#im literally going to force myself to stop talking here and go to sleep now
Text
Sleepy
pairing(s): noctis lucis caelum x fem!reader
genre: fluff | oneshot
warning(s): noctis being everything and more | cuss words
wc: ?
notes: can be seen as platonic or romantic. bold for noctis' pov!! this was written with sephiroth pre-crisis core in mind but it seemed too ooc so i changed it for our darling noct // im literally a split second away from crying my eyes out pls help // 6:33AM
It wasnt unlike Noctis to rent out a hotel room after a particularly rough day out. Hell, after the amount of dungeons we had gone through, paired with bounties and the ungodly amount of demons that showed up on the way to Lestallum, it was expected of Noct to rent a room.
Even now, after taking a much deserved shower and eating my weight in cup noodles - per Gladio's request - I can feel the lingering discomfort of the day.
Ignis and Gladio are having a rather heated debate on what they deem a 'real meal' while Prompto lays at the end of one of the beds, phone above his face and threatening to fall when he loses his grip. Noctis is washing up in the bathroom, making the most out of the almost lavish effect of actually sleeping inside.
I've taken it upon myself to sort everyones clothes out, as to avoid Gladio accidentally wearing and effectively ripping a pair of Prompto's boxers again.
It's a wonder how they've all gotten this far without breaking more than what they already have, even with Ignis taking charge.
I make one last check around the room. Everyone's washed up and changed into actual sleepwear for a change. The place is reletively clean despite the dirt we tracked in and our rubbish is in the bin.
Noctis strolls out and into the room, musing with his now wet and unstyled hair. His hair is mostly flat save for the random locks sticking out after his hand's gone through it.
I chuckle at the sight of Prompto slapping Noct's ass while he moves to the empty bed. Noct practically jumps before swatting back at Prompto.
I take the chance to walk up to the two, wrapping my arms around Noct's waist from behind and leaning into him.
"As entertaining as it is to see you two playing around, I seem to recall a promise of relaxing before bed"
Prompto laughs at Noctis' face of realisation.
"Ah~, I did promise that, didn't I?"
I let go of him then, sitting down on the empty bed.
"Mhmm, right after we fought that damned Jabberwock"
Noctis chuckles then, turning towards me and running a hand over the top of my head.
"Better keep my promise then, hm?"
He practically melts into the bed when he sits at the headboard, an immediate look of content covering his face.
I can hear Ignis and Gladio moving out to the small veranda then, Prompto almost sliding off his bed in his effort to talk to the two.
My eyes zero in on Noctis once again. He's looking at me curiously, a flicker of amusement passes.
"Well? Come here"
He pats his thighs then.
"... what?"
He's a second away from laughing.
"You heard me"
I hesitate then, conflicted.
He leans forward, taking my hands in his before leaning back, forcing me to move with him despite myself.
I'm sitting on his lap before I can stop myself, legs on either side of him and chest pressed almost against his.
"I can't imagine this is comfortable for you"
I'm about to push off of him but he's already got his arms around me, pulling me back down.
"You'd be surprised"
He's got me pinned down, not just with his arms around me but also his stare. He looks utterly delighted, and not only that, he's smiling.
"Relax. I made a promise, right? Let me keep it"
I sigh after a moment, letting myself sink further against him. My arms are around his shoulders, head resting comfortably in the crook of his neck. One of his arms remains around my waist while the other comes up, hand in my hair and running through it.
With the low buzz of the outside world, the chatter of the boys, the steady breath and movement of the boy holding me, even the dim lighting of the room, it's surprisingly comfortable.
Truthfully, I wish I'd asked Noctis for this before.
It's a much deserved break from the world, not just for myself but also Noctis.
I can feel myself dozing off, relaxing further into him.
"Y/n..."
I murmer a response, pulling back blearily to look at him.
He stops short of whatever he was about to say, staring back at me.
I can feel the tired pout on my lips as he continues to do nothing but stare.
"What is it?"
That seems to break him out of whatever trance he was in.
He blinks back at me.
Then his head is tilting slightly to the side and I can feel his hand moving away from my hair and to the side of my face. I lean into it subconsciously.
"It's nothing. Go to sleep, alright?"
"You- you made me look at your stupid face just so you could say it's nothing?"
He chuckles, brushing the hair out of my face.
"Sure, Y/n, I wanted you to look at my stupid face"
I almost groan at his words.
"You know I don't mean it," I let myself relax again, leaning further into his hand.
"you're pretty and you know it"
I barely process the words leaving my mouth, but he definitely does.
It takes a moment, but then I'm hot in the cheeks and hiding my face in his chest.
"You think I'm pretty?"
I whine despite myself, swatting lazily at his shoulder.
"It's okay, I think you're pretty too"
His words linger in my mind as he runs his hand over the back of my head comfortingly.
I find myself drifting off in his arms, content despite his words taking up all my thoughts.
Prompto's voice carries over as he comes back inside, Gladio and Ignis in tow. It's loud and carefree, and usually I wouldn't care, but with Y/n sleeping on top of me, there's a certain level of noise in mind.
" -then he said that there was a demon lady who-"
"Prompto"
My voice cuts through his words and three pairs of eyes dart to me.
"Would you mind?"
Prompto's eyes seem to take in the sleeping form on top of me and he claps a hand over his mouth.
"Sorry, Noct!"
The three of them practically tip toe their way over, sitting on the empty bed.
"I take it Y/n's asleep, then"
Ignis eyes her curiously.
"Fell asleep a couple minutes ago"
My response is quiet, cautious. My hand is running over her back now.
"I see. The days events have taken their toll, it would seem"
It's quiet for a moment.
Until Gladio speaks that is.
"Guess you're sleeping with us, bud"
His hand clasps over Prompto's shoulder.
Prompto looks unusually disturbed by that statement.
"Do I really need to, Noct? Please tell me I don't"
The beds are big, but they sure as hell aren't fit for three people, especially when one is Gladio. I cant tell Prompto to sleep with him and Ignis, and he sure as hell cant sleep on the floor after today.
"You can sleep here, just be quiet"
Prompto nods eagerly, standing up and rounding the bed to lay down on the other side.
Ignis has turned the light off by this point.
"Goodnight everyone. Oh, and Noct, please do remember to lay down, else you'll hurt your back"
I let out a noise of recognition as Prompto and Gladio say their goodnights.
The night feels ever more present now, with the darkness, the quiet, the warmth on top of me. It's a wonder if I'll fall asleep like this.
I dont mind if thats the case.
Y/n shifts slightly, burrowing further into me. I can hear Prompto letting out a quiet "so cute" and I fight off my smile, holding onto the sleeping girl just that bit tighter.
I definitely don't mind.
#noctis#noctis lucis caelum#noctis x reader#final fantasy#final fantasy xv#ffxv#final fantasy noctis#ffxv noctis#ff15 noctis#ff15#final fantasy 15
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You Drew Stars Around my Scars (Katniss Everdeen x female reader)
summary: you know Katniss struggles to look at the scars she has when she comes home after the games, so you do something to make them a bit more easy to see.
warnings: talks of scars, the games?, gale 🤮 is mentioned at least once
a/n: I was literally so scared to post this but I just reminded myself that this is for fun and anyone who wants to say anything needs to remember that too. I will gladly accept kind criticism but I will not accept crap from strangers. I know it's really short but I wanted to post one of my katniss ones cuz im currently obsessed with the hunger games books. enjoy :) ♡
Katniss lies asleep in bed, unaware that you- her girlfriend- is now getting up and getting ready to go visit your family in the village for a bit.
You get dressed, and then look at the clock on the wall and decide you have a bit of time to sit back down and read until you have to be on your way. You pick up your recent favorite book on your nightstand and begin reading, but something catches your eye. On Katniss' arm is a long healed scar from her days in the arena. They are all over her upper and lower body, as the capitol didn’t care to get rid of any that were not visible, and it brought tears to your eyes the first time you saw them when she came home.
Of course you knew she had them. In fact, you were forced to watch how she got them during the games. But nothing could have prepared you to see her standing in front of your guys bathroom mirror naked, eyes scanning over her body but still holding the same dead look they had for the few weeks before this. She hadn’t seen you in the mirror but turned around when she heard a gasp, still on alert after everything she went through. You didn’t say anything else about the healed wounds, but you did pull her into a tight hug as if she would leave once again if you even dared to loosen your grip.
You gently trace the scar, making sure she's still asleep as you grab a pen from the nightstand. You do your best to be quiet as you reposition on the bed and begin drawing lightly on her skin.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-
About an hour later, Katniss wakes up to the sunlight peaking through the window and onto her face. She opens and then closes her eyes, moving to feel on your side of the bed, only to find cold sheets.
Her eyes snap open, scanning the room and yelling out your name as millions of possibilities run through her head. The only thing that stops her from grabbing her bow -which now stays underneath the bed at all times- is the little note taped to her stomach.
Dear my love,
I did not wish to wake you from your sleep as you looked very peaceful. I am off to visit my family in the village and will be back in a few hours. I love you, and take care of yourself.
With much love,
your girlfriend.
She smiles a bit, but sighs at the thought of you not being here to hold her this morning. She forces herself out of bed with the promise she would take care of herself as you wish, and goes downstairs to make herself some breakfast.
Prim is downstairs at the table, peanut butter sandwich in hand and staring at the book in front of her. She doesn't look up until Katniss speaks. “Morning Prim.” Even then, all she does is send her a small nod and smile. “Oh! your girlfriend wanted me to tell you that she left if you didn't see the note.” Prim says.
You and Katniss began dating when you were 15, and even then you had been friends long before that. You watched Prim grow up and did the best that you could with your equally poor family to help the little girl survive. You and her mother were the only things she had when Katniss volunteered as tribute, and you spent nights stroking her hair as the young girl cried out that it was her fault. You would never tell Katniss this, out of respect for Prim, and the brunette could definitely tell you and her little sister were closer than ever when she came home.
“What's that on your arm?” Prim asks, pointing to the scar on her older sister's belief. Katniss doesn't look, knowing already that there is a large scar there which can usually be covered by her shirt sleeves. “My scar. You know this.” She sighs, reaching up to the top cabinet. Her shirt sleeve goes down a little in the process, and its only then does she realize what her sister is talking about.
All around her scar, are little stars of all shapes and sizes, some colored in, some hearts laying around. She takes a moment to look at it, before she lifts up her shirt to reveal the same thing down to a smaller scar on her side. She lifts up the right leg of her pajama pants, and sure enough, more little drawings along the entirety of her burn scar.
A small giggle leaves her, and it turns into a genuine laugh as she gently traces over the drawings. She turns to Prim, who also has a small smile on her face as she looks at her sister's genuine happiness. It hasn't happened very many times in the past few weeks, and it brings a bright smile to Prim's face at the sight of her genuinely happy sister.
You walk in right at that moment, and Katniss practically leaps into your arms. You stumble at first, but catch her nonetheless and hold her to you tightly. “I missed you.” “I missed you too darling.” Your words make Prim fake gag as she finishes up her sandwich and leaves the kitchen.
The hunter leans back a bit to place a small kiss on her lips, though you have to break away when she is smiling to much to continue. “Katniss Everdeen. What did you do?” You fake gasp. “Did you kill Gale?” She chuckles, rolling her eyes and kissing your forehead with the simple words. “You drew stars around my scars.” You nod in agreement.
“This is why I love you.” Her words bring a shock to you, having never heard them uttered from that girl to you before. She continues, “I love you so fucking much. You are my whole world and being in that arena……it just proved it.”
You take a moment to remember how to breathe before quietly telling her as if its a secret only she can know, “I love you to Katniss Everdeen. I love you more than I love anything, actually.”
Katniss Everdeen is the girl of your dreams. You may not have known it when you were seven and she placed a kiss on your cheek and you blushed beet red, or when you were twelve and she held your hand the entire school day, but you did know it when you were 15, and she brought over what was left of her families' dinner to feed your dying mother. You did know it when you were 16, and Katniss yelled out, “I volunteer as tribute!”. and you knew it when she crashed into your arms two months after that. And you know it now. Part of you has always known you love Katniss. And now you'll spend the rest of your life proving it.
#katniss everdeen#female reader#fluff#hunger games#taylor swift lyrics#katniss everdeen x reader#katniss everdeen x you
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Random shit I had or others had said as prompts.
Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of sus, dark humor(probably), dark themes(also probably), Sensitive topics
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"Motherfucker is high on cat nip at the top."
"Imma just kick this fish then-"
"Let me sleep with you!"
"STOP CREAMING YOURSELF"
"Let me throw your child!"
"I smacked a bad guy's booty."
"That was a good ass slap!"
"Give me all these delicious batteries!"
"Everybody died in this family!"
"I JUST SHOT HER BODY WITH MY GUN-"
"I DIDNT EVEN KNOW I HAD BALLS STILL!"
"I got stuff on my neck!"
"Be honest, am I hot?" "I'M GAY-"
"IMMA WHIP OUT MY BEANS ESSAY"
"Not the duckussy"
"Already sus gonna hide in the ooc"
"Okay I got my happiness, bye"
"I like me some Among Us"
"Can someone hold me please"
"[Name] stop searching. I wanna search something up to on him!"
"IS HE WRITING A FANFIC OML"
"I KNOW BUT WHEN I LAUGH I SOMEHOW CHOKE ACK-"
"You're more grosser than I am."
"Ohh~ Hee got the rizz~"
"OKAY BACK TO CRYING"
"I love dying screaming"
"IM CRYING WHAT DID WE JUST WALK IN ON???"
"I will slap myself if I say something sus"
"Let her scream lmao."
"Being force to talk by a 14 year old"
"Such a beautiful break up"
"STOP RIZZING ME"
"Anyway does anyone want to get slap by me?"
"Damn she hot"
"THE FUCK WOMAN???"
"DAMN I AM A LONELY BITCH"
"Actually *SHITTING* himself would be pooping. *PISSING* himself would be peeing."
"Why did you eat mah stick?"
"STOP EATING POOP???? WHOS POOP EVEN IS THAT???"
"I- Wha- ho- ...MY BRAIN CANT HANDLE THISI-"
"I think u just pissed him up even more"
"And why are you creaming [Name]?" "Damn tell me how you really feel about the cream jesus"
"One of them is: What the fuck is going on at this point and why am I still here for it?"
"I just love killing people!"
"I want to fuck Optimus Prime."
"Allergies are kicking me ass"
"I would've given you some but you didn't talk fast enough /j"
"[NAME] PLEASE I BE SILLY"
"I SWEAR ON [NAME] IT AINT ME"
"Why is [Name] robbing [Name2]"
"Enjoy your last peaceful moments"
"You were the chosen one"
"Then speak it"
"And [Name] just set himself on fire"
"I feel like I am being judged now,,,,,bye." *disappears*
"The shame has already been done there is no going back"
"My mom used to buy me robux before she mcfucking died"
"I BROKE MY STICK"
"THEY DONT KNOW WHAT GOES ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS"
"My gaydar told me"
"What the fuck are smiley fries."
"Rice with beef broth because we have no chicken"
"Anime cat girls are canon within Spongebob now."
"The Cat Has Ingested The Wall"
"Split dat chicken wingg"
"Oeuur... digs chicken wing out of the carpet"
SHRIEKS AND BREAKS IN THROUGH A WINDOW
"They have been bestowed the name [New name]"
"I love the fumbling with the remote"
"Literally vibrating in my chair, I’m really excited for the game"
"That's so sad imagine someone hated you so much they wouldn't even spend more than 5 bucks to hire a hitman"
"Bro's gonna be willing to die after that"
"FLOOFY AND GOOBER"
"I wanna invite them for tea and crumpets
The best type of relationship"
"ILL FORFEIT ALL MY LEGAL POSSESSIONS TO HIM"
"Like damn dude you don't need THAT much eye liner"
"This is so emo"
"My dude needs to look fabulous"
"WHAT A GOOBER ! FOOLISH LITTLE FELLOW"
"OMG ITS MY KID"
"LIL GUY IS SPEEDY ASF"
"They got a little too silly"
"ITTY BITTY"
"They just need to put some ice on it"
"Aww noo they spilled the cranberry juice" :(
#star prompts#vibe prompts#writing prompts#creative writing#creative prompts#dialogue prompts#imagine your otp#otp prompts#imagine your ocs#funny prompts#comedy#tw swearing#tw sus#Yes i can be sus lmao#prompt list#prompt list friday#tw dark themes#probably#tw dark humor#tw sensitive content#sensitive topics
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What would be your fave trope with the submas?
Them not separated across time ❤️
Kidding! Well kidding that thats not my only answer of course.
God, favorite trope to write them/read them with a Reader? I have SO many! These are my hardcore faves!
Angst and mutual pining but both people dont know it and fear confessing to the other but happy ending (heh heh boi 🥴)
Jealousy of seeing someone else interested in their crush, and the way they become maybe slightly possessive and need to confess/get you themselves
Forced to share a bed/hotel room with Reader where it all goes downhill because the boys cant stop listening to their breathing and hearing their heartbeat in their ears and accidental touching that leads into oh yes please touching
Someone telling one of the boys/reader “you didnt know that they love you? I can see in the way they talk to you” and the absolute lightning bolt of understanding hitting them
The “I know your watching me and Im going to pretend I dont know and do naughty things to myself so you lose your mind”. Not in a yandere/stalker type of way though!
The “Im usually calm and collected but your making me want to ravage you infront of everyone here” type of burn
One of the boys getting with Reader and and the other pining so damn hard because he loves Reader too but doesnt/cant confess because of fear or uncertainty. Finds out other twin doesnt mind sharing you which leads to Pining twin kissing you and whispering confessions against you in a hurry
I have many more but I literally slept 2 hours and cant sleep anymore so my brain cant remember the rest right now 😬
#not me airing out my faves#also not me plainly writing the plot to my Ingo fic#jossambird confessions#thank you! ❤️#pokemon legends arceus ingo#submas ingo#subway boss ingo#submas emmet#subway boss emmet#submas#ingo x reader#pokemon ingo x reader#pokemon emmet x reader#emmet x reader#do I sleep? never#blankshipping dni please#suggestive
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tomorrow is the 7th anniversary of when i first released after the bell.
a lot has happened in the past 7 years.
i have/had an entire update planned, i wanted to rebuild the game from the ground up, especially since porting it to the steam version of 2003 fucked up the fade transitions.
but i never did.
i’ve tried starting many times, and failed every time.
i don’t think i’ve talked about it here, but im very open about this: i have ADHD and autism. the ADHD is what applies the most here.
the ADHD prevents me from doing what i want, and the RSD makes me overcomplicate things.
back when i made ATB, i was in a hyper focus state on RPGMaker. i had four ongoing projects at once: after i finished the first version of ATB, i was drafting the update, file:blue was added during a horror game jam, riitami, and one other project i literally cannot even remember the name of off the top of my head. i focused hard on these projects, mainly riitami, and then the novelty wore off. this is one of the worst parts of my ADHD. i get really into doing something for a short burst and then i get bored and can’t force myself to do it anymore.
i felt horrible for so long. why can’t i just DO things like everyone else? i need to remake ATB, i need to fix it, i need to take out the stair scene because it was in poor taste, i need to expand on the lore so i stop seeing people asking why ghosts can’t just go through the wall, i need to expand on these characters, etc etc etc. and i just couldn’t do it. i forced myself to come up with a logistical reason for not passing through walls, i rewrote and scrapped and rewrote and scrapped over and over again.
don’t get me wrong. i still do want to update after the bell. i want to remake it. i want to make it better. better maps, better art, better jokes, better characters, etc. but i can’t give you an estimate on when that will happen.
as for the lore of the game,,, i don’t want to put any more thought into it.
i didn’t go into that project with a real plot or world in mind. i just drew a little ghost girl and decided i wanted to make a game about her. then i made her a girlfriend and some classmates. i thought of a very simple fetch quest: getting her name. that’s all it was. nothing more, nothing less.
that said, i have new answers to things.
why can’t she go through walls?
who cares? i’m not gonna make transition events on every wall tile just to satisfy some people who can’t put their suspension of disbelief on hold for a silly ten minute game.
why are all these girls dead?
i don’t know. i just thought one character would be too lonely, so i added some more. i thought more ghosts would be better than filling the space with living characters and then dealing with whatever allows them to communicate.
and there was one person that once said in a comment that it was weird that protag’s parents had the same last name. that has always been a strange thought to me. they’re married? one took the other’s last name?
i don’t really know what i’m rambling about at this point.
in the past seven years (in no particular order), i have moved out, got my drivers license, lost my job, got another job, was ghosted out of that job, gotten a new job that destroyed my soul, fell into a deep depression at the start of the lockdown, went back to the soul crushing job once it resumed, fell out with my roommate, moved back in with my parents, quit my old job and got another job that i now love, adopted a hamster, had her until she passed away earlier this year from health complications, made friends, lost friends, started and ended therapy, got a psychiatrist, got on anxiety medication, started (trying) ADHD meds, started dating my girlfriend, saw her in person twice, was briefly hospitalized to get my first surgery (gall bladder removal), had ANOTHER surgery (septoplasty + removing polyps), went to new york to meet old friends twice, went thru multiple medications trying to find something to help me sleep at night, came out to my mother as a lesbian (she still does not know my gender identity), met some of the people who would become some of the most important people in my life, cried over dnd (positive), started writing stories again, tabled at a lot of conventions…
it’s been a long and wild road. and in those seven years, i have thought about the ATB cast. i know the game got a little traction when it was first released, and i’m a little shocked that it seems to get a lot more attention in spanish speaking communities! that’s a lil crazy to me! not in a bad way of course. i think that’s really cool. sharing our creations and experiences across different language communities is one of the coolest things in the world.
i’ve seen praise and criticism that have helped me think about my work as an artist, and some that have hindered me a bit. nevertheless, i’ve grown a lot since then. at least i hope so.
im rambling about a lot of things. sorry. my train of thought is more like a spaghetti junction, lol
at the end of the day, these silly little ghost girls were my first real journey into RPGmaker. i’d loved playing games for a long time and had made one shoddy little thing before, but ATB was my first real release. i’ve thought about these girls a lot. i don’t think too hard about their world, the lore doesn’t really matter to me; it was just a silly little game i made with no real forethought.
one day i will deliver that remake to you. i don’t know when. i love these characters, simple as they are, and i want to do right by them. im even thinking of asking for help, as i clearly have a lot of trouble moving forward; help with setting up maps and transitions is the most important thing, as i’m not very good at layouts or mapping, but i can handle all the artwork and writing dialogue myself. i also want to commission someone for custom music, as the original music used in the game was generated via online programs because i am also, shockingly (/sarcasm), terrible at music composition. or more like i have no experience with it. i’m tone deaf as all hell.
that is not financially viable for me right now, unfortunately (i owe my parents like $800 for insurance + some assistance from when bebbie passed away) and i do not want to just. not pay people for their work. as an artist i understand the value of the work that goes into these things, and i’m not about to run around asking for free help with a silly little ghost game. i want to be able to pay my help appropriately for their time and effort. that said, if you’d be interested in helping out when that time comes (paid of course, i can’t tell you when that’ll be bc as much as i love my job i don’t make a lot of money) please let me know.
i should bring this rambling to a close.
thank you for seven years of silly ghost girls. it’s been a long time, but i hope that these girls pop into your thoughts from time to time to say hello, as they do for me. i want to do them better, even if they are just a couple of silly middle school lesbian ghosts.
thank you for your patience and support. i’m sorry i haven’t lived up to be the person or developer that i wanted to be. i’m sorry i failed to bring you something to play so many times and for so long. i hope you can forgive me.
thank you, thank you, thank you.
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TW: binge-eating
Below: A general ramble about ADHD, meds, returning to leisure projects and, finally, an outpouring of gratitude from a soppy bitch:
This is becoming more of a ‘Jo updates about her mental health’ blog but 😂😂 it’s good news! I am a month/6 weeks or so into titration of my new ADHD meds and they have literally made every aspect of my life better. Not overstating it, and I’m already out of the ‘honeymoon’ period. I am currently studying at home, unprompted, and have been doing so the last 3-4 weeks. I finally feel like I am on a level playing field with ‘normal’ people. My self-care, my sleep hygiene, daily routines, they’ve all improved and I’m maintaining them everyday. This has never happened before. I have also stopped binge-eating which I never even realised was probably linked to my lack of dopamine.
For the first time in my life, I feel like I might be able to fulfil my potential rather than scrape by thru sheer force of will alone (will that eroded to nothing and resulted in a lot of academic self-sabotage. Even though it’s crap it got to that point, hitting rock bottom is what helped me realise that there was something very wrong).
So now what? Im studying regularly, keeping routines, can finish projects, actually engage socially with people and take on some extracurricular demands, such as becoming my course rep. I am so unbelievably happy these days that it almost feels too good to be true. I never knew what it was like to be satisfied with a day’s work or that I had ‘earnt’ my leisure time.
Now that I can sit down and work regularly, I’m thinking about writing these days. I can see myself at my desk, doing it, and enjoying it again. Without the exhausting internal struggles I usually go thru. I do have a lot of work for uni to do and that is always going to be my first priority, but now that I’m catching up and controlling things, I am going to start pencilling in time to write into my diary (!! Yes, I have a diary, and I actually use it now, rather than buying it cuz it’s pretty and then letting it collect dust.)
Sorry for the extremely long ramble, if anyone is still here and has been for a long time, or if you’re new and stumbled across my fics, I sincerely apologise for not being consistent or reliable, it’s painfully obvious why, now, but yeah. I just want to say thank you so much for reading this nobody’s writing and literally giving me lifelines every day when I’ve visited very dark places.
Every engagement I ever had with you meant something to me and I do not understate this. Writing and talking with you was an escape but I don’t feel as though I need to escape anything anymore, I can do both harmoniously.
I really hope you’re all doing ok and thriving. We all deserve to. I love you 💗🥰
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teehee ive returned... ok so now im in college and just like I thought, I am not a fan. the academics are fine but theres a decent amount of work all the time and its stressful to me cause it feels never ending. I will do my assignments weeks in advance but it seems to never give me enough time to relax. well not that I can relax at my dorm, my roommates are so annoying and loud and are all messes and project it outward. however, I did stop sh around september 2022 so its been four months since then. but also whenever something happens where another person is upset and takes it out on me or theres a somewhat valid problem I cant help but think about doing it which is normal. but I think its gonna come back soon and im fine with that. it makes me happy. its almost like a form of self care for me cause I can actually get all the bad feeling out of my system and just onto my arm instead. like its fine and I truly think that. anyways another issue though related to how bad my dorm is because of my roommates is that I finally told my parents about how terrible it is and that I dont even sleep there anymore (but I only go back home like once or twice a weekend each month when I have breaks) and I fully am just going home cause I have break or need to catch up on homework... but now they just think im not addressing the issue and not facing my dorm situation which, uh yeah obviously im not going to. when I dont come home on weekends on breaks to get away from the dorm, I just stay at someone else's house or dorm on school days and weekends. like??? I literally do not have the capacity to be there. but now im getting really triggered at home too because I told my parents about my issue... which why are they responding like that. id rather just off myself than have to live at my dorm or home. I really need to sh. I know my living situation issues are temporary but they make me feel really bad and become unproductive and fat. all I do is hide away in my room at my dorm all day when im not out for classes and gorge of fat disgusting pig food. im so fat now. I need to loose weight im always bloated and fat looking. if I was skinny I would at least be 3/4 happy inside my body and the 1/4 of unhappy in caused my external forces that make me upset inside can just be fixed my sh. tbh I need to make my sh not eating and working out too much instead of cutting cause hiding the cuts is so annoying like I dont feel like wearing long sleeves in the summer again. I need to not eat any processed foods and get on track to just have no appetite (I didn't for like a week long time period in the beginning of January). anyways im just really upset now and turning to my venting on here cause I dont want to bother anyone with my problems anymore since clearly telling my parents the most basic issue ever is not being received well. like really. just make you child happy. but nooo they dont know about how suicidal I am and any of my other issues cause I dont tell them. they just dont dress anything either. like I need a breast reduction and my mom was just like well talk about that later... well it is much later now and guess what, still haven't talked about it. id rather just die right now. I cant endure 3 more years of college at the place im going right now. I just cant live in the state I do right now and need to move. everything would be solved. but for now, all I can do is loose 20 pounds and be skinny and smart so I can exist in a physical state thats tolerable to me. I just need a break from everything else though. ok ill probably return later but at least this vent right now stopped me from racing downstairs and picking out a new xacto for a real release. ok bye bye
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okay were getting deep oversharing with the internet times bc I'm going to react to dw through my trauma lense. Specifically hell bent and heaven sent here we go.
So far so good.
Listen will I be grateful if these episodes no longer trigger me to hell and back. Will I also be pissed that I've spent years being triggered by this show when the original trigger episodes no long trigger me? Yes. Yes I will be.
Never mind there will be no deeper meaning sound here the doctor is trying to dry his doc martins up right and laced up and its annoyed me so much it's all I will associate with this episode now.
The doctor talking himself into being brave o.o baby. Also me. Talking myself into doing anything with heights.
Sprays last thought like a cat no bad. Making me based comparisons is how this whole mess got started
Oh. Yep there it is. Being forced to relive the things that scares you on purpose forever. "I'm scared and I'm alone" ha ha yah fuck
Okay listen self. If the doctor being forced to relive his wrost fears on purpose is torture than you being forced to relive your worst fear is torture. I know we don't want to accept that don't want to accept its that bad but it is.
Oh hey the losing time thing too?? Haha yah
The sleep deprivation
"Maybe I'm in hell" "how long do I have to be here? Forever?" Yah it sure did feel that that.
"Asking a skull if it's still scared" yah passively contemplating death so I didn't have to be scared anymore. That sure was a thing.
"There's something I'm missing and I think it's something terrible" literally shut the hell up
Im actually finding this really helpful to be able to go through and label my emotions and thoughts about my situation might show this to the brand new shiny therapist I now have.
"I'm playing someone else's game I cannot stop and everyone else has lost" man if we're taking ever line as a metaphor for what was done to me. This therapist had a deal with a school man. It literally terrifies me to think of how many kids she's messed up like she messed me up. Both before and after because let me tell you. She was so fucking good at messing you up. Took literally 3 sessions to get you dependent on her and going insane.
The clinging feeling of desperation that you just have to get through this it gets worse before it gets better.
"The I can't keep doing this rant"
the way he's just sitting defeated against the wall? Yah I saw that expression everyday for years. That hits hard.
Okay not trauma related but the doctor saying I remember it all everytime when we've been lead to believe he doesn't like talk about a hell. Talk about good story writing. I've never caught that before!!
The way the doctor looks so tired. Yah that's framilar too. Also the having to be strong as your body gives up you that sure was a thing too.
Okay but literally this episode is so good. I fucking love the doctors dying speech in this it's only one of my favorite episodes of tv ever. Which is in part of why losing it hit me so hard.
hey if the rooms revert how come the shovel has dirt on it and the clues stays and the clothes are drying?? Finally some good old plot holes.
Also where is the food coming from like???
Okay but the sequence of the Shephards boy says is fucking fire
I want to know how long each time lap is
....thinking about how the tardis was left alone for 4.5 billion years.
Okay no because I should have been able to trust the therapist and the doctor should have been able to trust the time dial!! They were tools meant to HELP HEAL TURNED INTO PAIN AND TRUAMA
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young royals s2e2 live reaction
okay here we go I am hating this
"you can tell her I have nothing more to say" YEAH BOY
oh I'm gonna die lmao
they're gonna kill me that's it
the girls are so sweet ugh
MI SARA
my babies im going to cry
oh sara don't be like this
NETFLIX AND CHILL LMAO
hopefully not tho
oh man it really says a lot that everyone around simon hates wille :/
well ok not necessarily ~hates but like. from an outside perspective he really really did simon dirty
from an outside perspective tho
baby you've literally seen simon's face when he comes you cannot possibly be this dumb when it comes to staring at him
REALLY. THAT'S YOUR CONCEPT OF SPACE YOU DUMBASS SKFJDLGJDLGJFLGJKF
wille: simon wants space? ok. I will stare at him in the changing room but I will Not pass him the ball during PE.
(just occurred to me he's just jealous o wow)
wille making the freshmen overthrow the seniors is the single funniest thing in the world.
OH LMFAO HE REALLY SAID THAT
I'M LOSING IT
simon: SARA PLEASE DON'T-- wille: hello 😌
oh I forgot wille is trying to give him space
oh haha this one's about to be absolute shit
OH IS HE DOING A SCENE
OH HES DOING IT HES DOING IT HES JEALOUUUSSSSSSS
YEAH SIMON KEEP IT GOING
oh the gurls are fightingggggggggggg
what are you gonna do about all this tension? kiss?
can mr englund pls clear his throat he's giving me an asthma crisis
oh okay so that IS what happened. he randomly left his sweater w simon, then gets kidnapped, and then simon has a crisis about it
AND THEY WERE ON A FIGHT TOO
ok mr sweater thief who are you charlie spring
oh he's deep in his feelings about it
SOMEONE START FILMING PLEASE
GET THOSE FUCKIN PHONES OUT AND START FILMING
oh no
oh my god
malin how could you. guess you didn't cheat but you're still a traitor
"at least you don't have to be crown prince" oh fuck you erik. doing this and dying. this bitch killed himself didn't he. on god if he did.
"i know you're grieving. we all are" oh FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF KRISTINA.
"unconventional relationship" what the fuck?
"i want it to come out in your own terms, not because someone forces you" did she just...... did kristina just say something that somewhat made sense?
"please can you just be my mom right now?" oh this is fucking heartbreaking I'm gonna die
oh wille baby
"i want you to see a therapist" WHO IS THIS. WHO IS THIS PERSON WHO'S MAKING SENSE AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE W KRISTINA
malin being a traitor and kristina being all "if you wanna come out do it in your own terms" and "see a therapist"??? who the FUCK are these people
"get rid of the bodyguards" AYYYEEEEEEEE
I cannot believe I just lived to see malin's downfall
can't y'all stop making heart eyes at each other and just fucking TALK
he went to the PRINCIPAL
wille straight up just acts like a scorned lover lmao
OH OH OH
oH
"it would just be two years" baby do you even begin to understand what you're asking him? did you not listen to him at all? have you listened to simon at all???
KEEP THAT HAND OFF HIS LEG WILHELM [sprays him w water]
OH SHIT
I wish I was as true to myself as simon is when it comes to standing his ground
like it hurts me but he's so fuckin good
SWEDEN'S TINIEST BLADDER SKFJDLFKDLGKDÑFKFL
MADDIE IN HER KOALA SHEET MASK I LOVE YOU SO DEEPLY MADDIE
"why sleep w someone when you can just cum on your own" LMFAO SARA MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
"yes! yes preach it" MADDIE I LOVE YOU
sara that is 100% NOT a sign for you to go fuck august
don't fuck your classmates! don't fuck your classmates! don't fuck your classmates! don't fuck your classmates!
not the fish
I will simply lie down and cry idc
he put it on
I'm killing myself
oh honey boy
is it moral if I simply skip this entire thing
i am hating every second of this and they have literally only looked at each other and talked
"action" disgusting
I'm not watching this. I'm like actively looking away
oh thank god he's got morals
I still literally looked away that entire scene lmfao
"i think I want to have sex with you" oh sara
that is hilarious though
but OH SARA
HER FACE WHEN SHE LEAVES
AUGUST???? WHAT
oh he likes her? august was that a FACE? DO YOU LIKE HER?
wille is SUCH a teenager. I forget how young they all are and then he simply sits down to not talk during therapy bc he thinks he's being mature and rebellious and sticking it to the man and.... wow. he's a baby.
august also badly needs therapy good god child that's a whole eating disorder
oh no
oh that's gonna be fun (not)
oh he's so jealous
this is either gonna be super violent (he gets every clay thing) or super pathetic (he gets none of them bc he's trying to have a dick measuring contest)
oh it was both
the worst part is that marcus really is super nice like who can hate him (I can I am petty and wish he didn't exist but like..... I'll defend him tho. I will defend him)
BRUTUS
wille: oh really 😌
stella and fredrika are so weirdly nice lol
oh vincent is a little bitch isn't he
oh they're all so pathetic ksjgkdjgkdgjkfgj
"do you mean cheating" a line straight from my heart to the show yeah let's cheat here babies. all for cheating
OH HE DIDN'T TELL HIM
wille's a constant 😌 about it huh
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT
oh FUCK
fuck MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I hate every second of this season
why did it have to be a love triangle. why did it have to be this. didn't we have enough with the rest of the drama. lisa why.
review: still hating this lmao
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why do yoy hate children thats so messed up i literalyl jsut came out of the womb and follwoed you ebcause i liked your posts and bow i see. . i see that i can truly trust no 9ne i hope you liev witht he guilt your whole life
are you fucking kidding me?
i didnt want to have to say this. i really didnt. i cannot BELIEVE you stupid fucking children are literally bullying and forcing someone to talk about their trauma. you do realize how personal that is, right? i went through something horrific, and even though i have EVERY RIGHT to keep that to myself youre here guilt tripping me and despising me for something completely out of my control.
ive been bullied by kids my whole life. when i was little, all the other kids would put rocks in my mouth and hold my jaw shut until i swallowed them. they'd tangle woodchips in my hair and push me off the swings and the slides and they'd kick me and laugh when i was down. and it didnt stop! when i was in middle school, the first graders would sneak over during recess to beat me up. when i got to high school i thought it was over, that i wouldnt have to deal with cafeteria food being shoved into my backpack or water bottles "accidentally" dropped over my head, but children are ruthless. they are brutal. i had kindergartners climbing me like a tree to yank my hair and break my glasses and wet willy me.
in college, younger siblings of my classmates would find excuses to busy me just to keep this going. they pulled the fire alarms while i was sleeping, they cut off my hair, they stole my $400 textbooks, threw my laptop into the lake... it never ended. im 32, now, and i have never ONCE in my life been able to escape the cruelty of small children.
and you're no different. not at all. if i saw a baby come out of the womb i would fucking punt it, just to keep it away from me and save myself the future pain. every child on this earth wants me personally dead and i REFUSE to feel guilty for defending myself. you're a sick piece of shit for forcing me to talk about this, im about to have a fucking panic attack just thinking about it. god. i hate kids so much.
if you're a child (under the age of 26, when a person's brain fully develops and they are truly an adult) i can only pray that you never interact with me. and if you do, well. im not responsible for what happens next. i will do whatever necessary to defend myself from you sick freaks.
all children are manipulative, disgusting, drooling wailing abusive little bastards and i hate every last one of them.
#cw bullying#LIKE ITS A JOKE BUT I DESCRIBE IT ENOUGH THAT I DONT WANNA. RISK IT AKJDHGFJKDAS#THIS ENTIRE POST IS A JOKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#cove is on fire 2 electric boogaloo#<- if anyone wants to blacklist that thats the tag ill be using for the upcoming fake drama
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need to rant about this again
im glad i didnt cheer about getting my switch here today because, despite Physically Going To A Store With My Parents To Pick It Up, and Me Literally Being The One To Hold The Box On Our Way Home,
i still am treated like i'm 8 years old and told i am not able to open it until christmas because OHH TRADITION and mom going "well i do this for christmas things i buy too so you have to too :] upset?"
love bein slowly expected to do adult stuff and to break out of my shell slowly but then when i finally ask for one thing that i know about for christmas that i was excited for so long (i first asked years ago but we didnt have the money) but then im forced to follow a tradition when its an item i know im getting why am i forced to wait to open it under the christmas tree. i already have to fake emotions. yaay. happy. i got a thing i bought basically two weeks ago.
i cant do shit without asking my parents because im too scared to do so and Its A Really Complicated Issue Trust me so im just. pissed . i ask for one thing thats NOT some replacement for an old thing (like getting a new phone after my old one stops functioning and the screen broke completely. thats why i got a new one on/around christmas last year). otherwise its random christmas stuff
the oneeeee time i ask for something. that i hype it up. and im forced to do this. great. not like i even based my sleep schedule on finally getting this thing as soon as possible basically because i could finally play games with friends. im being forced to wait. to open something being kept in my room. until december 24rd. because mom said so. great thanks i really feel like an adult .
like i already dont like christmas day. foods great! time spent with friends great! but having to sit in the living room, eat food WITH DAD NEXT TO ME. yeah i usually wanna cry and im severely uncomfortable before im done with my food! so then im sat down and stared at as i open presents and act out emotions while being awkward as hell and i just wanna hide in my room again without this pressure. but now i gotta do it for something i was forbidden from using because of a dumb tradition cool.
bro if i got a gift for myself/a friend around christmas i wouldnt?? force them to?? wait?? they can have it now.
ugh. i feel so petty. ironically making me talk like a child. but come on. thats my thing. youre making me wait. to use it. wow. thanks.
#extra pissed how SMUG my mom was about it like#smiling grinning hmm heehe well you gotta wait...! me too i gotta wait! are you upset! well thats how it goes!#fuck you#genuinely ruined my fucking mood so badly. i was so excited. i told my friends about it.#now i gotta wait. im not 4 anymore and i consider myself a patient person. this isnt teaching me patience youre just being an asshole.#what if it wasnt christmas what if there was no tradition#literally fuck you
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My life stopped on the morning of April 16, 2022.
I learned that my cousin was killed in a car accident in Kensington at about 3pm on April 15th.
We talked earlier that day about her cat because I was keeping him (the cat) at my house for a while while she was moving. It was a simple conversation. She said that she would come by my house later that day to drop off cat liter and food.
When I got home that evening from work I texted her asking what she was doing and it she wanted to come smoke with me lol
She never replied. I didn’t know she was already gone.
I got a phone call from my dad early the next morning asking if I had talked to my cousin. I panicked immediately because I realized she never texted me back the night before.
Thats the moment my life stopped.
The events that followed that included weeks of annoying family drama and grieving.
For myself and her father especially.
Since that day I can’t exactly say how I’ve been doing…
I go to work and laugh and play with my co workers, Im a teacher so I play with the children and they make me happy most days. [the elementary school shooting in Texas has me even more depressed]
When Im home I don’t know what to do with myself. I get high as shit and I drank enough to put me to sleep for 10+ hours. I was taking sleeping pills too. Because that’s what I wanted. I wanted to sleep. If Im awake too long alone then Im forced to think and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to think about how sad I am. I don’t want to think about how alone I am. I just want to sleep. So I don’t feel anything.
I had an anxiety attack last week that honestly scared the fuck out of me. I fell and hurt myself and bruised my arms and legs badly. I had to call my dad to come into my apartment and help me.
I realize that mixing the alcohol and sleeping and anxiety meds and overall sorrow Im experiencing is what caused that panic attack and umm.. no ma’am. I don’t like that.
I have a history of self harm and it started in high school after my grandmother passed away. I used to cut myself with razors I found round the house but as I’ve gotten old I know that I don’t want to hurt my body anymore.
I know that drinking and mixing pills hurts my body and I don’t want something to happen to me while Im here alone.
So now I just take my medicine and try to be okay for now. And I don’t know how long that’s going to last. I know by now whoever if anyone is reading this is saying that I should get help and see a therapist blah blah blah.
We’ll see.
Im here for now.
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I knocked on every door
kang yeosang x fem reader
genre: honestly, mostly angst with a splash of smut at the end.. but its good smut, in my royal opinion, so don't worry
word count: 3540 (most of it is angst lmao)
warnings: pleasure dom vibes (yeosang ofc), oral (fem receiving), HICKIESSS, multiple orgasms ;) unprotected sex (use a condom dummies), some trauma elements idk how to describe it but you'll see hopefully, angst to fluffy ending bc im a softy who needs happy endings..
an: This is part two to my besties yeosang request! This is my first time doing angst really and I'm happy with how it turned out. P.S. I didn't really edit this.. so I do apologize if there are any big issues, there shouldn't be but if there is my bad, its literally midnight the I'm finishing this and am running off of 4 hours of sleep. OMG, I have nothing against Seonghwa, I would literally shoot someone if they did what I did to him in this fic, so please no hate, he was just the first member that popped into my brain. stop I love him.
be kind and lmk :) please be nice and let me know if I missed any warnings. enjoy my dirty little hoes <3
tag list: @ch0isa99ie @mingigoo @ateezinmymind @wickeddarkness-place @whatudowhennooneseesyou @teezers99
bite me- (pt 1) (pt 2)
~~~~~
He slid himself fully inside, my walls burning with pleasure. “Fuck” the word comes out in a breathy moan directly into his ear. “Holy shit doll.” He flexed his hips and another wave of pleasure burned through me. “Taking me so well.” he drew his eyes away from mine and looked down to where we were connected. Slowing his pumps and filling me as much as he can, repeating the torturous motion over and over until I almost reach the edge, and then he stops.
~
It has been 2 months since that night in the parking garage. It took me over a week to finally peel myself from my bed and actually shower. No matter how hard I tried I could not seem to erase the feeling of his hands roaming my body and how perfectly he seemed to fill me up. It wasn’t until your friends forced you out of your apartment back into civilization. You were at a cafe waiting for your friends when you got a text saying (We are sorry, please don’t hate us. You need this.) Rightfully pissed, you make to leave after seemingly being stood up, you hear a man's voice directly in front of you, “Y/n?” Your vision focuses on the tall and very handsome man now smiling down at you. “Are you y/n?” His cat-like features pulled to reflect the smile now dominating his face. “Yes I am. Do I know you?” Trying not to be impolite but his stature and angular greek like looks are ripping you back to the night you have been trying so hard to forget. It was not this man's fault that he has a similar look to.. You can’t even speak his name in your head or else you’ll crumble right here in this cafe.
His face twists in a concern like manner and you snap yourself out of the spiraling thoughts consuming you. “I’m sorry did you say something?” Feeling a slight blush warm your cheeks, he just plasters that same smile back on, this time a dimple settles on the corner of his left lip.
He never looked at me like that.
“I said I’m Seonghwa. I work with your friends and they have been trying to set us up for a while now I guess. I’m sorry it seems you didn’t know and I don't want to make you feel comfortable. I will just go now and-” Now it's his turn to warm with embarrassment. “No you came all the way here! Sit, we can just talk over a cup of coffee. His cheeks illuminating slightly with the pink still tinting his tan skin. His smile shines even brighter as he takes a seat across from you.
And for almost two months now it has been Seonghwa. We have been inseparable since that fateful day. We might be on the cusp of dating but no matter how many times he brings it up I just can’t say yes. My mind is so clearly set on picking Seonghwa, but, it's my fickle heart that is standing in the way of fully letting him in. He makes me so happy, so it should be the obvious choice of Seonghwa but it’s almost as if Yeosang cast a spell on you. No, fuck him for screwing with my life even after he’s no longer in it.
Your kinda boyfriend Seonghwa was throwing a party and of course you had to go. It didn’t take you long to get ready and take the elevator down 3 floors to his apartment. As you neared his floor you could hear the slight thumping of a deep bass. As the elevator dinged and opened its doors to the hallway, almost shaking with the music. You turn right and walk down the warmly lit hall close towards my destination. Another right and I’m hit with the stench of weed and alcohol. Dodging the dazed bodies of both men and women to finally reach the heart of the party.
My eyes roamed the crowd, taking in the delightful sight. There’s a young girl swaying her hips in time with the beat, a drink in hand raised above her head. Looking to my left I see two young men, bodies facing one another in an intimate type of way. The taller of the two looked down at his partner with a soft expression of bliss coating his features while his counterpart excitedly shared some story, hands and arms flinging around to better share the experience.
Continuing to scan the crowd I finally see Seonghwa. Squeezing, sliding and ducking, I’m able to make my way through the crowd and reach him. Moving closer to him I wrap my arm around his and he finally turns noticing me. “Y/n! You made it!” He moves his arm causing mine to fall but he leans down and pulls me into a hug. His scent of warm vanilla and coconut rum washed over my senses. I felt the twitch of arousal flicker down to my lower stomach at the pressure of his hands running from my shoulder blades down to finally wrap around my hips.
A chill ran down my spine, but not of pleasure. I can feel the burning of eyes labored onto my back. My body stiffened and my palms began to sweat. Sensing my change seonghwa releases from the hug and sets his focus solely on my face. His brows curl in concern and he places his hands on my shoulders to pull me out of my frozen state.
It can’t be him. He doesn’t know Seonghwa, right?
“Y/n?” Seonghwa shakes my shoulders slightly, finally pulling me out of my state. “Yes hwa?” My voice barely a whisper. I clear my throat and repeat the sentence. “You went all quiet. Are you okay?” His hands move up to cup my cheeks and I can’t help but smile at his comforting warmth. “Yes hwa. Just got lost in thought I guess.” You try to laugh it off but he still seems to be on edge. You move his hands from your face and hold them in yours, “Come on, let’s go get a drink.”
~
A few drinks later and you definitely forgot about the chilling thought of him being here. There was a slight buzz clouding your mind as you and your kind of boyfriend danced within the crowd. You could feel the heat of his body pressed closely behind yours. His hands held a weak grip on your hips, just enough of pressure to keep your ass connected with his pelvis. Swaying sensually to the music with a tall handsome man behind you, a great buzz growing, your mind finally turned off. This feeling enlightened your mind of its troubles and just let you be.
This euphoric feeling did not last long when the chill returned, slithering it’s way down my spine. Shooting my eyes open, I now searched the crowd for the source. Relief started to settle my jumpy body but disappeared when I spotted him.
He looked like a god. Standing in the corner of the room, drink stopped just at his full lips and his darkened eyes met mine from across the room. Stopping the movement of my body as the rush of emotions consumes me. Seonghwa’s grip tightens, encouraging me to keep moving with him. The memory of Yeosang hands grabbing me the same way causes a flare of panic to jolt my system alive. Grabbing Seonghwas hands from my hips while still holding them, I turned to face him, “I’m not feeling so good hwa. I’m going to go home, I think.” Obviously drunk, he whines out a response but I place a quick kiss to his cheek and head towards the front door.
~
I could feel him following close behind me.
His footsteps mocked mine, the heel of his boot clicking against the black and white tile. The sound echoed louder and soon enough there was a hand stopping me by the shoulder. “Y/n.” My breath hitches at the sound of his deep voice. “Please don’t walk away from me again.” He turns me around to face him but my head is locked downward, staring at his shiny black combat boots. With his other hand he hooks a finger underneath my chin and lifts my line of vision to meet his.
Gone were the inky, brooding eyes I’ve come to know and fear, now his eyes shine like two pools of dark honey inviting me into the sweetness. His warm eyes flicker all across my face before landing briefly on my lips once and taking their final place meeting back with mine. Our faces are so close that I can smell the sweet scent of peach, no doubt from the flavor of soju he had been drinking. His thumb gently runs back and forth over my bottom lips as his eyes never leave mine.
Reality hits me like a fucking train. Taking a step back, I break the contact between us and now I’m left with a cold feeling deep deep inside me. His mouth opens to speak again but I hold my hand up to stop him. “What can I help you with Yeosang?” I managed to muster up every ounce of courage I had. He falters at my response. A long silence drags on between us. He’s just staring intently at me, mouth slightly agape and his posture now rigid. “Okay then. Good night Yeosang.” Turning around I continue walking straight, aiming for the elevator directly in front of me. I don’t look back. I press the button and the doors slide open. Entering the old fashioned metal cage-like elevator I finally turn and see him. Standing exactly as I left him. It’s not until the doors are about to close that I see him start forward. It’s too late. The doors have shut and the 5th floor button is already glowing with its destination.
I make it down the long hallway to my apartment, the last and furthest one from the elevator. I kick off my shoes in the entryway and slug my way into the joined kitchen and living room. I open the fridge door and grab my picker of water, setting it on the island behind me. It’s at this point that my mind is no longer thinking. There are only the basic thoughts like the ones for water and sleep. I grab a cup from the cupboard next to me, then pour and gulp the chilled water. The water energizes me long enough to make it to the couch and once my head hits the soft throw pillow, I’m out.
~
I’m jolted from my sleep by a loud smack at the door. I froze, careful not to make a sound. Then a fury of knocks follow the smack. My dazed brain racks itself for some sort of rationalization for the situation. I jump to the thought of Seonghwa. He was pretty wasted, he could be coming up to check on me. My heart does a guilty flip. I get to my feet and head over to the door. The banging has stopped by the time I open the door. The man on his knees before me was not who I was expecting. The sound of me opening the door has him lifting his hanging head. His dark shaggy hair moves in motion with his head. The dark bangs framing his face fall back with the rest of his hair when he is fully looking up at me. The look in his eyes has not changed from when I had just seen him last.
“I knocked on every door.” His rasp almost brought my knees to tremble. “Excuse me?” My words came out weak. “I knocked on every door on this floor to find you y/n.” He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back even further making him look even more like he was carved from stone. He takes a deep breath, holds, and then lets it go slowly, reopening his eyes to look back at me. “I was wrong y/n. Ever since that night you walked away from me, I have not been able to get you out of my mind.” His hand jets up to push the hair falling into his face back. “I don’t understand what you did to me y/n but all I know is I want you. I need you.” He meets my eyes again and they are wild this time, almost as if I can see the thoughts consuming his mind like a wildfire. “Well to quote your own words Yeosang, ‘This was a one time thing. Don’t get it twisted.’ Plus if you couldn’t tell, I’m already seeing someone.” He let out a laugh at the last part of my retort. “Come on y/n, we both know you can’t fully commit to him.” Once again feeling the annoyance that once always accompanied his presence, “And why might that be Yeosang?” He rather slowly gets to his feet, now towering slightly over me, and begins to back us into my apartment.
“You know why y/n. You are just too scared to admit it like I was.” I stop moving, causing him to stop as well. He does not get to come here and treat me like this again. “Fuck off Yeosang. I’m not some toy you can just pick up and play with when you are bored.” A half grin pulled the left corner of his lips up. “That’s not how it seemed to feel last time we were together y/n. Don’t you remember?” The flashbacks playing through my mind cause waves of pleasure to migrate to my stomach and lower. “Oh bite me.” As soon as you said it, you wish you hadn’t. He closed the final distance between you two and he leans in to whisper, “Don’t tempt me doll.” His hot breath fanned down the length of your neck before he stopped right above the last spot he had bitten you. “Y/n, I need to know that you feel the same before we go any further.” My mind whirled from the sleepiness, his confession, his soft lips placing sweet kisses all along my neck and exposed shoulder and my once buried emotions for him resurfacing. Taking a deep breath I pull back from Yeosang. He seems defeated by my movement until I grab his hand. Meeting his eye briefly, I turn to lead him further into my apartment. Walking past the living room and through a tiny hall I stop outside the door to my bedroom. Before I open the door I release his hand and grab him by the face, effectively pulling his head down to my level. “I can’t be another one time thing with you again Yeosang. I won’t be able to pull myself together if it happens again.” A couple tears fell down my cheeks and now it's his turn to hold my face. Wiping my tears away and placing a kiss where each one fell, he looks at my lips and leans his head in to kiss me.
I wish I could say I forgot how soft his lips were, but I can’t. He worked my mouth open slowly for him to let his tongue slide in, deepening the kiss. When he pulls away I find myself fiending more and more, just needing another hit. “Y/n, I’m the biggest fool for ever thinking that you were.” My breath shortened in excitement and hopefulness. I reached behind me and opened the door. Keeping one hand on cupping my face, the other hooked under my knee, urging me to straddle him as he strode towards my bed. He looked into my eyes the whole time, our souls connecting. He tossed me onto the bed and placed himself in between my legs. “You are mine, doll. I want you and only you.” My whole body becomes heightened with arousal, I try to roll my hips into his but he stops me. “No, I’m going to take my time with you and show you how much you truly mean to me y/n.”
He starts by peeling off the black dress that I was wearing, leaving me in my matching blush pink underwear set. I assumed Seonghwa and I would end up sleeping together tonight so I wore it, and by the angered look on his face, it seems Yeosang figured the same. Frustration getting the better of him he rips my underwear off, like legits rips. The tear of fabric is all I hear before a rush of cool air hits my private area. He then does the same for the matching bralette. Anger now subsides to awe as he sees my naked form laid out in front of him. “So gorgeous.” He mumbles before leaning down and biting the sweet spot on my neck. As he bites he sucks to create a hickey. He repeats this action all down my neck, chest, breast, stomach and inner thigh. Leaning back on his knees once again he admires his work. He takes my new markings in as if he was staring at a piece of art, which in some ways I guess this could be his own art form.
Once he's decided that he has admired his artwork for long enough he slides off the bed to the ground, pulling me by the hips towards his face and opening my legs , bearing myself to him. He licks his lips and then he dives right into my soaking pussy. All kinds of sounds, moans, whimpers, pleas, etc come from my mouth as he eats me out. He doesn’t let up his assault as he makes me cum the first time, no he continues and adds two fingers. Soon enough I’m reaching my second climax. Still not letting up he adds a third finger and picks up his pace. Creating a pleasure I’ve never experienced before has me screaming out his name as I cum for a third time in a matter of minutes. Panting and truly struggling to breathe after that unworldly experience leaves me speechless. Yeosang stands from his current position, licking his fingers clean of my juices and licks his lips clean as well. The sight has my still pulsing walls clench again in excitement.
Pulling his form fitting, dark purple sweater over his head, exposing his lean torso and smooth abs to me. He reached for his pants and soon enough the sound of his dick was slapping against his skin. Mouth and pussy watering at the sight of this Greecian God standing before me. Kneeling back on the bed and then trapping myself under his form, he lines his tip at my dripping entrance. The thrill of having him inside me once again is almost enough to have me reaching my 4th climax tonight. He then slid himself fully inside, my walls burning with pleasure. “Fuck” the word comes out in a breathy moan directly into his ear. “Holy shit doll.” He flexed his hips and another wave of pleasure burned through me. “Taking me so well.” he drew his eyes away from mine and looked down to where we were connected. Slowing his pumps and filling me as much as he can, repeating the torturous motion over and over until I almost reach the edge, and then he stops. I dug my nails into his back, a plea for him to stop teasing me, and he quickened his pace. He flipped us over and pulled out the same move he did when we first had sex. Pulling me closer onto his sweat glistened chest, he wrapped his arms around me and began to flex his hips harder and faster inside me. He hit the spot deep inside that caused my vision to go blurry and my head short circuit. Hitting the spot over and over again he had me releasing in no time. He followed shortly after, once again filling my oversensitive pussy with his cum.
Unlike the first time we just stayed in this position for a while. We stayed connected like this for as long as we could. Neither one wanted to break this magically-seeming moment. We would have had we not started to get hard again, while still inside me. The sensation, while amazing, was too painful after 4 orgasms. He pulled himself out of me and grabbed my dress from the floor and began to clean me then himself off. When he was done he tossed the dress back on the ground and just stood there staring at me. Not sure what to say after suddenly feeling self conscious, “You can leave if you want now.” I say it almost as a test, but really it is just me outwardly thinking my biggest fear, that he lied and he was just playing me. He smiled and joined me in bed. “I wasn’t lying, y/n. I want you and only you.” He places a kiss on my forehead and he tucks us under the comforter. For the first time in months, I was finally able to sleep all through the night.
#kang yeosang#ateez#ateez fanfic#ateez smut#ateez oneshot#ateez x reader#smut#yeosang fic#yeosang smut#yeosang fanfic#yeosang angst#ateez angst
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A Misunderstanding
PAIRING: Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader
GENRE: Angst | Hurt/Comfort | Reverse Comfort
WARNINGS: a lot of crying from both you and kuroo | cursing | mentions of sex | cheating (kind of? youll know when reading) | angst | mentions of drinking/being drunk | nothing is suggestive!! oh ya yall are married btw
WORD COUNT: 3k
A/N: ok ik this is long but this idea came from literally nowhere but i decided to write it thank you @combat-wombatus for helping me you helped put ideas in my brain<333 now i wasnt originally going for a happy ending but im really bad at angst so enjoy the shitty ending :)
“Please, Y/n, you know I didn't mean it,” he pleaded, his large hands desperately grabbing at your form while you push him away, your breaking sobs making his heart shatter. “Please, baby, don’t leave me,” he begs, falling on his knees in front of your trembling body, not being able to tear his eyes off of your heartbroken ones. He needed you to stay. He needed to show you that he isn’t that guy and that he would do anything for you. It was a one time thing. He wasn’t even sober. It wasn’t him. It was the alcohol. He wasn’t thinking straight. Please forgive him, please, please, please.
But you couldn’t. No matter how hard or how much you loved him and wanted to, the pain that ripped at your heart every time you looked at him was too much to bear. So you didn’t. You turn your blurry, glassy eyes away from him as he grabs your hand and forces it into his; your lips quivering and knees shaking. You couldn’t keep the betrayal and agony inside, whining and weeping at him, your knees giving out before your legs slam against the floor, your head near the carpet as you try and keep your affliction at bay.
“Y/n, please,” he whines, tears streaming down his pale cheeks; his admission of his unfaithfulness drained the color from his face. “Please forgive me, I need you, I love you so much.”
“W-” you sniffle, not knowing what to say. You knew you didn’t have to say anything at all, that you didn’t owe him any words, but you just...you just needed to know. “Why,” your voice quivered and cracked, your throat sore, “why did you,” you take a long breath, grabbing your chest to try and stop the heartache, the sudden cramp that formed where it used to be filled with warmth and love, “do this to me? With her?” You look up at him once with wide, searchful eyes as you ponder the reasons and look for the answers in his empty pupils.
“I wasn’t thinking straight, baby, I didn’t know what I was doing, please,” his voice stammers, trying to get you to understand that he really didn’t know what he was doing. “I would never do this to you, I-”
“But you did.” Your tone is no longer sad and confused, but angry and fed up. His head backing up quickly, not expecting the response. “You made a promise, Tetsurou, remember?” You glare at him with menacing eyes as you hold up the very finger he kissed and placed the ring on on your wedding day. The beautiful diamond ring that had his initials carved in the interior and little gorgeous jewels that made the walls sparkle once hit with the hot sun was no more; the dark, gloomy piece of rock and metal meaning nothing but lies and mistrust.
“No, Y/n, please. Don’t do this to me,” he adjures guiltily.
“Don’t do this to you?” Your voice laced with deadly venom, standing and backing up, wiping your mouth with your hand in annoyance, placing it on your hip. “You did this to me! You did this to us! You went out! You got drunk! You fucked someone else! And not even a random girl! No! You just had to fuck your ex!” Your voice cracked again before you inhaled sharply and covered up your struggle.
“Y/n, I didn’t know what I was doing!”
“And that’s an excuse?? What, so now you can go fuck whoever you want and say ‘I didn’t know what I was doing!’” you mimic, “so you can get away with it every time?”
He didn’t answer. He looked at the ground, understanding exactly where you came from.
“Hm? Are you gonna answer me, or sit there like a coward?”
He could tell fully well you were just saying this because you were hurt. You didn’t mean any of it. You loved him. No matter what, you will always love him. Trusting him was out of the box for a while, maybe forever. But he can’t lose you. He knew you were soulmates- he knew you were made for each other. There was a reason you guys made it this far and only had big problems now. He needed to find that reason and use it for himself to win you back. He needed you back.
“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, your dramatic hand gestures coming to a halt at his words, your figure coming to a stand still as you wait for him to finish. “You don't deserve this. You don’t deserve me. Please know that it was a mistake and that I’ll never do it again ever, ever, ever,” he repeats, wanting it to sound as sincere as he means. “Just please give me a chance to make this up to you, please don’t leave me by myself without you,” he sobs out, putting his head in his hands.
You knew you shouldn’t feel bad for him. But god-fucking-dammit are you feeling bad for him. You knew you still loved him, you knew he still loved you- that much was obvious. You couldn’t see him for a while, no. Could you guys work it out? Maybe stitch the wound? Wait until the scar is barely visible anymore? Would that even work?
“Tetsurou,” a single, hot tear dripping down your face as you point to the ground. “I don’t know if I can ever trust you again.”
“I know, I know, just please give me a chance to help fix this!” He cries at your feet, his body bundled in a ball of self hatred and guilt. “I can do it, baby. I can help things go back to normal.”
“I don’t think they ever will be normal again.”
He whines, trying to negotiate with you as much as he can. “Let me fix us. Let me give you my everything again, let me show you that I’m all yours and no one else's, please,” he moans in anticipation for rejection, knowing the chances of you agreeing were next to zero.
The next few hours are silent. Him alone in the bedroom. Crouching on the floor as he ponders your possible answer. You work in the kitchen, making food to satisfy your appetite. He could hear your sniffles from the bedroom and picture you wiping your tears as you carry the pots on the stove. God, he was the biggest piece of shit ever known. What the fuck went through his mind when he was fucking his ex? He only remembers some of it, them waking up in bed together after, only wearing undergarments underneath the sheets and him holding her waist as if she were you. He thought they had ended on good terms, knowing that they were better as friends. He rushed out the door, not being able to stay in the same room without getting sick. He knew what he had to do.
He opens the door to the living room, a slight creak gaining your attention as you stir the sauce in the pan. Your eyes are puffy, your lip still trembling as you try to turn away from him. He only takes about two steps forward before he stops, trying to find the words he wants to say.
“Listen, I know you said you needed time, and I’m not rushing you at all whatsoever. I want to give you all the time in the world to think this over. If you need, I can go to Kou’s house and stay there for a while. He won’t mind. I just want to give you the space you deserve.”
You nod in response, your head still facing away before he whispers an “I love you” before he slips out of the apartment.
~.~.~.~
The next few days were tortue. Not being able to sleep in the same bed he would sleep in with you, not being able to watch the same tv shows, not being able to even be in his presence at least once a day like you used to melted a hole of despair inside you: eating away at your emptiness, taking away the numbness that you so desperately needed right now. The feeling came back- the one that you tried shutting out three hours ago. It crept up at you, flipping your stomach and weighing your lungs down to the floor, your throat sore and dry. Your eyes wet with a blurry wall as your tears build up once again, missing your cheeks as you crouch down looking at the floor, falling on the tile. The droplets containing your anguish splatter on the ground, your raggedy whimpers echoing throughout the vacant apartment, making it all the more obvious he wasn’t there.
Knock knock knock
Was that the door?
Your wide, unbelieving eyes turned to the wooden door frame; the knocks getting louder and faster. You quickly stand up and try to collect yourself, preparing to have a long talk with Tetsurou. You grab the handle, turning it- the door opening with a tiny creak.
Oh.
“Hi! Kuroo left his jacket at the party the other day, is he here?”
Oh, that bitch.
“No. He’s not.” You deadpan, not finding her cheery, happy expression amusing.
“Oh no! Uh, well, here, can you give this back to him for me?”
“Stop smiling at me like you aren’t part of the reason he’s gone.” You snark, glaring at her with sharp eyes as she backs up, confused.
“W-what?”
“You heard me. Don’t act fucking clueless.”
“Excuse me? Who are you to talk to m-”
“Oh, cut the shit,” you roll your eyes, “I know you slept with Tetsurou, you don’t need put on whatever the fuck this is,” you gesture at her.
“What the hell are you talking about? What are you, fucking crazy?” Your eyes narrow in confusion, your disgusted scowl lessening at her words.
“Right. You probably don’t remember because you were blacked out,” you add sarcastically. “He told me what you guys did. Now you know. So, I would love it if you would just leave.”
“What are you- Me and Kuroo didn’t do shit last night. I drank like two beers and was hanging out with another girl the entire time,” she explains, looking offended. Your face loosens into an expression she couldn’t read. “He blacked out early and passed out on the couch while I was busy talking with the other girl.”
“Huh?” You whisper, your disoriented thoughts not aligning to a proper conclusion.
“I didn’t go to bed until like,” she thought back, “I don’t know, three in the morning? There were people passed out on the floor so I decided to take the guest bedroom with her. I was still awake when Kuroo came into the room, I’m guessing because he thought it was yours, based off of how he kept mumbling your name and shit,” she exhales, “he grabbed onto me once he got in and just clung.” You glower at her, huffing. She sees this, sighing before continuing, “Calm down, remember nothing happened. Remember that girl? She ended falling off the bed because I was scooting away from his clingy ass.” You look at her blankly, trying to fit the pieces together. “She ended up leaving the party completely,” she mumbled in embarrassment before you speak up.
“Then why did he tell me you guys had sex?” You mutter quietly, although assuming she heard since her head backed up while she quickly scoffs.
“I swear to God, that man. Listen.” You look up into her eyes- her genuine eyes. “Me and Kuroo didn’t do a single thing. I didn’t do anything to him and he didn’t do anything to me. I’ll have a conversation with him later because he is an absolute dumbass,” she breathed.
What the fuck?? You were just supposed to believe her?
“How am I supposed to believe that?”
“Me and him ended a long time ago. I don’t like him like that and I haven’t for a while. And seeing he was bragging about you the entire time at the party, he’s over me, too. Besides, I’m not even into guys that much anymore anyways,” she grinned and winked at you. The shock and realization hit you like a truck. She wasn’t even- oh my God. She chuckled at your expression; you ran away from her to the counter to get your phone, quickly unlocking it and tapping on Tetsurou’s contact.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” you mumble over and over. To tap the call button, listening to it ring as you bring your phone up to your ear, hearing him pick up the phone almost immediately after.
“Y/n? Are you okay?” He sounded worried. It’s only been about a week, he had hoped that you weren’t going to leave him.
“Get over here, right now, Tetsurou.” Your voice made it seem like it was urgent, so he quickly picked up his jacket from the couch, and you could hear the jingling of his keys as he grabbed them and opened the door, almost slamming it shut once he left.
~.~.~.~
“Y/n?” He asked at the open front door, wondering why it wasn’t closed. “Y/n, you have to be careful and close the door, we have them for a reason, you know,” he said as he walked in. Even after being at the line of a break-up, he still cares for your well-being. He didn’t even do anything wrong and he was still caring for you as a loved one should. He always did everything to make you feel comfortable and safe, so once he knew that he had slept with his ex he was completely devastated to his core. He didn’t want to do this to you, but you had the right to know.
“Tetsu.” You called. Already back to nicknames? This is good, right?
“Yes? Y/n?” He was scared, to say the least, feeling awkward and not knowing what to do. He walked scarcely towards your figure sitting on the couch, not caring to drop his keys and jacket on the counter. He had a feeling this might go wrong.
“We need to talk.” Shit. This is exactly what he didn’t want to hear. Hearing those words he couldn’t help but think that you were going to make him pack his stuff and go. “So, I talked with your ex.” You speak slowly, not wanting your words to come out wrong. You don’t want him to take any of this in a bad way at all. Yet his eyes widen drastically, his heartbeat racing and his nerves pricking him. “You are just one big dummy, aren’t you?”
What? What are you talking about?
“What?”
“You didn’t sleep with her. She told me everything that happened that night. She’s not even into guys anymore. Tetsu-”
This couldn’t be happening. Not only did he accuse himself of cheating, he accused himself of cheating with his ex, and that he cheated with his ex at a party, while you two are married. And then it turns out it wasn’t true? What the hell was wrong with him? He jeopardized your entire relationship because he was too drunk to know what was going on.
“Wait, what?” He yells, angrily sitting down on the couch, “so you’re telling me-” you nodded and hummed an ‘mhm’ in response. His hands find their way to his hair, pulling at the roots and scratching his scalp, his low grunts of pain and fury seeping out of his throat as he frustratingly comprehends what he just did.
You rush over to him, grabbing his wrists and pushing them down to his lap as fast as you can, making his eyes find their way to your blown out pupils. You can see the hot tears prickle down his cheek as he frowns at you, completely and utterly defeated.
“Tetsu, I don’t want you to hurt yourself, it’s okay,” you reassure, giving him a happy smile. He wanted to smile back, but he couldn’t control the broken sob that escaped him. “Hey, hey,” you try to grab his attention as he pulls his head down, crying. “It’s okay, baby, it’ll be okay.” You wrap your arms around his head, protecting him as you softly coo and ‘shh’ him quietly in his ear. ‘I’m sorry’ kept coming out of his mouth as he clinged to you, not being able to help his want to be closer to you. The realization that he just almost broke your heart completely and he had worried about divorce for this shit made him want to just rip his scalp out. He was so stupid. So, so so, stupid. “Tetsu, look at me, please. Look at me,” you whisper, bringing your hand to his chin, dragging it up so you could catch sight of his hazel irises. His eyes red and puffy, his cheeks wet and his eyes droopy, you couldn’t do anything but frown at the sight. He hated himself right now, not wanting to face the embarrassment and the humiliation of the situation.
“You don’t deserve me, I’m so sorry,” he whimpered in your arms, gripping them tighter and tighter for comfort- you knowing that he needed it right now. You had already pulled him into your chest, feeling his wet tears soak your shirt, your hands rubbing his back and your fingers gently grazing his throbbing scalp.
“It’s okay, I forgive you, Tetsu, you did the right thing by telling me you did it instead of hiding it from me, and then it turns out you didn’t do it at all.” Your cheeks start to feel hot, and you don’t even realize your sniffles until you could feel a dam break at your water line. You couldn’t stop them, the tears of relief. You didn’t want to stop them. You were glad that they were her, glad that they were for him, glad they were because you knew the truth, glad because you knew you two would be okay.
You looked back at your ring, watching it bloom like a flower in the spring, the meaning coming back to your marriage. It wasn’t just metal and rock anymore, it was a gorgeous promise.
“I love you, Tetsurou. Don’t forget that. You’re staying with me, alright?” you whisper into his hairline.
“Thank you,” he cries.
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Ma'am I had this idea. Outrageous but I did😂😂. Dark! Colin Shea. Can u imagine. Him acting all friendly but his intentions r not so good. So I can't sleep now. Yay😂😂
Heyy! So another movie I haven’t seen 🤭 But it’s basically like a Neighbor AU situation, right?
I’m going to try something, I guess 😂
safe hands
colin shea x reader
warnings: smut! dark fic! noncon! drunk reader, innocent reader, stalking, obsession, loss of virginity, dark!colin, not proofread
wc: 1606
a/n: not me writing for characters i dont even know... @jack-skellingtons-stuff hope ur sleepin well now sdkskskkd
masterlist
So Colin...
Probably a boy next door
Like literally. You just moved and he’s your next-door neighbor.
So, imagine you... A young pretty little thing that’s fresh out of college and is looking for a job but you’re just this awkward little ball of sunshine that keeps messing everything up.
You never even go out of your apartment unless it’s for an interview, even then, you so dread those stuff.
“You’re a freaking adult now! Why can’t you just act normal and do adult... stuff?!” You would chide yourself in front of a mirror, groaning in desperation at your lack of... experience? Like workwise.
Hey, there are people working from home. Maybe you can do that?
And you did. And you actually found one which is great for your adulthood but not great for you because you never go out of your apartment anymore. At all.
That’s when Colin comes in.
He was there when you moved in, expecting you to greet him like every girl who sees him. He really gets em easily. I mean... look at him.
So he watched you as you brought boxes in which there was not much. There were like 3 boxes, maybe 5 but not more. He watched you with amusement as you were too busy grunting at the boxes, missing his nude form by his door, only a small towel to cover himself.
He takes a bite of his apple, obnoxiously chewing to catch your reaction but he was met with a slam of your door.
Since then, he has become fond of you.
He’d watch you as you went in and out of your apartment in those cute little skirts and wonderful blouses and every time, it’s a sight for him.
He eventually found out that you’re going to job interviews and he found himself following you and witnessing some of those awkward interviews and he finds himself growing more fond of you. Even got himself thinking that he might actually like you... Is that even possible? He’s Colin Shea. He doesn’t settle down.
But for you, he might.
He saw how you would block everything out and he listened to your late-night talks with yourself and he can’t help but think about how adorable you are. How helpless you are. Something ignited in him and all he wants to do now is be there for you. Protect you. Take care of you.
Imagine his reaction when you’re no longer getting out of your apartment.
So he finally decides to meet you. Or for you to meet him. He knows so much about you already but he won’t say that to you.
A knock forces you away from your laptop. You open the door to find a man staring down at you with a friendly smile.
“Umm, hi? D-did I, Was I making any noise or something?” Your stuttering would make Colin’s heart leap out of his chest and the way you're dressed down with shorts and a huge sweater only made his heart swell even more.
“Uh hi! I’m Colin! I’m your neighbor! I uh... Was going to ask a favor, if that’s alright?” He smiles shyly at you.
“Um, yeah! What’s up?” You smile awkwardly, silently praying for him to leave already. Not that he was annoying. You were just not used to this... And besides, you’re doing work.
“I locked myself out of my apartment and I tried talking to the office but I guess they’re already out. I mean it’s pretty late.” He looks down at his wristwatch before looking at you with a hopeful smile making your heart beat faster. Not because of his boyish cute smile but because the idea of a stranger being with you just doesn’t sit right.
But it would be more awkward to deny him now, would it?
“It’ll be as if I wasn’t here. I promise. Just need somewhere to spend the night. I mean I can sleep by my door but that would be--”
“Y-yeah, I guess you can stay for a while.” You give him a small smile which Colin found extremely adorable which then made him grin. A grin that soon fell when he took a look around your apartment.
He watches as you make your way back to your laptop, quickly getting back into your zone. His heart falls at the sight. Is that what you’ve been doing the whole day?
“Have you eaten?” He finds himself asking, not being able to resist.
He watches your face contort into confusion and he would’ve awed at the sight but your reply made him somewhat angry.
“I guess not... Did you want anything?” You pull yourself away from your laptop once more and Colin didn’t know if he liked the idea of you preparing his food but nothing for yourself.
What a sweet girl...
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll order take-out!” Colin cheered before pulling out his phone, wiggling his eyebrows at your shocked expression.
That’s how you find yourself eating pizza while watching some show on the telly.
Then those nights became a thing.
Colin would often visit you, making sure that you eat and take a break from work because he said that you tend to overwork yourself.
“You’re not my mom!” You’d playfully slap his chest.
“Well, I might as well be!” He’ll take your wrist before dragging you towards your bed and forcing you to watch another batch of comedy shows.
He’d be laughing at the show so much that you find yourself laughing as well.
You would no longer feel so stressed.
But then things went badly.
The company you were working for decided to let some employees go and unfortunately, those who work from home weren’t as important as those who work in the office.
You cried in Colin’s arms that night.
Colin did feel sorry for you. But maybe it’s for the best. Even the universe thinks you shouldn’t be working like that. He’s there to take care of you. You would no longer have to stress yourself out to live.
He’ll make sure to take good care of you.
Then the drinks came up.
One bottle of beer. Then two. Then three.
Honestly, you lost count.
Colin didn’t. He didn’t drink any.
He’d watch you with a smile as you’re sad and brooding aura turned into a giggly one.
“I’m sleepy...” You would mutter, head falling down Colin’s shoulder and he would embrace you happily, stroking the side of your face gently.
He’ll smile at the way you would squeal when he carries you to your bed.
“You enjoy being relaxed, babe?” He asks, taking your socks off. Then your shorts and shirt that went unnoticed by you.
“Too hot!” You’d fan yourself with your hand which Colin would take.
“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.” He’ll press a kiss on your forehead that’ll make you giggle.
Colin would watch your naked body, touch your warm skin with patience.
“So beautiful... And all for me, right?” He presses a kiss on your lips and you nod at whatever it is he’s saying.
He’ll easily play your body, making you and himself feel good. His fingers would play with your clit while his mouth laps on your nipples, taking turns from left and right.
He’d bask at the sound of your moans and whimpers that went straight to his hardening cock.
He’ll only stop when you’re drunkenly begging for more which he happily gives.
His hard cock would be poking your entrance and as he pushes in slowly, your eyes would widen, suddenly not so drunk anymore.
“Colin?” Your frightened voice alerts Colin and he would shush you with a kiss.
“Don’t worry about it, baby. I got you... I got you...” He whispers before pushing in, swallowing your cries with lustful kisses.
“God!” He moans when he’s fully seethed in, your walls hugging his cock. He stays there for a while, listening to your heavy breathing and slightly feeling guilty at your cries.
“Ahh...” You cry out when he slowly pulls out. He’d kiss your tears away before slowly pushing back in, pulling your body closer to his in a hug, whispering promises about feeling better soon.
And you did.
Your cries turned into moans which motivated Colin to thrust faster yet still careful to not hurt you. He didn’t even have to ask because when he looked down at his cock, he saw little blood, and his jaw clenched, feeling some sort of remorse.
“You’re doing good, You’re so good to me.” He whispers before resuming his thrusts. He’d dwell at the sound of your pleasured moans and his hand would find its way down your clit, fingers playing with the nub until your body was shaking violently underneath him.
“You gonna cum? Cum for me, baby... You’re good. You’re safe...” He grunts at how your walls are tightening around him. You whimper before curling against his body, unknowingly pulling his body closer to yours.
He shivers before cumming as well, his seeds filling your hole, making you drip with his cum. He places a loving kiss on your forehead before pulling out.
The mixture of blood and his cum makes him get a cloth before gently cleaning you up, being extra careful when he wiped at your core.
He cleans himself up before lying back beside you. He presses a kiss on the side of your head, your nose, and then your lips.
“I’ll take care of you. You don’t have to worry about anything anymore...” He places a hand on your stomach before smiling and pulling the covers over the both of you.
You’re in safe hands.
---
a/n: see i dont think i should write for these guys (from movies i haven’t watched/too lazy to watch) because im probs messing up a lot skskks anyway hope y’all think this one is alright! also im a sucker for innocent reader jcnavn
taglist
General: @readermia @unlikelygalaxygiver @xoxabs88xox @anncutamarica @chaoticfiretaconerd @i-love-superhero @caffiend-queen @coconutqueen21 @jtargaryen18 @jennmurawski13 @mushyjellybeans @ninjabucky @evnscvll @buckstaybucky @donutloverxo @rebloggingeverything @adriannajackson @la-cey @awaywithtime @gotnofucks @empath-bunny @belovedcherry @white-wolf1940 @the-soulofdevil @mianorth @littlegasps
Anything Chris: @patzammit @princess-evans-addict @shadowcatsworld @notyourtypicalrose @onetwo3000 @bluemusickid @heyiamthatbitch @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @slytherinandoutasgard
Chris and seb: @harrysthiccthighss
#colin shea x reader#colin shea imagine#dark fic teaser#dark!fic#dark colin shea#dark colin shea x reader#dark!colin shea#dark!colin shea x reader#innocent reader#innocent!reader
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I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕
You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..
I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..
I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?
Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..
Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw
I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.
Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country
I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.
I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani
They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.
But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that
I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..
Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry
One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make
Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..
But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe
At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day
Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier
...
I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh
I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry
So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow
'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏
26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping
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