Kallamar : You should have realised, Leshy , if Lamb didn't kill you, we would.
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Lamb, throwing their head into Narinder 's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!
Narinder , lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.
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Lamb: We have a problem.
Shamura : Let me guess, you caused it?
Kallamar : Gimme a sec, I'm not drunk enough to listen to this yet.
Heket : And it's another Tuesday, your point?
Leshy: Would shooting you solve this problem? No? Then shut up.
Narinder : If you're mean the fire, that's our solution to last week's problem.
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Kallamar : Did you bring Shamura ?
Lamb, gesturing to Leshy: No, but I brought the next best thing.
Kallamar : Leshy? The next best thing would be Heket .
Leshy: I would be offended, but Heket is freakishly strong.
---------
Heket: Are we really going to let Shamura keep Lamb ?
Kallamar : We kept Leshy.
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Shamura : Hey, what have you two been up to?
Kallamar: We were helping Narinder write their vows, but they kicked us out because Leshy was making inappropriate suggestions.
Leshy : How is “Lamb, I love your sweet ass” inappropriate?
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Kallamar : Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight?
Lamb: Why?
Kallamar : Leshy fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours.
Shamura : Narinder doesn't know how to banish spirits, so they just throw salt at them and yell "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"
-----------
Shamura : You three, explain right now!
Narinder: It was Leshy.
Kallamar : It was Leshy.
Heket : It was Leshy.
Leshy:
Leshy: …fuck.
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Narinder : What’s something you guys are better than Shamura at?
Heket : Mario Kart.
Kallamar : Yeah, video games.
Leshy: Emotional vulnerability.
---------
Heket : I sleep with a gun under my pillow.
Leshy: I sleep with a knife.
Narinder : Both of you are pathetic.
Heket : Oh yeah? What do you sleep with?
Narinder : Lamb.
-----------
Narinder , spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.
Heket : I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...
Shamura , visibly confused: Okay, so she decided to put the cutting board in the oven?
Narinder , spraying Heket : You FUCKING DUMBASS!
Heket : Dude, I forgot-
Narinder : OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?
Kallamar: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*
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Heket , gesturing to Shamura : Leshy, look what you did! You made Mom upset!
Kallamar : Mom, please don’t cry, we’re sorry!
Leshy: I’m sorry Mom... :(
Shamura , near tears: I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!
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Heket : Do you love Narinder ?
Lamb: Yeah, I do.
Heket : Shamura ! I told you I knew it! You owe me 100 bucks!
Shamura : We all love Narinder . You should've asked if they were IN love with them.
Lamb: I thought that was implied.
Shamura : ...
Heket : ...
Lamb, looking straight at Shamura : Congrats Heket , you just won 100 bucks.
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Shamura , in a room with Leshy, Heket , and Narinder : It’s calm in here.
Shamura : It scares me…
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Leshy: Why do you act like we’re three year olds?
Shamura , exasperated: WHY?!?
Shamura points at Narinder : YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR!
Shamura points at Heket : YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK!
Shamura points at Leshy: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND!
Shamura : AND YOU ASK ME WHY????
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Leshy: How did none of you hear what I just said?!
Kallamar : I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.
Lamb: I got distracted halfway through.
Heket : Ignoring you was a conscious decision.
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Shamura : Why are you smiling?
Kallamar : What? I can’t just be happy?
Narinder : Leshy tripped and fell in the parking lot.
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Shamura : *about Narinder and Lamb* They make a cute couple, huh?
Kallamar : They certainly are standing next to each other.
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Narinder , watching Shamura & Kallamar panic : What's going on?
Leshy: Shamura is having a midlife crisis and Kallamar is just having a crisis.
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Narinder : Oh god, they texted you ‘hi.’’ punctuation only means one thing, Leshy. They're mad at you.
Leshy: No, it's Shamura . They're just being gramatically correct!
*meanwhile*
Shamura : And then I used a period so they'd know that I'm mad at them.
Lamb: A period doesn't say 'I'm mad', it says 'you're dead to me'.
Shamura : I stand by my choice.
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Lamb: You have to apologize to them Narinder .
Narinder : Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with!
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Lamb: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
Narinder : No, that's not how you make cookies.
Aym: FLOOR IT!!
Lamb: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?
Narinder : yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-
Lamb: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!
Baal: DO IT!
Narinder : NO-
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