#in a fuck maybe I should've just died kinda regret
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Anyway, I had enough of paranoia preventing me from posting stuff. I haven't said shit about any AU of mine for a hot minute, so today I'll say something about King's Guard. I won't be writing this story for awhile (like a year or more in the future since I write slow), and this is prologue stuff anyway so it isn't that much of a spoiler. If you're like me, you'll probably forget this by then anyway. Still going to put it under the read more though. :3
Warning: Major character death, but also not.
For better context, Pico and Boyfriend had no idea about the other's true identity as an assassin and prince respectively. They happened to bump into each other in the market when dressed as commoners, and increasingly frequent encounters made them slowly fall for each other.
When the night the crown prince was going to be named arrived, Pico used the masquerade as an opportunity to sneak in. A few other assassins from the Ravenlight Order, the group he works for, joins him to ensure the prince with the Voice of Authority wouldn't escape. All the ginger was told about his target was that he had blue hair, and that he would be wearing a raven mask. He was also told to proceed with caution since there were rumours about the danger of the prince's Voice. It alone could cause the heaven's light to smite him, and he didn't want to get into a fight if the rumours were true. He could only do so much as an ordinary human after all.
As the target was walking to the throne to accept his role as crown prince, Pico emerged from the crowd to strike. He ended up slashing the man's mask in half, and saw his lover beneath it. With no time to think, he betrays the Ravenlight Order to protect him. An unknown third party overwhelms him as a curse of silence was placed upon Boyfriend. The ginger was stabbed in the back, and his vision faded as the prince was taken away. He thought it was over when a female voice echoed in the darkness.
"I can give you the means to live until you avenge your king. All I need is your soul."
#fnf#friday night funkin#fnf au#fnf king's guard#assassin pico#revenant pico#prince boyfriend#archdemon girlfriend#bf x gf x pico#d&d inspired story#like most of my AUs now that I think about it#I like medieval fantasy too much#the only one I drew for this AU is pico which I posted awhile ago#girlfriend has no idea what she's doing#girlfriend is just a really good actor#pico is her first uh...#idk the proper term so I'll just say champion/servant for now#pico regrets selling his soul to an idiot#in a fuck maybe I should've just died kinda regret#and gf is like noooo I can totally help you haha#story with a bittersweet ending
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things i liked about the fnaf movie!!!!
josh hutcherson!!!! bf!!! babygirl!!!
cupcake biting everyone in SIGHT while chica stands there like a proud mother
foxy's dudumdumdudnduddum thingy
mike schmidt
bonnie's little thumbs up after he falls 😕👍
silly willy afton doing the scream knife clean swipe thingy
FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYYYYYSSSS IS THIS WHERE U WANNA BE??? I JUST DON'T GET IT WHY WOULD YOU WANNA STAY FIVE NIGHTS AT FRE
the fuckin lawyer dude looking like he regrets his life choices during every scene he was in
the night guard 🤗 he was kinda hot ngl
"i... always come back" and then he fucking dies <3
balloon boy just showing up randomly?? hello???
the missing children being silly
FRITZ CROSBY (foxy) BEING THE SILLIEST EVER
susie (chica) literally just being there. icon
the springlock scene!!! she spring on my suit till i lock
things i didn't like about the fnaf movie (not in like an EW BOOO TOMATO TOMATO way more like a oh... way 😕)
chica was in the kitchen and she never said "pizza" in her little voice :(
freddy's ghost child possessor thing being blonde??? and bonnie not being the blonde one??? in my opinion (im gonna make this short because i could talk forever about the kids) freddy is brunette and bonnie is blonde!!!
vanessa.... afton ....... loud incorrect buzzer sound
"together... we are fnaf!!!!" "lets do this fazgang!" "friends never abandon friends.." "its fazzin' time!" "maybe the real fnaf was the friends we made along the way" "he's RIGHT behind me isnt he 😨" made NO appearance and im insulted
markiplier should've been in there somewhere.
abby's hair what the fuck was that
THERE WAS ONLY ONE (1) FNAF SONG???? they should've put more :(
the freaky ass torture machine.... sorry that shit scared the things out of me
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this is set post 15x20. too many things were left unexplained in the finale so this is my way of coping with it and trying to make sense of it all.
Dean
He doesn't get it. He's here in heaven, he's at peace (he'll admit he was sad about not getting the chance to work at the job he'd interviewed for, but he's made his peace with it by now. Mostly.), He has Sam by his side, hell he even has Bobby, the Harvelles, even his parents... So why does something still feel amiss?
He thinks he knows deep down what it is though, or atleast a big guess about it. He was in denial at first, in shock. Then elated, when he heard Bobby say, "Well, Cas helped." But he never questioned it more and now he regrets that he didn't. He should've asked.. hell, he should've gone looking... But he didn't and now he regrets it.
He regrets it because he hasn't seen Castiel since... since. He remembers the shock and happiness he felt at hearing Castiel's voice and then the hurt and disappointment at realising it wasn't him. He misses him.
What should he do? Sam says he should go looking for him. Should pray. Should he? Will Castiel answer? If Cas is alive, and apparently helped Jack (God?) help build heaven then he must be alive, right? Right? He should try, yes, he will do that.
"That won't be necessary, Dean."
Castiel
"Goodbye, Dean."
That was the last thing he remembered before he woke up in an empty white room. Well, until he turned around and saw Jack. After that everything was a bit blurry.
He remembers hugging Jack, he remembers catching up with what happened after he was taken by the Empty, he remembers hugging Jack again and thanking him for saving the universe, and Sam and Dean. Oh. Dean.
After the initial high of being brought back by his son and then helping him fix heaven, after the adrenaline crash, when it all wears down, and he has a moment to sit back and just be, he thinks.
He thinks about Dean and the way they left things the last time they saw each other. He thinks—
Oh. He's here. (Does that mean he.. he died? Is he dead and up here in heaven? How did he die? Was it painful? Was he alone? He hopes not. He hopes he had atleast Sam with him.)
His thoughts take a fresh new turn. Now he's scared, shy. He wants to go see Dean, he wants to hug him and welcome him into heaven with open arms, he wants to tell him he rebuilt heaven for him, he wants. But he's scared.
He's always been unsure about Dean's feelings towards him, he was never fully sure if Dean ever even reciprocated. If he was ever any more than a "brother" or a bestfriend to Dean. So he's scared.
Dean's here and he hasn't looked for him, called for him or even prayed for him. Maybe he doesn't know about Castiel being alive. But he found Bobby, when he finished rebuilding. Bobby must've told him, right? If he does.. and he still hasn't looked for him... Well then. Castiel is right to be scared.
That's it. He has decided he will leave Dean alone and let him live out the rest of eternity happily and peacefully in heaven. He won't bother him anymore. He loves Dean, so he will let him g—
What's that?
Castiel has felt happiness a lot in his life, especially after becoming a family to the Winchesters. But he doesn't think he's ever felt this kind of happiness before. This.. this is something else, a pure kind of relief, the kind he has only ever felt when he's felt Dean's longing for him. The same longing that he felt just now. Though, with an undercurrent of something else he's afraid to even hope for but hopes for it nonetheless.
He rethinks his decision. Takes flight before any doubt settles in.
Dean
"Hey, Cas."
That feeling is gone.
"Hello, Dean."
He doesn't feel anything missing anymore.
"I.. Where have you been?"
"Here. Waiting for someone. You."
He's truly home now.
Before he says anything else, Dean steps and trips on his feet, but that's not his fault. Shut up. closer and pulls Cas into a tight hug. He buries his face in the crook of Castiel's neck and feels his eyes well up with tears. He missed him.
"Dean, I—"
"Shut up. I love you. I love you, Cas. How could you ever think otherwise? I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner. I'm sorry I ever made you doubt your worth to me. You mean so much more to me than you realise, you know that you stupid self-sacrificing bastard? I tried telling you in purgatory but your dumbass didn't let me speak then. Or when you summoned the Empty and then pushed me aside and never gave me the chance to say it back. Never do that again, you understand?"
"I do. I'm sorry."
This time it's Cas who extends his arms for a hug and Dean doesn't hesitate before falling into him. He feels wetness on his shoulder and hugs the angel in his arms tighter. He's never going to let him go. (He will thank Jack later for everything.)
When they break apart, Dean just looks at Castiel for a minute. There's an overwhelming feeling building up in his chest and he doesn't know what to do with it, so he follows his instinct and steps closer to Castiel. He looks at Dean, a question in his eyes and that familiar head tilt, and Dean feels a heart shattering adoration as leans closer and places a soft kiss on Castiel's forehead. They stay like that for a while, until–
He pauses. "How did you..?"
"Find you just now? I felt it when you longed to pray to me."
"Oh. That obvious?"
"No. Just that powerful."
He looks down. What now?
"Thank you, Dean."
He looks up. For what?
"For what?"
"For everything."
Oh. Why is his heart trying to jump out of his chest.. this is heaven, isn't it supposed to be all healthy and shit here...
"Yeah.. yeah shut up. Let's go meet Sam he's been asking about you."
He turns to walk towards the impala, then turns back again, takes Castiel's hand in his and pulls him towards the car with him.Yeah. He's never going to let him go ever again.
(He misses the warm, soft smile on Castiel's face, the one that's been there since Dean confessed to loving him back. He does look shyly at Castiel and finds him.. radiating with happiness. Yeah. He gets that, he's feeling it too. He's finally happy.)
yeah.. so that's kinda it. this is the song i had in mind while writing this btw, because it fits cas and dean's love story so fucking well.
#supernatural#spn#spn finale#15x20 coda#fix it#sort of#castiel deserved better#dean deserved better#WE deserved better#this is how spn ended for me#fuck you cw#hellers this one's for you#im sorry if its lacking#im not good at writing#just needed to get this off my chest#thank you dean and castiel for being with us for so long#Spotify
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5x12 The Diamond of the Day pt 1
Final two episodes! Big finale! Why am I making myself cry in the middle of the afternoon! Both eps in this post.
I do love that they made Arthur a sore loser
Enter treacherous white woman #2. Srsly it was lazy writing when they did it for Mordred, it's worse now with Gwaine.
I do love the actual Round Table war room discussion but a) why isn't Merlin seated at the round table and b) why does Leon have so much goddamn faith in Camelot's walls? Like??? You literally said the same thing last year and yet Camelot *did* fall when Agravaine brought an army through the tunnels!
Poor Aithusa. Kid's had a rough life.
I do love Arthur responding to Merlin presenting him with all his supplies ready - which he prepared without his magic mind you - with suspicion 😂
But then he calls Merlin a coward and it's sad
Katie has such a great voice. That entire thing in the cave from her taunting to her laughter to the spell, it just just beautifully played.
Whole ass battle to prepare for and Arthur is just walking around moping cuz Merlin isn't there
So, Merlin's father-vision telling him he's magic itself and he just needs to believe in himself to get his magic going again, does this mean he *didn't* need to go to the cave to get it back? Cuz it seems like he needed to recharge in the cave itself, his injuries were healed when he woke up. That seems like magic cave stuff to me.
Also that "always have been and always will be" - I'm taking to mean 'always have been' in the sense that since he's 'magic itself' even before he was born, his magic existed in other, intangible forms, like we are all stardust etc. But now that he is, he will always be, aka he will not die.
Arthur waking up with his wife in his arms and Merlin's name on his lips, jumping out of bed to act on dream-info.
Balinor telling Merlin to trust in what will be.... like bitch that is literally not how this ends.
5x13 The Diamond of the day pt 2
You know that gif of the cat knocking everything off the table? That's literally Merlin shooting lightning at everyone from his perch on the ridge.
I have a lot of snarky things to say about Merlin coming out of the cave in full Dragoon gear and riding a horse instead of teleporting like the other witches but I'ma keep that to myself.
Mordred is a bitch and Aithusa has terrible aim. At least Aithusa's loyalty to Morgana makes sense.
Arthur said oh shit I'm magic - oh wait no it's that old man again
He also straight up "No! Bad dragon!"-ed Aithusa
Y'know, for all I've watched this episode and screamed about Arthur's death, I don't think I've ever focused on the exact moment he gets stabbed before.
Mordred catches him from behind and he meets it, no fault there. But as soon as he realizes his assailant is the knight who turned on him and joined Morgana, what does he do? HE LOWERS HIS FUCKING SWORD
He leaves himself wide fucking open and vulnerable and Mordred seizes the opportunity. I understand wanting the moment of recognition for Arthur, but on what planet is a trained warrior going to drop his sword mid-attack because he recognizes his attacker as a dude who only just recently decided to forsake him? It's soooooo dumb
There was a whole sequence a few episodes back where Mordred and Arthur are sparring, the point of it was to show that Mordred has become a skilled swordsman. So what exactly was the point in having Mordred run Arthur through as soon as Arthur idiotically lets his guard down? This should've been a meticulously choreographed sword fight, with Mordred getting the upper hand and sticking Arthur properly. Not this nonsense. Look at Arthur's FACE! Oh, Mordred... 👉👈 do you maybe wanna be friends again- STAB ... guess not
Uther's been rolling in his grave but he's taking an extra tumble watching Arthur forget all his skills and training in that moment.
I do appreciate Arthur getting Mordred back though. Like that moment of merciless anger followed by the hurt and regret playing on Arthur's face, warring with surety and responsibility. It was good.
I've rewatched the big confession scene about 16 times just now.
I don't quite understand why Merlin took Arthur to the woods to begin with. Instead of bringing him to the med tent in the battlefield or back to Camelot. What was the reason?
Merlin saying it feels strange (to use magic freely in front of Arthur) and him just going 'yeah' completely deadpan makes me laugh every time.
I really feel like Arthur's head should be elevated at a further incline if he's going to be fed.
Gaius refusing to outright expose Merlin as the sorcerer but nonetheless letting Gwen figure it out on her own warms my heart.
My God Arthur is sitting there dying, feeling betrayed about his best friend 'lying' to him, and still he can't stop himself from looking at Merlin's mouth.
Percival summoned MUSCLE POWER
Hey um random but why does Gwaine even know where Merlin and Arthur are headed? Why would Gaius tell him?
Arthur looks at Merlin so lovingly after he's killed Morgana 😭😭
And now he's literally grabbing at the man's hand 😭 "just hold me, please"
That's gotta be the gayest death scene in television history. If you can watch that without thinking Arthur puts his hand on the back of Merlin's head because some part of him wants to bring him down for a kiss, or that "just hold me, please" is in any way shape or form a 'bros' thing, and certainly not at all an intentional mirror/callback to Isolde dying in Tristan's arms, then I'm afraid you are what we professionals refer to as a dumb-as-nails fucknugget, more commonly phrased as 'willfully ignorant'.
"All that you have dreamt of building has come to pass" yeah except for the whole, y'know, magic still being illegal thing.
I've said this before, but, while I'm sure there was a determined intention to have Arthur die in his armor, probably in some kind of attempt to make sure the audience knows he's died a warrior's death, I *really* think it was kinda stupid that Merlin never removed it, despite Arthur being weak, despite the fact that there was something like five days between him getting stabbed and him actually dying, despite that for the duration of that time they were traveling or hiding out. Merlin managed to produce a cloak to put on Arthur, why did he need the full armor on that whole time? Like even if they left the chainmail on, those plates on his shoulder were just getting in the way, and it looked quite uncomfortable.
Also not for nothing but Lancelot got like, every flower in the forest surrounding lush verdant greens in his death boat, Arthur gets a bunch of sticks.
It suddenly occurs to me, watching this now, that the reason Leon/Percival is such a common side pairing in Merthur fics, is because these two motherfuckers are the only original Knights of the Round Table to survive the series. 🤦♀️ I dunno how I failed to notice that before now. My stupidity amazes me.
I'm *really* glad they decided to do this scene with Gwen wearing the Pendragon red dress instead of the black mourning dress. Yes she looks fabulous in it but it's more the symbolism than the 'reality' - with Gwen wearing her house's colors it represents a continuation rather than a finality. Camelot will go on, Gwen will undoubtedly end the war on magic and with Morgana dead (and frankly, I think by now she already brought about the death of all the angry incel type rulers in Albion) there stands to reason her reign will begin with a period of peace, possibly longer than Arthur's. We kind of have to assume that the 'time the poets speak of' is, inevitably, Gwen's reign - which only came about through Arthur's death. It's a little bit toooo subtle in my opinion, but at the same time, I understand the need for the focus on Merlin and Arthur - after all, this show was their journey - not leaving much time to focus on Gwen and Camelot in the aftermath of Arthur's death.
I will just say, the first time I watched this that fucking truck scared the ever living shit out of me. I also just immediately, viscerally hated that scene and declared it invalid - but I think it was because the truck made me jump out of my skin. It has since grown on me, particularly once I started reading 'Arthur Returns' fic.
Everything beyond this point is post-series spec and headcanon, so if that's not your jam you can exit safe in the knowledge that as usual, if there's anything worth commenting on in the S5 extras, I will create a separate post!
For those interested, my go-to post-series fic is We Begin Again by katherynefromphilly I fully headcanon this series as the continuation of the series.
I have a lot of thoughts about Gwen and Merlin post-Camlann.
For one, poor fucking Gwen. She's lost her father, her brother, and her husband, all by what, age 30? That's rough. And who knows what happened to her mom, that was pre-series and I don't think it was ever mentioned.
Merlin, dear god poor Merlin. First of all, I just wanna say straight off that my instinctive headcanon about Merlin was that he never returned to Camelot. I couldn't really say why exactly. I just don't think he could stand being there after Arthur's death. But practically speaking, Merlin's still got Aithusa to deal with, that dragon needs some godsdamned house training asap. He's still the last Dragonlord, it's reasonable to assume he'd immediately take that on considering Aithusa is partially responsible for Arthur's death (the sword Mordred killed Arthur with, only succeeded in killing Arthur because it had been forged in Aithusa's fire-breath) so he's either going to attempt to train the bad behaviors out of Aithusa, or...well...
The only thing is, I do not believe Merlin would abandon Gwen, or Gaius. So my hc is inherently flawed. I do think Merlin probably spend a couple months with his mum, and I do think he ultimately settled near lake Avalon waiting for Arthur's return.
But I do wonder, what must their relationship have been like? Gwen, surely, would've sought his guidance in establishing laws governing the use of magic. And surely, peace cannot last indefinitely, so Merlin absolutely would've defended Camelot and protected Gwen. There's just no way he could've completely turned his back on them, but I doubt he could bear living in Camelot. And Gwen is both strong and practical enough to get on without him there 24/7, even though I'm sure she'd miss him.
I also think she would've found love again. Whether with Leon, as many people hc, or someone else not in the series.
ANYWAY.
Thanks to everyone who came on this journey with me. I will post comments on the extras if I have anything worth saying - and I think I'll do a master post linking all these episode posts after I clean them up once I get time to sit at a computer and do so. Until then! 💙💚
(Gif source) (h/t @shut-up-merlin)
#bbc merlin#bbc merlin spoilers#merlin#merlin spoilers#merthur#onceandfuturerewatch#5x12#5x13#5x12 the diamond of the day pt 1#5x13 the diamond of the day pt 2#bbc merlin 5x12#bbc merlin 5x13#merlin 5x12#merlin 5x13#the diamond of the day#the diamond of the day pt1#the diamond of the day pt2#for the love of Camelot
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Happy new year, dearest readers! Let’s start off the new year with a little Rabastian!
10. 2014
DECEMBER 30, 2013
“That was hilarious,” Sebastian said with a grin as he and Rafael walked out of the Walter Kerr theater.
After he’d gotten out of yet another pretrial motion filed by William Lewis’ lawyer, Rafael had been anxious to go see a show with the pianist that had been on his mind the entire day. He’d gone home to change and walked to Sebastian’s apartment. Upon seeing the musician, Rafael instantly felt the day’s tension leave his shoulders.
“Jefferson Mays has never disappointed me,” he said as Sebastian’s hand naturally found his and laced their fingers together.
“I know, he is so amazing, I’d watch him in just about anything,” the pianist replied. “And the fact that he played all those roles--”
“--Oh, I know, he was brilliant,” Rafael said, holding up a hand to hail a cab.
“Thanks again for bringing me,” Sebastian replied, gently squeezing the other man’s hand and dropping a kiss on his lips.
“It was my pleasure,” Rafael said with a smile as they got into a cab.
“You hungry?”
“Yes, actually,” Rafael answered.
"What do you think, Italian?" Sebastian looked over at Rafael, who had slightly curled his top lip as he tilted his head to one side. "Okay, sushi?" The musician laughed at the grin of approval that graced the prosecutor's lips before he turned to the driver and gave him an address. He looked back to Rafael. "You're adorable when you speak with your expressions, you know that?"
"You're adorable, period," Rafael answered, sliding his gloved fingers between Sebastian's.
Ever since their first sexual experience together Christmas Day-night, he'd found himself thinking more and more about he and Sebastian planning a future together. He would often picture coming home to the musician working at his piano while a roast cooked in the oven. Or waking up to the feel of the other man's lips against his neck. He was well into a fantasy of he and Sebastian taking a trip around the world together when the pianist spoke again.
"Hey, listen, I was wondering...you spending New Years Eve with your family?" the musician asked, pulling him from his fantasies.
"No, I usually just spend it at home," Rafael answered. "Why?"
"Well, Casper and I usually spend it at his place and since Katie's living there now, I was hoping that maybe you would want to come too." The pianists eyes shifted nervously to their joined hands before coming back up to meet his own.
A slow smile came to Rafael's face as he shifted slightly to look at Sebastian. "You want me to spend New Years Eve with you?"
"Yeah, I-I know it's kinda last minute...I wasn't even sure if I should ask you, I mean...we've only been seeing each other a short--"
"--Stop," Rafael said softly, his easy smile stretching his lips. "I'd love to ring in the new year with you, Sebastian."
The pianist mirrored his grin and leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to his lips as the cab stopped at their destination. Paying for the cab, Sebastian tugged on Rafael's hand and they walked into the sushi bar together.
"You really spend New Years Eve by yourself?" he asked Rafael in a gentle voice after they'd been seated by the hostess.
The prosecutor bobbed his shoulders, opening the menu. "I usually have work to keep me busy. My mom has always said I could come with her to my aunt's house but...crime never sleeps, apparently. And my aunt lives in Kew Gardens, my mom usually spends the night. I have to work the following day, so…"
"Well, this year, you'll only be a few blocks away from home. No excuse. And no work either. We can leave early if need be, if you really need to get some work done, but while we're at Casper and Katie's, I want you to relax and have fun, deal?"
Rafael's lips stretched into a closed-mouth smile as he nodded. "Deal."
"Good."
"So Casper and Katie live together? How long have they been dating?"
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Ugh, don't get me started on that. According to Casper, they're 'roommates'." He brought his fingers up to make air quotes as he again rolled his eyes. "And yet they've been sleeping in the same room and fucking for the last seven months. Oh and Katie definitely wants more. Casper's the neanderthal."
"Ugh," Rafael answered in a grimace.
"I know."
"Why hasn't he--"
"--I don't know," Sebastian replied with a chuckle, shaking his head as he looked down at the menu. "I told him he's a commitment-phobe. It's a shame, too, Katie's a good woman."
"Well, to be patient with that arrangement, I'd say she's a downright saint."
"Tell me about it," Sebastian said. "I told him last week he needs to shit or get off the pot. It's time, and the girl's earned the girlfriend title by now."
"I agree with that," Rafael replied. "Speaking of friends, I finally talked to Liv about the dinner party thing."
Sebastian looked up, setting his menu down. "And?"
"She said she didn't think I would go with all the other detectives there, and she apologized for making the assumption."
"See? I bet you feel better after talking to her," Sebastian said.
"I do actually. You were right," Rafael answered, smirking at the pianist.
"I'm glad. She seems nice. She doing any better after the...thing you were talking about?"
"She is...but the trial's coming up next week, I'm not sure she's ready to face him."
"Trial? What happened to her?" Sebastian asked. "Was she…"
Rafael sighed as he shook his head, brows raised on his forehead. "She says no, but I...I honestly don't know. I think she would've told me if he had. But even if he didn't, he still abducted her for three days...tortured her…he would've killed if she hadn't--"
His jaw clenched as he thought about the photos of Liv from the hospital, sleep-deprived, beaten and traumatized. He shook his head, trying to keep those images from tainting his evening with Sebastian. As if on cue, the musician reached across the table and placed a hand over his.
"Sounds to me like the guy deserves to fry," Sebastian said. "And I don't even believe in the death penalty."
"You don't?" Rafael replied indignantly, looking up at the pianist with his brows in waves.
Sebastian was a little taken back by his response, inching away from him slightly. "No...does that bother you?"
"For animals like William Lewis, I wish a firing squad were still an option," Rafael answered. "Some people deserve to die."
"That may be true, but who the hell are we to decide who lives and dies? The death penalty makes us just as bad as they are. Worse, actually...we bring in people to watch it go down."
"Your own mother was murdered, you wouldn't want to see the guy responsible pay for what he did?" Rafael asked, biting down on his tongue after the words had escaped his lips. The musician pulled his hand away and leaned back against his chair as Rafael shook his head and lowered his eyes, mouth hanging open. "I'm sorry, that was...outta line, I'm sor--"
"--You're right, it was outta line," the pianist replied.
Rafael could see a mixture of hurt and anger swirling in the blue of the other man's eyes and he lowered his own gaze, silently cursing his big mouth. He supposed it was only a matter of time before his words would work against him. It certainly hadn't been the first time he'd said something he immediately regretted thereafter. His tongue, however sharp and effective in a courtroom, may very well have just ruined the one good thing in his life.
Swallowing the lump that had begun to form in his throat, he inhaled silently and deeply, pursing his lips before he again reached across the table and looked up Sebastian, who now appeared to either be holding back tears or trying to keep himself from throttling the prosecutor. Maybe both.
"Sebastian, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking, I..." The lawyer shook his head and bit down on his bottom lip, a small form of punishment, which paled in comparison to the offense. "I never should've said that."
The musician simply continued to stare at him as their server came to take their orders. It was then that Sebastian broke eye contact and looked up at her with a small smile before he gave her his order. Rafael followed suit, though instead of a polite smile he looked more like a child who'd been caught misbehaving. Only after she'd left did Sebastian speak again, this time directing his words to Rafael.
"I need to know you're not gonna use that against me every time we disagree," he said.
"No," Rafael answered immediately, shaking his head for good measure. "I promise you, it'll never happen again. I'm so sorry, Sebastian."
Sebastian nodded. "Okay," he whispered. "And just for the record, I never said that I wouldn't want my mother's killer to pay. It's just that my idea of vengeance is a lot darker than just a needle in the arm."
"It's justice, not vengeance," Rafael said with a frown.
Sebastian shook his head. "It's a quick fix for us and giving them the easy way out. I'd want to know that every morning I get to wake up, free as a bird, while he rots in a cell for the rest of his life. I'd want the option to be able to go to whatever prison he's in and watch him rot. Watch him suffer knowing he'll never see daylight again. The man who killed my mom doesn't get to rest in peace. I'd want him to live a long, miserable life in a four by four cell with nothing but time to think about everyone he ever hurt."
Rafael regarded the pianist with soft eyes as he picked up his water and took a sip while his eyes roamed their surroundings.
"They changed the lighting in here, I think," he said as his eyes once again settled on Rafael.
Smiling softly, the ADA reached across the table and laid a hand over the musician's forearm until he met Rafael's gaze.
"You're such a good man," he said.
Sebastian snorted softly. "I'm a good man because I want some piece of shit to suffer?"
"A piece of shit who would deserve to suffer. A piece of shit who took something from you that can never be replaced...but still you would spare his life. That's what makes you a good man. Most people would let him die. Want him to die."
Smirk tugging at his lips, Sebastian shrugged. "I'm not most people."
"I know," Rafael replied, using his thumb to stroke over the musician's hair-covered forearm.
"I think we just had our first fight," Sebastian said after a moment.
"Yeah, thanks to my big mouth," Rafael answered, lowering his eyes again.
"I love your mouth," the pianist said, turning his palm to face the ceiling, waiting for the lawyer's hand to slide over it. "Most of the time," he added with a teasing smirk.
Grinning back, Rafael brought the pianist hand up to place a firm kiss on his knuckles as in his mind he answered, I think I love you.
DECEMBER 31, 2013
Sebastian checked himself over in the mirror one last time after he heard the short rapping on the door, which he assumed was Rafael. They'd decided to meet up at Sebastian's and then go to Casper and Katie's together. Taking a deep breath, he tried to slow his racing heart by focusing on his breathing. Why was he so nervous? He and Rafael had been seeing each other for almost five months, they'd been on countless dates together, but never had they hung out with other people for an evening, least of all another couple and close friends of Sebastian's to boot.
It'll be fine, you idiot. Just open the door so he doesn't think you ditched him.
Clearing his throat, he took long strides to his front door and opened it to find Rafael in a pink polo shirt under a tan jacket and jeans, carrying a bottle of expensive-looking champagne. The musician couldn't help the grin that formed on his face as his eyes drank in the sight of the ADA over and over again.
"Wow. You look so good," he finally said, stepping aside to let the other man in as he gestured to the bottle. "You didn't have to bring anything."
"My mother taught me to never show up at someone's home without something in your hand," Rafael answered, closing the space between them to plant a kiss on the pianist's lips. "You look handsome, too."
Looking down at his fitted white thermal and dark stained jeans, Sebastian smoothed a hand over his shirt before his eyes came back up to meet Rafael's. "I may just say fuck it and keep you all to myself tonight."
"Well, you'll have me all to yourself later," the prosecutor replied, smirking suggestively as he laid another kiss on Sebastian's pout.
"Oh, no work this year?" the pianist teased.
"I had a reason to get it all done this afternoon," Rafael said.
There was no stopping the warmth that crept up Sebastian's neck at the thought of Rafael making sure to clear his evening just for him. As if he hadn't already had thoughts of Rafael coming home to him after a hard day in court, now he was fighting the urge to mentally plan their wedding.
"Should we go?" Sebastian asked, grabbing his jacket and putting it on.
"Yes," Rafael replied. "So is this the first holiday Katie and Casper are spending together, too?"
"They were...whatever they are for this past 4th of July, so, not exactly. But it is coming up on nine months they've been fucking." Sebastian locked the door behind him and followed Rafael downstairs and onto the sidewalk.
"You should just call it what it is," Rafael replied with a smirk. "They're dating. Who knows, maybe if you say it enough times, Casper will finally start referring to her as his girlfriend."
The pianist laughed as his fingers naturally laced with those of Rafael's while they walked up the street towards Casper and Katie's apartment building. The streets were relatively clear, the large majority of the city either at a New Years Eve party or in the restaurants that were scattered around The Village. No true New Yorker ever went near Times Square when they could have a far more comfortable view of the Rockin Eve festivities from their couch or on a rooftop.
"That's not a bad idea," Sebastian said. "Who knows, he may not even notice."
"How long have you known him?"
"Since we were, like, twelve. He lived in the building across the street from mine," Sebastian replied. "How about you and Olivia? How long have you guys known each other?"
"A little over a year now. Basically from the time I started working with Manhattan SVU. She's probably the closest thing I have to a friend left. The only other person that I would still consider a friend is...going through some things. I'm not sure if things will ever be the same between us," Rafael replied.
"What happened?"
Rafael sighed heavily, forcing a smile on his face as he looked over at Sebastian. "Alex Muñoz happened."
"That whole thing that went down a couple months back?"
Rafael nodded as they both came to a stop at the corner of the block. "We were all friends as kids. Alex had the looks, Eddie was the muscle and I was the mouth, of course."
"Course you were," Sebastian answered with a smirk, gently bumping the ADA's hip with his own.
Snorting softly, Rafael rolled his eyes just as the white figure appeared on the light across the street, indicating they could safely cross. "Eddie and I always had a special bond. A kind of unspoken connection...and we both always followed Alex. Until I went off to Harvard, Eddie stayed with Alex in the South Bronx, even became his bodyguard when he got into politics."
"So he was probably privy to a lot of the not so kosher shit Alex was doing."
Rafael nodded. "He was. He almost went to prison because of Alex."
"Why didn't he?"
"Because I convinced him to make a deal," Rafael answered in a barely audible voice. "He has a son, a mother to look after. Single dad, he's their only income. And I have no idea what he's gonna do now that Alex has been indicted. That whole ordeal just...it made me feel like a bad friend for leaving him."
Sebastian's thumb idly stroked over the glove covered skin between Rafael's knuckles. "You helped him stay outta prison, Raf. That sounds like a pretty great friend to me."
The corner of Rafael's lips curled upward slightly, his eyes lowered towards the sidewalk. He had never seen the prosecutor look so sad as when he talked about his childhood friends, and all Sebastian wanted to do at that moment was kiss every bad memory away.
"You should invite him to the club some night," he suggested, giving Rafael's hand a squeeze.
"I don't know," the ADA answered in a sigh.
"If he took your advice, that means he values your opinion...and with Alex gone, I'm sure he could use a friend he knows he can count on," Sebastian said as he streered them towards the entrance of a six story building. "Think about it."
Nodding gently, Rafael smiled at Sebastian as they walked to the elevator and waited for the doors to open. "I will."
"Good," the pianist answered, pulling his hand out of Rafael's to wind the arm around his waist. "Because I can't tell you just how badly I wanna hear all about what you were like as a kid."
Rafael laughed, letting his head fall back as he leaned into the other man's frame. "I can tell you. I was a nerd. Older kids in the neighborhood used to beat me up, take my lunch money. Eddie put a stop to that."
"Well then he sounds like a pretty great friend, too."
"He is," Rafael replied.
They stepped into the elevator and Sebastian hit the button for the fourth floor. "We're supposed to be getting a lot of snow in the next couple days."
"Yeah, I am not looking forward to that," Rafael replied in a sigh. "The commute to work is gonna be a nightmare."
"I can't say I envy you," Sebastian answered with a smirk. "That's probably the easiest part about my job, short commute."
"Your job must be nice. You get to play music all night, relaxed setting."
"It's got its difficulties like any other job. Mostly just people who drink a little too much and make asses of themselves. Doesn't happen too often, but still. Plus, it can get a little difficult to keep the sets fresh every night. There are only so many songs that are compatible with a piano arrangement."
"I, for one, wouldn't care if you played the same song on a loop every night. Your voice is so beautiful," Rafael answered, leaning his forehead against Sebastian's temple.
Turning his head to stare into the prosecutor's emerald eyes, Sebastian grinned and closed the space between them just as the elevator dinged softly and the doors began to slide open again.
"THEY'RE HERE!" he heard Katie yell.
Breaking their kiss, Sebastian turned his head to see the petite brunette standing in the hallway with a beer.
"Jesus Christ, woman. What the hell are you doing?" he asked. "You started without us?" He gestured to the bottle in her hand as he and Rafael got out of the elevator and walked towards her.
"Casper didn't think you guys would make it. I knew you would," she answered, leading them both inside.
"Shit," Casper muttered when he saw the two men walk in behind Katie.
"What a way to greet your guests, you animal," Sebastian mused as he took off his winter gear.
"I thought for sure you guys were gonna end up staying at your place so you could bang, if I'm being honest," Casper said with a bob of his shoulders. "I mean, you know, New Years Eve, fireworks and shit."
"Whoa, fancy," Katie said, her eyes on the bottle in Rafael's hand.
"Oh, yes, here. I brought this for us to toast to a new year," the prosecutor said, handing the bottle to Katie.
"Wow! Champagne," Katie replied with a grin. "Thank you, that's so nice. I'll go put it in the kitchen."
"Champagne, huh?" Casper chimed, nodding as the corners of his mouth turned down in appreciation. He looked up at Sebastian. "I like him."
Rafael chuckled as he, too, took off his winter coat, gloves and scarf.
"So what have you two lovebirds been doing?" Sebastian teased.
Casper rolled his eyes as Katie answered, "Oh just hanging around. By the way," she turned her gaze to Casper as she came back into the living room, "you owe me ten bucks."
"Yeah, yeah," Casper replied, reaching into his pocket and digging a ten dollar bill out of his wallet.
"He bet you guys would end up cancelling and staying at your place to bone," she explained to Rafael and Sebastian.
The pianist turned to look at the prosecutor. "See? What'd I tell you? Animal."
Rafael laughed softly before he looked back at Katie. "He means thank you for inviting us over."
"Aw, you're doing that thing where these two act like total idiots," she gestured to Sebastian and Casper, "but you and I are totally on the same page."
"We're standing right here," Casper said with furrowed brows.
Katoe paid him no mind. "Do you guys want some snacks? We've got some cheese I can cut up and crackers."
"Sure," Sebastian answered.
"Do you want some help?" Rafael asked.
Katie's eyes lit up. "I would love some help, thank you, Rafael."
Sebastian watched Katie and the ADA walk into the kitchen as he and Casper sat down on the couch, the latter reaching into a small cooler for a bottle of beer to hand off to Sebastian. The pianist couldn’t help but chuckle as he took the offering. “Something wrong with your fridge?”
“No, this is just easier, I don’t have to get up. So, this is getting pretty serious between you two, huh?” the scrawny man asked, leaning back against the cushions.
“I don’t know if I would say that just yet, but things are going really well,” Sebastian answered. “How about you and your girlfriend?” he asked with a smirk, remembering the conversation with Rafael on the way over to their apartment.
“Oh, I mean, same ole. She really liked the bathrobe, you were right,” Casper replied. “Think I’m gonna--wait a sec, did you call her my girlfriend? She’s not my girlfriend.”
“Right,” Sebastian mumbled, taking a sip of his beer. “So she liked the bathrobe?”
“Yeah.”
“I told you she would,” Sebastian said, grinning. “Hey, I’ve been thinking...I think I wanna take Raf to meet Edna. What do you think?”
“Five months in?”
“No, not right away, but I was thinking maybe for Valentine’s Day we could stop Uptown to see her and he could meet her then,” Sebastian replied.
“And you say it’s not getting serious.” Casper smirked, rolling his eyes and taking a sip from his beer. “Have you met anyone from his world yet?”
“Yeah, I met one of his coworkers one night while we were out.”
“Did you meet her there or did you just happen to run into her?” Casper asked.
“We just ran into her, but Raf still introduced me.”
“I don’t know, man,” Casper mumbled.
“What? He just happened to meet you guys down at the piano bar. That wasn’t planned.”
Casper tilted his head to one side. “That’s true.”
Katie and Rafael came back into the living room with a platter of cheese and crackers, laughing at one thing or another as they set the platter and small plates on the coffee table. For a moment, Sebastian could imagine that the four of them had been together for years and that this was their tradition every New Years. It was a nice thought, especially when accompanied by the image of him and Rafael going home together, falling asleep together.
“So how was the show last night, guys?” Katie asked as she sat down next to Casper, who instinctively put an arm around her shoulders.
“Oh God, it was amazing,” Rafael answered, looking to Sebastian as he too sat down.
“Yeah, Jefferson Mays knocked it out of the park, as usual. You guys should go see it if you get a chance to, it was so good,” the pianist agreed.
“Well, I wanna go see it, but you know Mr. I-Don’t-Watch-Theatre over here,” she answered, as she pointed to Casper with her thumb.
“I just don’t like the crowds,” Casper said, shoulders bobbing.
“This is a really small theatre, so it’s actually perfect for someone who prefers smaller crowds,” Rafael offered, leaning against Sebastian when the musician draped an arm over the back of the sofa behind him.
Casper seemed to consider it for a moment before he idly nodded. “Yeah, okay. Maybe we’ll go then.”
Katie looked pleasantly surprised. “We gotta keep you around Rafael. I never thought it would be that easy to convince him to go see a show.”
“Happy to help,” the ADA answered.
“Hey, let’s play a game!” Katie suggested, handing Rafael a beer from the cooler. “I got Cards Against Humanity from my grandma and I think we might have Jenga somewhere.”
“That sounds great,” Rafael chimed.
“I’ll go get them!” Katie replied, shooting up from her seat excitedly and disappearing down the hall.
For the next couple of hours, they played games while waiting for the time to tick closer to midnight, and Sebastian couldn’t shake the feeling of it all being so...normal. As if they’d been doing this for years with Casper and Katie. Every so often they would meet eyes and share a smile at one another and Sebastian couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so happy. He hoped it would last for the rest of their lives.
Eleven fifty-five came in no time at all it seemed, and Casper suggested they all go to the rooftop to watch the ball drop, just as he and the pianist had done every year. Opening the bottle of champagne that Rafael had brought, they poured four glasses out and began to make their way to the top of the building.
“I can’t believe you can actually see the ball from here,” Katie mused as Casper propped open the emergency exit that led to the roof.
“I mean, it’s not a perfect view, but you can see it as it reaches five seconds left,” Casper answered, leading them to the perfect spot for the best vantage point. Looking down at his watch, he started off the countdown. “Ten, nine, eight…”
“Thank you for inviting me,” Rafael mumbled into Sebastian’s ear before he planted a gentle kiss on the skin beneath the lobe.
“Thanks for coming,” Sebastian mumbled back with a warm smile.
“Three, two, one...HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
With his heart filled to brim with joy, Sebastian closed the space between them and pressed his lips against those of the ADA’s, keeping their foreheads pressed together when, after a few moments of bliss, their lip lock broke. From the corner of his eye, he could see a bright flash and turned to look at Katie, who was holding up her cellphone, pointed at the two of them.
"Sorry, you guys are just so cute together, I literally want to put you both in a frame and keep you always," Katie said.
"When would they pee?" Casper asked, earning a chuckle from Sebastian and Rafael.
“Katie, would you send that to me, please?” Rafael asked.
“Yeah, of course!” Katie answered.
Sebastian couldn’t have helped it if he wanted to, and he definitely didn’t want to stop himself from falling, long and hard for the ADA at that very moment. And he didn’t even care that it might’ve been too soon to feel that way.
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