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#incorrect superfamily quotes
incorrectbatfam · 2 years
Conversation
Jon: Dad?
Billy: Clark?
Clark: Yeah?
Jon: Could Billy and I walk to Damian's house?
Clark: Sure, but Gotham's a rough city. So you remember, if anyone offers you drugs, you say?
Billy: "I am down, how much for crack?"
Clark: No, no, you are not down.
Billy: "I am not down for any of your crack."
Clark: If a stranger asks you to get into their van, you say...
Jon: "On my way!"
Clark: Nope, not right. Stranger danger.
Jon: Yeah, that's what I meant.
Clark: What if a stranger pulls up to you with their car and they're like, "Hey, I can't find my dog. Can you get in and help me search for my dog?"
Billy: This one's easy! You help them find that fucking dog.
Clark: Nope.
Billy: Right, right, right. Fuck that dog.
Clark: What if someone offers you candy?
Jon: I'd take my shirt off for a Snickers.
Clark: Okay I'm thinking maybe I should just drive you.
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Kon: Clark, did you read the Smallville Mischief Report today?
Clark: The what?
Jon: Smallville Mischief. It's the section of the newspaper that reports all the crimes that have happened in town the past week. It names names and everything.
Clark: That could cause a lot of trouble.
Lois: It doesn't. No one reads it but these two knuckleheads.
Clark: The people of Smallville respect each other's privacy. If someone wants to commit a crime, that's their business.
Kon: It's interesting you would say that, Clark, considering what I just read. Ahem. "This weekend, someone knocked down "Vera Warren's British chimney sweep garden gnome. A single boot was left on her lawn."
Clark: Oh, that's one of the most famous garden gnomes in town. When you press a button on it, it says, "'Ello, gardener."
Kon: "Vera believes the boot belongs to... Clark Kent."
Everyone: *gasping*
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girly-blogging · 2 years
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Tumblr media Tumblr media
its them
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mylifeisfruk4ever · 6 months
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Interviewer to Clark: So what it's like to marry someone way, way, WAY out of your league?
Bruce, grabbing the mic: Amazing. I never thought I would ever be this happy.
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superbat-love · 8 months
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Bruce: I’ve finally done it. I think this may be one of my best inventions yet.
Clark: Awesome! It’s a..a..umm is that a lollipop?
Bruce: It’s not just a lollipop; it’s THE lollipop, Clark. This is the lollipop that never ends, no many how many times you lick it. It’s a regenerating lollipop, the ultimate snack for superhumans with bottomless pits for stomachs.
Clark: Wow!
Bruce: Hands off! That’s not for you. I made them especially for Jon and Kon.
Clark: What? No! What about me?
Bruce: Okay, this S-shaped, apple-flavored one is for you.
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arguablysomaya · 2 years
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Jon: We had a party for Valentine's day at my school.
Damian: Valentine's Day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and-
Jon: They told us to make cards for the people we cared about, so I made one for you.
Jon: *hands him a card covered with glitter*
Damian:
Damian: tt- thank you.
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arachnoid2099 · 1 month
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TimKon and Jon💙💜🩷
Tim, banging on the door: Conner! Open up! Conner: Well, it all started when I was cloned... Tim: No, I meant- Jon: Let him finish.
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One summer Damian Wayne and Jon Kent binged watch all of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel because they saw one episode of Buffy while Steph and Kara were having their annual sleepover at the manor. The boys have become big fans of Sarah Michelle Gellar and they now do a rewatch of one of the shows at least once a year. Also they found out about the comics and they have become more obsessed. They have also started using quotes from the show while on the job. Bruce is considering banning Buffyverse stuff from the manor.
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vodrae · 3 months
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As Red Hood violently gets his hands out of Supergirl's grip without showing any efforts, Kara airy oxygeny hydrogeny beathy breathing breathes deeply profound deep.
- What ? The former Robin growls to her.
Kara's cheeks become scarellety bloody reddy red as she looks gently lovely fondly at the man before.
- ARE YOU SURE I'M THE MOST INDICATED FOR THAT ??
Scream Red Hood as he pumps gallons after gallons of venom in his veins to perform is best tug of war feat.
- Yes ! It's always a tie with Kon and Cassie ! PULL NOW !
- YES MA'AM ! He fearly scaredly shyly growls.
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rrcenic · 7 months
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in the honor of my marvel obsession creeping back to me + my family being in disneyland and exploring avengers campus, have some ✨avengers incorrect quotes✨ as things my friends and family have said
a shit ton of these were conversations between @cissyenthusiast010155 and i lmao
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peter: indulge in my child-like whimsy. buy me a web slinger
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steve: is that an igloo over there??
peter: …it’s a hippie house?
tony: did you hear about the hippie states wife?
steve: why on earth is there a hippie house in the cars theme park?!
tony: babe. did you hear about the hippie states wi-
peter: what’s the hippie state?
tony: the hippie states wife is mississippi!
steve: what on earth are you talking abou-
tony: like,,, mrs. hippie?? mississippi?
steve: …
peter: …
tony: …
tony: i thought it was funny
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tony: “i can do this all day”? that’s what she said
steve: SHHHHHH!!!
natasha: ooh, you’ve finally been shushed
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loki: a kid ran in front of me and my reaction was “broken child!”
steve: wHAT?!
loki: i didn’t say it out loud!!!
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scott: please sir, you don’t understand, if i don’t get my 20 dollar sunglasses back, my children will die
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peggy: i support neil patrick harris being gay
natasha: peg, you’re a lesbian
peggy: yes, but i am an ally to his gayness
natasha: you are gay
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peter: they should let me stay up late. because. if they don’t it would be…
ned: transphobic?
peter: YES
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bucky: i smelled grass! and now i want some!
steve: you want to eat grass?!
bucky: absolutely
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peter: and they were LAB PARTNERS
harley: oh my gawd they were lab partners
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tony: i want shawarma
steve: i want to go to sleep
tony: it’s only 4 pm
steve: and?
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steve: oh, this boba pearl is stuck in the ice…
bucky: just like captain america!
tony: aaaah, good one
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mj: “what kind of girl do you want” a red one
peter: …
peter: are we talking about cars????
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thor: i don’t understand the scientific physics
bruce: the what
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peter: please bring back the cheese man
tony: that could really mean any of us
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*at their first meet up in a while*
natasha: yknow, i’m just now being reminded of the fact that i hate half the people here
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bucky: i hate will ferrell
sam: how can anyone hate will ferrell?!
bucky: well, i liked him in barbie
sam: and he was funny in the lego movie!
bucky: true, he was awesome in that
sam: oh, he was also megamind!
bucky: yes! i loved him with that
sam: you don’t actually hate will ferrell, do you?
bucky: …
sam: you just hate elf
bucky: …i just hate elf
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steve: “rogers: the musical” can only be described as feeling like bad fanfiction
tony: isn’t it amazing
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*playing heads up, prompt “avengers: civil war”*
peter: when! when the divorce!
scott: ant man’s first fight!
natasha: when everyone decided they didn’t like each other anymore!
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harley: oh, c3p0 and r2d2 are a gay couple!
peter: duh??? did you just realize that???
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queen-of-hobgobblers · 6 months
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Conner listening to Olivia Rodrigo while sobbing about Tim and Bernard.
Conner, singing out of tune in his room as he blasts music: Do you get Deja Vu when he’s with yooOOOUUUUUU~ DO YOU GET DEJA VU, HUH?! DO YOU GET- Jon, banging on the door: Koonnn!! Ma’s calling you down for lunch! Conner, ignoring him: -DEJA VU?! Jon, huffing and turning to head back downstairs: Fine! I’ll tell her you’re not coming then. Conner, scrambling to put away his music and rush downstairs: WAIT-
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incorrectbatfam · 4 months
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[raiding the batfam's fridge]
Kon: All right, they've got water, orange juice, and... what looks like cider.
Bart: Taste it.
Kon: *drinks it*
Kon: Yep, it’s fat. I drank fat.
Bart: Yeah, I know. I did that two minutes ago.
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Steve: Sorry, Tony. Anything you can can do, I can do better. Tony: I can do anything better than you. Steve: No, you can't! Tony: Yes, I can! Steve: No, you can't. Tony(singing): Yes, I can. Yes, I can! Natasha: - ENOUGH! Can't we have one meal without you two getting into an angry singing contest?! Why is everything a competition?! Peter(not looking up from his phone): Yeah, you guys should just f*** and get it over with. (the Avengers STARE at Peter, and after a moment he finally notices) Peter(shrugs):...Clearly, they have repressed sexual feelings for each other that they're channeling into hostility. Bruce(smirking): How's that Psych 101 class going? Peter: It's only day three, but I understand how the whole world works now.
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Steve and Tony cuddling
Steve: If this is a dream, you can keep the robot babies between us in bed
DUM-E beeps loudly *sounding almost like a purr*
beeping continues loudly, butterfingers joins DUM-E
Tony:
Steve:
Tony starts to sweat profusely
Steve full awake: You are sleeping on the couch with them!
Tony pouts
Steve: I didn't sign up for this when I married you!
*gives in and agrees to cuddling Tony and the robot babies stayed by the foot of the bed beeping softly, like they're snoring*
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mylifeisfruk4ever · 1 year
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Tim: I'm kind of crushing... on someone... But I'm worried about telling you who it is because, well, you're not gonna like it.
Bruce: Just rip the bandage off.
Tim: It's Kon.
Bruce: Put the bandage back on.
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waterfire1848 · 1 year
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[ The Batfamily dragging the Superfamily to a Gotham comedy show. ]
Comedian: My boyfriend is from Metropolis and he’s here in town with me. I don’t think he understands Gotham. Yesterday, we were on our way to get lunch when he wanted to stop and help some guys load their moving fan. And when the moving fan drove away, who should show up but the owners of an apartment we had just helped some guys rob.
Comedian: And that one was hard to explain to the police.
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