Dead cold autumn

i want to see lucas and el have a plot together in season 5!! i want more about the inner-workings of their relationship. i think that those two have had tension since season 1.

after all, lucas was the first one to suggest that “maybe el is the monster”. i truly believe that moment (and her subsequently throwing lucas across the junkyard) is what causes her spiral with *someone* or *something* having to be the monster in the story.

plenty of people point out el’s [someone has to be the monster] complex. brenner, henry, mike… i wonder what kind of closure that part of the narrative will receive (will the answer be someone? no one? nothing?).

i want to see el and lucas having a friendship, and bonding over max (and potentially the loss of the rest of the friend group)… i have a feeling this season is going to be pretty bleak/harrowing all of the way through, from the beginning. i’m scared i’m going to have to mourn the gang splitting up.

but i hope that we ultimately get to see some new dynamics with existing characters, rather than them introducing anymore new characters for season 5

I don't know why I'm so fixated on The Ascension like jackel didn't say he has the equivalent of a kid out there IS THAT what he's scared will hear him? When will we meet it???

a darkness in beauty, forever enticing

the mystique and the unknowable—siren song

𝕻𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖆𝖑

"𝙰 𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜 𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚏𝚕𝚢 𝚊 𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚐𝚐𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚟𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚟𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚃𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚏𝚘𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚙𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚞𝚗𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚎𝚍, 𝚢𝚎𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚊𝚛 𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚞𝚗𝚎 𝙸 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢 𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝚊 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏-𝚜𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚗 𝙶𝚘����."

© ＯＢＬＡＫ

so the thing about identifying with a fictional character is that you must always remember that you are a real person

the character is bound to the narrative, the character will make the choices the author gives them

you are a human being with your own agency and ability to make your own choices

circumstances/environment have effects on your agency/ability, yes

but there is no grand narrative arc, there are no protagonists and antagonists, there is no moral, there are no plot twists, there is no story at all

replaying far cry 5 just makes me sad that there arent any good nick/kim/john fics :(

Some weird ass feeling i get.

Ok, so here's something weird about myself I've literally never told anyone before. sometimes when i close my eyes i get this weird feeling of something, though i have no idea what, growing and shrinking. Sort of gaining mass or getting thicker, it's oddly rhythmic and it feels really strange. I don't physically feel anything, it isn't emotional, and i cant see it. the only way i can think to describe it is as if i could ALMOST see it and ALMOST physically feel it. Like a layer with transparency turned all the way up. it can effect how i feel about my physical body, say maybe i was scratching my arms at the time or something, and i would get the growing and shrinking feeling in my arms. its happened since i was a kid and it used to make me really uncomfortable, it still does but its a bit better when i remind myself it isn't real (like, that my body isn't literally growing beneath my fingertips, even though it kinda, sorta, almost feels that way). i have no idea what this feeling is and I have never seen or heard of anything like it. oh right, it can kinda feel like i'm "growing out of my body" if that uh, makes any sense. im just wondering if there is literally anybody out there that is also experiencing this. So here's my weird thing about myself, just thought i'd throw that out into the ether.

"Children are not inherently good nor evil, they are simply trying. They were trying. Some tried to hard, others slipped and didn't make it. They tried. And often most do not make it out the same."

All about lily chou chou,(2001).

This weekend has been so stressful.  I quit my secondary work to direct all of my attention on making my massage business grow (I make more money there than as a real estate professional in the foreclosure area). However, a certain family member is sour at me for quitting, as I was cutting them 20% of my gross from real estate.  I gave them every opportunity to take over the company when I stepped down, but received pushback with them stating how they are unable to do it by themselves without help.  I told them that’s part of being a business owner, you need to figure these things out.  I can advise, but you need to step up and do them yourself.  I cannot do the heavy lifting anymore.  

To make a long story short, I gave all my accounts to my collegue so he can service them.  He will be great and I know the customers will be taken care of.  But my decision has pissed off a certain family member.  I offered to still support them financially, but they declined.  

I know I am unloading, but just need to throw this out into the ether and vent where this family member wont see me bitching.  

Aside from family issues, arising mainly from said family member. I am excited in making my massage business grow.  I am awful at multi-tasking, perhaps is why I am stressed all the time running 2 businesses.  With my focus on one goal now, I hope to expand into a larger retail space for my own boutique spa.  My goal is to have a place of zen that offer a more quality spa experience compared to the major spa competitors like Burke Williams or Massage Envy. 

This is the goal I am visualizing.  If I can make this happen within 5 years, I’ll be happy.

Lazuli

hey, don’t cry… my sun-catcher made a gay baymax, okay? ❤️✨🏳️‍🌈

Am I legally allowed to eat glass just a little? Just a tad? - pica anon

You're allowed to do anything every don't recommend this one.. I understand you though

Becoming increasingly aware how much experiencing utena at age 15 might have helped keep me tf away from creepy older men whew