Vision: You are supposed to bang your fist against mine.
Vision: I am told it is a widely accepted gesture for mutual success.
Tony: I love it when you two impersonate human beings
Natasha: это все твоя вина
Y/n, sighing: Yeah, i know
Tony: You speak russian?
Y/n: No, i just know the phrase "this is all your fault" in every language she speaks
Muffled voice on the phone: We have kidnapped your son and if you want to see him alive again you'll have to-
Tony: Son? I HAVE A SON!?! WHY AM I JUST HEARING ABOUT THIS!?!
Muffled voice: ...We have the teenager with brown hair and a science pun shirt
Tony: Oh, you mean Peter. Yeah, he's not my son.
Muffled voice: ...are you sure?
Tony: yeah, I'm pretty sure
Muffled voice: Well, we still have the kid locked up... so do you want him or not?
Tony: ... Peter is literally sat right in front of me doing his calculus homework...
Tony: Pete, were you kidnapped?
Peter: Oh yeah! That's what I forgot to tell you!
May : So you're like the therapist for the whole team?
Peter : Mmm kinda
May : Who's your therapist then?
Peter, holding up a small pebble : Well I talk to this rock sometimes
Steve: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
Peter, nodding sagely: So, that way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Tony, tearing up: That's my boy.
Y/n: *stubs her toe and says something in Russian*
Steve being the idiot he is: Hey! Language! You don’t say that kind of stuff, English or in Russian.
Y/n confused: *glares at Steve and walks away*
Natasha entering the room: What’s the matter with Y/n?
Steve: She cursed in Russian!
Natasha: That doesn’t seem like her. What did she say?
Steve: I think it was like, “Svyatyye Yanki.”
Natasha: *bursts out laughing*
Natasha: That means, “Holy Yankees” in Russian.
Steve: *in disbelief*
Natasha: You should go say sorry. Like, NOW.
Steve: *goes to find Y/n*
1 HOUR LATER
Steve: *Finds Y/n punching a bag*
Steve: Hey kid. You still mad at me?
Y/n not looking at him: Twinkle Twinkle Long Cord, I wish I could hit you with my skateboard.
Steve: I brought a peace offering
Y/n: *turns around to find Steve holding a Milky Way bar and him wearing a shirt that says, “I’m an Idiot”.
Y/n grabbing the bar: I accept your peace offering.
Steve: Thanks. Also, I’m wearing this for the rest of the day.
Y/n: Tony’s going to make fun of you for it
Steve: Yeah, I don’t care.
*Y/n and Steve hug*
Steve: But you should take a shower. You stink
Y/n: I’ll go do that. Thanks for the bar.
Steve: No problem, kid.
Tony walking in the gym: *bursts out laughing at Steve’s shirt*
Steve: Yes, hahaha. Very funny.
Tony: WHAT IS THAT!!
Steve: My shirt. When I do or say something an idiot would do.
Tony: You, Rogers, need to wear that 24/7
Tony: what’s wrong??
Peter: I just realized Mr. Rogers can’t build legos
Steve: why can’t I?
Tony: yeah why can’t he???
Peter, sobbing: BECAUSE THE AGE RANGE ON THE BOX SAYS 4-99 AND HES 105
Steve: *clicks legos together seriously* it’s ok. I’ve done more illegal things
[over the phone, 3am.]
Tony, half asleep: hello?
Peter: hello Mr. Stark?
Tony: it's 3am kid, what the do you want?
Peter: actually, i saw this challenge on youtube where they call the devil at 3am so i thought i'd try it myself.
Tony: okay now listen here you lil shit-
Y/N popping up out of nowhere: Are you reading fan fiction?
Tony, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.
Y/N: Oh, is it on AO3?
Tony: This is CNN.
Tony: I think you need to go back to therapy
Y/N: Ah beans
Tony: *walks into the kitchen at 9am and sees peter eating breakfast*
Tony: what are you eating?
Peter: a waffle with chocolate and caramel sauce, whipped cream, chocolate chips and sprinkles. Oh, and peanuts.
Peter: I'm not having it with ice cream, so technically it's not a dessert
Tony: kid, it's not even a dessert at this point. We've passed it being a dessert. That's just straight up diabetes