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#incorrect clint barton
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Nat: Yelena cut her hair
Clint: (holding up his constantly vibrating phone) I know
Nat: How's Bishop taking it?
Clint: (sighs and reads from his phone in a monotonous voice) She cut her hair, Clint she just cut her hair. She didn't even say anything, she just did it. Oh my god. She is so hot. She's hotter now. Almost too hot. How did I manage to convince her to date me? She is way too good looking, it should be a crime. Is it a crime?
Nat: Oh so-
Clint: (continuing) She's already got the perfect style figured out too. I'm dizzy, can you get dizzy from this? Because I am. Oh my god, I can't look at her without blushing.
Clint: (flashing the screen) Then she sent a bunch of gifs of people screaming
Nat: (nods, holding up her phone) Yelena texted me
Clint: What did she say?
Nat: (reading from the phone) My new hair has made Kate Bishop go brain stupid. It is very funny, you should come see her.
They share a look before shrugging and getting off the couch
Clint: It's been a slow day anyway
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marvel-lous-guy · 1 year
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*Peter meets the avengers*
Clint: Hey! Nice to meet ya!
Steve: Hey, so your Tony's intern?
Nat: You must be pretty smart then
Peter: mhm
Tony: okay, that's enough, kids kinda shy. We're gonna go down to the lab now
Sam: bye mini stark!
Bruce: I guess the kid's really shy then. He didn't even go crazy about meeting Captain America
Bucky: Yeah, must be real shy to not care you've just fulfilled every kids dream
Clint: honestly, I'm offended
Nat: Clint, shut up, it's probably just scary meeting us all at once
Peter: *later* People think I'm very shy, anxious and quiet, but my Aunt just taught me that "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". I don't say much now
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mamaspidershit · 3 months
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Clint: If something happened to Peter… I couldn’t live with myself. Natasha: Of course you wouldn’t have to because I would kill you.
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ironrad · 1 year
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Clint who just learned a new game from his kids:
Clint: Alright guys we’re all going to pass the phone around and say who we’d warn someone about before coming to the Avengers compound
Clint: I’ll start. Personally, I would warn people about Tony because I never know what he’s up to in that lab…
Nat: What are we doing? Oh ok, I’d warn people about Peter. He acts innocent, but I see right through it…
Tony: You want my honest answer? Steve. Next question-
Steve: Um maybe all of us because we have powers and can be dangerous when crossed.
Steve: That wasn’t the question? Ok, fine, I’d warn them about Queens. He scares me sometimes…
Bucky whispering: …Peter.
Sam: Why did you whisper that?
Bucky: He’s always listening.
Sam: Yikes, anyways, I’m gonna go with Bucky.
Bucky: Hey-
Bruce: Hi! I’m Bruce Banner, and I think I would warn people about Peter and Tony. Alone they’re both trouble, and together they’re a train wreck, but the good kind. Hang on-
Peter: Oh EZ, I’ve seen this on Tik Tok. Mr. Stark, no questions asked. That guy is everywhere all the time. I can’t get shit-
Steve: Language.
Peter: Sorry! I can’t get anything over on him.
Happy: Peter and Tony.
Thor: Ah, yes, hello. I would warn them of ME.
Thor spinning his hammer and chugging a keg:
Stephen: Tony. I try to avoid him at all costs.
Pepper: Awe thank you for including me. I’d warn them of my husband and his teenager…sometimes I need an extra warning.
The Avengers watching back the footage:
Tony: I’ve done nothing but be a pleasant member of this team.
Peter: Yeah, sounds about right.
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incorrect-wandanat · 3 months
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Wanda: Thank you for coming, Clint. Natasha just won’t listen since that mission went wrong.
Clint: No problem. We’ve been doing this a while, so I know how to get Nat out of her head.
Clint: *approaches Natasha lying motionless in bed*
Clint: *in piss poor Russian accent* My friend…Why overthink, when you can overdrink?
Wanda: wHAT—
Nat: *sits up* You’re right. Let’s turn up.
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jjsmaybank20 · 1 year
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Wanda: Y/N kissed me!
Natasha: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Wanda: It was unbelievable!
Natasha: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!
Thor: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Natasha, get the wine and turn off your phone. Wanda, does this end well or do we need tissues?
Wanda: Oh, it ended very well.
Natasha: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!
Thor: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?
Wanda: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it.
Thor: Ohh... So, okay, was she holding you? Or were her hands on your back?
Wanda: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair.
Natasha and Thor: Ohhh.
*meanwhile*
Y/N, eating pizza in her room: And, uh, and then I kissed her.
Tony: Tongue?
Y/N: Yeah.
Clint: Cool.
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floilee · 1 month
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Clint about Yelena: You can't keep choosing her over me! You've known me for longer!
Kate: Oh no? Watch me.
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skylarinfinity · 4 months
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[avengers having meet and greet with vip]
interviewer : so male reader, how you so strong for being a normal human in this team?
male reader : the only reason i'm so strong is because the body use forty-seven muscles when you cry and i cry myself to sleep every night [shrugs]
clint : [fake gasp] omg, same!
steve : [sigh] please ignore them-
male reader : and if you wondering why i cry myself to sleep [point at steve] him... just him.
tony : [giggling] i think we all been there!
author notes i will start putting four incorrect quotes everyday :)
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auroraromaximoff · 4 months
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Clint: Everyone is always like; “How’d you get with Natasha?” “How’d you bag Natasha?” Bro I didn’t bag shit. Natasha picked me up, by my neck, threw me over her shoulder, and I’ve been on it ever since. And I don’t have any plans on getting off anytime soon.
Nat: *Winks*
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randomstuffjustrandom · 3 months
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Rules are rules
Clint: I dare you to kiss the next person that walks in
Natasha: No, I’m no gonna just kiss the next person tha-
Maria: *walks in*
Natasha: Well… Rules are rules…
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Bucky: Nice onesie! Does it come in men's?
Natasha: Oh I think you come in men enough for all of us
Clint:
Sam: *without looking up from his newspaper* He's a bottom
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incorectquoteswlw · 3 days
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Clint: So, how is it working with Yelena?
Kate: Good, she keeps me on my knees
Clint:
Kate: FUCK I MEANT TOES
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marvel-lous-guy · 2 years
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Daily Bugle news: There was a UFO spotted in central park this afternoon-
Clint: a UFO? Like... an alien spaceship? How did we not know about this!?
Nat: no! Not an alien spaceship you dumbass
Steve: it was probably just a drone or something
Bucky: but they said it was a UFO
Peter: to YOU it's a UFO! I know what it is
Tony: oh yeah? What was it then?
Peter: ...a drone carrying a huge bag of oranges, toothpaste and glitter
Tony: ...w h a t
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mamaspidershit · 27 days
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Natasha: You lying, cheating, piece of shit! Clint: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD. Natasha: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING PETER WITH ME. Maria, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.
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ironrad · 1 year
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Peter: Sometimes I wonder where people go after they die.
The whole team groaning:
Clint: Jesus Christ, it is 3am.
Steve: You’re about to find out if you don’t go to sleep, son.
Tony: Don’t talk to my kid like that, Rogers, let me handle it.
Tony: Pete, you’re about to find out if y—
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incorrect-wandanat · 8 months
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Clint: If you could trade Peter for all the money I have in my pocket, would you?
Nat: That depends. How much money are we talking?
Wanda: Natasha!
Clint: Sixty-two cents.
Nat: I’ll take the money.
Wanda: NATASHA! You can’t trade our son for spare change.
Nat, pocketing the money: Just give it an hour. Clint will send him back.
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