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m0uchie · 3 days

Note

hello!! First time requesting something, but could you maybe write something wanderer and fem.reader testing out those aphrodisiac chocolates?

Thank you!! <33

— pairing : wanderer x fem!reader

— warnings : NSFW; using of drugs (the aphrodisiac); they fuck a lot; honestly this is so badly written im sry; creampie; oral (m!receiving); she rides him at some point

— a/n : let’s pretend it’s close to Valentine’s Day bc I said so

He insisted a lot until tonight came. He pestered you to buy these stupid chocolates, and you accepted in the end for the sake of the smile on his face. And when they finally arrived and you tasted them together, you felt nothing but sleepy.

“Maybe we just need to wait a bit-”

“We've been waiting since 9:30, do you know what time it is now?” You contradict his insistence, eyeing his pouting face to search for a response. He shakes his head.

“Past midnight.” He frowns at you, looking away when you stare at him for too long.

“I told you it wasn’t gonna work. I’m going to bed.” You stretch your back and sigh deeply before standing up from the couch and going to your shared bedroom.

“I’m right behind you then.” He says, still a bit disappointed that his little experiment didn't work this time.

He really liked the idea of testing things out with you, as long as you weren't opposed to that. And you were almost always open to trying new things for him to see what would work better for you two.

His co-workers wouldn’t stop talking about their private experiences with this aphrodisiac chocolates like horny teenagers, and although he was annoyed by it, he couldn’t help but get curious. Valentine’s Day was approaching after all.

He didn't like sweets, quite the opposite, he hated them. However, anyone could tell otherwise by the way his face was covered in chocolate right now, like a child. He wanted to make it work. He was excited to see what would unfold after.

Unfortunately this time, you weren't going to end up on all fours with your body covered in his cum on the bed because it was already late and you were tired, but he still had a lifetime to do it.

Wanderer was sleeping soundly next to you when you woke up. Chapped and dehydrated lips, the complete opposite of what they’d been in the morning, but perhaps these were the consequences of the cold weather.

… cold? No. In fact, since when has it been so hot?

Your body was sweating and the air conditioning, despite being on, didn't seem to work. You cautiously remove the arms that embraced your body, and remove the blanket that covers you to touch your feet to the floor slowly, not wanting to make any noise.

Only now were you thinking about how terrible the idea was of trying to get to the kitchen in the early morning only to drink some water without disturbing your loved one's sleep. After all, where was the switch? You knew it was on the wall next to the door, and that there was a lamp next to your bed, but it was on Wanderer's side, and you didn't want to bump into it, much less go over his body to turn on the light, so the switch was the safest now. Or so you thought.

“Oh shit.” You bump into something, hearing it fall to the floor. It didn't seem that loud, but when you heard him suddenly rumbling and calling out your name, you knew you fucked up.

You guide your body carefully to face the bed again, climbing onto the mattress and moving closer to the warmth of Wanderer's body.

"What is it?" You say with a subtle tone, not wanting to completely wake him up since it was still late.

“Mm… need it here…” you frown in confusion.

"What do you mean? What do you need?” You now carry a hint of worry in your voice, quickly towering over Wanderer’s body and reaching out to turn on the lights since he was closer to the lamp.

“I-I feel… something…” his voice drops as his eyes wander to his blanket covered body. Your hand reaches out to pull it off his body, assuming whatever he had was under the blanket since he couldn't stop looking.

However, the sight that beholds you is that of a man only in his boxers. Clothes thrown to the floor at some point in the night that you didn't notice, and a tent formed beneath the fabric of his underwear, which was wet enough to be discarded.

The feeling you felt faintly in your body before suddenly becomes more present and obvious, as you had ignored it until now. From now on there was nowhere to run. Besides getting hotter all over, an uncomfortable need made itself known between your legs, screaming to be relieved. You were wet like a fountain.

“Mmh? Y/N… it hurts.” He mumbles one more time. You clear your throat and look in his direction, realizing now that he had opened his eyes, without even a drop of tiredness on his face.

“I-it does?” Your legs close in an attempt to hide your intimacy discovered under your nightgown, — since you slept without it when you were at home — embarrassed for thinking about such dirty things after insisting that you sleep without touching each other.

Maybe you were just frustrated that the aphrodisiac didn't work. You two were very active and this time you rejected him because of his “mistake” in buying something that didn't work without seeing the reviews again. So it would be embarrassing to call out to him now knowing that you were the one in the wrong.

He nods, drawing his eyebrows together and diverting his teary gaze to the walls. You try to get your head straight and focus on your boyfriend. He's in pain, so whatever you're feeling right now isn't important.

"Where does it hurt? Show me." You struggle to express your concern, despite the tingling you felt throughout your body and the immense desire you had to simply tear off all his clothes and make him feel better with your body. But let's agree that that's not how things work in reality (or they shouldn't work like this for normal couples).

He grabs your hand. The trembling, anxious pulse as he guides you to his crotch. Your lips part in an “o”, and you instinctively begin to massage him through the fabric, drawing thin moans that you never thought you would hear coming from his lips.

“Nnngh use it! P-please- oh just use me—!” he arches his back to receive more contact with your hand, tears streaming down his face. "help me."

And that's when you completely lose control.

On the average, with a standard dosage, the effects of an aphrodisiac can begin to be felt within one to three hours of ingestion. You assumed the effects would be noticed right away, but it seems like it will only get more intense over time. How stupid were you to not realize this sooner?

You were dripping just like Wanderer, whose dick just freed by you was slick with precum from top to base. The “pulling out method” wouldn’t even have a chance of working this time if you weren't on the pill, not that you would care about the consequences if that were the case, clit aching to be touched.

You admire the treat in front of you, drooling to put it in your mouth and make your throat its home.

“N-no, wait— fuck! Wanna cum inside youuu.” He moves his hips and tries to push your face away, but it's not enough to stop you from lubricating your lips and mouthing his dick. The fingers around your hair loosen as he starts to soften and give up, eyes rolling into the back of his head with so much pleasure.

“Ohhh baby, feels so good around my c-cock.” Soon he gives in against you without much resistance. You hummed around his cock, sucking and making wet noises that left his ears red. The rest that you couldn't put in your mouth, you stimulated with your hands in a back and forth movement.

However for Wanderer, everything fit if you put your mind into it.

“T-take it good mmmn.” He starts to throw his hips against your mouth and hold your hair in a ponytail with one hand, using you to get off like a fuck toy, making you gag a few times until his cock was so deep in your throat that your nose touched his pelvic hair.

He holds your head still in that position. It becomes difficult to breathe and the only thing you can do is move your tongue randomly from one side to another. You are about to call him when you feel warm ropes of cum going down your throat.

“I'm still hard. Do something about it.” He asks demandingly, wiping his dripping seed from your lips with his thumb and then shoving two fingers inside your mouth so you could swallow it all well.

When he’s finished, you take a deep breath. Face red as you open your legs slightly to show your messy situation. A slimy substance sliding between your folds and glistening pussy, along with a throbbing clit, so sensitive to the touch!

He gets up from the bed, still limp from his recent orgasm, and brings his face closer to your intimacy, fascinated. “You’re as wet as when you’re ovulating. Even needier, I bet.” His finger passes between your folds, lining up with your entrance.

“Think it worked.” He smiles to himself, proud of having eaten so many chocolates earlier, and sticks his finger between your walls, just the act itself being enough to make you clench around it and let out a deep breath.

“And she’s so tight too. She must be even more sensitive today. Fuck, that way I can’t even move my fingers further.” He leaves his finger inside you without moving, feeling you grow impatient and start to rock your hips against the source of pleasure.

“T-then why is it going in? H-hah-“ your voice cracks, eyebrows draw together to match your melted eyes. Wanderer just smirks at the sinful scene.

“Ahh using me just like I said…” a gooey liquid escapes you when he suddenly pulls his finger out and manhandles you into being on all fours to fill your mouth with his sticky finger, distracting you so that you were unable to speak. “But you can very well use something bigger.”

He parts your legs, positioning his dick underneath to let your juices fall all over him and lubricate him completely as he rubs his dick between your folds, grunting every time the head reaches your hole and you clench needily.

“I-it’s so hard… it wants to be inside your pretty pussy.” He places a soothing hand on your waist and caresses it, looking so pleadingly at your body while slowly entering you when you wiggle your ass as a response.

With a heavy sigh coming out of both of you, he holds your waist very firmly and thrusts hard into you, changing positions every time he came inside you.

Finally, you were on top of him. He loved seeing you on top of him, tits bouncing up and down as you roll your hips in order to grind your clit on his pelvis at the same time you moved on his cock. He could never resist the urge to pinch your hard nipples and squeeze your belly to intensify your pleasure and to show you how deep he was inside you.

“Just one more time, please baby.” He kisses between your boobs, holding your waist in place when you told him you were getting tired and tried to go away. He knew you weren't done either, but he'd do all the work for you and make you feel good all over again until you came this one last time.

So when you replied with a “mhmm” he promptly pushed you down and slammed his cock all the way to your womb, pumping his cum from his previous orgasms back up into you once again, trying to reach another one with you.

“Ah- I don’t know if I can cum again!”

“No no, I know you can. Give it to me, hm?” He insists, silencing your uncontrolled blabbering sounds and sobs with his mouth, swallowing said noises while he flicked your swollen clit until your mind became all foggy again.

He slowed his ministrations when your walls tightened around his cock with a loud grunt, gushing out a thick stream of sperm inside you. Your faces parted for him to see your fucked out state and the line of drool connecting the two of you, he couldn't help but smile.

“You look so pretty like this. Almost makes me want to ruin you again.” He leaves a sweet kiss on your forehead, making it impossible for him to see your surprised face that comes after.

“I- I think that’s enough…?” Your voice comes out, although a little hoarse and low. There were still some chocolates left, and now you knew that you had to be careful to hide them from your boyfriend, as he seemed to have enjoyed this a little too much.

“You’re right, we can see about that tomorrow.” He teases, chuckling as you gulp down.

For a while, you both remain silent. He waits for you to start yawning and close your eyes to clean you up so you don't wake up uncomfortable in the morning. When he lies down with you again, he pulls you closer and leaves you lying on his chest.

Wanderer isn't accustomed to showing love through physical contact, but he knows you like it more than anything, and he can't deny that the feeling of your warm body on his makes him feel... things. The next day, he won't be there anymore, and your chest will tighten as you make your way to the kitchen, finding the smell of coffee strange until you’re looking at his back facing you.

For a moment, the tightness in your heart is replaced by the familiar butterflies in the stomach, and you sit on the counter as he smiles innocently and places a warm coffee in front of you.

Your hands hold the handle to bring the drink to your mouth when you notice the small candy on the saucer where the cup was and raise your head towards him to arch a doubtful eyebrow.

“To sweeten your coffee since I didn’t add sugar today.” He justifies himself.

Apparently, he’s addicted to chocolates now.

#𝜗𝜚 [ m0uchie posts! ]#+18 content #꒰ requests ꒱ྀི #divider by cafekitsune #wanderer smut #genshin impact smut #genshin smut #scaramouche smut

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rainstops · 6 months

Text

pen meets paper, head meets pillow

alhaitham x gn!reader

summary: you overwork yourself, but you really had to get a good grade on this test. clearly alhaitham cared more about your wellbeing than you did yourself.

a/n: based on true events!! minus the fact that i have a boyfriend to take care of me

It was late, yet you were unsure of how late exactly. not like it mattered to you anyways. all that mattered was that test tomorrow.

being a student, has often left you feeling dumb. especially around most of your friends who immediately understood any topic. your grades were average at best, and you could not let them drop by any chance. sure you were good at a lot of things, that a lot of people were not good at, but why could you just not get better grades? no matter how hard you tried, how much you believed you finally understood the current topic on hand, you were never pleasently surprised.

thats why you were grateful for your boyfriend. even if sometimes, people made you feel stupid, alhaitham has never made you feel that way. quite the oposite - whenever you needed it, he was more than happy to help you and explain anything you needed to know.

he was just in the room right next to yours, but you couldnt ask him for help. it was the middle of the night and he was sleeping.

just a little more you thought.

just another hour or two and then-

"hey why arent you in bed", alhaitham was standing behind you, hair messy and a sleepy yet concerned expression resting on his face. seeing alhaitham worries or concerned, was pretty new to you. sure sometimes he was worried about things, but never did he really let it show.

"i have a test tomorrow", you replied, as if that explained why you were disregarding how tired your brain and your body were. you were neglecting your health, and alhaitham seemed to be more aware of it than you were. "so? you need to sleep [name]. a test isnt nearly as important as your health", alhaitham looked down at what you were writing. papers were spread all over your desk, messy notes, graphs, pictures and at least two books. or maybe three. you couldnt really tell under the mess.

but alhaitham realy grew concerned when he saw your face. your eyes were sleepy as never before, and as equally teary. why you were crying, you didnt even know yourself. maybe it was because you were tired, or maybe because you didnt really understand the topic.

without another word alhaitham started cleaning up your desk, collecting the papers and put them into a neat pile on the side of your desk.

"hey- wait im not done-", alhaitham did in fact not stop. he continued closing the books and collecting all the pencils you had used.

as much as you wanted to protest, as much as you wanted to tell him that you needed to study more, you knew he wouldnt hear it. and surely you were also too tired to actually do anything against it.

"alhaitham i cant fail this test, i need to get at least a C. if i dont-"

"if you dont go to sleep youre not going to get even a C, because your brain wont have enough rest, and youre not going to get a good grade no matter how much you study", alhaitham didnt want to hear what you were going to say. maybe if he wouldnt have cut you off, he wouldve never heard the end of it.

"come on, go to sleep", reluctantly, you got up from your chair, and alhaitham took you by the hand, to lead you to your bedroom.

when he turned to look at you, you were rubbing your sleepy eyes. even when you were tired, you were just so cute, alhaithams heart skipped a beat. and he was so glad he was there - he didnt even dare to think how many times you had put yourself through this while he wasnt there.

you layed down on your soft bed, and under the cold sheets, but alhaithams warm body made up for the weird feeling off the cold against your skin. his arms wrapped around your waist, and he somewhat burried his face in your shoulder.

a few minutes had passed, in comfortable silence and just listening to each others soft breaths and heartbeats.

"[name], please dont overwork yourself like that. its not good for you", you were already asleep when he said that.

a/n: storytime,, today i collapsed in school because i overworked myself for a test... i fucked up the test anyways...

#rainstops #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham

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lucysgraybird · 2 months

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to show hospitality to angels

pairing: billy the kid x reader

warnings: discussions of religion (brief and light)

title source: hebrews 13:2. i think

a/n: hello ! i am not catholic and thus don't know protocol for catholic mass. generally im like religious lite so im really sorry if my discussions of God are sacrilegious in this, it's just how i conceptualize religion. also i don't think they are sacrilegious, im just preemptively apologizing

Billy was not a religious man, but that didn't mean he never went to church. Call it Catholic guilt, call it respecting his ancestors, but he made it to mass on Easter and Christmas and on rare Sundays if he was particularly missing his ma.

This particular winter morning saw him in the sanctuary for the Christmas morning service, doing his best to be still and silent. Though these holiday services were longer, he preferred them to the ones on Sunday – the church was prettier, decorated for the season, and there was usually more (and nicer) music. The choir stood behind the pulpit, though admittedly he wasn't paying much attention to the full picture, searching for one singer. Someone had a lilting soprano voice that made the world soft and a little fuzzy at the edges; maybe not trained, maybe not clean, but the kind of voice that played on the outskirts of memories of sleepy childhood nights. Through First Noël and Little Town of Bethlehem he scanned the right of the choir, but couldn't identify quite where the voice was coming from.

Then, for Silent Night, you stepped forward, a worn book of music clutched open to your chest as you gathered your red-and-green ruffled skirts. Billy had made the early New Year’s resolution to be a little more careful about falling in love, but the moment you began to sing he knew that was out the window. There was a slight tremble in your hands, betrayed by the fluttering paper and betraying your nerves at this solo, but your voice soared clear through the chapel anyways. Every worry Billy had went out the window – the cold and snow that were rolling in, the bounty still on his head, the insecurity of his whole life, all gone at the sound of your voice. There was only here and now, the sweeping melody wrapping around him like a blanket.

It was over in a second. The solo, that is. The feeling it had brought him, the peace he hadn't felt in God knows how long, remained for the rest of the service, until he was standing and scrambling to the front after the final prayer to talk to you.

“Miss?” He said, the brim of his hat crushed in his hands.

You turned, face soft and open. “Yes?”

“I just wanted to tell you that you got a real beautiful voice.”

A smile just about split your cheeks, now dusted with a pink blush. “Oh, thank you! I was so nervous, so I'm glad at least one person enjoyed it. I've never seen you here before. Are you new in town?”

Now it was his turn to flush. “I've been here a couple months. I don't make it to church as often as I oughta, I suppose.”

To his surprise, no judgement sprung up in your eyes.

“There's no set number of times someone ought to come to mass,” you said. “We all have lives. Church is always there when we need a break – or can take one.”

Such a sage statement coming from someone his age, maybe even a little younger, almost made him laugh, but it actually settled the nerves in his chest.

“I thought since you were in the choir, you'd be real pious,” Billy said.

Your mouth turned down in a conspiratorial smile, just this side of letting out a giggle.

“I slip out the back after we sing sometimes,” you confided. “I grew up a preacher’s daughter, and it seems more worth it to me now to go to church when I actually want to be with God, not just because I feel like I have to.”

“I like that,” he said thoughtlessly, and immediately felt stupid for the simplicity.

It earned him a toothy grin, though, and you brushed your hand against his arm.

“I have to get home now, but I would like to see you again. I'm a teacher at the schoolhouse in town, so you can find me there every afternoon.”

His surprise at your interest in him manifested in silence, and you dropped your hand in shame.

“I'm sorry, that was incredibly forward of me. If-”

“No! No, I want to see you again too. I'll come by the school on, say, Friday? If you're not too busy?”

“Not at all. Just tell me your name, so I know who I'm welcoming?”

“William,” he said, something about you making him desperate to be proper, then desperate to be honest. “Billy.”

“Well, Billy, it was lovely to meet you.”

You cast a glance around the room, then rose on your toes to press a kiss to his cheek before leaving to get your coat. What a strange tableau you would've created, he thought, had anyone seen you: the lips of a preacher's daughter on the skin of an outlaw. It was almost something out of a dime novel. It wasn't until you were surely long-gone that he realized he had never caught your name.

#repost bc tumblr was giving me mixed messages the first tjme #billy the kid fanfiction #billy the kid imagine #billy bonney #billy the kid x reader #billy the kid #billy the kid 2022 #william h bonney x you #william h bonney x reader #william h bonney imagine #william h bonney #tom blyth x reader #tom blyth

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missroro · 7 months

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It was a sunny day, a few clouds here and there, and a cool breeze. The day is good. The holder of the six eyes lay on the grass field, with hands behind his head. Allowing himself to relax and feel the sunlight warming up his body. The day is good.

The grown man take a deep breath of the clear air and let it put with a smile, relaxing further. Damn I should stay here forever-

Beneath the shed of a sakura tree, there a much older woman sat. Shaking her head at her little brother behavior. “Satoruu!!” She call out, but he won’t budge. So she called again, “Satoruuu!!” Still nothing.

Annoyed, she slip one of her sandals and throw it at him as she shout, “SATORU!” It landed right on his forehead, “OUCH- IM COMING!” Satoru also annoyed shouted back at her as he pout and rub his forehead like a child. He snatched the sandal from the ground and give it back to her.

“Why do you always hit me with your sandal?” He said, as he sit beside her. “Because you’re stupid,”She muttered, as she pull out a bunch of food from the picnic basket. “Hey!” He pout, opening his mouth to protest only to be shoved in a sandwich. “Eat your food and be quiet.”

A moment of silence followed, “I can feel you staring you know..” says Satoru with his mouth full of food. “You know, you can’t stay here forever.”

Satoru stop his munching and swallow his food, as he look at the woman beside him. She looks the same as him, only older, with longer hair, and darker blue eyes. “I know.”

“Are you scared, Little toru?”

“I am not.”

Y/N laugh and rub his white hair, “Okay.”

She look over to her younger brother and her eyes soften. No matter how much he had grown, he will always be the little boy who cried over candy in her heart.

“Will you be there with me?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you be there with me when I fight?”

“I am always with you, Little toru. Always.”

He fell silence, turned his face away from her. He let out a sigh, “Im tired, Y/N,” he plopped his head down on her lap. “Im tired.”

“Here, I have something for you.” Pulling out a single mochi out of her basket. “Eat this and you’ll become strong in no time!” She put it on his hand.

“Eh? A mochi? What does it have to do with me? No, since when do you learn how to coo-“

“Don’t question me brat! Just eat.” She slap his forehead again. “Okay! Okay! Im sorry geez..”

Her gentle hand stroke his head “You are strong, Satoru. So, don’t be afraid.” Her voice soft and assuring.

“…”

“I will always be with you. be brave.”

“But im sleepy, Y/N. Being the strongest is hard y’know?”

“Nuh uh, Little boy you have to get up.”

“No..”

“You gotta get up, GET UP-“

“GET UP SATORU!” Utahime scream at his face, jolting him awake. “The battle will start soon. I’ll let you get ready.” She said as she leave.

He sigh as he stand up and walk to open his window, letting the cold morning air to seep into his room. He was about to turn and walk away to get ready and suddenly heard her through the wind.

Be brave, little brother. Make me proud.

He smile, “I will.” He close the window.

It almost time to get going, he was about to head out. He suddenly see a single mochi on his mini table. He shook his head with a chuckle and eat the mochi, “Thanks Y/n.”

You’re welcome, brat.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen imagine #jujutsu kaisen imagines #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru imagines

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popquizhot-shot · 1 year

Text

Haven't I-5

a/n :this is honestly a filler, but it's full of emotions and sadness and im actually really happy with how this came out<3 im so sorry it took literally two weeks but theres a lotta shit going on rn but thank you all so much for your comments and support i love all of you<33 Part 4-

When you’d fallen under, Joel felt a fear he’d only felt a few times in his life. And the fact that it was for you frightened him. This was why Tommy should have come.

But why over you? Was it because you reminded him of his girasol? Or was it because despite the arguments and the petty fights and horrible singing, he’d grown to care for you? It didn’t make sense, he’d met you two days ago, and one of the first things you’d done was argue with him.

You remind him of her. He couldn’t deny that. Your hair, the way you carried yourself. Your humour. Your eyes.

You shivered against him and his heart twisted as he felt your limbs shake. He held you tighter and reassured you. Ignoring the fact that there was a small chance you might not make it. You had spent quite a while in the water because he’d been searching for a way to get you out.

He didn’t want to think about you dying, Why? His heart screamed. Why do you care?

He didn’t need another failure on his hands. That was it.

His fingers that were splayed across your back felt a ridge? Or a bump. A tattoo. His fingers traced its shape.

Was this creepy? He slowly raised his head but you shifted and he jolted backwards. Creep.

“You okay?” your hoarse voice whispers. Shit she’s awake.

He just grunted in reply.

“Joel, you need sleep.” he can feel her lips moving over his shoulder.

“I’m not sleepy just yet, Mitch.”

“All that talk and you’ll drop off like the old man you are in five minutes.” you chuckle slowly.

“Shut up and sleep, jeez.” he hugs you tighter. Because it’s cold.

It’s freezing and he doesn’t want you to die because he doesn’t need more guilt because he’s got enough on his hands.

He thinks of Amy. Of her lovely brown hair and forest eyes that stare into the depths of his soul. He thinks of her rare smile and how she has no qualms with being ruthless. He thinks of how her voice is harsh and her glare is sharp, cutting. He thinks of Ellie. Sweet Ellie who’s become like his daughter. He huffs out a quiet laugh because Ellie is not sweet. She is thunder and rain. She is everything good and right and yet a powerful firecracker.

He knows they’re okay. He trusts Amy to take care of both herself and Ellie. But he needs to see it, because when he’s left to his own imagination, all he sees is death.

He needs you to be okay, because if you’re okay, then you’ll be able to take him to where his family is. To the people he loves.

He’s so lost in his thought he doesn’t notice his finger has been tracing the tattoo on your back and he stops as soon as he realizes. Idiot.

In a moment of insanity, he begins to hum. It’s a happy tune and he can feel your smile. It’s no Hank Williams or Johnny Cash. It’s a cheesy song that Sarah’s favourite band released.The very one she’d play non-stop so it got ingrained in his brain.

“Feel this love, my angel?” you ask him and his eyebrows shoot up.

“You know the stupid band?”

You nod, “Someone I knew loved the band. She’d play it everyday.”

There’s silence after that, and the only sound is the crackle of fire and the wind outside.

And then your croaky, hoarse voice rings out, “You…are, my fire.”

He groans, “You’re supposed to be asleep.”

“The one…desire.. Humour me Miller.”

For a moment he contemplates covering your mouth so you shut up but he just sighs, “....Believe.” his voice cracks and you stifle a laugh, “Shush.”

He clears his throat, “..Believe when I say-”

“I want it that way.” you finish in unison.

“Now shut up and sleep, Mitch.” he says

“You go to sleep, Miller.”

The hours go by as you both snark each other and try to ignore the looming presence of possible death, you talk until you fall asleep from exhaustion.

—--------

When the sun sets and it is night, you raise your head to look at Joel’s sleeping figure. This is creepy.

You can feel the sunflower tattoo on his upper back. He’d gotten it for you and you’d gotten a guitar tattooed for him. His eyes flutter beneath his eyelids and he’s murmuring in his sleep. It’s something he’d done ever since the outbreak started. Your eyes roam his face and take in everything that has changed, and everything that remained. His full lips are chapped and his beard is still patchy. His brown hair had greyed over the years and it suited him. His fingers still twitched when he slept and he snored softly.

You drop your head and grit your teeth. After years of people gawking at your face, you scars didn’t faze you anymore. But now, you wish the face he looked at wasn’t the disfigured abomination that scared the shit out of little children. You wish your face was what it was before, the one that Joel had fallen in love with.

Years of building a wall around yourself proved useless because now you were just the foolish, insecure girl who still had hope. At this moment, you were not Mitch. You were not the woman behind the mask that the people in Jackson looked up to. You were sweet little girasol. Sunflower. The sweet girl who trusted too easily and wasn’t capable of shutting the fuck up. Joel always brought out that side of you because that was who he had fallen in love with. You felt stupid and pathetic because all that girl longed for was to be noticed, loved. To be someone’s first choice. She wanted her family and peace. She wanted to waltz with her husband and sing along to atrocious music with her daughter. She wanted heart wrenching arguments that ended in mumbled apologies and frantic kisses. She wanted to comfort her daughter and do her makeup.

You clench your jaw. That girl was the one who would get left behind if there was a crisis. She wasn’t fast enough. That girl was the one who people took advantage of. You were that girl no longer.

“You hungry?” Joel’s voice pulls out of your thoughts and you look up to find him staring at you.

You start to shake your head but your stomach grumbles and he chuckles, “I found canned food in the kitchen.”

“I know, Miller. I put them there. Let’s eat. I’m starving.”

As he rolls onto his back and sits up, you can see the tattoo. Yellow and brown etched onto his skin. It was a mutual gift for each other on your fifth wedding anniversary.

“Can you hand me my shirt?” you ask him.

“He reaches over and pats the grey fabric, “It’s still a bit damp. Here take this.” He gives you his brown coat. As you put the jacket on and try and tame your hair, he wears his shirt and jeans and then heads to the kitchen. Leaving you alone and draped in his jacket.

“So, what was your life like?” you ask him, because you can’t help yourself. You shove a forkful of whatever is on the plate into your mouth.

He freezes mid-chew and you resist the urge to look away. But you keep looking at him, no mask on, practically naked. Eating dinner made by his careful hands.

With a gulp he answers, “Content. Happy, I’d say. I was a contractor.” he pauses and rubs his left hand, “I..had a family.”

You hum in reply, “Were you still as grumpy as you are now?”

It shocks you to see a small lazy grin form on his face, “Sometimes, but my lady always made me feel better.”

You raise an eyebrow, and he stutters, “N-No I mean, not like that.”

If your memory serves you right, sometimes it was like that.

“Forgive me, but I find it hard to believe you were married.” you’re being stupid. You’re riling him up. It’s foolish and immature.

His lips quirk up. It’s unnerving, “For a long time, I couldn’t believe it myself. But she and my daughter were my whole world.”

You knew better than to ask about Sarah, so you just smiled, “They seem nice.”

You fully expect him to flinch or turn away when you smile because it looks like a grimace. Many people did.

He does nothing, only placing his plate on the table. It doesn’t faze him.

“Most people look away.” you tell him.

His eyes bore into your own, “I’m not most people.”

The silence is calming yet deafening. He’s so close yet so far away and all you have to do is tell him your name. All you have to do is turn around and take the jacket off and he’ll know.

He breaks the silence, “We’ll leave tomorrow morning, I reckon your clothes have already dried by now. That is, if you’re okay with me calling a few shots?”

You snort, “Sure, Miller.”

He nod, “Alright, Mitch.”

:@daddy-din @ephemerensis@charlyrmv@bellaramseysbitch@tripovertiff@im-constantly-fangirling@pussy-f41ry@corvusmorte@mrknifess @corpsebridenightamare@chesirecat000@glshmbl@jbcalway@o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi@glshmbl @starkleila @chamomileh0ney @nameisvaishali

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #the last of us #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #tlou hbo #haven't i

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punkharryp0tt3r · 4 months

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Mini Rarry/Ronarry fanfic

(If you don’t like Ron x Harry, please, don’t waste your time reading this)

Harry had just been in Gryffindor tower, cuddling in bed with Ron, where was he now?

This place was dark, he realized he was standing on wet grass, and there was a very subtle mist floating around, then more came into his view. Gravestones, thorns in the grass… Luckily, he was wearing shoes, so he couldn’t feel the thorns.

Wait a minute, when was he wearing shoes?

His surroundings held a sort of dark familiarity to them, but his head felt foggy, and he had a wave of anxiety wash over him. He stopped examining his surroundings for a moment, and instead went to looking at himself.

What was he wearing..? A dirty long sleeved shirt with red and gold colors on it, some dirtied black pants and- wait, this was his triwizard tournament uniform, except why would he be wearing that..?

And then it hit him, and he froze.

He looked up again, his eyes darting around and his head turning rapidly, looking around panicked. He knew where he was now, he was at that damn graveyard.

He was hyperventilating, he barely noticed the tears forming in his eyes, to panicked to care, when a hand landed on his shoulder.

“Harry? Are you alright?”

Cedric’s voice said from beside Harry.

Harry let out a slow breath, turning his head towards him, and he saw Cedric’s bright face, his golden eyes, and the tears that had been building in his yes rolled down his face.

“C-Cedric- Get- get out of here, p-please…It’s not safe, he’ll kill you-“ Harry tried explaining, but he was breathing so heavily and stuttering so much he bet Cedric couldn’t even understand what he was saying, his suspicions were confirmed when Cedric responded.

“What? Harry- What are you even talking about? Where are we?” Cedric said, looking down at him, confusion filling his big golden eyes, the eyes he used to marvel at. Harry was practically bawling now, Cedric couldn’t be here- He needed to stay safe, he needed to get out of here-

“Ce-Cedric, just please- get out, it’s not safe here, I’m so sorry I brought you here- just-“ Harry hiccuped through his sobs. “Please just- Run back to the cup, get out of here- please….” Harry was shaking Cedric by the shoulders, trying to get him to move, to get out of here.

Then, the voice he had been dreading hearing ran out from the darkness.

“Kill the spare”

Loud ringing filled Harry’s ears, green light flashed hauntingly across the graveyard, and a thump hit the ground.

Harry gasped awake, cold sweat covering him, his heart pounding so viciously in his ears he swore his eardrums would burst, additional coldness came from the tears running down his face and the fact he had just accidentally kicked the blankets off him.

He felt like he was both in the graveyard and wherever he was right now. Everything was weirdly distorted, and stretched around weirdly.

This feeling, he never got used to it, it was like a new hell each time.

“Harry.”

He shook with sobs, he heard people move around him, who were they- what was going on-

“Harry”

Someone was close to him, just who-

“Harry, Love, calm down, your safe.”

Came Ron’s voice from beside him. Ron’s big warm freckled arms wrapped around him, pulling him out of his nightmare completely.

Harry blinked a couple of times through tears, Ron’s worried sleepy face came into his vision after quite a few blinks. Oh, and a couple of other faces two. Such as Dean Thomas’s and Neville Longbottoms. Harry hurriedly wiped at his face, it was just a stupid nightmare-

“Relax, mate, your alright.” Dean said putting a hand on Harry’s shoulder hesitantly. “Yeah, your safe, just like Ron said.” Neville added from beside Dean. Harry immediately began apologizing, they should be asleep, but because of him, they were losing much needed rest..

“I’m- Im sorry f-for waking you guys up..” Harry quickly apologized. “Hey, hey, stop right there, you don’t have to apologize, It’s alright Haz.” Dean said, smiling kindly at him. Harry pitifully tried returning the smile, sniffling and burying his face in his redhead boyfriends shirt, hugging onto him for dear life.

After Ron assured Dean and Neville that they’d be alright, Dean and Neville went back to there beds. Ron gently pushed Harry back into laying down, Harry buried his face into Ron’s neck.

“Are you okay love?” Ron whispered gently in Harry’s ear, playing with his messy hair as Harry just enjoyed Ron’s natural warmth. “Yeah, I’m alright now…just a bit..shaken-“ Harry quietly mumbled into Ron’s neck. “Yeah, I can assume you are..” Ron gently kissed Harry on the top of the head. “How about we get you a glass of water….rinse your face off, and get you some new pajamas. Because I’m pretty sure you don’t want to sleep in clothes that are soaked in cold sweat, love.” Ron pointed out.

Harry shifted into a sitting position, pulling Ron up with him. “Yeah…” Harry whispered quietly into Ron’s chest. The two got out of bed, walking to the bathroom. Ron yawned, only lighting a candle, not wanting to have a super bright light in either of there eyes this late in the night. Ron gently rinsed the sweat of of Harry’s face, drying his face off with a towel afterwards. Harry got his glass of water, changed his clothes, and climbed back in bed with Ron, very sleepy.

“Ron..?” Harry whispered sadly in his ear, as he wrapped his arms around Ron and tangled there legs together.

“Yes?” Ron said, looking at him sweetly with his magnificent blue eyes.

“Do you…just-“ Harry let out a sad sigh. “Promise you won’t ever leave me..?”

Ron relaxed his eyes, smiling sweetly at his very sleepy boyfriend, who was buried in his chest.

“Promise I won’t ever leave you.”

“O-oh, alright…good-goodnight.. I- I love you..” Harry’s eyes drooped closed.

“I love you too, goodnight.”

(AAAAAHHH)

Sorry for my horrible writing btw, also I tried to make his nightmares due to his PTSD realistic, correct me if anything about that is wrong!

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asstarien · 8 months

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“ILL.”

 synopsis : chan deals with heavy anxiety and stress, he often has trouble dealing with it effectively.

 warnings : anxiety talk , angsty scenarios , mentions of self harm , allusion to sex , sex as a coping mechanism , men showing emotion … if you hate that? both chan and reader are toxic… [18+]

READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION



“sometimes i feel like im trapped in a black room with no way to escape.”

chan punched at the blacked out walls, screaming into the never ending void of silence for help. for anyone to listen.

“nobody ever comes…im just left screaming until my throat feels like i-it’s bleeding and my…m-my fists are so bloody and raw. the dream drains me and when i finally wake up im screaming in real life too.”

your hands ran up and down his chest, soothing him before you nuzzled your forehead into his cheek. “channie? i’m here baby, im right here. it was just a dream. okay?”

“but it’s never just a dream. it’s always real life. it’s my real life.” his eyes burned with warning of crying. his fingers grabbed his nose, plugging it closed to stop the burn that radiated up his slimmed cheeks.

of course the stupid therapist jotted down everything he said, judging him silently. yet, he kept coming back because you ushered him here. telling him you were seeing a difference in the person he was becoming. Chan tried not to be hurt by this, he really did.

but once his brows scrunched together and his lips formed a heavy frown there was no turning back the argument that followed.

you guys argued for what felt like hours. it only ended because in the midst of the argument he began to put his shoes on, too riled up you didn’t notice or care that he was basically getting dressed to leave. when the door slammed in your face you fell silent, suddenly bursting out into tears as the emotions collapsed at your feet.

turning to face the empty shell of a broken home, you picked up the leftovers for dinner, choking back sobs as you scraped dinner plates out and rinsed them to be washed.

he’d come home sooner or later, he always did.

his friends made it a habit to tell you if was crashing at their places but lately, they’ve stopped filling you in. you were left to wonder and stress until the next day he stumbled in, eyes bloodshot and sleepy.

as he normally did, Chan sauntered in, stone cold emotion clad to his features. it was obvious he had been crying, the stale crusty tears that festered against his pale skin was a huge giveaway. you wanted to act like you didn’t care, that leaving wasn’t a big deal but it was much bigger than you’d ever let on.

once he disappeared behind the wall to the kitchen, you sprinted behind him, taking silent steps to watch like a hawk at his next movements.

“i don’t need a goddamn babysitter,” Chan forced out, voice hoarse and low. he slammed cabinets shut, barely turning to look in your direction, to even acknowledge you were his wife to begin with. “i’m fine.”

“i’m sorry about what i said.” you searched his back, looking for any sign of change. any sign that he might be the old Chan again and spring to hug and kiss you. and when he didn’t, you sighed and carried on. “i will always love you, Chan. every part of you…and i fucking mean that.”

you bit your tongue hard to stop the water works that wanted to spill over onto your cheeks. “but you cannot be mad at me for wanting the old you back. you just can’t. you cannot be mad at me for wanting to get you help that i cannot give you anymore.”

Chan finally did falter, his shoulders drooped and you heard his chest do the little rattle like it did when he cried. his shoulders bounced as he cried, he started crying so hard he had to take hold of the counter top, bending over it. you stepped up behind him wrapping your arms around his midsection tightly, your cheek planted into his back as you both cried.



TWO MONTHS LATER

“how are things now?”

“a bit better. we’ve moved past a hurdle together i guess, the nightmares don’t wake me up screaming anymore.”

“did you find something healthy to cope with your anxiety?”

“you could say that.” Chan was thrilled with his new outlet. he could burn energy from thinking and make you feel better all in one setting. “but i ruined that i think.”

Chan pulled out of you with a low grunt, kissing just where your shoulder and neck met before he laid beside you. unhealthy, he resorted to fucking you and himself senseless to forget about the void that just couldn’t be filled inside.

at first, you didn’t complain since this was the most sex you’ve had with him in the 4 years you’ve been married to him.

he’d find you at your job, fuck you into oblivion in the nearest bathroom before leaving like nothing happened. then it was date nights, music release nights, and every other night or day he felt the need to release his demons.

you felt almost bad when he called you and you didn’t answer. completely fucked out from the previous nights to even bother throwing on a skimpy skirt for him to ruin. he absolutely demolished the call button, furious with you not picking up. it made him angry that you were ignoring him. on that last call he left a nasty voicemail that you sat in disbelief listening to, over and over again until tears welled in your eyes.

when he came home that night you tossed a bag of toiletries at him, “since i’m such an easy fucking lay, go find someone else who will let you fuck them. you fucking bastard.”

of course with his athletic abilities he caught it with ease, shaking his head at you. “you are an easy fuck. glad i got my use out of you before you became fucking crazy.”

“i’m the crazy one but you see a shrink. get the fuck out, Christopher.” your palm shoved him right out the door he came through, slamming it hard in his face before turning and locking it. you knew he didn’t have his keys so you left him there, hanging and shouting incoherent curses at you.



A WEEK LATER

“yes? mrs. bahng, we have Christopher here in the hospital. he hurt himself pretty badly and he needs to be driven home. we had to stitch him up.” it was a friendly man that woke you up from your slumber, he introduced himself as Doctor. Kim. he even stayed on the phone with you, describing your husband’s injuries.

when you burst through the door of the emergency room, throwing yourself at the desk, chanting Christopher’s full government like a mantra until they gave you a room.

“Chris? Chris?!” pushing past the nurse on-call, you fell into the chair beside his bed, examining him throughly before you threw your arms around him, sobbing uncontrollably.

“i—im okay, y/n. im okay.” you couldn’t even look him in his bloodshot, teary eyes. your palms smoothed up his cheeks, cupping them as you planted hot kisses all over his face. you pecked his lips over and over until he was crying again, begging you for forgiveness.

the nurse on standby watched awkwardly before leaving the room to attend to another patient.

“what did you do baby? what did you do?” you held his arm up, examining the large bandage that wrapped around his wrist. your eyebrows scrunched in painful disbelief at the thought of him hurting himself, but it wasn’t something he was opposed to.

Chan needed to get rid of the feelings, all the emotions that clogged his brain and made him feel inhuman.

“i did something stupid. but i want to be here y/n, i want to be with you.”

there you went cupping his face again, kissing his tear covered face before guiding his head into your chest where you coddled him like a child.

“i want you here, Channie. I want to be with you forever.”



FOUR WEEKS LATER

“welcome to our session Mrs. Bahng. i’m glad you decided to come in today. i’ve heard some good things about you.” Dr. Lee shook your hand and welcomed you to sit, you gracefully took the chair next to your husband who was smiling brightly at your decision to show up.

you decided it was best you also seen a therapist to better understand what Chan was going through. to offer him healthy ways to cope and understand better what was happening to him.

during the entire process you listened deeply to your husband speak, tell you things you had no idea was happening to him. he told you stories of growing up that traumatized him and stories of you both meeting that truly changed the trajectory of his life.

grabbing his hand you intertwined his fingers with your own, bringing his hand up to your mouth to kiss his skin gently.

“i love you, through thick and thin. i will always be here, no more running. either of us. got it?”

“i got it, Mrs. Bahng. until death do us part.”

#stray kids bangchan #stray kids #i love chan #skz scenarios #skz chan #skz imagines #skz stay #kpop #angsty #skz angst #anxiety

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girlwithfish · 1 year

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alex g show was rly fun im glad i went even tho the drive there was so horrible because trips r stressful on its own and when ur crazy and having a lot of period of instability it does not mix well 😹im not a real adult bc im stupid and navigating dc was so hard. we got there pretty late like 20min before the opener but had a decent ish spot in the middle of the crowd kind of i could see the stage pretty well just had to hold my phone rly high when i recorded sometimes. waitedoutside in the cold from like 11-1:15am w like 20ppl bc everyone was waiting for the band to come out since they usually do but i dont think alex ended up meeting fans LOL we just left at 1:15 bc it was 35f degrees it was so ridiculous but it was like nice to talk to other fans and then we had to find the place we were staying at at 2am bc im a stupid tourist i didnt think abt parking for the hotel bc i assumed they wld have parking idk im not from a big city sooo yeah anyway they didnt so we called while i was driving aimlessly around downtown to ask if they knew any parking garages ppl usually park at nearby and the guy wouldnt tell us and said we had to check in first and come to the hotel then hed tell us and he seemed really annoyed at us so we just found a public lot to park at like 10min walk away and it was like 30$ i would hav liked to stay longer but the whole day wss so exhausting and we hd to check out at at 11am nd paying to park somewhere again wld have been annoying so we just ordered pizza then passed out and i slept like 5hrs bc it wss late by the time we got there nd then had to wake up at 1025 to pack and chrck out and the drive home was so brutal bc i was relly sleepy i guess? idk i have never been that sleepy driving before. drove the 3hrs then switched and fell asleep. it was fun tho despite all the traffic dc traffic is soo bad and so is virginia and driving in dc is terrifying. saw Crab and mis live tho

#bought acid got a setlist too also never not eat b4 a concert u will grt destroyed. lol #it was so cold outside waiting 😭we wanted to cuz alex might go on hiatus after thjs tour and its last show for a while soooo #i hate the cold tho my feet were so numb and i wasnt dressed for 35f weather tbh #shiw was rly good a lot of teenagers but the crowd where i was wasnt that bad not rly any pushing or anything #the venue staff were so strict it was like after u leave the building u cant reenter 😭#i wld have liked to stay longer but wss so tired the next day plus paying for more parking nd everytbing wld have been </3 #im still triggered j stopped at a rest stop and the vendng machjnes were broken so i lost 4$ bc the thing wldnt push the snack down ..

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mean-hare · 2 years

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i wrote diary about my stupid life. my book about may. pathetic but here you (me?) are

disclaimer: the following writing is very bad, loosy, full of mistakes and can cause headache or nausea because of how shitty text is. im sorry, i am really terrible writer. also i am not promoting any of these things i wrote there (dont do it, kids), its just my life without a word of lie and i really dont enjoy it

MEAN HARE WILL NEVER BE CUTE BUNNY

chapter 1

1.50 am and i am laying here on the floor, nott really hungry but sleepless as a fuck. my heart is crumping in harmony with the melody of darkjazz. i drank too much milk. i drank too much tea. i accidentally poured water on bedsheed so now im shivering under blanket too thin for thiscold hours of deep night

may, 1 of course i overeat. of course i blame myself. of course i hate myself for this wicked crawings maybe not for food but for something unsolved and looked like food can tame or replace it. of course it cant

may, 2 oh the gold horned field creature, that breath taking cage of ribs. vertige of warmth of the grasslands and cool air of spring night. why i can not be near you? why do i betray you?why dont you let me be good with you?

may, 3 after the day full of sweets and energy drinks and drowsing till 2pm after sleepless night i drank few cups of cold tea and was thinkin about palacsintas (flat pancakes filled with curd) my mom made them as if she can read my mind. few ones, maybe for 800 calories, thats good.

i love late night online connections with schizofrenic bois. theyre few years older than me, much smarter than me, and they smoke and use dope and everything like that. they love me and i dont know why but i adore them too (sometimes)

may,4 i need more tea. this fucking house slightly becomes tealess. how should i satisfy my cold inner void now, huh?!?!?!????!?! 04:37 am (technically its 5th of may now) i shouldnt eat and drink that much. oversaccharined, overcaffeinated sleepless night. soundtracked by slowed down danish spermetoxicosed rockers. nurtured by my usual longing for presence of my dearest boy danni, my only friend, my love. he is smarter than me so he is sleeping now

may,5 still bad, still fat, still overeaten, sugary and oiled failure, a covered a little by few hypomaniac hours, and that hours crashet down cruelly by merciless night tiredness. anyway last time my sleep was only 2 hours long

may, 6 today i am a meme kitten: full of milk,. little sleepy fat one

may, 7 i dont want to write about another failure, once again and again and again

may, 8 pretty little morning like a golden curls on a head of little child with ugly stupid loudly arguing mom, yeah, that morning i had cookies and popcorn and what else whatever, its not necessary to talk about that but i still talking and i do this, you cannot stop my mouth and my hands from what i say and what i do. im throwing up in old bag of chips that was waiting fof its time until today. no matter how quiet i would throwing up in toilet, my dad can hear the vomit sounds going throught the ventilation pipes so i knee before the god of junk and trying to spitting this vomit and sweet saliva into that black junk smelling bag but failure is here, its always was, i vomit everywhere, floor is wet all in liquid brown mass warmed by my itchy organism, how pity and how shameful could be that if it wasnt so funny? my long guitar nails on right hand are painful for my victimised throat. my not so long nails on left hand are cracked, are broken and oh how dirty they are, all the dirt on them, how many calories in dirt?/???? fuck me, fuck my vomit on the floor, vomitting was sweet so it was fun but now its time to clean it all. no vomit in the flat ov my parents (they shouldnt know, i dont need the 4th asylum story in my bio) what can stop you from overeating?i asking myself. not motivaton, not plently of tea, not fear, not greedy economy, even not love or punishment. its just the pain in bullymia-beaten stomach, the hardness and exhaustion of fine throwing up. how tiring it always was for me. and hOW gREAT that clean empty stomach becomes after that. im feelin almost saint

may, 9 failed by overeating again but i want to speak about a memory that evening i ate bread with apricot jam i guess that was winter (december 2020) where i was searching some soul that can be close to me, so lonely and crawing i was and found that girl or i should say women, she was 27 and i arrived to the centre of the city. she was drinkin hot wine while waiting me and when i stood near the opera theatre, she came to me: lilac coat (her only coat), ski glasses, long dark hair as eastern as her dark eyes, thin lips on her slightly sharp face, thin arms holding hot paper cup. the asked me am i waiting her. she said that known i am Yora at first sight. we walked a hour or more, we talked i cant remember about what we were talking clearly, i guess she told about her life, she travels a lot and she is very interesting person not only for me, she knows many people and many things, and she is so sincere unlike the most people. we entered a marked to buy some tea and i saw her bare hands there, they were abstracty tattooed, that few years old tattoos looked so good on her thin hands, on somewhere red and very dry skin we came to her flat and she made me tea and something to eat with tea bc many people love to eat something sweet with tea. she gave me black bread and cherry jam, so dark and a little reminiscented of blood. it was the only sweet food in her home. its very unlikely for me to eat a bread with jam, and i like to drink my tea without any food, but that was special day and special feeling of find a new friend. we were so close that winter and spring. her name is masha, shes living in prague right now as i know

may, 10 i woke up at 2 pm again so i awake after a good sleep. almost all day i read portugalian modernist writer, distracted for sing to urfaust songs, draw on walls of my room, make and drink tea(a lot of tea!), pissing (because there was really a lot of tea), searching for books about dogs, looking at old portraits in book about fashion story, reading about antarctic, drawing some confused young lads, thinking about danni, staring thru the window at blue may sky, as you see i was busy. at the late evening i decide to have 1 piece of bread with honey and half of banana. honey was very liquid and strange..i aint sure if its regular honey or some honey alcoholic brew, idk why the brew stored in 0,5 l jar but heck its smell and taste are so weird… but considering my state of mind and behaviour i think i just out of my mind today… fuck im so flyinnnnnnnn mmm yora is blue doged and sunstabled a lil right now, dead organed, dying outside and so uhm uhmm i cannot recall this word, its like a greemhouse one, im drinkin my mind is breathin warm greenhouse air

may, 11 i drank so much coke zero and pepsi black bc they tasty and help me with my headache. after that i cracked the walnut shells to reach walnutsfor for few hours. i like to do it but now my fingers are covered in dirt and tiny aching scars just like a battlefield. i never can do it carefully.

i ate a homemade pizza at evening and tried to count calories in it.

guy i tried to make friendship with replied me at night. he asked me if i have some dope or money for it. of course i have nothing. nincs es sincs

may, 12 64 kg or maybe more, (weight myself is scary). jusst like my height witho 1m. thats the weight my stupid body likes most of all i guess. so ok, i shouldnt listen to it. fuck this shitty ugly body and its stupid "needs", it never desserves them and never should be cared for. it serves its right!

may, 13 i can name this day (night) as a fuckin shitty one, no no i can not because it was much worse. i overeating of course but no, thats only one problem. i become restless during evening. iwalk my dog then i return haz and start to roaming thru this empty rooms. parents spendtheir weekends in the village and thats great that they cant see me in my psychic times. i started to eat. i ate bread and cheese, fruits, yoghurt, what else? i dont know why i did that, what hole i tried to fill, but something ate me so painfully at the end of the day which started so fine. roaming, chewing and finally i sat down and talking with people online, those shyzo narco cuties online, and something started punching my soul again, i felt the guilt, i ran to toilet side and throwed up, i throwed up everything i ate and it was not that disgusting i thought it would be and everything was fine again, i even consider myself cool and good looking despite all that slobs and snivels covered my whole bloated face and right hand but the weakness return and spread my mind like a cancer, so miserable i was, so disgusted by myself, and then i asked my szhizo narco pals "do you despise me? do you disregard me????" they said yes, of course they do, i knew it. i know i am miserable! i was beaten by convulsions, crucified by selfhate. lonely, i write my dear friend dani who was offline. i thought he dont like me anymore and i throwed a webtantrum. i cried "dont go dont hate me please, i will do everything, please i know you hate me i hate me too,but i adore u and dont want you to leave me" and all the same bullshit. he text me back after few hours, said that he dont disregard me. he says he love me. i dont know how somebody can love me, especially after all the mess i do. he begged me to not kms when i tried to and i dont understand him, it will be much easier for him if i die. and for me, to make this restless mind rest. poor danni, im so sorry for myself

may, 14 so strange. i become so coldfull. im feeling cold even in warm places when sit still.like all those an0 suffered stereotypical ppl. funny thing that almost all this month i didnt `lose weight (and maybe even gain some ;_;), i didnt restricted, ate like 1500-2000 kcals per day like a normie (like a loser, said ed. szervus, inner romantisation of eating disorder. its me, im just trying to survive by romanticising part of my life that tries hard to kill me)

may, 15 went to the library, took 3 books about animals. they say that future skinny beauty should be perfect and smart but i never was and never be i guess. i just love to read about animals. humans are also animals. i am animal too but i am not human. i am antropomorph, a humanoid. you may not believe me but i do not lying. i knew this almost all my life mostly instinctively. and people around me feel this somehow. they always reject me without knowing why. they feel that i am not human. i am alien. a am lonely one on this strange sour planet

may, 16 i am broken and wrathful. but i look like an angry minxy teenager and ye liekk eet(i like it). i think i can get through all this shit and im goin to do it. they will regret about everything and it all will be too late, haha. i will exhaust my body to became cool-lookin bastard. theyll be flooding by respect for me and regrets about me and i have no regrets about everythin now. im becoming divinity

may,17 the day is more than warm, the night is cold but blanket works good. pills help with a headache finally. i eat apples and white bread because its the only tasty food in house for me now. and tea. green tea that always becomes cold too fast

may, 18 it becomes harder every day to find some fine food for money i have (in ukraine). when i walked down the street eating icecream i saw little exhausted woman, she looked miserable but i paid attention on her thin thighs. of course i should be exhaused and starved out to have legs like this. thats pretty weird and very abnormal wish i guess

may, 19 sitting in bath of very hot water, it merely overflows.its so hot, air is full of evaporated hottiness like sauna and i sweat, my chest feels squeezed uncomfortably under the hot liquid, skin turns red. i almost pass out there. i dont know why. later girl online answered me that this is a form of s harm. but i dont know. after last bathtime in that hot water i heard buzz and bells sounds in my ears. this time i dont hear them. it remains me the time when i made myself vomit at the first time. i saw little bright stars before my eyes, they flying down lightly, and at the second time but the third time i saw no stars

may, 20 my blanket is cooler than your i know it its black and red in color and have images of KISS band on it

may, 21 my restrictive e.d. looks like tall boy, pale, very thin of course unhealthy thin. he has long blue hair with fringe, black eyes with yellow iris, long hands with long nails, his mouth is full sharp white teeth. how sad and tender is sight of his unnatural eyes, how meek is angle of his noded head. but its a lie. he is master of it all, he is punisher, he loves to pick my favorite poppy blossom and snash their helpless soft petals that bleeding my blood under his weirdly strong hands. he always says bad thing about everyone, sometimes even about himself but its just to blame me in diffrent tactic. but after all he wants to make me happy. he just dont know how. he loves to recite stef heerens songs to promise me tanarian hills, nebulous dreams, gentle breeze, cornflowers at the mountain tops and feathers of the wings of the angels and other things from these songs but all he giving me is flowing black on walls weltuntergangstimmung

may, 22 watched repaired old movie in almost empty cinema. after that i was eating popcorn i bought before movie just to realise i cannot eat and watch movie at the same time. and went to pizzeria with mom. feelin just like a normal person, like a humans feel i guess? at evening of same day i was very angry at my dog. he did the bad things but my anger was unproportionally big and strong and scary. exhaustingly wrathful? maybe i am grieving at something lost, grieving with anger. maybe i am just going insane. yes i am going insane

may, 23 i want to s harm but i am too lazy now for searching razor or matches in this garbage room and i need sleep now

may, 24 exams is hard not only for students but also for ones who love them. my dear friend, my szerelem danni, i miss him and his free time he spends on me, hes always quiet and dont talk. we cant spend time together in life and i am constantly touch starved. it hurts so bad. because now i am word starved for him and every even tinier word i should beg him for every sign for every word because i cant stand it. i want to talk with him all night, i want to kiss his narrow paled by sigaret smoke lips, i want to beat him till blod on both his and mine hands and bite and make him feel pain, i want to shout at him senslessly till my mouth go sore and burn everything around and then take the sharpest razor and cut my throat to mess all his clothes and body by blood, i want to lay on his lap and pet his tender hot skin, i want to give him all my love and everything i really have, i want his dear love, i want to make him suffer because me, no i just want his love, at least something from him but he dont talk to me when im going more insane every day, every second, he said he has hard times but how hard is lose every chanses to feel better. to lose the only one last dear person, the last one who loved and cared and dont push the pain down my throat but now hes threats me silently, torments me by neglect, leaves me in tears with all the reminiscence of fake words of fake love. but he just have no time and i am just mean brat. i cant tell who is right anymore

may, 25 i woke up at 15 after hard, almost sleepless night so i had not too many hours for eating. and i dont really want to. i miss my friend, i miss conversations, i miss normal me. theres nothing to do, id better sleep more

may, 26 i want chips so bad. oh my god how i want chips. its 16:39 now, i should wait at least until tomorrow, maybe tomorrow i ll forget about it, or maybe i could fit in my daily limit of calories, and could buy a bag of chips, maybe chips with crab flavor, or maybe my favorite spicy one or anything else, i really should stay inside today to not buy one, to drink so much tea to forget about it, to be full of this hot dark liquid without calories, fats and carbs, i ate bread with cheese already so i shouldnt eat more. balance!!!

id better be eaten chips honestly…

may, 27 i got chips =) [=(]

may, 28 i was busy today but everything i do is awkward and loosy. i played on untuned guitar, skated on unpleasantly warm streets, burned some paper rubbish. after that i walked to the marked and saw cool long haired guy in sunglasses there. i stared at him a little. he stared at me a little. i returned to flat under the rain while eating icecream. i tried to find a rainbow in sky but there was none and its ok i ate today not a little but neither too much because i counted. i drank an bottle of cheap blue energy drink and now its 4:23 am and 29 of may. i still can feel the smell of burning paper. i dont know why i burn it

may, 29 i bought new jeans in which i look good i screamed at my mom, shoutin at her about all the bad things she done to me few years ago, how she ruined me.i screamed and shouted by text and not by voice because i am numb i ate nutella, that jar was from poland. and drank almost a kg of hell energy drinks i gave all the love i can give to ny last 2 friends online. nobody else can love me still

may, 30 im eating cheesecake, lying under blanket and watching memes all day long and even at night instead of sleep. WTF

may, 31 i think now that my constant overeating may be a form of s harm. s.harming every day, pissed of!

#mhwnbcb #disorder eating #male ed #ed bllog #mental disorder #ed life #eating disoder things #disorder #ed vent #bpd #binging #purge #pain #whining #stupid

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gojoroui · 3 months

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SNEAKY

summary. students aren’t allowed to wander or sneak out all the want after 9:00 pm. but despite the rules and consequences, that doesn’t stop satoru from sneaking into your dorm — craving your warmth and cuddles . . . gojo satoru x gn! reader. college au.

just a few seconds ago, you were a fast asleep — having the best dream ever, but you were then woken up by the loud knocking that came from the other side of your door.

this happened very frequently ever since you and a certain someone — satoru gojo — were announced to be on the floor of the building. to show how frequently it was for satoru to sneak into your dorm, it had basically become a routine where you would wake up at ungodly hours to open your door and let your one of kind boyfriend in for cuddles and kisses.

it was extremely rare for you to have just one. single. night without waking up to your boyfriend’s complaints of having his bed being ‘cold’ and ‘empty’. on some occasions, you were too tired to get up and open the door — if you hadn’t opened the door for 5 minutes, satoru would start banging your door as hard as he can — or, he ‘secretly’ would find a way to get into your dorm room.

knock! knock! knock!

groaning, you swiftly threw off your blanket and slipped on your slippers — making your way towards the door.

you were met with satoru — messy hair, drowsy eyes, and no blindfold or glasses in sight. if you were being honest, he looked charming — but when was he not?

”what do you want?” you said, barely over a whisper.

“well, someone woke up on the wrong side of bed,” he snickered playfully. “maybe it’s best i don’t worsen the mood, you’re quite scary when you’re mad.”

you throw him a small glare.

“yeah, i think so too,” you gave him a light slap to his chest. “night ‘toru.”

“wait!” he managed to hold the door open by an inch — lucky for him, his fingers didn’t get chopped off in the process. “i was just kidding … let me sleep with you … please?”

if you weren’t half asleep, it could’ve been easy to decline his offer, but because you were tired and knew satoru wouldn’t take no as an answer.

”fine. but hurry up, i don’t want you getting caught.”

satoru scoffed at your comment, “as if i would anyway.”

you quickly yet quietly closed the door before jumping back into your warm bed — satoru followed you close behind.

“you’re so stupid to sneak out like this,” you turned around to face satoru. “how many times do i need to tell you not to sneak out?”

satoru gaped, and took a moment to process what you said, “jeez, i love you too,” he scoffed and rolled his eyes, “is this what i get for loving you so much, that i decided to sneak out and see you for cuddles? im literally the only boyfriend that does this — be grateful.”

it was your turn to roll your eyes. “just go to sleep, satoru,” you let out sleepy yawn, “we can talk about it tomorrow.”

and right on cue, you succumbed to sleep.

but little did you know, satoru was staring at your face the whole time you slept — just to see your adorable and peaceful face when you sleep.

“satoru, go to sleep.”

“yes mommy.”

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zombies-aliens · 5 months

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So how was my day today. Well I went to the gym at 5am but I got there at 6am and had friends waiting :/ so I felt bad for that. But they get along well so there's that, I know I probably didn't bother them since they had each other but I still don't wanna do that tomorrow. Oh yeah I'm going tomorrow btw. I should prob be sleeping rn but I have to write about my day first. Well I went to work later that same day 🙃 it wasn't so great, idk how the other two were awake and I took a nap...

You know what dude my day has been so weird at work. I really don't have it in me to talk atm. Nothing really bad happened, it was a pretty average day, but something was weird and maybe it was because I was so sleepy. But it wasn't just that my attitude and thoughts were bad :/ I had just bad thoughts today that my friends don't really like me, they're just pretending, shit like that. And you know, that really effects me and I think of scenarios of how id respond if something were to go wrong in the friendship. Which I hope doesn't. It was creating a tension in myself for no reason. But part of me feels like it's true. I hate being disliked by people I want to be friends with, but I'm scared to say that I want to be friends because get unsure about if they're really my friends or if I'm something else to them. And I'm the stupid one. That's not ideal for me obviously. My day wasn't so bad for what happened in the physical world but in my own private inner world. There was trouble in paradise today. I hope tomorrow is better. I hope they both like me. But I could go on about how they both known each other probably way longer than I have and I'm the new friend of the group so I'm kinda feeling like the outcast in a way ESPECIALLY AT THE GYM HOLY SHIT. And honestly that's what Kickstarted my bad attitude, it's bc even tho my friend is married with kids, her and the guy get along pretty damn well, even she called him baby at the end after a hug, and I didn't get a hug. So I felt kinda I guess cold. Like I get no love. I mean hey it's fine I try to remember I'm not entitled to anything. I probably said that in another post but yeah it's the same thing I try to remember that to humble myself and not act like a kid who didn't get to play and have fun but the others could. I felt like an outcast in all honesty. And she's still inclusive with me like she says hi and still said bye to me but idk man, and she even texted to see if I'm good to drive home, but I fucking hate how shit I felt seeing and hearing that. I just want that intimacy as well you know? I haven't had that in so many years. Physical intimacy, and it doesn't have to be sexual neither. It doesn't have to be with my married friend neither.. but is this the best it's gonna get for me? I'm just gonna be someone's third wheel all the time? It sorta pisses me off bc like I don't wanna see that shit it ruins my mood but they don't get why it does tho. It's cus I've been lonely for so fucking long. And that set off a reaction in me like holding a mirror to me and it's just me, or maybe a guy friend, but there's never a girl by my side I can call mine and she can call me hers. It's just. Me. I'm sad man. I'm actually getting sad now. I just want a girlfriend to feel the love everyone's feeling all the time. But not just any random girl of course. But yeah. That's been my life for a long time. It's depressing and lonely. I think what I like about having a girlfriend is that, im her favorite. She liked me so so much that we are a couple now and that's the proof. She chose me and I chose her. We both like each other and don't take it for granted. But with me and my friends it's just so cold and empty. We're friends but idk why. Just because we hang out in the same place for 8 hours? Like my friend I went to the rave with said he enjoys my company but dude... wdym? Name 2 conversations we've had that were good? You can't. Name a time where I made you laugh? You can't. Name a time where- man what's my last name man do you even know my birthday? I don't know his neither. Like why are we friends it's so shallow 😅 this shit isn't even funny to me. I'm just confused. It makes more sense with the girl, but not with him. He's a cool dude sure, but... idk. And I'm gonna see these two tomorrow. I don't get how I'm the only one that questions but I'm probably the only one experiencing this. Nah you wouldn't get it. Cause it's always just me isn't it.

#lame #this whole post sucks #i had to share #sorry if anything #lol #for me

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ihateeverything101 · 10 months

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bad night again. what i have written out is in all caps and doesn't make much sense because i was infuriated, i'm not going to post it. i took a nap (2hrs) after drinking, smoking, and working today while he video chatted with Katie. he woke me up becaus he was done talking with her. i wasn't communicating properly because of the alcohol and sleep. they're excuses to him, which is true but also frustrating. he was trying to get me clothes because i was cold but i didn't ask him too and he turned the closet light on when the bedroom lights were off. i dont like that and it hurts me so i looked away and closed my eyes and i couldn't really hear what he was saying from outside the closet. so i said something like, i dont like the light.. i can get my clothes if you turn it off. and he said something but it wasn't about the light and i felt like he was going to get frustrated about the communication or it taking a long time so i turned off the light and went and grabbed what i needed and came out and he was pissed. i agree maybe that wasn't the best solution but after that he called me stupid and said i wasn't treating him the right way. when i'm sleepy and drunk im trying my best but that's always my excuse to him. it is an excuse but also screw him. he wasn't listening to me, this was after like an hour of him in bed with me not listening to me or me not communicating properly. i wish he could've left me alone. he said, oh you can smoke up here alone then, and it's funny that's more of a reward than a punishment. next he said he was going to pack a bowl for me, for bed while i brushed and came down to smoke. i brushed and cried and came down to the basement. he hadn't packed my bowl and wasn't doing it, he got ice cream and cookies and was eating it. i hate it. i don't even want to say that or post that, obviously it's not terrible. you're allowed to enjoy those things but after you said you'd do that for me? he is confusing. and he says i don't treat him the right way. he doesn't deserve me. i packed my bowl and smoked it while he watched videos about the OceanGate sub. again its fun to have curiosity but i feel like he is filling the void and then getting mad at me when he is in reality and dealing with me, not a polished online presence. i might be being stupid but idk i know i dont like how he interacts with me.

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sapphirestuff · 2 years

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How their hugs feel like...

Featuring : Chiaki Nanami, Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu, Makoto Naegi, Hajime Hinata, Rantaro Amami

Notes : hcs, fluff, cuddles, dr, can be platonic or romantic

— Chiaki's hugs are pure soft —comforting, sweet, and sleepy— like it's somehow had some magical spell that can make you feel at ease. She may hug only because she wanted to, but once you're wrapped in her arms or vice versa, you could feel yourself leaning into a cloud on the sky. Mostly, you two ended up sleeping together not that long after, plus it doesn't matter where you ended up sleeping at as long as it's comfortable.

— Fuyuhiko might still feel... awkward about it, but his hugs are genuine. You could feel his body not too warm, but his feelings are still true wether how you feel about it. When he lands his arms around you, you could feel the heavy weight of his light body, he trusts you enough to let you help him carry his burdens. He let out all his frustrations, wether it'd be stupid ones, he know you will always welcome him.

— Makoto hugs you like a pillow! You are just so cuddle-able that he can't help but bring you in his arms, especially if he feels your sorrows. Sunshine that will brighten your day, calm enough that makes you feel loved but not too desperate, it's not really his taste. Whenever you need it, he's really that one person you can come to.

— It might feels like a normal hug, but Hajime's hugs never feel cold, it's always the same warm feeling. It gives you the sense of giddyness you can't quite explain, the sense of coming home and having someone to rely on even at your hardest days. The domestic, cozy, and warm feel he gives just feel as natural as his figure, and you can't complain to have a better companion. Even at silence, he gives of the best one, the comforting one.

— Rantaro whispers, "look at how we've been through" as he caged you in his arms. His green colored hair that nuzzled on your shoulders reminds you of how green a tree can be, of how fresh green vegetables tastes. Being with him is simply fresh, but earthly peaceful that of a campfire light. Sounds and even smells of nature lingers around him, and you can't help but feel prouder than nothing to have him with you.

A/n : eeeeeeeeeee i want a hug from hajime so im just projecting and add more characters...

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ppersonna · 3 years

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out of my league - knj | 01

you were out of my league. got my heartbeat racing. if i die, don't wake me, cause you are more than just a dream - out of my league, fitz and the tantrums

✹ summary- Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out about your years-long hopeless crush on him. And he most definitely was not supposed to find out about it in front of all your coworkers in a company-wide meeting.

✹ rating- explicit/18+/nsfw

✹ pairing- kim namjoon x reader

✹ word count- 6.6k

✹ genre- angst, smut, comedy

✹ chapter warnings- swearing, descriptions of sex, sexual content, namjoon being a sexy flirt, jungkook being a himbo, awkward conversations, jimin being a protective bff

✹ a/n- hello and welcome to this fic thats lived in my google docs for almost a year now. without @ladyartemesia @xjoonchildx @untaemedqueen and @chimoona, i would never have posted it. i truly owe so much of my brainstorming and creativity to their incredible brains and thoughts and ideas. i love them very much! i hope you enjoy this first chapter! please feel free to message me, talk to me abt anything!! im always here to chat. ILY!

MASTERLIST

Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out this way.

You planned to confess your undying, unerring love for your coworker at a better time, a classier place. You would wear a dress that highlighted your features, hair cascading down your back, makeup done to perfection and spritzed with expensive perfume. You’d confess, he’d confess right back, and you’d live happily ever after.

You’d also dreamt that Kim Namjoon would have the slightest inkling of who you are before he finds out about your year long crush. He might know you as the mousy girl in the office who doesn’t talk and doesn’t contribute much other than some crunched numbers and apparently the best coffee brewer in the office. But you’d prefer he knows you well—your favorite colors and movies and foods, what makes you happy and sad; things future husbands should know.

You very much did not think it would happen in a company wide conference, full of over five hundred suit-wearing executives. You did not think it would be done by the office bully, Chungha, who carefully takes over the mic and speaks the words clearly as she presents awards of recognition.

“Congratulations to Kim Namjoon for 5 years with the company, over $4 million in revenue, and the object of ____’s lust and affection. I’m sure you two will have the happy life she’s written in her journal about. Make sure you celebrate with her today!”

The room is silent, so silent you could have heard a pin drop from a mile away. Your face is cherry red and you wish the earth would open up and swallow you whole. Your heart feels like someone has ripped it in half and you stare in horror at the girl smirking at the front. Is this what it feels like to be backstabbed? Namjoon looks perplexed—confusion written on his face as he gestures around to no one in particular like he’s saying ‘what the fuck was that?’

Awkward coughing and clapping begins and Namjoon stands to receive his award, a fine wooden fountain pen, and chances a glance around the room. He easily spots you, with your wide, frightened face. His look remains passive, not hinting what he’s thinking behind those stormy eyes, before he turns and sits back down at the table with his buddies from his department.

You seriously contemplate quitting your job. You could find a new one easily, right? Just stand up and tell your boss you quit and you’re out of there before Namjoon ever sees you again and you’ll never have to face the mean girl who’s ratting you out.

As much as the idea rolls through your head, you know you won’t do it. You love your job, love the security and finances it provides you, and you love to look at Kim Namjoon, all day every day.

You don’t understand where things went wrong.

( one month ago )

It’s 9:03 am. You finish brewing the coffee in the small staff kitchen and sigh at the aroma of the freshly ground beans. Coffee is your favorite meal, favorite time of day, favorite snack, and preferred beverage. You drink it constantly. You’re known as “coffee girl” at work, mostly because no one really bothers to get to know you beyond that. You drink coffee like it’s a devoted religion. You could drink a cup right before bed and still sleep like a baby. It was, put simply, your drink.

The office workers deem you to be the one to make the pots of coffee every morning, claiming you were the ‘best’. You didn’t mind—you preferred to make your own coffee regardless—but you believe your coworkers are trying to pass off the twenty-minute job to someone lower in the office hierarchy. And you were one step above the interns.

The coffee machine chimes to let you know it’s hot, and it’s ready for you. You eagerly pour a mug, a large one, and smile as the waft of freshly ground beans (by you, of course) fills your senses.

You nearly knock the cup out of your hand as Kim Namjoon strolls into the office, eyes set on the coffee.

You feel your throat swell up, like he’s an allergen and you’re caught without an epi-pen. Butterflies swirl in your stomach and you can’t stop staring at him. He pays you no mind, tired yet determined to pour a cup of coffee and get back to his office.

You stand in the small kitchen, clutching your coffee like a lifeline, and pray to god you don’t do something stupid.

Namjoon pours his mug, and you watch his muscular hands grip the coffee pot. He pours a hefty amount of cream and sugar into his cup—it appears even perfect male specimens have their faults.

Your eyes dance on his face before they tango down his body. You wonder what he looks like in the morning, crawling out of bed with mussed hair and a sleepy smile painted on his face. He’d look at you and tell you you’re the most beautiful girl and kiss you deeply despite morning breath. Maybe he’d take you to the shower to press you against the tile as he fuc-

“Oh!” it startles Namjoon to see you, and the coffee in his hand swishes violently. “Didn’t see you there. Sorry!”

Your heart melts. He’s the picture of kindness and politeness. You recognize it’s been a few seconds and you still haven’t replied.

“It’s fine!”

“Great coffee, by the way,” he smiles. His teeth nearly knock you out cold with their brilliance. “Have a good day.”

He turns and exits the room without so much as a glance back at you. Your knees feel weak.

Kim Namjoon talked to you. He complimented you. He told you to have a good day. It’s the best and most significant conversation you’ve had with your secret crush.

You definitely file that away for another day when you need to reminisce on his compliment, and you scurry out of the kitchen towards your desk.

Park Jimin is waiting dutifully at your desk when you arrive, a smug smile still slapped over your features as you sip at your coffee. Namjoon spoke to you today—how lovely.

Jimin quirks an eyebrow.

“What’s got you so perky this morning?”

You’re normally quiet and passive, avoiding eye contact or any semblance of emotion on your face.

You look up at the blonde bespectacled boy. Park Jimin is the closest thing to a best friend in the company. He’s who you spend time with at lunch, see on weekends, and text often. You suppose he’s the closest thing to a best friend you have in your entire life.

You send him a smirk and lean in close to whisper. “Namjoon said hi to me today!”

Jimin sends you a pitiful look and pats your shoulder. Your best friend is well aware of your secret crush and while he thinks Namjoon is a nice guy, he thinks your crush is a little hopeless. He’s the most popular guy in the office, often has dates lined up every weekend. Jimin hears the way he and his friends talk in the break room. The man is definitely not hurting for female attention.

“Oh, honey,” he sighs, unenthusiastically. “That’s great.” He can’t help but feel a twinge of sadness over how excited you’re getting from a simple ‘hello’ from a coworker.

“I know, right? Anyway, lunch today?” You ask as you settle down into your cubicle.

Jimin pushes his glasses up his face and nods. “Of course! That’s why I came by this morning. I wanted to let you know that Jungkook from marketing will join us.”

You make a face, disgust etched in the lines creasing your forehead.

“Why?”

Jungkook is well known in the company. He’s a loudmouth, a player, a clown, and everyone’s favorite comedian. He’s just not your favorite.

“Don’t be rude,” Jimin admonishes at your grimace. “He asked to join and well—he’s cute. I can’t say no to him.”

“Oh Christ, Jimin,” you groan. “Not you too! Don’t tell me you have the hots for the serial fuckboy?”

He blushes lightly and shrugs. “Maybe I do! Be nice to him today or I’ll eat all your chocolate ice cream I know you have at home.”

You stick your tongue out, petulantly. “Fine, now let me get to work or else Seokjin will be up my ass.”

Jimin smiles and kisses your cheek before he scurries away, back to human resources.

It feels as if barely any time has passed. You’re working hard, running calculations and updating spreadsheets. You have an eye for numbers, and losing yourself in an equation is just another day for you. You’re shaken from your cheerful place by a vibration from your phone, and a text alert popping on the lit screen.

jimin 12:01 pm- it’s lunchtime!! you better get your butt out here!

You smile and text back an affirmative reply, then move to grab your lunch from the company fridge. Gliding down the steps leading to the fresh outdoors, you meet Jimin at the lunch tables in the grass.

Jimin is sitting with Jungkook. You can recognize your best friend by his hair and glasses, and Jungkook by his obnoxious laughter.

“Hi,” you murmur as you sit down and open up the brown bag lunch you’ve brought.

“Hi!” Jimin is excited to see you, and just a pinch over eager to be sitting next to Jungkook.

“You know Jungkook, right?” Jimin asks, a harsh look in his eyes that reminds you to be on your best behavior.

You nod as you pull out a bag of grapes. “Oh, yeah, hey,” you smile. “I’ve seen you around.”

Jungkook delivers you a signature smirk and you feel yourself roll your eyes internally. “Yeah, you’re Coffee Girl, right?”

You pout and glare down at your brown bag lunch. Will you ever become more than just Coffee Girl?

“Yeah, I suppose that’s me.”

Jimin clears his throat to dismiss any awkwardness.

“So, Jungkook, I hear you like working out? ___ likes to work out too. She drags me to the gym sometimes. Maybe we could all meet up sometime?” You don’t miss the hopeful lilt in his voice. Jungkook does.

“Oh, yeah?” He narrows a sexy look at you, rather—a look he thinks is sexy that you find off-putting. “What do you do at the gym? Little cardio sets with 5 pound weights?”

What an asshole.

“Sometimes,” you state as you take a bite of the homemade salad you handcrafted last night. “Most of the time I’m lifting heavy. I can bench 275 and deadlift 300.”

Jungkook looks taken back. “What, really?” He sounds breathless. “You lift more than Namjoon-hyung.”

At the sound of the love of your life’s name, you pause. Your face heats quickly and Jungkook smirks. Of course, he recognizes this and not Jimin’s obvious flirting.

“Why are you blushing?” He asks. “Did I say something?”

You’re quick to dismiss things. “Um--no. I just um,” you’re grasping at straws. “I’m hot.”

Jimin is trying not to laugh, hiding his mouth behind a petite hand.

Jungkook tilts his head. “It’s not even sunny today.”

You gulp. “Yeah, I must be hot. With a fever. M-malaria… probably.”

Jungkook snorts.

“You have malaria? Bummer.” He picks at his nails. “I thought for a moment you had a thing for Namjoon.”

“No!” The retort is quick, too quick for normal conversation, and it gives you away.

“Aha!” Jungkook points an accusing finger at you. “You have the hots for him, don’t you?”

Your features melt, and Jimin tries to assuage the situation. “Jungkook, please don’t tell anyone,” he pleads.

Jungkook smiles at you. “That’s so cute. It’s like a little nerdy freshman crushing on the senior class president.”

You bury your head in your hands, suddenly unable to stomach any food.

“Jungkook,” Jimin’s tone becomes more firm, authoritative. “I’m asking you this as a friend. Please, don’t say anything.”

Jungkook holds his hands up to prove his innocence and waves his proverbial white flag.

“Secret is safe with me,” he promises. “But it’s cute. I know him really well, you know. I could try to hook you two up.”

You blanch, unsure if you want Jungkook saying anything about you to the man of your dreams.

“I’m good, but thanks,” you offer meekly. “I’m not feeling well. I’m going to head back to work, okay?”

Jimin frowns, knowing you’re feeling like a cornered animal, and nods. “Feel better, babe,” he sighs.

Jungkook watches as you leave and turns to Jimin. “Man, he’s way out of her league.”

Jimin slaps the boy in the chest. “Be nice, asshole, that’s my best friend.”

Jungkook promises to be nice, and Jimin is blissfully unaware that others are listening and that the man beside him is easy to persuade.

( present day )

The company-wide meeting adjourns soon after what is likely to be the most embarrassing moment you’ve ever lived through.

You’re grabbing at your things and trying to run out of the room, desperate to get out before anyone sees you or talks to you or laughs at you.

A hand grabs at the coattails of your suit jacket and you’re pulled backwards with a yelp. You turn to seek your captor and find the concerned face of your best friend, Jimin.

“Are you okay? What the fuck just happened?”

Jimin’s concern makes it all real. Until now you could pretend you were in a fugue state, totally dissociated from reality. Now, you realize that everyone in the entire company is aware of your crush on Kim Namjoon.

You can feel your bottom lip wobble, tears threatening to spill. Jimin murmurs an ‘oh shit’ and drags you out of the large room and into the nearest bathroom. He pushes you to sit against the sink and passes you toilet paper to dab at your eyes.

“I don’t know how she found out!” you cry. “God, I feel so stupid and embarrassed.”

It incenses Jimin. He’s holding it back to ensure you’re okay, but in reality, it’s an HR nightmare waiting to happen. He’ll find who did it and punish them accordingly.

They will suffer.

“It’s okay, babe,” he pulls you into a hug. “Everyone will forget about it soon. They’ll think it’s just a lame office joke, okay?”

You nod, feeling the slightest bit comforted by his words.

“How could she find out, Jiminie?” You ask with a sniffle. “You’re the only person who knows.”

Jimin sighs and shakes his head.

“I don’t know, but they’re dead. I haven’t told any-... oh, my god,” Jimin stops suddenly. You look up at him to catch what he’s thinking.

He growls and balls his fists.

“Jungkook knew.”

You let out a sob and bawl your eyes out into the tissue you’re holding. Jimin holds you tighter while he conjures up a hundred different ways to hurt someone and make it look like an accident.

“Don’t worry,” Jimin sighs, trying to comfort both you and himself. “I’m HR. I have to handle this. I’ll make sure they get what they deserve.”

You feel a sting of pain for Jimin. He’s been hopelessly doting on the man who spilled the beans for a few months now, even got to take him on a few dates. It was still nothing serious, but Jimin was clearly smitten.

“I’m sorry you have to do that, Chim,” you whisper. “I know how you feel about him.”

“Yeah, well,” he swallows thickly. “You’re more important than any asshole.”

Jimin holds you tight for a few minutes longer, before you clean yourself up and steel yourself. Ignore everyone, Jimin encourages. Just get to work, he says. Then you can go home and we’ll drink wine and forget about it all, he promises.

You replay his words in his head like a prayer as you walk down the corridors and towards your office. Everyone in the hallways stops to stare at you. They lean towards their friends and whisper. You hear snippets of their gossip, like “Namjoon” and “out of her league”. It drives the sharp blade lodged in your chest even further. It threatens to collapse your lungs and break your ribs.

You make it to your desk safe and sound and bury yourself in work and forcibly ignore the gawking and the stares.

Just make it home. Just get through the day. You’re almost there.

You could do this.

You nearly make it the entire day before running into the one person you didn’t want to see, Kim Namjoon.

At the end of the day, you’re taking the stairs down to the parking garage instead of the elevator. The elevator is too busy, too many people, and you’re trying to avoid the stares and giggles at your expense. The stairs are always deserted and you figure it’s your safest bet.

You can nearly hear the wine calling your name at home. A delicate glass of Sauvignon Blanc and some chocolate ice cream and a good cry—it sounds like the best and only way to unwind after the worst day you’ve ever had in your life.

The chanting of your name gets louder and you wonder if you’ve finally lost your mind—if you’re actually hearing your wine bottles all the way at home talking to you.

No, wait. The voice is real, and coming from behind you. You turn around to face who’s calling you and nearly faint at the sight.

Kim Namjoon stands on the landing above you, one strip of stairs between you.

“Hey!” He seems glad he’s caught you. “I’ve been calling your name for a minute.”

You swallow and search for an answer.

“Sorry, I’m-.. I guess I’m just a little out of it today.”

Namjoon grimaces.

“Yeah, about that…” he begins as he takes the steps down to be on equal ground as you. Your heart is spinning wildly. He’s so close to you. He’s talking to you. On any other day you’d be erupting towards the sky like a firework. But today isn’t any other day.

“I feel like I should apologize,” he states. “I don’t know what happened. I didn’t plan it or anything.”

Damn him and his kindness. Damn him and his cute, awkward smile.

“No, no,” you assure. “I know you didn’t. You don’t have to apologize.”

It’s hard to make eye contact with the man. You want to, know it’s important in intense conversations like this, but the thought of him seeing you—really seeing you makes you ache inside.

“It was a really shitty prank,” he begins. “I’m sure you don’t even know who I am, let alone have a crush on me.”

For the millionth time that day, your face heats to a near boil. You stammer and you’re sure you’ve blown any chance at even thinking about a date with Namjoon.

“Oh, uh, right,” you seek an answer, beg your brain to pick something to say that doesn’t make you sound stupid. “I do.”

“You do what?” He’s confused and you widen your eyes at what just left your mouth.

“I do know you! I mean, I do have a crush on you! Oh, fuck,” you shove your face into your hands. “Please, ignore that. I need to go. Sorry!” You don’t give him a chance to reply, you book it out of the stairway as fast as your heels will take you.

Today was the worst day you’ve suffered through in your life.

The next few days aren’t much better.

Not only are you “coffee girl”, you’re now also sarcastically called “Namjoon’s girl”. As much as you hate your initial title, you’d prefer it to the new one they throw at you as you walk by.

Jimin rats out Jungkook and Chungha to the bosses. They get two weeks probation and they have to write you apology letters if they wish to keep their permanent files clean of any reprimands. It’s a slap on the wrist, and everyone involved knows it. Jimin is furious and wants the boss to reconsider. You tell him not to push it. You’d rather this be over and everyone to forget it even happened. Jimin unwillingly agrees.

You’re working at your desk, earphones shoved in your ears to diffuse the gossip in the room, when you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn and are greeted with the face of Judas Iscariot himself, Jeon Jungkook.

“Hi,” he sounds sheepish, cheeks reddening.

You narrow your eyes at him, sharper than steel. “What the fuck do you want?”

He winces, knowing he deserved that. “Well, I just wanted to apologize. I know they told me to write you a letter, but it seems too impersonal…”.

You can’t believe Jungkook is sucking his ego up and actually coming to you to apologize. You thought he’d for sure be the one to cop out and send a shitty letter.

He continues.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry that all went down. I didn’t mean to tell her. She got me drunk and said she saw me eating lunch with you and Jimin. I think she was jealous or something and it slipped out. I know that’s not an excuse. I fucked up your trust and Jimin’s trust. But I just wanted you to know I didn’t do it to be an asshole. She sort of duped me.”

You pause as you take in the man’s apology. He didn’t have to come to you in person. He could have easily taken the shitty route and half-assed a letter to you. But he didn't, and he owned up to his mistake. God dammit.

“I appreciate your apology, Jungkook,” you sigh and you see his body visibly relax. “I’m still mad, but I guess the anger is at her for doing it in the first place. I’m sorry she tricked you.”

He breathes a sigh of relief and kneels down beside you. “I’m really happy you believe me. I was worried you were going to kick me in the nuts.

“I won’t lie, I thought about it.”

He smiles with you, and you feel like this is the restart of a friendship. “I definitely deserved it.”

You shrug and smile. “Jimin would kill me for hurting you. He might even kill me for thinking about hurting you.”

Jungkook’s smile drops at the name of your best friend. Yikes. Looks like there’s still trouble in paradise.

“I think you’d be in similar company with Jimin right now. He’s not speaking to me.”

You let out a breath through your nose. “Yeah, he’s a little protective of me.”

“For good reason,” he admits. “You’re like a cute little flower. A cute nerdy flower.”

“Jungkook,” you warn. “I just forgave you after I was humiliated in front of the entire company. I’d be careful with calling me nerdy right now.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

It’s hard to stay mad at the boy, no matter how much you dislike his reputation around the office. The fact that he humbled himself enough to seek you out and apologize is proof enough to you of his character.

“It’s okay, Jungkook. I forgive you,” you smile. “Thank you for apologizing.”

He rubs the back of his neck anxiously as his cheeks flare red.

“Yeah, it felt pretty shitty to just… do anything else. Plus, you seem really cool.”

“You seem great, too, Jungkook.”

He smiles and pulls you in for a hug, catching you off guard. For the fuckboy type, he’s surprisingly sensitive and soft. You like that about him.

“I’ll see you around, okay?” He says as he pulls away from you.

“Maybe you should apologize to Jimin, too?”

His smile drops, but he nods anyway. “Yeah, maybe I’ll go find him now.”

“Good luck,” you offer with a pat on his shoulder.

With a sad smile, he turns and heads down the hallway towards the HR department. You pray Jimin shows mercy to the handsome boy.

A few weeks go by, and you’re sure that everyone has forgotten about you and your most embarrassing moment to date. You make the coffee, you calculate the numbers, everyone ignores you. Things return to relative normalcy.

Until it doesn't. The moment you think you're safe is the moment your guard comes down and everything falls apart around you.

It's when you're in the staff kitchen, grinding fresh beans to brew a second pot of coffee, that it happens.

The kitchen is fuller than usual. You normally try to wait until the lunchtime crowd dwindles and leaves to make your second pot, but you're so desperate for the caffeine that you can't find it in you to care.

You trudge into the kitchen with your handy coffee mug clutched in your tired hands and head towards the cupboards to grind up the beans.

There's a few groups of coworkers lingering in the room, and as your grinder whirs the beans around into a powder, you chance a look around to see who's among the crowd.

Your eyes flick immediately to where a hearty laugh erupts. It makes your heart still in your throat. Namjoon sits with his usual crowd of friends, hand gripping a homemade sandwich while the other assists him in telling his story to his friends. He pays you no mind—why would he?—and you can't help but stare at the way his dark brown hair lays perfectly against his forehead, and his eyes crinkle so cutely at the edges when he smiles.

You nearly forget about the coffee grounds—you're snapped out of your Namjoon-induced trance when suddenly a woman's laugh echoes around the room.

"Look at her," the voice states.

You peer up and see a girl you vaguely recognize. Is she from Marketing? Or perhaps Sales? You’re not sure, but she’s staring at you with a sneer.

“She’s so weirdly obsessed with Namjoon. It’s so creepy.”

Your face turns cherry red and you’re sure your lungs stop functioning. The air your body needs to breathe freezes and your chest aches.

Namjoon turns to look at the girl before he looks and sees you grasping your coffee grounds tightly.

“Chungha was right—it’s so weird. Namjoon, you should talk to HR about this!”

Namjoon turns back to the gossiping coworker and frowns. “Can you leave it alone? She wasn’t even doing anything.”

The girl huffs and crosses her arms over her chest and looks back at Namjoon.

“How can you stand to be in the same room as her? She clearly thinks she has a chance with you.”

Her words come out like a bite. She punctuates her point with a harsh laugh and the group around her mumbles and chuckles in agreement.

You’re desperately grabbing at anything you can, wanting to leave as quickly as possible before you’re embarrassed further.

“Well, she does!” Namjoon replies loudly, annoyance written in his features. “I was actually going to ask her to dinner this weekend in private, but since everyone is so fucking interested in my love life, I have to do it publicly.”

The room falls silent, and your favorite mug falls out from your hands and shatters on the floor. All sets of eyes stare at you while yours widen with disbelief—you don't even care that you’re standing in a pool of old coffee and shattered ceramic.

Namjoon stands and heads over to you, bending down to pick up the shards of your coffee mug. You take a few stunted breaths to kneel and help.

His eyes peer into yours. They’re warm—a chocolate brown color that makes you feel safe.

“What do you say?” He asks with a smile so gentle it nearly breaks your heart. “Will you let me take you out this weekend?”

You’re gaping like a fish and the surrounding room is silent—bated breath waiting for your reply.

“Yes, I would l-love that.”

His smile turns even brighter, and he stands to throw the broken mug away.

“I’ll email you the details, okay?”

Your head nods dumbly without thinking. His eyes sparkle as he smiles at you, and he extends his hand down to you to assist you off the floor. As your hand slips into his, you can’t help but feel how soft and strong he feels. You wonder what his hand would feel like caressing your face, smoothing down the expanse of your bare back, running down the length of your body.

The thoughts shake out of you as he winks and kisses your hand gently, causing the gossiping coworker to grunt her disapproval and for murmurs of shock to echo around the room.

“I’ll talk to you later, doll.” Namjoon winks at you before he grabs his sandwich and leaves the room, gesturing to his crew to follow along.

The place on your hand felt warm where his lips once lingered. You no longer cared about the angry glares from the rest of your coworkers. Your heart beats wildly in your chest, and you leave the kitchen nearly floating on cloud nine.

Email from: Kim Namjoon

Sent: 3:06 pm

Subject: Hey good lookin ;)

Hey!

Just wanted to see how you are! I’m sorry about what happened at lunchtime. That was super petty and uncalled for. I really wanted to ask you out, and I hope I didn’t embarrass you too much by doing it in front of everyone.

I was wondering if you’d like to go out this Friday night after work? Say around 7? If you send me your address, I’ll pick you up.

Let me know!

Xoxo, Joon

You’re sure if you weren’t sitting in your tiny cubicle, you’d be screaming your lungs out.

The second the notification of the email came through, direct from the man of your desires himself, your body froze.

You re-read the message, over and over and over.

The winky emoji, the xoxo, the nickname ‘joon’. It’s all so much and makes the grin on your face threaten to split your lips in half.

Your fingers press the “FWD” button and you quickly send the message to Jimin, before you stand demurely, attempting to give off an air of professional confidence. You need to talk to Jimin, now.

As soon as you’re out of the eyesight of suspicious coworkers, you bolt down the hallway towards Human Resources. Your high heels click loudly on the tiled floor, but the sound doesn’t even register in your mind. All you can think about is Namjoon, the email, the press of his lips on your hand, the way his smile made you feel as if you could fly.

The door to HR swings open with your tight grip around the doorknob, and you open your mouth to call to Jimin, the lone employee, when you’re startled by the sight ahead of you.

Jimin sits on the edge of his expansive desk with his arms thrown around Jungkook’s neck and is clearly engaged in a deep, sensual kiss. At the sound of the door opening, they quickly break apart, with matching cherry red blushes on their cheeks and mused hair.

“Oh, shit,” you gasp.

The men are silent and you can’t help but giggle after a moment passes. “I’ll take it you two made up?”

Jungkook flashes you a dopey grin, one that gives you an answer, while Jimin smirks haughtily.

“Jungkook and I were just discussing, umm… his 401k.”

Jungkook looks at the blonde boy for a moment, confused, before he gets it. “Yeah! Totally. Retirement. Love to t-talk about it?”

You laugh out loud and walk towards the couple.

“I’m sure it was a titillating discussion,” you tease. “I have good news though, if it’s okay to interrupt this retirement planning session.”

Jimin nods and Jungkook rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly. “I guess I should leave?”

“It’s okay,” you smile. “I trust you.”

Jungkook smiles as if he’s just won the lottery. He looks between you and Jimin, face pure and excited like a puppy.

“What’s up?” Jimin asks as he moves to sit down at his desk.

“I forwarded you an email. Read it.”

Jimin nods and logs on to his posh computer, scrolling and clicking before narrowing his eyes and reading.

“Oh, my god.” Jimin’s face is shocked—it's written all over his features. “Namjoon asked you out?!”

Jungkook’s child-like grin turns into one of shock himself. He runs around to stand behind Jimin, eyes seeking over the words of the email.

“Well, hot damn,” Jungkook whistles. “He asked her out.”

Jimin exchanges a look with Jungkook, one that you’re not sure you can read. It quickly slips your mind, however, as you’re more focused on the task at hand.

“Can you come over tonight after work and help me pick out something to wear?” You ask excitedly.

Jimin smiles at you, a touch of sadness in his eyes, before he nods.

“Of course, babe,” he assures. “We’ll make sure you look nice and hot for the date with Mr. Kim.”

“Thank you!” You squeal as you wrap your arms around your best friend. He hugs you back before you scurry out of the office and back to your cubicle, itching to reply to the message.

Jimin sighs as the door to his office closes behind you.

“Kook, please don’t tell me he’s going to break her heart. He’s asking her out to make himself feel better about this, isn’t he?”

Jungkook slips his hand into Jimin’s and squeezes.

“I’ll find out, baby.”

Jimin smiles and nods appreciatively at the boy, before leaning up and kissing him.

Jungkook smiles against his lips, and is determined to ensure the young HR specialist never hates him again, even if he has to go behind his hyung’s back to ensure his new boyfriend’s happiness.

Jungkook has one mission now, and that’s ensuring Namjoon takes you on the greatest date known to man.

He grills Jimin with questions about what you like over dinner one night. Jimin finds it endearing that Jungkook is so eager to rectify his mistakes, but he still can’t help but worry that Namjoon is doing this to save face—not because he actually likes you.

“So, what does she like doing?” Jungkook asks as he spins his pasta around his chopsticks idly.

Jimin smiles as he takes a bite of the ramen Jungkook has thoughtfully prepared for their stay-at-home date.

“I’ve told you already! She’s easy to figure out.” Jimin pats Jungkook’s hand gently. “She loves cooking and baking, working out, daydreaming about Namjoon.”

“Cooking, hm,” Jungkook looks thoughtful as he takes a bite. “I think Namjoon can work with that. I’ll let him know!”

Jimin tries to hide the anxiety brewing in his stomach. He’s had to plaster on a fake smile for you while you tried on different outfits, wondering which will be the one to finally convince Namjoon he is the one for you. It’s hard to fake it around his boyfriend, too—but something tugs in his stomach that flares the cynical side of him.

Namjoon went from not knowing of your existence, to watching you get publicly embarrassed in a matter of minutes. While Namjoon isn’t a terrible guy, Jimin knows he doesn’t like anything to tarnish the gentleman reputation he’s built in the office. And as much as Jimin likes him, and surely likes his friend Jungkook, he can’t help but feel skeptical.

Jungkook hurriedly pulls out his phone and types away, letting his elder friend know of what he’s found out. Jimin swallows his food, and his pride, and hopes to god his growing cynicism is wrong.

Friday comes slower than you’d like. You wake up every day during the week, one day closer, and your eagerness hits peak levels. Namjoon sees you in the hallways during the week and winks at you, hands shoved in his tight slacks that make you salivate.

He emails you again Thursday afternoon, confirming things and getting your address. You reply in nanoseconds, uncaring how overeager you come off.

By the time your alarm clock rings on Friday morning, you’ve already been awake for 4 hours.

All you can do is daydream about the date, the way his hand fits into yours, the warmth of his eyes when he smiles at you.

It’s what fuels you through work.

You hope to god the numbers you’re attempting to work during the day come out right, because your mind is elsewhere for more than most of the day. There isn’t enough coffee in the world, but also your body feels as if you’ve overdosed on caffeine already.

The clock eeks towards 5:00 pm and you’re bolting out the door at 4:56 to head home and get ready for your date.

Jimin attempts to meet you before you leave, but your desk is cold and empty by the time he gets there.

He sighs and heads back towards his office to gather his things, waving bye to various coworkers as they file out of the corporate building.

He turns the corner towards his office but stops in his tracks as he sees Namjoon’s back to him, phone pressed to his ear.

“Baby, I’ll come over later tonight, okay?” Namjoon speaks into the phone.

Jimin feels his heart fall into the pit of his stomach. He retreats and hides behind a wall, ear carefully peeled to listen to the tall man’s conversation.

“I’m going on this date with that chick from work,” he sighs. “It won’t last more than a few hours. Poor girl has a crush on me and you know the usual assholes won’t leave her alone.”

Jimin bites his lip and clenches his fist. Namjoon thinks he means well, but he knows his suspicions have been confirmed, and he’s torn inside. He wants to tell you, to warn you not to get too invested in the man, but he also has no interest in popping the bubble you’ve been in since the day he asked you out.

Jimin lets it simmer for now. He decides he’ll monitor Namjoon and cut things off if it appears the man strings you along for fun.

Namjoon finishes his phone call with a promise to see whoever is on the other end of the phone later that night, and Jimin quickly pulls out his phone and fakes a conversation with no one when he hears the man approach.

“Oh, Kookie,” Jimin giggles, leaning against the wall casually. “I can’t wait to see you tonight, either, babe.”

Namjoon walks towards Jimin and makes eye contact with the HR specialist.

“Bye, Kook! See you tonight, baby.” Jimin finishes up the fake phone call as Namjoon arrives next to him, and he plasters on his best fake smile.

“Congrats on you and Jungkook,” he speaks sincerely.

Jimin hates how nice he is, hates that he’s a nice guy who gets too wrapped up in his own good looks and reputation.

“Thanks, Namjoon,” Jimin smiles uneasily. “You too! Have fun on your date tonight.”

Namjoon’s face lights up and Jimin desperately wishes he could go back in time to 30 seconds ago, before he heard the conversation, and believe that Namjoon truly wanted to date you.

“Thanks, should be fun, huh?” He winks and nudges Jimin, before he waves a goodbye and continues out the door.

Jimin pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials the number of his boyfriend.

“Hey, baby. We’ve got a problem.”

tag list! - @jimidol @aretha170 @dearbambideer

#kim namjoon smut #kim namjoon #bts smut #bts fics #namjoon smut #out of my league #knj #knj smut #rap monster smut #JOOOOOOOOOONie

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elysianslove · 3 years

Text

the little things ; haikyuu boys

synopsis; the little things he does that show just how much he loves you

pairings; karasuno x reader, aoba johsai x reader, fukurodani x reader, nekoma x reader, shiratorizawa x reader

genre; fluff

warnings; will make u hate being single <3

karasuno ━━

sugawara koshi; whenever your hair gets caught in anything, he’s so gentle yet quick at fixing it. if your hair is long, and you pull a bag or a shirt and your hair gets tucked in, he’ll wordlessly pull it out. if your hair is short and a bracelet or zipper gets caught he just continues whatever he was doing (talking to someone else for e.g.) while helping you out. also always makes sure your hair isn’t bothering you; if you’re leaning over writing something, he’ll always tuck it behind your ear so lovingly ahhh

daichi sawamura; massages. he’s descended from heaven for this purpose only. his hands are rough and like hard on your muscles, but it’s so perfect. he’ll approach you when you’re in school sitting anywhere, from behind, and just knead his hands into your muscles for a few seconds. euphoric. or if you live together, he always greets you with back/shoulder/neck massages in the bathtub hvjkwkd.

nishinoya yuu; always makes you try his food. always. whether it’s with a group of people or just you two, he just goes “hey babe open ur mouth” with this face 😏 bc he’s cheeky, and just shoves a mouthful of food. spoiler alert, it’s always way too hot. but it’s just tradition at this point. he takes a bite of his food, decides if it’s worthy enough for your mouth or not, then just. yeah.

kageyama tobio; buys you a snack whenever he gets his milk. if you’re special special, he’ll buy you your own carton of milk. he goes up to the vending machine and automatically thinks of you when he sees your fave snack, and it’s like mindless at this point he just routinely does it. it still surprises you to this day, even when he’s so nonchalant about it.

tsukishima kei; kisses your forehead. tsukki is not too big on pda, and even privately he’s not very touchy feely either tbh. but just a simple peck on your forehead grounds you, and it’s a small reminder of the fact that despite his outward coldness, he really does love you. he rarely does it in front of others, but sometimes, he’ll indulge both you and him, and settle a small kiss on your temple just randomly.

asahi azumane; anime jesus always has a hair tie/clip carried around for you on his wrist/in his pockets. i mean he’s always needing them, he just stocks up when he starts dating you. somehow he’s always there when you’re frustrated with your hair all over the place what a savior. later on it evolves to him carrying around your scrunchie and yes the boys make fun yes he blushes but no he does not take it off.

tanaka ryunosuke; carries you on his back, or your things, when you’re too tired to walk. whether that be if you’re too tired because of your heels or you’re just lazy, he just loves helping you out what a respectful gentleman. honestly it just becomes that every time he sees you he like barricades over to you so quick and flips you onto his shoulder or spins you around. anyways. walking with tanaka means walking empty handed bc he will never let you carry anything. ( shifts pile of bags on one arm just to hold your hand ).

hinata shoyo; learns hairstyles to try on you. whether it be short hair or long hair, expect his youtube search history to look a lot like “how to make a french braid” or “cute hairstyles for short hair for your cute girlfriend”. he’s always so entranced by you and watches so carefully whenever you do anything on your hair, and he gets do excited whenever you let him try and he gets it right. also !!! a lot of the times you’ll sit between his legs and he’ll just softly card his fingers through your hair or lightly braid it.

yamaguchi tadashi; buys you flowers a lot. he doesn’t overdo it, just so it doesn’t lose its value and worth. but for example, mondays suck ass and he knows how much you hate them, so he always makes sure to either leave a single rose on your desk/in your locker or give it to you himself if he can. it’s so endearing and motivating honestly, and the constant reminder every once in a while is so cute. continues to do it even like 3 years in, which is so fkn sweet honestly.

nekoma ━━

kuroo tetsurō; plans the best dates. seriously. like not one moment spent with him is dull. i don’t think being with kuroo entails a high energy relationship, i just mean that even a walk in the park is fun with him. he also always knows when to plan a fancy dinner and when it’s just something casual. like he always puts in so much effort, gives 120%, for every date with you. is your favorite band/singer/artist in town? he’s got tickets. the weather is amazing? you’re going to the beach. you’re sleep deprived? nap dates. 10/10

kozume kenma; he teaches you how to play his games. the fact that he’s letting you touch the console in itself says enough, but whenever he buys a new one, and learns it thoroughly enough, he will always sit by you and teach you its ways. picture you sitting in his lap while he guides your hands <333 if you’re not a gamer, he’s actually v flattered by the fact you’re willing to sit through this w him. but if you are a gamer, expect daily competitions. oh and if you beat him? you’re dead to him :).

haiba lev; instead of reaching for things that you’re too short for to grab it himself, he just lifts you up lmfao. i mean w the way he teases yaku, i can imagine he’d be v teasing with you as well if you’re even an inch shorter than him. but fret not! it’s all in the name of love. he’s very loving though, and if he sees you struggling he’ll just wordlessly hoist you up from your waist or something. at first it’s terrifying, but later on it just makes you giggle cause he’s like so willing to do it and it’s effortless for him hehe.

yaku morisuke; always makes sure you’re taking care of yourself, but kinda aggressively? lmao anyways. like he’s always “babe have u eaten” and if u say no expect him to start yelling like “what do you mean no??? are you insane???” v dramatic but honestly <333 he’s always texting you after parting ways “did you get home safe” or on weekends where he cant meet you, he’s asking how it was, if you indulged yourself a bit, relaxed. it’s very sweet and he makes sure it’s not overbearing. he just wants his baby to be healthy and happy.

yamamoto taketora; walks on the side with the cars. it’s not a very noticeable thing, but you see it, and you recognize it. he makes sure he’s always walking where cars are speeding by, a hand on the small of your back guiding you away and to the other side of him. it’s the little notions of protectiveness like if he’s driving and stops suddenly, he’ll put a hand out to keep you from lurching forward, he pushes you gently out of the way before you bump into someone. things like that.

aoba johsai ━��

oikawa tōru; he doodles in your notebooks, or on your skin. if you have class with him, and sit next to him, he’ll always be doodling on your notebook like little hearts or stupid, cute things like your initials + his in a heart. or if you’re at a study date together, and you’re focused on your laptop screen, he’ll leave little encouraging messages on your notes for you to notice when you’re revising. sometimes you’ll be sitting with him at lunch or even if you’re out w him and a bunch of other people, and he happens to have a pen. expect a little smiley face on your inner wrist, or a heart plus his initials ( o.t. )

iwaizumi hajime; he helps you take off your make up/takes it off for you. if you’re too sleepy, he’ll just take the products he’s used to seeing you use and start following it step by step after he props you up next to the sink. while he stands between your thighs he just so gently starts rubbing at your skin and washing away the make up. if you’re already asleep, he’ll have to like google the steps oh my god im gonna cry hes so cute. if you don’t necessarily wear make up, then he’ll just help you do your nightly routine, or even your shower routine, like using a body scrub or a face mask or, bruh, even shaving lmfao.

hanamaki takahiro; saves everything you buy/send/make him. i mean everything. has literally over two thousand photos of you, all the polaroids or postcards are saved in a little box he has under his bed. anything you make him (unless it’s edible) he has. if you make him a small embroidery thing he will literally attach it to his sports bag or something. any chain you make him is automatically added to his keychain. that flower crown you made with him on one of your first dates? he still has it. the flowers are dead but the memory loves babyyyy

matsukawa issei; carries extra clothes of his for you to borrow. hey have i mentioned that mattsun is big? 😃 because he is 😃. meaning regardless of your size or height or whatever, his clothes will drown you <3 i see him as preferring more oversized or just loose shirts rather than tight ones, so yk. on you???? if y’all are just hanging out and you even think about being slightly cold — here have five options of mattsun’s clothes to choose from. he always makes sure they smell like him too. it’s self indulgent really, because he loves the way they look on you, and he loves that it leaves a trace of his scent on you. territorial? i think yes.

fukurodani ━━

bokuto kōtarō; always hugs you like it’s the last time he’ll see you. sometimes, even if he doesn’t know it, you need his hugs badly. y’all are gonna try and tell me bokuto doesn’t give the best fkn hugs??? yeah get outta here with that bs. he SO does. he either kneels down and wraps his arms around your waist, picks you up, and spins you around, like he hasn’t seen you in 3 years, or he’ll just wrap his arms around your neck and pull your head to his chest, cradling it, and just sighing like he won’t see you for the next 3 years. his hugs always make you feel so much better, even if you weren’t feeling down to begin with.

akaashi keiji; plays with your hands and caresses them. it’s the delicate feel and gentleness of it all. akaashi’s generally an anxious person, leaving him very fidgety. but once you two get together, and he starts being comfortable with you, expect to find your hand always between the two of his, just fondling with him. he’ll trace random figurines on the back of your hand, or have his fingers ghost over your wrist and up to your fingertips. if his hands are especially shaky, expect him to just grab one of your yours and hold it tightly between the grasp of two of his. it conveys trust, and all you have to do is kiss his knuckles gently and he’s melting.

konoha akinori; he has your reminders app linked with his, and sneaks in small, motivating messages. every once in a while you’ll get a notification from the app that tells you to drink water or have a snack (or text konoha he’s bored and he misses you). also always sends you pictures to distract you from stress. like it could literally just be a picture of him smiling with a thumbs up and you’d just ,,, melt bc you love him so much.

shiratorizawa ━━

ushijima wakatoshi; he has so many plants that are named after you, or your nicknames, and he’s like so gentle with them too. like strokes their petals and speaks to them so softly, the same way he does with you. you’re honestly so curious how he hasn’t run out of names, but he’s just a genius like that. whenever you go over to his place, and he’s bought a new one, he’ll take your hand and guide you to where it’s growing and just be like “look it’s baby y/n” and you just 🥺🥺🥺

semi eita; he has a playlist on his phone, that’s constantly being updated, for you and him to listen to. the first time he showed it to you, you were stargazing and he took out his phone and headphones and was like “i made a playlist for you wanna list” and every part of your body lit up in flames im not joking. now, a lot of the times, you’re coming back home on a train, and your head is on his shoulder and you’re sharing headphones listening to the playlist. when either one of you is driving you’re blasting it (a lot of the playlist is the hsm soundtrack)

satori tendō; tendo reads people so well, and being in a relationship with him means he will read you so well. so a lot of the times, in social situations, he’ll recognize the signs of you wanting to leave, for example, or if someone’s bothering you, he’ll know exactly how to approach it too. this also entails having a lotta inside jokes hehe, and also just like. talking with your eyes. yk that thing. yeah. all you have to do is look at him a certain way, and he just knows exactly what you just said.

goshiki tsutomu; he buys the both of you this small plushie, and whenever you’re missing each other you just. squish it. and he squishes his. he would rather die than let anyone know this, but you’re not too keen on letting anyone know yourself tbh. it’s just this little thing you have, and it means a lot more to you than just this. when he first bought it he was like “look we have matching plushies” and you passed away on the spot ❤️

shirabu kenjirō; loves trying out new recipes with you. he’s not too big on cooking or baking, but there’s just something about doing it with you that really — hits the spot yk. nowadays, whenever he comes across a new recipe on social media that he thinks you’ll like he just automatically sends it to you like with no words no texts just the post and you’re like “OMG CAN WE DO THIS” and he’s like “why else would i send it. yes we can :)” hvskwkeke

end note; thank you sm for the love on my last two posts!! i’m glad you guys enjoyed them sm. if you have any requests, they’re open and i’m happy to deliver, mwah!

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