Slytherin: Hey rave I need my...
Ravenclaw: *hands them their armour*
Slytherin: Oh also I didn't get a chance to...
Ravenclaw: *hands them their daggers*
Slytherin: Marry me?
Ravenclaw: I took care of that too, we've been married for the past seven years...
Slytherin: Excellent...
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Hufflepuff: *crying*
Slytherin: Okay, what happened *this* time?
Hufflepuff: *sniffles* Someone told me that my brownies were really dry.
Slytherin:
Hufflepuff: *sniffles*
Slytherin: Well, sounds like someone also doesn’t need teeth anymore…
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Regulus: i accidentally indulged in too much 'me time'
Regulus: turns out, I've been reported missing for six months and presumed dead by most locals and national authorities.
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Slytherin: *about their family* Why is every single person in that household depressed and suicidal?!
Hufflepuff: you forget to add homicidal honey.
Slytherin: I'm not homicidal.
Ravenclaw: Yeah, keep telling yourself that.
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more slytherin gang cause why nott? (hehe nott)
Y/N: honk.
Mattheo: WHAT.
Y/N: HONK.
Mattheo: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????
---
Enzo: Two bros!
Theo: Chillin' in a hot tub!
Enzo and Theo, in unison: Zero feet apart 'cause we're GAY AS FUCK!
---
Theo: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Enzo's birthday invitations.
Mattheo: Well, what are they supposed to say?
Theo: "Enzo's birthday".
Mattheo: So, what do they say instead?
Theo: "Enzo’s bi".
Mattheo:
Mattheo: Works out either way.
---
Draco: *visiting the squad* Hello, I just came to-
Draco: *sees Y/N shoving Mattheo into the washing machine while Theo records and Enzo watches*
Draco: *retreating* Something suddenly came up.
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tom: “well, you know how it is. if push comes to stab, and all that.”
harry: “that’s… that’s not the phrase. it’s if push comes to shove. tom? tom marvolo riddle come back here right now, so help me god-”
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16-year-old Tom Riddle: Do you know anything about horcruxes? Specifically, how to create them?
Slughorn: Horcruxes? What is this for?
Tom Riddle: Fun.
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Slytherin: Why do you think I don't like you? I do. I would kill for you.
Slytherin: Ask me to kill for you. Seriously ask me.. i will
Hufflepuff: ...First of all, calm down…
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Gryffindor: People always say drinking numbs the pain. Why isn’t it working?
Slytherin: It would help if the drink in question wasn’t chocolate milk.
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James: The stars are beautiful tonight, isn't it?
Regulus: Yeah... You know what else is beautiful?
Sirius: *pops out of nowhere*
James, Regulus and Sirius simultaneously : Remus Lupin.
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*over breakfast*
Ravenclaw: What're you reading?
Slytherin*shows them*
Ravenclaw: That's... that's p*rn...
Slytherin: it's called smut you uncultured swine.
Ravenclaw: ...
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