Best Friends My Ass (one-shot)

Synopsis: Being in love with your best friend whom you’ve had since childhood can be tough. Being in love and being dumb can make it tougher. Meet the Reader and Harry. They’re the latter. And everyone’s fed up.

Pairing: Harry Styles x fem!Reader

Genre: fluff, maybe little bit of angst, tiny bit smutty, but not a lot

Warnings: swearing, two idiots pining for one another

Word count: 7524

Even when Harry was little, he’d known he’d have an odd path in life. Just because it was odd, didn’t mean it’d be bad, but it would make him absolutely stand out in the crowd.        When Y/N was young she didn’t see herself having any extraordinary adventures. Sure, she’d travel and explore the world with its secrets, but she didn’t have any plans to draw the attention of the masses. That was until Harry’d come into her life.        They were both young, still kids in that tender age where childhood crossed into teenage years, when they met. For Harry, it was like one of those scenes in the movies where the pretty girl walks into a room and a billion fans make her hair look like the wind is sweeping through it, and her eyes glisten like gemstones. Also known as the 'love at first sight' scene.        For Y/N, it was hard to keep her breakfast down as she walked inside the classroom, twenty pairs of scrutinous eyes on her, trying to figure out if the new girl was a predator or prey.        Luckily for Y/N, the biology teacher wasn’t a total witch and didn’t make her present herself to the class, and just pointed to the free seat next to a curly-haired boy. Luckily for Harry, that free seat was right next to him.        With a sigh, she dropped her heavy backpack beside the chair, giving the boy a shy glance, and was surprised to see a genuine and large grin right back at her. It wasn’t the kind people gave when they had bad thoughts. It was the kind people gave when they were truly excited and wanted to give a good impression. Y/N’s chest grew warm at the thought she might actually make a friend that day. And she did.        “I’m Harry.” He extended his hand for her to take, the grin never leaving his face.        She gave him a big, relieved smile. “I’m Y/N.”        Ever since then they were not only lab partners in classes they shared (which was biology, physics and math), but also in mischief. Together they managed to enrage Anne, annoy Gemma and absolutely horrify Y/M/N, and whenever one went down, the other made sure to go down as well.        So when a few years down the line, Harry had told Y/N about his idea to audition for X-factor she wasn’t surprised one bit.        “I mean, as long as you don’t trip and break your nose on stage, you’ll be fine.”        For that, she received a slap on her arm from him.        “I’m just saying!” Y/N defended herself. “You’re great at singing, Mrs Aberdeen certainly thinks so, you don’t have two complete left feet, and you’re alright to look at.”        That for the first time since the decision and application had been submitted, made Harry smile. He loved how easily Y/N was able to lighten the mood, to take his thoughts away from the bad, and just erase them with her wit and smile.

       “Besides.” She nudged his shoulder with hers and then intertwined their fingers. “I, Gem and our Mums will be right there for you. Won’t even blink until the end of the performance.”        With how her insides trembled in excitement and fear for her best friend, it truly seemed to Y/N she hadn’t blinked at all on that fateful day. Her breath hitched when the judges were talking. She couldn’t even remember what they said, all of it turning into white noise.        And then he got through, and Y/N screamed so much she was sure she’d blown out Anne’s eardrums, and had hugged Harry so tightly she was afraid she’d broken a rib. But with his victory also came a fear, because, for the first time in Y/N’s life, she was terrified as to where she’d stand in Harry’s. Since day one it’d been secure, but now, with the newfound fame of X-factor and who knows what kind of an amazing future, she didn’t know if he’d throw her to the curb, simply forget about the mundane friend from high school or maybe use her for something.        But it wasn’t like that. Not one bit. After insane hours of rehearsals, Y/N was one of the three people he always called. It was her, his Mum and Gem. Always. And he loved to listen to her speaking of what was happening at school, how the lessons were, which teacher turned out to be hooking up with which. As much as Harry knew he was made for the extraordinary, he loved the ordinary Y/N brought in his life. She was his safe harbour. But what he never agreed with were her own thoughts she was meant for a simple life, so he took it upon himself to bring a little bit of eccentricity in hers, as he explained how he’d gotten united into a band with four other boys, now going by ‘One Direction’, and it was his mission to join his newfound friends with the most important friend he'd had.        “This is Y/N,” Harry introduced her to the guys after one of their late-night practices, one where they weren’t being filmed. “If you do anything that even mildly upsets her, I’ll kill you in your sleep.”        The slap against his arm made him let out an ‘Ow!’ while the rest of the boys laughed and welcomed her with open arms.        In a weird way, Y/N became part of the band. She didn’t sing or play any instruments, but she was always around, gave her input on songs and setlists. That kind of closeness made all of the fears and doubts about losing a place in Harry’s life disappear. She was his personal hype-man while at the same time knocked him down a few pegs whenever the fame started to get to his head.        She was there for his highs and lows, for the break-ups and break-off in the band, and watched as he ventured into a solo career as much as she could with school and all, but when summer break rolled around it was like Harry couldn't get rid of her even if he tried. Not that he wanted. Sharing the success and happiness with his best friend was one of the biggest rewards he could have.        And Y/N would never admit it because it’d boost Harry’s already elephant-like ego, at least that’s what she said, but she kind of liked the attention she received because of him, especially because most of it was pleasant.        Had she been terrified that being known as Harry Styles best friend would make people think she was just a gold-digger, seeking fame and leeching it off from him? Yes. And there were people like that. But ninety-five percent of what people said on her social media accounts was actually nice, some even said ‘thank you’ that there was a person like her in Harry’s life to keep things real, and most importantly – cared about him through it all.        Harry also saw those comments; he loved to read about how people saw just how much Y/N cared, and it kind of stirred something in him. He didn’t know when exactly, but it was around the age of twenty-four for him and twenty-three for Y/N when he started looking at his friend in a different light. And it bloody terrified him. He didn’t know if she felt the same, and the thought of putting his heart on the line like that only for the possibility of it being crushed was the scariest thing ever.        He did, however, have an inclination as to what incident had prompted them to surface. The feelings that were. It was a night after a party. Y/N was on winter break from her master’s at uni, which meant he used every opportunity to spend time with her.        The hangover was real, I mean it’s what you got by mixing vodka, tequila and beer into an empty Sprite bottle and chugging it. Harry stumbled over sleeping bodies on his way to the kitchen in search for some leftover pizza he was sure he and Y/N in their drunkenness had ordered, as well as to make two cups of black coffee. He knew she hated the taste, but cold junk food and bitter coffee always did the trick with her. That was when he’d found her.        Although he’d woken up in Y/N’s room, she hadn’t been next to him. Instead, as it turned out, she’d gone on a food search sometime before him and had passed out on the couch, a Cookie Monster onesie on her body, but most importantly his signature pearls around her neck. And one of her hands even rested against her collarbone, as if scared someone would take them away from her.        That’d been the first time his heart had flipped in his chest at the sight of her, but most definitely not the last.        He did however keep this change in his emotions to himself. He wasn’t really sure what it was, so it would be unfair to dump that on Y/N and have her figure it out for him because he didn’t know where she stood on her own, let alone do the work for him.        Luckily, despite the tornado of feelings, their friendship didn’t falter, and when his Vogue cover came out, he was incredibly nervous for people to see it, but especially for those who mattered the most to him, like his Mum, sister and Y/N. Especially Y/N, for her opinion had become the most important one outside his blood relatives. After all, all his thoughts went to – if we dated, would she be as proud of me as she was of me as a friend?        Her support meant the most because he was away in the middle of filming; he had no way of getting physical comfort, so all of the messages, calls, social media posts and FaceTimes was the world to him, especially when Y/N sent a picture of herself with three copies of the magazine, two beside her head as she laid on her bed and one clutched to her chest, which she also posted on Instagram with the caption ‘Can’t hug you for real right now, so this will have to do. When I do get to you @harrystyles, I’ll crush your ribs with my love. And that is a threat.’        Then the comments came in from the rest, and one stood out more than the others.        Bring Back Manly Men.        At first, he felt odd about it. It didn’t really bother him, but at the same time, it made him sad. He knew that he was seen as somewhat of a controversial figure, as he painted nails, wore frilly blouses and now full-on dresses, which were all typically categorized as feminine things, but he never understood why a nail colour or the shape of a shirt suddenly became exclusively for just one gender. Which is why he was so grateful to have Y/N in his life.        “I mean, anatomically speaking, men should be wearing dresses and women trousers. It’s you who have all the dangly bits,” she said through a bite of food. “The Scots have been onto it since the beginning.”        Harry threw his head back in a laugh, shifting an arm behind his head. “So I assume your favourite pic is the one in the kilt?”        “Well, it did remind me of that awful punk phase I had back in school with all those safety pins, only in a more tasteful way, but no. My favourite one is you in that brown, grey off-shoulder jacket thing.”        “Why?”        Y/N wiggled her brows at him. “Shows enough of your cleavage but leaves enough for imagination.”        “Of fucking course.” Harry snorted, shaking his head. “Objectifying much?”        “What? I’m not going to deny that my best friend is a sexy beast.”        He wouldn’t say it out loud, but when she called him her friend, it made his heart clench in a painful way. Harry had been trying to be a bit flirtier around her, but given his open nature as it was, Y/N hadn’t seemed to notice it, nor had she seemed to notice how he looked at her while she was frowning at her computer screen.        Harry’d had relationships with some women who could be considered the most beautiful in the world, but if he’d had to say, in his opinion, who’d receive that title, it’d be Y/N. The way she snorted when she laughed too hard, the way small crow lines had already appeared next to her eyes from how much she smiled and the way her forehead creased when she was concentrating. It enthralled him to no end. He could read her life’s story on her face, how she’d lived and thought and experienced, unlike so many people he met who couldn’t move a muscle.        Though the reason she was so concentrated in that moment was because thousands of people had tagged her in a tweet of a woman, she’d heard of for the first time in her life (because Harry had been trying to keep that one off her radar), and what she saw made all the blood boil in her body more than any other hate comment had.        Without hesitation, Y/N atted her and tweeted “Bring back manly men. Please! Millions of people would let him raw them WHILE WEARING THE DRESS. I mean you tried, so I’ll give you the gold star you so desperately want, but that was pathetic.”        At that same moment, a notification popped up on the screen of Harry’s phone. He only had notifications on for one person, and when he saw what was written, he gasped, looking at Y/N. “You did not just do that!”        “What?” Y/N shrugged biting down on the chocolate bar she’d been savouring for the last half hour of their conversation. “I just said what everyone was thinking. Besides what the fuck does ‘bring back manly men’ even mean? Go chop some wood? Fight a bear in the Siberian woods? Have your ‘friends’ stab you to death at a political meeting?”        “You’re a menace.”        Y/N winked popping the last bit of the chocolate in her mouth. “Only to those who dare go for the people I love.”        His heart fluttered at the last word, but all he could do was mask it with a large grin and shake of his head.        For another hour they spent talking, Y/N kept hyping Harry up, tried to get as many plot details of the movie he was filming, while he avoided as many spoilers as possible and attempted to steer the conversation somewhere else, but when that happened, Y/N jumped onto his music, which he had told her all about. In fact, there wasn’t a music video made without her approval, and neither would his next one be. “You’ll fly out to see me film for ‘Treat People With Kindness’, right?”        Y/N sighed, giving him a sad smile. She hated disappointing Harry. “I’d love to. But you know with everything going on, I don’t think I’ll be able to.”        “Phoebe Waller-Bridge will be in it.”        She gasped, in real excitement. “Well, why didn’t you say so from the start?!”        “So that’s what this friendship has come to. I’m just your gateway to celebrities?”        “Harry you’ve always been just my gateway to the people living in LaLa Land.” But she let out a small breath much like she’d done before. “I really do want to come, Harry. You know that; I miss you like crazy. But Phoebe or no Phoebe, I don’t think I can.”        Harry bit his lip nodding, but he still needed to try one more time. “Is there anything I can say or do to get you here?”        “Get me a private jet and a quarantine mansion?”        “Deal.”        “Woah! Wait!” Y/N pretty much jumped up from her position in bed. “That was a joke! Harry Edward Styles, I swear to God, if you try an –“        But with a giant grin, he just blew Y/N a kiss and ended the call.        She was quite terrified if she was being honest, that Harry would do what she’d asked. He already had once. It'd been around Christmas time while she was still in First Year at uni, and she’d seen a glistening necklace at a jewellery store display. She hadn’t said anything, hadn’t even uttered a word, but just seeing the sparkle in Y/N’s eyes, was enough for Harry to make the decision and gift it for her.        When the next day, around five AM her time, she got a call from Harry’s manager Jeff, she was ready to rip both of them a new one, an e-mail with a plane ticket popping up in her inbox.        “I swear I’ll poison your drinks when I see you,” she’d grumbled, but couldn’t hide the excitement as she threw everything she could in the suitcase. “And no one will find your bodies, mark my words, Azoff.”        He snorted. “Yeah, tell that to the FBI agent listening in on this call.”        “Fuck. Gave myself away,” she said softly, giggling right after.        “You know he’s stoked beyond belief.” Jeff piped up. “He literally jumped out of the bed this morning, and during the dance rehearsals he didn’t miss a step.”        That made Y/N’s heart warm. “Well, you can tell him to curb it a bit. Otherwise, I’ll just stay at the fucking mansion – which, by the way, it was a joke, Jeff! I’m pissed enough he’s spending money on me as it is, let alone such a chunk on the plane, you didn't have to get me an actual mansion.”        “You know, for you, he’d give away all of it.”        “Yes, well, he might need it for his funeral, if he keeps spending it on me and on shit like this.”        The man shook his head but didn’t say anything else. He wasn’t the only one trying to drop hints to Y/N that Harry felt something more, but he’d leave it to the man himself. He didn’t need to possibly ruin everything, and have her decide not to come. His client was nightmare enough without her around, because Harry was like day and night when Y/N finally arrived on set for ‘Treat People With Kindness’.        To say he enveloped her in a hug would be an understatement as he didn’t let go of her for ten solid minutes, having grabbed her by the underside of the thighs and sat down on the ground just so he could prolong the feeling of being with Y/N.        The fact that she’d actually gone for it and hadn’t scolded Harry too much for spending that insane amount of money, for having brought a small piece of home to LA with herself where they were filming, made him now fully acknowledge the true extent of his feelings, especially as she didn’t pull away from their embrace, rather hid her face in the crook of his neck.        I mean, in the end, he did have to let her go because everyone had to get back to shooting, but not before Y/N had stripped the meticulous jacket from him, and went to have a glance at herself in the large mirror, one of the costume designers playing along and adjusting the clothing on her body, as if she was going to be the one performing.        Harry felt someone slide up to him and he looked over to his left, a smiling Phoebe standing there. She nudged his shoulder with hers. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”        He nodded, looking back over to where Y/N was still looking at herself in the mirror, wearing the heavy jacket as if it was nothing like it was made for her. “I’m a cliché, I know. But I can’t help it.”        “Of course, you can.” She squeezed his side. “All you gotta do is tell her.”        But it wasn’t that easy. Comparatively, getting Y/N to appear in the video was easier than coming to terms with the fact, all they’d ever remain would be friends if he didn’t do anything.        Yet the shoot for the video ended as quickly as it had started, and Y/N needed to fly back to the UK to defend her PhD paper, and Harry had to go back to filming ‘Don’t Worry Darling’, thousands of miles stretching between them once more. And Harry was a romantic, he couldn’t confess over FaceTime. Besides, he wanted to make it a special evening for her, plan something out, rather than risk a shitty connection cutting him off mid-word.        He hated it though. It’d been almost four years since Harry had realised his feelings had developed from just friendly into romantic, and still, he hadn’t said anything. Even the people who’d never met Y/N in person like Florence Pugh saw what was going on.        But unlike the cast and crew of ‘Treat People With Kindness’ who had to deal with his pining for maybe a couple of weeks, it’d been almost half a year for her at that point. Did she just want to call Y/N and tell her how Harry felt? Sure. She’d had enough of him coming into her trailer only to fall down onto her pillow and whine. But it wasn’t her place. So instead, she was going to figure out a way to get Y/N to the set and make him tell her himself.        Getting Harry’s phone away from him should’ve been the inspiration to the next ‘Mission Impossible’ script though, because it took her literally a whole day to fish it out from his coat's pocket, and she only had about ten seconds to find Y/N’s number (which wasn’t that hard given how it was the number with literally hundreds of calls next to it) and put it in her own phone.        Once their filming was done for the day, Florence rebutted Harry’s invitation to a movie night, saying a massive headache was coming on, so he wished her a good night and with slumped shoulders went to sulk on his own. Which is why she practically sprinted to her own trailer to finally call Y/N        An unsure ‘hello?’ greeted her ears before she responded. “Hey, this is Florence… Pugh.”        That stunned Y/N into silence for a few seconds before she spluttered out a greeting and said ‘hi’ as well. “Not to be rude, but how did you get my number?”        “Stole it from Harry’s phone. Look, he’s miserable. Keeps moping around, and I can’t take it anymore. Last night I found him crying in his pillow with your shirt over it.”        “What? Why?”        “Because it didn’t smell like you anymore.”        Y/N’s heart broke. “Why didn’t he tell me anything? We just talked, and he said he was fine. God, that man is so dumb sometimes.”        “Is there any way you could find a way to get here?” Florence asked biting down her lip.        She heard Y/N sigh at the other end of the line. “I’ll – I’ll try and figure something out. Have to know what’s going on at work, I mean it has been like two months since the video, so maybe…” She was more so talking to herself, but then remembered about Florence. “Listen, can I give you a message when I find out if my boss will let me?”        “Of course!” The actress was excited about the possibility of Y/N getting here, as long as it got Harry out of his depressive mood.        “Oh, and I’ll need to know what kind of restrictions are on set. I’ll figure something out with flights and quarantine, but I have zero clue as to what’s it like where you’re filming.”        Florence waved her off, even though she couldn’t see the motion. “Leave that to me. Just get your ass over here before the guy cries himself dry.”        It was a struggle though on all three ends – Harry was still moping, because not only had Y/N’s shirt lost its smell of her, but homesickness was hitting full force, Florence was getting more and more desperate as she attempted to take his mind off of things, but nothing seemed to work, and Y/N was trying to get on any possible flight to Harry while arranging two tests and an AirBnB she could self-isolate in for two weeks while attempting to set up her work from afar at the same time.        Two days after Florence’s call, Y/N sent her a message ‘Flying in tomorrow at 4 AM. Don’t tell Harry. He’ll feel even shittier cause I have to stay alone in quarantine. First test came back negative.”        She sighed in relief at the message and immediately texted back ‘i’ve got you a set pass ready, just need a picture. selfie will do. also, masks are mandatory on the lot, so bring those.’        Immediately Y/N sent a thumbs up, and a picture of herself she didn’t absolutely despise to be used on the ID card. All that was left was to pack. And spend two weeks in an attempt of not going crazy with anticipation before seeing Harry.        Those two weeks turned out to be worse than the two months between the music video shoot and going to the filming lot. Because throughout then, Y/N knew her only access to him would be through FaceTime, but to be about twenty minutes away from the man without the ability to touch him was pure torture, but at least Harry seemed completely oblivious to the change in her surroundings.        As they still continued on with their calls, not once did he mention her background, or how the paintings suddenly had managed to switch positions or the fact that Y/N didn’t even own paintings. She was sure she could’ve been missing an arm, and he wouldn’t have mentioned it with how tired he looked.        “Have you even slept, Har?”        “Not really,” he groaned, getting more comfortable in his bed. “We’ve had a bunch of early shoots and then late nights, ‘cause we need to get the continuity for the scenes, and then the day’s full of Zoom calls, and well, I can’t not call you.”        Y/N scoffed, scolding him. “You know damn well I won’t be offended if we sacrifice a couple of calls for you to get some proper sleep.”        “I know, but I will.”        Y/N sighed, knowing in a way it was her fault. She could tell him she no longer was hours of time zones away, but rather watched the same sunset and sunrise as him, but she also knew Harry, and he would be unable to stay away from her until her quarantine was over.        She was quite happy she’d sat through the fourteen mandatory days, because when she got on set, even though Harry was usually good at keeping his composure during a scene, despite the mask, he’d recognise Y/N anywhere, and all of the lines flew out of his head.        “Jack?” Florence’s hand came to cup Harry’s cheek, trying to bring him back on track. “You alright?”        But he didn’t even care about improvising to get out of the flub as his lips were split apart by a grin, and he dashed away, a loud ‘CUT!’ ringing throughout the set, but Harry already had Y/N in his arms, spinning the girl around.        “Best friends my ass,” Florence murmured as she went to the two.        Harry was speechless, Y/N’s face in between his hands as he looked her up and down. “How are you here? What? Why?”        “Thank Florence.” Y/N gave an attempt at motioning to the actress with her head. She set the whole thing up.”        Harry’s head whipped to his scene partner. “You knew Y/N was here for two weeks and told me nothing?”        “Your brain short-circuited when you saw her! You wouldn’t be of no use on set at all if I had.”        Harry scoffed, throwing an arm over Y/N’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s get away from this meanie.” But as he walked away, he looked over his shoulder and mouthed a grateful ‘thank you’ to her.        All Florence could hope for was that he’d get it together and confess, but it didn’t seem like he was in any sort of a rush. Y/N was set to be there for three weeks, but the thought of the woman leaving without knowing how Harry felt, leaving him in a sea of his own heartache, made her miserable, especially after a night they’d all spent together.        Harry really wanted Y/N to get to know the people he worked with so he invited the ones closest to him for a movie night, during which he himself had been the first one to actually fall asleep, of course.        For most of it, as ‘Westworld’ ran on in the background, he spent curled up in Y/N’s lap, his head resting against her chest with her fingers weaving through the shortened locks. She had to get used to the length, motion automatically wanting to go on longer than it was possible to. Soon enough, the soothing motions lulled her to sleep as well, their bodies leaning into one another and perfectly fitting together.        As tired as Florence was of seeing Harry, a person who’d become her friend now pine for someone so hard, it was absolutely heart-melting to watch the two interact. Everyone could see Y/N had the same feelings as Harry did for her, only she hid them a bit better. A little, but not by a lot.        No friends acted the way those two did around one another. Sure, people could be touchy, but not like that, not with such intimacy behind the motions. She felt like she was being a little creepy as she pulled out her phone to take a picture, but it was too cute not to.        A loud noise from somewhere outside set made Y/N shoot up straight, and Florence held her breath as she clutched onto her phone, having swiped it accidentally into video mode and filming the whole thing.        “No,” Harry whined, a hand reaching up for Y/N and grabbing at her elbow. “Come back. ‘S too early.”        She just nodded, grumbling something unintelligible but possibly along the lines of ‘don’t make me throw hands’ before laying down and snuggling into Harry’s chest.        Florence let out a large sigh of relief and decided to get some sleep as well before their annoying four AM alarm woke them up for set.        This time it was the other way around, as Y/N whined for Harry to ‘come back and keep her warm’.        Florence watched as Harry slipped out of Y/N’s grasp, but not before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead and a whispered a promise to ‘see her when the Sun’s up’. The second the trailer door was closed, she slapped his shoulder, and Harry gasped in shock. “What'dya do that for?”        “Stop that! Stop that stupid dance!” She stomped her foot on the ground. “I’m sick and tired of watching you watch her with that dumb longing expression on your face. I can’t take it anymore. Why do you think I went through all that trouble to get her here?”        “I told you I would!”        She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Look, I know it’s not my place or anything, but she does like you. A lot.”        Harry threw her an uncertain gaze. “And how do you know?”        “Because that woman spent two weeks in self-isolation just to see you! She’s gone through how many of those awful Covid tests just to go and visit you! She’s dropped everything for you, has supported you through so much, and never fails to boost you up.”        “That’s what friends do.”        “No.” Florence shook her head. “That kind of loyalty… that’s what people in love give. I haven’t talked to my best friend in like a month. What’s the longest you’ve gone without speaking to Y/N?”        And with that question, she left Harry to ponder not only his feelings but the girl’s he was in love with as well. Because if he had to be honest, the reason he’d been dragging everything out, the reason he’d stayed pining for Y/N for years on end was that he tried to write everything she did off as something a childhood best friend would do.        The truth was more terrifying than anything because once that came to light, it’d change everything, and Harry didn’t know if he was ready. He wanted it, desperately so if it meant Y/N becoming someone he could love freely and openly, but not if by the end of it, she'd disappear from his life, leaving a hole the size of his heart in his chest.        His thoughts were cut short as someone knocked on the ‘Hair&Make-up’ door, and an assistant let in a pouting Y/N. Well, he couldn’t’ see the pout behind the mask, but he definitely knew it was there, making a smile come on his own face.        She plopped down in an empty sofa and crossed her arms. “I was cold.”        Harry snorted, wanting to shake his head, but didn't as to not ruin the hair stylist’s work. “You’re always cold.”        “And you’re a living furnace.”        “ ‘S that why you like cuddling? Leeching off my warmth?”        The same assistant who’d let Y/N in handed her a cup of coffee, which she was ready to kiss the woman for, but opted for a ‘thank you’. “We’ve established I only use you to get to other celebs. What makes you think I wouldn’t use you for those sort of things.”        For a moment, the trailer settled into silence, as Y/N enjoyed her morning coffee while the crew kept doing their own work.        “It’s so weird,” Y/N piped up, eyes racking up and down Harry’s body. “Don’t even wanna really look at you like that.”        He let out a mock gasp of hurt. “What d’ya mean? Am I suddenly repulsive to you?”        “No!” she let out a laugh. “It’s just odd seeing you without the tattoos. They’re such a huge part of you, even the dumb ones. Can’t really imagine you any differently.”        “Would you love me any differently without them?” The question was bold, even though he knew she did love him, he had to start making moves.        “No,” Y/N shook her head. “I don’t think so. I believe I’d be a different person then as well, but I’d love you all the same. As long as you’d do the same with me.”        Harry nodded looking down at his hands then back up at her, catching her eyes through the reflection in the mirror. “Don’t think there’s a dimension out there where I don’t love you.”        “I mean that is a bold statement,” Y/N said, sipping on the remnants of her coffee. “What if I’m like a weird, cat-skinning psychopath in one dimension? Would you love me even then?”        “Jesus Christ, Y/L/N, do you just normally come up with those gruesome scenarios or is it a hobby?”        She wiggled her eyebrows, standing up and throwing away the paper cup. “There’s a reason I have a VPN and clean my search history. I’ll see you in your trailer?”        “Yeah.” Harry nodded and smiled. “I’ll be there in thirty minutes.”        The next half-hour he kept hyping himself up, about how he was actually going to do it, but Florence intercepted him right as he was turning down the way his trailer stood. “How are you gonna do it?”        “I – “ Harry huffed and placed his hands on his hips. “In the beginning, I had like a whole romantic outing planned, but… I’ve dragged this on long enough, so I think I’ll just tell her.”        “Okay, good.” Florence nodded and slapped his shoulder in approval. “And if I don’t hear that trailer rocking, I will throw you in a ditch.”        Harry’s eyes widened at the statement, fully knowing she meant her words, but she was already half-way down the track, blond hair swishing behind her back.        It was then or never.        Slowly he opened his own trailer door as if it was Y/N’s place not his, but by the looks of how she’d sprawled out on his bed, she had made herself right at home. Just like she’d done it on the first day of school, but just with his heart.        “Hey!” She smiled looking at him. “You ready to film?”        “Yeah, but umm… I kind of wanted to talk to you beforehand.”        Y/N’s brows furrowed at Harry’s serious tone, so she sat up, nodding. “Sure. Is everything alright?” “It’s nothing bad, at least I hope you won’t take it in a bad way... I’ve actually been wanting to tell you this since that winter’s break party you had while doing your masters...” He let out a small chuckle but seeing Y/N’s eyes widen in a panic he stopped. “Oh, God,” she moaned. “You have a kid! Oh my God.” “What? No!” Harry spluttered. “Why the hell is the first thing you assume that I have a kid?” “I don’t know!” She was now standing facing him completely. “We’ve never had secrets between us, especially for as long as you’ve apparently kept them, what am I supposed to think? Maybe one of the girls you hooked up with got pregnant, and you’ve been hiding the fact you’re a baby daddy because you know I wouldn’t be able to keep the fact I can be the cool drunk aunt to myself.” All of that came out as is she’d prepared it ages ago. “Well, no.” Harry shook his head stepping closer so he could be chest to chest with Y/N. “I’m not anyone’s baby daddy. At least I don’t think so, but umm... when that moment would come... when I have a kid...” He looked up at the ceiling and sighed before lifting a gentle hand to cup her cheek. I wouldn’t want you to be the drunk aunt. I um...” There goes nothing. “I’d kinda like if you were the mom.” “Of course, I’ll be the Godmother!” Both of them said at the same time, making the other’s brain stumble over the words said. “Wait, mom?” Y/N’s question was breathless. “Like donate my eggs or some shit?” “No like, I’ve been in love with you for close to four years, and I wanna try and build a future with you, where you’re more than just my best friend.”        “Oh.”        That was all that managed to escape her mouth as he fully opened his heart, and Harry couldn’t lie – it shattered. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but it was more than that. “That’s...” Y/N huffed sitting down on the bed. “That’s a lot to take in Harry. Like a lot.” “I know.” He sighed and sat down next to her. “Which is why I’ve been pushing this away for as long as I could, but... it was time. It wasn’t fair to you or me to keep on living like that. Look.” Harry took her palm in his. “Whatever you want us to be, we’ll be that. I - I mean I’ll be heartbroken if you say you don’t feel the same, but no matter what you tell me now, I won’t let you leave my life. I love you, and I’m in love with you. This is your choice which way you chose to go with.” Y/N shook her head, interlacing their fingers and finally looking up at him. “I don’t want you to be heartbroken. It’s the last thing, I’d ever want to see you like. And umm well, if it takes me using the pair of ovaries I have to admit I’ve been in love with you too to change that, I guess I’ll have to say it. I’m in love with you too.” Harry’s eyes glimmered with unshed tears of happiness, as he looked at Y/N like she’d hung the stars in the sky. Not that it mattered. He always looked at her like that. “You mean it?” “Yeah,” she chuckled, wiping away a few stray pearls from her own cheeks. “I guess I always thought I’d end up the drunk aunt in your life, so that’s why I thought you’d ask me to be whatever future child’s Godmother. But I love you, and I’m in love with you too.” “Can I – “ Fuck, Harry was too giddy for his own good. “Can I kiss you?” And when Y/N chuckled, nodding he swore he already was in heaven. “Yes, please.”        At first, the touch of his lips was gentle, almost afraid, but the second he pressed them to Y/N’s, and she gasped at the sensation, it became full of lust as passion, years of pent-up pining and angst and just plain old stupidity surfacing and morphing itself into a steamy make-out session.        In a split second, she was sprawled out on Harry’s bed, his toned body leaning over hers and teasing hands moving along her sides, making her squirm and ache for more of his touch, but she wasn’t the only one who wanted to explore a body with a new mindset of what was possible.        As Y/N moaned from Harry’s tongue invading her mouth, her hand couldn’t help itself as it slid down his chest, and her finger flicked against the button of his trousers.        “Can I touch you there?” Y/N whispered against his mouth, and Harry eagerly nodded.        “Please. Been dreaming about this for literally years.”        Smiling, she allowed him to continue and explore her mouth with his tongue, intoxicated on one another’s taste. In fact, Y/N was so far gone just from the kiss, she forgot how a fly worked and needed Harry’s help to open it.        “Get back here,” she grumbled as he chuckled, having leaned up a bit to make it easier for her to get the offensive piece of clothing off. “We’ll see how you fare with a bra.”        “Oh, I’m an expert.” His hands trailed to her shoulder where he snapped one of the straps against her skin, making her yelp.        “You do not want to do that when my hand is an inch away from your dick.”        But the threat had no merit to it, as she dipped her palm behind Harry’s boxers while his mouth went to soothe the sting and leave a little mark on her skin, which he’d get to admire later on.        The second, Y/N wrapped her hand around his cock an involuntary moan escaped into the air, as she gripped him. Fuck, she couldn’t wait until he was inside her, because, and it might sound a little cliché given how they were best friends who’d fallen in love with one another, but she was one hundred percent sure, he was made exactly for her.        But no matter how much she twisted her hand or how gently or roughly she rubbed the tip, he couldn’t get hard, and Harry was on the verge of tears, which Y/N saw and instantly pulled away, cupping his face.        “I’m sorry,” he choked out. “Fuck, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”        “Hey!” Y/N cooed. “None of that. It’s alright. Shit happens.”        Harry nodded understanding that she was right, but he still felt shitty and well, he felt insecure about it. “I just. Fuck. Usually, when I think of you, I’m hard in like a second.”        And although all Y/N wanted to do was smirk and tease him about the fact that he thought of her while wanking himself off, that wasn’t the right moment.        “I promise, you turn me on, you do." He sniffled. "This had never happened before.” But Y/N wasn’t offended or sad, and her laugh wasn’t mocking or trying to hurt him.        “Harry you’re dead tired.” She cupped his cheek with one of her hands, and if he’d been ice cream he would’ve literally melted. “You had to wake up at four in the fucking morning and won’t go to sleep until two the next day. Let yourself rest a bit.”        “But,” he whined and then huffed. “But I wanna love on you. Wanna show you just how crazy I am about you.”        “And you will. You know I’ll always hold you to your word. But this won’t be fun for either of us if mid-fuck you suddenly collapse on me asleep. I don’t need to go to the A and E and explain the broken nose is because my boyfriend decided to take a nap while shagging. A nap on my face.”        But Harry hadn’t really heard anything she’d said after Y/N mentioned the b-word, a dopey smile on his face. “I’m your boyfriend? You really want me like that?”        “I mean I would prefer if you were Phoebe…”        Harry pinched her side, making her squeal before tackling her in a hug. “Shut up!”        And that’s how the two fell asleep (and were woken up twenty minutes later by an assistant in a panic given how Harry was supposed to be on set in five minutes)  – wrapped up in one another’s arms, smiles on their faces, and no longer best friends, but lovers.

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

Everything tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64​ @supernaturalbaesduh​ @breezy1415​ @crazy--me​ @thatawkwardlittlefangirl​ @sea040561​ @staryeyedgirl​ @deathbyarabbit​ @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91​ @dalilx​ @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns​ @averyrogers83​ @in-the-end-im-still-trash​ @gallifreyansass​ @dewy-biitch​ @avxgers​ @unlikelygalaxygiver​ @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees​ @bnhvrdy​ @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl​ @sj-thefan​ @teenwolflover28 @lestersglitterglue​ @im-squished​

Harry Styles tags: @sarcasticallywitty15​ @breezykpop​ @girlboss99​ @harrystylesdoesntknowiexist​ @alliyjane​ @sirtommyholland​

A/N: I loved writing this so much :)

P.S. my tags are always open

P.S.S. I don’t take requests, sorry. Also, please don’t repost my story on other platforms (wattpad etc) without specific written permission. 

What do Mystic Messenger characters represent in society? [MysMe]

Mystic Messenger which is a game filled with a lot of action, drama and some sort of romance is still really close to our reality.

Especially the characters represent a lot of us and the many different situations people can be in and suffer from, as every and each of them offers us a route in which we can see more of the character and help them to achieve their ending (or not if you are curious to get the bad endings).

Yet what do those characters represent in our usual lives?

Where do we see each and every one of these characters in our society?

In the following blog post, we will see that every character shows us a certain place and piece of our reality that Cheritz put in their game.

Yoosung Kim

Starting with the youngest member of RFA let’s take the one who hasn't experienced the world of work yet.

As an uni student Yoosung is the very representation of someone who isn’t sure where life could lead him after achieving one big goal: getting into university.

Because despite the fact that standing on one’s own feet starts at that phase in life it is mostly the time where many feel lost as they see themselves stuck in their current life.

And Yoosung is one of those many cases that represent those people in Mystic Messenger.

Living alone for the first time and suddenly feeling the overwhelming force of being responsible for his own mistakes, he sees the sudden challenges of life that come with it.

On top of that with the death of his cousin Rika which he loved so dearly, nobody is very considerate of his feelings, depression and sadness that still lingers inside of him despite that they all claim it is understandable.

His dream job as a vet that was closely tied to the death of Rika’s dog is the more unattainable and painful to think about after the events as he requestions the morals and standards of society.

Being in the age of constantly being expected to give good results and succeed in order to become valuable to society’s standards, he starts to realize how unfair the chances in life are as he compares himself to Jumin Han who was born rich and with his future already set.

We already discussed a lot about Yoosung’s insecurities and general character in another blogpost, but referring to it Yoosung constantly sees no value in whatever he does beside in helping the RFA which as well due to the death of Rika became inactive until MC appeared.

When someone stops to value what he does or sees no merit in it, there are always the questions:

Why did I start this anyway?

What is the whole purpose of this?

Maybe it’s not for me?

And with those questions, with the heavy burden of a private life and social circles that also have a place in one’s life, sometimes there is a need to escape them all.

As a student just running away or taking holidays is not that easy leaving a bunch of responsibilities behind, so the next best way to stop thinking about the life around you is, immersing into another life- gaming.

Gaming may be a good coping mechanism but also a big threat for those who want to constantly flee from their reality slowly developing a game addiction without realizing, just like Yoosung slowly started to lose himself in LOLOL.

Studying, sorrow, wanting to flee but also wanting to become someone standing on stable footing.

They are all parts of finding oneself in the process, going through the harsh times of slowly diving into the world of adults and that is what Yoosung represents - the start of a new phase in life, probably one of the harshest.

Jaehee Kang 

Close, but still more experienced would be Jaehee Kang the only female of the RFA next to the MC, a chief secretary at C&R and  also the assistant of Jumin Han.

Jaehee is someone seen as a prime example and role-model, being a stable career woman who achieved a lot in her life and has a fairly high income to support herself.

In society’s eyes she is someone who contributes to success and as she is even an early top university graduate for which she got a scholarship in highschool making her extremely diligent and intelligent since her childhood.

Yet Jaehee gave up a lot to be in the position she is right now, she even cut her long hair and wears glasses despite her good vision since it is part of the demands Jumin made for the job as his secretary.

As she said herself her work contains a lot of tasks which some of them she isn’t even supposed to do and go beyond her ordinary secretary job, yet she does them and doesn’t complain since she gets paid for it.

In Zen’s DVD she tried to find a bit of happiness in her daily monotone routine as she works day in and day out, where she even eats out a lot and until late hours, having to take care of her boss’s cat when asked to.

In one of the chats in which Jaehee and Yoosung are talking about how successful and stable Jaehee is unlike Yoosung who is still feeling lost and doesn’t have that stability in life which she wouldn’t understand.

Jaehee on the other hand responds that despite having a job it’s not really that what she wanted to do and that she is still wondering what it is that she actually wants to do as she mentions that she used to go hiking a lot as her hobby, showing that despite being in a good position in society Jaehee still doesn’t feel fulfilled and rather a bit trapped in her monotone working routine which she basically devoted her life to.

Jaehee represents those of who seem like they have achieved a lot and do have a place in society job-wise but are still not sure what it is what they really want to do as they live in and out of their secure routine which they maintain and people expect them to be satisfied with.

Zen

Zen or how he is called by his real name, Hyun Ryu is one of the few characters that actually went through and made his dream his actual job.

Despite his looks he did not become a model but an actor depicting many emotions and roles in which he loses himself in while giving his best to show the audience the true nature of the persona he is currently playing.

We see Zen being a bit more on the easy-going side and encouraging Yoosung for example to follow his heart and dreams like he did, since it worked out for Zen. Yoosung encounters that Zen has the looks to follow the way he wants to which he won’t deny yet it’s not the only quality Zen bears.

He is a very hard-working person, strict on himself when it comes to working out or dieting and also tends to be a workaholic engrossing himself in constant development to fulfill his dream, which is not tied to his looks. Quite contrary Zen despises the fact that some people choose him a role only fitting for his looks and even worse asking him only to model instead of acting, as he mentions that it is acting that he wants to do and not modelling.

In that way his wishes often get disrespected or disregarded due to his looks, also he is being seen as shallow which may lead to people jumping to conclusions.

We see in Zen’s route what a harsh path he had to take in order to pursue his dream, it took him a lot of sacrifice, patience and work to be where he is and it’s only the start for him.

He ran away from home since his parents did not approve of his dreams, he was not the best at school and also dropped out renting an apartment for himself struggling through hard times to survive.

But despite that he never gave up since his dream was his passion and something he did with much eagerness and seriousness, even though many may call it foolish or risky.

Zen is the best representation of the people in our society who choose to derive from the usual path striving for a stable job and take many risks to achieve their dreams.

Because of those dreams life may get a bit harder and the chances are not high, yet Zen is the best example that it takes time, sacrifices and sometimes harsh circumstances to reach that what you want to do.

He is the hard reality of chasing your dreams.

Jumin Han

More or less in our category of society, Jumin Han is a less common case of working hard to achieve a high status and standard in that sense which doesn’t make him lazy or given everything for nothing, but makes his life sure easier from a materialistic perspective.

Cue materialism the first thing that not only RFA mentions when MC enters the chatrooms in the first days but also a misunderstanding from the start is that Jumin only sees numbers and facts, wielding his money to obtain whatever he desires and living an easy life.

Sure enough, money is one of the most fundamental problems that make life much harsher when it's lacking, also it’s the main cause of many stress factors since education, work and status are all basically tied to money. 

If the world is not about money in a certain sense why are we struggling that much anyways to get amazing jobs and maybe in some cases like Jaehee give up part of our life and identity?

But Jumin is the perfect example that the rich people who exist out there or at least some of them do not rely solely on their privilege of being born rich, yet still work hard to prove their position in society as Jumin still graduated as a top student, being part of MENSA which requires high IQ to become a member of and has a policy of working as efficiently as possible.

In that sense Jumin is a talented, intelligent young man who doesn’t want to simply rely on his background but also showcase his skills as he always strives to get the best results in the company to make sure he deserves the place as the CEO in line.

Since Yoosung constantly nags and complains about Jumin’s background being a bliss and that he had a comfortable and easy life, Jumin does not tell him he might be wrong but that he simply did not decide to be born that way and still encourages Yoosung that he has good qualities which Jumin finds appealing enough to hire him as an intern, showing him that it’s still important which skills someone hones.

Yoosung is just one example of people viewing him as someone who is just lucky enough to be born rich or the unfairness of status by birth, but they do not see the the dark side of Jumin’s life as he never had any stable relationships beside V that he cherishes so much also that people only put light on his status but not the work that he himself put into, visiting lessons since childhood not growing up like a usual kid playing freely without fearing to be kidnapped.

Therefore the concept of love is quite strange for him and beside in the good ending of his own route where he finally starts to learn about it, the box of emotions Jumin holds is always hidden deep within him projecting his own weaknesses on Elizabeth the 3rd who gives him the secure form of love and loyalty.

In any other situation love is not needed in the world he grew up in since facts and cold logic represented as results of success is what the people need to see from him, mistakes are a sign of weakness and incompetence especially him who everyone is constantly watching.

Jumin represents those in society who may seem to have high status, wealth and cozy life yet struggle due to the things that cannot be merely achieved by money alone, highlighting the importance of interpersonal relationships.

Saeyoung Choi/707/Luciel

That the world is not an easy place that can be seen only as black and white shows us the next character who suffered a lot through the dark and hidden secrets that society often tries to brush under the carpet.

Saeyoung Choi and his twin brother who we will examine later, show us the cruelty hidden in a small apartment living with an abusive mother who used to beat them up, verbally abuse them as a consequence of them being the illegitimate child of the prime minister.

Since Saeyoung was the more skilled one from a young age, he was treated badly but not as worse as his brother Saeran, which left him with no choice than using his talent to save his brother.

In order to that there was only one option and it was to leave his brother behind leaving him in the hands of V and Rika to protect him while Saeyoung would study to make sure when comes back he and Saeran could run away together.

And he took that option instead of fearing to be killed by his father one day or even by his mother.

In the end Saeyoung landed in an agency which stripped him of any identity and made him work like a machine even before he turned legal due to his level of skill and intellect.

With no place to escape anymore and the only light thinking that Saeran is safe and protected from some floppy disks he has with some pictures of him, he gave into corruption but not turning bad since his intentions kept him pure.

The RFA were a little safespace for him yet Seven never had the right as he claims for that since he doesn’t even have an identity anymore being neither Saeyoung nor any other person as his jobs demands for him to constantly change names and places if needed, therefore he doesn’t even have personal data anywhere.

He even forgot who he is at some point if it wasn’t for V and the floppy disks leaving him in an identical crisis and no hope to be understood by anyone as he constantly wears a mask and never is his true self.

In his eyes his is constantly extorted by his agency and even in some routes he claims that RFA puts a heavy load of work on his back which he likes to do but there are some endings in which Seven finds out that Saeran is under bad circumstances and even worse the hacker who infiltrated RFA and wanted to get rid of him, leaving him to lose trust in the last person he had, V.

Saeyoung Choi represents those who are mistreated, used and extorted in society, forced to live a life in which they cannot decide for themselves and were left to make choices that led them to an unfavorable position instead of helping them.

He is the one showing us that the shadows exist and fear of losing existence due to being nuisance and eyesore for people who have a more favorable place in the eyes of the government.

Saeran Choi/Unknown/Ray

Last but not least the other part of the shadows, Saeran Choi also known as either Ray or Unknown.

Unlike his brother he is at first not shown to have any special talent and since childhood he was a very fragile and kind boy who was seen as weak due to his nature.

A trait that made him prone to being attacked and mistreated not only by his mother but many other people.

But starting with his mother as he was less free than Saeyoung and even tied him up to avoid that he would roam around freely, his mother used to call him weak, useless and of no value as his brother is far better than him and skilled, at least making him worth to be kept alive.

She even deprived him of food and water at times, beat him up and made sure he would know his place in the world as she describes people like us comparing him to her.

Yet Saeran always looked up and trusted his brother since he was a good-natured person despite the fact that he started to manifest the idea that he himself is useless and a burden.

Even when Saeyoung left he was sure that he had a good reason and blamed himself for being useless, but due to certain circumstances and manipulation he was told that Saeyoung ran away from him.

It took a lot of torture and brainwashing to make Saeran finally give up the idea that Saeyoung will keep his promise and never ran away from him. which he later fueled his grudge with.

Rika who used him for mint-eyes plans made sure to keep him as Ray, the one who knew that he was of no merit or value to the outside world, and the moment he would leave the place he now belonged to would be the moment people would trample him, the weak down to the ground.

She also made sure to make him believe that there is no other place for him since he is someone unstable, someone who can only bloom if he worked for mint-eye and that his skills are not needed beside in here the place that would never betray him.

As we notice in Ray’s chats, the same exact words are used when he speaks to MC as he tells her if he doesn’t succeed he would be thrown away and that the world outside is an unprotected place full of people who are cruel.

Weirdly enough in one of the chats Ray shows MC a photo of two plants that sprouted in the from the same ground, but one was almost dying while the other one bloomed as he referred to Saeyoung and himself,  noticing that the stronger one used the weaker to survive therefore he cut the stronger one and used it as a fertilizer rejecting the idea that in any kind of way the stronger could win over the weaker one even in nature’s way.

MC who can be as nice to Ray/Saeran as she wants to be, he will always bring up the fear of being left behind as he has the stigma of being unstable by himself or unusable if not finishing the job as it’s the only thing he can bring any profit in and that he is no use if he doesn’t fulfill his role as a puppet.

Saeran Choi represents the undermined and discarded people of society who were not give a chance nor an option to show their ability, but were stigmatised or manipulated to act as puppets as they are only of worth when they can fulfill the needed tasks as their weakness is something unsightly and doesn’t have a place in this world.

The weak never survives, it’s the survival of the fittest… which means if there is no merit in what he does there is no need to keep him.

Are there any other characters which you see in society that are also part of the mystic messenger cast?

Do you feel especially tied to one of the characters in one of these aspects?

Until then - I just got a message

Makii

Original Source

Too Good At Goodbyes

Harry Styles X Reader

A/N: so I’ve been obsessed with Sam Smith’s song, Too Good At Goodbyes lately. And it’s inspired me to write something angsty. I am a sucker for angst, so I hope you like it. I’ll be writing something for Ty soon, I promise. It’s just hard as they’re on hiatus. So please stick with me. I really do appreciate all of your support. It means the world to me. The italics will either mean it’s the future or the past, or a phone call or text! Please keep that in mind as you’re reading.

Trigger warnings: angst, mention of death

“You know I love you more than anyone in this world, but we can still love each other without being together, right?” she pulls her sleeves over her hands, wiping at her eyes. Mascara ran down her face, streaking her cheeks with black. Harry broke on the inside, seeing her so hurt. He didn’t think he would ever get over that. He was protective, always defending her no matter where they were. Harry didn’t like seeing her upset. She was always so bubbly, cheerful. It was only recently that he started to notice that something was actually wrong.

Harry was always gone, never to be seen when she needed him most. Ever since they were children they were attached at the hip. The pair were inseparable, and right before he auditioned for X Factor, he finally got the guts to make things official between the two of them. She was at university and he was touring the world, so it made things hard to keep up. They facetimed every night, needing to hear each other’s voice no matter how late or early it was. They were independent, sure. But they depended a lot on each other as well. They could breathe on their own, but it was always easier when they were together.

Whenever Y/N was on holiday, she would go with Harry on tour, watching him do what he loved most. He held her heart, and she held his. Their relationship would make anyone jealous. They were truly happy, they were meant to be together. No matter what the world decided to throw at them, they would easily get through it. At first, she was apprehensive to date her best friend. He was becoming one of the world’s biggest stars, and well… she felt like she was a nobody.

Even though they meant the world to each other, she wouldn’t let him in when they began to date. Y/N had dated several others before her, and it always ended up the same: they would leave her in the dirt and find someone else. Someone “better” than she could ever be. She opened up easily before all of that, and now she was terrified to open up. She was scared to be hurt again. And when Harry asked her to be his girlfriend, she thought it was going to be easy, she really did. But Y/N was wrong. She worked hard at it. The relationship wasn’t supposed to be any different than their friendship, so what was holding her back? Perhaps it was because the stakes were higher? If things ended badly, would their friendship last?

Harry was always grounded because of Y/N. She kept him humble, she ensured that he was always a gentleman wherever he was, whatever he was doing. He was thankful for that. He didn’t ever want to lose a part of himself as he became more and more famous. Whenever things got too stressful, she was there to comfort him. To bring him home.

“H, you really need to get some rest.” she coos. “It’s been days since you’ve had a good night’s rest. I’m really worried.”

“ ‘m alright, pet. Promise. Be in bed soon, just gonna finish up this song, yeah?” he responds, the exhaustion clearly showing in his voice. “Gotta have it by tomorrow night, otherwise the team’s gonna have my ass.” he reaches for her hand, giving it a tight squeeze. “ ‘m almost finished. Stop worryin’ so much. ‘S not good for your health darlin’.”

She purses her lips and pouts, and with that Harry sighs and puts his pen down. He could never say no to her whenever she had that pleading look in her eyes. He crawls into bed with Y/N, holding her smaller frame against his larger one. She was right, he hadn’t had a good night’s rest in a long time. He was trying to finish writing a few songs for their next album.

Harry holds her close to his chest, listening to her gentle heartbeat. He closes his eyes and falls asleep to the gentle thumping that came from his lover’s body.

“Harry?” Nick snaps him out of his trance. He couldn’t lie, he was thinking of Y/N as she lie in bed alone, probably wondering if he had been getting his well deserved rest. Harry was currently in Jamaica, writing his solo album. He begged Y/N to come with him, but knew she couldn’t due to her being in school still. Harry could tell that she was exhausted and would give anything to get away, but she simply couldn’t.

“Please, Y/N. Just come with me. Want you there with me.” Harry pleads.

“Harry, you know I would love to come with you, but I can’t just up and leave uni. I’m so close to finishing, and when I’m done I will come with you on tour and everything. Promise.” she smiles ever so sweetly, standing on her tiptoes to give him a gentle kiss.

“I know, just miss you so much, love.” he sighs. The boys announced their hiatus and just got back from their tour, only to be leaving right after to get started on his solo album. He wasn’t even home for a month before he left her once more. Harry never realized how much it hurt Y/N when he left. How she would cry for him to come back after he shut the door, how the love they once shared slowly dwindled down to something that was barely holding on by a thread.

“You know I miss you too, H. And I would give anything to be with you. I’ll always be there in spirit, and you know that. I’m just a phone call away.”

“What is it?” Harry finally answers.

“You alright, mate? Seem out of it lately.” Nick inquires.

Harry shrugs and knuckles his eyes, the exhaustion catching up to him. He wished Y/N was here to force him to take a nap. He wanted her there so she could play with his hair as he fell asleep. He wanted to kiss her full, pink lips. Harry wanted her to be there. He was close to finishing up the album, and he couldn’t wait to get back home to her.

He felt awful for not calling her as often as he should’ve, or responding to her texts. Harry was worried that she was crying. He had become so busy that he didn’t seem to have a single care in the world. At times, he found himself going out to drink, getting so drunk that he would start to dance with random girls, not knowing what was getting into him until Jeff knocked some sense into him by dragging him out of the bar and showing him his phone. It was only then when he saw a picture of her that he snapped out of his frenzy.

He would rub his temples and would try to call Y/N, his attempts only reaching the voicemail.

“Hey there! It’s Y/N. So sorry I can’t get to the phone right now, but I’d love it if you dropped a voicemail! I’ll get back to you soon!”

“Hey, love, ‘s me.” he slurred. “ ‘m so sorry ‘ve been so MIA lately…” he rubbed his eyes and paused, not really sure what he was going to say. Why was it so hard for him to talk? This never happened, but it felt forced. He didn’t know why. “We’re almost finished here, be home soon. Want to hear your voice. Call me when you have the chance, yeah?”

He hung up the phone and tossed it on the pillow next to him, groaning to himself. What was the matter with him? Why was everything becoming so difficult? Harry loved Y/N, so why did he feel like things were going down the drain? He couldn’t possibly lose her, not now. Not ever.

His phone rang shortly after, her name lighting up his phone. He smiles and picks it up, groggily greeting her with a hello.

“Hey H.” she didn’t sound too happy. And she sounded tired. Mentally? Physically? He wasn’t sure which it was anymore.

“How’re you, petal?” he slurs.

“Alright, how about you?” she inquires, not much emotion showing in her voice. Y/N didn’t sound excited like she normally is. She wasn’t asking him about the album, or when he would be back. She just sounded… hurt. Was that the word he was looking for? He wasn’t sure why she was acting so cold towards him.

“Good. ‘m good. Just got home from the bar with the band. Had a couple o’ drinks… be home in a week or two.”

“I know. Seemed to be having a lot of fun with those girls grinding on you.” she spits out. Her voice cracks ever so slightly, and he knows she’s on the verge of tears. Harry hated to admit it, but this isn’t the first time it happened. He has gotten drunk on way too many occasions and found himself dancing with strangers. He never wanted to admit it, but he was close to cheating on Y/N as well. Though he never did, he found himself looking for people that looked like her. He seeked them out and his band members had to drag him out and take him back home before he did something that he would regret for the rest of his life.

“Babe, ‘s not what it looks like.” Harry began.

“I’m sure it wasn’t. It’s just not something I want to see at 5 am. My phone was going nuts. And all my notifications were about this. Look, I’ll see you when you get back. I’m really exhausted and I… I need to go.”

Harry felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach. Y/N’s voice was trembling. He couldn’t bear the thought of her crying herself back to sleep because of him. Because of some stupid drunken thing he did. He doesn’t know what’s gotten into him. He could have any person he so desired, and he was taking advantage of it. Harry was never one to keep a relationship for too long. He hated being committed to one person for extended periods of time. Maybe he was too good at goodbyes. It was easy for him to break things off with people. He didn’t feel like he needed to be tied down by anyone.

That was until he realized that he was in love with his best friend. He noticed that he couldn’t live without her. He was a mess all the time, and he needed her to take care of him. Y/N was his anchor, his boulder. The one thing that was really consistent in his life.

“ ‘m sorry, love. Really. Go back to bed. I love you.”

“Love you too, H. Goodnight.”

And with that the line went silent. He frowned at her words. To them, “love you” and “I love you” have different meanings to it. They would say “love you” whenever they were angry and upset at each other. It never held the same meaning without the “I” in it. Didn’t feel as special anymore.

Harry finally arrived home, smiling as he saw Y/N waiting at the airport for him to arrive.

“Love!” he shouted as he dropped his bags and ran to her, picking her up off the ground as he spun her around. “ ‘ve missed you.�� he begins showering her with kisses.

She laughs slightly and looks down at him, kissing his nose.

“Missed you too, Harry.” she takes his hand and walks out to the car with him, the shine in her eyes only returning a little bit. She didn’t want him to see her cry. Y/N had reached her breaking point. She worked her ass of to get into her top school, only to be denied. On top of that her grandpa died recently, and she had to go to the funeral alone because when she told Harry, he was drunk. She knew that after the release of his album, he would go on tour again, leaving her to be by herself as she finished up her studies. It didn’t help that the news outlets had articles floating around about Harry leading a mystery woman to his room while he was in Jamaica. Normally, she would never believe any of those stories, but with so many things piling up on her plate emotionally, she wasn’t sure what to believe anymore or how to feel. Her mental health was in no way in good condition. She became numb very easily.

She got in the car and began to drive to their shared home, not really talking too much on the way back. Harry didn’t seem to mind though, he was simply on his phone texting away to his friends, checking social media, whatever the hell was going on in his life.

Y/N pulled into the driveway and helped Harry with his luggage, bringing it back inside. The house still had that familiar floral scent that Y/N loved so much. He takes in a deep breath and smiles to himself, plopping down on the couch after he brings his things back into their bedroom.

“Ah, feels good to be home.” he stated happily. Harry notices that Y/N doesn’t come sit down next to him immediately like she normally does when he returns from a long time away from her. “Come ‘ere, pet. Want to cuddle yeh.”

She nods and sits down next to him, deciding to lay her head on his lap as he played with her hair. She shuts her eyes in hopes that she can prevent the tears from falling, but to no avail. He feel something fall onto his leg, warm and wet.

“Love, are you cryin’?” he asks quietly.

Y/N shakes her head and curls into a ball, wiping her eyes subtly.

“What’s wrong?” he continues to pry.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” she stuttered.

“No, love, look at me. What’s goin’ on?”

Deep down, Harry knew. He knew about all the nights she cried herself to sleep, he knew how her tears would dry faster with time whenever he left. Harry knew that he was fucking up, but he didn’t know how to fix any of it. He was away more than he was home, and when he was home, he wasn’t focused on the two of them, he was focused on something completely different. Everytime she came to visit, he didn’t spend much time with her at all, leaving her alone on the tour bus. It wasn’t until the last few months when he noticed the light in her burning out. He never understood what was happening until Niall brought it to his attention.

“Oi, mate. Your girl alright?”

Harry glances over at Y/N sitting at the bar by herself, swirling her glass of alcohol around. It was untouched, and the ice was beginning to melt.

“She looks alright to me.” he half yells in the club they were in.

“You sure? She seems a bit sad. Doesn’t seem as happy anymore to me.” Niall responds.

Harry looks over one more time, now noticing her pale face, the bags under her eyes, and the dulled expression in her eyes. He was right. How could he not notice this before? Not only was she his girlfriend, but she was his best friend as well. He could always tell when something was wrong.

‘Y/N, talk to me.” Harry demands.

She sits up from his lap, using his borrowed sweater to wipe her eyes.

“You know I love you more than anyone in this world, but we can still love each other without being together, right?” she pulls her sleeves over her hands, wiping at her eyes. Mascara ran down her face, streaking her cheeks with black. Harry broke on the inside, seeing her so hurt. He didn’t think he would ever get over the sight of her breaking right in front of him.

“What are you talkin’ bout, darlin’?” he whispers.

“Harry…” she begins. “I’ve been trying so hard. So fucking hard to be myself, to be that happy, normal girl I normally am. But it’s… it’s so difficult. I’m tired. I’m drained. I can’t keep doing this whole… waiting for you to come back for me. Wondering if you’ve found someone better… the thought that you could leave me in the dirt. You know you’re my best friend and the love of my life, and you always will be… but fuck Harry! It’s like you aren’t even here anymore. Even when you’re with me… your head is somewhere else. I can’t take it. I had to go to my grandpa’s funeral alone because you couldn’t even spare a couple of days to be with me. You know how close I was with him! It would’ve meant the world to me if you were there to help me. I had no one! My mom’s a deadbeat and my dad left us. You were supposed to be the one to hold me. You were supposed to be there for me when I spoke about him, and how I was crying on the stand hoping someone would be there to let me know that everything was going to be okay. I got denied to go to my top graduate school, and I couldn’t even tell you because you were so proud of your album and I didn’t want to be a nuisance about it. It’s not fair, Harry. It’s really not!” she explodes. She’s sobbing now, the pain in Harry’s chest increasing with every tear that falls from her delicate face. He never realized how much pain she was in. Sure, he began noticing the signs that something was wrong… but he didn’t know about all this new information she just let out on him.

Harry didn’t have any words. What was he supposed to say? An apology wasn’t going to cut it, but at this point he wasn’t even sure words were going to make anything okay anymore. His vision became blurry as tears began to fill his own eyes, the emerald green that once showed so much love and light disappearing. It was replaced with hurt and anger, mainly at himself for not being a better boyfriend, and being a shit best friend.

Harry was snapped out of his trance when she spoke once more.

“We don’t stand a chance, do we Harry?”

Depression

Like knives that dig deep into your spirit, And fingernails crushing your fragile heart in your chest. The lies your demons tells you that you’re unworthy of love and that the world is better without you in it. How your self confidence is mentally crippling. The desire for it just to stop- for everything to stop.

Depression is a growing disease. It can sneak up on you for years and pounce or gradually worsen.

It’s different for everyone.

But the fact still remains that to lie there in bed at night dreaming of ways to die just to feel calm enough to sleep is a worrying factor.

I’m mainly over my depression now - if someone asked I would say i do struggle with depression but I have found coping mechanisms.

But I guess this post is just to explain stuff to people who may not understand their depression completely yet, and how the road to recovery is long and hard but can be successful :)

Last night I had a blip- my desire to self harm returned and the ideas that nobody needed me and I was worthless returned.

I had been drinking which I do not think helped and I was pouring tears out into my pillow as my heart wrenched. I fiddled with my fingers as I do when I get the urge to self harm and I lay in bed in mental agony.

But I got through the night- self harm free- and well rested for today.

My self confidence is always something that I have struggled with, and after putting on a bit of weight at uni and various scenarios it’s dipped recently - especially over these last couple of days.

It’s safe to say that even right now at 4:48am I feel pretty hopeless.

I’m still struggling with depression but these are some following things I do to help myself when I blip: 1. Remind myself the feeling passes- I know that it super sucks when you feel that way and it’s so overwhelming but it’s true, the feeling does and will pass eventually 2. Fiddling with my fingers - I’ve done this for a while now that when I want to self harm I fiddle with my fingers. For me this almost sends a mental message to my head saying “Jess you need to do something about this” 3. Yesterday something that really helped me is I became stubborn and fought my depression as much as I could, I told myself that even at 6am if I was really wanting to self harm and I was getting that far towards doing it then I’d get up, get dressed and go for a walk outside. And I would literally force myself. To me this helped bc I was rly tired and didn’t wanna go for a walk :P so basically whenever I got the urge to self harm and I had to almost mentally prepare myself to go on a walk- instead I just ended up thinking about how tired I was and relaxed and the urge subsided enough genuinely bc I really did not want to get out of bed. 4. I told my friends - a wrote a note to the people I trust around me telling them how recently I’d been dipping back into my self destructive nature and I asked them just to look out for me- this helped as I can get quite edgy when I feel this way so I like to tell people when I’m feeling depressed so they don’t take it to heart if I’m being slightly different to my normal self- and also they just make an extra effort to ask if I’m ok which I think I need sometimes so people remind me that they care about me and I’m not a waste of space. 5. Be Boss af. I want to help make a change to this world. I want to increase awareness of mental health disorders and I want to help people who struggle. I also want to make a homeless charity! When I’m feeling hopeless I like to remind myself of the things I can achieve for others and I will do something that does that. For example: I may write a blog post explaining my feelings in help that I might help someone else 2. I may think and write ideas down in bed for my charity idea 3. I may consider voulenteering at various charities and contact them

Know my triggers! - My triggers can be as small as feeling someone is acting ever so slightly different with me. I fear losing people, and I worry that they will get bored of me and just drop me like I mean nothing. This is the main thing that causes me to panic and I feel worthless and start believing I am worth nothing. What I normally try do to accommodate for this is tell people and 90% of the time they are totally understanding and reassure me ❤

I also drink water and shower and listen to music!

All these things help me and I hope they can help someone else ❤

So, I met this guy, he's 25 and I'm 19. I met him in my first semester at uni, while he was in his second last. We met in a very absurd way, in which I approached him first as a joke, while I was wearing a jughead crown and asked him (he was just a random person walking past me that time) if he recognised who I was dressed as. I felt oddly attracted to him since that very day. Admited it was also because he is smoking hot and talked liked a proper gentleman. He started greeting me/waving at me every now and then after this and I developed a very, weird odd crush on him. Its difficult to explain. However, I used to linger outside his classes, as I didnt have any other way of seeing him, he barely spent any time in uni. Basically, the probability of him & I ever happening was 0 at that point but I tried. One day I bluntly went up to him and asked him to join me for lunch. He said yes and we spent more than an hour or two together. He asked me how old I was and he was a little caught off track at my age. It has bothered him since. Anywho, a few days later I asked him for his number and he bluntly walked away and said no. So heartbroken I gave up and winter vacations started and I assumed I was over him and that he'd be gone and graduated when I came back. On coming back, I ended up seeing him on the first day. The next day, he approached me and asked me to accompany him to get coffee. Shocked, I said yes. We spent a few 40 or something minutes together and upon asking him why he was hanging out with me, considering he'd just told me he doesnt hang out with people a lot, he said "you're different". Confused but flattered, I was like, alright, I'm just going to go with the flow with this guy. We started hanging out every now and then, and he ended up being in my group of friends' philosophy course. We hung out one on one many times, as friends, a lot. He also ended up drawing me for his art class and while doing so called me beautiful and gave me random compliments. One day while hanging out, he bluntly told me, that he knew I had liked him but we could never be together because of our 6 year age gap and that he'd experienced a lot and to him, I was a kid, but he loved to be friends with me. Broken, I said okay, and we exchanged numbers. Few days passed, he started befriending my friends, and introduced one of his other friends to us. He started hanging out with my group of friends (obviously with me) on a daily and quick enough we became super close, as a group. The only difference was, him & his friend, drank alcohol every now and then and did weed. We didnt, not because we didnt have opportunities, but because we never got into it. This, according to him was a blocking factor between him & I as well. We became super close. One day, he texted me drunk at 2am, followed by different incidents of the sorts. We never confronted these face to face, but my friends started to mention how he might like me as more than just a friend. I didnt exactly believe it, because Im a doubtful human, and his declaration of our age gap being too much. However, one day we were alone, and we started talking and our conversation got sexual. Now, I'm a virgin, and he's been with MANY women in his past. And we got really close until he jumped back and started shaking his head no. This moment, he admitted he has lots of sexual feelings for me, as do I for him. Howver, he doesnt want to have sex with me, because of me being virgin and pure and too young. He said he has to distance himself from me, but I really started liking him, even just as a friend, so I told him that wasnt an option for me. We agreed on being just friends. Things got intense after this, a glimpse, a touch, an excuse for a phone call, friends purposedly leaving us alone, hugs getting longer, hangouts getting longer, and during this time we ended up developing a very strong emotional connection. Our friendship got stronger, as did our feelings for each other. We started hanging out alone, in a seclluded hockey ground where we started off by just chilling, but started lying down together, watching the sky, reading together etc. By now my friends were certain he liked me a lot.A few days later he hung out with another few mutual friends, and they came to me later to tell me that throughout all he talked about, was me, and how Im a beautiful human being and hes never met someone like me etc, and he started texting me asking me why I wouldnt show up at such hangouts.weeks later we ended uo going to a music fest together. And that day, I drank with him for the first time and it was the most beautiful day ever. We danced together, sang together, experienced live music, just generally had tons of fun and we got very intimate. That night while we were sitting together, he kissed my head and bit my cheek randomly. Now I was sure he liked me.Weekend passes, and next week, he becomes distant and a bit off. We hang out, the 'same', except I start resting my head on his shoulder, he starts picking me up, spinning me around and just, getting real close. None of us talks about the weekend until one day we break and he asks me "What are we even doing?" and we get into a heated argument, where he confesses he really wants to ask me out, take me home, lie me down get some wine and just be with me. He ends up saying he doesnt even care about the sex, he just really likes me. But then he says I cant give him what he wants, like being able to spend the night at his place or show up at his place whenever and shit. While, yes I couldnt offer him that right now, it was something I would be able to offer in a while. Then he brought up the whole, he has to graduate and go abroad for 3 months problem. Confused, both of us came to no solution. He suggested we stayed friends until he came back and then tried this out, but then he declared hed hook up with girls in this time and I wasnt okay with that and he understood that. So we came to no conclusion, until I told him we could be just friends, until he came back and he could be with whoever, but then he himself told me he couldnt do that because it would hurt me. A nervous wreck, both of us just went and hung out with the rest of our friends and didnt continue this conversation. Things seemed okay until next Monday he didnt show up to uni and instead asked me to come over to his place. Nervous, I quickly got my things and went over. We started hanging out and just chilling until he started cuddling me and we ended up making out. It got real hit and heavy, clothes off, hands all over and went on for a bit until we stopped. We got high together that day as well and then he took me out on a date to get the best pizza, and we drove around for hours. It was the most beautiful day. We started hooking up almost every other day until one day I thought we'd have sex, but he told me he couldnt do that to me and thats not something we needed to do. We went on dates, he made me breakfast in bed, Id play with his dogs, his house staff recognised me now and people started to see us as a couple. We started dating. Until one day, we stopped. He started ignoring me a bit, I started losing my shit. This went on for a week until I confronted him and he told me we couldnt date. He said he started off thinking we could be just fuck buddies until he realised Im not that girl, and that I was a relationship girl and he would want me to meet his family and stuff, but he couldnt introduce me to them because, I looked TOO young and I made him feel like a kid from school, by having to sneak me in, take me home during daytime and stuff. Hurt, I ended up begging him to not leave. He said he wouldnt, but we'd be just friends. I said alright.Next week, he stops coming to classes, I start hearing about how he's drunk a lot and how hes sick. Worried I start calling him asking him to come to uni and stuff. He delays responses and I panic again. The thing is, we had barely 2 months before he left, and both of us had fallen hard for each other, the problem being, Im anxious as FUCK and he's calm. One day I end up telling him to see me the next day because I HAD to talk to him. We met and I bluntly told him, that we were just friends, I wasnt going to make any move on him now, apologised for coming off all clingy and that what happened, happened. And that Id love to give us a shot later when he returned, but until then, just friends. He calmed down and we went back to being normal. We hung out more and stuff until we, once again started getting physically close again. And now his friends told me how hes never been this way with a girl, and they started recognising me more, and asking me about where he was and stuff as if I was his girlfriend. We started hanging out, getting drunk together again and getting close and personal. He started going back to being a little romantic, and while he tried hiding it, it was obvious. One day we ended getting too close again and not sexually, our closeness just became intimacy. He ended up dropping me home one day and meeting my mom and promising her that he'd come over again and said hed have dinner with my parents before he left. His friends started telling me how Im all hes about and how hes genuinely in love with me and I, with him. We're going through a weird back and forth, where hes telling me hes going to be back in september amd how we should all go on trips together and shit. 2 days pass, and he starts being a little cold again. Everything seems fine, until a few days ago we got too close again and he bluntly says how him & I can never happen. I ask why and he says the age gap is too much. And he doesnt know when or if hes coming back, after when he goes abroad.The thing is, Im very much in love with him and him with me, and hes bluntly declared how he doesnt want any other woman, or hes sick of just sex, and how he doesnt have time for relationships etc, and his friends keep saying how hes too hooked on me to ever be with someone else.How do I deal with this? I have a strange feeling he thinks, I only want him for sex and that he'll never come back and that both of us will never move on and will always want to be with each other, but his age insecurity will hold him back for quiet a while. Im hurt, scared and confused. How do I be patient with him? via /r/dating_advice