which absolutely took an ungodly long time, he will go on tangents and simply not shut up until he starts worrying that he’s annoying you. If you ask him about whatever his recent fixation is, he’ll be over the moon about it. Good luck getting anyone else to believe he can talk that much though, the most they’ve heard him talk is over comms in the field and that’s nothing compared to what you’re privy to. He always apologizes when he interrupts you, no matter how often you tell him you understand and that it’s alright.

Other prattling unrelated to me thinking way too much about psychology:

- Loves that you make the effort to learn how to pronounce his name correctly. When he’d first told you his name you said it back to him, asking if you had it right. He usually would just tell people they had it fine to avoid the awkward back and forth of trying to get them to say it right, but something about the way you looked at him made him actually give you the slight correction you needed. Then – and this is one of his endless fond memories of you – you sort of looked off into the middle distance, staring unfocused at his chest, and said his name softly over and over again with entirely correct pronunciation before giving a short nod to yourself, looked back up at him and continuing the introduction.

-- He’s watched you correct other people on their pronunciations, casually but like it was absolutely necessary that everyone else say it properly, and it never fails to warm his heart.

- Very rarely gets drunk but when he does, he’s the type of drunk to call you and tell you how amazing you are. Shit, he’ll tell anyone about you. Much like how he’s quietly honest when tired, but his drunk honest is louder and more social. Tells his teammates or friends how beautiful and clever you are, tells the bartended how much he loves you, tells the people next to him how smart and lovely you are, tells the closest table how you make him so happy. Someone tries to flirt with him, they tell him it doesn’t matter that he has a partner, and said person is now trapped in a lecture about exactly how much you matter to him, complete with photos.

-- If you end up coming to get him, nearly the entire place will say hello to you because he hasn’t shut up about you for the past hour. He lights up when he sees you, holding your arms and swaying slightly as he stares down at you with the biggest smile on his face, mumbling about “See? Didn’t I tell you? Didn’t I tell you how wonderful they are? See? Look. Look at you, so perfect. I love you; you know that? So much.”

- Loves when you steal his clothes. Cannot get enough of how you look wearing his shirts.

- I will accept criticism and differing opinions on nearly anything, but I am adamant that König has the sluttiest little waist. I think he was lanky before he started gaining serious muscle in the military, and now he’s a little more bulky but still has that litheness about him so his proportions just give him a slutty little waist. I don’t make the rules, he’s just built like that.

- I think, to an extent, he knows how to sew. Nothing fancy, and his stitches aren’t even or perfect by any means, but he knows how to mend worn patches and tears well enough. Hates threading needles. But if he notices you’ve got a tear in your coat or something of the sort, you’ll just find it fixed the next day. Left exactly where it was but mended. Like a house brownie. The only way you’ll figure out it’s him is if you catch him doing it.

- I know this lovely couple, both from a country outside where they currently live, and every time the husband travels back to their home country he’ll pack all his clothes and whatnot in a suitcase and then pack that suitcase within another suitcase. He does this so he can fill the extra suitcase with all the food and things his wife wants from their home country and take her back essentially a giant package of all the stuff she misses and can’t get in the country they live in. Long story short, if you’re not yet going home with him, König absolutely would bring you anything you wanted from Austria, even if he has to bring a whole extra bag.

- I don’t think he’d carry any sort of photograph of you with him during work or on missions. If there’s a chance of anyone getting their hands on the photo, of learning that you’re important to him, of hurting you or using you to gain leverage over him, he will not have anything on his person to even indicates that you exist. I think he’d love the idea of it, the romantic sentiment of having a polaroid of you tucked in a pocket over his heart, but he just isn’t willing to take that chance. On leave though, at home, he treasures every little sign that you’re around and involved in his life – from photos to the notes left on the kitchen counter, the way you kick off your shoes by the door, the hickeys and scratches that make it look like he got mauled by a fucking tiger, how you always text and ask if he wants anything while you’re out, and even just the fact that he knows at the end of the day he gets to crawl into bed and fall asleep with you next to him.

- Piggyback rides. You can jump up on this man whenever and he will go on about whatever he was doing as if nothing’s happening.

- If he’s drinking anything hot – it might be in a coffee cup, but don’t be fooled – it’s hot chocolate. He makes the real kind at home, with real chocolate and cream on the stove.

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the-music-maniac · 4 months

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Zoro has rapidly become my favourite character in One Piece and so I felt the need to write this after seeing one too many people misinterpret him as this alpha male type of dude purely because he's muscular and likes fighting. Don't do my boi like that, I actually think Zoro is a very good example of non toxic masculinity, and I will fight people over it. I've seen someone call Zoro a red flag. I will find you.

I've seen this happen quite often when it comes to characters with certain body types and defining traits, especially in shows with large followings like one piece, where people just tend to equate muscular + likes to fight + likes to drink to a certain archetype of personality without looking at the nuance? In reality, Zoro is a very likeable guy in my opinion (once you get over how terrifying he can be as an opponent).

Disclaimer: I haven't finished the entire show so feel free to write any rebuttals if you think I got anything wrong! Fandom debates can be quite fun.

I also mention Sanzo/Zosan very briefly so feel free to skip over that part if you're not into that ship.

The biggest thing I think people tend to forget is that Zoro is kind. And this one I don't understand how anyone can forget, because it's like an integral part of his character. Sure, his goal of becoming the greatest swordsman is not a path that's without bloodshed. He's not kind in an all encompassing, indiscriminate way, he's kind in a practical way, especially in the world he lives in with the type of life he leads. He doesn't have qualms about killing when necessary. But the motivation behind those actions are never cruel. He wants to be the greatest swordsman, but he's not amassing that skill because he wants power. He's doing it for love of that weapons style and for the childhood dream both Kuina and him had. Does he like fighting? Yeah, but I'm pretty certain it's purely for the competition of skill. And Zoro shows his kindness with how willing he is to help those who need it, in that he usually doesn't use his strength to take what he wants/hurt others but to protect. Even when he was a bounty hunter and earned his moniker of Demon of the East, he was just trying to survive. I'm not sure how people forget that he's a kind person when our initial introduction to Zoro was him agreeing to get tied to a post for a month without food or water to save a little girl and her mother. He's kind in the little ways as well, in that mundane everyday living type of manner, not just in the big, heroic "risk your life" type of way, which I think is important to acknowledge. He didn't have to tell that girl that her food was good. And Zoro is pretty damn good with children - we see that with Chopper, and we see that with that filler episode with Zoro babysitting and - I think there are some more examples but I can't recall them right now. That's a very big green flag in my opinion. The little gestures can matter as much as the big ones. As far as I'm concerned, those traits couldn't be further from the "alpha male" stereotype.

I've also seen people characterize Zoro as just a cool, quiet, man-of-few-words type of guy, and sure, I can see how he would give that impression if all you saw of him was random edits of when he gets serious but honestly, the man is pretty fucking sassy. He's also just - SUCH a 19 year old with all the antics he gets up to with the rest of the crew, and I'm aware he gets much more serious after the timeskip (I haven't gotten to that point yet in terms of watching but I don't care about spoilers so I know the reason behind it), but like. I don't think he lost his snark from some clips I've seen. Zoro is funny, and I think people ignore that too often for the cool guy type of characterization. Not that he isn't cool - Zoro has his moments but that's not all he is. The man gets lost running in a straight line???? He once almost got frozen in wax and decided his priority was to ensure he died in a cool pose. That type of willingness to be silly is not something you find in a stereotypical alpha male type of personality. Like, who are you kidding, he's lame af, unashamed of it, and it's fabulous.

Another thing, granted this is not a common opinion by any means, but on one instance I've seen someone act as if Zoro's some lady killer or some shit and I actually had to pause and stare at my screen in disbelief. Could I see women being attracted to Zoro? Yeah sure, I mean the one example I can think of right now is Hiyori (another example may or may not be me. But then again you knew that didn't you, considering this post is just one giant love letter to Zoro). But does Zoro purposely try to attract women? Uh no? I don't even think the man is straight. He's either aromantic/asexual (very ace of him to not give a shit about romance but leap up in two seconds upon hearing the word "sword") or just gay, cause he exhibits very little interest in romance, or very little indication that he finds women attractive. And I pinpointed attraction to women specifically just cause people tend to assume Zoro is heterosexual and have the audacity to get mad at you if you try to imply otherwise. Which to me is clearly heteronormativity speaking because where. Where is he straight, I don't see it. And sure is there a possibility he may be heterosexual and just unwilling to act on attraction because he has a different goal in life? Yeah sure, but you can't act like that's the only valid interpretation for him. But regardless, no matter what sexuality you headcanon him as, he's still very very far from "manly man with ladies swooning left and right into his muscular arms" type character. I mean if someone swooned into him I'm pretty sure he would catch them on principle without registering any romantic connotations whatsoever. (Note that these opinions do not stop me from being a Sanzo/Zosan shipper, but that's more because I find the concept entertaining. An argument could also be made that Zoro does pay the most attention to Sanji, even if it's to fight him). So yeah, another strike against the whole alpha male type of characterization. Zoro doesn't really give a shit about romance and even if he DID, I am convinced he still wouldn't treat a potential romantic partner as anything but an equal, doesn't matter if that s/o is a man, woman or non binary. And this segways into my next point.

Because Zoro has some very refreshing attitudes about gender, both his own and of other people. This doesn't just tie in with the sexuality/romantic partner thing, it ties into the willingness to be authentic/silly thing, and the "likes to compare skills through fighting" thing. I very much think that Zoro just doesn't really register gender roles much, or he does and he just doesn't care about it. And I'm aware this partially stems from a position of privilege he has as a guy - he doesn't need to care about gender roles and how people view him because he's a man. He wouldn't be short changed for anything if he doesn't notice. While the same luxury is not extended to individuals like Kuina and Tashigi, who were in a field of practice that looks down on them purely for being women. Having said that, Zoro literally just doesn't give a shit who he's dealing with, man, woman or any other gender. If you challenge him, he'll fight you. And the level of effort he gives that fight is usually dependent on ability and the situation. If you annoy him, he'll annoy you back. He has no qualms about snarking and yelling at Nami the same as he would with a male member of the crew. People in the past that have pointed out to him the difference in the way the rest of the world perceives men and women - like with Kuina and Tashigi for example - is met with confusion. And again, this is partially because Zoro has the privilege of not noticing, but honestly even if he did notice, I don't think his personal actions would change. And I find that refreshing. I love Sanji as a character, don't get me wrong, but his whole refuses to fight women schtick is something that annoys me (even if I do headcanon that it partially comes from a place of trauma). And moreover, Zoro gives me the impression of a person that doesn't give a shit if his own masculinity is "compromised", going by the stereotypical definition of the phrase. He does shit cause he feels like it, not cause it's the "manly" thing to do. Yeah, he happens to like drinking, working out - things that are considered traditionally masculine, but I get the sense that if he did have hobbies that were not traditionally masculine, he would just go ahead and do them regardless of what people think of him. His antics pre-timeskip wasn't exactly the epitome of manliness, it was silly and goofy and he has no qualms about it cause it was authentically him. And he wouldn't feel threatened if he were to do anything not in keeping with a "manly" image, even if he wouldn't do any of that of his own volition. Like the babysitting filler episode? The man was in a crop top that said "mama" on the front. I fully believe that if he lost a bet to Nami and had to wear a dress or some other traditionally feminine piece of clothing, or if for some convoluted reason Luffy ordered him to put on a disguise like that for some mission or whatever, Zoro wouldn't give a shit as long as it was comfortable and didn't obstruct his ability to fight. If someone made fun of him for it, he would probably bite back depending on how insulting the person is trying to be, cause not caring about wearing non masculine clothing doesn't mean he would be okay with someone looking down on him, but he wouldn't automatically equate the two to each other without that interference, and that association wouldn't be permanent. Would he choose to wear a dress on his own? Probably not. He does still have clothing preferences and they tend to be simple, practical and comfortable, and with certain clothing pieces, in keeping with his culture. Would he fly into an insecure rage about not being a girl? I don't think so. And that's so far in attitude from the whole alpha male thing that it's not even funny. The whole concept of an identity centered around being an alpha male reeks of insecurity, and Zoro is very secure in who he is as a person.

And this is also why I think Zoro would act differently in a romance than how "alpha males" would act, even if it's with a woman (I still don't think Zoro is straight btw, but just for conjecture). For one he respects people based on ability and if not that, determination and heart, so right off the bat he's not gonna treat his partner as lesser than him by virtue of being a woman. And I've noticed that a lot of heterosexual couples (not all, mind you, but a lot) seem to care more about dating a gender role than dating an actual person. By that, I mean individuals who pride themselves on being a model of masculinity however they define it - usually look for a partner to compliment them in that regard. I find this counterproductive, because your partner is not meant to be a tool/accessory to maintain your image, and also because being the perfect man or woman is too narrow of a definition, and it doesn't exactly leave you a lot of room to live comfortably as a human - with all your fallible moments that don't fit comfortably in little boxes. It's impractical and illogical. If you value maintaining the status quo and assigning responsibilities and roles based on arbitrary rules assigned by society instead of ability, if you care about that more than you care about helping your partner and maintaining a functional life, I don't think y'all are gonna last long. That's just my two cents. But for the reasons listed before, Zoro barely even registers gender roles, and he's a pretty "get shit done" type of person. He's not gonna give a shit. He'll do what he's able to do for the relationship, and he wouldn't feel insecure when his partner does the same, even if it doesn't fit into traditional roles. And considering Zoro's love of sparring/fighting I don't think he would get with a partner that isn't able to give him a run for his money anyways. Another thing that sets him apart from the alpha male stereotype, those guys are terrified of anyone challenging them for their position of "authority", however dubious that position is (and however stupid it is to care about notions of dominance for a relationship. Have y'all seen those interview videos with guys who actually believe that? "I can't date a girl that bench presses more than me cause that means she becomes the dominant figure in the relationship" excuse me what.)

This post is getting overly long so I'm going to end it there. Thanks for reading!

#zoro my beloved #roronoa zoro #one piece #sanzo #zosan #zoro x sanji #but only brief mentions of it #mischaracterization and my annoyance with it

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mimi-cee-genshin · 1 year

Text

Just a kid - Alhaitham x f!reader

Summary: It was getting harder to deal with Alhaitham's crush on you.

Other info: fluff, childhood friends to lovers, pre-relationship, prequel to Friend-zoned? but this drabble spoils it a little, occurs after and spoils his story quest, 0.8k words

*****

"Hm?"

You were taken out of the world you were exploring when Alhaitham sat beside you. The patch of grass was worn underneath him and you were surprised the spot hadn't given way into the soil.

He pulled out a textbook from his bag and removed the bookmark you had made for him. It was a keepsake made from his grandmother's flowers. Periwinkle blue was her favorite color.

The scowl on his face remained even though he was seemingly engrossed in his book. From the years of experience of reading his face, you knew better than to think he was fine.

"What's wrong?" you asked. Many things had been bothering him with his new role as the Acting Grand Sage.

"It's been a long day," he said, eyes not leaving the page. "Apparently I made another enemy by pointing out the flaws in someone's project."

"Did you need my help again?" you said, laughing and rubbing his hair. He rarely got along with the other kids in your neighborhood.

"No," he said, shooing your hand away. "I had to deal with it right away. This hivemind case wouldn't have been resolved if I had simply ignored it. I was the target after all."

"Hivemind?" you asked. "You mean like in the book Giants of Heaven?"

He raised a brow. "Is that the light novel you kept trying to get me to read?"

A smile tugged on your lips. "Are you interested in it now?" Maybe he'd finally read the stack of books you wanted to share and enjoy with him.

"Not really," he said curtly, continuing to read his textbook.

"Fine…" you complained. He never looked down on you for taste in books. He just didn't enjoy light novels. "But who in their right mind would create a hivemind? It turned out horribly in the novel."

"Akademiya scholars aren't exactly the brightest bunch," he said. "You'd be much better for the position."

There he went again with the flattery. "Maybe if it were possible to get a degree in light novels," you laughed. He thought way too highly of you simply because you grew up together.

"You know I'm being serious." He closed his book and turned to you. "You'd teach them to get out of their own heads. Like you did with me."

He used to be a know-it-all as a kid, often arguing with you when what you said didn't match his book. At least now, he was more level-headed and thought through things rationally while keeping an open mind. Not to mention he learned how to discern information better.

Yet there were moments where he'd act like the child he was all those years ago. It was always so funny when he'd pretend he wasn't excited about the books you brought home from your travels. That didn't change one bit.

"Meh. I'm not that great," you told him. "I don't really want to give my life away to the Akademiya anyway."

"You've gotten better at rejecting my compliments," he stated, crossing his arms. "Did you get that from the female lead of your current book?"

"Actually, that book went on hiatus, but it's coming back later this year and–"

Alhaitham raised his brow. Cheeky kid.

"You think you're sooooo smart, don't you?"

"Apparently not smart enough," he replied. "You still haven't accepted my feelings for you yet."

He was so casual about bringing them up that it had almost caught you off guard. You lifted up your book and turned your face away from him. Water continued to trickle over rocks and down the stream.

The longing in his eyes was still the same as when you were young. Avoiding them with this book was a lost cause. You didn't understand why he was so infatuated with you, but the adorable and cute little Alhaitham you knew was now grown up and sitting inches away from you.

"I think I'm feeling hungry now. Did you want to head back?" you asked.

Alhaitham rubbed his temples. You knew he'd be annoyed since he just got here and had no intention of moving from his reading spot.

"No. But I'll be here again tomorrow."

Translation: Retreat for now and try again later. Just when was he going to give up on you?

You scaled up the small cliff using the rope he replaced last year. Maybe a drink at Puspa Café would be nice. Another trip away from Sumeru might be good too.

He was making it harder to keep on rejecting him.

*****

I hope you liked it.

This was a mini spin-off of Friend-zoned? lol. I wanted to explore Alhaitham and the reader's interactions more. I actually have another drabble idea for them but we'll see if I actually like it enough to post it. lol.

#alhaitham x reader #alhaitham fluff #alhaitham scenarios #alhaitham drabble #alhaitham #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact scenarios #genshin x reader #genshin scenarios #genshin alhaitham #genshin fluff #genshin impact fluff #genshin fanfic #alhaitham fanfic

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iravinirattu · 9 months

Text

ik im late but im playing through kaveh's hangout event and. the haikaveh brainrot is real

since these losers can't do it themselves i am here to offer my translation services ‼️

al haitham you liar. we are in a library using our indoor voices you did NOT hear us.

and even if you did mr. "i hate small talk" why'd u walk over hmm?? hmm??

"dont mind if i ignore you, i've got my earphones in" <- applies to everyone except kaveh

"okay now that i've gotten him distracted tell me what's wrong so i can discreetly fix it"

mans literally sent kaveh away to boost his confidence a bit + find out if he was okay.

"you annoted those books with such long and beautiful notes that eveyone hated lolol anyways check out those shelfs where there's a book with someone appreciating ur notes"

i can't get over how many exceptions al haitham makes for kaveh. he's not heartless and cruel in the way i often see him portrayed... but at the same time his entire demeanor is "i respect you as a person but won't go out of my way to do things for you unless it benefits me"

like he's one of the only characters who isn't super super close with the traveler, at least that's how i see it in the voicelines! he respects them as a friend, would consider doing things for them if they asked, but that's about it really!

but KAVEH. for someone who enjoys a peaceful life and has such a rational and efficient way of working it theoretically makes no sense for him to do all the things he does for kaveh.

like sure "maybe the cheering up kaveh is just to avoid having to deal with him drunk later", but that's too roundabout of a demeanor to be al haitham's style. plus, if he really didn't want to deal with a drunk kaveh, he could just kick him out.

but he doesn't because he cares, and kaveh does not understand that because he has created a vision of what he thinks al haitham is in his head, and in that vision he, kaveh, has no value so why would haitham have him around?? clearly he's got ulterior motives.

and they won't move further until kaveh lets go of that vision, and he can only do that if he truly realises his own worth, and until then haitham's gonna have to keep pushing him towards that from the shadows.

"he overworks himself, it's not healthy. he forgets the practicality of his ideals when he starts something, thinking he can pull through it, but reality hits him halfway. he can keep his ideals, that's fine, but i wish he was a bit more realistic about them."

"and despite all of the above, despite wanting to uphold his artistic integrity, he still puts everyone's needs before his own."

"his approach is too contradictory, and hence people don't see his talent. there are those who's resolve is so brash they are seen as confident and unshakable; and yet he who is more talented than them all falls behind because he's so easy to take advantage of."

al haitham taught me two new words today lol

irascible - someone with a quick temper

paragon - something viewed as a standard

"if he wants things to change he needs to find a balance between compromise and resolve. there is no way to please everyone, but instead of accepting this, he thinks he can nullify it if he takes all the burden instead."

kaveh's altruism stems from his own self-hatred, moreso than his desire to help others. and while doing a good deed puts a smile on his face, the melancholy guilt that trips him when he doesn't is far greater.

"if they are his ideals then i have no right to say anything about them. but he hurts himself so much as a result of that and i wish he would love himself a bit more."

al haitham has a great deal of respect for kaveh, not just as a scholar but as a person. and it's hard watching someone like that dig their own grave, and there's nothing you can do but wait in the sidelines, because they won't believe anything you say.

al haitham is constantly bickering with kaveh to get him to feel a little, challenge his ideals, find a way to make them work without sacrificing himself in return.

"at this poing talking to him is no use, he's convinced himself that his life only has purpose if it's in the hands of others. all people face hardships in life, but he seems to believe he deserves all he gets and more"

and then after kaveh is back he gives him space to talk about things that make him happy, and more importantly, appreciate himself.

how to tell kaveh i want to listen to his silly lil rants without sounding like a sap - al haitham's brain, probably

al haitham knowing all of kaveh's little buttons, and pressing the right ones after determining his mood, so he can show kaveh he loves him but still sound like a bitch.

"you did so well. i am so proud, and i hope you are proud of yourself too."

and sometimes he does click the wrong one, but then immediately goes back on it, becomes soft(er than usual), offers reassurance, changes the topic, and so on

we saw this in the parade of providence event, when kaveh got legitimately upset at one of haitham's remarks and he immediately went into I HAVE UPSET MY BF recovery mode.

and what i love the most in all this is KAVEH'S DUMBASS IS SO OBLIVIOUS TO THIS LMAOOO

but also it's sad because the reason he's oblivious is because he doesn't think he's worth being cared for like that.

haikaveh's whole vibe is "i love you, but i'd much rather you love yourself first" and "i'm your one and only, your only exception, the one you'd break all your rules for" and i love it.

#haikaveh #al haitham #kaveh #kavetham #genshin impact #alhaitham x kaveh #⥽ • chaos and chasms #try denying the allegations now bitches (affectionate)#i shld be al haithams translator fr

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stxneflxwers · 1 year

Text

Delirium

⋯⁂ Summary: Sleepless nights are ever-consuming. So, what can they do to help you?

⋯⁂ a/n: Repost, get your repost over here! (This was originally posted on my other account (@rosenongrata), that's all lol)

⋯⁂ w.c: 275 (zhongli) — 287 (alhaitham) — 280 (tighnari) — 281 (cyno)

⋯⁂ characters: zhongli, alhaitham, tighnari, cyno.

⋯⁂ cw: sleep-deprived reader, fluff, cuddling, alhaitham being an ass (normal), gn reader.

Zhongli

⋯⁂ Zhongli is the quickest of them all to notice your sluggish movements and slow responses. Is also the quickest to pester you about if you've slept or not. Turns out you haven't—which he already knew—he simply wanted to..."double-check." (Really, he just wants to hear you admit it, he wants you to admit to needing help.)

⋯⁂ He offers many things, fresh tea included. He collects many different teas, sleepytime ones specially reserved for a certain sleepyhead that he frets over all too often. He loves you truly and deeply, but sometimes he swears you'll give him a heart attack one day (even if he's completely incapable of such a feat.) He wants you safe, sound, and content—is that too much to ask for?

⋯⁂ Is not against the idea of taking care of any chores around the house that you were planning on doing today. In fact, he prefers it this way. He wants you to relax as much as you can. Hell, even if you were fully rested, he would still happily do chores for you. He hardly minds these menial tasks—he finds them quite relaxing, actually. It brings him a strange sense of normalcy in his historic heart.

⋯⁂ If you still haven't fallen asleep at the end of the day, he'll rest beside you in bed and pet your head. His hands are soft and warm—not that you mind, of course. He hums old little tunes to you, and at this point, you can't force yourself to stay awake any longer. He can't help the smile that breaks out on his thin lips, and he certainly can't keep them from kissing your cheek, either.

Alhaitham

⋯⁂ Quick enough to notice how odd you're behaving, easily piecing the puzzle together that you haven't been sleeping well enough. But, being the way that Alhaitham is, he lets you try to push through the day as if nothing is wrong. He waits until you nearly collapse to catch you and scold you for pushing yourself far too hard. He does have a stupid smirk on his face the whole time he scolds you, though. It makes his scheme obvious, but he doesn't care.

⋯⁂ If you are not at home when you almost kiss the floor with your face, he'll carry you back to your abode. The first thing he does is tuck you into bed and commands you actually to sleep this time around. But when you whine and make grabby hands at him, the cold exterior around his heart cracks a little. He almost sighs at how cute you look right now, so he stays…for now.

⋯⁂ He'll grab you most things you ask for unless he deems it unnecessary to your journey into a dreamless land. Otherwise, he settles himself on the edge of the bed, thumbing through another one of his wordy books that makes any sane person's head spin. He knows you're glaring at him, but he ignores you. That is, until you whimper again—begging him to cuddle you to sleep. It's alarming how quickly he caves into your little demand.

⋯⁂ You giggle when he tucks himself in next to you, immediately slinging your exhausted arms around his frame. He smiles. A genuine, almost sickeningly-pure smile. He loops one arm around you to pull you closer than ever before, his free hand moving to pet your head with slow and sensitive strokes.

Tighnari

⋯⁂ Immediately demands that you go lay down, even if you had just gotten up out of bed. Tells you he'll stay with you for the day, to ensure you fall asleep. Scolds you for too long about how dangerous the side effects of sleep deprivation are. He cares about you all too much to see you fumble around like an idiot, struggling to do basic tasks.

⋯⁂ Otherwise, he's already picking your brain about what has been keeping you up at night. Too much work? Noisy mind? Simply not tired? He'll do all that he can to craft a good cure for you to aid you in falling asleep. If you attempt to fight back, he can and will sass you mercilessly. He doesn't care to listen to your arguing, he knows he's right and he knows you know that he's stubborn.

⋯⁂ He doesn't mind taking off his ranging for the day. Well, he may complain about it later, but he truly treasures every bit of time spent with you—even if you're half-awake or sick. He does like to take care of you, but he wishes you would be more perceptive about your needs. And if you ever need his help, he's happy to provide it.

⋯⁂ If you ever grow so tired to plea for cuddles, he'll chuckle and ask you a very simple question, "Will you sleep if I give you a good snuggle?" He's a devil in disguise sometimes. But, there's no doubt about it that he does enjoy cuddling you as much as you enjoy cuddling him. His steady breaths and cozy warmth eventually lull you into a peaceful slumber, held close to his chest with protective arms.

Cyno

⋯⁂ Is quite literally already shoving you back into bed and tucking you in. He doesn't need to verbalize his demand, not at all. You pout and he takes none of it. With a fold of his arms, he now verbally commands you to sleep. He may not be the gentlest, but it's still clear as day how much he cares for your well-being.

⋯⁂ He doesn't know medications, cures, or anything of the sort like that very well unless they're patch-ups for battle. Sleep medication? What's that? Oh well, he does his research (by accidentally interrogating others a little too roughly). He does find the perfect medication for you, buying a little too much of it right away before returning to your side.

⋯⁂ Prepares the medication and forces you to take it if you make a complaint about it (if you try to lie about being allergic, he will know, so don't bother). If you do happen to be allergic to any of the ingredients in the medication, he goes back to do even more research. He won't stop until he's certain that you're cozy, comfortable, and sound asleep.

⋯⁂ He quietly thinks up jokes to tell you while you try to sleep again. They're all terrible, by the way, in case you weren't sure. Admittedly, he still finds it awkward to lie in bed by your side, even if you beg for it. He's so used to spending his days and nights alone. He's easing into the idea of it, though, especially when you take a hold of him in your sleep. He chuckles and presses a goodnight kiss to your forehead, letting you hold him for as long as you'd like.

#🌠— my works #💕— multi #💕— zhongli #💕— alhaitham #💕— tighnari #💕— cyno #genshin x reader #zhongli x reader #alhaitham x reader #tighnari x reader #cyno x reader #🌠— fluff

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jazeswhbhaven · 3 months

Note

Let's have some angst

MC suddenly doesn't remember who everyone is and they're confused about where they are

You can tell they have dementia (?)

How do you think the kings react to this shock (maybe with Sitri too)?

Oh snap, we've got angst in the house! (thank you for your patience on this)

So because dementia is more than just memory loss, and involves eventually being able to do basic functions and other everyday things it would affect MC's mood/etc. I will just base this off of general memory loss if that's okay, mostly because dementia is something I only know a basis of, and I could very much get something wrong in my response and I wouldn't want to upset anyone who has a loved one dealing with this illness. Sitri: He realizes right off the bat something isn't right from the first day MC started showing symptoms of memory loss. He gets a second opinion from Morax, who confirms that MC is suffering from this symptom due to being in Hell. It's not reversible once it's started, and Sitri prepares by writing little notes for MC and sticking them in various places. He will also text them updates or things to remember to do once they wake up. Sitri does get upset sometimes when they don't remember him, but he has gotten used to it by now. At least the silver lining is that when he calls them Solomon they respond to it as normal instead of correcting him often. Satan: He at first thinks MC is just airheaded, and doesn't take it seriously until one day they have a major freak out and truly don't remember him at all. They were in bed sleeping with him and woke up screaming and kicking and crying and then when Satan realized it was serious. He knows what to do without consulting anyone and he keeps MC around him 24/7 at this point to make sure they don't get lost or hurt. He tells them various stories each day to jog their memory and it seems to work on most days, there are also days when he has to restrain them because they'll go ballistic on him and ask where Minhyeok is (they seem to only remember his name and not Satan). Mammon: Truly a devil of denial when he starts seeing MC forgetting small things, as he doesn't pay attention until one day Bimet complains that MC struck him because they thought he was a stranger. Mammon jumps into action having a specific room set with Ai bots to help MC's memory by providing puzzles, mental exercises, and whatever they need to help stave off the symptoms. He gets upset often when MC doesn't remember him and he does sit alone in his room and wonders if it's better to just let MC return home so their life can be easier. He feels if MC went home then maybe their memory would return. But he belongs to MC, he can't bear to do it...so he tries his best to hide the hurt, and tend to their needs in any way he can. Beelzebub: He doesn't remember things often as well so he can tell immediately what's wrong with MC when it starts happening. He instructs Bael to keep an eye on them from time to time and just let things go with the flow. At the same time, he begins to worry when MC starts wandering off on their own thinking that they ended up in the palace by accident, searching for their "home". Beel decides to take MC with him on his travels instead of keeping them in Avisos, where he knows the devils there would take advantage of the situation when he's not around. Though sometimes he does forget that MC is having memory laps, he is very protective and attentive to them. Though, he doesn't necessarily like it that MC doesn't remember him some days at all no matter how many times he tries to make it stick. Maybe...someday...

Leviathan: This is something he ignores at first because he thinks it's just MC playing around with him and causing trouble. It isn't until MC truly doesn't acknowledge him and ignores him and his nobles because they think they've wandered around somewhere and got lost is when Levi makes it a point to jump in. He finds it bittersweet that MC doesn't remember him, that every morning it seems that MC forgets everything from the day before. It exhausts Levi to go through the same routine, knowing he's done this for days now with them and nothing seems to stick or fix it. He's close to giving up, perhaps sending MC off to stay at the local hospital or having a healer/doctor come to Hades to provide all-around care for MC. He just can't do it...know that those eyes that used to look at him so fondly now only stare at him in confusion and fear. Lucifer: When he notices right away, he immediately gets Morax, Marbas, and Buer to tend to MC while he handles his duties as normal. He doesn't seem to mind that MC doesn't remember him but he is concerned about them not knowing their own name and forgetting things that they've done even minutes ago. He doesn't find it safe for them to be outside the palace so he has each of his nobles rotate shifts watching over MC. When he has the time he spends it with them, telling stories of what he did that day, and giving MC small context words to see if they stick for the next day. He does this from now on, accepting that this is life with MC now. He spends most of his time with them, hiding his true feelings of impending loneliness, knowing that eventually, he will have to let MC go back home so that their memory may return normally.

#whb #what in hell is bad #jwhbasks❓#whb kings👑#whb requests and headcanons #memory loss tw #memory loss au

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genmaichafan · 18 days

Text

i did my best boss o7 again almost not following the prompt

no beta we just die

“You know you can tell me anything la Mia preda?”

Donna sat next to you on the long and upscale couch. She sat close but out of arm's reach. Her body language attentively leaned in but open.

You looked deeply into her eyes, sparkling a beautiful brown in the dim artificial lighting of her house. You would love to have gotten lost in them but it would've been rude to ignore her.

“Yeah.” you trailed off into thought despite being aware the answer was not quite good enough.

You always got a sense of danger coming from Donna after she clearly caught wind of your affections. Although you'd thought that you were mostly past the point of being just a lay because well it's been a couple of weeks of hanging out with Donna and there had been none of the aforementioned “laying”. In fact this was the first time you were in Donna's house where you didn’t feel you were in ‘danger’ of being a one night stand. Even if in past times you only made it as far as the door.

Despite the big step you were much more comfortable that you were not just going to be eaten up.

You had the sense in the past people only came in to never come back, whatever reason that was.

You were not letting yourself be one of those people.

You made sure to try to get to know the real Donna and not just her professor, but damn if she didn't keep you at arm's length.

“Something wrong? You put the smile back on your face.

“No, I'm fine just thinking about you.”

This caused a wry smile to crawl onto Donna's lips.

Ah. there was that sense of danger again.

“You know i don't wanna just sleep with you right?” you couldn't help but blurt out in the moment. While maybe not true to the initial impression you truly meant it. Feeling slight guilt for the initial lusting.

Donna's face shifted into an expression of slight melancholy and culpability.

“What if i told you that's what i wanted from you instead.:

“I wouldn't believe you.”

Despite all Donna tried there was a loneliness about her, big and apparent as an Olympic size swimming pool.

It wasn't immediately fathomable to the average person why she would be. She was quite the popular person on an opinion-al level and mostly kept to herself otherwise.

But to you it seems it was clear as day every one that comes leaves the way they came.

Donna was silent. She could say the opposite but a silent understanding was that it'd be a lie.

“And if you knew the real me, if I actually did want more, would you leave?”

“Never.” you didn't hesitate to answer back.

“ the most amazing part is that i somehow believe you [y/n]”

“Then let me make you more than believe.” you reached a warm hand towards hers. Gently lacing your warm fingers with her icy ones.

She stared at the contact with a shy smile. You've never seen you look so bare.

_________

It's been a couple weeks since you've gotten Donna to open up. You've learned many things about her. A couple of things being:

Donna's is actually shy and embarrassed often enough to see her face flush a bit. Especially when she receives compliments from you nowadays. It seems she really believes you now, and doesn't keep you at arms length.

The few times you had seen Donna eat it had been medium rare meat. You'd offered to cook for her but she insisted that you don't since she was a picky meatatarian. Which you'd tried to scold her about but she assured you that she was as healthy as could be.

She loves cats and she has one of them of her own named Angie: A ragdoll with unique markings.

She's slightly allergic to the sun, and that's why she mostly lives at night.

And while naturally shy she'd learned to be confident in her ‘many’ years alive. (although she barely look 30)

You've noticed that her ears twitch excitedly when she sees you for the first time that day.

And finally noticed that when open she truly loves people and things deeply.

______

You went to knock on Donna's door for the third time this week, and like all the others Donna seemed to have noticed you coming because before you had time to knock she had already opened the door.

Donna seemed genuinely happy whenever you came over and you could say the same.

“Mi-” she coughed loudly

“[y/n]- would you like some wine this very late evening?”

“No thank you, I know you don't personally drink.”

Hearing this Donna couldn't help but pull you close to her.

“That's true, I prefer to get drunk on your presenza.”

Wrapping her arms around your waist; Donna smiled at you dreamily.swaying gently while humming, savoring the moment between the two of you. Leaning into the moment you rest your head on her chest.

Making note of,, the lack of heartbeat…?]

Donna was truly enraptured by the moment to notice the worry going on in your head for your lover.

You slowly pulled away.

“Donna, are you feeling well?”

“Better than ever, why?”

“Your heart beats are very faint, I can't hear it.” you half lied.

“Ah, don't worry, that's not a problem.” she gave you an assuring smile.

“It's been like that for a long time.” she assured you. Holding on to your hand leading into the next area of the house. She really did seem ok so you pushed worry and that ever bleeding sense of danger away for the time being.

_____ Donna leads you around to a part of her house that you had seen but really explored before. The most noticeable feature was a slightly ornate door that clearly led to the backyard.

You had never been there but you could tell it was a special place for Donna.

Yet today, She let you in.

It was the most splendid beautiful garden the moonlight could provide.

All the flowers were heavily budding, the various smells of each mixed and perfumed the air in an enchanting way.

You felt gifted to be shared with this.

“-[y/n]” again she almost called you something else and hesitated. Donna was clearly holding back.

“I wanted you here specifically tonight because this moon the flowers will bloom, and i wanted it to share it with you [y/n]”

Just like a flower a smile blossomed across your face.

“Thank you, I know how special this place is to you.”

Donna bit her lip and wrapped her arms around your waist once again.

“Of course m-mi tesoro” she paused, not sure if you could understand what was being said “my darling..”

You beamed in the moonlight as you returned the gesture. Resting your arms on her shoulder, lacing the fingers behind Donna's neck.

Finding yourselves intimately close once again you could feel her exhale against your skin. Her hands moving down to the small of your back. Both your gazes flickering between the others eyes and somewhere lower.

“Mi tesoro, may i kiss you.” you nodded as the distance closed between the two of you. Sharing the first of many kisses. Paying no mind to the now blossoming flowers you had come here for.

#donna beneviento #donna benevento x reader #donna x reader #my fics

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eddiemunsons80sbaby · 7 months

Text

Everybody Hurts

Chapter 6

Pairing: EddieMunsonxReader

Summary: You needed to escape, escape from your life, your messy divorce, and all the pitying looks. Looks you couldn't ignore when everyone in town had known you and Cam, had known your shame and failure. So, you took the first job you could get, teaching third grade in a town called Hawkins. Little did you know, you were walking right into another messy situation, a messy situation with big brown eyes and long dark waves. But he's resistant, at times unbearable and you start getting curious about the town's past, his past, especially when things don't start adding up.

18+ Only for eventual smut

Next chapter: 10/04

Word Count: 5.8K

Masterlist

1 2 3 4 5

You dropped your head into your hands, sitting at your desk in your classroom. You'd just dismissed the kids after having felt like the end would never come. The day had been so long and you were exhausted but you just needed a moment of solitude and quiet before you headed home. You needed just a minute of peace before you trekked out on your bike amid all the chaos of people and vehicles in their hectic scramble to get home after work.

It had been one of those days where everything that could go wrong just did. Johnny would not stop talking all day. Maddie called him annoying during writing time when she was trying to focus so he threw his pencil at her which missed its mark and hit Brodie. Brodie in turn threw an eraser at Johnny and then they were yelling at each other across the room. You'd had to calm the situation down, speaking to both boys about using their kind words and soft voices, but the chaos hadn’t ended there.

Gracie skinned her knee at recess and was a dramatic mess, acting as if she’d just suffered a horrible trauma. She insisted that she couldn’t walk so you had to carry her into the nurse and the girl was not exactly small. Gracie was one of the tallest kids in your room. You were surprised your back had handled it as well as it did. Hauling around a third grader was quite different from a first grader.

Lance had been picking on Charlie again, this time about his long hair. The boy had hidden behind a tree to try to keep his tears from view of the others. You had spoken to Lance about how his words made Charlie feel but that kid was difficult to reach. No matter what you tried, he didn’t seem to think anything was wrong with his behavior. Quite the opposite actually. He often looked proud of himself. Unfortunately, you had a feeling that was coming from home. His dad was quite the piece of work who also never saw anything wrong with his son being mean no matter how many times you'd called him or asked to speak to him after school.

You'd dropped a piece of lettuce from your salad on your favorite shirt during lunch and now there was a bright orange stain from the salad dressing. A bee had gotten into the class in the afternoon, creating absolute pandemonium as all the kids screamed and ran to the far corner of the room, swatting and jumping. In the midst of you racing around, trying to catch the bee so you could release it outside, your principal had walked in to have you sign some paperwork, observing your completely out of control class. He’d simply raised his eyebrows at you as you tried to explain about the stinging insect that had sent your class into a panic.

You could not wait to go home, put on your sweats, pour a glass of wine, and curl up on the couch. You grabbed your bag, stuffing the paragraphs the class had been working on for the last two weeks inside to grade later while watching some mind-numbing thing on television that wouldn’t require too much of your focus. Heading out of the room, you locked the classroom door behind you, taking a deep breath, reminding yourself that you had a whole blissful evening of nothing ahead of you before you had to do it all over again.

“Rough day?” asked your colleague, Leslie as she locked her own classroom door that was right next to yours.

The woman had been a godsend when you'd started at Hawkins, helping you navigate third grade, something you hadn’t taught yet. You had been nervous taking on a grade level you didn’t know, in a building where you didn’t know anybody, but Leslie had stepped right up, offering you assistance as a teacher as well as a friend.

“Is it that obvious?” you laughed, hefting your bag up higher on your shoulder.

“Oh, I know that look on your face very well. I think every teacher knows that look well because we’ve all looked like that,” Leslie answered, walking alongside you as the two of you headed out the side door to the parking lot. “You look like a glass of wine and possibly a nice, long bubble bath is in your very near future.”

“Something like that.”

“You do what you have to. Self-care is so important in this job if you don’t want to burn out. Have a good night. Tomorrow’s a new day!” Leslie called with as much positivity as she could muster and a wave over her shoulder as she headed for her car.

“You too!” you called back.

You walked around the side of the building, toward the bike rack, pulling up short when you saw someone leaning against the rack casually, looking as if he were waiting for you. It was the last person you expected to see, the last person to show up at your work. But he had no other reason to be here, no reason to be hanging around an elementary school that you knew of. He didn’t have any kids, right? Someone would have mentioned that at some point, especially when they found out you taught at the school.

You paused about eight feet away from him, your hands clutching your backpack straps, instantly on the defensive, wary of his intentions. “Are you lost or something?”

Eddie’s tongue slipped out, running over his bottom lip. He looked at you with a wry smile, his eyes crinkling just a bit at the corners but his expression otherwise revealing nothing. It was as if he were trying to hide the fact that he was amused by you right now. Heaven forbid he actually let someone see him being anything other than surly. You really wanted to know what had caused this man to be so guarded.

“I don’t think so,” Eddie replied, pointing over to the school building. “It says Hawkins Elementary on the front of the building. That’s where you work, right?”

“Yeah, it is but that still doesn’t explain what you’re doing here.”

Eddie’s hands slid into his front pockets as he pushed off of the bike rack, standing straight. His eyes moved down toward the ground and he kicked at the pavement with the toe of his Reebok. He looked back up at you, opening his mouth and then closing it, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t quite get the words out.

You stood silent, confused but unwilling to utter a word. You would not be the first to break the quiet. He was the one who had come here and he could explain why. You had no intention of making this situation any easier for him. He certainly hadn’t worried about making anything easier for you.

You were completely flummoxed, growing more and more so with each new interaction with him. Only a couple encounters and your head was swimming with thoughts, too many thoughts of him, none of them making any sense. Everything was a jumbled mess of questions and half-answers that you could not string together to make a coherent picture of what Eddie was doing here or what the hell he wanted from you.

“So, a little birdie may have told me that you’re in need of a car,” he finally explained, one of his hands slipping from his pocket to rub the back of his neck. “I may have something for you. Well…I mean, my uncle might have something for you. I mean, if you wanted it.”

Stunned, you shook your head, “I’m sorry. You came here because you found me a car?”

“Uh…yeah…that’s what I said, isn’t it?” asked Eddie, his expression filled with annoyance as if you were incredibly stupid and should understand why the guy who couldn’t seem to stand the sight of you was suddenly waiting for you at work, telling you he found you a car.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would you try to find me a car?” you demanded, tilting your head, the pieces of this puzzle just refusing to fit together. Jesus, this man was exasperating.

“Because you needed one, obviously. And I didn’t exactly try. When I heard you needed one, it made me think about my uncle selling his car,” he snorted, again looking like you were stupid for not getting this very complicated gesture. “Look, if you don’t want the car, that’s fine. I was just trying to be nice.”

“Since when?” you shrieked.

Eddie spluttered in offense, his head shaking. “What do you mean? I can be nice. I was nice last night when I said I would lay off you with all the comments and then I did.”

“Yeah, until you got all shitty with me again and then just took off.”

“I had to take off. I told you I had to work early this morning and I was not being shitty. Excuse me if I didn’t want to watch some stupid ass movie with everybody. I didn’t think you’d care if I stayed or not. You looked plenty cozy on the couch all cuddled up next to Harrington. Why? Did you miss me?”

His head tilted, a teasing smile playing at his mouth as his lips pouted together in the corner. You fought the urge to slap it right off his face. So, not only was he rude, he was also egocentric. He must really think himself some kind of ladies man, probably got all kinds of girls playing in a band. Well, you were not one of those girls. You were not about to give him the satisfaction of knowing what kind of effect he had on you.

“Ugh, you wish. I barely know you and what I do know I am not a big fan of. I don’t even like you so why would I miss you?”

“You tell me, Prom Queen. You’re the one who’s got her panties in a wad because I left.”

Every single feature on your face twisted into a grimace of disgust. You looked as if you had just eaten something horrible and was about to vomit. Every inch of your body language was filled with repulsion, not caring whether Eddie saw it or not. In fact, you wanted him to see how disgusted he made you. You were so beyond done with him and all of his bullshit.

“Don’t flatter yourself by thinking you had any effect on my panties or anything else. You are such a prick,” you scoffed, pushing your arm against him in an attempt to get him away from your bike. He didn’t budge but simply crossed his arms, looking entertained as he watched you struggle. You growled in frustration. “Would you move out of the damn way so I can get my bike and go home?”

“Someone’s got an attitude today,” he snorted, still not moving.

“Yes, I do! I have had a shit day and you have somehow managed to make it even worse! All I want to do is go home, put on some comfy clothes, and have a glass of wine so if you don’t mind, get out of my goddamn way already!”

“What about the car?”

“I don’t want your fucking car, Eddie. In fact, I don’t want anything from you. I don’t even know why you came here when you obviously hate me.”

Eddie’s eyes softened, his arms dropping to his sides, and if you hadn’t known any better, you would have said he looked wounded. But you did know better and that couldn’t be the case. He couldn’t stand you. He’d made that perfectly clear over the last couple of days so why would he care at all what you said? The tendon in his jaw tightened for a moment and then he cleared his throat.

“I don’t hate you,” he said softly, so softly that you almost didn’t hear him. He began pressing his thumbnail into his other thumb, pushing back the cuticle as if he were nervous. “I don’t even know you. How can I hate you?”

“Well, I’ve been wondering the same thing but somehow you’ve managed because it’s glaringly obvious you don’t like me very much. I thought maybe we’d come to some place of at least tolerance last night but then you left like you couldn’t wait to get away from me. What the hell else am I supposed to think?”

His eyes slipped closed, hand covering his mouth, running down over his jaw, the jawline that had monopolized your thoughts for the past couple of days. The jawline that curved down to that neck. You hadn’t even known you had a thing for necks. It was just a neck, something that was required to attach your head to your body. You'd never given them much thought until he came along and now you couldn’t stop thinking about it, the way that tendon along the side bulged when he was frustrated or annoyed, that Adam’s apple that bobbed when he swallowed hard, that dip just above the neckline of his shirt that you'd dreamed of pressing your mouth against…

Jesus Christ! You were doing it again. You shook your head in frustration, trying to rattle out these thoughts you didn’t want to be having. You needed to get the hell away from him. You definitely needed therapy or a self-help book at least. How to avoid toxic men.

“Look, just step away from my bike so I can go home and you can leave. We’ll both be much happier then.”

“Would you?” he asked, eyes opening, piercing you like a knife to the chest. Those eyes that were deep and rich like that perfect piece of chocolate that melted on your tongue, eyes you could easily get lost in for hours, if only he would let you.

“Would…huh?” you asked, your mind struggling to process anything as he held your gaze, almost imploring you.

“Would you be happy to get away from me?”

“I…what? That’s not what I meant. You’re the one who…” You released a massive groan of irritation, your fingers curling into claws, hands in front of you. “You are so damn frustrating! I have never known anyone as frustrating as you!”

Eddie laughed, the sound rolling around you like thunder, shocking you. It was that laugh, that genuine laugh you'd heard one time and wished you could hear every day for the rest of forever. You felt a deep desire to be the reason he laughed like that all the time. It felt like something special, something that didn’t happen all the time. It was as if nothing else mattered in the world as much as that laugh. It made your heart feel light, it made your soul sing, and you were left flabbergasted once again as to why this man affected you so deeply, why you cared so much about his moments of joy, as fleeting as they seemed.

“Why is that so funny?” you demanded, coming back to your senses, remembering that you were supposed to be annoyed at him.

“Because, sweetheart, you are not the first person and you certainly won’t be the last to feel that way.” He held his arms out in supplication. “Come on. You need a car, right? Just let me show you the car. What do you have to lose? It’s a couple hours of your time. If you don’t want it, then fine.”

“Look, I don’t have a lot of money for a car. I’ve been saving but I can’t afford much,” you admitted, embarrassed to have to speak the words out loud, hating that even after your ex had dicked you over, he just continued doing so, leaving you with nothing. “I…I’m not exactly flush with cash at the moment.”

“Oh, that won’t be a problem. You don’t need a lot of money for this car,” Eddie assured, those plush lips puckering, one shoulder lifting. “It’s nothing fancy but it will get you where you need to be. It’s lasted my uncle for a long time. So, what do you say? A couple hours tolerating each other and maybe you get a ride out of the deal.”

Your mind flashed to exactly what kind of ride you wanted from him, your cheeks blazing with heat as the image burned against the backs of your eyes. You averted your eyes quickly, hoping he didn’t catch your embarrassment, sure you were as red as a tomato ripe for picking. The thought of being alone in a car with him was not helping you lock down those thoughts you didn’t want to be having anymore. But you did need a car.

“Alright, fine. I suppose I can stomach a couple hours with you as long as you’re playing nice. But my bike…”

“I’ll take it along,” he said, grabbing the handlebars and immediately wheeling it toward his van. You stood still, watching him, just as confused as you had been when you first spotted him, maybe more so. He stopped and glanced back over his shoulder. “You coming?”

Your cheeks puffed wide as you blew an anxious breath out and hurried off behind him, wondering what the hell you were getting yourself into. You had to be a glutton for punishment. There was no way this was a good idea but you did need a car, a cheap car, and if he had one then you should at least go look.

For the second time in three days, you found herself in the passenger seat of Eddie’s van, not wanting to be here anymore this time than the last. This man made you feel like you were riding the Gravitron at the fair, so dizzy that you had no idea which way was up and which was down. You still had no logical answer for why he was trying to help you when he’d given you the impression that hanging out with you was the last thing he wanted to do. Maybe he didn’t actually hate you but he didn’t act like he was eager to get to know you either.

As ‘One’ by Metallica came on, Eddie’s fingers found the volume knob, twisting it even higher than it had been before, the sound completely filling the space, swallowing any chance of conversation. With each head bang of Eddie’s brown mane, the van began to rattle. The drums vibrated your seat, his thumbs pounding against the steering wheel in time with the rhythm. As Kirk Hammett’s guitar solo hit, it felt as if the van would tear itself apart.

You watched him, transfixed, a metalhead and his music, the rest of the world simply ceasing to exist inside this metal sanctuary on wheels. You couldn’t keep from smiling, feeling like this kind of moment might be fairly rare for him, like music was his therapy, his escape from whatever dark shit he had in his past. It was nice to see him at ease after you'd experienced nothing but tension and anger from him.

“You like Metallica?”

You jumped, his voice startling you, as he turned the volume back down to, not exactly conversation level, but not eardrum shattering level anymore. He was looking at you with undisguised surprise, his eyebrows racing toward his hairline. Shit. Had he noticed how you'd been staring at him like some lovesick teenager? You quickly became interested in the thread hanging from the sleeve of your shirt, praying that you weren't as red as you felt.

“Yeah,” you shrugged in an attempt to play it cool. “I mean ‘Justice for All’ was a kickass album and Kirk Hammett’s guitar solo on ‘One’ is pretty damn epic. But honestly, nothing will top ‘Master of Puppets’ for me. That whole album is a goddamn masterpiece.”

His face was the picture of absolute disbelief, “Well, well, well, you are just full of surprises, aren’t you? You mean to tell me that you, the former Prom Queen, third grade teacher in her cute little sweaters and jumpers, likes metal music?”

“You know, you really need to stop making snap judgments based on how people look,” you reminded him with a small smile. “I just happen to appreciate talent when I see it or hear it and you can’t deny Metallica’s talent. Why is it so surprising to you that I would enjoy this if you obviously do?”

“I just didn’t see you as the type of girl who would want her music all loud and aggressive,” Eddie explained, a wry smile playing over his lips. “I saw you as more of a Mariah Carey type of girl. You know, safe and sweet, the type of stuff you’d slow dance to with someone you love or bop around to with your girlfriends at the club. You know, mainstream shit, what everyone else listens to.”

“I do like Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson. They’re all extremely talented artists. But I also love Metallica, AC/DC, Nirvana, Soundgarden, and Dio. I also love The Beastie Boys, Green Day, The Smashing Pumpkins, and Jane’s Addiction. I happen to also love Aaliyah, TLC, Lauryn Hill, and Tupac. My taste in music is endless. I listen to just about everything.”

“Damn…well, okay,” Eddie nodded, impressed, and then his nose scrunched up as if he smelled something bad. “Country?”

“Not so much but I do like Garth Brooks and Reba McIntyre,” you told him. “Does that negate all my other musical choices? Is that the line for you? Country music?”

“Nah, not really. My uncle listened to a lot of old country so I know some Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, Waylon Jennings…that kind of shit. He’s also a Garth Brooks fan and listen, you ever tell anyone and I will deny that shit, but he’s not so bad. It’s nothing I would ever choose to listen to but at least it doesn’t make my ears want to bleed. But Jesus, it’s depressing shit. Someone’s always losing their wife or their dog or their money.”

You laughed, pleasantly surprised at the turn this conversation had taken, the ease with which you were chatting about music. You weren't sure what had happened since last night but you were glad for it. And no, this was not because you were attracted to him, whatever the hell that was about. Obviously not. If you were going to be friends with his group of friends, then it would be nice if you could at least get along. Yeah, that’s all it was. You didn’t need to be besties but the ability to carry on a civilized conversation was necessary at least.

“Your secret is safe with me,” you teased, bringing your finger up, making a cross over your chest. You were silent for a moment, Eddie’s eyes focused on the windshield but you didn’t want to go back to stilted silence so you wracked your brain for another topic of conversation that seemed safe. “So, uh…last night when we were talking about books, you seemed like you wanted to say something before Steve did his awful Inigo Montoya impression.”

That muscle in his jaw jumped again, his teeth clenched for a moment, his knuckles whitening as they gripped the steering wheel. You thought maybe you had picked the wrong topic, one that wasn’t safe after all. Books seemed innocent enough but apparently they made him angry for some reason. But Eddie inhaled through his nose and his jaw relaxed, his hands loosening, the sun catching those rings and sending pinpricks of light dancing across the ceiling of the van.

“Did I…I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?” you asked hesitantly.

“No,” he breezed as if he wasn’t wound tighter than a clock just a moment ago. “No. It was nothing, really. You mentioned Lord of the Rings and those are, like, my favorite books of all time. It just surprised me, that’s all.”

“I seem to keep surprising you,” you mused, unsure how you felt about how satisfied that made you feel.

It was a subtle movement, barely an upturn at the corner of his mouth, but it was there. A small smile, a smile you'd caused and a million butterflies erupted in your stomach at once, swarming and swirling, making it suddenly hard to breathe. That small smile was positively radiant, filling your heart with joy at the thought that you could make that happen. Something about him stirred up a strong desire within you to make him happy, to chase away those dark clouds that hovered above him all the time.

“Yeah, you certainly seem to be,” Eddie admitted, turning as a sign for ‘Forest Hills’ trailer park came into view.

There was a certain charm to this trailer park, despite the fact that a lot of the trailers were run-down and looked like they were in need of some work. The closeness of the homes gave it a uniquely cozy feeling. Eddie pulled up to a trailer that was in a small row of them that all looked newer than the rest, the paint fresher, no signs of the weathered look some of the others had. It was like half the trailer park had been built years after the other half. A small red Honda sat to the side of the trailer with a For Sale sign in the window. A big silver pick-up truck sat next to it.

“Here we are,” Eddie announced flatly, his face suddenly hard, almost as if he were daring you to say anything negative. “Home sweet home. This is where I grew up.”

“You lived with your uncle when you were growing up?” you asked, feeling it was a fairly innocent question but obviously not as his eyes darkened, jaw clenched once again.

“Yeah. I did. I was the kid whose parents were deadbeats who couldn’t be bothered with him so his uncle took pity on him and took him in. The trailer park trash that the whole town thought was a freak,” he muttered, pushing his door open and stepping out. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”

You sighed, a deep sigh of defeat, a noise of irritation because here you were again. His hackles were up, his defenses in place, all ease of conversation gone. You'd thought you'd, if not broken through, at least chiseled a little crack but just like that he’d sealed it off. You had no idea what you'd done yet again. Eddie was a damn minefield and you kept stepping in the wrong places, setting off little explosions.

You got out of the van, slamming the door behind you a bit harder than was necessary, earning an annoyed look from Eddie. Whatever. You'd already offended him, obviously, so what was one more?

The door of the trailer opened, an older man with a weathered face stepping out onto the porch. He held a hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun, a smile that was even brighter than the light that was blinding him appeared on his face when he spotted Eddie. The lines on his face deepened in delight as he came down off the porch and pulled his nephew into a bone-crushing hug.

“Eds, what are you doing here? I didn’t think I was going to see you again until Wednesday dinner. Not that I’m complaining, kid.” He pulled back, suddenly noticing you standing there quietly, your hands clasped in front of you, feeling like an intruder, an unwelcome party crasher once again. “And who is this pretty little thing?”

His uncle grinned, his eyes going from you to Eddie, a glint of hopefulness in them. Your stomach curdled at the sight, knowing this would probably only make things worse for you. Was he hoping Eddie was bringing a girl home to meet him? Because you hated to burst his bubble but nothing could be further from the truth and it would probably only piss Eddie off more and it would be your fault somehow.

“This is Y/N,” Eddie said dismissively, his hand flapping lazily in your direction as if you were just a book sitting on a shelf. “This is my Uncle Wayne.”

“Well, it’s a pleasure young lady,” the older man said warmly, extending his hand, so opposite from his stiff, cold nephew. “I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you around town before.”

“That's because you haven't,” you explained. “I just moved here a few months ago, actually.”

“Oh, well it’s nice to see a fresh face around this place, especially such a pretty one.”

Your cheeks blazed at his complement, “Thank you.”

“Ease up there, old man. She’s a bit young for you,” Eddie teased, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, you stop it. Anyone with eyes could see how lovely she is. You spending time with my Eds, here?” he asked, hands tucking into his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels eagerly. “It’s about time he got himself a girl. I’ve been on this boy to start dating but he’s so damn stubborn and…”

“Whoa, you got it all wrong,” Eddie insisted, shaking his head emphatically. “It’s not like that. She’s just here to see the car.” He nodded his head toward the Honda. “All she’s got is a bike right now. She needs something cheap but she needs some wheels so she’s not walking to work when winter hits.”

Wayne’s face scrunched up, unsure, “Oh sweetheart, I mean it is cheap but it needs some work. That old girl has lasted me thirteen years. I would get the work done myself but I don’t need it anymore. I’m only selling it because I could finally afford the truck I’ve always wanted.”

“How much work?” you asked carefully, looking over the car. The red paint was faded, rust around the wheel wells and the door frames, but it didn’t look like it was in the worst shape ever. Of course, you didn’t know a lot about cars but depending on the cost of the car, it might be worth it to buy it and get it fixed up.

“Well, the head gasket could be replaced and the oil pan needs sealing. You see that dark spot under there? The oil is leaking. It could use some new tires, possibly a new battery. That’s why I’m selling it for so cheap.”

“How cheap?” You really weren't sure why you were asking. You had no idea how much all that work would cost you so you had no way of knowing if this car was in your budget or not.

“I’m selling it for eight hundred bucks. I mean, it’s a steal if you know how to work on cars but if you’re taking it to a shop, they’re probably going to charge you a pretty penny with labor,” Wayne explained. “Eddie’s friend, Mike, works at the local dealership, sweetheart. Maybe you should go talk to him and see if you can find yourself a nice little used car that doesn’t need all this work.”

“Oh, okay,” you replied, instantly trusting him. You had no idea why but he had such an honest face and a kind smile. How had Eddie been raised by this sweet, warm man and turned into such a jerk?

Eight hundred dollars would be a dream number but not if you had to sink another couple thousand in repairs. You only had a couple thousand for a car period. You weren't picky. You weren't looking for anything fancy. Beggars couldn’t be choosers but you did need it to run. There was no point in forking over money for a car for it to sit in your driveway when you couldn’t pay to fix it.

“Thanks for being honest with me. Maybe I’ll give El a call and see if I can meet with him sometime this week,” you shrugged.

“She’ll take the car,” Eddie stated.

“Now, son, you know any mechanic will take one look at her and take advantage. They’ll charge her more than they should just because they can. I don’t want to see this sweet girl get in over her head.”

“She won’t. Are you forgetting who always fixed up this car for you, old man?” Eddie asked, pointing to himself. “She happens to know a certified mechanic.” He turned to you. “Look, I’ll do the labor for free if you buy the parts I need. And I’ve got tires for this thing so you don’t need to worry about that.”

You found herself once again suspicious of his intentions. This man was giving you serious whiplash. Why would he offer to give up his time, for free, to help fix a car for you? Wayne snickered softly, shaking his head as he looked down at the ground. Was there some kind of joke you werent in on?

“And why exactly would you do that?” you asked.

“Jesus Christ. I’m just being nice,” Eddie huffed, rolling his eyes.

“For now? And what? Next week I’m left with a car that won’t run because I somehow pissed you off, you’re being a jerk again, and you don’t want to help me anymore?”

“Look, I’m trying to do you a favor, Prom Queen. You don’t want a car that is going to be in perfect shape when I’m done with it and way under your budget, then that’s your choice.” He folded his arms, staring you down, as if you were the unreasonable one in this…whatever the hell this was.

Your eyes narrowed. You might be the dumbest person on the planet for agreeing to this but you really did need a car. Walking to work in January and February on days when the weather didn’t allow you to use your bike had been awful. Your teeth had been chattering, fingers frozen, nose bright red by the time you got to school. You'd spend ten minutes shivering under your winter coat at your desk before you were warm enough to remove it. You could not go through another winter of that.

“Fine,” you muttered, knowing you would probably live to regret this. “I guess I’ll take the car.”

“Well, alright then,” Wayne chuckled, rubbing his hands together. “Looks like you got yourself a car and a good mechanic to go with it. Let’s get this all sorted and I’ll get you the keys, honey.”

Eddie smiled smugly, clearly feeling like he’d won, though what he thought he’d won was a mystery to you. He was giving up his free time to fix a car for someone he barely knew, someone he didn’t even seem to enjoy being around. You groaned, only imagining how badly this could go as you followed the two men into the trailer.

Chapter 7

Taglist

@tlclick73 @bebe07011 @eddiesguitarskills @witchwolflea @strangerfreak @emilyslutface @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @corrodedcoffincumslut @mmunson86 @josephquinnsfreckles @katethetank

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quipxotic · 6 months

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I can't remember the last time I wrote so much after an episode right after it ended, but I have so many thoughts! This time, it's things I'm looking forward to in the next episode or things I hope happen.

Spoilers for Episode 77 below the cut:

Ashton is awkward and often an asshole, which distracts people (both in-game and in fandom) from the fact they are also one of the main caregivers in Bell's Hells. There are endless examples of their care, particularly for FCG, Laudna, Orym, and Fearne, but also for the others, both in battles and in conversations. But that care mostly goes unremarked on by the rest of the party or themselves. Because they're so durable in a fight, Bell's Hells have rarely had to face the thought of what life would be like without Ashton. Now they've all had to stand by and watch them die over and over again, with only two of them able to help in any way. If nothing else, they'll all have to confront that idea now.

Ashton is a mess. They use bluster and arrogance to cover up their low self esteem and self-hatred. They are convinced they are the most expendable person in any group they are in, even as they're desperate to matter in the world and for connection with others. They're a hypocrite, demanding everyone else know and acknowledge their worth and not take unnecessary risks, while ignoring that advice themselves. Everything in their life has taught them they only have value if they can do things for others; if they're not useful, then they're worthless. But because they're relatively quiet about all this and are reliable and responsible in most situations (at least compared to most of the rest of the team), none of that shit has so much as inconvenienced anyone in Bell's Hells. It's never caused an issue before now, so it's never gotten any attention. I hope that's going to change after this, it's a problem that can't be ignored any longer.

Imogen, Laudna, FCG, and Orym all tend to lean into the idea of martyring themselves for the team or the world. I can't wait to see their reaction to watching Ashton almost doing exactly that. I would love if there was some self-awareness that happens on their parts because of all of this, but I'm not overly optimistic. At the very least I hope they all talk about it finally.

Just...these people need to talk to each other! I want them to be angry and hurt at the way Ashton did what they did and at the risk they took. If that hadn't worked they would have lost not only their beloved friend but also the shard, a power they need for the fight ahead, that they all worked so hard to get, and that can't ever be replaced if lost.

And Ashton is loved by all of them, that's what's underneath that anger and pain. I want them to tell them that, even if they can't really hear it or internalize it. Someone needs to and they need to do it again, and again, and again until it sticks.

I want Ashton to talk about his feelings for the others. Directly, honestly, without all the hedging and awkward bluster. They've adored Fearne from the first moment they met, she needs to hear that! They have some kind of feelings for Orym, what is that? They love Laudna, Imogen, and FCG so fiercely, come out and say it! They even love Chetney, whether they're ever willing to admit it or not. Of everything in this list, this is the thing I'm the least sure will happen. I suspect when faced with anger, Ashton will give anger right back. I hope I'm wrong or that someone won't let them get away with it.

#critical role #bells hells #critical role spoilers #c3e77 #ashton greymoore

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shion-yu · 2 months

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A Safe Place (part 1) [Day 28]

Cliff shows up at Elliot's doorstep in the middle of the night soaked to the bone. A Cliff/Elliot sickfic heavy on the angst, also ft. Theo. For @monthofsick Day 28: Chaotic body temperature. I know, not me joining in on a writing challenge right at the end but it fit so well. 3,065 words, original work, TWs for homophobia, emeto (neither strong warnings, but the sick will get much sicker in p2).

It had been a long summer. Cliff had spent it working at Theo's law firm again, except this time he wasn't an unpaid intern but a legal secretary. It was a temporary job that they had offered him when his summer break had aligned perfectly with one of the secretary's maternity leaves and Cliff had jumped at the chance to work in such a great environment again. He was happy to see many familiar faces from last year, and to his surprise they were happy to see him too. Although he was mainly working with one of the other partners this time - not Theo - he saw the lawyer nearly every day and was relieved to learn both Theo and his partner, Al, were in good health. Al had gotten a double lung transplant that last Fall, Theo told Cliff. He and his new lungs were doing great.

"What about you?" Theo asked Cliff eagerly. "How did your first year at NYU go?"

Cliff smiled, automatically thinking of Elliot. "It was great," he said. "My classes were interesting but not too hard."

"You look happier," Theo said, surprising Cliff with how true the observation was. "Did something cause that?"

"Yeah," Cliff said thoughtfully. "Someone did."

Being apart from Elliot that summer was difficult. He missed hugging and kissing Elliot every single day. He wanted to talk to him on the phone for hours and hours just to hear his voice and fall asleep with his fingers in Elliot’s curls. But when he was living at home, Cliff knew he had to be the perfect, straight laced child he'd been raised as. In other words, he couldn't be himself. He wore business attire to work every day, but the soft sweaters and cute hair clips he'd amassed over the past year stayed packed away in his college stuff for next semester. He didn't think his parents would appreciate those particular fashion choices he'd been making.

It's not like his parents made it hard to hide things. They hardly ever asked questions, and if they did it was about grades or tuition. Cliff knew he was incredibly lucky that his parents paid his entire tuition, room and board as if it were a given. Elliot's parents weren't able to help much financially, meaning his boyfriend had to take out loans and work part time while in school. This summer he was working nonstop in his dad's auto mechanic shop, saving up money. Often when Cliff video called Elliot these days he was covered in sweat, streaks of black motor oil on his face. It seemed wrong to complain about his parents when it was thanks to them that he was only working this summer because he wanted to, not because he had to. And yet, silently, Cliff thought maybe he'd be happier if he was in Elliot's shoes - without much money but with a place he could really call home. It was a selfish, privileged thought and Cliff refused to voice it, but it creeped in each time he heard Elliot's mom call in the background, "Boys, wash up, it's time for dinner!"

Working was a blessing to Cliff, because if he'd been at home he would've been in that big, lonely house all by himself most of the summer. Being at the law firm was not only a distraction, but comfortable. Despite wearing a suit, Cliff actually felt less tense there than at his parents' house. He stayed long hours, longer than he needed to, because he preferred the sound of printers and fax machines over his parents screaming at each other downstairs. When he was in high school it seemed easier to ignore. Maybe it was because he'd had a break for so many months that returning to it seemed worse than before. Or maybe it was because Elliot never screamed at him like that, and Cliff had started to realize that this wasn't how things had to be.

Around the beginning of August, Cliff caught a cold that didn't seem to go away. At first it was just the sniffles, and then it was a cough that grew progressively deeper with each week that passed. The other employees started asking him if he was alright, and embarrassingly Theo caught him staring blankly at the water fountain one day for far too long. Cliff was so out of it that he didn't even notice Theo calling his name until the older man waved his hand in Cliff's face.

"Oh," Cliff said, rubbing his eyes to try and make his blurry vision clear up. "Sorry, I was just... Daydreaming."

"You look pale," Theo said, and before Cliff could step back Theo had placed a hand on Cliff's forehead while ignoring Cliff's protest that he was fine. "Hmm, you feel a little feverish. Why don't you go home, kid?"

"I'm really fine," Cliff said, wildly embarrassed. "It's just a cold."

Theo looked him up and down, clearly assessing how pushy he should be. "At least go take a nap on the couch in my office, you look exhausted."

Usually, Cliff would say no immediately. He wouldn't even consider showing weakness at the place he was supposed to be making a vitally good impression at for his career. But he felt weak and a little dizzy and found himself saying in a small voice, "...If you're sure."

Theo was sure. He brought Cliff to his office and shut the blinds so there wasn't much light coming through the many glass windows. He even tossed a blanket to the eighteen-year-old. "I sleep here all the time," he reassured Cliff. "You can't work if you're too tired to think. Don't worry about it."

Cliff felt guilty for taking over Theo's office, but Theo headed out for a two hour meeting and Cliff was left alone on the couch. He had half a mind to leave and get back to work at his desk now that there was no one stopping him, but just sitting there made him realize how fatigued his whole body felt. A little nap wouldn't hurt, he reasoned. A really short one. He lay down and fell asleep so quickly that he didn't even remember closing his eyes.

He woke up to Theo gently rubbing his shoulder. Cliff was confused, then his eyes widened in embarrassment and he sat up. Shit, had it been two hours already? Wait, that clock didn't say 5pm did it? - surely he hadn't slept for four hours?!

"Woah, it's okay Cliff," Theo said quickly, "You seemed really tired so I let you sleep. You should go home now, everybody's leaving for the day."

"I'm so sorry," Cliff gushed, face bright red. "I didn't mean to sleep so long. You don't have to pay me for today - please don't, actually."

"Settle down, it's really fine," Theo said in a calm voice that made Cliff remember to take a deep breath like Elliot had taught him to calm down. "We all have off days. You don't feel so warm now, so that's good. Stay home tomorrow though."

"That's totally not necessary," Cliff said, his confident tone supplemented by a very unconvincing round of dry coughs. He waved off the tissues Elliot tried to hand him. "Really, I'm fine. I've just been having some asthma since I got sick last winter, but my boy-" Cliff stopped himself, realizing he was about to out himself. "My, um, my roommate got me an inhaler so I just have to use it that's all."

"Your boyfriend," Elliot supplied gently. "It's okay to say it, Cliff. You know I have Al."

Cliff wanted to deny the comment outright. He wanted to laugh and say Elliot really was just a friend. But Theo had such an earnest expression, and he was the only successful adult man Cliff knew of who was gay. "I know, but, it's really not, not for me," Cliff found himself saying, voice wavering. "I-I have to go. Sorry I slept in your office so long," he said as he hurried out, ignoring Theo's all too kind voice calling after him. Cliff knew in a certain world that it was okay, but it wasn't his world. Not the world where he still relied on his parents.

Despite saying he'd be back the next day, Cliff did stay home that Friday. His fever was worse and he had chills that left him huddled under the covers. His mom didn't notice he didn't leave the house and he didn't tell her. She didn't need to know, just like she didn't need to know about Elliot. She had never supported Cliff in anything at all, so why... Why did Cliff feel such a strong urge to tell her?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

On the last day of Cliff's work at the law firm, Theo told Cliff if he ever needed a reference, he'd get a glowing one from him. And if he ever needed to talk about anything, anything at all, Cliff could call him too. Cliff knew what he was getting at, and he didn't want to face it. But Theo was such a calm person that it was disarming, and Cliff asked without meaning to, "Is it worth it?"

Theo nodded. He knew what Cliff meant without specification. "Yes, it's worth it," Theo said. "Even if there's nay-sayers and you lose people, you gain much more. It's always worth it to be exactly who you are, Cliff."

Cliff went back to his parents house with those words echoing in his brain. Theo, a successful and respected lawyer, said it was worth it. He had a career and a person who loved him by his side. Was that something Cliff could have, too? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to be honest, just once?

"Mom," Cliff said over dinner, pushing his phone over to her with a picture of him and Elliot together on the screen. "I want to tell you something. This is my-"

"Don't do this to me Cliff," his mother interrupted before he could finish. "You've already caused enough trouble. He's not - just because you have a thing with another guy doesn't mean anything."

"It's not a thing mom. I love him," Cliff found himself saying angrily. And oh, why did he say that? The first time he finally said he loved Elliot and it was directed at his mom in spite. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Cliff, you don't love him. You're too old to be playing this game. Now I'll forget we had this conversation. And don't tell your father."

Cliff saw red. He'd never been so angry in his life. He snatched his phone back and grabbed his wallet on the shelf by the door and went outside. She didn't follow him.

It was pouring rain. Cliff shivered, wishing he'd had the forethought to grab a coat too, but he wasn't going to ruin his dramatic exit by going back inside. Of course his mother hadn't approved. Cliff hadn't expected her to. But he'd expected her to get angry - not to dismiss him all together like he was just a kid with a big imagination. Cliff knew then that she would never really think of him as his own person, and he couldn't do anything to change that. It broke his heart.

Cliff walked for a very long time. He didn't quite know where he was going, only that he wanted to get as far away from that house as possible. He found himself at a park by the water where he beat up a couple of tree trunks that definitely won based on his bleeding knuckles afterwards. The rain didn't let up, and Cliff found himself getting progressively colder. His cough from earlier that month had never gone away and his breath began to catch on what felt like a dry patch in his throat. Cliff realized then that he'd left his inhaler at the house, too. The coughing grew more desperate until he pitched forward and vomited onto the grass he was standing on. He groaned and leaned against the nearest tree he could find, the contents of his stomach mixing with rushing rain water and swept away quickly. He continued to gag for several minutes until the coughing abated ever so slightly. He felt weak and pathetic. And also very, very alone.

He needed to get somewhere dry. Somewhere warm and safe. Cliff only had one place like that in mind. He boarded train after train, shivering in the corner like a wet dog as he made his way all the way to Long Island. He knew Elliot's address because he'd been sending Elliot mail all summer, little love notes and presents that made Cliff think of him. He never included a return address though, because he hadn't wanted his parents to see. Thankfully his phone had enough battery to direct him to Elliot's doorstep despite the wet four hour commute, and he found himself at the front door of a modest suburban home at 3:30 in the morning.

The journey had felt like a daze. Cliff had never done something so erratic, so unplanned. He raised his hand to knock before remembering what time it was, and Elliot had parents and sister who probably wouldn't appreciate him knocking. He called Elliot instead, his phone barely hanging on at 5%. He thought to himself that it seemed unlikely that Elliot would answer at this time of night. But after several rings, by which time Cliff had resigned himself to waiting for dawn under a tree, a very sleepy voice picked up.

"Cliff?"

"Elliot? Sorry to bother you," Cliff said, as if this entire situation weren't incredibly bizarre. "But I'm at your door."

There was a long pause, presumably while Elliot tried to figure out exactly what Cliff meant by 'at your door'. "Like right now? Now?"

"Yeah," Cliff said. "Do you think I could sleep over?"

"I'm coming down," Elliot said, and there was the rustling of sheets and then the thump of footsteps as Elliot ran downstairs. The front door opened and Elliot hung up. Cliff looked at him and thought he was the most beautiful person in the entire world. "Holy crap, you're really here," Elliot breathed. "God Cliff, what happened? No, come in first, you're soaked..."

Elliot pulled Cliff inside and helped Cliff take off his soaked trainers. There were traces of vomit on the front of his shirt and his fingers were still bloody. Elliot brought him to the bathroom, motioning for Cliff to stay quiet with one finger to his lips. He grabbed a towel from under the sink and wrapped it around the shorter boy, who was shivering violently from the marked change in temperature. In the bright light of the kitchen, suddenly his journey seemed a lot less valiant and a lot more stupid. "Sit," Elliot said, sitting Cliff on the toilet. "You're freezing... Can you take your temperature?”

Elliot handed Cliff a thermometer, which Cliff obediently used. After a few seconds it beeped and read ‘96.9.’ Elliot frowned. “Hot shower, okay?" Despite being woken up in the middle of the night, Elliot seemed fully alert. Cliff nodded and peeled off his wet and dirty clothes. He coughed roughly as he did so, a slight wheeze audible on the end of the exhale. Elliot patted his back with a concerned expression. "Do you have your inhaler?" Cliff shook his head no. Elliot grimaced and ran the hot water for Cliff. "You warm up. I'm gonna find you some clothes and I think there's an old inhaler somewhere in the medicine cabinet..."

Elliot moved to leave, but Cliff grabbed his arm before he could go. "Don't wake your family up," Cliff said hoarsely. "I'm okay."

Elliot looked at Cliff in concern and sighed. "Cliff, you just showed up soaking wet in the middle of the night. You live all the way in Newark. I'm gonna be a little concerned. But right now you need to warm up. We can talk later."

"Okay," Cliff said. He took the hottest shower of his life then, and it felt glorious. After a few minutes he started to feel dizzy though and sat on the floor of the tub. Elliot came back and peeked around the curtain, frowning when he saw Cliff sitting there.

"Are you awake?" Elliot asked worriedly.

"Hmm," Cliff hummed in confirmation. "Just feels nice, and I got sleepy."

"Finish up in there," Elliot said. "I've got sweats and a hot water bottle and bed waiting for you."

Cliff obediently finished showering and sat on the edge of the tub as Elliot dried him off thoroughly with two big, fluffy towels. Cliff closed his eyes and remembered how many times he'd imagined being together again over the summer. "I missed you so much," Cliff said, resting his face on Elliot's abdomen.

Elliot stilled and crouched in front of Cliff. "I missed you too," he said softly. "Now arms up." Elliot helped Cliff get into the warmest sweats that he owned and then led Cliff upstairs to his bedroom. The house was quiet, and Cliff hoped that meant he hadn't disturbed anyone else's sleep. He glanced around curiously at Elliot's childhood bedroom, which was decorated in a way that seemed so very Elliot. He smiled at the teddy bear sitting on the dresser that Cliff had bought Elliot at the baseball game they'd been to. It brought back good memories, nothing like the ones that had been swirling around in Cliff's head for the past several rainy hours.

"Bed," Elliot whispered, tucking Cliff under the duvet and several extra blankets. Cliff was still shivering, but less so now. His temperature had blown from low numbers to high and he gazed at Elliot with glassy, feverish eyes. Elliot handed Cliff a very expired albuterol inhaler, which Cliff took a few puffs of. Despite the date stamped on the canister, it still eased the tightness in Cliff's chest a little. Elliot then climbed in next to him and wrapped his arms around Cliff. The feeling and smell of being enveloped by Elliot after all this time brought Cliff to tears and he hid his face.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I know I should have called.”

"It’s okay,” Elliot said. “Sleep, Cliff. We can talk tomorrow.” Knowing he was finally in the only place he truly felt safe, Cliff slept.

[Cont. part 2]

#shionwrites #novemetober rescheduled #whump #sickfic #sicknario #tw: emeto #tw: homophobia #prompt: chaotic body temperature #novemetober 2023 #oc: cliff #oc: theo #oc: elliot #fever whump #hurt/comfort #angst #hypothermia #pneumonia

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