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#im tired of the suffering in the world and my inconsequential ability to significantly alleviate it.
transmechanicus
·
2 years
Text
Respectfully, this cannot be it.
#my stuff
#im tired of work im tired of not really getting to relax im tired of my fucking relentless boss im tired of my efforts being insufficient
#im tired of new shit getting piled on my plate every other day im tired of spending my existence just Getting Through The Week
#im tired of the suffering in the world and my inconsequential ability to significantly alleviate it.
#im just...tired.
#i want to sleep for a long time and wake up only so i can decide to go back to sleep and thats fucked up to want
#i just wanna finish my grad school applications so i can say they're done i'll be honest i don't have any fucking passion for a PhD
#im just doing it because its the only route to make sure i have better opportunities than the stuff i deal with now
#cause from what i've heard you very much do hit a ceiling in industry without a PhD
#and i spent all weekend trying to find schools and write my personal statement and i did i have 3 places and at least a first draft of a PS
#but now i need my sister to look over it and give her approval bc she's way better at writing than me and i can't find the time lately
#so im stuck in limbo on that and i hate it and it makes me want to throw the whole pile of lies and asskissing away
#the truth is i only care about stem cells because it's what i've already learned and worked with and it seems easier than other shit
#if i didn't need a letter of rec from her i'd wish a heart attack on my boss with only a little guilt bc she is just impossible to satisfy
#im trying. im trying so hard. the work isn't even inherently difficult but the process isn't working and im not being afforded the time to
#try and fix it
#like one of our machines is old as fuck and not working consistently. and it's necessary for all my data
#so when it decides to be a clown it makes me look incompetent as fuck and my boss gets pissy with me
#shut up shut up shut up im doing my goddamn best i know the data is shit i fucking wish it wasn't what the fuck do you mean new shit now
#ah yes bc of course this is the ideal time to give me more stuff to worry about when im already struggling under what i have
#may my boss' wifi be shit everywhere she goes. may all forms of transportation rebel to prevent her arrival in the workplace.
#may all her best efforts come to naught as mine have
#i was so excited to get my grad shit done today and relax that sure as fuck didn't happen
#i wanted to sit down and finally read past like book 6 of tokyo ghoul as a halloween thing too
#a bad day
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