Tumpik
#incorrect redhood
batshitferalquotes · 6 months
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Tim: I think Alfred's mad at you.
Jason: What makes you say that?
Tim: Because he’s cleaning up the mess you made and asked me to deliver this to you.
Jason, reading the note: "Young Master Jason, I hope this note finds you before I do."
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lurnstans · 3 months
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Jason: I know we’ll be cool parents and all, but what childhood trauma do you think our kids will go through?
Y/N: it’s 4 AM Jason.
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youseeingthis · 19 hours
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batnations · 8 months
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Bruce: Do you know what Penguin’s problem is?
Damian: Lack of honor?
Dick: Rotten villain skills?
Jason: Receding hairline?
Bruce: Those are all fair points, but no.
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harveywritings92 · 30 days
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{Jason is helping Y/n babysit their sibling’s baby.]
Y/n, comes into the livingroom holding several candy bars and soda cans: I’ve found all kinds of great stuff! It’s, uh, not brand name, but I’m sure it tastes fine.
[puts the snacks on the coffee table]
Jason’s brow furrows as he reads the labels:‘Schnickers’? ‘N&N’s’? ‘Butterthumb’? Where does your sister/brother shop?
Y/n: I don’t know, but if you're thirsty, there’s ‘Popsi’.
Jason: Do they have ‘Yoo-hoo’
Y/n: No, but they have ‘Hey, Over Here’.
Jason:... I think I’ll just have a Cherry Popsi.
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Jason: Nothing bad ever happens to me. I keep a crystal in my pocket at all times.
Talia: You died like a year ago.
Jason: and yet here I stand!
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gotham-exclusive · 1 year
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Full credit to the creator @ ThePandaRedd on TikTok for this amazing video he created - I absolutely love his discussion around Jason’s death (and ever other one of his skits)
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betray-jaes · 3 months
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Roy: What are you writing?
Jason: The heroes want to know what kind of crimes we plan to commit. I’m letting them know it’s private information
Roy: [Peering over Jason’s shoulder] That just says ‘fuck around and find out’ in calligraphy
Jason: Mhm
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mooingmoon · 10 months
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*Nicki Minaj’s verse on Bang Bang starts playing*
Bruce: “Oh god no wait-”
Dick and Jason, aggressively in Bruce’s face: “…BATMAN ROBIN’IT BANG-BANG COCKING IT QUEEN NICKI DOMINANT PROMINENT!1!11!1!1”
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agentwayne17 · 3 months
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Prompt: Tim Drake and Jason Todd are at a crime scene.
Tim Drake intensively staring at a dead body trying to find it’s cause of death:
Jason Todd trolling around Tim only because he annoyed the shit out of everyone else already: ‘You know.. I’m not a detective like you of course, but I think this dead body might not be alive anymore.’
Tim Jackson Drake didn’t have enough coffee for his shit: ‘get the fuck ou-‘
Jason Todd now leaving without letting him finish: ‘of course’
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nananabatfam · 1 year
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Bruce, tired dad: I’ll buy lunch for whoever's first to get Damian to calm down and put the sword down.
Jason, holding up a frying pan: Don’t worry I got this, where is he?
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batshitferalquotes · 7 months
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Jason: *sends a voice message*
Bruce, texting back: I'm a little busy, is it urgent?
Jason: Oh don't worry about it!
[later]
Bruce: *presses play*
Jason's recorded message: BRUCE, THERE'S A F*CKING FIRE IN THE MANOR AND–
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bruciemilf · 3 months
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Jason: Dad... I know I don't say this enough, - or... At all. But. I...I love you. It's very important to me that you know that before anything happens,-
Bruce, nodding: It's okay, Jay. I knew this day would come , - I was hoping for it. Praying for it. You have all the right. I hope you'll get some peace, and know that I love you too. [Downs his coffee to the last drop]
Jason:
Bruce:
Bruce: Why am I not dying in poisonous agony?
Jason: UM, MAYBE BECAUSE I DIDN'T POISON YOU? YOU PRICK?
Bruce: But, - then why, -
Jason: I accidentally knocked over grandma's ashes when I was chasing Tim! I was going to apologise?! I can't believe you ACTUALLY thought I would do that
Bruce: Well...You did TRY-
Jason: NOT RECENTLY! GOD. This is why I HATE coming home
Bruce: I'm sorry, honey. Forgi-... You...You knocked off my mom's ASHES?!
Jason:... loveyoupapibye-
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lurnstans · 4 months
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Slow Night
**in comms**
Dick: Favorite superhero. Go. Superman.
Barbara: Black Canary
Stephanie: Green Arrow
Jason: Wonderwoman
Y/N: Green Lantern and Robin
Tim: Batm-
Jason: Which Robin?
Dick: Which Robin?
Y/N: Mmmm, the 20XX I think? The one that turned into a cartoon.
Barbara: That’s Dick
Stephanie: Ohhhh I remember seeing a few episodes of it before
Dick: Why, that’s rather flattering y/-
Jason: Look. I have long accepted your space cop fetish but seriously, Dick??
Y/N: You weren’t even adopted by Bruce yet.
Jason: Well there were definitely more people to choose from.
Y/N: Now that you mentioned it I did think Roy was cute when we were kids.
Jason:
Dick + Stephanie : OOOOO
Tim: The green lantern you were referring to was it Hal Jordan, John Stewart or …
Y/N: Ah! The lantern who did that gundam construct
Tim: Kyle Rayner?
Barbara: Kyle Rayner
Dick: Oh that’s Kyle
Stephanie : Who’s Kyle?
Jason: R A Y N E R?!
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batnations · 8 months
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Bruce: You take things too personally, Jason. You should be focused on the mission, but you’re too busy holding a grudge.
Jason: That’s where you’re wrong. I don’t hold a grudge. I cradle it. I coddle it. I feed it fine cuts of meat and send it to the best schools. I nurture my grudges, old man.
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harveywritings92 · 5 months
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[Jason is out getting a book he ordered, The Cashier’s a bit of a ditz]
Cashier: Oh, I saw this book on the hold shelf. It’s big.
Jason Todd: Yeah, I needed this edition.
Cashier: Charles Dickens is the guy who wrote Moby Dick, right?
Jason Todd : *Pauses* No.
Cashier: Oh, I guess I’ve never heard of him.
Jason Todd: Everyone’s heard of Charles Dickens, dude. Even if you’ve never read him, you’ve heard of some of his stuff.
Cashier: Really?
Jason Todd: Yeah, he wrote A Christmas Carol, Oliver Twist, A Tale of Two Cities…
Cashier: Ohhhhh… Did he also write The Count Of Monte Cristo?
Jason Todd: What?
Cashier: Well, that one’s big, too.
[Jason is resisting the urge to bash this dunce’s head into the counter.]
Jason Todd: Please stop. One, you’re embarrassing yourself, and two, you work in a bookstore; you need to educate yourself.
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soulsforsales · 15 days
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Tim: How do I know if Bernard likes me back?
Jason: Why don't you say a lame joke out loud and if he laughs he's into you.
Tim: o-okay
Tim: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Everyone:...
Tim: because 7 eight nine
Everyone:...
Bernard: *laughing* thats funny!
Jason: see?
Tim: i don't know, i can't be sure that was absolutely funny
Jason:...
Tim: what?
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