#im so fucking stressed right now
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[cries in introvert]
#being an introvert who is shit at texting/messaging makes maintaining relationships hard#and im constantly reassuring people that i do still give a shit#i just dont#know how to be normal#and i dont have any energy#and i dont have anything i want to talk about!!!#im SO BORING#i crave connection but i sometimes wish people didnt expect anything from me#so i could just#stop disappointing them#im so fucking stressed right now#and frustrated with myself#and tired#emo shit
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Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.
Don't do their work for them.
#red rambles#viva palestina#antizionism#i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites#i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine#as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel#and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT.#i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel#both from the inside and out#and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad#that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice'#if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it.#like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally#are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are#being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now#if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the#fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar#safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to#discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees?#i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i#work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up.#there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue#and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.
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crowley didn't ask aziraphale's name because he already knew it he went up to speak to him on the wall because they'd met before and he knew aziraphale wouldn't hurt him aziraphale didn't object to the snake being in the garden and didn't draw his sword on it when it came near because he recognised what the snake turned into he protected crowley from the rain with his wing because crowley was his friend once they don't act like strangers on the wall because THEY WERE NOT STRANGERS they knew each other they've always been connected even before the earth existed before demons existed before they had to be enemies before war happened before hatred was even invented they have literally always been like this
#im so manic right now i literally cannot sit down. im fucking stress cleaning my entire house#good omens#good omens spoilers#ineffable husbands#meta tag
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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girlhood
#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day#like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again#and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her#I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her#and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again#“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her#growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain#and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when#people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it#but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one#and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her#lol!!!!!!!!!
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Sketch Commission for @CastingEsuna on Twitter. Thank you so much! 💖🥰🥰
Instagram - instagram.com/coolnonsenseworld/
Shop - mmezzy.bigcartel.com
Ko-fi - ko-fi.com/coolnonsenseworld
Patreon - patreon.com/lmezzy
#lance mcclain#voltron lance#commission work#voltron legendary defender#woke up 5:37 to rain#so im here making a post now#right after asking if my sister is alive bc she wasnt home when i went to sleep like sure she is an adult#but adults get abducted too#those past two days ive been just making groceries and crying at the inflation#i also hot glue gunned a box for my drawer to keep the charms in and reorganized things !#first b3cause packing preorders will be much nicer now and second of all#im avoiding putting myself in a position where my brain can speak out loud when im under stress like shut the fuck up collect things into#boxes okay#oh have i told you i made list of reasons my mom called me lately?#accordingly it was because: someone died#then because she had a panic attack (she still doesn't call them that)#and then because my sister wasn't picking up#we ended up talking about taxes and an ongoing trial which was postponed from last year when my mom and grandmother didn't get there bc#they had a car accident#if this doesn't make you go 'lol' about life#i dont know what will#you just can't start thinking about it and have to draw beautiful Lance's that people commission from you look at him#and those shoulders trying to compensate that flat ass#i hope yall like him#😆#everyone is totally cool so far btw i hope it doesn't distress anyone HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND
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.
#cassy bitches#i am. so fucking tired and annoyed and stressed#our fucking shower hasn't worked in two weeks bc my parter decided to remodel and then didnt finish the job!#and now her fucking sibling fucked up our dishwasher and it leaked water EVERYWHERE including apparently under the floorboards#and im pretty sure i can smell black mold in the kitchen now which! great! another nightmare we're gonna have to fix ourselves#since we cant afford to get a contractor and even if we could no one ever returns our calls when we do try to hire someone#AND my friend went to surgery for appendicitis and that's freaking me out#and ON TOP of that ive been creatively juiced out and feeling like shit about the things i make and my ocs and like. me#like everyone's just been secretly tolerating me all this time and if i disappear no one's going to notice#i feel like nothing i make or am doing is worthwhile and im just GROSS and ANGRY and ANNOYING#and even complaining in tags on a post makes me feel like a whiny baby like. there are wars etc why am i complaining boo hoo#so i cant even talk to people about how i feel bc it makes me so ashamed that im feeling this way to begin with#ive been resisting the urge to just delete everything at this point bc then at least i wont have the urge to check everything and feel wors#why does awful shit always happen right around my birthday. why am i cursed like this
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So I know this isn't anything that like actually needs an apology but it'll make me feel a bit better to say it. Oof whoops this ABoT chapter is super late. Timing kinda sucks since I wanted to have some updates out while s3 was airing but
Been kinda mega busy and stressed since October with the whole condo buying thing which rolled right into immediate day 0 plumbing and boiler issues I had to get fixed and general moving hassle and financial commitment stress and I kinda just fried myself hard. Plus then acclimating to a new place without my familiar street or familiar grocery store or familiar room or any of that. Like there's no "just go home and take your mind off it" to this cuz home is the "it". So I'm just kinda enduring until I can calm the hell down.
And anyway I definitely have progress on ch47, like 7000-ish words of it, but it's the kind of like "there is writing there" and hasn't exactly hit the "there is substance there" that I want ABoT chapters to be. Like this in particular is a chapter I want to be good, not just be done. So it's taking time to get my brain somewhere that can do that.
#anyway#i mean just in case anyone was like wondering if its discontinued to anything#its still going i just can't make it Good quite yet#(plus i need to get furniture cuz as it stands the place is really quite empty and bare except for like my room and the kitchen)#(also the bank had my address wrong so they havent been able to send me any of the mortgage information which was technically due already)#(ive been in contact with them but it's a whole thing)#(plus im still not quite finished with all the utility switching. i still need to get water in my name)#(and the boiler issue fucked up my gas bill so now ive got a crazy high gas bill i just need to... pay)#(i have actually started seeing a therapist but thats a whole other Thing now figuring out insurance and deductables and using my HSA#account and just... it's a lot)#(oh also my homeowner's insurance policy number doesn't actually work for getting me into the online portal. and the geico guy said he was#looking into it but I havent heard anything in a while)#(its a lot im just gonna melt for a while i guess)#(plus all the upfront stress has made it really hard to associate the new place as 'home' instead of 'place of great many plumbing evils')#(i sat on like 4 million couches this week and the only one i really really like probably doesn't quite fit in my living room)#(the downstairs neighbors tv is too loud and i need to talk to her about it in a way which isn't 'hey im holding on by a thread and this#one small inconvenience is the thing which is making me turn into ash')#(oh thats right i have to go pay my january HOA dues...)#(oh also I need to file for the owner-occupied tax exemption thing now that its 2023)#anyway......... ill be normal eventually. im just not normal right now.#chrissy speaks
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#kaia.mypost#im thinking about the Fucking Computer right now#im trying so hard to not be annoying. look the computer is just a really really beautiful thing. it sucks often and it stresses me out and#but all of that aside. You look at it and. it's so beautiful. it's so beautiful. we made math you can touch.
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actually many mental disorders and illness have been converted into digestible. palatable. easy to consume. easy for neurotypicals to understand and relate because they wont pay attention until its slightly about them. and easy for capitalism to seem as functional or non functional instead of diverse humans with diverse conditions with determinated needs that deserve respect and wellbeing EQUALLY. what and why.
#im kind of distressed because its all pink and silly memes#like yeah some memes are funny and relatable. but where is the truth. where are the voices of the disabled.#the voices of people who struggle badly and have higher needs and can't communicate the same way.#i think english is failing me right now (its not even my second language. i just know how to speak. i cant do too much when stressed)#and i hope my message gets through??#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#like dude its so fucking ableist because they see humans as Workers only. and those incapable of doing said work are left behind.#WHAT THE FUCK. where is the fucking humanity.#messy it's so messy this
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AHHHHHH
#this post brought to you by: me#i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses#i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP#like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready#anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT#and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk#and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message#even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL#AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!!#i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year#i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17?#ive had a good well paying job since i was 18.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job#which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind#so theres no point staying here.#i might never have this kind of job security again.#but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something#on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now#on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT#but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to#richard started yelling and swearing el oh el#might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible?#but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option#the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going#idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks#this is why i want to get out of here#also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about#not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey!#if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!
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im so grateful for this corner of the internet where i can just get my frustrations out
#self obs#i will delete this later but i just need to get it out#i told my two best friends about how i got rejected and they both were just like move on lol#like i don’t think they realize how awful i feel right now like literally that was my dream and im scared im never gonna be able to do it#i also somehow have to tell my parents and that’s a whole different problem#my parents are already up my ass about me quitinh my job for no reason#well basically i think they’re trying to get me to move home for the summer which doesn’t make sense to quit my job i’ve been working at#for almost a year to come back and get a job for a month#but like i can’t think of another reason that my parents would randomly want me to quit my job#so i’m stressed about that and now i also have to tell them i got rejected and now i can’t start the part of my degree that i need for my#fucking job and fuck i’m so stressed and don’t know what to do#and im just like so embarrassed and everyone is acting like its not a big deal even tho like if i apply again i probably won’t even get it#because i didn’t even make it past the interview phase and anyways im just so upset with myself and everything#i like actually thought my life was turning around and i was gonna be happy finally but nope#anyways this is just me sobbing and trying to let out my frustrations because no one will actually listen or validate that i’m upset#whatever im gonna go drink some wine and probably pass out on the floor of my room
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now that hell week is over and i actually have time to Feel Things the dread is hitting full fucking force despite the fact that my period is over.. im a having a delayed reaction and i am Not enjoying it
#just gotta keep reminding myself i dont actually wanna kms but jesus christ its so hard to feel anything other than Bad right now#stressed out of my mind because of school bullshit feel like a disappointment and a failure#im so fucking exhausted all the time i just want it all to stop#something something i have got to reread frankenstein something something something#that or watch inside out again.. that sould hopefully fix me#genuinely what i need is someone to hug me while i cry for like an hour but that is Not gonna happen because theres nothing i hate more#that crying in front of people!!#its fine im fine i dont need human support and companionship right now i have my stuffed hippo and my chemical romance to keep me alive#i hope everyone is doing better than me rn
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*rocking back and forth in a corner* this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass
#lads I’m in the trenches right now ngl#I’ve got so much fucking work to be done with so little time it’s horrific#like honestly for my english essay I’m not even gonna fucking try anymore I just want to submit it on time I don’t fucking care lmao#fashion is like layers of stress I don’t even want to get into#religion can just suck my cock straight up#art feels like dead weight dragging behind me which sucks because I like art but that class is making me HATE it#anyways yeah I’m so glad this is my last year because I can not fucking do this again#im so stressed I can barely eat lmao#anyways I’m gonna tear my fucking hair out or go live in the woods#senioritis is fucking real PLEASE have better time management than me#I’m gonna melt into the floor#vent
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im gonna scream i got accepted into another school but the scholarship applications looking kinda🗿
#i got rejected from one of the cheaper options GRRRRRR that was supposed to be plan b!!!!!!#i thought i could consider it if i didnt get any scholarships lmao#but....... a few cheaper options are still available...... and results not announced...#I'll apply for another one this week too. im going crazy somebody help me#the scholarship for this one is supposed to be announced on the same day so im just waiting 🧘♂️ calmly#there are way too many unknowns and my unpredictable future stresses me out so fucking much right now#god please please please let me let me let me let me let me .......... you know im trying so hard please#🗒
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Having to explain to my mom that 5min crafts is a content farm/what that is. That sure they have some genuine hacks, but a lot are genuinely dangerous and bad
It's like I'm not trying to be the parent, but I've been on the internet daily since I was 9 years old and you respectively have only been on it for maybe 8 years? Consistently? And only on Facebook. Like man the shit I have seen has aged me a lot more mentally than I care to admit.
It's so hard too bc I know I should like a know it all/conspiracy freak when I tell her not to get a reddit bc she's gonna get sucked into a WS cult and get radicalized, or when I tell her Facebook reels is the same as tiktok. Which she has continuously forbade me to have since it came out (bc evil chinese company. It's okay when it's an evil American company though). That she needs to be careful and not just believe whatever she sees, but it's like for once I DO know more and I DO need to be the adult.
Like I remember having so many fucking talks to get her out of that SAVE THE CHILDREN shit and debunking the wayfair shit, and the Hillary Clinton shit, and all this shit. I constantly am telling her "nope that's antisemitism in disguise, heres why" ab stupid theories and shit and why they're harmful and it's like I want to fucking scream
Idk where I was going with this but like god I'm tired
#and she gets mad when im 'parenting' her and its like well then fucking use your brain!!! think before you share shit! ask questions!!!!#had to explain that the reason jfk had a diff coffin on air force one wasn't like a body swap but bc the first casket wasnt secured right#and the man was LEAKING in the fucking casket and they had to get a clean easier to transport one#that it was his family that didnt want it open not the gov like the man had half a fucking head at that point!! what did you expect?!#and then shes like well how do YOU know all this shit. how do you know YOURE right and Its like bc i check my sources?? bc i know how to??#bc i actually use my brain and dont sit in a digital echo chamber validating what i want to hear#thankfully we dont actually get fox in our house somehow (god probably) and we dont have cable so she cant watch fox & friends#but Facebook is it's own fucking up hill battle and it's like go back to playing 1010! and shit on your phone instead#and she stays on Facebook for that dopamine hit and its like i know you have adhd and your dr doesnt believe you but for godsake#i stg she's the reason my body hair is still turning white. it initially stated bc my dad was causing us so much fucking stress and then#it lessened a bit but now im finding more and more like my body is eating the pigment sgdgdgdgd#im gonna go gray by 35 i stg i have ONE white hair on my head and have gotten several on every part of my body like eyebrows and armpits ect#the funniest is leg hair like oh okay go grandpa#ANYWAYS im tired and i guess i needed to get this out#marquilla
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