the secret to happiness is doodling something catered to You Specifically. one second you're normal the next you're biting your own arm

Me core

Madara live reaction when saw his kouhai and boyfriend bro being cute together

what is wrong with my dad i hope he dies man wtf😭

my cat just had a tick on her and my dad got it off with tweezers and i did tell him to get right in and try and get the head but i don't think he really did and google is saying that if it was done wrong it could increase chance of infection and that coupled with the weird wound I saw on her yesterday is making me ready to have a full on breadown

...

i tried to learn as little about that godforsaken tr/ial as possible for either side and stay out of it, but the fact the most reactions I’ve seen involve people just calling her the nastiest fucking sexist slurs for fun feels. ick. “it’s about the fact men can be victims of abuse too” and yet nobody is offering up statistics or resources for said victims, but instead are just cheering their side on and talking about him like it’s fuckin’ blorbo from your shows instead of real ass people with real ass ramifications. i don’t know man, it’s gross. and it feels transparent how nobody brought this much energy with terry crews or brendan fraser or anthony rapp. like. is it possibly because their cases weren’t televised like a soap opera for your sick source of entertainment, or because it just wasn’t as exciting for you to call male abusers a “cunt” ?

am truly having the most miserable week and if i have to stay home and be sick in bed today i might truly go completely insane

Body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria feel so completely different why do people bunch them together.

fucking hate when parents do something they know will upset me and then laugh about me getting upset and then get angry when i dont have the quiet little ‘look the other way’ that they want

I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

I think I'm actually going clinically insane over the reverse "you wear fine things well" scene because 1) if Ed looked at me Like That it would be game over I would literally do anything he asked me up to and including throwing myself overboard I literally do not know how Stede didn't legitimately spontaneously combust the second Ed turned those eyes on him 2) GNOSSIENNE NO.5 FINALLY BEING USED THIS SEASON AS A JOYOUS MARKER OF ED AND STEDE'S LOVE FOR EACH OTHER AS GOD INTENDED THIS IS NOT A DRILL HOLY SHIT 3) THEIR FUCKIN!!!!!!!! COY TEENAGER SHY LITTLE SHUFFLE TOWARDS EACH OTHER RIGHT BEFORE THEY KISS!!!!!! THE WAY STEDE EVEN LOOKS AWAY FOR A SECOND BEFORE LOOKING BACK AT ED AND ED'S TINIEST LITTLE SMIRK BEFORE THEY BOTH LEAN IN WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4) the way they grab each other's arm during the initial kiss I'm so sick to my stomach 5) THE MOON Y'ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE THIS ISN'T A MOONLIGHT FANTASY OR AN INFATUATION THAT FEELS LARGER THAN LIFE BUT BURNS OUT QUICKLY!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS REAL AND IT'S RAW AND IT'S VULNERABLE AND IT'S GONNA LAST BECAUSE THIS NEW CHAPTER OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS BEING FOUNDED ON DOING EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO NOT LET THIS PRECIOUS THING THEY'VE FOUND WITH EACH OTHER TURN INTO ANOTHER WHIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM LITERALLY GOING TO START FEROCIOUSLY CLIMBING THE WALLS 6) hoooooooly fuck the way stede inhales and grasps Ed's neck like he's a man lost at sea dying of dehydration and Ed is the first sip of cool clean water he's had in months im ill im so so so so ill 7) ED'S LITTLE SHUFFLE AFTER ASKING STEDE TO TAKE IT SLOW SIR IM BEGGING YOU TO STOP BEING SO ADORABLE it's causing me to develop a heart condition 8) stede's quiet "huh, okay 😌" after Ed busts out his fish wanting to get caught metaphor he's literally so charmed by Ed it seeps into everything he does 9) WEHN THYE!!!!!!!! HOODL AHNDS!!!!!!!!!!! HAND TOCUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 10) the way Ed is staring stede DIRECTLY in the eyes as he says "this? perfect" my vision is going black 11) SHUT IP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPPPP THEIR SILLY LITTLE HAND HOLDING GAME AND STEDE WHUSPERING "you won 🥰" AND ED'S BLUSHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AS HE LOOKS AWAY AND PATS STEDE'S HANDS BEFORE TELLING HIM A COOL FACT HE LEARNED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY! ARE! LITERALLY! TEENAGERS! FALLING! IN! LOVE! FOR! THE! FIRST! TIME! EVER! oh I am in desperate need of medical attention after this one fellas I can tell this is going to have extremely long lasting and far reaching effects on my already severely compromised psyche

I finished ToA not long ago and I wanted to write down some thoughts/scenes that stick with me

(in chronological (ish) order, watch out for spoilers)

Theres an italian girl at camp ! It means Nico gets to practice and speak italian ! (which probably haven't happened in about 70 years)

Will introducing Nico as "my boyfriend". I already knew they would be canon, but reading that line felt weird /pos

Apollo sees Solangelo and think of himself and Hyacinth

That night when Kayla and Austin disappeared and Apollo left to look for them, it probably was the first night Will ever spent alone in his cabin

Apollo's insane body dysmorphia. He's a god, he can always take the physical form he is the most comfortable and confident in... Until now. He is stuck in a body that isn't his, he feels ashamed, when he sees certain traits in others he find them charming or pretty, but when it's on him then it's disgusting. He complain that everything is this body's fault (ex. he wouldn't have been touched by the Eurynomos if it wasn't for his chub.)(I could go on for hours)

Lityerses ! I love that guy. Idk why i love him that much. He is my best guy.

Apollo's reaction to Commodus' name. His flashback of him. So painful he was physically sick.

Apollo talking Helios out of killing them, because he just want to be free, not to hurt them.

APOLLO ATTEMPT TO KHS TO STOP THEM ?? IM A SUCKER FOR SOME GOOD PAINFUL SELF SACRIFICE.

Jason. I'm not talking about Jason. I can't speak about Jason.

Frank and Apollo ! They are so fond of each other !!!

Apollo heard all of Frank's prayers when he was unclaimed and wished he could've adopted him.

And Frank respecting Apollo as a god although he is *vaguely gesture at Apollo/Lester*

Reyna saying aloud that she doesn't want nor needs romance. It's so rare to see aromantic representation and Rick did it so well.

Literally Apollo singing his way out of situations.

FRANK'S SELF SACRIFICE!!! (He already had one of my favorite character development before that)

APOLLO KILLING COMMODUS ??? why do never talk about that it's one of the best deaths I've ever seen that was BADASS AND FULL OF EMOTIONS.

Apollo slowly dying out of poison and the Dodona Arrow doing everything it can to keep him conscious.

I hope Dakota didn't get killed off just to give Lavinia the role of Centurion. I love my boy Dakota, and his death felt kind of meaningless, except for her rank up :/ also i feel like it doesn't suit Lavinia. Some ppl are strong and good and trustable but just not made to order others. (ill prop make a full post about that)

Dionysos confirmed to be an annoying little brother!

Nico. How does Rick manage to always give him more issues. Leave the kid alone.

When Will glows, Apollo is genuinely impressed and tells him how proud he is.

Nico destroying Nero's door with his giant zombie bull. That was cool.

When Apollo gets stabbed in Nero's tower and think it's the end, he prays "Zeus, Artemis, Leto, anyone"

And in general the few parts he talks about Leto, he's such a momma's boy and I love it.

When Apollo left for Delphi... I was fully expecting Meg to go with him. I was so worried that he went alone while already feeling that weakened from the previous events.

DODONA ARROW. FOREVER IN MY HEART.

Artemis is here when Apollo wakes up. She's by his side, she's the first person to tell him he succeeded, she hold him while he sobs...

The first thing he does is to greet his horses :) and then to see his friends.

When he gets back to the Dodona bush ! To tell them all how brave and heroic the Arrow have been !

I could spend hours talking about the character developments of Apollo, Meg and the Dodona Arrow (i love the arrow so much you have no idea) but its for another day

There's many things I didn't talk about, but the post is already long enough. I love those 5 books, and Apollo is an amazing narrator.

I love the Arrow of Dodona with all my heart.

I'm rereading the outsiders rn and like (this accidentally turned into a rant where nothing I say makes sense my b 😭)

"I don't care about Darry. But I was still lying and I knew it. I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me."

Why would he say this? Why would,,, PLEASE. IM SICK. ILL.

Darry and Pony's relationship is something so special to me,,, it's so,,, omg. Like a whole page dedicated to how he doesn't care if Darry doesn't like him/care about him but he literally says over and over that he does care,, I'm sick over these two 😭😭

Literally earlier in the book when Pony gets jumped and Darry's the first one at his side and he's shaking him and immediately apologizes,, I'm gonna VOMIT.

"Darry's always rough with me without meaning to be." "I'm okay. Quit shaking me, Darry, I'm okay" He stopped instantly. "I'm sorry."

That's why the part where he hits him is so,,, literally insane,, ik people joke abt it all the time and call him whiney especially cuz of Johnny's situation,, but literally like,, ok so,, 😭😭

Imagine you're a little guy (😭😭) like Pony's only 14 (and remember how awful being 14 was 😭 you hate everything and everyone and you feel weird/awful 24/7) and he explains how no one in his family ever raised a hand at him or hit him and he thinks Darry can't stand him, he thinks Darry wants to send him away and that he's only a thorn in his side. So Imagine how terrifying it is for your big brother (who's like huge might I add) slapping you and you're thinking "Oh my god,, he really does hate me. This was it. He really doesn't like me." Like yeah he's gonna be scared and he's gonna go to the one person he trusts the most and even Johnny was like "wth??? What??? Omg???"

And imagine Darry's guilt,, I'm not justifying him hitting Pony cuz there definitely was a better solution 😭 but like he's only 20, raising two teens, working all the time and they're all dealing with the loss of their parents. So many things have gone wrong to lead to this outcome and you can bet he regrets it everytime he thinks about it,,

Pony was valid for being scared is what I'm basically saying,, 😭😭 and their complicated relationship really just gets me all the time and I'm obsessed with them growing and getting better cuz that's all I want for them and I love them the end 🫶

I don't read the Re zero novel but what I know is that everytime I look at Subaru I go " waw waw waw!! Real" because hes such an incel. Hes so goddamn ugly sometimes and I love it. We need more "ugly and realistic" characters. Like, no, the fuck, I don't want an ugly character that's overly nice and a pushover??? I need a realistic presentation that makes me go "THATS ME SO REAL"

SPOILERS FOR S2, like, ok, I love Subaru's past. Like it's not overly dramatic and he's not even abused. He's just a kid that just felt the need to live through the expectations other people put on him. He feels no validation for the things he's done because it was already to be expected. And when he lost, he felt everything crash apart because that's how kids are. He had a reputation and it was ruined. But instead of working his ass off, he just gave up because it already happened. He can't do shit anymore. AND IM LIKE "SHIT THATS SO ME"

NOT TO MENTION HIS SHIT SOCIAL SKILLS? REAL REAL REAL REAL. FAKING YOUR CONFIDENCE? REAL, ME TOO. LOST OF CONFIDENCE? WHAT THE FUCK ME TOO!!!!!!! GETTING BITCHES? ok no not really. I get no bitches. But still. His character is so flawed, thats why he's so good.

I dont get why people dont like his character tbh, because why are you angry that he cries and goes insane when he literally just got killed, tortured, eaten alive, has to watch ppl he loved die, get killed by people he loves ETC. like. What. Do u not see the point of his character? Are you mentally okay? No, are you even functioning as a human being????????? He's utterly powerless, he has a special power, sure, but he's not some op mc with sick superpowers as much as he wishes to be. He's just some average joe thrown to a whole battlefield. To make it worst, he returns from the dead. Which meant that he was fucking mentally tortured by the mentally ill people around him and FUNNY THING IS THEY BECAME FRIENDS?????? like if this was any other anime it would've became a revenge anime. But it isnt because its fucking SUBARU. He's fucking delulu but its ok because hes just some silly guy.

In conclusion = Subaru SOLOS every character (with the power of friendship)

first of all, i literally love u and ur posts like literally ur analysis’s are literally everything and ur a really good writer like actually pookie 🤭🤭

secondly, YOU NEED TO WRITE MORE JOEL AND ELLIE DRABBLES…if you dont ill actually come for u..ur joel and ellie drabbles keep me from going insane. But also take ur time bc i know u were just sick and im glad u feel better pookie😘😘

Thank you so much for this; this shit made my day! 💕 

I promise I will write something small one day again. It's just that I'm so fucking busy with my everyday life, ugh. Enslaving myself to the system has never been merrier. Yaay. 

I have a few ideas for little drabbles, but putting them into words? Phew! Finding the time to do that (especially if I want to do it justice), that's tough. I'm glad I'm able to write all my analyses. I need to get my shit together.