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#in turning the limiters to hearing aids
hypesline · 2 years
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some deaf!saiki sketches from @akirameta84′s posts!!1
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gracieheartspedro · 5 months
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Who We Are
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pairing: fem!reader x dbf!joel miller
description: when your father falls ill, his patrol partner and best friend, joel miller finds a way to aid in his recovery. but this solution is complicated and requires you to take on a week-long hunt for supplies and resources. being stuck on the road with an older guy you've been crushing on for ages won't be so bad, right? wrong. because he's been pining after you, too. and one of you will have to give in evenutally.
word count: 17k words. this one is a LONG ONE. get a snack.
warnings: MINORS DNI! this is 18+, post!outbreak joel, age gap (reader is in her 30s, joel is in his mid 50s), i don't describe the reader all that much, consumption of alcohol, illness that requires medical intervention, blood, guns, killing of infected, forced proximity, joel is kinda pervy?, talks of loss of family members, joel lies about his past, oral (f receiving), face sitting, unprotected p in v, overstimulation, dirty talk, creampie, after care.
author's note: ... hi folks! this one is a long one, so like I said, grab a snack and get comfy! I was going to make this multiple parts but I'm eager and unhinged. to be honest, this story is better as one big one shot anyway. I had a very intense time editing so I know I probably missed some things. I may write little branch off stories if you guys enjoy it enough. anyway, enjoy! <3 lemme know what you think!
“Didn’t know you were workin’ tonight, darlin’,” Your father’s Southern drawl brings you out of your daze. You had been cleaning glasses for the last hour and a half. Surprisingly, the Tipsy Bison wasn’t busy on a Wednesday night. You had been keeping busy by cleaning and serving two visitors. 
You look up, noticing your father and his patrol partner wander into the bar. They find a seat at the bar, right in front of you as you dry some whiskey glasses. 
“I work every night this week, Pops,” You mutter, turning back to the liquor bottles to grab his favorite bourbon. You knew exactly what he came here for. He wanted to pester you on your shift and watch you write under his partner’s gaze. He thought your little crush was entertaining. You have made comments to your dad in the past about how you thought Joel was nice to look at and your Dad would just laugh. He would jokingly wiggle his finger at you and tell you to find someone your age. 
Little do you and your father know, Joel feels similarly about you. The first moment he saw you, he thought about how if he was a young buck, he’d lock you down as soon as he could. The age held him back initially, never even entertaining your subtle glances or welcoming smiles. Then when he realized who your father was, he immediately shut down all thoughts like that in his head. You were strictly off-limits.
“Well good, keeps you busy.”
You did not enjoy the idea of working every weeknight with a bunch of drunks, but this job was a bit better than constantly shoveling horse shit. Instead, you got to mingle with the locals. Maybe find yourself a man, since you were in your early thirties and unmarried.
Joel loved coming to the Bison when you were here. It meant he got to drink a whiskey neat and watch you twirl and rush around the bar. Tonight was slower, though, so he got the privilege of speaking with you, which was rare. 
You pour your Dad his bourbon, finally glancing up at his partner who’s practically ogling at you. You made a conscious effort to avoid his piercing brown eyes. 
Joel Miller was a dream boat, god damn. Every time he glanced in your direction, you would freeze up and stutter out a very jumbled “hello”. He was quite guarded, never much to talk. When he did finally speak, you found yourself reeling over his deep voice. 
“Whatcha want, Mr. Miller?”
His lips twinged, his eyes flicking up to yours. He loves hearing you say that, he thinks to himself.  You hand off the bourbon to your Dad, waiting for a response. 
“Whatever he’s having is fine, sweetheart,” He says plainly, nodding toward the half-empty bottle. Your knees could buckle at the nickname, but you keep your composure. You can’t crumble that easily. 
You three slide into a conversation about their patrolling, what they found that day, and the game plan for tomorrow. You make a sly comment about how they needed to find some meaning in life other than patrol. Your dad laughs, and Joel just stares blankly at you. You instantly want to take back the comment and never speak again, ever. Instead, you just continue drying the glasses you just washed. 
When your dad finished his bourbon, you noticed his expression change from relaxed to pained. 
“You okay there?” You ask, grabbing his glass and placing it in the sink below the counter. He rubs his chest, letting out a deep guttural cough. Joel looks perplexed while you get closer and notice the blood splattering into your dad’s palm. 
“It’s nothing, just a cough,” He manages to say, his voice hoarse. You scan his face, knowing immediately that he’s lying.
“Bullshit, you’re coughing up blood,” You reach towards some towels, tossing them on the counter in front of him, “You should probably go get checked out, Dad.”
Joel quips, “Yeah, don’t need you getting sick when we are out tomorrow. Why don’t you stop by the infirmary before you go home?”
Your Dad just shakes his head, “You two are being dramatic. It’s nothing, I promise.”
Your Dad was known for downplaying his pain and sicknesses. You remember being a little girl traveling with him across the country and every time he got hurt, he’d just suck it up. He shattered his left pinky years ago and he resolved to just chop it off. So that’s what he did. He was lucky it never got infected. But he was known just to blow off all his ailments, reminding you he’s beat all the other odds. 
So instead of fighting with him, you just nod all the while, stealing a long glance at Joel. He’s finishing his drink and you can’t help but watch his neck. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows and you fixate on it for a bit too long. 
You’re brought out of the trance when he slams the glass down, his dark brown eyes drooping. Joel always looked tired, but you knew after the day they had, he was actually tired. 
You had a couple more hours at the Bison before you had to close up, so you bid them a farewell, reminding your Dad that you’d be home before he stumbles off to bed. He never slept much, he would just read in the living room until you got home usually. 
Joel waves you a farewell, thanking you quietly for the drink. 
“Don’t be a stranger,” You say as he turns his back to you to head for the door. He turns a bit, giving you a slight smirk as he reaches for the door. 
You spend the rest of your shift daydreaming about what it’d be like to be with a man. You spent most of your time in Jackson without giving much of the men your age a thought. More than half were taken, anyway. While you let your mind wander, you realize your imagination is placing Joel in the spot of all the made-up situations with this said man. 
-
You lock the bar door behind you, tugging on it to ensure it’s snug in the latch. The air was shifting, the cool warm summer turning into a slightly chilly fall. You wore a long sleeve today, luckily, or else you’d be shivering on your way home. The walk home wasn’t a long one. 
When you reach your front door, you realize the living room light is on. Dad’s awake.
But as you reach to turn the knob, you hear ghastly breathing from the other side. When you swing the door open, you see your Dad in his recliner, his hand over his chest. He’s dry heaving, trying to get out a cough. 
“Hey, hey,” You quickly race to his side, “Are you okay? What’s happening?”
He breathes in deeply, “I just can’t seem to catch my breath. Something isn’t right.”
You have never seen him so panicked. You nod, understanding that your next step is to get him to the infirmary. He should have gone on his way home. You didn’t know if anyone would be there and you surely didn’t know if they would be able to treat his symptoms. 
“Are you in pain?” You ask, grabbing under his arms to lift him out of his chair. He’s wobbly, so you keep your hand under his armpit and use your other free arm to balance him. He shakes his head. 
“Just weak.”
Your heart sinks. Never in your life has your father admitted to feeling weak or sick. It was like as soon as he got home, his body just gave out. You help him into his shoes and start your trek back towards the middle of town. You wish you didn’t have to walk him so far because it felt like with every 5 feet, his lungs were giving out and sending him into a coughing fit. You probably woke the entire town trudging him through the streets. When you get to the front step of the infirmary, you knock as loud as you can. Usually, they had an overnight shift nurse helping, having them watch over whoever was dragged there during the day. Dispensing medicine if need be. You knew a couple of the nurses, most of them your age or a bit older. 
When a familiar face opens the door, you feel a sense of relief. 
“Hey Sidney,” You greet her, sort of pushing your Dad into the room, still keeping your hands wrapped around his center, “Something’s wrong with Pops.”
She reaches out to help you with him, “Oh no, what’s going on?”
“Can hardly breathe,” Is all he can muster out. You look at Sidney, concern spread across your face. She nods, knowingly. 
Sidney was one of the nurses you trusted the most. She gave you stitches when you sliced your hand open on a glass bottle a couple of weeks ago. She was patient and gentle, always checking to see if you were doing alright as she sewed your skin together. She’s a former Firefly, probably in her 40s. She got trained by some doctors years ago so she knew a decent amount about all sorts of medical treatment. 
She takes hold of the situation completely, grabbing your Dad and walking him to a free bed near the door. She gets him to lie down and she starts scrambling for some supplies to do a quick once over of him. He looks pale and for some reason, very small, in the hospital bed. 
“It’s gonna be alright,” You say, poking his arm. You say it for him, but you mainly say it for yourself. He closes his eyes and nods. 
“Always is, kiddo.”
-
The news was not ideal. After observation and some tests, Sidney decided your father probably has pneumonia. The problem was, that Jackson was low on antibiotics and they would have to decide if your Dad’s case was urgent enough to give him some. 
It pissed you off, but you had to hold back your anger. This situation was out of Sidney’s control, but you knew exactly who to raise your voice to. Sadly, the city council was asleep in their beds, as it was 4 a.m. Sidney reassured you that she would ensure your father was looked after until the morning when they could discuss with everyone if it would be okay to give him some of the highly sought-after antibiotics. 
But for now, you should get some rest. 
Your father fussed at you while he was in and out of sleep, telling you that you needed to go home and sleep. Your body was plagued with exhaustion and your brain was hardly functioning. You would need to plead a good case, so even a couple of hours of sleep would do you good. You ask if you could occupy a bed nearby and Sidney agrees with a sympathetic smile. You curl up, trying to clear your brain of your racing thoughts. 
You can’t lose your father, he’s all you have. 
You need to remind the council of all your father does. 
You need him to get better. 
You need him. 
-
“We only have 4 vials of antibiotics,” Maria states, trying not to look you in the eyes. She feels horrible, but she knows deep down the rest of the council will probably reject your father using any. It was going to be a tough decision like this that made most of the people in the council think they were playing God, but it was real life. Would they give your 60-something-year-old father antibiotics for pneumonia or give it to a young child suffering from an infection? They had to think ahead and supplies were scarce. 
You cross your arms, waiting for the next shoe to drop. “And?”
Tommy stands up, knowing you will not like the next sentence. He practically guards Maria with his broad frame. He resembled Joel, with his dark hair and stern eyes. His were a bit softer. 
“We are low on resources, hun. We need to think ahead and ensure that the pros outweigh the cons of giving him one of those vials. You understand?”
“Why was this not a thought in the summer? When it was a good time to go seek some out? I just don’t under-”
“We had that sickness going around over the summer. Lots of people getting fevers. Before we knew it, Dr. Peters realized we were low. I had intentions to get out and try to find more, and trade with some people, but we just haven’t discussed it all yet. There’s a process. It was in the works.”
Your blood is boiling and your patience running out. Each second of arguing was another second your Dad could be closer to death. 
“Well, it’s a shitty fuckin’ process. Where can I go to get more, then? Is there another community we can trade with? A hospital we can scavenge? You guys can’t expect me to sit around and wait for him to get worse.”
Maria looks to Tommy, trying to wrack her brain for a response. Tommy’s lip twitches, knowing exactly what to say. He did not want you to do it, but he knew how you were. You’d do anything for your family. 
“There’s a hospital in Salt Lake that I’ve heard is practically untouched. Fireflies used to reside there and do tests. They probably left behind some supplies.”
You narrow your eyes, “Salt Lake? Isn’t that a whole week away?” 
You start to pace the room, trying to console yourself. You can’t just leave for that long and assume that everyone will take care of your Dad. Tommy places his hands on his hips, trying to figure out a resolution. He liked your Dad, always going to him if he needed help around the commune. Your Dad is always one to offer a helping hand and give solid advice. He didn’t want to watch him die, either. 
“How about this,” Tommy huffs, “How about we give him one of our vials and you and Joel head out to Salt Lake to scavenge that hospital? If we are right in our assumptions, there’s probably a lot of resources there. And Joel’s been there before.”
“Why are you roping Joel into this?” You press, crossing your arms. 
“Joel knows where to go. He can get you there in one piece.”
“Where am I going,” Joel’s presence takes you by surprise. You turn back at the front door of the infirmary, seeing Joel’s disheveled hair sticking up in every direction. He had red cheeks, probably from the jog he did to get there. As soon as he heard about your father, he booked it from the stables to his side. 
Tommy shoots Joel a knowing look, “You and her are gonna go back to Salt Lake. You think they have antibiotics at that hospital you took Ellie to?”
Joel’s visceral reaction sends you. His heart practically stopped when Tommy brought up the hospital. 
You start to sweat when he does, realizing you would have to travel that far with Joel Miller. 
He swallows, shifting his weight to his other leg. “Probably. Why can’t ya just give him what we have?”
Maria shakes her head at his response, “We have a long winter ahead of us, Joel. We have four vials left. This saves us from a council meeting where they shoot down everything. They won’t approve it. If I reassure them that you are going to get some more, they won’t mind if we give him one.”
He huffs, scratching his chin in contemplation. You knew this would not be ideal for him, but you’re willing to do anything, even if you had to do it alone. The four of you stand in silence while Joel wracks his brain for an excuse to say no. None comes to him. 
It’s not that he did not want to help you, he just does not want to relive some trauma with you by his side. He would have to swallow back all his emotions, all the while you would be posted up right next to him. He does not want you to see him falter under pressure.
“She can’t go alone, Joel,” Tommy quips, gesturing towards you. You were shaking, your body reacting before your brain even could. Your nerves were shot.
He shakes his head, “And if they don’t have the supplies?”
You didn’t even think that far. 
“They will,” Tommy says, matter-of-factly, “It’s our best bet. The Fireflies disbanded, there has to be stuff left behind.”
You don’t know how Tommy knows all this, but he must have good sources to know all these things. Joel nods at him, accepting his response. He looks back at you, trying to figure out how you feel about the proposition by reading your face. 
“Does that work for you?” His deep voice isn’t meant to be intimidating, but you flinch anyway at the question. 
“I don’t have much of a choice. My Dad needs the medicine. If you guys think we can make it there and back in one piece, I’ll do it.”
“We will leave tomorrow morning. In the meantime,” Joel waves over Sidney, who’s still sitting by your sleeping and dazed father, “Give him one of those vials.”
-
Joel sacrificing his time and effort for your father was unfathomable to you. Sure, Joel was a great friend of your Dad’s, but he truly didn’t owe you two anything. It made you enamored with him even more. 
As the day shifted into the evening, you sat by your Dad’s bed and waited for the antibiotics to kick in. His body needed rest, you knew that much because he slept more than he probably ever had in his lifetime. 
He was sweating out a fever, so every so often you’d pat his head with a cold rag. He would mumble a quiet “thank you” and then return to snoring. As the sun sets, you welcome Sidney back for her night shift. She checked your Dad’s vitals, telling you his lungs are already sounding a bit better. You stretch and yawn, cracking every bone in your body while you do. You were stuck in the same position for so long, elbows on your knees, your chin propped up by your hands. 
You had a long trip ahead of you, and you couldn’t lie, you were scared half to death. You did not want to come back and find your father dead. You were also terrified about going back outside of Jackson. You spent most of your last 20 years living in the wild and shitty QZ’s. You were always on edge out there, and then you found Jackson. Ever since then, life has been a little more hopeful. You were able to form relationships and have some simple enjoyment, after all this time. 
Your Dad finally wakes up when you start stirring more. His one eye opens first which makes you crack a smile. 
“Mornin’ Pops,” You joke, grabbing his warm hand, “That antibiotic should start working soon. You’ll be better in no time.”
“Yeah,” He croaks, “But I heard you’re going somewhere.”
You bite your lip, afraid to stress him out. You knew he would worry about you, he always did.  
“Yeah, me and Joel are going to get more supplies. Nothing too drastic,” You lie, brushing your thumb over his scarred knuckles, “You trust Joel enough to take care of me?”
It was the first time he laughed in the last 24 hours, “Course he will. He knows how much you mean to me. If he fucks up, he will get a load of me, that’s for sure.”
His voice was reassuring to hear, especially since he’s joking with you. 
“Okay, I believe you,” You mutter, “We leave tomorrow morning, so I need you to be good and get all the rest you can. I want you up and moving when I get back, you hear me?”
“Roger that, kiddo.”
-
“Mornin’ sunshine,” Your tone is sarcastic and Joel can tell. You did not expect to be stuck with Joel Miller alone for a week, especially outside the walls. 
He clears his throat as he finishes packing up his horse. 
“Mornin’,” He grumbles, patting his horse’s mane, “Let’s get you all set up. You’ll be takin’ your Dad’s horse, Ranger. He is already saddled up, just need to get your stuff on there.”
Luckily, you packed light. You brought a couple of changes of clothes, some food, some camping gear, and of course, your gun. 
Joel helps you tie down your bag and ensures all the straps he just put on are tight enough for you. You just watch him, enjoying how just takes control of the situation. He had the father instinct, always making sure everything would be safe and secure for the girls he loved. Or liked. Whatever.
You thank him, grabbing onto the saddle and flinging yourself up onto the horse. Ranger was truly your favorite horse in all of Jackson. He was the best behaved and the biggest. His mane was long and black and he loved to be brushed. You spent a lot of evenings riding him for fun, just enjoying his company. 
Joel gets on his horse, adjusting how he sits before he takes the reigns and guides you towards the main gates of Jackson. 
“You still sure you’re ready for a run like this?”
He’s giving you a chance to back out. But this was now an obligation. If you didn’t do this, you would indebted to everyone. You would be the person to blame if someone’s loved one died. Not really, but you felt that guilt. 
“Readier than I’ll ever be, Joel.”
-
“How is Ellie doing?”
You were burning to make conversation. You needed to rid your mind of all the anxiety surrounding your own life. Joel was too quiet, it made you feel queasy. He was too wrapped up in his thoughts. You were about 20 miles outside of Jackson, the sun was coming up through the foliage. 
He inhales sharply, “She’s a teenage girl. She’s grumpy.”
You grip onto the reigns of your horse, your body swaying back and forth with the trot. 
“I remember being that young and being constantly annoyed by my Dad’s nagging,” You chuckle, remembering the days of angst, “Are you annoying her, Joel?”
Joel scrunches his face at such allegations. If anything, Ellie was annoying him. 
“Course I’m not! Just… want to make sure she’s doing good. Which she is. Everyone tells me ‘bout how helpful she is.”
You think back to the last interaction you had with Ellie. She had been helping out at the stables when you were in charge of feeding and cleaning the horses before you got the job at the Tipsy Bison. Ellie wanted to know everything you knew, pestering you with silly questions like what their names were and why they were named what they were. 
“She’s very helpful,” You acknowledge, thinking about how enthusiastic she always was about learning, “You raised her right.”
He huffs, “Was hardly me. She’s just smart and raised herself.”
You did not quite understand the history between Joel and Ellie, but you knew Joel was not her biological father. You had no clue how they found each other or when. But you could see the love Joel had for Ellie. You remember him lighting up when he explained to you and your dad how she was the best shot amongst the recruits. 
Joel will probably never indulge you in the specifics of his relationship with Ellie, simply because it’s complicated. He never felt the need to explain himself to anyone but Tommy. 
“You had a hand in some of it, Joel. Give yourself a little credit.”
But Joel was never good at that. He was hard on himself, weary to accredit any of Ellie’s behavior to himself. 
The rest of the ride was occupied with the sound of leaves rustling. Joel spots a fallen tree that he says would be a good eating spot. You agree, hopping down off your horse with ease. You tie his reins up on a nearby branch and start digging through your saddle bag for the apple you packed for yourself. You were sick with unease all day. With everything going on in your life, the last thing on your mind was hunger. Plus, you were alone with a man that you had to put all your trust in. 
You pop a squat on the chipping bark and get out your pocket knife to start cutting the red fruit. Joel gets out a bag of jerky from his pack and finds a spot next to you. He looks over at you, perplexed at your food choice. 
“Just some fruit?” Joel interrogates, instantly knowing your hunger cannot be satiated by apples. No one can be satisfied with only fruit. 
Your stomach churns at your first bite, “Just not that hungry.”
That’s all the explanation he needs. You watch as he starts to munch on his bagged meat, cringing at the sound of his mouth. You try to block it out, but it’s eating away at your brain. You hated the sound of chewing, it was such a stupid pet peeve, but you couldn’t help yourself. Joel is oblivious, probably not even hearing how loud he’s being. You smack his arm out of instinct, something you did to your dad when he was being too obnoxious. 
He looks down at you with furrowed brows and annoyed eyes. 
“You’re eating too loud,” You say, wanting to smack yourself at how stupid it sounds out loud. 
He looks away, completely flabbergasted at the reaction. “Eating too loud? Really?”
You feel embarrassed for letting your brain get the best of you. So you just cut more of your apple off and slowly crunch on it. You try your best not to hyper-fixate on your chewing. When you’re in a trance, lost in your thoughts, Joel nudges you back. He’s getting you back, now. 
“Now you’re chewing too loud,” He jokes, popping another piece of his jerky in his mouth, “Should probably keep it down. So loud you may attract some infected.”
You can’t help but smile at his stupid rebuttal. You give him props for making you feel less foolish. 
“Sorry,” you mumble, eating another slice intentionally loud, “Can’t help myself. They are just so crunchy.”
You hear him giggle, his smile easing your churning stomach. 
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ll forgive you this one time.”
-
You knew the ride to this hospital would be long, but you didn’t realize how barren the landscape would be. You also didn’t realize how bad your ass would hurt. You and Joel finally pull off into some woods when the sun starts to set. Joel acts like he knows exactly how to navigate the woods, guiding his horse deeper and deeper. In between some large trees, you spot a lake. 
“Wanna go swimming?” You question after hours of no conversation. He glances back at you with a sly smirk on his face. When you look to your right, you notice a small path. Joel clicks his tongue for his horse to follow it. You two trot through the leaves, before coming upon a small decrepted cabin.
“This is us,” He states as he halts his horse. 
He had secretly always pictured taking you out here. He could not help but insert you into his small fantasies. Some nights he would imagine what it would be like to have you stick by his side forever. He always felt guilty afterward. 
You look at the building in wonder, completely speechless. You assumed you would be camping on the forest floor, not in an intimate cabin by a lake. You swing your leg over and slide off your saddle. Joel starts to tie up his horse nearby and you follow suit. You continue to look at the cabin, curious as to who kept up with it. It looked well maintained, besides some cobwebs at the peak of the roof. 
“Is this yours?”
He shakes his head, “No. Technically Tommy’s. He goes this way to get to another settlement about 50 miles south. He found this place on a whim and cleaned it up.”
You look around the area, seeing there’s even a fire pit right by the water. It had chairs and stones to outline the charred wood. You could not help but imagine what this place was before Tommy found it. How many fun nights were probably spent here by the original owner? If you had no one to go back to, you would just live here. But the more you think about that scenario, you think about how lonely you would probably get. Maybe if you had someone to stay with you. 
You finally look back at Joel. He’s standing on the stone path with his eyes locked on you. You get self-conscious for a moment, realizing he probably noticed how entranced you were with the surroundings. 
That’s exactly what he was thinking, too. How beautiful you stood in the shadows of the trees, your eyes curiously glancing around like a kid in a candy shop. You had him wrapped around your finger without even knowing it. 
“You good if we stay here overnight? Get back on the road tomorrow?”
How could you ever say no to an offer like that? 
You nod, swallowing back your insecurity, “Yeah, for sure.”
-
Joel could build a good fire. Watching him gather all the wood and place them into a perfect formation. As soon as he lights it, it builds and builds. When the warmth envelopes you, you start to finally feel at ease. Joel sits down with a stick, nudging the fire every so often.
He felt guilty. He felt like he was betraying your father, a man who was trusting him with his daughter. He should not be imagining how a little life in the woods would look like with you. He should not be picturing how beautiful you would look underneath him. He should not be having these devious thoughts about you. His eyes are trained on the flames as they build, trying to push those daydreams away. 
When his sleeve lifts as he toys with the charred wood, you notice the watch on his wrist. It looks ancient, the face of it shattered. You don’t realize you’re staring at it until he snatches his hand away from your view. 
“Sorry,” You retract, sitting further into the chair, “Your watch is broken.”
He places the stick next to his foot, finally out of his head for a moment, “Yeah, I’m aware.”
You were so stupid. You know not to pry further, knowing there’s probably a story and you don’t feel like you’re at a stage with Joel Miller to dive deeper. He notices how small you making yourself, and it makes him feel bad. He never wants to make you insecure. 
“Your necklace,” He starts, trying to place your mind somewhere else. It was a feature on your body that he noticed ages ago, but he never tried to beg the question, so this seemed like a great time to move the subject along. “Is it a moon?”
You reach up to your throat, feeling for the necklace you never took off. It feels like he almost wants to see if you will spill your story first. He is bad at reading women, sometimes. Most of the time. 
“Yeah, it was my sister’s.”
He feels stupid, instantaneously. As soon as those words fell from your lips, he put his face in his hands. 
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
Your feelings towards what happened 20 years ago were drastically different than how you feel now. You could still feel the horror and the pain you felt, but it wasn’t so gut-wrenching anymore. It honestly doesn’t even feel like it happened to you. 
You drop the crescent moon charm from your hands, “No, it’s okay. She died on outbreak day. She was a bit older than me, her name was Reagan.”
He looks up at you and just nods, taking in the information. You don’t know if it’s a gesture for you to continue to talk, but you take it as just that. 
“Her and my mom were at one of her soccer games when all hell broke loose. From what I heard, she was bit by one of her teammates and when me and my Dad were packing up our things to get out of there, I grabbed some of her stuff. A necklace, a sweatshirt, and her favorite pair of sneakers. I don’t know why. But yeah, this necklace is the only thing that survived 20 years. Sweatshirt got too small, shoes got too torn up.”
You don’t even notice the tears pricking in your eyes until you blink. You don’t even remember what she looks like, her face is kind of jumbled in your memory. You remember her hair though, long and brown and super curly. Joel just listens, his eyes trained on your hands as you nervously rub them together. When you peer up at him, you see the mutual pain written on his face. 
He thinks to his beautiful Sarah. His eyes fall to his broken watch. The pain is still very palpable. 
“‘m glad we have somethin’ from our people. Somethin’ to remember them by, ya’ know?”
You scan his broken watch and nod timidly. “Yeah, something to remember them by.”
-
You stand up after eating some more food you packed, ensuring you’re somewhat nourished before you go to sleep. Joel stares at the fire, his eyes heavy with exhaustion. He knows he has to sleep, but he knows you need it more. He’s willing to give up his hours for yours. 
“You want me to do first watch?” You quiz, hoping to get the answer no. Instead, he just shrugs. You cross your arms, a cool shiver going down your back as you step away from the fire. 
“I’ll start first,” He mumbles, grabbing his poking stick, “There’s a bed in there all ready for you. Get some rest, we got a long day tomorrow.”
You respond with a slight wag of your head, “Okay, goodnight, Joel.”
You turn on your heels and head towards the front door of the cabin. You creak the door open. It’s pitch black so you step back onto the small porch to grab the lantern Joel lit a while ago. You slowly creep through the one-room cabin, placing the lantern on the small table by the door. It lit up most of the room so you got a great look at the wooden framed bed, waiting for you to lay upon it. 
You feel a pang of guilt making Joel sit outside to guard you as you slept. You knew you needed rest. You also knew it would start getting colder and colder and that fire would die eventually. 
Joel could handle himself, after all. You would just have to push your worry aside. When you curl up onto the hard mattress, you think back to the last time you were left to trust another man to look after you as you slept. It was a traumatizing night, so instead of worrying yourself, you close your eyes and remind yourself that Joel is safe. Dad trusts Joel. Joel is a good man. 
Sleep eventually takes over, your soft snores rattling off the wooden walls. 
After a couple of hours, the shivering takes over Joel’s body, so he creeps into the cabin. The lantern is dimmer, slowly running out of fuel. He shakes his head, smiling to himself at your disregard for resources. He walks over to the small wood-burning oven, opening the door to it as quietly as he can. You don’t even stir. You’re a deep sleeper, he would remember. 
He starts a fire with the old coals, warming up the small space. Once he stands up from his squat, he hisses at the crack of his knees. He glances over at you, making sure he did not wake you. Nothing. 
You were a peaceful sleeper, your mouth slightly ajar. To Joel, you were always so beautiful. Not even just your looks, but your kind and reserved nature. You always gave him a delighted smile when he looked your way. You were dedicated to always being there for your father, which would always melt his cold heart. He would always watch you with a careful eye, praying that you would somehow get older or him, younger. He hated himself for admiring you so often, especially since he respected your father so much. But you were right there. 
He sat himself in the old recliner chair near the door, peaking out the window every so often. He would always find himself training his eyes back on you, watching your chest rise and fall slowly. 
It takes everything in him not to curl up next to you. 
-
The second day starts off a bit rough. 
When you wake up in the early morning hours, you take notice of a sleeping Joel in the corner of the room. You spring up, loudly rattling the bed frame. It sends Joel jumping out of his skin, his eyes flying open to look at you.
You are panting like you just ran a mile. 
“Jesus Christ, girl,” He barks, his tone tired but also vicious, “Thought someone had you at gunpoint.”
“You were sleeping!”
“Shit, yeah I was, wasn’t I?” His tone is more relaxed, sort of annoyed. He rubs his eyes, glancing outside. Your horses were still there and it doesn’t seem like you guys have been ransacked. 
You clench your fists, “You’re lucky we didn’t get shot in our sleep or something.”
He rolls his eyes, slowly rising from the chair he took over, “That’s a little dramatic, sweetheart. We are fine.”
After that comment, you did not want to talk to Joel Miller. 
You also start to question if you can trust him. He should’ve woken you up to take charge of the watch, but instead, he ignorantly fell asleep and risked your life. 
When you pack up to leave, he realizes how rattled you are. He wants to apologize, but he’s too stubborn to do so. You were being dramatic. But he shouldn’t have said that. He should’ve kept that comment to himself. He was never really good at holding his tongue, always saying the first thing on his mind. 
-
When the sun sets on the second day, Joel promises you two should be in Salt Lake the next afternoon. The whole day pretty much consisted of you two bickering about state capitals. He swears the capital of Pennsylvania is Philadelphia. 
“It’s not, it’s Harrisburg,” You would say. 
You also talked about times before the Infection. He mentions his daughter, Sarah, telling you about how she used to play soccer and she loved going to the Texas State Fair. It makes your heart happy to hear him light up about her, but it makes you want to cry hearing a father talk about his dead child. You can’t imagine that type of pain, and you hope you never do. He doesn’t even know why he’s suddenly baring his soul to you, but he starts to feel like his walls are falling away and he’s comfortable around you. 
He tells you about how he plays the guitar, which you lock onto quickly. 
“You’ll have to show me how good you are,” You smile, imagining Joel Miller strumming along to some folksy song you request. He can only imagine what type of music you would want to hear from him. 
“When we get home,” He mutters, “I'll give you a performance.”
“I cannot wait.”
The conversation with you was easy. You could get anything out of him, pretty much. You were a lot like your father, but softer. He enjoyed your company a bit more. Your laugh was infectious and you were a lot easier on the eyes, of course. When you two stop for a break, he watches as you look for four-leaf clovers on the forest floor. When you find one, you pick it up and bring it over to his hunched-down frame. 
“My mom used to say they were for love and luck,” You explain, “Think you need it for both.”
He knew you were joking by the way you giggle and return to your spot on the ground. He just shakes his head and sticks the clover in his jacket pocket. 
-
He was dreading being back in Salt Lake. He doesn’t want to relive that day when Ellie was practically ripped from him. It sent him spiraling just thinking about all the outcomes that could’ve transpired that day. 
He contemplates telling you for a few brief seconds. 
He wouldn’t have much to lose, especially now that everything is said and done. But then fear takes over and he wonders, would you judge him for it?
He imagines how you would react. How your nose would probably scrunch up, how your disposition towards him would soon contort into horror. You would probably call him a monster. You would probably never look at him the same way, with that beautiful smile and attentive gaze.
“You okay, Joel?”
You two were positioned on the edge of some woods off a dirt road. Joel didn’t want to attract anyone with fire, so you two decided you would just camp on the ground near the highway you would end up following to get into the city. 
“‘M all good,” He practically whispers, “Just tired. You mind gettin’ first watch?”
You just silently nod, watching him rise from his spot and move over to the sleeping bags you two had set up when you arrived. You watch as he awkwardly wiggles his large frame into a small sack. It makes you giggle a bit. He positions himself with his back to you, his front facing into the woods. He can’t spend his time staring at you like he would like to, he needs to sleep. 
You realize he has a leaf stuck on the back of his head. You couldn’t help yourself, it was going to bother you for as long as you were awake. You stand up and slowly creep up to him. 
You squat down and pluck the leaf out of his thick curls. His head snatches back at you, knitting his brows together in confusion. 
Secretly deep down, you just wanted to find a reason to touch him. 
“Can I help you?”
You give him a shit-eating grin, “Yeah, you just got leaves in your hair. It was going to bother me if I didn’t get it out. You’re very, very welcome.”
He rolls his eyes, “Can I sleep now?”
“Don’t know, I’m already getting bored without you glaring at me.”
You were now on a mission to annoy him, he guesses. 
Without thinking, he responds with a comment that would stick with you all night. 
“Yeah, you like it when I look at you, don’t ya?”
-
The homestretch was only about another 20 miles. You and Joel had made good time, only taking about three days to get to the hospital. After the subtle flirting with Joel the night before, you got a little more ambitious with your advances. 
Before you two took off to get to your destination, you asked Joel if you could change your clothes. You had mud all over your jeans and your shirt was reeking of body odor. The natural deodorants that were handmade in Jackson only did so much. 
“Yeah, make it quick,” He orders, pointing to a more private area of the camp, “There’s some bushes over there.”
“I’m not getting dressed in a bush, Joel. Just look away,” You test, already shrugging off your flannel. He notices your bold move, instantly peeling his eyes away from your direction. This can not be happening to him right now. 
“What the hell,” He murmurs, his hands propped up on his hips, “You’re doin’ this on purpose.”
You feel your cheeks heat up, “Doing what on purpose?”
“Testin’ me. Me and my patience.”
You throw your shirt over your head and grab one of your spare ones from your pack, “Well, if it’s a test, you’re passing with flying colors, Miller.”
He glances back at you without even really thinking, spotting you in your bra with a shirt covering your eyes. It’s almost like when you tell a child not to press a button, and it makes them want to do it even more.
He wanted to keep looking. 
“Fuck,” He says under his breath, trying to push those types of thoughts out of his mind. 
You shimmy off your pants, folding them as soon as you get them off your legs. You needed a shower so bad, you felt so filthy. 
“You think we could stop back at the cabin on the way home? I want to bathe.”
Thinking about you naked and taking a bath made his dick hard. 
“Yes,” He manages to say, “Hurry up, please!”
You grin at his frustration, “Fine, fine. I’m almost done.”
-
You and Joel trot along an abandoned highway, cars littering every lane. It was nothing new to you. You have seen plenty of cities in your lifetime. Each time was a bit different, but for the most part, they were all the same. Riddled with infected and bombed to shit. 
You think back to when Tommy said Joel had been here before. Your mind starts to wonder, and being that you still had a couple of hours before you got to see the actual hospital, you decide to speak up and ask. 
“When was the last time you were here?”
He thinks for a second. He was waiting for these questions. 
“Over a year ago.”
You shake your head, “Was there a reason?”
You had no business prying into Joel’s life, but you felt like after spending days with him, there was some kinship. Maybe even a friendship.
“Ellie’s mom was a Firefly. They had a base camp out here,” He explains, but would he go further? Would he spill all the beans?
It’s technically not his story to tell. But then again, Ellie didn’t even have the truth, so it was a story only he knew. 
You wait before responding, “Did you find her?”
“Who?”
“Ellie’s mom,” You press, glancing around some cars. You are trying to act like you didn’t care, but you could tell from the moment you entered the outskirts of the city, Joel was plagued with the weight of the atmosphere. His shoulders got heavier, his eyebrows further knitted together. He was tense. 
“No, she’s dead. So I brought her home,” He says, half-bending the truth. He’s lying, but not really. Ellie’s mom was dead but that was never the reason they came out here. He just wants to say it, but his chest feels like a weight is pushing down, almost cracking his ribs. He swallowed the guilt. 
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”
You didn’t have much else to say, letting the silence eat away at the prickle of your arm hairs as they stood up. You try to relax, but now that you are in the city, it feels real. You traveled all this way for medication so Jackson would not shun you. It sounded kind of stupid, coming all this way in hopes of a stocked Firefly hospital. 
You also traveled all this way with Joel Miller. You managed to speak to him without tripping over every word and poking fun at him. You watched him sleep at night, looking so peaceful in the woods surrounding him. You try to think about the last time you saw him smile. You saw him differently, now. He came all this way to help you and your dad. He is risking a lot, disregarding his duties back home, just so he can be with you and protect you. 
You ponder if things will be different when you get home. Maybe he would talk to you more when he came to the Tipsy Bison. Maybe he would wave back at you when you saw him around town. 
You secretly hoped being next to him for so long would change your relationship with him. 
Joel starts to ride next to you, studying your face as you stare forward. 
“What are you thinkin’ bout so hard over there?” He poses, watching your face twist when he speaks up. 
You lick your lips, “Thinking about what it’s gonna be like when I get home.”
“What do ya’ mean?”
You halt your horse to look over at him. He does the same. 
“We came all this way and I am scared when we get back, you won’t want to talk to me anymore.”
He shakes his head, a slight chuckle escaping his lips, “Kiddo, your dad’s my patrol partner. ‘Course, I’ll still talk to you. You’re always around.”
The nickname makes you cringe. You don’t want to be a kid to him. 
“Right, of course.”
-
When you get to the edge of the city, Joel starts explaining the game plan. How you will get to the hospital, do your sweep as quick as you can, and don’t meander around. He also explains how the exit plan is to drop everything, no matter what, and return to the horses. You see someone? Run. 
You want to say you know how to handle yourself, but you resist and just nod in understanding. 
To your surprise, you two do not run into any hoards. You turn a corner and spot a couple of infected twitching near an old school, and you two carefully back up and go up another block to avoid them altogether. You two don’t say anything to each other as you spot the hospital in the distance. Joel just points forward, having you trot at his side. 
You pull out your gun when you start to hear some clicking nearby. Joel gestures to you to be quiet and continues to the front of the hospital. You two ride your horses to the ambulance drop-off, parking them there. When you jump down, you start to grab your pack so you can fill it with whatever supplies you find. Joel does the same, throwing his leather backpack over his shoulder. You check the magazine of your gun and take off the safety. 
“Okay, we stay close to each other,” He explains in a hushed tone, “Grab whatever you think we need.”
You wiggle your head in agreement. He raises his rifle as you two enter the side door. The hospital is quiet besides the wind blowing through some shattered windows. You click on your flashlight that is attached to your backpack, making sure it’s pointed forward. The main corridor leads you down to some triage rooms and nurse's stations. Joel gestures to you to check out some triage rooms. You find some bandages and some tongue presses. You grab the entire box of bandages and stuff them in your bag. When you return to the hall, Joel is stuffing some of his finds in his pack. 
“No meds yet,” He grumbles. You two press forward, keeping your steps silent. You find some lab rooms off the main hallway and you two scope out each room carefully, your guns still drawn and at the ready. You find more items; some gloves, masks, and some scissors. You pick them up, stuffing them in your back. 
You hear movement from behind you and quickly spin. It’s just Joel, holding a couple of vials of medication. You rush towards him, using your light to see what the vials read. 
levofloxacin 
amoxicillin
“Jackpot,” You murmur, “Any more?”
He grabs a baggie sitting on a table nearby, “Not that I saw.”
You continue searching, not finding much of anything in the drawers. A lot of the stuff is picked through. 
You point to a central staircase, “Wanna go up?”
“Yeah, right behind you.”
Joel was reeling, spotting some areas where blood was splattered across the walls as he walked through the hospital. It was terrifying to put himself back in this exact spot. It felt like a fever dream. Now he had you with him, another person he cared too much about to admit to anybody, let alone himself. He cared about you in a whole different way than he cared about Ellie. 
You trail up the stairs, finding some old labs and nurse's stations. All were picked through. You couldn’t help but notice the blood all over the floor in some areas. You try to figure out what could have transpired here, but you don’t even try to beg the question to Joel. With the look on his face, you are afraid to say much of anything. 
Something bad happened here and he was a witness to it. 
It made you want to hurry up and spare his feelings. Instead of taking careful and methodical steps, you run room to room searching drawers and counters for anything of value. You find some alcohol swabs, safety pins, and some wrist splints. When you get to the last room in the hallway you’re in, you hit the jackpot. It’s a cabinet with some vials. 
You start to quietly read them off to Joel who’s standing on the threshold of the room. 
“Grab them all,” He says, pulling his pack off his shoulder so you can put some into his, “We can find use for ‘em.”
You also find some sutures and unopened syringes. You wish you could get down on your knees and thank whatever god is up there for blessing you with everything. You don’t believe in that though, so instead you excitingly grab Joel’s arm and shake it. 
“Let’s get this all home,” You smile, pressing your fingers harder into his bicep, “Maybe celebrate with something strong from the bar.”
Then you hear it. 
Click. Click. Click. 
Joel grabs your arm back, shoving you behind him. He slings his pack over his shoulder and you do the same. You never had many issues with killing infected, but you did not know what you were dealing with. It was dark and all too quiet for too long. Joel creeps forward, his gun drawn forward to peek out the door. When you do the same, he tucks you back behind him. 
Lining the hallway is about 3 clickers. Your stomach drops as they slowly make their way to the sounds you two made seconds ago. Joel glances back at you, his face very serious and stern. 
You can read the look on his face and being that you dealt with these fuckers before, you know that you need to be silent. He looks back down the hall, spotting an exit in a staircase that’s slightly blocked by one of the clickers. He waves you along as he slowly tiptoes down the hallway. You get closer and closer to the first clicker and your gun is trained right at them as you keep your distance. You can tell by the clothing that it was a woman at one time, the infection growing out of every crevice of her body. 
She clicks and clicks, but does not attack you. You and Joel continue, not making a sound as you shuffle past the next one. But once you get close to the one closest to the door, something snaps and it’s like they all realize exactly all at once. One squeals and the others follow suit. Joel yells for you to run, but you don’t budge, emptying your gun into the closest one. It crumbles to the ground. With that one down, Joel grips your wrist tightly and flings you towards the door. You two rush out as Joel lights up the hallway with gunfire. 
You now know that you’re attracting every infected in a mile radius so time is of the essence. You practically fall down the stairs trying to get to the bottom. Joel does not like how fast you moving, pressing you to run faster. You two sprint down the hallway as two runners come full speed at you from an opposing hallway. You try to shoot but your gun is empty. You scream for Joel to do something and he puts them down expertly. He’s spot on even with the adrenaline coursing through his veins. You find the door you came in from and quickly make your way to Ranger. He seems sort of spooked so you try to gingerly climb up him, grabbing his reigns from the pole you tied him to. Joel is quick to mount his horse. He pulls his horse back, guiding it to head back the way you guys came. 
You follow suit, hearing stirring from all around you as your hair whips in the wind. You are not worrying about the noise you two are making now, galloping down the once-busy streets of Salt Lake City. 
“Don’t stop til’ I say so!” Joel calls out. You can hardly hear with your heartbeat in your ears and the wind against your ear drum. 
You get to the edge of the city after about 20 minutes of dodging left-behind cars and random barriers. You get to the point where the foliage takes over and the infected taper off. You don’t realize it until you start slowing down and your heart gets back to its normal pace, you’re freezing. 
You yell out for Joel, who’s still going quite fast. He halts completely, letting you catch up with his step. 
“We have to stop, I’m freezing.”
You weren’t wearing all your layers and you knew it would be detrimental if you didn’t stop to wrap up before you two continued your journey. Joel nods, trotting off the main part of the road into some woods. 
When you get off your horse, you can feel Joel’s eyes lock onto your vibrating body. 
“Jesus, girl,” He dismounts, wrapping his reigns around a nearby branch, “The wind do you that much damage?”
You can’t help but laugh as you rifle through your pack to find your extra layers. You can remember packing two thermals, but with the way you’re shaking, you can’t even grip onto the clothes to move them around to search. You don’t even realize Joel has come to your side, you only notice when he nudges your side with his three fingers. You move out of his way so he can look, but you can’t help but feel the warmth his gentle touch gives you on your hip. 
He pulls out a thermal, handing it out to you. 
“Just put it over your other long sleeve,” He instructs, digging for another layer for you. You take his advice and throw it over your head. When your head pops through the neck hole, you spot him smirking at you. 
“If you don’t warm up soon, I may have to share my body heat so we can get back on the road,” Joel jokes, watching you pull your hair out of the back of your long sleeve. You didn’t hate the sound of that, truthfully. 
“Guess I will try my best not to warm up then.”
He shakes his head, grabbing onto your other thermal, “You can’t say stuff like that to me, darling.”
“Why not?”
Joel has slipped up a couple of times already, he wasn’t planning on giving in. But the teasing was fun and light-hearted. He knew in his heart it was not going to turn into anything. 
Right?
“Because I don’t think it’s a very good idea for us to talk like that to one another,” He explains, stepping back as you add the other shirt onto your already warming body, “May lead us somewhere we can’t come back from.”
You swallow, “Maybe I’d like that.”
-
It takes you a day and a half to get back to the cabin. Joel promised that you two could spend a whole day there if need be. You two were physically and mentally exhausted. The horses needed rest too, you could tell Ranger was beat. 
When you arrive on the property, Joel makes sure to scope out a radius before you two settle in. Ever since the sly passes you made at him, he’s been more quiet. You can tell he’s deep in thought. Maybe it wasn’t about you, but he had something on his mind. 
You use the fire stove to warm up some water from the lake to give yourself a quick “bath”. You just used an old rag and some bar soap to scrub your limbs, trying to get off all the caked-on dirt. Joel stayed outside by the fire, cooking up some squirrels he was able to trap. You stood in your undergarments, lathering your skin, watching him from the window as he poked at the fire. 
You felt a bit better once you were clean. The growl in your stomach was dull and kind of painful. You needed to eat, so you got your dirty clothes back on and headed outside to prop yourself up next to Joel. 
When you open the cabin door, his head snaps over to you. 
“Howdy, cowboy,” You gleam, walking down to the stump next to him. You couldn’t help but flirt now. It was funny to watch him squirm, the glint in his eyes not hard to notice. 
“You all clean?”
You nod, giving him a cheeky smile. “Yeah, now you go get yourself all cleaned up.”
He grabs his stick poker, “Don’t got any soap.”
“Use mine.”
Joel stops his motion immediately to train his eyes back on you. “You want me to smell like you?”
“Well, I smell delicious, so why not?”
He scans your body with his eyes, “Cause if we get home and your Dad smells your soap on me, he’ll put it bullet between my eyes.”
You know he’s being dramatic, finding any excuse to opt out of using the soap you just used on your body. 
“So, what you’re saying is,” You clear your throat before continuing, “If my dad wasn’t your friend, you’d lather yourself with my soap?”
He contemplates for a moment, “Yeah, and other things.”
Your heart stops beating for a second. Joel can not help but smirk at your reaction. He was playing with fire, literally and figuratively. The tension between you two was so heavy, that you do not think you could even take a deep breath in. 
He stands up from his spot next to you. “Why don’t ya eat, sweet thing? I have to clean myself up, I guess.”
-
Joel can not do this. 
You were his friend’s daughter. Sure you were grown, beautiful, strong-willed, and everything he could want and more but he could not take advantage of you. The only way he felt this way right now was because tensions were so high back in Salt Lake. You two have spent a lot of time together, the hormones… what the fuck is he thinking?
You sit by the fire, your stomach doing back flips as you think about Joel in the cabin, by himself, practically half naked. 
Why were you doing this to yourself?
Your heart is racing faster than it ever has. No clicker, no stranger, nothing has made you this nervous. Your hand reaches for the door handle, but before you can turn it, Joel rips open the door. 
“What do you think you’re doing?”
You stand there, dumbfounded. “I-I don’t know.”
He’s standing over you, his chest rising faster the more you keep your eyes trained on him. He has a green flannel on, the top couple of buttons undone. You lift your hand to touch the skin peeking through, but he stops your movements before you can make contact. You note the scent of wood burning in the cabin and it’s a lot warmer than you left it. Joel must have started the stove again. 
“We can’t.”
You shake your head, “No, we can’t, can we?”
You two know better. You know better. You know better. 
You are breathing in each other’s spaces. You don’t even want to look him in the eyes. His arm snakes around your midsection, pulling you forward into the cabin. At that moment, you knew that you two didn’t know any better. 
It’s almost like you two silently made the decision. 
“We can’t tell anyone about this, sweet girl,” He whispers, his hands still firmly on your back. You could not resist this temptation anymore. He was right in front of you, wanting you just as badly as you wanted him. 
Your eyes glance up at his dark sultry gaze, “It’s our little secret.”
His hand reaches up, gracing your chin with his touch. When he dips down to meet your height, you finally get bold and extend your hand up and around his neck. Your lips connect and you feel like a million little butterflies explode in your stomach. You had never desired a kiss from anyone as much as you did with Joel. 
He’s eager and impatient, though. He’s not as soft as you imagined for a man who hardly spoke. He just wants to feel you everywhere, all at once. His mouth melts into yours, his tongue exploring every inch of yours. He’s moving you around the room, stumbling over furniture and shoes as he backs you into the large wooden bed frame. 
“So fuckin’ perfect,” He mumbles into your lips as soon as he lifts you up onto the mattress. It catches you by surprise, mainly because you never expected him to manhandle you in this way. He’s hungry for every inch of you. After all these months of secretly pining for him and him not giving you any positive response, you never anticipated something like this happening. Especially at a time like this. 
“Joel,” You whine, pulling him down on top of you as you fall back into the flannel blankets, “I need you everywhere.”
He grins peppering kisses down your neck, “Don’t worry, I will treat you so fuckin’ good. Been wantin’ you for so long.”
It was so filthy and hot. Your dad’s patrol partner, his best friend. Keen to make you feel good? And wanting it for a while? You must be imagining his words because you can’t even comprehend the situation. 
But it’s true. Joel’s secretly been watching you when you’re not looking. When you sling drinks on Friday nights, he watches you from a booth in the corner. Tommy’s caught him a couple of times, smacking him and reminding him that you were off limits. When you came to his house with extra pot pie or soup, he would watch you walk away from his house from his living room window. 
This taboo yearning kept him up at night. But now, he has you alone and he needs a taste. 
He pulls back to look at your face, “Are you sure you want me?”
You can’t help but giggle a bit. 
“Joel, I’ve been wanting you for longer than I would like to admit,” You purse your lips as you bring your hand up to trace his collarbone, “Think about you all the time.”
It was the truth. Your mind was taken up but all his little sly comments. The way he would drop anything to help you or your dad. His beautiful brown eyes didn’t help one bit either.
“My god, girl…Gonna have me cumming in my jeans like a teenager.”
He returns to laying kisses all along your body. It started with wet kisses down your neck, only for it to trail right where your shirt begins, right below your collarbones. You push him back for a moment, taking your shirt off over your head. He watched you carefully, ensuring there was no hesitancy with your actions. He wanted to be absolutely positive that this is what you wanted. 
As soon as you reach for the clasp of your bra, Joel grabs your arms away. 
“Let me,” He mumbles, letting his fingers trace along the seam of the black fabric before using his right hand to undo the back. With him this close to you again, you inhale sharply, catching the scent of your soap. 
“See you took up my offer,” You tease, letting your bra fall down your shoulders, “Did you get clean just for this, Miller?”
He catches a glimpse of you under the bra and his mind goes blank. You notice his change in disposition and decide it’s best to discard every other article of clothing completely. You struggle to get your jeans off, so he helps by practically ripping them off your legs. He can’t help but spot the soak undies attached to your jeans. When you are bare under him, he gawks at you for a moment. 
“A beautiful woman like you,” He shakes his head, biting his lip. He unbuckles his pants before he stands and shoves them down his legs. While he’s making an effort to get as naked as you, you start unbuttoning his flannel. He watches you take your time, thumbing each button slowly. He tilts your head back up, his eyes leering at you for a moment. “And you want someone like me?”
You know he’s probably in his own head, so you feel the need to prove to him, that yes this is what I want. 
You grab onto his neck and pull him back down into a passionate kiss. When you notice him give in, you use all your might to push him sideways and onto his back next to you. You mount his lap immediately, holding him down with your body weight. Your soaked slit trudges over his large hard-on while you dip your head to capture his lips. You feel his hands trail up the sides of your body, leaving goosebumps in his wake. He finds your boobs, palming them with his warm calloused hands. You were extra sensitive so as soon as his fingers find your nipples, you’re moaning into his mouth. 
When your hips jet forward, his tip slides between your pussy lips. The sensation sends him into overdrive, his grip on your waist getting tighter. He’s so fucking big. 
“No foreplay, you just wanna grind your pussy right onto my cock?” His question sends shockwaves through your body and you raise your hips up off his crotch. You kneel over him, anticipating to rotate your pelvis back onto him, but he has other ideas. 
Because Joel has been thinking about what you taste like for too long. He can’t just fuck you. He lays back, all the while, dragging you up to his chest so your pussy is hovering over his pursed lips. 
“Joel, what are you doing?”
You feel his hot breath huff onto your slick center, “I’m gonna devour this beautiful pussy, first. Need to get you warmed up.”
Without any warning, he wraps his arms around your thighs and pushes your center closer to his outstretched tongue. You gasp when he starts to run his tongue up and down your slit. You can’t help but settle around his face, your knees feeling like they may already give out. 
You’ve never sat on someone’s face and watched them eat you out like a starved man. But Joel is precise with his motions, his mouth wrapping around your clit. When he starts to suck, the suction noise makes you whimper and shake. You have only ever cum by your own hand, so when the familiar heat rises in your stomach, you know instantly this is going to be the best sex you’ve ever had in your life. 
Joel is a very easy man to please. He thoroughly enjoys watching women crumble above him, their orgasms surging through their bodies while his tongue is pressed into them. But with you, he wants to drudge it out of you over and over again. You’re so magnetic on top of him, your head thrown back in pleasure. Your hands rest on your shoulders as you grind down on him, your peak teetering the edge. He shimmies his hand in between your thighs and begins to use his fingers in you, just to drive you crazier. He’s fucking up into you with his pointer and middle fingers, managing to latch onto your clit while he does. 
When you tumble into bliss, Joel moans into you, egging on your spasms. You lurch forward, dragging your center off his drenched lips. Your legs are limp as you try to crawl up the bed. Joel rolls over, creeping up the bed with you. You lay on your back, propping yourself up onto some of the pillows. 
“Do you need a break?” He asks, his hands feeling up your bare, still kind of shaking, thighs. You shake your head “yes” and breathe out loudly. Your body is covered in a light sheen, the sweat pooling around your hairline. Joel lets you take a moment, making sure you are completely ready for him. 
When you finally meet his eyes, your stomach fills with butterflies. He’s admiring you from his position, his eyes not finding yours until he’s done checking out your bare chest. You giggle, tugging on his wrists. He takes up your advances, positioning himself above you. He’s caging you in with his tanned strong arms, only allowing you to really move your upper body. You tangle your hands through his messy dark peppered curls, which makes him sigh. He secretly loved it when women felt through his hair. 
“Fuck me,” He groans as he reaches down between you, grabbing ahold of his hard member. You watch as he drags it through your heat, gathering all your wetness before teasing your entrance. 
“Joel, please.”
He smirks, pushing in just his tip, “Please what, baby girl? You want me to give you all of it?”
You are already overstimulated after your last orgasm and you are a bit nervous to imagine what all of it is. You nod, though, because the stretch is already so delicious. 
“Please, Joel, please. I need it,” You whine, knowing how desperate you sound. It’s music to Joel’s ears. 
“Shh, baby,” He eases in further, “I told you I’m gonna treat you real good. Gonna treat this pussy, so fuckin’ good.”
When he’s fully sheathed in you, your nails are digging into his shoulders. When he eases back to pull out some to ensure you can take it, you’re a moaning mess. It only eggs him on, feeling how slick you are and how tight you are around him. 
“That’s right baby, take all of me,” He says as he lifts himself off you. You have nothing to grip onto now, except the sheets that line the queen-sized bed. Joel wants to watch himself slip out of you and go back into you with ease. You love the friction, but you know you need more. 
You don’t know how, but it’s like he reads your mind. He starts to increase his pace, holding onto the back of your thighs as he drills into you. The curvature of his dick hits exactly where no man could ever reach. 
“Oh my god, fuck Joel! Fuck!”
Your words only encourage him to go harder and faster.
“Keep screamin’ my name, baby doll.”
The sweat is dripping down his face with how much effort he’s putting into fucking you. You’re floored at how quickly your orgasm builds again, the sounds of him plowing into you alone sends you into overdrive. 
As soon as you start to vibrate under him, Joel takes that as a great time to start thumbing at your clit. You feel every one of your nerve endings burning with such rapture, that you can’t even say anything. You’re just howling, no coherent words even coming out. Your vision goes white.
The scene is something out of the old pornos Joel used to watch. You’re writhing under him, the orgasm practically sending you cross-eyed. You reach up to anchor yourself down and the only thing you can find to grab is Joel’s forearm. 
“Yes, Joel!”
His hips continue to snap into yours as you squeeze his cock with your gyrating hips. He’s fucking you through it, watching your face contort. Your grip on his arm hurts, but he does not care. It’s unbelievably hot to watch the girl he has adored from afar cumming around him. Over and over. 
The scene is enough to have him chasing down his own high. The feeling of your cunt gripping onto him so tight, while his name is chanted from your lips, the cum practically shoots out of him before he has time to grab his shaft and pull out. He does not empty himself in you though, quickly prying himself out of your weeping hole and spilling out the rest onto your stomach. 
“Shit.”
You don’t even realize what happened, not caring about really anything except for how wonderful and high you feel. Joel tumbles onto his side, half of his body resting on yours. His mouth is close to your ear so he whispers it to you, his voice shaky. 
“I came inside you.”
You lick your lips, trying to regain some saliva in your mouth, “I do not care, Joel.”
He does not prefer that answer, but he accepts it for the time being. You could not feel your face at the moment, you did not have time to worry yourself over Joel cumming inside you. It was not the first time someone did that. 
Joel rolls off the bed, his legs feeling wobbly with his first steps. He’s still half hard and stumbling over to the bowl of water he just used to clean off himself. He grabs a clean rag and soaks it in the soapy water. The least he could do was clean up his mess. 
You watch him trudge over to you, the cum still pooled on your stomach and a bit in your belly button. 
Joel places the warm towel on your lower tummy, wiping up his mess. 
“Thanks,” You manage to say, your post-orgasm haze wearing off a bit. Now you’re just cold and exhausted. You shiver as soon as he removes the towel from your buzzing body. He notes it immediately and grabs the blanket that had been kicked to the floor. He lays it over you, making sure your full nude body is covered by the chilly air. 
“I need to go take a leak, I’ll be right back.”
You try to stay awake. But as soon as he gets some clothes on and heads outside to relieve himself, you’re lulled to sleep by the sounds of the rustling woods that surround the cabin. 
-
When you slowly open your eyes, you instantly notice how dry your mouth is. The itchy fabric of the blanket is tickling your bare limbs as you shift. Joel’s not beside you. 
You sit up, glancing around the cabin. His stuff is still here, but he is not. You keep the scratchy blanket wrapped around you as you plant your bare feet on the wooden floor. As soon as you take your first step forward towards the front door, it slowly swings open. 
Joel stands there, fully clothed, cheeks reddened from the cold outdoors. 
“Mornin’,” He says with a sleepy voice, “Got up early to get the horses fed and saddled up.”
All you remember is him going to pee outside last night, right before you fell asleep. “Did you ever come to bed last night?”
“Yeah, only got a couple of hours of sleep. You took up most of the bed.”
You clear your throat, becoming hyper-aware suddenly that you are very naked under the blanket. Joel tries not to notice your natural sensuality when you wake up. Sleepy eyes, swollen lips, slightly tangled hair. Even if last night never happened, he would be completely enamored by you. 
“Oh, okay,” You mutter, trying to act natural about the fact that you slept with Joel fucking Miller last night. “We all set then?”
He shuts the front door, cutting off any more cold from slipping in. You watch him slowly start to invade your space. He feels pulled towards you, the gravity overcoming every sense he has. He needs to be close to you, touching you, feeling you. 
“Yeah, we are all set.”
Chills run down your spine when his cold hand reaches out and grazes your cheek. You flick your eyelashes towards him, not knowing what to say next. He dips down to your height, kissing your lips carefully. He is nervous you will back away from him, but you don’t. You lean forward into him, the weight of your entire body pressing into him. 
He is the first to pull away, but you swear you could be latched onto him forever. His big brown eyes are lasered in on your eager lips, but in the back of his mind, he knows that you two need to get back home soon. He promised Tommy four days, nothing more. And you needed to get home to your Dad. Fuck. Your Dad. His fuckin’ friend. 
“We have to get home,” Is all he says. 
And then he’s gone. It’s like he blipped out of the room. You blink and the door slams and you are alone again. 
-
You stumble out of the cabin with your backpack on, your eyes adjusting to the sunshine between the falling away leaves. Winter creeps in so quickly in Wyoming, you think to yourself. 
Joel is already posted up on his horse, waiting for you to hurry along and join him. You pet Ranger for a moment before you hop up onto his back. He can’t help but realize how perfect you seemed in the sunlight. Your face hasn’t aged with time like his. It makes sense because you’re so much younger than him. You’ve lived a very full and traumatic life, sure, but you still had a lot more energy to live. He couldn’t picture that you’d want to spend the rest of it with an older guy with maybe 20 more years left in him if you’re lucky. 
The thoughts start to eat away at him as you two make your way through the forest. 
You assume he’s just tired from not getting a lot of sleep, so you just keep your lips sealed until you make it to the main trail back home. 
“So, when we get home,” You break the quietness with your open-ended statement. Joel doesn’t know what you’re insinuating, so he just keeps his head forward. “What happens, then?”
He pulls back his horse's reins to position himself looking directly at you. 
“What do you mean?”
You look at him suspiciously, “Do we tell people?”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Joel thinks. 
“Tell them what?”
He has to be messing, right? You think. 
But no, he’s deadly serious. 
“About us,” You remark as Ranger trots a bit closer to Joel. He shakes his head and your heart sinks. He can’t do this, not after you two slept together. 
“There is no us,” He grumbles, unable to look you in the eyes anymore, “We can’t do that. You’re too young.”
If you weren’t on a horse, you would’ve already smacked him. “What the hell, Joel? What if you get in my pants and make me feel special and now we are nothing? Because I’m a little bit younger than you?”
“No, it’s not like that-”
“Well, it seems like it is like that,” You bite the inside of your cheeks, holding back every instinct to burst into tears, “Fuckin’ asshole. I should’ve known better.”
-
When the walls of Jackson come into your line of sight, you could cry with excitement. Your hands were shaking, not only from the cold but the nerves. You had been silent the entire ride back. Your only desire was to get home to your Dad and ignore Joel Miller for the rest of your life. 
You can only hope and pray that your father is on the mend. To keep on track and not let panic take over, you’ve tried to put your mind on other things this whole trip. Most of those things you wish you’d forgotten, already. 
The doors open when you two get close. When the crack is big enough to see through, you spot some familiar faces waiting for you. Tommy, Maria, and even your father. He’s standing up straight, wrapped in layers of jackets and blankets. You tap Ranger with your foot, getting him to speed up. When you reach about 30 feet away, you practically fall off him to get your arms around your father. 
A sense of relief floods your body. A tidal wave of happiness and solace. He’s okay. He’s alive. 
When his scent reaches your nose, it triggers your tear ducts. After years of never having to really worry about him, knowing he can handle himself, you have felt this constant state of uneasiness the last week. 
“My baby is back,” He grumbles into your hair, his arms locking around you, “I knew I could trust that Joel.”
You don’t have time to feel guilt over your actions, you’re just so happy he’s upright. You also don’t want to hear his God-forsaken name from your own Dad. When you pull back to inspect his face, you note the tiredness in his eyes. He looks better, but not his normal. You grab each end of the blanket that’s slowly slipping off his shoulders and bundle him tighter. 
“Let’s get you back in the warm, how ‘bout it?”
You glance back at Joel who just nods, knowingly. You remember that you still have your backpack on, so before you stroll away, you shimmy out of it. Tommy watches you carefully as you hand it off to Joel. 
“Get those meds to the infirmary,” You whisper to no one in particular. Joel studies your face, waiting for you to say something else. You do not. As he grabs your pack, you feel like Maria and Tommy are gawking at you two. Like they know something was left unsaid. 
You two move differently around each other. When you shift one direction, Joel follows suit. 
Joel feels like every eye in Jackson is on him. Tommy’s being the most piercing, watching him like a hawk as he grabs his horse and guides him towards the stables. While you stroll away with Maria and your father, Joel and Tommy bring the horses and supplies to the stables. 
As you walk, you listen to Maria explain your father’s steady recovery. She mentions how Ellie has been keeping a careful eye on him. After she heard you and Joel were going to be gone together, she asked Maria if she could help him somehow. Once your dad got well enough to walk, she got him settled in your house. She’d go over there for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, just to help. It makes your heart swell when you hear your dad say how kind and generous she was, just like you. 
-
Joel starts to unpack your bags from your horse first when he gets the horses parked. 
“Somethin’ happen out there?” Tommy presses, noticing how odd you and Joel moved in front of him, “With her?”
“No, nothin’,” He lies, placing your bags on a table near Ranger. When he lifted the first duffle bag, he got a whiff of you and it made his stomach sink. “We just had a rough spot in the hospital. Clickers and shit. Nothin’ too crazy-”
“Joel, I know when you’re lyin’ to me,” His eyes are shooting daggers now. Joel was too old to be pestered by his little brother. He groans in annoyance but Tommy does not give up, “What did you do?”
“I didn’t do nothin’, Tommy.”
“Bullshit,” He grumbles, grabbing one of your bags, “Want me to ask her?”
“You won’t get anythin’ out of her. She’s mad at me, okay? She is pissed I won’t…”
He feels humiliated, his stomach twisting into knots. He would never intentionally hurt you. He just put his foot in his mouth when he realized how much your actions would change everything for him. He could not just be someone you slept with. He could not just leave it. 
“You won’t what, Joel?”
He bites his lip, not wanting to say it out loud. 
“I won’t let her ruin her life for me.”
Tommy’s eyebrows furrow, not completely understanding what he’s droning on about. 
“What?”
“Jesus Christ, Tommy!” Joel wasn’t anticipating a shake-down when he got home. You two really didn’t help with those looks splattered across your faces when you rolled into Jackson.
“You slept with her, didn’t you?”
Joel shakes his head, peeling his eyes away from Tommy. Joel knew nothing could get past him, so he is practically surrendering. Tommy knew then. 
“You dumbass,” He whispers, getting closer to Joel, “You slept with her when her daddy is your patrol partner? After I told you to stay away?”
Joel clenches his teeth, “I don’t need this right now. I’m gettin’ these meds to the infirmary and then I’m takin’ her stuff to her.”
“Joel-”
“Just fuckin’ drop it, Tommy. I ain’t doin’ this.”
-
Your Dad has a nice setup, thanks to Ellie. She has transformed the downstairs guest room into a wonderful stay, with tons of pillows and bedside service. When you get inside the house, Ellie is there. She stands in the corner of the living room, timidly, as you guide your dad back to his warm bed. Maria and her wait for you to handle getting him back to his bedroom. Even though his recovery has been a steady incline, he’s very weak and exhausted all the time. It’s his body’s reaction to fighting a rough illness, but he made sure to reassure you that Sidney told him it’ll be a couple of weeks before he’s 100% back to normal. 
You get him back in bed, his eyes already drooping to find slumber again. You manage to get his shoes off and help him under his covers. Once his head hits the pillow, you stand by the bed for a minute to ensure he’s actually sleeping. You slip out of the room, and the sudden rush of comfort of being home takes over your senses. To hear the crackling of the fireplace, and the smell of your homemade candles. While you enjoyed every moment spent with Joel, there’s nothing like home. 
For a second there, you thought you had that same feeling being next to him in bed. But maybe you were wrong. 
You walk out to where Maria and Ellie stand. They are mumbling to each other while you kick off your boots by the door. 
“Hey, Ellie,” You catch her attention, her freckled face down turning with concern. You smile, trying to ease her, “Thank you for all you’ve done here. I am glad he had someone like you looking after him.”
She nods, her lips twitching, “It’s no problem at all. I know how much you two mean to Joel and I just wanted to do what I could.”
Hearing his name sinks your heart, “We owe ya one.”
Because you did. No matter what would eventually transpire between you and Joel, you owe him your father’s life. His idea saved him. With how sick he was, Joel’s quick plan was enough to bring him home. Then for Ellie to spend her days looking after him while you two were gone? You were forever indebted to them. Sadly. 
“Well, we should leave you to get settled. Let us know if you need anything at all,” Maria gestures to Ellie towards the front door. Their footsteps trail around you, heading to your front door. Before Ellie can reach for the handle, there’s a knock. You nod your head, letting her know it’s okay to open it. 
Joel stands there, your bags in his hands. 
You honestly just left your belongings for him to deal with. Joel looks down at Ellie, his eyes lighting up at the sight of her. She’s not as impressed, initially. 
“Hey kiddo,” Joel acknowledges, before spotting Maria, “Mrs. Miller.”
“We were just heading out,” Maria says, pushing the door wider so she and Ellie can slip by his large frame, “Give the girl her things and let her settle back into her life, huh?”
Joel was already annoyed at the narrowed eyes and judgemental jabs. It’s like everyone somehow knew he fucked up. 
You two watch Maria and Ellie leave, their breaths forming clouds in the cold sharp air. Jackson’s weather changed overnight, you think, remembering how it was more tolerable before you left. 
“Can I come in?” Joel ponders, still holding your backpack and duffle. 
It was cold and while you wanted to slam the door on him, you know you can’t. You move away from the threshold, gesturing for him to come in. His footfalls are heavy and drawn out. You shut the door, waving him towards the living room so your voices don’t carry down the hallway to your father’s newly set up bedroom. 
He places your bags on the couch before he stretches his shoulders in discomfort. Your stuff was not that heavy, but Joel could not help but try to draw your attention. He glances around your living room, taking in some of the artwork and photos that line the walls. Some are old photos of you and your father, in which you don’t really resemble him at all. 
“Back to how things were, huh?” You remark, bitterly. You wanted to attack him with every mean thing plaguing your mind, but you don’t. You were tired from all the travels but you were also tired of the idea of fighting for someone who does not care to fight for you back. You had done that for years with pointless boys. 
The whole walk to your house, Joel’s thoughts were moving a million miles a minute. He did not want you to live your life resenting him. He cared for you deeply, but he did not want you to miss out on all the wonders of life. Joel could not give you kids. He could not give you 40 more years of happiness. He would be an elderly man before you could even reach menopause. He does not want you to regret things when you’re old and gray. 
“I don’t want that. You know damn well I don’t want that.”
You could scream. But you stay even, not giving in to the temptation to just rip him a new one. 
“I don’t know what you want, Joel. One minute you’re kissin’ me and begging to be with me, the next you’re telling me you can’t be with me because I’m too young.”
“Baby-”
“No! Don’t you dare? You had no intention of making this a thing, yet you played into it and got exactly what you wanted. I’m just another notch for you, ain’t I?”
Your hands are clenched, waiting for his delayed response. You are embarrassed and humiliated that you were delusional enough to let Joel toy with every one of your emotions. 
“You know that ain’t true, girl. I just don’t want you to live your life regretting that I was a part of it, okay? You want to spend your days with an old man who can’t give you everything you want? ’m not good for you.”
He can’t let you make this mistake. 
But you’re not easing up. 
“What do you think I want? Kids? A simple life? A picket fence? Joel those are things I wanted when I was living in a world that didn’t have a brain-eating infection that’d turn people into zombies,” You’re huffing and puffing, trying to understand why he thinks he can tell you what you need and want. 
“I spent years of my life wishing I could get those things, but I gave up a long ass time ago. I don’t want those things nearly as much as I want you. I fuckin’ want you, okay?”
You realize you’re not being quiet and your Dad could probably hear every word falling from your lips. He can hear you desperately plead with Joel Miller to be with you. 
Joel is shocked you’re laying all this out. He can’t believe his ears when you say you want him. A man like him being wanted is quite unbelievable, especially by a woman like you. 
You could hear a pin drop with how silent your house is. You fold your arms, trying not to give into the nausea you feel from spilling your soul to him. 
“I just…” He fidgets with his hands for a minute before those puppy eyes glance up at you, “I don’t want to ruin your life.”
You step closer to him, your face inches away from him. You train your eyes on his mouth, unsure how to respond to such blasphemy. 
“I have spent so many days thinking about what it’d be like to live in a world where the Joel Miller would even glance in my direction. I imagined what it’d be like to kiss him,” You’re whispering now, making sure this revelation is for his ears only, “I imagined what it’d be like to have a man who’d treat me well and look… Exactly like you. I have dreamed of you.”
Joel would have never guessed such a statement fall from your lips. 
You breathe out, relieved it’s finally off your chest.
“I just don’t want to leave ya worse than I found ya,” His softness instantly makes you crumble into his arms. He holds you tight, before pulling away to search your face. You teeter forward on your toes, pressing a firm but attentive kiss to his lips. 
When you draw back, “I’m not givin’ you up, Joel.”
The tension is shattered when you hear your Dad yell your name from down the hallway. You snap out of your trance of staring at Joel’s beautiful lips and dart toward the voice. 
“Yeah?”
You open the door and see him, his eyes wide open and focused on the door. 
“Who you talking to out there? Is that Joel?”
Suddenly you’re hyper-aware of every word you just said, scared half to death that your Dad would get out of bed and beat some sense into you. Joel follows you down the dimly lit hallway, but you don’t even hear him, too rattled by your father’s question. 
“Yes, it’s me,” Joel speaks up, coming forward to meet your Dad’s confused expression, “How you feelin’, man?”
“I’m feelin’ like I’m hearing some odd things from down the hall. You two fighting?” His voice is breaking a bit. 
The silence after he asks the question is deafening. You glance over to Joel whose mouth is slightly ajar, unable to move with an answer. You bite the inside of your cheek, wishing you could disappear into the wall nearby. 
Joel cannot lie to his friend. He certainly would never do it with you right beside him. 
“Yeah, you uh, heard us?” He barely manages. 
“Yeah, I sure as hell heard my daughter beggin’ you to take her on, is that true?”
“Dad-“
“My daughter wants to date a man that’s 10 years younger than her own father? Kind of twisted.” He snaps, shoving the blankets off his legs. “But, I am gonna be honest… I expected this.”
You can hardly breathe with the tension in the air. 
“Sorry?”
Joel’s tone is dry, and he’s unable to fully form a coherent thought. 
Your dad coughs before he starts, “Well, I could tell by the way you looked at her that you had a thing for her, Miller. Didn’t think you’d be dumb enough to entertain it.”
“Dad, he’s not dum-“
“And I thought you’d get over this little schoolgirl crush, but I was mistaken, I guess.”
You were used to your Dad’s sarcasm and upfront jabs. You spent a lifetime throwing them back at him, but this time you had nothing to say. You watch as he settles back from obnoxiously tearing off his blankets. 
You fiddle with your fingers, trying not to show your internal anxiety-riddled monologue. He thought you’d get over your crush. He always noticed how Joel looked at you. How did he look at you? How did you never notice?
Joel is spiraling, reverting to his original conclusions. He knew this was a horrible idea. He should have never stepped over the line. He’s a horrible man. You don’t deserve someone as awful as him. 
He smacks his lips, making you and Joel come back down to Earth and out of your heads. 
“Whatever is happenin’ between you two, I probably will never fully understand it. But you are adults, you do whatever makes you happy,” He says with both hands up in surrender, “I am too old to bother with my daughter’s love life. She’s a big girl, I trust her. But Miller, if you hurt her-“
“I’m a dead man.”
Your father laughs which in turn makes you smile crookedly. 
“Just one thing,” He points to you, “I don't want to hear or see anythin’-”
You nod, cutting him off immediately, “Deal.”
Joel catches your eye when he smiles in your peripheral vision. You look over at him, a grin plastered to your face. 
You can’t believe you’re actually going to do this. 
And Joel can’t believe your father somewhat agreed to let it happen. He was sure he would have a gun in his face before he could even mutter a word. But instead, your Dad is receptive to him being with you, which is all you can ask for. 
“Well, get along now, I wanna get back to sleep. You two were keepin’ me up,” Your dad grumbles, readjusting his frail frame to get comfortable in bed. You just nod, pointing at the door for Joel to exit. You follow suit, closing the door behind you tightly, making sure it clicks. Joel stands in the darkness of the hallway, waiting. He is in disbelief. 
You just take one of his hands and bring it to your lips, softly pressing a kiss into his knuckles. 
“Let’s go get cleaned up and take a nap,” You murmur, walking him to the end of the hallway to the bottom of the stairs. He accepts the offer, trailing behind you like a lost puppy. 
You were not sure where this was all going to end up. Neither of you did. But you could not wait to carve the way with him, bringing every last one of your daydreams to life.
THE END
or is it? I have started writing snippets to go along with this story- if you want more, here's the link:
No One Fucks With My Baby
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strang3lov3 · 4 months
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Pharmacy
Summary: (mall rats 6) Surrounded by medical supplies is a convenient time to slice your hand open. Joel wrestles your stubborn ass to treat your wound, then fucks you how you like.
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Tags: Jar Jar Binks, Star Wars opinions, manhandling, descriptions of injuries (I tried to keep it as short and sweet as I could, bc I myself am a squeamish girl!! I was squirming the whole time writing this!!!) blowjobs, f masturbation, kinda rough unprotected PIV, creampie, dirty talk, reader and Joel have googly eyes for each other
A/N: as always thank you so much @papipascalispunk for editing. Thank you all for your continued patience with my writing, I am a busy busy lady and you may not get another fic from me for two weeks or more with the whole finals thing, but I do have lots of shit planned! One thing at a time bug one thing at a time. I wish I could write smut for my history of Indiana final essay but I don’t think that would fly with my nun-obsessed professor. Also, thank you @noxturnalpascal and @speckledemerald for hyping me up ❤️❤️
Joel is standing in front of a map of the mall, studying it intently. It’s been a while since you’ve been at the mall with Joel, actually. With the weather getting worse with more and more snow, Tommy is trying to keep travel limited to patrol. Supply runs for necessities only, and Jackson is in need of medical supplies. Rubbing alcohol, gauze, bandages, first aid supplies. There’s actually a medical building not far from Jackson, but it’s pretty well picked over at this point. 
“Mall has a pharmacy. A CVS or Walgreens, somethin’ like that. I’ll go,” Joel had volunteered in Tommy’s office. 
“I’ll come too,” you added as you were helping Tommy fill out patrol logs.
Joel sighed, “No.” 
“Why not?”
“Supposed to be a quick trip. In and out. Don’t need you gettin’ distracted by lotions and perfumes again.”
“Those are necessities,” you argue, “Besides, buddy system. It’s important for us to stick together.” 
“We are not buddies,” Joel scoffed. Tommy raised his eyebrows in amusement.
“No? What are we, then?” 
Joel opened his mouth as if to answer with something sharp and argumentative, but no words came out. His cheeks turned rosy as you both shared an odd look, with Joel’s hands frozen on the buttons of his coat. The pencil you wrote with felt heavy in your hand, held awkwardly on the paper as you stared at Joel. You didn’t mean for that question to come out the way it did. What was the answer to the question, anyway? 
Tommy filled the silence with his own answer. “I know what y’all are,” he smirked. 
Joel shot Tommy a warning look, then took your jacket from behind your chair and held it open for you. “Let’s go, then,” he said. You put your arms through the sleeves, zipped yourself up and left. You could hear Tommy chuckling to himself as you walked out with Joel.
You rode horseback to the mall. Still feeling awkward from the interaction at Tommy’s, you both stayed silent, but the ride wasn’t uncomfortable. You hugged Joel tightly, and Joel savored the warmth of your cheek on his back. 
“Found it,” Joel taps the map, “I remember now. It’s downstairs.”
“Ha!” you brag, “I told you. I knew it was downstairs. I was right.” 
“Yeah, yeah. We’ll throw a party when we get home,” Joel replied, taking off towards the dilapidated staircase. You follow close behind, dragging your fingers against the railing, letting your hand tap each of the thin rods that support it. One breaks off and falls with a clatter. Joel doesn’t bother turning around to see what it was. “You break these stairs, you find us a new way out of here,” he warns. Dramatic. You pick up the thin rail and twirl it as you walk behind Joel, then poke his ass with the piece of metal. Already exhausted by you, he sighs, “What’d you find now, trouble?”
“Lightsaber,” you answer. 
“What?” Joel tilts his head and turns around to finally see what all the noise and clattering was. You’re holding one of the thin rods from the railing, still twirling it. “No, put that down,” he tells you, “You’re gonna give yourself tetanus. Put it down, sweetheart.”
“Ellie lent me this DVD. Did you ever see this old movie, Star Wars?”
“Quit while you’re ahead,” Joel grumbles, rolling his eyes and shaking his head, “Ain’t that old, smartass. And of course I’ve watched Star Wars, who do you think introduced it to her?”
“Oh,” you reply, “Well, there was this character, Jar Jar–”
“Nope,” Joel cuts you off, “You’re done. Lost your talkin’ privileges. Drop your lightsaber and zip it.”
Still twirling the rod you ask, “You don’t like Star Wars?”
“I like Star Wars. What you watched is not Star Wars.”
“Yes it is, Joel. It was on the DVD.” 
Joel turns back around and keeps walking, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 
“Yeah I do. Mesa–”
Joel interrupts, “Do not finish that sentence,” he warns, “God, that movie was so stupid. Took Sarah to see it when it came out, we ended up leavin’ halfway through and gettin’ ice cream instead.” You watch Joel smile at the memory as you approach the pharmacy and he holds the door open for you. You smile with him. Joel doesn’t talk about Sarah much with you, but he mentions her now and then, at least more than he used to.
You and Joel find the first aid aisle of the pharmacy. He knows what to look for, so he peruses the aisles and stuffs his bag full of supplies. Watching him bend over, you can’t help but poke his ass again. “Knock it off, space cadet,” he says, annoyed.
You giggle to yourself and toss the rod aside. You hadn’t realized the end that you were holding was damaged when you broke it off the railing. Fuck. It’s sharp, jagged, and slices your palm all the way across. The rod clangs on the ground and startles Joel. 
Joel turns around to see the rod on the ground, and you clutching your fist tightly. “What’s in your hand?”
“Nothing,” you answer, feeling your hand become warm and wet. 
Joel connects the dots. He bends over and checks the rod for rust and there’s none, thank god. But the end is very jagged, almost serrated like a knife. “Open your hand.”
“No,” pressing your lips together, you lower your gaze and open your fist slightly to check your hand, then quickly shut it. Joel watches your eyes go wide and the color draining from your face. “It’s n–mmm,” you hum, your voice shaky, “I’m fine.” 
“You’re not fine,” Joel reaches for your hand, “You’re hurt. Need to see how deep that cut is, clean it and–”
You shove Joel backward with your free hand, and he looks momentarily taken aback. There was a lot more strength behind that shove than he would have anticipated. You’re not playing, not teasing like usual. “Do you wanna try that again?” he asks, his voice firm.
“Don’t touch me.” 
Joel takes in your expression. You’re not trying to start a fight with him, you look worried, anxious, and defensive with pale lips and trembling hands. You had mentioned not handling blood or pain well before, but he didn’t know you were this squeamish, you poor thing. “I have to, hon.”
“Joel…”
Joel raises a hand in your direction, “Don’t argue with me on this. You need to sit down, I can tell you’re gettin’ freaked.”
“Joel,” you say his name again in a warning tone, much sharper than before. 
“I know,” he says softly, as he steps closer to you, and you step back, your feet hitting the wall behind you. You’re feeling more amped up now. “Just let me look,” as he reaches for your wrist and pulls you closer, his grip tightening when you struggle against him and try to pull your arm away. “Quit squrimin’,” he grits his teeth as he fights against your strength. Minding his own strength, and with one hand gripping your wrist, he moves the other to your shoulder and forces you to the ground as gently as he can. A sliced hand is bad enough, he doesn’t need you fainting and cracking your skull open. You kick your legs and punch against him, but he pins his body on top of yours, your free hand between your body and his leg.
“Get the fuck off me, Joel,” you spit, “Get off, get off, get–”
“Hey. Hey,” he says, his voice firm yet gentle, “Breathe, sweetheart. I know you’re nervous.”
You stare at Joel with fiery eyes, breathing heavily through your nose. Shallow breaths, probably not getting enough oxygen to your brain, but at least you’re breathing. Joel gives you a moment to settle down.
“I need you to listen to me,” he tells you, “I don’t know how deep your cut is. I need you to let me look.”
“Please,” you beg, “Please don’t.”
“I’m gonna be gentle,” Joel promises as he flips your wrist up, gently beginning to pry your fingers open, “You look at me. Don’t look at your hand. Just look at me. Will you trust me?” 
Nodding apprehensively, you keep your focus on Joel. He nods in response, then examines your palm. He bites his cheek and frowns. 
“Is it bad?” you ask shakily.
“Uhh,” he hums, “It’s not good,” he answers you honestly. You’re cut in multiple areas and by the looks of it, the gashes go pretty deep. “You might need stitches.”
Fuck that. You squirm under Joel with all of your might to force him off of you. 
“Stop thrashin’. Stop it,” he says, holding your jaw firmly and looking into your eyes, “I’m not gonna stitch ya. We can cross that bridge when we get to Jackson. But you are risking infection. So I’m going to stop the bleeding, wash it, disinfect, then wrap your hand. That’s all.”
He has a tendency to get frustrated with you, and you’re sure he’s beyond frustrated with you right now, but he’s not showing it. He looks sincere, but you’re still on edge and lacking assurance. “Promise?” you whisper.
“I swear,” he assures softly, rubbing your jaw gently with his thumb. When you nod in response, Joel takes his coat off and folds it, then slides it under your head. He needs you as comfortable as you can be. 
“We are gonna have to amputate, though,” he jokes as he pulls out a rag from his bag and presses it into your hand. You give him a dirty look. “Kidding,” he says. 
Joel removes the rag to see if your hand is still bleeding. You catch a glimpse of the cut and the blood in your palm, running down your wrist, “Oh god, my hand, Joel–”
“Don’t look,” he repeats, “Just keep lookin’ at me, sweetheart.”
But you don’t. You can’t seem to peel your eyes away, and you feel lightheaded. Joel notices.
“Tell me somethin’ new,” he says, distracting you from the pain.
“Joel, please,” you whine.
“Somethin’ new,” he reminds you.
“I saw a cat yesterday.”
Joel nods in response. “What color?” he asks.
“Uh, calico,” you reply. He’s reaching into his bag, pulling out his canteen and rinsing your hand out with his water. The cool water feels soothing on your palm. 
“What’s calico?”
“It’s when a cat has three colors, Joel,” you answer impatiently, as if the answer should be glaringly obvious to him. “Fuck,”  you hiss, as he pats the wound dry. The fabric feels irritating and painful against you. 
“Tell me more. Tell me good things.”
Following his instructions, you begin rambling. It’s not hard once you start. “I saw a cat and I kicked Tommy’s ass in a board game and his baby is so cute, by the way. Almost as cute as the cat.”
“You think cats are cuter than babies?”
“Obviously. Babies are gross and they’re noisy and I finished the sweater I was crocheting for Maria and the snow looks pretty and I love you and I…” 
Joel pauses his work on your hand momentarily. He doesn't hear anything else you say after those three words. I love you. It’s a fuzzy sort of quiet, he’s in disbelief. I love you. When your hand twitches, he pulls his focus back to you.
“...And I watched Star Wars.”
“Yeah,” he replies quietly, “You said that already, you said–”
“I did? Oh yeah. I guess I did.”
You’re clearly delirious, in panic mode, and not thinking straight. You don’t remember talking about Star Wars an hour ago, you don’t even realize what just slipped your lips a second ago. Joel smiles to himself. He’s suspected it for a while. He loves you too. But that’s a conversation for later. There’s a more pressing issue at hand, quite literally.
Joel clears his throat and blinks a couple of times. “Uhm,” he hums, thinking of something to say, “And you said you got that movie from Ellie? The Phantom Menace?” 
“Star Wars.”
“Yeah, Star Wars Episode I, The Phantom Menace,” he corrects you. You shrug. “Unbelievable,” Joel says, “Thought I taught that girl better.” He reaches for a bottle of rubbing alcohol and keeps your hand open in his. “Alright, deep breath in and out. This is the worst part, then we’re done.” 
Before you have time to breathe in and out as instructed, before you have time to argue, Joel dumps the alcohol in your palm. You yelp and tug your hand away, but he holds it still.
“I know, I know, I know, baby,” he coos, “Almost done.”
“Joel,” you cry.
“Look, all done,” he whispers as tears off a piece of gauze and lays it over your gash. “See? All done. Just need to wrap it,” Joel prepares more gauze, “Makes sense you’ve identified with Jar Jar, of all characters.” 
“What do you mean?”
Joel begins to wrap the bandage tightly around your hand. “Clumsy,” he murmurs, “Troublemakin’... accident prone.” 
“I don’t think you like Star Wars,” you tell him.
“Not the prequels,” Joel replies, “Only good thing about the outbreak is that they couldn’t finish that godforsaken mess of a trilogy.”
“What do you mean, ‘prequels’?”
“There was an original trilogy that came out before that movie you watched. Ellie didn’t show you them?”, and you shake your head no, “So you don’t know Han Solo or Princess Leia. That means nothin’ to ya?”
“Nope.”
“Jesus Christ. What about C-3PO? R2-D2?”
“Oh, yeah. I know them. They were in that movie.”
“No,” Joel disagrees, then looking baffled for a second before nodding his head as he remembers the hour he spent watching that movie with Sarah years and years ago. “Mm, yeah, you’re right. Guess they were,” Joel concedes, “We’ll have to rectify this, you know. Have a movie night sometime.” 
“Yeah,” you agree, “You can make me popcorn.” 
“I’ll make you popcorn,” Joel says, watching a smile form on your lips. “There it is,” he praises, “Missed that smile. Don’t like seein’ you upset like that,” he murmurs, finishing your bandage wrap and securing it in place. “What am I gonna do with you?” he asks as he presses a kiss to your palm before he lets your hand go. You can still feel the warmth of his touch on your skin as he watches you and your cheeks begin to warm.
“I know what you’re gonna do with me,” you whisper. 
I’m gonna kiss you, and I’ll tell you that I love you too. That’s what I’m gonna do with you, Joel thinks, his heart beginning to race.
“Tell me, sweetheart.” 
“You’re gonna listen to my Jar Jar impression.”
Joel sighs. He watches you with adoration, and he wants nothing more than to express that adoration for you. It’ll happen when it happens. He decides to let it go for now and play along with you instead, however you want to. You deserve it, after all. He’ll put up a facade like you drive him crazy and he’ll let you believe you’re really getting under his skin, just to watch you smile and hear you laugh like you really got him this time. And he’ll tease you back, at least once more. 
“Please spare me until I lose my hearing in my other ear.” 
You oblige, smiling and rolling your eyes. Still holding eye contact with Joel, you become acutely aware of the position you’re in, that all too familiar position. Faces close, bodies closer and staring into his sparkly, warm brown eyes with his weight pressing into you. Maybe it’s the adrenaline, the way he took care of you, who knows. Out of the blue, you’re turned on and Joel knows. Joel cocks an eyebrow when your breath hitches, when you bite your lip and begin to squirm underneath him, seemingly now uncomfortable, aroused no doubt. “Time and place, hon,” he smirks smugly.
Heat rises up your neck and your cheeks at his accusation, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 
“Yeah, you do. I know how you operate,” he asserts. “What’s got ya all worked up all of a sudden?” Joel asks, his hand caressing your cheek, your jaw.
“Nothing,” you lie. Your skin burns where his fingers trace.
“I think you’re lyin’. I know you like when I get rough with ya, just wasn’t expectin’ ya to like it now of all times, when I had to wrestle you down to fix that gash in your hand,” Joel taunts, “You’re very stubborn sometimes, you know that?” 
“Challenging,” you counter his claim, “And I wasn’t being stubborn. I could have taken care of my hand myself. I didn’t really need your help.”
Joel knows that’s a lie. You did, in fact, need his help. Badly. 
“That right there is stubborn.”
“No,” you argue, “And I’m not worked up right now, either.” Joel makes an amused face at you, and you wince internally. 
Shit. You fucked that up. Overcompensated.
“Right. Course not.” 
Against your better judgment, you open your mouth to argue further but Joel hushes you. “What do I get if you’re wet right now, sweetheart?” he whispers, unbuttoning your jeans. Your tummy flutters with desire as his fingertips skate across your skin. “You’re more than welcome to stop me right now,” he purrs. He’s giving you an out, a moment to make a choice, but you don’t dare stop him. And Joel grins. He snakes his hand down your pants, underneath your thin cotton panties. The anticipation builds with the tickle of his fingers lightly dragging over your mound, his middle and ring fingers tracing over your lips. You gasp quietly when he dips his fingers at your core, his fingertips collecting your arousal. You stifle a whine as he pulls his hand away from your body, showing you his two fingers glistening with your slick. Joel clicks his tongue, “Can’t be comfortable,” he murmurs, his tone sarcastic and sympathetic all at the same time. “This all for me?”
“No,” you breathe shakily. Yes. 
“You’re lyin’ to me,” he mumbles, bringing his two fingers to his lips. His mouth makes obscene noises as he sucks them clean of your arousal, humming at the sweet taste. Before you can think, he’s pulling your pants and underwear down in one fell swoop, his fingers finding their place back at your pussy. “You could tell me the truth and I’d go easy on ya,” he offers, his thumb pressing against your clit.
You love the thrill, that feeling in your stomach. Joel gives you a moment to answer, but you don’t. “No?”  he asks before situating himself on the ground with you, backing himself against a wall and pulling you into his lap. “Gonna make it worse for yourself,” he says, spreading your legs apart and hiking up your shirt, one hand playing with your pussy and the other kneading your breasts, teasing your nipples, “Why don’t you tell me how much ya needed this, hm? How you want me to make it all better.”
You sigh, a soft Joel falling from your lips as you become wetter, more sensitive as Joel’s fingers dance through your slick folds. He pushes two fingers inside you, fingers curling into that spot that he so loves. His thumb rubs tight, steady circles around your clit and he flicks the thumb of his other hand across your sensitive nipples, the combination of actions filling you with a deep, hot pleasure. You rest your head on his shoulder, the scratchy hairs on his cheek pressing against your forehead. You reach behind yourself to touch him, tangling your fingers in his curls.
“We’ll do this the hard way, then,” Joel shoves you forward, careful not to use too much of his strength but enough to let you know that he’s in charge. He’s always in charge. He takes his folded coat from the ground and positions it in front of himself. He stands up tall, knees popping as he rises. “Since you have nothin’ better to do with your mouth than tellin’ lies…”  Joel snaps and points to his coat, “Might as well keep you quiet instead. Down,” he instructs, “On your knees. Do it now.”
“Yes, Joel,” as you assume the position.
“Ah, now she speaks,” he taunts, the quiet metallic clang of him undoing his belt buckle sending excitement shooting through you. “Open,” is his next command, “Nice n’ wide, hon, you know how,” he instructs as he pulls out his cock, hard and with a pearly bead of precum glistening on his head. You open your mouth for Joel, eyes wide and Joel taps his member on your tongue. “Keep ya from doin’ that stupid fuckin’ impression, too.”
Your eyes light up as you think of something quippy to say, but Joel slides his cock into your mouth to keep you from doing so. “Ah-ah,” he tuts, “Quiet.” He’s delicious, masculine, heady, and intense. He fills your mouth entirely and you swirl your tongue around him, tracing thick veins and salty skin. “Attagirl,” Joel praises you, gripping the back of your head and pushing himself further into your mouth. You nearly gag, pulling back slightly but he holds you right where he wants you, “Right there.”
He pushes you further than you’re used to, but not to the point of discomfort. His tummy nudges your forehead as your nose presses against dark curls at the base of his dick and you use your hand to cup his balls. As you hum against him, you wonder if Joel intends for this to be a punishment. His tone and the way he conducts himself is commanding, but the way he fucks your mouth is gentle. 
“Still not worked up, right? Don’t need me?”, he asks, staring down at you with raised eyebrows. You shake your head no, lying again. “Okay,” he says, “I wanna watch you fuck yourself on your fingers. But don’t come. Not until you tell me what I wanna hear.” 
Your eyes flutter shut as you bring your fingers to your core, feeling your arousal. You push two fingers into your dripping pussy, pumping them in and out and trying to mimic the way it feels when Joel does it.
As you fuck yourself, you hollow your cheeks around his thick cock, letting him feel every inch of your soft and wet mouth. He’s domineering above you, but his hand on your cheek is gentle, caressing your skin softly. He looks down at you through hooded lids and as your eyes flutter shut, you wonder what he’s thinking. 
The way you’re touching your pussy hardly counts as fucking yourself, it’s teasing at best, and excruciating at that. You rub circles around your clit steadily, subtly, needing more than what he’s told you to give yourself. With your fingers working your clit and your mouth working Joel, the familiar pleasure of your climax is just within reach. Feeling yourself reaching your peak, you look up at Joel, “What are you doin’?”, he asks, like he’s caught you doing something you shouldn’t be.
You pull your mouth off of his cock to whisper, “Please, Joel,” which garners an irritated look from him. Joel bends lower to grab you by your bicep and force you to your feet, spinning you around and bending you over an empty shelf of an end cap. He parts your legs and drags his cock through your folds with one hand, the other gripping your hip. 
“Need those magic words, sweetheart. Say it, ‘I need you, Joel’. Go on, now. You got it.”
With the leftover feeling of your ruined orgasm and Joel’s cock teasing your pussy, you fold immediately. “I need you, Joel,” you breathe, “I need you.” 
“Tell me more. How do you need me?” as he continues to tease. 
“Need you to fuck me,” you gasp, “Please.”
“Need me to fuck ya,” he repeats, amused. Joel notches the tip of his cock at your entrance, “How ‘bout that. Tell me somethin’ I didn’t know.” 
It’s a rhetorical question. He doesn’t give you time to answer before he buries himself inside of you. You groan at the sudden intrusion, how deeply he enters you and how full you feel. 
He doesn’t need to experiment with you, doesn’t need to vary how he fucks you. You grip the edge of the end cap with both hands as he finds his pace immediately. His cock hits you right where you need him. 
“Hey, hey,” he whispers, reaching for your bandaged hand, “Don’t hold that. S’gonna hurt your hand. Hold mine instead,” as he wraps his palm around yours. “Better?”
“Better.”
You’re lost in it all, his hand holding yours tightly and his thighs hitting your ass, his balls slapping against your clit. His face is right next to yours, his nose buried in your hair as he nips at your ear. 
“Fuck,” he grunts as he fucks you. He moans softly, his breath feels warm. Each thrust feels deep and intentional. “Good girl. Takin’ my cock so good.”
“Yes, Joel,” you moan. 
He makes stuttering, strangled sort of noises. His breathing is sharp and unsteady through his gritted teeth, and you wish you could see him like this. You can just about picture him perfectly, his messy salt and pepper curls and that deep set line between his brows. 
He fucks you hard and rough, both of you panting and moaning. Soon enough, his rhythm becomes frenetic and stuttering. “Squ– fuck, squeezin’ me too good, I’m not gonna last, sweetheart.”
“Let me come, Joel,” you plead, “Please.”
“I know, I know. Don’t need to beg me, darlin’,” Joel coos. He snakes his hand between your thighs and quickly finds your clit, his thrusts still steady and deep. He expertly paints circles around your clit as he becomes sloppier and frenzied. 
“Oh god, oh fuck, Joel,” you’re gasping, feeling your walls begin to clench and squeeze him, “Right there, right there, fuck.”
“Yeah, s’it, let go for me,” he pants. 
With a few more circles tracing your clit, you fall apart on him. You come with a loud gasp, gripping his hand hard. Even after he helps you ride out your orgasm, he doesn’t yet stop fucking you, and the sensation is becoming all too much. You bite your lip to stifle yourself as he chases his own orgasm, and he spills into you with shuddering breaths and grunts, painting your insides with his seed.
You catch your breath with Joel as he begins to go soft inside you. You feel empty when he pulls out of you, craving the weight of his hand on yours after he lets go. As your breathing slows, turn around to face Joel. His dominant, taunting demeanor is gone and he helps you back into your clothes, then examines the bandage on your hand. He frowns when he sees he’s crumpled it and dampened it with his sweat. “Hang on,” he murmurs, quickly reaching for more gauze to rewrap it. 
You touch his shoulder, “Just– let’s wrap it again at home. It’s just gonna get ruined again.”
“No, I promise I’m not gonna clean it again, I just wanna–” Joel stops talking when you reach for his hand. He looks at where his hand connects with yours, then looks at you. “Okay,” he says. He stares at you intently, as if waiting for you to say more. You look like you want to.
Hand in Joel’s, you walk together out of the mall. The horseback ride home is quiet. You hug Joel tightly, and Joel savors the warmth of your cheek on his back again.
“Joel?” you ask. 
“Yeah, hon.”
“You’re sure you don’t wanna hear my impression?”
“I’m sure,” Joel says, but you can hear the smile in his voice. 
as always, i appreciate all of my readers. please please please leave a comment/reblog/send an ask if you enjoyed, your comments really do mean the world and keep me going <3
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saintsugu · 5 months
Text
PLAY TIME; KINKTOBER DAY 5
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rating: mature; mdni
pairing; yuuji itadori / ryomen sukuna x fem!reader
word count: 5.6k
content warnings: explicit sexual content, 18+, apocalypse au, vague horror (aka it’s kind of creepy), vaginal penetration, all of the explicit sex is with sukuna, manhandling, true-form sukuna, monster fucking (two cocks // four arms), non con, sadomasochism, slight dacryphilia, dvp, usage of pet, bellybulge, unprotected sex, cumflation, alluding to cucking
Author’s note: super unedited. i’m really proud of this fic + the idea as a whole, but i’m really proud of the fact that I got the last 2/3k done in about 1.5 hrs. please enjoy the last piece of 2023’s Kinktober!<3
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Today, the forest is ominously quiet—even more so than usual. Dead leaves crunch underneath your boot with every step and it makes your skin crawl; not to mention how freezing cold it is. How did you even end up out here alone to begin with? 
Letting out a shaky breath, which is painfully visible, you try to tug your sleeves down to cover your numb hands. As you’re in the process of doing so, the frightening noise of a twig snapping has your hand instead finding your knife on instinct. 
It could be an animal, but it’s not likely. Given the time of year, most are hibernating, and those that aren’t have already been skinned and cooked. 
You turn around yet are met with nothing except the forest from which you came. With the trees being as crowded together as they are, it’s easy for someone to hide, so your guard isn’t exactly down just yet. 
After many excruciating minutes of silence, a voice speaks and you’re too terrified to realize who it is. Unsheathing your blade, you take a step behind you and are ready to hit whoever may be in front of you. 
“Hey, stop, it’s me!”
Yuuji catches your wrist within moments of impact. Despite his desire to always be gentle with you, the current predicament required a bit of force from his end and you couldn’t help but wince before releasing the knife. The blade clatters against the stones below you and you sigh so loud in relief that you’re sure the entire forest could hear it. 
Your eyes soften and you press your head against his chest. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was you.” The statement is fairly obvious, yet you still feel the need to clarify that you didn’t mean to try and stab your boyfriend, rather than the stalker you figured he was. 
“Don’t be,” you can feel his hand intertwining with yours and it makes you feel safe. “Let’s go home. I already carved out a path for us, I was just looking for you.”
The trek back to the cabin is short but a bit steep. Yuuji’s holding onto you tightly the entire trip. The grip on your hand aids in making you feel a little more at peace despite the eerie crawl of the woods.  
The cold weather has been well appreciated. Both you and Yuuji find it much easier to layer up and use blankets, rather than deal with turning the generator on fully to keep cool. The way you have it now, you’re able to keep it on for a few hours at a time—just enough for you to shower and do whatever else requires electricity, before shutting it off. There are only a few downsides to the chilling temperatures; one of which, being the fog that occupies the forest. 
It completely limits visibility; that’s nice if you’re holed up in the cabin, but when you’re out scavenging? Horrible. You can’t even see two feet in front of you.  
“Be careful. Step over,” he carefully directs you, quiet as he grips your hand a little tighter. It’s how you know you’ve arrived home. You’re careful to raise your feet and make sure you don’t bump against the fence that Yuuji had staked into the ground. 
The wiring itself isn’t awfully thick, but it keeps most animals away; not to mention that it’s main function is sound purposes. Along the wires, there are different cans and bells that will rattle if the fence is at all bumped or tugged. It’s a good method to keep you and Yuuji up worrying all night. 
It’s so cold. Your words are barely above a  whisper, hands shivering slightly as the cabin comes into view. You can nearly hear the frown in Yuuji’s voice when he tells you that you’re almost there. He’s been very….overprotective of you, to say the least. It’s not like you can blame him, though. The world is scary now. 
“Close it a little softer next time.” You can’t help but teasingly scold your partner as you step into the warm home. 
“But I wanted to shut it before the wind picked up.” It’s cute, the way he snickers at you before moving towards the fireplace. “You should change into something clean while I start the fire.” 
You had planned to already, so you have no issue bouncing towards your shared room to change your clothes. When you return back, Yuuji has busied himself with the fireplace.
Moments like this are nice. Those times, no matter how brief they may be, where you get to watch your boyfriend clumsily set the logs on fire. The simplicity of it all nearly makes you forget the world right outside of your door that has gone to hell. 
It’s just you and the boy occupying the cabin. At different points, people have come and gone, but it’s been a long time since you’ve met eyes with anyone other than Yuuji. A man by the name Megumi stayed with you for a bit, nearly six months, actually, before taking his leave in search of his father. The rest, you’ve long forgotten their names. It’s quite…sad, actually. You spend a lot of nights wondering about their whereabouts. 
“You like what you see?” He teases. His palms are pressed against the floor behind him, lanky limbs spread out a bit as he uses his locked out arms to hold him up. 
“Oh always,” you nearly giggle. He never fails at finding a way to cheer you up. 
Eventually, he stands up to help you make some food. It’s nothing special, really. You just boil rice over the fire and cook it with some canned chicken that Yuuji managed to find on a run last week. 
Food has been getting harder to manage as of late. Thankfully, when this started, there was already a large pantry full of non-perishable food inside the cabin. Even with that being said, it’s been years and supplies are depleting rapidly. Between the two of you, you surprisingly don’t eat much, so it’s easier to ration better, but with less than half of the supplies left, you can’t help but worry. 
“It’s good,” he says, taking a bite. He’s leaned against the wall across from you—you’re both still keeping warm near the fireplace. 
If it weren’t for the bitter temperatures, you would’ve probably sat at the large, oak table in the dining room— a table that’s much too big for only the two of you —but with the crisp and cold air, you opted to eat on the floor in favor of the warmth. 
It’s sweet but it makes you laugh a little. He always tries to make you feel better, no matter what the topic at hand is; he’s like a man consoling his wife. “If it wasn’t, I’d be worried. Takes a lot of work to fuck up rice and chicken,” you say playfully. 
“Better than I could do.” His laughter is contagious. It fills the air the same as it fills your lungs. The pure joy you feel when hearing it, spreads through your entire being as your lips curl into a smile of their own. “I’m serious!” He grins even wider. “Gramps used to make all my meals for the most part.”
“‘Dunno how you got this far like that.” You’re laying on your stomach while you tease him. Your body is nearly perpendicular with the wall, but the side of your head rests against a pillow. Having already finished your meal, you have nothing better to do than shamelessly stare at your lover. 
The sound of the fire crackling mixes with the boy’s voice and fills the room. It all feels so cozy that it makes you forget what awaits you outside of that small wire fence. He makes it easy to forget—or to ignore, for better lack of words. 
When you’re staring into his eyes, it’s easy to pretend like you’re unaware of the storm raging outside. As if you don’t know the world is burning the same way the shriveled firewood has. 
Once he finishes his bowl, you find it as a perfect chance to straddle his lap. With your legs spread, your knees press into the plush carpeting. The moment can only be described as intimate as your foreheads touch. 
“I love you.” It’s a quiet affirmation that you both repeat at the same time. The repetition causes you both to laugh, before he silences you with a soft kiss. “My girl,” he whispers. 
Slow kisses begin to get more desperate as his hands roam your body. He’s in nothing more than a black tank top, and a pair of thin pajama pants that are too baggy for him. It gives you easy access as you kiss his neck, uncaring of how you do so; it’s not like anyone will see. 
For the rest of the night, Yuji conveys just how much he loves you. Your time spent together consists of limbs messily intertwining as he has his way with you on the floor. Despite having full control over a willing partner, Yuuji is still so sweet and kind to you. He may accidentally overestimate his strength and manhandle you slightly, but he always tries his hardest to not hurt you in any way. 
He brings you to the edge more times than you would have ever imagined and he’s a bit more…clingy than usual—not that you mind, of course. You just hadn’t realized how scared he had gotten when you got seperated in the forest. He definitely did a good job of hiding it from you. 
After cleaning up and triple-checking that the doors are locked and the windows are still boarded up, you make your way into the bedroom. You feel extremely safe and secure as you lay beside him. An arm draped over your side as he pulls you close into his chest. 
“Goodnight,” he whispers softly. You swear that your name has never sounded sweeter than when it’s dripping off his tongue. 
Thanks to his comforting touch, you’re asleep within minutes. 
— three years ago. 
Run. Keep running. Don’t stop. 
Those words repeat through your head on a loop. They got louder and louder the more you felt your body start to slow. You’re running out of energy. As much as you wish it could, even your sudden burst of adrenaline isn’t enough to combat your starvation and dehydration. 
You feel like you’ve been running for days—like some wild animal that’s being hunted down. Every time you try to take a breath, they’re on your heels again. 
Nearly 3 weeks ago, you had stumbled upon a small group. They offered you food and shelter, in return for manual labor. Due to your starved state, you didn’t think to ask many questions before taking the water they offered you and mindlessly agreeing. 
Unfortunately, what you had hoped to be a new companionship, turned out to be psychopaths trying to force you to kill unsuspecting people. They would track down homes and kill whoever resided in them. You tried to sneak out, but they caught on and were quick to chase after you. 
It’s been over a week of this little chase, and you can barely stand. You’re beginning to wonder if running is even worth it, at this point. 
Despite seeing it, your brain doesn’t fully process the branch in the path until after you’ve tripped over it. You have absolutely no time to recover as you fall straight towards the dirt. 
“Shit,” you curse, feeling thorns poking against you. As you lie on the ground, exhaustion setting in even more so now than before, your inner monologue morphs. 
Get up. 
You’re nearly screaming at yourself. Every part of your body feels heavy. No matter how hard you will yourself to get back on your feet, you’re rendered incapable. 
The approach sound of footsteps confirms that this is the end. Once they find you, they’ll kill you without a second thought. At least I tried. It’s the last thought that runs through your brain as the footsteps get louder and everything goes dark. 
It’s quiet. You like it. 
It’s been a long time since you’ve felt so…at peace. 
“You’re awake.” The voice sounds panicked but…happy? 
You’re quick to shoot up, but you’re surprised when your hands move freely. If they didn’t kill you, you had at least expected them to restrain you somehow. Yet, when you look around the room, it’s so unfamiliar. 
“…who are you? A-are you with them?” You feel weak at the stammer in your voice, but it can’t be helped. Despite his soft features, you’re terrified of the man sitting across from you. 
It’s clear that he’s confused, but you still aren’t convinced. “With who? When I found you, you were unconscious in the dirt.”
That doesn’t make sense. Did they…stop looking for me?
You nearly ask again, but you’d rather not be questioned about why you were running. If he wanted to kill you he would’ve done it when you were knocked out cold. There’s no reasonable explanation for him to bring you back to his home and do it there. 
“I’m Yuuji,” he says and you can tell that he’s worried he’ll upset you. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
It didn’t take long for you to warm up to him after that. You truly had nowhere else to go, so you slept in the guest room of his cabin for months, until one day, things took a bit of a…different route. 
“How’d you find this cabin anyways, Yu’?” Your voice is a bit higher than usual as you lean against the plush couch. On his latest supply run, the boy brought back a good amount of alcohol and you both agreed that it’d be a shame to let it go to waste. 
“I didn’t,” he shakes his head, words a bit slurred. “It was my Gramps’. Been in the family since before I was born. It was my family’s designated rendezvous place—we all kind of picked it as a joke but,” he pauses. The silence is deafening as you hang on his words. “I was the only one who made it here.”
Your expression drops. Neither of you had attempted to ask about the other’s families in the months you’ve known each other, finding it a bit of a personal topic to bring up at random, but now, considering you’re both tipping over the edge from the alcohol…your filters are a little less engaged. 
“It’s okay, though,” he takes a sip of his beer as he plasters a fake grin onto his face. He pauses, before his face turns sour. Initially, you believe that he’s about to open up, add on to what he said, but you quickly stand corrected when he bolts up and starts to walk— no, run off. 
“Yuuji?” You call after him as he disappears from your view. Due to the drinks, your reaction time is a bit sluggish, so it takes a minute before you’re up and following him. Once you finally follow him into the open bathroom, you find him hunched over the toilet and it suddenly makes sense. 
His beer can is on the floor, its contents pooling around the base of the toilet as Yuuji uses his forearms to keep himself stable. He doesn’t throw up much, mostly just coughing and gagging— Still, the sight brings up a few…unpleasant memories and the sounds alone make a melancholic feeling settle in your chest. 
“Do you want some water?” You offer, but he shakes his head.
“Stay here.” It’s a simple request. His words are slurred, but the look in his droopy eyes tells you he means it. He rests his head against his right forearm, staring directly at you as he tries to regain his strength. 
Eventually, you settle onto the floor a few feet away from him. With your back against the door, you curl your knees up to your chest and just wait for him to feel better. A few minutes pass, neither of you would really be able to count how many, but he finds himself leaning against the bathtub rather than the toilet. 
“’m glad I found you,” he says quietly, voice hoarse from coughing so much. “I was kind of going crazy all by myself. I swore I started hearing things,” he chuckles, trying to lighten the mood. 
It’s so peculiar to you how Yuuji is so…positive. Even now, drunk and hunched over a toilet bowl, he finds it in him to laugh. You don’t have it in you to tell him that you’re happy to— cause that would require admitting that you care about him. 
“What were you doing before all this?” You ask him curiously, trying to change the subject. It’s something you’ve wondered for a long time yet never found a way to bring it up. 
“I was just a college student,” he laughs a bit, the skin of his eyes creasing at the thought. “I delivered pizzas when I could. Did some odd jobs, too. Like…landscaping for my grandpa’s neighbors and shit. What about you?”
“Just bartending,” you nod, thinking back to those simple times. “It was good money.”
The two of you sit and talk like that for a little longer, until Yuuji eventually starts to doze off. As cute as he looks as his eyes flutter shut, you know better than to let him sleep there. “C’mon, let's get you to bed,” you say softly, helping him stand up. 
“You’re so sweet,” he murmurs, half asleep and still inebriated as he leans against you. You’re practically dragging him towards the bedroom with his arm around your shoulder. “And pretty too. ‘M so happy we found you…”
That night and in that moment, you were too hung up on him calling you pretty to acknowledge the we in his words; or maybe you did notice, but it was subconsciously easier to just…chalk it off as a slip of the tongue. 
You’re drenched in sweat as you suddenly wake up, body practically launching away from the bed. You press your palm to your chest, feeling the way your heart is beating at an inhumane rate. 
For the past few weeks, you’ve been having vivid nightmares. Usually, they’re all similar; all having to do with you being taken or something of the sort. Tonight’s dream was a bit different. 
You were in the cabin, but nothing was working. The boards were off the windows, the fireplace wouldn’t light, and the generator wouldn’t work. Thankfully, you woke up before anything bad could truly happen, but waking up was bad in and of itself, considering the bed is empty with Yuuji nowhere to be found.  
“…Baby?” You call out nervously, leaning over to turn your bedside lamp on. You were hoping that he was just in the bathroom, but that hope is quickly squashed when he doesn’t call back. 
With a stuttered sigh, your legs swing over the side of the bed as you prepare to search for your lover.  Shaking hands sift through your drawer, pushing around objects you forgot existed, before landing on a thick flashlight. It illuminates the room, making your eyes widen in a weak attempt to adjust to the light. 
Your footsteps are light and cautious against the creaking wood and it’s a scene straight from a horror movie. Once on the stairs, you can hear something creaking— a door or a window— but when you get in the kitchen, you can’t seem to find anything.
Timid as a mouse, your voice is quiet as you call out for Yuuji. There’s no response, of course not, but as you begin to speak again, you’re very quickly disrupted. 
A thick hand wraps around your face, easily covering your lips and practically suffocating you as his fingertips dig into your cheekbones. Panic bubbles out of your throat, eyes wide with adrenaline, yet as you go to scream, another hand finds its place around your throat. 
“Don’t scream.” A dark and eerily familiar sound pierces your ear. It’s a contorted and dark version of a voice you hear every day. “Or you could, but who’ll find you?” He mocks sadistically. 
Your head is yanked back, nearly giving you whiplash as it makes contact with the man’s chest. You feel as though you’re about to hurl. The panic is presenting itself clear in the form of bile in your throat, and the fear in the form of tears. 
“I’ve sat on the sidelines for too fucking long.”
Another hand begins to tug at your flimsy pajama shorts— wait, another hand…?
Looking down in absolute horror, you’re greeted by a third arm tussling at your clothes. You’re convinced you’re going insane, but it’s so real. At this point, with dead people walking around, nothing should surprise you, but even so, you can’t help the way your eyes widen in horror at the side of multiple sets of arms. 
You’re far too distraught to even register the way the fabric tears at your thigh, completely ripping apart with a flick of his hand. The lump in your throat grows, making your mouth dry as you struggle to speak. 
“W-who are you?” 
The man behind you just laughs— a deeply disturbing sound as it vibrates throughout the kitchen. He doesn’t say anything, just grabs your waist with one of four hands and begins to drag you; where exactly, you aren’t sure.
Amongst the laughter, he covers your eyes as he manhandles you away. He’s keeping your sight obscured until you can ‘properly see me’, as if it’s some sort of game. It’s terrifying.
It feels like the wind is knocked out of you with how roughly he’s shoving you against a hard surface— your table, you soon realize. He maneuvers you as if you’re some kind of doll and gets you laying onto the table before your vision is finally returned. He retracts two out of four hands; keeping them only on your waist and throat. 
Your heart drops when you finally see the man in front of you. It’s Yuuji— your Yuuji, but his body is deformed. He’s much taller and stockier for starters. He’s missing the lean figure that you’ve grown to adore. Instead, he’s towering over you ever more, with an extra pair of arms sprouting from his midsection. One of the most disturbing parts, though, are the second and third eyes. They’re placed directly under his regular eyes, but they’re half the size. It makes you want to throw up. 
“What? You don’t like seeing your baby Yuuji?” he imitates you with a sadistic grin.
You’re shuddering in fear, throat constricted just enough to let you speak. “You are not my Y-Yuuji,” you stammer, shaking like a goddamn leaf. 
He just laughs, tugging at your panties. Even with you desperately squeezing your thighs together, he rips them apart with ease. “You’re right, I’m not. Yuuji couldn’t fuck you properly even if someone was telling him how.”
What is he talking about? Who is this?
“And trust me, I tried,” he says, like he’s exasperated as he rips your panties off. “Every time I talk to him, he just ignores me. Little brat.” He’s muttering to himself as thick hands pry your legs apart.
“Please, don’t,” your voice shakes, resorting to your seemingly last option of begging whoever this imposter is. “I-I’ll give you anything else just don’t…” you can’t even speak it out loud. You know what he wants to do to you— what he’s about to do. 
Your pleading is met with a loud, and mocking laugh. “You look so cute like that; all helpless and crying. You humans have always looked best like that.” It makes sense. You would’ve never described him as human. You don’t know where he’s going with this tangent, but his voice soon drops an octave and answers your question. 
“Do you really think I’m gonna pass up the chance to get what I’ve been craving for so long? Why, because of a few tears?” You hadn’t even realized you were crying until then, but now that you know, the dams are releasing. 
“W-who are you?” Sure, he’s claimed to be Yuuji, but it’s clear that you aren’t falling for that. His eyes zero on your cunt as thick fingers begin to prod at your folds. None of the movements make sense and it’s clearly not for your pleasure. It feels more as if he’s just inspecting it.
It’s been a long time since he’s been let out to play, after all.
“Call me Sukuna, Doll.” His words are eerily dark before he roughly shoves a finger into your cunt. For the most part, you’re fairly dry, but he knows that he can change that; and he knows that it won’t take him long, either. Humans are simple creatures. 
Tears slip out of your eyes faster, only fueling him on even more as he starts to finger fuck you. His fingers are a lot thicker than the slender digits that you’ve gotten used to. It hurts but it also..feels good? You hate even thinking that, but you can’t deny the physical pleasure you’re experiencing despite the mental anguish alongside it. 
“You’re wet,” he obnoxiously observes, uncaring of the way it makes you squirm. “Do my fingers feel that good? Or are you just used to Yuuji treating you like glass?” You don’t respond, instead opting to turn your head away. 
A third finger slips in and you swear that it’s already the equivalent of your boyfriend’s cock. “I always told him that he needed to be rougher. The little brat wouldn’t listen but I knew better; I know that girls like you just want to be treated like whores.”
As the pad of his fingers press into your g-spot, you finally let out a moan. It’s whiney and high pitched and out of fucking nowhere. In all of the times he’s listened in on you and Yuuji having sex— which has been every time — he’s never heard a noise like that leave your lips. It has his ego inflating even further. 
Immediately, you’re trying to bring a hand to your lips, trying so hard to muffle the noises that keep seeping out like a waterfall. Still, it’s no use once Sukuna catches onto what you’re doing. A large hand overpowers your own as he pins it against the hard table. 
“Don’t do that,” he demands, a sick grin on his face. “I want him to hear.” Him? Yuuji can hear?
You’ve been far too scared to put together all of Sukuna’s implications. Too riddled with fear to even think about if Yuuji knew that this demon was living inside of him. Even so, from everything he’s said, it wouldn’t take a genius to figure it out. 
It doesn’t take much longer for his patience to break. With one hand still buried inside of your cunt, two others are undoing his sweats. Nothing could’ve prepared you for the sight you see next. 
Not only is his cock considerably bigger than Yuuji’s, but there’s two of them. 
With panic spreading through your body, you’re very quickly trying to scramble away. “T-those can’t—“ you’re stammering, body attempting to crawl away from him and up the table. Even with you slipping away, he’s trying to line one of his cocks up. “Those can’t go inside of me. Y-you’re fucking crazy,” you curse, mind reeling just at the thought of him trying to jam just one of those things inside of you. 
“Stay fucking still,” he barks, yanking you back down and right onto his dick. Your mouth opens in a silent scream, and your eyes begin to roll back. With your lips parted in an O, he finds himself groaning at the feeling of your tight heat and the sight of your oh so beautiful face twisted up in both pleasure and pain. 
With a deep groan vibrating his entire chest, he bottoms out inside of you. He feels impossibly deep as he nestles inside of you. Your nails scrape against the wooden surface, and your back arches. Your entire body is being overwhelmed by the intense pain he’s causing, yet you can’t deny the element of pleasure that’s mixed in. 
You would’ve never mentioned it to him, but Yuuji did always treat you like glass. He was always a bit too kind and a bit too gentle. It felt good, just not…intense.
“Sukuna,” you nearly scream the name, hips stuttering as you try to not cum right then. He’s pushing your knees up to your chest, leaning forward to get a good look at the pathetic puddle he’s turned you into, as he fucks you roughly. 
“You sound good saying my name, pet,” he laughs, thrusting deep into you as his second  cock rests above your stomach. “I always knew you would.”
The two of you stay like that for awhile— Sukuna fucking you within an inch of your life, and you taking it like some sort of rag doll. It doesn’t take much longer for you to cum. With the length of his second cock rubbing against your clit, you’re easily overstimulated until you're squirting all over him. 
That’s another thing you’ve never done with Yuuji. It feels so dirty and twisted, but fuck, you can’t deny how good this monster is making you feel. His cock is reaching places you didn’t think possible and it’s driving you insane. 
After what feels like forever, Sukuna’s finally starting to pull out. You’re practically half-conscious at this point. Your body is lolled out on the table, limply laying there as you stare up at him with lidded eyes. 
You watch as his, seemingly permanent, grin widens, and you don’t fully understand why it is, until you feel something else prodding at your hole. He’s not…is he?
For the nth time tonight, your eyes widen at the sight of him trying to push his other cock into your pussy beside the one that’s already there. 
“S-Sukuna it won’t fit, it won't—“
“Will you ever learn to shut up?” He snarls, starting to push in. Thankfully for him, two cocks is a quick way to get you to quiet down. You’re far too preoccupied with getting stretched beyond your limits to worry about talking back. 
It feels like you’re going to explode at any given time. It’s just too much. You could barely fit what was in you before, let alone double. Your eyes twitch due to how hard they’re rolling. 
Finally, as you begin to regain some semblance of control over your body, you try to refocus your vision. Your eyes land on Sukuna once more, studying how he begins to look less like Yuuji the longer this goes on. He’s beginning to morph into his own self. It’s weird and creepy and you want it to stop.
Drifting away in search of something else to latch onto, your eyes find another thing to focus on. This one, though, is much more alarming. 
A thick bulge can be seen poking through your skin in the shape of his cock. You watch in absolute horror as it moves in tandem with his hips. 
“You little humans,” he purrs. “All so fragile. Look at that…” once his hand goes to trace the bulge and you finally see just how large his hands really are. “Look how deep inside of you I am. C’mon,” he taps your cheek, trying to pull you from your dazed state. “You can’t fall asleep yet.”
He doesn’t even give you the chance to say something in response. Instead, he begins to fuck you at a rough pace. Not as fast as earlier, but a lot deeper. With each stroke, you find yourself crying out his name and reeling from the pleasure he’s providing. It’s sick and insane that you’re finding any aspect of this enjoyable, let alone all of it. Every single movement has you one step closer to cumming. 
 By the time Sukuna’s emptying both of his cocks inside of you and filling you to the brim with cum, you’ve already hit your climax two additional times. You’re completely dazed over at this point, barely even conscious, and definitely not aware enough to notice how swollen your tummy is due to the copious amount of cum he dumped inside of you. 
He hasn’t even pulled out yet, but he’s letting out a deep sigh. The deal he and Yuuji made was that he got to fuck you once and only until he came. He has a feeling Yuuji won’t allow him any other fun than that, especially since it’s going to be hard enough trying to convince you this was a nightmare or whatever other bullshit he’ll try to feed you. 
“Okay, brat,” he mutters, pressing down lightly on the bulge and watching you haphazardly squirm. “I’m done now. Let’s go.”
One. Two. Three. 
Nothing comes. No one switches. 
A devilish grin finds Sukuna’s face once more. 
“God, you’re such a little pervert,” he laughs. “You want to watch me fuck her brains out again, don’t you, Yuuji?” Even with no response, he knows he’s right. 
His hand strokes your cheek gently, before roughly grabbing your jaw, scaring you but not enough to jolt you awake.
“Seems like we get to have some more fun, Doll.”
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tagging: @enchantedforest-network , @themovingcastlez , @hannzai , @pussydrunkfyodor , @chaoticmoonave , @kkittycries , @dilfhos , @saintriots , @suyacho , @princess-okkotsu
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hellfireloserclub · 3 months
Text
for @steddiemicrofic's prompt "pine"
Forest fire
508/M/content warning drug use. 
“Dude, you're pining so much it's like staring at a forest.” Eddie turned his attention to the joint he was rolling, trying his hardest not to get distracted by his own hopeless one sided attraction. 
Steve lolled his head, snaking his mop of hair into the side of Eddie's neck, tickling at the spot right under his chin. 
“I don't get it?” he blinked up at Eddie, eyes hazy with the last round of weed.
“It's a pun. Pine tree, forest, your pining. Obviously moping over some unrequited love. Did Wheeler turn you down again?” Talk about self sabotage. Eddie wouldn't ever have Steve. He knew that,  but he wanted him to be happy. So he would support him in his romantic endeavours. Cheer him along every step of the way.  Even if it did feel like throwing himself on his own sword. 
“What are you on about Eds?” 
“You've been distant all night, practically tripping over that bottom lip of yours.” 
Steve shuffled his head deeper into his shoulder, it wasn't snuggling.
Eddie had to keep telling himself that.
It was just cold, and Steve didn’t like to smoke joints in the house. The pool house, however, was very much in limits. It had become a regular thing for them both to curl up in the wicker chair and share space, air, breath…
Bad Eddie no, stop it. 
Steve just craved touch when he was stoned, that was all. 
He always seeks you out though. The traitorous part of his mind provided. It didn't help that Steve's breath was ghosting his cheek now as Steve tried to read his expression and understand his words.
The lip reading was also high on the list of things that were out to kill him. 
Steve staring at his lips was sending all the wrong messages to his fragile brain. And Steve would stare all the time even when he was wearing the government issue hearing aids. 
“I don't know why you keep bringing her up?” Steve whispered, eyes narrowing as Eddie lifted the joint to his own lips, lighting it and taking a hit. Without thinking he lowered the blunt to Steve to take a drag. He expected Steve to take it from his hand, but the younger man lent in taking a draw straight from Eddie's fingers, never once breaking eye contact, blowing the smoke back into Eddie's face on the exhale. 
Fuck that was hot. 
Eddie's brain really needed to fuck off. 
“I know. That's why I did it.” Steve was staring straight at him when the smoke cleared, a mischievous grin on his face. 
Brain to mouth filter? Not on Eddie's watch. Apparently.
He quickly pulled another hit trying to hide his flush, but Steve was watching every move. 
“You should try that move on Nance.” Eddie coughed out. 
Steve reached out gently, pulling them together until Eddie could feel Steve's lips ghosting his own.
“I tried it on you.” Steve rolled his eyes. “But apparently you can't see the wood for the pine trees.” 
Oh… oh.. 
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Note
rbr seb having a whole enemies to lovers with his teammate!reader
and they basically have hate sex together cus seb causes a crash leading to them both losing the race
Pride & Ego - Sebastian Vettel (RBR)
Themes/warnings: unprotected sex, rough sex, aftercare, car crash
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If there's one thing Sebastian Vettel can't be accused of, it's going easy on his teammate because she's a woman. If anything he pushes her to the limit and beyond.
"Y/n don't-"
"You bastard! This is a free practice and you impede me!" Y/n exclaims marching across the the garage to the other side. "If you feel like your title streak is threatened by a rookie female, then say so! Rather than trying to embarrass the whole team on the track."
"I was off the racing line princess, perhaps you need to spend more time on the sim if you don't know where to place the car." Sebastian chuckles completely uncaring of her angry that is seething from her. "You need to learn not to let your emotions get the better of you."
Y/n rips off her helmet storming away with a thunderous exit that is caught on camera since the broadcasters are always eager to capture the growing tension between the teammates.
Christian sighs looking at the German driver who is certainly amused over the whole thing.
"I'll speak to her." Y/n's trainer, Gordie sighs moving to find where the young woman has disappeared to.
Christian nods moving to speak with Sebastian since they are confident in both the drivers for bringing results and success but y/n is young, she is only 22 and Red Bull have already seen the media say they are taking a big risk with such an inexperienced driver. But she's already got podiums and is closing in on a win if Sebastian stops making her life so difficult.
The problem is that she refuses team orders because she wants to win of her own abilities.
"Sebastian, this is a team and a team does not sabotage each other. You cannot keep this going, she is not going anywhere and you two cannot keep being enemies if we want to get the best results."
"She is being dramatic and she was not-"
"Y/n does not always follow the same racing line as you and we both know you planted yourself in the middle of that road." Christian states making Sebastian roll his eyes. "She won't allow team orders even when we offer them because she wants to fight you without our interference. You could at least learn to respect her as a driver."
-
Sebastian, of course, didn't listen when it came time to the race.
"You can get him, y/n." Alex states in her ear. "10 laps left. You can take this win."
Her blood is burning with adrenaline as she goes through another corner. Finally a straight and her DRS is enabled.
It takes focus and effort but finally she gets past him at the end of the straight with the aid of some late braking.
"You got it, keep your head down and don't set out for trouble." Alex instructs while she laughs a little in relief then pressing the radio button.
"No mistakes. I've got this." Y/n promises beginning to push since her tyres of fine and can definitely take her to the end of the race on push laps.
"Sebastian is going to fight, team orders is free to fight. You can hold this."
She expected no less. Christian may like her, but to deny the reigning world champion the right to fight is wishful thinking for y/n.
The move feels like she's stops her heart just flatline. She takes her hands off the steering wheel when the car begins to spin seeming to lose no momentum before it all stops all too quickly and pain shoots up and down her body.
Y/n pants dropping her head back as she tries to ease her own pain.
"Y/n? Are you ok?"
Her body is trembling from the shock of the hit. Everything hurts.
"Y/n? Can you hear me? Please tell me you are ok."
She knows how these radio messages always sound on broadcast. She's going to sound weak.
"Y/n?"
Finally she raises a shaky hand to the steering wheel and press the button.
"I'm ok. Sorry."
"So long as you are ok. the car is safe, turn off and get out if you can. Take your time if you need. Medical car is dispatched." Alex sighs while she continues to pant through gritted teeth.
"Ok. I just need a minute." Y/n murmurs feeling tears gathering in her eyes, unplugging her radio to cut communication because right now she just doesn't want to talk. She wants to be left alone.
Slowly she appears from the cockpit seeing the other Red Bull car already abandoned and apparently having mirrored her car in the crash since Seb's car looks pretty smashed up too.
The doctor from the medical car helps her out since they arrived promptly and get her helmet off to try and give her a proper once over. They take her to the medical centre for checks where Seb has already arrived and there's a brief glance between them.
She's almost certain she sees guilt and regret behind Seb's eyes but it's masked with a frown of annoyance on his expression. Which makes her blood boil in a rage that she's never felt before.
He took her first win. He has no right to be angry. No right to be upset. He ruined her race and there is never going to be a point that she forgives him.
She gets a rid back to the paddock where she just pushes her whole team away before locking herself in her driver's room. That's when she falls apart, literally crumpling down to the floor in tears. She allows herself a few moments of weakness before making an attempt to clean up
By the time y/n opens the door to leave she's met with another body.
"I'm not feeling well. I think I'll do the debrief in the morning if that's ok?" Y/n swallows thickly trying to keep herself from crying again as she looks at Christian.
"Y/n, you did nothing wrong. He will be spoken to...he pulled a dangerous move that could've taken you out for the next race." Christian states in a tone that nearly weakens her attempt to be made of stone right now.
"I'm fine. These things happen. I'll rest tonight, debrief tomorrow and improve the next race. I'm getting that win whether it's at the cost of his pride and ego." Y/n promises cooly. "But that crash did hurt and right now all I want to is sleep."
"Ok, you go rest and take care of yourself." Christian nods seeming almost proud of her confidence and mentality.
She exits the unit and paddock in quick succession while Christian gets to the debrief room where Sebastian is waiting with the engineers and team.
"Y/n won't be joining us." Christian states simply sitting down and watching Sebastian frown.
"Is it not required for her to be here?" Sebastian questions, always seeming to want to find a reason to pick on her.
"She needs to rest and recover from the impact of the crash. You'll be able to see just how much worse her crash was compared to what you managed for yourself."
-
Sebastian couldn't help himself from having to intrude and badger y/n. Since he knows which hotel room she is in, he has no shame as he knocks on the door.
Y/n appears after nearly 2 minutes knocking and it's one because she wants him to stop that she finally answer the door at all.
"What?" Y/n huffs opening the door since regardless of it being Seb or not, whoever it is, is an unwanted guest. "You have some serious balls showing your face here."
"We need to talk."
"No. You need to leave. Stay far away from me, both in person and on track from here forward." Y/n spits then nearly growling when Seb places his hand to her chest to push her backwards and walk in, closing the door behind himself.
"If you are going to be irrational while opening your mouth, sit and be quiet while I talk." Seb instructs earning yet another glare.
"You don't deserve to be listened to." Y/n states in a tone so cold that Sebastian can feel the sheer hatred just radiating off of her body. Tears shine in her eyes as she tries to swallow back some of her hurt. "You don't deserve anything from me."
Y/n had actually started this season thrilled to be paired with THE Sebastian Vettel, the youngest world championship in F1. She was abuzz about it. A fan of his and now all she feels is disappointment. As if she was lied to because being his teammate feels like the worst thing to happen to her.
"But you deserve to be given a free win from me?" Sebastian questions nearing her in a way that she almost steps back from but his finger knuckle catching under her chin forcing her to meet his gaze and keeping her in place as she swallows thickly.
The unresolved tension and anger is thick between them as they stare at each other.
Almost in the same speed as the crash, y/n feels the next few seconds happen at such a speed that she can't comprehend anything but Seb's lips on her own as he presses her body against the nearest wall as he pulls her legs up to his waist.
"Christian says we need to find an outlet. I think I have a solution." Seb states moving to speak in her ear. "Unless you want to oppose it?"
"Don't stop." Y/n swallows thickly not even completely sure this is what she wants. Especially when her body is still feeling so sore from the impact.
Seb moves her to the bed, throwing her onto the soft surface of the bed, which she sinks into only moving to help Seb undress her. His hands making quick work of it. Then he pauses and she frowns as she leans up onto her elbows.
"If you aren't going to do anything then you can leave."
"You never know when to just stay quiet do you?" Seb scoffs while knocking her legs apart. "You will know exactly what your position is between the two of us by the time we finish."
"A lot of confidence about finishing giving you already stopped me once today."
There's a glimmer of annoyance behind his eyes at her comment but he doesn't reply, remaining silent as his eyes redirect like he's studying her body.
Now that's when the self-conscious thoughts begin to poke into her mind. A shiver rippling down her spine under his gaze. If there's one thing Sebastian has a talent at it's quick analyse of something from just looking into it.
"You are not hard to turn on, are you? Dripping on the sheets already." Seb comments making her swallow down before she feels his fingers gathering her wetness with enough pressure and touch that it somewhat dawns on her just how much she really needs him right now.
"Seb." Y/n whimpers knowing that she's pathetically needy and while she could easily handle it herself and get herself off. She knows that is Seb does keep to his word, then it's going to feel so much better getting off from someone else.
Y/n's hands curl into fists around the sheets feeling his fingertips move to brush at her clit.
"Say please."
"Don't push your fucking fuck. I'll kick you out."
"If you believe you are still in control here, you need to look at which one of us is naked." Seb hums making he swallow thickly since he's really not wrong. But she's not about to admit that. "We'll work on your manners. I can feel how frustrated you are."
"Then stop wasting time."
Really Seb had came here to apologise, he'd even felt bad but this attitude is not going to earn much of an apology. So he'll have to fuck the attitude out of her and then maybe if he feels up to it, he'll give her the apology he intended to say.
"If you insist." Seb states finally getting his cock out which is more than ready to be inside the young woman.
He'd admittedly thought about what her body might look like under the slightly bulky suit. But he has to say that seeing it so bare and vulnerable. He can't stop himself from needing to really be inside her.
So that's exactly what he does.
Thrusting inside of her making them both moan without thought of volume or consideration for those in the surrounding rooms. Y/n takes a moment to really try and adjust but Seb is moving.
"Jesus, Seb." Y/n mumbles as he pulls her closer to himself at the edge of the bed, reaching down to rub at her clit while she feels herself completely gushing around him.
The additional pressure of her clit is pushing her towards the edge. But just as she feels herself about to hit that peak, his fingers are gone and not only that but he’s completely removed himself from her.
“You didn’t think i’d make it that easy, did you?” Seb questions making her jaw actually drop. Her mind in a buzz of anger and neediness, torn between slapping or begging him. “I’ll decide when you get to finish and for someone so certain I couldn’t manage it. You did look close.”
Seb pins one leg up as he thrusts with no warning back into her and grips a hand around her throat, not too tightly that there's a cut on air but it does have the intended effect that Seb has clearly aiming for while he pounds into her.
It takes a while for Seb to locate her g-spot but her tensing upon him finding the right angle leads to him to completely abuse it. Again pushing her closer and closer as she whines eager to finally finish but just as it's about to hit and wash over her.
It's gone again.
His body removed from his own.
"What the fuck?" Y/n growls feeling her blood boil in sheer frustration.
"I think you should work for it." Seb smiles clearly very smug about edging her and feeling a victory in it.
He repositions them so she's on top straddling him and she quickly catches on that while she might have some control, he's allowing her to do this. But regardless of him having the control here, she's going to take full advantage to finally get the orgasm she so desperately needs.
Much to her relief as soon as she's bouncing up and down on him, the angle is hitting her g-spot perfect and his hand moving to pay plenty of attention to her clit. She feels finally the build up and this time she's determined not to lose it.
Thankfully Seb doesn't seem to be intending to let up on this occasion and actually the whole feel makes her orgasm smash through her, but she finally finishes, shuddering in aftershocks as she realises that Seb also came but she was too lost in her own orgasm to even notice that she's been filled up.
Thank god for birth control.
Although the asshole didn't know that.
She drops forward on him, allowing herself the comfort of his body against her own for only a few seconds.
This is not the beginning of a romance between them, it was purely an outlet for their anger towards each other.
So she rolls off of him and sighs lying down beside him, both of them in a silence and she almost doesn't want it to be broken. Ignoring him is far easier that addressing him.
"I actually came to apologise." Seb states suddenly, catching her attention in the most effective way and very visibly shocking her. "I caused you pain in that crash, I robbed you of your first win because you were just performing better than me. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right and I know that."
Y/n sighs feeling her eyes watering because it's hard to hear. Knowing it happened and being able to be mad about it is one thing but for Seb to come fuck her then apologise.
"Just know Seb. I choose not to fight you most of the time...but if you get in my way of a win again. I'll make sure you never see P1 in a race or at the end of a race again. Whether it's at the cost my own race or not." Y/n promises as she turns her head and finds he's already watching. "I don't want to go down in history as an inter-team rivalry that took out both drivers (*cough* brocedes *cough*). So stop making it like that."
Seb looks at y/n for a moment before smiling.
"I think we might have to continue this post-race sex as a matter of diffusing any tension."
Y/n tries to hide her smile before he stands up and moves.
"Do not move, we need to clean you up."
Y/n doesn't move and when Seb returns cleaning her up and handing her a bottle of water from the mini bar. She has to try and stop her heart from outweighing her brain which tells her to remain rational and not convince herself that this might just be the beginning of a relationship between them.
"You are staring." Seb comments earning an eye roll. "I can assume that you didn't fake your orgasm for my benefit then. Something tells me you wouldn't bother yourself to save my feelings like that."
"Don't let it go to your head. I'm touch-starved."
"Not anymore you're not and you won't be in the foreseeable future."
608 notes · View notes
goldenhypen · 10 months
Text
; ⎯ but i still love you .
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synopsis. it’s relieving to know you weren’t the only one not taking the breakup too well.
pairing. sunghoon x fem!reader ⋅ genres. exes to lovers, angst to fluff ⋅ wc. 3.5k ⋅ warnings. hoon is shirtless for some of it sjsjsj
prompts 1. holding their hands when they are shaking ; 20. washing their back/hair in the shower ; 38. letting them warm their cold hands under your shirt ; 49. giving them a tight hug that makes them lose their breath ; 50. buying them a special treat when you go out shopping ⋅ requested ⋅ dark blood event
song rec. the truth untold — bts
a/n. somehow ended up combining all of the sunghoon prompts into one v long fic sorry not sorry djdnd this one was rlly fun to write since i haven’t gotten to write longer fics in a while,, so i rlly hope you guys enjoy <33
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a strong gust of the chilling misty air shot past and against your body, causing you to shield yourself with the limited protection you currently had on you—in other words, your thin jacket. 
it was pouring hard, and you eventually made cover under the narrow overhang of the convenience store. you shivered.
taking a peak at the darkened night sky above, it didn’t look like the rain was going to pause anytime soon. you sighed, scolding yourself for not bringing any money with you this time. if you did, you could have purchased an umbrella. looks like you were going to be stranded for who even knew how long?
whipping your head to the left at the sudden sound of wet steps splashing against the puddles on the road, it looked like you weren’t the only one in need of temporary shelter. and of course, of all people in the entire neighbourhood, it just had to be your ex, park sunghoon.
you two had broken up about a month ago, though it felt infinitely longer. you two had barely talked throughout all that passed time, and even though you were the one who broke up with him, you couldn’t seem to remove him from the special place you reserved for him in your heart.
finding protection under the skinny roof, he panted, attempting to catch his breath. 
“y/n,” he stood there nearly speechless for a moment, processing the fact that you were standing in front of him for the first time in many long weeks.
suddenly he could hear the thumping of his heart clearly booming against his rib cage. he just hoped it wasn’t loud enough for you to hear—an impossible task considering you were standing about three metres away from each other, the sound of hundreds of water drops hitting the pavement simultaneously every second. he just couldn’t imagine exposing to you the fact that moving on hasn’t been nearly as easy as it should be.
“hey,” you finally spoke up, the softness of your voice causing your words to be barely audible over the loud white noise surrounding you. “did you just come from work?”
“yeah, i was walking home, and then the rain came out of nowhere.”
though you two were just trying to make conversation and avoid any awkwardness to the best of your abilities, and you should be trying to leave anytime now to aid your healing and not press deeper into that wound, both of you seemed to be stuck because sunghoon’s empty hands and drenched body was enough to tell you he wasn’t carrying an umbrella on him either. 
you hummed at his answer to your question, fidgeting with the tips of your fingers to look like you were at least occupied with something—but if you were being honest, it was to avoid his eyes because you knew looking into them wouldn’t do any good for your still-broken heart.
however, you couldn’t help but notice from the corner of your eye that he was moving around unnaturally, trying to do anything to regain some lost body heat. you turned to face and look at him to find that he was shivering. if only he was more responsible and reliable to at least look after himself and bring a jacket. 
you shook your head. this won’t do.
“come here,” you told him as you walked over and quickly grabbed his shaking hands and shoved them into the jacket you were wearing—again, it was thin, but something was better than nothing.
catching him off guard, he tensed as his eyes widened, unsure if he should pull his hands out from your grasp or if he should let you do your thing. after all, you always had a knack for looking after him when he couldn’t do it himself.
“you’re freezing, hoon,” you scolded, but from the worry in your voice, he could sense it came from a place of love. a love that remained in a place where it should no longer be welcomed. but moving on was much easier said than done, especially when it came to someone as special to you as sunghoon. “why didn’t you bring a jacket?”
“the weather was supposed to be clear and sunny today,” he answered.
“you’re kidding, right?” you said in disbelief. “did you even check the weather app today?! hoon, everyone in this entire city knows how much it’s supposed to rain this week! what’s your real reason?”
“i forgot it at home—”
“hoon—!”
“and here you are nagging me like you always do, even when we’re not together anymore. i thought it’s called a ‘breakup’ for a reason!”
at his piercing words, you furrowed your brows angrily, throwing his hands back aggressively.
but deep inside, he could see through you and all your emotions. he knew you so well that the faintest glint in your eyes was enough to tell him how much his careless words hurt you.
if he could take back what he had said, he would. but what’s said is done, and it was something he’d leave regretting for a very long time.
he didn’t even know how he let those insensitive words slip out. he was just so hurt by the breakup that he began to explode from the inside out.
but after realizing what he had said, he knew taking it out on you would help nothing and only be destructive, if anything.
“sorry, i shouldn’t have said any of that,” he started. “i didn’t mean it.”
“really, hoon?” you asked with a roll of your eyes as you shook your head.
he opened his mouth to speak, but gave up, knowing there was a high chance he’d just make things worse by talking. so instead, with a sigh, he walked towards you, and passed you, into the convenience store.
you scoffed and finally teared your eyes away in shock and frustration at the sheer amount of disrespect this man had. you couldn’t even believe you ever dated him!
after this, you told yourself for the 86th time that you were officially over park sunghoon.
you looked back up into the endless sky and hopeless weather, frowning.
what on earth were you going to do?!
not even a minute later, you heard the door to the store open, and you turned around to meet the source, and there stood sunghoon with one umbrella in hand, as well as your favourite convenience store snack when you two were dating, pepero. 
he remembered.
you shook your deceiving thoughts out of your head; being the forgetful man he is, he probably didn’t remember, and instead just got something for himself for the walk back home. he finally had his umbrella after all.
“here,” he spoke up, holding out the unused umbrella to you.
“what are you doing? why are you giving this to me?”
“just take it,” he urged. and just as he could see right through you, you could sense the care in his actions and even through merely the tone of his voice, as much as he tried to disguise it. “i bought it for you.”
“what about you?”
“just take it.”
“why didn’t you buy one for yourself?”
“this was the only one left—now will you just take it already?”
“how are you going to get back home, hoon? you can’t go through all this without getting even more drenched than you are already. you’ll get sick,” you explained before an idea suddenly popped into your head, knowing you both were aware your house was just a few minutes walk away. “let’s go to my place. we can get you warmed up and then i can send you home with the umbrella after. that way we can both get home safely.”
he thought about it for a moment and wanted to decline, but he couldn’t help but give in, letting you know he agreed with a nod.
you gave him a slight smile before he opened the umbrella and held it over the two of you.
little did either of you know until he did, how small the item above you was. in order for you both to be covered, you had to practically huddle in each other’s arms; the last umbrella in the convenience store was a single-person one.
so you two continued on the path to your house with your bodies pressed against one another and a very awkward and uncomfortable tension filling the surrounding air.
to make the trip easier on you though, without your knowledge, sunghoon, making sure to keep the umbrella 100% over you, did separate from your body just a little bit.
sure he had his slip-ups here and there, but he still cared for you and did his best to make sure you were comfortable the best he could.
the only thing was, that you weren’t his anymore and he shouldn’t be thinking about these things in the first place.
with a sigh, he continued to push forward in your journey to your home.
finally, you arrived to the warmth of your living space, a shiver rushing down your spine at the satisfactory change in temperature.
you looked at sunghoon who was in the doorway, somehow more sopping wet than he was when he first met you at the convenience store earlier that night. but you didn’t think much of it and shrugged it off.
“i’ll get you a change of clothes,” you told him. “in the meantime, go wash up.”
“a change of clothes?” he asked, confused. “where? how—?”
“i—” you paused, not knowing how to explain to him how you missed him and missed the way he would lend you his clothes to wear whenever you’d want, and how buying men’s size clothes was a way to help you (not so healthily) cope with the breakup. “they're a relative’s.”
“ah,” he let out in realization, not thinking much about the fact that you don’t really have male relatives you’re close enough to let stay over at your place or lend you any clothes. he was a forgetful one after all.
with a moment of awkward silence, you quickly rushed away to get the clothes in your room, leaving him to go to the bathroom himself—not that it was a difficult task to begin with. he had been to your place countless times during the time you dated anyways.
on his way, he took a brief look around, trying his best to not be too nosy, and he realized not much had changed since the last time he was over.
“here’s some clothes and towels,” you lended from behind him, causing him to turn around. “you can dry yourself off for now, and i can help you wash your hair.”
“you actually want to help me wash my hair?” he asked, stunned.
“oh—i mean, no,” you chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of your head. “sorry, i guess it’s just a habit.”
while you and sunghoon were dating before, something you would do for him whenever he was stressed or needed to relax was help him wash and dry his hair. and for some reason—maybe it was your tired brain after a long day—the words somehow slipped. who was the forgetful one now?
“i mean—if you want to, you can,” he expressed.
“do you want it?” you asked, hesitant.
no one knows what strange magic was in the air, but somehow you two were willing to take risks you both knew you shouldn’t considering the relationship you were no longer in. but he answered the way he did anyway.
“sure, that would be nice.”
nervously, you nodded. it seemed like he wanted it just as much as you.
“change out of your wet clothes first. i’ll get the water running,” you instructed, and he replied with a hum, taking the items out of your arms and walking to a different bathroom to change.
with a heavy inhale and exhale, you carried on your said duty.
after a couple minutes, sunghoon showed up behind you who was at the tub making sure the water was warm enough. he cleared his throat to make you aware of his presence, causing you to whip your head around. however, once you caught an eyeful of him, your head shot right back around, body tensed and unsure what to do.
“what?” he questioned with a chuckle. “it’s not like you’ve never seen me shirtless before.”
“why don’t you have a shirt on, hoon?!” you asked in a panic as you covered your eyes.
“stop overreacting,” he laughed. “we’re washing my hair, it’s easier this way.”
composing yourself with a deep breath, you nodded and faced him with more confidence this time. you waved him to come closer and kneel in front of the tub so you could get this over with, taking a great deal to not look at his toned chest and abdomen displayed directly in front of your eyes.
and you began, starting with wetting his hair, followed by the usual shampoo and conditioner. you massaged the products in before quickly rubbing and washing them away, and sunghoon then realized how much he missed this. these actions were enough to remove all of this week’s past stresses, one being still coping with the loss of you. and this intimate moment was enough to make him feel like you were together all over again—
from where sunghoon was leaning over the bath, he suddenly shot up, scaring you so much that you practically jumped from where you sat.
“what are you doing?!” you freaked out, caught off guard.
he stared at you, chest rising and falling violently with every breath. again, you did your best to keep your eyes matched with his and to not look any lower than that.
“this is wrong,” he explained. “i don’t think we should be doing this.”
you backed off a bit before apologizing, “yeah, you’re right. sorry if i made you uncomfortable.”
“it’s fine,” he said. “you’re not the only one at fault. i’m sorry too.”
and through his words, you could understand how that deep down, he wasn’t just talking about right now, but he was expressing his regret for everything he did before that led you two to where you were now. he felt that if it wasn’t for him and his past behaviour, maybe you would still be together in a happy and healthy relationship.
you closed your eyes as a deep frown started to form uncontrollably, and you turned away once a tear escaped and rolled down your cheek.
“y/n,” sunghoon said softly and sadly. it broke his heart just as much as yours to see you like this.
it was then that he realized he wasn’t the only one who was having a hard time moving on.
his hand moved to your arm cautiously, and after testing it was okay with you after you didn’t bother shaking him off, he rubbed your skin gently, up and down in a soothing manner and comforting attempt.
but his actions only caused your thoughts to travel deeper and rubbed in the fact that you weren’t together anymore. it only made you weep harder.
at the heart wrenching sounds of your cries, he immediately pulled you into his chest, and you were met with his bare skin and not so soft body, instead a little bit more muscular than what you remembered and were used to. but you didn’t mind.
your sobs quickly slowed, and eventually you were okay enough to finally pull back, and you laughed slightly, noticing how your tears painted his body and blended in with the water droplets that fell from his hair.
“ew, sorry,” you said as you wiped the wetness away with your hands until you realized what you were doing.
you were there sitting in his lap, his arms wrapped around you as your hands roamed his bare chest. not a common sight to see between ex lovers.
you stopped in your tracks and looked into his eyes that already stared back at you, and you quickly admired how breathtaking he was with his wet locks that framed his features perfectly. but his next words escaped his lips, calling you back to some form of reality, and leaving you in shock.
“i still love you, y/n.”
your heart immediately dropped like a heavy weight to the pit of your stomach—but somehow, not in a negative type of way.
you sniffled before following in a slight hush, “i still love you too.”
a wave of relief washed over sunghoon at the sound of that, and a smile rose to his lips, painting a lovely picture over his features that had your heart doing flips in your chest, until his face dropped. 
“i’m sorry for everything i’ve ever done to hurt you,” he began. “i understand the reason behind the breakup, and i’ve had a lot of time to process and reflect on it. i also tried so hard to move on, but for some reason, i still think about you every day, and you’re always occupying my mind and every thought.”
you stared at him intently as he continued.
“i understand why you broke up with me, but if you give me another chance, y/n, i promise i will try my best this time to do better—and be a better man for you—and look after you because you’re the only person in my life that i care for this much. and i realized that being careless enough to lose you was the worst decision i’ve ever made. if you’ll just give me one more chance, i won’t waste it this time. i was a fool to ever think losing you would be okay because ever since i did, i’ve been nothing close to fine without you.”
you let out a soft sigh, bringing your hands to his wet strands and brushing through the locks before circling them to cup the sides of his face and brush your thumbs over his cheekbones.
“and this is the reason i should have never let you go,” you stated softly. “i know you’re willing to improve, and i also know how much of a mess we’ve been without each other. it feels like the world is pushing us back together, and if i’m being honest, i don’t think i have a reason not to listen.”
“so does that mean—?”
“let’s get back together, hoon.”
“yeah?” he said with a growing smile.
you nodded as your expression began to mirror his.
“i missed you,” he let out as he pulled you into a hug.
you closed your eyes, wrapping your arms around his waist and nuzzling your nose into the warmth of his neck as you savoured the moment.
“i really missed you, hoon.”
but before this could last long, suddenly a gasp left sunghoon and he pulled away, “wait! i almost forgot!”
oh, how very on brand of you, you thought to yourself with a chuckle.
he separated from you as he stood up and quickly rushed out of the bathroom, coming back moments later with something in his hands.
it was the pepero he picked up from the convenience store.
you smiled.
he opened the pack and quickly pulled one out before handing it to you. you accepted it and brought it to your mouth, savouring the flavour that you didn’t realize you missed so much.
you hadn’t had one since the breakup in fear that it would only bring back memories that would hurt you more.
but now, it felt nostalgic and comforting.
when you finished the piece, he pulled another one out and propped it between his teeth before letting go of the other end and smirking at you.
you scoffed playfully, “seriously?”
“what?” he asked you innocently with the pepero between his teeth and a shrug.
you giggled before finding the other end with your own mouth and quickly chomping away—him doing the same—before you both met in the middle, smiling into a kiss you each didn’t know you desperately longed for.
and he couldn’t stop kissing you.
but oh, how you missed his lips on yours.
with your arms moving to wrap around his neck, you pulled him closer by the back of his head, cherishing this special, intimate moment.
eventually, you both separated, breathing heavily to catch your breath.
and so sunghoon, still craving that sense of connection, resorted to pulling you back into his chest in a tight embrace that almost stole your hard earned breath away.
you learned sunghoon was an essential to your well being, and you knew your heart couldn’t carry on without him. you longed for each other like soulmates destined to be by the universe.
you breathed in his comforting scent, arms wrapped tightly around his body as you reminded yourself to never ever let him go again.
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a/n. the pepero scene at the end was unnecessary but v necessary at the same time djdjdjd also didn’t know how to end this one but oop anyway i hope y’all enjoyed <3 it always means a lot if you let me know you did with some kind words, even if you show up on anon to do so, those mean the world <3 thanks for reading everyone <33
event masterlist.
taglist 1 (taglist 2 open). @raimbows4u @beibybtch @sultrybaby @kpop-nct @beans-and-jeanes @wccycc @enhacolor @enhasfever @nokacchan @yizhoutv @xiaoderrrr @soobin-chois @tyunni @shinsou-rii @liikno @softkpopplace @belle643 @nar-nia @rapmonie2047 @pshchives @sunjakes @ethereal-engene @exohclipse @yeosayang @4ri-ki @jaeyunjakesim @tnyhees @enaus @hoes4hoseok @palajae @clarakyunisageek @annoyingbitch83 @mirula @rcrystallocks @stepout-09-15 @zeraaax @enhasengene @ktttwwn @pistachiophobia @svnoofy @sweetjaemss @vatterie @mnsnts @chacottone @yeseoist @azurez @milisabunny @wonniestars @rikislady
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writingoddess1125 · 4 months
Note
Yes Buggy and his hot wife are Roger and Jessica Rabbit, but if I may submit this comparison to the council:
✨Buggy and his wife are The Grinch and Martha May Whovier✨
Oh It Is ON!
In the spirit of the Winter Holiday Spirits! We are doing a Christmas Spin on My Effect Series!
So get you a egg nog with 90% rum maybe some holiday 'cigarettes' sit back and enjoy this clusterfuck idea! 🍃 🚬
P.S IM REALLY HIGH WHILE WRITING THIS SO ITS PROBABLY ALL OVER THE PLACE! ENJOY!
The Grinch and Martha May Effect 🎄
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If you like my shit, support me on Ko-Fi because recession!
Link to Main Masterlist
• This Crusty Bastard has had the heart of the most beautiful women in the world.
• And didn't even realize it-
• You had all met on Gol D Roger's ship- Buggy being a snot nosed apprentice with his gaggle of friends- While you being one of the few girls on the ship was a cup bearer for your father. Silvers Rayleigh.
• This made you incredibly off limits to all, Sheltered by a life of luxury your father provided as your only real 'job' was to fill his cup. Even Gol D Roger the famed Captian spoiled you in cute dresses and expensive bows.
• Turning you into the Doll of the Oro Jackson.
• A Princess Wrapped in Silver and Gold
• You still remembered the first day you ment him-
• Both of you 13 years old, fresh faced kids still needing the guidance of adults.
• You'd snuck off from your normal areas, wanting to explore the ship some more. That's till you saw a boy- His face covered in what seemed to be gunpowder as he filled homemade bombs with total care.
• His blue hair peaking out of the red hat and drawing you to step a big closer to get a better look.
• The Tull of your sparkling dress catching the corner of his eye as he spun around quickly holding a knife out.
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• Then, Ocean eyes met Your own and time seemed to slow. Ever so slightly- Your cheeks warming as you gave a soft smile.
• "Hello" Your little voice slipped out, Buggy stating at you with unsure interest. A crooked smile on his lips as he greeting you quickly- "H-Hi!"
• "Is something wrong with your nose? It looks kinda funny" Buggy glares hard at you, making you blink in question at his reaction.
• Buggy covering his face, his ocean eyes starting to cloud with tears like a storm eyed he stared at you. "Whats so funny about my nose!? Huh!"
• "Well don't get angry- I don't mind. I think its cute. Im sorry if i offended you" You smile so sweetly, feeling bad for making his sad as Buggy felt his face start to glow.
• "You think.. My nose is cute?" He questioned, making you nod honestly. He giggled into his hands, a high pitch squeaky laugh that made you smile and your heart flutter.
• "Whats your name?" He grins at you, Hearing you actually want to know about him. "Buggy! What about you pretty girl?" Your face flushing at his words.
• "I'm-"
• "(Y/N)!" You heard your name being called before you could speak, recognizing the voice of your father.
• "(Y/N)- That's such a pretty name.. Will I see you again?" Buggy asked, his eyes sparking at such a chance. Your delicate hand reaching forward and tucking a strand of his blue hair back into his hat. "I will try"
• And try you did. For a year the two of you would meet, talking on the deck of the ship for hours till you had to sneak away again. Buggy even using his Chop Chop abilities to help you get back to your room.
• It was tragic to say, but you'd never get a chance to see Buggy for many many years after your 14th birthday- Your Father sending you to an Island to keep you safe as you entered your teens.
• The disbanding of the Roger Pirates aiding in this as well-
• The death and heartache Seeming to follow you as you found yourself handing in the hands of Sir Crocodile.
• Crocodile having had an interest to whoo you for years- as he too had met you on Gol D Roger's ship, finding you the only person more then suitable to be at his side.
• You had never truly accepted his advances, Despite his power, status and more. He didn't have your heart, and you wouldn't give him any part of yourself in compensation.
• Decades it had been like this, still the girl wrapped in silver and gold. Hoarded like treasure for everyone to admire, however nothing more.
• But it seemed the tides were beginning to change- After Crocodile time in Impel Down- as well as the formation of the Cross Guild- You would meet your blue haired friend once again. Just in a unique Flashy way
• AKA by his head being punched off by Crocodile and accidently flung into your waiting chest.
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• "(Y/N)?-" He mumbled against your bust, your cheeks flaring deep crimson as he floated his head up to lock eyes with your flushed face.
• He got his ass beaten for that by Crocodile of course-
• But for you it was like your heart was Kickstart again!
• At the Cross Guild, you'd always attend. Crocodile assuming it was because you were warming up to him, But in truth it was to see Buggy-
• The two of you talking to each other constantly. He was so fascinating to you-
• Like you two were children again falling in love- Sitting out under the stars talking for hours. You tucking strands of his blue hair back into his hat, him fixing any Imperfections on yohr dresses as you sat next to him. Which often lead to Buggy giggling into his gloved hands while turning away from you
• You accepted him as he was, and adored him for it. You loved his mind, his passion, even his laziness and lewd humor.
• As time went on, you noticed the same for him. How he would ask you YOUR interest, what things YOU actually liked.
• Something no one had asked you since you were a child. Most just assuming your taste and interest.
• Hell when he came for meetings he would bring you something you'd actually want. Not just shiny things to make you look more valuable.
• "Hey (Y/N)!" Buggy cloaked towards you excited as he held out a old dirty crate to you. "I remeber you said you really liked weird plants, so I found these old books and scientist-y samples of the weirdest! Hope you like them!"
• You'd almost cried at the gift, so overfill with you you hugged Buggy. Before spending hours going through the crate and organizing it all to your liking.
• However with the sweets, came the sours...
• There had been countless times you'd walk into the Guild and see Buggys face. Beaten and bruised- How Crocodile and Mihawk kicked his ass as their own personal stress relief or just to show dominace.
• It broke your heart.. truly- Buggy humiliated like that infront of everyone time and time again... You would try to comfort him after the meetings but he would just run away- You swore you saw tears in his eyes a few times.
• You'd want to many times to have him run into your arms, so you could whisper how good of a man he is and deserving so love.
- It had been a particularly festive day in the Guild Hall, Crocodile dressing in a nicer suit as better food was served and fancy alcohol was served. You even being gifted a dress by the Desert King himself to wear today, you didn't refuse but felt rather uncomforble at how attentive he was acting with you.
And uncomfortable that he had purposely sat Buggy so far away from you..
As dinner was being served, Crocodile stood up from his seat next to you. Slapping his hand on the table to gather everyone's attention.
"I have an announcement-" Crocodile voice boomed through the room, you glancing up as the hook handed man gestured for you to stand. Which you silently did-
Oh No...
"(Y/N)- Daughter of Silvers Rayleigh. A women of greatness and deserving of only the finest of riches"
No...
"I ask for your hand- I swear I will give you all the wealth you desire"
Please No...
"From Riches, Silks and even the One Piece if your little mind wishes for it"
NO!
"Will you Marry me?"
Something inside you just snapped. Staring at Crocodile face that had the crooked cigar hanging from his lips.
Crocodile taking your silence positively as he handed you a velvet box with a massive diamond ring inside of it.
You stared at the ring box that had been placed in your glove hands and felt... nothing. Absolutely nothing...
Before A fire of rage filled your insides-
"We- We aren't even dating!-" You shouted, everyone looking to yoh in shock as you looked around wildly.
"What makes you think I want to stay by your side!? You were just ment to protect me not use me as a Scudo Girlfriend! I'm not yours nor will I ever be!-" Crocodile face starting to turn red, his eyes glancing around him before setting on you with a harsh glare.
"So I-I can't accept this" You finally hissed out, bright red in the face from both embarrassment and anger. Everyone in the Guild Hall staring at you in total shock.
"Besides My Heart... Belongs to someone else-" Crocodile eyes widen as he clenched his hands in rage. You handing the ring box back to him delicately, before turning to look at Buggy who had been picking his nose diassociating heavily at the dramatics. Only coming back to reality when he saw everyone was staring at him-
Buggy stares confused, 'Why are you all looking at me?' He looked behind himself first, Then around to see who you could be talking about, that had your heart. Realizing quickly he was alone and you actually ment HIM!
"Wait Me!?"
• After such a stunning yet shocking reveal, Crocodile cut you lose. Feeling you embarrassed him infront of everyone- Which had been the greatest day of your life!
• As you fly into Buggy's (Who got beaten senseless once again) arms. Who accepts you happily into his life-
• Frolicking away to his Circus Themed Ship in what can only be described as total Joy!
• "HAHAHAHAHA I WIN!!" He yells out, holding you in his arms as he flips off Crocodile once more and holds you in his arms.
• You adore his Flashy Crusty ways, the way he weirdly cackled and utter lack of emotional control.
• Oh How you love your Crusty Clown!
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anantaru · 1 year
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Hellooooooo
I was wondering how would Alhaitham and Ayato would react to hearing the safe word in the middle of the act? Like they pushed reader's limits, they seem to be pretty rough and demanding in bed and that's kinda scary sometimes
cw. after saying the safe word, a lil angst, fem! reader, heavily comforting you
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ayato, who would— and such goes in the generality of standings, without stating, express leaden depicted signs of embodied guiltiness for turning you, his darling, he devotedly treasured, this uncomfortable and hurting during an endearing time where he should've coddled you with a sundry of effusive pleasure.
conceivably, ayato might've fell in to be inordinately rough tonight as he was severely frustrated from his own bottled up emotions— one of the leading factors being the tracked down obvious that he hasn't seen you nor spend sufficient time with you in what felt like plentiful years.
his troubled breath was stranded immovable in his glued down throat upon listening to you suddenly cry out the safe word he was sure would never be used by any of you— to proceed, ayato had directly pulled out of you, the touch cautious, as controlled as possible as to not dispense any more damage before really saying anything, he can barely marge his eyes on you and it broke his heart that he was the reason you experienced pain— when he should've loyally lavaged you with nothing but pure comfort.
supplementary he puts forth your name in a tottery declare and then staggers through his frazzled breathing, "are you okay, please— please take your time." ayato eases himself back into this pivotal situation, but he will not touch you, he keeps his hands away from you. "i apologize with my entire heart— i did not mean for this to happen." as to bring grave attention in his sentence, he closely whispers an inch lower, soothingly, "i am so so sorry."
ayato will wait a fair enough of much required time, additionally giving you copious reasonable space before you, yourself, have allowed him to come close again. His glimmering eyes fall to your bare, trembling body as to calmly throw a silky blanket at your naked frame to have you a sprinkle more shielded and protected as well as have your body heat rise up again.
while you aided him to lean back into your arms, ayato breaks apart from within, bit by bit, his body was stilling and sheened of cold sweat, but it's about patience now— and he knows, he has to keep a clear head as always, he mustn't let his emotions run free.
"it's okay ayato." you close your arms around his neck and it almost brings him to tears— such spoken tears that he originally severed off himself earlier, the same way he had done so his whole life.
"it is not, i should've known better."
family was everything to ayato and you were a part of his. On this ending night he had done nothing more than to spoil you and apologize a handful more times, you let his warm palms seep into your gladdened skin and your eyes flutter close of the heavy tiredness— you realize he was warm but his breathing sounded patched together, even though he tried to hide it endlessly.
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alhaitham, whose flexed up muscles loosened up the immediate wounded second of your excruciating voice thickly closing around his ear shells. This uncomfortable weight on his chest, or the penetrating shock in his eyes, he was aware that he unarguably went overboard this night, for certain, and promptly backed off your tremulous body without accidentally creating added problems.
with how he had been largely shadowing over yourself, he could easily perceive the state of your low lidded eyes— your vision had turned entirely blurry which was the straight up cause of warm tears simmering from each twist of your eyes.
"do not rush yourself." not at all did alhaitham appear as confident and collected as he usually was, "i apologize - i apologize, i don't know what—" your hard processed breaths overwhelmingly shook at each explosive word of him, it was demanding for you to state something, taxing on your emotions while at the same time cloaking back your cried which he had fortunately discerned himself, then stopping in midst his own sentencing, yet cursing himself.
it's not as if alhaitham doesn't want to do anything, all he craved for was to enclose his large arms around yourself and apologize once more— though he does nothing, not for now at least, he waits until you do something instead, after all, crossing your boundaries again would be the last thing he had in mind.
"can you-" he noiselessly jolts back when detecting your broken voice in the dim room, you mutely wrap your hand around his wrist, "can you please .." and he knows what you meant, in the wake of it, it wasn't back breaking to see through your quavery ways of stating.
he crumbles next to your body and closes his arm around your waist, your eyes were swelled up and with one gentle palm he shushed away the wetness on your cheeks, but remained careful in his proceedings.
"i'm sorry." you shake your head at his strangled heaves, applying yourself up forward into his chest, "it's okay." - "i know you would never hurt me on purpose."
but even with your presented reassurance, his heart burned, he huffs his warm breath on your forehead and presses his lips on your head, his hands in process of moving unsure on where to wavelessly rest themselves on. "it will never happen again."
he recollects himself, his words holding all meaningful purpose behind them, "i know." you smoother yourself further into him, systematically calming down more and feeling yourself back into his body.
"you're everything."
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©2023 anantaru do not share, copy, translate any of my work
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stevesbipanic · 29 days
Text
@steddielovemonth Day 28: Love is when you look at his lips for half the conversation because you can’t stop thinking about kissing him. @starryeyedjanai
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"Steve!" Robin clicked her fingers in front of Steve's face, Steve turned towards her, "Have you heard a thing I said?"
"Sure, I was listening."
"No you weren't you weren't looking at me, I wasn't born yesterday, Evie."
Steve smiled slyly, "Fine what were you saying about your date with Nancy," he replied pointedly looking at her lips this time.
Robin cracked a giddy grin, "The rollerskating was a great idea she held my hand all night cause you know I'm a klutz!"
Steve laughed turning to continue stacking the tapes. Robin poked her head round him at the sound of the front bell.
"Eddie!" She said tapping Steve and pointing. Steve grinned at the metalhead wiggling his fingers in a wave.
"Stevie! How's my favourite future cyborg, you ready to go?" Steve liked watching Eddie talk, the way his lips moved.
"Thanks for driving him, Ed, it was hard enough convincing him to go to the first appointment, wanna make sure he actually gets them."
"Course, Bucks, happy to babysit our favourite babysitter."
Steve punched out his card and gathered his things from the back. The drive to the doctor's office was quick, the thrum of Eddie's mixtapes vibrating the van. Steve always liked hanging out with Eddie, he liked loud.
He really wanted to hold Eddie's hand once they were sat in the bright white office. The cold walls were a little too similar to the bunker, but he'd promised Robin.
"It'll be a little weird when we first turn them on but you should adjust within a week." The doctor explained before fiddling with the device. A few seconds later the tune of the radio flooded his ears, Steve perked up a smile gracing his face. He looked over at Eddie, "I can hear the radio!" Eddie grinned widely in return.
Later, back at the trailer Steve was enjoying hearing the movie playing, happy to not have to rely on the limited subtitled movies Hawkins had to offer. He could hear Eddie finishing dinner in the background, it warmed his heart feeling somewhat normal again.
"Hear you go, sweetheart," Eddie said passing Steve a bowl of spaghetti, plopping down beside him, it was nice, hearing Eddie's voice more clearly now.
He paused the movie as Eddie started monologuing about something that had happened at the garage that morning. Steve wasn't really paying attention, too busy watching Eddie's lips. He wanted to tell Eddie how he felt but he didn't want to lose this.
"Stevie?"
"Hmm?" He replied not looking away from Eddie's mouth.
"Your hearing aids stop working? You've been reading my lips."
Steve blushed, "Um no, I heard you just fine."
Eddie paused before smirking, "See something you like then, sweetheart?"
Steve smiled in return, "Maybe, maybe I just need you to come closer to hear better."
Eddie leaned forward, glancing down at Steve's lips, "Better?"
"Hmm, little closer, don't want to miss anything you say, very important."
Eddie was barely a breath away, all Steve had to do was close the gap, "Stevie." Eddie said Steve's name like a promise and Steve couldn't help moving forward, brushing his lips against Eddie's.
He's glad he listened to Robin and got the hearing aides, he wanted to memorise the sound of Eddie's gasps and moans forever.
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supershyticklee · 1 month
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A Ticklish Dogday 2
Part 2! Here it is! Part 1 is just above this post! Please read part 1 before reading part 2 to enjoy the entire story as I had to break it up into 2 parts due to tumblrs word limit. Enjoy!
As you were sewing Dogday seemed to have been trying to relax after all that happened, his eyes were closed and his breathing had slowed, he was somewhat falling asleep. You smiled and gently rubbed his belly only to be met with a cry and strained laugh. You quickly pulled your hand away and looked up to see a flustered Dogday “c-careful Angel, I’m still…on edge” he lied looking away. A closer look upon inspection showed that his cheeks had turned a light pink, slowly you connected the dots and looked surprised. Oh. My. Gosh. “are you ticklish?” you asked almost excitedly at your new found discovery. You watched as the critter blushed more as his cheeks turned red “n-no! of course not! How ridiculous Angel!” he said denying it as you chuckled and continued to sew. But you definitely weren’t going to forget that little piece of info so easily. It took a few hours but finally you had sewed Dogday’s legs back on, you couldn’t even tell they were ever ripped off! “Ok, try and stand up” you said holding his hands, the critter looked nervous but held your hands as he carefully got up, he was wobbly at first but slowly got his balance back as he laughed. “I-I’m standing! I’m standing!” he said excitedly as he began to take small steps forward walking as he laughed more “I’m walking! Thank you Angel!” the dog cried as he picked you up and enveloped you in a hug that you gladly returned. The critter put you down as he practiced walking around, you couldn’t help but smile watching your new found friend walk around so happy and full of life. Throughout the night the two of you talked more and more until it felt like you two were talking like old friends. But the curiosity of the dog being ticklish was still there, was he ticklish? You were going to find out! “I have another story on when Catnap and I-AAHH!! ANGEL!!” the dog cried out as you suddenly pounced on him and began tickling his sides listening to his deep laugh. “A-angehehehehehehehel! Plehehehehehehehehehease!!” the dog begged as he laughed and squirmed beneath you trying to push you away “not ticklish huh?” you teased as you tickled the poor pup. “I-I am not t-thahahahahahahahahahahat!” he said as you giggled “you can’t even say the word tickle! That’s so cute!” you aid making the dog blush as he laughed under you. You moved on to his stomach and was met with a puppy like yelp as the dog threw his head back and laughed louder “nononohohohohohoho! Angel plehehehehehehease!” the dog begged squirming as you hear the thumbs of his tail wagging underneath him, seems like the dog enjoyed being tickled. “Awww you like it don’t you?” you teased with a smile as Dogday denied the tease very quickly “I do nohohohohot!” he cried out through his laughter. You couldn’t help but laugh with the dog as you tickled the poor thing. An evil idea came to mind as you slowly stopped and let the dog catch his breath “t-thank you angEHEHEHEHEHEL!!” the dog squealed with laughter as he suddenly felt you tickling him again. You smiled down at him as you began to very slowly count his ribs watching the dog crumble into a giggly mess “Angel plehehehehehehehease! No mohohohohohohohohore!” the dog cried out pushing at your hands but you stayed strong. “Oh Dogday! You made me lose count, now I have to start all over again! 1~ 2~” you began again as the dog begged through his giggles “nononohohohohoho! You don’t have to recohohohohount! I have 24 rihihihihibs!” he said trying to get out of his ticklish predicament. “Oh but I don’t know if your telling the truth puppy!” you teased giving him a new nickname as you watched the dog covered his beet red face with his ears flustered yet still laughing “don’t call me thahahahahahahahat!!” the critter whined flustered laughing. the critter whined flustered laughing. You slowly stopped you ticklish assault an let the dog breathe "th-thank you angel.." he panted as you laughed a bit. You lied beside the dog relaxing as you felt him spoon you while silence fell upon you two. "Angel?" Dogday asked breaking the silence as you hummed in response. “Are you ticklish?~”
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rikidaze · 13 days
Text
FIGHT FOR YOU ; LEE HEESEUNG
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lee heeseung x reader, fluff, gn!reader, the 'i can fight' trope lol
notes: heyyyyy
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“Heeseung, let me in,” you say sternly, arms crossed as you stand in front of his door.
“Look, I told you that I’m fine so you don’t have to do this,” Heeseung’s voice comes muffled from the front door of his house that sits in between you both. “Besides, I know how to treat myself, so you can go home before your parents find out and get angry at you.”
“No. I’m not leaving until you open this damn door,” you insist firmly. One thing Heeseung should have learned from the past year of meeting and dating you is that you are really stubborn when it comes to something you set your mind to; right now having him yield and let you in.
“Y/n, I said I’m fine,” Heeseung replies with a sigh, yet you hear a note of surrender in his voice as the door unlocks and opens up wide enough so that you can see a fraction of his face… and a black eye.
Your eyes widen, pushing the door open wider and letting yourself in. You carefully cup Heeseung’s face, finally being able to see his whole face up close. As you scan his face, you see minor cuts on his cheek. You take his hands into your own and notice how minor cuts are scattered across his knuckles.
“What happened? Who made you look like this?” You ask frantically, him wincing when your finger barely grazes over the fresh cut on his cheek.
Heeseung mumbles something, face turning scarlet in a split second.
You furrow your eyebrows. “What? Hee, you’re going to have to speak up. I can't hear you.”
“I said, someone commented something really nasty about you, so naturally, as your boyfriend, I had to stick up for you,” Heeseung explains, fiddling his thumbs together. “They didn’t want to stop, so things escalated, and… here I am.” This man even had the nerve to smile at you!
“Heeseung, I.. I know I should be flattered that you were willing to get into a fight for me, but all I’m thinking about is how much you’re in pain! Stay here, I’ll go get the first-aid kit,” you say, giving him the side eye as a warning for him not to exert himself. You grab the first aid kit from the bathroom swiftly and rush back, taking out a cotton pad and antiseptic.
Carefully, you dab the cotton pad on his cuts and bruises, Heeseung wincing occasionally when you brush deeper cuts. You unwrap a few bandages and place them on the cuts. “There,” you say softly, smiling at Heeseung. “All better.”
“Thanks, Y/n,” Heeseung mutters so softly that if you weren’t so close to him you wouldn’t have heard it. He puts his arms around your waist, resting his head on your chest, and sighed.
“Anytime, Hee,” you reply, caressing his hair tenderly. “Just… make sure this doesn’t happen again, okay? I’m really happy you stood up for me, but I’d rather not see you hurt anymore.”
“Mhm, okay, I know,” Heeseung agrees. “I just can’t help it, I guess. I can’t stand hearing people speak so lowly of you.” You sigh, not knowing what else to say. Instead, you silently turn and grab a set of new clothes for Heeseung to change into (you could hear him laugh at how shy you were, despite dating him for almost a year already).
“Come here, love,” Heeseung says and you swivel back around, laying down next to him as he pats it down for you, careful enough to not put too much pressure on his body. “You don’t have to worry about me too much, okay? I know my limits and how far I can go. Besides, what kind of boyfriend would I be to not even defend my own girlfriend?”
You giggle, hugging Heeseung’s torso. “Well, you would still be an amazing boyfriend because you’ve already done so much for me. Plus, does it really benefit me to see you all bruised up? No, so no more fights, okay?”
“Okay, okay, no more, I promise. But…” Heeseung draws out, and his tone of voice is so playful that you turn to him rapidly, already expecting something stupid to come out. “In order for me to keep your promise, you have to accompany me to eat ramen on the nights I want to,” he winks, and you start to protest but he interrupts. “Come on, just this time!”
He gives you puppy eyes that shine like stars, and once again, you surrender to his request. “Fine! Just… not too much, okay? It’s not good for your health if you eat ramen every day.”
“You sound like my mother,” Heeseung laughs, earning himself a glare. “But, yes. I promise to not eat it every day.”
You nod happily, content. “Now go to sleep. I know you must be really tired, Hee.”
“Mm,” he replies in a tired tone, as expected. “Goodnight, love.”
“Goodnight, Hee. Sleep well.”
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cowgurrrl · 1 year
Text
NFWMB
Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader 
Summary: What was it Bill said about protecting the ones we love? [1.5k]
Author’s note: I can’t stop writing and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem
Warnings: canonical type violence, treatment of injuries, reader being a badass because I said so, pre-Ellie Bellie
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He's limping when he walks through the door, his right foot dragging along his left as if it were a nuisance. You turn from where you're washing dishes to catch him trying right himself so he can pretend he's not hurt. The blood on his face and hands give him away more than anything else—anger and panic blossom in your chest as he looks at you with tired, regretful eyes. 
"Sit." You say, jerking your head in the direction of the kitchen table. You dry your hands on a towel before pulling the first aid kit off the fridge.
"It's nothing."
"You're bleeding. Sit," you double down, and he sighs before finally settling into a chair. You soak a rag in alcohol as you walk over to him, standing between his legs to get a good view of the cuts on his face. All things considered, he's not in horrible shape. Bruised and bloody, sure, but alive. He hisses when the rag touches his split eyebrow, and his hand grips the table. His scabbed knuckles break open, only adding to his pain and dripping blood down his hands. You slide the alcohol over to him, and he quickly takes a big swig. "Who did this?" 
"It was just a deal gone bad with a FEDRA officer." He says as he puts the bottle back down, the cut on his lip leaves blood on the rim of it. The idea of him getting beat down by FEDRA makes you want to scream. This is why you take someone with you on drops, you think. 
"Who?" 
"Stone." He finally gives you the name, and you give him a look. 
"I told you to stop doing deals with him."
"I had it under control."
"Sure looks like it," you say, grabbing his hand to hold the rag to his face as you grab a butterfly bandage. "And where is Stone now?"
"In the hospital. 'M pretty sure I broke his nose," he says smugly, and you hum in acknowledgment. He falls quiet as you take the rag from him to stick the bandage to his eyebrow. A noise of protest rumbles in his throat at the pressure, but then it's over. "I give it a week before he's crawling back for pills."
"He can go through withdrawal for all I fucking care." You mutter under your breath as you put your hand on his jaw, turning his face this way and that to get a better look at his injuries. He turns and kisses the inner part of your wrist. You would've melted if you weren't so pissed at the bruises blooming on his face. 
It's good that Stone is already in the hospital because otherwise, you would've marched out to find him. Joel may look scarier, but there's no limit to what you can do when rage pulses through your veins like this. He knows that. He's seen it happen a handful of times, and it's always right after he or Tess gets hurt on a drop. Something shifts within you, and suddenly there is no god out there more dangerous than you. Your enemies become less concerned about getting out alive and more about how fast you'll let them die. If Joel weren't so wrapped around your finger, he'd be terrified of you.
"I'm fine. I came back to you, didn't I?" He says, and you sigh. You step closer and kiss the top of his head, relishing in the feel of his curls brushing your face. His stained hands come up to rest on your waist, further grounding you in his presence. "I'll always come back to you. You don't need to worry about that, you hear me?"
"I hear you, and I love you," you say as you kiss him. He tastes like blood and whiskey. "Do you know when he'll get out of the hospital?" 
"Probably by the end of the week." He says as you pull his hands from your waist to wipe the fresh blood from his knuckles. You press around for broken bones as you think about the best way to ruin Stone's life. Joel doesn't wrench his hands from you, so you take that as a good sign.
"What do you think his wife will say when I tell her about the other girls he’s fucking when he's supposed to be out on patrol?" You ask, and it's his turn to give you a disapproving look. 
"Don't fuck with his family."
"He fucked with mine first." You snap, and he sighs. Big brown eyes bore into yours, but you're unflinching. A puff of air leaves his nose, and he smirks.
"Y'know, it's really not fair how hot you are when you're angry." The fire in your veins settles for just a moment, and you press your tongue into your cheek.
"Is that why you keep picking fights with FEDRA officers?" You tease as you throw the rag down on the table to squeeze your way up each of his arms, checking for broken bones.
"Somethin' like that," he shrugs as your hands fall to his ribs. “Are you tryin' to make a move on me? Because that'd just be inappropriate. I've just been beaten," He asks, and you laugh. He smiles at the sound and doesn't wince as you count each rib to ensure they're intact. He stands once you're satisfied that nothing's broken and snags his fingers through your belt loops to pull you flush against him. The world seems to still as his heart beats against yours, and your panic dies in your throat. He kisses you firmly like he's trying to prove how okay he is. Your hands thread through his hair, and he groans when you tug at his roots. The sound makes you dizzy, and you want to hear it again and again. "Don't tell his wife just yet. We'll need leverage over him in the future." He says against your lips, making you pull away. He looks defeated, and you squint at him.
"Were you trying to distract me so I would forget about Stone?"
"Was it working?"
"Miller," you scold. "So, you just want me to do nothing and let him get away with it?"
"That's not what I'm saying. We're gonna make him sweat. Tell him we haven't gotten any shipment in. Withdrawal makes him desperate, and once he's desperate enough, we give him half of what we normally do but charge him double. Make him rely on us more. We might even get some new guns out of it, but we can't do that if he's fuckin' dead." He explains, and you roll your eyes. He's right. You hate that he's right, but he is.
"Fine, but I swear to God, Joel, if he puts his hands on you again-"
"I will hand you the gun myself. Okay?" He asks, and you nod. "Good. Now, can we please talk about something else? I have a surprise for you."
"A surprise?"
"I was gonna make it all romantic, but that went to shit." He says as he lets go of you and reaches for his backpack. You watch as he rummages through his stuff until he pulls out a big brown bag and hands it to you. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion until you open it, and the sweet aroma of coffee smacks you in the face. There's so much of it. The bag has to be at least half a pound. You didn't even know that there was this much coffee left in the world, let alone that Joel would find a way to get some. You take one bean between your shaky fingers and dig a nail into it, grounds collecting under your nail.
"Holy shit, these are real," you breathe, and he nods. "What'd you trade for this?"
"You don't want to know."
"You can tell me if you whored yourself out for coffee beans. I would do the same thing." You say, and he laughs.
"I'll remember that for next time," He says, making you smile. You glance between the coffee beans and him and take a deep breath. Even though it's small and stupid and probably costs more than they're worth, the idea of Joel going out of his way simply so you two could share coffee in the mornings makes your heart swell. Twenty years ago, sitting on a porch somewhere and drinking it first thing in the morning may have been your norm, but it never meant as much as it does right now. You carefully put the bag on the table before wrapping him in a hug. "Was that a good surprise?" He asks softly, like he's afraid if he says it too loud, the world will crumble around us. You nod and kiss his shoulder.
"It's perfect. Thank you." 
The beans will probably be gone by the end of the month, and it will probably be another two years before we get an opportunity to trade for them again, but this feeling in your chest will keep you warm for much longer than any cup of coffee could. It's almost enough to forget that the world is falling apart outside, and someone tried to take him away from you today. Almost.
Give me my last paragraph back or give me death
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demonmarker · 14 days
Text
Beautiful with you Ch.3
So I'm going to have to post this in two parts cause apparently there's a character limit for each post so I'll link the second part under the fic. Thank you everyone for the likes and reblogs I love how much you guys are liking this story. Hope you enjoy
Trigger warnings: Mention of death, scars and lots of smut
Ch.1 Ch.2
You let out an exhausted sigh as you open the door for Nina, Regina and tail-wagging Alexander. Nina walks in, holding gently onto Alexander’s collar; she wasn’t too much taller than him so when she was down or exhausted he would aid her in just getting to her destination. You hold out your arm gesturing for Regina to go first, “Such a gentleman,” smiling that smile that only Regina George can. “With what you date, it’s not hard”….And the smile was gone from her face and now on yours as she glared at you. Your home was just that, a home, it wasn’t fancy or that big but you put pride in making it a safe, loving environment for Nina to grow up in. While most of the students at North Shore had their TikTok feeds show them the latest music and popular trends, yours was full of storage DIY tips and tricks, mum hacks for keeping the little ones happy, and the occasional sketchbook tour from artists with styles you like. “Well this is… cosy” Regina commented standing in the middle of the lounge room which opened up into the kitchen. You hook Nina’s bag up on the back of the front door, looking Regina’s way “Expecting a mansion like your own?” you walk past her to Nina. You could practically feel the mocking face she was making behind your back as you were bending down to Nina, and Nina’s precious giggles while looking behind you confirmed it, you rolled your eyes but kept a closed smile on your face so Nina knew you guys were joking… kind of. “How about you go put on your comfy clothes Princess and I’ll make you a snack?” As an answer Nina takes off running, one arm up in the air like a flying superhero while just announcing “FOOD!” in what you could only call her food goblin voice. “And let Alexander outside for a potty break please,” from down the hall you hear “Urgh fine,” in a tone like you were asking the world of her. You stand back up to your full height and give Regina a dirty look, “She’s known you for barely more than an hour and I’m already getting attitude.” Regina scrunched up her nose with a proud smile, “We have a bond.” Trying to rub it in your face. All you could do was shake your head and start making snacks.
Three episodes of Bluey and a PB&J later and little Nina was sound asleep on Regina’s lap. Regina motioned to the TV with an open palm, while you gathered the small unconscious body into your arms, “This show is just downright amazing! Bingo is so cute she reminds me so much of me” spoken proudly by the blond. You scoff, “Oh please, you are Muffin through-and-through. Spoilt and cranky.” You acted like you didn’t take notice of Regina’s dropped jaw, but inside you were pissing yourself laughing. You tuck a still comatose Nina into her bed and ever so gently brush the hair from her closed eyes, leaning down to lightly kiss her forehead, Alexander splayed out down at the end of the little one’s bed like he does every day and night. You pat his head which he nuzzles into “Come get me when she wakes up, okay Bud?” Turning to leave you see Regina leaning against the doorframe witnessing the whole thing, she didn’t say anything as she moved out of the way as you slowly close Nina’s door, leaving it slightly ajar. You both walk back out into the kitchen in silence, you do as to not wake Nina, Regina however because of the question she wanted to ask. You start tidying up the small mess left from the snack eating when Regina spoke up, “Hey, can I ask you something?”
You knew what it was going to be. Letting out a large sigh you signal Regina to follow you. In for a penny, in for pound they say, and Regina was in for a heavy load. You lead her into your room and close the door behind you, there wasn’t a large chance of Nina waking but you can’t take any risks with this, she’s been through enough. You motion for Regina to take a seat on your Queen-sized bed, which she does and you sit next to her, taking and releasing one last large breath you let Regina in on everything. “We don’t have parents. Well at least not anymore.” You reach under the bed and pull out a large cardboard box and hand it to Regina who slowly opens it. She pulls out a yellowed newspaper dated back over three years ago, the main story, ‘Drunk driver crashes into family of 4 - kills 2 critically injured 1’, Regina’s hand covers her mouth in devastation while looking over the large picture of what was your family’s car turned into a scrap heap, crumpled into half its normal size. “I can’t remember the accident, I can’t remember the year leading up to it either.” Regina turns over the page and whimpers and her eyes land on a picture of a younger you with a purposefully blurred-out large piece of shrapnel sticking out of your right rib, little Nina can be seen screaming with a bloodied up head. Regina’s eyes scrunched as she saw the position you were pinned in, her head turning this way and that, trying to make sense of it, her face going pale, expression dropping as it clicked. “You shielded Nina.” She whispered looking at you, but you couldn’t do the same as the tears started falling silently from your eyes, you stare up at the ceiling trying to blink them away.
“I-.” your voice gets caught in your throat “I get flashes of the lights coming towards my side of the car, I still can hear my Mum’s scream before the impact but that’s it. That’s all I can remember.” You let out a sob you were trying so hard to hold back “I can’t remember being told I had a little sister for the first time, it’s just gone.” Regina sets aside the newspaper and gets down on her knees in front of you “May I?” her eyes go to the affected rib. With a sniffle, you nod silently, not able to meet her eyes. She reaches for the hem of your black long sleeve and slowly pushes it up, you help her by just taking the whole shirt off in the end. Her eyes went wide with shock as she sees the scarred flesh take up half of your toned stomach and stretch all the way round to the other side of your back. Without thinking Regina leans in, kissing all around the old wound, a soft moan leaving your lips as your hand instinctively tangles into her long blond hair, whispering her name. When she hears her name on your lips she lifted her head from your midsection to push hers against yours, her lips so soft against your own you subconsciously hoped that you’d be able to spend the rest of your life kissing these lips. The kissing was heating up and you found yourself reaching to lift Regina on top of your lap straddling you. You both continue to kiss once more, Regina starting to slowly grind herself on your thighs, reaching up to release your long dark hair from the hairband that held it up, twirling your long strands around her fingers, tugging your head back to expose your neck for her to feast on with her lips, licking from your collar bone all the way up to your jaw line, releasing a moan from your throat Regina pulls back “You know the colour system right?”, It took you a little bit to register what she was talking about since you were out of it from the arousal she stirred up inside you, but you eventually nodded “Of course,” “Good” Without warning you were pushed back onto the bed, Regina moving off you to start unbuttoning your jeans “Colour?”
Pt2
@dark-hunter16 @natashamaximoff-69
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bellezaycafe · 3 months
Text
Get Your Shit Together - Chapter 4
genre: 2024 Season AU
pairing: there will be romance but I haven't finalised who yet. platonic! oc x literally the whole grid.
warnings: lots swearing, major car accident, mentions of broken bones, blood and hospitals. A lot of shit happens. Limited knowledge of Silverstone or how the structure of their emergency response on track works.
context: Sadie, a 20 year old university student from Melbourne, decided to take a gap year and volunteer at 2 Formula One races in different countries.
Sadie's Faceclaim: Maia Mitchell (but you can visualise her howver you want :) )
comments: ...prepare for pain. I'm not sorry. I did speak to a doctor friend, and Sadie continuing with her injuries is plausible.
Part 1 | Masterlist
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----$----
“Fuck me, it’s a bit cold,” Sadie complained to the middle-aged paramedic beside her.
“Is it too cold for the Australian kid?” Mark laughed.
Sadie turned to him, looked up and frowned. “Not a kid, fuck you.”
Mark laughed again and tried to pat her on the head, which Sadie swatted away.
“Let’s just hope today’s race is dry,” he said after a moment.
Sadie nodded, stray wisps of her dark brown hair loosely flying around her face in the breeze.
Silverstone, in June, was the same temperature as Sadie’s home town in September, just leaving winter into spring.
“This is not summer weather,” she whined.
“You volunteered, kid,” Joe reminded her.
“I know, I know.”
“Where have they placed you?”
“Medics at turn 13. That’s Stowe, right?”
“Yeah. It can be a dangerous one. But you’re with my older brother Keith, so you’ll be fine.”
"How is it in the wet?"
"Worse, but the drivers are in safe hands."
----$----
Sadie paced as she watched 18 -Pierre Gasly and Oscar Piastri had sent each other out early in the race- of the best drivers in the world speed past.
“Sadie,” Keith called, “you should sit down.”
“I’m more anxious when I sit,” she replied without taking her eyes off the track. The track that was getting wetter and wetter as the minutes past.
"Mark said to let you pace and I will, but nothing is going to happen," the grey-haired man reassured.
Sadie sent him a kind smile but didn't reply out loud.
It was a good thing she didn’t. They might have missed it.
Two Red Bulls, the McLaren and a Mercedes flew into view. The McLaren, Lando's McLaren, clipped the back wheel of Lewis Hamilton's Mercedes, sending a shower of debris into the misting rain.
Lando's car spun, twice and then slammed into the wall side on. Lewis spun once but managed to pull his car to a spot in the gravel before it could collide with anything.
Sadie was out the door, pulling on her mandatory helmut and grabbing a first aid kit before Keith was out of his chair.
"Go to the McLaren!" Keith shouted to her as he followed with another kit. "I'll take the Merc!"
She didn't acknowledge his order but followed it without hesitation. She jumped the barrier, her gaze locked on the fluro yellow helmet. The helmet that was barely moving.
"Lando," she shouted as she reached the car. "Are you okay?"
"No!" His voice came as a strangled croak, barely loud enough for her to hear him.
She dropped the first aid kit and grabbed the steering wheel he was holding out.
"You will be, we're here." She stated. "Can you get out?"
Sadie didn't breathe as Lando cried out. "My foot!" he wailed. "My ankle!"
"Okay, take a deep breath, Lando. Push yourself up with you arms. You're strong, mate. Push."
She didn't know what she was saying. She was running on instinct and adrenaline. Purely, instinct and adrenaline.
Get them off the track, Mark's voice rang in her head. Get them somewhere safe.
Lando hoisted himself onto the halo and Sadie saw his ankle bent at an unnatural angle. She couldn't let it show on her face.
"Alright, Lando swing to me. Swing around."
He did so, wobbling dangerously.
"Drop onto your right foot, I'm here."
Cars sped past, the flag only yellow.
Lando didn't drop onto his feet, he fell from the car and into Sadie. She was lucky she had braced herself as she caught him.
He screamed in pain as his ankle hit the ground.
"Lando, my name is Sadie. I've got you now, do not put your right foot on the ground. I'm gonna get you to the medical tent."
"Sadie? Melbourne Sadie?" He whimpered. He couldn't stop making small sounds of pain.
She opened his visor, met his watercolour eyes. She knew her helmet had no visor, knew he could see her eyes.
"Yes, Lando, it's Melbourne Sadie. I've got you now, we've got to get you off the track."
She hauled his left arm over her shoulders and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Walk with me Lando. That's it, with your right foot. Good. You're gonna be okay, mate. It's just a scratch."
Sadie still hadn't registered what she was saying, or the fact that Lando was leaning almost all of his weight on her.
Her head snapped up at the sound of approaching cars. With hands firmly on his waist, Sadie slipped out from under his left arm and placed herself under his right.
She put herself between him and the oncoming cars. She didn't know what might happen, hadn't thought about it. She hadn't thought at all.
It was Perez's Red Bull that struck the McLaren or Mercedes debris. More debris flew through the rain, some thing off all three cars. Sadie pulled Lando tighter into her and shielded him as she continued to pull him towards the closest exit.
Pain tore though Sadie's adrenaline. Her right side, both arm and leg. She stumbled, barely, but right herself and Lando cried out in pain again.
She knew two things, do not stop and do not let the pain stop you.
"I've got you Lando, you're going great. Keep going!"
"Sadie," he whimpered. "Fuck. My ankle, Sadie, my car."
"I know, Lando, I know. You're going to be okay. Your car will be fine, you will be okay."
"Fuck," he whimpered again.
"Keep going, pretty boy. Don't put that left foot on the ground. You're gonna be okay, pretty boy."
More hands joined hers and pulled Lando over the barrier. She didn't register who it was, only that he was on the other side and being treated. She heard a lot of swearing, she heard someone call her name.
She looked up to see Lando staring at her leg. He was laying down, on an ambulance stretcher.
"Sadie," he croaked, his eyes rising to hers.
She didn't look down, a part of her knew she didn't want to know. Sadie kept his eye contact as she tried to stand upright. "I'm okay, Lando. I'm okay." She reassured.
Some one stepped into her line of sight and she lost view of his face. They hauled him into the waiting ambulance.
"Fuck, kid." She recognised that voice.
She turned, limped around to face Mark.
"Mark, Lando he's -" He recognised her voice, just as she had his. She was still wearing the medic's helmet.
"Sadie, your leg. You've-" He stepped forwards and pulled a chair with him.
"I don't know," she whispered. She couldn't be louder, she tried to say it louder but it was the same whispered, "I don't know. I haven't looked."
The paramedic rushed to her, placing the chair beneath her as her right leg gave out.
"Don't look," he muttered. "You're gonna be okay, but you can't look."
Someone handed him gauze and bandages. Another handed him saline and scissors.
Lewis stepped into Sadie's quickly narrowing line of sight.
"Oh my god," he exclaimed.
When Sadie saw him, she remembered what she'd done. She thought about what she'd done.
The crash. Catching Lando. Essentially dragging him off the track. Putting herself between him and the cars. Her leg. She didn't know the damage but her leg was on fire.
"Sir," she breathed. "Lewis, my helmet, please."
"Oh my god, kid. They're gonna look after you, okay?" He dropped to his knees next to her, leaving his own helmet in the dust.
"I know," she croaked as he undid the straps at her chin. "It's not that. The media- Lewis, hide me from the media. Please."
That's when Lewis recognised Sadie. Her brown hair was plastered to her pale face. Her brown eyes were wide with fear.
"Oh shit. Okay kid, yeah. They'll never know your name, they'll never see your face. I swear it, kid. I promise."
Someone handed her a green piece of plastic. The green whistle. Pain relief, and a very strong one.
He last words before the high kicked in were, "Lewis, please. No reports, no one can know it was me."
Needless to say, the rest of the day was a blur. She barely remembered the ambulance ride, getting the piece of Formula One car embedded in her thigh taken out or the stitches in her arm and leg.
It was all over the news.
Medic gets stabbed with shrapnel while helping driver Lando Norris.
Norris out of SIlverstone GP: The Medic Who Saved Him.
Two in hospital after dangerous crash at Silverstone.
But Sadie's name was never written. Every reporter was baffled at the disappearance of her identity.
----$----
Lewis had gone to Max that evening, before the winner had the chance to go out.
"It was the Melbourne volunteer," he'd told him in his hotel room. "The medic in hospital, it was Sadie."
Max's face snapped towards Lewis. He'd been making Lewis a coffee, but it was abandoned.
"What happened? Is she okay?"
Lewis shrugged, shadows passing over his face. "I don't know, man. I- Her leg was bad."
"Fuck," Max muttered. "How did it happen?"
Lewis rubbed his face with his hands. "I don't know that either. I didn't see it. It's what happens now that I want to talk about. I need your help."
Max froze. Lewis knew why, he'd never asked Max for help before. They were friendly, finally, but they weren't close.
"She begged me, Max, begged me, to keep her name out of the media. So far, so good but I need your influence in the paddock. You still have the unpredictable 'Mad Max' reputation to some people. I need you to use it."
He nodded and there was an understanding between the champions. Sadie had protected their friend, maybe saved his career if some of the initial reports were true, and it was their turn to protect her.
"I don't why she was so desperate. She was begging me. She had a piece of fucking metal sticking out of her goddamn leg and she was begging me to hide her from the media."
"it doesn't matter," Max stated. His eyes were dark as he search his contacts for a name. "It doesn't get out. Her name appears no where."
They would protect her.
----$----
I'm not sorry. I hope you enjoyed! Feedback in welcome :)
Taglist (never thought I'd write one of these, I'm very happy to):
@snubug
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ebaylee422 · 8 months
Text
Landside
Billy X GF!Reader
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Authors Note: We want a scared Dad Billy? Yeah we’re gonna get one.
AU Summary - This is if Billy didn’t ‘actually' die during Season 3. He’s been with the group for a year, even aiding them against Vecna Season 4. Everyone who fell victim to Vecna was trapped in the Upside Down, including but not limited to Barb, Billy (ofc), Bob, Chrissy, Eddie, Jason, etc You get the idea. They all still bear the weight of what happened to all of them. It’s like they were raised from the dead if you will. This fic takes place maybe five years later? So 1990-91 ish
Warnings/Tags: Smut, Unplanned pregnancy, family trauma, name-calling between friends. Fixing everything and any death post season 4, lots of Steddie and Ronance, Talk of body issues, pregnancy fears, fear of not being good enough, Physical violence in the form of threats or thrown objects.
Word Count: 7.8k
I come up from doing a few laps in the pool, stepping up the stairs. Billy walked towards me with a towel in hand.
“Looking good out there Ms. Y/L/N.” I smirk, taking the towel from his hands, dabbing at the water on my face and hairline.
“Thank you,”
“Perfect form, and that suit is marvelous.” he winks.
“Well your form is marvelous,” I say making him blush, “I mean, you are a great teacher, teaching lessons to the kids-”
“You know, I could uh. I could teach you if you like?”
“Oh?”
“Yes, well, I know all the styles.” he looked me up and down, opening a piece of gum. Setting his free hand to follow the strap of the bikini dangerously close to cupping my breast. “Free style, um Butterfly, and Breast stroke.” I watch him breach his soft lips slipping the gum into his mouth, accidentally dropping the towel in my hands.
“Oops.” I bend over, picking up the towel slowly. So he can see the arch of my back and the space between my bathing suit and breasts. “I didn’t know you offered adult lessons.”
“Well you know, I offer advanced lessons to a select clientele. Come to think of it, there's a good pool out at uh, Motel 6 on Cornwallis. Very quiet, you know, very private. Should we say tonight, 8 o’clock.”
“Wouldn’t this be the 4th time this week Mr. Hargrove? I don’t think there’s anything left to teach me.” I brush my hands on his chest toying with the whistle around his neck.
“Oh you see that’s where you're wrong I think there are plenty of things left to do. I just don’t think I’ve pushed you hard enough.” leaning into the tease, brushing up my arm leaving goosebumps even in the damp heat of summer.
“Well I need to-”
“It will be the workout of your life.” he cut me off,
“I will need your help deciding what to wear, you have such impeccable taste.” I ran my hand down my side over the hem of the swim bottoms, knowing it drove him crazy looking at the light trail of hair disappearing into my swim bottoms along my pelvis.
“A tease you are,” he pulls my waist to him, kissing me deeply for everyone at the pool to see how taken we are with each other. My fingertips dip into his waistband, distracting him while my tongue dips into his mouth, snatching the gum and pulling back quickly. "Oh a thief too, I see your game." I blow a bubble, smacking the gum and twisting out of his arms to hold his hands.
“Gotta hit the showers, California, perhaps a rain check? I’ll find you before I leave!” winking and popping the gum one last time, skipping to cool off from the hot sun in the women's locker room. 
Grabbing a fresh towel and some soap from my locker I pull the curtain taut. Letting the water run over my suit, unsticking it with all the chlorine and sunscreen. Hanging it on the hook, tying my hair up and washing my body. Just when there’s suds' coating my eyes I hear someone pull the curtain open,
“This one’s taken!” I hide my body against the wall, trying to wash out the soap when the curtain closes again. Getting frustrated I vigorously put water in my eyes, hearing wet steps. A hand covers my mouth so I can’t scream, turning me around quickly to the haughty chuckle. Billy stands smiling wildly, “What do you think you're doing!” I smack at his chest, he shushes my protest, kissing down my throat creating a bee-line to my chest. Instinctively I hook my arms around his neck, looking down to see he’s also completely naked. “You're supposed to be working, go away.” I hum as he kisses the tops of my breasts.
“But your breasts are so amazing and all soapy. God, have they gotten bigger? My girls, all pretty and sensitive.” he whines on my neck, “and I know you didn’t just buy a suit I wanted, tease me with it. Not wanting me to fuck you, oh not my doll! What have you done with her?!” I laugh as he shakes me, hands on the middle of my spine.
“Okay well then it worked better than I thought, I guess actions speak louder-” he was hammering the spot on my neck that gives my stomach butterflies, “Billy-” I whine.
“Yes? Anything for you.” he looked up, with those gorgeous blue eyes pupils of black onyx swallowing the ocean with lust.
“B, I don’t feel too good...” I pout,
“Well then, let me make you feel so much better, huh? Let Billy take care of you. I'll make you feel better, and damn you smell so good, Indiana.” He doesn’t push my limits by forcing himself on me, just showering me with love in his way of physical contact.
"Billy-..."
"What hurts baby?"
"My back, and I'm nauseous." I hold onto him, playing with his St. Christopher’s necklace under the cool water.
"Well I could blow your back out for ya and buy you dinner afterwards. A nice corn dog and push pop from concessions?"
"You're not helping. You corn dog."
"Correction, it's horn dog." He blows a raspberry along my neck, correcting me.
“Billy! Someone will hear us!” I laugh, running my hand through his wet locks.
“Nope paid that one kid five bucks to scare anyone off, think his name is Ben. Maybe Benson?”
“There’s a teenager outside the woman’s shower room scaring people away so you can fuck me?”
“No, I locked the door and put one of the shower chairs under the handle!”
“Hmm, might take me a little more convincing.” I tease, pushing his shoulders down for him to kneel in front of me. He winks holding onto the backs of my thighs.
“God damn, doll.” He nuzzles his nose along the seam of my cunt, lifting one of my legs to hook over his shoulder. “So fucking wet f’ me, huh?”
“Yes...” I moan when he licks a trail from my entrance to my clit sucking the button into his mouth to roll it over his tongue. He looks up at me as two of his fingers split my folds curling them inside me.
“Shit Billy, ‘M close.” I pant holding the back of his head as he licks my cunt like his favorite ice cream flavor. He pulls off suddenly standing, retreating his fingers from my cunt to circle my clit.
“Want to feel you cum on my cock, doll. Get me there.” He commands, thrusting his swollen and leaky cock against my thigh. I grasp him, rolling in matching circles with my thumb along the tip.
My head thumps the tile wall and we giggle at the noise.
“You okay?” He holds me cheek in his free hand then threading his fingers into my soaked hair.
“Yeah, want you.” I whisper, kissing his lips with bruising passion. He takes himself from my hand lining up with my entrance. Holding my other leg against his hip now so I’m spread open for him. He puts my hand between our bodies above my clit,
“Rub your clit for me, not gonna last long in your pretty pussy.” I whimper at the thought, he kisses me deeply as he pushes inside. My walls have to re-stretch around his girth every time. My free hand accidentally scratches along his back as he pounds into me. He pants into my mouth as he picks up speed, I squeeze around him cumming with a soft cry of his name. That sends him over the edge. I can feel the first wave of his hot load as he pushes himself deeper inside. 
Billy drops my leg, rubbing at my hip and holding me upright as we come down from our high. He kisses along my collarbone as he reaches for my body wash. We spend a few minutes in peaceful post orgasm, treasuring each other’s bodies before he speaks.
“Feel better, doll?” Billy whispers like an unspoken confession.
“A little, thank you honey.” I turn off the water after we clean ourselves off, he dries off by shaking out his hair like a dog. Pelting me with water droplets in the process.
“What?” He acts innocent as I dry my arms and legs, “I’m going back to the pool anyway.” He hands me a towel allowing me to dress moderately dry. Giving up his water after his guided workout, I take one sip before being hauled over his shoulder.
“Billy!” I yell as he grabs my bag from the hook, moving the chair from the door.
“What? I promised my girl some dinner!” He smacks my ass when he walks down the hall to concessions.
“Billy put me down, I’m too heavy!” I groan, getting nauseous from the pressure on my abdomen. He sets me down on the counter cutting the line completely, getting one of his close friends Heather’s attention in the process. 
“Horseshit, you’re fucking light if anything and beautiful no matter what. You could turn green and I’d still do ya.” Heather and I audibly cringe at him.
“Regular for both of you?” she asks leaning over the counter
���Yeah, three corn dogs and a large coke with-”
“With mustard I know!” She goes to the single fryer, dropping them in.
“Have you tipped her today?” I ask him, pinching his waist.
“Ow, hey we both work here. I might as well give her some of my paycheck with the amount of food we trade.”
“Trade?” I raise my eyebrow in disbelief “Billy it is your responsibility as the straight white man to empower the women in your life. Be better.”
“Yeah ass-wipe, be a good civil servant and pay me.” Heather leans over handing me a paper cup of Coke with a straw.
“Stuff it dyke.” I gasp smacking him in the chest, “Ow!”
“Bite me lunkhead.” She fires back at him, they flip each other off like children.
“You two are terrible to each other.” I groan, sliding off the counter when she sets the bag down next to us.
“Hey Y/N, are you coming to the tailgate tonight with everyone?” She asks, tearing a twister with her teeth.
“Um, I don’t know yet. We’ll call you tonight if we can’t make it. Right Bills?” I look at him looking for a way out of it.
“No babe we gotta. We’re hosting the after party at our place with everyone. So I can keep an eye on Max.”
“Don’t go all psycho big brother on her, she’s in high school Billy.” They start to argue about what they were exposed to at young ages and with Max’s condition Billy argues she could be taken advantage of. I feel dizzy as they argue, leaning onto Billy’s shoulder for support.
“You can’t say shit because you are an only child, huh?” Billy pulls me closer by my waist, trying to have me side with him. “Doll, you okay?”
“Huh? Just got really sleepy, I think I should nap and pick up the apartment before we have a bunch of our friends and family over.” I kiss his cheek, “I’ll see you at home?”
“Yeah of course, you want me to walk you to the car?” Billy asks worriedly, pressing a kiss to my temple and hugging me tightly goodbye.
“No it’s okay, have a good shift guys. I’ll see you tonight!” I wave leaving the food and cola with Billy. I drive home quickly and pass out on the couch immediately blaming it on the Hawkins heatwave.
I woke up a couple hours later to dishes clanking together and whispered song lyrics. Stretching my aching muscles, I stand seeing a blanket thrown over my lap. Smiling, I walk into our kitchenette to see Billy with his Walkman on full blast, before he can see me. My stomach gurgles and I race to the bathroom, throwing up an empty stomach of Water and Cola. I sit on the floor for a moment dizzy, dry heaving a few times. Noticing I’d knocked over a box of tampons that were unopened. My heart drops as I try to piece together when I’d had my last period.
“Shit...” I scramble off the bathroom floor going into the bedroom with my purse with my planner and address book. By the book it could’ve been anywhere from 7 to 9 weeks ago. It’s not like Billy and I’s sex life isn’t consistent, and birth control wasn’t something I could feel good about. We agreed to use condoms and suffer any consequences if that happened. Last time this happened was in Highschool, Billy took me to the clinic and they gave me something called Danazol or something like that. Everything turned out okay then, but we were older now this really had consequences now if I was truly pregnant.
“Y/N? Where are you at doll?” Billy yells down the hallway, dragging his feet and hitting his hip on the hall table like always. I look at myself in my vanity mirror and quickly wipe my eyes clean. Running into the closet before he steps inside the room. 
“Picking out my outfit for tonight!” I answer back, clearing my throat.
“Oh yeah?” Billy comes around the corner, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Does that mean my girl is gonna give me a little show?” He chuckles.
“Unless you wanna be late to the tailgate? Not again, hot stuff.” I turn out of his arms, looking in our shared dresser for pants.
“Ooo you should wear those black Levi’s your butt looks good in.” He thinks, always having the more trendy style out of the two of us.
“Okay what shirt? I don't want to get too hot.” I add taking the high waisted Levi’s out, with a tired huff.
“I’d say none because you’re already smoking-” Billy teases
“Billy please, you are the one who got me into this mess. Please help me.”
“Okay, I’m sorry for finding you the best thing in my life so violently attractive.” He pleads and pouts “Forgive me, and definitely that solid red crop you wear to the bars.”
“I wear that to show off my boobs and get us free drinks.”
“Exactly, you look great in it.” I scoff, grabbing the clothes and some fresh under clothes.
“Are you ready to go?” I asked him from the bathroom, happy he didn’t look too closely at my facial expressions. Billy has a way with prying things out of people, part of the endless Casanova charm.
“Hell yeah got and eight pack and Munson and that other tall dude are bringing the dobie. We are all set.” He goes on about the plans tonight as I get ready in the bathroom. Looking under the sink after I change my clothes I look for a spare test. Always having some cheap ones lying around for myself or friends. Hitting a particular box with my hand I take it out and go to pee. Setting it on the counter while adding a hint of makeup and volume to my hair.
“Almost ready, Bills.” I call out, waiting longer than three minutes. I close my eyes and flip over the test on the counter. Taking a deep steadying breath in through my nose and out through my mouth. My neck sweats as I slowly open my eyes, looking down. I gasp, loud enough it worries Billy.
“Babe?”
“Sorry accidentally stabbed my eye with the mascara wand!” I say the first thing that comes to mind, cringing as I hold my hand over my mouth.
“Okay we let's get going Indiana, we can’t keep my fans waiting.” He laughs, starting to open the bathroom door. I scramble throwing the test into the medicine cabinet and shutting the mirror.
“Yeah, let’s go!” Billy dips in for a kiss,
“You look beautiful.”
“I look like a sl-”
“No, do you like it?” He asks honestly, I nod my head. He’s matched with cut offs and a Def Leppard muscle tee. “Then you're perfect. Grab your purse doll. I’ll go start the car.”
I smile sighing in relief, wrapping the test in toilet paper and burying it in the trash. Locking the door behind us, Billy already has his new muscle car running. A 1985 Camaro IROC-Z in his signature blue color. The drive to the large run down lot where Star Court had burned down. Gives you shivers thinking about when I lost him for nearly a whole year. He has a hand on my thigh as he pulls up next to Steve’s burgundy BMW. Robin and Nancy immediately separate us, taking me away to get each of us a drink.
“Girls, Jesus hang on a second!” I laugh barely able to get my seat belt off before I’m dragged to Argyle’s Van. 
“Hey there pretty ladies Johnny boy has the drinkies in the front seats.” He says as him and Jonathan’s head hang off the side of the out back doors. They are already toasted.
“Got any Coke?” I ask
“Which kind?” I hear a scruffy voice behind me, turning to see Eddie. I hug him tightly,
“Eddie!” I shriek, swallowing down tears in my eyes as Steve stands awkwardly next to him. I pull him into my next hug “Stevie! When did you morons get home?”
“Couple hours ago, Eddie just sold a few songs to a up and coming band in Texas?”
“Yeah, Pantera? Plus another to Warrant again, they should release their new album sometime this fall.” Eddie confirms a little smug,
“Wow good for you, babes.” I smack Eddie’s bare shoulder, feeling someone’s hands wrap around my waist and sniff my hair obnoxiously. “Billy...” I squirm feeling cold beverages in his hands.
“Hello gentlemen, see you’ve reunited with my lover.” His breath reeks of cheap beer already making my stomach turn upside-down.
“Sure have, wanna bum me a smoke like old times?” Eddie shakes Billy’s hand, Steve and Billy share a nod, still not fully healing their relationship quite yet.
“Go hang out with the guys, the girls and I are gonna mingle with some distant friends.” I encourage him, he gives me the ice cold coke he got for me before heading off with them.
“Okay Y/N,” Robin slurs a little, holding onto Nancy’s hand “now I wouldn’t say I’m an expert on breasts more a connoisseur.”
“Because you like judging people” Nancy laughs,
“Shush, baby. We’re all friends here but babes what are you doing differently? You look so hot, right now!” Robin holds her hands out like she’s trying to convince Nancy and I.
“Just a-” I freeze watching Nancy’s eyes narrow, like she does when she is trying to solve a puzzle. Damn Nancy Drew acting Wheeler.
“Just... What?” Robin asks a little loud, we both shush her.
“I’m late.”
“Late?” Robin looks at her girlfriend quizzically,
“How late?” Nancy’s eyes nearly burst out of her skull, Robin nods along with her eyes squinted.
“The positive kind.” You try to hint to both of them, Robin now bobbing along to the music as she drinks from her solo cup.
“Shit, does Billy know?”
“I took the test before we left, I don’t know what to do.”
“Does he want kids?”
“Yes, no? Shit maybe? We’re just in a really good place right now so I’m nervous.” I shrug, and Nancy hugs me. Robin turns around randomly and then runs towards Steve as he goes to get another beer.
“Everything will be okay, we’re here for you.” She takes my arm and we walk around mingling and chasing Robin away from the trunks with beer pong set up on them after she talks to Steve. 
He walks back over to the guys, Billy is catching up with Heather when Steve whispers something into Eddie’s ear.
“Yeah right, I’m gonna school your ass when we get to my place.” Billy yells at Heather as she walks towards you and the other girls. 
Steve clears his throat, Eddie looks at him oddly. Steve nods towards Billy, Eddie’s brows furrow as he sighs.
“Hey, Billy you're okay with Y/N dressing like that?” Eddie lowly wolf whistles, at the sight of her. Steve knocks on his head with his beer bottle.
“Um hello? I’m right here.” Steve rolls his eyes, Eddie knocks his shoulder, spilling his beer a little on his shirt. Billy laughs when Steve glares back, taking a long drag of his smoke and blowing it in the opposite direction of his friends.
“I picked out her outfit, I know how to fight. Y/N can wear whatever she wants.” Billy says, simply through his exhale.
“Okay man but... Stevie over here did win in ‘84. Just saying.” Eddie says critically, through his teeth, holding his hands up in surrender.
“Hey fuck off Scarface.” Billy scoffs as Steve interjects, wrapping an arm around his very not sober boyfriend's waist.
“Look Hargrove, Eds is just saying Y/N/N has filled out a bit this summer and is getting a little unwarranted attention.” Steve points the neck of his beer bottle to the ex-basketball team, all a bunch of high school rejects still living in their parents basement as they get fatter and older.
“Oh come on, they’re too scared of me to mess with my girl. I came back from the dead remember?” Billy wiggles his spare fingers while oooing and ahhing like a ghost. Eddie laughs at that, knocking their beers together while Steve’s headaches at the idiocracy.
The sun sets and a majority of the adults who have to work in the morning leave. While a majority of the high schoolers stay together drinking the now warm beer, most of our group also sticking close together about starting college or jobs in the fall. Billy and I reunited shortly after to head over to the apartment first, Lucas and Max sat in the back seat of the car as I drove, being the only sober one.
“I totally could’ve driven, I only had a few beers.”
“And smoked a joint with the guys.” I add turning down the music,
“What can't I bond with my little sister's boyfriend?”
“I had one puff, I doubt I’ll even feel anything.”
“One puff was enough, you already drank tonight Lucas.” Max says kindly, 
“Pfft you girls worry too much, right Sinclair?” Billy holds out his fist for Lucas to bump it. He laughs a little too hard when Billy tries to yank him forward.
“Don’t gang up on the only two women that enjoy your company.” Max scoffs at her brother.
“Whatever, you're up for some ball tomorrow Sinclair?”
“He can’t-” She’s cut off my Lucas explaining their plans
“Sorry Billy, it’s Max and I’s anniversary. We’re staying in Indianapolis for the night.”
“Aw how cute, please take pictures.” You fawn over them, you know exactly what Lucas has been through. That pain of losing your first love, knowing at a young age it was your last. Taking this second chance for all it’s worth every moment no matter how insignificant it is to others, is precious.  
“Better wear protection Sinclair, or I’ll have to kick your ass for knocking up my sister.”
“Billy!” Max punches him hard in the shoulder.
“What Billy means is we want you to be smart about your choices, but we can’t tell you what to do anymore-” 
“Just want what’s best for you, you’re good kids. We don’t need more children running around right now, we’re all still kids.” Billy cuts you off, 
“Um, Y/N are you on birth control?” Lucas asks politely, We’d agreed when Lucas and Max got serious their junior year they could ask me and Billy anything. I didn’t want them to feel odd for their feelings or idiots for the things that aren’t taught.
“I didn't enjoy it, I use a diaphragm sometimes which is like a cup that prevents the sperm from going up into the cervix. Yet we mainly use condoms because the latter makes us both uncomfortable.” I put simply, shrugging. I look in the back mirror. Lucas is leaning his head on Max’s shoulder as she plays with his shirt cuff.
“It feels like your jamming your penis into plastic Tupperware surrounded by warm-”
“EW! Ew stop Billy.” Max covers her ears and starts singing to the radio. I turn it up for her, we pull up to our assigned parking. Others start filling up the parking lot shortly after making a b-line straight to Billy and I’s apartment. 
“No, we had to pull off to the side of the road because we were lost, and exhausted!” Billy exasperates, 
“If Billy didn’t finally just pull over, I probably would've strangled him over the armrest.” I add to the story of Billy’s and I’s recent across-country road trip to California.
“So what happened after you figured out where you were?” Will asks
“Not exactly we-”
“We were in the backseat when a Sheriff drove by. We couldn’t even get our pants you all the way before he knocked on the window.” Billy laughs, Eddie and Argyle join him.
“I pulled down my dress while Billy collected himself enough to ask the man, old enough to be my grandfather for directions.” I rolled my eyes, leaning against Billy. He wrapped his arm around me as he finished the story.
“He handed me a handkerchief and slapped me on the back because her lipstick was smeared on my neck.” He pointed right under his jaw,
“Yeah I’m the slut and he was the stud.” I scoff,
“It’s okay baby. He probably keeled over jerking it to the image of you in that sundress when he got home that night.”
“Ew.” I cringe, “Want another babe?” I ask taking his empty beer can away.
“No, I'm good doll.”
“Hey did you hear Carol Perkins and Tommy H. are expecting?” Steve nods, sharing to Billy and I, I stiffen in Billy’s arms thankfully his too tipsy to notice.
“Yeah no shit, I never really gave a shit about them after graduation. They were the kind of people you know in school and then end it. Figures they are one of the firsts to get knocked up.” Billy continues to blabber about how he doesn’t think anyone should have kids until they’re married or at least financially stable among other things. In front of all our friends, who Buckley has told everyone closest to Billy and I. 
My stomach turns as I make eye contact with Steve. Him and Billy did work things out, my friendship with Steve and Steve’s serious partnership with Billy’s closet friend Eddie made a huge difference.  
“I’ll be back..” I walk down the hallway past my spare bedroom where Robin is passed out as Elle and Max read a Cosmo next to her. I go into the bathroom and sit on the toilet trying to collect myself. There’s a knock and a call of my name. “Almost done.” I call out,
“It’s just me doll, are you okay?” Billy talks quietly, I open the door and he swoops me into his arms, “What’s going on? You’ve been weird all night.”
“I’m sorry.” I mumble in his shoulder
“Don’t apologize, I know you haven’t been feeling good lately. Maybe we should make an appointment or something?”
“Yeah, I’ll do that. Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.” He kisses me once, then twice.
“Do you want kids?”
“Is that why your acting strange, because of the pressure of having babies outta high school?”
“You didn’t answer my question...” I whisper looking at the ground trying to will tears out of my eyes
“No, I don’t think I do. My Dad was a shitty father to say the least, he thought having me would save his marriage but the abuse he gave to my mom only got worse afterwards. That’s too much responsibility.” He answers so assured and honest it breaks my heart. 
Maybe a dog, someday but fuck kids. We’d be great Aunt ‘n Uncle to Max’s kids and anyone else who decides to baby-make.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Why do you ask?” Billy asks nervous
“I heard about Carol at the grocery store and wasn’t sure how’d you react.”
“Oh Y/N I don’t give a crap about them. Not when I have you guys.”
“Hey, I think I’m going to say goodnight to everyone and lay down early.”
“Yeah? I can end the party if you need.”
“No, no. I can sleep through anything.”
“Okay doll, whatever you need.”
I go back out into the living room and slowly say goodnight to everyone, Steve, my best friend next to Billy, hugs me a little longer and a little tighter. 
“Good night, honey. We’re here for you.”
“Yeah, always Y/N.”
“Thanks guys, love you.” I blow Eddie and Steve a kiss, Eddie dramatically falls backwards and Steve catches it to place over his heart.
Everyone else bids me goodnight as well, I run into Nancy and she’s waking a very grumpy very sleepy Robin.
“You leaving?” I ask her, Robin is practically curled around Nancy’s small frame leaning on her for support.
“Yeah Robs doesn’t feel good obviously.” Nancy shakes her head, placing a kiss on her partner's cheek.
“I’m never drinking again...” Robin groans
“Get home safe girls, call the house when you get there?” I hug both of them,
“Mike is driving us home since he’s sober, we’ll be okay.” She assures me, small towns were definitely non-conforming but we’d heard of other violence acts committed on same-sex couples in the bigger cities. No one ever deserved that.
Call me, if you need anything. We’re here for you too.” Nancy adds, saying goodbye to everyone as her, Robin and Mike leave.
I go into my bedroom and close the door, putting on my pajamas and removing my makeup. My stomach turns but I go to sleep anyway, a couple hours later I feel the bed dip and a warm arm wrap around my waist. It disappears a few hours later as Billy gets ready for work. Like always, I slowly wake up before he leaves, giving him a goodbye kiss. When he’s out the door, I race to the bathroom and puke my guts out. It’s like that enough of the morning I call out of work. Laying sadly in bed most of the day, until just before Billy gets home around 6. I wash my face and take another test, once again it’s overwhelmingly showing positive. I took this one and the other I hid in the trash last night and put them in my pocket. I conjured a plan on how to tell him, Billy Hargrove. My Billy, he comes home as I’m finishing the only dinner that sounded and smelled appetizing.
“Hey Indiana! I’m home.”
“Hi California.” I call back from the kitchen, plating the chicken and pesto for two. Well three...
How was work?” He kisses me on the cheek, smelling of coconut sunscreen and chlorine.
“It was okay, I had lots of lessons today. The boss is having me take a course on training babies how to swim. Guess it’s in high demand, and extremely important. Almost 45% if not more babies from birth to age four.” He tells me wide eyed, helping me bring the plates to the table as I grab him and beer and the ginger ale I’d been nursing for a couple of hours.
“That’s horrible.”
“Yeah but it means they’re moving me to nearly full-time since those lessons are more important than just the summer. I start working at the Hawkins Rec Center in a few weeks.” He says with a smile hidden by pesto
“Wait, you got a promotion?!”
“Yep, don’t have to go back to the shop this year. I can just teach lessons and couch at the high school.”
“Billy, that's amazing!” I reach out and take his hand,
“I can’t wait, but I’m a little nervous about teaching kiddos so young.”
“You're great with kids Billy.”
“I wasn’t-”
“You’ve changed, you and Max had a lot of unresolved issues. Things have gotten a lot better the past couple years. For christ’s sake she is here for dinner at least once a week if not more. Not even Susan can say she sees her daughter as much.”
“Thanks, how was your day?” He kisses the top of my hand all suave and romantic,
“Haven’t been feeling to good but I think I’ll get better in a couple months...”
“You go to the doctor?”
“No, I took a test yesterday and today.” I swallow the bile rising in my stomach
“If you didn’t go to the doctors-” I cut Billy off, running to the bathroom and clutching the toilet bowl. He follows, then helps by holding my hair and rubbing my back. “We should go to the ER, you didn’t even drink yesterday.”
“It’s okay-”
“No the hell it’s not Y/N! You’re throwing you guts up and you’ve-”
“Billy...” I hold out my hand for him to help me up, flushing the toilet before washing my hands. Tears fall down my cheeks,
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell...”
“It’s not that.” I strain to find the two words, hiding my face in my hands.
“What’s going on?”
“Promise we can talk about this?” I turn to him dizzy, I take his hand in mine and go to sit down on our bed.
“We can talk about anything, Y/N.” He pushes my hair out of my face. I reach into my sweatshirt pocket and turn over the pregnancy tests. Tears continue to cascade down my cheeks as Billy freezes his expression is unreadable. He swallows hard taking the tests.
“I’m pregnant.” I tell him wetly, wiping away tears so I can see him better. He stands, throwing the tests down the hall with a clatter. Hard enough I jump at the sudden action. Hands running through his hair, irritation now bursting through the seams.
“What?” He scoffs
“I’m pregnant, Billy.”
“Fuck, Y/N.” He paces the foot of the bed, working himself up “How long? How long did you keep this shit from me?”
“I-I found out last night.” I explained standing close to him.
“Yeah? Is that why you’ve been all weird and shit around me? You were hiding this?”
“Nooo, no Billy. Please.” I try and reach for him,
“Don’t ‘No, Billy’ me. Is this why you don’t want to go on birth control? Just trying to trap me?” His voice gets elevated as the questions continue, he pushes off my hand like he’s been scolded with hot water.
“No, I love you.” I cry, holding onto myself
“Do you? You know I don’t want kids, Y/N!” He gets in my face words booming through the house and my ears and I gasp. “What the fuck?” He storms out the room, hearing him knock into the table in the hall with a groan before there’s a crash and bang. I run out, he’s thrown it across the hallway creating a dent in the drywall and breaking the legs of anything that was on top flung or stepped on.
“Please don’t push me away!” I raise my voice, trying to walk over the mess in my bare feet.
“Did you even think, to consider how I felt?”
“I am trying to understand but you're yelling and throwing things around. Are you blaming me for this?”
“You’ve got some nerve, it takes two Y/N. You won’t make me do shit, now move.” I find him in the living room collecting his wallet and keys.
“Billy, please-” I beg him standing in front of the door, he moves me aside with a strong hand.
“No, I’m leaving. I can’t do this, this is the one thing.”  He spits at me, fire exploding behind his eyes. 
“If you leave, I’ll never forgive you!” I call to him, my voice raw and overwhelmed with emotion.
My mind begging and pleading for him to shut the door and engulf me in his arms. Tell me everything will be okay, that he loves me and we’ll get through this.
“It’s too much.” He fums, the door slams shut behind him, shaking a picture off the wall. 
I hobble over to it, defeated, it’s one from the California trip. Billy had given the camera he borrowed from Jonathan to an older surfer to take a photo of us at the beach in our wetsuits. My hair is tied back, smiling at the camera with a teeth filled grin. While Billy looks at me and smiles, eyes dopey with exhaustion but something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Joy. The glass from the frame has shattered and scratched it, splitting the two of us by our hands. I hold it close as I dial the only people I can trust,
“Yello, Munsington household or Harrinuson if you like that better.” Eddie answers the phone, with his infectious bravoto.
“Hi Eds.” I sob out in relief.
“Y/N, honey. What’s-” His voice deepens immediately in concern,
“I-I told him, he left. He left me.” I weep into the receiver, trying to collect my thoughts.
“Okay, hey do me a favor unlock the door and turn on the TV? Distract yourself while Steve and I get there.” Eddie tells me calmly, ‘What’s going on?’ I hear Steve interrupts.
“Okay. I’ll try, I’m so sick Eddie.”
“Do you need to go to the hospital?” Eddie asks, ‘Is that Y/N/N?’ Steve interrogates still faint on the line.
“No, I’m just puking.”
“Is there blood or anything strange about it?”
“No...” I cry louder
“Hey-hey,” Eddie gets my attention again, “that’s good. Remember what I said, Steve and I are getting in the car right after I hang up.”
“Okay Eds.”
“We’ll be there soon, Sweet Girl.” Steve takes the phone from Eddie who barks ‘Steve where are my keys?!’ 
Hang tight, I’ll be right there. Everything's gonna be fine.” Steve assures both of us.
“Yeah...”
“We’re on our way.” Steve hangs up the phone, staring at his metal head boyfriend with a single shoe on untied and the other in his hands as he tears up the entire living room looking for his keys.
“Eds?” Steve stands by the landline hands on his hips.
“Hold on Steve, I gotta find my keys!” Eddie holds out his shoe pointing it at his boyfriend as he moves to the kitchen table.
“Eddie.” He scolds in a boisterous manner enough to make Eddie look at him
“What?!” Eddie yells, looking at his boyfriend to find him jiggling Eddie’s car keys in his hand,
“Get in the van-.” He motions him to the door,
“Why’d you let me tear up the apartment?”
“It was kinda funny, give me a reason to make you help me clean it when we get home.” Steve throws the keys to Eddie going to the passenger side.
“I haven’t even put my shoes on.”
“I doubt your shoes will have any impact on us kicking Billy’s ass.”
I hear a single knock at the door before a flurry of dark curls and onyx eyes enters the apartment, behind him a tanned honey colored pompadour with equally syrup eyes enters. I suck in a breath, watching them look around. Steve goes to where I’m crouched in the living room, cleaning up the glass from the picture frame. He immediately engulfs me in his arms, not saying a word as I squeeze him a little too tight.
“Hey, shhh. I’m here, Sweet Girl. I got you.” He holds me tight, his caress of my hair like an affirmation he’s molding to my skin with each rub.
“Shit Steve where is she, he tore up the hallway-” Eddie walks with untied shoes to Steve practically hoisting me in his lap as I cry, he holds one of the positive tests.
Hey, Y/N...” Eddie accidentally steps in the pile of glass swept together, he finishes the job with a broom and dustpan. My breathing steadies a bit more with them here, I’m not alone.
“I'm sorry, I don’t have anyone else to call.” 
“Hey now, none of that. Don’t apologize, you’d do the same thing if Eddie knocked me up.” I chuckle at Steve pinching his bicep, feeling relieved by the minute.
“You’d make a great mom.” I breathe deep trying to make the joke back,
“So are you.” Steve kisses my temple, swaying us in the living room. His words sink deep as I hide my wet cheeks and snotty-nose into his shoulder. 
“Um, I don't know if you want your pee stick but I found it in the entryway.” Eddie sits criss-crossed in front of us, setting the test down like an offering in front of me. Taking a minute to finally tie his shoes, as if he hasn't tripped a billion times since leaving the apartment.
“Gross Eddie, it’s just called a pregnancy test.” Steve chortles straightening out his leg to kick the other in the thigh.
“Ow! You’ve hurt me deeply Stevie, I twas trying to lighten the mood. Also that pasta is the freaking bomb.” He swats Steve’s foot away when he nudges him again. Noticing a change in mood again, instead of sadness it’s anger.
“It made me sick, that’s how the conversation started...” I mumble against Steve,
“Wait am I going to get sick from eating some?” Eddie asks alarmed
“No stupid she’s having morning sickness, keep up.” He squints at his boyfriend as if to say ‘read the room’.
“Are you PMS-ing babe? You’ve been awfully mean-” The metal head pouts,
“Shush this is about Y/N.” The King with no crown points his finger angry,
“No, I love it when you two bicker like you’ve been married for 50 years.” 
“One day with this one is a whole year’s worth of irritation.” Steve sticks out his tongue playfully at Eddie shaking his head.
“I wonder what 5 minutes of pleasure with me is then.” Eddie blows a kiss and wiggles his eyebrows.
“Ew stop being in love in front of my unborn child.” the silence is a pregnant as you are.
“So Robin wasn’t just drunk blabbering last night?” Steve rubs his warm hand along my back,
“Nope.” I pop the ‘p’, the silence overwhelms all of us until Eddie gets uncomfortable enough to speak.
“You don’t have to right this second but, you wanna tell us what’s going on?” He fumblingly asks with a concerned smile. I relay all of what happened tonight along with a few more tidbits.
“Billy hasn’t ever explicitly told me he didn’t want kids. So I wasn't expecting him to be excited and have everything figured out but he just left me.”
“Jesus Christ, you talk to anyone else?” Eddie wipes a hand over his forehead, I shake my head. Steve has been tense since I started talking about what Billy said.
“He say where he went?” Steve asks with deathly calm, I shake my head twirling the test in my hands.
“I know where he is, and I’m gonna kill ‘im.” Eddie stands up, taking out his car keys.
“No Eddie!” I whine,
“Munson, where the hell are you going?” Steve stands beside me,
“To talk some sense into this asshole, I love you I’ll be back-” He kisses Steve before running out of the complex.
“Don’t get arrested!” Steve yells out, turning back around to me. “How about you get cleaned up? I’ll clean up out here and we can watch a movie together on the couch like old times.” He offers, holding my arms and massaging my biceps to encourage laughter.
“What about the drywall? And the kitchen-”
“Y/N/N. I’ll call Wayne in the morning, I’m sure he’s got the tools from patching up the trailer. And I’ll clean the kitchen so you don’t get sick again because of the food aversion.”
“You’re stubborn...” I pout, moving over the broken pieces of wall and furniture in the hallway. 
“Nah just enough to not take shit from you and Henderson.” He laughs, picking up the trashed things in the hall as I enter the bathroom. 
Turning on the shower to warm up a few seconds allows the room to fill with steam. The first thing I see in the mirror is me, hazy and weak. Too weak to handle side effects a a little blue pill, to weak to stick up for myself and yell back, too weak to fix things. The mirror fills with steam as quickly as I fill with dread. I start undressing only able to see my body from a upper preview. For weeks I thought I was bloated, stressed out from my job and not working out. The normal protective pudge of my stomach has a small softball size curve that doesn’t move like the rest of me. It’s hard to suck in, and more prominent when I full relax. I don’t feel scared for myself, but scared of what I can offer. Alone, I’m barely able to remember to drink water but always remember to do the dishes before bed to make breakfast easier to have.
Lamenting through my own thoughts, I shake them away. There’s doctors to talk about this kind of thing, that’s what they’re there for. Support groups for mothers who don’t know what to do. The kids have taught me a lot but none of them except Erica were even under ten when we’d first met. When it’s your own child, it’s a whole different ball game. There will still be a team surrounding me even as the opponents team boo’s and hollers. Now it’s a waiting game to see if my pitcher is with me. 
I like to think Billy is a good man, not by any means by himself. Repaired as many relationships as he could, hate who he was before. He thinks before acting but I’d seen that look before, anger is normally a response to a much deeper and complex feeling. Fear, frustration, sadness. He’s been taught his whole life that the answer is to push those other things away, make room for hate, bigotry and self preservation. While I grew up in a different way, in a different world. Built for me to fail, built for me to resent motherhood as the only outcome for my life. The only thing a woman is good at, but doesn’t receive the credit for only the blame and the hard work it takes. To be loved by the things you can create but not the person you are. Billy is just as scared as I am, but I will not be the one to fix this. I will not be alone.
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