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#incorrect quotes dcu
galaxymagitech · 15 days
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Jason: Hey, Alfie! Which of us was the least crazy as a kid?
Bruce: Let’s face it. None of us were easy children. I dropped out of college and then dropped off the grid. Dick was a menace—
Jason: Nah, Dick’s the Golden Boy.
Bruce: He wanted to single-handedly hunt down a powerful criminal and thought the entire manor was a trapeze.
Dick: Well, Jason was like the perfect kid.
Bruce: He ran away, died, and started murdering people.
Jason: Fair. But the Replacement’s your perfect little soldier, isn’t he?
Bruce: He stalked me, he says incredibly concerning things with no idea how concerning he sounds, he started YOUNG JUSTICE, I—
Damian: Batgirl III is boring. Surely she was easy to deal with?
Bruce: Are you kidding me? She got pregnant and started a gang war!
Steph: Guilty as charged. But Duke’s the normal one, so—
Bruce: You started a gang war? Duke started a gang!
Damian: I’m the perfect heir.
Bruce: You’re an assassin who is currently attempting to turn my house into a zoo. And you keep trying to murder Tim.
Jason: Eh, we’ve all been there. Except Cass. Cass hasn’t tried to murder anyone.
Bruce: Cass tried to fight Lady Shiva to the death, despite refusing to kill. Cass is not well-adjusted either.
Cass: Barbara is good.
Bruce: No, she keeps hacking the Batcomputer. And she’s dating my son. Honestly I have no idea how I’m still sane.
Alfred: I’m afraid your sanity is very much in question, Master Bruce.
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headcanonthings · 7 months
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Tim: You know archaic Latin? Jason: I got bored with classical Latin. Tim: You know normal Latin? Jason: Yeah someone from my knitting club taught me. Tim: YOU HAVE A KNITTING CLUB? Jason: You don't know everything about me Replacement. Now do you want a sweater or a scarf?
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batfamilycannons · 15 days
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Bruce *storming in, burnt and covered in ash*: Where is your brother?
Damian and Tim: tf??
Tim: uh I think Jason’s in the library?
Bruce: no not him the other one
Dick, *scurries past the door*
Bruce: RICHARD JOHN GRAYSON why did you set my bed on fire
Dick: You deserve it!!
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iwannabealice · 28 days
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clark: i met this boy last night that seemed to really hate you
bruce: that could be anyone, what did he look like?
clark: tall, white, dark hair, really big-
bruce: ah, that’d be jason. my son
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thedevilundercover · 1 month
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Jason: How old are you actually, Timberlina?
Tim, thinking about it:… do you mean physically, mentally, or the amount of years I have been in existence
Damian, unapologetically eavesdropping: TT, what are you going in about drake
Jason: uhh the amount of years you’ve been in existence?
Tim: 35 years
Jason:
Damian:
The entire Batfam:
everyone: what the fuck tim?
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dickgraysonmybeloved · 2 months
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Jason, eating cereal: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this. Tim, who walked out of his bedroom in his house into his kitchen: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!
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vixfern · 2 months
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Bruce: So what's for dinner?
Clark: I can't tell you, it's a soup-prise!
Bruce: ...
Bruce: Is it soup?
Clark: I soup-pose it could be! *winks*
Bruce: Please, Clark, enough with the soup puns.
Clark: Wow, you're soup-per mean.
Bruce: STOP!
*one hour later*
Bruce: It's fucking tacos?!?!?!
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arguablysomaya · 2 months
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failed step one
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rusomnia · 10 months
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Jason, pointing at Tim: that child is morally grey at best
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vodrae · 3 months
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Villain swaps Bruce and Clark minds.
Bruce: I get the "man of steel" now. *Punches villain*
Clark: Why...Why...WHY ARE YOU SO MUCH IN PAIN ?!
Bruce: What do you mean ? I took a 12 hours break yesterday, I'm as fresh as a newborn.
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live-from-gotham · 17 days
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can i get uhhh
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masterlist
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galaxymagitech · 15 days
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Bruce, to his Robins: You are my emotional support children.
Dick: Imma commit murder! Chandeliers are my new trapeze! Dating an alien princess sounds like a great idea!
Jason: An abandoned apartment in Crime Alley is a perfectly fine place to live! *dies* Why won’t you kill the Joker, huh? Huh?!?
Tim: Me and my friends are gonna go cause several international incidents. See ya!
Steph: So, like, what if I started a gang war?
Damian: Drake insulted Batcow’s honor! He will perish by my blade! Murder is acceptable! Can we adopt chickens?
Duke: Wdym jumping off bridges isn’t a reasonable tactic? Quit being such a buzzkill!
Bruce, sighing: …and you are also the reason I need emotional support children in the first place.
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headcanonthings · 2 months
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Clark: *Laying face down on the floor* Lois: So Bruce said he liked you? Clark, muffled: Yeah Diana: ...and you asked him to marry you? Clark: Yeah Lois: Oh shit. How did he react? Clark: Dunno, I ran before I could scare him even more *Meanwhile* Bruce, kicking in the door to the Manor: Kids, Alfred! Holy shit I'm gonna get married!
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batfamilycannons · 2 months
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Dick*the eldest daughter reaching a breaking point and it was this or manslaughter*: Due to my emotional trauma, I have decided I will be reverting back to my childhood Goblin lifestyle
Jason*always one for chaos*: Good for you
Bruce*traumatized from the first time not sure if he can survive a pt.2*: oh no
Tim*never left his Menace Lifestyle and is very exited to help cause more problems*: yay!
Bruce*even more scared*: oh no
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kimjun · 4 months
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girls are like “I want a boyfriend” but reject everyone because none of them are their comfort characters
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iwannabealice · 28 days
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jason: this is crazy, but i'm having feelings again. like some kind of 12 year old kid
jason: you remember feelings, right?
dick: yeah... i have feelings everyday of my life
jason: do you?
dick: are you saying you don't have feelings?
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