saw mcr yesterday in Cardiff with my buddy @marcsalmonds and made a rat just for a bit because my mcr revival has made me insane!!!

Brett Talbot x reader/ i love him not Isaac pt1

“BRETT” i yell “BRETT YOU CAN COME OUT ITS ME” i see a large 6 foot figure come out the shadows “hey” he smiles “hey” i run up to him and hug him “god I’ve missed you so much” i said into his chest “I missed you too” i look up as his lips attach to mine “how long do you have to hide for” he signs  “ i don’t know, Satomi won’t tell us. Till its clear for us to come out i guess, she only lets me see you” A tear slides down my face “hey, hey i know its gonna be hard for a  week or so but we can do this. It’s all for our safety. Ok love i promise you.”

his lips hit mine once again, I smile “I just- i really love you brett this past month has been so hard” he smiles “I love you too, Its been hard for me too.” my head hit his chest “please call me when you get home ok, or text me you get there safely baby.” i smile “Please text me Brett, if something happens please” i peck his lips “I love you” i smile “I love you more” he winks at me, slowly backing into up “not possible” he smirks “its very possible” his eyes shine a yellow, my eyes shine and icy blue back. I watch his figure disappear in the dark forset.

i walk to my car, and get in. My phone starts ringing, it was Scott “hey” he signs “Isaac’s back in town” my heart drops, my breathing goes really slow “Nononono, he can’t. HE CAN’T BE BACK. HE DOESN’T JUST GET TO CHOOSE WHEN HE COMES BACK. I’M HAPPY FOR GODS SAKE SCOTT, I JUST GOT OVER HIM. KEEP...HIM..,AWAY...FROM...ME. or i won’t waste a seconds to rip his throat out of his sockets. You know i mean it Scott, Tell him to stay away from me.” he signs “y/n give him a chance to explain...” its almost like he could hear my tears, running down my cheeks “no Scott, its not fair he can’t just walk out and leave when he can be arsed. I’m done, I love Brett, yes im dating him. Not Isaac he broke my heart into 14 million different pieces” 

i end the phone call, i get home and open the door “Dad. Stiles. I'm home��� Stiles picks his head round the corner of the kitchen “hey y/n (your nickname)” i smile “hey” he smiles “have you heard?” i sign “about isaac? Yes, do i care? No” i look at him, this was the right time to tell him I'm dating Brett. “Stiles, I’m dating Brett, and i really like him no I actually love him. I’ve been dating him for a while. I got over Isaac and I’ve never felt better. Remember when i didn’t leave or eat for 2 months because of Isaac leaving, I kept one reading the letter he left me over and over again. His words kept on repeating in my head ‘its not you, its me’ ” i look down then back up

 “he was right its wasn’t me that was the problem it was him.” he opens his arms up “you should’ve told me about Brett kiddo” he says wrapping his arms around me “i didn’t want you worrying, cus im worrying about him. I want Scott to take him in our pack, I just don’t know how to tell him” i look down “I can’t be away from him anymore, it’s killing me” i said looking in his brown eyes “ik you know it won’t kill if you ask the worst answer you’ll get is no” i look up at him “I can try and ask him” i take my phone out my pocket, open it and click on Brett's name.

me : hey just got home, have you got back safe xx

Brett : hey yep all good babe x

me : i accidently told Scott, so i had to tell Stiles. Hope you don’t mind them knowing xx

Brett : I don’t, you know if I could tell the whole world your mine I would xx

me : What if i asked you and your sister if you could join our pack what would you say xx

Brett : I’d say depends on Scott, and Satomi xx

me : is that a no or a yes x

Brett : Yes but what would Scott say xx

me : i don’t know i guess I’ll have to ask him xx

Brett : well we’ll see, love you baby. xx

me : love you to xx

i smile “is that him?” stiles asks, i nod “stiles he’s a good guy” i signs “i know i just don’t want you getting hurt again” 

Guilt

Pairing: Choi San x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of hospitals, being in a coma, arguing, and anxiety/panic!

Word Count: 2.5k+

Type: fluff? and angst

Note: This is my first au so go easy on me <3 and definitely let me know if you like this one or if you have any requests !!!

Prompt: You were in a coma but you couldn’t remember how you got there, the only sense of normality being the lingering presence of your boyfriend San who was hell bent on sticking with you.

The only thing you could remember was the sickening impact of your head meeting with the pavement. The way you lost all control of your senses and with such a blunt force. It was quick, and for a moment you wondered if it had even happened, if it was just a dream, but the throbbing at the back of your head said otherwise. It was pitch black, the only sound you could make out was the rhymitic beeping of a what you believed to be a machine beside you. You felt the cold of a fabric enveloping you, coming to the quick realization you were in a bed. Your attention turned to the beeping beside you as it was steady and never faltering giving you something to focus on that wasn’t the dark that seemed to stare back at you. You attempted to open your eyes but couldn’t. A slight panic began to rise in your chest as you attempted to open them again expecting a different outcome yet receiving the same. Your breathing increased and so did the beeps of the machine beside you, you felt sweat forming at your brow as you a sinking feeling began to churn in your stomach. You didn’t know what to do as you couldn’t move or open your eyes, feeling trapped. You didn’t have much time to figure out much more for yourself before you heard a door swing open followed by the squeak of footsteps rounding the foot of the bed you were in. You felt whoever they belonged to, press something against your chest, assuming it to be a stethoscope, as you felt the cold of the metal through the fabric of your top. You heard a voice carry through your head, it sounded like an echo bouncing in an empty room. You concentrated on making it out, it didn’t take long as you began to catch on, hanging onto each syllable.

“Y/n, it’s your doctor, my name is doctor Hill, I know there’s a high chance you can hear me, so if you can please listen carefully, you’re currently in a coma, three days in, i’m going to need you to take deep breaths and concentrate on your heartbeat and following it’s pattern, I know you’re scared but please trust me.” You began to follow the instructions, knowing you had no other option, as you drowned out the voice by only following your heartbeat, realizing you could only do one or the other and within moments the panic you felt incased in was gone almost as quickly than it had come. You began to breathe in and out at a normal pace, prompting your doctor to continue. “You’ve been out a few days as your body heals, you need to focus on the healing before anything else, so do not stress and do not panic, you will wake up and you will be ok it’s just going to take time.” You heard him finish before sighing in approval as the beeping had become normal again. You wanted to nod or make a subtle movement to signal you heard him, yet to your dismay nothing happened. He scuffled around you, as you assumed he was making sure everything else was normal too. You heard the signature squeak of the shoes and a quiet goodbye as the doctor left the room. You began to feel tired as you drifted out of consciousness.

The next day you came to, well as much as you could, to the feeling of someone grasping your hand. Alarm bells started ringing in your head, and as if the person holding onto you could sense it, you heard a familiar voice let out affirmations and soft whispers. “Baby it’s ok, it’s just me, it’s just me.” You recognized the voice immediately and almost kicked yourself for not knowing sooner. It was your boyfriend San. You felt his lips ghost over tour forehead, they felt so far away yet you knew they were right above your temple. You wanted to lean into them, but you had come around to the notion that you simply couldn’t, no matter how frustrating. You felt his presence linger a little bit longer before he settled back into what you assumed to be a chair next to you. He began talking, almost to himself than to anyone. “I hope you know how much I love you and how sorry I am.” The words were so low and in between sharp intakes and you struggled to make them out, but when you did you felt your heart hammer in your chest. What could he have been possibly sorry for? He hadn’t caused this? He continued to mumble to himself, gently rubbing his finger over your interlocked hands. You yearned to reach out to him, to hug him, to tell him your ok, yet you couldn’t. Your inability to move felt like an eerie nightmare replaying over and over again.

The next time you awoke it was because you felt a sharp pain in your arm followed by a familiar voice that belonged to your doctor. “I’m changing your IV and you may feel some slight discomfort as it makes its way into your bloodstream.” You wanted to scream but couldn’t as the pain travelled from the tips of your fingers to your neck, it felt like someone poured boiling water into your veins. It lingered but began to subside as you felt his grasp loosen. You began to calm down as the pain had nearly vanished and began to focus on the warmth of someone beside you, which you had just noticed. The person beside you cradled into your arms and it didn’t take long for you to figure out it was San. You cold feel cold droplets linger on your exposed skin, immediately realizing they were tears. This broke your heart because you knew how he was, and you knew he was beating himself up over this and there was nothing you could do about it. You wondered how long he had laid there with you as you wished to run your fingers through his hair and tell him it’d be okay. Your heart felt heavy in your chest at the want to hold him and to talk to him, and simply return to life with him. Your thoughts left you feeling empty. Not long after you felt his presence beside you, it was gone but not before his thumb swiped under your eye, at a tear you didn’t know had fallen. You listened as he whispered to himself again as you tried to catch a few of the louder words, to no avail. You assumed it was him assuring himself you’d be ok but that thought scared you, for you hated him to feel as if he had to worry so hard for your safety. You tried to move your hand to reach his but couldn’t no matter how hard you tried.

The next time you awoke it was in your bed. You snapped your eyes open and immediately shot up. Adrenaline coursed through your veins as you attempted to move your hand and when that worked your legs. You jumped from beneath the blankets as you ran to the mirror and blinked your eyes and watched your shoulders roll in place. It felt surreal as you examined the room quickly before deciding on going downstairs. You ran downstairs of the familiar apartment you had lived in for the last year or so, stopping extra to feel the different changes in the wood of the railings and the way the steps collided with the balls of your feet. You were in a state of bliss as you suddenly stopped dead in your tracks, you watched in confusion as you, even though you were at the bottom of the stairs, sling open the front door, tears flowing down your face. Your heart sank as realization hit you like a ton of bricks. You weren’t awake and you weren’t home, you were dreaming.

You watched intently as you, well dream you, collapsed on the couch before curling into a ball. The scene felt all too familiar as foreign feelings began to flood back ‪to you. The pang of jealousy and hatred washing over you. You didn’t know why but you felt your heart breaking as dream you cried and cried until she couldn’t cry no more letting out whispers that you could barely hear. It wasn’t even a full 10 minutes but it felt like hours. The raw hurt that emanated in your dream versions face sent chills down your spine and your breath catch in your throat. You made an attempt to hug your dream self but stopped as you heard the door fling open for the second time of the day.

“Baby please just talk to me stop shutting me out.” Was the first thing that left the lips of San the door closing behind him in his wake. Your gaze quickly snapping between the two participants.

“Shutting you out?” Dream you squeaked. “Shutting you out??? You’re the one who couldn’t even muster up a text back or pick up one of my calls for the past two weeks yet i’m the one shutting you out?” The words were venom laced and you watched San’s face scrunch into a mixture of anger and hurt.

“I get busy and you know this, it’s a fucking text message i’m so sorry that you have to wait til i get home to talk to me.” He seethed arms raising. “Are you fucking kidding me? When you get home?? Sometimes you don’t even come home??? You’re so busy that you can’t let me know if you’re coming home or if you’re ok or if you need something? You’re so fucking busy you can’t consider for a moment that maybe a text or a call you declined was actually important? You think i’d be this upset if it was just stupid hi and hello texts” Dream you screamed back as she left her position on the couch, her fists balled at her sides. “I wouldn’t be fucking suprised theres not a moment you’re not overreacting over something.” He shot back.

“Are you kidding me San?” She said simply a look of disbelief on her face an unhumorous laugh following after. “Yes i’m serious every day it’s something new with you.” He started before throwing his coat onto the counter. “Every damn day you always start something, first it’s me not listening to your boring rants about work and the next it’s me not answering one text, every day you push your needyness onto me and it’s fucking tiring.” He says lowly. “It’s like you can’t do shit for yourself and im tired of always being the one to take care of you because i’m not your fucking parent.” The tears started to fall once more as dream you began to hurriedly throw on her previously discarded jacket. “You know if you hated my guts so much and ‪saw me seeking you for comfort and for someone to reside in, as me wanting attention and being needy you could’ve just said something.” She said her voice cracking.

San ran his fingers through his hair. “Look I didn’t mean that I just-“ He didn’t get to finish before dream you cut him off. “No San you made your message pretty fucking clear” Dream you grabbed their keys from the table where they had been thrown and slammed the door open for the third time and simply left. San muttered a “Fuck” before following after. You and San hurried out the door following dream you in her wake, San muttering to himself once more and yelling for dream you to stop or slow down. “Can we please just talk this out?” He called after her. “San like I said ‪you‬ made it pretty fucking clear i’m just a burden to you so for the love of god leave me-.” her words were cut short and ended with the stomach wrenching sound of something making contact with the pavement. Sans screams ripped through the quiet morning as the sound of his footsteps tore after dream you. You watched in horror at the scene unfolding, you were lying motionless on the ground as a frantic San dialed 911. You turned quickly with a wince realizing this wasn’t a dream, it was a memory you had lost and this was how you had ended up where you were.

You snapped back to reality as you felt Sans hand on yours once more but a sickening feeling resided in your stomach instead of content, you attempted to rip your hand away and to your surprise it worked, and to Sans too as he scrambled from his chair. You began to open your eyes light invading harshly causing you to close them before peeling away your eyelids again. You began to blink slowly, your eyes landing on the man of the hour himself. Your stare turning to a malicious one as you looked him over before softening. He was a mess to say lightly, his haired was everywhere, sticking up, and there were tear stains etched into his skin as dark circles laid under his tired, bloodshot eyes. He looked as if he hadn’t moved from his spot in days. Your heart softened as you realized he had put himself through more hell than you could muster up. You went to speak and but your voice could only make it to the sound of a whisper.

“Fuck you.” Is all you said as San lurched forward grabbing your hand. He looked as if he had seen a ghost as tears began to build in the corners of his eyes. He watched a playful smile take form on your face causing one to etch onto his. “I’m so so sorry y/n.” Was all he said as his voice sounded almost as broken as yours. Tears began to fill in the etches of his face as you wiped them away shakily. “Don’t cry baby.” You said soothingly. “It’s my fault you had to go through this if I had just-“ You cut him off. “But you didn’t and so now we’re here, you can beat yourself up over this all you want but it won’t change a thing.” He took a breath before staring down at your interlocked hands.

“I’m still so sorry for saying those things to you, i had just been so stressed that week and I never meant to ignore you I just never took a minute to do anything but work, I said harsh and cruel things all because I couldn’t accept the fact you were right, I had been neglecting you, I put work over you and for that i’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve being put second and you didn’t deserve being yelled at for caring about me.” He took a quick breath. “I couldn’t even protect you when you needed me most, I made you cry more than once and because of me you’re here” He finished quietly staring at you intently watching a tear slide down your face. He quickly wiped it away. “How about you don’t cry” He chuckled dryly still clinging onto your hand for dear life. “It’s ok San, I forgive you, shit happens, now can we please put this behind us because holy fuck my head is killing me.” He giggled again at the surrealness of you being your usual self after sitting in a hospital room for a week wishing for this moment.

“I also hope you know I had no intention of forgiving you.” You teased as you and San walked to the car after you were discharged only a day after waking up, except you weren’t walking as San insisted on carrying you, rambling on about how it was normal and necessary. So now you were clung to his back like a koala. “Yeah I figured that when the first thing you did when you came to was rip your hand away from mine.” He chuckled. “But when I saw you looked more fucked up than I did I decided to cut you some slack.” You giggled poking his ear making him jerk from your touch.

“I will drop you.” He warned as he felt your grip tighten around him making him smirk. The wind blowing your hair back. “Don’t put me in another coma.” You teased with a giggle and San whined a pout forming on his face. “Thats not funny” He huffed shifting your weight on his back. “I think it’s fucking hilarious.” You laughed biting your lip. “I will bite you.” He threatened as the sound of leaves blowing along the pavement cut through the air. “Always knew you had a biting kink.” You laughed loudly still poking at San’s face. “I really do wonder if you waking up was a good thing.” He said making you scoff before hitting his back. “Ok rude.”

He giggled as he felt you pout behind him. “I’m kidding dummy.” He teased. You were soon at your car as San carefully placed you inside. He then climbed‪‬ into his side and the whole car ride home was filled with giggles and teasing as you were filled with the notion everything would be okay.

Masterlist

I'm curious but why did you delete JAM? It was one of my favorite JxD fics and I never got to finish reading it.

ahhhh oh dear, yeah, that happened.

So, for everyone arriving, I wrote a fic called Just Another Mission for the Jak and Daxter game series, and Jak/Daxter pairing. Yes, the green haired elf protag with the fuzzy orange thing, which btw used to be a human and was a human in fic. I think I started it when I was maybe 14 (yikes omg) and a few years ago, I deleted it, and I don’t delete fics.

Rant and personal history ahead, but tldr; i deleted this particular fic because:

1) I became more and more uncomfortable with the way I’d treated certain characters without giving them respect or resolution (throwing around things like domestic abuse while being too young to properly understand What I Was Doing or How to Answer Very Triggered Friends Who Had the Misfortune of Reading This I’m So Goddamn Sorry, as well as falling into that Not Like Other Girls slash fan ditch of treating female characters like shit/obstacles to the main pairing WHICH IS JUST ******) as well as personally uncomfortable portrayals of obsession and taking advantage of people that turn my stomach to this day (see reason 4)

2) i got way in over my head with my own writing/style which was so obtuse and self-indulgent that I felt a great amount of shame over it, including the attention it had gotten, and the way it went to my head and turned me into an egotistic little shit. I was an asshole peacock and I regret it. There was a break where I got waylaid before the final confrontation in the fic (see reason 4, also a very bad time to get held up in any narrative) and when I returned to the story, i nearly cried because it was such a mess and I didn’t know what I was saying anymore. Finishing it was a struggle and I even remember one JnD fan friend being like “hey this chapter seemed really curt??? short?? not like you” and I was like YEAH THATS NOT ME ANYMORE god i hope

3) there was a sort of ... anti-JxD surge in my little pool from people I really respected and it made me think i was doing something wrong even just remembering it, so I cut off that memory.

4) it coincided with two ugly relationships in my life that marred it, and I just wanted it gone for my own mental health.

So anon, I’m very sorry that you never got to finish it. I had good intentions in mind and gave them a happy ending where they realized they loved each other, even if the journey there was difficult. 

It both touched me and broke a piece of my heart when someone came to me years ago and asked me why I had deleted it, saying the story had given them the courage to come out as gay to their family. In that moment, overwhelmed with how ProblematicTM the whole story was, I was really struck with just ... how subjective our world experience is, and how so many things can mean so many different things to every single soul and how terrifyingly VALID peoples experiences are, no matter how they come by them. We’re all so unique and convoluted, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure -- and one man’s trigger is another man’s key to Becoming. But no matter how inspiring, I couldn’t bring myself to repost it. 

Hopefully this will be the only fic i ever delete with relish. Jak and Daxter will always be a good memory for me, regardless. Thanks for the ask, anon.

(even more) personal stuff below the cut. tw for stalking, harassment, manipulation and emotional abuse.

So.

Im a firm believer in stories living beyond their authors (something that JK rowling doesnt seem to understand iykwim). I don’t normally delete past works, because while I wrote them, I also know that they’ve outgrown me as most narratives do: people are absolutely allowed to enjoy what they want to or need to, not just because I think said thing is reflective of my current work or jives with my current stage of life. 

However, JAM was a particular Thing that Had to Go.

The timeline is hella fuzzy to me because I’ve blocked a lot of it out, but I was coming out of middle school and struggling with my mental health. On the real life side, I was stuck in a situation with a close friend of mine who was very fixated on us being in a relationship and the pining was loud enough to hear from the other side of the country. Wounded people pleaser that I was, I flipped (exhaustingly) back and forth between “i dont like you like that” and “but I want you to be happy so what if I tried liking you like that?” and there was massive amounts of hidden hurt and resentment and tension and abandonment complex activation and just ... a strangling of anything that made our friendship good for either of us. 

Also she was a she. So. Yannoe, gay is difficult.

This definitely burnt me out on the “best friends pining” trope and is probably legit the ONLY reason I’m not equally in the erasermic and erasermight camp haha. That trope feels claustrophobic and draining to me, so I leave it for others to enjoy.

It also coincided with a married 45yo adult man luring me into a “platonic, ecstatic, boundary-breaking, you-are-my-beautiful-young-muse, words cannot express how much I love you” creative type relationship that inevitably turned possessive, domineering and manipulative. Within the bounds of the Renaissance Faire community, I thought he was a safe person and he was not, and his constant reassurance that I wasn’t like other women my age was absolutely hypnotizing to a undeveloped soul who really, really wanted to be special.

We traded poetry and tarot card readings over email. He bought me manga and shared stories about his time overseas and in the service. He made me props to go with my renaissance faire character and showed me where to find cheap leather so I could piece things together myself.

He also stalked me and owned me for the better part of a year and I only realized it once he started harassing a dear friend of mine overseas, whom I was visiting, about a package that he’d sent, which apparently he’d covered in original poetry to let me know how much he loved me But Not In a Hetero or Sexual Way Bro, so of course he didn’t want it to get lost in the postal system. So what is he going to do? Note my friend twice a day asking if its arrived until she inevitably, tearfully spills that this guy is stressing her out and who is he anyway?

My horrible secret was out, which only sounded horrible when I explained it to someone else. I realized this man was trying to follow me wherever i went and I got so fucking angry that he was messing with my friend that I had to stop it.

(He called me a cunt when I broke it off with him on the phone in the dark on the floor of my bedroom in the middle of the night so my parents wouldn’t hear, then sobbed and said he was sorry. I was so dissociated from the rush of anger and helplessness that it took for me to actually MAKE the call that all I could do was wiggle my foot and watch it in the reflection of the mirror on the back of my door, and think maybe I was a cunt but I wasn’t his cunt anymore. So there. 

Afterward I slammed my forehead into the mirror a few times to make sure I’d actually done it and it wasn’t a dream.)

During all of this, I was writing this stupid fic. I think. Honestly, I don’t fucking know, but I can’t think of it without thinking of him and how i was devoured.

The stress of hiding this “totally wonderful but NORMAL PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT WE HAVE!!!!” grooming shit from my parents was gutting me alive, and I was so far gone RE: worthiness/autonomy that I didn’t even consider why I BOTHERED diffusing his petulant accusations over notes on deviantArt again and again as he baited me into shit just to explode over how I didn’t love him and I figured out another way to soothe his engorged and tarry ego without explicitly lying that I loved him too. 

He made me regret my silver tongue and way with words as I used it to defend myself again and again, and crushed my love of writing. I would pace the neighborhood for almost an hour several times a week, claiming I was ‘exercising’ but really trying to understand why i felt so trapped, or where the lines between love and hate lay, or why I wanted to cry all the time, as i low key tried to get hit by a car just to force something to change in my life and jolt me out of his smothering, needy nightmare of constant texting and emails and notes. I couldn’t fucking flinch without him knowing about it, and asking me if I was okay. For this reason, I react very poorly to people fretting over me at length, and loudly. I get angry and feel violated, or just pinned to the floor by someone Performing their love on me with no real regard for my health.

This whole time, I was escaping into fandom. It probably saved my life, in one way or another, because I found friends who supported me and made me laugh in the JnD sphere. Especially the friend whose distress caused me to snap and realize This Couldn’t Continue.

This terrible man was the first one outside of my friend group that I showed my writing to, the first adult as well. It was on the dark side even then, but he said it was wonderful and amazing. He teased me for being stuck up in my authors notes on JAM (one of the reasons I’m just getting over ... talking ...) but said it inspired him to start writing as well. He used that writing to imagine hokey sprawling stories of him being a hot rod racer and me being his sexy girlfriend, Very Totally in Love. Why Couldn’t We have Just Met in a Different Lifetime??? not that its a relevant question for my young 16yo friend lol just something dreamers wonder lol lol here why don’t you take this traditional irish engagement ring aka claddagh i bought for you, lie to your parents and say I bought one for everyone in our renfaire group, and turn it toward your heart, to imply that you’re in love, so that I can keep your heart safe for you until you find a boyfriend?

FUCKER YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKER ok I’m done. Fuck.

JAM was a project of mine that spanned a year or two and is intrinsically tangled in those very bad relationships and very bad lessons. I deleted it because I needed to, for purely personal reasons beyond the fact that it was generally bombastic, over-long, tone-deaf and dealt with very serious issues poorly. Due to these experiences, you won’t catch me in a hot minute writing either best-friends-pining or heavy jealousy/possessiveness fic, but everyone else? Go crazy just tag your shit.

so. anyway. isn’t subjectivity actually terrifying? You never know what something can mean to someone else. So just ask, maybe.

Damn, son. Some fics you just can’t repost.

Teenager

After a horrible divorce Jaebum is left as a single father, life has taken its toll on him and sometimes he just wants to feel like young again. Love is hard to find, and when he does find it will it make him feel like a teenager again?

Jaebum looked down at his daughter’s soft curls and sighed. At 1.5 she was a picky little thing, and she was finally asleep after three books, something that his wife was supposed to be doing tonight. Not that he really cared, he felt like he was getting too old to be going out with the rest of the guys anyway. He was a married man with a daughter now. However; he kissed her little brown face and turned on her unicorn night light as he left the door cracked.

Taking his cell phone out of his pocket, Jaebum texted his wife.

                                Where are you?

It took a minute for her to respond, and he almost hit the call button before she answered.

   Working. I told you, another late night, please don’t be all behind me like that you know I hate that.

He knew she did, but Jesus another night? He groaned, sitting on the couch.

   I was supposed to meet the guys tonight. Are you gonna be another hour or?

He could tell she was probably angry by the way the little bubbles disappeared then reappeared. Finally a nice, lengthy, and very annoyed text came back.

 OMG, JB you saw them last week. I thought you liked being a daddy so much? You know how vital this promotion is to me. Just invite them over or something, I don’t care. Please let me get this done, I don’t want to have to worry about you and your hurt feelings.

Rude much? He read her text twice, deleting and writing again before deciding to just ignore her. She wanted space then fine.

                            Fine.

He smiled. Let her stew over that. Or not, she’d probably ignore him. It was like that a lot lately. Well, ever since she finished her masters and started working for that corporation she’d been so busy. She didn’t want to have kids, didn’t want any pets. Just him and her. Instead of him waiting around for her. He hated it, she used to be so carefree, she used to hug him more. They had sex more too now that he really thought about it.

He met Nia at a JYP party 6 years ago. He had stared at her practically all night before BamBam realized he knew the woman she was with. He had introduced them, and Jaebum was trying not to fall in love.

She was tall, maybe an inch shorter than him. Brown skin that glowed in the light, smooth like butter. Everything about her was perfect, from her ample bottom on those long legs, to the way she smiled at him with those full lips. She introduced herself confidently in Korean, her accent was adorable, and he was stumbling over his words. Their love was a whirlwind, they got married a year and a half later.

What happened?

Trying to push the memories away, he called Jinyoung to find out where everyone was. He could hear the rest of the guys with him.

“Hey, I can’t go out. Nia is still at work, and I don’t have a sitter. You guys want to come over?” He asked Jinyoung, as he looked through the cabinet for snacks.

Jinyoung groaned. “What? We planned this last week!”

Jaebum listened as Jinyoung explained what was going on to everyone else. Youngjae and Mark agreed to go to his house. BamBam and Yugyeom were upset.

“Tell them I’m sorry, I don’t have a sitter.” Jaebum remembered BamBam was there and quickly added, “And no, not some young girl BamBam knows, someone I trust.”

He heard a groan and then more talking. He knew they wanted to drink and dance. It was just getting so hard to coordinate with Nia now.

“It’s ok Jinyoung, tell them maybe next week-”

“No, hyung. We are coming over, we’ll bring drinks is that ok?”

Smiling, JB pulled the chips and cookies out he had. “Yea, please do.”

“See you in 20.”

Hanging up the phone, Jaebum looked down to see another text from Nia.

 It’s going to be like this all week, so don’t wait up for me.

So no time for just them, no time to hang out with his friends. He ran upstairs to make sure Areum was still asleep. Thumb in her mouth she was sound asleep, and he walked back downstairs wondering when his family, would indeed be a family again.

“Nia, don’t walk away when I’m talking to you. You scared Areum, what the fuck is wrong with you, it’s just milk!” Jaebum was chasing after his wife up the stairs to their bedroom.

“It’s not just the milk!” Slamming the bathroom door closed, he could hear her curse behind the door. “Fuck!”

Dinner was going fine, Nia had laughed at something he said, she was even home early. He had just refilled Areum’s cup when the baby had knocked it over onto the floor. Nia flew off the handle, causing Areum to cry for Jaebum. She was so tense, everything was unraveling at the seams.

“Nia, listen. Calm down, then come downstairs and let’s finish dinner. Maybe..” He got close to the door, placing a hand on the wooden surface. “Maybe, when Areum goes to bed we can talk. We haven’t talked in a while, I’ll rub your feet?” Feeling confident, he tried the doorknob only to find it locked.

“No.” The only answer he received.

Knocking on the door, he responded. “No, to what exactly?”  

As the door opened, Nia pushed past him and went into the closet. “No to all of it. No, to you touching me, being near me, no to her being near me. I just can’t deal with all this and you guys. I just need to leave.”

His mouth went dry, hands shaking slightly. For some reason, there was a strange ringing in his ears, and as Jaebum shook his head, he moved his tongue around in his mouth although it felt like lead.

“Being near me? Being near Areum?” He moved his feet slowly across the floor, to the closet where Nia was on her knees packing a suitcase.

“Yes.” She stopped long enough to look up at him. Her face devoid of emotion, no tears, no hesitation as she spoke her next words. “I don’t want to be here anymore Jaebum. I can’t, it’s bad enough you made me have a baby, this makes it harder.”

He knew he was breathing harder and faster than average. Jaebum knew he shouldn’t be as angry as he was and perhaps he should calm down, go downstairs and check on Areum. He should ignore what she said and just let her cool down. Instead, he allowed his emotions take control.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” Slamming the door open to the closet. “Repeat what you said, real slow too and in English this time so I know you’re serious.”

She chuckled, standing up to straighten her suitcase. “We’ve been together four years, nearly five and you still have a hard time understanding English, don’t get cute.”

Gritting his teeth, he laughed to keep from cursing. “Wow. Ok, I’m pissed. Just to let you know and I’m trying to…what is wrong with you?”

“Everything!” She screamed. “I was doing great, I was doing fine, and then you came along and just…I was fine with that. I had things I wanted to do with my life Jaebum. It was my life, and I didn’t have to worry about anyone else. Then you just had to have a baby.”

“Her name is Areum! Areum Im! She’s our daughter for fuck’s sake Nia, I made you have her? If you didn’t want to get pregnant then maybe you should have stayed off my dick!” He didn’t want to cry, he didn’t want her to see his tears. The child who sat downstairs listening to her parents yell and scream was flooding through his mind.

“Like you weren’t begging me?” Nia watched him walk out the room, chasing him. “Oh, so now you don’t want to have the conversation? Really? You begged me, you practically cried to have her. Now she’s here, and all I can think about is everything I can’t do.”

As Jaebum hit the bottom step, he looked into the dining room to see Areum smashing her rice around, kimchi on her head. He smiled to keep from screaming. He smiled at Areum to keep from turning around and crying in Nia’s face. Ignoring his wife, he walked over to his daughter and scooped the food off her head.

“Hey you, let’s have a bath.” Lifting the baby from the high chair.

Areum smiled at him, his eyes and mouth on her mother’s face. “Apa.”

Nia was standing there as he faced her. “So, that’s it? You’re done? I have what I want, and you still don’t have everything you need Nia? We are your family, I made a pledge to love and respect you, but I’m having a hard time even looking at you right now.”

She waved a hand at him dismissively. “In some way, you feel the same. How many years has it been since Got7 has done something? Damn, even EXO vocal line had a Christmas album.”

“Got7 will always be there! I have my fans sure, but my family is something different! I’d give up everything for Areum if I had to.” He scoffed. “Now I know you wouldn’t even think about doing that.”

Walking past her, Areum placed her face in the crook of Jaebum’s neck. The feeling of her fingers holding onto him softened him. Made him calm down a little, even if he had no one else, she was with him, and he’d always have her. He wouldn’t let Nia have her, though it was clear she didn’t want to have anything to do with the baby.

As he made it to the stairs, Nia spoke. “I’ll be back for the rest of my stuff in the morning. I’ll get you divorce papers by next Monday.”

                                                    3 Years Later

“Areum! Your toys are everywhere why?” Jaebum looked at his foot and the Monster High doll currently missing an arm.

Areum sprinted around the corner, smiling as she picked up her doll, popping its arm back on. “Apa, you broke it.”

“You fixed her, maybe don’t keep your stuff on the ground and that won’t happen.” He shook his head and pointed to the rest of the things scattered around the living room. “Uncle Jinyoung is coming today, clean up.”

“He’s grumpy. I like Uncle Jackson better.” Areum pursed her lips as she made the dolls legs march along the couch, ignoring her father’s orders to clean up.

Jaebum chuckled. “Don’t tell him that, he thinks he’s your favorite.” Picking up the toys himself, he began tossing them into a chest.

Areum turned towards her father, a bright smile on her face. “I tell all my uncles they are my favorite, then they buy me toys.”

Jaebum laughed out loud, as she picked up the remaining few toys. “You’re a scammer.”

“BamBam said sometimes you have to please people a little then they do what you want. He said that’s how he gets the ladies.” Areum shook her head matter of factly before grabbing the remote, sitting on the couch.

Jaebum nearly hit his head on a cabinet as he looked at his daughter. “I’m going to talk to BamBam.”

“He also said never trust a big butt and a smile.” Areum laughed. “Big butt.”

“Areum!” Jaebum had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. “That’s not nice for children to say. Don’t let me hear that again.”

The four and a half-year-old scrunched up her nose. “Fine…BamBam getting me in trouble.”

Scoffing, Jaebum shook his head and prepared himself some coffee. He knew everyone would probably be stopping by today. It had been 3 years since Nia had left and he was a single father. Nia hardly called, though she always sent a present on Areum’s birthday, Children’s Day, Easter and Christmas. Nia never had much to say to Jaebum, and somehow he knew it was for the best. The words she said, they still hurt his heart when he looked at his daughter.

Areum was a beautiful girl. Coily, dark hair that she liked to keep in a top knot on her head. She had so much hair now, it was more like a small bowling ball on her head. It had taken him a minute to do her hair correctly, but with the help of youtube and Youngjae’s girlfriend, he had it now.

She had his eyes and mouth, the rest of her face was Nia. Skin complexion in between theirs, she was sassy and sweet. She had a mean streak that Jaebum could thank Jinyoung for but; she was as kind and caring as Youngjae. Jaebum sipped his coffee as he watched Areum sing along to her cartoons. She was a good baby too, as soon as Nia could she went back to work and left him with an infant.

It took Mark holding Areum on his chest and talking to her in his deep voice, and that got her to sleep. As she got older, fooling around with BamBam and Yugyeom was her favorite. Now, after trading scowls with Jinyoung, Jaebum followed the two as they went to the store or mall and listened as they gossipped about the people around them.

He had a good life, it was peaceful. Jaebum and Areum. Although singing and producing tracks was still his passion, he had a daughter to fit into that schedule now, and he made it work. He took Areum to the studio, he made a place for her there and let her do what she wanted. He took her to meet clients, and she even put in her influence on some of the things he was working on. Right, he didn’t go out as much as he used to, and yea Jaebum had no interest in any woman, but…he was a father. That was his priority. Priorities, you had to have them straight, and he’d be damned if he was like Nia.

It still rocked his mind how she left like that. Just up and went, like she was never here. He remembered how he watched her gather her things the next day. She never looked at him, didn’t even kiss Areum goodbye. He cried that night like he never had before, a strong in your chest, a snotty cry that gave him a headache.

He thought she loved him. He had thought that she was just going through some stress and she’d come back and love him like she did before. She didn’t though and still hurt. A raw feeling in his body whenever he opened his nightstand and pulled out her picture. He spent a lot of time listening to Sza and Frank Ocean then. Spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make her love him, sending texts that were never answered, calling her and only getting voicemail.

He had hoped that who she was when they met was who she always going to be because he was happy then. Maybe he was too blind to see that she was unhappy and using him as a band-aid for something that was too deep inside her to be fixed.

“Apa!!!!!!” Areum screamed his name, and Jaebum jumped up looking at her.

“Yes?” His heart was beating fast in panic as he realized he had drifted off in thought.

“Uncle Jinyoung is at the door, he’s been ringing the bell, can’t you hear?” She continued to jump around, listening to an old Twice song.

“Yea baby.” Getting up, he walked to the front door.

“About damn time.” Jinyoung moved past him, shaking the snow that lingered on his coat. “It’s cold in your hall, building manager needs to turn the heat on.”

Jaebum rolled his eyes. “It’s a building thing, the halls remain a good 55 for some reason.”

“Well, it’s dumb. How you feeling?” Jinyoung handed him a small bag, moving a package around in his arms.

Jaebum gave his friend a small smile. “I’m fine. Mark called me this morning, you guys really have to stop this.”

“Checking on you?” Jinyoung removed his shoes and walked down the hall behind Jaebum. “You know we won’t, you’re still hurting. Anyone can see that. She fucked you up bad, which is why I’m here to tell you we are going out tonight.”

Jaebum turned around, holding out a hand to stop Jinyoung. “Whose idea is this?”

Jinyoung sighed, his shoulders slumping. “Youngjae, now can I see my niece?”

“No.” Jaebum stopped him again as Jinyoung tried to side-step him. “Who?”

Trying to keep his voice quiet Jinyoung scowled. “All of us! We all think it’s good for you Bummie. Look at yourself!” Scoffing, Jinyoung pushed Jaebum to one side and smiled at Areum. “Who’s my girl?”

“I am!” Areum ran to Jinyoung, hugging his legs as he leaned down to kiss her head. “Is this a present for me? It’s not Christmas yet!”

“No, but I love you, so I bought you something.” Handing her the purple foil wrapped box, Jinyoung patted the couch next to him. “Open it.”

As Areum opened the gift, Jinyoung turned to Jaebum. “Make me some coffee hyung? Then we can talk.”

The two laughed and talked for a bit, Jinyoung asking Areum why she chose to pair her plaid leggings with that checkered top. When the girl answered couture Jinyoung, was taken aback.

“Ok, fine. I just don’t think the pattern goes well together.” He stood up, crossing his arms over his chest.

Areum sat her new doll to one side, to pick up the little doctors kit it came with. She side eyed Jinyoung as she answered. “What you think and know are two different things.”

“Well excuse me!” Jinyoung answered her with a loud laugh. As he walked over to Jaebum, he sat down, sliding his coffee mug over towards him. “Seriously, when she’s old enough I’m gonna fight your kid.”

Shaking his head, Jaebum smiled. “You taught her.”

“Don’t remind me.” Sipping his coffee, Jinyoung knew how the conversation was gonna go. “You aren’t yourself, and you haven’t been since she left. If you want me to be honest, and yes I am, when she got pregnant with Areum.”

Jaebum didn’t want to have this conversation, Mark had tried to, and he had ended up making their quietest member yell at him. “Jinyoung…I don’t want to.”

Gritting his teeth, Jinyoung continued. “I don’t care. Someone is going, to be honest with you and why not the person you’ve known the longest?”

“That’s not the point.” It was a sensitive subject, is what Jaebum wanted to say, but he didn’t want anyone to see him break down over Nia. See him as less of a man if he cried.

“Jaebum.” Dropping honorifics, Jinyoung tapped on Jaebum’s hand to get his attention. “She never really loved you, not how you loved her. Ok, that’s over, Nia is gone. She won’t apologize, she’s too haughty for that. She is not coming back, and you need to move on.”

Clenching his fists, Jaebum turned from his best friend. “Shut up.”

“Get rude, do what you have to, but it’s the truth. You’re a shell of who you were.” Finishing his coffee, Jinyoung continued. “Stop this. You’re coming out with us tonight, you’re going to have a good time, and eventually, someone will love you and Areum like you need to be. Until then, at least try…”

“Try to do what!” Struggling to keep his voice down, Jaebum picked up Jinyoung’s cup to fill it. He needed to move, he needed to walk around and hopefully, the distraction would cause Jinyoung to stop talking. To stop poking at the fresh wound that was still in his heart. “You guys say, move on. You say get dressed, let’s go out but I can’t. I loved her, does no one understand that? I loved her with everything I had. I made it work, culture differences and..” Jaebum ran his hands through his thick, midnight dyed hair.

Getting up, Jinyoung watched as his leader slumped over on the counter. He listened as Jaebum tried to calm his breathing and choke back on the tears that Jinyoung knew he was trying to keep at bay. “We know. I know. More than anyone, I know how you felt about her. That doesn’t change anything.”

“Maybe…if I give her more time.” Sitting up Jaebum wiped at the corners of his eyes.

“No. Nia doesn’t need any, because…I’m not going into this.” Looking into Jaebum’s eyes, Jinyoung pointed at Areum. “Do it for her. Don’t you think that Areum knows? She knows she has an absent mother, you know what she told Youngjae last week? She said she heard you crying in the bathroom, and Areum wondered if she had a mommy to love you, would you stop crying at night?”

Jaebum looked over at his daughter. He thought she was asleep, how much did she know? Touching at the stubble on his face, he looked at Jinyoung. “What else did she say?”

“Nothing. Please, just go out. Do something…” Jinyoung knew Jaebum wasn’t big on hugs, but he knew pain. He had experienced his own heartbreak. He knew how it felt to have loved, and watch it leave you. Breaking the unspoken rule, he pulled Jaebum into a hug. “We miss you, we miss the fun Jaebum, we missed when you were free.”

He knew it was time. Wrapping his arms around his friend, Jaebum squeezed him back. Nia wasn’t going to come back, and nothing was the same. He had built a wall around his heart and just threw himself into work and Areum.

“Fine. I’ll call the sitter.”

That night Jaebum looked at himself in the mirror as he fixed the collar on his black button-up.

“You look handsome Apa.” Areum stepped into the room wearing her unicorn pajamas.

“Thank you, baby, do me a favor tonight?” Jaebum turned towards her, as he walked into the bathroom to spray on cologne.

“Don’t call you while I’m hiding from the babysitter?” Areum’s grin was downright devilish.

“That.” Jaebum rubbed some lotion on his hands. “I need you to be a good girl, and sleep, when you wake up in the morning, I’ll be here.”

“Of course you will, you don’t pick up ladies like Yugy.” Areum smiled as Jaebum stared at her in the mirror.

“What?” He knew he heard her, but he was making sure.

“BamBam said that Yugy does that, he changes women like he changes his underwear.” She giggled. “I change mine every day.”

“Areum.” JAebum let out a heavy sigh. “I’m going to kill BamBam.” Closing the bathroom door behind him, Jaebum sat on the edge of his bed and pulled his daughter close to him. “You hear me cry sometimes?”

Areum grew quiet, she snuggled into her father’s side and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Yes, I’m sorry I told.”

“No.” Jaebum hugged her back, he buried his nose in her coily hair and took a deep breath. “It’s fine, I won’t cry anymore either.”

“You can cry if you’re sad Apa, why don’t you tell mommy you’re sad?” Areum moved her face to look up at her father.

Jaebum swallowed hard. “Mommy doesn’t want to hear that. So, I don’t tell her because it won’t help.”

Areum stayed quiet for awhile, she seemed to be thinking, her almond-shaped eyes staring at her father. “Why did mommy leave?”

He knew it was going to come one day. He knew he’d have to prepare for it, but he wasn’t sure how exactly. One day maybe she would see the truth. “Mommy was overwhelmed with everything, mostly me. She was just unhappy, and she is happier by herself. I suppose some people are like that.”

“She was happier without us?” Not missing a beat, Areum waiting for an answer.

“Yes.” Jaebum choked on the lump in his throat.

“So now, you’ll have to find a new wife?” Areum lets go of her father, she hopped down from the bed and grabbed a tissue from his nightstand.

Dabbing at Jaebum’s eyes, he tried to smile as she mostly wiped his cheek. “I don’t have to.”

“Maybe you should, everyone needs someone to love. BamBam said that too.” She kissed her father’s cheek, patting it.

“At least in that aspect BamBam is right. Now come on, the sitter will be here soon, and it’s time for bed.”

It was louder than Jaebum remembered in this club. Darker and hotter as well. Beyonce’s formation was playing, and as soon as BamBam came through the door, he and Yugyeom hit the dance floor. Shaking his head, Youngjae wrapped his arm around his girlfriend and followed Mark as he leads them to a secluded table in VIP.

“You mix that negro with that Creole make a Texas bama!!!” Youngjae’s girlfriend, Ava cried out as she danced around Youngjae.

He smiled at her, holding her hand, before placing one hand on her waist as she began to dance on him. Jaebum raised an eyebrow at the couple, wondering when Youngjae came out of his shell as he watched them.

“I like Ava, she makes Youngjae smile,” Jackson commented as he slid next to Jaebum.

“She’s good for him,” Mark added, waving a waitress over.

They watched as Ava lead Youngjae to the dance floor, he was confidently holding his own. Watching as the music changed to something with more bass. Jaebum grinned as Ava bent over in front of Youngjae, bouncing her ass on him, with Youngjae moving his hips to the beat.

“So, as they make a baby on the floor, we can watch BamBam and Yugyeom move like sharks through the water as they find some women.” Mark chuckled, as he sat back and waited for Jackson to say something.

“Don’t be a hater, Mark,” Jackson added right on time. “They have game, you have none and sit there scowling like an old man.”

“I get girls, they just don’t get me.” Mark sat up as the waitress came back with drinks, taking his own.

“So says the man who hasn’t had a steady girlfriend in two years.” Jinyoung retorted.

Mark downed his shot, pouring another. “Like I said, I get girls, they don’t get me.”

“Alright, alright. Let’s just have fun.” Jaebum took a shot offered by Mark, and downed it, coughing after the burn. “Damn.”

“So then let’s dance, let’s mingle.” Jackson stood up, running his hands over his mesh shirt under his jacket. “I bought this shirt to show off for someone who might be special, not Y'all.”

Laughing, Jaebum took another shot. “I might need a few more drinks first.”

“Fine.” Jackson pointed at Mark. “Wingman?”

“Wingman.” Mark grasped Jaebum’s shoulder. “Loosen up and let me see you out there, it’s nice to see you relax finally.”

Nodding at him, Jaebum ordered more drinks and turned towards Jinyoung. “So, I’m here, happy now?”

“Not quite.” Jinyoung put his phone down and scanned the room, before looking back at Jaebum. “How would you feel about being set up on a date?”

Jaebum slid his hand down his face. “Please don’t tell me you invited someone here.”

“No. Sunday, you can meet her. She’s international since that seems to be your thing.” Jinyoung poured a shot of Souju and groaned.

“Depends on what you mean by that.” Jaebum eyed, Jinyoung as he drank as well.

“She’s an American.” Jinyoung watched as a pair of women walked by the table, one plainly eyeing him.

“That tells me nothing.” Ignoring the woman’s friend who was looking at him, Jaebum continued to drink.

“You’ll see, that’s why I like America. I say American, and you don’t know who to think. I say China, and you know. I say Japan, and you know.”

“Is it code word for she’s black? I don’t like someone based on color, Nia was a black woman, yes, but that’s not why I liked her.” Jaebum felt himself getting irritated if that was the case.

“Calm down. No. I just meant you like international women. Nothing else, Jesus, calm down.” Jinyoung passed him a bottle of water. “Drink this, you’ve had 6 shots in 10 minutes.”

“I’m fine.” Jaebum pushed the bottle away. “I’m having fun remember?”

“It won’t be fun tomorrow.” Standing up Jinyoung finished one more shot. “Let’s go see what the others are doing.”

As they moved through the crowd, they watched as Youngjae and Ava made their way back to the table. BamBam was currently whispering something in a woman’s ear that made her smile. Yugyeom was holding a woman close to him on the dance floor. His hand on the small of her back as he pressed her body into his. Mark and Jackson were standing off to one side, laughing with a small group of men and women. Jaebum looked around at the people passing him and near him. It seemed like everyone was so young, but then again he couldn’t talk much. Mark was older than he was.

An old EXO song was playing now, one that he liked and as he bobbed his head to the music, he looked to the right. Either he was drunk, or something was messing with his head because the crowd seemed to part a little at just the right moment. Through the light smoke haze, he saw her. Standing there, with a smile on her face as she danced in the little group with her friends. A fitted black dress on that accentuated all the right places, her heels the brightest things she had on. Their electric blue color, making his eyes strain.

She was just there, and there was nothing else. The sounds became muffled, and everything seemed to slow down. Jaebum was never one for love, at first sight, lust yea sure but come on. No one was that…gorgeous. No one could be that perfect and not realize the effect she had on everyone in the room. Was she looking at him, her lip curled up into a smile, as she put her hands up and continued to sway.

The crowd milled around, and then she was gone. Jaebum panicked, trying to look over peoples head as he made his way over to her. She had left that area, and he turned around scanning the crowd, he just wanted to look at her up close, maybe know her name. Something, anything. Spotting Jinyoung, he made his way over to him.

“Did you see..”

“How could I not? You were practically drooling, you stood there so long you probably creeped her out.” Grabbing Jaebum’s shoulders, Jinyoung turned him towards the bar. “That way.”

Then she was back in his vision, drink in her hand as she stuck her tongue out and laughed. “Maybe I shouldn’t.” Confidence lacking, now as he took a step back. Jaebum looked back at Jinyoung, who shook his head.

“Go, or I’ll go over there and embarrass you.” Giving Jaebum an easy push, Jinyoung walked away from him to make his way back to the table.

It was simple right? He was so out of practice. Just go over there, say hello, introduce himself and ask her if she wanted to dance. Maybe buy her another drink since was almost done with the one in her hand. His heart was in his throat, as he finally neared the bar. Enough that she looked up at him, she grinned and turned back to her friend as Jaebum finally stood in front of her.

They stared at each other for a while, before she shifted uncomfortably on her feet. “If you stare any longer, I’m going to have to charge you.”

“I’ll pay.” Jaebum smiled, holding out his hand to her. “Jaebum, and you are?”

She slid her hand into his, and he gripped it tight pulling her closer so he could kiss her knuckles. She smiled wide, her friends ohh’ing as Jaebum let her hand go. “Amina.”

He listened to the deep cadence of her voice, slightly raspy, he liked it. “Amina, do you want to dance?”

“She does.” One of her friends taking her empty glass as Jaebum took her hand once more leading her out to the dance floor.

Amina said nothing, merely smiling as Jaebum pulled her close to him, My Type by iKON began to play. He turned her around, so her back was to his chest. “How are you doing tonight?”

Amina laughed. “That’s the conversation we’re going to have now?”

Jaebum turned her around, one hand on her back, the other holding her hand tight in his. “Can’t I ask how you’re doing? Isn’t that the polite thing to do?”

“Yea, I’m fine, and you?” Amina lets go of his hand to dance in front of him by herself.

“Doing better, I wasn’t sure about this place at first, but I think I’m warming up to the idea.” He came closer to her, placing his hands on her waist doing a slow grind behind her.

“Why is that? I’ve been here a few times the music mix is always good.” She pressed her body closer to his, lifting her arm, so it was behind his neck.

“Didn’t see anyone that caught my eye, friends dragged me out here, but now I see you so…” He let his words linger, definitely realizing that alcohol was making him more confident that what he really was.

Amina laughed, letting go of him so she could wrap her arms around his neck as the song transitioned. “Aren’t you smooth?”

“It’s the soju.” Jaebum grinned and leaned down so that he could rub his lips along her jaw. “You want to go sit down and talk?”

Nodding her head, she let him take the lead, going back to the table where Mark and Jinyoung sat looking at something on Mark’s phone. The looks of surprise on their faces went away quickly as Jaebum motioned them not to say anything.

“Hello.” Amina waved at the two, reaching out her hand. “I’m Amina.”

“Mark.” The first to take her hand, he smiled at her and nodded his head at Jaebum.

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow as he took her hand. “Jinyoung, do you guys want to be alone?”

“No, it’s-”

“Yes.” Jaebum cut her off. “If you don’t mind.”

Amina shook her head. “Y’all can stay, if Jaebum wanted to talk to me alone, he could ask me on a real date.” She looked pointedly back at Jaebum, crossing her legs under the table.

“How do you know I wasn’t going to?” Jaebum asked, and Jinyoung nudged Mark as he watched the exchange.

Licking her lips slowly, Amina grinned at him. “I figure you’d have brought that up already.”

“So, Amina where are you from?” Mark interrupted as he looked at her.

“San Francisco.” She answered, sliding closer to Jaebum.

Sitting up a little, Mark answered. “Oh, that’s whats up. I’m from LA. What brings you to Seoul?”

“Shouldn’t Jaebum be asking her these questions?” Jinyoung pushed a drink in front of Mark. “Show me that girl again.”

Amina laughed and turned back to Jaebum. “So, are you from Korea?”

“Yes, native Korean if that’s what you’re wondering. Why are you in Seoul though?” He draped an arm over the back of where she sat, as he moved his position Jaebum realized he was drunk. The room wasn’t shifting, but it was sweltering, and his face hurt from smiling so much.

“Business opportunities. I’m a MUA, makeup artist and the company I am working with had opportunities here. I thought why not.” She let her hand fall on his thigh. “I’ve been here for four months now.”

“Do you like it?” He hoped she did, he wished that he could see her tomorrow, and the day after and that she just wasn’t interested in him for tonight.

“I do. I think my Korean is getting better.” She moved her tongue over her nude painted lips, letting her hand slide up his chest. “Tell me something Jaebum, why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

He wanted to, nothing was holding him back even though he knew Jinyoung and Mark were watching his every move. “I’m interested in getting to know you outside of tonight.”

Moving away from him, Amina moved her legs over Jaebum’s until she was sitting sideways on his lap. “Good because I have to go, work in the morning, where’s your phone?”

Startled, Jaebum tried to calm himself down he didn’t want to give himself away too much, and he shifted her on his lap as he pulled out his phone. “Can I put mine in yours?” She pulled her phone out from her bra and handed it to him.  

Handing her phone back, Amina slid off his lap as her friends came up to the table. “Perhaps, I’ll hear from you soon?”

She didn’t give him time to answer as she started walking away, impulse reacted in Jaebum, he reached out taking her wrist pulling her back to him. One kiss, that was it. Pressing his lips against hers chastely, he let her go.

Amina covered her mouth as her friends laughed shuffling her towards the door.

“Well, I think you’ve had enough adventure for tonight.” Jinyoung interrupted Jaebum’s reverie.

“Naw, he just needs to get it wet one time, and he’ll be better.” Mark laughed before Jinyoung punched his arm. “Are you going to call her?”

As the rest of the crew came back to the table, BamBam saw the interaction and clapped his hyung on the back. “I saw that. You have to wait at least 2 days before you call. You don’t want to look desperate.”

“No, he doesn’t. They like it when you call the next day. Don’t text.” Yugyeom added.

“Or he can do what he wants because Jaebum is a grown man and he is capable of talking to women on his own.” Ava retorted as she sat down on Youngjae’s lap.

“Thank you, Ava.” Jaebum smiled at her. “I do know I am drunk, and I won’t be as bold tomorrow, so perhaps…I should go home.”

“Yea, we’ll share a cab with you,” Youngjae replied.

The ride home wasn’t long, and Jaebum mostly stared out the window as Ava whispered in Youngjae’s ear, rubbing his hand on her thigh. He smiled at how they were together. She was bolder than Youngjae, but it made him more open as well. As Jaebum got out of the cab to pay his half, he wished them goodnight. The crisp, winter air made him pull his jacket closer to him as he entered the code for his building.

Winter was indeed upon them, and he stumbled on his feet a little, burping. The taste of soju was sharp in his mouth, and he placed a hand on his stomach hoping he didn’t vomit. As he opened the door, the babysitter sat on the couch thumbing through a magazine.

“Thank you HaEun, you can stay the night if you want. I’ll pay you extra, there’s a spare room near Areum’s.” The girl stood up giving a bow.

“It’s ok, I can take a cab.” She placed the magazine down. “Areum was asleep the whole time. She got up for a drink, but she went back to sleep after.”

“Thank you for watching her. Stay inside until it comes and I’ll walk you down then.” He answered her, going to the kitchen for water. Jinyoung was right, he should have drunk some while he was there. He finished two bottles before the cab came, feeling a little better he walked HaEun to the taxi and paid the fare.

Back in the apartment, he took a deep breath and made his way to Areum’s room. The room bathed in a soft pink glow, he spied her laying halfway on her bed. She always slept weird, and he adjusted her body kissing her cheek. Pulling the covers over her once more, he left the door cracked and went to his own room.

As he got ready for bed, he took out his phone and stared at Amina’s phone number. He didn’t know when he would call her and half of him wanted to tomorrow. Maybe the next day but he wasn’t sure. He did want to see her again, but he didn’t want to look desperate either. Plugging the phone in, he turned over in his bed and fell asleep.

Chapter Two

here i am again, smashing the crystal vases and good china, ravaging the beautiful dining room and chucking antiques across the room. i want to be done here, i want to be done here! i want to move on, but to what? i can’t remember how to even be a person, i can’t find the light and this tunnel is so dark and endless, we don’t even have headlights to guide us. i came here to bring you on a date in the stylings of nineties classic it takes two starring kirstie alley and the olsens, except instead of mka we are switching them out for young taylor swifts, that’s right two of them, which is all i could think about the entire time i rewatched it again. so here goes nothing, we open on a street corner in philly because this is our version and the ahhccents are gonna be mewr sewth philly than ahhhnything. taylor swift number one, let’s call her taytay the scrappy orphan that has self-professed lousy english like aintcha gonna wanna git ewta here before they catcha? nobody even blinks and in pigtails and a worn out backwards baseball cap on her head, this ten year old who is probably played by an eight year old swift bc coming from a fellow tall person we just sprout from the crib it’s nuts, i’ve always looked older than i was from being tall. so eight year old swift is playing ten year old scrappy orphan taytay who is always chewing gum and has a baseball bat as kirstie alley (YOU.) look out the window and yell at her like, cmahhn tay! you got an appt with the butkis’ and i told u not to get that dress dirty! and tiny taylor chewing gum is like awww cuhmuhhhhhn doi-anne! just lemme knahck this one outta the pawrk first! that’s not the line it’s something else referencing the fact that they’re playing in the middle of the street of their inner city neighborhood. she is the pretty white girl of the orphanage so it makes no sense she hasn’t been adopted but is of course the star athlete of the kids and favorite of the social worker you-kirstie alley. she is accosted by kids and called a reject and lil taytay’s all why i awwwghta! she’s making her best >:| face, and pop goes the weasel she hits the ball and probably breaks a window or something and as she runs to the cab the kids are like, the butkis ppl are creeps that collect kids! and taytay is tayrrified before threatening the other kids with her fists in the air as the cab drives away. cut to a close up of a nineties cellphone and private plane landing, and taylor number two is wearing a practical pantsuit in beige and just won another piano competition, and she overpronounces all of her t’s at the end of her words. let’s call her fancita. yes i’m serious, i’m already so tired and bored of this story, it was way more exciting after rewatching the other night. whatever this story is just a remix of the parent trap anyway and that’s why we have two baby swifts and don’t ask me why, don’t ask me why i’ve taken you this far down the rabbithole but let’s just keep going until we find each other. so fancita is an aristocratic princess that plays tennis and i don’t know, i’m just trying to get to the part where they are like omg let’s get this social worker and rich man who has a cell phone company before that’s even a thing, and while orphan taytay is in danger of becoming the next adopted butkis - which in this version is just straight up trafficking ring i mean come on, they were pedos and it was heavily insinuated in the movie, but basically she’s in danger of being adopted into an abusive hellhole and fancitay is like hey girl hey! when her butler arrives to pick her up from her private jet. the nineties always portrayed wealth with these long ridiculous limos and british butler limo drivers, which as we now all know rich people are just driven in cars w tinted windows and the only people riding in limos are seniors in high school, but i digress. she meets her new soon-to-be stepmother, also played by taylor swift, present day style. she’s all, when i was your age i had already been through three stepmothers, you’ll be in a tibetan boarding school as soon as the wedding is over tomorrow! for this she is in her satanic red high priestess dress from lwymmd, golden snake rings at all. actually let’s just say at some point she’s bathing in diamonds as well, i mean there are many versions of her current snake-embraced image that we can use for this but that’s not the point, it is that im not even in love with grown taylor swift! i am just trying to fill the void of my dead wife who loved children and built a camp conveniently across from the literal castle we live in. i haven’t been there since, pushes back hair like sigh, since she died ten years ago right after fancitay was born. i’m all, cell phones, i hate the damn things. back when i invested in them everyone thought it was just something out of star trek and now i’m a lonely billionaire marrying snake taylor in a haze of confusion and thinking that’s what i should do, fancita needs a mother after all. you’re a tough talking protective mama bear that wants to adopt orphan taytay but you’re just a social worker and what? the butkis’ already had the paperwork go through to adopt her?? i come to find you after a failed horse meetup planted by the taylor twins to apologize for leaving you to get yelled at by steptaylor, and you’re like look keep your fancy cell phone company lifestyle and keep it moving, bucko! in the movie they get into a food fight but i’m not trying to go that deep, but basically we fight until you, an enraged four foot two version of kirstie alley okay you’re actually just a tiny goth and i’m a clumsy ogre, that part never changes. you push me with all your might, not necessary trying to push me into the river but it happens and i’m all, oh my god i feel like a kid again! this must be love! okay but seriously, that part’s the realest. i do feel like a kid again, and this must be love, mustn’t it? what will our tiny taylors tell us? we don’t know what it is or why, but it makes sense because we feel it, i can feel you. even when you say to your fellow social worker friend (played by your bandmate and beloved drummer) guys like that only date girls with food names like candy or muffin or cookie, and princess taylor disguised as orphan taylor turns around from her archery practice, greatly offended and snapping back, his dead wife was a teacher that loved kids and built this camp and she wasn’t a food her name was kathy with a k played by kourtney in a brief shot of her glamorously in a casket but dripping in jewels and hands delicately crossed over her chest. whatever, goth kourtney fantasies are not the point ok i know that. you look at princess taylor disguised as pauper taylor and are like well excuse me jeez, you don’t gotta bully me over it. sigh so then the state comes for her and accidentally send my daughter to some terrifying child sex ring that nightmares are made of and turned into dateline episodes, and this one is no less horrifying. orphan taylor shows the butler various scars and marks and bruises to show that she’s a fraudulent child that happens to just be another cute blonde that adults didn’t look closely enough at and notice bc they aren’t actually twins in this story, they’re just strangers that look alike. which honestly is prob when they first really started making the olsens insane irl like, pitting them against each other by pointing out fraternal differences and how one was the cute one the other was just the sister oh, don’t even get me started, dear. steptaylor comes home with ultra long extensions like repunzel after sneaky orphan taylor put gum in her hair. the original she gets it all cut off and suddenly her loss of beauty is signified by a short haircut which is so dumb and we just can’t agree with something so stupid, so in this she comes back with thousands of dollars worth of hair that isn’t hers just to prove her worth and appeal, which honestly is much sadder than a short sassy do any day. we get to the home of the butkis’ but no one answers and a neighbor who in the actual movie looks exactly like mike, like no shit just put a bass on him and it’s like every dude in a band probably but him specifically - unless i hallucinated it, the point is! he originally says oh that guy works those kids into the ground at the factory all day, or something like that, but in this version maybe he just shudders bc everyone just gets the pervy vibe from this butkis guy. the door gets kicked in as they are just about to initiate her into the butkis cult of abuse, and i don’t know i think it just ends with like, kirstie alley and the dad kissing? like they don’t get married or anything i don’t think. which leaves so many questions open like, if they do end up getting married, will the taylors become friends? will fancita resent taytay for taking up space and attention away? or will she be so grateful for good mother that everything will be fine and normal and fall into place? it seems like they’re all destined to end up on doctor phil. i mean, what happens when this bonehead (me) doesn’t continue to invest properly and his dumb luck cell phone business inevitably plummets because by the late nineties they’re a dime a dozen and each one is a sinking ship. what happens when they go bankrupt and all have to be poor, will they stay together? will princess taylor be like this is all your fault you’re bad luck with your poor people vibes! bc she can’t understand the crashing economy and how this is just what happens to people, one day you can be rich and the next totally broke, and it’s not really anyone’s fault. are you going to still love me even though i am horrible at saving money is what i’m asking? like, can you just quietly move money around in my accounts for me and put stuff in my savings when i’m not looking? because if i see literally any extra change i’m going to be like time to go eat giant cheeseburgers and drink ourselves into a coma! i got a groupon for a hotel stay in florida, let’s road trip! i know what your biggest concern is besides money and it’s because i know you like the back of my head (not at all), but the answer is no, steptaylor drowns in a sea of snakes at some point because i don’t have time for a decent end for her. i feel like it should be more feminist, like maybe she gets a job slinging mary kay and in the process realizes not only is she a boss at making her own income but that she doesn’t even need the amount of makeup she had been using before. she has like her own spiritual journey in the background somewhere far, far away from us and our super exclusive love, as well as our twin daughters taylor one and taylor two. i have completely forgotten their names by now but i’m just here to see if you even still love me. well? do you??? i’m just trying to prepare you for when i’m like, starting every other sentence with “you know when my wife died…” at really inappropriate times like, to a cashier in the checkout line or just in bed when we are having a romantic evening that i was bound to spoil in one way or another, so it may as well be with dead wife talk. you will probably just laugh and attempt to smother me with a pillow for being so, so embarrassing. i miss you i love you i hate you i don’t know you. i want you. do i ever even say anything else anymore? i mean it is halloween season so technically i don’t have to be original, right? you are the only ghost i could ever truly love, and that’s saying a lot seeing as how i arrived to this world haunted. pls tho, don’t ever stop being my best boo.

Your Ass Arms

Oh . A penis on fire should i get laid? Probly naht, no one appriciates my Oh . A penis on fire should i get laid? Probly naht, no one appriciates my oddly shaped ass. Lady: hey sir, why are you saying all these obscene things? Me:cuz you can go fuck a bag. Lady: you fat fucking cunt, bitch say it again , im finna come up on u like a jizz volcano ...yoinks. Me: (walks away) then this bitch comes up to me and rips my pants off and sets my dick to fire, i watched it burn, it was painfull, yet , kinda nice, I politely asked her why the hell she did this. She replied with: bitch fuck ur fruitloops ill shit in your damn cheerios, bitch i wish the fuck you would act all nice, wit u and yo skinneh ass arms.

Day2: so its fucking rush hour or some shit, and everybody tramples over that cunt bitch from yesterday, one persons foot got stuck six inches down her vagina, she moaned in pain, i laughed and said "a bitch aint so tough now hah!." So like it started raining, and ppl began to stumble on eachother, in oddly sexual positions, it was, ofcourse, a nude party , so natrually everyones boners would get in everyones asses, one guys dick fell so hard in the bitches mouth, that her throat gave in and blood began spewing out her throat., she was still a-fucking-live how in the acctual fuck does this bitch get to live? So i came up to her and asked her why she was still alive. To which she replies with a long drawn out biiiiiiitchhhh as all the blood, and cum from all the blowjobs she gave seeped from her mouth, i started maniacally laughing, as she took her very last gasp of air

The lady began to pull a large ass pubic hair from her teeth, with all the gross dick goop, and some old cum from when the guy had previously jerked off. Ugh the hair was so smelly, i could smell it from the safe two feet of distance which was originally 4 feet, but my cock had half hardened the other two feet. But then the blood and cum stopped pouring out of her mouth, and she wet her pants, for her dick too was begining to harden, but HOT DAMN YOWZA, she had a dragon sized dick, I fell in love instantly and hopped on top of it, and began to straddle her. The connection i felt between me and her was stronger than the stream of blood and cum , pouring out of her throat, which was always loose from sucking too many dicks, so natrually that happened anyway. And right as I was going to climax, a steam roller came up and fucked that bitches shit up. It flattened her face flatter than her tits which were normally coverd in piss cum and occasionally blood, Because her dick was so huge bitches bled when they sat upon it. She used her last dying energy to jam her dick so far up my asshole, it went into my throat, i knew at this point i wouldnt survive, i watched as everything...faded...away...it was my end

4: So like it was a rainy day or some shit(oh and btw i didnt die) and that fucknozzle whos dick got stuck in that bitch ass's mouth hole, was in the hospital, I couldnt help but bring him flowers. Aphrodisiacs to be exact. That mother fucker came so so hard the instant he saw me, so did I. I turned him over so I could fuck him in the ass, but he kept trying to put his mouth all over my dick so i gave up and let him. His mouth was so powerfull, I came out every last fucking oz. of cum in my body, and since my body is , or was 99.9999% cum thats ...acctually not alot. Wowwzers. He swallowed it. He swallowed it real good hehe. And his dick all if the sudden fucking broke in half and exploded from trying to achive a boner. Yaaaass, it was so glorious the fountain of blood piss and cum, that spurted out of his dick. I knelt to the ground and let it get all over me, it was so nice and warm. The nurse came in. And when she saw the events her dick rose up and broke the ceiling , making it fall thus resulting in her death. Yeah she ded as fuuuuuuck. She will be remembered by the jizz pile she left behind...Or so said the dickmaster at her memorial dick service. 1600 big black cocks were erected in her honor...i acctually cried a bit. I went home to masturbate, I needed to shake off all the sadness somehow. And it sure did, the stream of cum falling down my hard shaft, made me happy. I dipped my finger on it to taste it, and HOLY FUCKING SHIT, it Fucking tasted fucking amazing as fuuuuck. I used the rest as a cheese substitute and bought it to my aunts house for a party. People gave me compliments and asked what i put in my maceronni, and when i told them their mood seemed to depress abit. Like holy damn, its jut fucking jiss bitches, nothing to be afraid of. And when i thought things couldnt get anyworse these little greedy bitch kids stole my rainbowscarf and my dildos. Those little assholes... Whatever i chose to let it go. Those were starting to develop permenant stains anyways.

5. One day after all the rain and fuck. I came upon this lady with some flyers. They read "dicks and genitles for sale 20$ or a kidney" My dick started to harden because of all the possible opprotunities that came to me. I was also kinda hungry. Somewhat for food, but mostly for a bigass deeuchk, YASSS. So I went to the adress on a flyer. I ended up at a sketchy motel where the same lady was sitting at a booth , while all the old genitles were begining to decompose. It was so fucking sexy, they were dripping flesh and cum everywhere and blood to. I browsed for a while until i came across the mosybeautiful think id ever seen. A super old vagina, that was as delicate at this point as soggy paper and it also had some potato salad looking stuff on the side, and a lot of the outer skin was there too. I picked it out , paid the lady my 20 bucks and went home. Before i straight up ate the seximous thing. Something occured to me. What iF i made a sandwhich with this? And sold it for 1,00,000$? HOLY SHIT I CAN FINALLY AFFORD A BIKE AT CERULEAN CITY. A small heartshaped tear of joy fell across my face. So I quickly ran to town to sell it. And i know what ur thinking , and yes I did fuck my dog And my cat before i left because if i didnt that would be bad manners . So anyways I ran to town, in the nude of course, with my big africanamericanimmagrentmiddleclasshomosexual dick flipped and flapped in the wind! When i got to a sexy enough place, bitches were all over the sandwhich. One person offered me 999,999 but they would finger my fuck hole for the extra dollar so i could cover for that. So anyways while the guy was fingering me the void in my asshole activated and sucked most of his arm in , all the way to his shoulder. At first it was strange adjusting to eachothers company but we then settled our differences. Later we would get married, adopt 9000000000000000000000000000000000000000 cats to fuck, and then 4 as pets. One time i diaread on his arm so hard it went down his throat, along with most of my jizz. And then one day i woke up sore as hell. My husband was on the floor, with half of his arm missing and blood splattered everywhere, I thought this was the sexiest thing in the whole damn universe, so I jumped on top of him and put his dick in my as, and I fisted him with the other half of his arm that i found in the dildo compartment.

Day. 6

(Sometime like 5 years in the future or some shit) so my husband had died from sucking a dick that was too long , and it was epic, it went all the way even went through his asshole. Oooh it was amazing, blood and cum was flying everywhere. Ugh it was so awesome i wet myself to the point there was a puddle 5 feet long. Then that bitch ass hoe cunt bitch from earlier, yes Her, burst in screaming "BITCH I AINT THROUGH WIT YOU YET I SERIOUSLY WILL SHIT IN YO CEREAL BITCH U BETTAH WATCH IT!!" How in the hell are you alive? To which she replies "ooh i just needed some jiss on my tits and some cum on my face and in my hair and mouth. Ohhh damn. Hey do you wanna make a sandwhich? Ok. So we both laid down intertwined our legs and rubbed our vaginas together. Ooh it was soo fucking hot. I came too early all over her cunt and it sprayed so hard that she started losing skin and blood. Ooh it went so far and powerfull that her body disentegrated and her physical being seised to exist. After these events a hot guy came in. I jumped him and began making out with him really hard. Before i knew it he had me against a wall. We began to rip eachothers clothes off violently. I grabbed his ass, then began inserting two fingers into his fuckhole , while he sucked my big africanamericanimmegranthomosexual dick all the way to my big white balls. He turned around and offered me his ass. So i ripped off the rest of his pants which were at his ankles, and threw them. His pants hit the grill and lit on fire. I almost looked back but he grabbed my face and said in a sexy voice "thats not important now" and shoved my dick in his ass. Ooh it was soo tight. I felt like i would cum instantly. My vagina clenched when i finally came. After that we said our goodbyes. The next day i journeyed to cerulean city, to pick up that damn bike. Latest edition automatic dildo bike."get fucked so fast youll have anal seepage for days" was their slogan. I went to the lady up front and purchased the bike. She seemed horrified when she saw my bank account. Then she pointed to a sign that read "richest person in kanto had 999,999$ but gave it away for an old crusty vagina sandwich!" Eh that kinda rang a bell. Nah im not familiar with that. So As I walk out, I find this dumb ass white bitch yelling at her slowbro telling it to fucking cut a tree down with dem blunt ass claws. It was a small as fucking tree, you can walk around the fucking tree dont be a bitch lady goddamn. So I had to walk around a fucked up path where i was attacked by purple dildos, flying dildos, and electrical anal beads. And after all that I went to a building with a large red roof. All that was inside was this pink haireded lady with some large ass fucking tits, and a little fat bitch by the name of chansey at her side. I went up to her and asked if she sold beer...No, This bitch grabs me, puts me onto a weird machine. It was like a rave on LSD. I heard a nice little tune after a bunch of beeps. Then before i can think.. Bitch rips me off the machine and throws me onto the ground. Then she kindly says "we hope to see u again" like bitch really, umm hell no. So I walked out and found an old ass power plant, with the same electrical anal beads from earlier hanging out around it. I yelled "NOPE!!" Fuck that"" and ran like shit crazy. I accidentally ran into a hot redhead in a bathing suit. The dildo on her bike was 12 inches long, mine was only 8... I expressed my jealousy to which she asked me to challenge her. I ran as far as i could, then a portal appeared. I went in to escape the deranged bitch that was chasing me, she only wanted me for my hot vagina. So the portal took me home. I checked to see if there was a cum stain on the right side of the sofa, and there was! I was finally home. So i ran outside stripped naked and fucked someones dog who they werent watching at the time. When i came though, the dog acctually exploded , and It blew my physical being out of existence ...

THE END.

So one say my boss bent me over his desk with my big tits swinging back amd forth, He ripped off my pencil skirt and screamed "ooooooh maureen, I want ur anis nooowww" as his tentacles went in my anus. It was so fucking hot. Then the door busted opened! A cunt bitch who claimed she was gonna beat mah ass as revenge against my father. She was tryina be a bad bitch, so I had to teach dat ho a lesson...by beatin her ass and stickin her head on a stake, and skull fucking it at the same time. Then an angel appeared, he told me my attempts were futile, that in the next edition of your ass arms, she would return!!! Her body began to reform, so I stuck my fist in her vagina to prevent resurgense, and it workedc the bitch died...for now

So I wake up one morning and the "cunt bitch" is standing above me , like bitch really? She got off on my face, then got off the bed to a boxx of dildos, we are roomates now. She began unbottoning her blouse, and her boobs fell so hard to the ground. I picked them up for her and asked where she wanted them put, she then grabbed them amd stuffed them up her vagina,oooooh it was so hot. I bent her over the table and began fingering her fuckhole, the oozey seepage coming out was soo amazing so I grabbed a glass, filled it up with the shit piss cup, and forced her to drink it. She looved it. Oooh. I began slipping my 1400000000 inch dick so far inside of her that i touched her soul, and she screamed so valiantly it was totes amazeballs

Dear me

Hi me, it’s been a while.

I genuinely can’t believe I started this with the intention of it NOT becoming a shitpost but that was literally reference to JK’s ‘it’s been a while’, but regardless, it has.

It has been 390 days, so roughly a year and a month… a lot has changed.

I’m going to start with our usual ‘how am I?’ then go to where we left off last year and go on from there.

How am I? Well you see with everything that’s happened this year, I’m not so ok, and I’m sorry. We were close I know, we were happy, and the dissociation stopped but everything came tunneling back. So that’s how I am right now, I’ll explain more once I explain just what exactly happened this year.

Going to where we left off:

Funny thing, I went to Seattle again this year! I went alone this time, I’ll explain it in detail a bit later, but boy oh boy it was the same feeling, we were anxious most of the time kid sorry about that.

You’re still not good with people, in fact, I think you got worse hhh, except it’s for somewhat different reasons this time. A mix of being disattached and realizing that people are genuinely shit has made me realize that I need to stop allowing myself to be a welcome mat but if I’m being honest, it’s easier being a welcome mat than it is maintaining friendships at this point.

Let’s start on the year:

My last entry was August 15th 2017, it is currently September 9th 2018, lets dick sus.

You, started uni. You started university majoring in theatre production. It was hard.

The first month was footings, oh my god footings, I haven’t thought about that for a while. It was so jam packed, we were literally taught everything in one month and it just really showed you what the next two years would be like. God it was so much fun. Remember the first time we hung a source4, and now you’ve probably hung well over 100 lights.

September was hard, I couldn’t turn to the people I could turn to today so I was very much alone and used my spam instagram account (the super secret one) as an outlet. I remember continuously begging myself not to drop out on that account, and guess what, you didn’t.

Also hey, you don’t hate carpentry, actually you’re taking carpentry 2. Insane I know. Who would have guessed, 5ft me doing carpentry.

Serendipity dropped!! Oh boy, I remember crying for DAYS, Park Jimin I love you.

First Semester Classes:

English: A bitty dropped that class, 2 weeks in, yeah. Yup.

Footings: A solid 10/10, we went through hell but it was fun and we went to the bar for the first time afterwards. Genuinely a good time.

Drafting: Listen,, shit hit the fan, I’m pretty sure Clayton hates you, but we’re taking his year two class anyways so he’s stuck with me :)

Intro: Shit hit the fan part 2, this was all on you, you actual dumbass (ly)

Rigging: SHE WAS FUN, would definitely do again. The field trip to the opera was really fun too.

Audio: I somehow got an A in this class, and like, I’m not bad at audio but what the fuck?

Practicum: :((( Sister Act :((( My first show :( God there’s so much I can say about this. Thank you so much Sister Act. I owe you everything.

How on Earth do I sum all this up…

Footings ended, classes started regularly. You fell in love with all of the second years and fun fact, you’re still in love with them, god bless Mark. Melissa left :/, YOU WON THE RIGGING GAMES, YOU WON AND BROKE A RECORD, AND IT WAS AMAZING. You were a spotlight for sister act, headset was insane, bless Hunter. You became an addict to the bacanator at Wendys. You cut out 19 head pieces on a wardrobe call for sister act. Existential dates with Bruno at Denny’s because you were both far too stressed. You spent too much money because fuck freshman year right? You accidentally read a major character death. We went to Deadmenton with Tanika, Bella and Patty, it was really fun and Tanika kept screaming “Miss Keisha, Bitch, Bitch”. So much happened and this isn’t even a grain of salt in comparison.

So let’s talk about the big things. Mom told us to leave in September, and by November you were living with dad in a 2 bedroom apartment, 6 minutes from your school. It was hard, this was the first time I’d lived without my siblings, it, was hard.

Around that same time, you started going on twitter more, actually, you were put in a group chat. A lot came from that group chat, and I guess this is the perfect time to talk about the relationships in your life.

Siblings: You haven’t been as close to Pisona as you are now. Moving forced me to communicate with my siblings and that did bring us closer. I love my siblings and I would do anything for them, it’s unfortunate the situation that we’ve found ourselves in with our parents.

Friends:

Bruno: I love Bruno, I love Bruno so fucking much. I would do anything for Bruno. I don’t know how to fully express just how much I love Bruno. I love you moonshine.

Danait: In all honesty, that’s my Taehyung. I see us as partners for life, I don’t know what I would do without her and sure there are times when I want to let everything go, but she’s here, and she’s home.

Patty & Tanika: My kids! The gc moved to Line bc twitter was stressing us out, and its all jokes and screaming about life from there.

Q: I love Q, but it’s really hard, but it’ll be ok.

Dead Friendships:

Erika, Blakeish, Yadiel, Literally just everyone else and everyone from high school lmao.

New Relationships:

Jocelyn: Oh jeez, how the fuck do I do this. You know that group chat we joined, well you also happened to meet the love of your life in said group chat. Yup. Her name is Jocelyn, and she’s perfect, and she’s too good for you but you’re not one to decide that, and maybe you think about her a little too much, and maybe you fuck up, a lot, but you really like her.

Eyerusalem: So you didn’t just join one group chat, you joined multiple, you even made some yourself, and in one that you made, you met Yoongi. I can’t really explain what that means but you know what I mean because well, you’re me, and hope that you’re still friends with her when you read this a year from now, but I also know that It’s literally not possible for you to stop speaking to her because as far as we’re fucking considered, namgi shall rise and we are soulmates.

Fun fact, you only made two new friends. Everyone else is a classmate that although you like, you can’t really talk to or further your relationship with. There’s Caitlan but fuck Caitlan :)

This is long and it just keeps fucking going but there’s just so fucking much that happened this last year god, I haven’t even gotten half way through it all fuck.

Ok so: You didn’t finish any of the shows you said you would. You finished your first year without any electives so now you’re cramming. Also your parents are now living under the same roof because dad fucked up his arm so yes you moved back in with mom. YOU DATED A BOY, for like a week, it was awful, but you don’t hate him anymore. YOUR PERIOD CAME BACK, you were in Seattle when it happened, it was,, a lot, lots of blood, lots of mess, but it was gone for a year so it makes sense.

You fully delved into your sexuality, you aren’t exactly ace haha hahaha haahahahahaha ahhahahahahaha I FUCKIGN KNOW  I FUCKING KNOW OK, THATS WHO WE WERE, LISTEN IM SHOCKED TOO, but miss jocelyn over there single handedly changed everything, also you’re kinky as fuck, who would have fucking guessed, blame jocey.

Seattle wasn’t the worst, we went to the ocean a lot, and we only touched her once because we aren’t greedy and frankly I got too overwhelmed.

You have like 7 biases, deal with it. Your Japanese got better lmao, you tell me how.

I’m saying it here and now, but we’re joining the circus.

This is the best I can do for now because quite frankly, this year was too much to put into words and I knew it would be hard but I didn’t realize just how fucking hard. But anyways, you love bangtan a lot, and as hard as u try they really are the only group you can keep up with, im sorry stray kids im still trying, exo flew out the picture, i literally only care about pcy, bbh and ksoo/yixing lmaoooooooo NYWAYS

GN (it’s 1PM)