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#im too tired right now and cant think of how to explain it but its kind of complicated and idk why i did that to myself lmAO........
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You know. Maybe it should have been an indicator how this year was gonna go for me when not even an hour in my teacher delivered harrowing news to me and then every fucking good thing that happens now is getting served with a larger course meal of bs.
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locklylemybeloved · 6 months
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i actually think we need to talk about how sexuality is fluid. people change, and they change constantly. part of that change is ur identity
i was aroace for years of my life. i never felt any attraction to people, i couldnt understand attraction, i didnt ever want to be with anyone. and i was comfortable with that.
but then one day (i cant really explain it or pinpoint it) i realized that oh i could be in a romantic relationship now. in this current moment, im biromantic (something i spent a while debating) and asexual.
but the problem was, i was so paranoid people wouldn’t believe me, or people would assume the period of my life that i was aroace was immaturity or a “mistake” that i didnt come out for a WHILE. i didnt want all of those people who told me “its just a phase” and “i hadnt found the right person yet” to be right
but heres the thing: even though i am no longer aroace, those people werent right. it wasnt “a phase.” that time i was aro wasnt a “phase.” i genuinely was aro, but because all things tend to be fluid, that changed. and another funny thing? i didnt “find the right person.” i didnt have an “awakening.” one day, i just knew. and thats totally okay.
it’s exhausting to constantly justify your sexuality to others. it’s exhausting to feel invalidated in your own identity. and i know for a fact that its not just me that experiences this.
i know someone who was a lesbian their entire life, and then they realized no they were actually a man. now they identify as a straight guy
anyways i guess this point of this is to tell people to accept fluidity and change in identity, and to let people who’ve gone through the same thing as I have know:
you aren’t alone, i’ve been there too. and i’m so sorry if you relate to the tiring state of mind of constant questioning. stay strong and remember that the way you see yourself is entirely for you. your identity is yours, and you get to define it.
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xen-blank · 5 months
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ok so for the Pomeranian Lucio au I was thinking and what if instead of romancing him for his route because that’s be weird what if instead mc either adopts him or he yaps and follows mc around instead of Nadia and they decide to take care of him
okay this is gonna be scuffed since im too lazy to put it on a doc
Pomeranian!Lucio Headcanons
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
!! spoilers for lucio's route !! (possible ooc and not read over lmao) taglist: @haruhar-u @krenenbaker @cheezy-moon
like the actual beginning of lucio's route, the MC heads to his wing of the palace to try to get a lead on the murder case (someone murdered a dog? how dare)
why does a pomeranian have a whole wing of a palace? well, nadia previously explained its because he'd start loudly yapping and tearing up shit when he would get anything less than what he thought he deserved
MC goes into the room to see a large portrait of pomeranian lucio, tiny golden prosthetic paw and all
mercedes and melchior follow the MC int the room
how did a tiny dog like him have two much larger dogs following him around? who knows. its not like you can speak dog
you perform a little ritual to see if you can see the apparition of the late count dog
oh look there he is. and the most harm he can seemingly do is knock over one of your circle of candles. which he cant do either since the candles are the things protecting you
is he trying to be scary now? trying to blow out the candles by running back and forth isnt exactly doing much
you decide to take pity on the poor thing. you search through your spell book to see if theres a spell to at least remove the weird goat horns on his head since he keeps scratching at them before huffing very loudly
hooray, it works and he's much more comfortable!! less hooray, he's stuck to you as a ghost now. well, he seems happy either way at least
oh shit asra's back from his trip and already looks exasperated from seeing the ghostly dog at your side
well, maybe we can use this to figure out who killed him! "was doctor devorak the one who killed you?" oh he looks amused. why does the dog look amused by that assumption
oh well i guess we can- THE DOG DEALT WITH THE FUCKING DEVIL?????
...um..........so...
how do you feel about saving dog lucio from the devil, let's see...about 2 or 3 times? hey, at least he still has his fighting abilities! ever seen a dog pull out a sword? well you will (how's he even holding it? magical realms are weird, man)
throughout your quest, you notice how he almost craves your praise.
at first you thought it was because he liked the attention. but even when others were around, he'd sit right at your feet as if waiting for you to validate his feelings
see? he's so smart right? after all, how else would you two have gotten of the lazaret if he didnt remember there was a boat there?
despite his love of praise, its not hard to miss how much he actually admires you as well
yeah, you got him out of that dusty old room of his, but youre also smart!! and good at magic!!!!! and you dont hate him?!?!?!?!?!?!?
initially you were his second favorite person second to himself if he were human, but hes considering changing that ranking
and honestly? its not like he was against it. its rare to come by people who actually like him anyway
holy shit this is longer than i expected. uhhhhh maybe i shouldnt summarize his whole route (albeit vaguely and with him as a dog) anyone who's finished the route can fill in the gaps themself because im tired lol
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tyunkus · 5 months
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haiiii kumi :3 its been awhile but i saw ur post ab tyun w a daddy/sir kink n lemme js share my thoughts ! ^_^ (i sincerely apologize if this doesn't make sense im vvv tired rn n i should be sleep LOL)
taehyun would loooove to be called sir even in your guys daily life! like if he were to ask you to do a simple task for him and you said "yes sir" he would definitely pop a boner right then n there.. like its just something that makes him feel a bit more empowered yk? js adds to his big ass ego 🤭 n when you're giving him head n he praises u, "oh god, fuck yn you're doing so good," "i am? am i really doing good sir?" like hes so whipped for everything you do but this just adds to his obsession with you.
just makes him thrust harder into your mouth, letting out such sweet noises just for you to hear :( keeps telling you how pretty you look when tears are running down your face and your lips are glossy from his cum...
when he finally cums down your throat, he reaches down to give you a kiss, some of his cum still smeared on your lips, but he doesnt care because thats just him showing you how good you make him feel :3
hmm i think the sir kink could also work with ceo &/or professor tyun?
maybe he calls you to his office to discuss some paperwork thats due soon and has you work him through it— but not because he doesnt understand, no no no, everyone knew mr kang was a very smart man— he just liked the way his name rolled of your tongue, and how you look up at him with such beaming eyes 🥹 "do you understand it now sir?" "hmm, maybe you could explain this part one more time?" sisgsigeieeg he loves to hear you talk to him in such a proper way while thinking of how he could destroy you (if you let him, which we all know you would ☝️)
or maybe you're just asking him for help on something in his class! (i love dumbification w tyun so...) which somehow ended up with you sitting in his lap with your back against his chest, papers all sprawled out on the desk in front of you and his fingers rubbing your clit in small and slow circular motions, while he asks you for the nth time, "yn, cmon baby, solve it for me. then ill let you cum okay?" "dumb little girl, cant even pay attention in my class because shes too busy fantasizing about how good id fuck her huh? thats why you needed help?"
IDK HOW ELSE TO ELABORATE W THIS SO DO WHAT U WILL WITH IT!!! luv u kumiii (∩_∩)
- 🌟
star anon im so sorry i wish i knew what to add to this BUT I DONT ITS ALREADY SO PERFECT. like taehyun would love being called sir/daddy so much + TAEHYUN BEING STERN + PRAISE + HUMILIATION + DUMBIFICATION AHHUEHRJRJ
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muzanswaifu · 5 months
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Ive seen a lot of people confuse me leaving for “people being mean to writers” or getting hate for the things i write of how i write them but its not
But Im not leaving just bc of the audience, i can handle some hate and honestly it was kinda fun from them bc ik that hate comes from jealousy and trolling
Im leaving because of other writers and my “friends”
Ik i said i would get into it and i really dont want to all that much bcuz im tired and just wanna be done with this but it feels wrong to leave under a false assumption and let people think their actions dont have consequences
Ive dealt with a lot from my peers on here, back talking, hating, straight up bullying, and i just cant anymore
I cant deal with drama irl AND on the internet, bcuz at the end of the day i can just delete everything on here and be done with it all so thats wat im gonna do
Tbh this has been building up for a while, i can only handle so much from “friends” and irl i cut people off pretty quick and on here should be no exception but ive fucked up and let people do watever too long and its bitten me in the ass
Yes ik im dramatic lol, ive gotten that a lot and a lot of people hate me for, a lot of people love me for it, its how i am and it keeps things interesting. I get it, i like to make a lot of call out posts. Y? Bc people deserve to be called out and idgaf ab appearances on here. If someone did something bad, im gonna call them out bc last i checked its my blog and i can do wat i want. If u wouldnt do it, thats fine, its ur decision, and this is mine
Yes, i dont post a lot, I. Am. Busy. I have work. I have school. I have a social life. I cant write smut all the time even tho i want to, and at the end of the day, its not my job to write smut all day so people can read it and move on. I like to interact with yall, its fun, i like to talk to a lot of different people on her since my irl friends arent really into anime. Apparently people think im a loser for that? Ok? Sorry i like to talk to people on the internet when im bored instead of producing smut all day for people to read, ig i shouldve remembered im only on here to provide content since i dont deserve to have some fun, my mistake
Requests? Requests r a generosity. So many of my requesters have been absolute angels with being patient in receiving their requests, happy to just see me writing or interacting at all. Others have hounded me regularly telling me im lazy and selfish for not completing my requests, saying im an asshole for not completing them over my own projects bc “they asked first”. LMAO, U WRITE IT THEN???? i dont owe anything to anyone, certainly not someone who comes here solely to read my fics, not even leaving any interaction or encouragement whatsoever, then leave.
The icing on the cake? The tip of the iceburg? Discord of all places. Im sorry some of u didnt enjoy my server, i really am. Ive never used discord before and me and the mods did the best we could and im sorry i couldnt be as attentive to it due to my busy schedule
Im sorry i couldnt get there in time to stop conflicts or just straight up call people out, and im sorry someone had to make another server since they didnt like how i was handling mine bc i didnt take their side in a fight that THEY WERE WRONG IN? But i tried to be nice, tried to defend her and nicely explain y she was she cant say anything they want in any situation bc people get hurt. but it didnt matter. Y? Bc apparently i cant tell people what they can and cant say…
And that made me realize something! Theyre right! Theyre absolutely right and im so stupid for not seeing it until now! I cant stop people from saying things to me. I cant stop people from talking shit ab me. I cant stop people from even saying things on my own blog and server! I just cant. Bcuz in the end, people r gonna say what they want and do what they want bc people dont wanna learn. They dont wanna talk. They dont wanna hear ab how what they do or say affects others. They just wanna do what the want when the want, and they wanna be allowed to, bc fuck everybody else. Everybody is the victim in their own story, and i deserve to be the victim in mine.
And what would a victim do in this situation?
Leave.
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asmogorna · 13 days
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Sorry to send another ask so soon (and idk if someones asked this already) but if you have any headcanons for Jon I'd love to hear them!
OK SO im really sorry it took me THIS long to get to this i quite literally.. forgot i had smth in my inbox woopsies. the reason i remembered is cause mootie posted some Spine hcs and i was like "woah"
alsooo im not good at putting my thoughts onto "paper" especially in english so you will have to excuse me
anywho my jon headcanons some sad some random /ref
First of all i think that his relationship with Peter Walter I would be far from close. he would be seen as the type of child who's both "too much mess to take care of" and "strong enough to take care of himself" if that makes sense. Peter did love him as his creation but would openly admit that he's not his proudest one, meanwhile Jon wouldn't feel much connection at all. he sympathized with his creator but only in a way he would with any other human being, there was more gratitude than love
Jon struggles with constant malfunctions and his mechanisms are a mess (partially because he gets himself in trouble all the time), so at one point Peter would get tired of fixing him so frequently, and tell him that he can just "walk some things off". That thought stuck to the bot and he would think of all of his malfunctions as slight inconveniences, i mean, he can still perform so why pay attention to the constant neck pain or powering up struggles ? it just became a habit and he kind of forgot that things like that shouldn't be ignored
After a long while when Peter Walter VI grew up enough to start learning more about how automatons work, Jon would be used as a "lab rat" (not really but its just what he himself called it) for young VI to practice fixing mechanisms. thats pretty much when he heard "Wait this cant be right" about his messed up physical state for the first time in a long while. little Peter didnt get to fix all of the things that were wrong with Jon's body, but he did manage to take care of some of them, which almost surprised Jon with how nice it felt to not hear pieces of broken gears rattle in his head every time he moved (who wouldve thunk)
ok now to more lighthearted stuff !!
Jon actually has a very strong bond with Sam ! He loves watching the mustached man work and sometimes follows him around, just enjoying his company. At first Sam thought that the tone-gold automaton was creepy and uncanny, but grew attached to him and his stupidity (/lh). i also think that Sam would be one of the few Walter workers who dont baby the Jon and actually treat him like they would treat any other robot :3
Also Jon just loves his robot family endlessly. shocker !! im not sure how explain it but i think hes the only one to look at other Walter automatons and go "bro i love them so much" at all times. in his head at least. obviously he teases them and argues with them but he wont think twice before accepting a hug from his siblings (except for Upgrade theyre rivals /j)
Speaking of Upgrade !! They feel the most sibling-ish to me (aside from Rabbit & The Spine) because they constantly poke fun at each other yet they still are willing to give each other help and comfort when needed. She once had to carry him all the way back to the Walter manor because they forgot to take some extra cans of crystal pepsi
Also Upgrade got in an accident once which caused her to have a fractured face for a couple of days, and Jon was there the entire time to comfort her and constantly tell her that shes still very pretty
Unlike with other robots, the food that Jon eats doesnt just fall through his uncovered jaw/run into his boiler or anything like this, instead it just. disappears. once he closes his mouth the food just vanishes into the unknown, yet Jon claims that he enjoys the process of "eating" (nobody knows how it works)
LITTLE GIRLS THAT GO TO SPG SHOWS LOVE HIM !! once the band finishes performing, he constantly gets pulled away by a small giggling pink-ish blob to join their tea party or hula hooping contest. thats why he has quite a knowledge on "girly" themes and educates other automatons on the matter
THATS IT FOR NOW TY FOR READING :3
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beecanons · 1 year
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Percy learning the reader regresses
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legend of vox machina percy learning his partner is an age regressor
a percy x agere!reader headcanon post!
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i'd imagine how he would find out is by noticing your behaviour changing. youre all stopped at some place to rest, an inn maybe? and while you have a break from adventures you just start to slip but its the first time you've done it in a while especially around percy maybe it was an offhanded comment/compliment and being tired that triggered it, a mix of exhaustion from the adventure and someone saying something like "good job back there [name]"
he'd just notice you start to get a little shy or more energetic and maybe struggle with your words and he'd take you aside from the group to ask you if you were alright he just wants to make sure youre okay, maybe he thinks youre tired and need to rest early so he offers to take you to your room for the night or he thinks youre still shaken up from the adventure you'd been on and he'll ask if you need anything to help calm down/relax "are you alright? you seem a bit..off this evening. do you need anything love? would you like to talk about it?"
hes very sweet and understanding so when you manage to explain you age regress and that youre slipping, he asks questions to try and understand better he wont ask anything that might be too invasive and definitely wont pressure you to answer anything you dont want to
he'll keep his voice low so the conversation's just for the two of you to hear he wont pressure you to tell the others but he'll at least ask if you want him to explain it to anyone else in the group later his first thoughts were vax and pike or grog but he'll only bring it up with them if you want him to maybe not right then but the next day you're little if youre comfortable with it
will for sure try and figure out what he can do to help you need cuddles from him? he'll tell the party youre going head in for the night and spend it in your shared room cuddling.
if you dont have any little gear or anything he'll try making something or buying it. will get asked by a vendor if hes a dad and gets very embarrassed at first but eventually just says yes and leaves it at that "oh thats adorable, would you happen to be shopping for your child, im sure they'd love that one, kids love these toys now adays!" "er-um..yes. thank you. good day"
he's found a new way to spoil you expect a lot of gifts and sweet words "i have a surprise for you little one" "i got something for you before we left dear"
he will ask what nicknames and terms hes allowed to use for you and what he should avoid your comfort is top priority to him
his heart will melt if you call him nicknames and cling to him in turn hearing that you trust him enough to refer to him with cg terms or anything like that warms his heart
it might take him a while to properly catch on to signs of when youre slipping, if its during and adventure he'll completely miss it most times if its during a fight he'll panic a bit and wanna get you out of the battle field as soon as possible
he'll be so bad at catching on at first he'll over prepare to the point he's not at all prepared. thinks he knows exactly what to do but really doesnt he'll have something on hand sure but he wont know what to do. does he just give it to you or take you aside in private first? is it the right thing for you right now? might accidently hesitate too long because of this
hes afraid to leave any weapons around you incase youre little and an accident occurs probably gets a bit over protective because of this "im not letting you have that" "its literally just a knife percy" "darling what if you hurt yourself, i cant let that happen"
a lot of "youre too little to do x" language, especially at the start. lossens up on everything once he's finally got the hang of it though.
all in all percy truly adores you and wants to do everything he can to help
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requested by @syth-de-rolo !
feel free to share your own headcanons or request more!
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Hello, this is so random but I was listening to a Spotify playlist of mine and the shuffle threw on Silhouette by Owl City and i can't even explain it but that song made me think of your depiction of Sabo and i started crying in my car. (Like right after he got his memories back.)
I adore your art and your ability to story tell and think you are brilliant okay have a wonderful day/night.
You dont know what youve done to me, how dare you. This song is so
youtube
Like yes exactly that is it. That’s my sabo.
Its just,, like its past the point of the fire and the flames of the grief, its just.. he’s just the husk. He’s trying not to fall into an emotionless depression but its hard.
The lines
Im sick of the past i cant erase
A jumble of footprints and hasty steps i cant retrace
The mountain of things that i still regret
is a vile reminder that I’d rather just forget
Hits particularly hard.
Like i have to wonder if he’s ever thought that he would rather just have amnesia for the rest of his life.
It makes me think like… he didnt completely not know who he once was. He was found in the Goa Kingdom by dragon within the city, so they all knew where he came from. At any time, he could’ve went back there and try to regain his memories.
But he didnt.
And now its too late.
I cant fucking imagine the guilt and the regret that would come from that.
He doesnt want those feelings anymore though. He’s tired of it, he just wants it to over. Why wont it just end? Why does he still feel this way? Why is the world committed to torturing him?
Also, it doesnt hurt to your claim that Genius says that the first couple lines may be referencing the songwriter’s childhood insomnia, so theres that.
But yeah, like i love Owl City. Thanks for this suggestion, but also never talk to me again how dare you put me through this.
Thanks for the ask!
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innocent-cat · 1 year
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Can I get some genji and/or ashe x reader comfort for a reader whose friends broke off friendship with them? im going thru it man
I'm sorry to hear you aren't doing too well:'( BUT I LOVE ASHE AND GENJI SO I WILL POUR MY SOUL INTO HEAD CANONS OF COMFORT FOR YOU
for lack of better context clueing, youre dating genji and ashe in these scenarios.
(A/N - pls specify /p and /r you guys confuse me and make me think im doin the whole thing wrong(っ◞‸◟ c))
Ashe Caledonia x Reader Genji Shimada x Reader Head cannons
Warnings - None
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"Homesick", Ashe x Reader, Genji x Reader
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Ashe
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Ashe had been wondering where you had been all day, and you had scared her a little
You hadn't responded to her calls, texts, and let alone read her texts.
All she could think about was how she could have gotten you killed just because of her living the life she strode
Coming home to you curled on your bed SHATTERED her bro
i don't care how cold hearted she is she loves you with her whole heart and wants to comfort you in any way possible immediately
"Hey- hey- darling? Are you alright?"
if you had said yes she would have said something jokingly snarky about how 'you aint' okay n she can tell'
She of course rushed to your side kneeling, rubbing your back, kissing your head, and whispering to you whats wrong
she genuinely wants nothing more than to help comfort you in this moment and its amazing
When you eventually explain to her that one of your closer friends had decided it's best to cut ties with you, she can't help but look at you with pity
"Oh my love.. I'm so sorry about that"
Expect cuddles. ur the small spoon.
movie night for the rest of the day
she literally just hold you in her arms 'protecting' you from harms way
Still rubbing circles into your back when you fall asleep
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Genji
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Poor boy thinks you ran away in the night when you're ignoring him
like
he's genuinely terrified he's gonna go home and UR NOT GONNA BE THERE
he's literally crossing his fingers that you're laying in your shared bed with him when he opens the door to the house
HEAVY sigh of relief when he sees you're safe and did not in fact abandon him
im so tired right now guys
he low key walks to the bed slowly like you're gonna leave the moment you hear him creeping around
"Helllo?「(゚ペ)"
so confused and soft spoken mann
he literally went to poke you before you turned around and just
hugged him
completely full body embrace wrapped this confused boy
okay he's now less terrified but more terrified for you
"Whats wrong??"
When you tell him what happened he's kinda just like
(・へ・)
It's not his fault guys he's just a little skringly
After an awkward few moments he starts rubbing circles into your back, and low-key playing with your hair
"What can I do to help?"
literally anything.
so you did.
you guys played Mario kart all night and he let you win every race
like. he'd go out of his way to fuck with the COMS just to make sure they don't beat you
He's playing dry bone bowser. I don't make the rules, but I also kinda do
Literally just giggling your sadness away with him doing stupid things to impress you or make you laugh
even if you cant tell he's trying like. super duper hard to make you happy
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quodekash · 1 year
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OKAY it's now the morning so it's time for me to share all of my thoughts from this episode. prepare yourselves, its gonna be a lot. also a lot of it isnt gonna be very coherent. you have been warned.
tinn calling gun 'darling' over the phone 🥺
photjanee why must you be heteronormative and assume tinn likes a girl
istg pat calling yo 'bro' was the funniest thing ever (maybe i was just tired lmao)
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look at this style gay man. this icon. this king. i love him with all my soul.
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this man's face is one of the most precious things on this planet
i thought we were ten minutes in and already getting a soundwin moment, but then sound freaking rejected win's offered seat and sits at the front???
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poor win is so confused
why was tiw getting in the bus van thing with the pool toy still around his waist
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sir what are you doing
WE FINALLY GOT THE FREAKING BEACH SCENES OMG
THEY ALL LOOK SO HAPPY IN THAT GROUP PHOTO (por can you send me that group photo pls?)
YEAAAAAHHH WE FINALLY GOT THE TIWPOR PHOTO TAKING. AND ALONG WITH THAT WE GOT THEY SMILING AND LAUGHING TOGETHER, AND TIW TAKING A PHOTO OF POR WHILE HE POSED AND LOOKED CUTE AND THIS IS NOT STRAIGHT BEHAVIOUR
i deeply appreciate the tiwpor crumbs
i do not, however, appreciate being catfished bY A CUTE SOUNDWIN BEACH MOMENT
yay for cute tinngun beach scene tho
even if it is ruined multiple times by people
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THE OISHII ICE TEA IS HERE, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
ITS TIME FOR A CUTE GAY MOMENT
(i cant explain how much i want this ice tea)
(i love ice tea)
why is tinn making out with the ice tea
and then gun made out with the ice tea so that they indirectly kissed and this is not at all what i was expecting from this product placement but honestly i love it
naturally yak had to destroy everyone's hope and happiness and freedom
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he is, however, deeply iconic.
tinn: how did my honeymoon turn into a music practice camp? tiw: my situation is worse tiw:
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tiw, i love you, but that's not worse.
TIW CHOKING ON HIS DRINK WHEN YAK ASKED THEM IF THEYRE CRUSHING ON HIS JUNIORS AND HE IS IN FACT SECRETLY DATING ONE OF THEM (well, hopefully. maybe. if hes not yet then he will be eventually. he has to be. i need canonical tiwpor in my life)
i understand the cover dancing. but why must you make music kids run and do squats and stuff. music kids dont want to exercise. leave the music kids alone. (i feel personally attacked from this. most of my friends are music kids. i dont want to be hanging out with them and relaxing on the beach and then suddenly forced to *terrified shudder* exercise)
yak telling por and pat and win and yo that theyre lacking something. idk about the others, but i know what win's lacking
he's lacking a boyfriend
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i have the not-yet-disproven understanding that por has a magical gift in the art of somehow-becoming-gayer-every-single-time-he-comes-on-screen (ill make this its own individual post one day with evidence and stuff)
TIWPOR CRUMBS WHILE TIW IS TEACHING THEM TO DANCE
SOUND-TINN RIVALRY CRUMBS, YES, THEY BETTER FLIPPING EXPLAIN IT SOON. THEY DONT IN THIS EPISODE. BUT IF THEY DONT EXPLAIN IT BEFORE THE END OF THE SHOW IM GONNA PUNCH SOMEONE
"Dont you want to try a love song?" "Oh, please. A love song?" "i'm just saying. if youre not into it, thats okay." "its not that im not into it. but im more afraid our members wont be into it. look at them. none of them is romantic. none, none at all" "But there are many types of love. let's say puppy love or sweet love, im not into them either. i prefer the tough kind of love *he's smiling and thinking fondly now*" "right. i like that too. in the beginning, we just didnt stop fighting. in the end, i blushed for him without knowing it."
SOUND MAKES A FACE OF REALISATION
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DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
"Gun." GUN IS CONFUSED. HE LOOKS OVER. HE READS SOUND'S EXPRESSION. "hey!" "you just said… don't tell me…" "wait, no-"
"DID YOU KNOW I LIKE WIN?"
HE ADMITTED IT. HE SAID IT OUT LOUD. AND TO GUN OF ALL PEOPLE. GUN NOW KNOWS. HE KNOWS ABOUT SOUNDWIN.
"HUHH????? YOU LIKE WIN???" "keep it down! people can hear" "you like win?" "i do." "ah! youve been avoiding him lately because of this?" "…yes. when im close to him, i just dont know how to act. when im near him, i feel so freaking awkward." sound, babes, its okay. you're allowed to have feelings
"should i just tell him honestly?" UMM??? YES????? ABSOLUTELY YOU SHOULD, YES PLEASE
gun why are you changing the subject. sound is asking for advice. dont just leave.
TINN ALSO KNOWS NOW
i love the way they were hiding behind a rock and spying on sound omg
side note: tinngun's height difference may kill me one day
sound and gun are sitting on the side watching the dance that the others practiced, and sound cant stop looking up at win he's so whipped i love him
"something im really into?" *proceeds to stare directly at win for a number of seconds*
THOU POOR LITTLE PINING GAY OH HOW I PITY THEE AND WISH TO GIVETH THEE A BIG OL' HUG
3/4 THROUGH THE EPISODE, YK WHAT THAT MEANS? THE SOUNDWIN PART
WIN IS APPROACHING SOUND WHILE SOUND IS WRITING
I REPEAT, WIN IS APPROACHING SOUND WHILE HE'S WRITING, WE GOT A COTE RED, CODE RED EVERYONE
win is asking whats up with sound recently
sound is aggressively avoiding eye contact
"im on mars looking back at earth and can still see you're mad. what are you mad at me about?" sounds thoughts: for being so bloODY HOT WHY MUST YOU BE LIKE THIS
"i said nothing. you should go now. im continuing to write the song" SOUND BBY DONT PUSH HIM AWAY HES ALSO IN LOVE I JUST DONT THINK HES REALISED IT YET
WIN STOLE THE SONG BOOK THING, I REPEAT, WIN STOLE THE SONG BOOK THING
SOUND IS VERY TENTATIVE AND KINDA SCARED
"you said you would write a song about chasing a dream. why did it turn into a sweet love song?" "well- im- exploring different types." suuuuuuuurrreeee. nice cover up story there, sound. subtle. he'll never figure it out.
"...do you feel anything after reading that??" POOR BBY IS DESPERATE HE NEEDS A HUG (i volunteer as tribute to give sound a hug)
win looks down at it. reads it again. looks back up at sound.
"i do"
WE'RE GOING FERAL AT THIS POINT
THEYRE SMILING AT EACH OTHER
WE'RE TEARING OUT HOUSES TO SHREDS
BUT THEN--
"i feel like this doesnt suit you at all"
WIN.
HE WAS TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS.
LIKE THAT FLUTTERY THING YOU GET IN YOUR CHEST EVERY TIME YOU SEE HIM?
YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT WIN
I KNOW YOU'VE FELT IT
"it gives me goosebumps" WIN THIS IS SO VAGUE, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?? DO YOU MEAN GOOSEBUMPS WITH A NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE CONNOTATION?? IM NEURODIVERGENT AND SLEEP DEPRIVED I NEED TONE INDICATORS
"give it back. a dumba** like you will never understand" :[[[[
"what a waste of time" excuse me sir. the last time you said that you kissed him. now you're walking away.
(thats probably a thing i can analyse at some point. sound and his usage of 'what a waste of time' and an insight into his thoughts and his character. ill do that at some point)
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FREAKING GO AFTER HIM, WIN. BLOODY EXPLAIN YOURSELF
sound is now sitting on the beach. he is sad. that makes us sad.
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look at this sad boi, he nEEDS A FREAKING HUG
tinngun are approaching him to provide words of comfort
"i saw everything. its okay. if i were you, id be ticked off too. dam it. you wrote a song for him, and he badmouthed you back." and sound has this tiny sad smile on his face "actually, i wasnt that surprised. even if i told him directly, he wouldve turned me down anyway. you saw it. we're too different." HES TRYING NOT TO CRY DANG IT "it's good we ended it this way" SOUND- PLS- STOP- NO- WIN DIDNT KNOW WHAT YOU WERE SAYING, HE DIDNT REJECT YOU, HE LOVES YOU
"you can put your mind at ease now. no one is breaking the club rule." tinn is literally standing like three metres behind them. sound trusted gun enough to tell him that he likes win. i swear, if gun doesnt tell sound about tinn RIGHT NOW (or at least soon) IM GONNA TELEPORT INTO THE UNIVERSE AND SMACK HIM
"im sorry. im the first to break the club rule." YES. GOOD GOOD GOOD
"what??" "actually, im seeing tinn" G O O D. YOU SAID IT. WELL DONE.
sound is like rly confused and he looked behind at tinn and tinn kinda shrugged and nodded and sound says "how's that possible? when??" "my couple is no different than yours. tinn and i have nothing in common." YES YES YES YES BRING HIS HOPE BACK PLS TY GUN "but our dissimilarities got us to this point. just because you and win are so different, doesnt mean you two cant be together" YESSSSSSSSSS comforting hand on shoulder "trust me"
AND SOUND IS LOOKING AT THE SAND AND I THINK HES TRYING NOT TO SMILE BUT ALSO TRYING NOT TO CRY AT THE SAME TIME, HE NEEDS A HUG, ITS OKAY TO CRY, DONT WORRY SOUND
okie now hes smiling and nodding yayyyyyyyyyyyy
(btw im getting all this from constant commentary i messaged to my friend (who hasnt seen the show but basically has through my bad explanations and screenshots and screen recordings) and i started watching the episode as soon as it was out, and at this point through the episode id been watching for an hour and a half. i have too many thoughts and comments grbhbrhbrhb)
"i changed my mind. i will finish this song." YES YES YES YES YES YES YES
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excuse me gun??
im sorry, i love you, but that position is TAKEN
by TIW
he smelt it before either of them even KNEW
gun can be, like. the guy that hoists the mainsail or something
this next scene killed me
win knows sound's favourite bread
win's apology is to give bread
that's so in character for reasons i cant explain
and he bought the gay-moment water
and win unscrews the lid and it's mirroring that scene from last time and my HEART
GRABBING HIS HAND AND THE DRINK AND STEPPING CLOSER?????
WHAT IS THIS
THIS IS SOME WEIRD FLIRTING
SOUND DRINKING WATER WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT
SOUND WHY DID YOU STEP EVEN CLOSER
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
E Y E T O L I P F L I C K E R
GUYS JUST KISS PLS
TINN IS ASKING IF HE CAN KISS GUN
I REPEAT
TINN IS ASKING GUN IF HE CAN KISS HIM
WE GOT A CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE
and gun didnt let him, but thankfully tinn is a walking green flag and isnt getting mad or forcing himself upon gun. i love these two so much.
Gim. please. rest. you dont need to work every hour of every day. you're over-exerting yourself
OMG TINN'S MUM AND GUN'S MUM SCENE?? YES PLEASE, SIGN ME UP. THEYRE BOTH QUEENS
many more of gim's little accidental clues and photjanee's gonna figure out who it is that tinn likes
gotta love that perfectly-timed phone call tho, dam
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HOW IS POR STYLISH EVEN WHEN DOING WEIRD EXERCISES
HOW DOES HE DO IT???
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also LOOK AT THE GENDER ON THIS MAN
I WANT IT
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pat's shirt is the mood of the week
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they all look so Normal™️
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and then there's freaking por with his freaking rich-kid-twink-ness i love him
OHHHH THE DANCING PERFORMANCE IS WHERE THIS CLIP IS FROM (the one of pat doing the worm. i kept vaguely wondering what it was from. and now i know)
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I CANT EVEN RN-- THIS IS SO FUNNY
IM LITERALLY CRYING FROM LAUGHTER
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look at this little happy proud gay man
i know i probably shouldnt call him little cos he's 20cm (nearly 8 inches) taller than me, but idc, that's not the point
look at this little happy proud gay man
i know i probably shouldnt call him little cos he's 20cm (nearly 8 inches) taller than me, but idc, that's not the point
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theyre gonna do so goooooood
also satang is probably grateful to the ends of the earth that he didnt have to do this dance lmao
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omg he managed to un-twink for 0.5 seconds
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my gender is win's poofy sleeves
also if you're familair with @ashedddaisy's red-yellow soundwin theory, win is wearing orange here. orange is literally the middle of red and yellow. he's getting there.
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DON'T WORRY, TIW, THEY DID IN FACT SLAY IT (boys)
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HE'S SO PROUD
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IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME
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the first to approach him was por. i repeat, tiwpor crumb alert, we got a code violet, code violet
AND NOW FOR THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR
SOUND PERFORMING HIS SONG. BY HIMSELF. ON STAGE. IN FRONT OF A LIVE AUDIENCE. AND THAT AUDIENCE HAPPENS TO CONTAIN WIN.
I PROMISE, I WILL CRY (again)
"im not much of a talked, so im using this song to represent my feelings for someone" you know, im surprised yak didn't pick up on that. youd think he'd like, try and stop that, cos that's a love-related distraction
AHA I KNEW IT
I FREAKING KNEW IT
I CALLED IT I CALLED IT I CALLED IT
THE FREAKING TRACK THAT KEEPS PLAYING BEHIND SOUNDWIN SCENES
IT'S FREAKING EVERYWHERE
IT'S THERE WHEN THEY BADMINTON
IT'S THERE WHEN THEY "KISS"
IT'S THERE WHEN WIN PUTS THE HELMET ON
IT'S THERE WHEN SOUND IS THINKING ABOUT 'what im really into'
IT'S THERE WHEN SOUND WALKS AWAY AFTER SAYING 'what a waste of time'
IT'S THERE WHEN SOUND DRINKS THE WATER
AND NOW SOUND PRESSES PLAY ON THE MUSIC
AND IT'S THAT FREAKING TRACK
AND I KNEW IT
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
i cant even describe my thoughts on the song
i made an earlier prediction that this would kill me
i was right. i might currently be dead. the song killed me.
SOUND WALKING ALONE AFTER THE SHOW THING AND WIN CALLING HIS NAME, PREPARE YOURSELVES FRIENDS
"why do i feel like you just yelled at me through that song" BECAUSE HE DID
"how do you know i wrote it for you?" "it's so obvious. i can see that from mars" MY FREAKING HEART-
"why did you ask then?" "seriously, since when?" "remember when we practiced badminton together?" and win has this tiny smile and sound has this tiny relaxed smile and theyre actually killing me
YOU'RE KIDDING
THERES AN ENTIRE SCENE AFTER THE BADMINTON AND WE'RE ONLY GETTING IT NOW AND WE WERE NEVER TOLD???
YOU'RE. FREAKING. KIDDING.
THIS SCENE IS THE DEATH OF ME
also the track is behind the umbrella scene too
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THEYRE LITERALLY BOYFRIENDS
THEYRE DOING IT ON PURPOSE
THEY W A N T US TO GO INTO CARDIAC ARREST
i refuse to believe that win doesnt actually like sound yet
he just hasnt identified/confronted the feelings yet
and sound's reaction was the saddest thing ever, like i could smell the tears he was holding back when he said 'then we stay as friends'
BUT THEN WIN FREAKING SAYS "for something i dont know, im willing to try"
and if you're thinking 'WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????' then you would be correct
"c a n y o u c o a c h m e" i am dead
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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GUYS YOU'RE LITERALLY TWO CENTIMETRES FROM KISSING
AND THEN THE SCENE FREAKING ENDS
I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WEEK???
I CANT BE PATIENT
PATIENCE IS NOT IN MY BLOOD
AAAAAAAAAA
also side note: win is now wearing a yellow shirt under a yellowish-orange jacket thing. back to the red-yellow soundwin theory, he has feelings for sound, he's got the yellow shirt. and on the outside, he's still kind of hiding it, still trying to figure it out. the jacket is almost like it's been stained more and more yellow over time, and win wants sound to turn it pure yellow, he just cant figure out how to get there, which is why hes asking sound to coach him. over time, he'll wear colours that get closer and closer to sound's shade of yellow, to show him finally realising his feelings more and more. :]
"no pressure or anything, but our club's future is in your hands" jeez yak, that's a little intense dont you reckon???
omg gemini finally gets to do music-related things
i can see him jumping for joy in his mind
he gets to sing and play guitar
OMG WE GOT TWO NEW SONGS TODAY
probably cos last week we didnt get any songs
but WOW
"wow. did you write that?" "no. you wrote it. you wrote it in here *tinn points to his own heart* i just sang it out loud." WHEN I SAY THAT THESE TWO ARE LIFE GOALS, I FREAKING MEAN IT
and now tinngun are kissing with a notebook between them
WHY do they have to ALWAYS get SO FREAKING CLOSE and then DONT??????
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theyre really cute tho so i cant rly get mad
OH MY GOSH FREAKING HOT WAVE IS NEXT WEEK???????
THE FINAL FREAKING COMPETITION IS N E X T W E E K
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUNCTION FOR SEVEN DAYS WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE IN MY BRAIN
ALSO NEXT EP WE'RE GONNA GET SOME SOLID CONTENT OF SOUND ATTEMPTING TO FLIRT AND WIN FALLING FOR HIM SO YAY
it's not quite what i was hoping for, but they're definitely aiming towards getting soundwin together, so its okay, theyll get there eventually
final thought/conclusion: this is my new favourite episode cos its like 50% soundwin
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girlwithfish · 4 months
Text
this guy is such a boring texter but he was p funny and nice to talk to irl. but i still have a weird feeling. the sex was good but i cant cum from hookups so its just kinda bleh plus my pussys way too overstimulated so it was notthat enjoyable but ive been getting rammed too much lately lmfao so im taking a break bc ive been borderline self harming via sex anyway but also coping and etc idk. he was nice and his room is super nice lmfao i was kinda shocked and he had a whole projector set up and he just came to america like a yr ago i liked his accent a lot and he was fun to talk to abt stuff and he said he liked my accent and that it seemed unique and different from how everyone else sounds here and i was trying to explain to him why everyone thinks ohio sucks and he was p observant when i was talking like i mentioned my sister being 7bwhen i was adopted and he said she's five yrs older than u right and i was like how did u remember that there was this other guy who was also like that he like deduced i was a middle child based on the info i mentioned abt my siblings idk lmao. he said he liked my voice and that jt was attractive i think hes capping but my accent is unique even tho im telling him i have the most generic american accejt ever maybe kinda midwest aha and he also said im a good communicator and talk rly well which kinda shook me bcci dont think i talk very coherent. he was p attentive and a good conversationalist and very passionate lmao and also very affectionate which was nice i guess cuz hookups r not that affectionste in mt experience. im not in love w him or anythin im jsut talking bout my experience lolm maybe id see him again cuz i enjoyed the conversation but it also made me think im gonna take a break on hookups lol cuz my pussys tired and they make me innately sad sometimes even if i feel good in the moment. anyway i have six bodies now HAH i had 2 before my break up slayyyu
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Note
HI ELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
you like podcasts, right?
do you have any recommendations? so far i've been listening to all vampires are gay and it's pretty cool but you have a great taste in Things so i thought you might have some suggestions :D
i love you <3
A;S.DKLJFASKJDF SO MUCH EXCITEMENT RIGHT NOW AND i CANT COPE HEHEHEALKSJFHALJ AGAGGGGGHSDFSFFFFFFHHHHHHHHHHHHH
*dies*
Okay.......... *composes myself, adjusts blazer and tie, pulls out a briefcase and begins*
Hmm this post got a lil out of hand so here's a read break for anyone who doesn't want to hear me talk for *copies and pastes into google docs to count the words* 800 words about fiction podcasts :DDDD
Sooo! I have not listened to all vampires are gay, but have read the podcast description so I know a little about what you are looking for....
Audio dramas (In order of how similar to AVAG I think they probably are):
Where The Stars Fell is a dark supernatural podcast (I had to stop listening bc it got too dark....) that seems very similar? I don't remember much and didnt listen enough to get a proper feel for it.... check it out and see!!
I listened to a like 20 episodes of Welcome to Night Vale before that one got too dark - but it is very popular on this website and each ep is kinda like a news report. Its set in a weird town where lots of supernatural things happen and almost every conspiracy theory is true there.
The Unseen Podcast has a *very* cool format. Each episode is kinda a monologue from a different person each week. It talks about their individual experiences in a fantasy world and it has SUCH a cool magic system!! Please listen to this/do more research..... I've spent like 45 mins on this post at this point (I haven't written it in order, this is one of the last parts im writing) and I'm tired so can't really explain it properly.... Sorry!!! But I loved the non-dark episodes of that!!! (they had content warnings so I only listened to the ones with reasonable content warnings)
Civilised is an improvised science fiction dark comedy show about a ship stranded on a planet and strange things ensue. I listened to the first few series but then from what I remember it got a little too dark for me. (my threshold is very low fyi). I listened to that one a while ago so don't have much else to say, check out the first few eps if it sounds interesting!!
We Fix Space junk is again a dark comedy sci fi show (also a dystopia kind of) about scavengers in space! Again, listened to it ages ago so I don't remember much....
The amelia project is kind of a surreal (maybe?) show about a company that fakes people's deaths. Each episode is framed as an interveiw. So far it has 72 episodes, and it has just come to the end of the 2nd part of the 5th series! The first series is very much a collection of semi-unrelated stories but the plot begins to unfold in S2, and *lots* of things start to happen in S3 onwards!! My personal favourite!!!
Wooden Overcoats is a comedy podcast about a funeral home run by Rudyard and Antigone Funn, two probably autistic, probably a-spec, characters. Eric Chapman opens another funeral home and its kinda about their rivalry but also how they kinda cant live without each other and if any of that sounds even remotely interesting please please please listen because it is truly hilarious and excellently written and produced!!!!! It is finished with 4 seasons. My other favourite!!!!
Alba Salix is a fantasy show that is very very fun!! Again, I listened to it a while ago so I don't have much to say bc I can't remember, but it has quite a similar feel to BBC Merlin I think? With more fairies and magic though. I remember loving it very much. I should probably relisten soon!! This is from the website:
"Farloria’s Royal Physician has her work cut out for her. As head witch and the only regular staff member at the new House of Healing, Alba’s got an endless lineup of patients and a bickering King and Queen to please. Fortunately, help is on the way. Unfortunately, that help is from Magnus, a troublesome young ex-monk and aspiring surgeon, and Holly, an accident-prone fairy herbalist."
Forgive Me is a comedy about a father (the religous type, not a parental figure) who runs a church and each episode is framed as a confession in the catholic church. It's not very religous-y and does point out some of the problems with religion etc. Its quite lighthearted from what I remember? The amelia project did a crossover episode with them!
WOW this post got very long! I will put a read break to shorten it........ oops!! I like podcasts very very much.... heheeeee
These are all the fiction podcasts I have listened to (I think? there are probably more that I have forgotten about....) but if you want any non-fiction ones I have a lot more to talk about heheee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love you too Echo!!! And thank you for inadvertently letting me infodump about a special interest for this long!!!!!!!!!!!!
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aroace-confessions · 1 month
Note
hi sorry this is my first time and i'm a disaster at explaining stuff so i'm sorry if this is gonna be super messy
i'm aroace and i think i knew it since forever but i really dont like labels so i never searched for a name or a flag or something to tell me "yes you're valid and you exist and there are others like you". But i was tired of all the people asking me why and how it was possible that i've never even had a crush on someone so i found this now and it feels really weird. I havent told to everybody yet cause it feels too strange and i also dont know how to introduce the thing so i've said it when it was "natural" in the conversation and now there are 3 people that know.
Except for my grandma because she was the one doing most of the questions and she's really open so i did it hoping that she could understand and stop but she didnt. She's not homophobic at all she always said to me and my brother that if we were gay or lesbian or whatever she was ok with it and the only thing upsetting her was the fact that she couldnt have grankids (like biological ones) but the most important thing was our happines. But she's 80 and apparently "cant understand the idea of me spending my entire life completely alone", she felt sorry for me and started to cry. Now i wish i hadnt tell her anything cause i know her and im sure that now she spends all her days worring of me all alone forever (wich actually sounds like a dream to me but ok) and i dont want that.
Also she said something like "but you're young you still have time to find the right person and you dont know nothing about life". THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS FOR F SAKE. it's like saying to a gay guy that hes actually bi but he just hasnt found the right girl yet. Or same to a straight guy that actually is gay for the same reason. I guess i never know what can happen in your life until you're dead but that doesnt mean that you CANT define yourself (if you really need to) just because "you never know what can happen". its stupid.
And last thing because this thing happened to be way longer than what i thought (sorry) to explain the concept of asexuality to my granma i told her also that some people became ace because of a trauma (i know its not a good explanaition sorry if i offended anyone it was just me trying to make her understand by steps) BUT THAT WASNT MY CASE. Of course the first thing she said after i finished was starting to search in my past the trauma or at least the cause of why i'm like this. At this point i knew i did a giant mistake and i trusted her too much.
I know its not totally her fault, also not mine but now i just feel stupid
Submitted 20/02/24
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bronwiebear-brad · 10 months
Text
I was in the mood so I knew I had to write something inspired on would you
“Good luck, B” you said hugging him, your arms wrapping his figure like you did everytime.
“Thank you” he kissed the top of your head.
When you looked up he leanned down to kiss you. When you pulled apart he noticed how you left your eyes open during the kiss. And that hurt him.
“Do you still love me?” He asked out of nowhere on a saturday night just as he was about to leave the backstage room for a concert.
“What do you mean?” You asked confused. You were pretty sure he knew how much you loved him because you were always showing him.
“It is a simply yes or no question, Y/N”
“ Yeah I know, but I don’t uderstand why are you asking me that”
“Your answer explains everything” he looked down sarcastically smiling.
“That question came out of nowhere, Brad. Why are you doing this right now?”
“Because i need to know” he looked at you. His eyes were dark. He had a serious expression.
“Wh-“ you wanted to know more about where this conversarion led but someone interrupted.
“Guys, 10 seconds to come up on stage”
“We’ll talk later. Or not. I don’t know anymore.”he turned around and left you.
This was probably the worst thing he could do to you. Leaving you at least 4 hours overthinking about you and your relation. He know how anxious you would get but at this point he couldnt care less.
Everyone went up on the stage and you stood there in the dressing room with the famillies. James stood behind resting, because his voice condition, he noticed the interaction between you and his bandmate. You looked at him and he gave you a pitty look, he was trying so hard to not say anything.
Instead you gave him a reasuring smile and he gentle caressed your back.
Every song he sang that night made him think of you and every time he closed his eyes your eyes were looking straight into his. It was consuming him.
“Thank you Birminghan, that was a crazy show” you heard him say and the venue went crazy.
He looked at them and saw happiness. He remembered when he felt that way.
It was a long time.
He started to notice when you stopped waiting for him on the driveway when he came from work. You used to jump on his arms and hug him tight.
But not anymore.
There were a few times when you refused to go with him to red carpet events, dinner parties amd eventually casual dates.
You stopped waiting for him at the airport arrivals gate when he was away touring.
But when you stopped kissing him goodnight before bed thats when he noticed it.
He had lost you.
The whole ride from the venue to the hotel was silent. The tension between you and him could be cut with a knife. You were pretty sure the uber driver was looking at you through the mirror and wondering why you two didn’t talk.
“When did you stop loving me?” He asked closing the bedroom door.
“Brad we don’t have to do this right now, you need to rest” you said grabbing your things all over the room.
“See? You don’t even deny it!” He sat on the bed defeated.
“I do love you” you stopped what you were doing and looked at him.
“Fuck, I know that I’m never going to stop loving you.” You said.
For a split second his eyes filled with hope.
“So don’t “ he desperately said.
“But I can’t love you the same” you continue and his heart dropped. You sat beside him on the bed. Your knees touching.
“Brad, im tired to be always waiting. I cant live my life feeling that im always waiting for something. I can count on my fingers the amount of times I woke up in the morning and you were there smiling at me and ready to holding me tight…”
“I try to be present…”
“I know babe, it’s not your fault. You can’t compromise your job. Its what you do and you’re pretty fucking good at it.” You tried to make him smile and bumped his shoulder playfully. He lose a little but not enought.
“But I deserve to be happy too. Not spend my life waiting for you. Counting the days I’ll get to see you.”
“We’re going to find a way. I know we will. Just please don’t leave me” he said looking at you and grabbing your hands gently. His eyes were looking straight into yours.
“We tried already, darling” you said. Your hand caressed his face and he closed his eyes feling your touch.
“I can’t be that jealous with myself. And I know you’ll understand” you continued.
“i know that you’ll let go because you really love me” your hand traveled down and touched his chest right were his heart was.
“I can’t let you go, i love you” he said. You noticed his eyes filling with water. And you were breaking too.
“My darling i am nothing without you”
“Brad, you’re incredible without me. You just need to wait to see.”
He was listening you quietly. Few Tears were silently falling of his eyes and you cleaned them with your hands.
“You’ll became this better version of yourself. You’ll see how strong you are.” At this point you were sobbing too.
“And you’ll find someone like you.” He nodded no.
“She will be amazing and she’ll love you a lot, because its impossible not to”
“You’ll find someone like you”
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babysungs · 2 years
Text
[eleven] in every cosmos | han jisung smau
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11 - grafias
words : 1.7k
prev | au masterlist | next
a/n : omg a double upload from user babysungs :o my brain was going crazy about writing this part and i coukdnt help myself!! bit of a longer written chapter but i think its worth it :) i didnt edit it too much so i hope there arent many mistakes!! enjoy :)
Opening the door to the restaurant you were expecting many more people than there were, only seeing two people, but you supposed that it was for the better. Big crowds werent really your thing anyway.
hey binnie!! im here waiting for you :)
No response.
I guess its to be expected, you were here about thirty minutes earlier than you were supposed to be. He was probably just leaving his apartment. Still, you couldnt help but be weary at the fact that he hadnt bothered to read your message.
Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes had gone by without a single message from changbin. Surely he should be here soon, unless he wasnt planning on coming at all. You were confused and a tiny bit hurt, failing miserably at not jumping to conclusions way too early. Were you being stood up? Could you even be stood up if this wasnt a date? Had he found out about your affection towards him and now wants to make a joke out of you? What exactly was going o-
Ding.
The door had opened. You looked up in anticipation, praying desperately to see Changbin walk through the clear glass door that you had been watching like a hawk for the longest thirty minutes of your life.
… Jisung? you thought to yourself
Great, first you get stood up then the one person who manages to make you feel like shit at every encounter shows up. Just fucking great.
“What are you doing here?” Jisung questions, putting an emphasis on the “you” as if you werent allowed to eat in public. “Waiting for your little boyfriend I assume.”
“What? What boyfriend?” You had never been more confused in your life. Since when did you have a boyfriend?
“Yeah. Your boyfriend. Changbin?”
You couldn’t help but become a bit flushed at the thought of Changbin bein considered your boyfriend, though it like would never happen.
“Jisung what the fuck are you talking about right now? Changbin is not my boyfriend” you shoot back starting to get annoyed.
“Oh dont act like you two arent together. I should have known since the first day I saw you guys on a date at that stupid cafe.” Jisung was also starting to get annoyed. How could you and Changbin keep denying your relationship when he had seen it for himself?
“Dude we had JUST met that day. We didnt even know each other”
“Yeah I call bullshit but sure.”
“Okay you know fucking what Jisung-“ you started, completely ready to rip the taller brunette to shreds at this point though you were interrupted.
“Alright calm down lets not overreact please.” That voice was all too familiar.
“Changbin??? What the fuck are you doing here I thought you were standing me up!” you were completely enraged at this point. Not only had Jisung riled you up but now Changbin was standing here acting as if he hadnt kept you waiting for what felt like hours?
“Y/n, I didnt stand you up I promise,” Changbin starts, “please just let me and seungmin explain before you chop my head off.”
“Seungmin what the fuck dude??” Jisung was equally as stunned and not-so-equally as enraged as you were.
“Ji just shut up and listen to Changbin please.”
Everyone got quiet allowing Changbin the floor to explain what kind of weird misunderstanding they were in now.
“You and Y/n have some weird beef with each other that you need to talk about. I think you both have some misconceptions about each other and you need to work them out now because constantly being in the middle of this is so tiring. I hate fighting with either of you to defend the other when both of you are my closest friends.”
Friends. Right. The word stings in your chest as you had almost forgotten what you were to Changbin. His friend, nothing more nothing less.
“Oh whatever you cant force me to talk to them.” Jisung spits, pulling you out of your own head.
“Trust me I dont want to be here more than you do.”
“See. That right there. It needs to stop” Changbin continues visibly aggravated, “youre both staying here until you can work out whatever weird fucking tension there is between you.”
Changbin and Seungmin walk towards the door leaving you and a very confused and peeved Jisung standing closer than you realize at first.
“We’re locking you in. Please try talk it out and try to get along” Changbin says as hes locking the door.
“Where did you even get the key???”
“I rented the place out for a day. Good luck!” He throws two thumbs up and walks away with Seungmin.
Great.
“Dickheads” Jisung mutters under his breath, “why do I have to be stuck here with you.”
Now you were seriously getting upset. It wasnt even anger, just pure sadness at the fact that one of your biggest idols, the man you looked up to and loved most out of any musician to walk the earth, hated you so much he regarded you amongst the trash of the earth. He held such disdain for you and you had no idea why.
“Jisung. Why do you hate me so much? What have I done?” you ask desperately trying not to let the tears slip
“Are you serious?” he scoffs, until he looks at you and sees the deadly serious expression on your exhausted face. “.. Fine. I hate you because not only did you completely ignore my existence when Changbin first brought you to the studio, you also stole him from us. He stopped hanging out with us to hang out with you all the time until I called him out for it. I get youre his partner but fucks sake he needs to make time for his best friends and music partners too.”
Jisung watched as your face went from serious to utterly confused when he started explaining. It mad him even more mad at you, how could you be such a terror in his life and act like you dont know anything about it?
“I think Changbin was right when he said there were big misunderstandings between us.” Jisung scoffed loudly at your start, not believing you for a second. “Jisung let me finish before you blow everything im about to say off. Please.”
You saw Jisungs expression change as he settled himself into the booth you were both sitting at. “Alright fine. Go ahead.”
“Thank you. For starters, I didnt ignore you. I said hi to you and tried to talk to you several times but you either just didnt answer or couldnt hear me. But I tried really hard to make conversation and get to know you, I would never in a million years pass up the chance to befriend my favorite musician in the world”
Jisung did not expect those words to come out of your mouth in a million years. He could feel his heartbeat pick up a bit, choosing to ignore it as if it werent happening. “And Im not dating Changbin. At all. We’re honestly just good friends and even if i were dating him, strong if, I would never take up all of his time especially when I know how important your friendship is and how busy you guys get. That is not the type of person I am at all and maybe you could never come to like me or be friends with me but please dont think of me so harshly. I really didnt mean to make you feel that way about me. Im sorry.”
He was dumbfounded. Truly blown away at the fact that he was so quick to judge you and hate you for something that was completely his fault, and that you were the one who felt bad and even apologized. Jisung realized what an asshole he had been to someone who did not deserve it in the slightest.
“Y/n I-“ you quickly cut him off, not prepared to be berated by him again.
“Please dont say anything I understand you dont like me but I cant take-“
“Let me finish.” Jisung had gently rested his hand on your forearm, which had been laying on the table. His hands were so soft and he was holding your arm so tenderly- wait. Why is your heart racing so fast? He noticed your flushed face and eyes that kept glancing at his hand on you and he couldnt help but smile to himself a bit.
You nodded your head, signaling to Jisung that he could continue.
“I was going to say Im sorry. I had no idea that I was the problem this whole time and treated you so badly for nothing. Truthfully I felt bad about being mean to you because I thought you actually could be nice but I was stubborn and felt like you deserved my hate. I am so sorry.”
“Oh … its okay. Thank you for apologizing.” Your voice had gone quiet, not expecting Jisung to be so warm and kind to you. You tried relentlessly to ignore the roaring butterflies in your stomach.
“Of course. So ..” the man started, smiling to himself a bit, “your favorite musician in the whole world huh?”
Shit. You didnt even realize you said that. You could feel his confidence dripping from that stupid smirk on his face.
“Pffft whaaaat who said that that wasnt me I dont even know you who are you again?”
“Yeah okay whatever at least I have something to brag to Changbin about when we leave here.” he laughs, “Friends?“
Jisung mentally curses himself for sticking his hand out when he feels the warmth from yours meet him in the middle, the motion only making his heart beat faster. He prayed desperately hoping you couldnt hear it thumping out of his chest.
“Friends.”
You both shake on it with smiles, both trying to ignore that fluttering feeling in your chests growing bigger the longer you held hands.
Though neither of you would never admit this, you both were overthinking the rest of your time together waiting for Changbin and Seungmin to get back with the keys. You kept on with your conversation, talking about any and everything to keep yourselves from dying of boredom and hunger, but neither of you knew that the other was having the same thoughts deep in the back of their minds.
Why does my heart keep racing when im next to you?
taglist | @gyuville @kikivonpoopyhead @sohyeappy @enaluvs @mits-vi @spikertrash @dynarvot
bold means i cant tag!! sorry :(
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For the redacted match ups!! Thank you ily no rush!! <333
The song I’m fixated on right now is probably Saturn by Sleeping At Last! “With shortness of breath / You explained the infinite / And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist / I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again / I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen / I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time / That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes”
I’m an enneagram 5w4! I can never decide my mbti, something along the lines of istp or intp or entp but not estp ??? This plagues me
I love love love big youtube video essays, I’m not sure if i can pick a specific favorite!! They’re pretty much all I watch if that helps, and I have a lean toward informational ones— like, about real world events and history rather than about media— although certain media ones are really good too.
My imaginary friend’s name was Nobody. Like.. genuinely thats what i called him. I knew he wasn’t real but i felt left out ‘cause everyone else had one so when people were around I would pretend i had an imaginary friend. An imaginary imaginary friend named Nobody. He had a family too; his siblings were named Somebody and Everybody. Hell yeah
My go to way to fall asleep is in a sea of pillows (they keep my bones in place), big puffy comforter thats too big for my bed, window open, listening to podcasts til like 3am (or whenever sleep happens)
I have changed my name, and I picked it because it shares a nickname with my birth name and has the same initial— an easier transition for everyone else, they could just say my nickname if they didn’t want to say my new one. It even sounds similar. I do like the name, but it beat the other options because of that.
The first one that comes to mind as my favorite is the video where Sam heals Darlin (Vampire Tends To Your Injuries)— it was the first one I listened to and easily the one I’ve listened to the most. I’m a whore for hurt/comfort and that specific energy was too good, the mutual care and growing trust without strings attached, waaaah. I’m also really fond of the one where Avior helps Starlight sleep (Comforted By Your Demon) and the imperium one Specifically when Milo is talking to Asher about David (the beginning of Cataclysm: Last Wish) and the pain in the acting its SO GOOD. Probably my favorite bit of acting specifically from the channel, and the only scene thats made me cry. I just love when characters let down their walls and are vulnerable with each other its real good
The redacted boy who holds no appeal to me… im so sorry its caelum im so sorry it gets worse its not just caelum its huxley too i dont think i have a good reason theyre too nice and as for caelum i have a small brother i cant take any more
“Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.” Don’t say that you dont know what youre getting into. Its the entire warrior cats franchise and im ending the conversation here before i start (more socially acceptable answer: The Song of Achilles)
Hmmm I’d love to be best friends with James!!
When im tired i will usually go off about whatever random problem im concerned about that day, my most common recently is my rage about leopard print vs cheetah print WHY IS THE CHEETAH GIRLS LOGOS AND STUFF LEOPARD PRINT. THE CHEETAH. GIRLS. WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK LEOPARD PRINT IS CHEETAH??? THEY LOOK DIFFERENT??? WHATS GOING ON???
Gas station snack and drink combo is usually green tea, I dont often get snacks there so im like trying so hard to figure out what id get or whats there… oo pretzels maybe
I cant tell you about my favorite playlist because i have one (1) playlist ive had since i was 14 and its just everything ive ever listened to ever, if im in a specific mood ill usually just look up the artist, recently its been a lot of Sleeping at Last and Novo Amor
I have no guilty pleasures im unapologetically me babey (its webkinz) (not the site Just the plushies) (best plushies and im very right about this)
Im sleepy and i love my cat and i would very much like to just cuddle that dang thing all day but alas, society calls. Despite this im a workaholic and not being on my feet at all times getting stuff done stresses me out in a major way— cant be stressed if im asleep, though!:D Also i eat raw potatoes on the regular (easy 2 prepare just take it out the cupboard pop it in ur mouth bb) and recently have started putting peas in my water boba style (or perhaps like a duck?) because i dont like water but i do like frozen peas and in this situation like 1 in 10 sips Theres A Dang Pea In There! This method has gotten me to drink more water than i have in probably years
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You know who would know what they’re getting into and would love it? Ollie, who was definitely a Warrior Cats kid.
You say that you’re a workaholic, and Type Fives are characterized by their capability and competency… and yet, I get really fun, goofball vibes from you that I think Ollie would really love and get along with.
You’re both hard workers, curious, and diligent, but at home, you could be chill and just be with each other, be yourselves with each other. You with your Webkinz and your Warrior Cats and him with his Star Trek- it’s a lovely, comfortable home you have that’s utterly unique to the both of you.
Coming home everyday would be a delight, a reward after a long day of work. Ollie’d grab takeout on the way, orange chicken for him and whatever’s your favorite, and he’d settle in for the night, chopsticks in hand, saying “tell me about the difference between leopard and cheetah print, Babe.”
Song:
They say in Heaven, love comes first/ We'll make Heaven a place on Earth/ Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth
Ollie strikes me as the kind of dude who loves cheesy, 80’s pop; like, I can see him busting through the door with the aforementioned takeout and just bopping. It’s also just a really cute song about the person you love and the space you make together being Heaven, and I love that for y’all.
Runner-Ups:
I like Avior for you on an Enneagram basis; along with the competency and capability, there’s a dogged curiosity there that, I think, Avior would admire and would keep him on his toes. Regulus is purely because of the imaginary friend tidbit; there’d be something poetic about him taking place of your Nobody and making himself your real imaginary friend. I could totally do something with that.
Note: thank for you the Sleeping At Last song rec~ I love his whole Enneagram album, so I’ve been meaning to get into more of his discography 🧡
Want a match-up of your own? Read this post, and tell me about yourself! 💌
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