My dad

Today is Father's Day and I want to wish my dad a very Happy Father's Day as we unfortunately lost him to suicide in 2009. My mom we lost to mental illness in 1990. That tragic end does not however define my father's life as he was truly a hero to me. He served 2 years in the Navy at the age of 17 and after that went to work at age 19 in the 'family business' which actually was not truly a family business but his father and he and his 3 brothers also worked proudly as ironworkers building bridges, office building, courthouses, hospitals, high schools and skyscrapers that dot the Manhattan skyline. He was very proud of what he did and he did it for over 45 years and in between that time he managed to marry the love of his life, my mother who gave birth first to me and then to my two younger sisters. My father and mother were so proud when I was born a boy that they gave me the same name as his father and himself with my mother's approval so I was born Edward D Iannielli III. The D is for Donald. I was and always will be proud of my name because that was bestowed on me by my parents with pride so I accept my name with honor and pride. My two sisters and I had wonderful parents but unfortunately mom had mental illness and was in an out of hospitals from her early 30's when my youngest sister was only 4 years old, my middle sister was 8 and I was 10. My father literally had to take on the roles of both mom and dad while working in a dangerous business where he saw death and tragedy having lost a friend, his father and one of his brothers to the business due to falls from different construction sites. We were young and while mom was in the hospital dad would go right to the hospital after his work day and then would bring us home White Castle burgers with fries quite a bit in addition to pizza and Chinese food until we became self sufficient to cook for ourselves. I would usually go to the store and my dad would give us money when mom was unable to shop and I would by bread, milk, eggs, cheese, butter, Kraft macaroni and cheese, Oreo cookies, pop tarts, captain crunch cereal, soups, spaghetti o's, spaghetti, frozen pizza, chicken pot pies, pastries, soda, potato chips, chicken cutlet, beef, ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard, tuna fish, olive loaf and turkey breast, lettuce, tomatoes and pickles Thomas's English muffins, olive oil, shredded mozzarella cheese and olives. Then my sister's would cook and I would make grilled cheese sandwiches the way my mom made them and English muffin pizza's while my sister's and I would have a plate of chicken cutlets with mashed potatoes or spaghetti waiting for dad after visiting mom in the hospital. My dad was a quiet man who was very kind and caring and you could tell he was hurting because mom was sick and there was very little we could do as her psychiatrist just prescribed her tons of medication and she had several electro shock therapy sessions and we had no idea what to say or do about that. Mom really suffered and dad was so loyal to her even during her last remaining days when we kind of knew we were going to lose her. Mom died at age 50 in 1990. I was 29, my middle sister was 27 and our younger sister was 22. My two sisters were already independent and my middle sister was married with a son who mom did get to share time with. My younger sister had her own apartment and was dating. I was the one still at home with my father and I lived to see how her death deeply impacted him as he isolated himself basically closing himself off to others and the only things aside from his children and grandchildren and future grandchildren was his ironworking and his love of books and passion for making airplanes out of cardboard, toothpicks and balsa wood as well as replica construction sites and tower cranes. He was also a big fan of John F Kennedy and Charles A Lindbergh and WWII movies. He would sometimes go and visit family relatives but basically aside from me being home he was very isolated and depressed and started unfortunately to drink his problems away but the drinking only resulted in more problems where Dad had to go for detox in Rhode Island for 30 days and family interventions and was in psychiatric hospitals like mom. I was literally witnessing my father becoming unglued and I was also struggling with mom's death, my dad's anti social situation and his drinking problems in addition to my gender struggle and self imposed isolation. I was going down the same path as my father and had thought about suicide so after seeing all this play out I needed to start going for therapy in my early 30's which also coincided with my desire to transition to become a woman but I couldn't as it would have crushed my father so I had to keep it internalized and continue therapy to try to deal with my mom's death, my father's situation and my own. Throughout all the pain and heartache and tragedy I always saw an inner strength in my dad that forced him to live despite his weaknesses. He was a very devoted and loyal husband to mom, a very loving and caring father to my two sisters and I and was a very proud ironworker doing something he loved as he provided for his family so as I reflect on Father's Day I always will hold on to the many wonderful attributes of my dad who was my hero and remember how much he loved mom and my two sisters and I and our children. He always made time for his grandchildren and would visit us and have conversations with Matthew and he would play games and build lego structures as he talked about building the Verrazano Bridge and I'll never forget this precious moment when my dad, me and my son Matty would drive over the Verrazano Bridge and my dad, 'Pop' would say to Matthew 'I built that bridge' and my son's eyes would light up saying 'you built that whole bridge' as he felt so proud and all I could do was choke back tears when I learned that my dad had taken his life on April 16, 2009; exactly 2 years following the Virginia Tech mass shooting tragedy. I even remember my dad calling me up to tell me about it since I studied mechanical engineering there many years earlier. The coroner ruled my dad's death a suicide as he jumped into the path of a rush hour train essentially being crushed to death at age 73, no suicide note; and my brother-in-law went to identity the body as I couldn't handle it myself. Our whole family was devastated and I started to withdraw even though I was married with a beautiful wife and our 10 year old autistic son who kept asking us why Pop doesn't come by anymore as we couldn't tell him for quite some time and he would rationalize that Pop was on vacation and we'd see him again. It was such a tragic and difficult time and I just started back in therapy talking about all the family tragedies as I also tried to speak of my personal struggles with being transgender. It took me 48 years to finally embrace the true me as I knew I felt like a girl since age 3. I came out at age 51 and was talked into taking a new job with a pediatrician who had several offices and was looking for a controller but from day one he never allowed me a phone or gave me a seat in business meetings so I felt like I was an experiment but the practice manager made it seem like they were transgender friendly but the doctor/owner wanted no part with me so he had the practice manager terminate me, I fainted, was brought to Bellevue hospital where I spent ten days and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and gender dysphoria and they had to find me an out patient facility before they could release me which was Mount Sinai Beth Israel Hospital where I went for almost 4 years and was approved for both SSD/LTD, eventually Medicare and waiver of premium for my $1M life Insurance policy that will pay out in any event if I die no later than September 30, 2036 as I will be 75 and I have no real desire to live past age 65 - 69. I don't see the age of 70 in my future but I will live my life as Emily Iannielli with the D being Denise but retaining my birth name and I am proud to be a father of my son Matthew Edward Iannielli and wish to express my appreciation to my wife who did all the hard work as his mother. Im still with my family luckily as I continue to live out the rest of my life as Emily my transgender name which will always be unofficial since I'm not planning to change my name even if I'm fortunate to have the surgery. So I wish to extend a very Happy Father's Day to my Father who is now 8 years in heaven with mom who is 27 years in heaven and also I wish to make mention of my 26 year old nephew who tragically died on April 14, 2017 with no definitive explanation by the coroner's office yet as to why and our family is completely devastated over this and I wish to extend my condolences to my sister and her husband who had to bury their child. I also wish to extend Happy Father's Day wishes to all my friends here who are fathers whether they are men or transgender women. In my book they are all fathers including transgender women who have children through marriage when they were living as men like myself. There's no shame in being transgender but to deny fatherhood by making up a word to identify yourself as is not in my eyes the right thing to do. I'm a father and I also happen to be a transgender woman and I'm lucky to be a father to a wonderful son who now is 18 years old! Where has the time gone? I remember when he was in the hospital bassinet and now he's a grown young man who's the best part of my life!❤️ Happy Father's Day! Love, Emily Edward