Achilles: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?
Patroclus: AS ENEMIES?!
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Achilles: I got in trouble during the council.
Patroclus: Why?
Achilles: Odysseus pointed a stick at me and said ‘the person on the end of this stick is incompetent’ so I asked ‘which end’
Patroclus: *laughing* I’m so proud of you babe.
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[achilles teaching patroclus to drive]
achilles: you’re driving and suddenly you see clytemnestra and agamemnon walk into the road. what do you hit?
patroclus: the brakes obviously
achilles: wrong. agamemnon. you should always hit agamemnon.
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Patroclus calm down
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Diomedes: Achilles, do you support the LGBTQ community ?
Achilles, pulling Patroclus into a delicate kiss: I'm gay.
Odysseus: He's avoiding the question!
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Achilles: HELP! I told Patroclus I'd cook dinner and I can't cook!
Odysseus, already burning water: Don't worry I got this
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The Song of Achilles
Achilles: OKAY SO LOOK AT THAT FUCKING GORGEOUS PERSON IN THE FUCKING MIRROR
Narcissus *in spirit*: Bitch yes, we both slay
Achilles: I SAID LOOK, PATROCLUS
Narcissus: *tsk* I thought we were vibing.
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Agamemnon: *breathes*
Achilles: *hisses and snuggles closer to Patroclus*
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*Achilles and Patroclus are having a fight.*
Achilles: EAT SHIT AND DIE.
Patroclus: BITE ME.
Achilles: Neck?
Patroclus:
Patroclus: Don't make it too obvious.
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Patroclus: I think we’re starting to phase out the ‘B’ in our ‘Bromance’ now.
Achilles: You might be right, honestly.
Patroclus: …
Achilles: …
Achilles: You can pull out now, by the way.
Patroclus: Oh, right. Sorry.
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Agamemnon: You have multiple personalities.
Achilles: And none of them likes you.
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Achilles: *formally introducing Patroclus and Zagreus* Lad, I’d like for you to meet my partner-
Zagreus: Partner in crime or like partner romantically?
Achilles: *excitedly* Both! He’s versatile!
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patroclus: would you still love me after death?
achilles: you think that death can take you out of our relationship?
patroclus:
achilles: ding dong you are wrong
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I made this as a sequel to this😂😂😂
if only if only if only😭😭
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Patroclus: Achilles, can I have some money for some coke, please?
Achilles: Will 40 bucks be okay?
Patroclus: It's 3,99.
Achilles: Wow, this is cheap! Who's your dealer?
Patroclus: Coca cola?
Patroclus: I'm telling Chiron about this...
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